#kids said they were making pizza eggs

[blairsanne]

[copperbadge]

This is not to sniff at packaged food in any way, because cheap, uniform, nutritious, premade food is important and necessary. And despite what your local tiktok orthorexic may tell you, packaged food is still capable of providing solid nutrition.

That said, I've been making my own bread for about twenty years, and for the last ten or so it has often been easier to make bread than buy it, solely because I don't need to leave the house to do so, and I live alone so a decent loaf can last me a good ten days. Being able to make ones own bread in this modern era is a product of privilege -- the resources to buy the ingredients (especially high quality flour, not cheap), the time and space to bake, the stamina to knead or equipment to make kneading easier -- my breads improved a lot when I got a good stand mixer, and those aren't cheap. But also, to make a decent edible boule you can get by with flour, water, yeast, salt, and time. Throw in a little oil and you can make pizza crust; add in kneading and a bit of sugar and you have bagels.

It did somewhat change how I eat, because homemade bread is often a little difficult to make a sandwich with, but I was never a huge fan of sandos anyway. These days I often don't even make loaves -- I make rolls or bagels, or flatbreads.

But all of this is to say that because I'm now accustomed to eating my own bread, which is necessarily small-batch and produced without stabilizers that make commercial bread so soft and uniform, I am starting to struggle when I do buy bread because the flavor and texture often feel off. It's not that it's objectively bad food, but it's very different from what I'm used to, which is unpleasant. I've been aware of the issue for a while but previously even if the bread wasn't as good to me as my own, it was edible and convenient, so it was fine. Making your own hot dog buns is a pain in the ass.

I just bought a loaf of Italian bread, reasonably fresh, a brand I used to eat regularly, because I wasn't feeling up to baking anything. I've been making toast with it mostly. But yesterday morning -- admittedly while dealing with some nausea -- I bit into a sandwich I'd made with it (cashew butter and strawberry jam) and thought, "this feels like eating upholstery fabric."

I haven't been able to eat any more of it since. The soft, dense texture, the specific preservative flavor, the mouthfeel. I tried to eat some toast just now and had to spit it out because it felt like buttered brocade and I started to gag. I'm kind of mad about it, honestly.

The bread won't go to waste -- if I can't eat the rest of the bag I'll dry it out and crush it for breadcrumbs for fried chicken or a panade -- but it's both sad and funny that I have functionally baked myself into a corner where packaged bread is no longer even an option.

It feels like I'm becoming one of the middle-aged eccentrics I used to know when I was a kid -- older people or couples in my church, sometimes parents of my school friends, who were just kind of oddballs, hippie leftovers, what I still think of as Berkeley Weirdos (affectionate) even though Berkeley has long since gentrified. The lady who didn't have a functional oven or stove because she ate raw vegan or the family that converted their old station wagon to biofuel but kept the rear-facing back seats with no seatbelts and would give us death-defying rides to the community pool in them. I'm already growing my own basil because I eat an unlikely amount of pesto for one person. My signature potluck dishes are kiwi dip or egg-free meringues.

I don't mind, exactly. I loved the Berkeley Weirdos and the community they built for us kids. But it's definitely not a place I imagined ending up.

[ericshoney]

Wheel of doom ~ Brothers!Sturniolo Triplets

Summary: You join your brothers in the wheel of doom video

Warnings: usual swearing, nicknames, shouting, chaos and fluff

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today you were in LA with Nick, Matt and Chris about to film a video which could go either way, good or bad. You weren't sure what the video was about, as they wanted to surprise you, but as you saw the wheel, you figured it out.

Nick began to introduce the video, along with you as the special guest, Chris started coughing loudly, making you all look at him.

"Dude, just stop." You mumbled.

"Shhh." He replied.

You laughed as the video began, Nick went first and landed on chug a Pepsi, which made Chris whine and you laugh more.

"Shut it, kid." He mumbled.

You shook your head as you watched Nick chug the Pepsi. Matt then went next, having to drink water for a week and Chris gained $100 from each of you.

"Like I have $100 to give you! I'm sixteen!" You exclaimed.

"The wheel has spoken, kid." Nick said.

You sighed and then it was your turn. You gave the wheel a spin and saw what it landed on.

"Do a handstand for a minute." You read outloud.

"I'll set a timer." Matt said.

You stood in the middle where there was some room and got ready. Matt started the timer as you did your handstand. Luckily you were quite good at handstands and lasted the whole minute.

"Nice job, bub!" Nick praised.

You smiled as you all continued to spin the wheel. Matt kept spinning when he didn't need to, Nick for some reason landed on the X a lot, Chris having to clean Nick's room was the best you thought and you had to do some simple challenges.

"Alright everyone there are only two things left on the wheel." Nick said.

"One is Matt's worst nightmare and the other is Y/n's." Chris said.

You looked at the wheel and saw one had ketchup involved and the other had peanut butter, which you hated a lot.

"Let's see how it goes." You mumbled.

Nick gave the wheel a spin, landing on an X. Matt then had a go, also being lucky to miss, Chris also missed and now it was your turn. You spun the wheel and as it slowed down you closed your eyes, nervous to see what it landed on and when you heard Chris laugh, you opened them again.

"Eat a spoon of peanut butter." Matt read outloud.

You whined and hid your face in your hands. You hated peanut butter much like Matt hated ketchup. Nick patted your back as they continued to spin the wheel, Matt now getting the last challenge.

"I'm not doing it." He said.

"Hey if I've got to eat peanut butter, you gotta eat ketchup!" You exclaimed.

You, Matt and Chris sat at the table. Chris had his last challenges in front of him. He tried to swallow the raw egg but failed, had the mouthwash but spit most of it out and downed the bottle of water. You laughed a little at how messy he looked.

"Come on kid, your turn." Nick said.

You sighed and looked at the spoon of peanut butter. You then looked at Matt who had a fry with ketchup on it. You held his hand, making Chris and Nick laugh.

"We can do this!" You cheered.

"Uh, no we can't." Matt replied.

"On three." Chris said.

You sighed and on the count of three, ate the spoon of peanut butter as Matt had the ketchup covered fry. You both pulled faces and looked as if you were going to cry. Matt got up, grabbing some root beer.

"I'm going to bed everyone." He cried, shuffling off to his room.

"I want pizza tomorrow." You said.

"Sure sweetheart." Nick replied.

You got up, also grabbing a drink, before going to Chris' room where you were sleeping. You knew the fans would have fun with this video.

[fireandiceland]

Hetalia characters with dishes typical for their country - part 2 (part 1 here)

Spain: Paella de marisco (seafood paella) -> A surprisingly easy to make dish consisting of saffron infused rice with seafood. Other versions can also be made with meat from livestock (like the paella valenciana with chicken and rabbit) or be made vegetarian. The word "paella" is Valencian/Catalan and translates to "frying pan", the name of the dish originating from how it is traditionally cooked in a wide, shallow pan.

Prussia: Königsberger Klopse (königsberger dumplings) -> Named after the capital of East Prussia, these dumplings are made from minced vail, pork, or beef mixed with onions, eggs, and soaked white bread and cooked in saltwater. Some of the brewing water is then thickened into a sauce using roux, egg yolk and cream. It is traditionally served with boiled or mashed potatoes. Back then in Königsberg itself, the dish was known as Saure Klopse (sour dumplings).

South Italy: Pizza Margherita -> This flatbread made from leavened yeast dough topped with crushed tomatoes, mozzarella cheese and basil leaves. It is said to have earned it's name from appealing greatly to the Italian Queen Margherita when she tried the Neapolitan speciality, though newer reseach suggests that the name Margherita wasn't used until 40-50 years after the alleged incident.

Finland: Mustikkapiirakka (blueberry cake) -> Berries play a very important part in Finnish food culture, especially hand picked forest blueberries which are often turned into pastries and pies. A particularly popular pie is made with the pie crust eased into the tart tin with floured hands (not rolled out), then the blueberries and a custard filling are added and the cake baked until the top becomes golden-brown.

Sweden: Kannelbulle (cinnamon roll) -> Despite other Nordic countries claiming the invention of the sweet roll, very year on 4 October Sweden celebrates "Cinnamon Roll Day". A sheet of dough is covered in butter, sugar, and cinnamon, then rolled up and cut into the characteristic pieces. The are traditionlly baked in muffin wrappers and only dusted with sugar, they are lighter and less sweet than American cinnamon buns with icing.

Denmark: Flødeboller (cream puff) -> The fluffy, foamy inside of this treat is made from beaten egg whites mixed with sugar, dressed on a wafer and covered in chocolate. Often they are topped with coconut flakes, shredded almonds, or colourful sprinkles, making them a popular little "cake" for danish children to have for someone's birthday at school. They were first invented around 1800 in Denmark, but quickly became popular in France and Germany as well.

Norway: Kvæfjordkake (Kvæfjord cake) -> This sponge cake baked with meringue with almonds on top and then layered with vanilla or rum custard (sometimes mixed with whipped cream), is also dubbed the best cake in the world - Verdens beste. The name is based on the region it's inventer originates from. Starting in the 1930s as a variation of the kongekake ("king cake") with less almonds, as they were quite expensive, it is now a popular dessert for special celebrations.

Iceland: Rj��mabollur (profiterole) -> A little sweet treat made from choux pastry filled with jam and whipped cream, the top dipped in chocolate and decorated with sprinkles. Traditionally, they are eaten on "Bun Day", the Monday before Ash Wednesday. Kids wake their parent up by smacking them with paper wands and every smack on the parent's bottom before their feet touch the ground translates into one bun which the parent owes to the child.

[girliism]

in which you and tashi go through the trials of ivf.

you and tashi were both career driven women adding a baby in the mix wasn’t something the two of you wanted to do right away, but being married for three years now every time you watched her interact with kids something in you yearned to have one of your own.

pregnancy consumes your mind. it seems like everyone you meet is pregnant or trying and you’re weirdly jealous. “tashi?” she hums at you. “what do think about having a baby?” tashi freezes in the middle of the aisle. now probably wasn’t the best time for this conversation, in the grocery store shopping to restock for the week. “um, i think having a baby would be a lot of work.” tashi stands up straighter and begins pushing the cart again. “yes, but i basically work from home already and we’d have our mothers to help us.” you could see in tashi’s face how hard she was thinking about this. “ok, and how would we get this baby?” you guys were stopped in the pasta aisle. “so glad you asked.” tashi liked when you got excited about things. “there’s of course always adoption but while reading i found this thing called reciprocal ivf. we’d take your egg and put it in my womb so the baby has a biological connection to both of us. tashi i’d be carrying your baby.” you grabbed her hands to hold them in yours getting a little emotional. the look you gave tashi made it easy for her to decide. “ok.” your eyebrows shot up. “ok? ok as in ok we’re going have a baby?” tashi’s nod was all you needed to start bouncing up and down squealing before tashi started to shush you.

you and tashi were at the clinic the following week, having done both your individual check ups it was time to meet with the doctor together. it felt like you had been sitting in that office waiting for the doctor for an eternity. tashi feeling you fidgeting next to her grabs your hand placing a kiss on the back of it then kissing the side of mouth. “i’m nervous.” you mumbled. the doctor walked in causing the two of you to sit up. “good morning ladies how are we today?” good mornings were echoed back to her. “so i’ve taken a look at both of you labs and you’re both very healthy women we should have no problem extracting eggs.” sighs of relief fall from you and tashi as you give each other happy smiles. “you’ve already decided to take the eggs from tashi all you need to do is find a donor our website has a list of all of the registered donor here at the clinic just browse through a give us a call.

later that night you sat on your side of the bed computer in lap as you scrolled through the different men. “oh tash, look what about him?” tashi crawled next to you looking over your shoulder at the computer. “no.” she was quick to deny slipping under the covers next to you. you sigh closing the laptop. “you’ve said that to all the guys i’ve shown.” you turned to face her. “we have to pick someone you know.” tashi just shrugged “i know that but it’s not like we’re ordering a pizza love the man we pick will be fertilizing the egg that will make our baby. it’s already scary enough that he’ll be a complete stranger.” you understood where tashi’s pickiness was coming from you too wanted the best of the best. you ran your fingers through tashi’s hair while she placed kisses on neck inching lower and lower when you gasps sitting upright. “what if we used your friend the cute blonde one.” tashi stopped her kisses. “art? you wanna use my ex boyfriend’s now boyfriend as our sperm donor?” the look tashi gave you was comical. you pushed her onto her back moving your body to straddle hers. “don’t look at me like that i’m serious.” you pouted. “we know art he’s funny, he’s tall, he’s athletic and even if he tries to deny it he’s a great singer come on tashi it never hurts to ask.” you whispered the last part against the skin of her neck sliding your hand up her shirt ghosting over her nipple. “fine i’ll call patrick tomorrow have them over for dinner.” tashi sighs out your mouth meeting hers.

at breakfast you could hear her on the phone with patrick before she hung up. “they’ll be over tonight, don’t forget to ice the good red.” she kissed your forehead then was off to tennis practice. you loved hanging out with art and patrick they were a fun couple despite the weird history between the two of them and your wife you all got along great. “did you guys get a new jacuzzi?” art questioned looking over your backyard that you had recently paid a lot of money to have renovated. you stood next to him “yes! i can’t believe you noticed that.” you and art talked more about the renovation while tashi and patrick fought at the grill over how long the meat should be cooked. “i’m the man here tashi i think know how to cook meat.” tashi gave him the look specially reserved for when men annoyed her. “why is it burning then?” she walked off after that leaving patrick to try and save his burning steak.

the four of you ate outside on the backyard patio. laughter filled the air and it got a little chilly as the sky got darker. patrick refilled his third glass of wine when he realized you hadn’t even had your first. “what’s up with you why aren’t you drinking?” you got quite and tashi cleared her throat. the two of you looked at each other silently asking each other who was gonna address it first. “thats has to do with the reason we asked you guys here on such short notice.” tashi said setting her wine glass down. “we’re trying for a baby and would like to know if art would wanna be our donor.” you blurted out not being able to take the suspension. art let out a sound of surprise before looking over at patrick the two of them now having their own silent conversation. it’s time like these where you wish you could read minds. “you can of course say no.” you added softly playing with the ends of the blanket hanging over your shoulders while tashi’s own hand squeezes your thigh. art downed the rest of his wine signaling for patrick to refill it. “first off congratulations you guys will be great mothers.” you and tashi give him small smiles. “i’m surprised you would even consider me for something thing like this but i’d be honored to be your donor.” you don’t know when tear stated forming in your eyes but they finally fall and tashi is pulling you into her arms pressing kisses on the side of your face. “we’re gonna be uncles!” patrick beats his hands rhythmically one the table and you can’t contain the happy sobs that break through.

after art was cleared with your doctor his sperm count being high and health all he had to do was jizz in a cup, a process patrick was more than happy to help with. you had to wait for yours and tashi’s cycles to sync before the transfer could happen and when it did the days after that felt like everything was moving in slow motion. “we’ll take the test tonight, i’ll bring home two.” tashi said standing next to her car. she was on her way to practice. “ok” you whispered. tashi kissed you wanting to take all your worry away. “everything’s gonna be ok.” she rested her forehead against yours. you nodded giving her one last kiss before letting her drive away.

getting work done that day was nearly impossible all day long you constantly watch the clock waiting till tashi gets back with the pregnancy test. you were standing in front of the mirror hands moving over your flat stomach when you heard the front door open. tashi appeared in the bathroom door way a plastic bag in hand drink in the other. “ready to drink your weight in sunny d?” you couldn’t help but giggle at the reference. you and tashi sat with your backs against the tub staring at the two test on the counter. the loud ringing from your phones timer rips through the room. two minutes was up. “do you wanna flip it or should i?” and for the first time since starting this process you heard the nervousness laced in tashi’s voice. “you can.” you whispered back. tashi took a deep breath before turning over the test. you couldn’t see anything so the gasp tashi let out could be either good or bad. “oh my god.” her voice was breathy. “what tashi? what is it, what does say.” your heartbeat picking up. then tashi turned around showing you the test and right there big and bold was the word PREGNANT. “we’re gonna be mommies!” tashi grabbed your face kissing you but you were still in a daze not believing you were actually pregnant like a baby was growing inside you at that very moment. “we’re gonna be mommies.” you whispered eyes welling up. “we’re having a baby and we’re gonna be mommies.” you said louder jumping up and down smiling as happy tears slipped down yours and tashi’s face. tashi’s laughs mix perfectly with yours as you guys dance around in the bathroom. “you know i love you so much.” you threw your arms around tashi. “i think i already beat you too that.” she kisses your nose.

the two of you decided to wait till you were out of the first trimester to tell people. you told both your parents first then art and patrick. you were mentally prepared for the morning sickness and sore boobs that came with pregnancy but what caught you off guard was how horny you got. “come on tashi please we can be quick.” kissing under her jaw. “we have an appointment love. can’t you wait til after.” you really really couldn’t. “need you now.” your pout and puppy eyes and the whiney please you gave tashi had her on her knees face in between your legs.

“ready to find out the sex?” the doctor looks over to you and tashi. there was an on going bet about wether it was gonna be a boy or girl everyone was convinced it’d be a boy. “it’s a girl.” the doctor announced. you laugh “i knew it.” you stare at the screen the showed the baby inside you moving around.

the rest of your pregnancy was smooth, tashi absolutely doted on you, messaging your feet, bringing you whatever late night craving you got but the closer you got to your due the more she stuck to your side. “i just wanna be there when your water breaks.” but she wasn’t there. she had left you at your parents house to go on a grocery store run when it broke. “uh, mom i think my water just broke.” the look on your mothers face would have made you laugh but the contractions were causing you to wince in pain. the whole ride to the hospital was filled with your mom yelling at your dad to drive faster.

it felt like you were in the hospital room for hours. your voice turning raw from screaming, tashi’s hand slowly losing feeling from how hard you were squeezing it but still she made sure to tell you how good you were doing. after a few really good pushed a loud high pitched cry could be heard throughout the room. you daughter was finally born. you strained your neck trying get a look at her while the nurses cleaned her up. “congratulations she’s beautiful.” a tiny baby girl was placed in your arms. happy tears fell from yours and tashi’s eyes. “she’s so small.” tashi whispered her finger lightly stroking your daughters red cheek. “hi lily.” you greeted her when she opened her eyes for the first time, her big brown eyes catching yours.

(cheesed so much while writing this.)

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Chaotic Dumbassery (Soft Yandere!Friend x Thembo!Reader)

I know I haven't been working on people's submissions, prioritizing kinktober, but I'm having a really tough time and need some light humor in my life

GN!Reader, mild manipulation, mostly fluff ❤️

Hughie was labeled as a "genius" early on in his childhood. At the age of five his parents were already discussing with the local elementary school about starting him off in a higher grade. Despite all of the praises Hughie received from adults, their compliments felt hollow, and the more they pushed him to accelerate his growth realize his potential, the further he felt isolated from the people around him. Emotionally, it was like being trapped as an exhibit in a zoo. They all smiled down at him and cooed, but he could not feel them.

Then, Hughie met (Reader).

Wasting his summer before school began, his parents inside speaking to teachers about letting Hughie skip kindergarten, no one noticed when he slipped out, wandering the empty halls to the playground, where surprisingly a child was playing in the dirt with their parent sitting nearby.

Fat little fingers were poking into the dirt beneath a tree, filling the holes with seeds. Hughie often had no problem speaking to adults, but he didn't have many opportunities to interact with other kids his own age. Nervous to the point of nausea, he approached the kid, gripping his ugly grey polo aggressively enough to stretch out the shirt.

"What are you doing?"

The kid covered in dirt wearing a pizza sauce stained Batman shirt looked up at Hughie with excitement so powerful he could physically feel it burning his face like sun beams. "Planting bird seeds!"

"Oh. Why?"

"To grow birds. Duh." They went back to poking holes and planting the seeds.

The little boy with black curly hair was shocked. He didn't know everything about reproduction, but he knew that birds came from eggs. It was the first time he had ever heard something so preposterous, and it kind of stupefied him. Crouching down to get closer to the strange little kid, Hughie felt star struck. "I don't think that's how birds are made."

"Yuh-huh! Whenever Granny throws seeds out, birds grow, and then in the morning they fly away "

"I think they eat the seeds.."

(Reader's) eyes went wide, dropping their fistful of bird food while whipping around to face Hughie. "Huh?"

"Birds come from eggs."

Standing up quickly, Hughie could see that the kid's knees were covered in bandaids, something he never really needed. They looked down at him like he just told them that Santa wasn't real. "What?!" Before he could reiterate his answer Hughie's arm was grabbed by the much stronger stranger, dragging him over towards the woman sitting on the bench. "Mom!"

"Yes?" The woman smiled with heavy, exhausted eyes.

"Do birds come from eggs?!"

"Yes? Why?"

(Reader) dropped Hughie's hand, their brain malfunctioning under the new information. Hughie started to worry that maybe he had upset them, that maybe he shouldn't have told them the truth, when they suddenly grabbed him by his shoulders, violently shaking him. "What is your name, smarty pants?!"

"Hu-Hughie!" The wild swaying of his head affecting his speech.

"I'm (Reader)! You wanna go catch crickets?"

"Sure-"

"Hughie!" His father's voice cut him off, the smartly dressed man finally finding his son and descending onto the playground. "Don't disappear like that."

"I'm sorry."

"Let's go back inside. The teachers have some questions for you." He said excitedly, motioning towards the school.

Hughie felt a sense of dread. He was smart, really smart, which meant that he knew if he passed the tests waiting for him, he wouldn't be able to be in a class with kids his own age. Which meant that he wouldn't be able to make friends.

"No."

Hughie latched onto (Reader), and decided to act his own age.

"I want to go catch crickets with (Reader)!"

"Yeah!" (Reader) replied, glaring up at the stranger as sassily as a five year old could.

Although that interaction ended with (Reader's) mother apologizing, holding back her child from kicking the man in his shins, and Hughie's father carrying him kicking and crying up to the classroom, it was ended in Hughie's favor. He purposely failed his tests, and when school started up, he was placed in the same kindergarten as (Reader).

The two became inseparable, much to his parents' dismay.

It only got worse as they got older, and even the teachers took notice of Hughie's "double life".

By the last year of middle school, Hughie already proved himself smart enough to get his GED and be enrolled in any university of his choice. But (Reader) didn't know that.

Hughie's mother sighed heavily, finding (Reader) on her doorstep. Hey disdain for the teenager wasn't concealed in the slightest, but it didn't phase (Reader).

"Mornin', Mrs. G! I'm here to pick up the H-bomb."

"I could drive you two." She grimaced. "It's dangerous for two children to walk to school."

"Oh, we won't be walking." (Reader) smiled.

Hughie rushed past his mom, smiling just as brightly as (Reader). "'Sup!"

"Please let me drive you-"

"Bye Mom!" Hughie cut her off, giving her a warning glance before bouncing back to his reflection of (Reader's) joyful attitude. "Let's go, (Reader)."

The two friends ran down to (Reader's) homemade "scooter", an extra wide plank of thin wood with wheels screwed on, painted with flames. It was made by (Reader) and their mom to have enough space for at least three teenagers to comfortably ride, four if they squish together tightly and held on for dear life. It was a hazard, and Hughie loved it.

He loved everything about (Reader), actually. Since he began purposefully fucking up his grades just enough to never get moved up, he had made a good friend group, a group a guys that were a lot of fun to get into trouble with, but his best friend was (Reader). Many people joked that the two were already an old married couple, which (Reader) leaned into, completely unaware of Hughie's feelings. It was strange. And he couldn't explain it to anyone.

(Reader) was his best friend; a sibling; a partner in crime; and someone Hughie recently found himself wanting to kiss silly.

They rode down the sidewalk at top speeds, bumping over rocks dangerously. Hughie wanted to wrap his arms around their waist but couldn't until they picked up their other buds. They stopped by Brody's house, watching him run away from his wooden spoon wielding Grandma, then at Everett's, which finally allowed Hughie the excuse of hugging (Reader). It didn't matter if Brody clung to him similarly; just as long as he was the only one holding (Reader).

The four idiots of Jackson Middle School traveled faster than any of the cooler students on skateboards, speeding recklessly with the force of four teenagers pushing the wooden beast.

Teachers and parents gave disapproving sneers as they barely stopped in time to prevent themselves from crashing into the arriving school buses. Mr. Stone especially.

(Reader) dragged the transportation over to the bicycle rack laughing with Hughie over the fear in the bus driver's eyes when they nearly collided into the side of the bus.

"I don't know why she was so mad, it's not like we were gonna damage the bus!" Brody loudly complained, arms behind his head.

No, it was because we could have gotten hurt. Hughie smiled, not voicing his thoughts out loud. (Reader) wouldn't have this kind of fun with him if they knew that this wasn't his real personality. Calm and studious, Hughie naturally didn't enjoy being outside. He was a nerd at heart, and would prefer reading in solitude to participating in sports. But he would do anything to spend more time with (Reader).

Mr. Stone appeared before the quartet, smiling tightly. "May I have a word, Mr. Gressler?"

(Reader) stuck a finger in their nose. "Huh? He's not on the clock yet."

Everett rolled back his shoulders too try to look bigger. "Yeah, we haven't had breakfast yet."

"I'll catch up with you guys." Hughie waved at them, shooing them away. They left for the cafeteria, still making snarky remarks towards their teacher.

As soon as they were out of sight Hughie's face changed, losing all of his good humor and patience. "What did you want to talk about, Mr. Stone." His teacher's name tasted bitter, so he spit it out.

"Let's go to the principal's office."

They quickly walked through the halls, irritating Hughie. He knew what this was about, and he wasn't interested in the slightest.

Once inside the office, Mr. Stone closed the door, trapping Hughie inside with the grinning older Principal Wells. "Please, have a seat, Hughie." She offered politely.

"No thanks. I need to go to breakfast, so I'd like to make this quick." His hands were in his pockets, and his body leaning on one leg, emphasizing his boredom.

Mr. Stone cleared his throat. "We've been talking about moving your classes around.."

"Why?" His cracking voice snapped.

"We've noticed that.. I believe that your friends aren't the best influence on you." Stone took a deep breath, looking to the principal for assistance.

"After speaking to your teachers I learned that you do exceptionally well when you aren't paired up with one of your friends. If it's a test, or a solo project, your work is incredible. No matter what the subject is, you exceed in every class.. but when you have a project you have to present to a class, in your classes you have with a student named (Reader), you disrupt the day by presenting very odd topics. And when you work with (Reader), you mess around the entire time or create chaos." The principal was referring to two specific instances; Hughie's presentation on how WW2 was responsible for the creation of hentai, and the science fair project he worked on with (Reader) trying to prove that Birds weren't real. Both times he chose the topics just to see (Reader's) face light up.

"Hugh, you're an incredibly bright young man. We want to see you excel." Mr. Stone pleaded.

"I'm not moving up. I'm staying in my classes. We haven't caused any major disruptions that could have interfered with other students learning, and may I remind you that we both got an A minus on that science fair project?" He turned to leave, done with dealing with adults he knew he was smarter than. "And if you move around my classes, I'll go to the superintendent, and the school board. You're discriminating against my fellow students because you believe them to be stupid."

"We never said-"

"I'm not an idiot. They're bad examples on me because we have fun? That isn't the argument you think it is."

"Mr. Gressler, come back here-"

"Unless I'm in trouble, then no. You aren't allowed to prevent me from having breakfast. And if you continue I'll call my mother." Hughie was cold, indifferent. He knew what they were saying, but it was the exact same shit he'd been hearing since he was three years old. He's special, so he's not allowed to act his age.

He left the office and stomped towards the cafeteria. He knew they wouldn't stop embarrassing themselves, but he also refused to back down.

Inside the lunch hall, (Reader) was having a battle with the boys, construction French toast sticks into action figures with pretzel sticks. The sight of (Reader) focused on the fight made Hughie feel funny, releasing an eruption of butterflies. It was okay if he continued lying to his friends, because he could continue playing with them like this.

"Dude, I got you some!" (Reader) held out a plate. They had no idea how much Hughie loved them.

His smile fell, feeling suddenly very hot.

"Dude, you okay?" Everett asked out of concern. "Did you get in trouble or something?"

Hughie couldn't answer, taking the plate silently while avoiding eye contact. Quickly shoving in pretzel crackers like nails, he constructed his own breakfast warrior. "FEEL MY WRATH, LOSERS!"

The friends instantly forgot about their worrying, watching as Hughie's creation punched (Reader's) creation's head off.

It was okay if Hughie kept pretending to be a dumbass, because it was more fun that way. He would gladly sacrifice his entire future to fuck around with (Reader) for the rest of his life. He could see himself, in the future, sharing an apartment with his three amigos, working at some dead end job, playing video games every night after work. It would be better than if he went off to some college and became a lawyer.

If only he could ignore the erratic beating of his heart.

[daisyswift3]

🍕

So several gaylors have been talking abt the Stephen Colbert interview Taylor did on April 13, 2021 and I believe I may have figured out how this interview fits into this giant puzzle. I think this entire interview is an easter egg and a metaphor for the rabbit hole they are trying to lead us down. The first thing I want to point out is the letters on the mood board that spell out Stephen's name. These letters look just like the fridge magnets in Gracie's Mess It Up mv which spell out a secret message "Hi (13, 31) Peter Pan - T." These magnets are toys that kids usually play with which fits with the Peter Pan theme. These magnets also show up in the Stay mv.

The second thing I want to point out is the emphasis on the "pizza." I believe that the pizza represents PR/bearding/lavender haze/showmanship/magic. Many of the anon messages have words starting with the letter P such as the 🎁, 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿, and 🌋 messages (present, presence, pretence, patience, perseverance, etc) and pizza also starts with a P. The Feb 19 🎁 message said "PR, PR, PR, PUBLISH!" In the delicate mv there's Joe's Deli; this led to the common swiftie interpretation that "And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name" is referring to how in NYC there are tons of restaurants and shops that have "Joe" in their name such as Joe's Pizza.

(x)

(x)

There is also this insta post with Haim where they are all dressed in costumes while eating pizza. Taylor specifically says "mood board" in the caption which connects it to the Stephen Colbert interview. I believe this connects to the 11th 🎃 message about sheep in wolves' clothing and to the willow mv mad woman scene where everyone is conjuring something with magic while in masquerade masks.

Another indication that pizza = PR/bearding is that Taylor just recently went to a pizza place with 🏈 in NYC on Sept 6 (which could also be Taylor poking fun at the Joe’s Pizza thing). Many gaylors have speculated that Sabrina’s Please Please Please mv is a satire abt Taylor and 🏈’s relationship. Interestingly Sabrina and Barry walk through a pizza shop in the mv which could have been foreshadowing the Sept 6 stunt.

To add even more proof, around June 15 during one the Liverpool shows, Taylor randomly ordered pizza for her crew mid show. I think this was likely a hint at the big London stunt on June 23 where 🏈 was literally part of the showmanship.

(x)

Also, Gracie recently did a photoshoot with Who What Wear at the Bob Baker Marionette Theater in Los Angeles and had a P and 13 on her jacket. This likely connects to the ginger messages abt the theater and magic. The P on her jacket could stand for "puppet" in this case.

Going back to the Stephen Colbert interview, as I said before I believe the entire interview is a metaphor for this rabbit hole/mass coming out movement. The interview starts with Stephen theorizing that Hey Stephen is abt him and he lists all the pieces of evidence that led him to this conclusion (this is analogous to us kaylors/gaylors making theories abt Taylor's music). Taylor then proceeds to essentially gaslight him. She starts listing a ton of really specific details abt him that would indicate that Hey Stephen is in fact abt him (these details are analogous to the connections/easter eggs/queer signals) but then afterwards she comes up with a narrative to explain away all these things. To us, it's quite obvious that these things are too specific to just be a coincidence and that Taylor is lying to him the whole time. This is what TTPD is abt. Red herrings, magic, showmanship, and smoke and mirrors (or "pizza") that distract the audience from the man behind the curtain pulling the strings like a puppet master and from the true story being told in the "whispers and sighs" as ginger anon said.

[hirayaaraw]

Married Life 101

Tags: friends to lovers; marriage for convenience / fake marriage; pining

Previous

Crazy week for the both of you. Got married on Monday. Played board games, cooked pasta and steak together, and sleep together in one bed. It wasn't the first time it happened but the you are married to him now.

You faked sleeping first and when you feel like Wonwop is already asleep. You opened your eyes and observed how peaceful he is. To be honest, you don't news to marry him but his proposal is enticing. His effect on you will always put you in daze.

You carefully reach out to push away the hair from his face. Wonwoo, the friend you made during freshman orientation who became your bestfriend for life, is now your husband. The feelings you keep at bay during college are slowly resurfacing.

You wonder if he felt the same. You wonder if you give comfort to him, the way he is your comfort person. You wonder if bring peace in him or chaos because he bring both to you. He brings you peace when your world is in shambles. He knows what to say and do to calm you down. Wonwoon unknowingly cause chaos in you whenever he touches you or whenever he say words of assurance that brings tornado of butterflies. He doesn't know the power he has over you.

You were about to turn around and sleep when you feel his hand reach out yours. He pulled you towards his chest. When you raise your head, he is still asleep.

There goes chaos and peace.

Tuesday

You woke up with the smell of coffee. Wonwoo is long gone from the bed. You walk towards the kitchen and saw him in front of the espresso machine.

"Good morning." He said then gave you a cup of coffee. Black coffee with two teaspoon of sugar, no creamer. You smiled behind the mug. "What time is your work?"

"As usual at 9 am." You yawn then left the mug at the table. You check the refrigerator to see what you can cook. "What food do you want to pack for lunch?"

"Spam and egg will do." Wonwoo said while blinking at you. Wonwoo doesn't pack lunch to office and he got excited that he will something prepared by you to office. He was like a kid excited to brag his bento lunch prepared by his mom. "What time are you going home?"

"I think around 7 PM? We took a leave yesterday. I am sure my workload is piling up now." You said as you prepare the ingredients. You tied up your hair before cooking and Wonwoo drinks his coffee while watching.

"Okay. I'll be there around 6:30 PM."

"For?"

"To pick up you and drive us home." Home. You try to hide your smile but you can't. Wonwoo smiling beside you too. You both enjoying the changes as newly weds.

After a quick breakfast, Wonwoo told you to shower and he will clean the kitchen. Once you're done, he took a shower while you put your make up on.

On the way to your work, he played your playlist and sang along with you. When you got at the drop off area, you gave him the paper bag of his lunch box.

"See you at dinner." You said and kissed his cheek then went out of the car. It took Wonwoo 30 second to realize you are already out of the car and you kissed him.

Wednesday

It's like being a routine for the both of you what you did yesterday. You enjoy sharing chores with him and the feeling of domesticated. You never dreamed of getting married but you are so grateful you marry Wonwoo.

Now he is dropping you off of at your work. You gave his lunch for today that made him smile.

"Can we drop by at my apartment later? I need to get some of my stuff left there." You said while unlocking the seatbelt. Wonwoo helped you packed your things last Sunday after you decided to marry on a whim. "The Landlady wants me to evacuate it as soon as possible."

"Sure. Should I buy some food before I come here?"

"Some pizza and chicken?" You said gleefully and Wonwoo nodded at you. "Okay. See you later."

You were about to go out when he pulled your hand. You looked at him waiting for him to speak.

"Did I forget something?"

"Ah nothing." Wonwoo said timidly then let go of your hand. "See you later."

You walked out of the car. When you reach your desk, you felt you forgot to do something and it bothers you so much. After lunch, you decided to text Wonwoo.

You: Did we turn off the light?

Wonwoo: Yes. Why?

You: Did we pull off the plugs?

Wonwoo: Yep. I double checked it before we went out.

You: I feel like I forgot something.

You: Ah nvm.

Wonwoo bitting his lips trying to hide his smile. He is in the middle of the meeting but can't stop himself from replying to you. Hoshi, his friend, elbowed him to bring him back to earth.

Later that day when went to pick you up from your office, once you buckled up your seatbelt, he held your cheek.

"This is what you forgot." He said and kissed the corner of your lips.

Your face is scarlet red the whole ride. From that day, you never forget kissing Wonwoo before leaving.

Thursday

Thursday and Friday are work from home set up for you. As for Wonwoo, Thursday is work home from home while Friday to Sunday is his off days. Perks of building a start up with your best buddies during college.

You took a half day to pay your tax. The clerk in tax office said the lowering your tax bracket will be effective next year. Fortunately, you got your rent deposit already and use it as a payment.

When you got home by lunch, you saw Wonwoo standing in the living room with his hand on his waist and furrowed eyebrows. You hurried over to his side. He didn't notice your arrival.

"What are you look--wow" You stand beside with pure amusement.

"What do you think?" He said, looking at you.

"This is beautiful. Where did you get that photo?" He got the wedding photo hanging above the work desk for the both of you. You never knew you had a photo like this. It was picture of you and Wonwoo looking at each other with big smiles and his hand on your waist.

"The court clerk adored us and sent us this morning."

"You really look handsome that day." You said absent mindedly making Wonwoo's ear go red. When you look at him, it is so obvious he got fluttered. "You're blushing."

"I'm not." Wonwoo denied so hard but you held his face to prove a point. There goes his whole face getting red. "It's because the whole place is humid."

"Okay, Handsome." You smirked before kissing his cheek and leaving for the kitchen. "What do you want to eat? I'll cook before I start working."

"Anything." Wonwoo is flabbergasted the way you just freeze his whole world and you decided to leave him hanging.

"Wonwoo"

"Hmmm?"

"Thanks for building my work desk." You said and made Wonwoo's heart feel proud.

Friday

You woke up because of consecutive knocks and doorbell but felt lightheaded. You burried your head to Wonwoo's chest and felt his arm around your waist.

"5 minutes please." He hummed.

It didn't take another minute when a phone goes off. Wonwoo reached for his phone and saw Hoshi is calling. He kept one of his hands around you while answering the call. His soothing hand make you fall asleep a little bit more until Wonwoo's voice got louder.

"You're here?!"

"Who's here?" You said with eyes close.

"Okay. I'll be up. Stop knocking, dimwit!" Wonwoo said before sitting up. Your sleepiness is gone.

"Who's that?"

"Hoshi and Mingyu. They are the ones knocking at the door." He said while walking towards the bathroom. You followed him and you both do the morning rituals.

"They're here." You said in quiet voice. Hoshi and Mingyu are your college batchmates. You are also close to them. "Do you want us to tell them or?"

"Do you want to keep it secret?"

"Like we can keep it. We have a big wedding picture in the living room and pair of rings. If I were going to be honest, Hoshi got a sniff because that ring of yours and tattled it to you Mingyu." You both giggled at the thought. You hand him a towel to dry his face. "They're here to investigate."

"Should we give them a show?"

"Something that will make Hoshi faint."

"I'll open the door." You snicker with the thought. "Help me tousle my hair so it will look like we did something crazy last night."

Wonwoo shaked his head at your silly idea. He tousled your hair before you both went out. As per your instruction, he needs to video every second of it. Just like you predicted, Mingyu and Hoshi lose their wits.

"What are you doing here this early?" Hoshi asked when you opened the door.

"Where's Wonwoo?" Mingyu firing his question immediately then seeing your hair. "Are you two fucking?"

"Excuse me?" You said in high tone that sound you are so offended with the thought that you and Wonwoo are banging each other. Even though that's the idea you want them to get.

"We're not fucking. We got married, okay?"

"Oh you're not fucking but married."

"But that's married people do in their past time."

"Wait you both got married without us?"

At this point you'll get eviction notice because of how loud they are. You pulled them inside and they shrieked when they saw the wedding picture. Wonwoo laughed loud while taking a video of their histerics. When they both calmed down, you sat them down.

Wonwoo held your hand while explaining the two rascals the impulsive and best decision you made in your life.

Saturday

It's like yesterday is a premonition of what would happen today. Wonwoo's mom calling in the morning trying to set him up with another girl. Your mom on the hand, called you to ask where you move because she went to your old apartment and they told her you move out.

"Are you ready?" Wonwoo asked you.

"It's not like they can do anything about it." You chuckled. Feeling silly at the moment. "If your mom asked me to divorce you in exchange for a million dollars, should I get it?"

"You should and give me the half million." You frowned a bit then look at him. "Then let's get married again."

"Idiot." You punch his arm lightly.

"Your idiot." He said then bumped his head on yours. Laughing together as if a storm is not about to hit you both.

Next

[meanpregcomm]

Too Much Baby

Combining IYP request 424-2. Imagine you go to a private high school (18 obv) and are struggling to fit into the uniform as your breasts and belly grow bigger and bigger and 432-13. fic request: a very petite young woman (under 5' tall, less than 100lbs) gets pregnant with her 7' tall, almost 500 lb, boyfriends child. He doesn't want kids so he dumps her. She ends up having to give birth in her mobile home. During the long, difficult, excruciating labor and birth, she finds out that not only is she having twins, but that they definitely inherited their fathers size. With the smaller twin being almost 15lbs and almost 2 ft long.

"Uh oh," Kady thought to herself. "This is not good."

It was two weeks into her junior year of high school, and the adorable white denim shorts she'd gotten for her eighteenth birthday two months ago were already digging into her stomach at the waist. She sighed, pinching her chub, and vowed to switch to the nasty egg-white Dunkin sandwiches until the winter formal.

She bounced down the hallway, glossy ponytail swinging, and shouted goodbye to her mom's closed bedroom door. Her boyfriend Leo's Audi had just pulled up in front of her mobile home and she knew he'd be annoyed if she didn't get outside before he started honking.

"Do I look fat?" she pouted appealingly at Leo once she'd hopped in. "You look great," he answered without looking at her, and rested a hand on her breast as he drove towards the school. "You gotta talk to the super about that driveway," he said, for about the millionth time.

"I know, honey, the gravel isn't good for the car," she cooed. "It's just that no one in my part of town has such a nice car, handsome."

He accepted the flattery and reached over to give her a peck. "You're gonna live somewhere so much better someday," he told her. "You may be a scholarship kid but you are smart and you have good taste. And, of course, you're dating me." The towering mound of sandy blonde hair and corn-fed muscles smiled charmingly at her. How had she gotten so lucky? She was one of the few kids on financial aid at Carbot High, but she had somehow snagged a varsity running back as a boyfriend.

Leo dropped her off and she ran in with the rest of the junior girls, trying to avoid the prying eyes of the middle aged teachers' aides as they changed out of their street clothes and into the polo shirt and kilt that made up their uniform. Her uniform was a little tight in the waist too. She thought about skipping lunch, but she had also been so ravenously hungry lately. Well, she could always alter her winter formal dress. The benefit of being poor and having to sew your own formal wear was that she could make it fit her like a glove.

A month later, fitting into a formal dress was the least of Kady's worries. She may still be able to fit into her yoga pants and band t-shirts at home, but her school uniform couldn't be let out anymore, there was just no fabric left. It was impossible for her to button it around her stubbornly growing belly. The school bell rang and Kady panicked. She needed to figure something out fast. She grabbed a safety pin from her emergency sewing kit and pinned the skirt as best she could before running to her first class.

After school she cleaned the worst of the beer cans out of her kitchen and popped a microwave pizza in the fridge. Her mom was at work for the evening and Kady had been so incredibly needy lately, she jumped at the chance to have her big hunk come over and fuck her. Leo, though he hated coming to the trailer park, wasn't going to turn down a chance to stick his dick in her, so he showed up practically on time. Looking down from his six foot frame to her tiny, 5'1" body, now sporting a noticeable bump in the stomach area, he gestured to the pizza cooling on the counter and made a comment about how that might not be the best option for her. Stung, but horny, she nodded agreeably and pulled him into her bedroom and into her pussy, squeezing him so hard with each thrust that he cried out in surprise. He came quickly and she put her mouth on him until he was hard again, and rode him greedily, drinking up every little drop of his cum.

When he left, she felt a little dead inside, but she calmed the voices that said something didn't feel right with her microwave pizza.

---

The safety pin worked for two weeks, until it really, really didn't. She was in English class when it gave out, popping its overloaded spring and ricocheting off her desk with a tiny metallic ping. Mortified, she raised her hand to go to the bathroom, pinching the two halves of her skirt together with one hand while smoothing it nervously with the other. Her teacher granted her request, but she could feel all eyes on her as she walked out of the room. Before she even had a moment to collect herself, a classmate popped her head in and told her to go right to the school nurse.

"Honey, you're pregnant." Kady felt ice cold fear drip down the back of her neck. the nurse's voice was kind, but firm. She had peed on a stick twenty minutes ago, but the look on the nurse's face when after seeing her belly clued her in far before the two pink lines.

"Do you know how far along you might be? Does the father know?"

The questions washed over Kady. She just wanted to go home. Pregnant? She couldn't have a baby. She didn't want to end up like her mom, trapped by a child she had no desire to care for. She nodded dumbly and took the pamphlets the nurse thrust in her hand. "Five months pregnant....prenatal care....WIC voucher....baby shower" it all felt far away, like it was happening to a different person. She called a taxi, took it home, and stared at the pamphlets in her hands until she was too tired to do anything but sleep.

In a badly needed stroke of luck, it was three days before winter break, and Kady's mom would hardly notice if her usually dedicated student daughter took a few days off "sick." So, Kady wandered through the next few weeks in a haze, trying to make sense of what was happening. She made up her mind that she wanted an abortion, and got up the courage to ask Leo for the money.

Getting him to come over wasn't hard, but his eyes narrowed angrily when they saw her. Now that she wasn't trying to hide how fat she was getting, her pregnant belly was enormously obvious on her tiny frame. He was immediately angry, and although in the end he agreed to give her the money, it was over between them. She had been stupid, he'd said. And his football career was just beginning--didn't she see how selfish it was of her to get his baby in her? She was devastated, but on some level she wasn't surprised. At least she had the money she needed.

Unfortunately, showing up at the abortion clinic with a belly the size of a basketball meant that Kady was rejected at the front desk before even seeing a provider. Despite her protests that she had been a virgin five months ago, she had to admit that the sheer size of her pregnant middle made her look like a liar. She tried again at the other clinic, over two hours away, pushing the limits of her mom's unreliable Chevy, but she got the same response.

"You're having that baby, little girl," this receptionist had sneered at her. "Maybe next time you should give your boyfriend a blow job."

Tears stung Kady's face, and she cried the entire two hour drive home. School started again in two days. She had been so confident that she would have a skinny belly again by the end of this weekend. What was she going to do?

The answer, it seemed, was go to school and endure the shocked stares of her classmates, the pitying looks of the teachers who had hoped the girl from the trailer park would make it out, and the disgusted silence from the father of her baby, who made sure she knew that she owed him the abortion money back, and that if she tried to claim him as the father he would deny her.

She knew those were the greater ills, but for some reason the thing that seemed the most unfair was how completely awful her school uniform fit her very pregnant body. Even through her bra, the scratchy polo material irritated her sensitive nipples, and she now had to secure her kilt over her belly, making the skirt lift up awkwardly in front. She didn't dare ask for a new uniform--she was afraid every day that they would finally kick her out and she would have to stay home and explain to her mother that she and Leo had snuck around, been stupid, and made a very, very big baby.

Unfortunately for Kady, trying not to make waves didn't work very well. By six months pregnant she couldn't see her feet, constantly knocked supplies off her desk with her ungainly belly, and couldn't sit without spreading her legs. But it was exactly six months and ten days after the first time she had ever had sex with Leo that she got stuck in her desk chair and was just too pregnant to get out on her own.

Once the janitors had unscrewed the bolts holding it together and she had stood up, rubbing the painful grooves the furniture had made in her fertile mound, the guidance counselor pulled her into his office and told her that her scholarship had been withdrawn.

"You can try again next year Kady," he said, smiling condescendingly, "after you've had your baby. Or maybe a less challenging school might be a better fit for someone in your..." his eyes rested obviously on her swollen middle "...condition?"

----

She couldn't be sure, having been too ashamed to get any prenatal care, but the intermittent pangs she'd been having for two days were starting to get closer together. Plus, she was absolutely enormous. It was hard to imagine getting any bigger. She had had to move temporarily into her mother's bedroom. Her pregnant stomach dwarfed her body so completely that she had difficulty walking, and spent most of her days watching tv, crying, and moaning. It was nearly a full time job, lately, trying to soothe the angry, itchy, stretched and bloated orb of the belly she had created when she had bounced up and down on her giant ex-boyfriend's cock. Her breasts, swollen and painful to the touch, rested on top of her gravid mountain of a stomach, and she was too pregnant to sit up straight.

"I absolutely have to be close to giving birth now," she thought, "and as terrified as I am of birth, there is nothing I wouldn't do to get this fucking baby out of me."

As if on cue, her labor pains started in earnest. These were so much more intense than the lead-up cramps, but they still weren't coming very often. She called 911, and yelled to her mother that she needed ice chips. When her mother didn't answer after twenty minutes, she painstakingly waddled into the living room to see why. The empty bottle of vodka and her mother's groggy form in the recliner answered that question. Tears welled up in her as a contraction doubled her over.

Monstrously pregnant, mother passed out, baby's father gone forever, she didn't know how she could do this. When the EMTs arrived, even they couldn't hide their shock at her size. At first they tried to move her, but she was too big to fit on the stretcher. While they were trying, she felt a sudden intense urge to push and felt the baby descend into her birth canal. The EMTs quickly realized it was too late to move her, and one got a portable sonogram machine while the other ran to the ambulance for more supplies.

"Okay, let's have a look at the baby," a calm female EMT told Katy as she moved over Katy's contracting belly. "Oh," she said suddenly in a quick inhale of breath, "there's two in there. Congrats little mama, you're having twins!"

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Tobi:

How long do you boil water for hard boiled eggs?

How long do you boil eggs for soft boiled eggs?

Is there a thing like medium boiled eggs?

Do we have eggs?

Where are the eggs at?

Have you seen my cloak?

Have you seen my gloves?

Have you seen my sandals?

Have you seen Zetsu today?

You left your piece of pie in the refrigerator for 3 days can I eat it?

Do ladybugs have toes?

((early morning)) Do you ever think about how we’re all just wiggly spirits wearing suits made of skin and bones and teeth and hair?

From Hidan:

Fucking Kakuzu getting on my fucking nerves today!

Wanna go half on a pizza?

Ditch that mission with the puppet, it’s hot let’s go swimming.

My shampoo is half gone let me find out it was you who used it asshole!

Did u see how Uchiha limped outta the shark’s room 😏?

I accidentally took Konan’s bra from the laundry room n now I’m scared to give it back bc she’ll beat my ass like last time 😓.

From Itachi:

Did you take my face cream?

Did you take my lotion?

Did you eat my dango from the fridge?

Do you have the $20 you owe me?

Where did you put my sandals?

Are you the one who left that drawing of me and Kisame on the bathroom door?!

From Obito (using a fake number):

You’re so beautiful.

That puppet doesn’t deserve you.

I would treat you like a king.

I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.

Every time I see your face my heart sings with joy and pain. Joy from the miracle of your existence, pain from knowing I will never have you.

What? No! Who is this “Tobi” you speak of??

From Konan:

Face masks tonight?

Made brownies you want one?

Can you come help me paint my toenails?

Did you borrow my leave in conditioner?

Quick come to my room I have some hot “tea” from Konoha !!

From Kakuzu:

Rent’s due.

You either kick in for your share of the utilities or I’m cutting your lights off tonight.

You and Hidan get your asses downstairs and clean up all this mud you tracked into the house!

Start picking up your food and drinks or I’m putting you outside. You are attracting ants. We can’t afford the bug guy again.

If I step in one more wad of clay I’m throwing it all in the trash!

Please cease your attempts to set Tobi on fire. We can’t afford hospital bills OR a lawsuit.

Fuck no. I can barely feed you little brats. A dog is out of the question!

I just got this months phone bill. STOP PLAYING ALL THOSE DAMN GAMES BRAT! That phone is for BUSINESS COMMUNICATION only!!

From Nagato: 

Where’s your mission report?

Mission report due IMMEDIATELY.

We need to talk about the grievances Tobi has brought to my attention.

Don’t lie: were you and Hidan the ones who put black hair dye into my shampoo bottle?

Stop giving our address to food delivery drivers. This is a HIDEOUT. We are supposed to be laying low.

From Zetsu:

The next time you decide to set off a bomb in a public place can you be considerate enough to ASK whether I was planning on eating any of the people first?! 

From Kisame:

Come help me scale these fish and you can have some when I cook them.

Like a double date? Sure. But only if you swear to be nice to Itachi.

No. Samehada is not a toy.

I don’t care kid, make Itachi cry again and I’m biting your head off.

Swimming?

It’s not chocolate it’s a protein shake.

From Sasori:

Already said No. Stop begging.

Dinner tonight?

You left your shirt in my room.

Stop asking me to rate your selfies. I’m a busy man. And they all look the exact same.

Only if you agree to wear a hairnet or something. I’m not spending an hour picking blonde hairs out of my sheets like last time.

Oh come on, please? You’d be the centerpiece of my entire collection!

No. Stop being lazy and write your own mission report.

I miss you. 

Did you spill juice on that puppet? It’s all sticky.

Kakuzu said No? What’d you do to piss him off?

Alright. Be safe. Love you ❤️

[writingblognumber1]

Tbh I don’t love how I’ve written this and I’ve partly lost motivation for it. I hope I get better the more I write but imma upload these last 2 parts anyway. Hope you enjoy

Dad’s best friend Toji part 3

Not really all that smutty tbh

On Tuesdays, you have only one class and it starts at 10. You don’t get out of bed until 9 and when you look at yourself in the mirror, you feel shameful. Never have you let yourself get so caught up in your own feelings. You wanted him so bad it felt like you’d die if you didn’t have him, but you don’t want anyone who doesn’t want you. At that moment, you decide you’ll have more restraint on yourself. When you make it to the kitchen, there’s a note on the whiteboard that’s on the fridge. In messy handwriting, it says breakfast is in the oven. Despite the way you feel, it makes you smile. Toast, eggs, and bacon are tucked into the oven to keep warm for you. You eat quickly and head out for your class.

After class, instead of staying home the rest of the day, you decide to go see your friends for a little while. It’s a great distraction from the events of last night but your mind still finds its way back to Toji. Maybe it’s best to stay out tonight, with a friend. You don’t want to deal with the awkwardness. Your friends invite you to the bar, even though it’s Tuesday, and you say yes. Apparently the drinks are cheaper during the week.

After a few too many shots on a weeknight, you’re feeling good but also a little regretful. You know in the morning you’ll wish you hadn’t done this. Your friend returns from the bathroom and tells you there’s another bar they plan on going to, but you decline. They pout but you wave them away. You’re done for the night so you order an uber to take you home.

Upon entering the home, you notice it’s quiet and dark, except for the light on the staircase. You see movement in the corner of your eye and turn to find Toji sitting on the couch. There’s 2 boxes of pizza on the table.

“Did you have a night class or something?” He asks suddenly, a slight edge to his voice.

“No..”

“Then where were you? Your mom said you weren’t the type to stay out late.”

“Out. With friends. Didn’t know I had a bedtime.” He scoffs at you. Your eyebrows furrow with confusion.

“You could’ve at least told me where you were so I didn’t worry.” You’re in disbelief.

“Sorry to make you worry I didn’t realize you cared so much for my safety.” You sarcastically replied. Toji stands.

“I just want to make sure that, while your parents are away, nothing happens to you.” “Oh, please. Give me a break. You really think they care that much, Toji? Look around.” You gesture to the house. “They’re not here! They’re rarely here. Even when I was younger they were gone a majority of the time. If anything was gonna happen to me it would’ve already happened. No need to act like you’re so worried.”

“Maybe I was worried. Your mom says you’re a good kid and I expected you to be here when I got home. I even ordered us pizza!” You can’t help but feel a little guilty but at the same time, who did he think he was talking to you like this? Did he forget what happened last night?

“Well forgive me for not being here when the events of last night have been haunting me all day. I needed to get out.” Toji walks towards you until he’s only a few feet away. You can’t help it when you look him up and down. He looks tense. You feel an overwhelming urge to soothe him but you stifle it.

“Last night shouldn’t have happened.” You can’t help but laugh.

“Oh. Are you gonna scold me, daddy?” The words slip from your lips before you can hold them back. Your hand is cocked at your hip. Toji moves closer towards you.

“What did you call me?” His voice is low. Threatening.

“What’s wrong daddy? You don’t like it?” Before you can move or say anything else, Toji’s fingers are around the back of your neck. They slip through the back of your hair and he yanks your head back. Your mouth falls open and you gasp.

“Don’t play with me babygirl. You really don’t know what you’re getting into.” You can’t help but moan at his words, your fingers come up to paw at his chest. Your brain melts into nothing and suddenly you feel compliant. A sharp tug in your abdomen has your toes curling in your shoes. This is what you want, no, it’s what you need.

“Please, daddy. I wanna be your good girl.” You breathe out the words. Toji groans and suddenly he’s all over you. Your foreheads lay against each other and he delicately traces his lips over yours. You try to lean forward, to kiss him, but his hand has a tight hold on your hair, forcing you to stay put. He even tugs you back an inch from his face. Toji moves his head to the side of your neck and licks a thick stripe from the bottom of your throat to your ear. You shudder in his hold, arching against him. You’re reminded of your dream you had about him. His smell envelops you. It’s pine and sandalwood and sweet like cherries. Toji softly kisses your ear and whispers,

“But you’re not a good girl. I think you’ve been a bad girl and bad girls don’t get what they want baby.” He releases you suddenly and moves to the stairs. He doesn’t look back at you.

“Go to bed.”

You’re left standing there, head spinning and pussy throbbing, again. Your eyes burn with tears of frustration. You want to march to his room and demand he take care of you, but you don’t. Instead, you go to your room and let the exhaustion take over you.

[possibilistfanfiction]

What are your domestic headcanons for Bea and Ava in your surgeons AU? And how did Ava realise that they are not cis? And how/when did Beatrice realise she wanted top surgery?

these are great questions i will now come up with answers to bc they're mostly vague in my mind before the actual timeline starts! lmfao

a domestic thing -- ava is obviously, like, incredibly gifted at charming people anywhere, at any time, doing anything. i think bea is a little terrified at first when she starts bringing ava to stuff — trivia night, the climbing gym, even just over to mary + shannon's for dinner — that everyone will immediately love ava way more. or, even worse, that bea will suddenly be expected to be the same kind of charming, to love attention in the same way, to laugh as quickly. but it's not like that at all, obviously: everyone is Delighted by ava & also delighted by bea — quietly, in a way that's still comfortable & happy for her. at the climbing gym ava tried adaptive climbing, like, one time & was like 'no ty lol', but he still loves to come & watch. bea is... quite serious, but ava isn't, so in like ten minutes ava's made friends w all of the people bea enjoys climbing with. the next time bea comes to climb, no one expects anything differently from her, but they ask after ava, a few of the boys tease her for having such a cool, hot partner (fondly, & she loves it), they invite ava out with them for beers saturday. i think they open up each other's worlds in different ways but the crux of it is the same. love them! as @princington said 'they're so tangible' & like they rly are

another domestic thing -- bea can't cook. she's abysmal at it, even after cooking classes. she tries to cook for ava One Time & it truly is so inedible ava just kisses her & orders pizza. she can make eggs, barely, & that's about it. ava tells her they're the best eggs, though

last domestic thing -- they're a big slipper household. at first ava thought it was kinda cute that bea was partial to a nice pair of teva slippers (also, of course, had to tease her) but the second ava tries them he's like oh fuck yah, i get it. needless to say, as he justifies bc of his difficult circulation system but rly just for fun, he gets... a Lot of slippers lol. also bea steals all of ava’s beanies. it’s only fair

in the context of this au, i don't think ava's ever rly been sold on being cis lol. even as a little kid before the accident, ava was happy to just play & imagine & sing & dance. their mom never forced them to Be A Girl, & ava didn't mind, really, when they were in the orphanage, but it never felt like it truly fit. not in a dysphoric way, but just that it was limiting. ava's body was confusing, was hard to come to terms with in that it wasn't the same anymore, they couldn't feel all the things they used to love. so when they finally had the opportunity to like go Be Queer, be in community, her world Opened Up in the most beautiful way. ava LOVES the playfulness & expansion of gender & the body, the control she has over not having to fit in a box. the world is so, so big & so, so lovely, & u know ava also HATES colonized ideas of anything lol, so it just makes sense. in undergrad they had some good trans buddies but also like... drag? LOVE. so it's rly fun for ava, especially with good people

hmm i think bea probably wanted top surgery from day 1 of puberty on but didn't realize until late in college. after a lot of reassurance from her friends that she didn't have to be a Trans Man to want to try a binder, she did, & p much that first night she knew bc she just felt so much better, like her body made sense & she could just relax. idk if bea ever rly feels gender euphoria but she does feel a lot of peace & so that's cool. probably she tells cam first, maybe lilith & cam together, that she wants surgery. by that time they're already in med school & also... they both know lol & so they're rly happy for her & they make her lots of snacks & take care of her afterward. lilith keeps her out of the gym for months even tho bea complains that she's bored & will be so out of shape, cam makes a bunch of food frequently. they're a little family & it's a rly joyful, quiet, happy time; she feels very lucky

[pacthesis]

nostalgic food

i’ll want to reference this in the future

gỏi cuốn (spring roll with chicken, egg, rice noodle, carrot, lettuce, avocado)

peanut sauce is just peanut butter+water, hoisin+sriracha sauce, and a tiny bit of sesame oil (tastes good with almost anything imo)

yellow curry

rice noodle with chicken, potatoes, yams, onions, carrots in a creamy coconut milk and yellow curry paste broth

lemon juice and salt mix with garlic chili for dipping

bò kho (vietnamese beef stew)

kho is a cooking technique where a protein is braised in a mixture of fish sauce, sugar, and water or coconut juice to make a salty/savory result

bread dips in stew beef/potatoes dip in lime juice/salt/pepper mix

cucumber slices to offset the salty

xá xíu (cantonese style bbq pork)

the seasoning mix is made of sugar, powdered soy sauce, onion and garlic powder, and spices

the pink color very much freaked out middle schoolers at lunch

cơm tấm (broken rice, grilled pork, egg, pickled carrots/daikon with scallions/oil garnish and fish sauce)

bún bò huế (thick round rice noodle with beef soup)

more "fun" than phở imo

bún bò broth: spicy salty flavor (lemongrass, spicy chili, fermented shrimp paste, fish sauce)

phở broth: earthy sweet flavor (cinnamon, star anise, onion, ginger, garlic, herbs)

bánh mì (baguette sandwich with chả lụa (pork sausage), xá xíu (cantonese style bbq pork) coriander leaf (cilantro), cucumber, pickled carrots, and pickled daikon combined with pâté and buttery mayonnaise)

salmon instead of nem nướng̣ (viet grilled pork) with bánh hỏi (rice vermicelli)

feat nori (dried edible seaweed)

wrapped with lettuce and dipped in nước mắm (fish sauce)

bánh cuốn (rice noodle rolls filled with ground meat, wood ear mushrooms, onions)

topped with chả lụa (pork sausage) and fried red onions and nước mắm (fermented salted fish sauce)

a fav of grandpa's

pizza man mispronounces it as "bun goo" which makes my mom giggle cause the way he says goo sounds like penis

bánh tét (glutinous rice rolled in a banana leaf into a thick, log-like cylindrical shape, with a mung bean and pork filling)

bánh rán (deep fried sesame ball filled with mung bean)

bánh da lợn "pig skin cake" (tapioca starch, rice flour, mung bean, taro, coconut milk)

bánh bột chiên (fried taro rice cake, a fav of pizza man)

phở (broth: earthy sweet flavor- cinnamon, star anise, onion, ginger, garlic, herbs)

ive called phở mid but while eating this i was like huh this is good actually then my dad says this time he simmered chicken bones for hours like he's supposed to instead of using canned broth

improvised bún thịt nướng (rice noodle bowl with chopped grilled pork, egg roll, veggies, crushed peanuts, fish sauce)

a way to deal with leftover noodles from gỏi cuốn

every time i eat this i think of the time me and pizza man were in new orleans and he asked if i wanted to eat at a viet place and i was surprised cause he's not really into a lot of viet food but anyway i got bún thịt nướng

thịt kho (pork with eggs braised in sticky savory caramel of sugar, fish sauce, coconut water)

i have distinct flashbacks of being in the middle school cafeteria with my thịt kho and kids around me going "what is that??", "ewwww" lol

cháo (rice porridge with chicken or a white meat fish- often served with crunchy cabbage salad)

my dad likes it with youtiao (chinese donuts)

being sick means eating this! but we also eat it a lot when we’re not sick!

when my mom was young she would say yes to any dude that asked her out and order an obscene amount of food/the most expensive things on the menu and never hear from them again but my dad took her to a cháo place cause that was his favorite but apparently for cheapskates

he proposed two weeks later and she said yes

my mom is such a menace i wanna be just like her

[dingle-dee]

Idk if anyone's asked this before [ or if you've already said it and I just haven't seen it lol ] but I really wanna know how peppino found rino!

HOW THEY MET YOU SAY??

Without spilling too much since I *do* want to write their story in full eventually so I can't reveal some bits of info without spilling lore and background

But basically without getting too nitty gritty cause that will come soon

Minor background, pizza face made a lot of clones, and some never ended up getting properly made, due to thinning out slowly the amount of actual peppino DNA, so some clones were too un peppino to use and were never able to be used so stayed in egg phase (Rino is by technicality, a clone)

Peppino and gustavo after the tower collapse got the restaurant back up, and one night about to close up for the night a little knock came at the store front and they found a little egg at the front.

Brining it it they both kinda bantered whos gonna take it, only for the egg to hatch in a bread basket.

Gustavo being used to kids, picks up the hatchling and passes it to Peppino *to kuch to his compaint cause he knows nothing about babies* and ends up accidentally falling in love with this small being and decides to bring her in.

Calling her Rino, part of the Italian word for tadpole (girino)

I promise this scene makes much more sense written *cries*

I will definitely reblog this post with the actual scene written (and asker if younwant is can tag you in the next sequence with the scene if ya like)

[cafeblackthorn]

I'm finally where I belong

    I'm a chef, a hiker, and a pagan. During my thirteen years as a chef, I've done and seen quite a lot of interesting things. In the time I've slogged it out in kitchens, I've always found myself returning to three things in my life: cooking, writing, and telling stories. I sufficed to say that the restaurant industry has given me a great deal of perspective on many, many things, quite a few of which I genuinely found to be superbly unexpected. In the immortal words of Ray Liotta in "Goodfellas", "All my life I wanted to be a gangster". From childhood to my early teen years my Saturday morning cartoons were replaced with cooking shows. "The Essence of Emeril", "Emeril Live", "Bobby Flay's Grillin and Chillin", "Molto Mario", "A Cook's Tour, and despite his current universal dragging by Uncle Roger "The Naked Chef with Jaime Oliver"

                    I genuinely give a lot of credit to my father, our bonding during my childhood was spent traveling across Queens where I currently live eating my way through every ethnic group to call Queens home. Those times exploring with my dad helped me come out of my shell and paved the way to becoming who I am today. A place my father and I regularly ate at was Rosa's Pizza in Maspeth, it was in this temple of Red Sauce Americana that exposed me to what would eventually evolve into my loving cooking. My Dad and I always and nearly without fail sat within the same three rows of booths and my culinary education as a New Yorker began. Whether you're a New Yorker for life or a transplant with a few years in the city we all accept a few simple truths, no matter how hard you try you can't get all the grease off of a regular slice, the corner slice of a Sicilian pie is the best piece (I defy you to tell me otherwise), and no matter what you do fountain soda from a pizzeria just hits different.

               In Rosa's you had the regular crew slinging pies in the open kitchen, and if you were in the mood for something heavier you had the closed-off portion of the kitchen where one of my favorite people in the world cooked day in and day out. Pete was an older guy when I was a kid and he still made some of the best Italian-American food you could ever sink your teeth into, and eventually, he would become like a second grandfather to me. The days he was at work and my dad and I happened to be in we'd walk away with a free soda here, a free slice there and I remember he even comped a meal for us, which for the time was unheard of (and it's even more so now). Pete had this uncanny ability to always make you smile and I remember the day he changed my life forever. Pete walked out of the kitchen in his sauce-stained waist apron, salt and pepper hair, and that caterpillar mustache that was almost a pre-requisite if you were cooking in a pizzeria in the 90's

               "Your dad tells me you want to be a cook?" I remember having a chunk of Sicilian dangling in my jaws, all I could do was nod like an idiot, I looked at my dad and he smiled knowingly. Pete took me into the kitchen where I saw three bowls and an eggplant cut into rounds. "Eggplant Parmesan, it's easy, I'm gonna show you how". Pete proceeded to show me how to pass the eggplant from flour to egg, to breadcrumb and how to put them into a deep fryer, I remember the sensory overload that making that food did for me. The slime of the egg, the powdery POOF the flour made when my eggplant hit the bowl and the crunch of breadcrumbs through my fingers, I even remember the squeal of delight and terror I let out as I saw produce deep fry for the first time. I'm not gonna lie, looking back on it now the thought of a nine-year-old kid rocketing food into a deep fryer gives me all kinds of anxiety, Pete showed me how to assemble an eggplant parm step by step with the most patience I've ever been shown in a kitchen and when all was said and done he laid a takeout container in front of me, It was my eggplant parm that I made and ya know what? It was fucking delicious.

                My Dad and I would take a nearly five-month break from visiting Rosa's and when we came back, I remember something felt off. The giant dining room somehow seemed bigger, the shine I always remembered gleaming off the tables seemed to dull somehow. My dad ordered for us our usual and we took to our usual booth. I remember saying to my dad "I wonder if Pete's working". Looking back on it now, I should have realized something was amiss when my Dad's absent gaze locked on me "He died..a few days ago", I remember finishing that slice of pizza with a tear in my eye understanding the importance that love had on cooking. Pete was gone, and it felt as though the love had gone from that restaurant.

               Pete's lived in my memory now for twenty-six years. A sadness admittedly enters my mind, I mourn the fact that Pete showed me what I was meant to become, I mourn the fact that I couldn't return to show him what I've learned. I said to myself when I began a writing effort, to putting my thoughts, and opinions on food, where I started would be important, and despite the fact, I would gain an Idol who left a permanent mark on my soul, It all comes back to Pete, and though he's gone I'm still a chef because of him, I'd raise a toast to you Pete, thank you for giving a fat little nine-year-old the realization he had a place in the world. I thank you for instilling in me a sense of pride in my work and working with my hands. Grazie Pietro, se non fossi entrato nella mia vita. Non so la direzione che avrebbe presso.

[theoddcatlady]

Nicky

It happened ten years ago. I was only eight years old. I woke up that morning to the smell of frying eggs and bacon.

Stumbling down the hallway, I was greeted by the sight of a dark haired woman at the stove, humming some friendly tune as she filled a cup to the near brim with orange juice. She turned to me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. In a sense she was pretty, but she had a vicious scar running down the left side of her face.

“Andy! You’re up!” She beamed as she picked up the plate stacked with a delicious smelling breakfast. “I had to run to the store, but I hope you like breakfast!”

Too shocked to say anything else, I replied, “I don’t have breakfast. Where’s my mom?”

The woman laughed and set the plate on the table, now cleared off of shredded bill envelopes and clutter. “She’s gone, so I’m here to make sure you’re all right. You can call me Aunt Nicole, or Nicky, whatever you prefer, I don’t mind! And while I’m here, you have breakfast!” She said in a chipper tone.

Feeling like this all might be a dream, I sat down at the table and took a bite of bacon. It was perfectly crisp, not burnt as it would’ve been if my mom had cooked it. She was always so tired, I normally had to fetch my dinner off the stove myself.

“Is she going to be back soon? My mom?” I asked after I swallowed, it was impolite to talk with your mouth full.

Nicky shrugged. “She didn’t say. Clean your plate, then you can show me your favorite cartoons, okay? Only until ten though- that’s when we’re going to the zoo!” She laughed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

The zoo? I remembered my mom telling me that our zoo trip wouldn’t happen this year, she was just too busy with work, but if Nicky was going to take me… I suppose it wouldn’t be too bad to let her stay, I figured, as I chowed down on breakfast.

Maybe you think I was a dumb kid, and I’ll understand that. Maybe I was. But you have to understand, my mom was a single parent working as many shifts as she could pick up. It wasn’t uncommon for her to send a babysitter my way when she couldn’t get home in time, although typically they were younger teens that spent all their time on the phone and maybe threw a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner.

Nicky was different in every way for the week she took care of me.

The house was cleaned top to bottom, I helped in the bathroom while Nicky handled mom’s bedroom. Every night meals were freshly cooked and done to perfection. I remember on Tuesday we had a pizza that she made from scratch. I watched her toss the dough in the air like a real chef and asked how she did that.

“I learned from a real chef,” Nicky winked and tossed the dough again, “in Italy.”

“Have you traveled a lot?” Nicky did have a slight accent, I believe it was British.

She nodded as she set the dough down onto the pan and started adding the toppings. “All over the world. Would you believe that I’ve met the queen?” She winked and I realized she was joking.

“No.”

“Good. You’re a smart kid, Andy. Don’t just believe things people tell you.” Nicky bit her bottom lip as she cracked open the oven to test the heat. “I never believe what the oven tells me. But this time it’s about right for the perfect pizza.”

It was the perfect pizza too.

Nicky was almost too good of a babysitter. It was like she wanted to be my mom. To be honest, I think she did want to be. She was… bizarre, in small ways. Ways I didn’t think about until much later. She was never home at night, and she always did her laundry in the morning, I could hear the machine banging around when I woke up. Whenever we went out, she slathered her arms and face in sunscreen, almost a ridiculous amount. I asked her about it once.

“I just have delicate skin.”

That was all she’d say about it before she’d change the subject. It was late summer so I accepted the excuse. She made sure I had sunscreen on at all times as well, but even if she was popping out to check the mailbox she’d grab the tube and start slathering it on. I found over a dozen bottles in the towel cabinet, stashed with the ibuprofen and cough medicine.

Nicky loved to read, we went to the library twice when she was there and would stock up on all sorts of books. Typically horror, but she made sure I picked out at least two books for myself the second time we went. I chose two books of the Boxcar Kids series, my mom had given me a few of her old ones and I couldn’t put them down. I still have those books, after everything went down I just never returned them.

It was one of the best weeks of my life, but every night I asked the same thing when Nicky tucked me into bed.

“Did you hear from mom yet?”

Every night, she’d just kiss my forehead and tell me to chase the dream butterflies. I never knew what she meant by that, but I always slept soundly.

The last night I woke up to quiet sobbing. I glanced at my alarm clock, the numbers 1:32 blared back in bright red. I slipped out of bed and into the hall, following the sound to my mother’s bedroom.

Nicky was curled up on my mother’s perfectly made bed, a photo album open next to her. I slowly walked up to Nicky and set a hand on her shoulder. “You should chase the dream butterflies too, Nicky,” I said. Nicky flinched and sat up. The room was dark but I could tell her mouth was covered in… something. I turned on the lamp.

Her mouth was soaked in bright red, along with her hands and shirt. Blood.

“Oh… Andy.” Her voice cracked as she picked me up and set me on the bed next to her, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m something horrible. I’ve done horrible things.”

I remained still in her arms, my eyes flicking open to the page in the album. It was a picture of the day I was born and my birth certificate, my mother proudly showed it to me every birthday and told me how she went through twelve hours of labor before I came into the world. And she’d go through those twelve hours again if she had to, she loved me so much. I might’ve not quite understood what ‘labor’ was about, but I knew she loved me very much.

“… Are you hurt?” I asked, reaching up to brush some of the blood of her mouth.

Nicky shook her head. “No, sweetheart. This isn’t my…” She trailed off and shook, shaking her head. “I thought… maybe, just maybe, I could make things better by taking care of you. I think I’m just making them worse. So much worse. Andy, I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”

“Forgive you for what?” I asked.

“… Do you forgive me for the horrible things I’ve done to you?”

I frowned. “What horrible things?” I asked.

“The worst thing possible…. No, it’s not fair,” Nicky sighed and released me from her hold, “It’s not fair to ask you to forgive me.” She got up. “I have to leave, Andy… can I do anything else for you?”

I had one more question.

“Why do you have a scar, Nicky?”

Nicky reached up and brushed the side of her face. “… Horrible things happened to me too, Andy. The worst things. I suppose that’s why I can only do horrible things too.” She took the quilt and tucked it over me, smiling softly. “Go to sleep now, Andy, and chase those butterflies to the end of the world and back.”

I woke up the next morning to a police officer shaking my shoulder.

“Hey… Holy shit- guys, the kid’s here!”

Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I sat up and slipped out of bed. The police officer stumbled for words for a moment, whatever he’d been expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. “Andy? Are you okay?” He asked.

I looked around. “… Where’s Nicky?” I asked.

“We’ll find Nicky. We need to get you to the hospital.”

I think I baffled all the doctors and police with my case. When they broke into the apartment to find me, they expected to find this half starved kid, scared out of his wits and desperate to find his mother. But instead they found me dressed and clean, with the house taken care of and with a full stomach.

I think you can guess by now that my mother was dead. I was taken in by my dad, who had no idea I even existed, but he did okay with that. He’d remarried after he and my mom split and I had three half-siblings that I didn’t know existed. It was fun being the big brother and my stepmom Mika was super sweet.

She wasn’t my mom though. And she wasn’t Nicky.

I had to pry the rest of the story out of my dad when I was older. The reason there wasn’t police hammering down my door sooner was that my mom was a Jane Doe in the morgue. She’d been found practically shredded to pieces. The cause of death was bleeding out from an artery in her neck. Her body had been discovered a few blocks from her work, all forms of ID was missing, including her wallet.

My mom always had a picture of me and her in there. And they found that wallet, with bloody fingerprints, in my mom’s nightstand. Right next to where I was sleeping.

My dad still wonders why my mother’s murderer returned to her house only to care for her son, but I don’t need to wonder. I know.

I know this is a long shot, Nicky, but I remember you liked horror so maybe you’ll find this story. I know you killed my mom.

But I forgive you.