#kids quotes

[imbatman-imtired]

More kids quotes for therapy purposes. Pt. 5, Pt. 4, Pt. 3, Pt. 2, Pt. 1

“Hey mom… uh dad. My bad you kinda look like a woman sometimes.”

- Dick Grayson at 20 to me @dickgraysonfr @grayson-on-the-chandelier

“Wow. You’re like, a total bum.”

- Jason Todd at 8 to Clayface. @theredhoodofgotham @jason-t0dd

“This is so sad, Alfred play despacito.”

- Timothy Drake at 16 looking at me on my third all nighter (his fourth) @sleep-deprived-tim

“Oh you look kind of like a chicken nugget.”

- Barbara Gordon at 13 to Dick Grayson after he got sunburned @babsggordon

“Sacrifices must be made to win. You are that sacrifice young soldier.”

- Stephanie Brown at 24 to Damian Wayne during monopoly right before she put him 1,000 dollars in debt @spoilerpurple

“You look worse than what Joker gas does to people.”

- Duke Thomas at 18 to Killer Croc @irl-batsignal

“Why is it the when I get blood drawn with Steph i’m fine and she’s screaming. Why is she screaming. This isn’t the first time i’ve drained someone of their blood.”

- Cassandra Cain at 17 voicing her concerns @cassandra-c-wayne

“I’m smarter than the average person. Meaning I’m definitely smarter than a man who wears question marks as his job attire.”

- Luke Fox at 25 to the Riddler

“I’ll never be him! *shifts into him* …okay listen.”

- Harper Row at 20 yelling at me for comparing her to Dick

“Father! You won’t believe this!! I was right!! Bethany is a bitch.”

- Damian Wayne at 12 running to tell me his latest school drama. We had a 3 hour conversation about it. @damian-al-ghul-wayne @feral-damian-wayne

[campcounselorlife123]

Quote #2

Counselor: “I’m thinking about a present for my friend…”

Camper: “Is your friend an adult?”

Counselor: “Yes…”

Camper: “That’s easy, alcohol.”

[laughroditee]

"She's so beautiful! I bet she goes to the library."

- my 7 year old daughter

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Jason, freshly adopted from the streets. Still freaked out, wondering downstairs for breakfast.

Kid!Tim, munching on cereal: hi!

Jason: who are you?

Tim, wiping his hands clumsily on his pants and sticking it out for Jason to shake: Timothy Jackson Drake. Pleased to meet you!

Jason, shakes nervously before looking around: ah. Yeah. Jason.

Tim, seriously, eyes wide and innocent: did he steal you too?

Jason: What?

Tim: Did Batman steal you too?

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Bruce: We're going to put everything we love in this box.

Jason: Can I put Dick in the box?

Bruce: no

Tim: Can I put Dick in the box?

Bruce: No.

Damian: Can I-

Bruce: NO YOU MAY NOT PUT DICK IN THE BOX!

Dick: *cries in My Brothers Just Admitted They Love Me*

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey Bart! How’s it hanging?

Kid Flash: We accidentally travelled back in time like ten years or so

Dick: what else is new

Kid flash: .. Tim ran into his younger self

Dick:

Tim *walking past them and muttering under his breath*

Tim *mimicking*: Look at me! I’m so young and dumb! Such an annoying kid my god no wonder our parents were always trying to get away

Dick:

Tim *mimicking*: I’m so happy I’m smiling!

Kid flash: He-

Tim: Just suffer like the rest of us you coward

Tim *mimicking*: That’s not fair!

Tim: oh! Look at that! LIFE’S not fair dumbass

Dick:

Tim: Waah I’ve been hurt! I want love! Please don’t leave me!

Tim: Fool. Shut up and carry on with that pain in silence like the rest of us. Pathetic I was never like that . People are overrated and crying is underrated.

Tim *mimicking*: Oh! Batman’s awesome! And so is Robin!

Tim: Batman’s a goddamn idiot. Robin.. well okay true for the first one. But the second? The second one is a BITC-

[thefairycounselor]

Weird quote from a younger kid at the school I teach at today:

Kid: are you a kid?

Me: No, I’m a teacher.

Kid: then why do you have a water bottle?

Me:….

My students:…..

Kid:….

Me: It’s hot out and I was thirsty?

Kid: *gives judgemental look and walks away*

[thebat-musicman]

9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

[tiger-grace]

Jason: I have a bone to pick with you

Bruce, just happy to talk to his estranged son: sure, what’s going on?

Jason, pulling out an entire femur: I stole this evidence from a crime scene. I need help with a case

Duke: hey B I have a bone to pick with you really quick

Bruce, on the verge of tears: please don’t.

Duke: I? just have a question?

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[runraerun]

[imbatman-imtired]

It seems that people really like when I quote my kids so I’m doing it again. Part 4, Part 3, Part 2, Part 1

“DAD. Dad you won’t believe this oh my god. B!! B come here look! *flips me off* Fuck you.”

- Dick Grayson at age 19 @grayson-on-the-chandelier @dickgraysonfr

“Jane Austen could come up with a better crime plot than this. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHO IS THAT?!”

- Jason Todd at age 8 to Riddler @theredhoodofgotham @jason-t0dd

“You smell like a magazine. No not the paper ones. You smell like a gun.”

- Timothy Drake at age 17 to Jason Todd @sleep-deprived-tim

“Oh my god she’s wearing stripes and cheetah print. I’m going to throw up.”

- Stephanie Brown at age 13 looking at some random woman on the street. @spoilerpurple

“I feel like you should shut the fuck up you off brand ninja turtle.”

- Cassandra Cain at age 20 to Killer Croc @cassandra-c-wayne

“*john cena voice* You can’t see me. *burts through a wall*”

- Duke Thomas at age 18 going invisible @irl-batsignal

“You’re not my dad!! ….okay you kinda are.”

- Barbara Gordon at age 16 yelling at me @babsggordon

“Father. Timothy is yelling at me about how I stole his mantel. No not the robin title, this. *pulls out mantel from Timothy’s house*”

-Damian Wayne at age 11 who literally stole Tim’s mantel @damian-al-ghul-wayne @feral-damian-wayne

“Batman, respectfully, you look like every woman on the street’s worst fear. Please go shower you greasy rat.”

- Harper Row at age 21

“Bruce. What the fuck. *gestures to all of me* stop that.”

- Luke Fox at age 24

“Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.”

- Bat-Bunni @bat-bunni

[everwalldigan]

You know what would be really funny. If Jason had the most normal/conventional food taste out of his siblings (still very far from regular people’s “normal”), he’s stuck in the manor because of an injury and therefore has to witness the culinary WAR CRIMES his siblings consume for sustenance. Since there’s no Alfred to stop them anymore, they have been running rampant.

Jason: What. The fuck. Is that.

Damian, pouring out a green sludge into two cups: father and I’s breakfast smoothie, or did you hit your head hard enough to forget the concept of a smoothie?

Jason, scooting his chair away clutching his water bottle to his chest: yeah I dont know what nuclear reactive, Gotham harbour concoction you so flagrantly bestow the title of “smoothie” on but keep that shit FAR away from me

Tim: *sits down next to Jason, cracks open a can of energy drink and pours it into a glass, pouring milk on top until it reaches the brim*

Jason, with tears in his eyes looking at Dick for help:

Dick: *shrugs, shoving a fistful of dry cheerios into his mouth*

Jason: *turns his horrified gaze to Cass*

Cass: *grins at him toothily with two heaping plates of a full English breakfast sitting in front of her. He has no idea where she got it from. She is using a set of utensils for each plate.*

Jason: *stands up calmly* maybe I should stop looking for the unstable bomb I lost in the manor the other week *walks out of the kitchen, a few moments later a shrill scream is heard*

[vivalafxxku]

Dick: Do you ever just see something that changes your life? Wally: I saw you. Dick: That is so sweet and nice and totally makes me feel bad about showing you this picture of Damian dressed as a pumpkin.

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Kid!Tim, called to the principles office. Waiting for an adult to come get him.

Dick, storming in: WHAT HAPPENED.

Principal: as you can see Timothy has engaged in-

Dick: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Now Timtam what’s wrong? Are you alright? Do you need a hug? It’s alright.

Tim, pulled the fire alarm because he wanted the last chocolate muffin in the cafeteria but they aren’t allowed seconds: I- I just though I saw a fire. I was trying *hiccup* I was trying to do the right thing. I’m so sorry.

Principal: Mr. Grayson. We have security footage that Timothy pulled the alarm completely purposefully-

Dick: Can’t you see he’s never done anything wrong in his life?

[trialsofthedas]

Viago: Teia and I are having a baby.

Rook: That's gre-

Viago, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here