thefairycounselor

[thefairycounselor]

Me (after finishing a chapter in our novel study): and so, what happened when the knight reached the giant’s castle?

4th grade boy: something cute happened!

4th grade girl: …. You think decapitation is cute????

[thefairycounselor]

Weird quote from a younger kid at the school I teach at today:

Kid: are you a kid?

Me: No, I’m a teacher.

Kid: then why do you have a water bottle?

Me:….

My students:…..

Kid:….

Me: It’s hot out and I was thirsty?

Kid: *gives judgemental look and walks away*

[thefairycounselor]

My virtual teaching aid is small, fluffy, and illiterate, but I love him anyway.

[thefairycounselor]

So I rewatched Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper and it never properly hit me how down bad Dominick was for Erika till now.

Boy was 100% going to break Erika out of prison (in another kingdom) during Premiger's wedding, when no one else would be paying attention to anything else. Like, dude, you are going to start a war over this girl!!! An innocent victim yes, but she was still suspected of having involvement in Anneliese's death and he was so in love that he was just ready to take her away and most likely protect her from Premiger.

King Dominick I didn't respect you enough when I was a child and I should have.

[thefairycounselor]

If you didn’t see a pencil like this in your classroom at some point in during your schooling, you’re lying.

[thefairycounselor]

Kid at the theater while playing a game: Oh! We should name the zombie in our game Jeffrey. Maybe… Jeffrey Dahmer!

Me:… I’m sorry, but we are not naming anyone after a serial killer.

Child at the theater: Ohhhh so that’s who that is!

[thefairycounselor]

I have the opposite, yet still irritating problem in that I am constantly getting asked why I don’t have an accent when people find out I was born in New Jersey

Maybe because I only lived there til I was six? Or because most people there don’t actually talk like the movies claim?

Y'all, somebody clocked me as being from the midwest because of my accent.

I thought I had risen above.

[thefairycounselor]

Shout out the parent who did such a good job with Elf on the Shelf this year that their child is still complaining about all the disasters their elf caused over a month later during my online classes. You clearly did something right? (Or very wrong)

[thefairycounselor]

You should probably pray none of them ever discover that you can set Teams to track your facial expressions and movements and automatically activate emojis and special effects based off of them.

My students have discovered this trick and it’s been. A time.

The emoji react button on Teams is both a blessing and a curse, because my friends can send me funny faces when we work from home but also my boss can simply give me a thumbs up instead of engaging in conversation, because we're all millenials here.

[thefairycounselor]

3 year update:

I substitute taught in her class today and it took her a while to figure out how she knew me but then she immediately went back to referring to me as Miss Pixie Dust, much to the confusion of her classmates.

The crossover between camp and the rest of the world is so interesting bc it results in scenarios where one of your campers goes to the school you teach at and believes your camp name is your real name for 7 whole months before finally realizing that Miss Pixie Dust isn't a very common name.

[thefairycounselor]

I started a new round of online teaching with 4th graders today and Omg what is it with kids meeting adults and just immediately going “I’m XDDCC and I had a dog but he died!”

[thefairycounselor]

Shoutout to the only kindergartener in the class I subbed for today that realized that it's easier to win hide and seek if you aren't hiding with literally everyone else

[thefairycounselor]

I was practicing sight words with a first grader today at work and every time the word "this" came up on a flashcard, she would break out into song with a rousing rendition of "this girl is on fire" instead of simply reading the word.

[thefairycounselor]

One of the tragedies of not working at camp this summer and being on my annual vacation is that I don't have my 5 minutes of cell service to look forward to hearing about all the horror stories I missed over texting.

I used to get so much gossip (and pleas for help) when I was gone for a few days and it was delightful.

"we had a moose in main camp today"

"did you hear about what mullet dude did during cookout?"

"BTW, I told one of the kids you got eaten by Bigfoot and that's why you aren't here right now"

[thefairycounselor]

Meanwhile I had to exaggerate my (very real) food allergies to get people to stop judging me for eating granola bars instead of food cooked at camp when we had just had a food poisoning outbreak and nothing was ever prepared in a sanitary way.

other staff: i’m so sorry for being so picky, i feel bad that you have to go out of your way to feed me

me: i have not eaten a vegetable in 3 days because the veggies we've had on the menu fuck with my sensory issues. i guarantee you no matter how bad you are, i’m worse

[thefairycounselor]

And yet my boss always wondered why 15 minutes of my schedule before and after swim time was literally just "Wait for campers to get ready".

Image ID: Waiting skeleton meme where the skeleton is labeled camp staff and the title is "Waiting for campers to get ready." End ID.

[thefairycounselor]

Things my students want to be when they grow up:

1st grader: a normal person.

4th grader: A butcher because cleavers look satisfying to use.

5th grader: A person who takes stuff.