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if-found-return-to-gusu · 4 years ago

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Christmas Time at the Nie Palace

Okay… Okay Christmas.

So I’d like to start by pointing out that like… I don’t celebrate Christmas like in any real way? It’s just a fun excuse to get together with my friends. And we all seem to be on the same page with that.

So SangSang threw a party. Let me just say, the Nie’s know how to blow it up, okay? Like apparently DaGe did a lot of the planning too? Which surprised me. But they got IN to it.

I… Okay so in my mind DaGe probably just hoisted that giant tree in by himself. Like just WOOMPH like the man is a tank.

Realistically I know that Lan Xichen helped him and they probably used a trolley or something. But like…. Picturing Nie MingJue just HOISTING a gigantic christmas tree into the main hall is just… I can’t picture it any other way. It’s just how it happened. Fanon is better than Canon in this instance don’t @ me.

But I know that both he and Nie Huaisang did most of the decorating together. Technically they are rich (not even technically but they don’t ACT like rich bois so I forget) and could have just hired people to do it for them, but I guess this is something that they both love to do together. A shared tradition. And their house (mansion????) is not small. So like it took some TIME. And like… probably lots of ladders? Because even DaGe isn’t that tall.

I had about .5 seconds to appreciate this, however, before I heard happy screams of children. Which is good because there WERE children. If there are no children and you hear children screaming, leave. But as there were children, we were good.

Said children screamed my name and suddenly two tiny bodies were yeeting themselves at me.

Not to worry, Jin Ling does this A LOT (though he must have taught A-Yuan because that was a first.

A-Yuan jumped very nicely into my arms though. Just a nice little hop and swoop right on my hip.

Jin Ling, however, is a little monster who NEVER jumps nice. He jumps to the side and expects me to catch him! Now to be fair, I always DO, but I won’t deny that the first time it happened it gave me a fucking heart attack.

I do believe that Lan Zhan felt my pain this day because when Jin Ling sailed into my arms and immediately leaned outwards so that he’d swing by whatever limb I’d managed to nab, Lan Zhan ruined everything by stabilizing him. (How is his hand like the size of Jin Ling’s entire torso? ((Like with the fingers spread but still???)))) Anyway.

Don’t think I’ve ever seen that quality of death glare out of a 3 year old before. Impressive.

Lan Zhan backed away immediately and Jin Ling promptly returned his attention back to his best uncle in the whole wide world (me.).

So now I had two young boys in my arms babbling away about this and that at the same time so I couldn’t understand a word of it.

Is there anything sweeter?

Eventually I managed to make out that they wanted me to go into the other room where the real party was. A-Ling was talking about how his mama wanted to see me and so she’d sent him for guard duty. (Found out later from Shijie that she had mentioned my name one time in passing saying that she was looking forward to me arriving with Lan Zhan and Jin Ling IMMEDIATELY went off to wait for me. When A-Yuan arrived instead of me he was apparently a bit disappointed until he realized that now he had a friend to wait with him. And so that’s apparently when they plotted the joint throw. A-Yuan said I was supposed to fall over but I was apparently just too strong.)

Anyway. I hoisted them up higher on my hips and we tramped off to the main room…. Is it a living room? Dining room? Ballroom? Fuck if I know they have too many rooms. It was a big room with enough space for entertaining a lot of people. Anyway. We went there. And were greeted by… A LOT of people! Like Apparently Nie Huaisang had decided to invite everyone I know? Or actually I think DaGe suggested some of them?

Okay so… Um… I think this is what Wen Ning said.. DaGe and Wen Qing hit it off at my birthday in a like… platonic way because that sounds like a crackship. Since they are both hella gay. But like they got to talking at my birthday and like she gave him some medical opinions on a part of a case he was working on or something???? And now they’re like… legit in contact with each other? She helps with forensics or something?

I don’t get it.

But Nie Huaisang was saying they should bring in some of the people they met at my birthday because he liked them and DaGe said he’d already added Wen Qing to the list?

Nd Nie Huaisang said that they couldn’t just invite ONE Wen

And so

They invited

All of them???

Including Granny and Uncle Four????? Who they had NOT met before this? I guess???

Which was why A-Yuan was there and because A-Yuan was there A-Ling was there because playdate? Or something? And so Shijie and the peacock were both there because of course he was coming if his wife and son were there (although A-Lian was with her grandparents because she doesn’t do so well at parties most of the time ((My birthday was a fluke???? Or maybe she just likes me. Hard to tell with that babe. Stares like a cat seeing a ghost in the corner of the room. Seems to like Lan Zhan though. Maybe because he stares the same way????????? Am I a ghost?????? In the corner of the roooommmmmm????? Spoopy. ))

Anyway THey were there but then SO WAS JIANG CHENG because apparently, appAReNTlY Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang don’t know that Nie Huaisang is also my friend? Because they’re all rich and rich people all know other rich people and when you’re friends with other rich people it’s okay because you’re ‘making a connection network’ and so Jiang Cheng through a loophole of rich=dumb apparently? (Like not that the rich people are dumb but the like the whole rich ettiquette is just bonkers) he was allowed to network at this Christmas gathering. Because I think they assumed that rich people only invite other rich people to their parties? When really it ended up being a pretty even 50/50 split.

So okay the wens were there and Shijie and her +1 and A-Ling, and Jiang Cheng (who I hugged immediately but just listing this out first bare with me.) was there. And Lan Zhan and I were there and Lan Xichen was there of course. Though… isn’t he dating that other Jin guy? I wonder why he WASN’T there? I think there’s some beef between him and DaGe or something and I guess if DaGe didn’t like me I’d avoid him too…. You know to stay alive… But hmm… Lan Xichen didn't seem too upset. So I guess it’s fine? Seemed to have fun with DaGe anyway.

(Is it wrong to ship? I mean…. They’d be so good together????? Like that’s their business but I feel like a meddling old spinster aunt trying to get people together. Idk. Whatever. Moving on). Oh oh oh And Gamby and her wife were there!! And MianMian and Qin Su! Like it was literally everyone who had been at my birthday + more! (because Uncle Four and Granny Wen. But still. They count! And I was so excited to see them hahah.) So like apparently gatherings are good for networking. Lol.

So yeah Everyone was there. But the first person I saw was Jiang Cheng. Who I’d thought, honestly and truly, that I’d never get to see again.

I don’t know which of us started the hug. Maybe it was the same time. But for once he didn’t bitch about it and I wasn’t a little shit about it either.

Just…. Jiang Cheng really gives great hugs. He told me that he missed me. And said that he was working things out on his end and to be patient please. Promised me and made me promise back that we were still brothers. Forever.

And that was about all of the feely feels we could handle in public because EVERYONE WAS STARING AT US….

Except Lan Zhan who had disappeared? I didn’t notice until then. But poof.

…………………

Just asked him where he was for the first bit of the party and he said apparently he’d brought the Emperor’s Smile to the kitchen and ended up getting stuck for a bit helping the cook finish off some stuff because he’s an angel and the nicest person in the world.

Which… explains why I saw him later holding a tray of hors-d’oeuvres (had to ask Lan Zhan how to spell that…. Maybe shouldn’t have because that’s dangerously close to telling him I had a blog? I think he probably just thinks I’m texting someone about it….. Weeks after it happened…… O.O;;;; uh…. Well he didn’t ask about it so I guess I’m good. Whatever moving ON.).

So we coughed and let go of each other, but I couldn’t resist grinning at him. Just seeing him there. Knowing that he came here and specifically made it so that I could be here too. That he’s going to such lengths and and.. Actually FIGHTING to keep me in his life. Just…

Okay Stop or you’ll cry, Wei Ying.

What happened next… ah… we went to the party room saw Jiang Cheng and then we got pulled in to stand with the mingling crowd.

More hugs all around. Even from Wen Qing after she gave me a quick check up to see how I was healing up. Ever the professional.

I guess… I really scared everyone. Not just from the fire but before that too. They knew that I wasn’t doing well and then more and more shit kept happening. And I think I really scared them.

To be honest, I really scared me too.

But Lan Zhan saved me. So I guess in the end none of us had anything to fear. <3

We were all chilling and talking and I was just starting to worry that Lan Zhan somehow got lost or kidnapped or eaten by a Nie Monster or something when he appeared holding trays of food. I watched him going to the other room and followed him because I was having Lan Zhan withdrawal.

And found him setting the food down on a MASSIVE table in the HUMUNGAZOID DINING HALL.

Okay so I’ve been to Nie Huaisang’s place before but generally we just like chilled in the normal living areas. But he has these ‘entertaining’ areas for when they have formal gatherings or parties or whatever. And I’d kinda passed by them before but they were just big empty rooms, right? Like oh okay whatever. It’s like passing by a meeting hall in a hotel. Like oh okay just a big empty room for meetings and shit.

Except when they decorate it it transforms into like this huge palace room! Like fuck! Gold and glitter and lights and sparkle and just everything! And really like tastefully done too. It was a lot, but it was the right kind of a lot. And it was all very coordinated.

I guess Lan Xichen helped a lot with the balance in the end? How often does Lan Xichen come over here that he’s helping set up decor?

Who knows.

Not my business.

Still though isn’t he dating Jin Guangyao or whatever? I wonder how he feels about it?

Whatever. Not my business.

SO I trotted over to Lan Zhan like a little lost duckling and asked if he needed help with anything. He gave me one of those smiles that he saves just for me (my HEART) and lead me over to the other side of the room and told me to sit at the table.

I was still all flustered from that smile because MY HEART so I didn’t even think to protest until he was already leaving again! Noo! My Lan Zhan Withdrawal wasn’t done yet! But he was only calling for the others to come join us so we could start dinner. Everyone filed in and Lan Zhan sat next to me before anyone else could.

I tried not to think too much into it at the time but now…. I wonder…

Anyway.

Dinner was amazing. Like think of your favorite holiday food. Okay you got it? It was there. I guarantee it. Like dear god.

And DELICIOUS

And and Lan Zhan had brought me some Emperor’s Smile that was nice and chilled and delicious.

Somehow…

Okay I know, alright. I KNOW! But like

The taste of that wine… makes me think of him. Of that kiss.

He doesn’t taste like wine but something… So clean and clear and refreshing. Mellow but still strong. Just….

Stop thinking about his LIPS

Okay moving on.

(How many times do I say moving on? I should make a tally.)

MOVING ON.

Dinner=amazing.

And right when we were ready to burst from eating and eating and eating…..

Dessert

ACTIVATE SECOND STOMACH! DEPLOY!

Guys… Guys I ate so much food. I’m pretty sure they had to roll me out of the chair.

Oh… wait… no that actually happened. But mostly for the kids I swear.

I was whining to Lan Zhan that he was gonna have to roll me to the next room (to which he, of course, responded that he would simply carry me instead. Ugh this man) and Jin Ling called me silly and said I should walk. And A-Yuan, who is apparently much too used to my antics, laughed and agreed in a kinda… idk… DO IT kinda way? So I slid to the floor (I know gross but whatever. The things we do for our children) and rolled away from the table.

Worked though. Both kids started to shriek with laughter, even though A-Ling was trying his best to sound like Jiang Cheng to tell me to get off the floor because it’s dirty. I rolled about 8 feet before Lan Zhan just deadlifted me into his arms and hauled me into the next room.

Which made me explode and the children laugh even harder.

This. MAN. How am I expected to survive living with this man when HE KEEPS PULLING THIS SHIT!?!?!?!?!?!

I covered my face to hide how red it was and to avoid looking at everyone’s faces. Because I know they all know. Like they are very obvious about how obvious I must be. Like I’m hopeless. Completely and hopelessly in love with Lan Zhan and they all fucking KNOW it and they ALWAYS GIVE ME THESE LOOKS WHEN I’M WITHIN 10 FEET OF THE MAN AND LIKE I GET IT OKAY I KNOW I’M AN IDIOT BUT APPARENTLY /HE/ DOES NOT KNOW THAT I FEEL THIS WAY AND I DO NOT WANT HIM TO FIND OUT BECAUSE YOU GUYS KEEP GIVING ME THESE FUCKING LOOKS EVERY TIME HE BREATHES IN MY DIRECTION LIKE OKAY I GET IT I KNOW OMG

…………

YES NIE HUAISANG I AM TALKING TO YOU

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Anywaymovingon*lolseewhatididthere?*

He plopped me very gently on the couch and sat next to me. Immediately the part of my lap that was not taken up by my over-stuffed stomach, was filled by my nephew. Lan Zhan got to deal with a very excited, but very polite A-Yuan asking very kindly if he could sit on his lap. (To which of course Lan Zhan just picked him up and placed him there. A-Yuan looked so delighted.)

I finally chanced a look at the rest of the group who quickly pretended they hadn’t been giggling at us and staring the entire time.

They shuffled around, talking about if we wanted to do games or presents first.

Presents???? PRESEN-- NO ONE HAD TOLD ME THERE WERE FUCKING PRESENTS. I HADN’T GOTTEN ANYONE ANYTHING!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK

So I start whispering frantically to Lan Zhan asking him if he knew about it and trying very valiantly not to swear since WE HAD LAPS FULL OF CHILDRENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS FOR THEM TO TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAT UNCLE XIAN TAUGHT THEM THE WORD FUCK. ugh.

Lan Zhan apparently knew about it the entire time.

I couldn’t get into it too much because kids. But uuuuuuuuuugh.

WELL everyone decided that we’d do presents later so that it was easier to keep track of everything

Of course that means more time for me to freak out. Because what else am I good at but freaking out?

Instead they brought out the games. I finally got a look around at the actual room when the children leaped off of my lap to go play some of the games that were being set up. A-Ling decided it was time to latch himself to his father since his mother was kicking Wen Qing’s ass at pool (well she would have been kicking her ass if she wasn’t 6 months pregnant. As such they were pretty evenly matched.)

There was a section with toys and board games where DaGe and Lan Xichen started to set things up to see if they could entice the kids to play with them. A-Yuan was won over first which was enough to convince A-Ling to beg his dad to play with them over there.

Not that he had to beg much. Jin ZiXuan would do anything for that boy. Spoils him rotten. But in a loving way.

So I saw the 5 of them sit down for…. Shoots and ladders? I think? DaGe looked at those kids with pure adoration. Same way he looks at Busu back at the bunny cafe. Guess he has a soft spot for small cute things.

Can’t blame him.

Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang were off in a corner by one of the large TV’s playing some game or another. I’m… what was it… Gang Beasts or something? I don’t know. You pick the other guy up and try to yeet him off the stage. I don’t know. Apparently it’s a bit older of a game now but Wen Ning really loves it. (Surprisingly enough for such a meek guy, he is RUTHLESS when it comes to chucking Gumby-lookin fuckers off a plane. Who knew?) Jiang Cheng took a turn but sucked at it so he stomped off to play with the kids instead.

Gamby and Aunty Yi were off that way too watching a movie on another screen with MianMian and Qin Su watching something else on yet another TV. (seriously how many screens???) And Uncle Four was kinda staring between that, the game, and the yule log TV, nursing a bottle of his famous fruit wine. Brews it himself and it will FUCK you up.

I… okay so… I’m slow. But like I noticed finally that the Yule log-- You know that station that just plays christmas music and is just a fire? Like they… Okay it was mute. So it was just the fire. And they put it in front of the actual fire place. That would normally have been lit.

They.. it was for me. I could tell. Because Nie Huaisang glanced at me then and the look… You don’t get to see him looking soft too often. But.. Thank you Nie Huaisang. For that. For protecting me.

They put in a fake fire so that I could feel comfortable.

I turned to Lan Zhan then to ask him what he wanted to do only to find him… he was just watching me. He was so close…

I freaked a little and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Any game. Just any game at all. Please just pick a damn game omg a;dlkfja;sdkj he was so close.

We ended up… somehow playing darts? Sort of.

He’d never played darts so I ended up having to talk him through it. Then promptly kicked his ass because my aim is perfect and he was lucky to hit the damn board.

I helped him get better though because he’s really a very good student. And uh… well.. Um… He …

OKAY THE CLICHE IS REAL AND I HELD HIS HAND AND STOOD BEHIND HIM TO CORRECT HIS FORM OKAY AND IT IS CHEESY AND STUPID AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT OKAY.

I KNOW. A;LSKDFJ;DJ

But it did actually help. By the end of it he was doing pretty good I’d say!

Eventually he switched out with Lan Xichen so that he could ‘show us how it’s done’ and that turned into quite the competition. Lan Xichen gave me a run for my money that’s for sure.

Somehow everyone sorta ended up watching. To be fair we were moving pretty fast.

Liek AIM THROW THWP POINTS!

At one point DaGe started suggesting different trick shots which made it harder. Didn’t last long after that because we decided it was better to not put a bunch of little holes all over the wall because Lan arm strength is apparently genetic and INSANE soooo that ended that.

After that, since we’d all gathered again anyway, apparently it was time for presents. Which I had actually forgotten about.

I pulled Lan Zhan aside as everyone else started setting up to ask him about it and why I hadn’t heard about this??? I didn’t HAVE presents for anyone! Like fuck!

He told me that he’d put my name on the presents he’d given anyway. Like there was a ‘draw from a hat’ business secret santa kind of thing? And I was not included.

I’m… I’m really a bit… I don’t know…

They… Like I know I’d been through a lot lately and… well I guess I haven’t been in the best state for a couple of months by then… but they could have asked me.. I mean I’m not THAT poor all things considered. I don’t have an apartment and I had to buy a lot of new stuff, yeah but Lan Zhan isn’t charging me rent and actually bought a lot of it for me whether I wanted him to or not. So Like… I could have afforded a present.

It’s that… that pity feeling that I talked about before. I felt like I was being pitied. And I hate it.

Lan Zhan told me it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t pity to help take care of someone who is going through shit. It’s caring.

And I guess… but still…

He touched my cheek then, cupped it with his hand.

“I do not pity you. I worry. And I care. But that’s not pity,” he said. “We want to take care of you sometimes. Please let us?”

Of course what can I say to that? Nothing. Gah. For a man who doesn’t speak much he sure knows how to talk me into a corner.

I was still trying to formulate a response when I started to notice there was a lot of… snickering going on.

I looked around and everyone quickly looked away, pretending they weren’t laughing. But I could see them all hiding grins. I looked at Lan Zhan who looked about as confused as I was and the snickering started again.

“Well what are you waiting for?”

SangSang…. I should murder you. I should just… Chop you up into tiny pieces and chuck you in a river.

Either that or throw a damn party for you.

I looked over at him and he was pointing up. So we looked up and….

……………………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Fuck you Nie Huaisang!

THERE WAS MISTLETOE ABOVE US BECAUSE CLEARLY WE WERE IN NEED OF MORE CLICHES IN MY SAPPY LOVE (OR LACK THERE OF????? MAYBE?? MAYBE NOTA.LDKFSJAL;SDKFJ ) LIFE.

I… Okay my memory is shit, so like… but I don’t remember there being anything there before. Like… I feel like I would have noticed??? I… well…

Well it is what it is.

Lan Zhan. And I. Were stuck under the mistletoe. Together. With EVERYONE watching us and snickering away. Like a damn faulty sprinkler system. CHE CHE CHE CHE CHE.

All of them. They will all pay. Revenge will come on swift wings when they least expect it!

You know what? Fuck it. I’m gonna set up DaGe and Lan Xichen purely out of spite.

But back to the problem at hand. I couldn’t avoid looking back at Lan Zhan forever. He looked about as red as I felt.

“Mistletoe….” I said intelligently.

“Mn…” was his very articulate response.

“You… we don’t have to….” I said. But he cut me off with a kiss.

A real kiss. Not a cheek kiss. Or a forehead kiss. A real proper kiss. Right on the lips.

Short but oh so sweet.

He kissed me.

HE. KISSED. ME.

;akdfj;alskdjl;sadjf;kaja;eioj;OJAD;LKFJA;SLDKFJ;Kjfda;kj;lkj

Okay. So it was just a peck. The kind you would give to a close friend in this situation. (Okay don’t yell at me I know. Like let me explain.)

My point is. I didn’t want to… read more into it than there was to read. Okay? But it…

Okay this is hard to explain.

I’m not THAT stupid. I know that you don’t always just kiss your friends. Some people do but not everyone. And Lan Zhan is NOT the type to just kiss a friend.

But there was the complication with the kiss after the fire and the tension before of the what are we??? Like I’ve known for a while- I think I mentioned it before-- I think we hit a level past… past just friends. And I wanted to believe it was romantic on both sides but I wasn’t sure. And I was scared. And I didn’t want to risk what I have just because I’m greedy. Like what we had.. It is enough even if I WANT more.

And then he kissed me under that mistletoe..

I’d kinda squashed my hope of more after the kiss. After he agreed it meant nothing. It hurt so bad that the only way I could really process it was to just repress it. (which I’m TRYING not to do but I had a lot going on. And I had to process the rest of it first). So it just kinda turned into… I don’t know… I’d lost that hope. That thought that maybe he could grow to love me. I took that hope and I shoved it behind an iron door and threw the key away into a hedge maze guarded by evil goblins. (Not cute goblins like me. Evil ones. Pointy and mean.)

But… then he kissed me under that mistletoe… and… I don’t know… did he fight off the goblins and find it in that hedge maze? Or did he just forge a new key altogether?

But he unlocked that door. And opened it even if just a crack. And he let out a sliver of hope again. A tiny sliver of real hope that rests in my heart even now. Growing.

We stared at each other until we were interrupted by everyone’s whooping and cheers. “Alright alright yeah yeah.” I chided and ushered them away.

At least A-Yuan and A-Ling were busy making grossed out faces instead of cheering. Good boys.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like kisses?” I asked them. And then I launched myself at them making the most obnoxious kissy face I could manage. Chased them around the room while everyone else settled in for presents. Caught them after a few moments and covered them in kisses. A-Yuan laughed and A-Ling pretended he was trying to get away, but I know he liked it.

Hah.

I kissed them all the way back to the couch where I sat next to Lan Zhan (who I couldn’t look at anymore). I plopped A-Yuan in his lap and just held on to A-Ling who was scrubbing his face clean of my kisses. Quite dramatically I might add. Offensive. (he got like 5 more kisses because of it.

I told him that if he kept scrubbing off my kisses I’d just have to keep replacing them. “Just ask Uncle Cheng.”

“It’s true, buddy.”

“See? It’s true!”)

“Alright! Is everyone ready?” Shijie asked once A-Ling finally submitted to his punishment kisses. The two kids sat up so fast they almost clocked both me and Lan Zhan clean on the chin. But fortunately we are both ninjas and managed to avoid braining the children.

“Presents! Presents! Presents!” they chanted. (Well A-Ling chanted and then nudged A-Yuan until he joined in).

It started off harmless enough. They started bringing stuff over to me and Lan Zhan which makes sense. Let the kids go first, right? And they’d clearly need more than everyone else.

Except… They weren’t all for the kids. And they kept bringing them over. Until there was a pile of every single present gathered beside me and at my feet.

The kids each got a couple but the rest of them. They were small but they were all clearly labeled.

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying.”

Every one of them.

I looked over at Lan Zhan to decide if I needed to yell at him some more but he looked just as flabbergasted as I did. So clearly he wasn’t in on it.

Everyone else…. Lan Zhan was right. It wasn’t pity in their eyes. The way they were looking at me. It was love.

I let the kids open their gifts first so I had a moment to collect myself. They tore the paper like wild animals and squealed in delight at each new toy.

A-Yuan’s favorite was the little toy butterfly that Lan Zhan got him (with my name on the gift to give me credit I didn’t deserve). He hugged us both, and then went off to play with A-Ling with the blasters they both got.

I did relish the look of pain on Jin ZiXuan’s face as he realized he was going to listen to those blasting noises and beeps and whistles for the next 2 months until A-Ling finally got bored. Very satisfying.

But the… Well I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I had to open my own gifts.

“Start with this one, please,” Gamby said, holding out the largest of the pile.

I… when I opened it…

Would you blame me if I cried?

The.. the photo album that I’d gotten for my birthday. It burned in the fire. And… I didn’t… I didn’t want to admit it but it crushed me. Of all the possessions I lost… that one…

But they replaced it! They got me a new book. All the photos were there. Not the originals, but they’d made copies of every photo they’d taken because they still wanted their own copies of them too. (Apparently the originals had all gone into my book which is still a shame. But the image is more important than the paper.)

Every single gift was related to that book. Gamby and Aunty Yi gave me the new book. All the photos from the original were there. But then every single gift from the others were new pages with new photos. Ones that hadn’t been included before and then lots from my birthday. Pictures of everyone and of me and just… The last page was a large copy of the picture we’d all taken at the photo booth. It filled the whole page.

And then letters. From everyone. Letters of love. Stories and memories. To me. Even Jin ZiXuan wrote a letter. Admittedly short but still there. (He mentioned in the letter that he wasn’t sure he needed to write me one of his own since technically he’s the one who did the writing for A-Ling’s letter but figured it would annoy me so fuck it.)

That dick. Do I have to like him now? Uuugh I don’t want to like him. :(

I had to give the book to Lan Zhan so that I wouldn’t cry on it.

Shijie came and hugged me, letting me cry without judgement like she always does. And then I felt Lan Zhan’s arms join hers. And then I was drowning in arms.

I’m…. I’m not used to being the focus like this. Not in this way. It’s different when I’m the one drawing attention to myself. But when it’s just… everyone. Everyone I love just freely giving me their love back just…

I don’t really know how to handle it.

But… at the same time…

I’ve never felt so loved. So wanted. And Lan Zhan really is right. It’s not pity. It really really isn’t. And I don’t think I’ve ever… Ever really let myself experience it that way.

Eventually I told them through my stuffed nose that that was enough and that I still needed to breathe please. They all laughed and let me go finally. I didn’t really want them too, but I do also like my friend oxygen.

They all gave me one last squeeze or pat and went off to do their own thing again. Playing games and watching things.

Letting me gather myself back together again.

I looked over at Lan Zhan and told him I’d be back in a minute. I got up to just… I don’t know… take a walk. It was… it wasn’t too much but nearly. But not in an unwelcome way. It was pushing my boundaries, but they were boundaries that needed to be pushed.

I know I deserve love. It’s hard to remember it a lot of the time though and sometimes you have to force feed it to me. And… And it’s good. Great even.

But a bit overwhelming.

I walked through the house idly for a bit. Probably going where guests weren’t supposed to go but whatever.

I must have been gone longer than I thought though because eventually Lan Zhan came to find me. To check on me and make sure I was okay.

“Was it too much?” he asked. I shook my head and said yes at the same time which made him laugh a little.

I shuffled over to him and put my forehead against his chest with a soft sigh.

“It’s not too much,” I said as he obligingly slid his arms around me. “It’s just…. Too much… you know?”

He hummed in understanding and miraculously I think he did understand. Because let’s be real, that was nonsense.

Then he pulled away and took my hand (very gently because they were still raw).

“Follow me,” he said in that rich honey voice of his. (Yes Lan Zhan. I will follow you. I will follow you anywhere. Into the very gates of hell.)

Can you blame me if I laced our hands together? He let me anyway. And didn’t pull away so nyah.

I had no idea where he was taking me but.. Well I’ve said it before that I trust him implicitly. With everything. With my very soul.

Turns out. Nie Huaisang. Has an in home movie theater. Like. A legit movie theater. With those comfy squishy seats and the giant projector and like….

HUAISANG HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TAKEN ME INTO THIS ROOM? APPARENTLY YOU’VE TAKEN LAN ZHAN BECAUSE HE KNEW WHERE EVERYTHING WAS AND SET UP THE PROJECTOR AND POPPED IN A MOVIE AND LIKE FUCK YOU HUAISANG I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. ;3;

Lan Zhan had me sit down while he set everything up, then pulled up the arm rest between us and sat down before just… pulling me to lean against him.

I mean I wasn’t gonna complain. *v*

So we watched a movie together. Honestly… Honestly I couldn’t even tell you what movie it was. His arm was around me, tracing patterns into my shoulder. And he let me hold his hand again. I remember running my thumb up and down the back of his. And the smell of him. And the sound of his heart beat and the feeling of his breath slowly shifting me up and down.

About half way through the movie he shifted though, making me sit up. I looked at him to pout, but stopped because he was very decidedly NOT looking at me.

“I have… something for you…” he said softly. Before I could tell him he, of all people, didn't need to get me anything, especially after all he’s already given me, he pulled a small box out of his pocket.

“I didn’t want to give it to you… in front of everyone.” -after the mistletoe incident- was left unsaid.

I took the box. Trying to let myself accept things. Let myself be loved.

It was just a small blue box with a white cloud-patterned ribbon (that I still have shh. It was cute). I pulled the ribbon and opened the lid of the little blue box to find…

Okay it was small and simple but this.. Perfect earring. It’s just a red stone dangling on a black chain. Small. Simple. Perfect.

I stared at it long enough that I probably made him nervous. Trying to get myself to just say thank you. To just accept it.

Eventually I managed. “... help me put it in?”

My hands were still a bit stiff and fumbly (which sucked because I haven’t been able to paint much lately because of it). But even so it was an excuse for him to touch me more. To feel his hands brushing my neck and jaw. For him to be closer to me.

He obliged me and put it in. I.. Maybe it was just because it was dark, but that sliver of rekindled hope in me really wants to believe that he took his time with it. That he wanted that excuse to touch me too.

Hope is dangerous but…. I can’t help it. I’m hoping.

“Merry Christmas, Wei Ying,” he said softly when he finally pulled away.

I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back.

“Merry Christmas, Lan Zhan.”

Something… in that moment. I was going to kiss him. There just was no other option. The moment. The hope. The memory. The feel of his skin. It all culminated into one truth.

I was going to kiss him.

Except.

I WAS COCKBLOCKED BY ADORABLE TODDLERS WHO I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT BECAUSE THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Apparently when we didn’t come back the kids decided that we got lost. And they snuck out to find us. They were so excited to rescue us that it took them a minute to realize we were in a giant movie room. After that they were about as excited as I was. (What does that say about me? Am I just a giant child?.... Hey wait a minute the only ones who got any gifts were me and the kids. I AM A GIANT CHILD. Fuck . T_T)

Once they got over their initial hyper excitement about the theater, we coaxed them into watching the movie with us. Lan Zhan clicked some magic remote or something and it changed to a more kid-friendly movie. (I don’t understand technology. I never will.)

I texted Shijie that the kids were safe with us in the movie room so she wouldn’t worry and let A-Ling settle onto my lap.

Gotta say. I don’t bet to be his favorite very often. It’s really nice when he’s in an Uncle Xian mood. <3

A-Yuan took his place back on Lan Zhan’s lap. He was much more confident now, just glancing at Lan Zhan to make sure it was okay before he sat on him.

And… Okay I can’t even be mad that they ruined my attempt to kiss Lan Zan because this image. This painfully beautiful domestic scene….

I’ve never wanted kids so badly in my life. Kids. With Lan Zhan. Just… I wanted this. So badly.

I still do. So much I’m almost shaking with it right now.

I want… I want to be a father. With Lan Zhan. I want that for the rest of my life.

And… I knew I loved him. I knew I want to be with him. But this hit differently. This… this was an absolute forever. This was.. This was more than wanting to date Lan Zhan or live with him or… you know… stuff. This was… I want his life to be entangled with mine. To the point that the life is ours. Not his and mine. Ours.

I want that so badly.

Maybe that’s selfish. But it’s what I want.

Time slipped by while I had this little life-changing revelation and before I knew it I was covered in drool. Jin Ling had fallen asleep. And A-Yuan wasn’t far behind him on Lan Zhan’s lap. I caught Lan Zhan’s eye and we smiled.

I wonder… if he was thinking the same things I was. Is that something he’d want? With me?

Maybe, that little flame of hope dares to admit. Maybe.

It could be possible.

After a while Shijie and Wen Ning popped their heads into the room to collect the children. Jin Ling transferred over to his mother like a sack of potatoes but A-Yuan was just not having it.

“Nooooo” he whined, still half asleep and clinging desperately to Lan Zhan. “I wanna stay with Bunny-Gege and Xian-gege. D:”

He made that face too. D: Like you could feel it in your soul that D:.

And we were powerless.

“Would you like to spend the night with us if Granny says it’s okay?” Lan Zhan asked. Oh that sleepy little nod was enough to melt even Madam Yu’s heart I’d bet.

Wen Ning laughed softly and told us he’d check with her to see if she minded. After a few minutes I got a text saying “he’s all yours.”

And that’s how we temporarily adopted Wen Yuan.

DaGe offered to drive us home since we’d walked here and it was a bit too cold for a sleeping 7 year old. We thanked him and let him drive us in the tank he has the nerve to call a truck. How many miles to the gallon must that thing get? 2? Ah well. Put A-Yuan promptly back to sleep anyway so I guess whatever works. We thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year and all that jazz and went inside together. We didn’t have anything to really put A-Yuan in so I donated one of my new t-shirts for him to wear as… a nightgown I guess? Whatever it was more comfortable and he didn’t complain.

And then I stole one of Lan Zhan’s shirts to wear so we’d match. Hah.

We all ended up sharing a bed together after Lan Zhan fished out a spare toothbrush for him to brush his teeth with.

A-Yuan in the middle and Lan Zhan’s long arms around the both of us.

I don't think I’ve ever slept better.

#wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #lan zhan #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #fic #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

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seoschangbin · 5 years ago

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Hi hi, it’s ya gal Rachel! To start off, this isn't really a follow forever but more of a mushy love fest. I was going to do this back in October when my blog hit 2 years but then with everything that happened... 😞✌ figured it wasn’t the best time! But since it’s the new year, I just wanted to spread some love to start off the decade, especially towards all the lovely people who have made my 2019 a little bit happier ♡ Thank you to everyone for making this such a fun & amazing year; thank you for supporting my gifs & graphics and interacting with me; overall, thank you for making Tumblr fun again! So to all my moots and followers, I’m wishing you all a very happy and wonderful 2020!

I wanted to take some time as well to write some messages to all my mutuals - seeing you guys on my dash + all your work (if you’re a cc) is such a joy and I admire all of you very very much! Thank you for putting in the time to making gifs/graphics/fic/etc. and I hope you won’t mind if I gush about you a little, even if we’ve never spoken hehe! Under the cut in alphabetic order.. she’s a long one sorry!

@00hj | karen!! angel!! first of all, everything u make is just the cleanest cutest thing ever, i truly want your brain!.. u are such an incredibly talented gfx creator and i get heart palpitations every time i see ur work!! i adore u so much n ur tags are also so full of sweetness n purity and 😞💕 i just want to give u a hug!! + the way u always say hi to ccs in ur tags when u rb their stuff. cute!! pure!!

@01degree | joanna!! first of all... thank u for filling my dash with so many groups, some of which i almost never get to see 😌💕 ur brain being multi af like me.. chefs kiss! also! you make such clean and nice gifs please don’t ever doubt that laskjd!! 2020 joanna stops saying her gifs suck! idk how u make them so clean but legends only! bls remember to be kind to yourself this year! 💕

@1095 | nicolle!! i haven’t seen you around recently but i hope everything is okay and you’re doing well! i have to say that your graphics are absolutely INSANE i don’t know how you do it!! the colours.. how it all comes together.. amazing! ur career as a graphic designer will be a good one 😌👍 secondly your urls are always so cute nd nice!! and thirdly back to number 1.. i just love everything you make so so much bls come back to us 😖

@3noracha | falak.. ur the fandom’s gem.. the sharpening on ur gifs takes my breath away everytime + the colouring.. omg chef’s kiss!! i didn’t know you before you came back earlier this year but i’m so so glad you did come back bc u are so full of love 😳💗 you make the cutest graphics as well and are just radiate so much positivity 💞

@bamgchan | henri! still my confident car selfie king!! so glad i found you through sagey.. i love all your content (ur graphics.. always so well put together!) and the way you interact with people is so full of energy and positivity and i adore that! i hope 2020 treats you well 🥰

@banghans | ollie!! all of ur content.. ur gifs! amazing.. wonderful.. iconic thank you for providing so much hq content for the rest of us peasants 😌💕 your love for chan and jisung is also so pure n cute when u rave abt it 💞 bls stop being so hard on yourself and i love reading about how you’re always striving to be better to yourself! i hope 2020 is a good year for you 💖

@binnieseason | emily.. a loss for binnie stans that you’re gone 😔 anyways i hope to see you back sometime because you make such nice gifs + the colouring on them.. so pretty and clean.. how to be you! i hope things are okay with you and that you’ve been well!

@cb-97s | miss li! y/a novel protagonist herself!! li you’re a burst of sunshine in my day and i love chatting w u! your love for chan.. too pure 😭 every time i talk to you i’m like.. dang.. she’s real.. ppl get to see her for real! might force u to meet me irl 🤷‍♀️ also queen of gfx.. always so clean.. 😍 i know it’s been a stressful year for you but i hope 2020 brings you happiness and love 💞 love u!

@changbeanie | hi ruby! ur graphics are always so intricate n pretty + the colouring on ur gifs.. so pretty 😭💖 thank you for providing like 90% of the changbin content nd keeping me well-fed 🥰 ur always so sweet to ur anons as well and are just a lil ray of sunshine ☀️

@changbinie | jo.. what even is there to say abt u.. still can’t believe i got u into skz.. CAN’T!!! thanks for suffering w me and dealin w me wakin u to talk abt middies.. + changbin arms.. i love u a little i think (?)

@channie | hi fishy! ur one of the very first skz blogs i ever followed back in 2017.. we ancient 😌🤙 i know you’re not too active anymore but all of your gifs have like. the prettiest colouring ever idk how you do it! i hope you’ll come back to us

@elfminho | min! i love the way u tag skz in your tags.. so cute 😭 star boy!!! cute 😭 ur gifs are also lovely as well 🥰 i think ur one of the first skz blogs i followed when i starting using this blog again n i’m glad i found ur blog bc i adore u 💞

@glowsvt | grace.. my little baby! i wish i could just !! get into ur brain how lovely nd wonderful of a human you are.. have more confidence in yourself! 😣 you make wonderful graphics.. ur style! cute! and you have such a sweet and good heart!! i love when you ramble about things and always appreciate how you take the time to reach out to me despite how busy you are 💕 thank you for being a real-life angel, i hope 2020 is good and kind to you 🙇‍♀️💞

@hanjisungz | britt!!! nerd squad let’s go!! you’re such an angel, the way you treat everyone who talks to you with so much kindness and positivity makes me want to cry!! ur truly just the cutest sunbeam and just such lovely lovely human!! thank u for puttin up with my late replies and how boring i am 😭 i also adore your gifs and icons.. which you know.. but always.. chefs kiss to them!

@huiracha | marie... first of all skz AND ptg? great, amazing, fantastic combination... galaxy brain 💞 secondly, u make such SUCH nice gifs 😭 ur prob one of my fav skz ccs and all ur pretty chan comp sets.. always look forward to them! thank u for also bringing me ptg content i never see enough of them 💕

@hwang-hyunjin | agnes!! ur topaz settings r always insane and they make your gifs look amazing!! + the colouring u do is always so beautiful!! the combo rly makes ur gifs so distinctive nd pretty💞 ur edits too!! just lovely 🥰 also the fact that we’re also moots on our mx blogs.. amazing.. i love a staybebe!!

@hyunjins | godleigh???? still one of my fav gifmakers ever!! perfect colouring.. sharpening.. best brain! 💞 rmbr ur skz x prince series... still think abt it sometimes.. wish i could be half as brilliant as u! i’m so glad we started talking bc u are incredibly funny and fun to talk to and i love witnessing ur breakdowns even though they’re probably way funnier to me than they should be 😭 love that u vibe w me and we can be mean together 😭 thank u for giving me this url 😭 thank u for being my friend, u truly are like. half the reason i enjoy being on this blog 😭 you’re wonderful and i love u a lot! sorry for clowning u sometimes! i hope everything sorts itself out soon bc u deserve some peace nd happiness 😩 and i wish u nothing but the best for this year and hope that the next year will be filled with good things 💖

@ifbin | mikaela.... u know i could talk abt you forever right???? ur graphics.. bro 😭 literally my fav gfx ever on this site.. u have such a vibrant + clean style it’s so sexy 😭 literally am in love with everything u make.. every time i see it i’m like 😳💖 also you’re such a sweetheart in your tags i can’t with you... spare friendship miss 💍

@jeonginz | bri! honestly.. i think you’re my oldest mutual from when we first started our blogs during survival era #ogs? 😳 when i found out you were nctmark... mind blown... anyways all your content is AMAZING even though u dont make as much for skz anymore msdg but ur dedication to all ur sideblogs.. galaxy brain 😌

@jinlix | kelly...!! still gazing at u across the river i love love love u!! how to purchase friendship? ur just the purest snowflake and a wonderful person with the cutest tags... ur love for hyunjin.. CUTE 💞 all your graphics are so pretty and clean as well.. dragonlix gfx never forgotten.. 😳 and you’re rly just a little angel!! 💞

@kim-woojins | emma, i know that you’re gone and closed pretty much but if you come back to this! just wanted to let you know that you were my fav woojin cc and i hope you’ll consider coming back someday 💖 your gifs.. always amazing! plus, you’re such a kind person and i hope everything is okay with you and things have settled a bit! sending you lots of love 💕

@kittylixie | moon.. honestly one day i just started seeing ur content everywhere.. ur gifs are so clean and pretty and just! mwah! you’re always so quick to gif as well i don’t know how you to do it! all the stuff you choose to gif as well.. best moments 💖

@kmwoojins | sagey.... still don’t really know how i came to be following you! 😩 but i’m so happy i am because you are so pure and sweet and i adore adore adore you!! 💞 love how welcoming and lovely you are as a human and still laugh every time i think about how shocked you are about jo and i... 😌 anyways i adore your graphics and you, thank you for just being such a lovely human, you were a wonderful part of my year 💖

@leeminho-s | hi lia! i know we only became moots recently but all your gifs.. so pretty 😳 and we never have enough minho content.. thank you for providing 😫 i’m sorry i don’t know much about you yet but i just wanted to say i admire your gifs so much and hope you have a wonderful start to the new year!

@minknows | hi thien! first of all.. your name.. so lovely 😳 secondly.. the colouring on your gifs is always so pretty and good 😭❤ the sharpening too.. 😔 just!! chefs kiss to it all, would take a class on how to gif from you 🙇‍♀️

@nochous | dez!! we haven’t interacted much on this sb of mine but hehe i loved our convo on my sf9 blog.. still always thinkin abt you calling kun daddy 😭 you’re such a fun person to talk to and i hope everything is okay with you since you’ve gone on a semi-hiatus! i hope we’ll have another chance to talk soon, sending you some good energy for 2020 💗

@prodskz | hi neha! i feel like you took a hiatus sometime this year (??) where i didn’t see you on much but i’m happy to see you a little more active on here now!! u provide such nice content + for some reason i rly rly love your icon 😭💗

@realstraykids | miss em.. secret santa FATED us 😔💕 anyways i adore you, we are the core of fantastay culture and this will forever unite us 😌 i’m vibrating at the thought of their comeback 😖 ANYWAYS you are such a friendly and lovely person and i enjoyed getting to talk with u so much over the past couple of weeks 💖 you’re one of my fav gifmakers honestly your mv aesthetics swap.. as i said.. 😭 amazing iconic showstopping! + the colouring on all your gifs.. so pretty 😭

@seungminhos | to quote you. you are far too funny to be a gifmaker 😣 but then who would provide all the good seungmin content.. 😞 you’re such a force of nature on my dash and i love reading all your thoughts bc you are Funny.. and your love for seungmin + how you always want the best for him is pure!! our sporadic interactions too.. always enjoy them 💕 even though i know you’re stressed about being on here sometimes, i want you to know that you’re wonderful and i appreciate all you do to bring more seungmin on our dashes 💗 pls stop threatening to delete your blog, i would be devastated 😫

@seungminsmile | aurora!! the one time i was about to have a seungmin breakdown and went to you... hehe you’re such a cutie and very grounded person (imo!!) and you make the cutest little graphics.. the little doodles.. how do you do that!! 😳 and now that you’re making gifs.. Queen! i hope your first semester went well! 💕

@seunie | hello nia!! i know we are still new moots but you are such a pure soul.. just ur blog title.. angel! you radiate so much love and sweetness 💞 your gifs are always so vibrant + colourful as well and bring a bit of colour onto my dash just like you! hopefully we can speak in the coming year, i wish you the very best! 🥰

@skzbffie | rayana... all ur gifs... bro.... how to start a rayana religion... amazing 😍 ur gifs are always so clean + i can recognize them by the subtitle font you use.. u always choose the best moments to gif honestly how to be u! honestly ur tags are fun to read too don’t judge me i am just an admirer and fan of u 😭

@skznta | miss sierra! idk how to put it into words but you... goddess of goodness? you truly radiate so much positivity and happiness and it makes me so.. uwu (for lack of better words).. you’re so so cute over all your love for science and i’m glad we got to bond over that! the way you’re always striving to learn more + improve yourself.. u inspire me 😳 you are also an incredible cc and thank you for bringing so much joy into the fandom and my life!! i feel very grateful to have gotten to know you a little this year 💞

@thechanboys | jem.. u are a GEM... 😭 the way i got u for secret santa i’ll never get over it!! you are just such sunshine and so fun to talk to and 😳💞 if u ever wanna abandon bin for me.. 😌 my fav number one chan/bin stan..! i’m so happy you got into skz this year and i’m gonna try my hardest to get you into some other groups hehe 🤧 anyways, you are incredible, lovely, wonderful, amazing i love u jem!! 💖

@tinyjisung | bea! honestly.. we are moots on like 3(?) blogs our multi selves.. galaxy brain... i know ur more active on ur ateez blog but i wanted to write abt you here anyways because I CAN! 😌 but i love all that good san content you provide + you just seem like a very calm n fun person 💕

@virgolix | nina. you’re such a cute person filled with love and you just spread so much positivity and good energy! you treat everyone with so much kindness and it’s so nice to see 💖 and if i can rave about your gifs for a minute... they are unreal 😫 the sharpening.. colouring.. always so amazingly clean + pretty + vibrant!

@wonstal | hi hi! okay.. i adore all your content, you have the cutest colouring ever!! + topaz settings.. so pretty 😖💞 even though we started off as moots on my mx blog, i’m so glad you got into skz and ateez + will be on your sweet merry way to sf9 soon 🤞 i’m glad we’ve just started chatting a bit because you seem super fun and i’m excited to get to know you better! i hope 2020 treats you well darling 💖

@yongbells | iana.. hope everything is okay with you always and sending you lots of love! i miss seeing you on here but i hope you’re taking good care of yourself 💗 also.. gfx queen... 😖 you’re SUCH a ray of sunshine.. the way you always tell people how much you love their creations is so kind and all of your own gfx are some of the most beautiful things ever 💖 we are so blessed to have you in this fandom 😩

#rachel.txt #oh man.. this took me a while to write but i hope u guys are oke w my messages 😭#i adore u all v v much and sending u all warm wishes for the new year + new decade!!#thank u all for making this my fav sideblog #+ to my followers i love u all and wish u the best year yet as well 💖#if i missed anyone.. bls feel free to shoot me in the head #if we're moots + ur not here i missed u bc i am an idiot. bls dm me immediately so i can tell u how much i love u

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matoitech · 5 years ago

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have you done galo or lio. heck. galo AND lio.

GALO

favorite thing about them

I LOVE HIM A STUPID BIG CRAZY AMOUNT EVERYTHING HE DOES IM LIKE YES!! YOU GO!!! I LOVE YOU!!

least favorite thing about them

idk. nothing. hes perfect. i do think he should get therapy but thats not like a him problem its just a “i doubt he ever got therapy and after everything thats happened to him it would probably be useful” thing. at least TALK to people about some of this shit bro. im pretty sure he hasnt!

favorite line

i have a lot of favorite galo lines but “ITS NOT WEIRD ITS COOL!!” is definitely like. up there

brOTP

lucia!! they are so funny i love that its canon they get more stupid in each others presence. also hes good friends w aina and varys and i figure gueira and meis probably like him too

OTP

his husband lio

nOTP

anything weird. also him w aina he just is not into her and vice versa lol

random headcanon

dont get me started on hcs i will go on forever but to keep it to a couple basics hes obviously trans, and is also autistic and has adhd. the thing he does w his hair is a fave stim (i need to gif it sometime its so specific i cant describe it well)

also hes rly good at cooking he thinks its relaxing and fun. lio gets SPOILED when it comes to really fuckin stellar food

unpopular opinion

i dont like most f*ndom interpretation of him i find it.. interesting.. that a lot of ppl dont think its weird of them to infantalize a 20 something year old, easily read as nd, canon abuse victim character so heavily. it rubs me the wrong way for some reason lol cant imagine why /s

song i associate with them

oof i have a lot ill probably post the playlists when im done but a couple are shark attack by grouplove, role models by ajr, and tic toc by mother mother

favorite picture of them

every galo pic. but i like this one

—

LIO

favorite thing about them

EVERYTHING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. his style is pretty cool i like his dragon i like his 17 belts i love that he cares about people SO MUCH

least favorite thing about them

nothing he is great. he needs therapy too though like seriously if he didnt need it pre-movie (which im sure he did.) he definitely needs it now

favorite line

revoke my creds as a promare blog im so bad at remembering quotes i forgot lios ;-;

brOTP

GUEIRA AND MEIS I LOVE THEM ALL

OTP

galo! they are married. possibly canonically? good for them!

nOTP

anything weird idk. i dont rly see anything else but him and galo

random headcanon

lio has a fursona. and its a dragon.

unpopular opinion

im sick of f*ndom interpretation of him too. hes nice. people need to remember that hes Nice hes a good person he wouldnt be doing everything he did in the movie if he wasnt a good person. also he would never be shitty to galo -_- this is so obvious and i dont like when people do it, at all

song i associate with them

aspiring fires by mother mother and pop/stars by k/da. the second one seems like a mad burnish song idk its the aesthetic

favorite picture of them

like galo lio has so many epic moments but i think this look is truly crazy mode and who can blame him

#ty for asking i rly wanted someone 2 ask for them gbhg #winterscarf #fess replies #pmposting #abuse mention #food #mine

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selflovinalicia · 6 years ago

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Hi all. I realized I’ve only posted a handful in 2019. From “Hi I’m in Spain” to “Hi, my life’s a mess” I’ve been struggling with the whole posting thing. I’ve been struggling with the whole writing thing as well. I wrote here and there for the blog with my friends [shameless plug] but I do miss sitting in a coffee shop, blank word document in front of me, with an iced coffee in my hand, which is something I haven’t done in MONTHS. So, as I sit here, in my favorite coffee shop at home, I want to take a bit of time to share with all of you my latest life update. Grab a coffee, a pastry or two, and listen to my whole life from the past few months.

If we were having coffee I finished my junior year of college! I’ve posted since this, but I never really talked about my semester from hell. Eight classes, a job, two exec boards, and the most stress I’d ever been under AND I FINISHED STRONG. I finished with 7 As and only one B+, a second job, and a lot less on my plate for the fall. I’d also mention that this will be my last semester on OU’s campus but I’ll get to that in a little bit 😉

If we were having coffee I’d tell you about my other blog with my two best friends! I’ve mentioned my other blog LVNG Limitless in the past but I want to talk about it more! I absolutely adore my two friends and this blog that started with a text message. My two friends Grace and Hannah and I now manage a team of 10 other ladies, edit blog posts and photos, and put out weekly content [every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday]. I love this blog and Live Pulchritudinously will ALWAYS and forever be my child but it is nice to have this blog as well with some of my favorite people.

If we were having coffee I would tell you about my trip to Spain! I spent eight weeks in Toledo Spain with 22 of my new best friends. I took three classes, explored Spain on the weekends, improved my Spanish, and just furthered my longing to travel the world. I cannot wait to go back to my third home, Toledo.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you how I spent my 22ndbirthday in Paris, the best birthday I’ve ever had. I hate birthdays usually and I always dread my birthday. I always make up these scenarios for my perfect birthday and then get so disheartened whenever they don’t come true. This year though, WOW. I spent my actual birthday with a two-day celebration [I KNOW] surrounded by over half of my new best friends with Italian food, drinks, and so many laughs. Then, the day after my birthday I headed to Paris for an amazing weekend of art, history, and BREAD. I could easily live in Paris and it has taken the cake for my favorite city I’ve ever been to.

If we were having coffee that I got bangs! I’ve been wanting bangs for about 10 months now and I finally got them! I am obsessed with them and might keep them for a while. Hot take: bangs actually look good on everyone and people say they’re ugly because they just get flashbacks to fifth grade when they didn’t know how to style their greasy rat’s nest and remember those bangs instead of the super cute bangs that I am now and forever rocking.

If we were having coffee I’d let you all know that I’m going abroad again next Spring! As I mentioned above, this fall will be my last semester at OU. That’s because I will be completing my student teaching abroad: I’m not sure where and I’m sure the exact days but I will be finding out sometime this fall and will update as such. I can’t wait to cross another country off my travel list as well as teach Spanish in another country!

If we were having coffee I’d share that I’m doing the best mentally that I have in years! I don’t know if it’s visiting a new place [Spain] or making a drastic appearance change [bangs] or what but I’m doing so well + I’m stoked!! It’s been years since I’ve been this genuinely happy + I’m hoping this sticks around for a good while.

If we were having coffee, what would you share with me?

If we were having coffee [2]

Hi all. I realized I’ve only posted a handful in 2019. From “Hi I’m in Spain” to “Hi, my life’s a mess” I’ve been struggling with the whole posting thing.

If we were having coffee [2] Hi all. I realized I’ve only posted a handful in 2019. From “Hi I’m in Spain” to “Hi, my life’s a mess” I’ve been struggling with the whole posting thing.

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ehkw1989 · 6 years ago

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Birthday Wish - Drake x MC (Evelyn Carter)

Pairings: Drake x MC (Evelyn Carter); Liam x Olivia; Ezekiel x Penelope

Ratings: Fluff, angst; mentions of miscarriage and intimacy

Summary: As the years go by, the Duchess of Valtoria’s birthday wishes have all come true - a loving husband, a prosperous duchy, a group of happy friends and family; except for one - a little Duke or Duchess of Valtoria.

Author’s Note: Not set in the world of “A to Z Drabbles” or “Lips of An Angel”. To check out those stories, please click on the masterlist link here. Let me know if you want to be tagged or removed from the tag list.

Word Count: 2117 words

Tags: @drakewalkerwhipped, @darley1101,@angstymarshmallow, @mrswalkerwrites @walkerismychoice@pbchoicesobsessed @choicesfanficlibrary @choiceswreckedme; @parkerattano, @agent-zephyrkah, @simplyaiden-blog, @snyggflicka, @drakewalkerfantasy, @drakelover78, @theroyalweisme, @confessionsofabrokegirl@traeumerinwitzhelden, @boneandfur @jadedpixiescribbles

December 24, 2018 - 9:08AM

“Happy Birthday, Walker!” Drake murmurs as he lays kisses down Evelyn’s neck. “We need to get going. Liam and Liv are expecting us at Lythikos.”

“It’s my birthday! I deserve to sleep in . . .” She whines as she pulls the comforter over her head.

“We’re late as it is. Come on, birthday girl; you don’t want to spend all day in bed.”

“It’s only,” She peeks at her phone, “9AM! Oh, why didn’t you wake me up earlier!? We’re going to be late. I can’t wait to see everyone at Lythikos! It’s been so long.”

“You were tired after last night’s celebrations.” He smirked. “We didn’t go to bed until 3AM or so.”

She smiles as she wraps her arms around him. “And I’m not complaining about it. I was thoroughly satisfied.”

“As was I.” He kissed her. “We can do it again if you want.” He grins wolfishly.

“We’re running late already; but maybe later? Just imagine it, in front of a rug, the flames are roaring. Maybe some aged Glendronach?”

“I’ll hold you to it. Especially the aged Glendronach part.” He turns to see her dressed in a sweater dress and tights. “How do you get ready so quickly?”

“I laid out my clothes yesterday. I just have to brush my teeth and hair; then we can head out.”

“Ok but first your birthday cupcake, then we can go.” He holds out a plate with a birthday cupcake.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Walker! Happy birthday to you!” Drake finishes as Evelyn makes a wish “I wish Drake and I will be this happy forever”

“So, what did you wish for?”

“I can’t tell you; it won’t come true otherwise.” She smiles before taking a bite of the cupcake. “Oooh, marshmallow flavored! It’s delicious! Do you want to try some?” She gestures.

“No, I’m good. I’m going to check on your birthday breakfast. Then we’ll get going?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For making me happy.”

“Always. You’re my wife. I’d anything for you.” He replies as he walks out of the bedroom.

“You already made my wish come true when I married you.” She whispers after him.

December 24, 2019 - 10:30AM

“What a historic moment for Cordonia! King Liam has secured the free trade agreement between the United Kingdom and Cordonia. This is the first time that the UK has agreed to a free trade agreement between both countries.” Ana De Luca states as she looks into the camera. “And here comes King Liam, Duchess Evelyn and the UK Prime Minister. Your majesty, your Grace. A few questions if possible?”

“Of course, Ana. Please ask away.” Duchess Evelyn smiles graciously.

“First of all, congratulations on the momentous occasion! This is the first time the UK has agreed to a free trade agreement after Brexit.”

“Yes, it is.” King Liam smiles. “And we’re thrilled to be UK’s partner. This trade agreement will be very beneficial to both countries.”

“How did you do it, your Majesty?”

“Well, I can’t really take all the credit. Duchess Evelyn has been very helpful from the start. Her contacts are what made this possible.”

“King Liam is too humble; he has worked for months on this agreement; I only provided the contacts.”

“Well, regardless of who the credit belongs to. I’m certain that the citizens of Cordonia will appreciate this Christmas miracle. With that being said, I’m sure that the King and Duchess will need to take off soon. One last thing before we sign off. Happy Birthday, your Grace!”

“Thanks, Ana. Thank you for remembering!”

“Of course, your Grace. Now can you tell us what you wished for?”

“Well, I’m not really supposed to tell you but since we managed to sign off on the treaty today . . . my wish was that the free trade agreement would go through successfully.”

“Your Grace is always thinking of Cordonia before yourself.”

“Of course, Cordonia is my home and I will do anything for this country.”

“Well, thank you for your time. Have a safe journey home, Your Majesty and Your Grace. Ana du Luca signing off. Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“I’m glad you wished for it. It was touch and go at certain points during the negotiations.” Liam whispered into her ear.

“I believe in you and Cordonia.” She smiles at him as she steps into the car. “But a little wishful thinking always helps. Now, I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to go home to Drake. And I’m sure you want to see Liv and Princess Althea.”

“I do; I miss the girls very much.”

“What are we waiting for then?”

December 24, 2020 - 9:00PM

“Walker?” There’s a knock on the bathroom door. “What are you doing in there? It’s been thirty minutes.”

“Noth-nothing!” She says. “Be out in a minute!” She wipes the tears away nd examines her eyes in the mirror. “Not too red, should be ok.”

“You alright?” He looks at her as she opens the door.

“I’m fine.” She sighs and she hold out the test to him. “Not pregnant.”

“We’ve only been trying for a year.” He murmurs as he draws her into a hug.

“I know but I want . . . “

“I know but you can’t rush these things.” He lifts her head and wipes her tears away. “Besides, we’ve been at it everyday.” He winks at her.

“Then, why not? I thought for sure since I missed my period then it’s happening.” She pouted.

“Maybe it’s stress. You’ve been working very hard lately.”

“Maybe.” She bites her lips. “We should get going. Liam and Liv want to head back soon.”

“Are you ready?” He looks at her.

“Yup. Let’s go cut the cake. I want to make my wish.” Evelyn smiles at him.

“I think I know what you’re wishing for and we can start on that wish tonight.” He kisses her.

December 24, 2021 - 7:00PM

“Thank you everyone for coming today! We really appreciate everyone coming to Valtoria to celebrate my wife’s birthday. To the birthday girl!” Drake toasted to Evelyn as everyone else follows suit.

“Thank you to my wonderful husband for surprising me with this birthday party. For a moment, I thought he was serious about a whiskey tour in Scotland.” Evelyn beams. “Now please, enjoy the festivities.”

“Thank you for this!” She kisses him. “I really, really thought we were going to Scotland for the last couple of days.”

“Ye of little faith.” He smirks. “Do you want anything to drink? Eat? Want to sit down for a bit?”

“It was only a little leg cramp just now. Please keep it down; Hana and Liv’s been giving me some looks already.”

“I’ll try to tone it down, it’s our first child after all.” He strokes her belly. “Hey, little guy.”

“Or girl.” She corrects him as she smiles. “I’m so excited. I already made some designs for the nursery. I can’t wait to show you later.”

“Does it have marshmallows?”

“No but maybe as part of the mobile over the crib. Or as a -”

“Duchess Evelyn?” She looks down to see Christien tugging at her dress.

“Yes, darling?”

“Can you take me to Merlin and Morgana? I want to see them.” Christien pouts at her. “I haven’t seen them ever since we left home.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Merlin and Morgana are at home. I have an idea, would you like to see Padfoot?”

“What’s a Padfoot?” He asked as Ezekiel walks over.

“Sorry about that, Evelyn. Penelope was chatting with Kiara and didn’t notice he walked off.”

“It’s ok, Ezekiel. We were talking about showing Padfoot to Christien.”

“Of course. He misses Merlin and Morgana so much. Thanks for the offer.” Ezekiel smiles at Christien. “Want to see Padfoot?”

“I can show you guys to him.” Drake offers. “Evie, have a seat. I’ll be right back.” He pulls out a chair.

“I’m fine, Drake. I’m just going to talk to our guests.” She walks off to the direction of Kiara and Penelope.

“Kiara! Penelope! Thanks for coming!” She smiles as she hugs them.

“Evelyn!” Both women laughs as they return the hug. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, than-” Her words interrupted by a pain in her abdomen. “DRAKE!” She screams as she sees blood drip down her leg. The last thing she sees before her worlds fades to black is her husband running to her.

December 24, 2022 - 10:00AM

“Not pregnant.” Evie sighs as she throws the pregnancy test away. She walks out of the bedroom and pours herself a whiskey.

“I’m going to guess that you’re not pregnant.” Drake reaches for her. “Hey, look at me. It’s okay, Walker; the doctor said it will take time, remember? Especially with what happened last year.”

“How long, Drake? Everyone we know has kids except for us. Liam and Liv, Savannah and Bertrand, Zeke and Penelope. Hana and Stacy.”

“Not Maxwell.”

“Maxwell’s not married.” Came the annoyed reply.

“Well,” He said cautiously. “We could always adopt like Hana and Stacy.”

She looks up at him. “You would be okay with that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Contrary to what Cordonian nobility thinks.” He grimaced.

“I thought that this time this year, we would be changing nappies. Not discussing what Cordonian nobility thinks.” She looks away as her lower lip trembles; her eyes landing on the birthday cupcake. “My wish last year was that our baby would be healthy.” She sobs.

Drake wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He whispers as tears drip down his face. “That was my wish too.”

“I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I should have listened to you and sat down.”

“No, it’s not your fault. Remember what the doctor said. There wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent it.”

“I know but still . . .” She looks up at him. “Can we just stay here for a while? I don’t want to see anyone yet.”

“Of course.” He held her tighter as she snuggled up to him.

“I wish that we can see our baby for my next birthday.”

December 24, 2023 - 2:39 AM

“Please begin to push, Your Grace. The cervix is fully dilated” The doctor instructed.

“It hurts so much,” She whimpers in pain. “Why didn’t we get here in time for that epidural?” She screams as she tightens her grip on Drake’s hand.

“Evie, you’re doing such a good job.” Drake winces at her grip and mops at her forehead. “So good, baby.”

“It hurts; it’s like a watermelon coming out of there!” She cries. “Isn’t there some advil or something?”

“Sorry; not for this, Your Grace. But the head is crowning. Just a few more pushes. Don’t forget to keep breathing.”

“Ok,” She gasped in pain, “I can do this”

“You’re almost there. You’re doing very well.” The doctor soothed her. “Oh, and here she comes, you Grace.” The doctor holds the baby as she wails. “She has a good set of lungs. Would you like to cut the cord, Duke Walker?”

“Yes, thanks.” He takes the scissors and snipes at the cord.

“May I hold her?” Evie asks.

“Of course, the nurse is just going to clean her up and then we’ll give her to you.” The doctor turns around and places the baby into Evelyn’s arms. “Your daughter, Your Grace.”

“Hi, darling.” Evie cooes at the baby. “She’s got your eyes.”

“She’s got your hair.” Drakes smiles as he kisses Evelyn’s forehead. “I’ll be back; I just want to let everyone before they storm in here.”

“You better take a picture.” Evelyn calls after him. “Especially for Liam and Hana. They’ll want to see what their godchild looks like.”

“You’re right. Ready? One, two three.” She hears a snap. “You look glowing.”

“I just went through eleven hours of labour; I don’t think I’m glowing.”

“You’re gorgeous.” He kisses her on the lips. “Be right back.” He waves at her as he exits; she could hear Maxwell’s non-stop questioning and Drake’s introduction of their daughter to their friends.

“Your Grace, I just need to take some measurements.”

“Of course. Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” The doctor writes something down on the clipboard. “Oh, by the way, Happy Birthday, Your Grace. Just noticed that here.”

“Thank you.”

“Were you expecting to go through labour on your birthday?”

“Is it odd to say that I wanted to go through labour on my birthday?”

“It’s not how I would like to spend mine.” The doctor smiles. “Was it everything you expected?”

“No, it’s everything I wished for.” Evelyn smiles as she kisses her daughter's forehead. “Our daughter, Lady Astraea Victoria Walker.”

#choices trr #trr fanfic #drake walker #drake x mc #liam x olivia

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sequoiann · 7 years ago

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✎ it’s ya girl denise !!!!! and guess what!! yes it’s already in the header but hfsdk i’ve hit my first anniversary!!! it’s crazy that i’ve actually sustained my account for a year! im rly so so grateful tht i’ve built up this… thing…. :^) the tumblr fam + the friends ive made through this acc was a hugeee part of my 2017, and im sure it’d be an even bigger part of my 2018 ! i’d like to thank everyone for being willing to read my pile of bullcrap tht i pour out of my head, ive said this before n i’ll say it again: i never ever imagined tht i’ll have a successful writing acc on here! i’ve tried writing on other platforms (like wattpad) before but it nv rly worked out well long-term bc it became a chore for me to post n update my stories…. but it’s never like tht on tumblr bc of you sweet buttercups!!! thnk u all for constantly reminding me to take care of myself n for checking in on me randomly nd !!! for keyboard smashing your souls out + screaming @ me when i post content!! every little action you guys do rly impacts me a lot, n even when u guys just come by n drop a msg in my inbox my heart just combusts n 💞💛🚨💎💗💥💘‼ (okay enough yapping)

i honestly dont know how follow forevers work but ! i’d like to mention people tht hv, in one way or another, helped me to keep this account going! i cant mention e v e ry o n e but do know tht as long as you’ve made a single note on my dash or hv positive views on my content, you’d be in this list if i cld fit everyone!! i love you all and thnk u so much for everything!

💛: scroll 2 the bottom for a msg! 💗: bithc i’d fling myself out of the solar system for you ilysdm wth ⛅: i actl stalk ur page every few days n send in anon asks bc im a coward but haa thnk u 4 being an inspiration to humanity 💫: we dont talk a lot yet but i absolutely adore ur content!!! n i hope you’re well n happy bc u deserve all the love u can get !

a-c :

@andromedaneedsoxyjin 💗 @adoretexts ⛅ @ajuimaginary 💗 @boosoonhao 💛 @bfwooz 💗 @blondshua 💫 @bookwan 💗 @cheolshu 💫 @chittafont ⛅ @choco-seventeen 💛 @caratvocals 💛 @cosmicae 💗 @chillihansol 💛 @camera-seventeen 💫

d-o :

@dumbbelle 💛 @dreamingseventeen 💛 @gyuofficial 💫 @hansolmates 💗 @hoshidotcom 💫 @hyungwon 💫 @hxshi 💫 @honeywonu 💗 @jeongahn 💗 @joshsua 💫 @jiso2 💗 @jeong-hanie 💫 @joshpup 💗 @johshuas 💫 @jeonghney 💫 @kristian-do 💗 @kingyu97 💛 @kwoncity 💗 @lxveille 💗 @myungho ⛅ @neoyeppuda 💛 @oatmealupdates 💗

p-s :

@princeshushu @paintedshua 💛 @peachseong ⛅ @pasteluji ⛅ @pjimims ⛅ @rappershua 💫 @seventeendom 💫 @soongyuz @shuvee 💫@saythename17scenarios 💗 @starshua @sailorimagines ⛅ @swimmingfool 💫@sebongie-loves ⛅ @softmanscoups 💫 @softhaos ⛅ @soongyuz 💛

t - # :

@ttherose 💫 @taekemeaway ⛅ @tswoondere 💫 @vitaminhosh 💫 @versigny ⛅ @warmau ⛅ @welovekpopscenarios 💗 @writers-leir ⛅ @writingdummy 💗 @whatsoodo ⛅ @wonuz ⛅ @17cuties ⛅ @17cafe 💗 @17mounteens 💗

❥ @boosoonhao

love!!! okay hello hngh we hvnt talked the most yet but i dont think i’ve expressed my utmost love for you enough so yes let me tell you how much i l o v e your content, plus u post quality works so often it makes my little heart so !!! content !!! im not sure when you made your account n i think i discovered your blog a little late but thnk u for your effort in everything you do, u rly inspire me to keep working on my drafts :”) i lov you n i hope we get closer this year! even if im an awkward ass!

❥ @choco-seventeen

chOcoOooO oh choco my juliet hskjdf hi it’s my annoying ass here to bother u again with my over-the-top affection for u!!!! you rly were one of the blogs tht made me start my own writing blog, n even when i did i nv knew i’d ever talk to u?? maybe through anon heuk but i rly thought u’d be tht holy figure up there tht i’ll never reach! i mean u are still tht holy figure but thnk u for being so friendly n nice n cute n for bcoming a friend 2 me!!! i lov u so much + okay pfft your works pffttt i wnt to frame them up in gold n hang them in my living hall wadafack bih

❥ @caratvocals

oh look another one of my inspirations whom motivated me to start out making fake texts!! kura my love hello !!! i knw we hvnt talked a lot in the recent months…? but my appreciation n love for u still ! remains ! the same !! i love your bubbly n kind personality n it’s rly similar to seokmin’s…. you’re the sun tht never goes out! thnk u for spouting random cute words bc wow thAT shiT you do makes me so soft n your texts??? my honey your texts are so legit i cackle whenever i read them !! i never know how you make them so realistic but i’d like to thank you for putting so much effort into your work ; n your scenarios omg when u released your first fic i wanted to roll in the grass n scream ! it was so good, the chan apocalypse one and the jeonghan day 27 (? i think?) one! i lov all your works basically, thnk u for being so inspiring n cute n for being yourself i lov u !!!

❥ @chillihansol

hanni hanni hanni HANNI !!! my virtual sister! the loml !!! i’ve got so many things to thank you for honestly, you’ve been tht pillar of support for me whenever my mind is just going haphazard ! n u always try to help whenever sth comes up n ure so kind abt everything i wna migrate to where u live omf // + i’ve seen u improve in your writing so much in such a short period of time i am shook tbh wht kind of black magic are u doing ?? ok but im so grateful to hv met u omg when i think abt u i honestly just…… burst into ugly tears bc wht did i ever do in my past life to deserve you ilysdm thnk u for coming into my life n staying here through all my bullsht

❥ @dumbelle

my ring ring ding a ling!!! my disney princess !!!! i love you so much do i need to say anything more!!! thnk u for always checking in on me with cute lil msgs n chatting w my boring ass ! you’re so sweet n kind n so crazy n wow i love crazy :^)) you’ve been posting such unique content on your blog…. i mean the moodboards + the speech text bubbles + the cute lil scenarios below tht?? wht the heck tht is so cute ???? the first time i saw one of your moodboard i started chuckling 2 myself @ the dinner table n i wnted to shove the fork down my throat is2g ok ilyssm

❥ @kingyu97

feesha!! i rmb when you were still tht f anon tht i met indirectly through clar n lani, n you lil shits wouldnt tell me who u are !!! tht was a funny experience im not gna lie but tht aside, thnk u for always showing your support in my works + being my lil chat buddy!! you brighten up my days so much, sometimes u randomly pop into my inbox when im feeling under the waeather n it just… rly…. makes me smile n then sob in 54 languages bc i lov u n i hv done nothing to deserve everything u do for me n i just…. i just love u ok pls stay in my life ilyily

❥ @dreamingseventeen

yEt another one of my senpais ! my inspiration 2 write!!!! i’ve loved your works ever since i discovered cos, it’s rly one of the fics tht i rmb every detail abt bc i reread it everytime it fades from my dory memory!! i feel so honored tht i got to talk to n be friends with succch an amazing author like you, n i love how you’re just so sincere n genuine in everything tht u do! thnk u for supporting me + encouraging me when im hesitant to do stuff, im so grateful for you and i love you ! i hope you keep writing (although your cat walks all over you n your desktop kekk how cute), pls do rmb to stay healthy !!

❥ @neoyeppuda

i’d really want to make 2 separate dedis to the both of u clar n lani but this post is getting toooo long so i’ll try to be concise but at the same time (hopefully) be able to tell u 2 how much i love u!!! the both of u hv been supporting me for a while n i heard abt you guys a lot before, n when yall came into my inbox i shrieked when i found out tht it was the admins of neoyeppuda like woa i feel like a celebrity just noticed me?? the same feeling i got with choco when i interacted w her for the first time! thnk u both for being so sweet n kind n crazy with me, im so thankful tht the both of u are my friends :^) lani you’re so damn beautiful both inside out n i hope u dont forget tht, i knw things may be hard but it’ll get better - talk to me whenever alright ♡ clar you’re the adorablest fluffiest person ever ilysm thnk u for always hitting my soft spots haaaa :”))) i hope 2018 goes well for the both of u, n pls take care!

❥ @paintedshua

sophie!!! my lovely lavendar soap bar! i think you’d be able to expect wht i wna say already but thnk u for chatting with me at random times of the day / night abt random ass topics tht come off your head (or maybe mine?) ! it makes me so happy tht we’re able to talk so… calmly abt crazy topics n talk so crazily abt calm topics….. i dont think tht made sense but yes u get it hnghh thnk u for building this friendship with me! one tht i treasure with all my heart n soul!!! i hope you continue having happiness n bliss in your life bc u obviously deserve all the good u can get

❥ @soongyuz

priya!!!! wow i can write a freaking 87439-word essay for u bc i think?? tht you’ve been my longest (i dont think tht this is the correct term but) mutual? you’ve been here as heart anon, and let me tell you!!! those days!!! i wasn’t in the best emotional condition (?? ok this doesnt sound right too buT lets move on) then n your heart anon asks were so cute n so innocent n just so!! full of marshmallows n rainbow sprinkles !!! n then a priya emerged from tht n im so damn grateful tht you’ve been with me for so long, thnk u for absolutely everything tht you’ve done for me, i love u so much ♡ i hope you arent too stressed abt school + i hope ure taking care of yourself!

#omg this whole thing is longer than my graded essays hsfdkjh #i rly rly hope i didnt miss anyone bc i spent 3 days on making this #bc tumblr kept screwing up the tags ha #n yes tht's bretman in the header bc i love that bith #ohshit idk wht to tag this under so um #f: announcements #i wanted to write to so many other people but i didnt know i'd write this much for each person so the ppost is rly just too!! long!!#n i dont wnt to crash anyone's app hsdjkf im sorry if it does!! i put the read more divider all the way at the top so hopefully tht #would #minimize crashes #btw thnk u everybody for everything!!#i love u all!

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changeforanimalsfoundation · 5 years ago

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For Django

“Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favourite”

I wasn’t going to write this blog, and deleted several versions before finally writing this one to share. I felt compelled to do so for anyone who may have lost their best friend, their soul mate, their everything. I hope that just by knowing you are not alone in such feelings of loss can be a source of comfort in some way, as I know Django always sought to provide comfort when he sensed sadness. I also wanted to use this opportunity to thank everyone who has shown so much kindness since Django passed away – your words of sympathy and support, and the time you have taken to share your stories of loss and healing, have meant so much to me…

Django will forever be my greatest love story. It was love at first sight and as soon as I met him, I knew life would never be the same again! He was rescued from a dog meat farm just outside Seoul in South Korea in 2013, where he had been living the most pitiful existence – the same life that millions of dogs endure on dog meat farms still toady in South Korea. His value in Korea was measured on scales…

But as soon as he came to live with me and my family, we knew he was the most precious soul we could ever imagine or have dreamt up! He was weak after being born and surviving months in a cage, and he struggled to keep up with our other dogs charging along the beach, even though he was only a puppy. But, he quickly gained his strength and he was unstoppable! He thought everything about life was great! And his joy for anything and everything was totally contagious! His big tosa grin was like magic and I always told him I loved him “too much” and that one day my heart would explode! Yet every day I some how loved him even more!

Over the years we had together, I was travelling quite a lot for work. Endless visits to dog meat markets, farms and slaughterhouses in South Korea, Vietnam and Indonesia. And I would come home and weep for all the suffering I had left behind. Django was always waiting for me when I came back and coming back to him was coming home. He would lie with me and let me sob into his beautiful soft fur, never pulling away or judging. He was my most amazing therapist and source of courage…

And after letting myself feel down for a day – feeling totally overwhelmed by sadness and frustration – I would look at him and say out loud, “OK, Django... Let’s get back to work...” And he would smile at me and we would do just that! He was never more than a touch away…

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage” – Lao Tzu

Django lived a life of absolute adoration with me and my family. We never took him for granted even for a second, and we always knew how lucky we were to have this most beautiful boy in our lives, home, family and hearts.

In April 2018, out of nowhere, he developed a lump on his front wrist. I thought he must have twisted it or been stung by something on one of our walks. I took a photo and sent it to my vet friend who told me to get it checked out as soon as possible. Her tone made me nervous and I started googling…

The words “cancer”, “amputation” and “life expectancy” flashed up on my screen and my heart sank and I could feel a huge knot in my stomach. It was 11 pm and we put him in the car and went to a 24 hour veterinary clinic. They took x-rays and did tests, and then, very bluntly, the vet told us Django had an aggressive form of bone cancer – osteosarcoma – and there was nothing that could be done and we should take him home to die.

The world caved in around me and I felt totally crushed. Living in Bali, it is not always easy to get good or specialised vet care. But there was no way we were going to let cancer win! I was going to fight for him with everything I had… fighting for his life was the same as fighting for my own…

“One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing you are my life” – Kahalil Gibran

Fortunately, I have an amazing network of friends and colleagues, and together we found a vet clinic who could do Django’s amputation surgery and another who would find a way of getting the chemo drugs he needed to Bali.

Meanwhile, without me even knowing about it, a dear friend had set up a fundraising page to help cover the costs of his amputation and chemotherapy, and I was blown away to see that people from all around the world – most of whom neither I nor Django had ever met – had donated to help save our Django.

I was so overwhelmed by people’s kindness; and knowing people all around the world were rooting for him and sending the most beautiful messages of support was such a great source of comfort and strength.

And Django did it! He learned to live life on three legs, he took chemo in his stride, and his follow up x-rays and tests all looked good! I decided the statistics of survival rates of “up to 12 months even with amputation and chemotherapy” didn’t apply to Django, because they hadn’t considered the power of love! And we had enough of that for him to live forever!

Amazing friends sent us tailor-made wheels from the US and we even had a visitor from the UK to try to make him an artificial leg so that Django could keep doing what he did best – living and loving life!

And we had an amazing 13 months after the chemo…

But then, bit by bit he started to show signs of pain… and what had started as random yelps of discomfort, developed into long periods of inconsolable discomfort and awful vocalisations that would tear through me…

We did tests and x-rays, tried every medication and pain management plan we could to try to keep him comfortable and happy. But eventually the drugs stopped working and my boy was suffering.

His life become one of pain, no matter how hard I tried, with only brief intermittent moments of reprieve. I knew I was losing him. And, after months of trying anything and everything, I knew it was time to let him go.

I couldn’t keep him even though I wanted to more than anything, because keeping him meant him suffering. I arranged for the vet to come at 10 am on the 22nd August. I didn’t sleep at all on the night of the 21st and Django lay next to me, restless but better than other nights. He had as much ice cream and cheese as he wanted and I told him over and over again how loved he was.

The following morning, I asked him if maybe he could stay with me for just one more day; and he looked at me and begged me to let him go. He was so, so tired and needed peace. His muzzle had been turning grey and his eyes were so tired... He had had enough and couldn’t go on no matter how hard he had been trying. I now understand why people say, “rest in peace”… He died in my arms surrounded by love. At peace.

And I and my family took on his pain and the only comfort was that he didn’t have to. It was the most excruciatingly agonising experience of my life losing Django. I felt – and still feel – like I lost so much of who I am and totally lost without him. He is such an indelible part of me, all that I do, all that I fight for, all that I am. I don’t know who I am without him… but I am trying to find my way…

I could go on about how unbearable the loss was and still is to me and my family, but that isn’t the purpose of this blog and Django never dwelled on his pain or the bad hand he had been dealt. Rather, this blog is written with the aim of celebrating Django, the depth of love humans and animals can share, and the kindness of people who you have never met but feel like family…

What was so touching after Django’s passing, was the outpouring of support and words of comfort from so many people around the world. So many people took the time to reach out to me to share their stories of loss and how they had found ways of soothing the pain. I also heard beautiful stories on how their next rescue dogs had saved them from their pits of despair when they thought they would never survive the heartbreak of losing a friend. And kind people told me how Django’s story and updates had been such sources of inspiration and joy.

And all the while, Django had no idea just how special he was or what he created and inspired just by being him, no matter how many times I told him…

I now look for Django every day – little signs from him so I know he is still with me. On most days, I can find him…

One recent moment took my breath away…

In September, I was walking down a random street In Seoul and a busker was playing his guitar. As I got closer, he started singing the song, “Love of my life” by Queen. A friend of mine and Django’s had told me this song always made him think of me and Django, and it kind of became mine and Django’s song… So, when that song filled the streets in Seoul, a month after Django’s passing, not so far from where his life began in a barren cage on a dog meat farm, I couldn’t help but believe it was a sign from my boy, wherever he is... Django always had a great sense of humour!

So, in Django’s honour, I will never give up on the promise I made him – because a promise is a promise – that I will never give up until all dogs are cherished and valued just for being them… and that never again will dogs suffer on farms or in markets and slaughterhouses.

As hard as it feels at times, I trust that eventually the ground will settle a little and that in time, I will just feel gratitude for having had him in my life, without all the sadness and grief I feel now.

Time was never on our side and I just wish the universe could have let him stay a little longer because the world certainly was a better and more fun place with him in it. I would love nothing more to relive every second I spent with Django all over again…

A kind friend sent me these beautiful words of comfort that I will end this blog with…

“I know that for the likes of us there is no ease for the heart to be had from words or reason and that in the very assurance of sorrow’s fading there is more sorrow. So, I offer you only my deeply affectionate and compassionate thoughts and wish for you only that the strange thing may never fail you, whatever it is, that gives us the strength to live on and on with our wounds” - Playwright Samuel Beckett to his friend after his father’s passing.

#changeforanimals #django #rescue #welfare #dog #dogs

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1-800-444-tune · 6 years ago

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New Moon is going to be according to my status calculations on my app on my Windows tablet , at 3: 41am on the 6th of March, coming up, in zodiac sidereal for the New Moon is Aquarius. Predictions and more details to be posted later this week as I gather evidence and write my article.

Anybody looking to make a donation today!? To a good cause: getting a new astrology program software that I can run and get your natal charts faster and easier than anywhere on the Web, and far more accurate and without the privacy invasion? Well then , help me to buy this new galaxy gear I need to do astraunomer like working with the Stars and Moon's in your Sun🔔Signs Charting Birth Chart Analysis included, I will decipher the information for you, your going to love it if we can just make it to the mark of being able to afford it!! $$$ come on guys I know that cafe astrology. Com steals your birth information and uses it right? So does any other site no matter how legit they seem, if your serious about astrology and do not want a hex or curse put on you or a super privacy invasion issue, then DONATE PLEASE TO MY COMPANY I CREATED A BUSINESS PROFILE PORTFOLIO FOR MY ONLINE ASTRO+TAROT-GUIDANCE IT'S THE BEST BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED, YOU ARE TOTALLY MISSING OUT IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW ME AND GET READINGS OR REPORTS OF ASTROLOGY as nd numerology daily , weekly, even, monthly, because I have a wealth of great accurate source divine informative details you need to know NOW about your life! You just might be headed in the wrong direction astrologically or maybe your barcodes of your life aren't adding up and we need to subtract? That's numerology! And also my tarot reliable Readings are something you just should not be missing out on ,

I have totally stopped posting the free daily and weekly horoscopes did you notice?

That's because I do not feel like I should be giving out my great divine guidance fir free anymore, I'm feeling used and over worked, also

I only post the daily card of the day for tarot then a few other specials daily, and weekly but everything else I am currently putting on hold until I can at least afford some damn toilet paper. Because I just am not dealing with helping out a bunch of people with their super important questions for free when I do not get help myself for the things I truly need, don't you think my not having fucking toilet paper is a little bit more of an emergency than whether your boyfriend or non boyfriend likes you and you're truly actually meant to be with them, I have to apologize in advance if I seem like I'm being selfish, or rude. Please, I intend to not do any harm by bringing up this fact. Only voicing that I too, have maybe, maybe just maybe, bigger problems than your issues that I think are pure selfish things st this moment in time I'm real sorry that I do feel this way, maybe being broke has made me bitter a tad ... I don't know, cause I used to always go out of my way to assist anybody even if I did not know them, and I'd concentrate on their problems more than mine always focusing on helping others instead of helping myself, now I am purely from the heart, just reaching out for just some compassionate, you do not have to donate much just 3$ or more would get me through the day, 10$ could get me the toilet paper plus my dignity. Today. So if you feel like helping a lost soul out here in the Galaxy.

My paypal account for the company business I just trying to start up now is at this address: www.paypal.com/4tunef8

Hey everyone I just want to say I care deeply about each and every tumblr blogger on here, and I sincerely hope the best for you always, and right now I am doing little candle prayer magik to send you all some healing and luck , and if you do decide to donate, just simply write to my ask box your about you donated and I will be doing a super special ritual tonight (for another reason, personal worship) but I will include your name personally into my piece , and you will truly I swear notice something great happen to you by the time of the New Moon, on the 6th like I wrote at the top of this post

I really actually did not intend for this post to get so long or go on about my personal issue, also I'd like to remind you not to judge a book by its cover, I have huge medical bills and current legal fees that I am trying so very hard to keep up with, this is a really really hard time for me, personally I am not even wanting the morning to come when I go to bed at night. I feel borderline suicidal, if that isn't hard times, I don't know what is... and I'm not even looking for sympathy, or anyone to feel anything towards me except knowing my strength of how far I've come and acknowledgement for this strength that I, an unpredictably unstable mentally ill woman of faith, have come so far from where I used to be and made it through my spiritual awakening which I thought was truly the end of the world it was doomsday dread style scary shit ! But I made it out alive! And now I am a much more magical person because I'm so blessed with my true path of destiney realised again this issue feelings of wehen I was a young teenager, it's like I get to start fresh as new beginning, I actually got a real second chance at life, because if you knew me really knew me, you'd know, that, I had strayed off the great path and was walking along a fine line where I was in constant danger daily. Hourly. I was always in harms way, just on the darkest side of life, depressed and not living for myself at all. I was not trusting my intuition, I was being abused and bullied all the time. And that constant abuse tore holes through my personality and literally metaphorically emotionally ripped me right apart inside and out. I was such a mess I hit rock bottom anxiety struck me harsh but it was good for me in the end because at rock bottom, you have no other choice but to rise up from where you currently are, it's such a true realization, but the main thing is I had gotten better from the abuse, and left finally the abusive relationship and all the other abusive people in my life because as I was going up n up no choice but up, I was gradually actually slipping into my divine timed spiritual awakening which shook my world.

My journey to progression and eventually getting back onto my rightful birth path, my destiny too, this all started my spiritual awakening and shifts in consciousness, I was truly blessed to be cursed at this time. It all started when I went to the homeless shelter in april 2018, just before my birthday it's like surreal how it was all so planned out like this, it's crazy, if you guys only knew the whole entire story of what I have gone through and the truly horrific events that I now realised were all tests, and lessons, and that's my favorite way to look at my very abusive past and the unfortunate circumstances that wound me up a homeless addict on the streets of cities I dwelled in for times that seemed so rough and brutal I thought the pain would never end. Addiction can happen to anybody. But this is something that I actually feel in my soul that I was supposed to, meant to, go through. To realize some things, I had to experience this hard lifestyle. For me to eventually get to a place of gratitude and humility and to actually drop all my selfish ways and have more compassion, and learn that I am meant to have these traits because I am a great healer. In my community I live in currently, a lot of them know my past but do not judge me one bit, they all truly appreciate my free community services that I provide for those in need, they are all suffering from mental health issues and I am treating them (not so much their mental condition but other problems they have at home or with their body) . I am really good at working with herbs, spices, and essential oils. I make and invent cures to almost anything! And I have a biig book of herbal remedies that I, myself , have invented or have found online and then tweaked the recipe to bed much better!! This is volume. 001.2 of my Book Of Shadows. I have written so very many books about magik and the laws of the universe. I cherish my sacred personal theories and extensive wealth of knowledge I have collected. I'm just good at organizing this shit for some reason. If I wasn't so private of a person and afraid of people stealing my information without my consent then I would gladly post more of this type of stuff then I already have,in this blog and my other one which is personally a better one.

Anyways, now you know where I stand, where I come from a little bit.

I really really hope that somebody will take the time to donate to me this day so that I may be I can feel better and like somebody actually cares. I have over spent to the max on credit cards with online shopping, and shipping all kinda of witchy trinkets and necessities, the basics, I am stuck with a huge credit card bill, and I have my boyfriends credit card that I did not know until yesterday, but, he put everything to be on me. He totally used my Health Card and SIN # TO GET WHATEVER HE WANTED BUYING SHUT ONLINE AND SHIPPING TECH STUFF TO HIS FRIEND! I feel like I got scammed and I'm damned or something !! Not only am going to be suffering from PTSD and anxiety around men forever, because of this selfish Identity use basically total FRAUD, I AM NOW stuck in a bad position and with a bill and now the worst part is that I am actually facing federal prison because of some of the activity he did while assuming my identity ?.. thanks ?

I feel very very stupid, I feel like a total idiot for listening to my ex-commonlaw boyfriend, I'm glad I just decided to give him literally all of the furniture and all the shit we owned. It makes me feel less guilty about all the negative emotions I have towards him. I know it does not make it right but it does help believe it or not, because J eventually end up thinking about it as a positive .

If you have at least got this far through this rambling write up post , then congratulations, sincerely- thankyou for listening !

You are amazing

You have a purpose

Find your destiny

☆you're made of star stuff, you're a star!

You are perfectly imperfect

Your magic is valid

No matter who you are or how experienced you are in Pagan Tradition /Wicca and Witchcraft/The Occult or any related subjects and interests in lifestyle choices, your magic is valid! It doesn't matter if you JUST decided to become a witch TODAY or 5 minutes ago, that title is yours to hold onto and have forever or for as long as you decide!

Everybody is special!

Everyone is worth it!

Nobody deserves to be bullied or told they are wrong for what they believe in, simply , everyone's path is unique and it's just not four to critic anybody for the path they are choosing! There's a lot of confused witchlings baby witches and some bullying religious type overgrown babies out there. I think everyone should just have a little more like a lot more respect , because it can be intimidating to anybody who wants to share their opinions that they might feel are good ideas but are second guessing the post they want to make based on fear around the way some communities are reacting and trying to police these people's opinions. As far as I know this blog site was actually created to actually share your opinions without judgement and harsh exchange of words based on the content context. I can relate to this oppression. I feel as if not only does it sometimes the fear of rejection stop me from posting but also I have a big fear of being hated on for a lengthy and slightly random post I write it then I delete it right away. It's just that I actually have severe symptoms of A.D.D that my doctor is not currently helping me to treat, so I can get a bit off track sometimes, and my subjects vary like for example in my main post it starts as a simple astro galactic observations post, my starting of this post I just realize was about the New Moon . Then I started talking about my software that I cannot afford and then i went on to talk about my emergency thats actually bothering me even more , the fact that i cannot wipe my ass today and i do not live near any restursnts or anywhrr literally that has toilet paper availible in their washroom or else id just go to McDonalds and use theur washroom, simple as that...but not availible sorry, and now that im still rambling ans have your attention i have an offer actually for some people that do donate, I'd like people to donate towards so that I can provide a few lucky people with

Free Natal Astral Chart plus some informative explanations about your planetary alignments with accurate predictions to your life. I could eventually provide a much more accurate source of information in my reports than I do with this program I'm running off my laptop as of right now, but currently if you'd like a real actual Astrologer like produced Natal Chart , I am calling everyone to donate to this account here www.paypal.com/4tunef8 and let me know in my ask box that you have donated to my space cosmos exploration programming software .

This is getting way too long I know, but if you really did actually read some of this message at least the good parts, then please share my link to my paypal in your blog with a short excerpt on why they should donate to me , my cause, my business (just started) , and also donate to the astraunomer cosmos Explorer Division Technology that I am so very excited about but I know I have way bigger problem,than, that, but I just wanted to give you guys an idea if what I can do for you. We can make a trade? Please!? To dedicate my time and efforts to assisting every one with their issues gives me great joy, I just love to be useful, and a helping healing hand to any literally anybody , and so ooo much of my days are spent spending my hard earned money on others . To make them that herbal remedy for their skin they truly need because every skincare product on the market is littered with toxic shit that causes bad reactions and the treatments for acne I make that I've invented do not infect or irritate the skin, so they need me, and they cannot afford this 290$ treatment but I actually spend MY money each month just to get the satisfaction of doing the right thing as nd also satisfaction that my products produce results that are beyond what I ever expected of them, sometimes I need a confidence booster and this once a month or twice sometimes, spending I do to make and create this great acne treatment that's herbal and more of a holistic approach.

My greatest flaw right now is not my addiction or the abuse I'm going through anymore, I don't live on the streets (yet) have a pretty decent apartment but my greatest flaw is helping people if that can even be a flaw? It is though, I have so many many more examples of times during the month that I am called up "hey witch doctor, we got a problem, are you free?"

I am on paranormal investigating teams in surrounding communities as well, this takes out so much energy, time, and yes, you guessed it, money !!

Anyways again I am actually going to close this rant ramble weird thoughts flowing from my mentally ill mind.

I truly truly hope that somebody, just 1 person even, does decide to care enough about me , a poor lost soul, to donate some about, it's all up to you, I'm not putting any rules and I just am not one to tell people what to do or how to spend their hard earned dollars or anything like I do not push ideas onto people, I'm just not like that, I totally believe in freedom for all, I don't wish for world peace at night because I know that that isn't possible, there's some cultures that just do not mix and a lot of cultures prefer to stick to their own and that's great because how else would the culture survive and the traditions live on to the next generations if they were mixed with a bunch of other cultures and lost their true identities as a nation , that would be sort of sad in a way, but I'm really not properly medicated and should not even maybe be observational posting about this when in not well in the mind fully yet this day. But a donation will help me to wipe my ass and that's my main goal.

Kk,baiii, don't hate, just donate #freefaeona #donation #astrology #worldwide #tarotreading

Ps: Actually ANYBODY that donates me more than 10$ today and the rest of the week too, I have an offer, I will do a FREE TAROT READING OF 3 FREE QUESTIONS FOR YOU, BECAUSE I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!

And anybody that shares my link to my paypal explaining that I'm giving free tarot Readings to anyone that's gunna donate! I will give you a YEARS HOROSCOPE OUTLOOK, BASED ON MY VERY ACCURATE SOURCES OF GENERATED HOROSCOPES I RECIEVE THEY'RE THE SAME ONES I USED TO POST ON HERE SO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GUNNA BE GOOD, THEN

Anybody that donates and says it's towards my astro-cosmos software, I'll do up a FREE ABSOLUTELY, JUST THE COST OF YOUR DONATION, I'LL DO YOUR NATAL BIRTH CHART FOR YOU, WITH THE SEMIPRO PROGRAM I HAVE RIGHT NOW,

So there's my offers and anybody that blogs about these offers and tags me in them, is just an amazing person and gets the luckiest prize of all, they get entered into a draw to win a free natal chart birth chart wow yeah and and and I'm gunna give an astrology reading to you very reliable accurate information details you will WANT TO KNOW!!

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calorieworkouts · 6 years ago

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Lifting With the Big Boys: A Life Changed by Training

I was 15 and also felt unstoppable. Scorching throughout heaven line, I slid the puck in between the defender's legs and avoided his shoulder. One consider the goalie was all it took for me to turn the puck easily right into the top right edge of the web. What complied with was a mild 'ping' of the blog post and an umpire's whistle to indicate the goal. I got on a state of satori and ended up being removed from my surroundings. All of a sudden an acne ridden behemoth squashed me right into the ground with an inexpensive shot. Apparently he didn't appreciate being deked around and also couldn't contain himself in his testosterone-fueled rage. I was concussed. All I bear in mind hearing was something like 'that's what you get shrimp!' It took a week for my migraines to diminish - I'm lucky it wasn't even worse. I'm 5'4' currently. My entire life was on the receiving end of both bodily and spoken intimidation. It never ever bothered me. I always recognized that I would ultimately get the much better of them as well as their jibes and also strikes originated from insecurity. When I obtained blind-sided every little thing altered. Never ever had I really felt so at risk. If one pinhead can squash me with an affordable shot there was no reason it would not take place again. That was the moment I determined to lift weights. My Father has always been my most significant inspiration and the day he brought me to function out with him at the YMCA altered my life. I weighed 105 lbs. As I stood in the area with the small weights carelessly doing biceps swirls with 10 lb pinheads I began to dream. 'Someday,' I assumed, 'I'll be able to raise weights in the huge child area where the pinheads begin at 20 lbs.'

Gaston, Goggles, and Spike

I owe a lot to my initial fitness center friends, Travor and also Brandon, that came with me to the fitness center after school daily, rainfall or shine. We failed together and we grew with each other. My fondest memory from those days was the nicknames we offered to the substantial guys at the gym. Gaston was a person with a ponytail and also 20 inch arms, Goggles was a man with Coke container glasses that had such substantial lats he strolled sidewards through doors, as well as Spike was a man with a Mohawk and also tree trunks for legs. These characters, which only exist as animations in my memory, offered me toughness. Putting them down behind their backs appeared making my puny biceps compare with theirs.

I Was Just About to Give Up...

It's now one year later on and I weight a frustrating 108 pounds. I can do a chest press with the weights from the huge boy area but was still curl and also burning with the 12s. This was my cheapest factor. I would certainly broken my butt and also really did not believe I had anything to reveal for it. I was still getting battered in hockey and entered a bunch of problem for violently striking back. I obtained a 6-game suspension and the cops ended up being involved. I regret what I did to today but the bully had pressed me over the edge. In college he would certainly plague me everyday and also he was the type of hockey player that understood precisely which switches to press. Everything went red as well as I blew up. I apologize and also am fortunate everyone was ALRIGHT. Lucky for me my initial a-ha moment was best nearby. At once when absolutely nothing was going right and I will quit both the fitness center as well as hockey I tossed an event at my house. To my surprise I located myself in my childhood years room with the girl who would certainly become my initial partner. In a circumstances of extraordinary blowing I took off my shirt as well as you understand just what? She discovered! She matched my body and claimed 'you should be exercising.' That was it, and also I was hooked.

Cottage Cheese

All I keep in mind from College is a bunch of partying, the university health club, pointless multiple-choice examinations, and also home cheese (I vaguely keep in mind reviewing a Male's Health write-up spokening it had bunches of healthy protein). On a daily basis for 2 years I ate a large bowl of 2 percent home cheese with lunch. At the end of those 2 years I evaluated 145 pounds. This was where my actual education occurred. I 'd rest in the fitness center (by 2nd year I managed the weight area) with a biomechanics textbook and also attempt to call all the movements individuals were doing. I presumed regarding try and also imagine the heart beat, the muscle mass contract, and the lungs expand of everyone exercising. I didn't recognize much but I maintaineded at it, day in and day out. I would certainly comply with an exercise from a magazine one month, a book the following, as well as determine to develop my very own program the following. It had not been reliable but gradually I became a motion specialist. Thirty hrs of committed study in the health club and also 25 one hours of lecture outside of a week aided me develop my 10,000 hrs early. After four years of functioning out it clicked and also I figured out the trick. I started to focus much more on the movement, not on the weights. The mind-muscle connection became my top priority. Instantly I started obtaining massive gains. I dead lifted two plates for the very first time as well as was able to bench press my weight. Most of all I went out of my means to obtain welcomed to pool parties.

Forever Changed

I owe the fitness center a whole lot. It's transformed my life. It provided me a haven when I needed to obtain comfortable in my very own skin and also has actually been my 2nd residence for the past 12 years. I currently change between 150-160 pounds and feel great. I even returned to train at the YMCA in 2014. While raising weights in the large boy location I dipped into to see two young people experimenting with weights. Some health club goers would have most likely thought these kids were morons. I merely grinned and assumed to myself 'the cycle proceeds.' Nowadays I do not have any kind of lofty objectives. I like the means I look. I can bench press 200 pounds, squat 250, as well as deadlift 400. I do not bother with digging deep each day as well as advancing with every workout. To me enjoyment as well as satisfaction of the journey is exactly what issues. Probably my greatest pleasure in life originates from assisting others attain the exact same level of gratification via exercise that I did. Do not obtain confused attempting to find the next best exercise, the magic diet regimen, or one of the most efficient cardio. They don't exist. The Evil one isn't really in the information. Just obtain out there and obtain relocating. Find your Gaston as well as anticipate your a-ha minute. I guarantee you will not recall.

#exercise #fitness #fitness center #gym #health #health club #the fitness center #total fitness #weight #workout

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adkinemi06 · 7 years ago

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Blog Post #18- Asia Abbreviated

Current Mood: Humble

Currently listening to: Weight of the World by Jon Bellion

Current verse of choice: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12

Where do I even start….I am going to try my best to keep this blog short...but I can’t make any promises. This blog is going to be solely focused on my trip to Asia (abbreviated) so that I can remember it when I am old.

My journey began on February 2nd as I headed to the Cleveland Airport. As I made my way through security, my bag alarmed and they have to go through my entire bag…which means they have to take everything out. You can imagine my disappointment because I had to shove 2 weeks of supplies into this tiny duffel bag…that was not easy. As they search my items, they find the item that alarms-my heavy duty, hospital grade sanitary wipes. They proceed to tell me that I will have to either throw them away or check my bag because the wipes are flammable (who knew?). I was not planning on checking this bag, so I continued to question all of the options I had. Anyway, I went back out to the front desk and talked to the airline reps. I explained that I was going to a third world country and that it would be nice to have these sanitary wipes…they did not care. Little did I know, the man next to me was a doctor who overheard my conversation. He then says, “Let me check this bag for you.” And I said, “No, that is so nice, but it’s okay, I will check it.” And he said, “Please, let me do this for you. I understand how important those wipes are.” He then proceeded to pay for my bag to be checked so that I could have my sanitary wipes, wished me well, and walked away…I hope I see that man again someday-I am going to buy him a very nice meal.

Moving on, the rest of the day was just getting to Florida to meet my cousin Cody. We had one night in Florida, then hopped on a plane to Doha, Qatar (our layover destination). The entire flight was 13 hours, but I got restless after hour 6…it was a bit miserable. Once in Doha, we had about 3 hours for our legs to remember how to walk and hopped back on a plane to Yangon (Myanmar). We arrived in Myanmar at about 5:30AM…completely jetlagged.

Our team consisted of 10 people. Dr. Charlick (the leader of our mission and evangelism), Mrs. Charlick (optical team), Stephanie (my awesome roommate, optical team), Cody (doctor), Dr. Kerry (dentist), Dr. Bob (dentist), and all of our nurses (me, Renee, Brooke, Kathy). I was the youngest nurse (the youngest person on the trip actually). It was so inspiring to hear about everyone’s careers as a nurse and all of the previous mission trips they have done. All of these nurses went into this trip with years of experience, and there I was with 6 months of nursing under my belt...It was kind of intimidating, but I was so excited. Other members of our team included our host pastor and his wife (Jubilee and Moe Moe), and multiple of the students that had graduated from the bible college in Yangon. They were our translators throughout the trip, and they were all incredible people who are doing amazing work for God in the country.

The first day was just a lot of inventory and prepping supplies, which was actually a lot harder than I anticipated it to be. That could be because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. After prep, we went to dinner at this well-known restaurant that was built in replication of a historic boat that the king used. It also had live performances by Burmese dancers, and the food was really good!

After a much needed night of sleep, we headed out to set up our first medical clinic. The next 2 weeks were pretty much just a pattern of us setting up a clinic, moving, setting up a clinic, etc. We had to move every two days because we technically were not allowed to be in the country spreading the love of Jesus. Myanmar is a very strict Buddhist country, and the government controls pretty much everything in the country. For example, most of the tourist attractions are funded by the government and contain a lot of Buddhist content, foreigners are not allowed to travel to certain areas of the country, foreigners can only stay in certain hotels, etc. That being said, they have caused a lot of fuss in the past when medical teams have been found to be spreading the word of God.

So a typical day in Asia for us went a little bit like this:

Our alarms went off around 5:30AM, and devotion was at 6 AM. Devotion always started with an open prayer where we could all pray about whatever was on our hearts at that moment. Then we would share a testimony about life, big experiences, and a person’s walk with Christ, etc. It was amazing to hear everyone’s story and how they became a follower of Christ. Breakfast was at 7AM and out the door by 8 AM. We would drive to the location for that day and prepare the site for patients. The clinic had 4 different sections for patients. The patients would first go to the evangelistic section and hear about God, the Bible, and the ability to go to Heaven. Most of these people have never even heard the word Jesus. See, the Buddhist believe in reincarnation; when they are sinners, they believe that they will be reincarnated to something bad. However, when they find out that there is a Creator that can forgive their sins and “reincarnate” them into a kingdom (Heaven), they are ecstatic to become a Christian. After that portion of the clinic, they were able to go to the optical, dental, or medical portions of the clinic. Clinic usually ran until about 5:30 or until we saw all of the patients. We then would have a recap of the day, clean up, head to dinner, and sleep. It was a crazy, busy, exhausting, beautiful 2 weeks.

In terms of nursing, working in that setting was an incredible learning experience. After graduation, I went right into critical care nursing (which is extremely complex and equipment oriented). However, this kind of nursing was like triage or community health nursing, which I have very minimal experience with. Not to mention, in critical care I have endless resources, but there, I had close to no resources. I felt like it was day one of my nursing career all over again...and it was a little frustrating at times (not to mention the huge language barrier that existed). Over the course of 2 weeks, though, I learned more than I could ever imagine, and performed tasks that I would never be allowed to perform in America as a nurse. My cousin Cody taught me so much…he is so smart, has worked so hard, and he is such a good teacher. I really got a taste of what it is like to think like a doctor, which was really inspiring.

In terms of my health, I actually did get sick on the trip, but not with anything tropical or serious. I think I caught an upper respiratory infection on the flights over to Yangon. I ran a 100 degree fever for like 3 days straight, but I was still able to go to clinic. It was like the Lord blessed me from 8-5:30 every day so that I could tolerate it, but then I was miserable at night. Anyway, that got out of my system and I was good to go until one day, I had a full day of vomiting and diarrhea (pleasant to hear about…right?). On the bright side, it only lasted one day and it was gone.

The one touristy thing we did while we were there was attend this massive Buddhist cave. It was actually really beautiful hiking thorough the cave because it was the biggest cave I have ever seen or been in. Something interesting about the entire country is that, when you enter a holy place, you have to take your shoes off. That was definitely the first time I have ever hiked through a cave without my shoes on. After we got through the cave, we got in a canoe and rowed back to the entrance of the cave. The most impressive thing about this experience is that Dr. Charlick (who is in his 80s) hiked through the entire cave AND got in and out of the canoe. That’s my goal in life when I am 80.

Side note: the mountains in Myanmar are breathtaking. We would be driving down the road and there would be mountains that just pop up out of nowhere! Another interesting thing about the mountains is that, on the tip of almost every mountain, there are pagodas (Buddhist temples). I wonder how they carried all of that material way up to the top of the mountain…

On the way back home, my cousin Cody and I had a 20 hour layover in Doha, Qatar, and we defiantly took advantage of it. It just so happened to be Cody’s birthday as well. We ate amazing food, went to this famous market, saw the gorgeous skyline of the city, took a boat ride, and stayed in a beautiful hotel. Doha is one of the richest cities in the country, and it is all royalty money. It was modern, clean, alive, and beautiful. It was kind of reverse culture shock after spending two weeks in the jungle.

After the painful 16 hour flight from Doha back to Miami, I vowed to never get on a plane again (knowing that I had to get on one in a couple of days to get back to Ohio). Once we arrived home, I had some time to sleep and reflect on my trip. Myanmar was one of the greatest experiences I have been able to do with my life, and I am so humbled that God allowed this opportunity to be fulfilled. Hundreds of people accepted Jesus as their Savior (even a Buddhist monk…which is a huge deal). We saw almost 200 patients a day and were able to discover and treat their medical problems. I met so many friends that I will never forget, and I pray that I get to see them again someday. People ask me, “How was your trip?!”, and it is extremely difficult for me to put into words. To an extent, it is just impossible to put into words. All I can say is that my life and my heart are forever changed, but one thing I do know for sure: this trip was just the beginning of a life-long journey of medical missionary work for me.

#Myanmar Asia Missionary nursing humble Jesus

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