#just want normalcy
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well the downside of being off T is that i realize i DO have emotions after all and they never stopped being intense and i never learned how to cope cause i was just numbing it out. ugh. lame
#hello darkness my old friend#on the verge of losin it and going back to old coping strats#looking foward to it tbh#i dont know if ill ever go back on T or not. rather not think abt it#wish people would stop asking and leave me alone. stop fucking telling me im trans all the time im going insane#just want normalcy#just wanna live a calm peaceful normal life#im not saying T numbs ur emotions but it did for me#i think cause i was on such a high dose for whatever reason#made me calm but like#if emotions range from 0 to 100#i only felt the 40-60 range#yakno what i mean?#i didnt feel the rage or the intense sadness#but i didnt get any sort of real joy or excitement or satisfaction in anything either#i dont know which i prefer to be honest#neither. both. depends#i crave the intense ups#makes me feel alive rather than just standing there in a storm#i want to be the storm#ramblings
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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insp 🌸
#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#elmike#el hopper#stranger things#kydraws#reddit link jumpscare /hj but i couldnt find another place to link im too sleepy 😩#some notes! due to misconceptions ive seen:#in my mind this is meant to be a mike centric piece representing him feeling torn between his feelings for will and the sortve#the comfort of normalcy he has being with el? (+ societal pressures).#the painting replaces the sword here to symbolize like the *thing* setting things off in mike's mind if that makes sense#the want and hope that the painting was a gift from will (the one he wants to be with) yet dealing with the conflicting feelings#of the painting actually being from el (obviously this isnt the case but lets say he fully believes will's lie about it being from her)#which is why both will and el are touching the painting but will has the paint on his hands (as well as having more of a grasp on it)#this is not meant to be a humorous piece! idk why i saw ppl implying this is meant to be a joke or mean towards el bc its absolutely not om#aand the from el tag was just mean being in a goofy mood lol wanted to add more cheesy symbolism#oh oh! and you can absolutely view this with bi mike in mind 😌💗
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do you ever think about how in the literal very first scene with Rebecca, we learn that Unit Bravo had no idea she even had a kid
she chose UB and The Agency over the detective so consistently, so frequently, that her team didn't even consider that she had some kind of life outside of them, with someone waiting for her at home
#twc#Rebecca I am obsessed with your brain#like N and F especially are so moved by the ideas of family and normalcy and having a home to return to#i just want UB to really sit with the idea of what the detective missed bc their mom chose to be their handler#twc rebecca#the wayhaven chronicles#wayhaven#Rebecca's grief and fear and sense of duty melding into one giant nightmare creature of work-life imbalance#I've been contemplating what a rebecca & mc relationship would look like if rook hadn't died#much to consider#the rebecca lore is making me insane the more i think about it#like if anyone was going to have any inkling of Rebecca's personal life it'd be UB and theyre like 'child?? dead husband??'#she trusted agency sitters enough to watch the detective but never let even hinted her own team that she had a kid !!!#idk im rambling now
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Thought posed:
Danny does the college stuff and interning for stuff at Wayne Enterprises while living in Gotham, but he doesn’t catch the Bats attention because he simultaneously is both Just Normal Enough while the Bats are Slightly Out Of Step of normal long enough that things with Danny don’t catch their attention. (Gotham as a whole is a huge ‘well this might as well happen’ place and after however many years…the threshold is a bit off for weirdness. Pair that up with normal Batdrama and role-code-switching and minor things are likely going to be subconsciously overlooked if not clocked as Dangerous.)
(Does Danny know the Bats’ IDs? … He would deny it if asked. Not his circus business though. He does think it’s smart that they at least try to cover their faces, unlike when he played the hero. He meets Clark before Superman and feels like he’s on the Office or something.)
Danny moves on with the astro-stuff (whether an astronaut, an astrophysicist, or whatever else) in another city and catches the attention of another hero as Not Normal, What’s Up With That Guy?? (two parts coincidence, one part Danny’s willingness to trust for the better, one part Uncanny) and they track his history to Gotham/WE and decide to ask the Batclan if they knew anything.
They find out nothing really is wrong with Danny (…the JLD was not called or conferred with, unfortunately for all) but it does spark the reeducation refresher of the Gotham Clan for Human Weirdness (that also educated the rest in just how messed up Gotham can be).
#and then at the end Danny shows up in space or whatever idk#part as just a normal thing he does that didn’t catch attention before#part because the heroes were not subtle and Danny wants to fuck with them#Danny’s stuff is more background to the reeducation of Gotham vigilantes’ perspective of normalcy#I figure that with enough time some things that were Big News is now not and therefore doesn’t reach far#especially is Gotham had a period of not being able to rely on anything but itself#adult Danny Fenton#he’s in his 30s#two decades dead and a year or two off of finding out he’s functionally immortal#GIW not really an issue#governmant agencies may be watching him to use him for nefarious purposes (saving money on budgets with this overpowered space weirdo)#I’m on the astronaut Danny fenton tag again#lol#dpxdc#ao3#op#Danny stared at Clark for 20 seconds without blinking during an interview and the déjà vu sense clocked him as alien#Clark was concerned when his interviewee spaced out mid word. saw him later when he saved him from a car later and the guy just…sighed?#the only thing he says as he walks away?#goddamnit wes. every effing time. should probably look into that.
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choreman is the beautiful love story between two men who are so deeply morally fucked and repressed and who have been through hell together but who are still both. at their core. deeply boring and uninteresting people. their ideal date is going out to a nice restaurant together and sharing a bottle of wine. they go home every night to a picture perfect apartment that they clean together every sunday afternoon and read medical journals next to each other on the couch. they play video games together on the weekends semi-regularly and it’s the closest either of them ever get to having a hobby. on special occasions chase gets foreman a new tie and foreman gets chase a new cologne and then they have sex in missionary and fall asleep at a reasonable hour.
#they yearn to be normal and they could achieve normalcy in each other#i mean. theyre both fucked in the head so theyd definitelh both WANT to have crazy kinky sex together#and do exciting things#but i think what theyd most value in each other#is that they understand each other’s desire to just be regular and boring#and to be at peace with each other#they both have stressful jobs they dont need that sort of constant excitement/stimulation in their personal life#choreman#robert chase#eric foreman#house md
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winter kiss
#bakudeku#LAST NIGHT i had a dream that bkdk went on a first date and it was so cute#it made me wanna write a fic BUT IDK HOW JFHDJHF#SO I WILL JUST TALK ABOUT IT HERE#(also i rlly wanted to draw deku in fluffy warm clothes)#ANYWAY the concept of deku asking bkg on a date and them both just indulging in a moment of normalcy that's just.. simple and tender..#MAKES ME RLLY EMOTIONAL#bc they never really get the chance to just be normal teenagers#and the world they live in has become so dangerous and so chaotic#SO BOTH OF THEM GO ON THIS DATE and they have a nice time#but it's bittersweet too because they know they might not get another moment like this#bc they never know what tomorrow will bring#SO IT'S A HAPPY MOMENT but one that is fleeting#like snow :)#ANYWAY if u read all of that thank u JFHJFHF#rikkivoid#mystuff
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I really like the idea that Sparda and Eva never actually told the twins about Sparda's exploits, the legends and fairytales that followed him throughout his life, because more than anything... he just wanted to be their dad. Not this larger than life figure, whose expectations hung heavy over their heads. Just their father, who was slightly embarrassing and had a habit of accidentally hitting his head on that one chandelier.
#i have soft feelings about eva and sparda just wanting. to give the boys some semblance of normalcy in their childhood#dmc
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The good thing that would come out of Dick adopting Damian would be the comedy of Bruce's first grandchild being his biological son.
#this is just for the funsies#if you want a real and serious opinion about dick adopting damian then that's for another post#bruce became a grandpa but at what cost?#bruce: I gave you plenty of grandchildren why can't any of them get a normal family and do the same for me#alfred: master bruce you should be the last person talking about normalcy#(specially when referring to forming a family)#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne
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i feel like i’m the only one that doesn’t want arc 3 (seasons 8-10) to be set far into the future. like im talking 10 years into the future. because i know that if this happens and the characters are in marriages and have their own children then the story is more than likely going to be about their children and i personally want to know more about the characters we’ve been with, not their kids. don’t get me wrong, i would love to see domestic rayllum and their kids and how all the other characters have grown up, but i don’t want those children to be the focus. i want more of the characters we already know and love. which is why if we do get arc 3, i want it to still be about our main characters (obviously while branching out to seeing others like how arc 2 has branched out to lux aurea) and their conflicts and stories and lives. i’ve seen a lot of theories for how they could still be the focus and my favorite one is probably with the antagonists being the cosmic order against our characters
#i want to see domestic rayllum and the characters grown up as much as everyone else but i don’t want the story to be about their kids#just bc i’ll miss our characters too damn much lmao#i need more of them#we just got a bit of normalcy back for all of them i need more than one more season of that#excluding soren and claudia they’re not normal rn#they’re going through it#same with katolis but whatever#i’d be fine with a small timeskip like possibly 3 years into the future but nothing insane#do yall understand what i’m saying#or am i alone 💀#rayllum#rayla#callum#the dragon prince#tdp#tdp rayla#tdp spoilers#tdp season 6#tdp callum#tdp s6
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a nap in the sun
#pokemon#pkmn#oc#oc art#pokemon oc#trainer oc#orginal character#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#venusaur#pikachu#kanto au#oc: clementine#my art <3#artists on tumblr#digital art#thx u for all the kind comments on my last piece of oc art wahhh it makes me very happy!!!#i was originally gonna put them in virdian forest + make the piece darker but if a piece isn’t so saturated your eyes are burning i don’t#want it!!! lol // anyway!!! clem is the main focus of my … champion kids… au??? idk if au is a good word bc it’s just a part of#my personal hc/interpretation of gamecanon … just down the line yknow! last time i created an oc was my self insert sonic oc when i was a#whole child … 14 years ago actually which is insane to think about - but i finally (re)understand why yall would die for your oc’s cause#this is my bbg!!!😭🥺🍊🧡 this whole au is super fun for me - i really love exploring the idea of how the champions WE know would be as parents#& how they would navigate both the role as the most famous people in the pokemon world while simultaneously trying to raise a child with#some sense of normalcy? also how the kids perceive and KNOW their parents vs the perception the public has of them! clem is reds daughter#and i think his extremely complicated life and position in the spotlight would play a super interesting role how he raises a child -#especially a daughter!!! this is her taking a lil nap with both her parents pokemon!!! they’re definitely older now (evident by their#wrinkles lol) but they can still definitely beat any trainers ass but will also be available for their babysitting duties lol
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so like do you ever think about john doe
#sorry guys hes taking over ny brain again#his situation is so fucked up what the hell 😭😭#like yeah ok objectively arthur kinda has it worse#but imagine#you get torn from your former self and trapped in a book#then after killing multiple people you finally find a suitable host#but then you get attached and now youre no longer your former self#then your new human friend (who is quite literally all you have (and want)) kills himself to save you#even after you betrayed him and lied to him. multiple times#and you get separated and when you come back hes angry at you for having changed#but you had to make a deal with the literal devil to keep him alive and be together again#you work through it but then you have fulfil you end of the deal which indirectly causes him to meet this fucking priest#who is MONOPOLISING on your person’s attention#and since you seem to be suffering some form amnesia you desperately cling to normalcy – to when it was just the two of you#(but you know deep down you’re never going to be enough for him because he deserves more than a fractured monster imitating humanity)#(because he deserves the /world/ and if you could you would give it to him)#so you try to chop that priests arm off (he asked to be fair)#wouldnt that be fucked up#malevolent#unhinged aromantics#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#john doe#john malevolent#arthur malevolent#malevolent john#malevolent arthur
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every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal
#next to normal#and yes this is based on a true story#generally I dont try to juck anyones jum so I of course didn't tell that person what I was thinking at that moment#and if someone found Dear Evan Hansen a useful text in terms of their own mental health journey who am I to discredit that#but this is the internet and I am back on the ntn train#in a way it is my saf autumn musical#and yes I am a survior of the 2017 Tony Awards why were you asking?#no but seriously#it is so interesting how many narrative devices Dear Evan Hansen took from Next to Normal#but turned them into a less complete piece#like Gabe in ntn is a representation of unadressed grief and trauma and the family has to accept that he will never be really gone#and connor is just...idk not fully thought out?#idk I'm rambling#but also#how the love story between Henry and Natalie means something#Natalie sees her parent's relationship and desperately doesn't want that for herself and Henry at the same time also stand for#a piece of normalcy that seems attainable#you don't sit there and think hu why is there this completely separate love story thrown in there?#it mirrors the problems#and dear evan hansen#do I even have to say it#I thnk the thing I resent it most for is that it has a love story#naja#I'm of listening to net to normal some more#sorry I someone who really likes deh stumbles accross this#I feel like espechially musicals can be something that can be so personal#and I don't actually want to contribute to more stuff like#ew why do you like this when theres xyz that is so much better or morally purer or whatever#I guess what I do want to say is: if I had a nickle for everytime they made a musical about mental health where theres a ghost on stage and#the sister of the dead kid falls in love with a funny guy while her family is falling apart
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supernatural rewatch 1.16
this episode is so wincest. first we have dean being SO incredibly jealous over meg flirting with sam at the bar, standing behind sam and “ahem”ing like ‘um excuse me! can’t u see his brotherhusband is standing right here…’
then we get sam saying he wants to go back to school after this and dean fighting back tears like I KNOWW his stomach hurt so bad when sam said that.
“there has to be something you want for yourself”
“yea i don’t want you to leave .......”
look at him standing there.
PITIFUL!!!!!!!!
IM GONNA BE SICK !!! all dean wants is to be with sam for the rest of his life he just wants to be NEAR him & be together forever. like sam is the only semblance of love & affection he’s ever received. so sad & so pathetically in love with his brother it’s disgusting … i love it do it again
#liveblogging#like god yea#dean is so in love with him and who could blame him#and i love this somehwat unrequited vibe like dean pining after sam just wanting him to himself and sam dont even rly gaf#sam just wants to be normal and dean just wants sam#i KNOWWWW deans chest hurt so bad like fuck#i can see how dean sympathizers coudl turn this into a “SAM S SO MEAN !!!” moment but sam is completely valid and he deserves normalcy#but its just so sad cus dean hasnt experienced normal once in his life and i cant imagine him ever adjusting to a “normal” life like#he just wants to be married to his brother and save people and hunt things the family business#im finding mysefl leaning heavily into “weirdcest” and the like because yea#its not about the sex for me but god they need to kiss so bad#FML#wincest#spn rewatch#ham.txt#samdean#dean#sam winchester#dean winchester#weirdcest#supernatural#the winchester brothers#spn#screencaps
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Names are so vital. So important and held to who a person is and gods Claude who has known Jericho through being far closer to Simon than himself now; through Jericho and the taking of his FACE through having to take in the mind of bloody fucking Martin. If names bring power, what sort of humanity does it draw out of a person when they’ve seen you try on a good couple. Maybe I’m just in my own head about this but truly, there are versions and layers of learning and change to the Jericho we know now, and after a certain point? If we move past his childhood? Claude has been there for nearly all of them besides the tubs. When he lost Kassie there was someone else and this one hasn’t LEFT through his learning and hasn’t died through him stumbling into the world and overall at his side. He has truly been one of the people closest to him. One of the closest you could get, at the very least, when you wear the face of a tormentor and feel your gut twisted by their own memories of their hatred of you or how you her them, and you can’t remember a world without that hurt. I’m never going to heal from these two I swear it.
(also the taking of Martin’s face is destructive to my mental health rip someone please save me it ruins me every time I remember it, n WONDER he had brother issues dude)
#city of blank#like seriously tho imagine being Claude and watching this man you died for break down#as he has to relive memories of his own torment THROUGH THE ASSAILANTS LENS. Like wtf dude I’d lose it#Claude is sat there at his side. Likely still helping coax him into showers as he’s growing skin.#Likely helping him find ways to stay clean and get up in the morning. Claude knows how to clean up without the energy for a shower#we’ve all been sad like that before. He gets that. He knows that. And fuck I hate how his apathy likely trained him for this#for helping someone take little steps into a world that has never welcomed him and actively hurt him#to teach him humanity and whatever he would let himself be taught. To grow into himself and not just into Martin’s skin.#AND THEN he watched him heal from being blown up and was there in the jungle shit and likely as Jericho’s red blank space came in like that#like. He has seen SO MANY VERSIONS of this man and stuck around for each one#i fucking love him. Symbol of bloody loyalty. Through thick and fucking thin. He has supported Jericho since the dawn of his second life#and he’ll continue to do so in as much time as the world will give him. No matter if it costs him an arm and a leg#or his family. Or normalcy. Because he doesn’t want normal he wants jericho. And that man is always pulled away from normal#by the very same world that has told him since birth that “normal” isn’t achievable for him#im actually distraught over them like im gonna sob i blame 66 this shit is too good#root rambles#jericlaude#claude cob#jericho cob#kinda long mb
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