#just making explanations for myself for things i dont like that much

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[divorcedfiddleford]

it is friday my dudes (little hearts added by @tazmiilly)

[itsrlymine]

i apologize for the really long ask but i really wanted to share my thoughts and i would make my own loa blog but i dont have it in me to deal with anons so i fear i will dump them all on you 😔 first off i want to say THANKKKK YOUUUUUU you literally changed my manifestation journey i used to be really into manifestation back in 2021/2022 and i was trying to manifest my dream face but it never happened no matter how much i affirmed or listened to subs or anything so i was just like fuck it this manifesting stuff isnt real imma just move on with my life and thats how i went about my life until you popped up on my dashboard a month ago and usually i would click not interested on any loa content but i was like you know what lemme give this stuff a chance again bc i did try the non manifesting route and it didnt work out bc when i tell you my life went DOWNHILL i used to protect myself from negative experiences by having the belief that i was simply the exception to terrible stuff but the moment i left the loa behind and was like no thats unrealistic anything can happen well guess what!! so many bad stuff happened in my life the last 2 years its genuinely crazy. so i was like lemme try this again and i went through your blog and really tried to materialize everything you were saying and read it with the attitude that what you are saying IS real instead of the doubting attitude i had towards loa advice/info back in 2022 and things really shifted for me.

so the first thing i learned is that MANIFESTATION IS REAL and more importantly NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE what i went through these past two years was proof to me that manifestation is real because once i adopted that negative mindset and dropped any positive beliefs i had my life became a nightmare and all those terrible thoughts manifested right before my eyes. for example i used to believe that i always looked pretty no matter what, this was just something part of my belief system but when i abandoned the law and everything i told myself no thats crazy i cant mAniFeSt looking pretty its unrealistic if im not pretty then im just not and bro when i tell you i was at my lowest appearance wise I WAS AT MY LOWESSTT my classmates at school would come up to me and tell me i looked so different and so dull even my mom would say the same stuff to me and tell me i changed i also noticed a difference when i looked in the mirror. the reason why i felt like manifestation wasnt real was because it just seemed really crazy to me, i felt like things materializing out of nowhere and appearances changing drastically was just like something fantastical and just not possible here in the real world. well i am here to tell you that is NAWT THE CASE! the world is not logical and im gonna tell you why. most of us here have grew up religious, and whats more illogical than religion? there are so many stories in the bible where illogical stuff happen like youre telling me some guy can turn water into wine? doesnt that sound like something out of a fantasy movie? but it happened, right? you believe in the bible so you believe in all the stuff that happened in it even the magical stuff. and another thing with growing up religious is that we always hear stories about miracles where for example a neighbor who was really sick suddenly woke up completely healthy. and we also were taught that we can ask god for anything and that god can make anything happen. i remember when my dad would teach me about religion he would say that god can make the grass is purple if he wanted to. it isnt just in religion but also in another spiritual communities and stuff they also have their own stories where things that dont really make sense logically happen. this goes to show that the world and humanity were never logical and that illogical things can happen, they've been happening since the dawn of time. people just came up with their own explanations. so get that thought that you cant change your entire face because its too crazy out of your head because it isn't. anything is possible. we literally live on a rock and we somehow move and speak and talk and somehow atoms exist so pls get with the program aint nothing logical in this life and the sooner you come to terms with that the better. nothing is too crazy because existence itself is crazy.

the second thing i learned was that MANIFESTATION IS NOT A PROCESS. i used to hear this all the time back in 2022 and it never made sense to me i was always like what tf are yall talking about???? my understanding was that manifestation is the act of trying to get something, but i was so so wrong. everything changed for me when i started approaching manifestation with the attitude that i was reminding myself of what i have, not trying to get what i want. basically stop thinking of manifestation as manifestation if ykwim. to really understand this im gonna have to talk about the whole "decide that you have your desire > affirm that you have it > keep presisting" thing and break it down.

so what do people mean when they tell you to decide that you have your desire? does it mean saying out loud "i have __" and then a few seconds going "alright wheres my ___?" no. it means you in your mind decide that its ALREADY YOURS and that you ALREADY GOT IT. i dont know how to word this any differently because its so simple its literally in the words. im gonna try an example. im assuming that youre reading this with your eyes so you have eyes. are you trying to 'manifest' having eyes? when you say "i have eyes" are you using an affirmation to get eyes? is having eyes a desire youre trying to 'manifest'? no because you literally already have eyes bro how else are you reading this with your bootyhole??? so when you say "i have eyes" you arent manifesting via affirming, youre just saying it to remind yourself because well you have eyes. you arent trying to manifest eyes because you already have them. thats what it means to decide that your desire is yours. it means to stop treating what is yours as a desire because its literally yours. stop seeing it as something youre trying to manifest because you already have it, wtf do you need to manifest for? do you get it? don't think of doing this as you tricking your mind into thinking you have your desires because AGAINN you arent tricking anything you literally already have it. when you say "i have eyes" and you have eyes are you trying to trick gour brain? no. that sounds silly. im sorry that this is so repetitive but its literally that simple idk what everyone else is doing complicating the most simple thing ever.

and now, what do people mean by affirm that you have it? does that mean using affirmations to manifest your 'desire'? (i put desire in quotations bc you already have it since you decided you do) no. it simply means reminding yourself that you do. ill go back to the eyes example. if you were to say "i have eyes" right now would you understand that as some woo woo manifestation affirmation technique? no because you already have eyes. what youre doing is simply stating a fact and reminding yourself of it for funsies. you arent trying to manifest anything because you already have it. affirming doesn't mean tricking your brain or your subconscious that you have your desire or whatever, its just you reminding yourself.

and finally, what does it mean to persist? does that mean fighting for your life trying to convince yourself that you have your desire? no. because you already have it. it simply means that everytime you ask yourself "oh why isnt this showing up in my 3d?" you tell yourself "bro what tf are you on about were not manifesting anything we already have it are you crazy?" that's all. going back to the eyes example, you know you have eyes, so if someone came up to you rn and was like "hey did your eyes come in yet?" you'd probably think they hit their head or something because your eyes are literally right there its how youre seeing their dumbass. that's the same attitude you have to have towards your 'desires'. stop thinking of your 'desires' as desires, stop thinking youre trying to manifest anything, stop thinking you have to wait for anything to show up in the 3d or that the 3d is lagging behind or whatever, stop seeing manifestation as manifestation, stop imagining yourself sending in success stories asks when you get your desires, basically just stop dawg. you already have it. "dont contradict yourself" (although again you arent contradicting anything bc you already have it im just running out of ways to simply something thats already so simple). thats what it means to manifest instantly.

anyways thats all i wanted to say. im so sorry for the horrendously long ask i would make it even longer by talking about my success now but i think you would beat my ass if i did. bye bye love u

!!!!! you ate this whole thing up. y'all better come read this.

[997]

pls help me get out of here

things regarding this apartment im trying to rent are strangely falling into place... i can kinda see this turning out for me... but at the same time i dont think i have enough money to pay for the upfront deposit the real estate agency is asking + the expenses with shipping my stuff from one place to another + feeding myself until the 15th (when i get paid). all my savings barely cover 50% of the deposit price theyre asking but i genuinely can't take this anymore, the neighbor ive been posting about started to steal from other tenants and the landlord wont say peep cause this guy paid him at least 6 months upfront (me and the other tenants are speculating but its the only explanation), so far 3 different families have moved out of the building and i feel its a matter of time they will come for my stuff (im his closest neighbor alongside a gay couple who live wall to wall with them). before this situation my one problem with this apartment was just the constant leaking and BLACK MOLD that was growing on one of the rooms that rendered that room basically unusable, and that it would make my cat's allergies break out all the time (tenko is still scratching her face to the point of bleeding every week btw) and ive spent so much money on the vet already.... so if youre reading this and feel like helping out so i can get the FUCK out of here my paypal is j.freitasteixeira@gmail.com

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations💋❤️🌹

💋This year I have a Virgo Ascendant in my solar return along with 2 Venus returns and Ive been so much more health/beauty focused. Like I care more about myself and am trying to break bad habits that I made in 2023. Im also alot more driven in sports/goals and back when I had this in 2020 I was also into skincare and makeup alot too and was into running and working out. I feel like the year you get a virgo ascendant for your solar return is the year to cleanse bad habits that youve made in the previous year its like a chance to start new.

💋The year you have Uranus in the 11th house is most likely a year where you will lose friends but will also get the chance to make new ones. I had Uranus and North Node in my 11th house last year and my 3 year long friend who claimed we were “besties” backstabbed me and cut me off with no explanation BUT I also found a friendgroup who are here to stay and am incredibely blessed to have met them. This was a year where my view on society and people changed significantly but i feel it was for the better.

💋Last year I had Sun and Pluto in the 8th house along with Moon and Mars in the 12th. I struggled really bad with my mental health(also a Gemini Rising) and my whole personality shifted from these experiences. From January my grandma almost died of cancer, I faced unrequited love, bullying from “friends”, losing friends, and overall felt pressure from school. I was just sensitive to what people said about me and let little things bother me and now that Im looking back none of it was a big deal but I dont know in the moment it affected me way too much. It made me realize that you cant ever really put your faith in people and that you need to trust and respect yourself the most. That you cant be attached to people and your faith should be put in god (atleast thats what I think). Most of the pain came from lowself esteem and I do believe that these placements made me grow a thicker skin and to become more independant. Im a completely different person now and while I did lose my innocence to the world I feel that I can survive on my own now. I guess I just grew a backbone which im really thankful for.

💋Everything that happened last year (like growth transformation death) is all related to the 8th house which is where gemini is in my natal so also keep that in mind where your solar ascendant falls in your natal.

💋This year I have a Moon in Libra in the 1st house and a Virgo Lilith exactly conjunct my ascendant and Ive been getting so much praise from woman its weird? Weirdly guys have been liking my instagram stories and when I posted on my birthday so many people came and viewed my story who dont even follow me. I also feel more pretty and empowered this year and Ive been trying to figure out how I want to present myself more. Compared to last year I feel like I am more upfront with my feelings. I feel like this year I might not struggle as much since im a Libra Ascendant and my solar return is Virgo and almost aligns with my natal chart.

💋My sadness and pain from my 2023 solar return actually really did last until my birthday aka my 2024 return😭 So keep in note that solar returns will remain effective until your next birthday.

💋I have Pluto, Mars, Sun, Vertex, Mercury, and POF, all in the 5th house this year and Im really hoping I can finally meet someone to date for the first time but so far its manifested as being more interested in hobbies/ having fun. Im not complaining tho I actually have been so much happier and I havent cried that much at all from this new Solar Return. I will say I feel like having Pluto in the 5th house will make your view change a bit on relationships. I lost feelings for my 3 year crush and I also feel like its impossible for me to properly catch feelings now. I dont know its like I broke the cycle of infatuting crushes and am way more realistic when it comes to love. Part of it is probably just me getting older but I think thats a good thing. I dont expect love like the movies anymore but i just want something REAL.

💋The year you have 8th house Venus a old flame might come back into your life.

💋Tell me why I have Jupiter, North Node, and Chiron in the 8th house this year and ive been attracting money/all the things i want so easily? I got almost $450 for my birthday, a vanity, a lulu bag, and a big party and its only been like 2 weeks😭

💋 When I turn 18 in 2026 I have a stellium of Venus, Mercury, Sun, Mars, and Pluto in the 12th SOOO im predicting that I might be struggling with mental health that year, probably lost in where I want to head after high school, or Im either hiding sum secret love affair(8th house ruler of libra in 12) or like something about it is forbidden/ secretive. I also do have Moon and Jupiter in Cancer in the 5th house that year so that should be interesting lol. Let me know what aspects/ placements in your future solar returns yall find interesting and have down in the comments I wanna see.

💋A Saggitarius Ascendant/ 9th placements might mean that you get opportunity to travel

💋Having Lilith in the 2nd house might mean that you struggle with eating consistently or might struggle with self worth and body image.

💋Venus in the 4th house will be a year where you try to improve your home and find comfort in familial relationships

💋Look at transits to your solar return too theyll give you a deeper dive in whats going on you can look on astroseek.

💋12th house placements will make you inclined to find god

💋On November 16 2021 I caught feelings bad for this guy and I would go on to like him for a long time. Near that time I had a Venus Return and also a transit Solar Return with a 7th house stellium(Sun,Mars,Mercury,Moon in Libra/Scorpio). I was around this guy 24/7 and it just unexpectedly happened. Near that time Iwas having so much fun with my friends in cross country I feel so fond about those days that I could never forget.

💋 Last year having a Gemini Rising but placements like Mars and Moon in the 12th made me get talked about unknowingly behind my back so keep that in mind. Girls secretly hated me and also one of my “friends” twisted my words and spread drama about me.

💋Pay special attention to Chiron and where it is in your chart ESPECIALLY if its in retrograde

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed this was very last minute and I know people have been complaining about there not being enough Solar Return observations so here I am lol. See yall next time💋

[feelfreetopleasemexo]

Okay, okay, hi thereee author I hope your having a great dayyyy. I usually don’t request things but uh, my Hawks obsession is too much to handle and neeeed to get this out (it invades my brain). Sooo I was wondering if you can do something smutty ofc, I know the fucking your boss trope isn’t the best but reader is his new side kick and she’s pretty bratty until one day Hawks has enough (maybe she says something that strikes a nerve in his bird brain) and fucks her on his desk, bondage by those feathers PLEASE GOD uh- all the works your comfortable with ofc but I’d give anything to get railed on his desk, 👹 all the teasing and he just makes a complete mess out of themmm. TANK YOU FOR READING 🙇‍♀️ if you don’t like hawks uh, pro hero Bakugo orrrr Dabi orrr really any of the boys. 😇

Daddy hawks coming in hot!

Birds of a feather cum together

Not only did you get accepted into Hawks pro hero agency, but you actually got a personalised letter from him accepting you. Usually they’d send out generalised letters thanking you for picking them and about how pleased they were to accept you, all that formal crap, instead you simply got a letter through that said

‘Fellow feathered friend, Meet me outside my headquarters in Kyushu on Monday night at 7pm. Let’s see how fast those feathers can fly. If you can somewhat keep up with me, you’ll be accepted. If not, then better luck next time. ;)’

Your heart jumped into your throat as youd only just noticed the letter as it had slipped under your coat as it fell through the door. It was Monday. It was 6.35. Kyushu was about a 45 minute fly from where your house was, so you didn’t have time to change, you just had to make it there on time.

6.59 you collapsed at his feet, feathers a bushy mess, forehead drenched in sweat, and your shorts now giving you the biggest wedgie youd ever experienced in your life. As you tumbled to his feet, he let out a short laugh and smirked down at you, a crumbled mess of feathers and exhaustion beneath him. You panted out an apology and before you could fully catch your breath, he pinched your pale yellow wings making them completely fold back against your back and made you jerk upright.

“Hey! What was that for?! My babies are sensitive Yano!” You instinctually snapped back, you were used to people trying to touch them ever since school, but you hadn’t subconsciously registered that maybe screaming at your new soon to be boss wasnt the best introduction following that hideous landing.

“Oh wow baby bird, you’ve got sharp beak on you dont you.” He laughed, crouched down and offering a hand. “Don’t worry I know, my babies get super sensitive too, especially if I’m horny.” His golden eyes glint at you as his smirk grew slightly. You quickly hurried to your feet, ignoring his gesture and brushing the dust from your wings. Flustered you squeak out,

“Oh fuck. I mean….oh fuck.. AHH. Im sorry Hawks I just. I was running late and then I embarrassed myself with that shitty landing, and then you touched my wings and I don’t let ANYONE do that and just….” He seemed captivated by your flustered explanation, standing up and leaning against the building with his arms folded and looked at you over his tinted glasses.

“You sure do a lot of squawking dont you, sure you’re not an eagle? Those bastards never shut up.” He let out a loud laugh as he walked over to you and stood beside you to walk towards the town together.

“Is it going to all be bird based jokes today?” You rolled your eyes, but the smirk on your lips still spread across. You felt him put his hand around your waist and tightened his fingers, before letting off a sharp laugh and started running. Before you had time to register where his hand was, he had taken flight with you gripped closely to his side. When you reached a couple hundred feet in the sky, he simply let you go.

“Bye bye baby bird.” He winked and blew you a kiss, as you plummeted towards the concrete floor. Luckily you managed to spin around and spread your wings, but as you tried to reach your full wingspan youd realised he’d put a tiny clip onto a few of your smaller feathers so you couldn’t keep your balance as you flew. What kind of sick game was this?! You ebbed and flowed through the sky, trying your best to recalculate your trajectory and keep a steady speed, but because you were falling so fast and now had turned that speed forward to fly, you were going far too fast for your limited wings to control, so as you quickly approached a building, you clamped your wings around yourself and turned yourself into a nose dive. Creeping closer to the floor, a second before you hit it you managed to release your wings and glide effortless, narrowly avoiding a scrambled bird omelette painting the side walk. As you had encapsulated yourself, youd managed to pry off the shitty little clip and rejig your feathers so you were back to full capacity. You flew quickly back up to where he had dropped you, to find him laying on his back pretending to sleep. You fluttered your wings into him, in an aggressive manner, and asked him,

“What the fuck was that about?! I didn’t even feel you put this crappy thing on them!” You flicked the clip to him, it narrowly missing him as he moved his head and his eyes remaining closed.

“You felt a pinch didnt you? Cmon I wasn’t hiding the fact i put it there, it’s not my fault you didn’t notice.” He fluttered one eye slightly open and winked at you, then swooped off and teased you to chase him.

“What? Never played kiss chase before?” He then did his best impression of sonic the hedgehog as he span around still flying with incredible speeds, “YOURE TOO SLOOOOOOW”

You grit your teeth at his childlike teasing, but couldnt help but find that it tickled you inside. Was your new boss a massive nerd too? You always thought he was the cool hot new hero, lapping up the fan girls and always wondered if he was extremely fast at…..

Suddenly he appeared behind you and swooped you up in his arms, carefully tucking your wings back, and kissing the side of your cheek. Flustered, you tried to wriggle free from his arms, only to feel him tighten his grip. You desperately wanted to turn to face him, hoping that for some random reason he’d make out with you midair, declare his sudden love for you and youd fuck right there above everyone else, but you decided to keep your eyes forward and pretend that he definitely couldnt notice how flustered your cheeks were. He carried you down and let you stand to your feet, you didn’t see the need for him to carry you all the way back down, but you desperately appreciated the chance to be in his arms none the less.

“So baby bird. You didn’t dieeee, congraaaats. And the way you saved yourself so quickly was actually pretty decent, so I guess it’s…WELCOME TO THE AGENCY! Your complimentary nest will be sent to you in the mail tomorrow. See you here at say, 11am?” He winked at you and flew off, leaving you to excited jump about that youd finally been accepted.

After a couple of months of being at the agency, it quickly became apparent that you guys kinda just stood around a lot. Hawks was so fast and so damn good at being a hero, that there really didn’t leave much for you guys to do. After cleaning the office for the thousandth time, he called you into his voice over the tannoy. You rolled your eyes at your college who’d youd gotten pretty close to, as she teased you about running along to daddy. You flicked her wings and went to his office.

As you entered, he held up a sigh that simply said

‘Slam the door as hard as you can.’ You shrugged and obliged. As soon as the door slammed, three feathers dropped from the ceiling as you heard your friends voice screech in pain.

“She’s so predictable. She didnt think I’d notice….but I bet she hasn’t noticed all my little spy feathers around the office hiding. How else do you guys think I know everything that goes on? You all really do never shut up.” He giggled, spinning himself around in his chair.

“And to what do I owe this fabulous invitation my oh so glorious king?” You bowed, pretending you were medieval. He giggled slightly then puffed his chest out.

“So. You think im hot ey?” You suddenly jolted up right, face as red as his feathers, before nearly wrapping yours around yourself to hide from this embarrassment,

“What, I never said that. Who said I did?! I’ll fucking kill her….” You whispered as you trailed off, looking towards the door. One of his feathers floated down to his hand, twirling it in his fingers,

“I told you. I have these little babes everywhere, means I can hear. Everything.” He stared you down, as his smile grew deeper and darker. You become quickly more uncomfortable as your wings started to come to your sides, ready to engulf you at another uncomfortable truth.

“So what if I do….im not the only woman in the world who thinks you’re hot. Cmon, you know this, you lap it up at any given opportunity. “ You avert your gaze down to your feather as you softly brush them, desperately trying not to look uncomfortable. “Im sure you’ve discarded prettier one night stands than me, so why does it matter what I….” He took his feet from off his desk and stood up, his smile slightly fading.

“One night stands? Cmon im classier than that. It takes a lot more than a pretty face to distract me, let alone keep me still enough to fuck..” the carefree tone of his voice shifted slightly, almost annoyed that youd assumed he’d had flings. Look at him, how does someone so confident,someone so fucking sexy NOT fuck whoever or whatever he wants.

“You’ve actually probably fucked more people than me….” His eyes still staring into you, you quickly snap your eyes to his assuming the same annoyed assumption.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You think I get around?!” Your feathers ruffled slightly at this statement.

“No im just saying, it’s probably higher than my 6…” his voice softer, trying to break the awkward tension quickly filling the room.

“Oh go sit on an egg.” You rolled your eyes, he was clearly lying about this number.

“What? Don’t believe me?”

“Someone like YOU doesn’t fuck 6 people and then walk around like THAT.” It accidentally came out a lot meaner than youd originally meant.

“Someone like me? What’s that supposed to mean…” his eyes suddenly narrowing, turning a slightly darker golden, almost brown. “Go on. Speak up.”

“Well, I just mean, Yano, you’re cocky. Sure of yourself. Maybe a little…. arrogant….?” You were quickly digging a deep, dark, death pit for yourself the more you spoke.

“So THATS what you think of me is it….fucking brilliant.”

“HEY! I never said it was a bad thing, it’s a statement. It’s good to be confident, it’s a good public imagine…it. It’s hot as hell….gives off daddydom vibes kinda thing.” Flustered, you cant actually believe that last part came out….. As your eyes widened at your own stupid slip of the tongue, he appeared infront of you, the gust from his speed making your hair fly back off your shoulders. He peered out from over the top of his golden tinted glasses and you swore you could feel him looking your soul up and down. He grabbed at your waist and pulled you closer against him, his lips so close your breath almost fogged up his lenses. He pulled you closer as he walked backwards and then spun you so your ass hit against his desk. He placed his other hand on the desk behind you and slowly pressed his body against yours, forcing you to lay back ontop of his paperwork. He took his hand from the desk and used it to pull your thigh up and hooking it around his waist as he pressed into you.

“Scared baby bird? I knew this would be the only way to get you to shut the fuck up.” Your body trembled beneath his, why did his body fit so perfectly into yours? Why was he doing all of this now?

“Like you could scare me. What, you gonna make me lucky number 7, or are you just gonna tease me like you always do bird boy.” You smirked back at him, your eyes looking up at him from your furrowed brow. He pulled your left wing out, out stretched it then tightly plucked a few feathers out, making you yelp. You tried to slap him,but he caught your wrist, put your feathers sideways into his mouth then squeezed your wrist as tightly as he could,making you wince again under the pressure. He let it go then leant down to your neck, trailing the sides of the feathers in between his teeth so they tickled your jaw, then he spat them at you and grabbed your cheeks tightly, sitting back up.

“Yano, I heard a funny thing the other day….” As he started speaking, he plucked another feather from your wing. “They say that if you like the smell of another persons sweat, it means you’re sexually compatible. Yano, olden day stuff. But then it got me thinking. If you like smell of their wings, does that mean the same thing? Cause…” he smells the feather slowly, eyes fluttering at your aroma. “You smell like caramel.” He stabs the feather into your shoulder, the sudden pain making you jolt, it wasnt hard enough to draw blood but it was sharp enough to sting like fuck. “I also heard, that you had a sex dream about me. And that I tied you up and hurt you….is that why you took last week off? Too scared to face me after your little fantasy….”

“HOW DID YOU…” you blurted, trying to sit up, but he used his hand to force you back down.

“Now THAT one was a lucky guess.” He leant close to you, whispering into your ear, “ do you want me to hurt you?”

Suddenly, you found yourself nodding. Your mind had desperately screamed for your lips to say no, terrified this was all some kind of sick joke he was playing on you because you insulted him, but your body screamed for him, ached for him. You needed him in a way youd only ever dreamt about. After you nodded, he dragged his tongue up your neck, and nibbled at your jawline. As he was doing this, you didn’t even see his hand reaching down into his desk draw, or the fact he had pulled out handcuffs. He quickly grabbed at your collar and forced you up, bit the end of your nose and flipped you over, your stomach now pressing hard into his desk. He held your hands behind your back and cuffed you. As he tightened the cuffs, he pushed his hips into your ass, you could feel how hard he was already, and your pussy started to throb at the feel of him. He pulled your arms up your back, causing you to wince, as he let out a lower laugh. He then took his belt off in one swift motion and wrapped it around his hand.

“Now. Does my baby bird have a safe word? Or should we think of one together as I teach you some manners?” His voice deep, dark, cutting through you like a hot knife in your ears. Before you could answer he smacked the belt across the top of your ass. The sting made you yelp and arch your back, it wasnt exactly hard,but the surprise impact startled you.

“No answer? Okay….lesson one. Answer when spoken to.” He stepped away from you as you then suddenly felt your legs being pried apart, then your ankles being tied to the legs on his desk. Suddenly your skirt was hiked up over your ass, and you felt extremely exposed. You could hear his footsteps behind you and as you tried to turn your head to see where he was, he forced it down with his large palm, forcing you to keep your head still.

“STILL no answer? Hm.” He slapped the belt at the back of your thighs, significantly harder this time, the welt raising almost instantly. You tried to muffle your scream but the sheer force of it broke through your throat.

“CATS!” You screamed, as you suddenly chuckled behind you.

“Your safe word is….cats?” He couldnt contain his laughter. “ I mean…. I get it sure, but really….cats?”

“They scare the fuck out of me okay…I used to get chased a lot by them as a kid you prick …” another slap across the back of your thighs.

“Manners, remember?” He traced the outline of your raised flesh lightly, as he then plucked another feather. “You’re not gonna have many left by the time im finished, are you baby bird? Just means you’ll have to stay in my office and wait for me whilst I work I guess.” He leant down and nipped at your ear, as you tried to buck him back off you. Another burning hot slap punished your thighs. The tears started to well in your eyes, as you sniffled, trying to hide your tears.

“Crying now are we? Is that really all you can take? I’ve seen you get the shit kicked out of you and laugh,but a few belt smacks gets you crying? Huh, here I was thinking youd actually be good enough to keep up with me but…guess you were right. Maybe I am too cocky.”

You stifle back your tears as you try to reply,

“Maybe if you let me breath in between smacks I might be able to…” he interrupts you with a smack to the back.

“Lesson two. Appreciate what’s given to you.”

“HEY! You almost got my wings!”

Another smack to the back.

“I can tell this lesson is gonna be a hard one for you to grasp, maybe we should go straight to lesson three…” he unties your legs,then grabs your cuffed hands and pulls you up, pressing you against his window, showing you off to the whole city below.

“TAKE what I give you.” He starts to undo his trousers as he uses his foot to spread your legs again. You can feel your wetness dripping down your legs, as the excitement almost becomes too much for you. As he presses your face against the glass, he leans over your shoulder and looks at you.

“Now. Im going to fuck you. If you’d rather I didn’t, then just say your safe word and I’ll uncuff you and let you go. But if you don’t? Then I hope you’re fucking ready.” He kisses the side of your cheek so tenderly, that it almost seemed like another person was just bruising your ass and thighs. As he pulls away from the kiss, you forcefully spit at him. Your eyes lock as he wipes the spit from his glasses, and as he hangs his head slightly he lets out a disgustingly dark laugh.

“Ready it is then.” He rips your shirt in half and presses your tits against the glass, as he pulls another handful of feathers from your wings and shoves them into your mouth. He reaches down and rips a massive hole in your pants, as he then inserts a finger into you forcefully.

“Fucking shit birdie, you’re tiiiiight,” he compliments, pressing his forehead into the back of your head, inhaling your sickeningly sweet Carmel aroma. As his arm rocked back and forth aggressively, he could feel your wetness running down to his palms already. Your moans filled the air like it was stealing the oxygens space. He added another finger, and as your moans became louder he added one more. You winced at the third being added, so he took it back out and continued to rock harder and faster until your body start to shake. After you rode your first high, he kissed the back of your neck and took his fingers out of you, shoving them to your mouth to clean for him. As you licked your cum off his fingers, he forced his head inside of your entrance. You gasped as he let him fingers fall, then teased you with his head until you were arching back to receive more of him. His devilish laugh only made you push back further as he pushed you harder into the glass.

“More? What do we say?”

“P..please.” You stuttered, the tears staining your face now, begging for more of him to fill you up. As he looked at the tears on your cheek, he wiped them away and then grabbed onto your hips. He forced you onto your back on his desk as he spread your legs and towered over you. His hot stare burning deep into yours, his let out a small chuckle as he guided himself to your entrance again.

“Sure you wanna do this? Just say the word and I’ll stop.”

You looked your glossy eyes to his and tried to spit at him again, your throat dry from crying, only a small amount came out, instead of hitting him it sprayed slightly onto your stomach. He looked down at the pitiful mess you had made and laughed.

“Dont say I didn’t warn you baby bird.” And with that, he thrusted himself completely into you. The shock of his girth made you gasp, the air escaping your lungs, it forcing your eyes to see stars. Keeping it deeply imbedded in for a moment, his own eyes clasped shut and a moan escaped his lips.

“F, fucking shit, you are tight. Go fucking damn.” He started to chuckle at himself as the sheer tightening of your walls around him, as he started to rock back and forth, thrusting upwards. Each thrust felt calculated, controlled, just enough force to edge you slightly up the desk, but not enough to completely shatter your cervix….yet.

As his pace quickened, you could feel the electricity rise in your stomach, just then he reached down and started rubbing your clit in small circles with his thumb. The wave rising higher and higher inside of you, and as it was about to come crashing over you he stopped rubbing, and slapped you across the face. That was more than enough to cause you to come crashing down, spilling all over him, now dripping down his thighs. He grabbed your throat and started tightening his grasp as you shook more violently, your crashing seemingly picking back up again instantly, as he thrust harder and faster into you, you could feel every inch, every tense, every vein in his cock burying deeper and deeper inside of you. As another wave quickly crashed over you, you could feel thrusts starting to slow, his cock starting to widen inside of you, he was close. As he noticed youd stopped shaking as much, he pulled out of you and pulled you by your hair onto your knees. He spat on your face as you looked up at him, before he shoved his cock covered in your cum deep down your throat. He held it there as he started to shake, your throat being filled with his hot cum. After jerking three or four times, he pulled your head back and ordered you to open your mouth.

“Show it to me before you swallow it.” Your glossy tear stained eyes looked up at him as your mouth opened, showing off how raw and fucked your throat was, and how absolutely drenched in his cum it was. He slapped the side of your face as you swallowed it. After swallowing, he leant down and uncuffed your hands, scooping you up in his arms, pressing you gently to his chest. He sat down in his chair as you both panted desperately to catch a breath between you.

You lay your head into his chest as your breathing started to slow, looking up towards him to find him staring back down at you. The smile on his face was less a smirk, and more admiration this time. You giggled and buried your head further into his chest as he let out a big sigh of satisfaction.

“So baby bird….hows it feel to be lucky number 7?”

“How it feel to be lucky number 148?” You retaliated, tired enough to struggle to keep your eyes open, but not tired enough to tease. He jolted his head down to you, as you let out a small chuckle. “Im joking bird brain, your number 3 don’t worry.” Significantly happier with that number he let his head fall back against his chair, pulling you tighter into his chest.

“I am sooo glad I told them all to go home early just as you came in.”

[edlucavalden]

Im too exausted for proper(ish) essays, but im so crazy over this scene. i can't contain myself

TW for: S/A !!! (For the nature of the writing and well—the scene itself)

He's confused at first. he doesn't know what is going on. This slight pause isn't because he's scared or frozen but to assess the situation. After all It was kinda sudden.

All he doesn't like this feeling. he feels uncomfortable and that some sort of boundry has been breached. But he hasn't fully processed it yet.

And right before he fully comprehends and does something about it—

He suddenly becomes compliant?

It's like he forgot what he was gonna do—like He loses the motivation to enforce his boundaries.

he still feels uncomfortable. that doesn't change. But he isnt aware of that. Well, that makes sense... since he never really did fully process what was happening. It's like he lost the will to care about or process it.

This panel. Christ... Thistle finally builds up the power to say stop. It's weak—confused and disoriented. I dont think it's even directed to anything specifically. Its intentions are vague.

But god... and the lion's response? Reassurance. how he can't help it, he needs this to live, he's been waiting for so long—oh, and don't worry, I'll take care of you.

It's just so chilling after this.

Thistle's powerless, weak, and complaicent. It's out of character for thistle. This entire scene is. However It's still thistle. His behavior and actions are his own, and for me that's the terrifying part.

This wasn't... Forced? There's no fighting and thrashing— Its just a complete submission. he reacted yeah but he didn't resist. he didn't fight back even if he had the ability to (we know bc he has, for 1000 years in fact). The lion didn't directly force him either. It didn't violently force him to have its way. But it's still violating. And that's the thing; the assult wasnt violent, but passive.

Hi guys just to reiterate that I did NOT mean to say that sexual cohesion is not an act of force. this part is ment reiterate that it "wasn't forced" in the sterotypical way of resisting, i followed it up by saying that it is still violating despite that and i emhasized that idea in the parts after that,. This part (more so the entire work in general) is ment to emphasize the passive yet transgressive nature of cohesion. i SINCERELY apologize if that was the message that was interpreted from that part. I did not intend it to mean that way.

The demon has slowly but surely torn down thistle's sense of self so much it turned him into a completely different person. Like his identity was shattered and rebuilt to submit.

It starts small, building up the situation, taking away his desire to resist and enforce his boundaries, then it gives a rose tinted explanation of what is happening. Finally, it comforts and praises him. This is what gives thistle the illusion of choice, a passive way of getting him vulnerable.

You can see how it affected him vividly through this part. it's like he forgets what he was fighting for. He forgets his boundaries, his identity, the things he cares about, everything. It's being ripped away from him.

Thistle never stood a chance.

It wasn't his fault he submitted. It was the demon's for putting him in that state. His complaicency is due to the fact that he had no power for any other way.

it never mattered that thistle never fought back. Even if he did fight back or didn't, even if he succeeded or not—what then? it would never change the demon's nature. One who seeks consumption will always consume. In other words; it will always find a way.

I honestly dont think it was the demon's intention to harm thistle. It's selfish but not moralisticly evil (nothing ever is). It seeks fulfillment and not suffering. But its blind pursuit for satisfaction caused suffering, That's what makes it malicious. It doesn't matter if he intented or was aware of it or not. the demon benefited from something that could harm him and did it despite that. And that will never change.

[torantuga]

i was unmotivated to draw this week so i forced myself to draw in diff styles - and i chose to redesign emmk cus i love them both sm (even tho i dont even enjoy td anymore)

buut then i got the idea of maybeeee i could make a what-if scenario where julia-mk-emma alliance could be made

so here they are!

EXPLANATION BELOW!!! (warning, maybe ooc but it's a rewrite + redesign)

sooo what im bringing to the table is a rewrite of their characters - esp s1

JULIA

for julia, i wanted to make the twist villain thing for s2, which might sound weird... but i can explain

she mantains the happy-go-hippie personality as a facade during the time she stays in the island, whilst in the background she's actively sabotaging other contestants with the help of mk. she only shows her true colors after mk betrays her (which i kept the same, probably after the merge tho) and she gets kicked out. (iii feel like mk would stay longer BUT not be a finalist, mainly cus in this redesign she plans things through very VERY carefully)

she would be used as the main villain for s2, and she would be like julia in mid s1 probably - petty, strategic and, most importantly, deadly. she replaces her tropical, pinkish clothing with blueish popular outfits and she becomes mean as she can be. hostile, she becomes someone to fear as she turns her gentle face into one full of disgust for those around her.

MK

So. you guys know i love MK - shes the whole reason i still havent let go of td - so im giving her the best character ever!

calculative, observative, and sneaky, shes the definition of a stellar strategist. she makes herself look average just to pass by smoothly, and she sabotages everyone she cans to assure she stays that way until the very end.

though she's snarky, she understands that overdoing it might get her on a radar. she observes everyone she can to understand them on face value in order to know how to approach them.

she's naturally drawn to julia, as she notices things in her behavior that differentiate her from genuinely nice people like priya or emma. her smile twitches when no one looks, her eyes do not smile along with her mouth... she's as fake as she can be.

so she observes her during the first episodes, trying to make a conclusion and find a way to get her on her good side.

so she confronts julia alone, which makes julia drop the act and threaten her. mk assures julia that shes in no way trying to threaten her, and that she wants to form an alliance, which julia then accepts after some convincing that they were probably the best duo in the game so far.

she's still got a lot of character outside julia though, and she shows it through her snarky attitude when it comes to everything, and her master thief tactics that she uses to hack and learn what challenge is going to happen and how she's going to eliminate certain people that oppose a threat to her.

However, a duo like them always needs a backup to throw under the bus at any circumstance of danger, so they decide to pick a gullible, insecure person....

EMMA

A nice, silly girl that has some bottled up anger from years and years of frustration she was told to keep in because of her internet persona.

after a messy break up and a fine that cost her almost thousands of dollars, she's pretty sure the bottled up anger is now cracking. she's no longer a youtube star, as her ex's channel was the only thing keeping her trendy, so she no longer needed to spread herself thin to please an audience - to please him.

so! chase is here! hm! how the FUCK is she supposed to continue the game knowing that her stupid ex is in the same tv show as her?!

he's dumb, lazy, and apathetic. he shouldn't be there to begin with!

...so she tries to ignore him as much as she can, though he sometimes makes her want to scream.

either way, her ex aside, she tries to be kind to everyone she meets, but everyone sees her as gullible and naïve cus of it. shes letting everyone see her insecurities by simply existing, and though she's friends with bowie, everyone guesses she won't make it far. she's fun, silly, but also weird in her own way.

mk observes emma and concludes that she's the perfect pawn for their game, and so she finds her alone to play mindgames on her, knowing that her biggest insecurity is not being a good people-pleaser.

mk manages to convince emma that she should join the alliance, and so she accepts. emma's not happy about it though, but she understands mk wouldn't let her join if she didn't saw potential.

THE ALLIANCE

mk, julia and emma are underestimated due to their actions, so it's not hard to cheat in challenges that way. emma finds this a bit uncomfortable, but she helps them with social intel. she's the least suspicious of the bunch, so she can eavesdrop with ease since she's not seen as a threat.

they manage to kick out chase and ripper with ease, and they go unpunished through the series.

well. until mk betrays julia, that is.

mk knows that her days are counted if she keeps julia around for too long, so she frames her as soon as she feels things going against her. it is not pretty, and julia swears on her life she'll take her down.

but she didn't betray emma.

mk never mentioned emma being in the alliance, causing her to get the boot as soon as possible, which is 2 episodes after julia.

emma stays to be in the final five, but she doesn't end up winning.

mk swears it's so that they can team up next season, but it's something more.

HOW EMMK CAN STILL WIN

mk originally was going to betray both of them, but she couldn't. not emma.

emma was a genuinely nice person to be around, and though she was useless when it came to actual scheming, she was funny and understanding.

mk had a big crush, long story short, and couldn't bring herself to see emma get hurt like that. if she had had a crush on julia, which she thought she had, she would've still betrayed her. it was strategy, and there were no hard feelings.

but emma? mk believes seeing her sad face would probably ruin her. she's a truthful person, and mk admires that.

so she and emma stay friends, and continue being alliance members in s2, which escalates into something more.

S2

i believe s2 wld be julia vs mk in terms of main villains, and emmk wld be the main focus when it comes to mk and emma screentime.

julia tries her hardest to sabotage, and mk counterattacks in default, leaving them to battle for dominance all the way til the merge, when mk gets eliminated instead of julia. emma is heartbroken due to her ...friend.. getting kicked out, and she follows the next elimination.

idk for s3 but maybe mk wld be a finalist or win cus my girl needs a win under her belt!!!

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[popfishjr]

Hi!! Idk if this is too forward, but I just saw your robot house au and I just wanna ask some questions (as a robot enthusiast lol)

Was he a human before, then his consciousness got put in a robot, or was he an AI that developed a consciousness?

What kind of robot is he? Just like a general hospital assistant type thing?

Who figured he's actually conscious or decided to put his brain in a computer? (I assume House himself, bc his mind is the only quality he likes)

And how's his relationship with Wilson, Cuddy, and the ducklings?

Again sorry if this too many qs but I love your art and robots

Dont worry about being 'too forward'! I love getting questions :D anyways this is gonna be a long post, so hang on

My robot!house au is actually based on the book/movie The Electric State (i did call it a 'The Electric State AU' once but 'Robot!House AU' was definitely much easier to comprehend)

So if you want a deeper understanding, i reccomend you to look into the book/movie

Me myself, i just watched the movie and found the concept interesting to use as an AU

Heres my summed up explanation: humans created robots to carry out jobs such as post service, mascots to advertise for brands, construction etc etc but one day, they decided that working for humans isnt a satisfactory way to live life and they wanted to do their own thing

Blablabla in the end, robot and humans manage to live in harmony together. The story is based in the 90s, so since House MD is based in the 2000s, it would fit perfectly

In this AU, House is a life-support robot made in some factory (model name 'hoUSE-JN11', i still dont know what that stands for but oh well), but due to unknown reasons, he shows great expertise in the diagnostic field, which made him stand out from other robots working in Princeton Plainsboro, and eventually earned him Head of Diagnostics

Alright getting into relationships now

Hilson definitely still exists, and House being a robot is NOT going to stop Wilson catching feelings

House is a disabled character so i translated that into him being a robot with broken parts

He runs out of power way faster than any robot should, and he does some self-sobotaging shit to himself to temporarily extend battery life, which results in Wilson having to pay for any repairs (still, no one can figure out why he runs out of power like that)

If he recharges for too long, he overheats, but if he doesnt charge, he'll power out

His relationship with Cuddy is pretty much how it is on the show, he makes his usual inappropriate comments about her ass and boobs, and Cuddy acting annoyed but she still chips in like 40-50% on House's repairs with Wilson

The ducklings regularly bet on which electrical component House is going to damage next time. Cameron won 100 bucks betting on House's display monitors because Wilson couldnt control himself and punched one out

Idk if youve seen my first post about this AU but here it is

And heres another ask ive answered about it

I'll tag all posts about this au with #robot!house

[cod-thoughts]

And all this devotion rushing out of me

Word count: 1k

Relationships: Andrei/Vladimir, Makarov/Nolan, Makanolan

Tags: Established Relationship, slight hurt/comfort, possessive behaviour, falling asleep

Part of a project that has a tiny explanation here. Keep reading under the cut!!

AN: A gift for the wonderful @panchulien Happy valentines day Oliv!!! Its been so cool to see you get more and more brave to share your stuff on here you're really good, i love reading your writing and your tags on things??? That pure joy and excitement is so wholesome it always makes me smile. You're so sweet and so kind, its always a joy to see you around <33 This was my attempt at these two, i dont know that much about them yet but i couldnt help myself, i had to try for this so hopefully you like it aaaaaa <33

The mission had been a success, though the world would not see it that way. The air reeked of smoke and metal, the kind of stench that clung to skin, to cloth, to memory. But here, in the dimly lit confines of the safehouse, the world did not exist. Only him.

Makarov sat slumped in the chair, exhaustion creeping in at the edges. He did not yield to it, of course. He never did. Even with sweat and blood drying on his skin, even with the weight of a battlefield's worth of chaos pressing upon him, he did not allow himself to falter.

But Nolan saw it.

He was the only one permitted to. The only one allowed to witness the moment Makarov’s shoulders dropped, the mask of ruthless ambition cracking, if only in the quiet solitude they carved out for themselves.

“Stay still.” Nolan’s voice was softer than usual, but there was no mistaking the command laced within it. He crouched beside Makarov, cloth in hand, dabbing at the cut along his jaw. It was shallow—hardly a concern—but Nolan cared anyway.

Makarov did not flinch, did not push him away. That alone was a kind of indulgence, a kind of trust.

“You should eat.” Nolan knew the answer before it came.

A scoff, the barest curve of Makarov’s lips. “Later.”

“No. Now.” Nolan’s fingers curled against Makarov’s jaw, tilting his head slightly so he could work at a particularly stubborn smear of blood. His thumb smoothed over the skin once, then twice. A touch that lingered longer than necessary. “No good to me half-dead, Vlad.”

That earned him a chuckle. Makarov’s gaze flickered up, tired but sharp, always sharp. “To you?”

“To me.” Nolan did not hesitate. He never did, not when it came to this.

Silence stretched between them, thick with understanding, with possession so deeply ingrained it no longer needed to be spoken aloud. Nolan finished cleaning the wound, setting the cloth aside before reaching for the tin he’d pilfered earlier—something sweet, something small, something Makarov would not refuse if it came from him.

Makarov watched him, amusement glinting in that ice-cut gaze, but he accepted the offering. Only because it was Nolan.

Only Nolan got to see this—Makarov indulging in something as mundane as a biscuit after a bloodied mission, leaning into Nolan’s touch with the barest shift of his weight. Only Nolan got to take care of him.

But Nolan was not satisfied. He could never be satisfied.

Makarov was his, and yet, in moments like these, it was Nolan who belonged to him more. He dipped his head, pressing a kiss to the corner of Makarov’s jaw, just where the blood had been moments ago. A silent claim, a lingering touch. Makarov exhaled, barely a sigh, but it sent something electric through Nolan’s spine.

“You fuss too much,” Makarov murmured, but his hand settled on the back of Nolan’s neck, fingers twisting into his hair. Not pushing him away. Holding him there.

Nolan let himself sink into it, pressing his forehead against Makarov’s, their breaths mingling. No one else would ever have this. No one else would ever get him like this.

They stayed like that for a moment, bound by something deeper than mere loyalty. Nolan's hands traced over Makarov’s shoulders, finding the tension hidden beneath the fabric of his ruined shirt. He kneaded at the knots there, slow, deliberate, his movements bordering on reverence.

“Mmm, warm,” Makarov muttered, his voice slipping into something softer, something only Nolan would ever have the privilege to hear.

A faint smirk tugged at Nolan’s lips. He reached for the thick blanket draped over the back of the chair, pulling it around Makarov’s shoulders. The world outside was brutal, unrelenting. But here, in this stolen moment, Nolan could soften its edges.

Makarov let out a quiet sigh, barely audible, but Nolan caught it. He always did. He guided Makarov’s arms under the blanket before settling beside him, their legs brushing as he leaned in, the heat between them a stark contrast to the cold war that waited beyond these walls.

For a moment, Makarov let his guard down completely, resting his head against Nolan’s shoulder. It was not a show of weakness. It was acceptance. A silent understanding that Nolan was the only one permitted to see him like this.

“You let me take care of you.”

Makarov’s lips twitched. “And what would you do if I did not?”

Nolan’s answer was a whisper, almost too quiet for even Makarov to hear.

“I would tear the world apart.”

A hum of amusement, followed by the faintest press of Makarov’s fingers against Nolan’s wrist. A silent tether, a quiet promise.

Nolan exhaled, eyes slipping shut for just a second, allowing himself the smallest indulgence. Because Makarov might have been ruthless, might have been merciless, but in the quiet of their sanctuary, with the weight of war pressing against the door, he was soft.

And that softness was only Nolan’s to see.

But Nolan wanted more. He always did. He shifted, guiding Makarov’s head to rest against his chest, his fingers tracing slow, absentminded patterns against the nape of his neck. The gesture was almost absent, something that might have gone unnoticed if not for the way Makarov’s shoulders finally, truly relaxed.

“Sleep,” Nolan murmured, the weight of the night settling over them.

Makarov huffed, a faint, amused sound, but his eyes had already slipped shut. He would never let himself be this vulnerable in the presence of anyone else, never let anyone else see the exhaustion steal over his sharp features. Only ever around Nolan would he let his guard down.

And Nolan, greedy, possessive, and wholly unwilling to share, pressed a kiss to his temple and held him close, unwilling to let the world intrude just yet.

[crownedhades]

im having a killer sans and my own personality disorder fixation so i might as well talk about them both. and also share how my symptoms and love for killer overlap.

ill also be talking about color and swap sans.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

so for reference i have covert schizoid personality disorder. covert meaning that you would not initially expect me to be szpd upon first meeting me unless youre a psychologist that understands how my inner mind works.

anyway. szpd is also commonly compared to autism, depression, avoidant and anti-social personality disorders due to a variety of reasons and overlapping symptoms.

short comparison explanation to quickly dumb it down: autism? shared social ineptness. depression? chronic anhedonia. apd? we... avoid people. aspd? most schizoid's have limited or no empathy.

for a quick szpd description, read this brief mayo website. keep in mind, though, that while mayo clinic is mostly credible, they do reference the dsm-5. schizoid specialized psychologists are known for having beef with the dsm-5 and constantly shit on it in their introductions in schizoid related research papers.

as another thing, schizoid's have this thing called a "safety person." not all schizoid's have one, but its a clinical term used for when a schizoid trusts someone enough to rely on them for things. i guess. (similar to the term "favorite person" for bpd? but obviously not as extreme since we can easily cut our sp off if theyre deemed unsafe. we're not that attached.)

why am i explaining all of this? because i know damn well most people reading this have no idea what szpd is. from lengthy experience.

moving on!

what you have been all been waiting for... killer sans.

yeah, honestly, i love the dude. i kind of see him as a son more than anything, so outside of me projecting myself onto him, hes kind of like a son to me.

an adult son that i have not been able to kick out of the house for a millenia bc he spends all of his money on random shit that he collects and trophies in his room. type of vibe.

anyways, i know people usually headcanon killer as having aspd. and im not gonna take that away from anyone because honestly, i 45% agree with it. its not my cup of tea, but theres definitely some convincing signs.

but then do i headcanon him as having szpd, if not aspd? fuck to the fucking no. he is closer to aspd than szpd for sure, even if i dont fully support aspd killer.

but as someone with szpd, i do heavily relate to killer in quite a few things. such as the general emotional supression that comes with being a schizoid. the absolute indifference that embodies us. the lack of reaction. the lack of feeling. the lack of identity. having to mimic other people just to blend in and avoid confrontation because we dont want any kind of attention. good or bad attention.

sure, killer is much different than us when it comes to attention. honestly, from the looks of it, im pretty convinced he has periods of craving attention.

schizoids do not crave attention.

but on a lot of other things.... its easy to relate to him. its easy to see myself in him. its easy to pick apart his mind and psychoanalyze his character when you've already done half the work just by observing yourself.

a schizoids observation of the self can be described by this fellow tumblr user.

so its very easy to understand killer. stupidly easy. like a predictable animal under the influence of "classical conditioning."

classical conditioning... this does not help with my more cruel, angst-driven headcanons.

but anyway.

color sans in specific almost feels like a safety person to killer. because like... in order to be a safety person, you have to respect a schizoid's autonomy and independence. you cannot force us to rely on you. you cannot force us to open up to you.

so i make this comparison because i feel like thats exactly how it works between killer and color, too. they go at each others own pace. color only makes emotional demands when its important, but otherwise keeps a reasonable space as to not overwhelm or threaten killers autonomy. mutual respect and effort kind of thing.

i also make this comparison due to killer's absolute hatred for swap sans. how hes depicted to always be bullying or releasing his anger out on swap. and for what? because swap wants to help killer?

another trait that happens to relate to schizoid.

schizoids easily feel disgusted by reassurance and people going out of their way to "help them." mostly due to the schizoids innate superiority complex (but has a stable ego, uneffected by praise or criticism) and because schizoids "already know" what theyre being reassured on.

its like youre insulting our intelligence and logical reasoning, essentially, since we are not intune with our emotions enough to accept emotional reassurance.

which i think killer also feels when it comes to swap. swap's attitude feels more like an insult than anything, which is different from color's laid-back approach.

"how dare you tell me something i already know?" kind of thing.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

this is all for tonight. i might make a part 2 post tomorrow. its time for bed for me.

again tho i do not think killer is szpd. this is just a comparison for funsies.

edit: heres part 2

[project-sekai-takes]

i feel like a lot of characters have undexplored/underutilized angst. this post is going to be extremely biased™️towards my favorites, but characters like ichika, kohane, and all of more more jump really but especially minori and shizuku are who i'm talking about. i'm not saying that proseka should be needlessly slapping angst onto their stories just for shock value and fun because that's just pointless and not enjoyable to read; i just think that the angst these characters already have is usually underexplored by the fandom and game itself.

i know that ichika and kohane had the majority of their angst material covered/resolved in the main story (kohane also had vbs wl2 so it's probably covered there too but i havent actually reaad it), but i think we as a fandom should dwell on what they were like and what they were experiencing back then more often fr 🗣️. i think this kind of angst allows exploration of certain character aspects that are usually left forgotten or undiscussed. (bro ichikas closest friends left her with no real explanation so she she thought it was her fault and was extremely lonely because of it man can we talk about that please 😭)

minori is another example. i know mmjs overall story and her themes especially revolve around hope and not giving up, but c'mon she had her auditions rejected 50 times and she still kept going strong. that takes some serious passion, determination, and willpower, and i feel like that should be acknowledged more often because if i was rejected like that for at most 10 times i would have straight up folded and given up. minoris first focus and airis first focus both have a lot of minori struggle that i just never see talked about?? (read: "sorry we're not hiring your team because of that faceless amateur. we'll hire everyone else individually if you kick her out though 😁) its just a shame because its so important to her character and the angst potential is crazy!! (ok im sorry lmao)

shizuku also has a lot of angst material in early game (main story argument with airi, masking perfection, the entire thing with her old group in general) that i was really surprised wasnt featured in like...those angsty tiktoks and fanfics LMAO. i did end up finding some for her but the roots of the angst were mostly fanmade and not completely applicable to her character. i personally don't have any issues with making up tragic backstories/angst material for characters (in fact i love to see it and actively do it myself) but like the canon material is right there, there's a lot to work with already it doesnt have to be completely fanon lol /nm /lh

i know the rest of leo/need is probably also lacking in good angst content, but honami and shiho already got a ramble from me so they're on standby for now smh /lh. (airi and haruka might also be lacking but iirc airis the most popular mmj character and the recent haruka events have some good angst coverage so idk about their current standings). saki has a weird situation where her angst content definitely isnt lacking but most of the time its only used to fuel tsukasa angst. i don't actually think theres anything wrong with that because so much of his motivations were initially based off of her (wanting to be a star and making other people smile), but once it becomes only about him and has nothing to do with her, who is actually the one suffering, i just dont feel like it's used fairly. angstkasa is wonderful and all but saki is her own character :[

anyway sorry that was kind of an incoherent rant about my favorite characters, but i really enjoy angst and would absoultely love to see more depictions of it for the blorbos. thank you for reading o7

-🕊️

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[liquid-bonhomme]

Tw: Heavy topic discussion ahead.

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So I have suffered with suicidal ideation for the majority of my life. As long as I can remember-- even when I was a child to some extent.

Despite current awareness of mental health issues, honestly, I don't think we have as a society really resolved yet how to earnestly address the issue. I don't blame people for not knowing what to say to suicidal people or just defaulting to the whole "oh I'm sorry, you're not alone, blah blah blah" song and dance. I get they don't know what to say, but.

The issue with being always suicidal is that it's kinda a bitch to figure out how to just live with? You don't want to worry people, or emotionally burden them, you dont want them walking on eggshells around you forever because they think at any moment they could accidentally push you over the edge. Because the conversation around suicidal ideation is so focused on NOT being suicidal anymore, it functionally silences people in a well-meaning, but still harmful way.

Like, let ol' uncle Eldritch affirm for anyone reading this right now: it's OKAY to be suicidal. Not okay as in, indulge the urge. But suicidal ideation is a mental health concern like any other. It's not your fault, and stressing yourself out that you feel this way will do you no good. Accepting a feeling is not the same as acting on it.

For most people the feeling is temporary, but the reality is for some of us it's not. The feeling might be more intense sometimes than others, but it's okay if they're always there. Strange thing to say, I know, but you don't owe anyone happiness. You don't owe anyone self-contentment. Yes, we all want those things, but getting upset with yourself that you haven't achieved that beyond healthy degrees is a vicious cycle that will only make you more miserable.

There's a difference between treating negative emotions as an undesirable outcome, and treating them as if they're a mistake. As if they're not often enough a logical outcome to many of life's challenges, especially these days.

Counterintuitive, I know, but accepting that someday I might lose the battle with my own suicidal ideation probably saved my life at several low points. Something I've had to reaffirm within myself several times over my life. And something it's been very hard to get other people to understand.

The problem may be bad, but it's almost always the stigma that makes it dire.

I'm not going to pretend there isn't some degree of a grain of truth to the idea that some people use suicidal intent to get attention, but that's a gross and misleading oversimplification of the issue. Some people have no suicidal intent, but use it as a means of manipulating others. I'd say those types of people are rarer than you might imagine, but yes, they exist. I'd say the majority of people, especially the ones who express the thought over and over again, just don't know what to do with their feelings. They're looking for an outlet, an explanation, validation, solidarity-- something. They're looking to not feel so isolated anymore, having feelings they know they "shouldn't be having." As stated above, our society still doesn't accept the feelings as acceptable even if we've moved the dial on the topic, and they're feeling shame and frustration that they just can't quite move past that.

I don't want to speak for everyone but I do believe I'm very much not alone on this when I say the phrase "I want to die"/"I'm suicidal" with the same type of intent I say, "I want to sleep," or "I'm hungry." I'd rather be awake and full, but, I'm currently feeling compelled to satisfy the urge to go to bed or eat. I'd rather be alive, however, dying feels like a very tempting offer. Inconveniently, of course, that craving happens to have permanent results. Can't go back to living if/when I have enough spoons to keep going, boo.

That's a very confusing sensation to grapple with-- understanding your life is a finite resource you aren't going to be able to get back, but also, being fucking sick of it. It's hard to know what to do about that-- especially because, again, you aren't ALLOWED to feel that way apparently.

If that feeling can be fixed it should, but some of us don't have that luxury. Some of us are broken in a way you can patch up, but we can never be fully restored to a mint-like condition. We still have value, we still are useful and can be fully realized people, if there was only room for us to be taken as we are and not how people want us.

Outrageously irresponsible and fucked Lily had the balls to give advice on this, if that even has to be said. Rest assured, she's on my "To Haunt" list if I do end up offing myself (in Minecraft.)

[jesuistrestriste]

hey sorry if this is tmi but i also have vaginismus and i found that out when i was about 15 with my first boyfriend and i can't use tampons and stuff. I'm 20 now and a virgin still and I've basically not touched someone since, and i basically just thought casually hooking up with someone was off the cards because of it. i think a lot of it is in my head I'm like.... no one i just meet on an app or in a club who doesn't know me is going to take the time to do what i need to mean i have a good time because of the vaginismus. I've basically just been telling myself that it will be okay because if i get in a relationship they'll care enough to help me work through it, or they'll like me enough that not having penetrative sex wont be a deal-breaker. I was just wondering if you had any advice about navigating hookups with vaginismus or anything because I'm not getting in a relationship anytime soon and i can't not be having sex any longer. I am in desperate need lol. thank u sm <33

hey lovie:) !

i totally get it; i was formally diagnosed by my obgyn when i was 19 but im pretty sure i had it since i was an early teen bc i was petrified of tampons and couldn’t get one in comfortably. i always experienced some sort of pain/discomfort when it came to penetration of any kind, sexual or not, so i knew something was up.

here’s kinda how i navigated that stuff once i decided that i wanted to be intimate with people:

if you don’t know the person incredibly well, ie you haven’t been friends or anything for a while, i think it’s really important to sus them out and make sure they’re someone you feel comfortable being open with— and make sure theyre someone that you feel would respect your boundaries in bed.

sex should be fun and enjoyable ! and sex doesn’t have to involve vaginal penetration ! when you’re with a partner for the first time and you two are getting ready to get down to it, you can just tell them straight-up that you don’t want to have ‘sex’. i know it can be kinda awkward to say this, but know that nothing is wrong with you and that it’s totally okay to state that boundary. in fact, it’s much better for overcoming vaginismus if you don’t force yourself into penetration — that’ll just reinforce the idea in your brain that penetration = pain/discomfort. better to experience pleasure down there and let your brain get used to that idea instead ! (i personally found that most people who i told were super chill and kind about it, or just didn’t rlly mind, so don’t stress yourself out too much over this).

if you’re into cis het men, i’ll be honest, there’s always a chance that they’re gonna be somewhat ‘pushy’ or ‘confused’ if you say that you don’t want to have penetrative sex. if you’re in this situation, you could explain to them that it hurts/is painful and wouldn’t be pleasurable. of course, you don’t owe him an explanation by any means— you’re 100% allowed to just not want to be penetrated, and anyone should accept that at face value— but educating someone never hurts. instead, you could list some other things that you’re open to and would be pleasurable for you; ie oral, kissing, touching, etc.

**** Don’t ever, ever, ever feel pressured to have penetrative sex if you don’t want to. if someone doesn’t accept that, you should end the hookup right then and there. you owe it to yourself to protect your body and your mental health. if they get mad/upset/sad, that’s their issue. and dont let them guilt trip you ! ! ! ! i know it can be tough, esp if you’re someone who’s prone to people pleasing, but trust me when i tell you that if they don’t respect your boundaries they will NOT respect your body.

it’s definitely possible to have really enjoyable, intimate, and tender sex that doesn’t involve penetration ! i promise u. the outcome is mostly dependent on whomever you’re being physical with.

i know vaginismus can make you feel like you’re broken, or unsexy, or that you’ll never have ‘proper sex’; but you are NOT a lost cause and you are NOT broken in any way and it’s totally possible to gradually overcome it with some time and patience. plus, a lot more people have this than you’d think and they just don’t know it/don’t talk about it. but you’re not alone !

in terms of healing from vaginismus, here’s some things that helped:

- refraining from engaging in penetrative sex if i didn’t feel ready or comfortable enough to try (obviously)

- diaphragmatic breathing (breathing into your belly instead of your chest) when trying to insert anything— look this up ! it’s supposed to help stimulate a nerve in your body that assists in relieving anxiety/tension/stress

- using dilators (look these up too— they help to gradually get your body used to the sensation of penetration)

- ^^ using dilators when i was relaxed, and i’ll be so honest it really helps if you’re turned on loll. this will get your brain to associate arousal w penetration, and it might even start to feel good after the first couple times using them !

- listening to my body. this is so, so important. if you’re trying to put something inside of you, and it’s really burning/stinging/painful, you should stop. it seems like that would be obvious, but i think a lot of us w vaginismus feel the need to push through the pain in order to get results quicker, but it’ll just set you back. go slow, but be consistent with it — every week, or every day- that sort of thing. be gentle with yourself ! <3

i hope this helped anon !! sending much love to you, and if u wanna talk my messages are open :)

[askchuuyanakahara]

@fictional-men-especially-chuuya

(I'm gonna answer this ask in parts as it's quite long! I'll be putting my response under the read more:

(Hii!! I just wanted to say, when i first saw a post on this, (the most recent one), i was obsessed already! And since it was the first one that i saw, i thought, "i HAVE to know the backstory and binge read it from the start" and so i did! I love your art and everything so much, your storytelling, how you incorporate the asks into the storyline, you even reblogged the explanation of anon! (I js found out what that was) and i love how interactive you are, with your fans.. I cant believe id found a creator so........ AMAZING?! i dont know.. No words can seem to describe what i think of you. Youre amazing. I binge read from the bottom up, heh.. I didn't see the pinned post. But i dont regret it.

Hello!!! I'm so glad you like this blog! I started this blog as just a silly little rp blog for Chuuya but it quickly turned more story based as time went on haha! I've been making different askblogs since around 2017 and I don't think anyone knows my old blogs (which I think still exist, I just don't have the login anymore lol!) but I hope I am able to keep up this one for as long as I can.

Having someone like yourself, interacting and responding, is honestly the lifeline for these sorts of blogs so I really appreciate the interaction!

Plus, I am always an advocate for drawn rp askblogs as they were popular around 2016 but slowly disappeared overtime. I always seem to join things a little bit too late haha!

Since i also got to read the "#modask" ones, and got updated on your life. I hope youre doing really well today.. And im sorry for practically spamming your inbox notifications... I couldn't help. Youre amazing, and i love that. You make others smile, including me. I had jst finished reading angsty stuff and your au healed me sm.. Youre really inclusive, and help some other's voice get heard.. I also love how, youre the only artist i know that can keep chuuya from being ooc or fanon even though you took away his tendencies to swear.. Istg, thats a SKILL. I can NEVER dream of doing that..

I totally don't mind you writing into my askbox! I love recieving asks and seeing the little number pop up next to the inbox button makes me happy. It certainly makes me feel more human to recieve asks that ask about me as it's sometimes quite difficult to get people to care about the artist rather than the fanart, (although I am trying to do more original stuff) but I totally understand why this happens.

I'm not very good at writing angsty stuff but if I do, it'll have to be a combination of 'hurt/comfort' or 'angst with a happy ending'. Seeing happy stuff makes people happy, after all haha! (Plus, I'd love to be an animator for kids media so I suppose it makes sense I like more happy stuff than sad lol!)

It's always a bit finicky to balance between canon and fanon behaviour, especially for situations which clearly would never happen in canon. But I always try to think about how my Chuuya would act, rather than use other peoples' opinions. It makes it easier to be a bit more consistent that way (and you can always convey a message without the use of swearing! Not that swearing is a bad thing, I just personally try and not swear myself haha!).

Sigh.. I hope youre doing well, and you know that all of us love you. Take frequent breaks to rest, and stay hydrated. This is supposed to be fun, and not stressful. So dont be pressured to post everyday. We'll wait for you no matter how long you disappear for breaks, for holidays, for family, for work, and especially for yourself and your mental health. This message is really long, so i dont really expect you to... Err.. Read all this. But I'd be really grateful if you did. I feel like reading the comments and questions, youre not told enough how much you are loved and appreciated by strangers online. Heh.. When i phrase it like that it sounds rlly weirs lol.. But anyways, youre popular, and you deserve it. Although, youre not popular enough. You deserve so much more for making people smile. Its strange, a random stranger on the internet just.... Telling you how much she loves you. I love you so much, your art, you make me appreciate small things, because even just the tags, sometimes it makes me laugh. Sorry if i ever said anything offensive, or mean, when i commented. I hope youre doing well, your family's doing well, your friends, your job, your.. Pets(?) If you have any, and especially i hope your social life and mental health is good, or gets better. Im sorry if i come off as a weird and obsessed fan, but i just felt like i wanted to tell you what i felt. Thank you, for this... Sorry for the long note, sorry for the notif spam, and everything. Make sure to stay hydrated, have a healthy schedule, and not feel pressured by us. Ok? Thanks! We love you. And so does the fandom. Youre not just some outsideoutsider because you love slice of lives instead of slicing lives, or fluff over angst, believe me, we're a cornerstone of the fandom.

Thank you. Genuinely thank you for the kind message. I'm certainly not forcing myself to release updates so that this blog doesn't feel like some chore I need to complete and I really appeciate the fact that you are willing to wait for me. I also understand that you put in time and effort to send this message to me so I'm definitely going to put time and effort to reply to you!

Work has made me quite anxious and a bit depressed which has dampened my motivation to draw. But knowing that people are looking forward to the next update motivates me to continue working on this blog.

I don't think anyone has been particularly rude or offensive on this blog and honestly, sometimes things just come off a bit different than what you were expecting (especially on the internet!) so I try and not assume someone is a rude individual from the get go. But, I'm glad everyone here has been kind and understanding, it's made running the blog very enjoyable. Plus, I don't think this blog is popular enough at all to recieve rude comments haha!

With the BSD fandom, it tends to be full of theorists and writers (which makes sense lol) but it's nice to see that there's a place for me to write my silly little insignificant stories too. I've struggled with keeping up with the manga but that shouldn't be an issue for this blog as it's not really following canon at all.

And i cant wait to wish chuuya his birthday this month, and i cant wait to wish yours in june/july (sorry i forgot if it was 28 jne or 28 jly) and i also cant wait for updates or where this fic (?) Is going! Please do take care, for the last time, and stay healthy, mentally, and physically. *hugs you* and heres a little gift for you! 🫴🎁→🍪🍪🍪🍫🍫🍬🍬🍭🍩🍵🥐🌷🌸🌸🌼🌻🦋🦋🦋📱💻 And a little note 🫴✉️→✨✨✨ "get glitter bombed! And hehe. ❤ from 🇲🇾" And a boquet! like the one Dazai gave our little fashion icon in denial! 💐💐💐 or three.. Heh.. Anyways, its too long now. Love you, Hugs and forehead kisses and headpats for the amazing person behind the screen, byeee I'll be sure to ask more questions for chuuya!! <3)

I am also excited to see all the fun fics and artwork that'll be released for Chuuya's birthday! I hope I can create something for his birthday, even if it's not a big piece or anything.

My birthday is July 28th and I'm surprised you remember the day! It's a small thing but it makes me happy that you remember.

Thank you for all the gifts, flowers, and glitter and I hope you have a good day! Hopefully my response is understandable and readable (as there is a lot of text on screen and I rambled a LOT) and I thank you for asking Chuuya questions.

I hope that you, and anyone else who has somehow read this far, stay happy and healthy.)