#just making explanations for myself for things i dont like that much

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

time's prophecy to 13 is like whatever, i generally dont really think abt it bc when i do it just feels a little like a contrivance to cut thasmin short, or more specifically to give 13 a reason to formulate why thasmin is getting cut short ie it just feels to me mainly as an in-universe way to say "hey so like we've got 3 episodes left theres not much we can do here"

but the other day i Was thinking abt it, or like it crossed my mind, that scene, that warning, that does little except verbalise to 13, with her own mouth, You Have No More Time

and i was like, thats actually like exactly what trauma does right? like that phenomenon where you are just convinced for no real concrete reason that youre dying within the next 1-5 years? i think i read that thats a ptsd thing once but idk. but you know the feeling, like, where youre stuck in the past and the future refuses to unfold? like it's just stuck. time is not moving forward. like there's a wall right in front of you and youre just like, im gonna walk into the wall. and maybe you feel like the wall is 1 year away or 5 but regardless, that 1 or 5 year can pass but the wall doesnt move. you know what i mean? like youre convinced you wont see your 20th birthday but youre actually already 25. just doesnt sink in.

i think thats what time's warning to 13 is. just the articulation of her own belief that shes running out of time. or that it had already run out before she even started. she starts her relationship with her companions with the assumption that it's temporary, even after they board for real: "you wont come back the same"

and if you look at it that way i think it's easier to deal with the jump from 13 to 14 or 15. not for yaz, obviously, shes still gonna be super upset abt it. but if 13 really genuinely entirely can not imagine the future that 14 has, can not imagine a future at all, like, it makes sense.

maybe she felt like she was dying but instead of the sentiment 10 expressed "some new man goes sauntering away and i am dead" she just stopped after the first sentence like "everything i am dies." stop. theres no After. theres nothing to imagine. theres no keeping yaz with her, theres no going back for her either. theres no continuation. theres no next. everything i am dies. and the world stops.

nightvale voice: death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.

but it's doctor who. she is the universe. what happens after the heat death of the universe? are you imagining settling down with a family who loves you? are you imagining heaven? after the heat death of the universe? the doctor doesnt believe in god.

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[divorcedfiddleford]

it is friday my dudes (little hearts added by @tazmiilly)

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[too-much-boobus]

never let me yap about how dsms are based off of external behaviors which affect the neurotypicals around us and not the actual internal experience and thats why ill never be diagnosed with anything and ill never experience community and i felt so isolated and corrupt and singularly awful as a child that i thought i was irredeemable and incomparably worse than my SAer

[exiledtroll]

it's more like fucking her requires turning you into a tech gorgon

Some of the things trans girls want to fuck have me convinced you are seeing an entirely distinct visual spectrum than i am

[997]

pls help me get out of here

things regarding this apartment im trying to rent are strangely falling into place... i can kinda see this turning out for me... but at the same time i dont think i have enough money to pay for the upfront deposit the real estate agency is asking + the expenses with shipping my stuff from one place to another + feeding myself until the 15th (when i get paid). all my savings barely cover 50% of the deposit price theyre asking but i genuinely can't take this anymore, the neighbor ive been posting about started to steal from other tenants and the landlord wont say peep cause this guy paid him at least 6 months upfront (me and the other tenants are speculating but its the only explanation), so far 3 different families have moved out of the building and i feel its a matter of time they will come for my stuff (im his closest neighbor alongside a gay couple who live wall to wall with them). before this situation my one problem with this apartment was just the constant leaking and BLACK MOLD that was growing on one of the rooms that rendered that room basically unusable, and that it would make my cat's allergies break out all the time (tenko is still scratching her face to the point of bleeding every week btw) and ive spent so much money on the vet already.... so if youre reading this and feel like helping out so i can get the FUCK out of here my paypal is j.freitasteixeira@gmail.com

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations💋❤️🌹

💋This year I have a Virgo Ascendant in my solar return along with 2 Venus returns and Ive been so much more health/beauty focused. Like I care more about myself and am trying to break bad habits that I made in 2023. Im also alot more driven in sports/goals and back when I had this in 2020 I was also into skincare and makeup alot too and was into running and working out. I feel like the year you get a virgo ascendant for your solar return is the year to cleanse bad habits that youve made in the previous year its like a chance to start new.

💋The year you have Uranus in the 11th house is most likely a year where you will lose friends but will also get the chance to make new ones. I had Uranus and North Node in my 11th house last year and my 3 year long friend who claimed we were “besties” backstabbed me and cut me off with no explanation BUT I also found a friendgroup who are here to stay and am incredibely blessed to have met them. This was a year where my view on society and people changed significantly but i feel it was for the better.

💋Last year I had Sun and Pluto in the 8th house along with Moon and Mars in the 12th. I struggled really bad with my mental health(also a Gemini Rising) and my whole personality shifted from these experiences. From January my grandma almost died of cancer, I faced unrequited love, bullying from “friends”, losing friends, and overall felt pressure from school. I was just sensitive to what people said about me and let little things bother me and now that Im looking back none of it was a big deal but I dont know in the moment it affected me way too much. It made me realize that you cant ever really put your faith in people and that you need to trust and respect yourself the most. That you cant be attached to people and your faith should be put in god (atleast thats what I think). Most of the pain came from lowself esteem and I do believe that these placements made me grow a thicker skin and to become more independant. Im a completely different person now and while I did lose my innocence to the world I feel that I can survive on my own now. I guess I just grew a backbone which im really thankful for.

💋Everything that happened last year (like growth transformation death) is all related to the 8th house which is where gemini is in my natal so also keep that in mind where your solar ascendant falls in your natal.

💋This year I have a Moon in Libra in the 1st house and a Virgo Lilith exactly conjunct my ascendant and Ive been getting so much praise from woman its weird? Weirdly guys have been liking my instagram stories and when I posted on my birthday so many people came and viewed my story who dont even follow me. I also feel more pretty and empowered this year and Ive been trying to figure out how I want to present myself more. Compared to last year I feel like I am more upfront with my feelings. I feel like this year I might not struggle as much since im a Libra Ascendant and my solar return is Virgo and almost aligns with my natal chart.

💋My sadness and pain from my 2023 solar return actually really did last until my birthday aka my 2024 return😭 So keep in note that solar returns will remain effective until your next birthday.

💋I have Pluto, Mars, Sun, Vertex, Mercury, and POF, all in the 5th house this year and Im really hoping I can finally meet someone to date for the first time but so far its manifested as being more interested in hobbies/ having fun. Im not complaining tho I actually have been so much happier and I havent cried that much at all from this new Solar Return. I will say I feel like having Pluto in the 5th house will make your view change a bit on relationships. I lost feelings for my 3 year crush and I also feel like its impossible for me to properly catch feelings now. I dont know its like I broke the cycle of infatuting crushes and am way more realistic when it comes to love. Part of it is probably just me getting older but I think thats a good thing. I dont expect love like the movies anymore but i just want something REAL.

💋The year you have 8th house Venus a old flame might come back into your life.

💋Tell me why I have Jupiter, North Node, and Chiron in the 8th house this year and ive been attracting money/all the things i want so easily? I got almost $450 for my birthday, a vanity, a lulu bag, and a big party and its only been like 2 weeks😭

💋 When I turn 18 in 2026 I have a stellium of Venus, Mercury, Sun, Mars, and Pluto in the 12th SOOO im predicting that I might be struggling with mental health that year, probably lost in where I want to head after high school, or Im either hiding sum secret love affair(8th house ruler of libra in 12) or like something about it is forbidden/ secretive. I also do have Moon and Jupiter in Cancer in the 5th house that year so that should be interesting lol. Let me know what aspects/ placements in your future solar returns yall find interesting and have down in the comments I wanna see.

💋A Saggitarius Ascendant/ 9th placements might mean that you get opportunity to travel

💋Having Lilith in the 2nd house might mean that you struggle with eating consistently or might struggle with self worth and body image.

💋Venus in the 4th house will be a year where you try to improve your home and find comfort in familial relationships

💋Look at transits to your solar return too theyll give you a deeper dive in whats going on you can look on astroseek.

💋12th house placements will make you inclined to find god

💋On November 16 2021 I caught feelings bad for this guy and I would go on to like him for a long time. Near that time I had a Venus Return and also a transit Solar Return with a 7th house stellium(Sun,Mars,Mercury,Moon in Libra/Scorpio). I was around this guy 24/7 and it just unexpectedly happened. Near that time Iwas having so much fun with my friends in cross country I feel so fond about those days that I could never forget.

💋 Last year having a Gemini Rising but placements like Mars and Moon in the 12th made me get talked about unknowingly behind my back so keep that in mind. Girls secretly hated me and also one of my “friends” twisted my words and spread drama about me.

💋Pay special attention to Chiron and where it is in your chart ESPECIALLY if its in retrograde

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed this was very last minute and I know people have been complaining about there not being enough Solar Return observations so here I am lol. See yall next time💋

[edlucavalden]

Im too exausted for proper(ish) essays, but im so crazy over this scene. i can't contain myself

TW for: S/A !!! (For the nature of the writing and well—the scene itself)

He's confused at first. he doesn't know what is going on. This slight pause isn't because he's scared or frozen but to assess the situation. After all It was kinda sudden.

All he doesn't like this feeling. he feels uncomfortable and that some sort of boundry has been breached. But he hasn't fully processed it yet.

And right before he fully comprehends and does something about it—

He suddenly becomes compliant?

It's like he forgot what he was gonna do—like He loses the motivation to enforce his boundaries.

he still feels uncomfortable. that doesn't change. But he isnt aware of that. Well, that makes sense... since he never really did fully process what was happening. It's like he lost the will to care about or process it.

This panel. Christ... Thistle finally builds up the power to say stop. It's weak—confused and disoriented. I dont think it's even directed to anything specifically. Its intentions are vague.

But god... and the lion's response? Reassurance. how he can't help it, he needs this to live, he's been waiting for so long—oh, and don't worry, I'll take care of you.

It's just so chilling after this.

Thistle's powerless, weak, and complaicent. It's out of character for thistle. This entire scene is. However It's still thistle. His behavior and actions are his own, and for me that's the terrifying part.

This wasn't... Forced? There's no fighting and thrashing— Its just a complete submission. he reacted yeah but he didn't resist. he didn't fight back even if he had the ability to (we know bc he has, for 1000 years in fact). The lion didn't directly force him either. It didn't violently force him to have its way. But it's still violating. And that's the thing; the assult wasnt violent, but passive.

Hi guys just to reiterate that I did NOT mean to say that sexual cohesion is not an act of force. this part is ment reiterate that it "wasn't forced" in the sterotypical way of resisting, i followed it up by saying that it is still violating despite that and i emhasized that idea in the parts after that,. This part (more so the entire work in general) is ment to emphasize the passive yet transgressive nature of cohesion. i SINCERELY apologize if that was the message that was interpreted from that part. I did not intend it to mean that way.

The demon has slowly but surely torn down thistle's sense of self so much it turned him into a completely different person. Like his identity was shattered and rebuilt to submit.

It starts small, building up the situation, taking away his desire to resist and enforce his boundaries, then it gives a rose tinted explanation of what is happening. Finally, it comforts and praises him. This is what gives thistle the illusion of choice, a passive way of getting him vulnerable.

You can see how it affected him vividly through this part. it's like he forgets what he was fighting for. He forgets his boundaries, his identity, the things he cares about, everything. It's being ripped away from him.

Thistle never stood a chance.

It wasn't his fault he submitted. It was the demon's for putting him in that state. His complaicency is due to the fact that he had no power for any other way.

it never mattered that thistle never fought back. Even if he did fight back or didn't, even if he succeeded or not—what then? it would never change the demon's nature. One who seeks consumption will always consume. In other words; it will always find a way.

I honestly dont think it was the demon's intention to harm thistle. It's selfish but not moralisticly evil (nothing ever is). It seeks fulfillment and not suffering. But its blind pursuit for satisfaction caused suffering, That's what makes it malicious. It doesn't matter if he intented or was aware of it or not. the demon benefited from something that could harm him and did it despite that. And that will never change.

[torantuga]

i was unmotivated to draw this week so i forced myself to draw in diff styles - and i chose to redesign emmk cus i love them both sm (even tho i dont even enjoy td anymore)

buut then i got the idea of maybeeee i could make a what-if scenario where julia-mk-emma alliance could be made

so here they are!

EXPLANATION BELOW!!! (warning, maybe ooc but it's a rewrite + redesign)

sooo what im bringing to the table is a rewrite of their characters - esp s1

JULIA

for julia, i wanted to make the twist villain thing for s2, which might sound weird... but i can explain

she mantains the happy-go-hippie personality as a facade during the time she stays in the island, whilst in the background she's actively sabotaging other contestants with the help of mk. she only shows her true colors after mk betrays her (which i kept the same, probably after the merge tho) and she gets kicked out. (iii feel like mk would stay longer BUT not be a finalist, mainly cus in this redesign she plans things through very VERY carefully)

she would be used as the main villain for s2, and she would be like julia in mid s1 probably - petty, strategic and, most importantly, deadly. she replaces her tropical, pinkish clothing with blueish popular outfits and she becomes mean as she can be. hostile, she becomes someone to fear as she turns her gentle face into one full of disgust for those around her.

MK

So. you guys know i love MK - shes the whole reason i still havent let go of td - so im giving her the best character ever!

calculative, observative, and sneaky, shes the definition of a stellar strategist. she makes herself look average just to pass by smoothly, and she sabotages everyone she cans to assure she stays that way until the very end.

though she's snarky, she understands that overdoing it might get her on a radar. she observes everyone she can to understand them on face value in order to know how to approach them.

she's naturally drawn to julia, as she notices things in her behavior that differentiate her from genuinely nice people like priya or emma. her smile twitches when no one looks, her eyes do not smile along with her mouth... she's as fake as she can be.

so she observes her during the first episodes, trying to make a conclusion and find a way to get her on her good side.

so she confronts julia alone, which makes julia drop the act and threaten her. mk assures julia that shes in no way trying to threaten her, and that she wants to form an alliance, which julia then accepts after some convincing that they were probably the best duo in the game so far.

she's still got a lot of character outside julia though, and she shows it through her snarky attitude when it comes to everything, and her master thief tactics that she uses to hack and learn what challenge is going to happen and how she's going to eliminate certain people that oppose a threat to her.

However, a duo like them always needs a backup to throw under the bus at any circumstance of danger, so they decide to pick a gullible, insecure person....

EMMA

A nice, silly girl that has some bottled up anger from years and years of frustration she was told to keep in because of her internet persona.

after a messy break up and a fine that cost her almost thousands of dollars, she's pretty sure the bottled up anger is now cracking. she's no longer a youtube star, as her ex's channel was the only thing keeping her trendy, so she no longer needed to spread herself thin to please an audience - to please him.

so! chase is here! hm! how the FUCK is she supposed to continue the game knowing that her stupid ex is in the same tv show as her?!

he's dumb, lazy, and apathetic. he shouldn't be there to begin with!

...so she tries to ignore him as much as she can, though he sometimes makes her want to scream.

either way, her ex aside, she tries to be kind to everyone she meets, but everyone sees her as gullible and naïve cus of it. shes letting everyone see her insecurities by simply existing, and though she's friends with bowie, everyone guesses she won't make it far. she's fun, silly, but also weird in her own way.

mk observes emma and concludes that she's the perfect pawn for their game, and so she finds her alone to play mindgames on her, knowing that her biggest insecurity is not being a good people-pleaser.

mk manages to convince emma that she should join the alliance, and so she accepts. emma's not happy about it though, but she understands mk wouldn't let her join if she didn't saw potential.

THE ALLIANCE

mk, julia and emma are underestimated due to their actions, so it's not hard to cheat in challenges that way. emma finds this a bit uncomfortable, but she helps them with social intel. she's the least suspicious of the bunch, so she can eavesdrop with ease since she's not seen as a threat.

they manage to kick out chase and ripper with ease, and they go unpunished through the series.

well. until mk betrays julia, that is.

mk knows that her days are counted if she keeps julia around for too long, so she frames her as soon as she feels things going against her. it is not pretty, and julia swears on her life she'll take her down.

but she didn't betray emma.

mk never mentioned emma being in the alliance, causing her to get the boot as soon as possible, which is 2 episodes after julia.

emma stays to be in the final five, but she doesn't end up winning.

mk swears it's so that they can team up next season, but it's something more.

HOW EMMK CAN STILL WIN

mk originally was going to betray both of them, but she couldn't. not emma.

emma was a genuinely nice person to be around, and though she was useless when it came to actual scheming, she was funny and understanding.

mk had a big crush, long story short, and couldn't bring herself to see emma get hurt like that. if she had had a crush on julia, which she thought she had, she would've still betrayed her. it was strategy, and there were no hard feelings.

but emma? mk believes seeing her sad face would probably ruin her. she's a truthful person, and mk admires that.

so she and emma stay friends, and continue being alliance members in s2, which escalates into something more.

S2

i believe s2 wld be julia vs mk in terms of main villains, and emmk wld be the main focus when it comes to mk and emma screentime.

julia tries her hardest to sabotage, and mk counterattacks in default, leaving them to battle for dominance all the way til the merge, when mk gets eliminated instead of julia. emma is heartbroken due to her ...friend.. getting kicked out, and she follows the next elimination.

idk for s3 but maybe mk wld be a finalist or win cus my girl needs a win under her belt!!!

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[liquidorcard]

Tw: Heavy topic discussion ahead.

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So I have suffered with suicidal ideation for the majority of my life. As long as I can remember-- even when I was a child to some extent.

Despite current awareness of mental health issues, honestly, I don't think we have as a society really resolved yet how to earnestly address the issue. I don't blame people for not knowing what to say to suicidal people or just defaulting to the whole "oh I'm sorry, you're not alone, blah blah blah" song and dance. I get they don't know what to say, but.

The issue with being always suicidal is that it's kinda a bitch to figure out how to just live with? You don't want to worry people, or emotionally burden them, you dont want them walking on eggshells around you forever because they think at any moment they could accidentally push you over the edge. Because the conversation around suicidal ideation is so focused on NOT being suicidal anymore, it functionally silences people in a well-meaning, but still harmful way.

Like, let ol' uncle Eldritch affirm for anyone reading this right now: it's OKAY to be suicidal. Not okay as in, indulge the urge. But suicidal ideation is a mental health concern like any other. It's not your fault, and stressing yourself out that you feel this way will do you no good. Accepting a feeling is not the same as acting on it.

For most people the feeling is temporary, but the reality is for some of us it's not. The feeling might be more intense sometimes than others, but it's okay if they're always there. Strange thing to say, I know, but you don't owe anyone happiness. You don't owe anyone self-contentment. Yes, we all want those things, but getting upset with yourself that you haven't achieved that beyond healthy degrees is a vicious cycle that will only make you more miserable.

There's a difference between treating negative emotions as an undesirable outcome, and treating them as if they're a mistake. As if they're not often enough a logical outcome to many of life's challenges, especially these days.

Counterintuitive, I know, but accepting that someday I might lose the battle with my own suicidal ideation probably saved my life at several low points. Something I've had to reaffirm within myself several times over my life. And something it's been very hard to get other people to understand.

The problem may be bad, but it's almost always the stigma that makes it dire.

I'm not going to pretend there isn't some degree of a grain of truth to the idea that some people use suicidal intent to get attention, but that's a gross and misleading oversimplification of the issue. Some people have no suicidal intent, but use it as a means of manipulating others. I'd say those types of people are rarer than you might imagine, but yes, they exist. I'd say the majority of people, especially the ones who express the thought over and over again, just don't know what to do with their feelings. They're looking for an outlet, an explanation, validation, solidarity-- something. They're looking to not feel so isolated anymore, having feelings they know they "shouldn't be having." As stated above, our society still doesn't accept the feelings as acceptable even if we've moved the dial on the topic, and they're feeling shame and frustration that they just can't quite move past that.

I don't want to speak for everyone but I do believe I'm very much not alone on this when I say the phrase "I want to die"/"I'm suicidal" with the same type of intent I say, "I want to sleep," or "I'm hungry." I'd rather be awake and full, but, I'm currently feeling compelled to satisfy the urge to go to bed or eat. I'd rather be alive, however, dying feels like a very tempting offer. Inconveniently, of course, that craving happens to have permanent results. Can't go back to living if/when I have enough spoons to keep going, boo.

That's a very confusing sensation to grapple with-- understanding your life is a finite resource you aren't going to be able to get back, but also, being fucking sick of it. It's hard to know what to do about that-- especially because, again, you aren't ALLOWED to feel that way apparently.

If that feeling can be fixed it should, but some of us don't have that luxury. Some of us are broken in a way you can patch up, but we can never be fully restored to a mint-like condition. We still have value, we still are useful and can be fully realized people, if there was only room for us to be taken as we are and not how people want us.

Outrageously irresponsible and fucked Lily had the balls to give advice on this, if that even has to be said. Rest assured, she's on my "To Haunt" list if I do end up offing myself (in Minecraft.)

[skrittkicking]

charr body types for practice, rambling nonsense under the cut

ive been trying to get better at drawing more varied body types for a while now and i think ive still got a long way to go but im getting there. fat and muscle definition werent something i bothered to learn for a long time because all i wanted to draw was twinks and dragons ... but in the last year or so ive really been pushing myself to do better. i think learning to draw different body shapes is really important and improves your overall anatomy skill by a mile, its also just really fun for me to think about how fat is distributed across the body and affected by gravity and all that stuff. bodies in general are my favorite thing to draw and what i spend the most time sketching

ok enough word vomit lets talk about my ocs

iovitus is supposed to be built more like an athlete, but im not sure i got that across very well. they're still skinny and comparatively twinky next to their fellow cats, but still strong and in good shape. after they left the legions they didnt really bother that much with the upkeep of their figure, but since theyre focusing more on mercenary work again they've been better about it

most of iovitus' muscle is in their shoulder & back, as their weapons of choice -- longbow and throwing axes -- require a lot of strength in that area. theyre very triangular shaped & top-heavy, with a broad chest & shoulders, thin waist and narrow hips. skipped leg day :/

nero is supposed to have sort of a dad-bod type of build. i changed a bit about his design as ive been tinkering around with his lore recently. she was always supposed to have some tummy to her, but i dont think i drew it very well in the past. i think a dad bod is very fitting because she is one after all

i also wanted to make her blind eye more obvious because i kept forgetting about it whenever i drew her so umm sorry babe. still need to come up with an explanation as to why it happened! was considering having him just born with it for a while, but i love scars and scary traumatic events so... sorry nero

in spite of the good layer of fat he's got on his body though, nero is very strong and muscular underneath it all. his warband doesnt do a lot of combat stuff anymore but he's still working most of the time and takes good care of himself. juicy thighs btw

ruckus... i dont have much to say about. i love you babygirl

she's so much taller than everyone else.... its difficult to notice in the line-up as they are, but i wanted to see so i lined them up in front of one another and. well. ->

look at her. and iovitus. why are you so small??

finally, lia! she's still small in comparison to most other blood legion charr, but she makes up for it in her strength. or, well, she might've in her younger years; at her current age she's definitely lost a lot of that muscle definition just by the nature of aging

thats not to say she's weak, though. she can and will definitely fuck you up if you try her

her burned arm is her main weak point. it was burned severely enough where the muscle and nerves were permanently damaged, resulting in a lot of stiffness, uncomfortability, and chronic pain. the movement in that arm is limited and she has to guard it closely if she's ever in a scuffle

i think in general a lot of muscle definition for charr is lost just cause they have fur to cover it up, evident by the fact you cant really see a lot of it on the in-game models. or at least thats my excuse for not knowing how to define muscle with lineart

[empressgetou]

YOU'RE MINE, I'M YOURS

boyfriend senku x reader

hours after both of suika and y/n who went across to shore to the island where senku and the others were supposed to be. luckily for them ryusui managed to throw suika overboard who was cleaning the docks and y/n who was nearby the kid just in time for the petrification by a second.

y/n stayed behind the island to look for senku as suika went back to the ship to check up on the others and just as night the night falls ibarra and kirisame's group came checking up on the ship making the woman worried about the poor girl on her own in the ship.

"the lab!" echoed through the island.

i recognized that voice anywhere, kohaku! senku and the others must be near. as i look up on the side of the island there they were in a gather with a few people i don't recognized, i was about to ran up to them then i saw kohaku kissing senku...

KISSING SENKU??

i was never the type to be the "im jealous" girlfriend, even before the petrification my relationship with senku is actually great than the usual couples around. that's because he never gave me a reason to over something minor. sure, i may or may not have been a little jealous over the whole marriage thing that was set up with ruri back a few months but that was in the past and now i see this? boy you better have an explanation to this too or i might cut your–

i ran fast as i could to catch up, as i can already see the mobile lab who im assuming suika managed to drive through up to the mountains. as soon as the vehicle stopped they too have stopped their tracks and managed to spot me in my place.

"y/n! you're here! you weren't petrified?" gen asked surprisingly and his eyes went to the leek head whom im not naming.

"nahh ryusui managed to throw me into the ocean just in time with suika" i laughed a little remembering a few hours ago how pissed off i was thinking he has even the audacity to throw us like we're a rock or something but im glad ryusui did managed to save us.

"kekeke somehow i had a feeling you survived that thing though i never expected you'd be here on the island" senku already on my side and had a little smirk on. oh how i wanna punch that handsome face so bad right now.

i rolled my eyes, "course i did. m'not really and idiot ya know." i smirked back.

"good job, you two!" praised senku.

we managed to get out of the villagers hair and went to the underwater cave to hide in the meantime while we prepare in infiltrating the harem and well that includes getting kohaku ready for the act.

"the ingredients are simple!"

"honey, lemon and coconut?"

"ahhh you're making a conditioner?"

"that's ten billion points for you, my dearest!" senku pointed at me as if ive won the lottery.

"you mind leaving me some for my hair?"

and then here's amaryllis having the greatest idea i never would've thought i'd come up with. but men dressing as women? specially senku? i never thought i'd see the day.

"pftt"

"yeah, yeah laugh it while you can honey. you don't know what's coming next for ya." he said while having an obvious annoyed face.

gen however pulled it off but his height was a bit much for an average girl. then there's soyuz, yeah i dont even wanna explain how he looks. and then lastly ginro, well he passed, perfection i might add.

"well that's that. obviously we know who is coming to the harem" i said as i was about to go back to the mobile lab, kohaku spoke.

"we're not done yet y/n, you're next!" and managed to pull me to her side.

"waittt! im not–"

"no buts! come on, you're a candidate yourself if i say so myself plus we could totally infiltrate the harem without a problem if both of you and me work together inside."

"ughhh nooo i don't wanna. too much workkk"

kohaku and amaryllis managed to dress up y/n nicely and while doing so senku's eyes never left her figure and her hair specially. he realized that y/n never actually leave her hair down just like before the petrification maybe because they were always busy working back at the village it would be distracting having her long wavy hair in the way, he only saw her hair down whenever she'd take a bath by the river and whenever she would sleep beside him. amaryllis also put make up on y/n and it definitely just made her even more beautiful and vibrant much to senku's pleasure. he was falling all over again.

"looking good there", he complimented

"thanks. i thought you'd never notice", y/n sarcastically said.

"been a while since i've had make up on too. does it look weird?" she asked worriedly.

"nahh you're good. you're beautiful." he said almost whispering.

"alrightyyy y/n, you're coming with us right?", kohaku asked

"huh? but i'm not really needed there right? hehe", y/n tried to convince her friend.

before y/n and her group went to the harem selection she managed to get inside the mobile lab and talked to senku.

"so i was thinking since ya' know could be a few days or weeks before we'd succeed in the infiltration but i just wanna clarify something." fiddling her hands thinking maybe she just misunderstood what kohaku did to his boyfriend.

"yeah, got something to say before you leave me here all alone?" senku joked still doing his science work.

"i saw kohaku kissed you last night." and went silent, it made y/n think maybe she was stupid to even conclude at that idea.

"ah yeah she did"

"what! why?"

"easy tiger, that was unexpected for me as well, we have to get a distraction from the enemy. gen's fault he included me."

silence again.

"but i guess that made you uncomfortable huh?" she nodded still fiddling her fingers.

he saw this and went to holding her close.

"m'sorry if it made you feel bad, i take full responsibility of how you're feeling right now. tell you what i'll give gen an earful about that and maybe after this whole infiltration thing, we spend time more together after, hmm?" trying to apologize the woman.

"mmm, i see.."

"i understand i just want to know why it had to be done." she said faintly smiling.

"m'sorry if you understood that way. there's nothing going on. m'still yours forever and always" he tried to cheer up.

she then hugged him and he immediately reciprocated. silence engulfing them once again while enjoying the company of each other.

"i love you"

"me to honey. i love you so damn much. i'm yours. okay?" reassuring her and gently pushing his lips into her sweet candy flavored ones.

masterlist

"mmm, you're mine and i'm yours" she giggled.

[muffinsin]

okok, new asker.. requester?? Idk. Just, Im new to this thing. 😵‍💫

Have you done dimitrescu sistas dating someone whos genuinly like, a rabid dog, who constantly needs to bite, and/or claw their things, for just the admirable purpose of -- no purpose?? Like.. for example, when stimming, or focusing, or just when spacing out, you can always find them, like, chewing on a piece of wood?? Or something?? or, like, finding them with their nails subconciously gripping, like, a couch cushion, out of restlesness (whilst reading, or, watching something, that requires them to sit still) SO. TIGHT. that they ripped it through the middle?

I beg, i plead, and i blead (aha, get it?? Vampire stuff? Beg+plead=.. yeah, okay, i'll see myself out)

uhhhhhhh hope this was .. clear.. enough.. ahahahahhahasn.... giggles

-🐾🧃, aka jungle-juice anon 👽 geehee!!!!

p.s, i wuv ur work, keep being you, ur the best!!!!! Dont overwork urself tho.... because.. thats bad 😉😉😉😉😉😉😉 i know, maximum rizz. Im too charming. ANYWAYS!!!!!!! Hope ur doing well, take breaks, drink, eat, sleep, go to.. uhh.. school?? Idk if ur in school. Goodluck, much love 🫂🫂 piece!!! (Not peace, i require violence)

Hi :)! Welcome, then :)🙌 This is a Hella intriguing request, I couldn’t help but jump into it when I should’ve probably finished another wip! XP I’m glad you like my work, hon, it means a lot :) This is a good reminder for all to eat & drink!🙌 I’m not in school anymore :)

Let’s get into it!

Masterlists

Bela

While at first, you seemed like any other staff member or villager, Bela is quickly taught better

She notices your tendencies fast, and at first, isn’t too sure what to make of them

She isn’t sure why she defends you either, claiming it was her that accidentally ripped the pillows when Mother demands an explanation

Following up on why she acts this strangely, Bela decides to get to know you, more and more

In little time she finds herself falling for you, for your honest, unconcealed ways

She finds your more feral tendencies somewhat adorable, though at times scolds you like she has done countless times in the past when her then equally feral sisters broke something

Being allowed to stay in her room after a good while of dating, you couldn’t be happier

You’re with the woman you love, in a warm room and a spacious one

Despite this, Bela often has you sleep in a separate bed

Not that she doesn’t usually curl up with you

She just finds early on that you kick all from the bed in your sleep, pillows and blankets, even tear at the sheets- and her, if she happens to sleep next to you

And while you feel awful for the marks you leave on her in your sleep, it does get you curious like nothing else

You feel the need to bite, to mark, to cut and tear with your nails like an animal might

Multiple times, you’ve wondered whether you’re similar to the Lycans outside, even

Bela, though, she makes the thought of these things even sweeter

At times, when you zone out biting at a piece of bark or a sturdy stick she’s found you, your thoughts just…wander

You then can’t help but wonder how it would be to bite into her skin

She does insist, your blood tastes incredible, and there isn’t a day your flesh isn’t marked by her

But Bela?

Her beautiful, porcelain-like skin, soft and cold..

Often, you imagine what it’s like to chew on her neck or arm, just a quick taste if that’s all she grants you

At other times, you can’t help but accidentally nip her with your nails

Usually this is when you’ve pulled her in your lap, often having her there when you’re reading or so

She always agrees eagerly to this, knowing it means no more pillows will be torn open

Instead, your nails dig into her, bringing forth sharp gasps and low, soft groans every once in a while

You aren’t sure she’s truly against it, for she never scolds you and still is happy to sit on your lap

Perhaps, it’s her way of repaying you for being allowed to feed from your neck

Cassandra

Discovering you in the village, Cassandra is immediately keen on finding out more about you

Perhaps, that is because of how she found you…snarling as you tug and grunt, looking as though you’re playing tug of war with the lycan that stole your jacket

Of course, she easily snaps the creature in half, her pride blooming as you grin widely at her, your jacket clutched in your hands

She decides to take you with her, and while it wouldn’t quite have made a difference, you eagerly come with her

With Cassandra by your side, you soon learn to give into your subconscious thoughts and actions rather than fighting them

Cassandra, in a way, is feral at times as well

Due to that, she doesn’t quite care for the consequences of your actions

In time, as more blooms between the two of you

As such, she becomes more aware of your quirks, and you with here

Like when you curled up in bed with her

Her nails flexing every time you push your finger against her palm, her breathing even

Until, that is, you suddenly bite into her arm

Cassandra jumps, then raises an eyebrow when she meets your eyes

You don’t seem fazed, still playing with her palm, as though the biting didn’t faze you in the slightest

She shrugs, only. She doesn’t mind. In fact, it’s somewhat nice to feel your lips and teeth against her

As she notices this behaviour continue quite often, your sleeping and cuddle positions often change

You’re often with your head at her neck, biting contentedly as you read

Behind your back, she often sharpens her weapon

Both of you, content to be together, in indulging in whatever feral habits you have

When you scratch up her pillow in your sleep, Cassandra simply replaces them. They’re nothing of worth to her

Instead, she finds your urge to claw at things inspiring

She decides to allow you to hold her clothing and shields when you read, silently giggling to herself

You’re ideal for testing their efficiency, really

By the end of the day, or whenever you finish what activity has you so captivated, she checks how deep you were able to scratch

If the item is of no use, she discards it

Often, that means you get to gnaw at it all you want

Daniela

As the two of you become closer and closer, multiple things happen

1), Daniela and you catch feelings, fast

She quickly becomes important to you, and equally you become incredibly important to her

You look forward to spending your time with her, as does she

Even when this means the two of you curling up and reading side by side in the library, the two of you treasure these oments

2), the two of you spend a lot of time together

As such, Daniela becomes increasingly aware of your characteristics and mannerisms, intentional or not

Being somewhat feral as well, Daniela at first doesn’t even notice a thing

Clawing up clothing and pillows, gnawing at pencils, wood and whatever is near you when you’re concentrating…

It all seems perfectly normal to her, really

Yes, maybe some are prime examples of things Bela and Mother would scold her for

Still, for a long time she pays no mind to what you’re doing

In fact, it takes quite a while and an annoyed remark from her eldest sister for her to realise what you’re doing isn’t quite appreciated by all

She notices you claw at her favorite pillows when the two of you read

Really, you can’t help clenching it so tight it rips

You can’t help your sharp nails, too, and don’t want Daniela to file them down a little

She only shrugs when you refuse that solution

She won’t press you, though occasionally helps you take care of your hands and nails

Instead, she makes sure you have “your” pillows, scratched up and sewn together again countless times

This way, you can tear them as often as you like, and neither Daniela, nor Alcina minds

She tends to your needs, going so far as to ask you at one point whether you’d like some blood…which promptly has her older sisters smack the back of her head

Feeding a human blood, really!

Instead, she likes feeding you as you read, her giggles keeping you happy as you tear at yet another pillow

[desire-mona]

things abt dps i feel like we dont address enough (photos attached will be shit quality, i took screenshots from yt clips LMAO)

heavily ib @pencileraser1's post abt stuff he noticed n such

the fucking KIDS at welton. the CHILDREN. maybe its just me but i always find myself forgetting that welton isnt a highschool + there are in fact a lot more students than the ones we're focusing on. thats what makes welton so like. evil? to me? they start pushing these kids into a box EARLY.

related, i wouldve LOVED to see how(/if?) keating taught these kids, or rly any other class! he has other classes!!! i think!

ok. of course. neil is a smoker, we've touched on that. but charlie is too?? and he's the one who provides the cigs???? obviously the easy explanation is that he does it to be rebellious and stuff but also Is There Something Else. much to think abt. also wondering where he gets his cigs but thats not rly anything i dont think.

this ones just funny but when mr perry tells the boys they can take a seat and todd simply does not. i KNOW he wasnt sitting before and he needs to unpack and stuff but ITS STILL FUNNY.

"take your seats boys"

"🧍"

also my guilty pleasure is the dps but its todd being anxious video bc man usually crack videos arent my jam but unfortunately i find it so funny

also!!! neil calling his dad sir. obviously its something so glaringly obvious that we dont need to have a discussion abt how theres a disconnect between them. like wow rly thanks mona i didnt know. but come on!!! it makes me sad!!! also they shake hands later in this scene and its the most affectionate/ friendly we see these two get. and its a handshake. and i think what makes it worse is that neil is a SUPER physically affectionate person with his friends. if u watch the movie and pay attention to how often he's touching someone else then ur gonna be like man. he rly was jumping at every opportunity huh.

something about the way neil and the boys act around mr perry makes me view him as more of a drill sargent than anything. everyone immediately stands upon him entering the room. they dont sit until given permission. it rly puts the whole military school thing into perspective but NOT ENOUGH TO SATISFY ME. as much as i hate mr perry, i wanna know what his life was like growing up. this man lived thru the great depression AND wwii, theres stories.

cam's stupid fucking face when keatings behind him larping ghosts. i will never stop talking about how sassy this kid is. the dps redheads go criminally unacknowledged in terms of comedy because OH MY GOD. CAM AND MEEKS WERE SO FUCKING FUNNY??? they both pulled the most dastardly judgemental looks and they make me cackle. a bit earlier in this scene meeks goes full 🙄🤨 on sniffles (tissue kid. i call him sniffles) and it is, without exaggeration, my fav part of the movie.

the fact that i totally thought knox was gonna fall off his bike and eat shit in this scene. it would be so out of place since dps isn't exactly full of physical comedy but GOD i still fully anticipated it. either that or him getting attacked by a bird. theres totally symbolism surrounding birds in this movie btw and idk what to make of it. if any of u lovely ppl have a theory then lmk immediately.

keating so accurately calling cam out being like "is this right is this right. am i walking right." BC YESSS. i will eventually make a fully fledged cam post but to briefly touch on it, i find cam to be very confused on what is right, usually in terms of morals. a whole situation of confusing your personal values with the rules, thinking theyre one in the same, and completely abandoning what u actually believe. unfortunately i think neils death rly amplified that nd is what led him to tattle. cuz cam is still willing to break the rules in the beginning of the movie!! he's outwardly judgemental but he still does it!! much to discuss, i promise i will eventually.

keatings face after todd yawps!!! theres not much to say here he is just so proud!!! sweet little moment!!!! keatpostin!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

u guys know im an avid knox hater but this made me giggle. rip knox overstreet u wouldve loved twitch streaming.

THE SPECIFICS OF THIS SHOT. i was gonna make a post a while ago being like "idk i find it funny that the main focus of this shot isnt even one of the poets" and then i realised that WAITTTTTTT THATS THE POINT!!!! keating reached kids besides the poets!!! u didnt have to be in the dead poets society to be affected by the way he taught his classes!!! u just had to be his student!!!!! also i love the fact that the kids who stayed seated r ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED.

the ending shot. oihghgghgg. it was SUCH a choice to set it up this way and honestly i adore peter for making it. this shot is SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO LOOK AT and i love it. when i first watched this i was like "uhm ok interesting choice putting todd between this kids legs but I GET IT. one of the biggest things i remember from the film classes i took is that the way u set up shots is sooo important narratively, and one way to rly push the narrative is the space around a character in a shot. for example! if u have a character on screen surrounded by a TON of negative space then it rly emphasises how alone/ isolated they are. on the other end of the spectrum (the todd spectrum), if you surround a character in a shot with other objects or obstructions, like todd and this kids legs, then it rly emphasises how trapped and confined they are. looking at this makes me feel like. claustrophobic almost, like it's genuinely a bit harder to breathe looking at it. TODD IS STILL TRAPPED IN THAT SCHOOL. YES HE STOOD ON THE DESK AND YES HE NOW HAS THE MOTIVATION TO BE MORE CONFIDENT BC OF NEIL BUT HE! IS STILL! TRAPPED THERE!

more on todd since im on a roll here.

i was also gonna add that we dont rly talk about todd personality wise outside of poetry and anxiety but then i realised, what else is there? we dont really see much about him as a person outside of that, and i think thats the point! todd is constantly overshadowed by his brother, we know that, but i dont think we realise HOW MUCH that ties in with his entire character. quite honestly, outside of poetry and anxiety, ALL we have surrounding todd is his brother and his achievements. and of course! that makes sense! his parents want him to be just like his brother, they dont care about who he is as a person. UGH.

the desk set scene rly is the most insight we'll get into todds actual personality and desires imo, and thats what kills me. he wants a car!!!! get this boy a car!!!!!!!!! we rly see him start to open up before neils death and i wouldve LOVED to get to know todd when he's actually in a place to be himself!! but of course we never got that! sobs.

anywho. thats all i have for now. PLEASE share ur thoughts if u have any pls pls pls. encouraging discussion!! i love love love hearing about the specifics nd stuff, theres soooo much to pick apart abt this movie so i wanna hear everyones thoughts.