#just know: it was about time i wrote it
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Antonio had gone out to do his shopping. When he had come back, something out of the ordinary had happened.
[ read ficlet on ao3! ] [ for @maivalkov ] [ đ ]
#hws spain#hws england#engspa#hetalia#helia writes#tho strictly speaking arthur does not physically appear#ah e m#for maiva bc well she'll know why immediately lmao#just know: it was about time i wrote it#hehe
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like âi'm about to tear this commenter in twainâ and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet đ€ąđ€ąđ€ą (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches đđđ)
im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in
#yes the đđđwas just an excuse to shove ass emojis in your face i'm only (occasionally. allegedly) human#now ask me about my FIRST worst new year eve. it involves wizards and portals and elaborate lies i make up on the spot#SAD REAL TALK <STARTS>:#also made the mistake of reaching out to my mom post-xmas#like what kind of c-ptsd NOOB does that. what kinda chronic holiday trauma survivor NOVICE??? embarrassing#THE SEDUCTIVE FALSE HOPE OF NOSTALGIA WILL LURE YOU IN EVERY TIME#'oh but maybe they won't disappoint me. but maybe they won't rip my heart out this time'#sweetheart that's your dear sweet inner child's yearning for what never was or will be. BEAT IT BACK WITH A STICK!#SAD REAL TALK <ENDS>#....back to that part where i talked about being bent out of shape#if anyone w/ metalwork skills wants ta take a blowtorch & hammer & tongs & have at... I'm open to experimentation is all im sayin#in lieu of that i would also welcome someone buying me a sandwich. i am. so sore.#(metaphysically sore but also the other more urgent im-at-my-daily-NSAIDs-limit kinda sore)#(hence: sanwimch)#...i got so sleepy writing this i started imagining the astonishing hedonism#of stroking a freshly grilled cheese-dripping sandwhich across my body like a loofah#the soothingness of the gooey warm near liquid cheese. the vaguely spongelike quality of toasted sourdough slice.#look i didn't imagine it on PURPOSE it just came to me like a vision like a threat#like one of those weird mens locker room ads where the sportsball is watermelon??? u know the one#where there's nudity & food & homoerotica & hot steaming showers in the background and STILL the overall effect is more offputting than sex#look i have a throat infection. i can barely swallow. i'm sipping chocolate milk to survive and i'm NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. each drop is agon#(opposite side of the Tantalus spectrum but i'm suffering more than he has in 3.5 thousand years)#i'm dehydrated. barely conscious. electrolytes are circling down the drain. doctors should be incubating me w/ capri sun straws right now.#I GET A PASS ON THESE TAGS#i don't know what i wrote! and i don't stand by it! and you can't make me read em!!!
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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Merry Christmas!! I hope you all have a wonderful day <3
EDIT: I accidentally posted this too early but know this illustration is referring to a previous comic if you'd like to read it ! [Christmas 2023]
#almost tgcf#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#hob#hualian#xie lian#hua cheng#san lang#there's also three additional characters hidden there can you recognize them?#myart#merry christmas#merry xmas#I do admit I only wrote xmas because I lacked space#anyway I know I said I wouldn't do any illustrations for christmas but guess what haha I lied#no I didn't lie actually the spirit of christmas just came to me with an idea and I had to draw it#the spirit of christmas was listening to the fruitcake album on loop#anyway this is what happened after the christmas comic from last year#they got an after work party and then hualian just slumped on a sofa to cuddle or something like that idk#it's about the vibes okay not the feasability of it all#on that note please ignore the fact that I accidentally gave them the same heights#I hope you all have wonderful holidays and enjoy your time!!#I blurred the christmas tree for composition reasons but know I liked drawing it a lot <3#summarizing tgcf without having read any of it#san lang my babygirl my boytoy malewife my little pin up
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Breaking Bread, and Spilling Soup [Bonus art]
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#The amount of times I had to double check my spelling for Jin Zixuan...#Why does he have to have a cousin who's name is just one letter off...why...#I originally wrote out WWX asking for an update on his sister more explicitly - however even the Audio Drama has LWJ pick up#on the fact WWX wants to hear news about how JYL is doing. Though I'm certain he knows how much it will sting.#This might be official somewhere - but I personally believe that LWJ made the stop in Yiling to run into WWX to share the news.#Three days feels like a remarkable short time to tell someone about a wedding...though I imagine this wasn't LWJ's first attempt.#Maybe he delayed because he felt like it was not his news to share. Maybe he tried for weeks to find him.#Regardless...ouchie! A fun reminder that Jiang Yanli still means a lot to WWX even if he did cut ties with Yunmeng Jiang.#How many stabs to the heart did this feel like? To not be invited at all? To know she's marrying someone you fear will treat her poorly?#To know that the world and people you left behind haven't stayed stagnent. That they are moving on and moving away from you?#It never feels good to be left behind. Even when we burn the bridges with our own hands.
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9-1-1 | Athena Grant-Nash
#911#911edit#911 abc#athena grant nash#she is actually so funny and we need to acknowledge that more#and another thing!!! the last time i wrote âathena grant-nashâ in a post someone was like âdid she take his surname?â in the tags#so apparently we also need to acknowledge the fact that she's athena grant-nash more??#you know what#let's just acknowledge her more#everything about her#my gifs
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fuck you *lethal companies your in stars and time*
(long) exposition under cut (spoilers for ISAT + lethal company logs)
This au takes place around the time of sigurd's logs/before them (i haven't decided if Sigurd's crew exists here or not yet)!
Siffrin was someone who used to live on the Golden Planet before it got eaten. They may not remember anything beyond being found in an escape pod, but they're still paralyzed by fear when getting close to the selling window. He's always first in the facilities, making jumps, braving traps, and heading as deep as he can for scrap.
Mirabelle and Isabeau are the medic and fighter respectively, who both came from the same moon colony. They were both pressured into taking jobs by a work-based society, and applied for the company under the impression that it was a short, high-paying internship with nebulous risks.
Odile is their resident ship manager. She keeps a watchful eye over everyone and relays information about monsters, scrap, etc. In absolutely dire situations, she may come help with scrap. Despite claiming to be a first-timer, her badge says Leader??
Nille and Bonnie ended up with the crew after taking a chance to run away from their parents. Seeing a high-paying job that provided everything and would take them far away sounded too good to pass up. Nille lied about Bonnie's age to take them with her. After seeing the reality of this job, though, she regrets not finding another way out. Bonnie is permanently on ship-duty; they mainly type in whatever numbers Odile tells them. Nille is also a fighter, though she prefers the weighty stop sign as opposed to Isabeau's shovel.
Loop, after hundreds upon thousands of quotas, dying every possible death, learning everything they could- even the real identity of The Company- realizes there was one thing they've never done before. They've never died to The Company. Desperate for a way out, and haunted by the whispers and screams beyond the wall, they give themselves up. Maybe that would finally satisfy the monster- to have devoured every last piece of the Golden Planet. Maybe their crew could finally rest easy that way. Well, they didn't loop back. But through the dark and damp, there's static on the walkie talkie. Loop picks up, and hears their own voice just beyond the wall.
(Loop's design is the most different by far, since instead of consuming a star, they themselves are slowly getting digested. They're inspired by the visual of red crying faces from the logs :D)
#cw body horror#just loop being loop!#ughhh i have so many more thoughts about this au but we'd actually be here forever#did u know i love lethal company. did you know.#loop especially here makes me a little SICK#last drawing is loop btw#second drawing is just siffrin#loop calls siffrin nugget in this au bc âgolddustâ didn't sound that great#loop (as sif) also wrote notes on all bestiaries and moons#complete with many bad puns. dw#also the terminal doesn't reset between loops. for reasons!#loop is never actually SEEN in this au#but designing them was fun... so i did it....#boulder moment is a spike trap in this au btw#isat#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat spoilers#isat au#twohats#two hats spoilers#isat loop#isat isabeau#isat mirabelle#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat lethal company au#artilite
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roommate katsuki lore time:Â
your job isnât as physically demanding as that of a pro-hero, but it is equally, if not more time intensive. your friends often comment you seem dead on your feet way more often than they do, and you have to agree. so when you decide to scrounge up some extra money and hire a private chef, you think itâs the best decision youâve made in a while.Â
your friends would seem to agreeâand some tease that maybe you should ask your guy if he can cater to izuku, too. except for katsuki, who seems appalled, betrayed, and disgruntled. it takes all but one week about you gushing over the meals your chef has prepped for you for katsuki to show up to your apartment in the middle of the day, while youâre at work, and the chef is in your kitchen, kindly ask him to leave forever, and get to work himself. when you come home, youâre confused and pissed when you realize katsuki has fired your saving grace, but the anger falls flat on your tongue when youâre interrupted by the blonde spoon-feeding you the most delicious bite of steak that youâve ever had in your entire life. heâs way too smug watching you physically melt about the food, and ordering you to sit down and have a proper meal.Â
he tries not to be endeared by your stuffed cheeks, but thereâs a satisfaction brewing in him that he canât quite place. all he knows is it wonât be taken away from him again; thatâs why he flicks your forehead, throws a dish towel over his shoulder, and says, âmake room for my shit here by the end of the week. and donât complain when i put all your spoons together in one drawer,â before heading over to the sink to wash up.Â
you donât even get until the end of the week before katsuki is barreling into your apartment with boxes and clothes and, âthis is what we call a stainless steel pan in the wild. ever seen one before?â prompting you to reach up and pinch his ear even as he cackles all the way to the kitchen. you suppose, in the end you canât complain. you get to live with your best friend, you get free catering, free cleaning, and it takes you two months of living together to find out katsukiâs paid off your rent for the rest of the year, too. you know, what friends are for.Â
#you ask him what happened to the rent money for the month go and hes like well how much did u think a set of#'eight of those super pretty french pots' cost like boy did u use my money to buy le creuset????.... carry on#(he's joking he bought them himself)#he moves in (you didnt ask him to) and complains about EVERYTHING and then fixes it all anyway#like baby girl YOU CAN GO HOME! TO YOUR HOUSE! YOU DONT HAVE TO BE HERE (he does and he wont leave)#btw he moves in and shoto is like...................... r u two fuckin serious and is appalled nobody else is seeing what he's seeing#every time i write katsuki just know i want to hit him with the aforementioned frying pan#katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha x reader#mha x reader#wrote this like i would
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thinking about that time somewhere in the early 70's George found an old letter of his from like '61 or something and pattie told him he should save it so he 'recreated' it and just for funsies threw in a line or two that wasn't in the original about how paul sucked at bass and john wanted to kick him out of the band. unparalleled haterism. you have to respect it
#george harrison#paul mccartney#john lennon#the beatles#i cant tell if it was like. just an impulsive thing and he didn't think itd ever really go anywhere#or if he was purposefully trying to fuck with historical record just to spite paul#like either way its both so small and petty but also george! george! the historical record! the primary source documents!!#pleaseeee im begging you dont fuck with that we havea hard enough time sorting through everything without#inserting contemporary resentments into the past#hes so fucking funny#mainly im just glad we know both 1. that he wrote that 2. that it wasnt in the original#bc it says a LOT about how his emotions shaped how he remembered or reflected on things and also just lmao#my posts
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iâll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#despite it all though badlands rumble is like. the only universe where we get wolfwood thinking vash died first... and i think that means a#lot to their relationship and how it may bloom if there was more to badlands rumble considering vash literally saw wolfwood carrying a piece#of vash after his supposed death. u know! despite the short time they were together vash still meant so much to wolfwood that he couldn't#just move on or forget him in anyway. needed to keep a piece of him for himself and the rest of his days. but ofc vash lives and wolfwood#was like ill beat ur fucking ass into tomorrow. there's just so much honesty in vash being able to see that gesture bc he wouldnt know#otherwise just how much he might mean to him. ANYWAY. trimax with with the eternal pining featuring the two chapters where imo#where the both of them really fell for each other... i wrote my thoughts about this on another comic i did before#but vash solidifying his feelings during the hospital arc -- ww solidifies his when he realizes his allegiances are permanently with vash#98 my lovelies but also to me they are so one-sided bc ww pined like no tomorrow and vash only realizes after ep 23?24? his heart did tickle#whenever ww complimented his smile though#and tristamp vw my beloveds. it really just feels like they get the chance to be closer and closer and more honest with each other#with every version that comes about. in trimax they knew how little time they had but struggled so desperately to get closer. in 98 ww felt#more willing to forsake for vash. in badlands rumble theyre Angry but as mentioned earlier ^ more blatant truth... due to circumstances#mainly but has the chance to lead to discussions and tristamp literally. first day of knowing each other ww saves vash - 2 days later vash#saves ww like. Man. AND NOW THEY MAY POTENTIALLY GET EVEN CLOSER!!!! with s2....#ruporas art
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we know EA interfered a lot with veilguard, i definitely do attribute the "sanitization" of the setting directly to EA's meddling, i even think to some extent taash's quest and the corporate representation feel of it all was influenced heavily by EA and not just weekes. and i think a lot of the companions being so shallow and their quests feeling half-baked is also mostly due to time constraints and rewrites/cut content-- the writers genuinely did do the best they could with what they had, and i feel for them and their frustrations. but. there are also just a lot of really bad decisions made elsewhere, too. like i said the racism has always been present in these games and it's always been a problem, it's literally baked into the worldbuilding, though i can definitely agree that some of it was potentially made worse specifically in veilguard due to constant rewrites and the loss of context and cohesion, but like... it was always there to begin with... and it's not "unfair" for players to point this out.
both things can be true-- EA absolutely fucked these people over, and we shouldn't be speculating conspiracy theory-type shit about the writers hating fans or whatever when we know. we know EA interfered, we know there were creative differences, we know they ruthlessly laid off a lot of the people that poured their blood, sweat, and tears into this game! EA is both stupid and actively malicious, they get no sympathy from me. veilguard absolutely is a casualty of the current state of the gaming industry. and i also think there were a lot of poor writing decisions made independently of that as well, that are fair to criticize and question. a lot of these problems are the same problems we've seen in every single DA game, and this consistency makes it clear this is not just an issue with corporate overreach.
but i really feel for everyone involved with making this game, this shit was clearly a very long and tiring fight, i can't even imagine the kind of constant corporate shitstorm they had to deal with for ten fucking years, and personally there is no NDA in the world that would keep me from talking shit. so these guys are stronger than me lol
#sorry i know these are just silly posts on tumblr dot edu but its important to me that people know im mostly being flippant#in some of my negative comments#like i dont think the writers are evil or whatever theyre just humans with biases that are very apparent in some of the things they write#and i also understand they got shafted big time and no one deserves the treatment they got#i could never be a narrative designer or writer in the gaming industry i would be so sickkkkkkkkkk#i follow this one author. the guy who wrote warm bodies. and he sent out a newsletter recently about how he was working on#a huge gaming project for a UK based company#and then the game got scrapped and they sealed all of his writing in a vault to just Never be released#oh i would be on the NEWS!!!!!! i couldn't do it. these people may be insufferable at times but they have my respect#for dealing with this shit. i could never#da posting
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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Itâs a little after eleven when Eddie finally manages to get Tarja to bed. Itâs hard for her without her plushie. And really, Eddie is very thankful having a hyper-fixation with her toy seems to be the only âconsequenceâ of having divorced parents Tarja seems to have right now. He always worries if having two homes and constantly moving between them is good for her or not. Especially with Tommy being Tarjaâs other dad, but against all odds, heâs good to her. So their kid is doing just fine. Sheâs happy. And if sheâs happy, Eddie is happy.
Heâs getting ready to open a beer and relax when thereâs a knock on the door. He smiles, assuming is Steve bringing Toothless over and almost knocks his beer to the floor when he opens the door.
Steve looks⊠well he looks amazing, dressed to the nines. Mustâve been date night. But his eyes are red and puffy, his face covered in dark blotches, and his lips are swollen like heâs been biting them too much.
Heâs hugging Toothless to his chest and he smiles at Eddie when he sees him, but he looks so sad it breaks his heart.
Eddie throws the beer behind him, sure it will land on the couch and cradles Steveâs face between his hands, âWhat did that asshole do?
Steve leans into his touch and shuts his eyes for a moment before sighing and stepping away from him, walking inside and sitting on the couch still holding Toothless like a lifeline.Â
âNothing, he was just-â Steve shakes his head and chuckles darkly, âHeâs just so mean,âÂ
Eddie drops to his knees in front of him and dips his head to look Steve in the eye just like he did that day in the park.
âBreak up with him,â he says.
âI canât.â
âTommy doesn't deserve you, Steve. You are worth so much more than what that asshole makes you feel. You deserve better. More. Everything,â Eddie pleads, placing his hands on Steveâs knees and squeezing, âIf itâs because of Tarja, weâll figure something out, ok? Lots of people keep in contact with their parentâs significant other after they break upâ He rushes, the speech he didn't have quite prepared last week coming out of him in a single breath, âWe are friends, right? So you can still visit and see her. Visit me. You donât have to stop being a part of our lives.âÂ
Steve is staring at him right now like Eddie just gifted him the moon and heâs so beautiful itâs kind of hard for Eddie to keep eye contact, but he squeezes Steveâs knees again to ground himself and does. Steve needs to know heâs very serious about this. About him.
Eyes shining, Steve takes a deep breath and nods slowly, a tear falling down his cheek that Eddie follows with his eyes and watches until it hides under Steveâs v-neck shirt.
âHey, even I didnât put up with Tommy's shit for Tarjaâs sake and I birthed her,â he jokes awkwardly, trying to make him laugh and feels like doing a little victory dance when Steve snorts cutely,
âOkay,â he hiccups.
âYeah?â Eddie smiles back at him, relieved.
âYeah,â Steve sighs, âFuck Tommy.â And drops back on the couch, looking exhausted, âCan I stay here tonight?â he asks in a whisper, like heâs afraid Eddie will say no. As if.
âYeah, of course,â Is what he answers, and has half a mind to invite him into his bed but knows itâs a terrible idea. So he lends Steve his favorite flannel pajamas and sets blankets and a pillow on the couch and they say their goodnights.
And if he does a little dance when he closes the door to his room, no one is there to see.
In the morning, Steve stays for breakfast. And attempts to kill Eddie by making his heart explode, cooking it himself from scratch with Tarjaâs help, who is so happy she wonât stop running around the kitchen making Toothless fly and sing about âhappy family breakfast timeâ.
Itâs actually hard to tell if sheâs happier to have her plushie back or that Steve is there. Eddie, on the other hand, knows exactly what heâs happiest about. Death by tenderness. Is that a thing? He amuses himself thinking about a couple csiâs with sunglasses saying it,Â
âHe died because he witnessed something too cute,â
âAh yes, death by fondness. Iâve seen it before.â
After, Eddie walks him to the door and Steve smiles sweetly at him, and holds his hand, squeezing it once before letting go, âWell, see you. I guess,â he says bashfully and thereâs a moment there, a second where time stops and Eddie thinks he should kiss him. Wants to kiss him, needs to kiss him.
But he doesnât. Because Steve is still dating Tommy, and just because he said he was going to break up with him doesnât mean he wants to start something new with Eddie.
Eddie himself called him his friend for the first time last night for christ sake. âFucking chillâ he thinks to himself.
đ§ž
And then a week goes by without hearing a word from Steve. But Eddie doesn't hold it against him.
At first, he figures he needs time to think but then he starts to wonder if he really is going to break up with Tommy. Four days in, he gets paranoid about it. Maybe Steve got brainwashed into thinking Eddie is bad for him. Maybe Tommy told him Eddie was putting ideas in his head, that he shouldnât talk to him anymore⊠With him telling Steve to break up with his boyfriend and all...Â
Heâs well aware of how manipulative Tommy can be and has seen the way he belittles Steve to keep him around, so he knows itâll be hard for Steve to actually go through with it.
And he canât exactly show up at Tommyâs and steal Steve away, no matter how appealing the idea might be. The only thing he can do is just think of Steve, wish him well, and send him strength to do what he needs to do. At the end of the day, it needs to be his decision. His choice.
As Tommyâs week with Tarja approaches he starts getting more and more anxious, wondering if itâll be Steve or Tommy who picks her up.
When the day finally arrives, and the doorbell rings, Tarja runs to open the door and Eddie peeks his head through the hallway.
âDaddy!â Tarja screams.
âHey, Tata! You ready?â Tommy says and Eddie steps into the hall to greet him too.
âNot yet!â Tarja chuckles and Tommy smiles at her,
âOkay, go get ready. Iâll wait here,â
Eddie walks to the door and leans on the doorframe, âHey,â
âHi. Long time no see,â Tommy says and then adds, âYou look great,â
âYou donât,â Eddie answers, because itâs true. He looks like shit. Greasy hair, bags under his eyes, chapped lips, wrinkles on his clothes, âWhat happened?â
âSteve broke up with me.âÂ
Eddieâs eyes go wide and he smiles, he doesnât even try to hide it, âHe did?â
âDonât smile, fucker,â Tommy says but thereâs no heat behind it. He knows he deserves it.
âSorry,â Eddie says, not sorry at all.
âStop,â Tommy whines because Eddieâs smile is actually getting bigger,
âSorry,â he repeats and then clears his throat, âDid he tell you why?â
âBecause Iâm a horrible person,â Tommy groans.
âHey, the first step is to ad-â
âTo admit it, yeah, yeah. I knowâ Tommy interrupts him, groaning again.
Eddie sighs, and punches Tommyâs shoulder lightly, âLook, Tommy, Iâm just going to say this because, well⊠you are pathetic. You need to do better.â And then he points to his back, to where Tarjaâs disappeared to get her stuff, âSheâs going to grow up and realize you are an awful person and sheâs not going to want you in her life. And Iâm not going to dissuade her from it, because I already donât want you to be in mine, you know that, right?â
Tommy looks at him seriously and then nods once, fast and hard. Like he gets it. Like he agrees and is determined to change. And Eddie hopes for Tarjaâs sake he is. But knows, deep in his heart, that either way, sheâs going to be fine.
âAlso, just a heads up. Iâm in love with Steve and Iâm going to ask him out,â he adds in a rush when he hears Tarja running up behind him.
âYou are shitting me,â Tommy whispers, shocked and clenching his teeth.
Eddie laughs, âNope,â he says, closing his lips loudly around the P.
âEddie,â Tommy warns him like heâs waiting for Eddie to say he's joking.
âWhat? I hear heâs single,â Eddie smirks.
âYou motherfuc- Hey Tata!â Gathering Tarja in his arms, Tommy drops the subject but he glares at Eddie as he kisses Tarjaâs cheek goodbye and murmurs âunbelievableâ as heâs leaving. Eddie closes the door and starts laughing at the look on Tommyâs face.
He needs to call Steve.
He tries a couple of times but he doesnât pick up and he starts worrying Steve might not actually want to talk to him, and then thereâs a knock on the door but Eddie, too preoccupied with his anxiety, opens without looking, thinking Tarja forgot something.
When he doesn't hear her, Eddie looks up from his âignored callsâ screen to see nonother than Steve standing there, looking nervous and like a fucking dream with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. A fucking bouquet of flowers. For him. For Eddie. All different shades of red, because he knows is his favorite color.
Eddie just blinks at him a couple of times and Steve flushes even more and drops the hand holding up the flowers, scratches the back of his neck nervously, âThis was stupid, the flowers were fucking stupid. They are stupid. Iâm stupid, right?â
A laugh bubbles out of Eddie and he grabs him by the scruff of his shirt and pulls him inside. He closes the door once they are both in and slams Steve against it, crushing their lips together. Steve circles his arms around Eddie and holds him close, instantly returning the kiss with fervor.Â
They kiss as if it were fate. They kiss until it's hard to breathe and Eddie pulls away only to kiss him again, and again, and again.
âNot stupid,â he murmurs between kisses and feels Steveâs smile against his lips.
Eventually, Eddie takes a step back and lets Steve into his home properly, âHi,â he says cheesily.
âHi,â Steve says back grinning, then he lifts up the bouquet again, which is now completely ruined by him still holding it strongly while they made out like crazy, and his smile drops,
âShit,â he pouts cutely, god Eddie wants to eat him. He laughs and takes the flowers anyway, putting them in an empty glass bottle, because he doesnât own a flower vase, because heâs a normal human being. âWho the fuck owns a flower vase?â
âCome here,â he says, holding out both hands for Steve to take and follow him.
Steve takes his hands but doesn't move, instead swings them from side to side, âWait, let's talk,â
Fuck, yeah. They should. Thatâs a good idea. Fuck. Damn, Steven Whatever-The-Fuck-Is-His-Middle-Name Harrington and his sensible and very logical choiceâŠ
Eddie huffs exaggeratedly making Steve chuckle and redirects them to the couch, where they sit still holding hands, âAlas,â he says dramatically, âYou are right, we should talk. I actually wanted to ask you out properly, not debauch you the second you walked through the door. Sorry about thatâ he lies, not sorry at all, again.
Steve blushes and smiles, drawing little circles with his thumbs on Eddieâs hands, âYeah me too. I wanna do this right. Ask you out. Go on dates. I think we should take this slow,â
Eddie makes a face and groans at that. He doesn't want to take it slow. He wants Steve to move in right now or something. Steve rolls his eyes amused at his interruption and keeps going,
âI came here to ask you out the right way because I want you to know Iâm committed. But we should think about how this will affect Tarja⊠and Tommy too. We should go out a few times, spend some time alone, and I want you to meet my friends and my parents and I want to meet your friends and your uncle too and just do this properly and-â
Eddie interrupts him with a kiss, he canât take it anymore, heâs been dying to kiss Steve for months now and heâs so sweet and thoughtful it makes Eddie insane, makes him feel like he needs to ruin him, but in a nice way, like with devotion and love.
Steve lets go of his hands to wrap his arms around Eddieâs waist and hoists him until heâs straddling Steve. Eddie leans his elbows on Steveâs shoulders, and buries his hands in his hair, pulling and messing with it.
âOkay but have you considered having hard, hot, wet sex, and then maybe we do what you said?â He asks panting against Steveâs lips and actually feeling how that punches the air out of him.
He hugs Eddie closer to his chest and whines, âYeah okay, we can do it your way,â and gets up, lifting Eddie with him as if he were weightless. Eddie squawks and laughs all the way to his room.
đ§ž
They spend the week together, talking, eating, drinking, laughing and fucking. Except itâs more than that because when Eddie is inside Steve, with his tongue, his fingers, or his strap, it feels like more. It feels like love. Like fate.
Steve, still determined to take things slow, doesnât stay there all the time, going back to Robinâs where he moved back to after breaking up with Tommy. He actually brings her over one day and the three of them spend the afternoon together. Eddie decides they are going to be best friends immediately because Robin is hilarious and merciless. When Steve gets back the next day he kisses Eddie so good and hard his knees almost give out on him and tells him he has Robinâs seal of approval. Something he knows Tommy never got.
When the week passes Eddie says goodbye theatrically as if they were cross-star lovers in a bad soap opera and Steve chuckles and calls him ridiculous but kisses him so passionately that Eddie drags him right back inside and they say goodbye again a few hours later.
They had decided to wait until Eddie talked to Tarja about her feelings over Tommyâs and Steveâs breakup and whether she still wanted Steve around or not before having him over again.
But when Tarja gets back home sheâs gloomy and silent. She hugs Eddie in greeting when she arrives and then spends the rest of the day lying face down on the floor and occasionally sighing loudly, obviously trying to make Eddie ask her whatâs wrong.
And really, Eddie shouldn't find it as funny as he does, but he thinks about calling Wayne and telling him he gets it now when Wayne used to tell him he had too much personality.
Eventually, he lies on the floor next to her and asks. Tarja looks at him with big sad eyes and says, âI haven't seen Steve in a million years! And Daddy said he is not his boyfriend anymore! So Iâll never see him again and I miss himâ
Eddie coos at her, âIâm sorry you miss him little dragon, but you can totally see him again! Would you like me to call him? Since heâs my friend too?â Already trying to strategize on how to tell her they are more than friends.
Tarja lights up and jumps off the floor and onto Eddie, punching the breath out of him, âYes! Yes! Call Steve! Steve smiles more when heâs with you than he did with daddy anyway. Why donât you boyfriend him instead?â
Well⊠that was easy.
He chuckles and shakes his head, âThatâs a great idea sweety, go grab my phone,â
Tarja runs and grabs Eddieâs phone off the table and hands it to him, he doesnât bother getting off the floor so she kneels beside him listening attentively as he dials Steveâs number.Â
âHi, handsome, you talked with Tarja already?â Steve greets him after it rings twice.
âYeah about that, turns out Tarja talked to me, actually,â he chuckles, âHi, by the wayâ
âHi,â Steve repeats lovingly and laughs, âWhat do you mean?â
âShe had this awesome idea!â he says winking at her and she covers her mouth with her tiny hands to hide her giggles, âThat, since you are not with Tommy anymore, you should be my boyfriend instead,â he continues, voice going soft and chuckles when he hears Steve's breathless âohâ on the other side of the line, âCome over?â
âOf course, gimme an hour? I'm with a clientâ Steve hums and Eddie whispers heâll give him anything he asks for and hangs up.
An hour later Tarja is still lying on the floor, only now itâs with papers and crayons spread all around her when the doorbell rings. She looks up at Eddie excitedly and he nods at her, âGo on thenâ
Tarja runs to the door and opens it wide to reveal Steve standing there as beautiful as ever, giving Eddie a deja vu of the first time he saw him.
âPapa Steve!â Tarja yells and jumps up to hug him.
Steve gasps and falls to his knees with her in his arms and looks up at Eddie with shocked wet eyes.
âSo much for taking it slow,â Eddie thinks with a smirk.
Fin.
âïžfirst part
âđ„đ?
#stranger things#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#trans eddie munson#kid fic#i wrote something#i keep thinking about#you know how kid memories are weird and warped in your minds#i keep thinking about tarja being very much convinced that she is the one who got them to date just cause she suggested it to eddie#when she's older i mean#like they cannon convince her other wise she soooooo sure cause she perfectly remembers telling eddie to 'boyfriend' steve and that they#were not together before that#steve and robin think its hilarious#eddie hates giving her the credit#dunno if tommy gets a redemption ark but i imagine tarja and him have coffee from time to time and they catch up on their lives.#and tarja rolls her eyes a lot at him but he's not as bad as he used to be#its mostly like 'yeah yeah dad im sure tthings were different in your time sure'
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fool ; jude bellingham
summary ⥠betting on the phenomenon of unrequited feelings, you and jude have never dared to make the first move with the other until a reunion forces new questions to be answered.
pairing ⥠jude bellingham x fem!reader
content ⥠18+, smut, friends to lovers, alcohol consumption, cursing, kissing, both jude & reader are pining idiots, fingering, p in v sex, marking, missionary, unprotected sex (jude pulls out but still pls practise safe sex!!)
a/n ⥠she's baaaack :D but firstâđœalexa play fool by nct 127 !!!! the lyric "youâre a goddess but iâm a fool, what should i do?" was written for this fic in particular i just know it was :] anyway hehe this fic is based off this request so tysmm to anon for sending such an exciting prompt !! i hope yous enjoy đ«¶đœđ WAIT P.S this isnât proofread bc i lowkey am not rocking with it so i didnât wanna put myself thru having to read it again & again ⊠im sorry for any mistakes :â)
you had just gotten off work to a stream of relentless texts from your best friendsâ groupchat â phone pinging off the rails whilst you were on shift, muffled buzzes from your bag making you wonder what on earth was worth blowing up in that whatsapp group on a random friday afternoon.
on the train back home, you tap open the green app, anticipating yourself easily spending the entire journey catching up on the three hundred-plus texts from your closest mates. you decide to start right from the beginning of the influx, thumb scrolling nonstop and eyes blurring from the rapid movement until they focus back on the screen where you stop, finally having reached the destination of the first text that set it all off.Â
it was from none other than jude bellingham, and you were nearly embarrassed by the way your face instantly lit up upon reading his message. the groupchatâs golden boy had popped up after weeks of minimal contact, asking if he could take everyone for a night out tomorrow to make up for it, stating that he finally has some small gaps of free time between hectic pre-season schedules to allow him to do so.
it honestly warmed your heart that the first thing he wants away from football is to see you all. youâd been a band of good friends since the first year of secondary school, contact not necessarily strained as you all had a lot of love for each other but rather unspokenly reduced after leaving school two years ago and falling into busy university or career ventures.
instead of scrolling through to read and react to the plethora of follow-up texts after his, you ignore them and jump straight to typing your reply to his invitation, casting aside that nagging voice asking you: doesnât that seem too desperate?
no, right? iâm just accepting his invitation, getting straight to the point, the convo ended half an hour ago anyway. youâre arguing with yourself now, feeling the need to give unnecessary excuses to nonexistent accusations. if you were to be honest with yourself, you were always self-conscious of the way you behaved around jude, even now debating on whether to add your signature heart emoji or if itâd come across as you trying too hard given your feelings for him; albeit them being feelings that no one knows about, not even him. you made sure for it to be that way.
with a mental note to get over yourself, you send an affirmative âiâm up for it!â, signature heart included, and quickly shut off your phone. heart beating so rapidly, you scolded yourself for getting so worked up over a mere reply and for definitely not getting over yourself. god knows how youâre going to handle seeing him in person.Â
a sudden double buzz from your device does nothing to calm you down, instead dampening your hands with sweat when you grab it and see a pair of messages from him.
jude đ: heyy iâm so glad you can make it tomorrow :)
jude đ: canât wait to see you!! â€â€
he had messaged you separately for some reason and he had included two hearts⊠the overthinking starts for you again, without even beginning to think about what to reply this time, and you question why he couldnât have just replied to you in the groupchat or why he couldnât have just left the end of the messages with a âxâ like he usually does or why he would even say what he said in the last message. mind frantic and unable to clear itself, you thank yourself for having your read receipts turned off so you can have your mini meltdown without worrying about jude knowing youâd seen his messages multiple minutes ago. god, you were down so bad.Â
you force yourself to open the messages app and send the most casual reply you can type.
you: canât wait to see you too! â€
you try to keep it short, sweet and nonchalant even if your fingers are itching to type more â more about how much you had missed him, more about what he was planning to wear tomorrow night so that maybe you could match your own outfit with him, more about your true, unfiltered feelings for him. itâs pathetic really; you hadnât seen him in two years and the first thing you wanted to do was throw yourself at him, spilling all the secrets youâd been holding close for so many years. you leave it at that, put your phone on do not disturb mode and head on home, waiting for the long hours of friday evening to pass and saturday night to arrive.
***
and so saturday night rolls around and you just about finish touching up your makeup and smoothing out your dark blue dress before the doorbell rings, and youâre whisked away to the club by a couple of your girlfriends.Â
as soon as you step your high heels into the building, youâre met with the sight of flowing booze and the noise of noughties r&b beats bouncing around the brightly lit walls. dragged by the hands of your friends, you find yourself standing next to a booth at the back of the club, the rest of the group now welcoming you latecomers with a loud cheer.
âfinally, girls. you took your time!â one of your male friends remarks, ushering you all to sit down.
âoh god, what have we missed?â you beam, trying to scan the group amongst the strobing lights to catch a glimpse of the person you were really there for.Â
ânah, youâre just in time because⊠first roundâs on mister madrid!â
the callout breaks your friend group into a raucous holler as your gaze fixes onto the six foot-one footballer who stands up with an amused grin and a sigh of feigned defeat. your heart quickens and your smile turns into a state of near disbelief over how good jude looks right now â graphic white t-shirt hugging his biceps in all the right places and hanging over a pair of smart-casual black trousers.
âyeah, yeah, anything for my groupies,â he winks at no one in particular but your brain almost convinces you that he was looking at you while doing it. you send a shy smile his way just in case but what he says next has your mouth running dry. âhelp us out, will ya, y/n?â
you hesitate for a second too long for your liking, stumbling over your words while your friends peer at you. âuh⊠uh-huh, yeah, of course.â you answer as quick as you can, standing up on your feet slowly as to not trip over your now-shaking legs and send yourself flying into jude, and to avoid embarrassing yourself more than you think you already have.
he responds with a grateful smile and you follow him to the bar where he places an order for a round of drinks and some shots to be delivered to the group by the two of you. thereâs an odd unfamiliarity to the silence between you both and you realise that you arenât normally this quiet around jude, and neither is he around you; you would always joke that heâd be eligible to talk for england if he wasnât already playing football for them. heâd retort with a comment about how his ears could almost fall off with the amount of chatting you do, and youâd dryly reply with a âwell, theyâre too big for your head anyway. look at the size of them!â the pair of you were always as thick as thieves in the eyes of everyone else. which is why you didnât expect it to be like this, especially after two years of not seeing each other â there was so much you wanted to catch up on from his world and so much you wanted to share from yours. you decidedly gain some courage and take the initiative to spark some conversation, get something going at least.
âsoo, how have you been, then?â youâre both facing the bar, your head barely tilting in judeâs direction to indicate that yes, it is him that youâre talking to and not some random like he assumes you are with the way youâre positioned away from him, eyes just about turning to steal a glance of his figure but not to hold eye contact. âhowâs la vida española?â
jude finds amusement in your sudden flaunt of the spanish language, a smile breaking out on his face, unseen to you since heâs still facing the same direction that you are, preoccupying his eyes with the myriad of bottles on the shelves while his mind searches for an apt reply.
âyeah, itâs been great, i think i wanna stay there forever,â jude laughs, his fingers tapping on the black surface of the bar. you canât help the selfish feeling of your heart dropping at his confession. âi miss you, though, yâknow⊠a lot.âÂ
this one confession forces your whole body to turn itself towards him, eyes now chasing after his to seek some form of sincerity, to see if he was just messing about or if he really meant what he just said. he shifts his head to face you now, a bashful look painted onto his features. the expectant silence says it all really; of course i mean it.Â
you gulp and decide to break the quietness with a sarcastic, jesting âughâŠâ, judeâs face dropping at what he thinks is genuine disgust from you. you realise your attempt to denounce the awkwardness has backfired.
âoh my god, you dickhead, iâm joking,â how is it that mere moments ago you were shaking at the sheer real-life presence of him but now youâd transformed into having this confident playfulness? and all of it without a drop of alcohol in your system as well â youâre quietly proud of yourself. âi missed you too, jude⊠a lot.â you coyly repeat his words.Â
upon your turn of the confession, the bartender sets down your drink orders and the two of you wordlessly carry the trays over to where your friends are situated, the silence way more comfortable now that youâre both basking in assurance, unbeknown to the other that your hearts were racing at a hundred miles per hour.
***
not even two hours and an innumerable amount of shots later, youâre all a drunken mess; definitely not a surprise to a single one of you. what is a surprise is the way youâre strewn across jude, right leg wrapped around his left, head on his chest, swirling and sipping from whatâs clearly an empty glass to any sober, sane person. you grumble and mutter a complaint about the lack of liquor in the booth, taking it upon yourself to head to the bar and order another round for everyone.
âiâll come with you,â jude announces over the pounding of the music, standing up so quickly that his next five steps are staggered and he has to cling onto your arm to steady himself. âiâm fine, iâm okay.â he assures nobody that asked.
the two of you stumble your way into the path of the bar, determined to drink until the sun comes up and forget every strand of stress until the hangovers come knocking. judeâs soft grip on your arm has you being led in the opposite direction all of a sudden, though.Â
âuhm, where are we going?â you question, head still turned to where the bar is located, about to ask him if he was so hammered he couldnât walk in a simple straight line to get to where youâd planned to go. âjude?â
heâs silent, save for humming his way to his desired destination, and you question if he even knows where heâs leading you. before you make the choice of going along with him or leaving his clearly confused self to go cop your next cocktail, you find yourself in the disabled toilets, pushed up against the sink with the door not even shut properly, gasping at how rough jude is handling your body compared to his soft touches from before, and how close his face is to yours, warm breath fanning the skin of your lips. you werenât strictly against it all but how the hell have you ended up like this? The alcohol and the questions come at you fast, dizzying your brain but you canât help but feel so keenly anticipative.
âiâm sorry, i justâŠâ he pulls away from you, eyes fluttering closed so he can re-evaluate his actions, exhaling through his nose as if he was letting go of all doubts before continuing. âam i okay to do this?â he places his hands on your waist, pushing himself back into your space, his full lips more or less about to take yours. you have to refrain from letting the effects of alcohol take over your tongue and uttering back with a breathy âyou can do whatever you want to meâ.
instead, you answer with an earnest, eager nod, inviting his lips to finally do that one thing you had been dreaming of for so long, to kiss yours so silly that theyâre left with the imprint of him. and jude does just that.
his mouth takes in yours so determinedly, shyness and hesitation now long-dissolved feelings for you both as your hands find home around the back of his neck, pushing his head further onto you, feeling the need to taste him more and more until youâre both consumed by each other.Â
itâs a messy makeout, noses bumping and teeth clashing, but itâs oh so hot, the way he gasps into your mouth from breathlessness and pleasure, running and gripping his large hands over the material adorning your waist and hips as the need to rip it off you nearly overtakes him. to you, heâs so utterly intoxicating that a gallon of alcohol would pale in comparison to how dizzy his skin on yours makes you feel.Â
you release a moan at the meagre thought of jude all over your body, and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue over yours, filthy noises of wetness and carnality from the both of you reaching high pitch as jude somehow simultaneously pushes you against the sink and pulls you against his chest, his manhandling of you getting you even more hot and bothered before youâre both interrupted by the hub of people passing by and huddling right outside the bathroom, their self-occupied shouts and cheers dragging you out of the bubble that the two of you had wrapped yourselves in, almost sobering you up on the spot.
you push jude out of your way, gentle but abrupt, and give him a look of apologetic regret. âi-iâm sorry,â you say, jitterily walking past him and exiting the room without a second glance or word, heading straight to the booth where your friends are hollering and hurraying, occupied with shot-drinking contests.Â
your girlfriends offer to go home with you when you lie and tell them youâre not feeling very well, but you decline them, instead telling them to have fun on your behalf and letting them know that youâll try to text them once you get home safely. you can tell theyâre confused by your shaken state and the absence of jude but you grab your bag and make your exit before the interrogation can even begin to brew.
you manage to grab a taxi back home, surprised by how competent you are despite the alcohol in your bloodstream and confusion in your brain. on the way there, you canât stop the bouncing of your knee nor the racing of your psyche, asking yourself how and why whatever went down with jude went down like that. you curse at yourself for being so impulsive in starting and finishing the whole ordeal with him in the way that you did â you donât know if itâs the empty, depressive drunk thoughts or just clarity from the whole jude thing that makes you feel like thereâs no coming back from this at all. you feel like crawling into your bed and never coming out from it ever again.Â
the taxi driver has to call for your attention multiple times until you reach earth again and pay him the journeyâs fee. you go skulking all the way up to your front door, only letting out a breath that you feel like youâve been holding since the beginning of the night once the door shuts behind you.
the rest of the night is quiet and orderly for you, telling yourself to not invite any more chaos into your brain and to simply drink some water and to go to sleep. waking up tomorrow morning is going to be painful in more ways than one.
***
you spend the rest of the weekend nursing a ferocious hangover and a frazzled heart, only contacting your friends to tell them that you got home fine and to joke that you probably need a century or two for this hangover to be gone. you thank the high heavens that they don't bring up the topic of you and judeÂ
you try not to think too much about jude, you really do, but sunday night has a couple of taps landing you on the instagram app and you learn that heâs already back in spain, pictures of him in training sliding across your phone screen on his story along with selfies with his teammates. usually, you tap that small red heart at the bottom and hope that he sees it amongst his millions and millions of notifications, a tiny ritual of yours that now has you feeling so pathetic that you donât dare to do it anymore.
running a hand over your weary face, you set your phone down and opt to nap the night away, finding comfort in the non-intrusion from your friends and the no contact from jude, hoping to keep yourself busy and distracted with whatever the work week brings.
a ring from the doorbell rips through your flat just as youâre organising your pillows, forcing you to stop what youâre doing and ponder who could be at the door on a sunday while the clock ticks some minutes past one oâclock. you donât recollect ordering any food nor are you expecting a delivery, especially not this late.Â
trudging your way to the front door, you open it to find jude bellingham standing there and you feel an instant pang of regret, wishing you had peeked through the window to see who it could be, wishing you had pretended to not be in, wishing the ground would open up right now and swallow you whole â anything to escape the confrontation that youâre now having to face. your face heats up with embarrassment and nerves but you manage to rupture the silence before your mouth can turn dry.Â
âj-jude, hi,â you try and keep your greeting as polite and cordial as you can, even when all you really want to do is to chase him off your doorstep. âwhat are you doing here?â
your query has jude visibly gulping, hands fiddling with each other as he attempts to hold eye contact with you, his vision a bit blurry from exhaustion. ây/n⊠sorry, can i come in?â
you oblige, holding the door open wide before you guide him to the living room and invite him to sit down on the plushness of your sofa, settling yourself on the opposite end of it. you silently prompt him to say what he came here to say with a nod of your head.Â
âuhm, iâm sorry for turning up unannounced, and so lateâŠâ ever the courteous. âi had to sneak away from the lads and catch the last flight to here so it was all a bit down to the wire.â he lets out a small, uneasy laugh.
you cut off his rambling with a curt âwhat do you want, jude?â you donât mean for it to sound so rude but you still hold the attitude of wanting to get this over and done with, already feeling annoyance at yourself for even letting him into your home.Â
âright, yeah, i actually wanted to talk about what happened on saturday,â he goes back to fiddling with this thumbs, eyebrows furrowed but he avoids looking at you this time. not that you can blame him because your own vision shifts to anywhere but his direction. âiâm so sorry for making you uncomfortable a-and please tell me if this is inappropriate, but i havenât stopped thinking about last night, i haven't stopped thinking about you, i-iâm sorry, i know this is all so silly and you probably donât even feel the same bu-â
you stop him right there, this time with good reason as you canât bear holding back your real emotions, not when heâs practically given you the green light to spill the contents of your heart.
âno, jude, i didnât feel uncomfortable at all,â you assure him, gaze now on the footballer in front of you and you almost canât believe the words leaving your mouth right now. âi wanted it to happen, iâm glad it happened, you know, i think iâve had dreams about it happening,â you try and offset any tension with a timid chuckle before turning quite pensive. âi really like you, jude, i have for a long time⊠god, sorry, this is so embarrassing.â you return to making light of the situation youâve put yourself in, the timidness sinking back in as quick as the relief lifts you up.Â
jude moves closer to your now-cowering body, knees touching as your heartbeat surges with worry and self-consciousness all wrapped up into a tight, miserable ball. he puts his sweat-dampened hands into yours and squeezes in silent assurance before raising them up to his lips and laying a chaste kiss on the heated skin.
he canât help but break out into a sweet smile, eyes threatening to crinkle at the edges. your face is still sketched with tension and now confusion has joined the mix.
âi canât tell you how long iâve waited to hear that from you, how much i needed to hear it,â your eyes meet his, widening in surprise a little. âiâm a fool for not telling you sooner⊠i like you, y/n, i really like you.â he repeats your own words back at you, leaning in with a smattering of amusement dancing in his vision.Â
âcan i kiss you?â the question leaves your lips faster than you can even process it in your brain.
jude wastes no time in replying with a firm pressing of his mouth on yours, deepening it within seconds, the need to cement his feelings for you being told through the way he cradles your head in his hand, leaning you back onto the arm of the sofa to further intensify the kiss. your lips move along with his, the soft weight of his body pressed against yours making you whine into his mouth in ecstasy.
he lifts off of you with a puckering of his swollen lips, the both of you taking the chance to draw in some air and attempt to regulate your breathing pattern.
âplease take me to the bedroom,â you beg, breathless from the sheer sight of his dark eyes and pretty pout. thereâs no fight nor denial from jude as he picks you up and prompts you to wrap your legs around his waist, quickening his pace once you point in the direction of your room.
he lays you down on the bed so gently, lips latching onto yours once again before they travel down your jaw and over the warm skin of your neck. the light touch of his fluttering eyelashes married with the pressure of his soft lips has your head spinning, hands tentatively laid on top of your sheets since you donât trust yourself to not grab his head and bring it back to your lips. his fingers tinker with the waistband of your pyjama trousers, stretching it off your skin before he asks permission to peel them down your legs.Â
once theyâre cast away in some corner of your bedroom, jude divides your legs by the underside of your knees, tucking himself into the now available space between them, turning onto his side and resting on his left forearm. he leaves a small kiss over your covered cunt and you try your best to not just clamp his head in between your thighs and smother him with your growing wetness here and now.Â
âneed to get you ready, baby,â the sudden mention of the petname has you throbbing, squirming even more when he traces a line from your clit down to where thereâs a small damp spot forming on the dark material of your underwear.
âjude, please,â you whine out, lifting your hips in a desperate bid to get the boy to strip your lower half completely.Â
he shushes you in his own charming way, making sure to comply with your demand by getting up onto his knees and discarding your soaked panties in a matter of seconds, the cold air generated by his large hands whipping them off you hits your exposed pussy, making you hiss through gritted teeth.
jude returns to the gap between your spread legs, sitting back but still on his knees, his higher position causing you to shift onto resting your body weight on the palms of your hands in order to peer at his actions â which start with him re-tracing that same teasing line from your aching clit to your hole with his thumb, the feeling now so intense on your unclothed skin. he hums in what sounds to be satisfaction when you throw your head back in pleasure, taking it in his favour to slip his index finger into the tightness of your pussy.Â
you release a guttural groan at the feeling of finally having some part of him inside you; you of course donât want this to be the only part but youâre still so very grateful, so fucking grateful heâs now rubbing at your clit in delicious rounds, thumb tracing circle after circle while his fingers form a pair, pistoning in and out of you so easily due to the way your cunt douses itself with every move of judeâs.Â
âfuck, baby,â jude moans at the sight of his soaked digits every time they barely pull out of that pretty pussy, his thumb torturing your sensitive bud increasingly so, the cries and whimpers spilling from your lips an incentive for him. âfeel so good and tight around my fingers, canât imagine how youâll feel around my dick.âÂ
his words have you absolutely reeling, writhing against his hand to try and chase that moment of release.Â
âplease, jude, iâm so close,â youâre warning and demanding at the same time, almost begging him to not stop or even think about moving his fingers out of you. âgod, please, i need it,âÂ
jude suddenly retracts both of his hands, leaving you bare and empty. âno way, baby, need to have you cumming on my cock or not cumming at all,â he comments with a shake of his head, denying you the opportunity of leaking your cum over his hand. upon seeing your bewildered face, he makes up for it by putting on a show of licking your juices clean off his fingers, the digits popped inside his mouth and dragged right back out with a low moan, him praising the way you taste.Â
âmove up the bed for me, angel,â he orders, watching you while he stands up and unclothes himself as quick as he can. you scoot backwards, legs still spread open like theyâve been locked in that position, before pulling your oversized t-shirt off of you, chest void of a restricting bra . âgood girl,â he praises, crawling up to hover his body over your laying one, cock in hand as your legs come to wrap around him. âare you still okay with this? we can stop at any point, okay?â
the sincerity of his voice has you melting. some would remark that the bar is in hell for you but the truth is that you hadnât been with anyone like this for more months than you could count on your hands. you've been touch-starved and lacking words of affirmation for so long, and you needed something to be only about you for once.Â
âiâm more than okay with this,â you smile up at him, nodding to make your approval fully known. âand yes, i know i can stop you if i need to.â
jude reciprocates the same smile before leaning in and smothering your lips with his, pushing his cock into your tight wetness, so tight that your pussy almost pushes him back out, not used to being penetrated by something so thick.
âoh my god!â the feeling of tightness/fullness has you both gasping out the same thing at the same time, erupting into quiet giggles when the two of you realise your matching reactions.Â
judeâs mouth finds its way back home in the embrace of your lips and you swear this is heaven, the way his cock slides in and out of your sopping cunt, set at such a perfect pace, the slight friction causing you to grow even wetter â the filth of it all contrasts so well with the sweetness of his muffled moans and tender kisses on your neck, moving down onto your collarbones and tits.
a particularly harsh thrust of his cock has your back arching, chest pushed up to his heated face, and he takes this golden opportunity to wrap his lips around your erect nipple, spending a good while sucking and tugging on the skin around it. youâre amazed at how his cock doesnât relent inside you, the speed still so quick and consistent even when heâs so occupied in painting splotches on your tits with his mouth.
âthere,â he pants out, pulling his head back and marvelling at his own creation. ânow, thereâs no doubt that youâre really mine.â the smile he gives you is a killer.
you whine at his declaration of you belonging to him, scratching at his shoulders and calling out his name to indicate that itâs all too much for you, that youâre so, so close to cumming on his cock and really giving him what he wants rather than pleasing yourself. you figure thatâs you gone now; youâre more willing to put the boy above your own needs because youâre down that fucking bad for him.
âfuck, jude, iâm gonna cum!â you sob, your moans becoming more frequent and higher pitched, legs starting to shake from the intoxicating mix of exhaustion and delight. youâre frantically chanting âplease, please, pleaseâ into his mouth which parts to swallow your whimpering, wet lips kissing your trembling ones.Â
âgo on, baby, cum for me, cum all over this cock,â he groans out, eyes squeezing shut when the feeling of your pussy clamping down tightly on his thickness proves too much to handle, face finding refuge in the crook of your neck. he knows you donât need his permission, he wouldâve let you orgasm as many times as you wanted to, wouldâve let you use him like your own personal sex toy, but the words were only there to keep you going when his hips felt like faltering â he needed you cumming on his cock like he promised before, and he wasnât about to fuck it up himself.
a final scream rips from your throat as you cum hard around jude, pussy clenching and pulsating around his cock so sporadically you thought you were having two orgasms at once. jude canât handle it anymore, pulling out with a myriad of moans as he pumps his shaft with a hand, decorating the expanse of your lower abdomen with warm, white liquid. youâre still squirming, slowly trying to wheeze out the remaining whimpers from your lungs which youâre finding hard to do with the way jude pants and moans above you, the boy so spent he canât help but breathe like he hasnât had access to air for the past hour. Â
he flops down by your side, arms and legs sprawled like a starfish, chest rising and falling as he attempts to recuperate from the mindblowing sex you two just had. the image is so unserious that you canât stifle your giggles but you decide to take another step of courage to lay on your side resting your head on his shoulder, fingers stroking his abs and playing with the curly hairs of his happy trail.Â
the room is quiet now with the scent of sex wafting through your nostrils on occasion but itâs the most comfortable silence youâve experienced with jude, the feeling of his hot skin on yours so soothing to you.
after a period of panting, jude clears his throat and your ears prick up at the presence of sound. he turns his head towards you and you lift yourself up and off him out of instinct â you want full attention on him.
âi donât want this to be a one-time kinda thing, yâknow,â he proclaims, biting his lip from saying too much in one go.
âwhat, is this your way of saying you want round two already?â you joke, nose crinkling at the way he rolls his eyes playfully.
âshut up,â he delivers a poke to your side. âi mean, well, i donât want either one of us to see this as a spur-of-the-moment thing, i justâŠâ you look at him expectantly, silently telling him to continue. âi want you to be my girlfriend, y/n.âÂ
youâre nearly knocked back by his words, wondering if theyâre real or if youâre simply just hearing things. you thought dialogue like that, coming from him, was only reserved for your imagination, kept secret and only spoken to you in late-night mental scenarios that would comfort you on your way to slumberland.
you let out a laugh thatâs an odd mix of relief and disbelief, quickly replying âyes, yes, of courseâ to his awaiting face, which releases a look of relief itself before jude captures your lips with such passion youâre both knocked back onto the plush pillows, giggling into each otherâs mouths until your hands find themselves running down the defined muscles of his abdomen and over his hardening cock.
#girlies iâve never had alcohol in my life so i hope the way i wrote reader & jude being drunk was ok !!! đ«¶đœ#then again iâve never had sex in my life and i write extensively about it so u know . đđđ#guys imagine if before every smut fic i wrote a disclaimer like âguys i-iâve never had sex before but i hope i did okay with this đ„șđ„ș' LMAO#ALSO omg im sorry abt the inconsistencies in tone + tempo i legit wrote this over a 5 month period + came back to it at times when i didnt#feel like writing + i was just tryna get to the good bit iykwim ( ÍĄ ° ÍÊ ÍĄ °)#ËËË đ ËËË#ËËË đŹ ËËË#jude bellingham#jude bellingham smut#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham x fem!reader#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham x you#jude bellingham x y/n#football imagine#footballer smut#footballer imagine
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Can't believe this writer is trying to argue the problem with the show is that it isn't treating the main villain like a one-note, simplistic character and this is somehow too confusing because viewers won't know he's the villain despite all the villainous things he does like murder, manipulation, gaslighting, and orchestrating the complete destruction of an entire Elven realm. How media illiterate do you have to be to think exploring a villain's motivation in some way constitutes trying to trick the audience into think he isn't really a villain?
#rings of power#trop#lord of the rings#lotr#sauron#some many âThis is what is wrong with this showâ article are just the most banal things I have ever read#the wrote point they are trying to make is that because the ending is know#the show is bad for taking it time to get there#that it is bad to try and flesh out the story and characters and it needs to be more simplistic to get to the ending quicker#it is the same old nonsense said about any prequel#that because we know how it ends there's no tension#shit like that#which no one ever makes about stories based on real life#no one ever said that about titanic even though we all know the boat will sink#trop is trying to take a timeline and turn it into a drama#but surprisingly many just want an enactment of the timeline#they basically want the fellowship prologue in long form#which would be boring
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