#just hit today that like
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#just hit today that like#i am always fighting to finish a goddamn sentence#with almost every person i talk to#i either cannot finish without interruption or am talked over#OR i am immediately questioned as if im de facto wrong#always had this as a problem but within the last two days#a triple whammy when these things happened#1) while telling a personal anecdote#2) in a class discussion#3) with my own family#just once again reminded that no matter how many accomplishments i have i will always have to claw for an iota of respect#…the class one really pissed me off#IM TOP 20 IN LAW SCHOOL I THINK I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT
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Second-guessing
#been overthinking all day today and needed to draw how it feels lately#a bit of a vent ahead#it’s gotten really lonely and almost alienating in a way#and the fandom seems so vastly different#and in a way I dont really feel ok in#i do take the steps to avoid anything that i don’t want to see#but it just feels like what i do is pointless#like what i draw is pointless#i know the more platonic/familial themes in my art will always be overshadowed#but its been a harsh truth ive been hit with#and it’s kind of heartbreaking#i’m forever grateful for the reminders of how my art is like a breath of fresh air#but man is it difficult to not just quit entirely#because it always falls back to: why am I doing this? what’s the point?#i’m sorry I feel like such a whiny loser when I talk about things like this#it’s all jumbled and all over the place but to put it simply it’s been super lonely#i just needed to say something before it completely boiled over#im sorry again
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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色彩 [Shikisai]
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#yuuji#finally...some not angst.....#im worried out of my mind fr these two right abt now but we cope we cope :)#i woke up early n rushed to render this bc im leaving 2 catsit today n wont b able to spend every waking hour drawing like i have been#almost uploaded it without rendering megumi's ear and frgetting the sukuna scars so im sure ill find something i missed once i hit post smh#this pose fought me also >:( sighs why when i try to do not angst they do not want to cooperate . do they prefer being hurt#anyway !!!#i dont think any1 Listens when ppl put song links in the caption but if anyone is curious ! colours/shikisai galileo galilei#SO themcore im unwell i say that a lot but i mean it every time#speaking of colours i Love how these turned out but they ended up being a lot more cohesive than i intended GKHSDFK#wanted to have yuuji in warm and megumi in cold but that appears to have blended everywhere but their uniforms Oops#sighs these 2 and their sun/moon imagery r my cause of death. i die thinking abt it#resisted the urge 2 have a lmhs caption but let it b known. i amn Thinking it.#anyway i say ill b away from my drawing tablet but i fully plan 2 uber home one of the days so i can draw#i cant b slacking now the itfs reunion is nigh and i feel nauseous abt it i need to channel the nervous energy#have sketches.......just in case....but we dont Talk abt just in case >:(#itfs nation hold strong <3
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save me nanny ashtoreth.... save me
saw this dress on instagram and then the worms in my brain took over :D
if anyone has a dress theyd like to suggest to see a femziraphale in... send it thru my askbox or dms cause im on the hunt too :3
#god this colouring is so sloppy but its bc i just had my first day back at school today im so tired i cbf#as soon as i got home i had one of those After School Naps#like the kind that you wake up feeling like you got hit by a bus#and now its 12:30 in the morning and im very much awake#anyways yeah art wont be coming as often unfortunately#good omens#good omens fanart#crowley#ineffable husbands#digital art#nanny ashtoreth
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When your boyrfren is a morning person.
(Idk if Connie's not a morning person, but it'd be funny if she isn't.)
Connie doodles (and a Steven!)
#When you wake up already feeling tired 😭#Steven gave her a new blade again.#Pretty knife = Happy wife#Oh my gosh I actually finished a commission today. I;m behind again I only got six hours to draw this week TT-TT But at least I can#sleep early tonight I can finally catch up with my sleep hours#Lol I just realized Connie's new clothes make her look like an overachieving nerd XD#Imagine if she still wears her big round nerd glasses. 'Erm actually it's a [insert what specifically the type of dagger she has now]☝🤓#connverse#Connie Maheswaran#Steven Quartz Universe#Ah nerdcore fashion young adult Connie would be amazing 🤩 . I already headcanon she'd be a more scruffy one tho. 🤔 Guess#that's another alternative style to go off of 🤷♀️#Steven Universe#He gonna hit her up with the 'Hello morning glory! ☀️🥰😘🥰💕' and Connie be looking like a nest#SU#my shiz#animated gif
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ULTRATOBER // Part 3 - Day 7: Favourite OTP
i don't have one, but one or more of these guys tend to show up in my favoured pairings
#my thought process while making this was literally just “yayyyyyy ^_^💕'#ultrakill#ultratober#ultratober2024#ultrakill fanart#ferryman ultrakill#v2 ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#ferrygabv4vel#ferrygabe#v4v#ferryv2#gabv1el#gabv4vel#a simpler drawing today bc i got hit with a hangover + period combo#id included#arttag#galadraws#if you saw this for like 0.5 seconds before it disappeared its bc i forgot i wanted gabriel's wings and halo to be pink and had to edit it#after exporting the drawing#edit: AND I FORGOT TO COLOUR V2'S BEVEL AUUUGDFHGFD#ok i fixed it
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i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home2t4ck#homestuck 2#homestuck beyond canon#hsbc#hs^2#hs2#candy timeline#home24uck#dirk strider#jake english#brain ghost dirk#bgd#dirkjake#admin draws#fanart#mountain of tags oooooffff#mmm nothing like coming back to an update and getting ur heart juiced like an overripe orange for a 2nd time#2nd jake crying post has hit the world trade center#im sooo soso tired today but i want to draw fluff. so thats next on the agenda#ajyeays i hate them t felt like getting puched in the dick again#i love this update. i dont think ill ever really move on from it. no matter what comes next ill always kinda be here.#also this ended up at first accidental but remained A Choice to leave dirk. largely featureless compared to jake#he is just an afterimage after all. the loose outlines that contain the memory of your friend#who you now have to realize. has long passed. hes not by your side#hes buried in a graveyard that you have not visited since he became its resident#he should go sometime. process it properly. id draw it but i dont think i have the chops or patience.#but its a thought.#I FORGOT TO UPDATE THE NEWER PICTURREEJFKGJDFGMGH
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MAN THAT REALLY COLORS THIS RESPONSE IN THIS CONVERSATION SO DIFFERENTLY FOR ME
#bg3#like here my silly ass that doesn't know shit was thinking 'wow i'm actually surprised he's pretty chill with this'#JOKES ON ME I'M BOOBOO THE FOOL#IT'S P R O B A B L Y MORE LIKELY THAT HE JUST ASSUMES IT WON'T LAST AND HE HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT#WOW............DAMN............GOT ME#CAUGHT ME SLIPPIN CAUSE I AM A LORE NOVICE HERE....................................#like SURE you could ASSUME that astarion would be flippant about having multiple partners like why wouldn't the flirty one be that way righ#but no no no there's much to think about here i'm unpacking the fucking layers i can feel my mind peeling like an onion#woag mama#i'm not articulate today b/c brain fog but i hope that made any sense#and hey maybe I'M even making assumptions but calling it a 'harmless affair' just.....that hits different#astarion
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Playing an emotional video game with the Genshin Men
A/N: Managed to squeeze a short and sweet Indie game (that hit me in my feels) into my busy schedule at the moment and now I can't stop thinking about playing Games with an emotional story with the Genshin men... There aren't many men included in this brainrot because this was just a random shower thought. I could throw it on my WIP pile and flesh it out at some point if you want.
Neuvillette would put his arm around your shoulder while you start crying over what is going on in the game. And while he wouldn't outwardly cry it suddenly starts pouring outside.
Alhaitham would be surprised to suddenly see tears streaming down your face as you're playing the game. He isn't sure how he should react or console you. He would hesitantly lift a hand and begins stroking your back and put your head on his shoulder in silence.
Kaveh watched you play the entire time and gets heavily invested in the game as well. So when the emotional scene comes up you're both just bawling together on the couch. He's definitely the type of guy who would discuss everything about the game in depth with you later on.
Wriothesley starts massaging your scalp with his free hand as he watches you play. And he doesn't want to admit it but the game too hit him into the feels. So he attempts to hide his face from your field of view and blinks some tears away, while being your shoulder to cry on.
#🍁 dust brainrot#genshin impact#genshin x reader#alhaitham x reader#neuvillette x reader#kaveh x reader#wriothesley x reader#genshin brainrot#genshin fanfic#genshin modern AU#just random shower thoughts#the game I played today truly hit me in the feels#I'm just a sucker for life stories#and the game literally played like an artwork#and the music#*cries*
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lord, give me one more chance
#undertale#uty#uty clover#flowey#meta flowey#premaposting#another one#4 am reference#if that didnt hit#i need “terrifying religious symbolism” with this dumb flower#yk what im talking about#like a mad scary god#idk how to call this genre of stuff#all i know is that its often p cool#ok but a 12 yr old fighting against a god probably around that age isnt fun man#also shush ik at this time clover themselves arent supposed to be there#just the soul alone#but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#yeah this is the second meta flowey drawing today you absolutely will never figure out what i did this week uh huh#one day sleeping p late is an answer#luckypatch
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do the people at chick fil a recognize me because my car is somewhat unique or because i’m cute w fat tits
#talk#it’s both btw but today the guy was like damn. nice#and i just awkwardly laughed bc i havent hit a car wash in forever and i live on an unpaved road#*recognize me as a regular loll
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#*#ive been thinking about this since i made it and i saw that tweet yesterday pslkjhgfhj like why is he doing the exact same pose#also i had to redo this bc i really thought phil was 38#like....i fr thought he was 38 and was shockedd he was 37#and i dont use snapchat bc im an adult so i used ig to make this#phan#silly philly#okay so theres a#so i can find this again sfdghjnhfdfgfh#also it's fun talking in the tags#i worked today and im soo tired#like this year has been really tough mentally#and while i did do some of the things i set out to do#i need to prioritize my mental health next year#like i actually need to get help and deal with my issues and start going to therapy#i had way too many of what i can only describe as ptsd episodes this year#like......idk dude i recognize that i need help and yet i dont take the steps to do it#and next year i need to like i HAVE to#but yeah....2024 was great in some regards and in others i hit rock bottom which sucks#but i want to get better#i just need to actually take the steps to do it#i have so much unprocessed trauma that ive just been holding in
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Okay I feel a bit foolish right now because okay, so you know how Crozier hits Fitzjames in the face in EP5 (showstopping moment)? I'm editing a video right now and I picked up that... Someone tell me if this has already been noticed or whatever, but - Due to Fitzjames' scurvy, does Crozier's hit reappears as a bruise on Fitzjames' face? First, note where Fitzjames cradles the spot Crozier hit:
Important to note that it doesn't appear in EP6 (the Carnivale ep). That is an extremely long stretch of time. It first is noticeable in EP7, at the Officer's Meeting, seen here:
And! Then it is doubly noticeable in EP8, during the Crozier and Fitzjames are we brothers scene:
It is still there in EP9 so this is a consistent injury:
So-? I hope I'm not standing in a crowd of Terror fans rn who are all scoffing and saying, 'Obviously???' or worse, but if thats the case why didn't you guys tell me this vital information. What it means for Crozier, to have to look Fitzjames in the eye and know an injury HE COMMITTED is contributing to killing him. I'm gonna throw up.
#the terror#the terror amc#james fitzjames#francis crozier#PLEASE i am sorry if this is like extremely well known information and I'm just a late learner#i couldnt stop thinking about it today genuinely#am i reaching??? am i going insane??? please diagnose#is there just rly not a lot of time between crozier hitting fitzjames and the bruise appearing? or smthing
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*That* scene in Six Hundred Strike is not about vengeance, it's about vulnerability ... because the Vengeance saga isn't about vengeance
To think all of this started because I was trying to determine why it feels so natural to read intimacy into the torture scene in Six Hundred Strike ... See, I'm personally not someone who reads an angle like this into things easily, but this time I found myself doing it too. And I just needed to know why.
It just made no sense for a while, because if you look at it superficially, it shouldn't make sense; it's a freaking torture scene. But I don't know, somehow, I must have felt that there was something there ... and I think I figured it out.
See, the reason why it feels so natural to read intimacy into this scene is because ... it actually is incredibly intimate. Not in an actually sexual way, but more so in a, "Imagine you were suddenly able to read someone's mind, and they yours" kind of intimacy.
It's really easy to just assume Six Hundred Strike is literally about vengeance, but it isn't. Now, please stick with me for a bit because we are going on a bit of a tangent here, but I promise we'll get back to this eventually.
The tangent I want to explore first is (as you've probably seen in the title) that the whole Vengeance saga is, ironically, about the unnecessity of vengeance and how destructive grudges and resentment can be. Think about it:
In Not Sorry For Loving You, Odysseus lets Calypso rant and then walks away without confronting her or accusing her, even telling her what she wants to hear one last time. I already discussed why Odysseus is an incredibly non-judgmental, non-resentful person in my Monster essay, and here is another excellent example of that.
Charybdis (I'm skipping Dangerous because he doesn't encounter any enemies there) is the first "monster" enemy he leaves alive since Polyphemus (Scylla doesn't count because he still "kills" for the sake of getting past her, even if it's in the form of sacrificing his men.) While one might argue that he had no choice since Charybdis is virtually impossible to kill, I think placing this encounter here might be an intentional choice especially since it differs greatly from the way that Charybdis is in the Odyssey. There has to be reason behind this change.
In Get In The Water (my beloved 🫶) we are explicitly shown that Odysseus offers Poseidon (the god who killed his whole fleet and is responsible for most of his suffering) forgiveness. The reason Odysseus has to torture him in the first place is Poseidon's own refusal of this mercy—he's literally torturing Poseidon in order to make him finally release the grudge because he has proven that this is the only way to actually get through to him. It actually shows perfectly that Poseidon's own inability to release his resentment became his downfall in the end, disproving his own "ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" motto as his own ruthlessness bit him in the a** this time, as I talked about in this post.
... And there is no resentment or vengeance in Six Hundred Strike either.
On one hand, it's easy to assume phrases like "For every comrade, every one of my friends, almost all of whom were slaughtered by your hand" or "How does it feel to be helpless? How does it feel to know pain?" indicate resentment, but ... not really.
We already know that Odysseus doesn't want vengeance, or he wouldn't have tried to lead from the heart one song earlier.
And then make yourself aware of something else: Not once during any of their encounters is Odysseus actually accusing or resenting Poseidon for anything.
"Almost all of whom were slaughtered by your hand" is an objective fact. It's just true. Someone vengeful may have said "I'll make you pay for all of those you slaughtered" or "All of their deaths are your fault" ... Odysseus just says, "for every comrade". He doesn't specify what he's doing for his comrades ... and it sure as hell isn't that he's (trying to) cause Poseidon pain or harm for them (which would be vengeance.)
For every comrade, he is fighting Poseidon, in order to finally reach his goal. For every comrade, he's doing everything that he has to do in order to get home, and in order to end this feud.
And then we get to the torture scene and it's ... actually so incredibly freaking intimate. Because it's not actually about vengeance, it's not about accusing Poseidon, or making him pay, or suffer more than necessary. If Odysseus were speaking from a genuine vengeance angle, he'd probably sound more like, "You killed my friends, now you pay for it. You did this to me and now it is your time to suffer." But he doesn't.
The torture scene in Six Hundred Strike is actually ... just another, much more extreme, repeat of Odysseus' lines from Get In The Water (my beloved 🫶): "Aren't you tired, Poseidon? It's been ten years, how long will this go? We're both hurting from losses, so why not leave this here and just go home?"
Odysseus tried saying it nicely ... now he's stabbing him with his own trident, hoping, practically begging, that he finally listens and accepts. Just lets them both go home.
And the thing is, this time, he isn't just saying "we're both hurting from losses" ... All you have to do is repeat to yourself Odysseus' entire monologue that he unleashes while he's stabbing him in a calmer, gentler tone and you'll see that what he is actually yelling out at Poseidon are all of the reasons why he is hurting. Sharing with him all of the pain that he probably hasn't shared with anyone ... ever.
"How does it feel to be helpless? How does it feel to know pain?" -> How does it feel to be vulnerable? I've felt vulnerable for so long without anyone to talk to or because no one truly understood me or what I'm going through.
"I watched my friends die in horror, crying as they were all slain. I heard their final moments, calling their captain in vain." -> This is why I am hurting. These are my losses.
"Look what you turned me into. Look what we've become." -> Look what I could be if I actually followed your lessons. Is this what you really want? Why can't you understand the harm that this is causing both of us?
"All of the pain that I've been through ... haven't I suffered enough?" -> Aren't you tired, Poseidon? It's been ten years, how long will this go? We're both hurting from losses, so why not leave this here and just go home?"
"You didn't stop when I begged you." -> I asked you to "Stop this, please" mere minutes ago. You didn't stop. That's why I'm doing this.
"(You) told me to close my heart. You said the world is dark. Didn't you say that ruthlessness is mercy?" -> I'm doing what you said you wanted me to do. Do you really want this? Do you really believe this? Can something like this really be mercy?
The first time I heard this, I firmly believed that Odysseus was actually crying during this part, and honestly, I believe that to this day. The canon visuals don't show us his face and I want to almost say that's intentional.
This whole scene is about vulnerability. Forced vulnerability, in a lot of ways, but raw, real vulnerability nonetheless.
This isn't just a torture scene; it's actually one of the most intimate scenes we've ever seen Odysseus share with anyone on screen. Seldom do we see him this honest in front of others (the vulnerable scene with Circe at the end of There Are Other Ways is the only other example I can think of.) Otherwise, all of his honest, raw songs are his solo songs (Monster, Just A Man, ...)
But here, Odysseus is essentially using the symbol of Poseidon's invulnerability—his trident—to force him into the most vulnerable position that he's probably been in centuries, if not ever ... and at the same time, he is being incredibly vulnerable himself. He's opening up to Poseidon in a kind of absolute way that we have actually never seen him open up to anyone.
... If that is not intimacy in its rawest, most painful, uncomfortable, and yet cathartic forms, I don't know what is.
As if that weren't sad enough... The saddest part about all of this is actually Poseidon's "Monster!" ... Because it tells us without a doubt that he is actually incapable of receiving or understanding those words from Get In The Water (my beloved 🫶). He is incapable of understanding vulnerability. All he can see is the "monstrous" act that accompanies it because that is something he knows and recognizes.
Although I believe, in the end, Odysseus did get through to him, and did get him to drop the grudge, I believe it happened on a kind of subconscious level rather than genuine acknowledgment or agreement. It's further proof of how Odysseus is capable of growth while Poseidon isn't (yet.)
Poseidon remains stuck in his ways, in his "ruthlessness" philosophy, because he isn't ready to acknowledge its flawed nature, essentially making it his own cage that prevents him from growing or moving forward. Meanwhile, Odysseus is walking away, walking ahead.
... Part of me almost wants to claim that he started begging Odysseus to stop so quickly not because of the physical pain, but because of his words. Because the vulnerability forced on him was hurting in a way that physical injuries, even from his own trident, never could. Because deep down, very deep down, he must've ... "felt" what Odysseus wanted him to understand and feel anyway.
Remember how I compared this type of intimacy to the sudden ability to read someone's mind before? I chose this analogy for a reason. What is intimacy if not using the very source of a god's invulnerability, essentially putting yourself into his divine shoes, doing what you know he would do to you ... in order to force him to connect to your mortal feelings and pains, even if he can still not truly understand them?
Here is where we see, for the first time, maybe ever, what even Odysseus and Athena couldn't do (yet), and the core reason why their partnership broke apart: a mortal and a divine genuinely understood each other's perspectives ... saw themselves in the other, even if only for a moment.
Given all that ... there is absolutely nothing I can say against kicking my feet and giggling excitedly over this scene.
#guys i already loved this song you didnt have to make me love it even more#so this is why i had a feeling™ about this scene all along#because i do i just cant explain it right away#and eventually it hits me like a freight train#i guess that's today#how do i just know#epic the musical#epic musical#jorge rivera herrans#epic odysseus#six hundred strike#get in the water#epic poseidon#odysseus epic#epic the troy saga#epic the cyclops saga#epic the ocean saga#epic the circe saga#epic the underworld saga#epic the thunder saga#epic the wisdom saga#epic the vengeance saga#epic the ithaca saga#epicssay
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