#just feels like i’m losing
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really fuckin sick and tired of feeling like a poorly multiclassed dnd character
#txt#delete later#i am level 1 in 5 things which means#i can do beginner shit in a bunch of different areas#while people who specialize even just a little more#are leaps and bounds ahead#idk i feel like im not even that good of an artist anymore#since my attention split i haven’t been dedicated as much time to learning art#but because my attention is split on like 60% art im not doing nearly enough of other skills to get good at those either#it’s like the most inefficient splitting of attention i could’ve ever gone for#no game dev my site is still not fucking done i haven’t coded no animations no comics#no music (with pain)#and no great improvement in art either now on top of all of this#just feels like i’m losing#but hey ‘better than a master of one’ amiright
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the responses i’ve seen to shiv’s ending seem very quick to write her off as just another sad victim of the cycle, which isn’t without truth BUT!!! that is not even remotely the summation of shiv’s story.
i don’t think she votes yes to “save kendall” or to try to finally set her brothers free. and i don’t think her main concern was that ken was becoming their dad. she absolutely noticed and didn’t love it, but that was not her motivation in betraying him. she was thinking about herself.
it’s tempting to make a martyr out of her as she is the only female child and we see her suffer the onslaught of misogyny that comes with that. but to make her into a saintlike figure who got beat takes away the power and intelligence behind her decision.
at this point she’s stuck between two non ideal choices, but she recognizes that they have accidentally made her the single most important player in the game. because while she can’t have the outcome she’d prefer, she has the power to decide the fates of everyone else. the written off lone woman now holds in her hands the fate of every man in her life.
so she thinks about the long term benefits of both options and realizes that one side leaves her completely without any leverage.
her brothers have proven to her multiple times in the last few days alone that they will cut her out and walk all over her the first chance they get. siding with them leaves her nothing to bargain with. she would just have to hope that ken would actually take care of her. and that level of vulnerability is not only unacceptable to her, it’s stupid. and shiv fuckin roy is not stupid.
so she thinks about the other side and about what she actually wants for her life. and against her better judgment, it’s becomes unfortunately clear that she wants tom. the way she wants him is not altogether loving or even good but it is necessary to her. she sees relationships as having winners and losers and she chose this man specifically so that she could be confident in her ability to win. except now he’s grown some balls and made himself unavailable to her.
she may not like the way her husband is evolving but she already placed her bets on him, so she’s sure as hell not losing to him now. there’s also a part of her that feels intrigued by this new man she’s married to. it’s interesting to have a sparring partner in him instead of having to looking for excitement outside of their marriage.
so for maybe the first time ever, she processes what tom has said to her and thinks about what he actually wants.
he needs her to prove that she cares. he needs to know that she is capable of sacrifice. if she can’t find it within herself to do this for him, then she will lose him, and by extension, she will lose.
siding with tom gives her the opportunity to once and for all make a grand-stand gesture of love, but more importantly, it creates leverage for her. never again will he be able to hold the moral high ground over her head. never again can he say she doesn’t love him. never again can he call her selfish or uncaring. above all, he can never betray her again, because she just removed all of his moral justification for turning on her. he doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s just taken back all the power in their relationship. just in a more subtle way than she’s used to operating.
and just like that, she has the ceo of a multi billion dollar company in her pocket, while situating herself as the only descendant of logan roy to still be playing the game, having removed her brothers from the equation permanently. she may still be far from the top but she’s creating a path for herself to climb.
so yes, she’ll let tom play king for a day, and she’ll have his baby and say “congratulations,” and play the gracious wife, but tomorrow is a new day with lots of room to maneuver. and when her husband puts out his hand, she’ll place her own on top. but she won’t grasp it because she doesn’t need to.
#🐺#shivy’s gonna be just fine#okay this ended up being a very long post but#i feel like someone needed to point out her wins#also i’m fully aware that remaining in the toxic world of the family business is not a win rly but#i think her ending is being interpreted as powerlessness#which it is NOT#she chose her spot. she’s calling shots#she may not have won today but she sure as hell didn’t lose#let’s not work so hard to sanctify her that we remove everything about her that makes her such a brilliant character#succession#shiv roy#siobhan roy#scn#tv
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idk what we’re all calling the concept of fiddlestan working together but i’m calling my version the portal partners AU 🙏🏼
#gave it a name bc i was kinda tired of calling it the Fidds and Stan Work Together on the Portal AU#it’s called portal partners bc they’re partners in fixing the portal partners in running the shack AND partners in life#ik i’m not the only one to think of an au where they start working together after ford goes missing#but i don’t see a lot of people really showing the older version of them ? i don’t think ?#like i’ve seen canon older fiddlestan but not older fiddlestan after working together for 30 years ? idk#also figured fidds would look different in a world where he doesn’t lose his mind in his 30s#🤷🏻♂️#gay old men#yay#stan looks and acts the same btw he just happens to also have a very longterm bf to be gay with#gravity falls took place before gay marriage was legal (jesus christ that’s crazy to think about) so that’s why i say very longterm bf#(this means ford would be back in time to attend their wedding tho so. best man ford real. fidd & ford may be sort-of-exes but it’s fine)#gravity falls#gravity falls au#fiddlestan#also… petition to start calling fiddlestan fiddley#bc fiddle(ford) + (stan)ley …. fiddley… u see the vision????#fiddley#🙂↕️🙏🏼#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart#idk man i’m gonna tag the au too ig#portal partners au#gravity falls portal partners au#???#my art#(i guess? used a fidds base then redrew it with my changes so idk)#rystiart#sorry if someone’s done smthn similar bc i feel like this idea of them working together is pretty popular maybe 😭
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it’s been almost a year now… is the bg3 fandom finally ready to talk about how gale’s “hubris” is the sole product of actively feeding his insecurities further and straight up denying him help & guidance when he was at his lowest and needed it most. it’s not one of his core traits and never was. he isn’t some closeted power hungry monster that is just waiting to be enabled. what he wants is admiration, recognition and acceptance. which is also what he sought from mystra before the orb disaster happened. he had no desire whatsoever to become a god himself or challenge her rule, he simply wanted to be seen as sufficient in her eyes (“to serve her better”). to be as equal as he could possibly be in a relationship with a literal deity. he has a deep passion for magic and knowledge that affects almost all areas of his life and enjoys the display thereof. he wants to be the smartest person in the room and enjoys when his work is recognized. he may be perceived as arrogant when it comes to his skill, but he IS NOT hubristic. it truly takes so little for him to be wholly content.
#this is such a fundamental misinterpretation of his character and really grinds my gears#i feel like we really gloss over the fact that he sees the crown as an alternative to NOT DYING#and not something he secretly wanted all along#an option to finally prove that he is ‘worthy enough’#either of himself or the person he’s with#whenever another post pops up talking about how astarion and gale are so similar another angel loses its wings#bg3#astarion was always corrupt long before cazador happened. and even after he seeks power for safety and control#(and partly because of the fun of it)#meanwhile gale? my guy just wants to live. read books. eat good food and be a great wizard recognized for his hard work#gale dekarios#it speaks#neme rambles#i forgot to censor my tags but i’m on mobile so oops
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I think it says something that Jimmy absolutely destroyed the crew and ship in half the time Curly was captain. Like he couldn’t even get them past 2 full months before breaking down.
Like he really couldn’t be half the man he thought Curly was.
#like I think it’s crazy cause the whole trip from when we start the game is like 6 months#they are only six months into the trip post crash it’s why getting help was so futile#they had to survive another 6-7 with almost no resources sense most actual food resources where blocked off or destroyed#I see people saying they were surviving for six months after the crash or at least five but it’s only two#they were on the ship for 4 months before hand like the time frames we play are extremely small in retrospect#it’s like what 187 days when we get into the game? that’s about 6 months total#like I’m sorry this is also about peop saying Anya was liek 5 months pregnant but I think a big point is the assault just happened and Curly#didn’t react to it correct initially cause like have you seen someone whose 5 months pregnant? Anya is clearly not even with artistic l#liberty like 2 months is perfect because it’s literally like the time when you confirm the pregnancy is stable and can feel the first signs#of life which is why she was getting worse and worse cause it was getting to the point she couldn’t hide it from Swansea and Daisuke and Jim#he already knew but imagine him seeing her with a stomach? he’d lose it completely#it was just showing signs of life hence the ultrasound and horse fetus and the heart beat#like the minimum time is around 8-10 weeks which is two months like the two months is super intentional both in accordance to what he did#and the time before hand#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#nurse anya
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Yearly reminder to myself that Veth died and came back wrong
#something something mourning a version of yourself you never thought you’d lose#like her body came back but she’s been irreversibly changed despite it#alternatively just looking back at your younger self and the way your body changes naturally with age#anyways#I gotta watch mighty nein again I’m feeling the itch#critical role#illustration#mighty nein#veth brenatto#critical role fanart
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DPXDC Prompt #97
The Justice League fought hard against the anti ecto acts but unfortunately it wasn’t enough and the laws were passed anyways but not before a clause was added to them that states the JL had the right to pull a ghost out of a facility of they had potential to work for them. When they see the potential hero Phantom is caught by the GIW they of course do their best to acquire him. Unfortunately the government sees Phantom as JL property now instead of his own person. Phantom seemed content being trapped on the watchtower and explained it was better than whatever the GIW was planning. Superman thinks something weird is going on with the ghost as when he supposedly went to bed in the room he was assigned he’d temporarily gain a heartbeat again. Constantine is just glad the young prince hasn’t decided to kill anyone in the US congress yet for passing such a ridiculous law. Batman’s adoption senses are tickling.
#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc#dc x dp#danny fenton#danny phantom#poor danny#writing prompt#I hear no Batman no! In my head in the same tone as the no rootbeer no! Meme#ghost prince danny#I already have my idea for tomorrow and it’s going to be a wild one heavily cracked#I know I’m insane but you can’t stop me#Is no one going to take the internet away from me?#my asks are open#I want to draw more but I have no clue what#Does anyone else feel like they’re slowly losing their mind? Because I still feel like I’m slowly going insane#Also does anyone else feel just a little disappointed that we’re in the timeline without any superpowers or hero’s?#I feel like my body is slowly decaying and I can do nothing but watch as the world slowly spins as everyone gets mad at each other over tim
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listen i know we all love steve “completely ignorant of queer culture to the point that bisexuality is a surprise” harrington being roasted and educated in turns by robin and eddie, yadda yadda, good stuff. i read “they made a horror version of rocky?” in a fic recently and cackled. also a big fan of “he knew he was bi from the start and just never talked about it” as a trope, love it excellent well done
but what about steve who realizes after starcourt that the most important person in his life now has this thing that’s a major part of her life that he knows nothing about, and what if he fucks it up? what if he says something ignorant or rude by accident, and hurts her? what if he loses her because he didn’t know the right thing to say? what if he can’t keep her safe because he doesn’t know what to look out for? absolutely fucking not, this steve says
and listen she’d never say anything, because she can tell that he can tell how much she likes teasing him and teaching him things, so he plays dumb, and she thinks it’s very sweet. but she notices when the zines she keeps under her bed that she buys at that one secret bookshop in indy when she can sneak away on family trips start going missing, always one at a time, and replaced in a few days with another disappearing. and she finds the new ones he must have gone to buy the weekend she was at her aunt’s house hidden in the back of his closet when she goes to steal one of his sweaters. and she notices when he slips more of her queerer movie recommendations into his personal take home pile rather than the movie night stack when he thinks she’s not looking.
she doesn’t notice when he drives to indianapolis after she tries to explain to him why she can’t just ask out a cute girl, tries to impress on him the fear attached to every moment of attraction that he simply has never had to feel, but later she finds a crumpled receipt from a diner in one of his jacket pockets when she’s looking for his keys, and the address is across the street from the bar the gorgeous woman at the bookstore told her about, the one she memorized the address of but hasn’t worked up the guts to think about visiting, and she knows he must have gone looking for a place like that, must have been trying to understand, must have been scoping it out to make sure it was somewhere she could feel safe, after she told him she never had.
so when eddie nearly pops a blood vessel when they clock each other and she mentions that steve is the only person she’s ever come out to before, her hackles come up. because she gets it, she does, he’s only known king steve until recently, so it makes sense that he would be afraid, be concerned for her safety.
but steve is her person, and no one- no one- has ever made her feel as protected or as cared for as he does. no one has ever tried as hard to understand her, no one has ever put so much work into making her feel safe and seen and loved. and she thinks maybe even if no one else ever does, that’s ok. because she has steve, and more importantly steve has her, and that means no one gets to question his ally credentials in her presence without a dressing down to remember, no matter how well they mean or how recently they helped save the world.
(and maybe she’s not as surprised as she could be when he figures out bisexuality all on his own, because she’s been reading all the same pamphlets he has, after all. and she’s seen the way he looks at eddie, i mean come on. maybe no one else has noticed, but then, nobody knows steve harrington like she does.)
#stranger things#steve harrington#robin buckley#platonic stobin#steddie#(if you squint)#this got away from me#i just really love love giving steve a bit more credit yk?#like yes he’s very stupid and he has a history of being self absorbed#and we love that about him#he’s very flawed and that makes him interesting#but i really feel like one of his defining traits is his need to be useful to the people he loves#combine that with his abandonment issues and i really feel like he would be scared of fucking up and losing robin#and yeah he would play dumb like he does with dustin and d&d#but i don’t believe he knows nothing about d&d after all this time and i don’t believe he would let himself know nothing about queer culture#i’m just so so attached to the idea of steve who knows that teasing him for being dumb is his friends’ love language with him#so he pretends to be dumber than he is so they have chances to explain things to him#also stobin sharing clothes is so so so important to me just putting that out there#anyway i just think they’re neat#my writing
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did you expect this au to blast off?
I didn’t even expect this au to exist ??
#I’m losing my mind over here#all those sleepless nights are worth it#wait it was just two nights#I feel like I was drawing this thing for the whole week or something but it was just two fucking nights#oh my god ahahaa
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kacchan really is so funny for being like BUT WHAT ABOUT BAKUDEKU CANON when he finds out izuku is quirkless
#bakudeku#bkdk#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha leaks#he really is like WHAT ABOUT US#WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE BEEN THROUGH#izuku is such a Gabriella too he DO be running away from his feelings every chance he gets#what about US IZUKU WHAT ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE#WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MANGA IF WE ARENT MARRIED#and Izuku is like oh no my baby is on too many painkillers hahaha he’s not proposing to me right now that’s silly#if he was proposing that would mean he loved me and I can’t accept that reality I’m too much of a burden#I can’t think of myself long enough to realize I am valued#two months ago Izuku was like :) I’m so blessed kacchan talks to me almost normally#how is he supposed to process he was just proposed to by that same boy#like he’s also just gone through almost losing him he’s probably like I’m lucky he’s alive and breathing near me#and kacchan’s like I LOVE YOU I WANT YOU FOREVER#Izuku is overwhelmed ok give him some slack
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I’m currently hyperfixated rereading Ftfo and can barely do any drawing but I’m trying!!! ‘^’ Designs are easier to draw for some reason so might see only those for a bit T-T
anyways have my version of Lord Lunar’s Gemini! They get fun new outfits!!!
#my artwork#fnaf#tsams#tsams au#tsams Lord lunar au#tsams castor#tsams pollux#tsams gemini#laes castor#laes pollux#laes gemini#the lunar and earth show#tlaes au#tlaes#little rant incoming#feel free to ignore#bro I’m recognizing the difference between a fun interest and a hyperfication and it’s not fun#I really wanna finish rereading ftfo but i keep having to force myself to be like ‘Take a break#go draw and such’ ect#because I’m just not moving for such long periods of time and I physically have to force my brain to stop skipping lines because I genuinely#can’t focus#and#if I stop for too long I’m so worried I’ll lose interest#want to finish ftfo but hyperfication is so bad#T-T#anyways#drink some fucking water#y’all#(don’t worry to much about me btw I’m doing okay and still taking care of myself just a lil frustrated)#(oh and ftfo is an undertale fanfic btw For the Forgotten Ones by I’m_Sorry_Buddy on Ao3 it’s freaking awesome)
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[ cw: dismemberment / ]
I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)
I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#dismemberment /#if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly#mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place#raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital#and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential#hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle#listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell#for the next tags:#strangulation mention /#physical trauma induced mutism /#potential death mention /#potential sibling death mention /#barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but /#I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him#can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry?#he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after#the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal#or also#imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife#even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good#what am I writing wait-#also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self#imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing#imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb#but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he
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more recurring symbolism in fob songs
don’t let pete near a bridge with a box of matches i beg
#he’s a hazard#i’m surprised the flame thrower bass hasn’t taken anyone’s eyebrows#specifically patrick#i feel like he’d be the first to lose his eyebrows bc of pete#fall out boy#fob#pete wentz#patrick stump#andy hurley#joe trohman#tell that mick he just made my list of things to do today#nobody puts baby in the corner#i’m like a lawyer with the way i’m always trying to get you off (me and you)#fourth of july#take this to your grave#from under the cork tree#infinity on high#american beauty/american psycho
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Clare is mischaracterized a lot lowkey because I think people love Clare for being an anxious lesbian so much that they instinctively craft a more palatable version of that trait onto her and it’s a shame because Clare is a fascinating little beastie. She is childhood friends with the likes of Erin and Michelle for a reason after all. She is arguably just as selfish as Erin /affectionate and just as impulsive as Michelle /affectionate it just is formed around the insane molten hot anxiety disorder inside her little lesbian brain. She thinks she’s better than them when in reality she is just as bad.
I’d argue she stays selfish /affectionate longer than Erin does. Until the final two episodes I fully believe Clare would have sold any of them up the river for a corn chip if that corn chip would save her skin. It’s often said that Clare and James hold the single brain cell but I think the truth is likely that Orla holds it and they just forgot to use it or hand it to someone cause they were going ham on a bag of sweets.
If you hate Erin for her selfish traits and just kinda forget that Clare is just as bad then idk what to tell you they’re birds of a feather.
#derry girls#erin quinn#michelle mallon#clare devlin#random dg thoughts at insomnia o’clock#also Clare would not be into Erin at all guys#and I say this with Erin being my baby girl#also lowkey Michelle is her type but idk if they’d have feelings for each other#so much as during Uni they fuck nasty once and then never speak of it again#one potential DG episode I would have pitched during the between season area#would be that Jenny asks Clare which of the Fuckhead Five she’d marry#Clare doesn’t even HESITATE to say James.#Not because she likes him that way literally just because in her words Jenny gave her no good options#and then Orla Michelle and Erin spend the entire episode#trying to woo Clare entirely for their own stupid egos#Clare: This is exactly why I picked James. Our lavender marriage would be so free of whatever this is.#James: *is just thankful he got picked* uwu#Michelle: I will not lose to my cousin I am going to seduce the FUCK out of Clare#Orla: Everyone knows I am the best partner. Survival of the fittest.#Erin: I’m her BEST FRIEND she should want to marry ME.
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ooh i’m now thinking about the court intrigue part of your dragon au, and dick and jason being smack dab in the middle of a power struggle. bc there’s a faction of ppl who don’t want dick as crown prince; he’s foreign opinionated, popular, and not as easy to control. and so when jason comes along looking like the spitting image of bruce, and seemingly shy and manipulatable, they seize onto him. and jason’s obviously super smart, but he’s not used to the underhand way the court works, and starts to trust many in that faction bc they’re kind to him( bonus points if they have some servants working for them, bc jason trusts the servants way faster as fellow common ppl)
and dick isn’t an idiot, so he sees what’s happening and sees his little brother who he loves but doesn’t know that well, start to befriend all the people plotting against him. and he can’t call him out on it and look jealous (even though he is super jealous bc here comes this adorable kid, who could be bruce’s real son and isn’t perpetually a foreigner, coming along and stealing his father’s love and trying to undo everything he’s worked for). so he instead tries to befriend jason more, while always half being on guard for a knife in the back. jason picks up on weird vibes but has no clue what’s happening bc he’s a kid and the court is filled with so many weird vibes lol.
and jason grows increasingly entrenched in that faction, and then dies in a way that looks like he turned traitor but it went wrong and he got killed (not what happened, but the evidence is very convincing) (the anti-dick faction is also upset bc darn there goes their heir). and bruce and dick are heartbroken (bruce especially since he was blindsided since dick never told him any of his suspicions since he didn’t think bruce would believe him). but they don’t spread the news of jason as a traitor bc he was a kid and they don’t want to do that to his memory, and there’s like a tiny kernel of hope that maybe there was a mistake. but then jason comes back to life on the dragon of the tyrant, and immediately begins gunning for the throne (via attacking the heirs to the throne, tim and dick). and dick is heartbroken all over again, bc his little brother really does want him dead and to steal the crown. jason has 0 clue about any of this and is hurt and confused why his brother is calling him a traitor. cue much angst
Omg the MISUNDERSTANDINGS I am THRIVING
Dick and Jason would inadvertently end up in a downward spiral of hate and betrayal, with Dick convinced Jason is trying to usurp the throne and Jason thinking Dick never loved him and took the first chance to get himself a new little brother. One that isn’t common folk 😭
But also, Dick could think that he could sacrifice himself to keep Tim safe.
Jason wants him after all, right? He might be angry at Tim, but it’s Dick who he wants dead. The crown prince. Because if he’s gone, Jason will be next in line for the throne. And if Dick is smart about this, he can strike a bargain that will ensure Tim gets to live….
#I am a huge sucker for misunderstandings#Dick: TRAITOR! I trusted you! I LOVED you!#Jason: … ok??? and????????? is this about your stupid sugar stash again?????#dick: What? no! this is about you trying to usurp the throne!#Jason: bitch I didn’t even want JOKER’s throne#dick: — what?#Jason: wtf man if you want the crown so bad just smother the old man with a pillow or something I sure af don’t want it#dick: but-#Jason: I am NOT sitting in a stuffy council room all day and listen to old people bitch about who’s grand daughter is prettier#Dick: wait-#Jason: seriously you do not want me on the throne I would lose my temper within ten minutes and need a new council altogether#Dick: hold on-#Jason: Red would eat them. no scratch that I would eat them#Dick:… I feel like I’m missing something here#dragon au#jason todd#dick grayson#misunderstandings
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I just finished Fourth Wing and I realized that the reason that Xaden never really hated Violet is because he knew about her from her brother and already knew she was a good person and I want to CRY
#is it November yet#the fourth wing#violet sorrengail#xaden riorson#violet and xaden#brennan sorrengail#violet x xaden#like he heard about her from someone who loved her so deeply#gosh there was so much for Violet to process at the end there so quickly#I feel like I’m still processing it so I can’t even imagine how she must feel#to lose such a good friend who died defending your life but also after you just an arguement with#for your entire WORLD to tilt#as you realize your country that you put so much faith in has lied to you#and your love and your dragons were keeping it a secret for so long#and you almost die#and then you find out your brother is alive#and that must be so hard#because it was another painful secret#but also—he’s alive!#Jesus Christ that’s so much at once#fourth wing
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