#I feel like I’m still processing it so I can’t even imagine how she must feel

[feelingtheaster99]

I just finished Fourth Wing and I realized that the reason that Xaden never really hated Violet is because he knew about her from her brother and already knew she was a good person and I want to CRY

[httpvomitello]

HI YOUR WRITING MAKES MY HEART SOAR! Just recently got back on my tmnt love and I was thinking. How would the guys react when they find out the woman they love also loves them back? Like they’ve been pining for months/YEARS even!! Maybe they still do or at some point they decide to abandon all feelings but then she tells them herself or maybe she or April accidentally let’s it slip to the turts. Would they immediately make a move? Would they get embarrassed and withdraw? I need to knowwwww 💙❤️💜🧡

Awwwn, thank you soooo much! Seriously, reading this makes me so happy. Hope you like it! ♡♡♡♡

Do You Like Me Too? *⁠.⁠✧

Leo had trained himself to set his feelings aside. So he kept everything bottled up—only allowing himself brief moments to imagine what it would be like if you felt the same way.

But that all changes one night while you and Leo are practicing together. You’ve been working on some new moves, and Leo’s been your patient mentor, guiding you, helping you adjust your stance.

After a particularly successful move, he gives you an approving smile. "Nice job, (Y/N). You’re really getting the hang of it."

You grin, catching your breath as you hold his gaze. But then, suddenly, your face softens, and the words slip out almost like a sigh: "Maybe I’m just trying to impress you."

Leo freezes, his heart hammering. He’s sure he must have misheard. "What?"

"I like you, Leo. Like… really like you." You smile shyly, as if the weight of your confession is finally off your shoulders. "I don’t think I could have hidden it much longer."

For a split second, Leo’s mind races. Every reason he’s ever come up with to keep his distance vanishes. His face softens, and he takes a deep breath, daring to move closer.

"I—" His voice catches, and he looks down, gathering his thoughts. "I thought I could just… bury these feelings and keep them hidden. For the sake of you, really. I didn’t want you to feel any kind of pressure…or guilt."

Your heart aches at the vulnerability in his eyes, and you reach up to gently cup his face, bringing his gaze back to yours. "Leo, you don’t have to hold back. I don’t want you to."

"I’ve loved you for so long, (Y/N)," he whispers, his voice rough with emotion. "But I thought it was selfish of me to want you in my life that way."

Your gaze softens as you lean in closer. "Then let yourself be selfish for once, Leo."

He closes the remaining distance between you, pressing his lips softly against yours in a kiss that speaks of all the months he’s held back

“I think I could get used to this,” he murmurs, his voice filled with happiness.

Raph tried to deny his feelings for you for as long as he could. Sure, he’d admired you, flirted a little, maybe even let his jealousy slip out when someone else had your attention. But he never dared to take it any further. You deserved better, he’d tell himself, so he kept his distance and convinced himself it was better this way.

April, though, had always seen right through him. She knew he was hiding a soft spot under that gruff exterior, and she'd caught on to his little glances and subtle protectiveness.

One day, she comes over to your place with a casual, “So…when are you finally gonna tell Raph that you like him too?”

You blink, stunned. “Excuse me?”

April goes still, the color draining from her face as she realizes her mistake. “Oh no, I didn’t mean to—oh man, please don’t tell Raph I said anything.”

But you’re still processing, and your cheeks flush. “Wait, he…he likes me?”

April’s eyes widen as she realizes the floodgate she’s just opened. “Um…well, yeah, he kinda has for a long time.” She winces, giving you a guilty smile. “But he’d kill me if he knew I told you.”

You can’t help but smile, your heart racing at the thought. “I think it’s time I go have a talk with him.”

Raph’s sitting in the gym later that evening, he doesn’t notice you at first, so you clear your throat, causing him to look up, startled.

“Oh, hey,” he says, masking his surprise. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You sit beside him, watching as he fidgets with a wrench, not quite meeting your eyes. After a moment, you take a deep breath. “Raph… April told me something today. And I need to know if it’s true.”

He freezes, his grip on the wrench tightening. “Oh yeah? What’d she say?”

“She…mentioned that you might have feelings for me.”

The wrench clatters to the floor as Raph turns to you, his face a mixture of panic and frustration. “Damn it, April—she wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

You reach out, placing a hand on his arm to calm him. “Raph, it’s okay. Actually… it’s more than okay.”

He looks up at you, searching your face, his eyes filled with hope and uncertainty. “What’re you saying?”

You smile, your own cheeks flushing. “I feel the same way, Raph. I’ve been wanting to tell you for ages, but I was worried about how you’d react.”

For a moment, he just stares at you, as if waiting for the punchline. Then, unable to hold back, he pulls you into a tight hug, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Damn, I thought you’d never notice," he whispers, his voice rough but full of relief.

Donnie had always been the hopeless romantic, pining for you in ways that even he knew were a little over the top. He could spend hours in his lab thinking about you, wondering if maybe, just maybe, you could ever feel the same. But he never dared to say anything, especially when every little interaction with you made his heart race to the point he thought he’d lose all composure.

But April knew. Of course she did; she could read Donnie like a book. And on one of your usual visits to the lair, she accidentally lets something slip.

"Donnie, you’re so silly!" you laugh, watching him fumble through some tech explanation he’s giving you. The way you smile at him has him grinning like a fool, and April can't resist rolling her eyes. She's seen this situation too many times, and as she leans back, she accidentally mutters, “If only she knew how much you’re into her…”

You freeze. “Wait, what?” You turn to April, wide-eyed, and Donnie goes pale, his mouth opening in horror as he stares at April.

April realizes her slip-up too late, and her cheeks go red. “I mean—I…uh, have to go grab something from the kitchen!” she stammers, bolting before either of you can ask her another question.

There’s a long, awkward silence as you turn to Donnie, waiting for an answer. “Is that true?” you ask softly.

Donnie’s eyes dart around, searching for some form of escape, but when none appears, he swallows hard and nods. “Yeah… it’s true. I’ve liked you for…a long time, actually.” His face flushes as he finally admits it, looking anywhere but at you.

A small smile tugs at your lips, and you reach out to gently touch his arm. “Donnie… I like you too.”

The words hit him like a shockwave, and his wide eyes finally meet yours. “Wait—what? You…you like me?”

You nod, your smile growing, and that’s all he needs. Slowly, a shy but delighted smile spreads across his face, and he lets out a little laugh, his fingers brushing against yours. "I never thought this day would actually come," he whispers.

With a grin, you step closer, and he reaches out, letting his hand brush your cheek before finally leaning in, pulling you into a gentle kiss, his heart racing with pure joy.

Mikey had always been open about his affection for you. Playful, flirty, and constantly teasing, he never held back with compliments and affectionate gestures. But you’d always just laughed and brushed him off, thinking it was just part of his personality.

What you didn’t know was that underneath his bright smiles and lighthearted antics, he’d been pining for you, hiding just how much he cared. For months, he’d wondered if you could ever take him seriously, if you’d ever see him as more than a friend.

One day, you decided to finally tell him how you felt. You’d noticed he’d been holding back a bit lately, that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to joke around as much. So you decided to risk it, showing up at the lair to talk to him.

He greets you with his usual grin, "Hey, (Y/N)! What’s up?"

"Mikey… can we talk for a sec?"

His smile falters, and he swallows, his hands fidgeting as he looks at you. "Yeah, of course. What’s on your mind?"

You take a deep breath, your heart pounding. "I just wanted to tell you that… well, I like you. More than a friend, I mean."

For a second, Mikey’s face is blank, and then it lights up in pure, unfiltered joy. "Wait—are you serious?" He lets out a little laugh, almost like he can’t believe it. "You really like me?"

"Yeah," you say, your own smile growing as you see how genuinely happy he looks. "I mean, I thought you’d already know by now."

Mikey practically bounces on his feet, letting out a loud whoop. Without missing a beat, he pulls you into a hug, lifting you slightly as he spins you around, laughing with pure excitement.

"I knew it! I knew there was something between us!" he says, eyes shining. Then he looks at you with a playful grin, leaning close as he whispers, "Guess that makes me your favorite turtle, huh?"

With a laugh, you press a kiss to his cheek, and he turns bright red but doesn’t stop smiling.

[zkaus]

At the back of my copy of The Vampire Armand, there's an old interview with Anne Rice talking about creating that novel. I've never forgotten her answer to one of the questions... It haunted me for years.

It gives incredible insight into how and why she wrote such beautiful, brutal and broken characters, and what she endured in the creation process.

BUT before you read this, I'm going to STRONGLY warn you, it goes to very very DARK places

Q: What are your work habits for a novel?

A: Once I truly begin to write, I work obsessively, in twelve-hour days, punctuated by days of long sleep and vivid dreaming. Starting time and ending time are no longer important. I might begin at 9 A.M., or after noon or at eight in the evening. I go from there. I turn on the computer and write, write, write.

My room is a mess. Notes are scribbled on the walls so that I can look up at them at the appropriate moments and insert the date, the name, whatever, when I need it. Books are stacked so high that people have to search for me when they come into the room. Opened books with marked-up pages are stacked on top of one another.

I become suicidal. I go through a horrid despair some time or other before the final page, during which everything seems meaningless—from the dawn of history to the very hour in which I am writing.

I’m intolerable to live with. But I spread myself thin over a number of loved ones and staff members so that no one person has to put up with how intense, hysterical, and miserable I am.

When I get elated and talk fast and furiously about wonderful aspects of history or the characters, or good developments in the story, people run away from me. I don’t blame them.

While the novel is being written, I try to avoid dressing for outdoors. No one can make you go out if you don’t have shoes on. Not even in the south. I wear long velvet robes and soft velvet slippers. I refuse to go out. All food is brought in. I eat hamburgers because they are easy to hold with one hand while reading and holding the book with the other hand.

In the middle of the night I read, sometimes on the carpeted floor of the bathroom, just because it’s warm. I am wretched. I don’t care anymore about being abnormal. Writing is everything. Everything. It seems impossible to write the book. It seems impossible to lift a hairbrush to brush my hair. But I do it. I put on mascara every day that I write.

This period of intense work lasts about six weeks. It’s best that way. My imagination is overheated, and my memory clogged with data of varying importance. If I go over six weeks, I begin to forget things; I feel the loss of intensity and information and I become all the more self-destructive and obsessed.

The end of the book is a big event for me. A big event. I start screaming. I put the hour and the date at the end of the last page. I expect everybody to understand, at least a little. It’s a triumph! The darkness of destiny has been driven back for a brief while. I celebrate. I scream, eat chocolate, and sleep.

Right near the end of writing The Vampire Armand, I realized I had to return to Italy, especially to Florence, and at once I began to make preparations for the trip. As soon as the novel was finished and off to the publisher’s, as soon as it could be accomplished, I flew to Italy. That gave me hope, a way out of a life threatening darkness that often follows the climax of a book. But I still ate chocolate and screamed.

While writing, I don’t want to rest. I don’t want to sleep. Why sleep? It seems stupid, except when weariness overcomes me like a giant cloud of poisonous vapor. Then I sleep fifteen to twenty hours. I tell people to go in and out of the bedroom and ignore me lying there, as if I were dead. I won’t talk on the phone. I won’t open my eyes if I don’t have to. I dream terrible, upsetting dreams.

I want to kill myself. But I can’t. I can’t do it to other people, and I have work that must be done, novels that must be written. So I don’t kill myself. Besides, I don’t think it’s good to kill oneself. It’s a horrible idea. It has a horrible effect even on acquaintances.

I think a lot about people I loved who are dead. I think of how dead they are, year after year, ever more dead.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Mockingjay - Part 11

Hi guys!

I'm so sorry for the delay, but between my health and all the work I have to do for my job, I almost don't know what day we are.

I'm glad for all the sweets messages and the love and supports I get for this serie though, it really means a lot ♥

There is a little bit of suspense here, I'll try not to make you wait as long as this time for the next chapter.

Please enjoy ♥

TW : Fight, injury, scorpions, death, gun, gunshot, angst.

Chapter Before

“I’m so sorry”

“Lucy, stop” Ona sighs softly.

Lucy doesn’t answer anything, she just bites her bottom lip to stay silent. But she can’t help but look at Ona’s arm and the bruise forming on it. Even if it was to save her life, she had to hit her hard enough to at least hurt the scorpion who was casually strolling in her arm.

So, Lucy just basically saved Ona’s life, but the older girl can’t get over the fact that she hit Ona. And hurt her in the process.

They are currently sitting on a blanket, Lucy scanning the ground around them with the pocket lamp to see if there are more scorpions and eventually make them leave thanks to the light.

They are sitting back to back, just to have a better view around them. Because they shouldn’t look for the scorpions only, but for the other tributes maybe too. They don’t know where Tony went and where everyone else is. Being attacked right now could be the worst fight ever.

Ona is jumping in the air from time to time, sure that she felt one of those animals running on her body. She was wrong every time and Lucy almost had a heart attack every time too.

“Are you sleeping?” Lucy asks after a moment.

“No” Ona mumbles.

She’s tired, she must admit that. But there is no world where she falls asleep and puts them both in danger right now. It’s hard to imagine how my time passed since the night fell some hours before. Ona really hopes that it will be finished soon.

Ona changes her position when she feels Lucy’s hand reach for hers, unrolling her arms that she had wrapped around her legs glued to her chest. She gladly let Lucy play with her fingers, enjoying this little closeness even here.

Ona can’t explain why, maybe because of how tired she is, but once again their reality hit her like a wall of bricks. She feels her throat tightens at the idea that they will never be able to have this kind of moment on a lovely date, for example. She doesn’t say anything though, not wanting to make Lucy sad or even alert her.

But Lucy learned to know her, and she quickly hears Ona’s unsteady breathings, even if she can’t see her silent tears.

“What’s up?” Lucy asks softly.

“Nothing” Ona breathes. “It’s stupid”

“If it makes you upset, it’s not stupid” Lucy answers, turning herself a little to have a better view of Ona. “Are you mad at me?”

Ona shakes her head no, still looking around just in case. She doesn’t want Lucy to see her cry. She doesn’t want to pass for someone weak. And more, she doesn’t want Lucy to find her childish.

“Hey, what’s up?” Lucy asks softly.

“I just…”

Ona frowns softly, not really knowing how to say the right things. She has all those fears about Lucy’s eventual judgement and how she can see her after that. Which is particularly stupid, Lucy would never judge Ona in any way.

“I would give everything to just have one night together, only the two of us. Without the Games, the injuries… Just you and me.”

“Ona…”

Ona hurries to take her hand back, whipping her tears and sitting a little straighter. She knows they won’t have it and that it’s stupid to cry for something they will never have.

“I told you, it was stupid” Ona shrugs.

Her back is perfectly turned so she doesn’t see Lucy. But like this, she doesn’t see the sadness and the regrets in Lucy’s eyes.

“I wish I could share these moments with you too” Lucy finally whispers.

Ona feels her throat tightens once again, but not for the same reason. She doesn’t really know if she feels better now that she knows that Lucy feels the same way. Is it worse because it supports the fact that they won’t have it? Or is it better because Lucy can understand how she’s feeling?

“What kind of things would we have done?” Ona finally asks.

“For our first date, I would have brought you on my boat to watch the sunset.”

“Sounds very romantic” Ona smirks.

Lucy hums and Ona hears her moving a little before kissing her neck. It makes Ona shiver, of course, but she smiles anyway, not expecting for Lucy to talk again.

“I don’t know if that’s any consolation, but I’m yours. No matter what happens, I will always be. Only yours.”

This time, Ona turns around completely to have an entire look at Lucy. The older girl is already looking at her, her green eyes scanning the brown one’s. Getting on her knees rather than her ass, before taking Lucy’s face between both of her hands to kiss her.

The kiss is slow but full of love and Ona can’t help but let her mind fly away, to the moment they shared together on that mountain. They had a moment only the both of them finally, only accompanied by the fire.

Lucy answers her kiss, and they are finally stopped when they feel the first light and heath of the sun on their skin. Lucy sighs from relief and looks around them. It could be hard to find their way back, everything looks the same around. But Lucy understands easily with the way Ona gets up that the younger one knows perfectly where to go.

“Are we going back to the centre of the arena or do you want to look for the oasis?” Ona asks, seeming to be happy again.

“We can look for the oasis until noon. Then we can go back to the forest if we don’t find anything.”

Ona nods and accepts the dry meat that Lucy gives her before starting to walk. She still feels tired, but she knows that they must move. She doesn’t know if someone already came here before them, the sand is the same everywhere. Including in their shoes.

“Is it a palm tree?”

They were walking for almost thirty minutes when Lucy talks again, and Ona raises her head in the direction of where Lucy is pointing.

“I think it is” Ona nods after several seconds. “Let’s go.”

They turn in the right direction, Ona two steps in front of Lucy. The latter is particularly attentive to everything, the fact that the two other girls might still be here hiding in her mind. When they are close, she softly grabs Ona’s hand to whisper it.

“Maybe they are here. Let’s be careful”

Ona nods again and squeezes Lucy’s fingers before letting her go. She can feel Lucy’s presence right behind her and it helps her to be more at ease. She feels safe with Lucy and little did she know that Lucy feels safe with her too. After all, they saved each other's lives already.

The oasis isn’t very big, but Ona must admit that it’s cute. There are a few palm trees around a very small lake. But the water is clear like a mirror, almost inviting. Rocks are around the water, as if someone had arranged seats to be able to settle comfortably in front of it.

“Someone came here” Ona whispers.

She’s looking at the rocks, but her gaze is scanning the other places of the area. Now that Lucy is looking around too, she feels the same way too. There are dates on the ground, some of them eaten and she can see footprints at some places too.

Lucy hums, turning around to look around them.

“Let’s just be careful, Love, yeah?”

Ona nods and smiles, unable to hide the butterflies she feels in her stomach when Lucy calls her like that. She takes the bow in one of her hands, just in case, when Lucy decides to make a walk around the lake “Just to have a look.”

Ona should have known it was a bad idea, every time they are separated something bad happens.

Just when Ona can’t see Lucy anymore, she feels something icy against her neck.

“Make any sound and you're dead. Do you understand?”

Ona feels her blood freeze, but she only nods softly. She doesn’t know what is held against her neck, but if it’s a knife, she doesn’t want to take any risks.

“Let go of your bow” the voice says.

Ona doesn’t hesitate before letting it go. She just hopes that Lucy will come back soon to help her. She feels stupid, Lucy just told her to be careful.

“Good. Do you know how to get out of this desert?”

Ona nods once again. She tries to recognize the voice of the person talking, but she didn’t talk a lot to those two girls. She’s unable to say which one of them is behind her.

“Show the way. Don’t turn around.”

Of course, Ona wants to turn around or even look for Lucy, but she can’t. So, she obliges and starts to walk, taking the way back she took several minutes. She can feel that icy things brush against her neck from time to time, attesting of its presence.

They were walking for several minutes when the girl talks again. Ona was walking as slow as possible, still hoping that Lucy will see them.

“Are you okay?”

Ona frowns, not understanding why the girl is asking her that question. She doesn’t understand either the soft tone used to ask this question, until she hears the girl talking again.

“Stop, Batlle.”

Then Ona turns around and realise that they were two people walking behind her. But the second girl doesn’t look good.

“What happened to her?” Ona whispers.

The first girl, Enya as Ona just remembered her name, shot her a dirty look. She raises what she had in her hand and Ona blenches when she sees that Enya is in fact holding nothing much than a gun.

“Hands up!”

Ona obliges once again, raising both of her hands without hesitation. She looks at the way Enya is looking at her partner, looking hopeless. The other girl has various purple patches all over the body, some swollen and appearing painful.

“She got bitten by scorpions” Enya groans.

Ona shivers, remembering that she had one of them in her arm last night. The second girl doesn’t seem able to talk and Ona wonders if she really can understand what is happening. She seems lost, looking at Ona blankly.

“You… You know that she won’t make it, right?” Ona says as softly as she can.

She feels sorry for that poor girl. But Enya seems angry by that statement and point her gun at the middle of Ona’s forehead.

“Shut up if you don’t want to die right now”

Ona raises her hands again, not moving anymore. She doesn’t know what sign Enya is waiting for, but she seems to be happy, so she kneels down next to the other girl lying on the ground.

Ona’s mind wanders to Lucy, who must be lost about not finding her anywhere now. Ona hopes that she won’t do something stupid, they keep reminding each other that as long as they haven’t heard the canon, there is nothing to worry about. Ona just hopes that they won’t be separated for long. Unless Enya really decides to kill her soon, which might be problematic in that case.

“Where did you find a gun?” Ona asks.

Enya looks up to look at her, seeming to think before answering. But the question is on Ona’s mind, she’s scared that Tony or Camden have found guns too. If that’s the case, winning will be difficult.

“I’ve received it from the sponsor.”

Ona arches her two eyebrows under surprise. She received pretty great things too, but nothing like that. Enya must have someone who likes her very much outside.

“Help me carry Leane. If your girlfriend sees us, she will come, and I’ll be forced to shoot her. You don’t want that, do you?”

Ona contracts her jaw at Lucy’s mention. Of course, she doesn’t want something like that. However, Ona wonders for several seconds how Enya knows about her and Lucy’s relationship. But she doesn’t have to think a lot, because Enya is pointing her gun at her face once again and she hurries to help.

They walk like this for what feels like forever, one arm around each other. Ona doesn’t know if it’s because she’s walking for a very long time, but Leane seems heavier every single second.

“Come on Leane, we are almost here” Enya repeats every two minutes.

Ona doesn’t say anything, she’s thinking a lot. She’s thinking about the chances she would have against Enya. Leane can’t fight that’s for sure and Enya seems very weak. But she has a gun, and a single shoot will be enough to kill her.

An energy boost takes Enya when they are able to see the end of the desert, the girl almost jumping until it. But Ona just has to take a look at Leane to know that things are very bad.

“I think she’s dying” Ona says slowly.

It takes Enya’s attention, and the girl looks at Leane with stupor.

“No no no no no” Enya says, laying Leane on the floor. “Not now, we are just getting out of the desert!”

The girls take Leane’s face between her hands, looking at Leane’s face. Ona feels like the girl is looking for any sign of life, which is particularly awful in her opinion. Ona jumps when Enya points the gun once again in her direction.

“Is she alive?”

Ona hesitates, looking at Leane’s frame on the sand. Poor girl seems gone, but no cannon is audible.

“Look at it!”

Enya seems to lose the little control of herself she was keeping until now. She’s making big movements with her hands, pointing Ona, then Leane, then Ona again. All of this while walking around.  

Ona kneels next to Leane, putting her finger on her neck to search for her heart rate.

“She’s alive” Ona mumbles.

She doesn’t add “for now” but she almost can’t feel anything against her fingers. It seems to calm Enya a little bit. At least she stops walking around like a crazy maniac.

“Good. Because if she dies, it’s because of you.”

“What are you talking about?” Ona asks after several seconds of silence.

“If you came earlier, you could have helped us earlier. We spent days trying to get out of this place. Leane got bitten by a scorpion in the middle of the night while I was asleep. It was so painful that she wasn’t even able to walk to me to wake me up. When I woke up she was surrounded by them, so I had to kill them with the gun.”

Ona bites her lip, looking sadly at Leane. This death must be awful, she would rather die like Teagan. She feels sorry for the other girl but for Enya too. She would probably not react better if it was Lucy in this case.

“Alright, get up. Find us the bridge.”

Enya makes Ona carry Leane on her back this time, walking behind them still with the gun pointed on Ona’s head. The sun is shining brightly now, and Ona feels the sweat running on her body. She feels the weakness in her legs too, Leane is a little bit bigger than her and heavier too.

“Can we take a pause please?” Ona finally asks.

“No”

There is no room for discussion. The brunette sighs softly, trying to ignore the sweat that runs down her face. Ona manages to walk ten more minutes before feeling her legs really getting tired.

“Enya” Ona whispers.

“I said, shut up and walk.”

Ona tries. As hard as she can, but soon her legs give up and she feels on her knee. The sand is burning against her skin, but that’s probably not the most important point. Ona feels the gun against her temple, making her close her eyes.

“Get up.”

“I can’t” Ona whispers, out of breath.

Her whole body is shaking, she has trouble breathing normally, and her head is spinning. Even opening her eyes seems hard for her right now.

“You leave me no choice”

Ona hears the weapon making a click and she closes her eyes harder, waiting for the blast. But contrary to what she expected, she feels Enya falling next to her and then rolling in the sand.

Ona manages to make Leane go down on her back, kneeling to see what is happening. Enya is fighting with someone that Ona recognizes immediately. Lucy is here, saving her once again.

“She has a gun” Ona shouts.

She doesn’t know if Lucy saw them, if she was following them for many times or if it’s just a miracle for her to be her.

Enya is fighting harder than Ona would have thought, the metal of the gun shining under the sun from time to time.

When Ona finally manages to stand up, the two other girls are fighting almost hundred meters further. Ignoring her feet who are killing her, Ona tries to run to help Lucy. She regrets not having her bow.

Just when she arrives at their height, a sound of gunfire resounds in the air. Ona freezes instantly, her eyes crossing Lucy’s gaze.

Lucy’s beautiful green eyes are wide under the surprise. Ona has always loved this shape of green. But right now, what she can see in them is terrifying her.

“Lucy!”

The younger girl screams this time, looking as Lucy’s body falls on the ground, only three meters away from her.

Next Chapter

[corrodedcorpses]

Boys on Film. Part iii

Pairing: PS!Steve x PS!Eddie x Virgin!reader

Summary: last week with Eddie and Steve was everything you could’ve dreamed of and yet you can’t seem to shake these feelings of inadequacy at your lack of experience. Getting it in your head that they must be so bored with you… but surely they would tell you if they felt that way… right?

Warnings: Smut (18+), Masturbation (female), Voyeurism, Oral sex (f&m), angst (don’t hate me)

Word count: 12K

a/n: omg it’s finally done!! I have been working on this for years trying to get it right while also having life happen. I really hope it lives up to expectations and I can get the next part out wayyyyy sooner (also massive thank yous to my babies @andvys @wroteclassicaly @usedtobecooler for all of your help ily all sm)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 4 // Part 4.5

You slide your hands along your thighs slowly, feeling goosebumps rise as your fingers barely graze your skin. Rub your hands up your thighs, yeah, just like that, Steve’s words replay in your mind. You move your hands higher, one coming to cup your bare tits as you replay Eddie telling Steve how gorgeous they were.  

You’re going faster than they showed you, you know that, but you’ve been so desperate all day at work you need to relieve some tension now. The events of a couple of days before replaying in your head on a constant loop. 

You tweak your nipple, stifling a moan as you feel heat pool at your core. You bring your other hand to gently rub your clit over your panties, gasping at how wet they feel already. 

You’re desperate to feel how wet you are again as you move your panties to the side, lightly grazing a finger up your soaking core. That’s it, pretty girl, nice and slow, you can practically hear Eddie say breathlessly. 

You spread your wetness all over your clit before pumping a finger inside, crying out at how good it feels, your thumb coming up to rub fast circles in your clit. You know Eddie would chastise you right now for going too fast, but that image alone has you plunging another finger inside your dripping core. 

God, look at you, wish you could see how pretty and needy she looks right now, and so wet, you remember Eddie moaning to Steve. The coil inside of you tightening as your mind is focused on nothing but your boys. 

You realise you have been neglecting your nipples and give one an accidentally hard tweak at the realisation, causing you to arch your back at the mix of pleasure and pain. 

You’re so close, you can feel it as you moan out “I’m so close” to your empty room. You imagine Eddie and Steve calling you their good girl again as they desperately tell you to cum for them. 

That’s the final push you need before your orgasm crashes into you. Not as hard as it was with them but definitely the hardest you’ve ever made yourself cum on your own. 

Your back still arches and your legs still shake as you continue fingering yourself through your orgasm. 

You slump against the mattress when your orgasm finally fades. All too aware of the lack of Steve’s chest behind you or Eddie’s hands on your ankles. No, you think to yourself, I can’t get used to them always being here for that. The thought making your chest tighten but you’re too tired to unpack why. 

You quickly throw your pjs back on, climbing under the covers as exhaustion takes over. Your dreams travelling to your usual thoughts of Eddie and Steve. 

*****

You strut down your hallway with an extra pep in your step as you hear three quick knocks on your front door. Tonight is your usual night to hang out with Eddie and Steve which always makes you excited. But tonight brings an extra promise of continuing your lessons. You decided for a similar outfit as last time, something comfortable but still cute. You still feel like you excessively cleaned and moisturised but you’re definitely less nervous, excited this time even. 

You swing the door open much faster than you had intended, slightly startling Steve in the process. Your eyes quickly scan for Eddie, but assume they must have decided to drive separately. You beam at him as you motion him inside, throwing your arms around him in a friendly but tight hug. 

“Hello to you too honey,” he laughs fondly, returning your hug with just as much enthusiasm. “You’ll have to settle for just me for a little bit though,” he explains, letting your hug go to search your face for a reaction but still holding your hands in his warm palms, suddenly self conscious you’ll be disappointed in Eddie not being with him, “Eddie got caught up with doing something for Wayne, I couldn't catch the details, but he promises he’ll be joining us soon.” 

“Of course that's okay Stevie,” you say reassuringly, giving his hands a squeeze, “what do you want to do in the meantime?”

You mean your question innocently, and Steve knows that but he can’t help but selfishly want you to himself just for a second while Eddie is preoccupied. 

“Wanna sit?” He asks, letting go of one of your hands when you nod yes, holding the other tightly as he leads you to the couch. You can’t help but get butterflies in your stomach as you have every time you’ve sat on this couch since that night. 

Steve’s still holding your hand as you both sit next to each other, knees grazing as you angle yourself towards him. You find yourself staring absentmindedly at your interlocked fingers, teeth nibbling at your bottom lip as you feel nerves creep through your body. 

Steve can tell how tense you are as you sit rigid on the couch and grip his hand tighter than he thinks you realise. He hates seeing you like this around him, but can understand how you feel, doing this with someone he cares about is all new to him too after all. 

He rubs the back of your hand with his thumb in a comforting way. You look up at him as you realise you’ve been staring for a weirdly long time. You’re met with his warm amber eyes when you look up and you can feel yourself melting in them, earning yourself a warm smile from Steve. 

“Tell me about you honey,” his voice is as sweet as honey, “I feel like we haven’t properly caught up in ages, the last time we hung out we were a bit… preoccupied.” He says with a teasing wiggle of his eyebrows. You laugh at his ridiculous joke, thinking how he’s definitely been hanging out with Eddie too much, but can’t help the blush that creeps onto your cheeks. 

You and Steve talk for ages, you catch him up on the latest things that have happened in the last couple of weeks, which isn't much seeing as the most exciting things involved him anyway. He chats to you about his latest film, going into more details than he usually did, you realise. It leaves a slight pang in your chest but you’re glad he seems more comfortable sharing that part of his life with you now. 

You also don’t miss how certain details go straight to your core… and Steve doesn’t miss how that makes you squirm. As he continues his story he starts to gently trace your knee with his free hand, fingertips grazing you slightly, causing you to shudder from his touch. His fingertips inch higher and higher ever so slowly, leaving goosebumps in their journey towards where you need them most. 

You decide to chance a glance down at his fingers but realise too late that that's a bad idea when you find yourself unable to take your eyes off them. You watch his long slender fingers dance against your thigh, entranced by the way the veins and tendons tense and move with every movement. You stare intently at his fingertips, trying to will them to your core. 

Steve notices pretty quickly that you’re no longer listening to him so he asks you a question about work instead, wondering if just how preoccupied you are. You barely register that he’s asked you a question when you stare up at him blankly. He gives you a knowing smirk in return as he asks again, “How has work been babe?” 

“O-oh,” you stammer, swallowing thickly as you try to get your brain to work. 

You stumble your way through answering Steve, all while his fingers graze higher and higher. “A-and then my boss- ah,” you're cut off with an involuntary moan as Steve's fingers finally graze your core through your thin shorts. 

“What did your boss do?” He replies, tone casual, as though he’s completely unbothered by the situation and not already painfully hard in his jeans. You’re just so responsive, he really doesn’t know if he can contain himself until Eddie gets here. 

“O-oh well, um, she —“ you try to continue but your brain is so foggy, Steve's fingers increasing in pressure send shocks throughout your body. You clear your throat, “well, she was — um,” god he has pretty lips, you find yourself distracted again as you stare at them. You try to will your brain to form a coherent thought, one that doesn't involve Steve's lips, and fingers, and pretty eyes and how good his hands felt on you and how thick he is and oh how you can definitely see the outline of him straining against his jeans. 

Oh fuck it. You surge forward, suddenly capturing Steve’s lips with your own. The small surprised sound that Steve makes gets swallowed by your greedy mouth as he kisses you back with just as much intensity. You try to deepen the kiss, Steve letting you take control, loving how confident you are when you’re so turned on like this. 

You lean up on your knees, desperate to feel more of Steve, moaning as you feel your chest press against his. Steve needs you closer as well, grabbing your thighs and pulling you onto his lap. You squeal at the feeling, finally breaking away from his lips, but it quickly turns into a moan as you feel Steve’s hardening length pressed right against your core. 

Steve’s hands come to knead at your hips, not holding you still but not moving you either. As much as he would love to throw you onto the couch and bury himself deep inside you over and over again, or at least feel your hips grind against his, he would never let himself go faster than what you're ready for. 

Luckily for Steve you snake your arms around his neck, fingers tangling in the hair at the nape and finally moving your hips against his. It’s sloppy and without rhythm, the angle not quite right but it offers at least a little bit of relief for him. 

You stay like that for a while, kissing and moaning and grinding against him. Your hips pick up their pace, needing something but you can’t seem to make it feel as good as you need it. You break the kiss, forehead resting against Steve's as you both pant. 

“Steve,” you whine, and god it’s one of the most beautiful sounds Steve has ever heard. 

“What do you need, beautiful?” He whispers. 

“You, more, just something, please.”

He chuckles fondly at you, he can’t get over how fucked out you are already. “I got you babe, just, here, like this.” Steve takes hold of your hips more firmly, angling them down and grinding you against him, moving his hips up against you at the same time. 

You let out a shaky groan, finally feeling the pressure deliciously against your clit. Steve attaches his lips to your neck, kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin there as he continues to grind you against him. 

He can feel your thighs start to tense, shaking ever so slightly and as much as he would love to watch you come apart in his lap, he knows you should both wait for Eddie. 

“That feeling good huh baby?” He asks cockily. 

“Mmhm,” you moan, nodding your head vigorously, eyes screwed shut tightly as you try to chase that feeling. Just then Steve stops moving your hips, keeping you still as you try to squirm. You open your eyes then, bottom lip protruding in the cutest pout Steve has ever seen. 

“Don’t you think we should wait for Eddie, baby?” 

You take a deep breath, “Fuck, yeah, yeah you’re probably right.”

Steve rests his forehead against yours as you both catch your breath. He nudges his nose against yours, stealing a quick, soft peck against your trembling lips. 

“I was so close though, shit,” You breathlessly laugh. 

“Oh trust me babe, I know.” He laughs with you, foreheads still pressed together. 

“I hope Eddie gets here soon,” you whine and as if he heard you, you hear the familiar sound of Eddie’s van pull up out the front. You sit up straighter in Steve’s lap, an excited smile on your face. Steve returns your smile but tries not to focus on the jealousy creeping up inside him at your excited reaction to Eddie. 

“Wanna put on a show for him when he walks in?” Steve asks mischievously. You nod excitedly in response. 

 *****

Eddie pulls up at your place, practically leaping out of his van and running up to your door. He uses the spare key you gave him, not even bothering to knock, assuming you probably both heard his van anyway. 

He resists the urge to yell ‘honeys I’m home’ as he enters. When he sees that you're both not in the kitchen he rounds the corner, the sight of you both rushing straight to his cock as he swallows hard. You’re perched on top of Steve’s lap, both of you making out fervently, each swallowing the soft moans you both make. He can see the plush of your ass in between Steve's fingers as he grips it to move you against him. 

I could get used to coming home to this.

Eddie quickly pushes that thought out of his mind. It was a stupid thought to have anyway. He watches how relaxed and in sync you both look, both lips swollen and red from obviously a long makeout session. This realisation settles in Eddie's stomach, envy bubbling deep inside. This feeling only grows as he realises neither of you have even realised he’s there, so he thinks. 

You and Steve continue to put on your show for Eddie, thinking he’s completely dumbstruck at the sight before him, this only spurring you both on further, deepening the already sloppy kiss and rutting against each other with even more desperation. 

Eddie clearing his throat finally breaks you and Steve apart. Any annoyance Eddie felt at the situation was quickly dispelled as he was met with two excited, fond and smiling faces. 

“Hey you two,” he coos, coming to stand behind you in front of the couch. 

“Thank god you’re here man,” Steve sighs, “If we’d been making out any longer I don’t know if I would’ve been able to stop myself from bending her over this couch and fucking her.” He playfully bites at your neck causing you to blush and giggle in his lap. 

Eddie thinks your blushing, already fucked out face is adorable, coming to sit down next to steve on the couch. You waste no time in climbing into his lap instead, snaking your arms around him in a tight hug, finishing it off with a quick peck when you both pull away. 

A peck that Eddie quickly deepens, one hand coming to rest against your waist and one holding the back of your head. You moan at the feeling, easily submitting to Eddie as he slips his tongue through your awaiting lips. 

Steve can’t help but miss the feeling of you on his lap but would be lying if he said he didn’t love watching you and Eddie make out. You can’t get over the difference between how they kiss. Steve is controlled and intoxicating where Eddie’s is messy and all consuming. 

You and Eddie kiss for a little while longer before Steve stands up abruptly, not being able to handle the tightness of his jeans any longer. He holds his hand out to you. 

“Should we move this somewhere more comfortable?” 

*****

After a giggly makeout session down the hallway to your room, all three of you running away, pulling the other two back, pushing each other against the wall  and drooling at the sight of the other two making out, you find yourself sprawled out in front of Eddie and Steve. Both shirtless and palming themselves through their jeans as they take in the sight of your once again naked before them. 

Before they left in the morning last week you had all talked about “the plan” moving forward, both telling you they think the next time should be them eating you out. Both of them “getting to show you how hard we can make you cum” — as Eddie had said cockily through a mouthful of toast. 

“So… who’s going first?” You ask nervously. Eddie and Steve’s eyes snapping up to yours. They hadn’t really thought about that. 

“We’ll seeing as you got her all to yourself this afternoon it's only fair I get to taste her first huh Stevie?” Eddie winks at you, causing you to giggle. 

“What?” Steve questions, “No way man, if anything I had to endure making out with her all afternoon without getting to taste her, I’ve earned first taste!” 

“What? Bullshit!” Eddie retaliates. 

You can’t help but laugh at both of them, never in a million years did you think you’d have two guys, let alone Eddie and Steve fighting over who gets to taste you first. 

“Well…” You start, causing both of them to glance back at you, “Steve did get to help me cum last time… I think it should be Eddie. I-if that’s okay Stevie?” 

Steve smiles warmly at you, this is about you, he reminds himself. “Of course that’s okay honey,” he whispers sweetly, shooting playful daggers at Eddie when he snickers. 

Eddie comes to settle between your legs, gently spreading your knees until he is face to face with your already dripping cunt. You shudder when you feel his hot breath ghost over you. He kisses your inner thighs, gripping the plush of them gently as he maintains eye contact with you. 

It’s a bit surreal for a second, seeing your best friend, your Eddie, in between your legs, but you’re also certain you'd never feel more comfortable with anyone else, other than maybe Steve. 

“Ready sweetheart?” He practically purrs. 

You know better than to not give them a verbal answer, breathing out a soft yeah in response. Pleased with your answer Eddie gives you his usual wicked grin before dipping down, pressing a soft kiss to your throbbing clit, causing you to jump, even at the soft gesture. 

He spreads your folds for him more, licking a broad stripe from your hole and up to flick your clit softly with the end of his tongue, causing you to whimper at the foreign feeling. He repeats his actions, gathering all of your slick on his tongue before smearing it all over your sensitive bud, moaning softly as your taste invades his mouth. 

“Oh? Ohhhh, oh fuck,” you whimper and moan through a range of reactions. It feels weird and nothing like you expected but also good and everything you’d hoped for. Completely different to your ex and infinitely better with a guy who can actually find your clit and extra sensitive with the vibrations from Eddie’s moans. 

Steve comes to lay down beside you, propping himself up on his elbow as he cups your jaw. You gaze up at him and grip his bicep as Eddie starts to gently suck on your now swollen clit, causing a jolt of electricity to shoot through you.  

“How is he honey?” Steve asks with a chuckle, loving your sweet reactions. 

“So, so good,” you moan, lightly laughing too when you feel Eddie smile between your legs. 

You feel yourself getting lost in the feeling of Eddie’s tongue between your legs, your thoughts failing you as your mind can only focus on Steve and Eddie.

You feel the telltale signs of your orgasm fast approaching as Eddie’s skilled tongue starts to lightly breach your twitching hole. 

“Fuck,” you whimper at the feeling, throwing your head back at how intense it feels just to have half of Eddie’s tongue inside you. 

“Oh baby,” Steve coos, “You feeling that good from just his tongue barely fucking you huh?” 

You nod and whimper, the condescension in his tone making your walls clench around Eddie’s tongue, earning an even louder moan from the curly headed man between your legs. Eddie wasn’t sure who was loving this more. 

“Oh fuck, youre getting close huh honey?” Steve asks, leaning down to kiss along your jaw, “Fuckin’ sound so sweet when you’re ‘bout to cum for us.”

“Y-yeah,” you breathe between whimpers and tiny moans, “Ed-Eds is good, so so fucking good.” It’s the most coherent sentence you can manage at that moment. You can feel one of the most intense orgasms of your life rapidly approaching, all other thoughts and words failing you. 

Eddie moans cockily from between your legs, the low rumbling seemingly shooting through your entire body, adding to the already intense pleasure you're feeling. 

Steve continues to babble in your ear, sweet nothings of “you're being so good for us sweet girl.” and “you look so beautiful like this.”

Your hand flies down to tangle in Eddie’s hair, any previous apprehensions you had about touching him before and doing the ‘wrong thing’ completely gone the closer you get to reaching your peak. You realise too late how hard you're pulling on Eddie’s curly locks, but before you can apologise you see Eddie’s eyes roll in his head, his fingers gripping your thighs impossibly tighter. 

You mentally take note of the fact that Eddie loves his hair being pulled. Of course he does, you think.

You don’t get to think about that for much longer when Eddie starts to suck on you clit, hard. Your legs start to tremble, your thighs clenching around his head. 

“That's it, let go baby, make a mess of Ed’s pretty face.” Steve whispers in your ear. It’s enough to send you flying, hurdling over the edge as you cum harder than you ever have before. Your back arches, your whole body trembles and you practically scream Eddie’s name as you drench his face. 

Eddie doesn’t relent, sucking and licking you through your orgasm, only stopping when your back slumps onto the mattress, your body only trembling slightly from the aftershocks of your orgasm. 

As soon as you feel your senses return to you you look down in between your legs. The sight is almost enough to have you cumming again. Eddie is watching you with a warm smile, stark contrast to his beautiful, chocolate eyes gazing at you with intense lust. His soft lips and honestly half of his face soaked in your translucent, creamy cum. 

“You back with us sweetheart?” You hear Steve whisper in your ear, your head lulling to the side to face him as a dopey smile forms on your face. 

“Yeah,” you laugh, “shit that was amazing.” 

Eddie gives you a cocky smile at that. “Mmm, and you taste divine sweetheart,” he moans out, using his thumb to wipe some of your slick off his chin before sucking it into his mouth with a groan. An involuntary whimper leaving your lips as you watch him. 

Eddie and Steve chuckle fondly at your reaction before Eddie turns his attention to Steve. 

“You’ve gotta have a taste of her man, fucking incredible.” 

Steve is quick to move to kneel next to Eddie between your legs, leaning in to get a taste right from Eddie lips but Eddie stops him with a hand on his chest. Instead wiping more off of his chin with his thumb, before gently wiping it against Steve’s lips teasingly.  

You sit up on your elbows, wanting to get the best view you can. 

Steve is quick to open his mouth, sucking on Eddie’s thumb like it’s his favourite flavour of ice cream, theatrically moaning at your taste as his eyes roll. 

“More?” Eddie asks him knowingly, removing his thumb. 

Steve barely gets to say please before Eddie is smashing their lips together. Steve impatiently deepens the kiss, his tongue invading every inch of Eddie’s mouth, both of them moaning into each other.

When the taste of you starts to dull in Eddie’s mouth, Steve pulls away, licking a broad stripe from Eddie's chin all the way back to Eddie’s slightly gaping lips before connecting them both again. It earns him a slightly surprised moan from Eddie and causes you to squirm, trying to close your legs but being unable as the two boys are still between them. 

“What did I tell you?” Eddie asks Steve breathlessly when they finally break away. 

“Mmph, you were right — fucking devine,” Steve moans, Eddie’s eyes dart to you, giving you a quick wink, causing your cheeks to burn. 

“Think you could handle more, sweet girl?” Eddie asks. You nod your head apprehensively, craving more but also always unsure of what mischief Eddie is planning. 

But before you can dwell on that thought for too long, Eddie is gently guiding Steve’s head to your still dripping cunt. Watching you both for any signs of apprehension, smirking to himself when he finds only wonder in your eyes and pure lust in Steve’s as he gets himself comfortable on his stomach. 

You jolt when Steve licks your cunt, apologising to him but you just feel Steve smile against you and moan at your taste in response. Steve is slower and more gentle than Eddie. You’re not sure if he's going easy on you because he knows how overly sensitive you must be or if he is usually just this gentle, but you hope you get to find that out another time. 

Eddie keeps his hand on the back of Steve’s head, pulling the hair slightly, knowing how much it makes Steve squirm. Steve moans at the pressure on his scalp, hips absentmindedly rutting against the bed, desperate for some kind of relief. 

You continue to moan and flinch from the overstimulation to your swollen clit, Eddie’s mouth practically salivating at the sight. As if reading Eddie’s mind, Steve suddenly brings his hand up to cup the back of Eddie’s head, pulling him to join him down at your dripping cunt. 

You sit up higher on your hands now, not wanting to miss a second of this and spreading your legs impossibly wider to accommodate two people between them. Eddie darts his tongue out, licking slowly along your clit too, tongue bumping Steve’s as he does. Eddie drops his hand from Steve’s head, letting the other take control. 

You make a sound between a scream and a high pitched moan as you feel two separate tongues on you. Your hand coming to cup your mouth instinctively as you start to feel self conscious of the sounds you’re making. 

“Ah ah, sweetheart,” you hear Eddie’s deep voice as he grabs your hand, pulling it away from your face, “let us hear your pretty moans.” 

You nod in response, still gripping Eddie’s hand and tangling your fingers together as he goes back to devouring you, your eyes screwing shut at the intense, overstimulating pleasure. You feel them both move slightly, one tongue dipping lower, circling your hole as the other continues to circle your clit slowly, deliberately. 

You gasp as you feel the tongue start to breach your hole, head snapping down to see both sets of eyes on you. You see Eddie’s eyes brimming with mischief as you realise it’s his tongue that’s slowly thrusting inside you again, this time as far as it will reach with Steve’s head in the way. 

Your mouth hangs open in a silent gasp, eyebrows furrowing together as you watch them intently. You whine when Eddie pulls away from your cunt, taking his hand back from your tight grip as he sits up. However he is quick to replace his tongue with one of his fingers, barely pushing it into you up to the first knuckle. 

“This okay sweet girl?” He asks breathlessly, wasting no time to slowly push his finger in when you whisper out please. 

You moan and gasp at the foreign feeling of having someone else’s fingers inside of you as Eddie continues to pump further into your dripping heat with every thrust. 

As soon as he’s got one finger pumping in and out of you slowly you turn to him, begging for him to add another finger which he happily obliges. 

“Aww, sweetheart,” he coos with a fake pout as you whimper at the delicious sting of his second finger being added, “that too much for your tight little pussy?” 

“N-no,” you stutter out, “fuck, no, its good. It’s so fucking good Eddie your fingers are so thick.” You don’t have time to register how out of character it is for you to talk like this, but you’re hurdling too fast towards your second orgasm — something that once felt impossible — to notice. “So much thicker than mine, fuck. A-and Steve, your tongue feels, oh god, so good. It’s so much and so perfect, shit.”  

Steve’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he lets out a guttural moan at your words. Eddie looking at you in a mix of surprise and awe as he mutters a “Fuck, princess,”. His free hand coming to palm himself through his jeans. 

You watch Eddie touch himself, suddenly getting the overwhelming urge to have him deep in your throat like you’ve been imaging for the past week. 

With you knew found confidence you shakily ask, “Y-you look so hot when you touch yourself Ed’s, fuck. C-can I?” 

Eddie finds your vague question adorable. He’s got an inkling of what you’re asking for. But he needs to hear those words fall from your bitten lips. Eddie slowly removes his fingers, still careful to not hurt you, although you're so wet he's sure he could slide his dick in with no resistance at this point. 

He comes to kneel beside you on the bed. “You’re gonna have to ask better than that princess, what do you need from me?” 

“Your cock.” You mumble, flushing a little, “Please, can I, — can I suck it again?” 

Eddie would give you the world if you asked with the way your lust blown, glassy eyes are staring up at him. He wastes no time undoing his pants, shoving them and his boxers down in one swift motion. 

“You sure you’re up for this sweet thing? It’s hard to concentrate on pleasing whilst getting pleased, ya know?” 

“Mm I’m sure, please?” You beg, reaching out for him with one hand, the other keeping you half upright. 

“Eager,” he chuckles at you, “here, keep your head still like that and focus on keeping yourself upright, I’m gonna thrust into your mouth, I promise I’ll be gentle, okay?” 

“Okay,” you breathe, eyes focused on Eddie’s cock mere inches from your lips, your mouth salivating and opening on instinct as you finally get what you so desperately crave. 

The musky taste of Eddie invades your senses as you finally feel the head slip past your lips. You go to bob your head but Eddie grabs your hair, holding you still. Instead feeding you his cock slowly, inch by inch before moving out and gently thrusting back in. He continues this until he’s set a good rhythm that’s still slow enough for you. 

“That’s it,” Eddie sighs at the relief of you lips and tongue, “good fucking girl.”

You feel Steve’s fingers breach your hole suddenly, two fingers sliding in with ease due to the stretching from Eddie moments ago. You feel Steve curl his fingers, reaching a spot deep inside you that you’ve never been able to reach on your own. 

The feeling causes you to gasp around Eddie’s cock, accidentally gagging in the process. Steve stops licking and sucking at your clit when he hears you, stilling his fingers inside you. Eddie is quick to remove himself from your mouth, although he couldn’t hide the moan that left his lips feeling your throat constrict around his cock like that, resisting the urge to completely ruin you. 

“You okay little one?” He asks, wiping a tear that’s escaped your glassy eyes.

“Yeah,” you assure him, turning to Steve, “you can do both at the same time?” You ask innocently, awe and surprise written all over your face. 

“Yeah,” Steve replies with a chuckle as Eddie smiles. 

“Fuck, that’s so hot.” 

Steve can’t stop the smile that spreads on his face, you are so cute it hurts. 

“You okay if I get back to it?” He asks, diving back in gently when you nod your head vigorously. 

“Ready for me too, sweet girl?” He asks, thumb rubbing gently against your cheek. You respond by opening your mouth, your tongue hanging out, inviting Eddie’s cock back in. 

Eddie thinks about chastising you for not using your words, but decides that can wait for another time. He instead gently grabs the back of your head, angling it back towards him and thrusting slowly into your eagerly awaiting lips. 

You moan around Eddie’s length, the overwhelming sensations of Steve’s tongue circling your clit, his lips sucking gently on you every now and then, his fingers thrusting, curling and stretching you and the weight of Eddie’s cock restringing dizzyingly against your tongue, dragging over it and slipping slightly down your throat becoming all too much. 

But you never want it to stop. 

Steve is completely lost in you, your taste, your smell, the beautiful sounds you're making all because of him. He’s been desperate since he got you in his lap, this just sending him into a frenzy, straining to keep his control so as to not overwhelm you and completely in awe of how well you’re doing. He can’t help but grind against the bed, right in time with the thrusting of his fingers, imagining it was his cock stuffed deep inside you instead. 

He looks up at you, completely mesmerised by the way you’re taking Eddie’s cock so well. How hot you look with your eyes half lidded, staring up at Eddie, drool coating the corner of your mouth and no doubt the other side he can’t see.

Eddie looks just as beautiful, his long waves cascading down his back and sticking to his forehead. His eyes are screwed shut, brows furrowed and Steve can tell he’s trying so hard to be gentle with you, knowing just how hard Eddie usually likes it. It has his dick throbbing, begging for release. 

He’s so lost in you both that he doesn’t realise he’s starting to rut against the bed faster and consequently, fingering you faster as well. 

You feel Steve speed up, the dizzying pleasure causing you to choke on Eddie again. You moan at the feeling, already addicted to the feeling of gagging on Eddie’s thick cock.  

You’re somewhat annoyed when you feel Eddie start to pull away again, no doubt to check on you once again. Although you appreciate how caring and gentle they are being, you feel like you might die if he pulls away again. 

You quickly grab the back of his thigh, pulling it closer to you again and making you gag as Eddie wasn't expecting the force in which you pulled him closer. You moan again at the feeling. 

“Oh fuck sweetheart,” Eddie moans, “you like that huh? Like choking on my cock baby?” 

Both you and Steve moan at his words, you moaning out a “mmhmm” as best you can around his cock. 

“Shit look at our dirty fucking girl, Stevie,” he continues, stomach muscles contracting from his fast approaching orgasm whenever you gag and moan around his length. 

Eddie throws his head back as he feels you bob your head in time with his thrusts, taking him deeper in your throat than he thought you would be able to. 

“Jesus Christ sweetheart, you’re gonna make me cum if you keep that up,” he almost whimpers breathlessly. The moan that leaves your lips at his statement is pornographic, sending Eddie hurdling faster towards his orgasm. 

“You like that huh? Want me to cum in this slutty throat?” He asks, and he’s met with more moans and gags. 

He cant take it anymore, your mouth feels absolutely sinful. He grabs your hair harder, still trying his best to be gentle with you but failing slightly. He makes the mistake of looking down, he’s met with your half closed, beautiful eyes staring up at him as his cock disappears between your lips and the image of Steve being completely lost in your pussy, rutting shamelessly against the bed as his hand grips your thigh. 

Those two things are what finally sends him hurdling over the edge. 

“Oh god just like that y/n, oh fuck, m’gonna — I’m gonna fucking cum, shit-” Eddie cums with a silent moan, hips stilling completely, one first balled by his side, the other tangled in your hair. It takes everything in him to keep still while you gladly milk him dry with your mouth, moaning at the taste. 

When Eddie feels his orgasm subsiding he quickly pulls out of your mouth with a pop, the feeling verging on overstimulating. 

The feeling of Eddie’s thick ropes of cum covering your tongue and sliding down your throat are enough to bring you to the brink of your second orgasm of the night. As soon as Eddie’s cock leaves your mouth you throw your head back, moans and whimpers now free to spill past your swollen lips. 

Eddie bends down to capture your lips in a searing kiss, tasting himself on your tongue as you moan into each other's mouths. You break away as Steve starts to suck on your clit, hard, your hand coming down to tangle in his caramel locks as you make eye contact with the sweet boy between your legs. 

“Oh fuck, Steve I’m so close,” you practically scream, “Your tongue is so good, fuck your fingers are so thick it’s so good, fuck you’re stretching me out so good baby.” 

Steve and Eddie moan at your words, surprised but pleased with how wrecked they’ve gotten you, so much so that you finally seem to have no problem telling them exactly how you feel. All previous anxieties melted away as your brain fogs and your legs start to shake. 

They can tell you’re right on the edge. Eddie leans down slightly, bracing you with a hand on your back to keep you upright as your arms start to wobble, pressing gentle kisses to your shoulder as he mumbles encouragements and praises of ‘good girl, we’ve got you, come on and let go for us, make a mess of Stevies pretty face like you did mine.’ 

Your orgasm crashes into you and you soak Steve's face with a pleasured scream. Your whole body shakes and your vision blurs, you’re thankful for Eddie holding you up or else you feel as though you’d sink through the mattress. 

Feeling you clench around his fingers and tasting your cum has Steve cumming as well, he hadn’t realised just how worked up he’d gotten until it was too late and he was cumming in his pants like a teenager. He groans into your cunt, continuing to lick and finger you through both of your orgasms. 

“I think that’s enough Steve,” you both barely hear Eddie. Steve had gotten so lost in his own orgasm he hadn’t thought to ease you through yours, thankfully though, he hears Eddie enough and does stop, and you finally start to catch your breath. 

You slowly start to open your eyes, blinking at the brightness, your vision finally focusing again. You see Steve between your legs still, resting his head on one of your thighs as he massages the other, staring up at you lovingly. 

“Welcome back little one,” you hear Eddie whisper as he continues to plant soft kisses on your shoulder and rub your back. 

“Hey,” you say with a giggle, “damn that was… intense.” 

“It wasn’t too much?” Steve asks you. 

“Definitely not,” you reply. 

“Good,” Eddie replies for him. You all stay like that for a second, all basking in the afterglow of your orgasms and the boys letting you come down from your high further. 

After a couple of moments you feel a slight change in Eddie’s demeanour. Unbeknownst to you Eddie had realised Steve had cum while eating you out. And there was no way Eddie was going to pass up the opportunity to ‘punish’ him for it.   

“Now,” he starts, “can you move over here for me, gorgeous?” He asks, gently moving you up and over so you're now on one side of the bed instead of the middle, your head resting gently on the pillows. 

You turn to get a better view of what Eddie’s planning, grabbing a pillow and hugging it between your arms, resting on your stomach with one leg bent, your chin dipping into the pillow in your arms. 

Steve was quick to hop up when Eddie moved you, now sitting on his knees, his hands resting perfectly on his thighs. He looks almost submissive, you think, no doubt sensing the change in Eddie too. 

Eddie crawls back over to the younger man, kneeling in front and towering over him, using his pointer finger to tilt Steve’s head back to look him in the eyes. 

“Poor little Stevie,” he says with a fake pout, “cumming in his pants like a teenager again from the pretty sounds our y/n was making huh?” 

You don’t miss how your heart leaps at Eddie calling you our y/n, but you’re way more preoccupied on the fact that you made the Steve Harrington cum in his jeans. 

“You did?” You ask in surprise, sitting up as much as your laxed body will let you. 

Steve nods sheepishly in return, avoiding eye contact as his head drops. Eddie is quick to grab his chin harshly, forcing Steve’s eyes back on him “She asked you a question,” he hisses. 

“Yes, I did.” Steve says, eyes never leaving the metalheads black orbs. 

Eddie tuts in return, “What are we gonna do with you huh?” He asks rhetorically, “Lie down.”

Steve obeys quickly, coming to lie next to, but still slightly away from you. You’re completely hypnotised by the dynamic and how they're acting. You’ve heard all of their stories of doing scenes where they’re ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive’, but seeing what you’re pretty sure is Eddie being Dominant while Steve is Submissive for him is something entirely different. 

If it didn’t feel like your whole lower body was numb, you know you’d be feeling your heartbeat in your core at the sight in front of you. 

You watch as Eddie undoes Steve’s jeans, pulling them and his boxers down in one go, Steve’s half hard, sticky length resting against his tight stomach. Steve whines as it comes in contact with the cool air, finally free from the confines of his tight jeans after what seems like hours. 

Eddie is quick to take Steve firmly in his grasp, slowly tugging on him as Steve hisses, whimpers and squirms under his touch. 

“Shit, Eddie, fuck, ‘s sensitive,” Steve whines out, trying to squirm away from Eddie’s grip. 

“Ah ah baby,” Eddie tuts, snaking his other hand around Steve’s back, circling his hips and pulling him back closer, holding him down. He leans out and spits on the head of Steve's dick, the drool dripping down onto Eddie's fingers as he continues to pump Steve. 

Eddie slowly licks the head of Steve’s length, groaning at the leftover taste of his cum before suckling lightly on the head. Steve continues to squirm. Even the light touches making him thrash in Eddie’s hold. 

Eddie finally starts to take Steve in his mouth, causing Steve’s hands to shoot out. One almost ripping a hole in your bed cover, the other trying to pull Eddie off by his hair. 

Eddie pulls off of Steve with a chuckle, grabbing Steve;s hand and holding it still by his side with the arm that's still behind Steve’s back. 

“God you’re such a fucking brat, hold still,” Eddie hisses. The words give you butterflies and they're not even directed towards you. 

You watch as Eddie continues to suck Steve off, their moans and Steve's whimpers completely hypnotising but as you continue to watch them interact you can’t help the annoying words of self doubt that start to creep into your mind. 

The smile on Eddie's face when he was telling Steve what to do and the look on Steve’s face as it contorts in so much pleasure, as he’s giggling and whining and moaning at the overstimulation. It seems carefree, like they are not having to hold back with each other, like they know the other person can actually handle what they're doing, not having to check in every 5 seconds because they know the other would be able to tell them to stop if needed. 

It looks fun. So much more fun than what they’ve been doing with you. 

Steve cries out as Eddie lightly plays with his balls, his second orgasm fast approaching. They can feel your eyes glued to them, knowing your watching only egging them on more, adding to the pleasure they are both feeling. God, they can’t wait to do this with you, but they know you need some more time before they can. 

They don’t care though, they're willing to wait for as long as you need. 

You watch as Steve’s hips start to meet Eddie’s pace, thrusting fast into his mouth. You watch in awe as Eddie hardly even gags, managing a lot better than you did. You look at how much more Steve is enjoying this, so much more than when Eddie had to hold back to show you how to suck Steve’s dick. How boring is it going to be for them when they take your virginity? 

“Fuck, Eddie I’m gonna cum, you want it huh? Wanna taste my cum?” Steve tries to tease, earning himself a smack on the thigh from Eddie. The sting only turns him on more. 

“Shit, yeah like that, exactly like that, oh my go-,” Steve cries out as he cums, thrashing even more in Eddie’s grip as he fights away and towards the pleasure. Eddie gives Steve mercy, barely sucking on him and stopping as soon as he’s sure Steve’s finished cumming. 

Eddie is quick to crawl up to Steve, crashing their lips together in a sloppy kiss. You watch behind hooded eyes as they swap fluids between their mouths, the pink of Steve’s tongue poking out to lave at Eddie’s, swallowing drops of his own cum. 

Steve’s the first to break away, “Okay that’s enough, fuck,” he pants, flopping back onto the bed, “gonna make me pass out Eds.” 

Eddie hops up, stretching as he chuckles at you both, tired and spent on the bed. 

“C’mon,” he murmurs fondly, tapping Steve’s thigh, cocking his head in your direction “we gotta get this one to bed.” 

They both look at you as you give them a tired smile, all negative thoughts gone from your head as their kind eyes meet yours. It's much easier to just be here with them anyway, for now at least. 

“‘M’not even tired,” you slur purposely with a giggle. 

“Mhmm sure, sure,” Eddie replies, coming around your side of the bed before picking you up bridal style, laughing at the small scream you let out as he picks you up. 

“Eddieeee,” you complain half heartedly, wrapping your arms around him and snuggling into his neck as he starts to walk you down your hallway to the bathroom “I can walk myself.”

“Honestly princess I don't know if you can.” He tuts. 

“Yeah, I mean I did make you cum pretty hard, way harder than Eddie did at least,” Steve teases as he follows you both. Yours, his and Eddie’s pjs in his hands.  Eddie narrows his eyes at Steve playfully as you giggle at their teasing, squealing as Eddie pops you down on the cold bench. 

“Eds, ‘s cold,” you pout. 

“I know baby just one sec, gotta get the shower ready for you.”

As soon as Eddie and Steve decide that the shower is the perfect temperature (with more bickering of course) they pop you on your feet, being extra doting as they make sure you can stand and taking their time to wash your body and hair for you. 

As much as you try to bury it, your insecurities arise again, thinking about how much more wrecked you are compared to Steve and how he doesn’t need his body washed for him because his arms feel like jelly. 

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie and Steve are absolutely loving this. Getting to touch your body, pamper you, be soft with you. It feels just as soothing to them as they hope it does to you. It’s something they never get when they are working: intimacy. It’s fun and they always unwind with the actors after, to make sure everything was okay and they enjoyed themselves but it's not like this. It's not with you. 

You all crawl into your bed after the shower. Getting cosy with each other just like you did last time. Eddie on his side facing you and Steve, you in the middle again, your head against Eddie’s chest and Steve’s head just above yours on Eddie’s arm, almost tucked under Eddie’s chin, his arm slung tightly over your waist. Eddie’s arm that’s under Steve’s head is bent as he plays with Steve’s hair, his other hand resting on the side of your face, playing with your hair and stroking your cheek, soothing both of you. 

It doesn’t take long for you and Steve to drift off to sleep, Eddie still playing with both of your hair. He watches you both, fondness and sadness settling in his stomach. 

He cares about you both so much, never wanting these moments with you both to end. But he knows they have to, he knows one day these moments will end for good. When he and Steve have shown you all they can. When your confidence is up and you finally find someone who treats you right, someone you deserve. And when Steve finds another girl who loves him better than Nancy ever could. 

He knows you’ll both move on from this, from him some day. Eddie knows he should move on from this too, but how could he? When the only things he's ever wanted are cuddling up to him as they sleep softly in his arms. 

*****

You sigh in frustration, pulling a pillow over your head and letting out a groan. You peek out from under it to see the time, your clock reading 12:03am, way past when you wanted to go to sleep… and meaning you’ve been trying to make yourself cum for over 2 hours. 

This is the third time you’ve tried to make yourself cum after your last encounter with the boys last week. The week before was so easy, you were able to make yourself cum in no time and practically whenever you wanted thanks to the boys (and the memory of their pretty moans). 

But now, everytime you start to get close your head, of course, wanders to the sight of Steve’s cock shoved down Eddie’s throat. A sight which would have had you cumming in 30 seconds in the past but instead it just raises those awful thoughts of how much more fun they seemed to have without you. How much easier it was for them to just have fun together without having to worry. How it must be so boring with you. 

You admit your defeat, getting yourself dressed and dramatically flopping back into bed. Your mind swims with a billion thoughts. You’re nervous about seeing them again tomorrow, even more so because of how weird the morning after was.

Something was off. Mainly with Eddie, you couldn’t put your finger on what but he just didn’t seem like the overly flirty, annoyingly confident, super sweet guy he usually was. Steve had noticed it too, finally asking Eddie what his deal was. 

“Just tired I guess,” he’d replied with a shrug, “Didn’t completely pass out like you two, I mean I only got to cum once last night.” He had joked, with not enough enthusiasm in his voice. 

You remember slumping in your seat, thinking of how much more fun he would have had if you weren’t so tired, maybe you could’ve made him cum again, or made him cum harder if you’d sucked his dick better or if only you could’ve made him cum again as you rode him. 

You push your palms into your eyes. Trying to squeeze the negative thoughts out of your brain. 

It doesn’t help that you never really talked about what to expect tomorrow. You’d tried to bring it up and Steve had seemed keen to talk about it but the conversation never really went anywhere. The idea of the next time being you losing your virginity had been floated around but nothing had really been decided. But they hadn't said no. 

The nerves of losing my virginity tomorrow, maybe, must just be getting the better of me, you decided. Yes you're obviously less experienced than them but they knew that from the start. They knew what it was going to be like with you and they agreed, they wanted this. 

A thought you’d been reasoning with all week. One that at least seems to help you finally get some rest. A thought that seems to be overcome by your insecure thoughts as soon as you wake up. 

You finally close your eyes, sleep slowly pulling you in as you hold on to one thing: Surely they’d tell you if they weren’t enjoying it anymore, right?

*****

Steve jumps into Eddie’s van with an extra pep in his step, overly excited to spend another fun night with his two favourite people. He greets Eddie with an excited hey man, but only gets a grunt of a hey in return. 

“Whoa, what's up with you, cranky pants?” Steve teases, face turning serious when Eddie doesn’t reply, instead keeping his eyes strained on the road. 

“Hey, Eddie,” he tried again, softer this time, worry evident in his voice, “talk to be babe, what's wrong?” 

Eddie doesn’t miss how Steve calling him babe sets butterflies off in his stomach. Butterflies that die and wither in the depths of his chest when he thinks about what he’s about to say next. 

“It’s just… all wrong,” Eddie whispers, the right words not coming to him. 

“What's ‘all wrong’?” Steve replies, tone serious and soft as he places his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, waiting patiently as Eddie tries to gather his thoughts. 

“Just this whole arrangement, it’s… just not how it was supposed to go.” Eddie tries to explain, hoping Steve won’t make him say it. 

“I understand, it’s moving too fast huh?” Steve tries, thinking he’s understanding what Eddie means. 

“Yeah I mean, I guess.” Eddie sighs, Steve’s just not quite getting it, “I just wanted things to be different with her and w-with you.” 

Eddie holds his breath, hoping Steve is understanding now. 

“I understand Eddie,” Steve whispers, “just tell her how you feel, I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Really?” Eddie asks, he thought Steve would be more upset about him wanting to stop, “You’re sure she won’t be mad?”

“Of course not Eddie!” Steve replies, “ Trust me she won’t mind”. I mean what’s another week Steve thinks… still not quite getting what Eddie means. 

***** 

You race to the door like you always do, excited to see your boys but also nervous that if you don’t get this over and done with you’ll end up pretending you aren't home. The nerves from last night still swimming around in your head. 

As you open the door you throw yourself into Steve’s arms as he was closest to the door, him returning the hug with  the same enthusiasm. However when you go to hug Eddie it feels like you’re hugging a brick wall. You step back from him awkwardly, looking at the way too forced smile on his face.

“Hey, are you okay?” You ask sweetly, and god it almost kills him, knowing you have no idea what's about to come. 

“Yeah, fine.” He says unconvincingly. He’s about to tell you but it seems wrong, he needs a second to collect himself first. “Just, um, need to go to the bathroom.” He grumbles at himself, slightly shoving past you and down the hall. 

You look at Steve, confused. 

“Is he okay?” You ask. 

“Yeah he’s alright, he um, we just need to talk to you honey.” He says sweetly, too sweetly, and with a hint of condescension. 

Oh no.

Your mind goes full throttle on all of the horrible insecure thoughts you’ve been having for the past week. We need to talk. You knew it, you knew they were sick of you!

Okay, okay, you tell yourself, it’s probably nothing, just hear them out. Trying your best to try and calm down before you have a full blown panic attack. 

Steve can tell you’re getting nervous, he’s about to lead you over to the couch, reassure you, he’ll you can’t down so you can all talk about this calmly but Eddie comes back before he has a chance. 

“This needs to stop.” Is all Eddie says as he enters the room, arms crossed over his chest and a stern look on his face. 

When those words leave Eddie’s lips you feel weirdly calm, you were right, they are sick of you. All of the insecure voices stop, why would you need them now anyway when they were right all along. 

You just scoff at him, mirroring his body language. 

“J-just for like the week though right?” Steve asks, confused, this isn’t what he thought Eddie meant in the car. 

“No,” Eddie replies, “I mean for good.”

Steve is surprised and a bit hurt, but if Eddie isn’t comfortable doing this anymore then yes they should probably stop. 

They both look at you, waiting for your reaction. 

“I fucking knew it,” you finally reply with a roll of your eyes. 

“You knew it?” Eddie replies with some malice in his voice, confused as to why this is your reaction. He didn’t want to hurt you but he had hoped there was some part of you that was as upset about this stopping as he was. 

“Yeah. I knew you guys were getting fucking bored, I could tell cause you were using your porn star ‘acting’ on me”. Okay, ouch, that was maybe too far. But right now you didn’t care. How could you care when the two people you cared about most were standing in front of you and telling you all the horrible things you had been thinking were true. 

They don't want you. 

“Pornstar acting?” Eddie practically spits. 

“Yeah,” you continue, on a roll now and being consumed by your anger, “I could tell you were faking it; you’re both not that good.” 

They both look at you, shocked and a little hurt. You start to feel bad but before you can apologise Eddie opens his big mouth again. 

“Yeah? Well you didn’t seem to be complaining about our ‘pornstar acting’ when you were fucking screaming our names.” 

“Eddie,” Steve tries, trying to stop this before it gets too out of control, but Eddie interrupts him. 

“Besides, do you think anyone else would do this with you? Who else would’ve taken care of you like how I’ve had to all these years?” His anger completely taking over at your completely unfair reaction. 

“I knew it!” You practically scream, “I knew you resented having to ‘take care of me’ all those years in highschool! I wish you never had then!” You mean that you wish Eddie wouldn't have if he was just going to resent you for it, but to Eddie it sounds like you wish you hadn’t been friends for all these years, that you regret his friendship. 

“Oh really?” Eddie retaliates, “Who were you gonna hang out with instead? King Steve?” 

Steve looks at Eddie in shock, how is any of this his fault? 

You scoff at him again, “At least I wouldn't have had to hang out with the freak.”

That statement shoots right to Eddie’s heart, completely ripping it to shreds. He was right, he really was just a third wheel, this whole time. No wonder you were so nervous to hang out with Steve all those years ago. He was a fool to think that maybe he had a chance, you were friends for all of highschool, if you wanted him you would have made a move, gave some sort of indication you felt the same, but you never did.

“Yeah and Steve and his fuckwits were better?” He asks, expression cold and unforgiving. 

“At least I wouldn’t have been bullied everyday.”

“Yeah you would’ve been the bully!” Eddie shouts. 

Steve, having been silent in shock this whole fight finally pipes up at that, hurt and anger running cold through his veins as well, “Whoa whoa, that’s not fair, we weren’t bullies?!”

“Yes you were!” Eddie and you shout at the same time. 

“You and your whole group made my life awful,” you add, just to add to the pain from you that Steve was already feeling. 

There's silence that seems to stretch on for eternity. You and Eddie are breathing heavily, angry at everyone and especially yourselves. Steve feels like he's standing on the outside, he’s tried for years to get rid of his reputation from highschool, he thought you and Eddie understood that. 

“Don’t try to stand here and say that the only reason you never got fucked in highschool was because you hung out with me,” Eddie finally breaks the silence.

“That was all you baby,” Steve mumbles, eyes cast downward, the baby coming out like an insult. 

What would he know? You think angrily.  

“God I'm so sorry for having standards Steve and not wanting to be another one of your conquests or something.” 

“Well at least you wouldn’t have been a fucking virgin in your twenties.” He spits back at you. 

Too far Eddie thinks, his anger now being directed towards Steve, as if he knew what it was like for you and him during high school, “Oh yeah, and being one of the many girls you fucked and got rid of is better?” 

Of course, Steve rolls his eyes, he can dish it out to her but as soon as I say one thing i'm the bad guy he thinks 

“You're just pissed ‘cause you never made a move.” 

‘Made a move’? What does Steve even mean by that? It's stupid, you know it is, but there's a little part of you that perks up at that, some part of your broken heart holds on to just a sliver of hope. Did Eddie want to make a move on you all those years ago? 

“I would never do that.” Eddie says with no emotion, tone final. She's my best friend, she's so much more than that he should have added, but he didn’t. Instead it comes across like he's disgusted. Like the mere thought of ever asking you out makes him want to gag.  

“Wow thanks Eddie, cause you’re such a catch,” you spit back. 

Steve laughs at that, boy he really was wrong, he really felt like such a third wheel this whole time, he really thought you would’ve jumped to date Eddie given the chance but maybe not. 

But of course Steve’s laugh comes across like he agrees, like he also thinks Eddie wouldn’t stand a chance with you. Eddie’s face falls at that. The look on his face making you just as mad with Steve. 

“Don't act like you’re any better,” you retort. Like he wouldn’t have just flirted, seduced, fucked and left you if it wasn’t for Eddie. 

“You’ve always been closer with Eddie! You only barely tolerated me for him.” Steve’s completely taken aback by that, is that how you really felt? All this time while you were one of Steve's closest friends you thought that he only tolerated you?

“That's not true.” He says through a clenched jaw. 

“If it wasn’t for Eddie you would look at me like you look at all the other conquests, remember when we first met and you couldn’t stop flirting?” You ask, tone condescending, Steve does remember, “It was only when Eddie told you to stop that you actually treated me like a person.”

“What and Eddie was treating you like a person this whole time?” Steve shouldn’t say this, god he knows he shouldn’t, “The whole time through high school everyone thought you were fucking, anybody who even dared look at you was met with a deathstare from Eddie. He acted like you were his fucking property.” 

What? You physically recoil backwards at his words. There’s no way anyone thought that right? You feel like you’re back in high school, everytime everyone looked at you weird, was that why? Because they thought you were just Eddie Munson’s slut? 

Eddie sees red at Steve’s word and especially the reaction you had to them. “That's bullshit and you know it, Harrington. At least I’m not revelling in the fact that I finally get to fuck a virgin unlike all of those other easy girls you got with.” 

Your head feels like it's spinning, you could be physically sick at their words. Is that a thing? Do people like ‘getting with virgins’? Is that all they saw this as?

“What, so I was just a fetish to you both this whole time?” You mean for it to come out angry but there’s a wobble in your voice, “You’re both fucking freaks.” 

The insult hits harder for Eddie than it does Steve, who’s started to notice the cracks in your anger. Before he can think the words are spilling out of his mouth “At least I’m not a freak who's still a virgin in her twenties, it’s not cool to be such a cocktease at your age.”

That reignites a little bit of anger in you, enough for you to push down the tears that are threatening to fall for a little while longer. “At least I didn't flunk high school and have to become a pornstar in my twenties to get by. Is swinging your dicks around all you two are good at?”

Eddie and Steve look like you just punched them both in the face. They’ve had to deal with a lot of judgement from a lot of people for doing what they do, they’ve both lost friendships and relationships over this. But you were always there for them, the whole time and you never once judged them. Until now.  

“God, you’re such a bitch,” Eddie sighs, shaking his head, “no wonder your last boyfriend dumped you.” 

That. That was it. Right there. The last thing you could handle from them both as a single tear slipped down your cheek. Causing a tiny sliver of regret to wash over Eddie and Steve instantly. 

“Get out,” you say, voice wavering as you try to keep it together, not wanting them to see you cry. 

“What?” They both ask softly. 

“I said get out.” You repeat, slightly more sure of yourself this time, “I don't want to see you, either of you anymore, being your friend has been painful enough.” 

You don't mean to let that last part slip but you can’t stop it. It’s true, having to be so close to them yet so far, having to watch them flirt and go home with other girls, having to listen to their relationship troubles and about all of the films they’ve stared in, it’s been hell. 

You thought you were doing a good job of pushing your feelings down this whole time, but deciding to fool around with them, to maybe lose your virginity to them, it was a mistake. Getting to touch them the way you’ve wanted to for years made all of your feelings arise. Yet you hadn’t realised just how much you were falling for them, not until they were yanked away from you once again. This time further than they had been before. 

Your words don’t convey the emotions you were hoping they would, instead it sounded like you regretted being their friend because you didn’t like them, not because you were falling for them. 

Eddie scoffs, “Don’t act like it’s been any easier for us.” You don’t realise it, but his words hold the same meaning as yours do. But instead, like yours, his words come across as a rejection.

It couldn’t have been easy being friends with someone as shy as you, someone as needy as you, someone who hangs on their every word and someone who is a loser virgin in their twenties is what you think Eddie means. 

The rejection is enough for the dam to finally break, your bottom lip wobbling as you fail to try to stop your tears from flowing freely down your cheeks. Before you can stop yourself a sob rips it way out of you, your arms instinctively wrapping around yourself for some sort of comfort. 

You look so small, helpless and broken, they think. Looking at you, their girl, their y/n, being so distraught because of them, it makes them regret everything. They should've told you no, they should’ve figured out another way for you to lose your virginity, or maybe done it with less emotion. They should’ve stopped themselves from falling so hard for you and each other. 

Eddie rakes his fingers through his hair in defeat. He feels helpless, he’d promised you all those years ago to protect you and he’d failed. He steps toward you slowly, hands out as if you were a scared little animal, and to be honest, you looked like one right now. 

“Little one,” he whispers as he steps closer, hoping the old nickname will bring you some kind of comfort. 

“Don’t.” You snap at him before he gets a chance to say anything else, finally meeting his eyes, the hurt written all over your face, “You don’t get to call me that anymore, I want you to leave.” You manage to say in between sobs. 

“Honey,” Steve tries, both of them hating the thought of leaving you alone when you’re like this. 

“Just get out!” You yell, arms flailing. You look at them both when they don’t move, “Please.” You whisper, eyes begging. You couldn’t bare to be around them for another second. The two people who have always made you calm and happy now just felt like an intrusion in your space. You needed them gone. 

They finally nod, their shoulders slumping in defeat as they slowly make their way to the front door. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. 

*****

It’s been almost a year now since that night, and just as long since you’ve seen Eddie and Steve.

Taglist: @pxrxcxa @eddiemunsonfuxks @translatemunson @bandofoxxking @corrodedcherry @corrodedhawkins @chainsawmunson @divinelyruled @parkermunson

[nolita-fairytale]

burn your life down | chef luca x fem!reader | chapter eleven

summary: you receive bad news, but luca is there for you. and it seems like he's intent on continuing to be there for you.

warnings: angst, grief, death, vomiting, fluff, conversations about divorce, second person pov, swearing, danish inaccuracies, very little connection to the storyline of the bear.

word count: 3.3k

listen to: the official 'burn your life down' playlist (specifically 'how to mend a broken heart' - al green & 'love' - kendrick lamar; another very will poulter-coded choice)

a/n: pov: it's me warning you that there is in fact angst but trust, babes. trust. after the trauma of meeting donna b in season 2, i wanted to explore characters who had positive relationships with their mothers. so if you have not picked up on it yet, this story is also about mothers **cries because it's too damn sweet. let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist.

part ten | masterlist | part twelve

Astrid: Hey give me a call when you’re up. 

I don’t want to worry you, but we need to talk. 

Your fingers hurriedly move to open up the multiple missed notifications that you have from her, holding the phone up to your ear so that you can listen to her voicemail next. 

“Hey… I know you’re probably still asleep right now,” you hear, her voice somber, as you listen to Astrid’s voicemail, left for you at three in the morning. “And I know that you’ve got your do not disturb on. But I really need to talk. Call me when you’re up.” 

Your heart pounds in your chest as your mind races with fears over what this could be about, and as your eyes scroll through the other missed notifications, you see something that stops you in your tracks: 

1 Missed Call from Joe

And it all suddenly feels real, a sense of dread fills your throat, and you can only imagine that it must be an emergency if both Astrid and Joe have called. Your mind races. It can’t be about Joe – if he called too, right?

The severity of the situation forces you to sit up straight as you steal a glance Luca’s way. You’re grateful that he’s such a heavy sleeper as you peel the covers back, tiptoeing out into the living room so that you don’t wake Luca. Your fingers shake as they hover over Astrid’s name, before tapping down on the screen so that you can give her a call back. 

It only rings twice before Astrid answers, a tiredness in the way her voice sounds, as if she hasn’t slept all night. 

“Hey, Astrid. What’s going on?” you ask, a panic that colors your voice as you wait for her reply. 

The anticipation builds in every moment of silence she leaves between the two of you. 

“It’s mum. Ehm…” she trails off, her voice breaking. 

No. 

It’s as if your worst nightmare is coming true – like no matter how many times you’ve rehearsed this scenario in your head, prepared for it, braced for it, nothing softens the blow of the words that Astrid utters. 

“She’s gone. She passed. Early this morning,” Astrid finally says, a sob following. “We’re still at the hospital right now.” 

As Astrid begins to cry, you let her, even though you feel like you can’t breathe. Through her tears, she tries her best to explain what happened and you can feel yourself going numb as you listen. You can barely process what she’s saying as the words wash over you, a deep pain building in your belly with each detail she shares: that mum hadn’t been feeling well late last night, that she had a fever of 104 F and that’s when they knew she had to be taken to the hospital, that she passed a few hours later. 

It was sudden. 

It was quick. 

And now, Astrid’s whole world – your whole world, and Joe’s – has changed forever.

All you can do is attempt to breathe, to listen, and try your best not to drop your phone as your hands tremble.

You can feel it, a sickening feeling that wells up from your belly and into your throat as you croak out:

“Astrid, I’m so sorry.”

“After everything we’ve been through, all the rounds of chemo… I just can’t believe that overnight she’s gone,” Astrid whispers, tears falling down her cheeks. “I just-, I thought we’d have more time.”

“I know. Me too,” you agree quietly. 

It doesn’t feel real, and you wonder if you’re just in denial. 

“I’m so sorry to call like this. But I thought you should know,” Astrid apologizes, clearing her throat as she continues. “‘M sure I ruined your high from the all-night shag-fest with the hot pastry chef, now didn’t I?”

You chuckle, in response to her attempt to lighten the mood. 

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you called,” you reassure her, your voice soft. 

“I’ve got to go. Joe and I are going to try to grab something to eat and ehm, try to get a hold of Lina. I’ll keep you posted on everything. On all the details, you know… about… anything we do,” Astrid informs you, trying her best to pull herself together.  

“But I just wanted you to know and ehm, well, I know Joe called.”

“No, I-. Yeah,” you stammer through, at a loss for words. “I… I’ll give him a call. And thank you… for calling me. Thank you for telling me.”

Astrid nods solemnly, “She loved you like one of us.”

You swallow, as a stream of tears streak your cheeks 

“Yeah I… I love – loved – her too.” 

You clear your throat, unaware that your hands have begun to shake. 

“And please keep me posted. I’d like to be there… at the funeral. If you think it’s appropriate.”

“‘Course,” Astrid agrees. “I love you. Call you later?”

“Please. And… yes,” you say, adding if it’s a promise:

“I love you too.”

As soon as you hang up the phone, it’s as if your body knows something you don’t – like your brain hasn’t quite processed the news, racing your body to intellectualize everything you’ve just heard, so your body has to take over instead. Your stomach flips, and suddenly, you’re overwhelmed with the urge to vomit. You sprint to your small apartment bathroom, throwing the toilet seat up with a clang as you begin to empty the contents of your stomach into the toilet, in an uncontrollable physical response.

The sound of you retching, coughing up the last of it, seems to wake up Luca. You brace yourself against the toilet, flushing it as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. Your body feels fragile and your mind races as you reach behind you for the towel that lays folded over your towel bar, clutching it towards you. 

“My love, is everything alright?” you hear his voice, as Luca stirs, sitting up in bed. 

The sound of his footsteps heading towards you fill your ears, and as they get closer and closer to you, Luca appears in the doorway, his eyes squinting from how jarring of a wakeup he’s just had. You look up at him, noticing the way his face has twisted itself into a look of concern, swallowing as you rack your brain, searching for a way to explain what just happened. 

“Well, the good news is that I’m not pregnant,” is all that comes out, in sheer disbelief that you’ve chosen to make a joke at this moment. Luca only looks more concerned, more worried, more confused, so you shake your head this time, muttering an apology under your breath. “Uh… remember when I told you… my ex’s mom… she got really sick and we had to move to the UK because of it?”

“Yeah,” he answers, unsure of what this has to do with why you’re stuck to the bathroom floor. 

“I-. Astrid, his sister, just called. She uh…” you trail off, because it feels like you can’t get the words out of your mouth – like if you say it out loud, it’d make it all the more real. 

Your voice, this time much somber, croaks out the words, and you feel sick to your stomach again.

“She passed… last night,” you finally say again, a wave of nausea coming over you. 

“Oh, my love,” Luca sighs empathetically, as his heart falls at the news. “I’m so sorry.”

But before he can say anything else, you’re folded over the toilet once more, caught up in a competition with your own body of which could be worse: dry heaving or vomiting. Instead of leaving, Luca takes a few steps towards you, sitting down next to you as he rubs soothing patterns across your back, as you work this out. What feels like forever, and simultaneously, barely a few seconds, your back is pressed against the wall as you try your best to get your heart rate back down. 

The cold floor and the rigid wall that you’ve pressed your back against feels grounding, perhaps the only thing tethering you to this world. Luca sits with you quietly, but his presence can be felt in tonnes. It’s strong, steady, comforting, with care and love in every single touch and touch he sends your way. 

After a few minutes of letting you stare at the wall blankly, Luca gets up, kneeling on his knees as he offers his hands to you. 

“C’mon. Let’s get you some water and back into bed,” Luca suggests. “I’ll call Jesper and Mathilde. Let them know you’re not going in today.”

You nod, sliding both of your hands into his as he helps to your feet. 

-------------------------------

“How are you doing, babe?” Luca asks you, as you wake up from your nap. 

You’re grateful that he called in today, after the news, and called in for you as well. After your phone call with Astrid, not to mention hurling the entire contents of your stomach (and then some) into the toilet this morning, you’d crawled back into bed and fallen asleep. It hadn’t been great sleep – more so an avoidance mechanism than anything else, you realize – as you begin to come to. 

“Jesper was just here. Came by to drop off food,” Luca adds, as you move onto your side so that you can face him. “They’re worried about you.”

“I’m not hungry,” is all you manage to say. 

He nods, “For later maybe.” 

He pauses, before repeating his question from earlier. 

“How are you doing? What can I do?

You think it over, only slightly upset with yourself for being annoyed at his question. Of course he’s only trying to be helpful, only trying to care for you through this horrible thing. But it’s not like there’s anything he can do to take your pain away either, which, it’s silly you know, is what bothers you so much about his ask. 

But as you look over at the man who wants nothing more than to love you, and you know he’s only trying to be helpful in an unwinnable situation.

You muster up your best smile, because you want to reassure him that you’re sort of-kind-of-okay, and you’d rather try than be a jerk right now. 

“Come back to bed?” you ask him, your voice lifting at the end of the question. “I think I just want you to hold me.”

“Sounds like something that could be arranged,” Luca replies with a smile on his face, in an attempt to lighten up the mood a little. 

As you lay on your side, Luca curls up behind you, engulfing you in his arms as he presses a kiss to the back of your shoulder, tangling his legs with yours underneath the covers. And you’re right. It does make you feel better – being held by him – and you’re glad that you chose not to push him away. 

After a few beats, and a thick silence between the two of you, Luca finally speaks again.

“Do you want to tell me about her?”

Do you?

You debate with yourself whether or not you want to, because on one hand you feel weird about it – asking Luca to listen to you talk about how much you loved your ex husband’s mother – and on the other, you’re afraid. 

Afraid it’ll hurt too much. 

Afraid it may break you open. 

Eventually, the part of you that leans towards saying ‘yes’ wins, as you answer with:

“Yeah. I think that might be helpful.” 

Luca nods behind you, before nuzzling his nose into the space between your neck and your shoulders. He leaves soft kisses against your skin that have no intention of being anything but a comforting gesture. 

“Astrid said something on the phone earlier. That she loved me like one of them,” you start, your voice caught in your throat as you say it. 

“And she did. She embraced me as her own… like…” you trail off, chuckling as you recall your favorite memories of Aiko Kimura. 

“She was beyond upset to learn that I didn’t grow up pleating dumplings around the table when I was a kid, which was… I think maybe the first thing we ever cooked together. She pulled out all the stops. Made a huge thing of it and made Joe, Astrid, and Lina join us so that I could get the real family experience.”

“And every time after that… she always wanted to teach me something new, something I could learn, carry with me,” you continue, the memories so fond and the feeling so bittersweet. 

“She was all about… slowing down, using the senses, no-recipe kind of stuff. I think it’s where I got so much of my heart from. In my food.”

You’re really not sure how you’re keeping it together, but, you decide, you might as well lean into the sweetness for now. 

“I should do a dish. For her. At the restaurant,” you declare, coming to the conclusion as the words leave your lips. 

“I think that’s a great idea,” Luca agrees, leaving another soft kiss along your shoulder. 

“To honor her. You know?” you add. 

Luca only hums in response, his arms wrapped around your frame holding you tighter against his chest. 

You wait a beat. 

Then another, your thoughts, moving a mile a minute from being plunged into grief from this devastating loss. 

“I’m nervous – about going to London,” you confess, softly. You like to ask, usually, if it’s okay – if Luca wants to hear about these kinds of things – but it feels virtually unavoidable. 

“I haven’t been back since Joe and I divorced… since I moved here. But I think I should. For the funeral.”

“Do you think it’ll be soon?” Luca asks, as you turn your head to look at him, checking that this is a conversation he’s willing to have. 

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I’m waiting for Astrid to tell me. But Lina’s, their youngest sister, has been studying abroad – Singapore – so… I don’t know.”

“I’m just nervous… about it all, I guess. A lot’s changed. I’ve… changed.”

At this point you’re just thinking out loud, no longer able to contain the stream of consciousness that flows from with an ease that makes you anxious. 

Of course, you’ve changed. You have a new life here. You’re a you that you’ve never been before, having shed the layers of your past self like a snake shedding its skin. The realization is striking, while your ambivalence to return to your previous home in your new form feels more and more significant. 

It’s Luca’s turn to be quiet as he thinks over whether or not the idea in his head is appropriate to suggest, figuring, the worst thing you can do is say ‘no.’ 

“I could go with you,” he offers, quiet, yet sure. 

Oh. 

“But if you don’t feel like it would be right… under the circumstances…” Luca continues, in fear of making things more complicated for you. 

“No I-. What do you-, like… in what capacity?” you interject, hesitant about the question that you’re bringing up. 

You’re not sure why it’s taken this long for either of you to articulate it, especially since you’ve already called him your boyfriend to your friends, to your mom, but the naming, the voicing of the sacred label is still something you haven’t done. 

You don’t want to overcomplicate things, considering it already feels complicated, so what you’re really asking him is:

How would I introduce you?

“I was thinking… as your boyfriend,” Luca answers, slowly. “But if you think it’s too much – introducing me during this-.” 

“No, I. Yes! I want to,” you’re quick to reply, reassuring him that you’re still all in, even in the midst of this loss – especially in the midst of this loss. You wiggle your body so that you’re now facing him, your chests pressed together, and you wonder if he can feel yours pounding away. 

“Yes. I want you to come. I… I want to introduce you to them… to everyone, as my boyfriend.”

Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Luca leans in to press a short kiss to your lips before nodding in agreement: “Okay.”

You wait a beat, almost as if you think he’ll take it back, considering the circumstances. Only, he doesn’t, so you have to ask. 

“You would really do that?”

“Yeah,” he replies, simply. 

“I mean.. It’s just going to be a lot. It’s… a fucking funeral,” you continue to list, giving him every ‘out’ that you can possibly think of. “And you’d have to meet Joe. Which I can only imagine will be incredibly uncomfortable considering the circumstances and I’m not even sure what to expect because Joe and I have barely talked in months and I-.” 

You know you’re rambling, but you can’t help yourself. 

“Luca, I don’t know if I can ask you to do that.”

“You don’t have to, my love. I offered,” he says, as one of his hands cradles your head, his eyes on yours. 

“Plus, I don’t have to be with you the whole time. I know it’s going to be a tough trip for a lot of reasons. I could give you some space while we’re there too, so you don’t feel you have to entertain me. I’ll go see my mum, catch up with a friend….”

His reassurance seems to quell your nerves and you’re no longer panicking (as much) about introducing your people to your new boyfriend while grieving the loss of their matriarch. But you want him there. You so want him there. You want his support, and when he’s so willingly offering it to you, volunteering to enter the lion’s den with you, how can you say ‘no?’

“Why are you so good to me?” is all that comes out of your mouth. 

“Because I-,” Luca begins, pausing as he carefully chooses his next few words. You watch as he debates with himself, his decision clear when he opens his mouth again to say:

“Because you deserve it, babe.”

It’s then and there that you wonder what he was going to say before, half expecting him to say, ‘because I love you.’ 

But he doesn’t, and in some ways, you’re glad that whatever internal decision he made, that it wasn’t that. It’s not that you don’t want him to, because you’ve been feeling it too. It’s in every pause before you hang up the phone with him. It’s in the moments that you say your goodbyes for the morning or the evening that you watch the impulse, though fleeting, flash through his eyes. It’s in the way that you feel it so deeply in your bones that it makes you ache in the best kinds of ways. 

 You don’t want your first ‘I love you’ to be tainted with the grief and sadness surrounding this moment, but it’s been on your mind ever since your trip to Skagen. You think maybe you dreamed it, hearing him call you the love of his life, but whether or not it was real, those three words have hung heavily between the two of you ever since. 

“Thank you,” is all you say, before you repeat it again. 

“Thank you.”

-------------------------------

Everything feels off. You can’t cry. 

And you’ve tried. 

But ever since Luca left to run an errand, to run to the store, you’ve felt off-kilter. 

Perhaps it’s because you’ve had him to distract you this whole time. 

Perhaps it’s because you’re trying to be strong for everyone: for Astrid, for Lina, who you’ve been texting with all day – trying to coordinate a time to FaceTime – for yourself. 

Perhaps it’s because you haven’t called Joe yet. 

But, you’ve decided, you really need to cry. 

You pick up the phone, knowing exactly what you need to do, knowing exactly who you can let yourself completely fall apart with. 

The phone rings a few times before the person on the other line picks up, and as soon as you hear the silence on the other line, waiting for you to speak first since you called first. 

“Mom?”

And she can hear it in your voice as it breaks, concern and worry filling her every word and she asks: 

“Oh sweetie. What happened?”

And finally, you can let go.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Chapter 21

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

To decide my future as his lover, Roger gave me one final trial.

—However, I was still unaware of one unshakeable truth hidden from me.

--

Alfons: I wonder if that man’s revealed something important to Kate.

Elbert: Something important?

Alfons: The cost that comes with that man’s egoistic way of life.

Elbert: …

There was a hint of sorrow in Elbert’s downcast eyes.

Elbert: Is that…something that will make Kate sad if she knew?

Alfons: Yes, if you were to liken it to a fairytale… It is the worst kind of ending.

--

Roger and I started working making an antidote for the condemned.

…But making it was more difficult than we imagined.

Roger: …The hell…

We had repeated the experiment many times, but it always failed whenever we got close.

Roger: Ahhh, can’t even find a clue.

(Roger looks so troubled…)

Roger: …The Privy Council and the Royal Hospital’s doctors used my research materials to synthesize a drug and then were poisoned by it. Meaning, if we reverse engineer it, then we can make an antidote.

Roger sighed as he thought over his past experiments.

Roger: But we haven’t been able to. What are your thoughts, Kate?

(Thinking about it in simple terms…)

Kate: We made a mistake along the way. Or…Oh, perhaps our process has been wrong since the beginning? What if they used a method other than what’s in your research…!?

Roger: Yeah, well…that could be why we can’t make an antidote. It’s highly likely those guys combined my research with “someone else’s”.

Kate: What do you mean “someone else”?

Roger: If I knew, then it wouldn’t have been this difficult.

Meanwhile, the criminals’ symptoms were getting worse. Worst case scenario, they die before they can even be condemned.

(Like Roger said, we “ can’t let them run away by dying”)

(We need an antidote immediately…)

Time was limited.

I frowned as I started getting impatient…

Kate: Wooooah…

Roger’s pressed against the crease between my brows with a finger.

Kate: What was that for?

Roger: It was messing up my cute puppy’s face. Your earnest nature’s a good trait, but don’t overthink.

We’re already short on time

But I’m feeling frustrated

I don’t want regrets… +4 +4

Kate: I don’t want regrets…

Roger: Time’s running out so how ‘bout we don’t think for now. That’s how most would feel, right? Though surprisingly, taking a step back can be a shortcut.

Roger grinned.

Roger: So how ‘bout you take a break and run an errand for me?

Kate: An errand?

Roger: Yeah, it’s a kind of errand only you can do. I’m gonna keep researching, but I got someone to go with you—

Before he could even finish his sentence, the lab’s door opened.

Alfons: What is it. Why are you calling people over all of a sudden?

Roger: …See?

(—Alfons of all people?!)

--

The errand Roger wanted me to run was—

To buy flowers to lay on Lance’s grave at the public cemetery.

It was something I didn’t manage to do the other day because I got kidnapped.

(The fact that I wasn’t able to visit Lance’s grave was something that’s always lingered in the back of my mind)

(Roger must have noticed and decided to send me on this “errand”)

Despite how straightforward he was, Roger looked after others.

Kate: …

I placed the flowers in front of his grave and closed my eyes.

In my mind I saw Lance’s faint smile. He had left this world without knowing that he was cursed.

(...Rest in peace)

(May you meet your sweetheart in heaven)

I then opened my eyes and twilight winds swept my hair.

I followed where the wind blew as I looked over the graves.

(So many people are resting here…)

It would be nice if all deaths could end with a “happily ever after” as beautiful as the and the ones in fairytales. 

However, life wasn’t that simple.

(I wonder how many people lost their live while holding despair in their hearts)

Kate: …

When an inescapable sadness gripped at my heart—

Kate: Woah! Hey! What do you think you’re doing Alfons?

I quickly covered my ear and the person who had just breathed on it frowned in disapproval.

Alfons: Oh my, what an accusatory reaction. Had you been feeling sentimental for any longer, you may have been taken to the underworld. I was only bringing you back to reality.

Kate: …Um, thank you?

I was baffled, but thanked him and Alfons gave a shady smile.

Alfons: Yes, of course. You’re welcome. —By the way, Kate. Your month as Fairytale Keeper will be over soon. You will be out of the darkness and free! Please forget everything you’ve witnessed here and have a fresh start. Work hard once you’ve returned to your old life.

(Huh…)

I blinked like an idiot at his wide smile.

Kate: Um, I don’t have any plans on leaving Crown or my position as Fairytale Keeper.

(I haven’t told anyone about this, not even Roger)

(Why did Alfons bring this up…?)

Alfons: Meaning?

Kate: I still haven’t received Victor’s approval yet, so this is just my personal wish, but… I would like to continue being Fairytale Keeper after the month has passed. And I want to help Roger with his ongoing research on the Cursed.

I had planned to tell Roger that after we finished with the antidote.

Alfons: Though this decision is typical of an earnest woman such as yourself, it’s difficult for me to understand. Our curses are of no relevance to your life.

Kate: No relevance?

Alfons continued, no warmth in his voice at all.

Alfons: Yes, in the end, it’s someone else’s business. Did you know that you cannot work for the sake of others forever?

Kate: …It’s true that I’m not cursed. And I may never fully understand them. But…this isn’t someone else’s business. We met and you became someone important to me.

Alfons: …

Kate: Also, I’m not just saying this out of altruism.

(There isn’t a single part of me thinking about sacrificing myself…)

My desire is—

Kate: I’m…definitely the one that wants to see Roger overcome despair the most. 

Alfons: That muscle-glasses egoist is leaving your valuable life with. I find it difficult to believe. You haven’t forgotten about our fated “tragic ends” have you?

Kate: Well—

I was about to tell him that it wasn’t something I’ve ever forgotten about, but a sense of discomfort held me back.

Alfons: Roger is doomed to be “ruined by his own guilt”... I do wonder what sort of destruction awaits him. Ah, it’s horrifying to even imagine it.

(...There’s something strange)

(Alfons has had nothing but harsh words today)

(It’s like he’s trying to make me mad…)

Normally, I’d feel offended if someone doubted what I said in confidence and tried to discourage me.

(Yet, I don’t feel angry or annoyed)

Instead, it was like he—

(It was like he was trying to free me from getting my feelings hurt. At least, that’s what it felt like to me)

Kate: …Alfons. Is there a reason why you’re trying to stop me from continuing on as Fairytale Keeper?

Alfons: …Aha! Do you think I’m some sort of saint?

Kate: Please don’t avoid the subject.

There were still many more truths I didn’t know about them and Crown.

(Even so…)

Kate: I’m a Fairytale Keeper. …I may be inexperienced, but I do know that you’re the type to hurt people.

Alfons: You insist on believing that there is good in me. I like your views. Then, I shall live up to your troublesome expectations. —Kate.

His voice when he said my name carried a different feeling from before.

Alfons: If that man did not have very long to live, would you still choose to stay by his side?

Kate: ——Huh?

--

When we returned from visiting the cemetery, I stood in front of Crown Castle.

(I need to go back to researching, quickly…)

But what Alfons said continued replaying in my head and I couldn’t move.

(...I can’t go back inside yet. Not when I’m not sure if I can act normal in front of Roger)

At that moment—

Ale: Woof.

As if to rescue me, a cute, fluffy mass came running toward me.

I picked Ale up and headed to the palace library.

(There’s not a lot of people around, it’s quiet, and I’m less likely to run into someone)

(Let’s calm down for the time being…)

I walked around and browsed the shelves to distract myself.

However—Alfons’ words still continued to replay in my head.

His POV | Next

[velvet-gloom]

My first playthrough of P5R had me max out Makoto’s romance literally the day before stealing Sae’s heart and now I’m just imagining what that whole experience must have been like for them

They confess their feelings after growing closer and then have just enough time for a night together before doing their most dangerous heist, both knowing that if things go wrong, they’ll never see each other again. Makoto can’t stop worrying about all the shit the police are doing to Ren, and more than anyone she’s afraid when she sees the news about his apparent suicide. Then she finally gets to see him for the first time since his fakeout death and they have this quick moment where they realize “oh shit, we didn’t tell anyone else we’re together and now just feels like a really bad time to casually mention that” so she can’t even tackle him with a hug and yell at him for how much he scared her. They have to wait for an actual chance to be alone before they can even properly process everything they’ve been through from the perspective of them as a couple, and the first time they get that chance it’s just them crying together and hugging each other so tight it almost hurts.

It’s probably around that point that Ren realizes that he’s not used to having someone genuinely worry for him like that, ESPECIALLY after Shido ruined his life and he got dumped in a new city. He has this moment of “oh my god this girl cares about me more than I even knew was possible and I would do anything she asked if I could get her to stop crying.” He starts apologizing and saying that he doesn’t deserve her and she immediately fires back that she doesn’t deserve him, and then that turns into them each saying how amazing they think the other is and the crying turns into laughing. Then they laugh even harder when they realize they still need to figure out how to tell everyone else

[obsidianpen]

Tell me Tom is bad at feelings without telling me.... Loved your new B&G chapter, kinda knew that we'd have to see the Dark Lord version of Tommy sometime soon, but didn't think it would be THAT soon. I want my fluff back.

Anywho - kinda funny that he's all in Hermione's face about being her 'Master' when he's quite literally a slave to that WAP. I think Hermione needs to put him in his place ASAP. Here's hoping that whatever they see in the vision really shows just how 'worthy' she is of being his equal.

I am also honestly jealous of all the people that are able to fantasise about the ending - I honestly have no idea and I'm loving it.

My only (silly) question is - will the lines ever stop spreading? It's clear that they are literally everywhere (thanks Tom), but surely they are running out of space to spread?

Also - the hand shaped mark on Tom's chest that Hermione did - are they somehow connected? Sorry I know that's 2 question.

Feel free to ignore them if they are too spoilery! x0x0x

okay I’m glad someone else sees this too haha! Yeah, so not to get to into revealing toms inner turmoil (if you don’t like knowing what’s going on in his head stop reading this),

but I’m totally about to ramble big time because I think a lot of people are missing this. Lots of comments like ‘he’s such an asshole!! How dare he!!!’ Well. Toms definitely spinning. And can you blame the guy? He went from getting a bouquet of symbolic wildflowers from hermione that was even sweeter than she realized (he often gave flowers to his clients as a shop boy, and he even stole some for her accidentally - never imagined once in his life that he’d ever get any - yes because he’s a guy but also because he has a lot of hang ups, he is not used to gifts, he gives things to manipulate and he takes the things he wants), and after deciphering all that realizing (even if he wouldn’t say as much) that he’s fucking down so bad for this witch, fully enamored, must keep. And THEN she’s sick and THEN she doesn’t take his nice ‘take a nap, love’ potion and THEN she gets kidnapped by Dumbledore and the freaking MACUSA and THEN he’s pleading with freaking Hepzibah like some lovesick peasant for help and THEN, when he’s knee deep in imperious curses and dark marks and internationally kidnapping metamorphagi bartenders, THEN, while retrieving her wand from the Ministry despite how tricky that is (like a true gentleman)… he finds out this bitch stole his ring. Which means she knew about his horcrux (well it was horcruxes but he didn’t know that then poor lamb) and in his mind, the only reason anyone would go after a horcrux would be to destroy it. Tom had to process a lot, still had to save her because he can’t have this seer who knows all about him in Dumbledore’s clutches, had to short term delude himself into pretending everything is totally fine until he gets her out, that whole grand escape thing happens, and THEN she wants to give him a blowjob??? Which he’s never trusted anyone to do, let alone this witch he’s obsessed with who destroyed his SOUL??? Who at this point he thinks is a world class psychopath, btw - but he lets it happen because even in his most crazed moments, he’s actually exactly what you said. And he knows it deep down, but can’t accept it, so yeah, he’s doing the whole ‘have to reassert my dark lord dominance’ thing, and while a lot of people reading seemed really hung up on him being a manipulative asshole (rightfully so, this is him), there was also a lot of pretty blatant worship in that chapter too (and in case this has also escaped the general notice, Tom is actually obsessed with pleasing her)

[ivonhart]

the moon | steven grant x fem werewolf!reader

+ marc spector & jake lockley

— chapter six

| next (WIP)

| previous

masterlist

cross posted on ao3

gif credit: @paper-n-ashes

summary: You've always hated the moon. Hated the way it made your body bend and break into a new form every month. Hated the way it tied you to one of the many gods of it. But you couldn't hate what the moon connected you to...who it connected you to.

a/n: !! chapter warnings !! PTSD, unintentional s*lf-harm / It is NOT gonna get better for her XD!!!!

You woke the next morning to Layla scurrying around the room you slept in. You weren’t surprised to see the woman here. You knew she would’ve been hot on your tail the moment you left London. “Layla?”

You noted how hoarse your throat felt as you slowly sat up with a groan. The woman stopped in her tracks and quickly made her way over to you with a soft call of your name. “How are you feeling? I started to get nervous about whether you were going to wake up or not.” Your eyebrows were furrowed as you shook the drowsiness away.

Memories of what happened the previous day came flooding back and you looked down at your bandaged hand. It was clear it had been cleaned and rewrapped but there was still confusion floating within your mind. “What do you mean you were nervous? I just slept through the night.” Layla sat at the end of the bed with a look of pity. “You’ve been asleep for almost two days.”

A few beats of silence followed before you shot to your feet…almost pushing Layla off the bed in the process. “TWO DAYS?!” And as quickly as you got up…you fell down. All the blood rushing to your head, causing black dots to encase your vision. If it weren’t for Layla catching you, you would’ve fallen to the floor.

The woman hissed out your name with worry as she slowly sat you back on the bed. “The Scarab? Harrow? Marc?” His name left a bitter taste in your mouth as you dropped your head into your hands. You remembered what you said…what you did. Layla rubbed your arm silently. “I’m guessing Marc told you what happened?” You asked without lifting your head.

A small hum of confirmation left the woman’s mouth before she spoke. “He was lucky we were in the middle of a market, otherwise I would’ve punched him.” You couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your lips before you raised your head. “I can’t believe I snapped like that. J-Just Marc simply saying ‘sorry’ and thinking that would fix everything sent me over the edge. And Steven.”

A wave of shame washed over you as you sighed. “I can’t even imagine what he must think about me now.” You turned to Layla with tear-filled eyes. “He probably thinks I’m an animal.” Layla slightly shook her head and allowed yours to fall against her shoulder as she began to speak.

“I can tell you one thing, Marc deserved everything you gave to him. What he said was disgusting and shameful. We know that man is not easy and I’m surprised it took you so long to finally snap at him��but I am surprised he said sorry. I mean…Marc never took accountability for his actions like that.” As Layla continued to speak, you had moved your hands to wrap around her arm. “But he did it with you.” You felt her shake her head.

“I am not saying that what Marc did was okay, but it is clear that he does regret it. He regrets it because he cares about you.” A small grumble passed your lips as you snuggled closer to Layla. “What has he been doing while I was asleep?” You questioned. “Mostly running around trying to find leads. He just left this morning chasing after another. He’ll probably be back later.”

A few seconds of silence followed before you whispered. “Also…I may have confessed to him.” Another pregnant pause filled the air as Layla took your words in. “WHAT!?” Now, it was Layla’s turn to almost knock you over as she shot to her feet. There was always an unspoken thing between the two of you about how you felt.

She never got confirmation about your feelings towards the man, but she always knew something was there. And she knew it went both ways even if you didn’t. Now, that once unspoken thing was gone as you spent the rest of the morning talking to her about everything.

-

“KHONSHU MAKE IT STOP!” Your pleas meant nothing to the god as he gazed up towards the moon. The full moon. “You know this is your punishment for what you did all those years ago.” He spat the words out with hatred. “You are nothing but a disgusting dog.”

Then he vanished, leaving you pushed up against a wall as you buried your head into your knees. You could hear them…calling you…cursing you. “–YOU MONSTER–HOW COULD YOU DO THIS–YOU KILLED US–IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT–”

You tried to scream back at them, but each time they grew louder and louder until you eventually found a spot curled against the wall. Knees to your chest whilst your hands covered your ears in a futile attempt to drown them out. It didn’t work.

“–YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD–BEAST–MONSTER–MURDER–” Wails tumbled from your mouth as you rocked back and forth. Mouth wide, spewing apologies that would never be heard…eyes snapped shut but still seeing what Khonshu forced you to see.

You slid along the wall until your head pushed into the ground. Now, fully on your knees you began to smash your forehead against the floor. “stop…please stop…” was all that left your mouth with each hit. That’s when Marc finally made it back.

The moment he stepped out from within the pyramid and saw the full moon he was quick to make his way back to the hotel. Unfortunately, he was too late. By the time he got there you had already busted your head open, causing a small puddle of blood to pool against the floor. Your cries came out low and cracked as your throat grew weaker and weaker.

“stop…please stop…” A lump lodged itself within his throat as he made his way over to you. He wasn’t going to abandon you…not again. Slowly, Marc bent down and said your name. His hand ever so lightly brushed against your shoulder as he spoke.

With one final smack you went still and the room went silent once more. “A-Are they here?” Your words dripped from your mouth in the smallest tone Marc has ever heard. He muttered your name once more. “No…no one is here. You’re okay.” Steven watched from inside and his heart never felt so heavy. You carried so much. Suffered so much.

Steven could feel the guilt growing in Marc’s chest but he didn’t know it was because Marc blamed himself for being so late. If he got here quicker the night would’ve been easier. You wouldn’t have slipped so far to the point you believed what Khonshu made you see was real.

He watched as you slowly lifted your head to look at him…and when you did a fresh wave of tears fell from your eyes. Tears of relief. In a blink of an eye you had launched yourself into the man’s arms with sobs. “You came back!” You wailed. Despite the blood, tears and snot that began covering his shirt he held you as if you would disappear with the wind. “I got you. I got you.” And he did.

With effortless movements, the man pulled you into his arms and led you to the bathroom where he cleaned your head. Then he moved to the bed where he pulled the covers over your heads like a child would in an attempt to hide from a monster. All while you clung to him. “Don’t leave me, Marc.”

The warmth from your breath crashed against his skin and created goosebumps. Your head was tucked into his neck as you curled yourself into his body. Hands clasping handfuls of his shirt. His chest burned as he placed a feather-like kiss upon your head. “I’ll never leave you again.” Was the last words you heard before you drifted off to sleep.

The warmth he offered melted away the cold that seeped through your bones with each passing second. As you lay tangled within his arms, Marc heard Steven softly speak. “You love her…don’t you?”

-

You woke up during the early hours of the morning. The sun barley began peaking over the horizon, slowly changing the dark sky into one filled with hues of yellow and orange. With lazy blinks your vision steadied as you sat up, careful of the arm that fell across your stomach.

The day after a full moon always left you in a strange state. A state in which you almost weren’t in your body. Like bits of your being floated around…desperate to return to you. The pain along your head didn’t help with the feeling either. The only thing grounding you was him.

You looked over your shoulder to look at Marc…and Steven. Quickly, you shut your eyes to combat the sting of tears. You were embarrassed…ashamed at what Steven saw. Marc was used to the full moons. He helped you through them so many times…but not Steven. Because of your internal struggle you didn’t notice the bed sheets move until you heard his voice call out your name.

You kept your back towards Marc as he sat up, the warmth provided by his arm disappearing as he moved it away. “H-How are you feeling?” His tone was lighter than a feather, almost as if he was afraid to spook you with anything louder. Your mouth opened to say something but the only thing that came out was a soft sob.

Marc sat straighter and hesitantly brushed his hand across your forearm. Then he said your name again, causing you to slowly look at him. The moment your eyes locked he watched tears pool over your puffy eyes. “I’m sorry, Marc.” His eyes saddened as he shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for.” That’s when his gaze dropped. “I should’ve been there sooner. If I had, it might've not gotten so bad.”

That’s when he started telling you about the meeting with the gods. “I know you’re upset with me right now, but you have to know that I would never leave you alone during a full moon.” And you believed him. You believed him, because since your first full moon together he never left you alone. Marc watched as you wiped your tears away and slightly moved so you could face him better before replying. “I can never stay upset with you, Marc.”

The man took note of the new look that swirled in your eyes. You inhaled deeply before you gently cupped the man’s cheeks. Your eyes never leaving his as your thumbs lightly stroked his five o’clock shadow. “I could never stay upset with you because…” A soft gasp left your mouth when you felt his large hand graze your thigh as he leaned closer.

His scent made your head spin as your mouth ran dry, making it almost impossible to say what your heart burned to say. “I know.” Marc’s words kissed your lips with how close he had gotten. Both his and your breathing grew heavy with each passing second. Then, in the blink of an eye, the tension snapped and your lips crashed into one another.

The kiss was different from the one you shared with Steven to save him from a panic attack. While that kiss was gentle, this one was rough and hungry. Teeth clashed together while hands wandered. Your arms wrapped around his neck while his hands gripped your thigh and cupped your chin.

Your bodies were so close it was as if you would mold together. Despite the words going unspoken, both you and him knew just how much you meant to one another in that moment.

-

a/n: Sometimes I find it hard to write romance because I've never really felt it before so forgive me if it's kinda bad. Also finished writing and posted this around one in the morning sO.

taglist: @n1ght5h4d3-24 / @sunipostsstuff / @blackholegladiator / @ajeff855 / @daughterofthequeen / @faefanatic / @dropdeadbec / @sgt-morgan / @milk-bulb / @dev-angeline / @griffinkid2187 / @mxltifxnd0m / @badbishsblog / @local-mr-frog / @khaleesihavilliard / @rmoonstoner / @thewinterv / @oscarissac2099 / @peachyrue-777 / @queerponcho / @aristokatastrophy / @phoenixgurl030

[cyten0]

A Symphony In Crimson

Act 1: A Movement in Black

Chapter 20

You’re crying.

You can’t help it. You hold them all close.

You never want to let go…

And… they don’t either.

Despite everything. They. They still love you.

As the mist of your borrowed body of sadness dissipates, You feel exhausted. So tired it hurts. But.

You feel relieved as well. More then you ever have.

✿ “… So… You cared about us so much, you starved yourself and nearly broke the house? That’s not good, Frin.”

✦̵ “hmphg”

✸ “And time itself, nearly!”

◆ “Yes, Siffrin, you clearly have some issues packed in that head of yours.”

✦̵ “mrgh”

▲ “Hey, I think it’s nice! They clearly care for us!”

◉ “Yeah! Besides, ending the world for love is what good stories are made of!”

✦̵ “…… Sorry. For… everything.”

▲ “I think the only thing you REALLY need to apologize for is not talking to us about all this! We could have helped!”

✿ “Yeah dummy! Well, I’m still figurin things out but like. The Grownups could have helped. And I coulda made more meals!”

✦̵ “sorry.”

◉ “sigh Well, at least we know NOW. In that case we should figure out travel plans?”

◆ “Maybe later? Bonniface is not the only one that needs a little to process everything.”

▲ “I think we can leave it at ‘first stop is bambouche’ for now. Gotta get Bonnie to their sister, and we can figure out stuff from there.”

✿ “Yeah! Nille’s always wanted to adventure, so she’d totally join us!”

◉ “That sounds nice! I’d love to meet her!”

You nod. Oh! You just remembered, you need to check something. You look around.

◎ “Oh change, my head is killing me. I… Could… someone tell me what happened?”

You run over to her. Gotta handle this now, don't want to risk it!

✦̵ “um. Soon. But uh. Could you, stay still for a second first?”

She looks confused, but nods. You reach behind her, placing a hand on the back of her neck, and very carefully, have your part in her detach from her mind, and crawl back up into your hand.

She shivers as she feels it move inside her. You then use healing craft to seal back up the exit path.

✦̵ “s-sorry. You were uh. Kind of at the center of things… and I kinda… did something to you… so you could talk… sorry.”

◎ “I… Well, it was uncomfortable, and I think I have a migraine, but I’m otherwise fine!… Besides, you did just help save Vaugarde, so I’d say if it helped, fair enough!”

✸ “You’ll probably be fine after you sort out the multiple timelines and stardust’s influence from your head!”

◉ “Maybe you should take a little rest Euphrasie?”

◆ “I think we all could. Let’s just take a break here before we do anything else.”

✸ “Yes, I’ll have to get stardust some food, but rest first!”

You nod. Everyone goes to their little favorite spots in the room, roughly. Some people have shifted cause of rubble, but it’s otherwise mostly the same. Heh. Even after all that, some patterns stick! Not that you mind. It’s a comfortable familiarity…

Now, who to talk to first?

… Odile. She must have questions, and you’d rather get it out of the way.

◆ “So, Siffrin, are you feeling a bit better now? Can’t imagine all THAT was easy.”

✦̵ “Yeah. I’ll probs crash in a few hours without loop feeding me, but I’m kinda riding on all the sadnesses.”

◆ “Hm, is that how it works? Interesting. Well, that’s good… We were really worried about you earlier... Worried we’d never see you again. Your message in the house nearly gave Isabeau a heart attack.”

✦̵ “sorry.”

◆ “You weren’t thinking clearly, and by the sounds of it, had a lot of stress on your mind. I don’t blame you. And that also counts for what you said yesterday, so no need to apologize for that.”

… Is it really okay? You don’t know….

◆ “… What’s wrong?”

✦̵ “I… It just feels like everyone is taking this all too well.”

◆ “Which part? There’s a lot to unpack there.”

… You struggle to meet her gaze like that. You still don’t know if you deserve this kindness.

◆ “Don’t worry, we’d tell you if we were mad… Maybe later, some of us will get upset at this, come at you with questions and anger, but the fact we’re okay with it for now is evidence we can.”

✦̵ “B-But you shouldn’t be!! None of it’s okay!!!”

◆ “...Siffrin. Look, yes, you said some horrible things yesterday. Yes, you might have done some things in the past. And YES, I might have nightmares about the house for a few days, because Gems Alive…..”

You feel a twinge of pain at that.

◆ “...But that moment, when we knew you were taking on the king, alone... When we found out what you had been going through, alone... And when we figured out why, and what you were willing to risk."

◆ “...We learned you did it all for us. That you had done all of it because intentionally or not, you were willing to trap yourself, to starve yourself, to sacrifice yourself, just because you wanted to stay with us for a little longer…. Do you know how that makes us feel?”

✦̵ “Horrified?”

Odile looks at you this expression you can’t quite read, but seems… Confused?

◆ “Yeeesh… sigh. While I can’t speak for the others… In my personal opinion…”

She puts a hand on your head and ruffles your hair! You-!

◆ “I think it’s the cutest thing ever.”

✦̵ “Cute?!?”

Oh stars that makes no sense and-

◆ “Siffrin, siffrin, siffrin. You used some forgotten craft just because you liked us so much you wanted to stay. That’s cute.”

✦̵ “I-It’s not!”

◆ “Cute.”

You.. you… stars them ruffling your hair feels really nice and…

✦̵ “no….”

You involuntarily let out a low rumble…

◆ “… Did you just purr?”

✦̵ “n-no I didn’t…”

Stars it’s hard to think like this. You're kinda going melty a little in the head. You're still purring.

◆ “Everyone, new discovery, Utterly VITAL information. Siffrin purrs.”

▲ “WHAT!?! Crab My heart!”

◉ “Oh change! That is adorable!”

✿ “Woah.”

Loop laughs uproariously.

✸ “Oh, Stardust, there goes any reputation you had!!”

You are never beating the pet allegations… But this feels really good so right now you kinda don’t care.

After a little bit more of this comfort, she finally lets go.

◆ “That was nice…. Look. You might think you messed up yesterday. And maybe you did but… I think a couple of us are feeling like we did too.”

Huh?!

◆ “You were clearly not doing well, and… I didn’t try and talk to you. To find out what was wrong…. I guess, I feel like I could have done more to help, is all.”

✦̵ “But… It’s okay now right? That’s what matters.”

◆ “Heh, fair enough….”

As long as she feels better about it. And it does feel a bit better yourself... Oh, you should probably ask this now.

✦̵ “So uh… any pressing questions, about me?”

◆ “Hm… While I have SEVERAL questions, most of them can wait till later… I guess I’m curious, did I ever figure any of this out in any prior versions?”

✦̵ “Oh yeah, quite a few. Kinda. Called me out on the timeloop thing once, and you figured out the monster thing pretty often. Or well. Got suspicious enough to check when I tried to sneak in a meal...”

◆ “Really? How’d that go?”

You just hide in your collar a bit.

◆ “Ah… Not well then?”

✦̵ “… You were so angry… I thought you’d kill me then and there.”

She looks to her side, unable to meet your gaze.

◆ “...I see… I can’t say I’m surprised about the anger. If I found out you were lying to me on such an important day, about something so important… I would not have been gentle…"

She looks back at you, directly in your eye. Serious.

◆ “However. I would never have actually hurt you. Understand?”

✦̵ “...Even if you thought I was a danger?”

◆ “Even then… I wonder, if I had been kinder, would things have gone better? If we had talked things out?”

✦̵ “...We got here in the end.”

◆ “Yes, I suppose… Well then, you should go talk to the others, I’m tuckered out from talking.”

Fair enough. She ruffles your hair a little more, and then you head off.

Okay, now you have to find who to talk to next…

Maybe Bonnie? You… feel like you put them through way more then they should have had to deal with… So many things…

✿ “Hey Frin!”

✦̵ “Bonnie, I… sorry. For.. all of this…”

✿ “Um. For what though?”

✦̵ “I um… For scaring you yesterday? And um. Probably the whole house? And…”

✿ “Oh no that’s okay.”

✦̵ “I-huh?”

✿ “I mean, not like you can help the whole spooky stuff. And besides, you were like, REALLY crabbing hungry. Like, Loop said you hadn’t eaten for a really long time? I kinda don’t get that part, cause doing the same day a bunch is weird.”

Fair, that’s kind of a weird part that you… Kinda never internalized? You just tried not to think about it too hard.

✿ “But still! You didn’t get food! That’d make anyone a super crab! Like, I member Nille getting super crabby when she was hungry, and that was like. Only a missed meal? You missed a bunch of them! Plus you had to fight a bunch, and you had to do a bunch of stuff a lot without talkin about it? And you were only like. A little spooky? And a little crabby to some of us? And kinda broke the house a bit?”

✦̵ “I… I guess?”

✿ “Yeah, if I had to do that, I’d blow up the whole crabbing world.”

✦̵ “Heh, really?”

✿ “I totally crabbing would! Whole world! Sides, you kinda cleared the whole house and nearly beat the king yourself, so I think that bolances it out.”

✦̵ “Balances it out.”

✿ “Yeah that!...Frin, I gotta ask somethin though….”

✦̵ “Oh, um, sure?”

✿ “Um… When… when I hit your eye… you put it back together? So… why is the other one...?”

Oh! Uh… You guess you don’t need to hide it anymore. You quickly morph it back, and move the eyepatch.

✦̵ “I um. Couldn’t think of an excuse. Without… talking about the monster thing.”

Bonnie stares at the eye… and goes a little teary eyed…

And then! They hug you!

You… you hug back. Like they taught you.

✿ “Don’t scare me like that again, okay? I felt super bad.”

✦̵ “Even if It had stuck Bonnie, I would have done it just the same. You matter, okay? An eye would be well worth keeping you.”

✿ “… okay. But. I just. Don’t wanna see you get hurt, okay Frin?”

✦̵ “I know. Same here.”

You hug them a little longer. It feels. Good. To get that out of the way.

✿ “Oh! Oh! Um. If you did the stuff we would have done today already… Did... Did you get to have Malanga fritters?”

Oh stars remembering the fritters makes you SO HAPPY!!!!

✦̵ “Yes!!! Oh my stars they were SO GOOD!!!!! I think it made my day several times!!!!”

✿ “CRAB YEAH!!!”

✦̵ “To be fair, pretty much everything you made was good, that was just a personal favorite. I made sure to try each and every one, since I had the chance to!”

✿ “Wait, even the pineapple? Loop said you were allerzic.”

✦̵ “Allergic. But uh... Yeah. That… might be the only snack that I did not like...”

✿ “Okay! All pineapple stuff goes to me then!”

✦̵ “Agreed. It is one of your favorites, so no arguments here!”

✿ “Kinda wish I coulda seen when you got to try the fritters though.”

✦̵ “You can make more, I’m pretty sure I’ll react the same way.”

✿ “Hm... Okay!”

You give Bonnie a little extra squeeze, and then head off to the next person…

Which should be… Not Isa, not yet. You… feel nervous about that…

Mirabelle! Mira would be nice.

◉ “Siffrin! Are you feeling better?”

✦̵ “Yeah.”

◉ “Thank goodness, I’m glad!”

… You… You have to apologize. For yesterday.

✦̵ “I.. Um…. I’m sorry for yesterday!”

◉ “Oh!”

✦̵ “I just. Um… We… We had a talk, about stuff once, and It went well that first time, and I didn’t know how to say it the second time around, and it all came out wrong, and then I panicked and-”

◉ “Wait um. Actually, can we… not… talk about… past Mirabelle’s?”

✦̵ “oh... sorry.”

◉ “I-It’s okay! It’s just... I can guess what you talked about with them and… I don’t… think I want to hear it? Even if it helped, I… I want to figure it out myself?”

✦̵ “Oh. Okay. I... guess? Is it... you don't want.. cheats? I guess?”

◉ “Yes! Well, I guess… more like spoilers? Either way, I really don’t like the idea of anyone knowing more about me then myself! So um… I hope that’s okay?”

You don’t get it personally. You’d love if someone could just kinda give you answers to stuff about you. It’s such a mess figuring it out yourself…

But, Mira isn’t you, and it’s unfair to go off your own judgments on stuff like that. So, you’ll respect that. You’re sure she’ll figure it out eventually.

✦̵ “okay then.”

◉ “That aside though… Quite honestly, Siffrin? A LOT has happened in the last day or so. We woke up early, saw a message in blood, we met a star person with your face, we went through the house with all… THAT stuff, we found out about you time traveling for our sakes, we beat the king, The head housemaiden was so weird, we then had to fight you, we decided to keep traveling again, I’m digesting snacks Bonnie got us cause we missed breakfast, I’m sleepy…”

✦̵ “sorry”

◉ “Look a LOT happened with a lot of different emotions to them all, from happiness to fear to relief to utter horror. So. What you said yesterday is. Pretty far down the list for things I’m thinking about.”

Ah. That… makes sense.

◉ “Maybe, when I’ve had more time to process, THEN I might be angry.”

✦̵ “If you do, tell me. I’d rather get it out of the way. Even if you need to... hit me or something?”

◉ “Wha- Siffrin! No! Even if I’m angry, I don’t want to do anything like that! We can deal with anger when it happens, but Please don’t say things like that! Thinking you’re expecting that… Is that what you think of me?”

✦̵ “N-No! Just… I… what else would someone do? Given… everything?”

◉ “No! Where in the world did you get that idea?”

… you… don’t remember… Not the ones who cared for you but… those around them… It was standard...

◉ “… Well, I’m not gonna do that, and if I find someone who DID, I’m gonna hit THEM… And… I can tell you regret what happened too. And that counts for more then you think.”

It does? It doesn’t feel like it does but. Is that why people are so okay with things?

◉ “Still, I kinda feel bad too. You always seemed so mysterious and cool, I didn’t try to get to know you better. You looked like you have secrets! And I figured I didn’t want to press you on them, because that would be annoying, and none of my buisness, so I didn’t ask you anything.”

✦̵ “I… to be fair, I did have… a lot of secrets… clearly…”

◉ “Yes but… I’ve kinda realized you're very shy and introverted. Like me! You don’t want to tell people things, because why would you?”

✦̵ “Yeah! I didn’t want any of you to have to deal with… ANY of this! That sounds HORRIBLE!!!”

◉ “I know! I felt the same way about the king! About being chosen, about having to save everyone! I didn’t want to bother anyone with that…”

✦̵ “… But they always come back to haunt us, don’t they?”

◉ “Exactly!… I… What I’m getting at is…”

Mirabelle grabs your hands.

◉ “W-We should talk more! About feelings and stuff! So we can help each other out! I-If that’s okay!”

✦̵ “I...Of course Mira. I’d love that.”

◉ “Hehe! Yay! Feeling’s buddies!”

You nod in agreement. She lets go of your hands. Oh, you remember something you need to tell her, DESPERATELY.

✦̵ “Oh, um. So. I know you don’t want to talk about past mira’s. But. There was. ONE thing that happened. That you REALLY need to know about. And it's a thing that happened to us, so it probably doesn't count?”

◉ “Oh, uh, okay? What is it?”

✦̵ “… We met the change god.”

◉ “...What?”

✦̵ “We met. The Actual Change God. In person. Face to face.”

◉ “……. I… I need to know more.”

✦̵ “They um. Talked to you first, obviously. Were really nice to you, said they were happy with how you’ve been going, content with how much you’ve been changing, and okay with you staying the same in other ways. Their words, not mine!! They… They really like you, honestly.”

◉ “That… I’m… Going to have to have to process that later.”

✦̵ “Same. What they said to me was… Very different. Like a whole other person. And they… felt sad for me. They were so cheerful towards you, borderline silly about it but… They looked at me like a hurt child. And told me bits about my old life and… I don’t quite understand…”

◉ “I… That’s really nice of them... I wonder why they know you so well?”

✦̵ “Said it’s because of, and I quote, their ‘beloved’.”

◉ “Wait… Is. Is the change god BONDED?!? To WHO?!?”

✦̵ “I have absolutely no idea!?!”

◉ “...Well now want to know them more. This gives me SO many questions… Yet another thing to think about…”

✦̵ “With that dropped, I think I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”

◉ “That’s fair. And uh. Thank you, Siffrin. As confusing as this day has been, I think it’s been a good one? We are SO going to have to talk feelings more later though!”

You nod in agreement, and head off.

Okay. Just… one more person to talk to…

… In. and Out. In. and Out. Okay. It’ll be fine. You’re sure. Right?

▲ “Hey Sif-”

✦̵ “I’m So Sorry Isa! It wasn’t okay what I did yesterday or about lying to you about what I am or scaring you and I was super mean to you and-”

▲ “Woah woah woah! Take a deep breath buddy!”

You take a deep breath, in and out.

▲ “Heh… Look, you might have said some cutting things, and called me out on some stuff I feel awkward about but… I’m kinda glad? You really must pay attention?”

✦̵ “Huh?”

▲ “Sif, you knew me well enough to know my thoughts and entire personality by my heartbeat alone. Most wouldn’t have even bothered that much! You… care a lot, don’t you?”

...You nod. You care about all of them but. Especially Isa. Isa helped you feel better at your worst. Not just here but on your adventures, you always could go to them and just relax a little. Make some jokes, make them laugh, they’d make you laugh. It mattered, so much.

▲ “I guess you must have learned even more about me in that whole time-loop thing, huh? It’s kinda nice, to have someone see me so clearly!”

✦̵ “I… Yeah, I get that. That does sound nice, but...”

▲ "If you still feel bad about it, you can say something nice later? To balance it out. Not that you need to, just if it makes you feel a little better.”

✦̵ “Of course. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of nice things to say.”

▲ “Aw, thanks!…”

Isabeau looks off to the side for a second.

▲ “… Actually… speaking of things to tell… Can I tell you something, Maybe?”

!!! Wait uh! Are they?!? Gonna say it??”

▲ “It’s okay if not I just, feel like this is a good moment, but you’ve been through a lot today so if you’d like to wait till later then maybe-”

You grab his hand. And just. Look at him. Hopeful. If… After everything… After seeing you for what you are… if he still wants to say it then… You don’t want to wait another second to be sure. It feels like the whole world is holding it’s breath.

▲ “I… Just, go for it, right?”

You nod. Please. Stars Please.

He takes a breath in and out.

▲ “...Sif…. Sif I… I really, really liked traveling on this journey so far with you. I really care about you, you're my best friend, my comedy partner, an incredibly important person to me and…”

They grab your hands tightly, and lift you a little.

▲ “And I Love you Sif!!!!”

▲ “I Love you so, so much!!! I love talking to you, and hearing your jokes, and the way you smile right after, And how you listen to what everyone says, and try to help out whatever way you can! Oh and also I love your eyes! That goes for these new monster ones too, they're super cute! And your hair is super soft, and you’re super small and cute, but like, in the same way a wolf cub or panther is, like a little dangerous and feral but also really lovable! I love how your face looks when you eat something you like, or that cheerful look whenever you sing, also your singing is really nice! And how focused you get whenever you’re tinkering with stuff, and-!”

Stars you’re kinda melting a little, and a bit faint! You stumble a bit. Isa lets go a bit and steadies you.

▲ “Oh! Sorry! I got a little excited there! It felt like I couldn’t stop talking! I, did I say this before? Sorry if I just repeated myself, but-”

✦̵ “That!… was the first time…”

▲ “What? Weird!”

✦̵ “Yeah, y-you kept getting interrupted.”

◆ “Well at least you did it this time, Isabeau. About time.”

▲ "Wait were you listening to all that?!"

✦̵ “...Odile, you likely would have interrupted had I not gone out of my way to stop you those times. Everyone else did.”

✿ “Wait we did?”

◉ “Wait, what did we do?”

▲ “Apparently, interrupt Isabeau’s love confession in other versions of today.”

◉ “Wait WHAT?!? I didn’t even realize! Uh. Sorry?”

✦̵ “You didn’t do it this time, so that’s what matters.”

▲ “Heh, fair enough… But um. Sif. Um. How do. You feel. About me?”

You… Stars, you suddenly get why it was so hard for him to say it. You hold Isa’s hand again.

✦̵ “I-I Love you too Isa. I… I really, really love you…”

Isa gives you a giant hug and you pull him close. You’re both blushing! It’s… nice, to finally have that in the open. To finally.. FINALLY know he loves you. The REAL you…

… You remember that one time. You shiver a bit while in his grasp.

▲ “You okay Sif? You started shaking a little.”

✦̵ “Just. Um… Kinda regretting something I did once.”

▲ “Huh?”

✦̵ “I uh… I didn’t ask before doing it but… We kissed. Once… And then I panicked and got monster-y and-”

▲ “Wait we what”

You look him in the face.

✦̵ “W-we kissed.”

He just… makes a bit of a high pitched noise.

✦̵ “I-It didn’t go well, on account of me going monster right after but…”

▲ “Icanbenormalaboutthisinformation”

Isabeau kinda pats his face to calm himself down.

▲ “Okay. We Kissed. I don’t remember it. But we kissed. Okay.”

✦̵ “… Do… do you…”

Isa looks at you, confused. Stars you don’t know if you can say it. It's utterly mortifying to ask it, you have no right to ask it but you really want it and…. BLIND IT!!!!

✦̵ “Doyouwannatryitagainrealquick?!?”

▲ “Ah! I Um!!! I uh! Am… Not. Opposed! If. You uh. Want!”

Just go for it, blind it all!

You quickly wrap your arms around him, and pull him down, kissing him.

He’s surprised for a second. But… He doesn’t pull away. He kisses you back.

… You let go, after a few seconds. You feel so happy. Stars...

◉ “Aw!!”

✿ “Gross.”

◆ “Absolutely Disgusting.”

You both let out a little chuckle at that.

▲ “Welp! I uh… Thanks Sif. That was… My first kiss…”

!!! It was?!? Isa's never had a kiss before?? HOW?!?!? Defuse, quick!

✦̵ “I-In that case, maybe I should get you something to commemorate it? ...I’m thinking a flower.”

▲ “I- Uh, thanks?.. wait.”

✦̵ “Perhaps a Tulip”

▲ “pftHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Isa laughs for a bit longer. You chuckle a bit yourself. It feels nice to hear him laugh again. You haven't heard it for a while now, were too tired to make jokes like that.

✸ “… If everyone’s rested a bit, You in particular Stardust, We should see about getting you fed soon. You’re currently running on reclaimed bits and raw craft, and if you don’t get some proper food in you, you’re going to crash HARD.”

◆ “That does seem important. I'm not sure any of us want to see what a crash like that would look like.”

✸ “Very bad! Regardless, I’ll need to do this at the favor tree, since I’ve ripped open reality there a bunch! It’ll make it easier to get enough to make up for skipped meals~”

◉ “Is it okay if we come along? I kinda don’t want to leave them alone right now.”

▲ “Going to agree on that, and We can talk on the way a bit!”

Loop smiles. Chuckles to himself.

✸ “Alright then. In fact, After we get Stardust fed…”

✸ “I have a little tale to tell~”

[kayleighjennifer]

Beast (Patri Guijarro x reader)

⚠️smut⚠️

Today was the day. Your first champions league final of your whole career. Due to playing your whole life in Wolfsburg (and joining the senior team in 2019) you never made it into the finals.

This and the fact that you played your whole life in Germany lead to the decision to transfer at the start of the season to Barcelona to grow as a player. You never thought about how great life was there or that you would have to play against your former team in that champions league final, but here you are, doing pitch inspection next to the women you’re head over heels for and probably won’t feel the same for you, Patri Guijarro.

The next time you see Patri again is in the tunnel, she tells you calming words while massaging your shoulders. “We will win this and then we’ll go out and have the time of our lives okay?” She tells you and you nod, hugging her like it’s your last time being able to hug her. She presses a kiss onto your forehead and Irene gives you the last prep talk.

The first half was nerve wrecking, Wolfsburg was up by two and nobody from barca seemed to be able to put the ball into the net. You were one of Barcelona’s top scorer and still you had three shots who either got blocked or went wide.

You sit next to Patri in the changing room full of frustration while listening to Alexia’s and Jonatan’s words. When you feel Patri’s hand on your thigh you look up to her and see her smiling at you. “You will get that goal, believe me. You’re here for a reason and I can imagine that it must be hard for you playing against your old club but you’re home here, with Barcelona and with me. Go out there and smash it”.

“Thank you”. You hug her and press a kiss on her cheek. You and her were very close from the start, her being always there for you while settling in and you being there for her after she had a rough break up, but still there is sadly nothing more than friendship in your eyes.

The second half goes way better and it finally happens, Patri scored the first goal for Barcelona in this game. You’re fast by her side, hugging and giving her a kiss on her cheek. “I’m so proud of you, vamos!” You smile at her and she winks at you “that one was for you and now come let’s get more goals”.

Not even three minutes after her first goal, Patri scored another one and ten minutes after that Fridolina gets a goal as well.

You were all tired out by the end of the added game time but Patri still wanted to give you a chance to get your name on the screen.

You see Patri going forward with the ball and are on the other side next to Feli Rauch, directly in the box. She shoots you a high ball and you just let your instincts take over you while doing a beautiful header. Not even ten seconds after it, the whistle is finally blown.

You can’t even process everything when you’re pulled into Patri’s arm and Claudia jumping on your back. After the celebration of the pitch you go to your old teammates and tell them how good they played and that they can be proud of themselves.

Right now you’re in the hotel bar with the Barca squad and some Wolfsburg players, celebrating the final. You are talking to Ewa when you feel two arms sneaking around your waist and you can smell Patri’s perfume. “hello there” you say to her and wave Ewa goodbye. “Care to join me on the dance floor?” Patri asks and doesn’t even give you a chance to say now.

Your bodies are tight and you can feel her hands exploring your body. “Patri what are you doing?”. “I know you want me, you’re not very secret about it and I want you too. You’re all I can think about”. You don’t know from where your confidence is coming but you quickly say “then show it to me. Show me how much you think about me”.

She doesn’t even wait a second and already leads you to her hotel room, pressing you against the wall and kissing you like there is no tomorrow. You move your lips from hers to her neck, making sure to suck as many marks in it as possible. “god you make me feel so good cariño”. You blush at her words and she finally opens the door.

When the two of you reach the bed, she picks you up and lays you beneath her on the bed. Her lips never leave yours as she starts to undress the both of you. Then she starts teasing you until you’re begging her to finally fuck you.

She moves her fingers from your breast to your legs, so that she can open them more and positions herself onto your core. You moan when your clit touches her and she sighs satisfied. “That’s all I could think about since months. You drive me crazy amore”

[eatmangoesnekkid]

The Kill: To Come Fully Alive in Your Female Body is to Know How to Give Death Like a Country Woman Who Knows How to Process Her Home-Grown, Organically-Raised Chickens When It's Time

How I Reprogram My Cells With New Narratives Using My Imagination and After Care (My Gift to Readers On Tumblr)

I'm almost 48 years old and every month my body releases a healthy beautiful egg because it is still trying to have a big chunky baby.

I'm not peri-menopausal yet but will be using this year to reprogram my tissues with new narratives around menopause beyond the dehydrating stories I can feel trapped in my female line. The keycode here is that it takes time so you must begin now....early.

I'm deeply a strategic and proactive woman in all my fairy playfulness and do not dissociate from any cycle of my body or womanhood in any way. Instead I spend time reprogramming my cells and lovingly planting new narratives into my body, in this case, around the experience of menopause. No doctor will prescribe pills or other substances for my natural female cycles that I have already falling in love with. The keycode here is that your love for the process is essential.

I find comfort in the present moment and I also find comfort in imagining and projecting into the future. I do not fear menopause. I do not hold common expectations that it will be difficult or dry out my pussy or my libido will fall as the culture teaches. I am clear that I won't need hormonal medication. I consciously use my energy to envision myself in the details of what I desire in life as a radiant, flexible, wet, high libido, sassy, symptom-free menopausal woman. But I don't just envision, I feel the emotions of being radiant, flexible, wet, etc. OUR EMOTIONS CONNECT US INTO THE UNIVERSE.

I am often lightyears ahead of what we call "time." Ancient-future. I am planting cosmic seeds now BEFORE my menopause years and continue to take action in the desired direction through staying active and continuing to work on my flexibility and inner beauty—forgiving, clearing, letting go, and dreaming. “Yoh, the fuck you mean ‘wait and see, ’” I thought to myself after a woman waiting in line with me at the airport said that menopause will be the worst time of my life. I responded back in the gentlest manner, " Ma'am, my menopause will not be difficult and I will not feel hot nor lose my high libido.” Haha I said that to her and continued, “I'm not an average woman and anm already programming my future menopausal years in which I rest well at night and wake up aroused for the day. I appreciate your well-intentioned words but they do not apply to me nor do I consent to that experience. I’m such a weird one—not regular. Never been.” The keycode here is that you must be willing to cut people off at the neck who subtly lead life from a victimized position about their own bodies and attempt to place that same energy onto you, even with well-meaning intentions. She was a lovely woman otherwise —and I knew she meant well but I also knew that she giving me feedback on what lives deep in my body, in the hidden and unconscious. I can’t see it but I felt it in our interaction. Therefore I wasn’t really metaphorically cutting HER neck off. I was starting the journey of severing the part of my female lineage that feels the same way as she does. I will repeat this process over and over again in my imagination, then begin the journey of self-soothing my tissues and nervous system with lots of intentional massage, juicing, and rest. What we give death to is still a valuable part that our psyches will miss interacting with, a part that up to now has made us feel safe and held. Lots of self-soothing and letting our tissues know that we will be okay without this aspect of self are essential after care.

I always ask the earth for support and speak my desires into the orange trees as I'm picking fruit, walking through a park, or hiking. The keycode here is that you need initiate support from another divine authority, whether nature, God, your ancestors, etc.

I permit myself to see my future menopausal self being juicy and abundant.

I have always lived my life this way--often 2-3 steps ahead of the game, laughing and playing a lot along the way.

Too many women and other female bodied people are stuck and trapped by the trauma they have programmed to believe about themselves (their cells). It's important that you remember who you are--a magical woman and experience this reality lightheartedly, playfully, and magically accordingly. The keycode here is that your playfulness and lightheartedness help to release any resistances. They become your fuel and battery propelling you forward into your next level or landing you directly into a quantum leap.

Maybe you aren’t concerned about menopause yet but you can apply these key codes to any other aspects of your life. --India Ame'ye, Author

[icedroplove]

64.media.tumblr.com

Chapter 7

-------x-------

Juvia woke up feeling well rested from a peaceful sleep. Looking from the window, she could see little raindrops on the window, but the clouds had already vanished. She stretched, excited to spend more time with her friends even if there was a chance Bora would bother her again.

Yesterday had been rough, but when Juvia laid in her bed and stopped to think about it all, she felt less bad. She wasn’t one to dwell on the past for too long. How could she, when she had such a great present time? That was the philosophy that kept her from getting too emotional over the difficult times when she was younger.

“Good morning” Erza said from her side of the double bed

It was funny how even after all this time the water mage never got used to how light her friend’s sleep was. Even when she was resting, any noise was enough to leave her alert. A true knight, indeed. 

“Morning, Erza!!!” 

“Someone’s happy… Last night must have been really good, huh?

Juvia blushed hard and threw a pillow at her friend, giggling. She knew Erza rooted for them as much as herself, so she didn’t feel uncomfortable about the innuendo. That meant she wasn’t imagining things. 

Before she went to sleep, her mind was going feral trying to process what had happened when they were in the lobby, clothes damp from standing in the rain. Gray caught her face in his hands and talked to her with such care that she almost thought… And then he looked at her mouth! She could swear he did. There was a moment, after she had closed her eyes, that she felt him brush his finger against her bottom lip. She didn’t dream that, right?

Had Gray really been close to kissing her?

By Erza’s look, yes.

“What’s bugging you, Juvia? Don’t look at me like that… I know something’s up. Usually, if there was an advance this huge you would be screaming or crying from joy or even melting into a puddle. Talk to me.”

Juvia  sighed and laid on her side, her face close to the redhead. Feeling transparent as, well, water she whispered in a low and airy voice “I’m afraid it will pass.”

“What do you mean?”

“Juvia’s afraid Gray-sama will change his mind… and that fear makes her feel bad. She should trust her beloved, doubt is poison to one’s love. Still. She can’t help but feel as if it will all be taken from her at any moment.”

Erza kept quiet after she was done rambling as if she was measuring her next words.

“First of all, don’t blame yourself for doubting. You have the right to feel that way since my idiot friend has let you down in the past. What I can say is… Gray has changed so much thanks to you. Your presence in his life is vital, even if he fails to demonstrate it most of the time. I know it’s hard to wait so long for him, but ever since the 100 years quest started I noticed he’s been way more open about his feelings with you. Am I wrong?”

“No…”

“And lately he’s been making more progress. I’ve been watching the both of you and - geez, that sounded a bit creepy - anyway, I’ve been keeping an eye on you both and believe me when I say this, I’m sure he’s made his mind. After all you both have been through, how not?”

“You’re right. Gray-sama and Juvia have come a long way. And her love for Gray-sama is stronger than anything in this world, so she should be patient!”

“Woah, calm down. I’m not saying you should accept anything he does just cause you love him. That’s not healthy. If you want this to work, you must stand your ground as well. Tell him what you want, your desires matter as much as his. You shouldn’t have to wait forever for Gray if it’s making you suffer. My advice is: find a balance between giving him space and letting your feelings be known.”

“Erza… You’re so wise. Thank you”

Juvia hugged her friend, letting everything Erza said sink in. A middle ground… she wasn’t exactly known for being balanced, but she could try.

-x-

A few hours later, team Natsu (and Juvia) were standing in the entrance of the publisher’s. A middle-aged woman let them in, introducing herself as Olga. She led them to a cozy living room with a L-shaped couch and a fireplace. They sat and Lucy took the charge. She presented herself as a journalist who wanted an interview to talk about her work in the book field. 

Judging by Olga’s stance, she wasn’t thrilled. Stil, she casually led them to another room filled with bookshelves and a drawer, telling them to wait there.

“I’ll fetch some tea and biscuits since you’re a large group. Are you all from Sorcerer’s Weekly?”

“Yeah.” Lucy answered quickly.

“Cool.” With that, she disappeared.

That was their cue to start the hunt for any kind of information they could get. They started carefully looking through the books and papers on the table. 

“Take a look at this, Lucy-san!”

Wendy found a letter. It was addressed to Olga, and the sender was a name that they had heard before.

Ludovic.

This was getting interesting…

[babishfantasies]

I promised - part 3

part 1 - part 2

When I finished doing my business, all of it while I was tightly pressed against her body, I could feel how my stomach sank at the thought of what I just did. Not only was I suckling this woman's breast, but I’ve also came while doing so, and now my mess was all over my pants as a terrible sinful dark stain over my gray sweatpants. When I felt that sudden shame wash over my body my first instinct was to release her and run from there as fast as I could, the last thing I wanted was for her to see me like this, but when I tried to move from her I felt her arms surrounding me in a loving embrace, one arm firmly holding my chest and the other my head. “It’s ok sweetie, you just had to go, I understand it. You don’t have to leave me” She said in a lower tone, making me wane on my effort to release her. “Sssshhhh, yes, that’s it, just relax, slow breaths” She continued as my arms no longer tried to release her, but went on their way back to embrace her comforting frame.

As she continued saying comforting words while caressing and kissing my head I couldn’t help myself to feel so sad. When was the last time someone had been so accepting and understanding with me? I mean this was all so bizarre to even make sense of it from such a perspective… But all I cared about at this moment was the loving attention she was paying to me. The shame was slowly being replaced with something else, something gray and depressive, but comforting. I just wanted to let it in, to be in its sadness, to feel such abandon from the weight that came with this overwhelming shame… So I gave in, and as soon as I let it in my eyes were filled with tears and all I could do was cry and sob.

“Oohh baby, it’s all right, just let it all out. Mommy loves you”. Those words hit me harder than I could possibly imagine and I just cried even harder. It was an all out bawling at this point, as if an ancient curse had been lifted from me. I just cried and cried with my head sink on her (on mommy’s?) embrace, all of it while she continued to pet my head. I must have stayed like that for a long while until I finally started to calm down. I was still a mess, both in my pants and emotionally, but I had finally regained my breathing and could talk again, not that I wanted to say anything. She noticed it though, and as she released me from her embrace and surveyed my face she only pronounced “awwww, poor little thing” while she took my t-shirt and used it as an improvised towel to clean the mess that was my face. “I’ll clean it later, so don’t worry about it, baby” she said, but I wasn’t worried about my t-shirt, but rather I appreciated the gesture to even clean my face while I continued to sniff a little. After thoroughly cleaning my face she checked my pants to see how much damage I had made. I surrendered long ago to her care, but still it hurt my pride a little bit. “Well, I guess we can take care of that later. Don’t worry about it sweetie” she said in a reassuring tone. But why later? Why not now?

As she was putting her bra cup in place I deduced our little session was over, and of course it was, how could she continue to feed me after my little accident and bawling session? I ruined the mood for sure. Not that I was interested in continuing anyways, though I couldn’t deny it had been a pleasant experience. In fact I guess I do feel a little bit sad it’s over… god, what am I even saying? It must be that I’m tired. Not only was it kind of late, but also all of the emotions I had felt in the last hour (I think) had left me drained. I need time to process this, because right now I can’t even make sense of who I am anymore.

As my mind drifted through all of this confusion it caught me by surprise to feel her hand guiding my head towards her. When I lifted my eyes I saw her other cup removed, with her massive breast protruding from her bra, with her luscious nipple covered in delicious milk droplets. Now that I knew what was waiting from me my mouth started to salivate immediately and my lips started to open in anticipation. Was she sure about this? I thought I had ruined the night by now. “Don’t be shy, baby. Be a good boy and drink you milkies” She said almost as if she could sense my guilt. So I obeyed and just latched on her nipple like… like her good little baby.

When I felt that first spray of milk in my mouth I felt so relieved because I knew I could go back to that heavenly time we just had moments ago. All of my grief, guilt, shame and sadness disappeared as I started to suckle again, and as my body started to melt once more with hers my eyes started to slowly close, feeling the comfort and security that she provided me by taking me into her embrace and letting me drink her honeyed milkies. And the more I got back into the rhythm of suckling and swallowing her sweet nectar, my tired body started to give up, settling me slowly into a sleepy mood until all I could feel was my suckling and mommy’s warmth.

Part 4

[avatarmerida]

Truth or Dare

Quick little Drabble where the Labyrinth brothers bond about how much they want Hunter to date Willow

—-

“Okay truth or dare?” Gus asked.

“Uhhh truth?” Said Hunter, knowing how creative and dangerous Gus’s dares tended to be.

“Okaaaaay,” said Gus, his face summoning a devious grin. Hunter gulped, he had also forgotten how creative and dangerous Gus’s truths tended to be. How had he roped him into playing this game again? “Hmmm, tell me something you’ve never told anyone else!”

“Uh, well I tell Flapjack everything so I don’t have anything that really falls under that category,” said Hunter with a shrug, giving the little bird a gentle pat. He was relieved the specifications took the Grimwalker secret out of the running.

“Okay then, tell me something you’ve only told Flapjack!”

Flapjack happily chirped a suggestion which made Hunter scrunch his face and turned his ears red. Gus was instantly intrigued.

“Um, I dunno about that one buddy,” said Hunter nervously. “I don’t think Gus wants to hear about that haha!”

“Yes I do! Yes I do!” Gus bounced eagerly on the couch. “Tell me what Flapjack said!”

“You keep changing the conditions of the truth and I feel like that’s not allowed...” said Hunter.

“Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!”

“Okay, okay fine!” Hunter gave in with a light groan. The secret wasn’t really embarrassing, it was something more delicate than that. “When we were still in the demon realm before... a lot of stuff happened... I had decided that I was gonna ask Willow out... on a date... to go on a date... with me.”

Gus let out a gasp so loud Hunter was worried he’d wake the whole house. “You have a crush on Willow?!” The boy exclaimed with wide bright eyes.

“Did I just tell you two secrets?” Hunter asked between clenched teeth.

“Nah man, I already knew that one.” Gus assured. Hunter didn’t know how to feel about that, either Gus was very perceptive or Hunter wasn’t as aloof as he thought. “But wait, why haven’t you? We’ve been here for months, you’ve had plenty of chances.”

“I know, but I can’t until...”

“Until what? Are you waiting for the cherry blossom to come back in season so they can fall dramatically behind you as you confess your love to her?” Gus teased with a kissy face.

“...until I get approval from her dads,” Hunter finished simply even thought Gus’ suggestion had also crossed his mind. Hunter knew mentioning family back in the Isles was still a delicate subject.

“Aw dude, that’s really sweet but you don’t need their permission to ask her out.” Gus assured.

“Well, all the books I’ve read would highly disagree.” Hunter said smugly.

“You researched this?”

“Of course,” said Hunter. “I’ve never done it before so I wanna make sure I do it right. I know it’s Willow’s decision and they can’t make her say anything but they mean a lot to her and I’d feel better if they liked me before I tried to become a bigger part of her life, that’s all.”

“Hmm what if they like you and she still says no?”

Hunter face sunk. “Why would you say that?”

Gus giggled. “What if they say no? What would you do then?”

“Well, I’d ask for their honest feedback and take notes on how I can improve,” Hunter stated. “I mean, I’d imagine their standards are high. But they must be used to it by now, I’m sure Willow has had many suitors.”

“Suitors?”

“Is that not... what people call them still?”

“Not in this century dude.”

“Oh,” said Hunter quietly, furrowing his brow as he thought. “Maybe that book was a little outdated.”

“Maybe a little,” Gus chuckled in agreement. “But I think it’s sweet you care what her dads think. Willow would think it’s sweet too.”

Hunter smiled faintly at the suggestion would find anything about him sweet. “Yeah well, like I said I decided that I was gonna do it but I’m not sure how long the process would take,” said Hunter. “She’s so...” Hunter couldn’t even finish his sentence, he couldn’t pick only a few words to describe Willow. He chuckled at his own speechlessness. “I probably would’ve chickened out anyway.”

“Well, now you don’t have that option,” said Gus. “Now that I’m in on the secret, I’m gonna make sure you follow through. You already have my approval, and I think that’s a lot harder to acquire than her dads’; I’m way pickier.”

“Aw thanks,” said Hunter genuinely trying not to tear up. “That... actually means a lot to me. Heh, I guess I do tend to overcompicate things a little huh?”

“Yeah, but that’s only ‘cause you care a lot,” said Gus. “Willow deserves to be with someone who cares a lot. She also cares a lot.”

“Hmm, yeah she does,” agreed a Hunter softly, it was one of many qualities he admired in the plant witch.

“Hey, wait; what if Willow wanted to ask you out?” Gus asked.

“Oh, what? Pssh, I don’t think she’d ask me out, I mean she totally could I wouldn’t mind I mean I definitely wouldn’t say no but I mean.. uh... why? Did she... say something?”

“No, well maybe actually, but no my point is: if she wanted to ask you out and follow the same rules, who would she need to get permission from?”

“Oh,” Hunter said, understanding Gus’ point. “Hmm, well she’d have to approach my guardian which would technically be... not an option right now because he’s evil?” Hunter put his fist under he chin as he pondered.

“What about Darius?”

“I guess? I don’t think Darius would care. I mean, he would, but I think he would find it silly,” said Hunter. “Or he might try to talk her out of it to mess with me. Actually no, don’t send her to Darius; it’s too risky.”

“Right, right,” laughed Gus, loving how invested a Hunter was in the hypothetical. “What about me?”

“I’m older than you,” said Hunter with a laugh, before his face turned serious. “Why? Did she ask you for permission?”

“As if Willow would ask my permission for anything,” scoffed Gus, the very notion hilarious. She hadn’t asked for Gus’ permission no, but she had asked his advice. But Gus would save that information for later. “What about Camila? She’s a pretty good guardian.”

“Yeah,” Hunter instantly agreed. “She would be a great guardian! I would trust her to make the right call. So I- wait, why were we talking about this again?”

“No reason, just planning my next dare,” said Gus slyly. “I’ve always been a pro at locating technicalities and loopholes.”

“Gus,” said Hunter sternly, cautiously rising up from his sleeping bag. “Did Willow say something? Are you planing something? Why are you-.”

Gus jumped up, shedding his blankets as he ran full speed up the stairs. Hunter took off after him but the smaller boy was too quick.

“Camila! Camila!” Gus yelled as he nearly tripped over his own feet before saying the next part quieter in order to tease Hunter. “I need you to give Willow permission to date Hunter!”

“Gus! Shhhh!”

“Willow!” He yelled. “Do you wanna play truth or dare?!”