#and that must be so hard
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I just finished Fourth Wing and I realized that the reason that Xaden never really hated Violet is because he knew about her from her brother and already knew she was a good person and I want to CRY
#is it November yet#the fourth wing#violet sorrengail#xaden riorson#violet and xaden#brennan sorrengail#violet x xaden#like he heard about her from someone who loved her so deeply#gosh there was so much for Violet to process at the end there so quickly#I feel like I’m still processing it so I can’t even imagine how she must feel#to lose such a good friend who died defending your life but also after you just an arguement with#for your entire WORLD to tilt#as you realize your country that you put so much faith in has lied to you#and your love and your dragons were keeping it a secret for so long#and you almost die#and then you find out your brother is alive#and that must be so hard#because it was another painful secret#but also—he’s alive!#Jesus Christ that’s so much at once#fourth wing
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can we stop pretending like it’s so super easy for trans men to pass. “oh just put on a baggy shirt and cut your hair-“ it literally doesn’t work like that and I refuse to believe you actually think it’s that easy
#I do as much as I can pre t and I still get misgendered constantly#it’s to be expected and I understand#but I wish people would stop making it out like it’s so easy to pass#bc it’s not!#and when you talk about how easy it is it a) makes people feel like they must not be trying hard enough and that’s why they don’t pass#and b) undermines the difficulties experienced by trans men#trans#lgbtq#ftm#trans man#transgender#transmasc#transgender man#trans pride#donnieisaprettyboy#ftm problems
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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x09 - “The Dirt Under Your Nails.”
#theyre sooooooooo 🥺🥺🥺#caitvi#arcane#arcaneedit#piltover's finest#wlwedit#caitlyn x vi#vi x caitlyn#arcane league of legends#league of legends arcane#vi#vi arcane#arcane vi#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#arcane caitlyn#s2 ep9#arcane season 2#arcane s2#being serious fr that this blog wouldnt even exist without caitvi so yeah like i love the show but i wouldnt rlly#be making a dedicated sideblog about it and would just prolly post gifs occasionally on my main#congrats to the lesbians for melting this cold cold ex-retired fandom gifmaker's heart bc i usually dont ship things THIS hard#I STILL HAVE TO MAKE A GIANT CAITVI SET OF EVERYTHING FROM S2 and it will prolly break ur phones again but idc bc i must make the gays
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How did Henry let William’s ideas pass in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#wiliam afton#henry emily#circus baby#sister location#fnaf fanart#this comic is unserious#but also I am genuinely curious how Henry just gave these ideas a pass#LIKE Henry is semi aware of the more questionable aspects to animatronics#he even says so in pizza sim how guilty he feels aiding in this#I JUST GOTTA believe he was half paying attention to whatever William was up to#didn’t think too hard about it and just wanted to make his robots#William must of been ecstatic that Henry agreed over and over#like dude lucked out BAHA
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even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.
they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!
when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.
if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.
at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.
it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.
but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.
and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."
it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.
someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.
more often for me, life was a drowning.
#warm up#spilled ink#writeblr#it's hard to explain bc i do like the acceptance but it's like the ocd thing#autism is . an entire neurotype. yes we get 'cool autism powers' but we mostly say that#for OUR sake. on the autism website.#the cool autism powers do come with like. quality of life problems.#girl being in a room with LEDs gives me a headache. so you can kind of imagine how that might#in some way#influence my ability to function#will defend self diagnosis to the death as long as it is CLEAR AND LEGITIMATE. not like.#oooo i struggle talking 2 women i must be autistic#girl what. i struggle with the act of TALKING.
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i don't normally participate in these redraw challenges but it's megumi so i'll make an exception
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk megumi#megumi#looks at clock UHHHHHHHH oops#i got lost in the sauce that is rendering his gd chin and under his lips.... ive been in stylized anime mouth land 2 long i fear#i had forgotten how much of a pain those shadows are :'>>> eSP at a lookdown angle#fought a bit but little did he know i spent years doing coloured pencil portraits. this is My domain#god but the rest of the skin render was so FUN i love . warm grey in2 brown in2 red/orange fr the deep underneck shadow#lip tint heavy blush freckles glossier model fushiguro megumi...........im a believer i fear#had a bit of a hard time finding a middle ground between how i normally draw his hair and a more Realistic take on it#the model in the og has hair that's pretty close but i think the strands r a bit short n too heavily curved fr my tastes#its my brand im afraid i simply must give itfs both longer hair#nothing else feels Right#but god i underestimated how Good this photoshoot is as megu material . i get the hype now i get it#i did the sketch n i looked at it and i had an oh /oh/ moment#smh megumi put those lustrous emerald orbs away before u hurt some1#his gaze is too powerful . slaps a red bg on him makes him my new icon :)#anyway its 6am it is morning time do i sleep fr like 3 hrs or do i say megumi voice Whatever we shall see
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Dustin posts a Tiktok where it’s very clear that he was going to say something important but was instantly distracted by the snippet of conversation walking (unannounced) through his front door.
Eddie: …like when you’re a kid and you didn’t understand the concept of death so you kept putting bugs in your pockets and killing them on accident.
Steve: That’s not a universal experience, Eddie.
Eddie: Yes, it is. Everybody did that. You did that when you were a kid.
Steve: You think I was putting bugs in my clothes???
Eddie: Yes??? Just like everybody else. Back me up, Henderson
Dustin: I created habitats for bugs and kept them in my room.
Steve: That’s why your cat got eaten.
#Their FBI agent: Not Dustin too#Steve was not putting bug in his pockets when he was a kid#He was picking worms off the sidewalk and putting them in the grass#…right before the lawn maintenance guy mows over top of it#Steve proceeded to cry so hard he threw up#Eddie put bugs in his pockets in his mouth in a jar that he kept in his window until he thought about how the bug must feel trapped#unable to be in the dirt (Eddie’s favorite place) and then he cried#eddie munson tiktok saga#steve harrington#eddie munson#dustin henderson
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"Vices"
#why is my ww always so tired#keeping up with the humanoid typhoon must be hard tbh#trigun#karly draws#vashwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun maximum
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Stephanie has got a gun, tra-la-la-la how fun 🎶
#nerdy prudes must die#hatchetfield#team starkid#fanart#stephanie lauter#hiii guess who's experiencing starkid brainrot again after 3 years#npmd was genuinely so so good WATCH IT RN#everything about it went so hard i love the characters i love the music oughhh#gotta catch up on nmt now omg#sanesartworks
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new favorite oc alert favorite oc alert i am infatuated with her. tumblr gets the special space pirate au version of her
#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr#oc art#sev ocs#my art#she’s just everything. my god i love you honda!#love her so much i draw her doing everything but her job#i imagine drawing surgery would be hard and scary. so. i haven’t yet#but i do want to… i have ideas#this is a woman who Needs to be covered in blood. i must make it happen
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vs
#jason todd#baby boy. baby#i probably should have included him telling sheila haywood 'that must have been so *hard* for you' but.#didnt.
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LOCKED IN | LOCKED OUT
Shiv watches. Though glass. Quite frozen.
#You actually don't have experience... That was 'Daddy make-work.'#Are your nips hard? They must be cos you are SO out in the cold.#It's not my fault that you didn't get his approval.#When he let you in—when the sun shone—it was warm. It was warm in the light.#You can get a little high—a little mighty—when you're warm.#Succession#Succession HBO#Siobhan Roy#Shiv Roy#Sarah Snook#Kendall Roy#Jeremy Strong#Roman Roy#Kieran Culkin#Tom Wambsgans#Matthew Macfadyen#gif#gifset#Succession spoilers
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the accolade ( the...the cat-olade...)
#mine#original#i cannot even begin to explain the anguish. the torment. this drawing has brought me#and i STILL dont like it. i simply cant work on it any longer i cant i cant. i must be rid of it#eating drywall as we speak#you want to know how many weeks ive worked on this. THREE. ALMOST.#you want to know how long my other cat drawings take me ?? 3 days absolute MAX#anyway. begon foul creature etc#i havent left extremely long tags for a long while hello everyone good lord there are many of you#we are going stratford this weekend very exciting#its going to be a little chilly and i want to take my new coat with me but issue its not chilly right now so i cant wear it onto the train#i do not think. i can. stuff it into my suitcase i dont think that will happen#i am sure i will figure it out#also. no longer vegan . eggs have won me over. egg egg egg.#im having to restrain myself SO hard from buying more wool i want a shawl i want a shawl#i want more cute DRESSES why are nice comfy dresses 10000£#i look on vinted and its like dresses for popping your pussy in like not. the vibe im going for thank u#anyway. im going to eat crackers now
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I understand that 'I made you a cake (please somehow infer from this that I would live die and kill god for you)🥺' lacks a certain edge of drama as romance lock-ins go, but the things it says about rook and lucanis individually and their connection in particular that both of them somehow walked away from that conversation with the (correct & mutual) understanding that 'so this is it then. the long haul. I found them. The One. ...💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖'. unspeakable. and very funny. they did, somehow, infer.
#we must imagine lucanis-romancing rook a similarly huge weirdo#it's the only thing that makes sense#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#the fact that he manages to stumble into saying there's enough for everyone thus undercutting his own attempted rizz.#there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for him. he's trying he's trying so hard#similarly the way they're acting outwardly hasn't changed much but the others seem to have picked up on it anyway#so it must be a sort of '...oh so that WAS what was up there then. huh.' moment for the rest of them fhskjdsa
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Also have another “first words spoken to you are on your skin” soulmate AU idea where Kara is a journalist assigned to shadow the controversial CEO of L-Corp for the day. It’s a big deal for her to get this assignment, so of course she trips the second she’s near the other woman and tries awkwardly to redeem herself.
The CEO stares at her almost in shock, and then says nothing. At all. Ever, for the entire day.
Kara spends hours following Lena Luthor around trying to fill the silence, but no amount of questions get her to talk. Lena almost seems to be running away at some points - like she’s trying to lose her? - and the few times she’s managed to catch her actually talking to someone she goes silent the second she sees Kara.
She asks around if Miss Luthor is usually like this and everyone looks at her like she’s crazy. Apparently she’s the only one who gets the silent treatment. By the end of her first day shadowing she’s walking away with half a page of observations and not a single quote. Miss Grant is going to kill her.
But that’s okay. It’s fine, this isn’t over. She has four days of shadowing ahead of her and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t finish this with a quote from the woman herself. It’s only a matter of time.
#what if you were an over stressed billionaire who feels like your existence must be a constant apology for the sins of your family#and you’re about to be followed around and studied by some no named baby reporter sent from a fashion magazine#you’re battling the migraine of a century you have five crises to settle all at once and also that baby reporter just said your words#the ones you’ve carried for the last decade - the ones you’ve feared and hoped for ever since#and it’s wonderful probably - this is what people dream of - but the problem is you just don’t have time for this#you can’t have your big soulmate moment#not right now. definitely not with this reporter. it’s not the right time#so I guess those words will just have to wait until it is time#if you can someone manage to resist. it’ll be hard#she does seem like someone it’d be really easy to talk to after all#good luck to you both#soulmate AU#Supercorp#fun shenanigan that I shan’t be writing#mine
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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