#just channel your 19-year-old self | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sos717 · 6 months ago

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i guess you don’t answer anymore but i’m hoping you at least read this because it’s genuine and i feel like i have nowhere else to post this. i just want someone to hear me. ignore this if it’s too long. i want to thank you for your posts. they are the only writings that have truly resonated with me ever since i discovered the law, neville, states, being, whatever we call this thing. but i’ll be honest i’m giving up today. i discovered the ‘law of attraction’ in 2019 when i was 18 years old. it is now getting to the last quarter of 2024 and i am 23 where i’ve evolved in understanding to where i found ‘nondualism’. i went from law of attraction -> law of assumption & neville goddard -> robotic affirming -> mindset fixing & joe dispensa -> states & edward art -> nondualism. however… i have never manifested a single thing in my life. i used to be filled with anxiety when i said this. fearing these words would cause it to keep going on but i don’t even want to fear anymore. it’s just the truth. your posts taught me that i don’t have to fear my words anymore anyways. i’ve had a dream for a long time. i don’t believe i will ever reach this dream anymore. along with that dream i also just really wanted good for my family and i. you know the basics like financial freedom, happiness, mended relationships. but throughout everything i’ve learned i could never make it work and i’m just done. i guess i will return to living a normal life and just hoping i make it. i hope i find happiness or just.. anything. i’m just letting go of it all because i feel like things shouldn’t be this hard. even going to caleb’s channel and watching his recent ‘your manifestation isn’t taking long, you are’ video…. i’m just… exhausted. i just dont know how to do this and i don’t think i can take life anymore anyways. but yeah i just wanted to say thank you. even though i could never find success, you taught me who I Am. and i’ll forever be grateful for your wisdom even though you’re a bit younger than me. i hope you find continued success and live a happy life. sincerely

THIS IS JUST THE FIRST PART TO THE HUGE POST, PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME

After what felt like months away from tumblr I really dove into self-inquiry fully, and of course still am, and I promised you guys a mega post so here’s the initial information so far. There is more to come.

IM SORRY IF THERE ARE ERRORS IN GRAMMAR OR SMTH I WROTE THIS AT MANY DIFFERENT MOMENTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY!! FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS, ETC BUT PLS DONT ASK BY RESPONDING TO THIS POST, ITLL CAUSE SO MUCH SPAM ON THE FEED AND MY ASKS PAGE

Hello! Yes I have started looking back into my inbox (THERE ALLOT OF ASKS 😭😭🫶) but I absolutely plan on answering as many as possible, and because your post resonated with how I used to feel, I want to answer yours first.

So to begin with, It makes me so happy to know that what I’ve written has some kind of affect (that being positive). I can’t remember if I told you guys how old I was but I must have cus you seem to know 😭😭, yes I’m 19 we’re very close in age, this moment in life is when allot of us who figure out this stuff lean into it more because we realize how much of a leg up we have if we just “apply” the teachings this early on.

So first what I want to say to you is, no, your not giving up on a dream and neither are you going to live a normal life, I’ll make sure of that, this beautiful world that we step into gives us so much insight on what we inherently are. But I need to remind you and everyone else, this is not some big secret that has to be practiced, it’s a look at what we are and always will be. You have purpose and you deserve to be happy and enjoy a life that’s easy and fulfilling. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a pretty long post!! 🫶🫶

Let’s get rid of the labels and titles we’ve given these understandings as if they are for someone to learn and master. No one masters manifestation, no one will ever master manifestation and I truly don’t care for how many “success stories” they have, it doesn’t hold proving value of what they are (notice how I didn’t say who), we are not who’s, but that’s for later in the post.

The reason I’ve stepped away from the concept of manifesting is because it is inherently lack and separation based. No matter the teaching, they all seem to glorify the idea of getting and achieving which puts great pressure on success stories and all that rubbish. (Not me turning British) 😝😝, okay sorry, so yeah this also goes for nondualism, I don’t associate a title with what I learn, it’s not NonDualism it’s actually just self discovery in disguise of a teaching. But for this exact reason I don’t think to myself “I need to learn NonDualism better”, nononooooo I made this mistake wayyy to much due to the sole fact that I came in with the expectation that this would now teach me the secrets of manifesting. This is kind of the set up to more desire and lack, which is actually the opposite of the self-realization “journey”.

So, when you say you have never manifested anything in your life, I say this with incredible pleasure, that this is impossible, I know I know, before you start thinking to yourself that youve heard this before but I don’t think people go that in depth as to what that even means. So, your life and your problems, are not actually problems.

Self-realization is not the journey for the person to become consciousness, but to understand that you ARE consciousness to begin with. You does no reference a someone, but “ “.

This is going to be, quite a post so PLEASE hang in there. And I just want to add in, this is still not a seperate being trying to understand that it’s connected to conciousness, no, you as conciousness, infinite knowing, are so involved with the content that you appear as, you’ve tricked yourself into thinking that you are just 1 thing of the content. Let me use my first example.

We have given ourselves the greatest interpretation and key to knowing ourself, and that’s dreaming.

Every night, we sleep, HOORRAAYYYY, now let’s get into the details because this is where the magic happens and it clicks.

Take the moment before a dream appears, recognize that when the eyes are closed there’s this presence. Not the darkness, the presence. Something, but not a thing.

Stay here and forget the rest of the world exists for a moment. Now there is only this presence, it’s knowing, it’s being right? Now there’s no actual material but regardless, it is, something. This isn’t something out of this world it’s literally, you. From this, knowing or no-thingness, comes expressions, absolutely infinite potential, this is registered as a dream, but, before the dream in any way can be experienced, there always has to be some type of interpreter/lens, this comes in the form a person or better yet, senses. Of course, there’s nothing to the senses or the person but whatever it’s formulated from, which was that presence/knowing. The activity of this infinite potential that is the knowing, (you asleep) appears, only with the help of a pov/sight.

Nonetheless, it plays out, it plays stories of absolutely anything, for no reason at all, and as it does, we get lost to it, it starts to become real, and without even realizing it, it’s no longer a dream but something we’re experiencing, now you are the character in the dream and you naturally play out the dialogue and storyline and explore the fields, magic towers, and laugh and dance and make friends, and then you wake up.

When you wake up, you recognize “oh, nothing was actually happening”, now of course, when your the person in the dream it is very real, but even then, is it? Knowing what you know, there wasn’t actually a place with dialogue, no character of its own experience or life, no actual forests or fields and magic, no one actually laughing and dancing or friends, but simply the appearance of that. The illusion.

And it’s not that it’s only a formulation of you when you realize it is, but it always is, the dream doesn’t only become an illusion or “fake” when you wake up, it’s naturally just fake, REGARDLESS of how it seems to be. And regardless we sleep every night knowing that we’ll forget it’s a dream.

So I think you can see where I’m headed with this, I’m going to use the example Rupert Spira uses but twist it a bit.

You go to sleep in Australia and dream yourself in the streets of Paris, and you take on the identity of John, you don’t actually become John and experience the streets of Paris.

Now, John drinks coffee and he feels the sunlight warm his skin, sees the greenery, feels the wind, all of it. But despite the way it all seems the sunlight, the sensations that John has, is not actually real, and neither is John. John isn’t actually feeling anything, he doesn’t exist and there is no Paris being traveled. And it’s not John that realizes/awakens to the understanding that he’s fake and this is all a dream, it’s you, asleep in Australia that realizes it as you modulate/formulate as the streets of Paris, the coffee, and the greenery, and John, understand?

The activity of that presence, if you recall when we talked about closing your eyes, formulated as something that seemed so real, and that doesn’t give any reality to the dream itself, because there is no separating the knowing from the content known. Without the “space” for it to appear or form from, how on earth would there be the content? A bigger step forward is to realize that there isn’t even an actual dream occurring but it’s all the self knowing presence of, well, knowing. I want to add something very important before moving on.

Knowing does not happen for the purpose of pleasure, we naturally deconstruct false ideas like this as we go, but something you MUST understand about the nature of existence is, none of this is appearing for the purpose of ant experience, there isn’t actually an experience. No one is enjoying nor hating the illusion, it is simply an appearance.

In the same way that the aware/presence before the dream appears from it simply is, in this way, we are. It’s like saying the TV screen plays a movie and experiences it, or does it for the purpose of experience, no that’s silly, knowing has no inherent motive, it is, you (infinite knowing) don’t “happen” for a purpose, never mind happen at all, you are, and in this do you take form of something, your self aware nature of course knows the content of your own being, but that doesn’t mean the illusion can enjoy itself, or that you enjoy or experience the illusion, it’s just a plain appearance, and that’s it.

For example, when you close your eyes on this next demonstration, truly try to grasp the essence of what I’m trying to explain.

Bring from the nothingness/knowing when you close your eyes, a blue vase, know it in every aspect you can, incorporate every sense you can (even taste if your a little freaky 🫦🫦😭) and make it as present as possible. After you open your eyes I have a question for you. (I’m serious, do the damn practice it’ll help you) please take as much time you need to truly get in there (not too long I can’t wait all day)

okay hey, your back, now answer me this, from what did this immersive appearance take reality from? You and I know that there’s no actual vase despite its presence, no matter the vibrant or dull colors, no matter the feel, rough or glossy, its taste 🫦😭, its feel, etc. So what was the substance that formulated this? If you guessed knowing, your soooooo correct, if you didn’t it’s okay you get brownie points 🫶. But yes, now I need you to understand this verrrry clearly, the vase was not real!!!! Yet it appeared that way! This is AN ILLUSION SURPIRISISIEIEIEIEIEIEISISBWHH- yes. No matter how much you want to convince yourself and go back to the vase and its appearance and its feel or colors or any aspect of it, it wasn’t ACTUALLY happening and that means it didn’t take place for anyone or anywhere!!! All there was present was knowing, from knowing forms vase and every seemingly alternate way that it is known, feeling is a form of knowing, literally every sense is just a form of knowing. Every sense that was “used” to understand the vase was all just aspects and appearances of knowing, the color, the sounds, the taste, the feels, they didn’t formulate anywhere else, but nonetheless appeared as immersive and real because YOU BECAME FOCUSED ON THE CONTENT OF THE APPEARANCE RATHER THAN RECOGNIZE THAT IT WAS JUST APPEARANCE. And even though the content of the appearance you formed as became the focus, it still didn’t change the objective fact that there wasn’t someone actually there and experiencing it in any way.

The knowing in/on which appearances formulate is not something different than the appearance, there is nothing to the illusion but its reality, and its reality is knowing. In this way, the illusion couldn’t even be described as something real or taking place, as if it could exist apart from the source of it.

Knowing this is also knowing there is no such thing as the knowing OF, we never know of things or of experiences as if they are something seperate and exist seperatley from knowing itself, that’s literally impossible. Moving forward

You are not the person/character, and it’s not that you are a limited being and you have to wake up to the idea that you are infinite knowing, you have to realize that you were never something seperate, and that this is simply the modulation of your being, and it’s not a someone it’s more of a something.

Let’s starts stabilizing this.

To all of the experiences across centuries, theres one constant amongst the billions of people who’ve lived and are now and that is, I Am. We might not know for certain about anything else ever in this entire universe, and we might not even know who or what we are but for a fact we can say, yes, I am.

There’s no true word that can describe the infinite essence of being, so we use knowing or conciousness or god, all completely the same.

So, to every experience, without an ounce of doubt, there can be the claim, I am. This is knowing, and only from knowing comes the statement, because we must know we are in order to claim that we are. I think something that can capture this is a newborn, imagine yourself to be newly born, mere seconds I mean, eyes closed. You have no understand of anything, no thoughts, no memories, no identity, your pure experience is simply being/knowing, and I don’t mean the action of knowing, that’s not a real thing. Knowing is inherent, you don’t force it.

Going back to experiences. Any experience that is recognized, any seeing, and hearing, tasting touching, and of course feeling, is assumed to be the experience of the body and this is therefore falsely established as “me”, in doing so, we forget our true nature of freedom and limit our understanding and abilities to the limitations of the body.

I’m now going to help you realize the body is an interpreter, and not of a world that’s happening somewhere in time and space, but that the world is the interpretation/modulation/illusion/dream/appearance of our shared infinite being, AFTER being recognized through the interpretations, (sensations and perceptions). This also means that it’s in no way an actual measurement to what you fully are.

What experience is there to seeing? Better yet let me narrow it down, there is nothing to seeing as if there is someone doing the seeing. Seeing simply is. There’s no one to do it, just what is. There is sight, how is there an acknowledgment of the sight/seeing? There must be something to it that gives the understanding “oh I’m seeing this”. (Hint, it’s the same thing that let you know, that “I Am”). Knowing, yes, not knowing as an action, that’s not real, people don’t know, knowing is the essence of what we are (we are not people). But just wait for that. So all there is to sight is knowing, and I don’t think I have to do this but you can say the same about absolutely every other sense, because every single “experience” absolutely requires knowing. Without knowing, “experience” never is, I think we can all acknowledge that.

There is no such thing as the experience of being a human, Why are we deciding that this is what’s it’s like to be humans, we know humans we acknowledge humans but there is no such thing as being a human, in the same way that there’s no true way that there is something to being a fox or a bird or a rock, it’s only with labels are these ideas decided.

The only thing you’ll be able to muster up is memories, emotions, etc, but that doesn’t make it the inherent experience of being a human. Our first and only experience of what we are is knowing, and then knowing that we are, that’s it. In the same way that a babies first experience is not “I am a baby” or “I am a human”, rather it’s just knowing. If being human was our nature, that’s all we’d recognize, and from the very beginning. Our experience does not actually change from being/knowing, we simply forget that there is the knowing, and decide to focus on the body to be “me” or “human”.

You don’t need senses to know you are. Knowing is something unimaginable. Go ahead and try to find it by closing your eyes or even with them open. Can you grab or touch the knowing. Can you recognize its dimensions or what its appearance is? How old or young is it?

Do me a favor and find the edge where knowing starts and stops.

Let me know when you find it because you never will.

Even when you try, it’s only conciousness itself that searches for its own parameters.

By recognizing that your truly not the body, or this person you as knowing have pretended to become, the made up problems of the person disappear, well actually, you realize that there is no person that has problems, only an idea. Only the idea that I am someone and something is happening to me, I am something seperate and need saving. There isn’t actually a seperate self, the seperate self is the activity that you as knowing are, when you become involved with the content and forget your true nature. And what’s truly the main takeaway from this is that, even when it seems like you’ve lost it and now you have to restart and understand it all over again, you as knowing haven’t gone anywhere, your the one pretending to be something lost, and not on purpose, but because you involve yourself too heavily in the appearances without recognizing where they originate from.

From what we know so far, I hope in some way you’re able to recognize that there is no one doing manifestations and having success stories. You ARE the manifestation and it will NEVER be any other way, whether we recognize it or not, that’s the beauty. So no matter if we go on about this appearance of life and say we don’t get it and move on, you as conciousness will continue to play the roles, because there is no off switch to this.

I’m hope this has been able to start untying the blinds over your “eyes” and you’re starting to somewhat understand the truth of what you/we are. This is only the beginning and it’s only going to get more incredible and beautiful from here. But for now I’m shleeepy hehehe, I’ll talk to you soon, never ever give up on your dreams!!!! 🫶❤️❤️

#blommp717 #nonduality #manifestation #manifest #non dualism #nondualism #advaita vedanta #master manifestor #law of assumption #law of attraction

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mysticcrownwolf · 10 months ago

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So your girl finally had a autistic meltdown and finally asked her mum about her childhood and got some mixed results but long story short I am finally getting an official autism and adhd diagnosis because in my mums words “Everyone deserves things that make their life easier to live”. Not gonna lie guys I did cried about this but it also came up that they did tried to get me diagnosed before (I don’t remember this at all) but were told I just had very high levels of hyperactivity so to make sure this type of bullshit doesn’t happen again I am making a list of all my weird or quirky traits and having the neurodivergents of Tumblr peer review them so I can finally get a diagnosis after 19 years of struggling.

1) I didn’t ever in my life made or had friends that stick around.

2) I was actually alienated a lot by most people in my life for being the umbrella term they all coined as ‘weird’ what this weird means varies from person to person.

3) I have actually been told by other girls that they gave me a chance to keep them company even after many people told them I was too weird and they should stay away from me. These same people later called me slurs, were self absorbed or just plain abusive towards me.

4) Through out my whole life I have sat alone on a double bench because no one wanted to sit with me in class.

5) I have a problem with properly spelling certain words like I write weird as ‘wierd’ or video as ‘vedio’.

6) People constantly doubt I have any sense of knowledge and act like any good idea I give is a surprise even when I was on the top of the class the phrases like “ That’s the first good idea you ever had” weren’t uncommon.

7) I walk a lot and I mean a lot enough that hyperactivity has still been a part of my diagnostic because I walked so much they had no choice but to put that in. I actually come to the school 30 minutes early then walked the whole time, I would just up and leave classes to walk in corridors because I couldn’t sit still long enough, my walking is such a huge part of me my old teachers still tell their classes about me as the girl that walked too much.

8) People in my college nicknamed me the headphone girl because I walked around our whole campus( I would pace a lot around the parameters) with my only noticeable feature being my headphones.

9) I was the only kid in my school not scared of bugs which lead to some notable incidents

I once picked a small green caterpillar and showed it off to my class of 10 year olds they started crying and teacher made me throw the bug even though I wanted to keep it as a pet

Our teacher once asked us to bring butterflies to class so I captured around 30 butterflies put them in a breathable Tupperware and took those to class me being the only person who did this freaked out all the other children with my butterflies , we later released them all in recess it was very pretty

I not only volunteered but gleefully presented live earthworms on my palm to various groups of parents in our school science fare much to the horrified looks of many parents and children about how a little girl like me wasn’t screaming from handling earthworms.

I scared our class mean girl by capturing a butterfly and then turning my hand holding the butterfly in her direction she and a few other girls screamed when I tried to tell them that the little critter was harmless and even offered to let them hold her (I was very confused why they didn’t like this).

10) I was friends with a lot of my teachers as well as higher class teachers especially the Science, Social studies and English teachers. I would often spend my recess in the biology lab chatting with the biology teacher about the different specimens in the lab and how much I enjoyed biology in general. I am half sure I would have loved to study biology/medicine if not for the fact it was a minimum investment of 7 years though I am still an avid reader of new biological discoveries and follow many niche youtube channels that focus on flora and fauna.

11) I was actually friends with all 3 principles in my school and would go to them after my last class to chat about my school day. This was so bizarre to others but I actually enjoyed how much these adults would listen to my info dump even if my own peers won’t.

12) Every single time my report card came I would usually top the class in most subjects except maths in which I usually underperformed ( don’t worry guys I figured out later I just need to know every basic concept to get the deep understanding of mathematical principles which my teachers were very bad at build but I later learned how to do it myself) but it would always have in big bold letters that “I talked to much and have weird questions and am disruptive in class ” which my bad I thought I could get details about what your are teaching and develop great interest but nah we just need to complete the syllabus as fast as we can. Salt on the wound I would only ask questions and discuss topics in class with the teacher since I don’t have friends I could talk to in class. They deadass never ever punished a single student from disrupting in class except me the girl who asked silly questions about what we were studying maybe they thought my questions were weird so I was asking them to disrupt they flow of the class rather than genuine curiosity who knows

13) I had very bad anger issues stemming from how the system as well as authority figures treated me ( I have since been to therapy and gotten help for it ) but a lot of time I verbally and physically attacked an authority figures usually when they punished me for something I didn’t do or when they tried to empty out their frustration on me or tried to bully me in anyway. I never took bullying face down from anybody be it younger or older than me my flight or fight response was always on fight

14) People did tried to bully me physically or verbally but I always returned it in kind with interest so it never really stuck like the isolation did. My most memorable experience with bullying was when I bitch slapped our school mean girl so hard the whole ground heard it , I don’t think I ever got any punishment for it and she later burned every friendship she had by throwing her whole group under the bus for some vandalism they did.

15) I unfortunately never had friends so when they school told me telling an authority figure I am being teased, harassed or even that someone is breaking the rules is what’s morally right I ran with the rules set for me rather than knowing the social norms that this would mark me as the school snitch without the teachers ever doing anything about the issues. Unfortunately I learned the hard way through trial and error that once you are labelled as a snitch their is nothing you can do to get that tag off and it comes with the added benefit of making people never talk to each other near me or even just leave the places I visit alone so yay more loneliness for me

16) I actively volunteered for every single activity and program my school office this sounds great but I picked and got selected for all 7 different fairs (English, Hindi, Maths, Science, Social science, Music, Art) but rather than pick out one or two I helped out with all 7 of them. They later added a 3 groups per person limit.

17) I am actually trained in both classical instrumental and singing but couldn’t complete my singing degree before the program closed down and it’s been 6 years since I played a Casio that I don’t think that even matters anymore. Anyway I added this because at first I did both of these at the same time along with volunteering for all the other activities before they added a 1 course per year limit which is a shame since it cost me my vocal degree.

18) I love reading that just the fact I found reading in my school library when I was 8 haven’t let it go since by my librarian’s estimate I read almost 3000 books (mostly children books) from my school library. I also have a mini collection of about 300 books that I have passed down to both of siblings. These days I read mostly on ao3 or the occasional paperback I bought at the airport but reading is still something I do almost daily.

19) See one thing about me is I was one of the first student at my school so much so my identification number was 35 so me being such an old student my school has actually legends about my quirky ( neurodivergent ) behaviour which has made me understand where most legends actually come from

I walked out of classes so many times teachers to this day still tell stories of the weird girl that likes to walk

My whole school knew who I was mostly because I would be the first and only person that likes to answer philosophical questions asked by our principal in the assembly, I was also great with improvising assembly conductions, thought of the days, assembly quizzes, full speeches on topics told to me 2 minutes ago, even improvised song recitations (can you guys pick up I have social anxiety now).

As I told you my lovelies I love reading so if I was immersed in a book and the class started I would just hide the book to read in class once I got caught so I got termed the girl who like to read books in class( is it stupid yes did it still happened certainly). I later learned to zone out to the stories in my mind during class which was very helpful.

As I told you guys I was actually on pretty friendly terms with my principal and teachers so guess who became the teachers pet for the next 8 years even though most teachers care jack shit about my interest and was further alienated because of this me ofcourse.

I actually once locked myself in the school bathroom for like 4 hours because I hadn’t completed the homework a teacher had given me and she was quite physically abusive towards me. I got suspended for a week because of this funnily enough nobody in my school actually remember this and most are really surprised to know I was suspended.

I am actually really famous or infamous by the way you look at it for physically assaulting a teacher funnily enough the name of the teacher, why I am attacked them and even how I hit them changes from person to person I have actually heard 10-15 different variations from different people( I am not even sure if I actually ever hit a teacher most I remember is I lunged at one teacher but she stepped back so I didn’t even touch her).

20) I was depressed from age 14 to 17 which caused me to chronic pain which later caused me to meet my current psychologist who helped me a lot but is vehemently against me getting any sort of neurodivergent diagnosis most she say is I have borderline adhd tendencies and that I think to much and should focus on calming down my mind which honestly is quite invalidating.

21) I can’t wear any sort of itchy or frilly materials when I was younger ( the texture was soo bad) but my sister could which made my mother think I was being a drama queen.

22) When I was younger I use toilet paper after using a bidet because the feeling of wet pants would over stem me so bad it’s not a problem for me anymore except from sometimes during winters.

23) I didn’t know Chewelry existed when I was younger so I chewed on my nails/skin,my lips, squishy parts of remotes, plastic toys, legos, scarfs, hoody strings, hot glue gun glue, chalk, cement, sand, mud etc. (Yes I know about the microplastics now no I don’t care).

24) I am highly sensitive to sounds so if my fan have a weird creak sound I won’t be able too sleep I also can’t sleep if I hear a clock ticking or any other repetitive sounds ( my mum still doesn’t understand why I can’t just force myself to sleep).

25) I also can’t sleep in continuous silence I need background noise to fall asleep.

26) It took me a whole year of forcing myself to wear bra and panties for my body to finally get used to me wearing them. It was a stimulation nightmare but I think it was worth it I enjoy wearing bras and panties now.

27) I can’t eat apples like I physically cringe even thinking of the sensation of biting into an apple. I have tried cutting an apple into every single why I could I still can’t swallow or even properly chew an apple the texture is such a sensory nightmare for me. Cabbage used to be the same for me but though constant reintroduction I can usually for myself to eat it with a glass of water

28) I have had many foods be absolutely sensory nightmare for me throughout my childhood. I was a very picky eater think bread, soup, lentils and noodles(packet noodles without vegetables). I couldn’t eat any kinds of fruits(except banana), vegetables, pizza , burgers (still don’t eat this), dumplings, wraps, pasta,etc. Heck I was a vegetarian for majority of my life before I learned chicken is actually a great textured food for me though I still don’t eat any form of red meat or sea foods and my food list is still very limited I have constantly reintroduced many foods for myself over the years which I can now usually bear to eat. I also learned that I can usually consume fruit and vegetables better if they are liquids so fruits juices, smoothies and soups were also great help.

29) I was and still am an absolutely clean freak and organiser. Like my bag use to have books organised in this specific order English, Hindi, Maths, Science and then Social studies and it needs to been in this order or I would get anxious. Fortunately no one else in my house ever wanted to organise anything so I would organise everything with way I would want it to be while also being neat.

30) One of my biggest sources of stress came from how dirty my siblings made our room. I would deep clean everything and then organise our books , toys and clothes and then clean and organise our bed they would just bulldozers through and ruin all my hard work in a day or two. Unfortunately I had this sense of cleanliness and order since I was a child and my siblings who were even younger then me weren’t slobs(ok maybe my brother was but anyway) they just weren’t wired to like cleanliness and order like I did and being children anything I told them about how we can keep our room clean went over their heads because I was always their to do it for them.

31) I actually had many special interests growing up though I didn’t have trains as an interest except for the cool toy train set I got as a gift or the maglev trains who are objectively very cool. My biggest special interest were rocks, space and animals especially all the books Nat geography and scholastic puts out on animals. I actually had a rock collection mostly made up of sedimentary rock and a piece of lime stone which my mother later kept in the shed where it got lost during home construction. I also have a modest collection of books and another collection of small childhood trinkets that I still have (I recently bought a clay bird that mimics actual bird call when filled with a little water to add to my collection).

32) I forget I need to eat and drink it’s always been like this I don’t have that internal clock that says you are thirsty go drink water or you are hungry go eat food . I need to remind myself it’s been 12 hrs I probably need water it’s been 32 hrs you should probably get some food or at least have a protein shake it’s like my body has no sense of hunger or thirst but I am getting better at eating and drinking at least the drinking water part anyway.

33) I am tired it’s not recent but in the last few years since I became an adult I feel so tired I use to be the topper of my class the gifted children that participated in everything now I am in college and just getting an 80% feels draining everyone has so much hope for me that I could and should do better but I am just tired. I walk and trekk sometimes but I don’t participate in any events and I see others I see my roommate who participates in like 5 different events and still gets a 95% if she can do it why can’t I. I use to be able to do so much and now I don’t have the drive to do much of anything anymore it’s so painful to realise that I should do better but what does better looks like for someone who is as tired as I am.

I did took some online test as well just to see if I even had a chance and the results were mostly the same I have many Adhd/Autistic tendencies and should probably get a professional diagnosis. I would be very thankful if my fellow autistic and adhd people would help me add more targeted experiences so I can finally get a diagnosis

@my-autism-adhd-blog you inspired me write all of this down and it would be very helpful if you could guide me to get a better diagnosis because of your experience. Also I greatly enjoy the contents of your blog so thank you for that

#autistic things #autism #autism spectrum #neurodivergent #neurodivergent experience #neurodivergence #actually neurodivergent #neurodivergent things #actually autistic #actually adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #adhd

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amememightywarrior · 6 months ago

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Phases of growth of an internet user in fandom, circa 2024

0-10 yrs - if you're on the internet it's either your parent(s) posting pics of you to facebook or you're watching youtube kids with less supervision than you actually need 'cos there are some weird as shit channels out there labeled 'for kids'. 11-12 - somehow they gave you a smartphone but you're very busy watching minecraft or roblox youtube channels and video-chatting your friends and you're probably into Pokemon. 13-16 - You are convinced only fellow teens your age belong on the internet sharing memes, because this is literally where ALL your peers are. What do you MEAN there are older people here on [social media site] that you can actually interact with?? Ew! 17-18 - The weight of IRL expectations is slowly crushing your creative spirit but you persevere. Time to apply to college. 19-20 - The end of your life is nigh. Also you're in college now trying to be an adult. What is happening?? You can vote now???? 21-24 - College, graduation, and discovering the wonderful surprises awaiting you in the economy earlier generations have left you (right now? it's shit. sorry.) You're still here doing what you enjoy. But are you letting your life slip away between your fingers? 25-29 - The 13-16 yr olds react like they're amazed at you for being on the internet but this is where you have your audience/friends/ways to talk about your favorite shows, which you STILL HAVE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Your biggest fear is hitting 30 and having nothing to show for it but you've been making a lot of adulting mistakes and learning from those mistakes in a big way. It really stings when teenagers scream in astonishment that you're over 25. 30-39 - Now the gap between you and the 13-16 yr olds is bigger than ever but you look at them and see your past self and oof...but they deserve that chance to learn and grow just like you. And now you also know they will experience what you have: the neverending weird looks from whoever is currently 13-16. Such is the curse of aging. You may have a kid or two yourself by now, too. It doesn't bother you as much when you see polls asking about what age you are as a fanfic writer. Your twenties were miserable but it's getting better now that you kinda know what you're doing. The only drawback is the random aches and pains. Hey you! Quit shrimping! I see that! You're gonna regret it! 40+ (and I do mean the plus) - You were here before all these damn kids. How dare they try to cite the Deep Magic at you, you were there when it was written (the Deep Magic: the first Star Trek fanfic ever posted on the internet). You witness the very real loss of knowledge and wisdom of the internet that seemed like it had been around just ten years ago, as no one knows to even look for the history of anything. The landscape has really changed, but you're still here doing what you enjoy. Only difference is you can see the big picture now. When someone pulls out the famous 'do you know what this old tech is' pop quiz, you get excited when you see something familiar.

#everyday ameme #i'm possibly making stuff up #but tbh i keep seeing certain age groups screaming at each other about age and it's like #chill out you guys aging is inevitable #memento mori #quit shrimping #drink water #take care of yourself

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thepringlesofblood · 2 hours ago

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Star Trek: The Original Series originally aired from 1966-1969, and they've been showing re-runs on various channels ever since.

In a flashback to "19-sixty-something" in the episode "A Tale of Two Stans", Stanley & Stanford Pines are seen to be somewhere in the 8-12 year old age bracket. Ford is shown to be especially obsessed with sci-fi.

Thus, it is highly likely that Ford watched Star Trek: The Original Series at a young-ish age, probably just before and around middle school. My question to you is this:

clarifications

Not what character he identified himself with or had an obsession with - we all know that one's Spock. I'm talking about what character he was attracted to. Who sparked this man's romantic and/or sexual awakening?

If you headcanon him as aroace or otherwise not the type to get crushes, who do you think he thought was the hottest/most attractive aesthetically?

we're not talking about whether he was aware of it or not. 30 year old Ford looking back at his younger self and going 'aw shit i was super into The Gorn i just didn't realize it at the time' still counts.

I didn't want to put "The Enterprise" or "The Ship's Computer" as its own option bc the joke would probably skew the polls. if that's your genuine opinion (valid) pick "Someone else on the Enterprise"

I know Sarek is an ambassador to the Federation from Vulcan - he's not technically in the Federation. I wanted to put the image in your head of teenage Ford watching one of the Sarek episodes and understanding the term "DILF" years before it was created.

#gravity falls #gf #original post #ford pines #grunkle ford #stanford pines #star trek #star trek tos #i have opinions on this and i would like to know if any of yall have some

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wolint · 3 months ago

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CONGRATULATIONS!.

Job 11:14-19 MEV if iniquity is in your hand, put it far away, and do not let wickedness dwell in your tents; [15] for then you will lift up your face without blemish; yes, you will be steadfast and will not fear, [16] because you will forget misery, and remember it as waters that pass away, [17] and your life will be brighter than noonday, even your darkness will be as the morning. [18] You will trust because there is hope; yes, you will search about you, and you will look around and rest in safety. [19] Also you will lie down, and none will make you afraid; yes, many will court your favor.

Happy New Year! Welcome to the new year! Congratulations, we all made it! Unfortunately, we seem to think January alone or the first three months is the new year. Why can’t it be a new year always? A lot of people start the year by making “new year’s resolutions,” things they intend to either do or not do. Sadly, not many see this through. Some don’t even last until the end of January. It’s always good to start the year with plans and preparation, but we must remember that, as Psalm 37:5 says, only God can make our plans what they ought to be if we commit them to Him. Job’s impassioned speech to his friends could serve as our resolution, not just for the new year but for life generally. The Bible encourages us to examine our lives and resolve to change them if necessary (although not just at the beginning of a new year). Psalm 17:3 says that we should resolve to keep our speech pure, saying: “I have planned no evil; my mouth has not transgressed.” Ephesians 4:22-24 encourages us to put off our old selves—the “old self” that refused to trust and serve Christ earnestly. But we should be renewed or transformed in the mind, according to Romans 12:2, as we study and apply God’s Word and begin to think in new and right ways. The new year should be a new beginning for us in many ways, especially in spiritual things. We should endeavor to enter and remain in the new year with renewed minds. So many of us walked the proverbial wilderness in the last year, wishing, praying, and hoping that God would do something new for us. God is promising in Isaiah 43:19 that He is, and will do, something new for us—something unprecedented and wonderful, not just for the new year but always. We make resolutions that are often too unrealistic; however, so many of our resolutions fail. Resolutions are sometimes wishful thinking, with no way to make them happen. For example, you might resolve to make a million this year, but if you don’t have a job or a business, how do you plan to earn it? It probably isn’t going to happen. Other resolutions fail because we aren’t willing to make the sacrifices necessary to reach them. When we plan with God, as Proverbs 16:9 states, He directs and establishes our plans and paths, with little or no chance of failure. Even if you made resolutions, who holds you accountable for keeping them? No one! All too soon, we find ourselves falling off the bandwagon. But when we make godly plans, the scriptures hold us accountable to obedience. We must remember that, according to Romans 7:18, the real problem with not being able to sustain carnal resolutions is within us—within our hearts and minds. We’d all like to be better people, but no matter how hard we try, we find ourselves tripped up by our moral failures and weaknesses. Even Paul experienced this: “I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” According to Deuteronomy 7:13, obedience to the covenant of God leads to blessings. Everything we would need, want, and desire in the new year is in the Lord. May it be a wonderful one. Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for the privilege of seeing 2025. Thank you for the gift of life. May the year be established and prosper by Your word and Spirit as I commit my life and everything into Your hands for godly perfection. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Follow the FRESH MANNA CHANNEL on Telegram: https://t.me/freshmdevo Follow the FRESH MANNA CHANNEL on WhatsApp: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029Va8y5tqAjPXP6kZdoX1j EMAIL: [email protected] WOULD YOU CONSIDER PARTNERING WITH US TO REACH MORE PEOPLE? PLEASE CONSIDER SUPPORTING US TO UPGRADE OUR RECORDING EQUIPMENT TO ENHANCE THE QUALITY OF OUR EPISODES. ANY CONTRIBUTION, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT AND GENEROSITY. SHALOM

#spotify #devotional #christianpost #women's ministry #family #prayer meeting #biblestudy christianpost 'women's ministry

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shawnsturns · 1 year ago

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Might not update this often as I do not have a title or anything for it and nobody probably will read it so I don't know if I'm talking to anybody but if I am thankyou! :)

Summary:

It's about a person whose parents get divorce and because their mum has financial issues they live with her mum's best friend for a while. The mum's best friend is the mother to Shawn Mendes and Aaliyah Mendes. Y/N hits it off really well with Shawn and that's all I have so far but I know it will remain pretty light-hearted and non-sexual either way.

This is my first time ever writing a fanfiction so I tried to make it pretty easy for a light read when you're bored and want something not too hard on the brain. loosely based on a dream I had, the person in my dream was a completely made up person, I just thought that I might as well make a fanfiction about it because I haven't had a dream in a while and it was kind of cute so I don't want to forget it.

It had finally been summer break, all those miserable memories of school were starting to vanish from your recollection, you were excited and surprisingly motivated to socialise with your friends and make those crucial coming of age movie moments. But of course none of that was upon your horizon, this was because nothing worth living through ever happened in your life, for instance the last eventful thing that occurred in your life was when your parents' marriage fell apart and you then had to start living with your mum who then began struggling with finding a permanent house. Regardless of that you were still disappointed when you were told that your next three weeks will be spent in some weird town purely because your mum's bestie (Shawn's mum) lives there.

The whole way to this town you let your mind wonder; what will it be like there, is it hot or cold? Will any of your friends miss you? How long is this drive? Will it be annoying to change the radio channel? Is your mum really ok? Did you forget any belongings at your dad’s? Will you ever be proud of how you live life? Are there gonna be any cool people there? Apparently your mum's friend has 2 kids, Shawn Mendes and Aaliyah Mendes. For your sake you've hoped that the one your age at least will be approachable, especially because your therapist had recently told you to meet new people and put yourself out there, your real self.

This drive was truly revealing of you and your mum's relationship, you had always had a certain awkwardness about you and now that was clashing with your mum's personality, she was and always had been the hardest person to read. You figured you would switch between listening to music and watching a show but the tension was just too much so you just began to ask those questions you thought of earlier, none of the deep ones though mainly just like what your mum remembered about Shawn's mum and what to expect.

Whilst bored in the car you came up with the best plan. Well… now that you know the first AND last names of who you're visiting (your mum told you) you impulsively decided to stalk their Instagram's and Spotify. Was this the most moral thing you’ve done? Not at all, did it give you fuel to make a judgment about them and prepare yourself? Yes. Luckily nothing was really too alarming with either of their Instagram's, they were all pretty casual and had photos of when they’d travel or do fun stuff at home with an occasional photo of just themselves in a fit check or like a selfie, you were way too scared to look at their stories though. You found you have similar taste in music with all of them to some degree, and none of them had Spotify followers which was honestly a huge green flag.

You gave special attention to Shawn's Spotify as you gathered you two would bond the most as the 19 year olds, his carefully crafted almost endearing playlist had phenomenal music and perfect covers. Your favourite was the one titled “I miss quality time”, it consisted of songs so good they felt nostalgic but you’ve never heard before, songs that can capture moments for eternity and give them gracious hugs. With one hour left of the drive you plugged in your earphones and began listening to it unshuffled, certain lyrics would catch your ear and result in you pondering whether it also caught the attention of Shawn's ear or moreover his heart.

i'm sorry this is awful :(

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drbennedict-writingadvice · 1 year ago

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hello! any advice to get out of your head for someone who hasn’t picked up writing since they were a teenager? for some reason, in my head, i view writing on my own time for fun as “embarrassing” or “cringy” simply because i’m getting older and view it as a immature hobby…

…which is obviously not true! i have a lot of respect for writers and i know you can write at any age, but whenever i open a page, i feel out of place and can’t read my old writing in fear people would look at me as immature. the same goes for creating detailed characters and storylines.

i’m not even old either (19) but i mainly wrote a lot in middle school—maybe that’s why? idk.

tdlr; any advice on writing for myself again without fear of judgement?

Hi anon,

Thanks for writing in! This is something a lot of creators struggle with especially if it’s something they did when they were younger and during a time they considered themselves to be “immature” or “cringey”. The brain is great at linking things and creating patterns, and because you wrote a lot when you were in middle school, a time period that I think is universally accepted as the worst and cringiest part of life lol, your mind linked the hobbies you did during that time to the feeling of immaturity and cringiness. The great news is that most people grow out of this phase naturally! I know it’s not exactly the same but I remember when I was just starting college I felt embarrassed to talk about the bands I liked in high school (and secretly still liked) but as I got older and became more self confident and sure of myself, I learned to unabashedly embrace those parts of myself. And nobody cared! In fact a lot of people felt the same way as I did.

But don’t worry, I’m not saying that you just have to wait it out! There are definitely things you can do to speed up this process. My first suggestion is that if you’re worried that people will think writing for fun is immature (which as a 29 year-old with a writing themed blog I promise you it’s not!) , then for right now, just don’t tell anyone! It can be your secret hobby while you learn to be more confident and rewire the way your brain thinks about this.

I’d also suggest trying to find other people who also enjoy writing either as a hobby or as a hopeful profession so you have a safe community you can explore your writing in. Surrounding yourself with like minded people can be really helpful! I remember the first time I attended a writing workshop it felt so amazing and freeing to be surrounded by people who I knew also loved writing and were never going to judge me for my passion. It’s currently national novel writing month and even if you don’t feel up to trying to write an entire novel in one month, there are still plenty of NaNoWriMo activities you can take part in. There are tons of discord channels, forums, virtual events, and in person events you could join.

A lot of it will just be reminding yourself that it’s not immature or cringey. This won’t change you knee jerk reaction overnight, but just like how positive affirmations work (at first you think it’s dumb, then it’s kind of neutral, and then you start to believe what you’re saying to yourself) after a while you’ll find that the way you think about writing has changed. Think of writers you love and admire and how you don’t think they’re immature or cringey for writing, and neither do most people! Think of Tolkien who created incredibly detailed story lines and characters, and even went so far as to create multiple fake languages that many people now genuinely learn for fun. Even if fantasy isn’t your preferred genre I have yet to meet someone who considers what he did anything less than impressive. Not once have I heard someone call what he did immature or cringey. So I think just recognizing that you have this thought pattern that your logical brain knows isn’t true, and for now just accepting that you have this cognitive dissonance and not feeling bad about it, but taking these small steps to work towards changing that thought pattern.

And finally, just write anyway! Like I said you can keep it a secret for now if you want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! But try to write anyway. The more you write now then the more examples your brain has to rewire writing not as something you did when you were younger and therefore something immature but as something you do now as a young adult. And don’t put too much pressure on yourself as you’re getting back into writing for the first time in a while. Do not expect that your first attempt is going to be a masterpiece, but just have fun with it! Get into the habit or writing regularly, whatever that means for you. It could be once a week, it could be every day, just do what works for your life and your schedule right now. The more you practice the more normal it’ll feel and like anything, the better you’ll get at it, which will help you feel less cringey about your writing.

I’ll leave you with one small anecdote. Any time I tell people that I’m writing a novel they are always immediately impressed. I have never had someone say anything negative about it or anyone act like it was a dumb thing to spend time on. And most of the time I hear things like “Oh I wish I could do that, but I just don’t have the dedication.” Or “Oh I always wanted to write a novel, maybe I’ll give it a try now” or “Oh me too! What writing software do you use?”

I know this was a long answer but I wanted to try and ensure I was actually helpful! Please always feel free to reach out if you have other questions, or if you ever just need another reminder that there is nothing immature or cringey about wanting to write in your free time.

#writing advice #how to start writing again #anon

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cinamun · 2 years ago

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TAGGED by @simmerstellar ! Thanks friend!

Come get to know me y'all!

1. What’s your favorite sims death? I haven't had a sim die from anything other than old age in a HOT minute but I saw a LP and the murphy bed death seems so unecessarily violent lmfao.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? BOTH! I consider my style Maxis Mix. We love a nice combo of both.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Not anymore but at one point I had to. Let me explain: I don't know if it was a glitch but like after every meal with grannie's cookbook, Indya would gain weight instantly. Didn't happen with anyone else (although everyone else are athletes of some sort). She's always and forever thick but something was definitely up with the food mods I was using. Anyway, we're good now since I'm not playing her HH exclusively anymore.

4. Do you use move objects? Absolutely. Its too restrictive! Gotta play test when I do though because routing errors make me irrationally angry.

5. Favorite mod? Wickedwhims. I don't care! If I want my sims to get freak-nasty I have a blog for that and WW never fumbles. If I want them to do cute little intimate things, WW is there. If you don't like the smut, I feel bad for you son.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? I've gotten pretty much ever iteration of this game except for almost all of the kits and the star wars pack.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? ALIVE. I don't understand the other one honestly lol. We're going LIVE as soon as I press play so....

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Obvs Indya Drake!

9. Have you made a simself? Yes! But she needs help lol I'm not good at that at all so there's a resemblance but she doesn't really look like me. When I do gameplay with her I say she's my "sorta-kinda self sim" lol

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? gloomy, neat, loner, romantic

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Black but like BLACK Black, not the BLUE Black lol.

12. Favorite EA hair? All of the afro textured ones.

13. Favorite life stage? Young adults.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Gameplay mostly stories but I love to decorate!

15. Are you a CC creator? I will recolor the shit out of something! That's about it lol

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? All my mutuals and anyone who reads my story! #Squad

17. What’s your favorite game? The Sims 4 is the only game I play. Don't @ me.

18. Do you have any sims merch? Nope.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Nope, but I have been asked to make a channel and got that far at least. No videos lol.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? If anything, less alpha and more maxis match.

21. What’s your Origin ID? [redacted]

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? All of the ones that do it for FREE and for the love of the game. I donate too because I understand its not easy, but also not worth a month long paywall or conveniently forgetting to publicly release something.

23. How long have you had a simblr? 2015 are my earliest posts I think.

24. How do you edit your pictures? Gshade and Photoshop Elements 2020

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Cottage Living is the goat IMO even though I don't play it much anymore. I do very much enjoy Island Living and Growing Together will round out a nice top 3.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I haven't really thought about it. I just figure the sims 4 is nearing the end of its era and we're gonna start hearing about project rene more and more.

oh! tagging @shesthespinstersimmer @bridgeportbritt @iplaysims4 @beebeesiims @thegloomiestwhim @hazelminesims @therichantsim @omgkayplays @softerhaze @crsentfairy

please ignore if you don't do these or already did this!

#ask game

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mystarmyangel · 1 year ago

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[HOT-THEQOO] 231001 The recent beauty situation of the 3 members of SNSD who left on the same day due to their respective schedules

At time of posting 1 Oct 11.30pm KST: 33.5K views, 130 comments (Will translate YoonA related comments)

1. They have all managed themselves well. 2. What’s up with YoonA.. wow 3 YoonA is insane 4. YoonA is actually kinda handsome....? 6. Taeyeon YoonA, it would be fun if both of them got on the same plane to Paris 7. Why is YoonA so handsome today? 8. YoonA is so pretty *trembling* 9. YoonA’s style is so pretty! 10. What is with Lim YoonA.... why are you so handsomely pretty today 11. Soshi are working hard 12. YoonA is too pretty 14. Wow they are all so cool 15. YoonA is insane 16. YoonA’s style is so good 17. Wow YoonA 18. YoonA is freaking pretty, it’s insane. Everyone are pretty 19. Give me the two-shot of the gwiyomi-s (referring to YoonA and Taeyeon couple name during Channel SNSD) 20. What is really surprising is that YoonA seems to age at the pace that is half of other people 22. YoonA is so pretty 23. YoonA *trembling* 24. There are like 5 million stories in YoonA’s eyes. My first love 26. They all look really pretty 29. How can YoonA be so handsomely pretty? That’s so cool 30. YoonA’s proportion *trembling* 31. Soshi is always working hard. Did YoonA cut her hair? It suits her so well 34. YoonA wow 35. I think YoonA and Yuri seem to look the same each time I see them. Their self-management is indeed awesome 37. I wonder if those three know that they are all leaving the country on the same dayㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 38. Is this YoonA’s pictorial? 39. If Taeyeon and YoonA were to meet, can they give me two-shot.. Yuri’s outfit today suits her well too 41. (replied to 38thcomment) No no, YoonA is going for Miu Miu Paris Fashion Week 42. (replied to 41st comment) Ak ㅋㅋㅋthat is just 주접 (silly and exaggerated comments to compliment someone), saying how she is so pretty like she is taking a pictorial ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 43. I would believe it if you tell me these are photos from N years ago 45. YoonA is pretty every time I see her 46. YoonA has always been so pretty. Today’s styling is good too.

47. I hope YoonA and Taeyeon can take a two shot 48. YoonA is so pretty but I am not a fan of her outfit ㅜㅜㅜ 49. YoonA’s face is freaking pretty 50. YoonA is really pretty all the time 52. Wow all of them are so pretty. As expected of SNSD🩷 53. Legendary 54. Soshi really ㅠ 55. Soshi is pretty 56. Taeyeon, Yuri, YoonA are so pretty, as expected SNSD *trembling* Too pretty, their beauty are at peak every day. They get prettier every time I see them 57. YoonA is really pretty, but I am not sure of the coordinates ㅋㅋ 58. SNSD’s self-management are really freaking awesome 59. How is YoonA so handsome? 60. All three of them are so pretty today. Our gwiyomi couple, take a selfie if you two meet.... 61. Looking at their outfits, I think autumn has really arrived. So pretty 62. Wow YoonA 63. YoonA is really so handsomely pretty 65. How is it that YoonA looks exactly like she did 10 years ago? *trembling* 66. YoonA is pretty and her bag is pretty too!! Yuri is gorgeous 67. All are pretty and their outfits suit them 69. Wow YoonA 70. YoonA why are you so handsome.... 71. YoonA, what’s up with your vibes? So cool 72. Why isn’t YoonA getting old...? 74. Everyone in SNSD is doing so well 76. Soshi ya pretty 78. There are many female idols, but Soshi is truly an all-time legend. So prettyㅜㅜ 79. YoonA is so pretty 81. Graceful 82. YoonA just looks the same as she did back then 83. I’m glad everyone in Soshi are doing well. So pretty 85. YoonA and Yuri are so pretty... Soshi are all pretty but there is a reason why they are the visual lineㅋㅋㅋㅋTaeyeon still look like a fairy so cute ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 86. YoonA is perfect 87. YoonA is too pretty 88. As expected YoonA... Really insane... YoonA and Taeyeon please meet in Paris!!! 89. Right now its SNSD. Everyone are working hard, so cool 💗 90. Yuri’s mask is unique and attractive. YoonA has always been really pretty 91. No, they are all pretty, but YoonA is really insane...? What’s up with her beauty... 92. Wow YoonA is so pretty 93. YoonA is so pretty 95. YoonA is both pretty and handsome 96. YoonA and Yuri are pretty 97. YoonA has always been well known to be handsome, and she still isㅋㅋㅋㅋ

98. The photo where YoonA looks sideways is insane... It is like a pictorial.. 99. I really want to see YoonA in real life...... The very essence of a goddess right..? 100. YoonA is really insane 101. YoonA is truly very pretty 102. YoonA wow 103. YoonA is insane 104. YoonA is pretty her entire life 105. YoonA is so pretty that I saved her photo without realizing it. 106. How can all three of them be Soshi ya... that’s cheating... 107. YoonA is so pretty yet she is also so handsome... 108. YoonA is so pretty 109. YoonA is really pretty... 110. All three of them are pretty but YoonA is really ㅋㅋㅋinsane handsomely pretty, what is going on 111. I want to date YoonA 112. YoonA used to have a strong pretty vibes, but she has also become more and more handsome 113. YoonA.. 114. Ah YoonA is insane 115. YoonA is so pretty 116. YoonA is insane 117. YoonA is so pretty 118. Wow, I saved YoonA’s photo. How long has it been since the last time I saved a photo of a celebrity? 119. All three of them are pretty in different ways. Their self-management is amazing 120. YoonA is indeed very pretty 123. YoonA is so handsomeㅠㅠ 125. YoonA is too pretty 127. YoonA hasn’t changed 128. YoonA reallyㅜㅜㅜ 129. How can YoonA’s facial proportion be this great 130. YoonA is insane... Source: TheQoo Trans: mystarmyangel

#YoonA #TheQoo #Netizen's Comments #Airport Fashion

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Daniel Martindale Entered Ukraine Just Before the Russian Invasion in 2022. Daniel Martindale

The American Who Went Undercover In Ukraine—For Moscow

Daniel Martindale’s Decision to Become a Spy Comes Amid a Growing Ultraconservative Embrace of Russian Values

— Vera Bergengruen & Brett Forrest | February 19, 2025 | Wall Street Journal (WSJ)

As Russian troops poured across Ukraine’s border in the opening hours of the February 2022 invasion, Daniel Martindale pedaled through Kyiv, weighted down with supplies—and a secret.

Riding a scavenged mountain bike, the red-bearded 31-year-old from Indiana was planning to offer his services to Russian troops on the front line.

At first, he didn’t get far. Ukrainian security agents on high alert in Kyiv detained the unusual visitor, letting him continue his ride east the next morning only after deciding he was no saboteur.

It was the beginning of a high-risk descent into espionage and betrayal for the self-described Christian missionary. The journey would land Martindale in Moscow after he worked undercover in eastern Ukraine for more than two years, secretly calling in Russian attacks on Ukrainian troops and border towns.

To Martindale, Russia symbolized the traditional values that he believed his own country had forsaken. “I realized that I want to be in Russia if World War III starts,” he said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal. “I did not want there to be any chance that I would be fighting on the wrong side.”

While his actions may have been extreme, Martindale’s view of Russia as a sanctuary from a Western world he believed had lost its way underscores a shift among some American ultraconservatives. Once deriding Russia for its chaos and venality, they now idealize it as the one major power willing to oppose the U.S. and its allies, while arguing that the West provoked Russian President Vladimir Putin into attacking Ukraine.

Ukrainian Thug and War Criminal President Volodymyr Zelensky. Photo: Roman Pilipey/AFP/Getty Images

This worldview migrated from the fringe this week as the Trump administration opened bilateral talks with Russia in Riyadh Tuesday, putting a dramatic end to three years of diplomatic isolation for Moscow and opening a yawning rift with Ukraine. At a news conference, President Trump blamed Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky for starting the war and failing to pursue a peace deal.

When Zelensky shot back that Trump was parroting a Russian propaganda narrative, Trump took to social media to call his counterpart a “dictator” whose country had stolen U.S. aid. This about-face from the White House, casting Russia as a partner for peace, was celebrated across far-right media channels.

Putin’s Outreach

Moscow has cultivated Western conservatives like Martindale in recent years, presenting itself as an ideological ally to Americans disaffected with their own country.

In August, Putin established a temporary-residency visa for anyone who opposes the “destructive neoliberal ideological agenda” in their countries and shares “traditional Russian spiritual and moral values.” According to Russian state statistics, nearly 5,000 Westerners have received temporary residency in the country since the beginning of 2022, a sharp increase over preceding decades.

A new “Welcome to Russia” office has been set up to help clear their path to a new life and showcase Western families that have emigrated to the country. The effort is headed by Russian parliamentarian Maria Butina, who was convicted in U.S. federal court of acting as an unregistered foreign agent in 2018.

“There is a place in this world where you can live traditional family values, like your best vision of 1950s America,” said Joseph Rose, a YouTuber from Florida who moved to Russia in 2022 and lives in Moscow with his wife and four children. “That place exists right now, and it’s here in Russia.”

When Daniel Martindale was Young, His Family Visited the Region Around the Russian Port City of Vladivostok. Photo: Yuri Smityuk/TASS/Zuma Press

‘Homesick’

Daniel Martindale grew up riding tractors on farms in upstate New York and Indiana. His parents, Jim and Sandy, instilled in their seven children a deep suspicion of the U.S. government over policies they believed were “defiling” the country. Dan was home-schooled with his siblings, and started classes with a prayer.

In 2001, the family moved to rural China after Jim Martindale began working with a Christian missionary group that helped refugees from North Korea. He took a job building a dairy farm to employ the refugees near the city of Hunchun, wedged between North Korea and Russia, he said.

Living in China enabled the American family to pursue their interest in working the soil while preaching the Gospel—a life they call “marketplace evangelism.”

They befriended a neighbor who said he had been a Russian military-intelligence officer. The former spy and his wife took the Martindales over the border into Russia’s Far East and extolled the country’s supposed support of Christian values and the purity of its agriculture.

They showed the American family abandoned collective farms with vast tracts of land near the port city of Vladivostok, which they said could be leased for 25 cents an acre. The experience sparked in Dan Martindale a deep attraction to Russia.

Even after the family returned to Indiana, “his heart was in Russia,” his father said. “And his goal was to live there, marry a good Russian woman, and farm.”

Martindale says he went through a transformation watching the 2005 documentary “Loose Change,” which claimed falsely that Washington was responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The U.S. wars in Afghanistan and Iraq left him even more disillusioned with his country.

“Washington is my enemy,” he later wrote in a blog post. “They literally are at war with their own citizens since 2001.”

He studied mechanical engineering and worked with his father selling farm equipment. After saving up for years, Dan took the step he had long dreamed of and moved to Russia in 2018. Returning to the Far East, he studied Russian in Vladivostok and taught English in his spare time.

Four years earlier, the Kremlin had annexed Crimea and fomented a war in Ukraine’s eastern Donbas region. Eight time zones away, Martindale immersed himself in local life.

A year into Martindale’s stay, Russian authorities deported him for violating labor laws for foreign students and banned him from returning for five years, according to his father. “That was heartbreaking, honestly,” Martindale said.

Desperate to find a way to return, he enrolled in 2020 at a veterinarian school in Belarus but was turned away by authorities at an airport in Minsk. He moved to southern Poland, teaching English and living in a church at the invitation of priests during the Covid-19 pandemic.

He was homesick “not for the USA, but for Russia,” he wrote on a blog years later. When Russian troops massed on the Ukrainian border in early 2022, he decided to act.

Russian Armored Vehicles are loaded onto Railway Platforms not far from Russia-Ukraine Border in 2022. Photo: Associated Press

Crossing Over

After finding a mountain bike in a trash heap near Krakow, Martindale crossed the Ukrainian border in early February 2022. He rode against a flow of Ukrainians fleeing their country on foot, some carrying no more than a change of clothes.

Daniel told people he encountered that he was on a Christian mission. From Lviv, near Ukraine’s western border, Martindale hitched a ride to Kyiv.

As the car approached the Ukrainian capital, Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine was just beginning.

Tank columns poured south from Belarus. Russian attack helicopters landed commandos at a military airfield near Kyiv, igniting a battle for its control. Paratroopers jumped into the capital’s outskirts, where Ukrainian forces decimated them. In Moscow, military commanders watched their plans to seize Kyiv crumble, auguring a protracted war.

Martindale contacted Russian forces by phone via an account on the Telegram messaging app that was meant to lure Ukrainian soldiers to surrender.

“I asked them for an opportunity to meet up with Russian troops,” he said in an interview. “They encouraged me to travel east further. And so that’s what I did.”

At night, Ukrainian air defense batteries launched missiles at incoming barrages, raining debris on residential buildings and setting them alight. Civilian casualties mounted. By day, Martindale pedaled his bike eastward, wearing several coats and pairs of pants against the cold and carrying homemade peanut butter treats to share with future hosts.

On the road, he read Russian-language social-media postings and spoke with locals who crossed his path. Martindale came to believe that the U.S. had financed Ukraine’s split from Russia and that Kyiv had no right to subdue its breakaway regions.

“Washington is pushing every button it can to make the Russian people angry,” he later wrote.

Martindale justified mounting evidence of Russian atrocities committed against Ukrainian civilians, reasoning that the Kremlin was “dealing with criminals that have to be dealt with.”

He arrived in eastern Ukraine after a nearly two-month journey by bike, train and car. Martindale was closer than ever to Russian-controlled territory, but as a citizen of a country that opposed Moscow, he would have to earn his way across to their side of the war.

A Pockmarked Sign in Martindale’s One-Time Home reads, ‘I Love Bohoyavlenka.’ Photo: Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP/Getty Images

A Village Named ‘Epiphany’

He moved into a single-story home in a Ukrainian-held village 30 miles west of Donetsk. The house was made of brick and cinder block, with insulating straw. In a small barn in the back, Martindale accumulated a menagerie of chickens, ducks, goats, and a trio of cows left behind by fleeing Ukrainians.

The name of the village, Bohoyavlenka, translated roughly to “epiphany,” and Martindale felt called to live there, he said, in “one of those religious moments.”

At times, the village was less than 10 miles from the front line, close enough to hear artillery fire. Martindale recycled a neighbor’s discarded dog tag, embossed his name and blood type, and wore it on a chain around his neck.

In his yard, he planted carrots, sweet potatoes and corn. He bought eggs from one villager, milk from another. He helped gather and distribute firewood and repair roofs damaged by Russian shelling. Locals who invited Martindale to birthday and holiday celebrations speculated that he was an international observer of the war or a mercenary gathering intelligence, he said.

They weren’t far off.

Martindale was tracking Ukrainian troop movements and positions, including the location of a brigade command-and-control center, and transmitting the information to his Russian contacts.

“I had no clear idea about whether the intelligence I relayed was useful or not,” he later wrote.

His parents shipped medical supplies from Indiana, along with prayer books in Ukrainian and Russian. The village had no church, and Sandy Martindale encouraged her son by texting him passages from “They Knew Their God,” a book about Christians who had endured ordeals for their faith. He sent back videos of his farmwork and his efforts to aid elderly neighbors.

His parents were unaware of his espionage, they said in an interview with the Journal, though they shared their son’s view that Russia was fighting a just war. Jim Martindale said he believed that the Central Intelligence Agency had “orchestrated regime change” in Ukraine and that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was “a paid actor.”

Alone in his house at night, Martindale watched the news on Russian state TV and prayed aloud to aid the fight against Ukraine and protect Russian troops.

When a battalion of Ukrainian troops billeted in Bohoyavlenka, a pair of medics moved in with Martindale, testing his ability to conceal his espionage and allegiance.

Daniel Martindale Settled in the Town of Bohoyavlenka, Just 30 Miles West of Donetsk, Where He Planted Carrots, Sweet Potatoes and Corn. Daniel Martindale

“My Russian self had to die and be buried for a while,” he later wrote. “I had to be careful about my every word and facial expression.”

In the evenings, he recited the Lord’s Prayer in Ukrainian with the medics, whose wariness abated with time.

“They had a bad habit of telling me things that were useful for Russian intelligence,” Martindale wrote.

A lengthy struggle for nearby Vuhledar began in mid-2022 and later spilled over into Bohoyavlenka, which was struck repeatedly by GRAD missiles. Blasts shook Martindale’s house, jolting him awake in the middle of the night. A direct hit on a school near Martindale killed a number of soldiers.

When the Ukrainians struck back, they pounded Russian positions with artillery supplied by the U.S., infuriating Martindale.

“What the Ukrainian army was doing, killing Russian troops, was unpleasant,” Martindale said. “But the fact that it had come from my country made it all the more bitter.”

He responded by constructing a homemade bomb, intending to use it against one of the U.S.-made Ukrainian artillery pieces. But as he attempted to assemble the components using explosives he had collected from Ukrainian firing positions, he instead ignited a fire in his house. The village fire brigade rushed to his aid and extinguished the blaze.

The longer he remained in Bohoyavlenka, the more suspicion he aroused. An agitated Ukrainian soldier with a rifle arrived at Martindale’s house one afternoon, claiming that the American helped Russian forces carry out strikes on military positions. Martindale’s neighbors defended him, “saving my life,” he later wrote.

After two years of sending intelligence to his Russian handlers, Martindale’s phone was failing last summer. His contacts dropped him a new one from a drone.

His family in Indiana monitored the progress of the war online as the front line neared Martindale’s village. “He couldn’t go to Russia, but it appears that Russia is coming to him,” his brother Christian joked, according to his father.

After helping residents evacuate Bohoyavlenka as advancing Russian troops neared the village last fall, he stayed behind. In late October, he received a message to prepare for extraction.

He freed his animals and texted the Russians a photo of his house. Following their instructions, he huddled in his basement, living on canned meat and dried bread.

Four days later, Russian troops poured into Bohoyavlenka, and Martindale heard someone call out his name. Emerging from the basement, he found Russian soldiers in his yard.

They led him out of the village and into Russian-held territory.

A view of central Moscow earlier this month. Photo: Maxim Shemetov/Reuters

A New Life

Under escort, Martindale moved southeast in the direction of the southern Russian city of Rostov-on-Don, he said, and spent the night in a hotel before taking a lie-detector test. He felt like a prisoner, he said, someone to be exchanged for a high-value Russian captive in Ukrainian custody.

“I was prepared for that,” he said. “That kind of ending.”

His minders installed Martindale in an apartment in a location he has declined to share. In early November, he was dispatched to Moscow, catching glimpses of the capital through the window of a car.

In a press conference there, a state-media representative introduced Martindale to reporters, confirming him as a spy for the Kremlin. Holding up his battered and burned U.S. passport, Martindale said he was ready to trade it for a Russian one “yesterday.”

His family watched the event on a YouTube streaming channel. It was their first glimpse of him since he had left Bohoyavlenka. They were unaware that Daniel had been spying for Russia, yet they weren’t surprised. “He had announced to us many years ago that his goal was to live out his life in Russia,” Jim Martindale said.

They say they share his dark and suspicious view of the U.S. government, and his belief that without the support of U.S. intelligence services, Ukraine wouldn’t exist. “There is no such thing as Ukrainian,” his father says.

Martindale has been sharing his views on the war and his role in it on social-media channels under the name “Shepherd at War.” He worries Trump won’t be hard enough on Ukraine as the peace talks proceed. “Kiev must be brought to its knees,” he posted on Feb. 16. “If Washington wants a deal, let them gather up the criminals from Kiev and fly them to Moscow for trial.”

But the dream of returning to Russia’s Far East and living on a farm has eluded Martindale so far. While he has secured temporary political asylum, allowing him to apply for Russian citizenship, he said he has been told the decision can take two years.

For now, he said he lives under the close watch of a security detail and is told where he can and can’t go. “I’m not 100% a free man,” he said.

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