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just-a-ghost00 · 5 months ago

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Who is your soulmate/twin flame? - Pick a Bangchan aesthetic edition

Twin flame is usually a term used to designate a specific type of soul bond/ soul contract between two individuals. They are sometimes refered to as « a single soul coming from the same egg » that got seperated before being incarnated. Each bearing different wounds, they navigate lifetimes to hopefully heal and reunite, becoming one again. Twin flames could be what you could say is Plato’s definition of soulmates. In modern times, the term soulmate refers to two distinct souls that have shared many lifetimes together and are meant to cross paths again in this lifetime to teach each other lessons and help each other resolve karma. Whether we are referring to one or another, both have in common a deep sense of love and connection. Whether you enquire about a twin flame or a soulmate, know that they aren’t necessarily a romantic partner. They could be of any gender. They might not be incarnated yet. They could be a child, an adult, a parent, a friend, a coworker. If you proceed with this reading, you should step in it with an open heart and mind. Take only what resonates and leave doubt at the gate. As you read, you may find that the person I’m describing sounds like you. That is because soulmates/TF tend to mirror one another. If it doesn’t feel like anything that makes sense to you, then maybe this reading held no messages for you today. Yours truly,

Just a ghost.

Group 1 - Rocky Chan🤘 Channeled song : BTBT from B.I feat Soulja boy & DeVita

Tarot : 8 of wands, Queen of swords, ace of swords, 9 of wands, 2 of cups, The Fool

Oracle cards : Ametrine - Make your big dreams your big life, Shiva Lingam - Go all in on your essence, 3 Dolphin - Socialize and celebrate life, play

Messages from Merlin :

Mandragora spell - Be the master of your beliefs : Your fears and anxiety are the product of your beliefs. Stop ruminating, for none of it is meant to happen. Your beliefs shape your reality so transform them to make them reflect your wishes and thus materialize them.

Red dragon & white dragon - Shed light onto your shadow : Shed light onto your inner conflicts. By accepting your mistakes and fears with humility, you’ll allow your trust and harmony to take back their rightful place in your realm. Don’t hesitate to apologize to and forgive yourself.

Whyvern spell - Choose consciously : Before you give in to temptation and follow a thought, a project or a person, take the time to learn more about them. Listen to your reason and intuition in order to avoid delusions. You can then peacefully envision what’s next.

Significant signs : Pisces, Gemini, Scorpio, Cancer, Sagittarius, numbers 8 1 9 2 0 3, letters F P A S L , colors like pastel pink / purple / ocean blue /red, dolphins, snakes, white dogs

Key words : idealist, hopeless romantic, Peter Pan syndrom, mommy issues, creative, connection, playfulness, emotional immaturity, soft hearted, touch starved, loyalty, inner child healing

This reading is going to be quite lengthy so bear with me. Grab a pen and a notebook if you wish. This person feels rather masculine. They are a soulmate of yours without a doubt. In terms of looks and general information, they have rather wavy hair and a lean body. They’re a swimmer or they enjoy any kind of activity related to water, like fishing or diving. They have tanned skin. They probably have kind of a surfer vibe. They live near an important body of water or they want to live near water. They likely have clear and shiny eyes, big doe eyes and kind of a lost puppy look. Their style feels pretty flowy and laid back. Probably casual most of the time. They feel gender fluid. They could identify as being bisexual. They are likely younger than you. If so, they are only a few years younger. You might want to check group 2 as well if you hesitated between the two groups. They could like painting as well, especially water coloring.

This person is a dreamer. Eternally dissatisfied with life, they long for more. They seek for thrilling and exhilarating sensations to make them feel alive. They are carefree, playful, innocent in many ways. It’s like they never had the time and space to really grow, to be a child with childlike occupations and worries. They had to grow up and be responsible too quickly too soon, probably because they were the eldest of their siblings or because they had to take care of an ill relative. They are an idealist. They tend to be very harsh on themselves, they struggle with the feeling of being good enough. They are the people pleaser, the mom friend, the psychologist, the cutie bestie of the group that gives so much but only gets so little in return and would never say a thing about it because they think they don’t deserve to demand anything. They are the social butterfly, the « I have so many friends » that they barely know type. They crave attention, they crave love. They love the idea of love. They are often in their little bubble, wishfully thinking about life and people. They are probably the type that wonders where in the world their soulmate is and WTF they are doing. They idealize love. Probably because they’ve never really been in love. They are incredibly intuitive and sensitive, caring and lovable. They like to make people feel good, to show love through acts of service and affirmations. They are all over the place. They are so excited by life and what it has to offer. They are an over thinker. They are pretty communicative. Though they are innocent and naive, they know pretty well what they want. They don’t hesitate to cut people off when needed. They have a lot of responsibilities on their shoulders. The concept of love and being in relationships is pretty new to them. They lack experience in the matters of the heart. They are a wanderer. They like to travel and explore places but also mindsets and people. This person has the potential to astral travel. They have very vivid dreams and nightmares. Intimacy scares the shit out of them but they crave it just as much as they dread it. This person wants to have children. They love children, love the idea of a big family. Since this person is so creative and dreamy and they have the Play card, they could very well be an artist or someone that has a meaningful presence online. They work in the entertainment industry in some way, shape or form. They tend to burn themselves out. They lack patience sometimes. They might struggle with ADHD or any other form of neurodivergence. They could be on the spectrum. This person’s purpose in life is to bring healing by alleviating the weight of other souls. Hence the entertainment thing. They are meant to distract people from their struggles and shadows so that they can appreciate their existence to a bare minimum and breathe a little. They could enjoy working with kids specifically. Being a teacher or a social worker could also be a thing they are into. They like to share and evolve in groups. Because they struggle with finding a sense of belonging. They feel sometimes like they are not from this earth and something more awaits them. Especially if they are on the spectrums (LGBTQIA+, Autism and so on). It can be hard for them to relate to other people or read the atmosphere in social settings. Being the comic relief of the group helps them deal with the stress that generates. They often wear masks to be liked by other people which gets pretty tiring. Hence they have no energy left to tend to themselves which is why they look for connections where they can rely on their partner without asking for or worrying about anything. They like to be pampered and praised, especially in bed.

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Group 2 - Smiley Chan 😄

Channeled song : You can’t hold my heart from Monsta X Significant signs : Scorpio, Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Libra, Taurus, letters S L J P B K, snakes, ravens, numbers 37 19 9 6 11, colors like pastel green / sandy grey / soft blues

Tarot cards : Queen of wands, The Sun, 9 of wands, The Lovers, Page of swords, Justice Oracle cards : The Pillar, 37 Candy Basslet rx - Know your worth, Shungite - Get real with your truth, Bloodstone - Power up your vitals

Messages from Merlin The Wizard :

The 9 Guardians of Avalon - Ask and you shall receive : They guard the order of all things. They ensure the threads of fate twist and twine as they should and at the right time. Be sincere about what you wish for and they shall answer in their own way. Pay attention!

Guinevra Queen of Arthur - There is no King without a Queen : you need the qualities of both masculine and feminine. Combine your thinking with your sensitivity and creativity to your decision making skills and influence. It is within this fair and balanced union that fruitful projects can be birthed.

Tuatha Dé Danann - Message from the silent people : We became Sidhes, people from the underground of the earth we seek to protect. Faes and divine beings, our magic is powerful. Come meet us in the forest, by a lake or a river. Seek our help in the form of a simple prayer and we shall know how to comfort you.

Key words : daddy issues, ambition, balance, communication, spirituality, intensity, depth, grounding, self confidence, self worth, anger issues

There is a lot to cover here and this is going to be a lengthy reading so bear with me. Feel free to take notes, make your own research if you feel called to especially when it comes to the crystals mentioned. So first of all, I want to say that this person’s energy feels like it’s currently in it’s feminine era. Though this person is very balanced in general they are indulging more into their feminine side. They could have long hair and rather tanned skin. They like going outdoors, bathing into the sun, going for walks or running. They are athletic and pretty active. The reason I am saying this is because all of the tarot cards we have here are illustrated with very feminine characters. Now this person is very much owning their power and doing their best to unapologetically be themselves. In the past, they struggled with their body image and sense of self but it seems like they are coming to terms with that. They have strong boundaries and there’s a depth to them that could really trigger/scare people, including you. This person has been through so much they can’t be bothered anymore. They don’t have time for mind games, petty lies and arguments. They want to be treated with respect and are willing to do the same so long as you don’t cross them. They are very much down to earth and simple in their functioning : all or nothing type of mentality, be good to me and I’ll be great to you, stab me and I’ll bring hell upon your head. They don’t forgive and forget easily and could hold grudges. This person values honesty, fairness, integrity. They have a strong moral compass and look for people who can match their intensity. They are cerebral. They like to think, to imagine, to create. They have the energy and mentality of a leader, a pioneer, someone that people look up to because they pave the way in a very unique manner. This person really stands out from the crowds. They tend to burden and pressure themselves because they hold themselves in high regard. This is due to their upbringing. They were raised to be the man of the house, regardless of their gender. I have a gut feeling they could identify themselves as genderfluid. They value love and connections, loyalty and compassion. They give their all in relationships and are very protective of the people they love. They are very sensual, kinky even. This person is likely to be a potential romantic partner, whether you know them already or not. They are definitely not a child, though they can sometimes harbor the energy of one. They are bratty and stubborn AF. They get under people’s skin easily whether for good or bad reasons. They elicit strong reactions from people because their vibrations are beyond anything people can fathom.

Sometimes they overextend themselves. They like to give and be of help to others. People tend to feed off of their light like leeches. They could attract a lot of narcissistic people, naysayers and haters just by breathing. This person’s job in this lifetime is solely to trigger people and shake their dusty and sterile belief systems. Which is probably what they’re also meant to do in your life. Honestly, this feels like a twin flame connection. If you were ever wondering if you had one, now I guess you know. If we get more detailed about their looks and general information about them, I’d say they’re pretty curvy. They kinda set the usual standards of beauty off. This person was never meant to fit into a box. They’re their own goddam category. Very very strong energy here. They’re the type of person that maybe wouldn’t match the traditional beautiful/pretty girl/boy stereotype but instead would look magnificent because of what they radiate. Their morals and ideals are their beauty. They’re beautiful because of the way they think, the way they treat people with equity, the way they are deep down when no one is looking. They have unconventional interests or an unconventional way of going about common interests. Their eyes could be what draws you in. Other than that, their voice can be pretty addictive. Their whole being is addictive actually. They are likely to be a foreigner or someone that was raised with a different culture than yours. This person likes to play with their appearance and the way they present themselves. Their fashion style can vary depending on their mood.

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Group 3 - Dreamy Chan Channeled song : My Oasis from Sam Smith feat Burna Boy

Tarot cards : 5 of pentacles rx, knight of pentacles, 2 of cups, 6 of pentacles, 7 of pentacles, king of cups Oracle cards : Ascension, Labradorite - Protect your magic, Pyrite - call on your core power, 15 Clownfish spirit - Protect your home, 43 Koi fish spirit - Just for fun

Possible signs : Pisces, Taurus, Scorpio, colors like soft greens and yellows, baby blue, cows and bulls, white dogs, letters A L P K C

Messages from Merlin The Wizard :

Mordred's betrayals - Don't let anger be your master : your anger isn't a good advisor. Shout, write, dance, talk about your suffering to let go of it but don't let it dictate the next chapter of your story. Whatever struggles you face, stay calm, transmute your anger and then you shall know how to deal with it and find solutions.

Merlin crazy in love - What are you ready to let go of? : To choose is to sacrifice realities that could have been. With each decision, you create your story by giving up on other possibilities. If you are wondering what to do, ask yourself what you would like to experience and what you are ready to let go of in order to get there.

Shadow magic - Transmute fear into strength : It is there, lingering in the shadows. Your fear. It doesn't know how much of a strength in can be instead of weakness. Understand your fear and challenge yourself to be stronger than it. Use it as a fuel to improve and have twice as many reasons to be proud of yourself.

Key words : caring, friends to lovers trope, morning calls and text, feeling lost and helpless, laidback, no strings attached, humanitarian work, anger issues, trust issues

This person is a soulmate of yours. They feel both masculine and femine. Their energy is pretty balanced and comforting. They are likely older than you. They have a look and a body type that's pretty common. Not too fit but not that bad either. They kinda blend in the crowd. You wouldn't notice them unless they wanted you to. They likely have long brown/black hair and tanned skin. But that's just a detail. I heard their appearance doesn't matter, they focus more on the soul. They think they're not pretty is what it is about. They are prettier than they think. But more than anything, they want to be known and loved for who they are deep in their core. When it comes to jobs or interests, this person could do something that inspires people. This is very general and can match a lot of jobs and activities. They like to raise awareness and learn from other people, so humanitarian work seems relevant. Artist could also be a possibility. This person is appreciated in their community for their strong values, their gentle side and work ethic. They never judge anyone or look down on people. They are very giving and patient, understanding. They know what it's like to be afraid or struggle. They've known pain on so many levels that at this point they have a black belt in life struggles. I feel like they want to protect people from the shitty sides of life. They want to help people avoid going through the struggles they faced when they were young. Like, let's say this person is queer and had a very hard time being themselves without facing backlash from other people, now that they've come so far they want to advocate for queer rights and help people that may be going through the same experience. Or if this person was abused, now that they've done their healing they want to help victims of abuse. This person has a lot of empathy and understanding of human condition. They are pretty down to earth and realistic. They like routines and patterns. They either work a nine to five or if they don't, they make sure they always do the same things : get their coffee first, set their equipment and tools, check their emails and notifications then get to work. Get a coffee on their way back, wash when they're home, check their mails again, work some more, overthink. Repeat. They strive for more. They long for more than the life they're experiencing right now. They're going through an awakening. This person had been neglecting the spiritual realm. They were only focusing on the material aspects of life. Concepts of souls or connections that went beyond distance and matter didn't resonate with them up until now. They recently had to let go of something that was important to them. Their life has been filled with sacrifice. This person would let opportunities pass, out of humility or out of love for others. They would put other people's needs first, no matter how much pain they were in. But the scales tipped when someone betrayed them or something felt very unfair to them. Like they were screwed over. This person lost confidence because of this and went through a very dark time in their life. They have struggled with depression and anxiety. They've had health issues, their abundance was affected by this situation. They could have lost a lot of money or important business partners, for instance. They could have lost their job or home or even their family. This person is now at a place in their life where they're back on track. They've worked on themselves, fought to regain control over their life and create a reality they could be proud of. Their finances are going well, they somewhat feel fulfilled but in the back of their mind it's like something's missing. They long for connection and attention. Something genuine and light hearted. I think this person has started to date. Or at least, they're open to the idea.

#Pick a card #spiritual pac #love pac #soulmate #twin flame

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twst-rose-prisms · 7 months ago

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Twst boys and their respective Vocaloid songs

As the title said, I've been wanting to assign some Vocaloid songs for the twst characters as there are quite a lot of songs that specifically fit them! I'll include some lyrics part as of why I think it fits along with a small analysis + song link! I'm letting my Vocaloid braincells taking over this time hehe 🌹❤️

Shout out to my bestie @twst-megane for helping me out a bunch once again!!

Characters: All NRC students Warning: Some of these songs contain angsty/dark themes or imply self-harm, however it's nothing too much as that's the nature of Vocaloid songs in general and I recommend you checking them out if you guys can!

Part 1 | Part 2

🌹 Heartslabyul 🌹

Riddle: Bitter Choco Decoration

Pretty self-explanatory from the lyrics if you remember Riddle’s backstory with his strict, controlling mother. His entire life up until he became a student has been under his mom’s influence and it ended up him being too strict even to himself and his emotions - just like the meaning of the song too.

“Bitter choco decoration I long for the ideal that everyone wishes for Bitter choco decoration I reduce my individuality and my emotions to ashes Bitter choco decoration Kill your desires and ego, and bury them all underground Bitter choco decoration I've finally grown up, mama” “Surely, tomorrow, and the days after This hell will continue on and on. Alas, so please, just for now Let me keep the feelings I had when I was but a child And be the naked me.”

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Ace: Lost One’s Weeping

Being a rebellious person, I’m thinking this song fits Ace the most as it’s about questioning the flawed system, questioning one’s being and purpose and that if we have to keep living under some sort of authority for the rest of our life. As you can already see how he acts in Book 1 towards Riddle - defying authority, questioning it, and being rebellious about it.

“Can you say the formula for area ratio? Can you say the dreams of your childhood? Who threw those dreams in a ditch? Hey, who was it? You know who it was! When are you going to grow up!? What is a grown-up anyway? Do you know who has the answers? Hey, what should I do? I don't care anymore!”

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Deuce: RAD DOGS

I picked this song for Deuce because of the lyrics, but also the beat and the meaning. The strong, powerful beat with the fast rap part really fit him don’t you think? The lyrics speaks of the struggle of going against the grain and choosing a life of freedom, although it comes with an effort and the ability to face everything life throws at us. We need to take a leap of faith and not settle for anything less than what we truly want, emphasizes the importance of taking a risk and restarting, not worrying about the reason or justifications for doing so, just like how Deuce acts in general with his goal and dream.

"My unseen devotion, sympathy that I don’t feel, and all the things that I can't have What kind of story? Whose story is it? If you don't have something, you'll start to want it, isn’t that right?" "Now, I’ve decided to restart for the first time Just saying “I want to be like you” is all you need, right? Not knowing the reason why, not needing the reason why I'm defying against fate’s rules" "Now, I’ve decided to restart and burst out Just saying “I want to see it” is all you need, right? Let that groovy sound beat, let me hear that heartbeat Since there’s no time to just stand still" "With the tailwind blowing Alright, we keep going forward without looking back"

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Trey: Ai no Material

Trey gives me a melancholic, casual and mature vibe, like an older brother who you can depend on anytime and he would give you his usual smile. That’s why I picked this song for him, although he always helps out everyone but I feel like he can be lonely sometimes, like perhaps he would need a helping hand or maybe some support. When I read the lyrics I think of him! I want to interpret it as Heartslabyul to Trey, who’s been always working hard for the dorm, and it’s the message that he might want to hear the most!

"(Jump into tomorrow!) It seems that the stars will fall down. (Always) You wear a sparkling smile. (With a smile) But even if it's hard, you hide the pain away, (Want to meet you) and without showing it, you just laughed." "I always want to smile, after all. It's not hard, so I'm going to try harder! I wonder if I've been embracing such a lie tightly, And kept walking all this time." "Fly up more, higher and higher. If it's you, you can do it with a smile. But it's okay even if it's just a little bit, It's okay to quietly depend on me too." "Words like "I'm alright" or saying "I'm okay", While showing your usual smile. I understand those lies you utter, And that's why I tug on your hand."

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Cater: Phony

I know it might sound like it doesn’t fit him but in my opinion, this song sums up Cater as a character. We haven’t seen much of him in actual depth, but I definitely think he has more than he just appears. This song talks about how a person can mask and deceive themselves in lies, they’re aware of it, but they have to put it up in order to meet societal expectations. A constructed image or persona - the “fake” that they created and now they struggle to reconcile with their true self, and I think he is like that as well. (Aniplex please more Cater content for us we're waiting-)

“There’s no flower in this world more beautiful than an artificial one That’s because everything is manufactured from lies Antipathy world” “The rain of despair pelts my umbrella and Dampens my bangs and the hidden side of my heart Oh, it’s all so troublesome” “Before I knew it, the words had already withered The fruit of the truth is ripening within me Painting lies upon the mirror’s reflection, a “makeup” of the loss of oneself” “Before I knew it, the mimicked cries joined the unpleasant chorus Their eyes, leery, are dissolving you I am missing from the mirror’s reflection. There is only a “fake” that everyone mistook for someone else”

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🦁 Savanaclaw 🦁

Leona: Meltdown

The song is about one wanting to disappear, wanting to kill their old self and erase everything as if it’s like falling asleep. Though I think this song can be interpreted as having depression - and from what we see going on with Leona, I feel like he does show signs of it, I wish they would dive deeper into his story in Book 2 though! Other than that, I feel like the lyrics in here suit him a lot, especially the “sleep” part in the lyrics.

“I'm like a lighter out of fluid My insides are on fire Sometimes I wish It was all a lie” “I want to jump into the core My memories would melt into brilliant whiteness and disappear If I could jump into the core I feel like I’d be able to sleep again like I used to” “If I jumped into the core I'd vanish, like I had gone to sleep A morning without me Would be perfect All the gears meshing together That's how the world would be”

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Jack: Night Sky Patrol of Tomorrow

I think this song fits Jack a lot, the vibe is definitely for him but also the lyrics as well. The headstrong vibe, full of uncertainty but also full of hope for tomorrow, despite feeling hopeless at times but what is important is never give up and head forward to the future. The song’s meaning is to convey resilience, independence, and the importance of cherishing the present moment even when you’re uncertain about some things. You could also take this as a JackMC song haha, It just fits him a lot imo!

“I'm a boy who picks out his enemies to fight, Depending on whatever suits my mood. No hopes for the future, I wanted to be drawn in a dream." "And yet I fear the future, Hating tomorrow, wishing towards the past. There's no longer anything I can do, so I shout, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, please, don't come!" "If you want it, then make it come true yourself." Eh... You said that..." "I think about what I want, To go see you again tomorrow night. But I don't know, maybe you won't be there, But even so, we will always be one." "So, see you later, Sky Arrow, let's smile on! I want to be together with you in the future, However short our time may be, so I'll shout out, "Remember this day someday in the future, whoever we are then..."

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Ruggie: Moonlight

This song fits Ruggie a lot in terms of lyrics, with numerous mentions of rags and junk and collecting them together to the longing of being your own self instead of being in someone else’s shadow and chasing after them. The singer compares themselves to a piece of junk or trash as they think of themselves lowly, just like Ruggie himself. The mention of moonlight here represents the singer’s ideal that they always chase after, like Ruggie’s life goal. Overall, the vibe of the song fit him a lot! (I recommend checking out the Vivid Bad Squad version too!)

“A collection of junk, Covered with a piece of rag, A replica in a hideous shape Words spun by someone else, Tones played by someone else, A fake made by a distorted collage of them” “Even being junks, even a piece of rag In the blood pumped from its heart There was only my own anger In the end, there must be nothing left Love, spun songs, and my name will one day fade away I wonder why? It's stuck in the back of my chest, A loneliness similar to the silence of a winter night” “Whether or not I'm a fake, Looking back now, there was only Those blurred memories” “The irony of being a waste, I'm trying to get out of the cliché, but "Another rehash of someone else’s work?" "Is even your identity a trick?" "Do you want love, even if you have to steal it?" “Even being junks, even a piece of rag After following the never ending dream I'll find my own light, all the way”

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🐚 Octavinelle 🐚

Azul: Delusion Tax

In my opinion, this is the most fitting song I could think of for Azul. As said in the lyrics, we all have desires of our own, and the person (or in this case Miku) in this song is a genie that can grant any wishes, but in the end everything come with a price, anyone who make a wish with her will have to sell a part of themselves. Sounds just like Azul and his contracts don’t you think? But you can also think this reflects Azul’s own desires once you know his backstory too! (and also, check out this amazing art by my bestie! Her art is amazing!!)

“Turning wishes into reality Right now, buy back your future! Afflicted by so badly wanting to do “that”, consumed by desire Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain” “Existing for your sake alone, mandatory affections and obligated kindness Though you should be satisfied, a voice from within shouts “NO!” We have an idiot on our hands, it seems…” “None of it will come true if you don't pay the price Look, just up and borrow the "desired amount" Reality is a bitter-sweet pill to swallow Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain” “That which you wish for, the person you think of, The past which you hate as well, they’ll all be as you like. The kind of face and chest you desire, they’ll be granted if you pay. “It’s a promise”

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Jade: SHANTI

I feel like the song is pretty self-explanatory, as you can see with the lyrics. It just fits Jade’s job and his approach to the “targets” and lure them into signing a contract with Azul, but it’s probably just more than the said goal… But you can never tell with that smile of his as his “kind” words accompany his looks. Until you realized you fell into the trap and become one of Azul’s underlings due to the contract (at least, until post-Book 3, but who knows)

“Hey, young man who’s hanging his head Did something bad happen? If you’re fine with me, do you wanna talk about it? I can help you What in the world happened? That sounds terrible, brother I'll give you this, so cheer up, ok You can pay me back next time” “So you came again tonight Was it to your liking? The fee is this much Huh? Huh? Huh? So you can’t pay Then it can’t be helped I’ve got the perfect job for you, so come and follow me”

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Floyd: Matryoshka

A chaotic, addictive rock song that is very fitting for Floyd. Why though? According to the wiki “Most of the lyrics are nonsensically vague or ridiculous, with a slight hint of pain or sadness, giving the overall song a crazy and psychotic feeling. Therefore, the lyrics have been interpreted in various ways.” Just like the moody guy himself, don’t you think?

“My headache is singing about a package The clock's hand is stuck at 4 o'clock No one would tell me why But the world has begun to rotate in reverse” “Ah, would you please dance even more? Kalinka? Malinka? Just play the strings" "What should I do with these kinds of emotions? Won't you please tell me? The signal reception is good, 5-2-4! Freud? Keloid? Just hit the keys Let's just laugh everything off Hurry up and dance, you group of fools!" "Together let's clap our childish hands To this intentionally deranged rhythm Surely, I couldn't care less about everything The world's temperature is beginning to melt”

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#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #vocaloid #riddle rosehearts #ace trapola #deuce spade #trey clover #cater diamond #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech #jade leech #vocaloid music

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ljz002-world · 3 months ago

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Big Man

The dim lights of The Garrison flickered, casting soft shadows across the rustic wooden tables. The familiar smell of whiskey filled the air, mingling with the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses. Michael Gray, wearing his crisp tailored suit, sat nervously at a corner table, his fingers tapping anxiously against the polished wood. He glanced at his watch for the third time that evening, his heart racing—not from excitement, but from uncertainty.

Life had changed drastically for Michael since his return to Birmingham. But tonight, he was here on a date—a date with a man, a muscular bartender he’d met during one of his visits to a London pub.

The man named Y/N was larger than life, with arms that seemed to stretch endlessly and a smile that could light up the darkest corners of the pub. He had a presence that was magnetic, drawing people in and making them feel at ease. But for Michael, this date brought forth a whirlwind of emotions. Growing up in a traditional setting made him unsure of this whole idea of dating a man, that and the tumultuous world of the Peaky Blinders, he was accustomed to the viciousness and unpredictability of life. Maybe that's how he tried to calm his conciousness about the date. Life had many doors, and goig out with a man was just one of many. But still, now, he was faced with a different kind of unpredictability—personal feelings he simply didn’t know how to navigate.

As the clock struck eight, the door swung open, and there stood Y/N, casually dressed but radiating an infectious energy. His shaggy hair framed his face beautifully, and the moment his gaze landed on Michael, an easy grin spread across his features.

“Evening, sorry I’m late! Got caught up at work,” Y/N said, sliding into the seat across from Michael. “You wouldn’t believe the number of drinks I had to shake up tonight.”

There was a glimmer of laughter in his eyes, and despite himself, Michael found a small smile forming on his lips. “It’s alright,” he replied, feeling a mixture of warmth and nervousness wash over him. “I wasn’t waiting too long.”

“Good,” the bartender from London said, leaning slightly forward, his confidence commanding the moment. “So, what do you want to talk about? I hear you have a knack for numbers—financials and all that. Completely lost me.”

Michael chuckled, feeling the tension beginning to ease. “I suppose I do. But it’s not as interesting as people think. My real passion is...” He paused, hesitating as the words caught in his throat. “Family business, I guess. The Peaky Blinders.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh, so you're a part of that infamous gang? Must be quite the life.”

This was where doubt began to creep back in. Most people back home either idolized the family or feared them, and Michael was never sure how someone outside that world would react. He found himself silently questioning if this was the right path, if this date was something he should even be pursuing.

“I wouldn’t say ‘infamous’ is a good word for it,” Michael said carefully. “It comes with its challenges, more than I care to admit. But it’s home.” He was surprised at how easily he let that slip.

Y/N nodded thoughtfully, his expression softening. “Home is important. But you’re more than just your last name, right?” He leaned back slightly, giving Michael space to breathe.

A few beats passed, and in the warmth of the moment, Michael felt his resolve beginning to falter. Perhaps the muscular man across from him saw him for who he truly was, not just the shadows of his lineage. “Yeah,” he finally said, “I guess I try to be.”

The big man smiled, and the warmth in his eyes sent shivers down Michael’s spine. They began exchanging stories—about work, life, dreams. Moments of laughter punctuated their conversation, washing away the last vestiges of Michael’s apprehension.

As the night wore on, Michael found himself more relaxed, intrigued by Y/N's insights and wit. They shared their hopes and fears, their ambitions and disappointments, as the whisky and camaraderie flowed. The world outside faded, leaving just the two of them in their cocoon of newfound connection.

By the time last call echoed through the pub, Michael discarded his reservations. Y/N's laughter heartened him like a cherished melody, beckoning him to step beyond his fears. Maybe this was where he belonged, at least for tonight—among laughter and shared dreams, forging connections that seemed almost unimaginable just hours before.

As they stepped out into the crisp Birmingham night, Michael looked at the other man, hoping the moment would linger. “So, do you want to do this again?”

Y/N puffed a teasing breath through his lips, his voice low and excited, “Only if you promise to tell me more about these Peaky Blinders.”

Michael laughed, a genuine sound that felt refreshing. “Deal.”

And as they walked side by side under the moonlit sky, Michael Gray couldn’t help but feel that this was the beginning of something profoundly transformative—both for him and for the man who had unwittingly drawn him out of his shell. Anything seemed possible now.

#Michael Gray #same sex love #same sex couple #peaky blinder #peaky blinders x reader #male reader #x reader #x male reader

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blackcrowing · 1 year ago

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I was wondering, if you would be so kind as to help, what advice do you have to someone going through a??? Spiritual change? Awakening?

For context, I've practiced irish paganism casually for about 3 years. Casually as in: I have my solitary rituals, my altar, I read about my culture and history when I get the chance (my family is irish catholic so some of it is shared but re flavoured if you will), I celebrate the quarter changes of the year. I've also dabbled in forms of divination but am not confident enough in anything to claim any progress.

Recently I have been having intense ... feelings? Towards a lot of things. Changes I cannot explain myself and I'm sure are related but I have no idea to what. I largely just worship the universe, and have never sought or (as far as I'm concerned) been sought after by a god of any kind. But I've been having intense spiritual changes. For the first time in my journey I feel like someone... or the universe? is actually reaching out to me and speaking to me - but I have no idea how to identify who it is or how to make "good progress" If that makes any sense. I won't ramble about the experiences because they're emotionally weighted and long as fuck - but from someone who has practiced for a long time (10 years if I'm correct?) How would you go about receiving a calling like this? Just keep doing what you're doing? Try and find whatever is calling to you? How would I even start that? I am very sorry for the long ask and for dumping my spiritual journey on you like the big 26 year old I am (lol) but I am truly lost - your blog has inspired me in the past so why not ask? I am familiar with some irish mythology, but not enough to identify the signs of a specific deity or spirit - so I am truly lost. Any advice would be really really appreciated, and thankyou for educating others on our culture and practice :)

This certainly sounds like a deity is seeking you out to me (and since you are also suspicious, this is the case, I'm almost certain). I'm the kind of person who ALWAYS wants to understand so my approach would be to figure out who was trying to get my attention ASAP (but if I'm being honest the urgency would be so that I knew the answer 😅).

Now as far as how to go about this... I've found that its a little different individual to individual but broad strokes (in my experience) once you notice a pattern of some verity (which for you, from what you have shared seems to be these intense feelings) I would start a two pronged approach.

The first prong would be to start paying attention, I'd pay extra attention to my dreams and my day to day life to see if I pick up a sense of any deity in particular. This can be difficult of course, lots of people see animals associated with their deities for example when their deities are trying to reach out but this can cause false leads or give us doubts about if seeing X animal really MEANS something or not. My best advice there is just to go with your gut. Does seeing a cat every evening on your way home from work FEEL important? Did that dream about a far away place that looked like it could be the Otherworld FEEL important? Does the sign you pass everyday that always catches your eye with the bundle of freshly baked bread FEEL significant? These signs don't have to be something big and crazy, and most of the time they're not, but look for any strong feelings or any consistency in messages to help point you in the right direction.

The second thing I would do would be to start reading about deities. Since you're already drawn to a specific culture I would start there and read about those deities, see if any just... feel right... while you're reading or if any make those signs you've been experiencing make sense. If none in this pantheon click for you start branching out, read about other Insular Celtic deities and then Continental and then other branches of Indo-European like the Scandinavian groups. Just keep reading about them and eventually the peices will come together for you for someone.

Now here is the especially tricky part. Normally the one you click with is who has been trying to get your attention BUT NOT ALWAYS. So if you really get into a deity and find that these experiences you've been having continue in the same way or the sense of urgency/distribution in them gets worse, you've probably found a deity CLOSE to what you're looking for but missed the mark a little. On the flip side, some people experience a lot of change once they connect with their deity, sometimes its uncomfortable but nessicary change (many Morríghan followers experience this). So its a fine line between, "my experience is more intense because the deity is trying harder to get me to look at them" and "my experience is more intense because I've connected with the right deity and they now have free reign to alter my life as they see fit." and again the difference normally comes down to your guy feeling.

I've seen this happen with a few people who start out, one tried to connect with Odin for a while because they related to his knowledge and battle aspects and turns out it was Freyja calling them (similar in function but very different deities). Another worked with Odin successfully for many years but always felt like he was pushing them towards other deities and they are now working with Skaði and finally feel like they've come home. I have a lot more Norse friends than Celtic so many of my personal experience stories are Norse in flavor, but I'm sure there are experiences like this within all the pantheons.

If you feel comfortable you can send another ask or DM with more about your specific situation and I can see if anyone rings any bells in my head, but that is obviously entirely up to you!

Good luck on your journey! I hope you find what you're looking for soon!

#ask #anon #personal journey #blackcrowing #deities #deity #deity work #deity worship

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roxtrox7 · 1 year ago

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101 Character Questions

Disclaimer: I’ve been using this questionnaire forever but the blog I got it from has been taken down. This is for archival purposes.

Family and Childhood

1. Where did you grow up?

2. How would you describe your family?

3. Did you have a happy childhood?

4. Would you call your upbringing ‘conventional’?

5. Are your parents alive? What kind of relationship do you have with them?

6. If you have siblings, are you close? If you’re an only child, how do you think that has affected you?

7. If you don’t already, would you like children of your own some day?

8. Of all your memories, which stands out most clearly?

9. As a child, what were you most likely to be found doing?

10. When you were young, what did you dream your future would look like?

11. What kind of education did you receive?

12. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Personality

13. Are you more of an idealist or a cynic? An optimist or a pessimist?

14. Do you ever find yourself daydreaming or lost in thought?

15. How do you deal with pressure and deadlines?

16. Do you ever do something… just to see how it will turn out?

17. Do you enjoy making plans, or do you prefer spontaneity?

18. Which do you value more: creativity or practicality?

19. How would you describe your energy levels? Are you more of a hummingbird or a sloth?

20. Be honest�� are you easily influenced by others?

21. Would you ever tell a lie to get yourself out of trouble?

22. Are there any circumstances in which you’d let somebody else be blamed for your actions?

23. Are you able to control your emotions? Or do your emotions control you?

24. You have to make a big decision. Do you listen to your head or your heart?

25. Can you keep a secret?

26. What’s your predominant emotion?

27. When you’re sad, what cheers you up?

28. If you were to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

Relationships

29. Would you describe yourself as an introvert or an extrovert? (ie what energizes you? Being by yourself or with other people?)

30. Is trust something that comes easily to you?

31. Do you ever feel superior to others?

32. Would you rather have a hundred casual friends or just one truly devoted friend?

33. What kind of people do you value more: those who are loyal to you or those who are useful to you?

34. Do you find it easy to make friends?

35. How do you choose who you spend your time with?

36. Are you comfortable being the center of attention?

37. When it comes to your thoughts and feelings, are you an open book or a locked vault?

38. Who is the most important person in your life?

39. If you were in desperate need, who would you turn to?

40. If you disappeared, who would miss you?

41. Have you ever lost anyone important to you?

42. Imagine you’re filling in an online dating profile, what would you say you’re looking for?

43. Who was your first kiss?

44. Have you ever been in love?

45. Have you ever felt truly loved by someone else?

46. How would you describe your sexual orientation?

47. Do you believe there’s a ‘soul mate’ out there for you?

48. Are you looking for true love or a quick fling?

49. What’s your idea of romance?

50. How do you show someone you care about them?

51. Is there anyone you would willing give your life for?

Purpose and Motivation

52. When you want something, do you dream about it or do you act?

53. If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness, what would be the first thing you’d do?

54. When someone wrongs you, do you respond with revenge or forgiveness?

55. Would you say you have any enemies?

56. What are you most afraid of?

57. Would make you happiest: wealth, power, peace, or love?

58. Would you rather lead or follow?

59. Which do you find more appealing: to be loved, to be admired, or to be feared?

60. How much do you care what people think about you?

61. What, if anything, makes you feel insecure?

62. Would you rather win an argument or avoid conflict?

63. Do you ever find yourself feeling jealous? Of whom, and of what?

64. Do you have any special abilities? How do you use them?

65. What would you like have written on your tombstone?

Influences and Experiences

66. Who would you identify as your role model?

67. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?

68. What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you?

69. What achievement are you most proud of?

70. Have you ever been bullied or abused?

71. Have you ever bullied or abused anyone else?

72. If you could go back in time and undo one of your own actions, which would it be?

73. What is the one thing you would hate anyone to know about you?

74. Do you think of yourself as a victim?

75. Do you have much experience of cultures outside your own?

76. What is your social status? How do you think has that shaped you?

Likes and Dislikes

77. Would you rather go to the theatre or a sporting event?

78. How do you feel about black tie events?

79. What’s your ideal holiday destination?

80. When you’re stressed, what relaxes you?

81. What does ‘perfect happiness’ look like to you?

82. What talents do you admire most?

83. How do you feel about animals? Friends, pets, threats, or food?

84. Do you enjoy learning?

85. Do you have a favorite color? What does it make you think of?

86. What kind of music do you enjoy listening to?

87. What kind of books or movies do you like to read or watch?

88. What really makes you laugh?

89. Do you have any pet peeves?

90. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

91. How would you describe your sense of style?

92. If your home went up in flames, what three things would you choose to rescue?

Bonus Questions!

93. If you went to Hogwarts, which House would you be sorted into?

94. If you were in Divergent, which faction would you belong to?

95. Who is your celebrity crush?

96. If you were on death row, what would you choose as your last meal?

97. If you could be reincarnated as any animal, what would you come back as?

98. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? (Assuming of course that you don’t already have one…)

99. When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

100. Do you believe in life after death?

101. How would you choose to die?

#character creation #questionnaire

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staticscreenwriting · 3 years ago

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Fake Dating || Jess Mariano

My entry for day 5 of our Christmas Calendar. Find all the information here. We’d love for you to join us.

Summary: Reader is invited to her ex boyfriend’s Christmas Party and doesn’t want to show up alone. Playing pretend leads to a confession.

Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.

There’s something magical about Stars Hollow in the winter. The snow covers the ground and the roofs like a layer of marshmallow fluff and Christmas lights twinkle at you from every corner.

It’s like a scene straight from a Hallmark card brought to life.

Sounds like a little piece of paradise right here on earth, right? Like a dream.

Yeah not when you have to stomp through the snow, hands freezing, toes merely made of ice by this point, hair a mess atop your head, and all that fuels you to continue going is the anxiety coursing through your veins and the promise of warmth and a hot cup of coffee waiting for you at the end of your journey.

When she reaches the sacred halls of Luke’s cafe, a big scowl pulls the corners of (Y/N)’s lips downwards. Coming back home was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to feel the way it did when she was a kid. Safe and comforting and warm. Only everything is different.

A big mug of steaming coffee is set down in front of her before she can even properly sit down on the barstool by the counter. Luke greets her with his signature grunt that might seem grumpy to some but really it’s how he shows his love. Being at the receiving end should make you feel proud.

Okay, maybe not everything has changed. Maybe some things stayed the same. Even if it’s the little ones. Sometimes they mean everything.

“ What’s got you scowling like that ? “ he asks as he rings up the person by the register.

“ Hmm — the heartbreaking realization that we can not stop the passing of time and that with every ticking second the magic of Christmas gets lost a little more as our bitter little hearts grow colder? “

Luke takes a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “ Look I already have one aggressively sarcastic jokester around right now, I can’t use another one. “

“ What do you mean? “

“ Jess is here. “

It’s like the sun cuts through her cloudy mind for a split second as the words register. There’s something about Jess she can never quite put into words. A silent understanding about the world and everything in it that he shares with her. Back when they were teenagers, angry and lost, the only place they found belonging, found understanding, was in each other.

And while she knows she never held the importance in his life that Rory did, while she was never at the receiving end of his romantic interest, she knows she meant something to him — means something. Sometimes you need to find someone else who’s lived their own tragedies in order to help you overcome yours.

Jess was her best friend and she was his. And while times have changed and distance has kept them apart lately, they both know the other is just a phone call away and a little part of their heart will always belong to each other.

“ Jess is here? “

“ I’m here. “ he announces his presence as he steps out from behind the curtain separating the stairs to the apartment from the cafe.

“ Woah, what’s got you looking all gloomy? “

“ That’s what I asked her but I only got a smartass answer. “ Luke points out before making his round across the room serving refills to eager customers trying to hide from the harsh winter winds raging outside.

“ So ? “

“ So, you didn’t tell me you were gonna be here. “

Jess just shrugs and averts his eyes in the way he always does. The way that makes him look so casually cool and unphased when (Y/N) knows he’s anything but. He has the biggest and softest heart of anyone she knows. It’s just hard sometimes, to let it show when the people who were supposed to love you most left it scarred and broken.

“ Didn’t know I was gonna be here but then Doula called last night and asked if I wanted to spend the week before Christmas with them too instead of just Christmas day and I didn’t have anything else to do anyway so — “

“ And you can’t say no to your sister. “

“ Yeah, that too. But back to you. The last time I saw you this sad was when you made me watch that Mickey Mouse Christmas movie that had you crying for like 3 hours after it ended."

"He sold his harmonica to buy Minnie a present Jess! He gave up his music for her."

"You gonna start crying again? "

"I might. Because it's sad and also just to annoy you."

"Okaaaay. Look just - just tell me what's up and maybe I can be talked into watching another cheesy movie if that would cheer you up a little."

He's sweet and gentle and he cares so much. And while she wishes he'd show this side of him to other people sometimes, to let them see the real him, there's a certain sense of pride that fills (Y/N)'s heart knowing she's one of the few people that part of him is reserved for.

"I don't think that's gonna be enough this time, although I appreciate the offer. I ran into Riley earlier."

" Riley Riley? From High School? "

" The same one. Who broke my heart and started dating one of my friends right after dumping me at the firelight festival. "

There's a dangerous gleam in Jess' eyes. One she's very familiar but hasn't seen in a long time, not since that one night at truncheon when he told her about Rory and Logan and how he felt used. When he called her drunk and sad. When -

"That guy is an asshole, nothing new. But I thought you were over him."

"I am. I totally am. But you know since we're all adults now and civil and we haven't seen each other in a while he thought it would be nice to invite me to this Christmas party they have tonight. "

"They?"

"Him and Lexi. The same girl he dumped me for. They are married now and, by the look of their house, pretty well off too. “

“ Okay, so what did you say? “

(Y/N) takes the last sip of coffee, letting the bitter taste settle on her tongue hoping that maybe it can overshadow the taste of regret and shame and sadness that has been stuck there ever since talking to Riley.

“ Well, what was I supposed to say? No ? “

“ Yes! That’s exactly what you should’ve said. Come on, Goose. Why would you say yes? “

“ I couldn’t say no. That would’ve made it look like I'm still into him or something.”

Jess only regards her with the signature Jess Mariano scowl and judgmental eyes. Not mean or malicious, just maybe a little disappointed.

"Maybe I'll go ahead and ask Lulu if she'll lend me Kirk for the night. Just so I don't have to show up alone, like a loser."

“ You’re not a loser. “

“ You’re my best friend. You’re basically contractually obligated to say that. “

"I don't remember signing - "

"Aah in pretty sure you did " (Y/N) interrupts him before pushing herself off of the barstool. " Alright, I gotta run. Need to figure out what to wear tonight and ugh this completely ruined my whole hair washing schedule. Anyway, I will come around tomorrow and report back about the epic failure of tonight's dinner. "

As she rushes out of the diner, red scarf fluttering behind her like a lick of fire, she yells a happy "thanks for the coffee, Luke" and just as the door is about to close, Jess can make out a faint "Bye Maverick. Love you." And though she said it a thousand times before it never fails to make his heart beat just a tiny bit faster.

"Bye Goose."

She looks nice. Pretty even. (Y/N) has to admit that much as she regards herself in the mirror adorning the wall of the entryway. It's taken some time to do the hair and makeup but it looks good. Doesn't mean it feels good. Or right.

She wants nothing more than to slump back on her couch, stuff her face with junk food, and put on a Christmas movie. Maybe invite Jess over because… well Jess makes everything better. And it's not that she doesn't like getting dolled up or going out. If it was just any other place and any other person.

A knock on the front door shakes her from her daydream or rather day-nightmare?

There's a lot of faces she would have expected to see on the other side of the door. Stars Hollow is a tiny town with nosy people and friendly neighbors always ready for a quick chat. Not this though. She never would've expected him.

"Jess? What are you doing here? And dressed so fancy."

"It's not fancy," he huffs, a cloud of breath forming in the icy winter air " it's just dark Jeans and a white dress shirt."

If she didn't know him any better she'd describe him as bashful right then. And maybe it was the cold nipping at his cheeks but maybe, just maybe, there's a blush dusting his cheeks.

"Oh wow is that the man version of jeans and a nice top?"

"Huh?"

"Forget it," she waves him off, "what are you doing here?"

"You need a date and I need to get out of the house before Liz ropes me into one of her crystal healing circles. "

Now it's her time to blush.

"You want to be my date?"

He's quiet for a moment, contemplating his words, before nodding his casual, entirely unbothered Jess Mariano nod.

"Sure. I mean you read all those fake dating romance books. I know you do, don't even try to deny it. And I'm a good liar so we are basically made for this."

"Fake dating yeah … yeah that's right."

"So is that a yes? I can't wait to see pretty boy Riley's face when he sees us showing up together. Dude never liked me."

"Are you doing this to help me or to piss off Riley?"

"Little bit of both."

"Alright, I'll accept that. Let's go."

"You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thanks, Maverick."

"You're welcome, Goose."

"Woah, I mean I knew they were rich but I didn't expect to be invited to a Gatsby party," (Y/N) exclaims, eyes wide with surprise.

There's a lot of people here. Entirely too many for her to feel truly comfortable. Tinsel and ribbon decorate each corner and just by walking up the driveway and entering the entrance hall, she's counted 12 perfectly decorated Christmas trees.

“ Well, let’s hope they don’t have a pool. “ Jess replies as they make their way through the crowd looking for food, or drinks, or both.

“ What’s that? “ Jess asks, lips pulled up in a questioning scowl, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at what he assumes to be the food. There are several big silver plates loaded with all kinds of cheeses and cured meats and other indefinable things.

"Food?"

"You sound convinced."

"Yeah, I guess maybe we should stick to the cheese and champagne for now."

"Very fancy," Jess remarks and raises his glass.

"Very fancy indeed," (Y/N) agrees and clings her glass with his before they both take a sip of the bubbly concoction.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Jess inquires as they weave their way through the crowds. "The dinner at the Independence Inn."

"The Bracebridge Dinner!"

"Yeaaah that one. Wouldn't be surprised if they bring out the horse-drawn carriages at some point later today."

Even to this day, there's still a sense of mischief in Jess' smile. It's not as prominent and pronounced as it used to be but it's still there.

"I remember you forcing me to commit a crime that night."

"What are you talking about?"

"The snowman."

"Oh my god," Jess lets out a mix between a laugh and a scoff. "It was a snowman. I hardly think that's considered a crime."

"It is in Stars Hollow. But hey at least it worked. It earned you brownie points with Rory."

The mood shifts. Not necessarily in a bad way just, something is different. It always is when Rory gets brought up. Sometimes (Y/N) thinks it's because that whole relationship left scars on Jess and sometimes she thinks it's because he still isn't entirely over her. She's not sure which hurts worse.

"Sure."

"What's - what's going on there anyway?"

"With Rory?"

"Yeah. She's back in Stars Hollow. You're visiting a lot. Might be time to rekindle a past love."

At those words Jess downs the rest of his champagne, a bitter look crossing his handsome face. "I think maybe that ship has sailed. Don't think I'm what she needs. And she's not what I need either. Not anymore."

His eyes lock with hers and for a moment she swears there is something there. A static in the air. A sizzling. Goosebumps rising on her skin and heart fluttering inside her chest and then -

"You came!" Riley's voice cuts through the air like the blaring of an emergency siren taking away all of what could be and what might've been and all the magic that came with it.

He still has the same swooping brown locks and those piercing green eyes and even now she can see why she fell in love with him at 17. He's the boy from the romcom, the teen drama heartthrob. He's the High School sweetheart that you marry, have kids with, buy a golden retriever with.

He's the one that leaves you for your friend. That laughs about your passions. That thinks money fixes everything.

Maybe it wasn't all that bad that they didn't work out. Maybe it was for the best.

"... and you brought Jess."

Before she can even react, she feels the weight of Jess' arm settle on her shoulder and pull her closer.

“Good to see you too, Riley. She’s allowed to bring her boyfriend, isn’t she?”

“Sure she is.”

There’s a wave of animosity crashing over them like a tidal wave only (Y/N) can feel none of it. Her heart is too busy beating out of her chest at the sound of Jess calling himself her boyfriend. Sure it’s all pretend. It’s all a lie. It’s all fake.

And yet it still makes her feel a fluttering inside her chest.

“We’ll come on, let’s fill up our drinks and you guys can tell me all about how — this happened. “

Riley leads them to a table and sits down before motioning to the waiter and getting all 3 of them a refill of their champagne flute.

"So, you two, huh?”

“Yup.” Jess responds, his lips popping the ‘p‘. “Us two.”

“How did that come along. I mean not that I’m surprised.”

“What do you mean?” (Y/N) asks, eyebrow raised in question. Sure, there’s always someone who asks about her and Jess and whether or not they are more than friends, but it’s usually people that don’t know them very well. Riley should know better.

“Come ooon. It was just a matter of time with you two. Everyone could see you were into each other. I mean, why do you think Jess hated me so much back in High School. It’s because he was jealous.”

There’s a sense of self-assurance and arrogance in Riley’s voice. Like he’s some cheesy movie villain spewing exposition to our clueless heroes that will change their lives forever. Only that’s not true. This can’t be true. It’s all just pretend and he has no idea what he’s talking about. Right?

“Or maybe I just didn’t like you because you didn’t treat her the way she deserves to be treated.”

“Come oooon, man”

His voice is aggravating, like nails on a chalkboard. Like a blaring fire alarm.

“No, you come on. Remember when she had that poetry reading. The one she’d been working and practicing on for months. The one where she won an award? You weren’t there. I was. Because it was important to her. Because I was proud of her. She’s the most creative, brilliant person I know. So I’ll be there whenever she needs me to be. Because she deserves that.”

It’s like her body moves on autopilot when she leans over and places a soft kiss on his cheek. Really she wants to kiss his lips but maybe that would be overkill. And maybe that’s not how she wants it to be. No like this. In a moment of misplaced emotion. Not again.

“Okay man, I give you that. I should’ve been there. You’re right. Still, I wonder what brought this on now? What made you guys realize?”

“He sends me pictures of every dog that comes into the bookstore because he knows they make me smile.”

“Every time she finds a copy of my book she buys it.”

They speak simultaneously and for a second this room full of people feels like it’s only the two of them. Like time stops and all noise is sucked from the room and all that can be heard is the beating of their hearts.

“Well, that’s cute. Good for you guys. Seems like you’re on the same page. Glad you finally figured it out and hey, it seems like you’re happy.”

“We are,” (Y/N) agrees, locking eyes with Jess.

“Yeah, we are”.

“Aww you guys,” a voice cut through the moment. What is it with these people and their constant interruptions?

Lexi crosses the room and drops down on Riley’s lap, her finger pointing at the ceiling right above Jess and (Y/N).

And sure enough there it is, green and white with a sparkling red bow dangling above their heads like it’s mocking them. Like it says “how far are you willing to take this huh? This play pretend? This lie? Are you willing to break your own heart in order to keep up this charade?”

“You guys,” Lexi nagged, unaware of the tension. Unaware of the fluttering inside (Y/N)’s chest. Unaware of the fact that it’s so much more than a lie. So much more that it will never be. “It’s a mistletoe. You gotta kiss.”

She turns to look at Jess, almost getting lost in his gorgeous brown eyes. She’s wanted this. For so long. Ever since she was a teenager but for just as long, Jess had made it clear that a friend was all she was ever gonna be. So maybe this is her only chance. Maybe this is it.

“Kiss me,” she whispers softly and shrugs her shoulders trying to seem casual. Like this doesn’t break and reassemble her heart all at once.

And he does. He kisses her. Softly touches her lips with his, holds onto the side of her face with a gentle touch. And time stands still and spreads up and nothing makes sense only everything does. He tastes like champagne and nostalgia and love. And it’s so hard to let go and pull away but her heart can’t take much more. It’s about to burst right out of her chest.

Jess softly pulls away before going in for another sweet peck. It’s short. Barely there. It’s a whisper of a kiss. But it’s there and it’s too much.

“I uh — I gotta pee. I’ll be right back”.

Only she doesn’t move towards the bathroom; instead, she finds herself on the patio, looking out towards the trees and hedges covered in thousands and thousands of sparkling fairy lights. This looks like the scene from a movie only the tears of frustration piling at her waterline giving away that this is in fact real life.

The cold winter air whips harshly against her skin and yet it feels less cold than the knowledge that the boy you want, the one you’ve always wanted, will never be yours. He’ll never want you back.

“Please don’t ever leave me alone with Riley, he’s such an — hey are you okay?”

He’s so casual. Why is he so casual? Does this mean nothing? It means nothing. It’s a lie, (Y/N). It’s just a lie!

“I didn’t want it to be like this,” she confesses, as the tears pearl down her cheeks, “ I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it again. Not after last time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The kiss, Jess! After that opening night at Truncheon when you kissed me after Rory screwed you over. I promised that the next time I’d kiss you it would mean something. But it doesn’t, not to you. Does it? It’s just a lie.”

For a moment he just stands there, looks at her with an unreadable expression. There’s just them and the night and the lights and the stars.

And then he smiles. It’s a tiny smile, but it’s a Jess smile so it means everything.

“You think that kiss meant nothing to me? I’ve thought about nothing else but you since that night. I’m sorry I kissed you then but not because of the kiss. I’m sorry about making you feel like I just kissed you because you were there. That’s not it. I only realized that night when you showed up. You always showed up when I needed you. Still do”

“It’s what friends do.”

“No one ever did that for me. Not my friends. For a long time, not even my family. Only you,” he exclaims and nervously combs his fingers through his hair. “Earlier today I sent the guys the first draft of my new book.”

“You’re writing a new book?”

“I’ve thought about nothing but you since that night. So much that I wrote a book about how I felt. I wrote this book for you. It’s yours. I’m yours. And I know this sounds so fucking cheesy, saying this out loud gives me the heebie-jeebies. But I need you to know. None of what I said was fake or pretend. I’m in love with you, Goose. And maybe — maybe Riley was right. Maybe I’ve always been.”

Snow falls softly around them as some horrible indie rendition of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas sounds from inside, a few people drunkenly singing along. The wind nips at her nose, her cheeks. Her fingers are numb and her toes are but icicles by now. But it doesn’t matter. None of it does.

All that matters is the way he cradles her face in his hand, the way his heart beats in time with hers, and the way his lips feel as they meet hers in a passionate kiss.

And this one, this one means everything. It’s real and it’s true and it’s perfect.

“I’m in love with you too, Maverick. I’ve always been. But then there was Rory and I thought —“

“I was scared of losing you. Back then I fucked everything up and I couldn’t risk fucking up with you. Rory is always gonna be a part of my past, being with her helped me grow but you — that’s different. I need you. Always did, always will. And now I’m at least a little less fucked up and a little more deserving of you.”

“Oh Jess, you silly boy. You were always enough. “

“You wanna get out of here”

“Fuck yeah, please.”

There’s something magical about Stars Hollow in the winter. The snow covers the ground and the roofs like a layer of marshmallow fluff and Christmas lights twinkle at you from every corner.

It’s like a scene straight from a Hallmark card brought to life.

Sounds like a little piece of paradise right here on earth, right? Like a dream.

As the snow falls outside and (Y/N) is cuddled into Jess’ side, a big mug of hot cocoa clasped tightly in her hand, warming her up, she thinks it’s better than any dream.

This is her reality now. No fake story. Not pretending. No dream.

This is her life now and yeah, it feels quite magical.

#jess Mariano x reader #Jess Mariano x female!reader #Jess Mariano x f!reader #jess mariano imagine #jess mariano fanfic #Jess Mariano one shot #Jess Mariano Oneshot #Jess Mariano imagines #gilmore girls fanfiction #ChristmasCreationCalendar2021

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cartmankisser · 3 years ago

Note

For the Alphabet thingo with Jimmy Jim Jim My BOI B, D and R!

YES I LOVE JIMMY SO MUCH

I WENT A BIT OVERBOARD ON THIS ONE COMPARED TO THE OTHER ALPHABET ONES BUT ITS FINE I HAD FUN WITH THIS

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

he knows that looks aren't everything in a relationship, but come on!! you're literally so stunning?!?!?! BUT besides a pretty face,,, definitely patience is very important to him! for multiple reasons!!

1 : he needs someone who can listen to him. if either of you guys get upset, listening to eachother is a top priority. he loves that you guys can listen to eachother and hear each side of the story instead of just getting mad. he adores it when people are understanding!!! especially when it comes to things that are personal to him!! (cough his s/o cough)

2 : this one's a bit obvious but definitely for his disability. he's used to being cut off mid sentence because of his stutter and people not inviting him out on the weekends because he walks slower and has limited mobility compared to most of the people in south park.

i feel like that's a such huge reason he likes special dates with just the two of you. he knows you will listen to his jokes all the way through and you don't mind walking at his pace. he just thinks it's so sweet that, even if he's having a difficult day, you don't mind waiting for him?!??!? (also he gets to do cringy pda because nobody's there to cringe at you guys)

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

he just wants to keep the fun dynamic you guys have. his biggest fear is that you guys would drift apart or kinda burn out, so he likes to keep things casual with you.

he doesn't want anything to be super extreme or obsessive, so probably just a simple little life in the city or a place where he could still do standup

like comedy is not his first priority, you are, but he still wants to pursue his comedy career. but like i mean he'd still be happy living in a cozy town with you 100% if anything came up or if he lost interest by the time he gets older (but he won't)

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

averagely romantic i would say! he likes cliche dates with flowers and candles whenever your upset and fun, spontaneous dates whenever your in a good mood!!!

he prefers chill dates mostly at home. just playing board games or super smash bros mostly, maybe make fun of stupid movies or shows for toddlers.

totally random but i feel like he would love window shopping at the mall. only going into the stores that seem cool. definitely spends a bit too much at candy stores,,

every now and then he would love to go all out on a cheesy date. he likes the idea of dressing up all fancy for you but also he loves that he gets to show you off to everyone!! its literally his favorite thing to do. just to ramble about you to anyone who will listen

and this increases by a ten fold whenever you guys go on dates.

he makes sure to tell anyone around him thats he's dressed up for his partner and that he only takes you to the best places like these. it's part adorable part annoying 😅😅

#JIMMY #south park x reader #jimmy valmer x reader

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astrologyandlife · 4 years ago

Text

your chart ruler + the stage of your life

generally speaking, where the ruler of your chart is sitting sets the stage for your life. this means that your focus will be more intense in that area. the ruler is also important, as it can indicate the nature of things occurring there! for example, having jupiter as your chart ruler sitting in the 1st house is vastly different from having saturn as your chart ruler sitting there. read on to learn more!

part i: the chart ruler

MARS

you are generally high-energy and active. you are never sat still for too long, and for the most part, you handle things head-on rather than waiting for them to wrap themselves up. as a result, this can lend itself to an almost pushy impression on others, unless mars is aspected positively with another planet like venus, neptune, or saturn.

VENUS

you act with a certain kind of grace and charm. you have a certain personal touch that you imbue things with, and you aren't one for conflict or discord. in fact, you seek harmony as often as you can, and comfort is one of your top priorities in any situation. typically, it either isn't easy to anger/upset you, or you are very good at hiding when something does.

MERCURY

flighty and restless are your most prominent qualities. in life, you easily move from one thing to another, never quite settling the way others do, and you may even find you are doing multiple things at once. you have a curiosity and thirst for knowledge that tends to drive what you do. you will also find that you are pretty good at conversation and possess natural wit.

MOON

like the moon, your disposition and emotions seemingly go through cycles. you are blessed with a form of intuition that a mother would display--when your friends need something, you just know what it is, and unspoken emotions are picked up by you subconsciously. you find it hard not to care about things, and people can usually tell when you are upset or going through something.

SUN

like the sun, you are full of vitality and light, with seemingly endless energy. you just have this glow about you. your personality is very strong and well-developed, and you have a good sense of who you are. you possess natural leadership qualities. you are just generally a very genuine person and don't try to deceive others about who you are. maintaining your health and vitality is of utmost importance.

PLUTO

you are magnetic and mysterious in a way that either draws others in or intimidates them. you radiate a subtle power that you can use to your advantage. when it comes to your passions and goals, you have a ferocity that is unmatched, bordering on obsession. you aren't the kind of person to be casual or dip your toes into things, you absolutely immerse yourself in them. you are very private.

JUPITER

you possess a heart of gold--generous, kind, and loving towards others. your view of life is positive, and you maintain a faithful and optimistic attitude whenever possible. it is safe to say you are a pretty lucky person, or at the very least, you create your own luck. you aren't afraid to dream big. sometimes you can go a bit overboard when expressing yourself.

SATURN

you are mature and responsible. people find that they can rely on you when they have your word, and it is very important to you to keep promises. it is easy for you to get stuck in negative thought patterns and to be hard on yourself, as you have very high expectations. You are ambitious and generally like the feeling of working towards your goals, knowing it will pay off in the future. you are very concerned about how people see you and your reputation.

URANUS

you are an individualist at heart. you believe in the freedom of people to live their lives and pursue whatever path they want, and if someone tries to stifle your freedom, you are quick to leave them in the dust. You also have a mind that is powerful and creative, able to learn new information lightning-fast. you like to consider the facts and have an open mind.

NEPTUNE

artistic and dreamy, you give the impression of being a sensitive, almost spiritual soul. you are particularly swayed by music and art because your mind is very abstract. you have the unique ability to be something akin to a social chameleon. you are very compassionate towards others and have a high sensitivity to your environment. your tuition is extremely strong

part ii: the stage

1st house;

you're very focused on yourself more than other people, and your dominant sign comes out in pretty much all facets of your life, but especially upon first meeting someone. if your chart ruler is very different from the rest of your chart, this can lead to someone getting the 'wrong' impression of you. developing a strong personality is of utmost importance here. you care a lot about your appearance and how you are perceived.

2nd house;

forming a strong sense of self-confidence and security is your primary focus. you care a lot about financial security and your own sense of personal comfort in a physical sense. you feel attached to the things you own. possessiveness isn't uncommon here, especially if pluto sits here. you either have strong values that you hold close to your heart, or you feel the need to develop them.

3rd house;

what motivates you very often is your curiosity and desire to connect to others. you enjoy good conversation and want to make friends. you tend to move from one thing to another, and you are very good at multitasking. you have a distinct style of speaking that is colored by your chart ruler, and people find you to have a good sense of humor and a lot of intelligence.

4th house;

there is a deep need to have a place that you can call 'home.' you are a relatively private individual and enjoy a lot of separation between work and home. your family has a high amount of influence on you, and it is very likely you will stay close to home. your background comes into play very often and informs your actions. anything sentimental has a big impact on you.

5th house;

you live your life for the things you are interested in. your hobbies can take up a lot of your time and energy, and if you don't get enough time with them, you feel drained or on edge. you love having fun and expressing yourself creatively. this could be someone who likes or wants kids. you do enjoy attention from others, especially if it comes from their admiration of you.

6th house;

your body is certainly a temple. you care a lot about taking care of yourself, and you have very specific routines in your daily life. these rituals contribute heavily to your wellbeing. you can also find yourself to be a bit of a workhorse (or workaholic if you aren't careful). you are dedicated to the service of others, even if it simply means lending a helping hand or giving advice.

7th house;

the focus in your life is other people. you define yourself based on your relationships with them, and if you aren't too careful, you can get lost in other people and lose your purpose. it's almost as if you need partnership to live a happy life. your biggest skill is your ability to create harmony, because you are a good mediator and try to compromise when possible.

8th house;

this makes you extremely private and secretive. you could live an entirely separate life and nobody would know! you also tend to know more about others than they think, and you never reveal more than you want to. i think a persistent theme of your life could be very intense situations and circumstances. transforming yourself is going to be very important, as is processing and working through your past.

9th house;

You live for the pursuit of knowledge, especially that of a higher level. You want to expand your mind through new experiences, meeting people of different backgrounds, and traveling to new places. It is entirely possible you will live your life in another country or a completely different part of your country. you view life as an adventure and are always in search of something new.

10th house;

your future and career are of utmost importance to you. you feel like you have to make a name for yourself. if you don't have accomplishments under your name, you feel like you have failed. so much of your life is spent in the pursuit of success. you shine in your career and could end up rising to the top. you make huge efforts to influence your reputation for the better.

11th house;

more than anything, you want to say you belong to some group. your friends are your life, and they are your family. it is likely you are involved in groups or organizations, whether it be through your school, a hobby you have, or something else. you also strive to create change within your community. in this house, you are always in pursuit of your personal goals and are very future-minded.

12th house;

a lot of your personality is hidden in a way, unlocked mostly when you are completely alone. you spend a lot of time in solitude and don't mind it. loss, sorrow, and grief could be a consistent theme in your life. truly, you express yourself most when nobody is watching. people see the fruits of your labor, but not the work you put in behind the scenes. you could have extensive daydreams or vivid dreams.

and if you want to learn more, here are a couple awesome resources:

https://notanastrologer.tumblr.com/post/649828538510426112/ascendant-lord-in-houses

https://cassieaurora.com/astrology-class/chartruler/ (super good if you're not familiar with finding your chart ruler)

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papergirllife · 3 years ago

Text

First Love

Lucas Wong / Yukhei

"They say first love is a special experience that one would always hold a special place in your heart. Wong Yukhei was your first love in high school, but along the way, you had to say goodbye to him in order for him to achieve his dream of becoming a star in Korea. Yet fate and destiny plays its role in paving the two of you an intersection once more, will the two of you and up together at the very end?"

Warnings : smut, unprotected sex, mild angst, a child (pregnancy not described), tooth rotting fluff (all in that order, kinda)

A/N : this is one of my most heavily devoted works I've ever written, so please, of you're comfortable, drop a feedback to tell me if you guys like this writing style, thank you!

Lucas Wong of NCT and most importantly his own fixed unit, Wayv, the man who garners attention and love wherever he goes, that dazzling smile is sure to be captured by numerous cameras of awaiting fans.

But to you, Lucas was never Lucas, to you he was Yukhei, and more significantly, your ex from high school. Yukhei was your first love, you remember when the two of you had first met in Year 9, Yukhei was known for being a class clown and more of a klutz, girls would always have a soft spot for him even if they didn't like him in that way.

Yukhei was your desk mate for Year 10, the thing got you on your nerves about him was that he never took group assignments seriously, and was never at school on time, his uniform was wrinkly from rushing out of his house to catch the bus and always had a stationary missing, which means he had to borrow yours.

You never hated him, hate is a strong word, things were very neutral with him, most times, he unintentionally annoys you, but he'd always make up to you by bringing you a small bottle of apple juice the next day. The only time the two of you really fought was when he had not spoken up when his friends snatched your book away from yours to copy you off, brushing it off as a small matter.

You were quite an immature person back then, and no one can blame you, you were just a teenager, and being said that, you had refused to lend Yukhei a ruler when the math teacher did a pop quiz, so he had to use the dust pan as no one, other than you that is, brings an extra ruler.

It's not your fault, you thought back then, he shouldn't have depended on you to bring his share of stationaries. The next day, you walked into class to see his group of friends waiting at your desk to apologize to you, and as for Yukhei, he had yet again brought you a bottle of apple juice, with the addition of your favourite bar of Cadbury.

It was only in Year 11 when Yukhei had confessed to you, saying that all those annoying things he did to you were just to catch your attention, of all the girls he could've liked, he chose the one who was the most unattainable, go figure.

The next year, when the two of you were looking to apply to the same college, Yukhei broke the news to you that he'd be packing his bags for Korea, that the audition he had joined just for fun accepted him as a trainee in a large entertainment company in Korea that everyone in Hong Kong knows, SM.

At first you didn't approve of his decision, that his education was important as well, that he had a life here, with you. But Yukhei had given very valid reasons to you, that he wouldn't have passed the college entrance exams if it weren't for your tuitions until late at night in the public library, that he didn't really have an interest in studying. His most valid reason was that he didn't want to take a toll on you when you’re in college, he can't have you sacrifice your sleep and attention for him just to have him attain passing grades.

So you let him go, saying your last farewell to him at the airport as his girlfriend and ex girlfriend.

That was the last time you saw him, choosing to not stay in contact with him as you poured your soul into university life, studying like your life depends on it, you had a few boyfriends here and there, nothing serious, nothing that made you felt like your first love. Maybe you had trouble moving on, or maybe it was just stress, you thought back then, shrugging the thought off casually before diverting your attention else where, this cycle carried on until you came out to work.

Fast forwarding to March of 2019, you had unintentionally came across of a news online that Yukhei had finally been placed in his own fixed unit that would be promoting and performing in Chinese, which isn’t surprising, even the Thai member, Ten, was of Chinese heritage. What made your eyes widen was the fact that they were coming to Hong Kong.

At the day of the fan meet, you had took the day off from your boring low paying job at the law firm, so much for studying your ass off for bar exams, you’re just filing on a daily basis.

Before the day of the fan meet, you had lived off of instant cup noodles for a few weeks just to buy the album and their light stick. When you first listened to the album, you were proud of Yukhei’s rapping skills, you still recall the days when he’d struggle with his mandarin oral tests, the teachers there must be much better than you for him to improve so much, smiling fondly at the old memories.

You waved the light stick and sang along just like the other fans beside you, mesmerised by the performance that the boys are putting up, but your eyes were mostly on Yukhei, you would’ve never thought the once clumsy giant like him would dance as fluidly, executing the moves just as well as the other smaller sized members.

You watch as Yukhei introduces himself and his non Cantonese members in his mother tongue, a feeling of familiarity settling into your mind.

You are quite a confident person, but queuing up to the long table where Yukhei sat at the corner was nerve wrecking to you, what would he say to you? Would he recognise you? It hasn't been that long, but the two of you had done some changes to your looks.

The other members had greeted you with a friendly smile and a few casual questions like have you eaten, but they seem a bit taken aback by the lack of fan girl attitude that most of the fans in front of you had.

When you had got to Yukhei, he had dropped his marker on the floor, his head ducked out of sight to retrieve it, but when he came up to apologise, the words were stuck in his throat, as his eyes opened as wide as saucers. He coughed to mask the surprise on his face.

“Hi, how are you?” He asked as he took your album into his hands, scribbling something down.

“Good, how have you been?” although his hair is coloured, his eyes had contacts, and he wasn't in his messy uniform, the smile on his face never changed.

“Great, it's nice to see you,” to other fans and the staff beside him, they might think it's just one of the standard answers, but you knew Yukhei like the back of your hand, registering the twinkle in his eyes.

Soon, he had placed the album back into your hands, your fingers grazing gently as tiny sparks flew up your tips, eyes never breaking contact until the staff tells you to leave.

When you had sat down at a nearby cafe to get a cup of coffee, you took out your album and flipped to the page where Lucas had written something.

‘Hilton hotel, 9pm,' and his number under it.

At nine sharp, you waited by the hotel’s sitting area, not many people at that time as usually stores in Hong Kong open rather late, patiently you waited for Yukhei. Just as you were scrolling through posts on Instagram, a tall figure approached you.

A call of your name rolled off his tongue naturally, a wave of nostalgia hitting the both of you.

“I bought you a little something before I got here,” you said as you stood up, letting him guide you to the elevators.

“What is it?” Yukhei lets out a flustered laugh, scratching the back of his nape when he realised he didn't get you anything in return.

“Roast goose and Cha Siew, are they still your favourite?” you asked, hoping his taste hasn’t changed over the years.

“Yeah, man, I remember how we'd always get quarter of both after school at Uncle Chan’s,” Yukhei said, remembering how the boss of the restaurant had hung a photo of two of you on the wall, deeming the two of you his most loyal lovebirds.

“This is from Uncle Chan’s,” you told him as you followed him into his room, looking around, expecting him to be rooming with someone.

“Don't worry, I told Yang Yang to sleep with Ten for the night,” Yukhei said when he saw you looking for someone.

“Oh, that's really nice of him,” you said as you set out the food, the smell of Hong Kong's famous delicacies wafting in the air.

“Man, I really missed this,” Yukhei said as he pulls the arm chair that was a few feet away close to the desk, directing you into it and situating himself in the not so comfortable wooden chair.

“I missed this too,” you said mindlessly, eyes avoiding his before you ate a piece of meat.

“I missed you too,” Lucas confessed, yes there are many pretty girls in his industry, and Korea itself, but no one would be able to replace you, you were his rock all his life, other than his family of course, it's hard to build a connection with someone just as strong when things between the two of you never really ended, in a way.

Leaving on too good terms and without much closure for both of you kept one another thinking of each other. The two of you know, that after tonight, things would go back to normal, Yukhei would be Wayv’s Lucas, and you’d remain as his past, there would never be an outcome from whatever happens tonight.

So when the two of you were recalling memories and troubles the two of you got in school on the oh so comfortable bed, you couldn't help it, hooking a leg over Yukhei’s waist, just like how it started at the night of the graduation party, the night where the two of you lost your virginities to each other.

“I’d be gone tomorrow, we shouldn’t, I shouldn't do this to you,” Yukhei said, a firm believer that it's always the girl that is on the losing side, like he's taking an advantage of you, ever the gentleman.

“I want this for myself, Yukhei, it's not like it's our first time,” you said, trying to convince him.

“I still feel guilty about our first time, I left a few months later after that night, and tomorrow would be the same, I'll be leaving you once more,” Yukhei said as his big hands caressed your cheeks, eyes wide like a puppy, pupils reflecting an image of you, a perfect representation of his universe, you.

“I don't care, I’ve moved on from you as your girlfriend all those years ago, moving on from you after tonight won't be a challenge for me,” you said in a firm tone, one that Yukhei knows all too well, he knows you won't give up when you sound like this.

He could possibly break two hearts if he chooses to act on his impulses, but he missed this, he missed you, and so he threw all caution out of the window when he smashed his lips desperately against yours, chewing on your bottom lip with little force, it was something that would easily get you worked up back then, and to his delight, it still worked, letting him dominate the kiss easily, he let his tongue slid in your mouth, tasting the beer the two of you had just now with a mixture of strawberry lip gloss, you were still using the Nivea one you used all those years ago, this only fuelled his desire for you, his hands leaving your cheeks to locate your waist, pulling you closer to him.

When you were out of air, you broke off the kiss, reaching the hem of your shirt to pull it off, then waiting a few seconds for Yukhei to admire the red lace on your skin before unclasping your bra, letting your blossoms free, all the while as Yukhei looks on, like he was in a trance.

“I missed these,” he commented before taking a mound into his mouth, sucking on your nipple diligently while his other hand comes up to roll it in between the pads of his fingers, the pleasure from the action making you throw your head back, a slip of his name in between your whimpers.

You let Yukhei push you back, letting you fall onto his bed, you felt his hands wander up your skirt, his huge hands around your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palms, feeling you, but stopped when he reached the hem of your panties, detaching himself from your chest, looking at you for confirmation.

You nodded at him, putting your hand over his to guide him higher, stopping at the curve of your cheek, pushing his hand beneath the clothe, dangerously close to your core, heck he could even feel your arousal already, eyes rolling back at the thought of getting you so worked up.

“Take it off, but you can leave the skirt, for old time’s sake,” you said.

Yukhei looked at you, confused at what you’re trying to say, until he realised you were wearing a pleated checkered skirt, just like the ones you wore back in high school, memories of the two of you sneaking around, having a quickie with your skirt flipped up immediately made blood rush southwards at the thought.

“Fuck, you expected this to happen?” Yukhei asked, shaking his head in disbelief, he was always the troublemaker at school, but oh how the tables have turned now.

“Didn't you?” you asked before getting up to put yourself in a doggy position, shaking your butt, taunting him.

Yukhei chuckled to himself before doing as you say, taking off your panties to reveal your slick covered pussy, dripping wet for him on display.

Yukhei spreads you open by pulling your cheeks apart to lick a stripe up your slit, making you shudder at the warm muscle that was intruding but very much welcomed.

Yukhei allowed himself to fully stuff his face there, inserting his tongue into your core, thrusting the wet muscle at a moderate pace before adding a finger to the mix, then two, stretching you open to let his tongue delve deeper inside, he then adds a third finger, the fullness finally hitting you, soon he did a come hither movement once he had located your sweet spot, his tongue and fingers rubbing against the roof of your walls deliciously, you would’ve lost your balance if it weren't for his hand supporting you by your left hip.

The constant pleasure that Yukhei so willingly inflicted upon you would've soon come to an euphoric end if he hadn’t halted all movement, pulling out his tongue and his fingers, which made you whine his name pathetically, something you wouldn't have done if it weren't for the fact that your mind was reduced to a ball full of cotton.

“Chill, I worked you up so I wouldn't hurt you with my dick,” Yukhei said as he positions himself at your entrance, his hand coming up to your face to tilt your head to his direction, zeroing on your lust filled eyes and the plump of your lips, swollen because of him.

“Are you sure you want this?” Yukhei asks you one last time.

“Yes, please,” you said, pushing yourself back to lightly grind on his length, a little bit of your arousal getting onto his cock, his dick getting so hard it's starting to hurt.

“Ever so eager, aren't you?” Lucas said before biting his lip at the sight.

“Just put it in!” you whined, tired of his teasing.

“Okay, okay,” Yukhei said before bracing himself for your tight walls, he's never nervous when it comes to others, but you? You always held a special place in his heart.

Yukhei spreads your cheeks once more before aligning himself to slip in an inch, eyebrows furrowing at how tight you were, he could tell you were clenching up, just like you did the first time when you were nervous.

So he bends down to your back, placing gentle kisses along your right shoulder blade.

“Don’t tense up, there’s nothing to be nervous about, we did this before remember?” Yukhei said in his most gentle tone ever, you nodded your head at his words, adjusting yourself to let yourself lose in the comfort of his touch, reminding yourself that although it's been a long time since you had someone as big as him, you’ll be fine in his hands.

Once Yukhei felt yourself unclench, he pushes in furthermore, you felt yourself arching your back to allow him to fit himself easier, before he comes to a halt, you felt so full, you haven't felt this way in such a long time, it was somewhat overwhelming, but it's the most complete feeling ever, a feeling you've never felt with any other.

The initial stretch was slightly painful of course, but the pain soon turned into pleasure, and being the gentleman Yukhei is, waited for you despite the huge urge to move, waiting for your green light.

When you told him he could move, he felt like the gates of heaven just opened, pulling out slightly to give you a shallow thrust, just to test the waters.

Even with that experimental thrust, you felt like you had a taste of heaven, eager to drown yourself in this new found pleasure that you were once so familiar with.

Yukhei grasped his large hands onto your hips, setting a moderate pace, still restraining himself from snapping his hips, but from how much slick you were dripping, soon you'd be begging for more.

Once you felt yourself familiarise with his big cock, the pace that Yukhei had set wasn’t enough, you wanted him to let loose, you wanted him to rail you, be damned if you can’t walk tomorrow.

So in the midst of all the pleasure, you let out two desperate words breathlessly, “ruin me”.

Yukhei had to do a double take, pausing his movements entirely just to check if that was his mind messing with him or it was really you, but one look at your desperate face, revealed to him that was in fact your words.

Yukhei allowed the animalistic side of him to take over, holding onto your hips that would sure leave bruises the next day, but you didn’t mind, not when you felt a sudden surge of pleasure coursing through your body. He angled your body higher, arching your back for easier access, thrusting harder and faster.

You could only submit yourself to him as your toes curled and your fingers dig into the linen sheets, you’re sure if his members were next door, they'd be able to hear every single sound you make, the sound of your ass cheeks clapping against Yukhei’s hips and your high pitched moans were flowing freely, but you didn't care, not when this could be the last time you'd ever be with Yukhei.

Soon, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your legs were trying their best not to fail you, and you could tell your arms were getting sore from propping yourself up as the cord in your abdomen threatened to snap, you panted out the word ‘close’, and Yukhei immediately understood, fucking into you at an inhuman pace, you could feel yourself losing your mind as spit drips from your mouth, sanity slowly slipping away from you as you felt your impending orgasm, it started from the tip of your toes, your body convulsing as you screamed his name, succumbing into the pleasure, your core bursting, the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, making your whole body sag in defeat as you let Yukhei help you ride out your orgasm.

Just when you thought it was all over, Yukhei gently flipped you over, and that’s when you realised he hasn’t cum, so you lifted your legs higher to let him enter you once again, he was using you like his personal doll, and you love it a little bit too much to be considered normal, you struggled to keep your eyes open as you fought through the slight pain from the overstimulation, hearing Yukhei’s mumble of appreciation and endearments.

“Can you give me one more, babe? Just one more,” Yukhei said before circling his fingers around your clit, making your eyes snap open when you realise he wants you to cum once more, your hands coming up to push his hand away, but his other hand grasped onto yours.

“Just one more, please,” Yukhei begged with those puppy eyes of his, and how could you say no?

So you stopped struggling, nodding your head at his request before he quickens the pace of his hips and the ministrations on your clit.

Soon, you could feel Yukhei’s cock swelling inside you before he let out a groan of your name, thrusting in one last hard thrust before he painted your walls white, his lips capturing yours to silent you as you came once more, your nails digging into his shoulders, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt Yukhei ride out both your highs.

Once he was done, Yukhei crashed onto the bed beside you, his arms wrapping around yours, kissing your lips to distract you as he pulled out, hopping into the attached bathroom to bring out two towels, taking off your skirt before he gently cleans you up, when he was done he wiped the juices you left on him, your eyes growing big when you knew it was from when you squirted on him.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise I squirted,” you mumbled behind the hands that you had covering your embarrassed face.

Yukhei laughed at the cute sight, throwing the towel aside before climbing into bed again, removing your hands away from your face, kissing you deeply before looking at you in the eye.

“I loved it,” he said before pulling you closer, and almost instantly, you were lulled to sleep by the beating of his heart.

When you woke up, Yukhei was still snoring beside you, sleeping like a baby, you gently removed his hand from your waist, stepping out of the bed before gathering your clothes, putting them on, smoothing out the creases of your skirt.

Walking to the door, you glanced around once more at the sight of him, your heavy heart begging you to stay, to talk, and so you walked over to the night stand, ripping a piece of paper of the note pad and grabbing the pen next to it.

‘Goodbye and thank you for everything.’

You placed the piece of paper beside him on his pillow before kissing his forehead as a parting gift, closing the door as softly as you could when you left.

You knew this was the right thing to do, you made this decision once when he left for Korea the first time, you can't be in his way this time around, not when he's this far into his career, you can’t be selfish, he belongs on this path, he deserves it and you’re not going to take it away from him, you've stood on the side-lines all this time, he shed the limelight on you for one night, and that's all you should have, he's better off without you.

Yukhei felt himself grow cold when he couldn't feel the warmth of your body, jerking up to check if you were in the bathroom, only to find the door wide open, the room empty.

That's when he had spotted the piece of paper with your goodbye message, his heart clenching in pain, crashing onto the bed once more.

He didn't know what to expect, you had sent him off once, and now you left him without saying goodbye. He thought he could at least say goodbye.

Pushing his thoughts away, he gathered his things, packing up to leave for Korea.

His members could tell something was terribly off, they thought he was just in it for a casual hook up, but his expression tells otherwise.

The usual cheerful Yukhei was nowhere to be found, which meant Yang Yang and Hendery had to keep the mood light throughout the journey home, everyone knew to not say anything, only speaking when crucial.

It took Yukhei quite a while for him to get back to his goofy self, but even then, Kun, being the most observant one, saw a tightness in his smile, a faraway look in his eyes, whoever he had seen that night must've meant a lot to him, but he dare not to press, he knows Yukhei would open up when he's ready.

It was a normal Tuesday night when he had received a request to face time from you, without thinking much of it, excited to hear from you, he accepted, your beautiful face coming into view as he got comfortable on his bed.

“Hey, this is unexpected,” Yukhei said, not knowing what else to say.

“Yukhei, there’s something I need to tell you,” you said, eyes avoiding his.

“Yeah, what's up?” he asked, rubbing his nape, a habit he does whenever he's nervous.

“I'm um, I’m pregnant,” you said, choosing to not beat around the bush.

You could see Yukhei's face pale when he processed your words. Is it his? It's definitely his, it's almost a month since the two of you slept together, unless you slept with someone else?

“It's mine?” a dumb question, but he needs to know for sure.

“Yeah,” you said before the two of you come to a piercing silence.

“You could get an abortion, maybe?” Yukhei suggested after contemplating in his head, there’s no way he could be in the child’s life, and that's the best option for your sake, raising a child in Hong Kong is the most expensive thing to do, equivalent to buying a house there.

“I decided to keep it, Yukhei,” you said, glancing up to see the disbelief on his face.

“You can’t, you know I can't be there for you and you’re still so new in your job, you can't risk your life for this!” Yukhei said, not comprehending on why you'd do this to yourself.

“I already decided, Yukhei, and I don't expect you to take responsibility, this is my choice,” you said as tears threatened to flow.

“That isn't fair, it's not fair for the child! A child needs its father! You don't know what you're doing! Being a single mum is next to impossible in Hong Kong! You're putting the child in a horrible situation just for your selfishness!” Yukhei said before pushing his hair back, the feeling of an impending headache forming.

“How dare you say that?! I’ll raise this child perfectly on my own, I was just calling you to inform you of it, but since you don't want anything to do with it or me, I guess this is goodbye and don't call me anymore, I won't change my mind,” you said before your face disappeared from his phone screen.

Yukhei tried calling you immediately after, a day later, several weeks later, but you never picked up. Then he started stressing about his career, what would happen if someone were to find out? But he knows you as a person, and being a tell-tale is not one of your characteristics, yeah, he can just act like nothing happened, like he had never received this call.

He knows he's running away from his problems, but what other choice does he have?

Fast forwarding to July of 2021, Yukhei is home after his filming of the popular Chinese reality show in China, Keep Running, he feels at ease when he sees his family, finally reuniting with them, but only for a short two weeks time, before he has to leave for Korea once more.

It was a Friday night when his friends from home took him out for a drink, he was not so familiar with the clubbing scene in Hong Kong, but with the knowledge he has of this area, he knows many rich and young people often here, just like the girl kissing up his neck now, her soft hands running up the expanse of his thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wants her to be.

Yet Yukhei doesn’t remember her name, was it Candy? Apple? Some sort of name that had to do with food, he just remembered that she told him that she was an up and coming model, or trying to be anyways.

Just as she suggested to go to some hotel, Yukhei suggested for a quickie in the bathroom first, and so here he is now, being pushed to the door of a stall, her hands trying to unbuckle his belt.

Yukhei reached the back of his pocket for his wallet, opening it, looking for the condom he had placed there, but cursed when he realised he must've dropped it when he paid for drinks.

He told her to go back out and wait for him to get some, leaving the club and the musky smoke filled place behind him, the summer breeze blowing his hair all over, he brings the hood of his jacket up as he scans for a nearby convenience store, locating one at the street across.

When he got in, the scent of curry immediately greeted him, it was your favourite food, everyday after school, no doubt you'll drag him into one of these shops, just to share a bowl of curry fish balls, one of the most famous snacks here in Hong Kong.

He pushed the thought away, trudging to the aisle that was on the most right, where the condoms were at, hidden away from children. He took a box and made his way to the counter, opening his wallet to take out a few notes.

The cashier turned her back from stocking the cigarette shelf, scanning the box wordlessly.

“That would be 30,” she said when she looked up, but her hand immediately dropped the box when she saw who it was, and that's when Yukhei truly opened his eyes to see who it was, at first he was just miffed not knowing why the cashier froze, then he sees you, in the worn out 7 Eleven uniform, was you, the last person he’d be expecting.

“Why are you here? What happened to your job at the law firm? Why...” Yukhei didn't know how to ask, he didn't know if he deserved the right to ask, yet there's so many questions he had swarming in his head. Where is his child? Did you abort it in the end? Did you give it up for adoption? Were you fired from your job because of it?

“It's my shift right now, and you seem to be getting lucky tonight,” you said stiffly, holding up the box for him to see, sliding it across the counter

“It's for my friend actually,” Yukhei said, eyes avoiding yours, but immediately looking at you straight in the eyes, remembering how you use to be able to see right through him whenever he didn't do the revision work you've given him.

“Right,” you said, resisting to roll your eyes.

“You haven't answered me, why are you working here instead of the law firm?” Yukhei pressed.

You sigh at his persistence, not knowing what to say to humour him, so you didn't say anything, getting back to rearranging the shelves.

Yukhei bit his lip, not knowing what to say to you, but a million questions in his head, desperate for answers.

“Please leave if you're done with your purchases,” you said, you had a long day, and the thought of entertaining him was not something you want to add on your plate.

Yukhei looked around the store once more, grabbing a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf before making his way once more to the cashier.

“I’d like to have this here,” Yukhei said before pulling out some spare change from just now.

“Yukhei, what are you trying to do?” you asked in an exasperated tone, there's no point making small talk when there's no way the two of you would ever cross in each other’s lives ever again.

“I'm hungry, I want to eat noodles,” which wasn’t really a lie, all the alcohol he drank before gave him an appetite.

You sighed, turning your back to him, soundlessly waited for the water to boil before pouring it into the cup, sealing the top for it to cook. As you worked, Yukhei was having déjà vu, this was an all too familiar sight, nights at the convenience store studying till late at night in groups, you'd always share noodles with him as you taught him some dumb math formula that no one uses in their life after school.

He takes his bowl of noodles, opting to sit at the place closest to the counter, just looking at you, eating as slow as humanly possible.

When it was around three, you received a call.

“Hello?”

“...”

“You think you have a stomach ache? Celine jia is asleep? Okay, mama’s coming home okay?” you said frantically before shutting off the stove of the food at the counter, running to the back for a pack of meds, depositing some money into the register. You looked at Yukhei, frozen at his seat, cursing at yourself for not going into the back room before picking up the call.

“You need to go, I have something to deal with,” you said as you grabbed your bag, turning off all the switches in one go, making the place pitch black other than the lights from the lamp posts outside.

“Is that my child?” Yukhei asked, he can't allow himself to act like it never happened before, he ran away once, it's time to man up and shoulder on his responsibilities.

“No I fucked another guy before you and it's his child,” you deadpanned.

You walked down the street to flag for a taxi that is always parked there to get their club goer customers, Yukhei hot on your heels, you turned back to look at him questioningly.

“This is none of your concern, don’t follow me,” you said in a rather seething tone, you didn't mean to sound like that, but if he's going to be in the way of your child, then he’s not a friend.

“That's my child too, I want to know how they are, I have a right to do so, you studied law, you should know,” Yukhei retorted in the most friendly way possible, he knows he's in the wrong, but he wants to ensure his child’s safety.

“For fuck’s sake,” you cursed aloud before stepping into the taxi, leaving the door open for him.

You told the driver your address, sitting back to think of what's the problem, the kindergarten shouldn't be the culprit, it's a school with a good reputation, which also burns a hole in your wallet, but you don't mind, and it's not like you have much of a choice, education is deadly expensive here.

About 20 minutes later, you've reached home.

“That'll be 150, miss,” the driver said.

“What?!”

“Fares are different after midnight, miss,” the driver reminded you.

Before you could check if you had enough money on you, Yukhei paid for it wordlessly.

You got out of the car, rushing into the building and running up the stairs as quick as you can, unlocking the door, jabbing the keys into the rusty lock.

Taking off your shoes before you made your way to your room, spotting your son crouched in the corner of your bed, hands around his stomach.

“Hey, mama's home, I'll get you a glass of water to take your medicine okay?” you said before hurrying out, Yukhei passing you a glass of water at the kitchen.

“Thanks,” you mumbled before making your way back inside.

You open the package and passed you son a tablet, but looking at the size, you knew he’d panic to swallow something this big, so you broke it in half, telling him to drink a big gulp of water to wash it down and it'll be fine.

All the while, Yukhei was watching with wonder leaning by the door frame, even in the dim lights and the fact that he's still quite young, he could still identify his eyes on his son, the strong genes in his family, his father and brother all had those eyes, this boy is most definitely his.

The boy diligently does as you told him, taking a big gulp of water, so obedient, and from the way the two of you communicate, very mature for his age, nothing like the usual three year old.

When he was done, he noticed Yukhei’s presence, tugging your sleeve to whisper into your ear, eyes trained on him.

“That's a friend of mine, love, be polite, say hi to Yukhei gogo,” you urged.

Yukhei took this as a sign to get closer to his son, squatting down to meet his eye.

“You’re a handsome boy, what's your name? I’m Yukhei and I’m 22 this year, how about you?” Yukhei asked as he reached out his hand for the little boy to shake.

“I’m Wenghei, 3 years old. Why have I never seen you before gogo?” the child asks, looking at him with curious eyes, he's met some of your friends, but he's definitely haven't met him before, most people aren't as tall here, or not in his mother's circle anyways.

“Get some rest, love,” you said, tucking him into bed.

“Okay,” he said, a yawn coming out from his mouth.

You closed the door behind you, directing Yukhei to the small living room area, serving him a glass of water.

You walked to the trash bin, opening the lid to check its contents, a scowl on your face when you saw the root of your son’s stomach ache when you spot the plastic container that contained the two day old pizza from the freezer. Your roommate, Celine, must’ve gave him some as dinner, usually you'd leave some money for Celine to buy him dinner, but she must've been tight on money again, trying to find ways to squeeze in some spare change, you've warned her of her spending habits, always splurging on albums of her favourite stars, which reminds you.

“You have to go, I’m living with a roommate and I'm sure she's going to recognise you,” you said, a hand gesturing at the door.

“Wait, did you find out why he had a stomach ache?” Yukhei asked.

“Yeah, he ate something he shouldn't have for dinner, you have to go, I need some rest for tomorrow,” you said, struggling to keep your eyes open.

“Do you have anything on tomorrow? Can I see you, perhaps?” Yukhei asked, he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but he just had to see you again.

“I’m tutoring a student at a coffee shop tomorrow, you can come right after,” you said, thinking that he just wants to know more about his son.

“Okay, goodnight then,” Yukhei said awkwardly as he walks towards the door.

“Goodnight,” you said, feeling a weight on your chest, dreading tomorrow’s meeting.

When Yukhei arrived at the café, he could see you sitting at the way back, a teenage girl sitting in front of you, back facing him, he sipped on his latte, observing you silently.

Your hair is much longer than it had been in high school, the bag hung by your chair very much worn out, and your eye bags were heavier than on days where Yukhei would stay up to prepare for promotions.

Soon, the student was packing up, leaving the table, Yukhei took this as a sign to move to your table. You had stood up to greet him, and that's when he saw, you had lost lots of weight, and he's not meaning it in a fitness way, he recognised the jeans you are wearing, you had these even back then, they used to be a perfect fit for you, that's why they were your favourite, but now, you were wearing a belt to hold it together, and still he could see how loose it was.

“Hey, you didn't order anything?” Yukhei asked, noting that the cup of coffee he saw just now belonged to your student.

“I got a coffee in my flask, cheaper that way,” you said as you packed up your stationaries.

“What did you have for breakfast? How about I order you a piece of cake?” Yukhei suggested, looking back to see what they have today.

“It's alright, I'm not hungry, why don't we get straight to the point? What is it you want to ask about Wenghei?” you asked, noting the time on your watch, you have to leave around noon to fetch your son from pre school.

“I, how about you? Why did you leave the firm? And how’s your parents?” Yukhei started off.

“Well, they said I would’ve been an embarrassment to the firm, you know, pregnant and unmarried, so they told me to leave, it's not like filing could be done with a big weight in my stomach, so I did as they said. Now I tutor kids English and work the night shift at the convenience store, and as for my parents, they kicked me out,” you said, laying down the cards, no point avoiding his questions, especially not when you're in a hurry.

Yukhei nodded at your words, registering the fact that he had a fault in ruining your hot shot lawyer dreams and completely destroyed your sensitive relationship with your parents, how is he ever going to forgive himself?

“I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, he didn't know what else to say, how could he make it up to you and your son? Will you let him even if he could?

“Don't be, this is on the both of us, are you going to ask about the share custody stuff? If so, I don't think we should continue this conversation, Wenghei doesn’t know who you are, and maybe that's the best case scenario, what point would be made if he knew you were his father but you're not in our lives? It'll break his heart. You've seen him now, maybe you can reconnect with him when he's older, I think you should just say goodbye before you go, if you want,” you said, saying these harsh words aloud wasn’t easy, you’re not entirely a cold hearted bitch, but it's for the best that your son didn’t know about his father, no one wants to know the fact that their father abandoned them twice, some truths are better to be untold.

“Can I see him one last time, maybe tonight? For dinner? I'm leaving in two days,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Yeah, sure, I'll take the shift off tonight,” you said, eyes avoiding his, you could just tell he’d have those sad puppy eyes on his face right now, you don't need anymore guilt in your heart.

“Hey man, where were you?” Jackson asked Yukhei, who was waiting for him at the harbour, they were going to Macau for a day trip today, his friend isn't late for the boat, but they did schedule to meet 15 minutes earlier.

“Something came up, and I need to head back around 7, there’s some people I need to see,” Yukhei said as they boarded the boat.

“So that leaves us 5 hours, should be enough,” Jackson said, checking his watch.

“I’m sorry about this, man, it just came up suddenly,” Yukhei said as they took their seats, apologetic because they have been talking about this trip for a long time now.

“It's okay, dude, but what's up? You look really stressed,” Jackson asked, taking in Yukhei's clenched jaw and furrowed brows, a stark contrast from his usually carefree expression.

“It's a long story,” Yukhei said as he mindlessly watches the sea from the little window of his seat.

“Well, if you don't mind, this is a 45 minutes journey, maybe we'll be able to find a solution together, what are friends for am I right?” Jackson offered, he wouldn't press his friend if he didn't want to tell him about it, but the two of them have been close ever since going on knowing brothers, coming from the same home country and everything.

And so Yukhei, for the first time, told his friend his long love story.

“You know, I think I have a solution for you, but let me ask you one thing first, do you still love her?” Jackson asked as he ate his pork chop bun, Macau’s famous local snack.

Yukhei pondered over his friend’s question, yes the two of you agreed to break up, but all the girls he dated after you, all had similar features or personality traits to you, he had dismissed it as just a type, but now that he had seen you again, he realised that the hole in his heart was always emptied for you, you were the missing puzzle piece all along.

“You don't even have to answer me, your face tells all man,” Jackson said, an oily finger wagging at the direction of his face.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Yukhei said with a sigh, “but even if I still love her, that doesn’t mean she loves me back, and what if we do love each other? We're living oceans apart,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Now here comes my solution, so you said she got fired from her law firm and is now tutoring kids and doing the night shift at 7 E, and got kicked out by her shitty parents, so she really doesn't have anything else here for her other than her son, why don't you suggest get to move with you? To Korea? It'll be way easier for the two of you to raise your son, even if the two of you don't get back together, I mean, at least you'll be able to financially support them, that is what you're willing to do right?” Jackson asked, hoping that his friend would uptake his part of the child support.

“Yeah, of course I want that, I just don't know what she'll say, or if she'd be willing, she doesn't speak the language and it's an entirely different environment,” Yukhei said, thinking back the days where he had a tough time adjusting.

“From what you told me, she sounds like a tough nut, but of course, this is all up to you, but just so you know, I would really like to be his godfather, and as for your doubts of her love towards you, she did name him after you, isn't it the same Hei?” Jackson said with a hearty chuckle, he could just imagine the fun they'll have together, he was always fond of children.

“Yeah, I’ll persuade her on this,” Yukhei said, he could already feel himself getting nervous for tonight’s dinner, it can’t be that much of a coincidence that his son’s last name resembled his right? Or is he and Jackson just being delusional?

“Now that's my buddy, now come on, finish your food so that we’ll make it in time for the next batch of Portuguese egg tarts, I remember they have a fresh batch around 4,” Jackson said, mouth salivating at the thought of more food.

When you arrived at the restaurant, it was fancier than what you had expected, feeling underdressed among the rich elite of Hong Kong in your old dress that you wear for every special occasion.

You asked if there was a reservation under your name, since Yukhei said he had it booked under you, and almost immediately, since not that many people can afford places like these, the waiter led you in.

“Mama, what is this place? We've never ate here before,” your son asked you.

“It's a French cuisine restaurant, we’re meeting gogo here, remember him? Or were you too sick that day?” you said as you placed him on the baby chair you had requested for.

“Yeah, I remember,” your son said as he looks around in awe, registering the pretty chandeliers that look so sparkly.

When the waiter handed you a menu, someone had joined your table, his hoodie pulled up so no one would recognise him, pulling it down when he saw that there wasn't any other customers around.

“Sorry, am I late?” Yukhei asked with a sheepish smile, a hand lifting up to check the time.

“No, we’re just early, say hi to Yukhei gogo, love,” you directed the last part to your son, patting his little hand to get his attention, smiling immediately when he lands on the tall figure.

“Gogo, you're here,” your son said excitedly, making grabby hands at him, letting his father carry him with a large smile on his face.

“Hey, buddy, don't you look excited to see me?” Yukhei said before blowing raspberry at his neck, making the young boy giggle.

What you didn't expect was to see someone coming up behind Yukhei, a little bit shorter and smaller in built, but when he pulled his hoodie down, you instantly recognised who it was.

“Jackson Wang?” you asked, blinking your eyes a few times to see if you were hallucinating.

“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, you look lovely tonight, and you must be little Wenghei, aren't you adorable, how about Jackson gogo take you out to buy toys, huh? I saw a big toy store just across the street, but only if your ma says yes of course,” Jackson said, giving you a side eye to Yukhei.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, it's not like the Jackson Wang is going to kidnap your son right?

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch him with my life,” Jackson said as Yukhei passes his son over to him, leaving the restaurant with his hood up once more.

“Is there something you'd like to say?” you asked Yukhei after he had taken the seat across you his hands were shaking slightly as he holds up the menu.

“I... I still love you. And I know I must sound like a jerk to you, hell I’d go back in time just to hit myself for running away, I'm really sorry for that. What I did was inexcusable, my career just stabilised at that time, and I was under immense stress from SM, you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be apart of your life again, apart of Wenghei’s life as well, if you could let me have this second chance, I'll do anything to make the both of you happy,” Yukhei said in one breath, reciting what he had practised over and over again with Jackson in the car.

“Yukhei, I,” you were lost for words, you thought you were saying goodbye once more, that Yukhei and you would always end up in goodbyes, but now here he is, saying he loves you.

“Yukhei, you can't just say you love me for the sake of our son, and neither would you need to take responsibility for him, I chose to have him, and as for love, we can never be together, you’re an international super star now, and you're living in Korea, I don't think I have the energy to be in a long distance relationship with you, that would take a toll on Wenghei too, how am I going to explain to him that his father is in another country? He’ll always question your love for him and I don't want that,” you said, trying to hold in the tears that had built up in your eyes, your throat closing up, the cold facade you built for yourself crumbling down before his eyes.

“You can move to Korea, both of you, we can be a family,” Yukhei pleaded, his hands reaching forward to hold yours, his eyes searching yours.

“We can’t, what if we break up? What if your so called love for me, is just something you feel as a result of our child? You can't uproot the two of us when there's so many uncertainties, especially our emotions,” you said, you don't want either of you to be stuck in a relationship for the sake of raising a child, no one would be happy in the end.

“Love, you don't understand, I've never had a serious relationship after you, I tried, I really did, but I’d always think of you instead, how badly I wanted you instead of someone who reminds me of you, the thing is, I’ve always loved you, and I think you still love me too, or you wouldn't have named our son after me, am I right?” Yukhei hoped, why else would you come up with that name right?

Damn it, you thought to yourself, he saw right through you, maybe you shouldn't have named your son after him.

You looked at him and looked away, darn those puppy eyes, you’re sure you’re crying now, and Yukhei reaching over to wipe away your tears just confirmed it.

“I love you, it's always been you, only you,” Yukhei confessed.

“I, I love you too, Yukhei, and I was never mad at you for running away from us, I know how tough that industry is, but what if your fans find out about us?” you asked, slightly worried that he might lose it like last time.

“Then so be it, true fans would stay,” he said in an affirmative tone, reassuring you.

“You promise?” you asked, holding out your pinky, it would’ve been a funny sight to see if anyone saw the two of you now, crying and smiling at the same time.

“I promise,” Yukhei said before hooking his own pinky to connect with yours.

“If you leave us, Wong Yukhei, I’ll murder you in your sleep,” you said as threatening as you could sound.

“I plan to see our son grow up, so I'll value my life,” Yukhei said in utmost sincerity before grabbing a napkin to wipe away all your tears, you’re glad that you didn't wear any mascara today.

Just when Yukhei wiped away the tears in his eyes, Jackson was back with your bubbly child, his arm had bags digging into his flesh.

“Oh my god, that's too much, Wenghei why did you get so many, this is Jackson gogo’s hard earned money,” you said, lecturing your son.

“It's okay, he's an angel, this was all on me, and I guess things went well?” Jackson asked, eyes darting to your connected hands.

“Yeah,” you said, the biggest smile you had on your face.

“That's great to hear, I always wanted to be an uncle, now if you’ll excuse me, I don't think I should crash this family reunion any longer,” Jackson said giving his best friend a hug before leaving.

“So... What do you like to eat Wenghei? How about we get crème brulé,” Yukhei asked, pointing at the menu with childlike eyes, reminding you of the days where he’d get ice cream with you, splitting it on half for you to share.

“Sounds delicious.”

You let Yukhei order everything, sharing between the three of you while the three of you talked, Yukhei mostly directed the questions at his child, asking about his interests, his favourites of everything, ranging from colour to ice cream, eager to make up for loss time.

“How about we talk about where you'll be staying?” Yukhei asked after ordering dessert.

“Oh, I don't know what I'll be able to afford, I'll probably get another convenience store job again, so the rent can't be too high,” you said, dreading the thought of needing to learn a new language quickly for a job.

“Hey, you don't need to work anymore, nor pay rent, I already looked it up, there's an empty unit in our condo, the soundproofing might be a bit lacking, but that wouldn't be a problem if you don't sing in the shower like Dejun, we had a few noise complaints because of him,” Yukhei said, laughing at the fond times he had at the dorms.

“Yukhei, I know housing is really expensive there, are you sure you want to do this?” you asked once more, you don't want him to resent the financial burden the two of you would add onto him.

“What did I say to you just now? I said what I meant, I want the two of you to be in my life, forever. And don't worry about money, I saved up plenty and there’s many more jobs coming up for me, and moving out of the dorms would be the next step of adulthood to me, and we’ll get to spend so much more time together, right Wenghei?” Yukhei asked, pinching your son’s chubby cheeks teasingly.

“We’ll be living together, Yukhei gogo?” your son asked, a confused expression on his face, he had his attention trained on some pink fong video, something about dinosaurs.

“Yeah, Wenghei, we’ll be moving out of our little room, are you excited? We're going to a new country. Remember the dramas I watched with you? Korea has that big outdoor theme park you said you always wanted to go, and snow, you'll get to make snowmen during the winter,” you persuaded, hoping he won’t fuss too much about the move.

“Really? There’s snow in Korea?” your son asked, excited about the winter scene he’ll get finally see in real life.

“Yeah, real snow, not the bubbles in Disney land, are you excited?”

“Yeah, is Jackson gogo going to stay with us too?” your son asked, eyes darting to his new goodies before looking at you expectantly.

“Well, Jackson gogo has his own house and we have ours, but we can always visit him,” Yukhei explained.

“Hehe, okay,” your son said before getting distracted by the crème brulé set in front of him, digging in immediately.

“When do you want us to make the move?” you asked, thinking of all the things you have to pack, which isn't a lot, but you might have to courier some of your clothes over first.

“Whenever you want, I'll get our home ready as soon as possible, is there anything you need in the house? Other than the basics of course,” Yukhei asked, uncertain of any needs you have as a woman or maybe for your son.

“Can we have a study room for Wenghei? With a desk and shelves? We love to read, and he'll need a proper desk when he's older,” you asked, hoping it wasn't too much.

“Yeah, sure, I'll be sure to get it done,” Yukhei said, noting it down into his phone.

“But it's no rush on the study room part, he's just three after all, before I go, I have to apply visas for both of us,” you said, dreading the thought of filling up paperwork, you haven't done much of that ever since you left the law firm.

“Call me if you need any help on that, I'm sure my manager knows how to,” Yukhei said.

“You’re going to tell your company about us?” you asked, knowing how strict Korean entertainment companies are.

“They can't let me go just because of having my own family, they didn't let Jongdae, my senior, go, so we’ll be fine, I promise,” Yukhei said, reaching a hand over to hold yours reassuringly, his eyes looking into yours, filled with love and adoration.

“Okay, now how about we walk around the complex until 10? Wenghei doesn't have school tomorrow,” you suggested.

“Yeah, sure, we could even stay out later if you want,” Yukhei said enthusiastically, getting up slightly to call for the bill.

“You have a flight to catch tomorrow,” you reminded him in your motherly voice, which you regretted almost instantly, cursing yourself, reminding yourself to act more like an actual 22 year old, but Yukhei didn't say anything about it, hiding his smile by nodding deeply, almost like a bow.

“Okay, I just wanted to spend more time with the two of you,” Yukhei said, stopping when he saw the waiter coming back with the credit card machine, paying with just a glance at the bill.

The three of you spent your remaining time shopping and at the arcade, playing games with your son, Yukhei had insisted on getting you a new pair of sneakers, but you shot him down when he wanted to buy more stuff, especially toys for Wenghei.

“You can buy him toys when we’re there, it'll cost even more to ship more stuff over, and there's a risk of damaging the toys as well,” you said.

But of course your son threw a fit at the shop, all for some legos.

“Hey, buddy, I'll buy you lots the next time I see you, okay? I'll buy you one that's even bigger than this,” Yukhei said, squatting down next to his son, and even then he wasn't eye level with him, sometimes you forget how tall Yukhei actually is until you see a scene like this, or when you stand really close to him.

When it was 10pm, painful goodbyes were exchanged with a promise of face timing everyday, your son cried, and held onto his father dearly, and you haven't even told him Yukhei was his dad, but their bond is evident.

Yukhei held onto you and your son until his taxi came, and you waved until you couldn't see the taillights.

It's been a month since that fateful reunion, and Yukhei has squeezed in face times, calls, and texts in between schedules, giving you and your son time despite his busy career.

His company wasn’t too happy about it of course, but was somewhat glad that you weren't one to babble your business to gossip outlets.

You're now packing your things, one last time, you've been to the post office multiple times before to courier out your stuff to Korea, and every time a box reached his address, Yukhei would take a photo of it, telling you the stuff arrived safely.

Progress on your new home was quick, since it was already a fully furnished unit, Yukhei only needed to buy some furniture and things that cater to your son’s needs, he even picked out a pre school that teaches mandarin, perfect for your son’s adjustment in such a foreign country.

Tomorrow you'd be flying to Korea, a new country, a new start, but there was something clouding your mind, something you've been dreading, but today is the day you’ll tell him.

“Wenghei, can you come to mama for a second?” you asked, soon hearing your son’s tiny footsteps nearing you.

“Yes, mama?” your son asked, a hand around his precious teddy.

“There's something I need to tell you,” you said holding him close to you, letting him sit onto your lap.

“Remember how you asked me why you didn't have a baba while all your other classmates did?” you asked, trying to word it as nicely as possible.

“You said my baba had a really big responsibility, that he couldn't see us because of it, that he'll come back when he's free,” your son answered you, struggling to remember more details.

“Yes, good job, Wenghei, your memorising skills are getting better. Well, your baba is actually Yukhei gogo, he’s back now, and we can finally be a family again,” you said before holding in a breath, not knowing how he’ll react.

“Baba is Yukhei gogo? That's why we’re going to Korea?” your son asked, confusion written on his face.

“Yeah, do you like that he's your baba?” you asked, this could be the most important question ever.

“Yeah, mama, do you love baba? Does baba love you as much as I do?” your son asked, which very much surprised you, but expecting this sort of maturity from him.

“Yes, we love each other, and both of us love you as much too,” you said with a pinch of his chubby cheeks.

“Do we ever have to be separated from baba again?” your son asked, scared of losing his newfound father.

“No, never again, and can you do me one favour, Wenghei? I think the next time when you see your baba, you should run up to him and say hi baba, he’ll be very happy to hear you call him that,” you suggested, imagining the look on Yukhei’s face.

Your son giggled at the thought of making his father happy, agreeing immediately.

“Okay, now go to sleep, it's going to be your first time flying tomorrow,” you said, ushering him onto the bed.

“Okay, goodnight, mama,” your son said to you, just like he did every other night, he seemed to have accepted it very easily, maybe it was due to his age, but some day he might ask his father about his departure personally when he understands more, but that’s a hardship that’s reserved for another day.

The flight was relatively short, though it was rather hard for Wenghei at the start because of the pressure he had experienced in his ears, the crying and whining got you plenty of dirty looks from passengers around you, but you paid no mind to it, you’ve been through worst so this is nothing that can faze you.

When you got there, you saw a lady holding up a plaque with your name on it, her phone in her hand, checking all the moms who came out of the same lane as you.

She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw you, introducing herself in mandarin, being one of Wayv’s staff, a trusted one, according to Yukhei.

She talked to you about Yukhei in general, even giving your son a bar of mini KitKat, praising him for being brave on the flight after she had asked you how was your flight.

Around half an hour later, you've reached your new home, a nice looking condominium that looked about a few years old.

Unloading took quite some time, even with the help of the staff, but what surprised you was the person who was waiting for you inside the lobby.

“You're here!” you said surprised at the sight of the giant.

“Yeah, I am, wanted to give you a surprise, sorry I couldn't be outside, some crazy fans camp outside, can’t let them bring you and Wenghei any harm,” Yukhei said as he carried Wenghei, spinning in a small circle, looking at him with full of love.

“I understand, don't worry, I'm not a teenager girl anymore,” you said as you checked out the place, the sitting area had a couch set and free WiFi, this is a 180 from the living conditions in Hong Kong.

“Baba, did you miss me?” your son asked when he had stopped giggling from his father’s spins, which instantly ceased to a halt, eyes growing as wide as saucers.

“What did you call me? Say it again,” Yukhei said with the biggest smile on his face, all of his teeth were showing.

“Mama said you were my Baba,” Wenghei said like it was as simple as two plus two.

“Yeah... I am your baba, and you're my son,” Yukhei said before holding his son even closer, you could even see the tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Why don't we go see our new home Wenghei?” you suggested, seeing that some people have came out from the lifts, typical going to work hours.

You walked a feet away from Yukhei, not wanting to draw attention, holding onto the lift for Yukhei to bring all your luggage in.

Once you were at your level, you started loosening up, noticing that no one was around.

“This is my members’ unit,” Yukhei said pointing at a door, “And this is ours,” Yukhei said before opening the door for you, welcoming you into a warmly decorated home, every piece of furniture was placed and chose to accommodate your child, all the corners were covered with this e rubber safety stickers.

He showed you into Wenghei's room where the bed had all his favourite characters in the form of a plushie, his bed was soft when you sat down on it, and the blanket he had picked out was a soft fleece material, perfect for the cold weather.

Your son was going around every corner, awing at everything his father had gotten him, especially the Lego sets that were on his desk.

“Thank you, it's beautiful, his room,” you said when Yukhei wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him, god how much you've missed his warmth.

“Go take a look at your room,” Yukhei said before pulling your hand into the direction of the master bedroom, welcoming you into a room with a king size bed and silk linen sheets, an aesthetic looking vanity that you've always wanted as a teenager, now as well of course, and a little reading corner just for you by the window.

“It's all I've ever wanted,” you said in disbelief, not knowing how could Yukhei pull this off in such a short time.

“You like it? I got some help from my members, especially Kun for the kitchen, you should check it out afterwards, you always wanted a big kitchen area,” Yukhei said as you laid on the bed, giving your stiff body a rest from the journey.

“Lay down with me for a while, I’m a bit tired from the flight,” you said, making grabby hands at him.

“Nah, I shouldn’t, this is your bed,” Yukhei said, looking flustered.

“Wong Yukhei, I’ve had your child and now you're acting all innocent?” you asked in an accusing tone, playing with him, which made him lay down next to you immediately, he didn't like getting you angry, thinking back all those days when you had lectured him just like that when he forgot to do his homework.

“You want me to sleep here?” Yukhei asked carefully, observing your expressions.

“This is our bedroom, where else do you want to sleep?” you asked, but was promptly cut off by Yukhei's lips on yours, smiling as he kissed you, gentle but expressing all his love for you, a hand lingering on your back, guiding you closer than him.

Many mistakes that had to be made had guided you here, but you've never regretted, for if it wasn't for the hardships and the crossroads, you wouldn't have found a home with the man you'll cross oceans for.

The end.

#lucas smut #lucas fluff #lucas wong #wong yukhei #wayv smut #wayv fluff #nct #nct smut #nct fluff #wayv #this is rather cliche sorry

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free-pool-trash · 4 years ago

Text

happiness - peter maximoff

yay a new peter fic <3 i was feeling a little unmotivated for a few days (since our boy wasn’t in episode 8 at all :/) but im back 😎 although im back in school so i might be on and off for a while 😩✋🏻

!!!it’s not a songfic those lyrics at the start are just my inspo!!!

word count: 5k <3 😳

warnings: maybe swearing but i dont think so i cant remember, peter being sad, angst, but mostly fluff, WandaVision spoilers maybe??? I pretty much made up this plot so idk, endgame spoilers, reader was an avenger, kissing but it’s not graphic😽 probably some mistakes yk how it is

feedback is appreciated <3

tagging: @enchantedcruelsummer (should i make a peter maximoff taglist? let me know and I’ll do it)

masterlist

haunted by the look in my eyes that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

leave it all behind

& there is happiness

Loneliness had always been something that plagued him. That and a plethora of other negative emotions.

There wasn’t a day that went by where Peter Maximoff wasn’t made to feel like a loser. Admittedly, he’d never held himself to a high standard, he grew up thinking that he’d never fit in anywhere and eventually that thought mutated into a lifestyle as he began isolating himself from the world around him, either far too good or heartbreakingly not enough to be a part of that crowd.

He liked spending time with himself. Nobody else knew him the way he knew him, and still, he found nothing but an overwhelming hollow space where his deepest most important hopes, aspirations, dreams and self discoveries should have resided.

Peter had always put this feeling of exile down to the fact that he was a mutant, it was the most likely explanation, right?

It was only when he’d decided to join the X-Men that he finally came to the conclusion that maybe the rest of the world wasn’t the problem, nor was his mutation the problem, but that he himself was the problem. For even in a school full of people exactly like him he was still the same loser that he was in his mother’s basement.

And he was under no illusions that that was exactly what his teammates saw in him; nothing. No potential. Just a space holder to bring the numbers up.

Super speed was incredible. That’s how Peter acknowledged jobs well done, he praised his speed but never himself. He just saved Charles and Erik from a room full of armed guards? No that wasn’t him, that was simply his speed. He saved an entire mansion full of people from a potentially fatal explosion? Nothing special, Kurt probably could’ve done the same.

Forget all of the good deeds and saved lives because the bottom line of it all, to him at least, was that all he was good for was cheeky one liners and hopeless kleptomania.

His life took a turn for the worse when he found himself being mind controlled in an alternate universe. And even then, he was playing the part of someone that wasn’t him, the thought humbled him, reconnected him to his roots and reintroduced him to his life long philosophy that he’d never be anything more than a social pariah. Not even an alternate reality could accept him for who he was. There wasn’t a warm welcome and despite not knowing what was going on, the definition of “imposter” or the weirder, “recast”, still shot to kill.

He settled on the notion that he was an inter dimensional waste of space. At least in WestView he could be blissfully ignorant, let the real him be drowned mercilessly in favour of being an integral part of someone’s life- to feel important, even if it wasn’t real.

When WestView fell apart he was completely lost. In every sense of the word. In a new world with no way home and as it turned out, nobody was looking for him. Although he didn’t expect anyone to care, it still stung that nobody did. He always hoped that one day Erik would step up as a father figure for him, this; getting kidnapped and smuggled into a different dimension, seemed like the perfect moment for that epic father son moment, but it wouldn’t surprise Peter if his father has yet to notice his disappearance.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he came into contact with a beacon of hope. A guiding star that might possibly lead him to an existence consisting of something other than misery and self loathing.

It offered him a choice; return to being the self proclaimed loser he was known as or start fresh as someone new and mysterious, with first impressions yet to be made and conclusions about him yet to be drawn. Peter had known himself to be rash in the past, when it came to making decisions he had the tendency to act impulsively, never putting too much thought into how his decisions would affect his life in the long term. The choice before him now is no different, he knew exactly what he wanted going forward, however selfish the choice may have been, the second he realised it was an option his heart was set on it.

That previously mentioned beacon of hope arrived to him in the form of a girl, in the form of you. An ex-avenger and close friend of Wanda’s, you were hired by S.W.O.R.D to help them clean up the more ‘sensitive’ fallout that the fall of WestView brought about. Obviously, they were sticking you- the only other avenger with magik- on babysitting and rehabilitation rather than letting you go after your best friend who had gone completely off the rails. Having said that though, you didn’t want anyone else handling him.

You hadn’t watched WandaVision, nor were you even aware that any of it was going on until it had reached a boiling point and you got a call from Monica Rambeau, she’d begged you to come and wait on the edge of town while she went in and act as her eyes on the outside along with Jimmy Woo.

That’s where you stayed until the hex broke down.

As soon as the barrier came down the base you manned was overrun by an armada of terribly confused and distressed citizens, Monica and Wanda were not among them but in their places stumbled in Darcy and the man playing the role of Pietro.

Jimmy appointed himself to Darcy, who in all honesty seemed relatively unscathed by the situation while you made a beeline for the dirty blonde charading as your former, dead teammate.

Peter was, to put it simply, completely enthralled by you as soon as you’d strolled over to him and in the moment he’d put his almost magnetic attraction to you down to the fact that you were the first friendly face he’d seen upon breaking free of Agatha’s possession.

But one thing in particular struck him; you’d asked him his name. You hadn’t immediately assumed him to be some knock off Pietro, as everyone else had. You acknowledged that he had his own personal identity and despite how often he caught himself hating the person he was, he found that when it was torn away from him that he wanted it back. The simple question you posed gave him the opportunity to regain his identity.

“Peter. My name is Peter.” He answered you, almost unsure of himself and you found your interest in the man piqued even further.

He remembered with perfect clarity the way you’d offered him a grin, tilted your hand, extended your hand and said, “Well it’s nice to meet you, Peter. Come on, I’ll be your babysitter for the next while.” There was something about the way you’d laughed after saying the words and the slight, yet unmistakable, glint of mischief in your eyes that had him captivated from the get go.

With you came a whirlwind of new emotions. After only a few weeks of knowing you, Peter noticed he wasn’t as lonely as he had been back home. He didn’t hate himself half as much either, he wasn’t entirely free of self deprovative tendencies and maybe he never would be, but undoubtedly, he likes himself more in this world than he ever had in his last. He thanked you and your determination to make him “a functioning member of society” for that.

It didn’t feel belittling, the way you helped him. You hadn’t dragged him to your favourite mall every weekend just to taunt him about how he couldn’t stop himself from stealing something. Even the very first time, when he’d sped away from you and returned within a second adoring a pair of freshly stolen sunglasses. Your only reaction had been to laugh and casually place your hands on both sides of his face.

“At least remember to take the tag off next time, speedy.” You’d muttered, subtly pulling the tacky stickers off the arms of his shades. No, you weren’t dragging him sight seeing or forcing him to help you go clothes shopping because you thought he was a loser who needed reforming you were doing it because you were a true friend who wanted him to succeed.

The pair of you seemed like two peas in a pod. Which to be fair, you were. Peter Maximoff intrigued you in every sense of the word. He was new, quite literally other worldly, he was kind, he was funny, he was perfectly mischievous and completely wonderful.

What caught your eye the most was the way he held himself, as if he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin. It became apparent to you that he lacked confidence with the phrases he usually tacked onto the ends of his sentences. When you’d invite him to hang out in the beginning his response would always be something along the lines of, “Sure. If you want me to.” But the excitable puppy dog eyes told you that he was dying for someone to want him to tag along some place.

There was a certain understanding between you. You were both more than accustomed with the harrowing feeling of being alone and even though you’d never exactly voiced those thoughts with each other, you couldn’t deny that his was a spirit kindred to your own and he felt it too.

Since the Avengers has disbanded, one of your best friends, Natasha, was dead and your other best friend, Wanda, was gone completely off the rails and the people chasing her wouldn’t let you anywhere near her or even attempt to help pull her out of her darkness. You were being kept as a wildcard in case they needed her taken down. Peter was no stranger to the feeling of being cast aside and so he quickly responded to your frustrations, and in doing so, forced himself out of his comfort zone to be there for you. To his complete shock though, you’d been so appreciative of his efforts.

You never failed to thank him for the little things he did for you, always complimenting his mutation when he’d use it and giving him the recognition he never received at home. The friendship he formed with you was so… two sided, again, something he wasn’t accustomed to before. It didn’t involve him giving everything he had to offer and receiving nothing in return, you matched his energy meticulously and never left him hanging.

In a series of firsts, he didn’t wonder whether or not you genuinely liked him, never feeling the need or want to question it as you’d left him with no reason to doubt.

As he walked around the mall with you now, his mind brought his attention back to the question you’d asked him rather casually a few nights ago. You were both lounging on your couch, watching some ridiculous reality show (a favourite of yours and Peter’s) when you’d turned your head to look at him, a thoughtful look on your face. “Do you think when S.W.O.R.D figures the technology out to crack into other realities, you’ll go back to yours?”

The question had taken him aback for a second, in all honesty, he hadn’t thought about going home, not when he was with you at least and considering he’d become your roommate about three weeks after he got out of WestView, the thought of returning to his old life had barely crossed his mind.

Being an ex-Avenger you were fairly well off, you lived alone in a two bedroom apartment in New York that you’d bought to be closer to Stark tower. Peter had nowhere to go and aside from having a spare room to offer you’d also been sort of lost in the current of the busy city with everyone you once loved in the area either dead, on the run or busy elsewhere.

While the question hadn’t crossed Peter’s mind, it had crossed yours on several occasions. He’d been staying with you for six months and the moment you realised that he was becoming one of the most important people in your life, the thought of him leaving you too weighed on your mind but at the end of the day you wanted him to feel happy. He deserved to feel happy and if going back to his reality brought him that happiness then you’d support him.

“Dunno,” he’d replied, turning to face you, chucking a handful of popcorn at you when you looked incredulous at his response, “To be honest I haven’t really thought about it, m’way too busy babysitting you anyway.” He joked, effortlessly dodging the few pieces of popcorn you attempted to throw at him.

For the last few nights, the question haunted him, but it wasn’t just the question that was bothering him. You were at the forefront of his mind as he replayed the past six months of his life which also happened to be the best six months of his life. WestView put him through hell but coming out the other side of it and meeting you felt like heaven.

He weighed up the pros and cons of returning to his native timeline. The cons: he’d have to leave you behind, he’d go back to being the loser who nobody took seriously, his talents would be downplayed and disregarded and he’d inevitably end up revisiting his lifestyle of solitude. Then there was the pros: he’d get to reunite with his pac man machine. He couldn’t manage to think up anything else.

If he stayed he’d have everything he ever wanted and needed. You’d be there and he knew you always would be, besides he couldn’t leave you knowing that you needed him. If he left who would wake you up when you had night terrors about the catastrophe that your reality was still recovering from? There would be nobody there to comfort you when you woke up from the nightmares, reliving the deaths of Natasha, Tony or Vision and the experience of being snapped out of existence? If he wasn’t there to make you laugh when you were about to cry then who would be? In his heart of hearts he knew you had a huge support system at your disposal, he’d met most of them. Even though he was well aware that Sam visited you as often as he could, that Bucky wrote you letters on a monthly basis and sometimes tagged along with Sam on his visits, that Stephen Strange appeared in your apartment whenever the urge struck him, that the literal god of thunder invited you out for beer whenever he was visiting Earth, that the little spider-kid, also named Peter, swung by your apartment at least once a week to tell you all about school and his good deeds. Despite knowing all of this and knowing all of these people loved you dearly, Peter wanted to be your main source of support, he didn’t want to be someone who came and went, who’d love you then leave you. He wanted to be with you through anything and everything and the feeling that you’d love him for a lifetime had him satisfied with the decision he was about to make.

If leaving his old life meant he could stay here, with you, and experience happiness for more than a fleeting moment then he’d simply; leave it all behind.

“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me the other night.” He spoke through a mouthful of curly fries. You were sitting in the food court of the mall when he decided to let you in on his desire to stay with you indefinitely.

You raised your eyebrow, “You? Putting thought into an answer? Peter, I think I’m starting to become a bad influence on you.” You told him teasingly, taking a long sip of your drink as he rolled his eyes humorously.

“You’re a terrible influence which is exactly why I’ve decided to stay here and put you on the straight and narrow.” The glee you felt at his statement was undeniable, your eyes lit up and your lips curled upwards.

“You’re staying? Really staying?” Your smile was contagious, Peter’s face now painted with a wide grin as he nodded his head.

In a moment of weakness he frantically added, “Y’know only if you want me to though. If you don’t that’s completely cool.” He rushed through the words, feeling more embarrassed when the fond look on your face never faded.

“Of course I want you to stay. You mean a lot to me.” You reassured him, a gentle smile on your lips as you reached across the metal table, intertwining your fingers with his.

Peter squeezed your hand gratefully, holding it in his grasp securely and allowing his smile to return to his face, “I know. You mean a lot to me too.” It was somewhat of an understatement, he was starting to understand that you didn’t just mean a lot, but that you meant everything.

His resolution lifted a huge weight off your shoulders that you wouldn’t be losing yet another best friend. You were glad he’d be with you when everything blew over with Wanda, the two of them definitely had the potential to develop a beautiful sibling relationship and they both deserved that. Of course, Peter would never replace Pietro and having known them both it was obvious just how different the two men were, the only thing they had in common being their powers and last name. Still, he and Wanda would still be able to work on it. He didn’t hate her after WestView and you knew Wanda well enough to know that she was kind hearted and she’d be more than willing to give him a chance. When she eventually comes back to her senses, that it.

As the months went on, life with you and Peter seemed to only get better. You never stopped laughing, your nightmares died down and Peter had taken on a whole new lease of life. Yourself and Peter were the perfect example of meeting the right person at the right time, you balanced each other out and accentuated the other’s good qualities.

Peter could now say with complete confidence that he was happy and what’s more is that he was finally sure that he was making someone happy.

Up until nearly eleven months of living together your relationship had been purely platonic, save for the constant flirting but flirtation pretty much ran in yours and Peter’s blood. Peter wasn’t going to lie to himself, he’d fallen for you the second you’d peeled the security tags off his stolen sunglasses.

You, on the other hand, had been fighting with yourself because yes, you love Peter but you couldn’t have told him when there was the possibility he’d eventually leave and now so much time has passed and you’ve got such a good thing going you didn’t have it in you to ruin it.

However, all of that changed when your original Maximoff best friend came knocking on your door.

Wanda was on the run. She’d caused an amazing amount of chaos but Stephen Strange and S.W.O.R.D were hot on her trail and now she needed a place to lay low with the twins. She figured there was no place more reliable to go than to the always open arms of her best friend, who conveniently had a divinity for earth magik and could muster up a protective barrier without raising suspicions. And that’s exactly where she found herself; outside your door.

You’d been chasing Peter around the apartment when you heard the knock on the door. Peter was on the opposite end of the kitchen to you, using the bar as a shield from you. “You better get that.”

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” You glared as you spoke, it was his own fault really. What sort of idiot jumpscares a witch while she’s mid-meditation? He’d frightened you so badly you accidentally blasted a ball of your signature green energy and ruined your favourite couch throw pillow. When you were ready to pounce on the scared speedster the knocks sounded again, more frantic this time.

With one last glare towards Peter you stomped towards the door. Your anger melted away completely when you saw her. Her hood was up and she looked completely exhausted, two small hooded little boys by her side.

“Wanda…” You breathed out, relief flooding your system at the sight of her alive. She didn’t get a chance to speak before your arms were pulling her against you tightly, hugging her as if your life depended on it. Wanda returned in your embrace, allowing herself to relax for the first time in nearly a year, she sniffled against your shoulder, holding back tears as she realised how much she’d truly missed you.

Billy and Tommy watched in confusion as their mother cried into your shoulder. They didn’t know who you were, all their mother had told them was that they were going somewhere safe.

It was the yell of one of the boys that caused you and Wanda to separate, “Uncle P!” With that you felt a familiar rush of air across your leg but instead of Peter appearing one of the kids was gone.

You shared a perplexed look with Wanda, although your confusion was for different reasons.

“Hey hell raisers!” Peter responded, catching the mini speedster who all but threw himself at him barely regaining his balance before the other child had flung himself into the hug.

“Wanda? Those two… are they...?” You started, at a loss for words Wanda cut you off quietly, her tone as disbelieving as yours.

“My children? Yes. Is that…?” You nodded your head numbly, anticipating the end of her question.

“Your fake brother? Yeah.” Quickly, you realised you and a wanted woman catching up with the door wide open wasn’t ideal and you ushered Wanda inside, shutting the door when she walked in.

“Hey.” Peter greeted her simply, as if he hadn’t been used as a meat puppet in her altered reality. It wasn’t in his nature to hold any grudges.

“Hi?” Wanda replied, her voice still twinged with confusion.

“Peter, will you keep an eye on the kids for a bit? Wanda and I have some catching up to do.” You asked him with a nervous laugh, just thankful that Wanda was too tired to argue with your suggestion.

Peter ruffled the boys’ hair and gave you a grin, “Only if you stop trying to kill me.”

You rolled your eyes as you began to lead Wanda into your bedroom, “You’re on probation, jerk.” You called over your shoulder.

Once you were securely in your bedroom, the door locked and sitting comfortably you fixed Wanda with an amused look, “I’d ask you what’s new but I’m not sure I even wanna know.”

Wanda gave you a sad smile while she shook her head, “No, you probably don’t. I will tell you tomorrow, I don’t want to get into it tonight. I’m so tired.” She admitted, her voice overcome with sadness.

“I’ll pump up the air mattress and you and the boys can sleep in here for however long you need. I’d offer you the spare room but that’s where Peter’s been staying and I don’t think empty food containers are the kind of decor you’d be into.” Wanda nodded, squeezing your hand gratefully.

“So his name is Peter?” She asked, curious about the man Agatha had used to trick her in WestView.

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Peter Maximoff, actually.”

Wanda’s brows came to a furrow at that, “Maximoff? So he’s a relation?”

“Yes and no. Peter is from a different reality but he’s still a Maximoff and he’s got super speed. So, and this is just my theory, while you’re not directly related he could still be your brother- if you wanted him to.” You explained, as gently as you could, not trying to push her too far but to nudge the idea in her direction.

Wanda, to your surprise, didn't seem to hate the suggestion, “What is he like?”

A genuine smile made it onto your face then, as you shot into your description of your roommate, “He’s caring, funny, a little bit of a kleptomaniac but he’s working on it. He’s understanding and moronically selfless, moronic in the sense that he doesn’t even realise he’s being selfless. Huge pain in the ass too.” Wanda had a soft smile on her face by the time you’d finished.

“You like him.” Was all she said and you let out a laugh in disbelief, standing up and opening the door.

“Go grab a shower. I’ll have Peter blow up the air mattress while I go introduce myself to my god sons.”

“I thought you’d at least wait until I actually asked you.” Wanda laughed as you walked out of the room.

Things moved fairly quickly after that. As promised you introduced yourself to Billy and Tommy as their god mother, which they seemed more than thrilled about and you assumed that excitement had to do with whatever description of you Peter had given them. Wanda and the twins were all cleaned and fed and had all but collapsed into bed, foregoing the air mattress and huddling together in your double bed instead.

“Where are you sleeping, mother Teresa?” Peter teased as he noticed your eyes drooping where you stood.

“On the couch probably. Or the air mattress.” You mumbled, cutting yourself off with a yawn.

Peter, unimpressed with your options, scoffed, “No way. Come on, you can bunk with me.”

Much like Wanda, you were too tired to argue and you let Peter pull you to his, surprisingly clean, room by the hand.

You both crawled into the bed, lying close together despite the amount of empty space on the mattress.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” Your soft voice broke through the silence and Peter turned his head to look at you.

“About Wanda?” You nodded your head, watching him intently as he rolled onto his side, facing you more comfortably.

Peter shrugged lightly, “I’m feeling ok. Just glad the twins still see me as their cool uncle.” You let out a small laugh at his response.

“Wanda was asking about you. Seemed interested in getting to know the real you.” You informed him, your heartwarming as you watched a hopeful look fall across his face.

A lull settled over the room once again and Peter caught himself staring at you. His eyes drifted over every visible part of you, reminding him of most of the points on his pros list for staying in your universe; your eyes, your lashes, your nose, your lips, you.

“What’re you thinking about?” The sound of your tired voice pulled him out of his thoughts and ultimately pushed him to bite the bullet and tell you how he’s feeling. With you curled up beside him, in his bed, fighting sleep just to stay in his company for as long as you could; he knew there would be no better time.

“Just about how happy I am to be here with you.” He answered you honestly, the butterflies in both of your stomachs fluttering in sync at his words.

You trailed a hand under the duvet and onto the bedsheets between your bodies, feeling around until you found his hand and gently intertwined your fingers. “I’m happy you decided to stay.”

“What you’ve all gone through in this timeline sucks- don’t get me wrong-“ Peter started sincerely, scooting closer to you and dropping his head back down on the edge of your pillow, leaving the pair of you practically nose to nose as he went on.

“And I hate that Wanda had to go through so much… but I’m really glad that it led me to you.” Peter swore in that moment, right after the confession left his mouth, that he could die right now and be completely content knowing that you now knew how he felt.

His heart stopped, and he thought that maybe he was about to die, when you gave him the softest, sweetest smile he’d ever been on the receiving end of and whispered, “I feel the same.”

Time moved in slow motion as he felt you moving your intertwined hands towards your lips, your lips pressed gently against the back of Peter’s hand before you brought them to rest against your chest.

It was a fact to say that Peter Maximoff had never felt intimacy quite like this before. But, experiencing it now, with you, led him to wonder how he’d ever survived without it. He wasn’t sure whether it was natural to crave more, especially when the affection you were showing him was so gentle, but he didn’t care as he let the impulsive side of him take over.

Not sparing another word, Peter closed the small distance between your lips and his. His free hand cupped your jaw while yours wasted no time in getting tangled in his silver hair.

His lips moved softly and surprisingly slowly over yours and he savoured the feeling of your hand holding his while your other got lost in his hair, your body pressed up against him, the way your jaw moved against his palm as you reciprocated the movement of his lips and the taste of your lips, promising himself he’d never let the memory slip from his mind for as long as he lived.

With complete clarity, Peter could say he had felt true, genuine happiness and he had no doubt in his mind that there was absolutely nothing Charles, Hank, Scott or anyone else from his original timeline could say to make him leave this happiness behind. Because in the process of forgetting his old life, he couldn’t deny that he has undoubtedly found himself in the position of a man who had so much more to live for.

#peter maximoff #peter maximoff x reader #peter maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #wandavision x reader #wandavision spoilers #x men x reader #avengers x reader #marvel x reader #mcu #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader

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kyberphilosopher · 3 years ago

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Eunoia

The Mantis crew decides to take a well deserved break. Word Count: 2422

Warning(s): straight fluff, short Requested: yep This can be read for a female, male, non binary, or any other reader.

Eunoia is the shortest English word containing all five main vowel graphemes. It comes from the Greek word εὔνοια, meaning "well mind" or "beautiful thinking”. It is also a rarely used medical term referring to a state of normal mental health. In rhetoric, eunoia is the goodwill a speaker cultivates between himself and his audience, a condition of receptivity. In book eight of Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle uses the term to refer to the kind and benevolent feelings of goodwill a spouse has which form the basis for the ethical foundation of human life.

* ✭ ˚ ･ﾟ �� *･ﾟ * ✭˚･ﾟ ✧* ･ *

Cal is actually not as observant as people think he is. You know because you’ve been leaning against his doorway, watching him, for about two minutes now and he hasn’t noticed a thing.

Maybe if you were in his position you’d be the same. That seems about right. He’s hunched over his desk with the lamp on bright, tinkering with something that you can only assume is for BD-1. He’s probably lost in thought. Maybe he’s dreaming of better days. Or maybe he’s just trying to figure out which wires and bolts connect to which. There’s no way to be certain from your position. He’s the mechanic, you are not.

So why have you been watching the redhead from his doorway for three minutes now? A simple answer. He is your friend, and you enjoy his company. Even when he’s not giving you attention, completely unaware to your presence in moments like this one, lost in his own world, it’s his warmth that really counts. Cal is such a relaxing bout of fresh air compared to everything else in the galaxy, in your life. It’s like being at a great party, but whether you enjoy it or not, stepping outside and tasting the air and the smell of something wonderful. Even if you had a day full of talking to people and had become burned out, talking to Cal would have been no problem at all. Maybe in a way that makes him your favorite person.

Yeah, maybe.

BD-1 jumps onto Cal’s desk. His head looks at the boys hands, cocking about as if observing. Then he meets your gaze, only to find a smile. One index finger raises to your lips, prompting the little droid to stay quiet about this, before you turn away and head towards the main part of the ship.

“Where’s Cal?” Greez gruffs upon seeing you. He’s shaking spice onto a steaming brown plate, which puts a pep in your step. Greez’s cooking always makes life better.

“In his room,” you answer. You turn from the doorway to the counter, where something hot does cause stringy, swirly puffs of air to waft upwards from a large metal container. With your back to Greez, you pull a plate for yourself and begin hulling it full of food. Some sort of rice or grain?

“Hmph, that reminds me,” the Latero begins mid-chew. “Me and Cere was talking about taking a vacation.”

“Vacation?” you scrunch your eyebrows and put the lid back on the container. “Where to?”

“The beach maybe?”

You scoff as you turn around and lean on the counter. One hand holds the plate while the other uses your index finger to prod at the mush. It smells alluring. The individual pieces of it stick to your skin. They burn and sting, but it’s so small it doesn’t bring much of a reaction. “I don’t know a lot of beaches.”

“Well, ya know,” Greez shrugs. “Just a thought.”

* ✭ ˚ ･ﾟ ✧ *･ﾟ * ✭˚･ﾟ ✧* ･ *

It was more than just a thought. Six days later, the Mantis touches down on Scarif. But first there’s the issue of landing.

“Watch that tree,” you point, leaning over Cal’s shoulder as he co-pilots beside Greez. A second later, the ship gives a great rock and the palm tree crunches beneath it. “You weren’t watching the tree.”

“Sorry,” Cal offers sheepishly.

“What?” Greez says. He’s the one in main control of the ship. He’d never let Cal take over the whole thing. “What he do?”

“Ran over a tree,” you snort.

“Cal!” Cere scolds, turning around in her chair.

“I said I was sorry!” Cal defends.

“I’m telling the wookies what you did,” you whisper.

“Don’t,” Cal whispers back, though it’s still desperate.

The Mantis parks itself in a field of tropical emerald on the cuff of a beach. The sand is white, the waves cyan and royal blue and sloshing. There’s several beaches on the planet. All of which are very beautiful. Would be a true shame if anything were to ever happen to Scarif. It’s so different compared to so many other planets in the galaxy- not occupied by Imperial forces or scumbags.

Greez waves everybody off. Cere exits first. Cal is ahead of you, but he steps to the side and rather gentlemanly insists, “You first.”

You hum and move past him. The Scarif air hits your face with a warm breeze. It smells of salt and water and some kind of flower. The horizon goes orange and pink and salmon with the setting sun. It is... serene. It nearly knocks you off your feet. It takes his voice to realize Cal is beside you at the bottom of the ramp.

“Woah,” he offers simply, in as much awe as yourself.

“Woah,” you repeat in agreement. It’s still for a second. “Come on. Let’s join them. Or else I’ll have to cast a Jedi mind trick on you.” Your fingers wiggle up and down by Cal’s face for dramatic effect.

Cal rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” he utters with a push on your elbow, urging you forward into the sand.

Okay, so maybe you like Cal more than just a friend. But who can blame you? Things had been feeling different between you two lately. You’d always gotten along pretty smoothly. You made up for skills that Cal seemed to lack himself, and his abilities- human and nonhuman- never ceased to amaze you. He was a friend. And then, when you tended to the stab wound he’d gotten from Vader, there was a moment where you held each others eyes. After that, the joking became more constant. The little touches on the shoulders and elbows and forehead taps happened more often. And you started watching him from his doorway sometimes and... and at some point you just caught feelings.

Cal Kestis seemed to feel the same, but who could really say? No use poking that bear right now.

The sand is soft, even beneath your boots. Cere stands in front of the water, just breathing in the air. The light breeze makes her vest ripple. It’s tempting to just join her.

“Gotta say,” you hear a familiar voice say from your left and below. “We picked a nice place.”

“Maybe we should stay a while,” you joke, though you secretly hope for it, to Greez.

“Yeah,” Greez rolls his eyes. “Until this moron gets us into trouble again!”

Cal perks up. “What did I do?”

“Anybody who can lift things with their mind is gonna attract some attention, kid. You just brought it on us.”

“So true,” you jump on with a smirk to Cal.

“Alright,” Cal turns away towards the beach. You position yourself so you’re closer to him, and Greez takes the opportunity to waddle away further ahead to waves.

“Sorry for bursting your bubble, Cal,” you continue with a smug grin. “Maybe in the next life, don’t be born with force powers? Just a suggestion.”

“You think you’re so funny,” Cal tells you, though he’s smiling too. His pale green eyes spare a glance at you, thick lashes dancing on his boyish face.

Your knees bend until you collapse on your bottom in the sand. It’s so soft, it doesn’t even resist your weight. It makes way for you easily, like a blanket. “I do.”

Cal joins you in the sand quickly enough. You’re both face to face, the wind in your hair and the water at your side. It crashes every few seconds, but it’s peaceful. Some kind of bird flies overhead, and butterflies are in the forested area behind you. The light of the sunset illuminates Cal’s hair more than usual. The brightest points of his eyes are highlighted.

“He loves you,” you offer.

“You think so?”

“I am one hundred percent certain... Just don’t touch the ship.”

Cal raises his hands as if surrendering. “Understood. Hands off.”

You turn your head to the water. Greez and Cere are standing ahead, most likely having a conversation of their own. The tide carries so much of the stress your shoulders hold away from you. Everything with the holocron, the empire- it was ridiculous what living in hiding could do to a person. It’s hard to imagine how Cal did it for so long. How painful that must’ve been for him. How painful it is to imagine him in pain.

“How’s your stomach?” you decide to ask at last.

Cal tilts his head for a second. “Better.”

“Perfect?” you raise your knees to your chest and rest your arms on them.

Just then, a little whirring noise pulls both of your attentions away. BD-1 bounds down the ramp of the ship, twirling around in observance as if excited. “Hey, BD,” Cal greets. “I know, buddy. I know.” The droid places itself in Cal’s lap, still looking around at the change in scenery.

“We’ve never been able to do this before,” you tell him. “I mean, I wasn’t here for the whole adventure. But I was here after and before and... and just... we’ve never done this.”

Cal is quiet. “I haven’t either.”

You look at him.

“Taken a break. I guess time on Bracca was the closest thing.”

You smile softly. “I’m sure it was really nice.”

Cal rolls his eyes along with his head, though the corner of his chapped pink lips turn upwards. “As nice as it could be with the Empire.”

“That’s pretty nice.”

Cal and you huff a humorous puff of air in unison.

“What were you doing before the Mantis?” Cal suddenly asked.

“Oh,” you roll your eyes and wave your hand. “Not important. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Come on!” Cal shifts.

“I’m serious!” you defend. “It’s boring stuff. You wouldn’t want to hear about it. Not as interesting as the force.”

“Well anything related to you is interesting,” Cal says casually, one of his palms lifting in the air for effect as he shifts again.

Well that makes your face feel hot. Anything related to you is interesting. How often do people get to hear that? And how casually it comes out of Cal’s mouth, the shrug of his shoulders that you tie so easily to him, that’s how you know it’s honest. Not only have you heard something intimate that not many people will in their whole lives, but it was also heartfelt.

“Yeah,” you mutter, though it sounds distant and far away as you watch Cal’s eyes. He doesn’t seem to mind. Then you snap back to reality. “This is gonna be good.”

Cal watches you pop to life, standing up entirely and running towards the water. BD-1 perks up as well to watch you just in time to see your much bigger form nearly knock the Latero over. And, much to Cal’s surprise, the little droid jumps from his lap and bounds after you. The red head decides he’s next to follow.

“BD-1,” he rasps, also nearly pushing Greez to the ground. “Don’t touch the water!”

But it’s too late. However, nothing happens. BD-1 stands in the shallow waves, unelectrocuted and unbroken. He doesn’t spark a bit, only cocking his head in wonder at his friend.

“Think fast!” a voice calls.

A splash of warm and salty water slaps against Cal’s face. He cringes, turning his shoulders away on impact with a little gasp that makes his throat burn. “Hey!”

Another splash.

Cal turns to you. You’re standing with your hands on either side of yourself, open and matching your smug and proud face. Your boots are still on, which can’t be comfortable given that they’re now submerged in water. BD-1 is on the back of your shoulders- something Cal thought was only between him and the droid. Apparently not.

“What’s wrong, Cal? Can’t handle the current?”

Cal stills himself. Then he bends down himself and flicks water upwards.

“Hey! No!”

He does it once more.

“No!”

So you too repeat your original actions and begin forcing salty liquid up into the air in Cal’s direction as well. BD-1 grips onto your collar for stability while you both go to town, careful to not open your mouths too wide and taste the saltiness.

“Be careful you two!” Cere calls from the shore. Neither Cal nor yourself heed her words, continuing on in disrupting the tide.

“They’re fine,” Greez assures with the wave of one of his many arms.

“Are you sure about that?” Cere responds with a hand on her hip as she watches you tackle the Jedi to the sandy terrain below the shallow water.

“Completely fine.”

You push both of Cal’s shoulders down jokingly, careful not to subdue his head under the water. He cranes his neck to keep it above the waves. Through his soft lashes, Cal can just see your smiling, evil intentioned face with BD-1 on your shoulder gazing at him.

Honestly, it feels just how it did last week- the last time you had watched Cal in his room. Gazing at him, admiring him. Just now you get to touch him, relax with him, splash water at him, even. You wish you could capture this moment if not forever, then for a while, and Cal wishes the same.

* ✭ ˚ ･ﾟ ✧ *･ﾟ * ✭˚･ﾟ ✧* ･ *

Sorry it’s short. Idk if it’s my best work certainly but I haven’t written for Cal or Star Wars in a while. But I didn’t kill the reader in this fic or have someone sick or in danger! So it might be my first ever straight fluff? I don’t know. But what a good character to do it with. I’m glad to give Cal a break. And i hope the requester enjoys.

#cal kestis imagines #cal x reader #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis fluff #fluff #cal kestis imagine #jedi fallen order imagine #jedi fallen order x reader #jedi fallen order fanfiction #fanfiction #cal kestis fanfiction #cal fanfiction #cal imagine #cal imagines #imagine #star wars fanfiction #jfo fanfiction #star wars fluff

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riddlecrux · 4 years ago

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Light seen through the windows: an analysis of windows as a literary tool in Elriel relationship

I would love to preface this meta with my favorite disclaimer that everything that I will be discussing is based on what I have gathered from SJM writing. The quotes used in this post will serve as a starting point for further analysis. Additionally, I will be using things such as symbolism, metaphors, and literary device methods to build up my reasoning and beliefs. On another note, this, as usual, is strictly pro-Elriel meta. If they are not your cup of tea and you wish to comment, please be civil and bring arguments supported by the text.

So many of us like to gaze and stare through the windows daily. Looking at the world behind the glass often is considered a form of tranquility that we feel. Windows are essentially doors that lead us to whatever lies behind them - the last border between being in one place and then in another. It isn't then surprising that windows serve as symbols and metaphors in literature. From the start, whenever I read a passage about windows in ACOWAR I was reminded of Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. You may ask why?

Emily Bronte used windows as symbolism in her work. They are very important for her characters and their personal arcs. They are symbols of barriers, misfortunes that characters face. Windows there are metaphors of various obstacles estranging Bronte's characters from achieving their hopes - realizing that the dreams they had will be not fulfilled. As I don't want to get spoilery with Wuthering Heights, I'm going to draw conclusions in a very neat manner. Bronte used windows as a connection to nightmares that one of the main characters was suffering from - it ties to the fact that in his nightmares he sees the person he had loved, haunting him. Because of the relationship with a said woman, the imagery of windows in this particular scene symbolizes death, an obstacle that stands between both of them. Throughout the book, we also get glimpses of how windows might be used as a metaphor for social classes and the contrast between them, and how Heathcliff and Catherine have to go about it. Along with the windows, doors are also used as a symbol of trapping someone in one place, obstructing them from achieving their dream or preventing them from reaching out to their loved one. Not to mention that during a very particular scene with Catherine, she wants the windows open - a symbolism of her wanting to feel free, to connect with something she knows, she longs for. This leads to the conclusion that windows in Bronte's novel are symbols of life and death, they are the in-between - a symbolic barrier.

On the other hand, windows in literature signalize something called "art of watching", and usually it is connected to a female protagonist that observes life, events through the window. Not to mention, the most famous association to windows such as "windows to the soul" - which, of course, is more metaphorical. It allows us, the audience, to connect with the character's inner feelings, struggles, as we are presented with the emotional aspect of said person. They are the bridge between the inside and outside. Windows are also a source of light, which we humans crave. Looking through the window one can absorb the light, which can resonate as a symbol of growth and change. Metaphorically we see the light from the window when we feel a need to light up the darkness inside us. They expose us, our inner feelings, and struggles.

When I read ACOWAR I have noticed that SJM decided to use windows, quite clearly, in the indication of two particular characters. Azriel and Elain. For the first time, when we met Elain again in the third book the window is a big issue.

"The suite was filled with sunlight. Every curtain shoved back as far as it could go, to let in as much sun as possible."

We have a clear description of the sunlit room, curtains shoved to further underline the need for light.

"And seated in a small chair before the sunniest of the windows, her back to us, was Elain."

In the brightest place in the room sits Elain, in front of the window. She is exposed to the sun, to sunlight and is absorbing that light - which is highlighted during this scene (which makes it important to note).

"Her skin was so pale it looked like fresh snow in the harsh light. I realized then that the color of death, of sorrow, was white."

The sunlight exposes Elain, its harsh light makes her pale, almost translucent. Even Feyre realizes the graveness of this picture comparing this white hue to death. As you can see the chain of events in this scene played like that: sunlit room -> curtain swept away -> Elain sitting in front of the window -> sudden comparison to death.

"She had been always so full of light. Perhaps that was why she now kept all the curtains open. To fill the void that existed where all of that light had once been. And now nothing remained."

Feyre deducts that the need for light on Elain's part is a desperate call to brighten the darkness inside her - which perfectly aligns with the metaphorical usage of windows. Elain basks in light in a helpless cry for help. The very dark void that appeared within her after being Made eats her away. It sucks her immortal life away - the one which she yet didn't get used to. On the other hand, we as readers are presented with the fact that Elain is trapped. In this Fae life, in this room, in this situation in which she grieves for her past and many what-ifs.

Nothing. Not even a flicker of emotion. “Everyone keeps saying that.” Her thumb brushed the ring on her finger. “But it doesn’t fix anything, does it?”

Sitting in front of the window - a sunny one to be precise, which symbolizes life, growth, and change, Elain is presented in a contrast to her surroundings. To show that visible barrier that her person has to overcome. She realizes that her dreams are meant to be unfulfilled, that they are unreachable.

"My stiff, limping steps, at least, had eased into a smoother gait by the time I found Elain in the family library. Still staring at the window, but she was out of her room."

The next time we see Elain she is out of her room - her "cage", but even though she left the boundaries of her entrapment she still chooses to linger around the windows. As Feyre notices, Elain gazes through the window - we are obstructed from Elain's POV and it's hard to imagine what she could be thinking about. Yet the symbolic manner of using the window as some sort of mirror, a passage that happens throughout the series, allows me to think that the metaphorical usage of windows, in this case, isn't a far-fetched idea.

"Elain didn’t turn. She was wearing a pale pink gown that did little to complement her sallow skin, her brown-gold hair hanging in loose, heavy ringlets down her thin back."

SJM uses this sentence to highlight that it isn't just a quick glance out of the window - in fact, it is constant staring through it. It is important for us as readers to note that this thing, window gazing, is an occupation that lasts for long periods of time. It isn't something trivial, it is something that showcases the importance of said windows in Elain's journey.

“What are you looking at?” I asked Elain, keeping my voice soft. Casual. Her face was wan, her lips bloodless. But they moved—barely—as she said, “I can see so very far now. All the way to the sea.”

Feyre decides to ask Elain who is still gazing through the window. Her answer is very ominous and holds a great deal of importance, but also underlines the fact that she is drawn to the window. Not to mention that what she is seeing is the sea - another vastly discussed symbol. In this situation, I believe that the interpretation can lay in a more psychological aspect of the matter rather than a literary one. In the works of very well-known psychiatrist Carl Jung the sea "symbolizes the personal and the collective unconscious in dream interpretation". So from his notes there comes this annotation that caught my attention, "The sea is a favourite place for the birth of visions."

Elain is a seer who constantly gazes through a window which symbolizes the in-between, life and death. These two are connected to one another and SJM used many things to further develop Elain's character as a powerful figure.

"Elain only turned toward the sunny windows again, the light dancing in her hair."

After the whole conversation Elain doesn't move from her spot, quite the contrary she returns to her previous activity. Gazing through the window. Once again we are reminded about the sun and light - which signalizes that Elain tries to undergo through the process of rebirth, but also tries to break free from the unhappiness that came with lost dreams.

"Something in my chest cracked as Nesta’s eyes also went to the windows before Elain. To check, as I did, for whether they could be easily opened."

Here we have an instance of both sisters realizing that Elain spending so much time in front of windows can be dangerous, as in her attempting to jump from them. Once again, the symbolism of death.

"More steps—no doubt closer to where Elain stood at the window."

Elain is still beside the window when Lucien tries to talk to her. Even alone she seeks the place next to the window to stare.

"But sunlight on gold caught his eye—and Elain slowly turned from her vigil at the window."

Elain is still by the window, for the whole scene she is there not moving an inch from it. Furthermore, the word "vigil" is also an interesting choice. There are different meanings of it, but I find these ones very telling and suitable for this instance: a period of sleeplessness; insomnia, a watch kept, or the period of this and a devotional watching, or keeping awake, during the customary hours of sleep. We can speculate about what happened to Elain while she was in the Cauldron, what made her so withdrawn from life and so desperate for the light. I want to believe that we as readers will get our answers in the next book since Elain being a seer with unknown powers makes her a perfect target for Koschei with which she has already had connections.

She looked away—toward the windows. “I can hear your heart,” she said quietly.

Again, during the whole conversation, she doesn't move away from her spot next to the window. Windows for her, start to become a symbolism of change and rebirth - the things she probably wished while being confined to her room.

Elain only stared out the window, unaware—or uncaring.

We have another mention about staring - which further highlights how important windows are as a literary tool for Elain's character. She seeks light, she wants to overcome this barrier that was thrown at her the moment she was Made. She, perhaps, watched through the window to observe the life which was stripped away from her and turned her into this immortal being. Or, maybe she just desperately wanted to brighten up the darkness that gathered inside her because of that whole situation. Another important thing to note is that this scene is a first moment alone with Lucien - her mate, which should have been very painful for her. The conversation also held a lot of weight, yet she valiantly stood by the window as if somewhere behind it she could find an answer.

“So it can’t be a perfect system of matching. What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden —“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

Here we have an instance of "art of watching" in which Feyre observes Azriel and Elain through the window. By watching them she comes to the conclusion that both of them are better suited and actually can comfort each other in comfortable silence. The window here is used as a barrier to showcase parallels of two couples: happily mated Feysand and unhappily in love with other people Elriel.

"But I looked to Azriel, currently leaning against the wall beside the floor-to-ceiling window, shadows fluttering around him."

And here we are start with Azriel and windows (also in ACOWAR). He is another character that has an extraordinary connection to windows. He is often mentioned next to them and somehow parallels Elain's behavior - staring through windows, being near them.

"I blinked, realizing I’d been lost in the bond, but found Azriel still by the window, (...)."

As we can see Azriel lingers next to the window without moving away from it - as the scene progresses we know that the conversation lasts a good ounce of time, yet Azriel stands in his place by the window.

"Azriel didn’t so much as turn from his vigil at the window, though I could have sworn his wings tucked in a bit tighter."

The same wording, the same imagery. Both used for Elain and Azriel. Both of them keeping vigils at the windows, staring through them as if they could find an answer through them.

"The main room of the guardhouse was stuffy and cramped, more so with all of us in there, and though I offered Elain a seat by the sealed window, she remained standing—at the front of our company. Staring at the shut iron door."

This scene is when Elain is about to confront her lover - Greysen. It is underlined that she rejected her usual spot, which is by the window, and preferred to face the door. She was trapped, she knew that a very important discussion will take a place here. She chose to look at the door rather than at the window, which in this matter could symbolize hope for a change - she stared at the door which metaphorically means transition or imprisonment.

"(...) close to Elain’s side as she and my sister silently kept against the wall by the intact bay of windows."

Another instance of Elain and her being content with being next to the windows.

"I’d seen Elain staring out the window earlier—watching Graysen leave with his men without so much as a look back at her."

"Art of Watching", but also the window's symbolism of dreams that were unfulfilled. At that moment, we can assume, that Elain realized that her dreams concerning human life and her future with Greysen would only be unattainable dreams/hopes.

“What now?” Elain mused, at last answering my question from moments ago as her attention drifted to the windows facing the sunny street. That smile grew, bright enough that it lit up even Azriel’s shadows across the room. “I would like to build a garden,” she declared. “After all of this … I think the world needs more gardens.

At the end of ACOWAR, we have this powerful moment, in which Elain gazing out of the window sees sunny streets = life. A chance of rebirth, which also beautifully overlaps with the fact that she proposed building a garden! The in-between that she balanced on while gazing through the window for so many times turned from death and misfortunes into life and hopes of the future.

ACOFAS

"Elain politely refused, taking up a spot in one of the wooden chairs set in the bay of windows. Also typical."

From Rhysand's point of view, we can deduct that even they are aware of the fact that Elain and windows are something notable. It is a place where she feels comfortable and probably spends a lot of time.

"Beyond the windows, darkness had indeed fallen. The longest night of the year. I found Elain studying it, beautiful in her amethyst-colored gown. I made to move toward her, but someone beat me to it."

In previous quotes, we could gather information about how Elain craved the light and how desperate she was to lighten up her person. Here, we can see that she also started to embrace the darkness. She is again by the window, observing the darkness as if no one else was around her. And of course, the one person who goes towards her at that moment is Azriel, a personification of darkness in the books.

Azriel strode to the lone window at the end of the room and peered into the garden below. “I’ve never stayed in this room.” His midnight voice filled the space.

Azriel went straight to the window. And not an ordinary one, but the one through which you can see the garden. Life and light. I know many were theorizing if what kept Azriel so occupied by the window was Elain, but I would love to put some of my thoughts in this discourse. Yes, I do think that what caught his attention, or who caught his attention was Elain. However, Elain at that moment represents life and light - the things that are associated with windows. And if you spin it around you have Azriel=darkness, death staring at Elain=light, life. The in-between, the very initial symbolism of window in literature. Not to mention that in this scene we have Azriel watching the light and next we have Elain observing darkness.

“No,” Azriel said, not turning from the window.

Azriel remained at the window. “Will Nesta stay here if she comes?

“I’d still be surprised if they remember once the storm clears,” Azriel said, turning from the garden window at last.

We have a whole scene in which it is so heavily implied that Azriel was constantly staring through the window, not even bothering to move away from it. We also have another highlighted thing which is the fact that it was a garden window.

There was a tiny box left on the table by the window—a box that Mor lifted, squinted at the name tag, and said, “Az, this one’s for you.”

A small thing, yet a very sweet one. The fact that even his present was placed close to the window, which starts to become an Elriel thing.

ACOSF

"She’d barely slept for fear of Elain walking off this veranda, or leaning too far out of one of the countless windows, or simply throwing herself down those ten thousand stairs."

We have a reminder that during her stay at House of Wind, Elain was a symbol of death. She carried it on her while being associated with windows that were used as a source of light that helped her heal.

"Elain stood at the wall of windows, clad in a lilac gown whose close-fitting bodice showed how well her sister had filled out since those initial days in the Night Court."

Even when she visits Nesta, she takes the place by the windows. It is something that is strictly connected to her. As if the windows were part of her now.

Elain’s smile was as bright as the setting sun beyond the windows. “I thought I’d drop by to see how you were doing.”

Light, sun, life = Elain.

“You’ve got good coloring, I mean,” Elain clarified, striding from the windows to cross the room. She stopped a few feet away. As if holding herself back from the embrace she might have given.

SJM still used the passages to underline the passage of time that Elain spent standing next to the window. It is a place in which she feels good and perhaps safe.

"They’d sat in them, before this fire, so many times that it was an unspoken rule that Azriel’s was the one on the left, closer to the window, and Cassian’s the one to the right, closer to the door."

We also get the information that Azriel always was the closest to the window - which is an odd thing to add without a deeper meaning. As if to further build up that connection between him and Elain - that both of them are aware of the fact that they are also the symbolism of the allegory of windows. I believe that SJM really researched that light and darkness trope, with which she built and she is still building up Elriel. The windows are just another tiny nugget that further envelopes both of them as one. Because while Elain transformed from death to life, she still welcomed darkness and embraced it - and Azriel opened to the life and light, seeking it. As I said, windows are a literary tool, which perhaps wasn't the main idea in the SJM text, but the amount of parallels between both of them and even the same wording applied to different scenes tells me that it's yet another connection between them.

#elriel #pro elriel #elriel meta #azriel x elain #elain and azriel #pro elain #pro azriel

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sundaysundaes · 4 years ago

Text

Unravel

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Romance | 4k | Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU, Secret Agents/Assassins AU

A continuation of Delirium.

Summary: Your relationship with the mysterious stranger you met during your mission continues and it intensifies into something deeper, forcing you to break your own rules.

Warnings: car sex, rough sex, oral sex (male receiving), swearing

“Spend the day with me.”

Your hands stopped mid-air during their attempt in drying your hair with a towel. Donghyuck was sitting on the edge of the bed, tapping his fingers against each other, his eyes gazing at you from behind his bangs. Unlike you, he has dressed handsomely in a pair of black ripped jeans and a light blue denim shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The bedsheets were all crumpled and stained underneath him from the activity you shared with him the night before—and this morning as well, when he suddenly decided to take the whipped cream and strawberries off his plate and smeared them all over your stomach, tasting them directly from your skin.

“Let’s get some breakfast together or something,” he offered.

You coyly smile. “I thought we’ve had our breakfast.”

“Well, I’m still hungry.” But by the way his eyes ran down your body, lingering a little too long at the hem of your lingerie, you knew he was craving for something else. “I want to take you out on a date.”

Still dressed solely in your underwear after your morning shower, you sent him a sly grin. “Do you do this with all your one night stands?”

“Only the pretty ones.”

You shook your head in amusement. “I’m supposed to fly back to Seoul tonight.”

“Change it. We can fly back together tomorrow.”

“I have work tomorrow.”

“Then take a day off.”

You scrunched up your nose. “Are you always this demanding?”

“Part of my charm.” He stood up from his seat, walking closer to you and you carelessly let your towel slide down to the floor, hands winding naturally around his neck. The way he sighed whenever your mouth made contact with his always left you a bit weak, stomach somersaulting in delight. “I’m a pretty determined man.” He kissed the skin below your ear, his hand trailing around the dip of your waist. “I have to get what I want and I won’t back down until I have it.”

You tilted your head, exposing more of your neck for his teeth to mark on. “And what is it that you want?”

He unclasped your bra, calloused fingertips raking down your spine before they went back to your chest. “What do you think I want?”

You didn’t want to think about anything else, not even the fact that you just washed yourself clean from his previous touches. You just wanted to feel him again, to hear his soft moans against your ear, to make him flinch when you slide your hand under his shirt, nails scraping against his delicate v-lines.

“I love your cherry mint lip balm,” he commented after he glided his tongue across your lower lip. “But you taste even better without it.”

Ripping his buttons open with hasty fingers, you murmured against his mouth, “I think we should just go straight for lunch. What do you think?”

Donghyuck smirked and let you crawl on top of his lap.

Being attached to someone could risk your life, or worse, put your loved ones in danger. You knew this. That was the most important rule in your handbook and you had been following that for years in order to survive, even distancing yourself from your parents and family. Which was the whole reason why you wanted to keep it casual with him. As much fun as he was, Donghyuck was only a lover for one night. That was how he was supposed to be.

But the last two days you spent with him was magical. Donghyuck was alluring, reeked of masculinity and sensuality, but the more time you spent with him, the more you realized that he was still a child at heart. The little pout he made when he lost an argument, the way his tongue was protruding against the inside of his cheek whenever your joke struck too close to home, and the little whines that escaped his lips when things didn’t go his way—he was young, refreshing, in a way. And you could feel yourself letting go, allowing yourself to bury the guilt and the sins you’d committed somewhere deep inside your mind and finally be yourself for once.

But all magical things must end at some point. And yet, when you were about to part ways with him at the airport, already walking toward the opposite direction of where he was heading, you realized how your heart stayed with him; how your body still longed for him, no matter how many times they had made contact during your two days together. When you pivoted on your heels, about to ask him to stay longer, you saw him doing the same thing.

With a sheepish smile—a stark contrast to how he usually displayed his expression—he suggested, “Maybe we can get some coffee first before we head home?”

You didn’t get to come home that night, but your heart had already settled down someplace better.

Neither of you ever talked about your relationship status. It wasn’t important, anyway. But what started as a strictly physical bond, became so much more the second he opened up about his childhood days followed by you disclosing your recurring dreams and nightmares. Personal things were shared, intimate memories were told and the wall that separated you from him began to crumble.

Despite how talkative he was, Donghyuck could really listen when you needed him to. He wouldn’t give you any advice because he knew you were already smart enough to figure them out by yourself, but he would embrace you tightly to his chest with his lips grazing against your fringe, his fingers playing with your strands. And if you really wanted him to say something, he would kiss you on your forehead and whisper, “You’re strong. You’ll get through this. But if you feel like you’re tired of their shits, you could just ring me. I’ll finish them for you.”

You laughed. You thought he was joking.

The hardest part of being an undercover assassin was you had to travel most of the time for your work. Your target could be walking in another city, living in a different country, speaking a different language and you just couldn’t afford to be distracted. So whenever you got the chance to meet him, you’ll try to satisfy your needs—mostly, physical—as best as you could. Lucky for you, he was only eager to comply.

Hovering above you, nude except for the silver necklace hanging around his neck, body glistening with sweat, Donghyuck took a detailed look at your wrist. The lighting in your room wasn’t bright enough for him to examine the bruises blooming on your skin, but the way his eyes narrowed, accompanied by a frown, told you that he knew it wasn’t just a simple injury.

“Who did this to you?” His choice of words startled you. He didn’t ask what or how—he straightforwardly asked who, confident that it was done by someone and not merely a result of an accident. It sent a shiver down your spine because the truth was you were wounded during your last mission when you tried to infiltrate the enemy’s base by getting caught in purpose. At one point, you were restrained to a pole with ropes tied firmly along your wrists, hence the bruises. But there was no way you could be honest.

So, you lied.

“I tripped and accidentally twisted my wrist,” you said, moving your hips to distract him. He was still sheathed deep inside you, his cock slightly twitching in response, but held you by the waist to keep your body still.

“Did someone hurt you?” His voice was deep as it reverberated through the air, and you grew rigid after noticing how his previously laid-back demeanor suddenly became serious, almost dangerous even. “Who is it? Tell me his name.”

You swallowed. He was smarter than you’d expected. Way smarter. “I was tied up.”

“By who?”

The way he strictly sought revenge at the thought of someone hurting you was both arousing and frightening at the same time. You knew how protective he was over the things he owned, you just didn’t realize you were one of them.

“By a cute guy I met at a club,” you said, smiling seductively at him. “Per my request.”

His grip around your wrist loosened a little bit, his lips parted in surprise. “What?”

“It’s not like we’re officially dating or anything,” you taunted him, clenching your walls around him in purpose. “Are we?”

Donghyuck’s eyes were almost gleaming at that point, staring down at you coldly at first before he broke into a smirk.

“Not official, huh?” The way he suddenly flipped you over to your stomach almost made you yelp. “Get on your knees.”

He was angry, you knew it, and you were grateful that you were facing the headboard because you could feel your smirk creeping up your face, excitement bubbling up in your chest.

“He tied you up with a rope, did he?” He held your ass in the air, his nails sinking into the skin of your hips as he forcefully thrust inside, slamming his entire length in one motion. “I wasn’t aware you were into that.”

Donghyuck had always been passionate and although he loved marking you with his lips and teeth, he was never rough. Tonight, though, that was all he was. Rough and merciless, and you enjoyed every second of it.

You didn’t even hold back your moans, knowing he wouldn’t want you to anyway. Your voice would most likely be hoarse tomorrow and that would be awful since you had a meeting scheduled on the next morning, but you couldn’t care. It was easier to let go than to hold back, because Donghyuck was hitting you at the right spot, at the right pace, at the perfect angle.

“Tying you up with a rope is a bit too much, don’t you think?” He breathed out, pounding into you hard and fast, his hand sliding down your stomach to rub his fingertips against your clit. “If it was me, I would’ve used my tie.”

Fuck. “Then—” Your breathing began to stutter, matching the snap of his hips. “What’s stopping you?”

“I wanted to hear you ask about it first.” You were astonished by how thoughtful he was. “And force you to beg for it afterward.” You took your words back. He was a fucking tease, after all.

You fisted the sheet beneath you, desperate to keep a hold on something as you gasped his name. “Was he any good?” He slammed his hips once, pausing for your answer and when he saw you nodding, he thrust again, harder this time. “Better than me?”

You were having the toughest time concentrating, couldn’t even breathe properly, let alone forming a word. You were pushed against the headboard, now placing your hands on the wall for support. You shakily nodded, wanting to rile him up even more, driving him to the brink and practically forcing him to give the best fuck of your life.

And he did, exceeding your expectation.

When he asked again, his lips were grazing against your ear. “You sure about that, Sweetheart?”

You couldn’t tell if more words were falling from his mouth because the rest of the world had faded into a blur. He was giving you the same amount of pain and pleasure from how he was frantically thrusting inside you, and it felt so new, so raw, that you started feeling lightheaded, drowning in ecstasy. You closed your eyes, stars sparkling behind your eyelids as your orgasm hit you like a wave, leaving you shaking and whimpering against the sheets.

Donghyuck turned you around so he could ravish your lips with his, teeth gnawing against soft skin, tongue sliding against yours in a messy kiss. His left hand was squeezing your thigh, bringing you closer so he could release inside you; his other one was on the side of your face, fingers tangling around your strands, nearly tugging against the roots of your hair as he slid his hand down to your neck, applying pressure until you choked out his name. He came with a loud, breathy moan, which you swallowed directly with your mouth.

When both of your bodies had stopped trembling from your post-orgasm, Donghyuck kissed you again, slower and idly this time, as he was still in a haze. You responded with a sigh, your heartbeat gradually reducing to its normal pace.

“Let’s make it official,” he said, still breathing quite heavily as he placed his temple against yours. His eyes were closed. “You belong to me, as much as I belong to you. How does that sound?”

And as he felt you smiling against his lips, you said, “Sounds perfect.”

Donghyuck was protective but not possessive, which played a huge part in why your relationship with him worked so well. He knew how to keep you safe, how to give you comfort, and wouldn’t let anything harm you even when he knew you could protect yourself just fine. Being with Donghyuck was easy because he respected you without making inquiries. He was a man with a lot of demands, but he always gave you the space you needed and knew when to put your priorities before his. He always picked-up little details but never making unnecessary comments or questions, unless you wanted him to. Sometimes it made you nervous, perturbed by the possibility of him finding out about your secret. But with a pocket knife hidden inside your vanity bag, you knew what to do if something went wrong. It would be near impossible for you to hurt him as you probably wouldn’t have the heart to do it, but your identity and your profession remained the top priority.

You just wished, really wished, he wouldn’t notice.

“You look nice,” you commented when he showed up at your flat, dressed sharply in a black suit and tie. His hair was shorter, slightly pushed back and parted to the side, making him look younger but also much more mature at the same time. It was the night of your second anniversary—well, counting from the day you met him anyway. The top of his white shirt was unbuttoned, two more than necessary, as always.

He smiled, taking you by the wrist and yanked you forward until you fell on his chest, lips locked with his. When he broke the kiss, he licked his bottom lip once. “You taste nice.”

You slapped him lightly on his shoulder, smiling bashfully to yourself as you grabbed your purse. “What time is our reservation?”

“In half an hour.”

“Then, we better go.” You linked your arm around his. “I’ll just ravish you after dinner later.”

The way he chuckled made you feel warm inside. “Can’t wait.”

His Audi smelled more of citrus and less bergamot—the perfume he often wore—and you wondered whether it was a rental or he just rarely used it. You didn’t have the strength to care, too busy stealing glances at him during the drive to the restaurant. He had lent you his suit to cover your bare shoulders from the night cold, and he had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing his veiny arms with his silver Tag Heuer watch glinting along his wrist whenever a passing car shone headlights. He only had one hand on the steering wheel, with another one propped up against the window, unconsciously pressing the side of his index finger to his lips and a thumb on his chin.

“Thinking about something?” You questioned since he seemed to be deep in thoughts.

He took a glimpse of your face, the corner of his lips curving upwards. “Just trying to figure out why you keep on looking at me every two seconds.”

You were a bit flustered but kept your face in check. “Honestly? You just look so good in that black shirt.”

“Yeah?” He changed gears, chuckling softly. “Then, what should we do about it?”

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve had the time for ourselves, what with us being busy with our jobs.” You placed a hand on his thigh, rubbing up and down the silky fabric of his black trousers. “I’m sorry I left you alone for so long. I’ve always hated going overseas, even more now since I met you.”

Donghyuck glanced at the way your fingers are reaching dangerously close to the part he had been longing to be touched for the last three weeks you had been separated. “That’s… fine… ” He forced his eyes to go back to the road when a car passed by from his side, honking angrily at him. “I had to go out of town too, so we wouldn’t have been able to meet anyway.”

You bit the corner of your lip, trying to contain a smirk from breaking on your face. He was obviously distracted, but the way he tried to act so composed was adorable too. “Then…” You tucked some loose strands behind your ear, wetting your lips. “Let me make it up to you.”

You leaned over to his seat, close enough to be able to unfasten his belt and unzip his pants. Donghyuck took a sharp breath when he felt your fingers curling around his length, stroking him gently until he came alive in your hand.

“Keep your eyes on the road,” you said, smiling at him as you glided your thumb across his tip.

Donghyuck mirrored your mischievous smile. “Yes, Ma’am.”

When you dipped your head, slanting your lips around his tip, he let out this small sigh of content which only urged you to please him more. You slid your tongue across his slit, going down to the side to trace his vein, and murmuring sinful things against his sensitive skin.

“You’re being rather expressive today,” he comments. His voice sounded stable but the way he bit the tip of his thumb to contain his groan betrayed him. “Did something good happen?”

“I’m just happy,” you pause to engulf his length completely, bobbing your head twice before letting him go with a pop. “That I get to see you again.”

The way he hit on the brakes were not as gentle as before. Waiting for the red light to go green, Donghyuck leaned back to his seat, his fingers immediately slipped between your strands, tugging softly at your locks as he slightly thrust into your mouth.

“Fuck, baby,” he hissed, reeling in the sensation of your heated mouth enveloping him. “That feels good—you’re so good at this.”

But when a car stopped by just three meters away from you, Donghyuck straightened up on his seat. The driver—a middle-aged man with a goatee—was nodding his head to the music, both windows of his car opened for him to enjoy the night wind. He noticed Donghyuck’s car, perhaps amazed with how expensive it was, and your boyfriend slid his window down to show his face. You wanted to protest but he held you down by pressing his palm against the back of your head. “It’s too dark, he won’t be able to see.” He reassured you and you grunted in response, which made him chuckle under his breath.

“Nice car, man,” shouted the man.

Donghyuck waved a hand, an innocent smile strapped to his face. “Thanks. I like your tires. Custom made?”

And they began to have a casual conversation as if he didn’t have your mouth wrapped around his cock. He was always like this, a fucking tease, but two could play at this game. You sucked harder around his tip before you went down completely until he hit the back of your throat. Donghyuck’s grip around your locks grew tighter but his voice was airy when he replied to the man. You swallowed around him to pull more reaction out of him.

It was his luck that the light turned green.

As he drove away, taking the opposite direction from the other man, you pulled away from him. “Where are we going?” You noticed he was no longer heading to the restaurant.

“Someplace quiet where I can fuck you properly,” he said, smiling dangerously at you. “You don’t think I’m gonna let you go just like that, do you?”

You grinned. “You never fail to impress me.”

The second he pulled over an empty parking lot behind an abandoned building, Donghyuck immediately moved your seat all the way back and latched his lips on yours, making you giggle against his mouth on your way down.

“Let me be on top this time,” you breathed out heavily when he pushed your lingerie to the side with one hand and stroked himself with his other one. Donghyuck glanced at you from behind his bangs, his lips bruised from your kisses. He confirmed your plead with a nod and let you switch positions. It wasn’t easy to move around in such a small space that you ended up bumping your head against his chin but the hilarity of it all only added more emotional feelings to be involved. Suddenly, the need for physical contact didn’t matter as much as before. You were enjoying his laughter, blushing when he swatted the bangs out of your eyes, pouting when he told you how ridiculous you looked trying to work this out and you just really loved having him around.

Maybe it worked the same way with him too because Donghyuck’s eyes were not solely filled with lust anymore. They were soft, tender as they peered into yours, and the way he caressed your face was soothing, as if you were the most fragile being he had ever touched in his life.

“Kiss me,” you said, not sure if you could handle his gaze any longer than that. He made you feel vulnerable, made you feel transparent and you were scared of having him look into your soul and finding out the secrets you’d been hiding.

He pressed his lips gently to yours, almost in a chaste kiss. He broke away to kiss the corner of your mouth when you were about to deepen the kiss, then he peppered more to your cheek, your temple before he landed a peck on the tip of your nose. “I’ve missed you,” he confessed, making you grow stiff in his arms. “I missed you so much when you were gone.”

It was very unusual for him to say such romantic words in such a serious manner and you were left speechless, dazed even, at the way he tenderly embraced you. “Happy anniversary, Sweetheart.”

You buried your face in the crook of his neck, hiding your smile. “Happy anniversary, baby.”

It felt different that night, the way he held you, the way he moved inside you, the way he made you feel. It was the first time he ever made love to you, truly, and it was both weird and funny to know that it was happening in an abandoned parking lot, with both of you fully clothed except for the part where you were connected to him.

And as he tried to be quiet, you could hear him sigh and curse almost inaudibly under his breath—which felt somehow more erotic to your ears. Leaning forward to get closer to him, Donghyuck intertwined his fingers with yours, his free hand tugging at the zipper of your dress so the strap would fall off your shoulder, revealing enough skin for him to mark on.

Usually, he would be rough and dominating, sucking bruises until you hissed in pain but this time, he only applied soft kisses, sometimes peeking out his tongue just to make you shiver. Sex with Donghyuck had never been boring since he knew how to keep his women entertained, but tonight, your senses were taking so much more details because your heart was involved. And so was his.

“I’m—” You quivered, the sway of your hips moving out of rhythm. Being on top of him let you take control and you used it fully to maximize your pleasure. “I think I’m gonna come—”

He added the sensation by rubbing his thumb over your clit, almost making you jump off his lap. “Wait—” You could feel the knot in your stomach tightened. Knowing you were so close to the edge, Donghyuck’s hand found home in your hair once again and brought your lips to his. “I love you,” he whispered between kisses and you lost it. You lost every sense, every control, every thought that you could only whimper against his lips when you came undone, him following soon after.

Donghyuck muffled his moan by mouthing against the bare skin of your shoulder. His whole body shook under your touch and you let him finish without a word, just pressing your lips lazily against his collarbone.

Your heart was beating loudly, and you wondered whether it was simply because of the sex or his last three words. You had known that he was committed to you, just like you were to him, but you didn’t know that he loved you that way.

Donghyuck had his head thrown back, eyes tightly closed as he enjoyed the rest of his orgasm, breathing heavily through parted lips. You kissed him softly on his chin, making him look back at you. “Hey,” he smiled, a bit drowsy.

“Hey, stranger,” you cooed, fingers stroking his jaw. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“When you said you loved me.” You analyze his expression, every contort of his face. “Or was it just because of a spur of the moment?”

The sudden vulnerable look on his face made you freeze. Donghyuck had always been a little guarded and you’d noticed that, no matter how hard he tried to hide it behind his teasing smirks and mischievous smiles. You just never questioned about it because like him, you also had your secrets to bury inside your chest. You thought it wasn’t fair to pester him about it when he never forced you to spill. It wasn’t like he was hiding the fact that he murdered people on a monthly basis like you did. Unbeknownst to you, anyway.

“I don’t think I know what love is,” he answered with eyes just as soft as his voice. “What I do know is that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I thought about you a lot, so much that it freaks me out.”

You quietly laughed. “You’re just obsessing over me.”

“Whether it’s an obsession or love, I’m willing to have it.” He cupped your face, eyes boring into yours. “I want to feel everything, I want you to make me feel everything.”

“That’s quite a demand.” You gazed down to his lips, tentatively touching his plump lower one with your fingertips. “But as a start, I think I want to love you too, Hyuck.”

The way he reflected your smile was both beautiful and heartbreaking—as if it was the first time he ever heard someone said those words back to him. He pulled you for another embrace, his lips grazing against your earlobe when he sighed, “That’s good enough for me.”

You giggled, nuzzling closer to him. “I think we’re late for our reservation.”

He chuckled. “We have got to stop skipping our meals for sex.”

***

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