#just be kind and reasonable pls
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Rules/BYI
I feel that I should set some clearer boundaries on this blog.
This blog contains SFW and NSFW writing so please dni if you're uncomfortable with that.
For all NFSW content they are r18+ meaning dni if you're a minor.
All works are tagged and labeled as such so it's the viewer's discretion.
It's my blog, so I'll post both writing and art.
I don't do requests, end of story. If your ask sounds like a request I will delete it from the inbox.
DON'T ASK "will you write for [character]?" or "will you make [character] content?" I write what I feel like and what characters I am currently brainrotting about.
Don't comment or talk about a character on a work that has nothing to do with them.
I do not tolerate hate or putting down artists and fanfic writers
I do not tolerate hate towards ocs or self-inserts/ships
Don't ask me about ships, I'm just not really interested
Don't repost, copy, plagiarize, or translate my works and art. I have an Ao3 account and Tumblr for my fanfics, that's it.
As for my art, if you find my other platforms be polite and don't mention this blog.
Please respect my privacy and boundaries.
I am a person with life and responsibilities outside of the Internet. I ask that you use common sense and social etiquette, be polite and reasonable.
I will block those who repeatedly have disrespected the boundaries I set.
I just want to post and share what I create, the Internet is very much a view at your own discretion as a whole.
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Underlust sans ref?? Idk
#I was gonna draw something else#But then I started playing with the symetry tool#And then I was drawing him#I know a lot of ppl don't like him for many valid reasons#I just think in a fandom where the canon is already so far removed from non-fan material it's just kind of making the character your own#Basically I just like the design pls don't come at me lol#my art#undertale au#sans au#pigeon's art stuff#utmv#underlust sans#reference sheet#pigeon's digital stuff
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DP x DC Prompt
…
There are no more heroes.
Well, okay. Rewind a bit.
Danny has been doing the hero thing for a while now. He’s had a big reveal; everyone has accepted him (including his parents), the GIW disbanded, the Anti-Ecto acts repealed, and generally, everything is going great. Some of the A-Listers are even training as junior ghost hunters to help give him a break from his rogues! (Being Ghost King makes things hectic sometimes, and he just needs the extra help. Sue him!)
The point is, literally nothing is wrong with Danny Phantom’s afterlife.
And then Valerie Gray, the Red Huntress, disappears in front of his eyes.
Danny is baffled! She’s just…gone! Valerie just popped out of existence, like she was never there. But no matter how hard he searches in the Ghost Zone, he can’t find her soul anywhere. His core isn't broken in grief. So she’s not dead. Which is good. So then, where is she?
Some of the others come forward with ideas on how to find her. A few ghosts volunteer to go out into the mortal realm, an area Danny had declared off-limits, to see if she was out there. Danny approves it. He rounds up some of the friendlier (i.e., discreet) ghosts and Amity Parkers and demolishes the outside travel ban.
So everyone spreads out, looking for their dear frenemy and teammate. But it becomes apparent very quickly that something is wrong with the rest of the world.
There are no more heroes.
Every single living superhero on the face of the Earth has just…vanished. Villains are running amok; the countries are in chaos! Some aliens are invading Earth, mythical deities are trying to take over, and society is crumbling to the ground. Everything is on the brink of collapse.
Well, Danny was still there. And so were his people. They were pretty spread out, so could they just…take up the mantles? He also knew where to find the souls of dead heroes in the Zone; surely they wouldn't mind coming out of retirement for a little bit, especially if they couldn't die again. Oh! And that skeleton army leftover from Pariah Dark's reign might be useful in repelling those invading forces.
Honestly, there were more than enough hands to go around! And with the heroes gone, Danny didn't mind letting everyone out for a little break, as long as they followed his rules. They wouldn't stop the search for the other heroes, but hopefully, when they found them, the heroes wouldn't mind Danny's intervention too much. :)
In other words:
Someone fucks up, and all of Earth's living heroes are either wished out of existence or are whisked away to some far-off realm where Danny hasn't checked yet. In the attempt to figure out what's going on, Danny lets the dead run amok over the Earth as they search for clues. The skeleton army repels the invading armies, the souls of dead heroes deal with the world leaders, and his rogues and other Amity Parkers set up shop in place of famous heroes, trying to get the cities under control again.
Basically, they just do their best to keep everything from imploding until the Justice League and others are back.
(And why is it that Danny hasn't disappeared? Well, whatever caused everyone to go poof! only affected living heroes. Anyone heroes that were dead in the first place, or even just half-dead, stayed behind.)
#pondhead blurbs#danny phantom#dpxdc#reveal gone right au#ghost king au#for plot reasons#it doesn't count if the hero had died and then came back to life#lots of heroes would still be around then#but this is me pushing the halfa!jason todd narrative work with me here he deserves the fun#deadman is there too#and he's just thriving honestly. it's so nice to be around his own kind even if the world is ending#maybe ellie is whooshed away too cause she never technically died but she took up danny's moniker when he was crowned#vlad is ecstatic cause danny put him in charge of several states while they looked for clues including Wisconsin#skulker is replacing superman and just has a shitty S painted on his chest and just eats kryptonite like candy the first time he meets Lex#Kitty and Johnny take over in gotham and sam is now the new wonder woman#idk man just stupid stuff like this#the press is flabbergasted cause the fucking KING OF GHOSTS just showed up and he's 14 and just looking for some friends#Danny: hey guys sorry about the zombies and fire i'm just here to find my coworker and lil sister and maybe the other heroes#Danny: in the meantime i'll just let my army into the mortal realm to defend it while we figure out what's going on pls don't yell at us :)#the press: how do we explain this to the justice league when they come back. how do we explain that earth was saved by a 14 year old boy-#also idk which heroes are technically dead but are still kicking so if you feel like someone deserves liminal status slap it on them idc#some villains are trying for world dominance and some are just trying to find their buddies. their fight buds. where'd they go? :(#joker gets bitch slapped by a skeleton two days in and waylon becomes bffs with wulf#danny uses the watchtower as a base of operations and it's the only thing he doesn't want to give up when the heroes are back#i have no plot ideas beyond this#i just want everyone to be baffled that an army of the dead showed up while they were gone and just made sure everything stayed cool#later danny realizes he was technically the ruler of the world for a bit since his people were everywhere keeping the villains in check
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ladies, do you hate shaving? you wish you didn't have to go through all that work before every date night? want to wear shorts or a swimsuit or just exist in public without it being a whole ordeal of exhaustion, self harm, and emotional stress? do you put yourself through hell solely to keep up the illusion that you have zero body hair? great news, we have a solution!
"is it to surround yourself with people who don't care about body hair?"
no!!
"is it to improve my personal stigma against body hair by accepting its beauty on others?"
no!!!!!!!
"does it involve me getting to stop shaving at all?"
of course not!!!!!!!!!! ITS AN INSANE ALTERNATIVE SHAVING PRODUCT! ITS MORE EXPENSIVE THAN RAZORS, TAKES JUST AS LONG, AND AND ITS WEIRD! BUY OUR HANDHELD LASER POWERED PINK TAXED MAGIC LEG SHAVING THINGIE FOR A MILLION DOLLARS!! USE IT TO GET RID OF THAT UGLY LEG HAIR YOU HIRSUTE FREAK! YOURE NOT NATURAL YOURE NOT NORMAL IF YOU DONT LIKE SHAVING THEN YOU *NEED* TO USE THIS BRAND NEW THERAPY WAX TWEEZER BEAM RADIATION BLISTER WAND PROCESS!!!! YOU HAVE TO CHARGE IT! IT'LL GET RID OF THAT HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HAIR WITHOUT ALL THE CUMBERSOME STRUGGLES OF HAVING TO SHAVE - THATS RIGHT, THIS PRODUCT GIVES YOU BRAND NEW CUMBERSOME STRUGGLES TO ADD TO YOUR ALREADY JAM PACKED MORNING ROUTINE OF SHIT YOU HAVE TO DO TO YOUR STUPID WOMAN BODY BEFORE YOU LET ANYBODY OUT IN THE REAL WORLD SEE IT
NOW WITH ESSENTIAL OILS
#venty jokes aside#pls for the love of god if u do ANY kind of beauty or 'self care' treatment that you fucking hate to your core#PLEASE consider stopping for a little while and gauging how it improves your life#you can go back to doing it if you just prefer your appearance that way or feel safer or need to pass or any other reason but just.#FEEL what its like to not#see how much more time and energy you have for the things youre getting ready FOR#and then decide if its actually worth it#do YOU actually care about this part of your appearance enough to invest time and money into it?#or is it only because you think you have to#great news for real: you simply do not have to. whether people care or not.
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Just saw artwork of Jason doing the heads in a duffle bag thing and—-
I’m sorry but there’s just something so visceral and horrifying about a teenager sawing heads off people in a display for power.
Were they bad people? Yes. Did they deserve it? Probably. Did it send a message? Absolutely. Is it still horrifying? Heck yeah.
Just—- knowing Jason and his background, it’s just so heartrendingly tragic. I don’t even think he liked doing it, I’m just imagining him having to throw up afterwards before putting his helmet back on and playing tough crime lord again. The amount of self loathing he must feel whenever he thinks too hard about his actions. Falling asleep and seeing that—
Just— emotional repercussions, man. They’re real…
#sorry this one’s a little deep#see this is why I usually go with pit madness#one of the many reasons#like the put kind of numbs the part of you that feels guilt over something so atrocious#greys out your moral compass#if you can’t fall back on that— you’re doomed#in Jason’s case pls don’t quote me on that#anyway yeah#just#musings#ghost talks#jason todd#red#it was awesome art btw#just got me thinking tho
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Listen you gotta be healthy and take care of yourself and your chronic conditions but also sometimes i want to hold someone until my joints feel like they’ll explode, i want to place their hand on my chest to make my irregular heartbeat go even faster, i want to stay up talking to them just to fuck up my already poor sleep like i just kinda want to love someone so much that it doesn’t even cross my mind to worry about those things
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#does any of this make sense or do i just sound deranged#my b if so#posts directly inspired by lack of sleep and my heart going absolutely crazy for no reason#the heart thing is so real#it’s been acting up so often lately because my medicine schedule keeps getting a bit off which always gives me hella breakthroughs#like it feels like shit when it’s acting up and makes me feel like shit but also#wanna see if we can make it worse🥵🥵#sorry i kind of want to be a little self destructive to prove to myself how much i can love someone#and that some things can trump or are at least worth suffering through the Issues™️#actually though if this sounds weird or crazy ognore it im embarrassed#pls chalk it up to the bo sleep and heart issues instead😪😪#im gay and i like sleeping
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who truly stuck the knife in first
by firenati0n on ao3
M | 3.7k
tags: spy au, partners to lovers, banter, getting together, sexuaIIy charged wrestling, first kiss, protective henry, alex pov
“Did I say I wanted you to touch me? Maybe Vincent and Charles have a dead bedroom. Who wants to kiss a face like yours, anyway?” Patently false, considering Alex has wanted to do it forever. But he shelves that thought for a different day. Henry raises an eyebrow as he smooths down the lines of his suit. “Hm. You think you'll get to kiss me with a smart mouth like that?” “Okay, Foxy. Don’t expect my tongue anywhere near yours tonight if things get sticky.” Henry smiles, soft and secretive. “Sure, Alex. No tongues, if you insist.”
xoxo roop
also tagging some folks who expressed interest in this pls don't mind me <3 ilysm xoxo
@suseagull04 @duchessdepolignaca03 @littlestar2911 @saturntheday @welcometololaland @onthewaytosomewhere @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @nontoxic-writes @onward--upward @cha-melodius @piratefalls @indestructibleheart @dolphinqueen10 @eusuntgratie @oxfordslutphase @dragonflylady77 @wordsofhoneydew @rmd-writes @celeritas2997 @bigassbowlingballhead @ninzied
#roop writes#rwrb fic#fics#rwrb#rwrb fanfiction#fanfiction#fic: sexually charged wrestling#hope you love it xoxo#a new genre for roop#a lil gamble#some rolling around on the floor#flirting with the M tag once more#wrangling body parts#i was really doing my best fr#pls be kind#i love y'all#this fic would not have been possible without sara everyone say thank you sara (thank you sara)#i am so happy i get to use “sexually charged wrestling” as a tag#that is the whole reason i wrote this fic i gotta be so real#i just wanted them to roll around and be angry and then fuck about it#that's it#isn't that so fun#anyway. have fun!#i am going to nap for 6 years straight now bye
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royal college trio 🍂🍁
#persona 5#goro akechi#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#firstly. I would like to apologize if I got any of the writing wrong but I’m. trusting Wikipedia#I forgot how much I missed them until I started drawing this#just to point it out#Akechi goes to ritsumeikan; Akira goes to Doshisha; and Sumire goes to Kyoto U#my reasoning is in a previous college shuake post#but to recap… rits and dodai have a rivalry…. Kyoto U is just kind of neutral so .. that’s how it works w then#I wanted to make the caption a quote I saw in my college’s chapel bc it’s what inspired this piece but#there’s no one to credit afaik except doshisha as an institution as a whole??#it doesn’t link back to my institution. technically#but iykyk#and if you know don’t say anything#rare occasion where I don’t use any filters lol#just really liked my shading and everything here so#OH OH before I go pls look closely at their phones for little details :)#realized u can’t see sumi’s that well but it’s a clear case with a Sylveon card in it#also idk what she’s showing Akira might be like. a new mini pc Futaba’s working on who knows
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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???
#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS#I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time#but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol#I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art#cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help#we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me#pepper words#anyway look at my fits#my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures#and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS#u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories#it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green#but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol#also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room#lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol#*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute#pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol
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Do you think jerejean will be endgame? I feel like out of everyone Jeremy is the best fit for Jean
o ya 100% i think Jeremy and Jean are the best fit for each other. they’ve got chemistry, they’ve got shared goals, just symbolically i think they’re good for each other, and i love the dynamic it adds to each of their characters ie Jean liking people who are optimistic/bright and sunny (Renee, Jeremy) and Jean being able to read Jeremy really well/be attuned to whatever he’s repressing lol (I’m just assuming that’s where their dynamic is headed since Jean already has been so perceptive about Jeremy’s feelings)
for Kevin and Jean, i think that Kevin definitely doesn’t feel the same way that Jean did (i think Jean’s kind of moved on a bit), but even if Kevin did like Jean back i don’t think it would be the healthiest option for either of them. personally i just absolutely love the dynamic of Kevin and Jean’s current relationship, how it seems imbalanced with Jean liking Kevin and only having Kevin to rely on, but Kevin not quite as invested (but obv still caring for Jean)
and Jean and Renee just don’t see each other enough, i think it’s been set up narratively that they’re just friends now
#i’ve always just loved the idea of jeremy/jean#for so many reasons#i think that the only like barrier they’ll have is the fact that Jeremy is Jean’s captain which wouldn’t normally matter#but since that’s the dynamic that Riko had + there’s the awful rumors going around about Jean sleeping around regarding him being assaulted#i think that Jeremy will feel a bit reluctant to act on his feelings and Jean will have to take the first step#and kind of be like ?? hello??#but also maybe not depending on how the dynamic between the two of them changes next book#if jean opens up a bit more and jeremy feels more comfortable that jean would be able to say no when he doesn’t want smth#then i think Jeremy would be more willing to make the first move#bc rn jean is not saying no when he needs to be for other things#clearly i could talk more about this anon pls tell me what you think im very curious#aftg#tsc#jerejean#the sunshine court#jean moreau#jeremy knox#ask tag
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ppl genuinely praising the iranian government the way they're doing in the trending page is so insane to me isreal is committing active genocide the solution isn't to praise a government that is committed to violating as many human rights laws as possible against its own people. you should not feel comfortable. iran did not heroically save a nation. you can acknowledge armed defence is beneficial to/necessary for liberating palestine without suddenly becoming an iranian government fan i promise there is a secret third way
#the iranian government funding hamas does not mean they give any fucks abt the Palestinian ppl!!#for the past 4 decades this government has been nonstop tormenting ppl actively using#an extremist warped version of what the quran posits as a weapon for oppression. so so many kids and teenagers and#academics and journalists and just . innocent ppl. have been tortured to death or shot etc etc. they have killed people for singing.#they have killed so many people for not wearing headscarves. they have raped and killed so many women#theyve done so many unforgivable things for so long! theyre military buddies w russia too pls think abt what that means omg#anyway#free palestine#ppls reactions to this is just. not it at all#like even if u 4 some reason have the broken clock is right twice a day kind of mindset#this outlook is still absurd
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GUYS GUYS GUYS HOLY SHIT BANGER IDEA JUST DROPPED
SATURDAY AS THE ELITE FOUR IN A POKEMON REGION
Idk anything about teams but I've got types kind of
Jon is psychic, Zach is either grass or electric, Angel is either bug or poison and Ruben is fire
#pls tell me one of you nerds is a pokemon nerd as well#i also kind of have a thought process for some of this#i like the idea of bug type angel cause in pokemon games bug is kind of an ass type but angel is a super resilent person#so i like the idea of one of the strongest trainers in the league using the worst type#and yea zach is a people pleaser but no way bro is not competitive as hell#he'll wipe the floor with you and then tell you how good of a job you did and give you tips for next time#ruben just feels fire type for me and has ninetales chandelure and talonflame on his team for sure#hes a “charizard is overrated” fire type trainer for sure#i have actually zero reason for jon psychic it just feels correct#ngl i even think champion jon is a correct take too#but bro for sure has galarian rabidash gothitel and guardivour#he also for sure uses some complex ass strats that pros and peopke actually good at playing pokemon use#i also feel like jons battle would be a double battle#if this gets out#itgo#zach knight#ruben montez#angel phan#jon braxton
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the thing about me is that I will absolutely shamelessly give my favorite little minor character who has cubed me a disproportionate amount of narrative significance than he actually has, BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THAT is that he (Clockblocker) actually honestly and truly DOES have one of the biggest impacts of any character.
like i know they were not giving out medals for the sake of preventing infighting after the leviathan fight, but Clockblocker damn well deserves one because quite literally everyone would have died had he not frozen the Titanic Waterbending Godzilla in time for several whole minutes allowing the remaining capes critical time to re-strategize and hold out for Scion. Additionally. everyone Also would have died had Skitter not been able to utilize his power to slice That Thang (Echidna) in twain. Two (2) S-Class threats within months of each other and he turned the tides on both of them.
it’s like. it’s honestly a testament to what Tattletale was saying about how a lot of parahumans never really get the chance to understand the full extent of their powers because they’re never under the right circumstances to do so. because if you think about it purely in situations like the bank heist or party crash early on in the book, Clockblocker’s power really isn’t anything to write home about. and if they lived in a reality where things like that were the biggest threats around he would probably stay that way!
but they don’t live in that reality. they DO live in a world with towering kaiju endbringers that threaten the planet every three months and they DO live in a world where monstrous parahuman accidents like echidna are likely to pop up, and it’s because of this product of circumstance that you can make a legitimate case for Clockblocker having one of the strongest powers in terms of utility. he lives in a reality where his niche is allowed to shine!
and it’s this kinda thinking that makes the fact that he is—at the end of the day—Just A Minor Character, so incredibly compelling because it further illustrates the idea that This Could Be Anybody. under the right circumstances, any parahuman could find their otherwise mid-level power suddenly become the most pivotal role in a survival setting. or the most dangerous! it opens up the floor to a wealth of possibilities.
like say what you want, and i do concede that of course my darling boy Dennis doesn’t hold the same narrative significance that any of the major characters do, but when you look at his role in the story from this perspective, He Really Is Kind Of A Big Deal.
#scarf.txt#I HAVE NOT FINISHED WORM PLEASE BE KIND TO ME IN THE NOTES. as in i am on arc 21 pls no spoilers :(#continuing my dennisposting by detailing one of the major reasons he lives in my brain#leviathan fight was the first time I started waxing poetic abt him in discord liveblog and that was before I even knew his personality#the guy’s power utility is just frankly quite Nuts!#and i love him dearly#wormblr#parahumans#clockblocker#worm spoilers
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sadly crawls into the room. hi my sweeties
#i’m still a bit upset abt what happened earlier tbh#idk. i was fine until i saw what that person said about me#which is apparently now a deleted post#i have a screenshot tho cause i wanted to show my sister..#maybe because i was already not Good but what they said just really was very hurtful#it felt like such a low blow and so unnecessary ..#i talked things over with my sister#yeah i was being a little mean but i was just cranky and venting in my own personal space#there really was no reason for that person to say the things they did..#i genuinely wasn’t trying to hurt anyone’s feeling or anything i was just really cranky#and i do feel like i should be able to be a little bit of a bitch sometimes in my own personal space !#i feel kind of embarrassed cause im worried i pissed off some of my mutuals i actually like#not that bitch tho. they vague posted abt me before when i was having a breakdown and called me crazy and a red flag#maybe i am the problem maybe they’re projecting i don’t know#but i just want everyone to know im never actually trying to be mean and if i ever do upset someone pls just talk to me about it#like an adult ;-;#snow.txt
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Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Gyrados#Ninetales#Sableye#Ampharos#Banette#Politoed#Pikachu#The lot! Mostly my SoulSilver guys but a kind of general mishmash of nostalgia and aiming-fors#Even tho I played Yellow when I was quite a bit younger I never beat it or got particularly attached to my 'mon and ended up selling it#Mistake I know blame the folly of youth lol#So I really consider Soul Silver as my ''first'' game - though I beat X before SS pfft just can't make it simple eh!#But I got veryyy attached to my SSteam <3 It's fun to watch them grow in the photo album! Can see most of them as babies :D#I ended up with a Vulpix named Beauty since Ninetales is my favourite Pokemon <3 I knew she'd grow into a beauty! Thusly named#And a Magikarp that I thought would be ironically funny to name Beast because well - y'know lol#Did not even occur to me Once that they'd be Beauty and Beast haha - the reasoning is so strongly connected it just didn't register!#They're a fun duo :) Fire and Water Fish and Fox hehe <3 Cute lads!#Group of four was speculations about building a really ideal team for me - Mareep Line Obviously and Ninetales goes without saying#Sableye is another really obvious one lol I love Sableye so muuuuchhhh aghhh <3 <3#Banette wouldn't exactly fill in many gaps but I've always leaned more towards Ghost and Psychic types#The Politoed doodles were just for funsies tho lol I really can't decide on a Water type I like that I haven't already exhausted!#They're silly little frog guys which I do enjoy haha#Probably not my personal pick but I like them :)#The aforementioned Yellow playthrough had me with a Pikachu I named Sparks which I then wrote fanfic about haha#Baby's first fanfic and fanart were both Pokemon! I have no idea where it'd be now as it was in a notebook but I remember the gist at least#Thought it'd be nice to bring him back to visit <3#And then some silly ones for myself lol what's a good trainer pose!#I think they're all silly lol but I do like the middle one :D#I'd love a Pokeball shirt like that! All the Pokemon things pls and thank you!
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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