#just a stupid one
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Me when my one coworker keeps encouraging the 18 y/o to go after older men
#she turned 18 less than a month ago#like 3 weeks ago#the other co worker is 32#and a woman#just a stupid one
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Guys ive been reading peak
#dandadan#momo ayase#ayase momo#okarun#seiko ayase#ayase seiko#cant believe the actual plot of this show is “this guy's genitals were stolen and we have to get them back” 💀#theyre so funny i love these guys#its like if mob psycho and csm had a foolish baby#the stupids ever#dont get scared by that one scene in that first episode thats the worst it ever gets i heard the creator was forced to put it in or no manga#just like olan and that piss fight scene in final space sighhhhhhhh evil people in charge..............#okarun and ayase are so silly i love them sm they make me go YYYAAAAYYYYYY ^_^^^^^^^^^^#ignore the bad sizing for the letters my handwrutung is naturally horrible plus i was hella zoomed in shhhhhhhhhhh you see nothing........#LIVE LAUGH LOVE !!!!!!!! YAYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.
All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.
#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day#and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back.#he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi#he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes#but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them.#and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him.#your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back.#i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently
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I just love it when video games let you do really stupid shit that kills you immediately. I love being like "oh this is a terrible idea" and being able to do it and then die. It's good game design.
#like how fnv lets you run right up to a deathclaw at like lvl one and then you die#it's good#let me do stupid shit and let it have consequences#even if those consequences are just “yeah driving into a gas giant kills you stupid”
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elita pep talk
#transformers one#transformers#b 127#bumblebee#elita one#i want more content of elita and bee#their dynamic would be so funny i think#ur mean aunt who acts like she hates u but she gets u that one really obscure thing u mentioned in passing conversation#i think their relationship can be really sweet#i think bee would geniunly really look up to elita and think shes so awesome#and elita is just like okay this annoying yellow thing follows me around now i guess#(she loves him)#her stupid son that she hates#shes tough on him but she cares...
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sock opera
#doctorsiren#gravity falls#mabel pines#dipper pines#bill cipher#bipper#sock opera#gravity falls fanart#meme redraw#digital art#my art#procreate#I know I did this one with mp100 fairly recently#but I saw that one again today and was hit with this vision#I kid you not I spent at least THIRTY minutes drawing and redrawing Bipper’s stupid mouth#it just never looked right#but I decided that hey…maybe it’s not SUPPOSED to look right…#that plastic dinosaur is small enough to swallow 😨
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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Bigger in Texas
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader
Summary: Joel won’t fit.
Warnings: 18+. Unprotected p-in-v. Size kink (seriously, don’t read if you hate big dicks / disgusting descriptions) Penis and pussy pronouns. Virginity loss. Age gap. Praise kink. Daddy kink. Joel ‘hung like a fucking horse’ Miller is a soft dom and also a good teacher. Competence kink (?)
Note: Somebody made a fic challenge to use penis pronouns, and I can’t for the life of me remember who it was. If y’all find them please show them this and tell them I love their brain 🫠
Update: @sp00kymulderr you’re a legend for this. Dick pronouns are engrained in my brain, and I’m forever grateful.
Word count: 2.3k
This wasn’t the life Joel Miller had pictured for himself.
The dead coming back to roam the world and eradicate most of its population, for one. The cold. Finding his baby brother way out here in Wyoming with a wife and a child on the way. The looks he was getting these days. It’s not like he’d asked to get mixed up with a girl your age. It just happened. And since damn near every-fucking-thing that had “happened” to him since outbreak day fifteen years back had been bottom of the barrel, full-blown nightmare territory, the second he saw a good thing fumble across his path, he’d seized it—you.
You, who were young enough to be his daughter.
You, who’d never seen a man fully before meeting him.
You, who hadn’t squeezed so much as a finger in herself.
But much like his past, Joel Miller was a sordid and sick kind of man, and he had the cock to prove it: presently weeping precum at the site of your softest, tightest hole, smearing the pearly-white slick through your folds with a sound so sweet it was nauseating. Begging for entrance.
“Oughta have a boy your age pop your cherry, kid.”
It was simple.
“Ain’t right havin’ a man my age all in your guts.”
And true.
The head of his cock made another wet, sickening noise through your folds, and as though instigated by the sound, your eyes flitted to the source. You smiled.
“Probably. But I want you,” you answered. Soft.
Joel got harder, and he hadn’t thought that was possible. His gaze joined yours, and the sight nearly finished him.
Beneath him, your legs had spread wider, showcasing that perfectly glistening seam alongside the head of his cock. He looked huge. Or you looked small. Or perhaps it was both, and he was old, and he really shouldn’t be doing this at all, but then his hips stuttered a bit and his length pushed in. Joel hissed and seized the headboard.
It wouldn’t even go in. The tip just stretched the rim.
“Baby, fuck—” Joel whimpered.
“He’s so big.”
Three little words from your lips, and it almost did him in.
Again.
You wriggled your hips and flashed another happy grin.
“He wants in, daddy. I can feel him pulsin’ like I am.”
You volleyed a look up to Joel as if to say, ‘So that means we’re ready, right? Will you let me have him?’
And, strangled by guilt as he was, Joel couldn’t resist.
He let his big, bulbous, leaking head sink in the tiniest bit, and he let out a groan. Your walls were so tight. This was him, too—his tip was oversized, just like the rest of him—and when it notched in an inch, Joel could see the pain flash quick in your eyes. His hips moved to retreat.
But then your heels were lifting and digging in his ass, and though strained, your voice made it out, weakly:
“Don’t, daddy. I want him.”
Joel couldn’t dream of refusing.
And his vision blurred more at that word, him.
“I-I know. He wants you too, baby—”
Another quarter-inch.
“—so, so bad.”
“Daddy!”
Joel had to blink to try and wake from his daze. His tip was so warm, hugged so perfect and snug and wet, that he didn’t even realize that was all that fit. He was stuck.
You whimpered again.
“‘S’too big, daddy. Just make him go in.”
Your eyes rolled with indignation and overwhelming pleasure alike, and your hips squirmed again. This time, you tried to nudge him in deeper, but your body simply wouldn’t budge; you’d reached the widest part of him.
“Honey, it’s—”
“Hurtin’! I need you inside me.” you cried, impatient.
“Just takes a little time to get there, darlin’—”
“Well, get to it, then. A tip ain’t enough.”
Joel’s face flushed. He might’ve been forced to bite back a laugh under any other circumstances, but this was your virginity. His bed. Your naked bodies, together, tonight.
He wasn’t about to rush it now and fuck everything up.
“This tip’s about to paint your pretty insides white and make you wait til next week to try again if you keep it up.”
That made you go still.
You shook your head while Joel released the headboard from his grip and took your hip in it instead. He grunted.
“Sweet pea, you gotta see—” he resumed, voice low, “—it won’t feel good for you or me if I just…push right in.”
You sighed, feeling his hold tighten.
“Tongue and fingers only do so much. You gotta learn.”
You whined, digging your feet in deeper when his tip drew back to your entrance. Looking a bit squeamish.
“Be brave…and patient for me.”
From the look in your eyes, Joel could tell you probably hated him right now. That was just fine. He adjusted his hips to a more comfortable place, and then he pinched your hip bone. He nudged you back, and he let you wait.
Then, right when you opened your mouth, he sank in.
Joel thrusted with only his tip, the size of a small lime, and he fucked your hole gently. Back and forth. Shallow.
It did enough. You squeezed both his forearms.
“Oh, daddy.” Your bottom lip trembled as you said it.
With his free hand, Joel smoothed your hair back.
“Yeah, what is it, baby?” he murmured, dulcet as ever, “Thought you said the tip ain’t enough for you, sugar.”
His words came slow. His strokes were delivered quick, though tenderly. Your brain appeared to be in a fog, or a trance, as your chin dipped down toward your chest, and you watched him breach the first inch of you repeatedly.
“Curious little thing.” Joel couldn’t fight the chuckle now.
“He’s so…” you trailed off.
You squeezed his arms, and he squeezed your hip back. He let you watch him fuck you with only his tip, and when your head began to tilt back from the strain, he reached up with his other hand and held the back of your neck. He felt you clench at that, and you both groaned.
“So…big,” you finished, eyes glazed.
“I know.”
This went on for the longest time: Joel stretching the first precious inch of your pussy with the head of himself, you watching and breathing deeply, whimpering occasionally, and him holding at the nape of your neck like a softer touch might lose you to him forever. Was this teaching? When you clenched again, he reckoned it was.
“That’s it, honey. Watch her swallow me.”
“Stretches real pretty for the tip, doesn’t she?”
“Bet she can’t even fit another inch of this cock.”
Suddenly, your head was jerking up under his hold.
Eyes flaring with a hot, juvenile kind of anger: “I can!”
Joel clicked his tongue against the backs of his teeth and pretended not to hear. He also had to feign indifference when your walls tightened and all but choked his head and a wave of new pleasure surged up through his body.
“She can, Joel, I’m serious!”
Another two seconds of this and Joel sensed he might see tears. Though his gaze had trailed up to yours, and the look in his appeared stern, deep down, he was just as quick to want to cave. He just hid it better than you did.
“You think so, sweet pea?”
“I know so. I need it.”
“Need him?”
“Y-Yes.”
How sweet you seemed. How naive you must be.
Joel might’ve been mean, but he wasn’t cruel. He also liked teaching lessons as much as he enjoyed showing you the way, so in the next second, he obliged. He took the last shallow thrust of his tip and sank into your cunt.
As he filled you, you whined. It only took an inch or two.
“Da-a-ddy. Please.”
You must’ve been begging for lenience. Joel retreated.
Then, much to the man’s surprise, you kicked your feet. Not in relief but in protest, shaking your head up at him:
“Put him back. Please. D-Deeper.”
It was as though Joel’s brain had exited through the back of his head and all rational thought escaped him, for the moment. The only voice he heard was yours. It was pleading. And in between your legs, you were soaked.
So drenched to allow him another inch. Then another. Then another. Joel fucked in gently and felt a seismic wave of pleasure seize his limbs—and likely yours, as well. It was as though in two blinks, you’d forgotten the pain altogether. You were suffused with need instead, eyes wincing and lips curling and sounds leaving your throat like an animal in heat. Want him deeper, please.
Joel sawed back and forth with just those five or so inches and made you writhe underneath him. Felt you clamp down on his thick, slippery cock and heard the remnants of your shared arousal making sounds as your body accepted him. Stretching wider. Getting wetter. Bringing him closer to the edge with every breath.
“She’s doin’…so good f’me,” Joel told you, brainless.
His thumb drifted to your clit. He rubbed it gently. No sooner had he finished the first circle around that nub when your hips were stirring again—this time incensed.
“Daddy.”
“I know, baby. I know.”
Joel kissed the top of your head, thumb insistent. When his eyes met yours, he was surprised to find them wet this time. Tears pooling and streaking down to your temples while your body bounced gently beneath his thrusts. A whimper trembled out, and Joel slowed.
He could tell from that look you didn’t want him to stop, though. It just felt so good. So, instead of dropping his pace too much, Joel cupped your chin in one hand, and with the other, he kept thumbing at your clit. Humming.
“Poor thing’s never had something this big in ‘er, huh?”
You shook your head. Cried a little more.
Joel kissed the tears on one side, lips smiling as he did.
“I can tell, baby. But she’s taking it so well.”
“Y-Yeah?”
His hips sped up a little. The thrusts were still shallower than they normally would be, given your state, but they seemed to be working well enough. You winced again.
Joel kissed the other side of your face to take more tears.
“Uh-huh,” he answered, “Openin’ up real nice for daddy.”
It was like his words worked as well as his thumb on your clit. You whimpered again, lips parting a little wider now, and the sound that came out was as desperate and feverish and fuck-drunk as Joel had ever heard it.
“S-Say it again,” you pleaded.
“Say what?”
“That he’s…stretchin’ me open. Makin’ me his.”
The soft, slick resonance between your body and his seemed to amplify even more—you were getting wetter, and Joel’s thrusts all but shook the bed with their force.
His eyes darkened when he felt you tighten again.
“Yeah? You like hearin’ all the filthy fuckin’ things your daddy’s doing? The way he’s breakin’ you in for him?”
You nodded. Your throat constricted with a moan.
And, just when a fresh set of tears seemed to be close on the horizon, Joel lowered himself to you. He held you to his chest, hips working relentlessly, and he watched your face screw up in pleasure. A trace of pain surfaced again, but it was soothed with a kiss. Joel grinned against you.
Between your thighs, his cock was throbbing with a feeling just as big. He knew he couldn’t keep this up much longer. Hurting and aching and needing as you were, he had to make sure that you would cum first.
When his cock grazed a fleshy, sensitive patch inside your walls, he knew it wouldn’t take much. He went on:
“C’mon, sugar. Daddy’s split you open on his cock so nice, least you can do is cum for him. Can you do that?”
His nose brushed yours. His thrusts sped up. You nodded, quickly, and when he shifted in the bed with his thumb still on your clit and his lips and his stubble grazing your mouth with every push of himself, he felt it.
It was a small pulse, at first.
Joel thought you might be adjusting—clenching—again, when the lips that were trembling against his own parted more. Your arms wound around his neck, and suddenly the throb of your walls around his member got tighter and tighter and tighter. One more second and your cunt might’ve squeezed the hot, sticky seed right out of his body and flooded your insides with it, but then came release. The ‘o’ of your mouth let out a shriek, at last, and your body went soft around him, beneath him, whining in turn, ‘Daddy, daddy, please’ while the muscles once taut and unflinching gave him reprieve. Fluttering repeatedly.
Joel fucked you through it. He talked you through it.
He stroked your hair, and he held you tight. Called you his sweetheart, pretty thing, perfect girl, you’re doin’ so good f’me. Keep going. That’s right, cum all over daddy. He told you to take what you needed, and without another word, he felt just that. Your cunt spasmed around him, and you consumed every inch he gave and drank every drop of spend shooting out in thick spurts.
You fell boneless on the bed when all was said and done.
You looked happy, and that made Joel even happier.
He stroked your cheek, and you leaned into it, clearly drained while your gaze held his in a weak sort of look.
It was soft. Loving, even. It could’ve been romantic.
Then Joel’s hand slipped down to the nape of your neck again. Your muscles were limp, like all the rest of you, but somehow, he was able to hold you up. Tilt your chin a bit.
Make you peer down between your shaking legs, where his cock was still sheathed inside you—partly, anyway.
Your eyes widened. Joel grinned.
“You did great, baby. Ready for the other half of him?”
can y’all believe this image is what inspired this fic HA
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it’s only Thursday i’m sorry 😔
#I WROTE THIS IN A FUGUE STATE LISTENING TO KEITH WHITLEY#IF IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE IT’S PROBABLY JUST BC I’M SLEEP-DEPRIVED AND STUPID#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller imagine#joel miller one shot#joel miller tlou#the last of us fic
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dndads s1 you're so special to me
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#henry oak#darryl wilson#glenn close#ron stampler#i can't draw ron seriously he is just Shapes#short hair henry is valid but that man doesn't shower do you think he's going to the barbers. he has a rat tail#also i drew that cardigan and didn't realise until after that it's the one i actually own asfgjfg#pre-trial timeline morgan is truly the dead wife of all time#ALSO i cannot take credit for the leaves in henry's hair but i can't remember where i saw it first#if i can get one person to do this stupid podcast i can die happy#this isn't an exaggeration. i think ep 1 is one of the funniest pieces of audio ever recorded#i've done it 4 times now i think and i just PISS every time
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gideon & harrow OR rd and sf as cowboys please please please
It's the cowgirl necro and her gunslinger cav! Who is so damn extra she's got three guns: one left, one right, and one in pole position! (She swears the ladies love it!)
#You just KNOW gideons makes tons of these 'is that a gun or are you just happy to see me' jokes#She holds the third gun in her mouth#looking so damn stupid but grinning like shes the coolest lmao#how are you even going to shoot girl#also: the paint has to get onto the skin somehow#hmm. lot to think about...#that was such a fun prompt dear ! I ended up enjoying this waaaaay too much <3#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#I'm not gonna tag it griddlehark but in my mind this IS griddlehark - because this outfit would make Harrow go insane lmao#not that she'd ever let griddle take one step outside looking like that if we're talking serious#but it's a look - a look I LOVE#tlt#the locked tomb#my art#requests
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hello rookanis nation. can i present rel and lucanis’s dynamic. sun and moon trope, one with boundless energy and one who gets 2 hours of sleep a night, guy i pulled by being an idiot, etc. they’re special to me
#rookanis#lucanis dellamorte#datv#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard#dragon age#reposting bc i wanted to format it differently thank u thank u#anyway what i said in the other tags is that when spite sleepwalks rel never wakes lucanis up he just like hangs out with spite#they play wicked grace#also rel isn’t allowed in the kitchen bc he burnt a hole in the pan one time trying to make an omelette#and yes of course rel is a sweets guy ofc i chose the sweet drinks option#rel is full of boundless optimism and stupidity#him and lucanis are like that one tumblr post about being morosexual#rel: what color is the pink panther#lucanis taking his clothes off: rel you’re so fucking stupid#my art
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i drew johnny "soap" mactavish as phreak (the original design) from overwatch.
bonus (just for fun):
#this is the most random thing ive ever done#i just saw hazard's design and my inner ovw fan which had laid dormant for over 5 years revived like it was frankenstein's monster#from phreak to hazard...can we talk about a diva down#he was supposed to have a stupid monster energy mohawk...and hes scottish???#sorry. i had to draw johnny as him#this is so stupid and indulgent i really dont know guys#the target audience of this post is one person and that person is me#this will never happen again#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#overwatch#phreak#giragi art
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"Always got your back." "No matter what."
Transformers One (2024)
#orion pax#d 16#optimus prime#megatron#megop#transformers#transformers one#cutest part of this whole fucking movie#they make me sick!!#I do think it's interesting that is probably the only time he does something nice for D with no ulterior motives#Like Orion loves D but hes also a huge asshole to him though not entirely on purpose all the time#he's just a big dumb stupid nerd who forgets other people have opinions idk </3#john-irving gifs
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POV: You’re watching the marineford live stream
#i just finished marineford#its genuinely so heart wrenching but I could NOT stop laughing because of this stupid clown#‘sheesh chat this war aint poggers but you know what is? CAPTAIN BUGGY’#I COULD NOT#COMPLETELY PUT A WRENCH IN SENGOKUS PLANS ITS SO FUNNY#cactle_art#one piece#buggy the clown#one piece fanart#op#marineford arc#captain buggy#buggy one piece#op buggy#op fanart
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yeah we might be brothers in christ but so were cain and abel so shut the fuck up before i decide to find a rock about it
#postscript;#if you try to tell me cain and abel were not brothers in christ shut up pls#i've studied theology for nearly a decade. i know more than you.#christ's harrowing of hell exists to retroactively turn all of humanity even before his existence into ''brothers'' in christ#because it is not a literal term it is an evangelist term. bc christianity in all denominations is evangelistic in nature#not being a christian is 1. a moral incorrect choice according to them and#2. not actually possible. everyone is judged as a christian everyone is fundamentally supposed to be christian#calling someone a brother in christ is just calling them christian.#so ergo according to doctrine cain and abel are in fact brothers in christ#but#and this is far more important than any of that#i was not trying to be perfectly accurate to the theological timeline of the tanakh vs torah vs old testament vs new testament vs apocrypha#i was trying to make a silly one line joke on the internet#and all you do when you try to go Well Actually They Werent is make yourself look stupid and pedantic.#so for the love of god stop it with needing to be right online im so bored and tired
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Zoro and his high maintenance captain d:
#one piece#roronoa zoro#monkey d. luffy#zolu#fan comic#sikyu art#idk if this would actually happen I just like the idea of Zoro reprimanding Luffy for his stupidity even when they’re older :0
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