#ur mean aunt who acts like she hates u but she gets u that one really obscure thing u mentioned in passing conversation

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

elita pep talk

[wndaswife]

in secret and thérèse raquin spoilers under the cut (ik a lot of you are planning on reading it and haven’t yet!! i’ll talk ab the book and the movie here,, and im really really rambling here like a huge huge nerd u can VERY much completely ignore this if u want)

jeeeeesusss fucking christ that movie was so much more than i remember fuck.. that fucking part with thérèse coming and just babbling out “thank you thank you thank you” LIKE SHIT… FUCK

camille is a very unfortunate man but.. and u can stone me for this i would forgive u but he is actually very easy to sympathize with??? like he’s so juvenile and so naive, very unfortunate person like that haircut is just tragic and it’s so icky he’s always sick but im sorry he’s a poor kid, that nativity and constant hopefulness is just… idk

im sorry even as im typing this it sounds so stupid, but in the book he really is just naive, and i find he’s exactly like that in the movie too i feel bad for him

EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE PART IN BED WITH THÉRÈSE that was really shitty but idk was wrong with the ppl putting this movie together because bitch no one was ever supposed to love thérèse or laurent.. i mean u totally can but it wasn’t supposed to be written as them being tragic lovers who just wanna be together n you feel super sorry for them. and i feel like they wrote that in for that exact reason.. doesn’t make it any less stupid and shitty tho. zola probably would’ve rly disliked the way this story was carried out in this movie

and fuck laurent seriously that mf wants to be so profound and mysterious so fucking bad yet he paints most times because he gets a hard on watching naked women like goodbye and im never going to forget the part in the book where he ogled a dead girl in the morgue who literally sewerslided

i really hate that man

gluttonous incapable coward god he’s terrible

i mean,, okay honestly if u never read the book or if you do read it and don’t care about its portrayal it’s not even a terrible movie, it’s not bad at all besides the typical morally questionable acts

the architecture and costumes and lightings and colours were all so beautiful the entire movie, i love watching it and taking everything in i mean it’s rly gorgeous, and ofc so is lizzie so i mean my eyes r rly never off the screen

so that was a huge thumbs up for me , the whole thing is really really pretty

i mean there r obvious things wrong ab the movie, it was written like thérèse is horribly mistreated and did what she did because of the emotional distress she was under, which okay like i said if u didn’t read the book totally totally fine makes sense like okay then she’s a relatively likable character and in that case this story is ab her reactions to her circumstances, a story like that is fine, so don’t get me wrong and think im saying it’s not

but the book and what happened in it from a naturalist perspective meaning that circumstance has little to no effect on someone’s natural way of behaving and reacting- put thérèse in any other environment she would still be the kind of demure person easily set aflame by small passionate sparks, she goes all-in bets everything and cares little about what happens if and when she burns out. that’s why she started the relationship, not solely bc she was neglected or distressed, tho im sure it also had a minor hand in it

in the book it said she was patient and able to stay relaxed n lithe like a cat because of how she had to help her aunt around n camille, and how quiet and in the background she had to be, but that did nothing on her temperament and natural way of being

even if her being quiet and patience changed, say she grew up in a different environment, she would still be one to start a relationship with laurent the same way she did canonically

i do not like how this was changed because it’s taking the whole thing out of context, rly changing all the bases of the characters and the book, and most importantly.. in the movie ur supposed to LIKE them together and see their relationship as romantic

not gonna lie there are only four solid pages in which i liked them together and u BET i came with receipts- page 38-42 (oxford university press edition translated by rothwell bc ik page formatting can differ based on book versions)

to some extent OFC i did feel bad for them in the book like the stuff they went through including thérèse being domestically abused and dozens of other things they went through is not something i’d ever feel apathy towards, but rly not once after finishing the book did i think aw man that end shouldn’t have happened and they were such a good couple

tho that is the response the movie seems to have been looking for

i think what happened at the end of the book was always always always going to happen, just like how laurent and thérèse ending up being super annoyed by each other would have always happened. once they started arguing with each other it was never going to stop and they simultaneously would never be able to live without it. that’s kind of the interesting and maybe to some ppl problematic part of naturalist literature

it’s totally FINE and really like it doesn’t matter that much if u read the book or not, you can enjoy consuming only one, or consuming both and liking only one of them! and you don’t have to care at all that it’s different from the book, the movie is pretty great on its own if you’re not comparing them

but my personal opinion comparing them… not the greatest portrayal of the book (massive things were changed!!!!). the book was rly good but the movie also has its perks too

lizzie is so incredible in this movie, not a single movie of hers that i’ve seen is disappointing, i love seeing films through her eyes and i find they’re all really centered in people and their struggles and motivations etc etc, and i rly love that

i do get pleasure out of watching in secret, it’s a very pretty movie and it’s entertaining to hate laurent and judge their relationship and lizzie is such a talented actress, i love their descent into insanity and their stupidity, it’s a movie i rly do like watching (and none of this is sarcastic i really seriously do like seeing them act like idiots at times, even in the book it was pretty entertaining)

this is a weird review i have to admit bc it seems for a majority of it that im bashing the movie,, ITS A GOOD MOVIE it’s entertaining and has a great cast and it’s pretty the soundtrack is great, so r the aesthetics it’s a great movie, it rly is

but in its portrayal to the book!!! not as good

but that doesn’t mean i don’t enjoy the movie, i do!!!

and here is one more observation i took from comparing the book and the movie: where the book did not go into detail with the sensual relationship between laurent and thérèse like the movie did tho it was still a huge part of the story, the movie also did not go into detail with the relationship that developed between them through the naturalist perspective. thus, in secret is an erotic romantic drama with not many mentions of naturalism and the book is huge on naturalism while talking no more than a collective page of their actual sexual interactions. i think MAYBE the directors n writers of the movie intended for naturalism and overt sexuality to be.. sort of synonymous? which is rly interesting i think. they both played similar roles with these characters (mostly thérèse) who store and shroud their sexualities like precious innate things as one would their natures. i thought that was kind of cool if that was the intention, and even if it wasn’t i think it was inadvertent but very clear statement either way

im not sure ab my options on that yet,, tho i kinda wanna read more about that from somewhere

i want to ask if anyone agrees with innate nature and sexuality being synonymous but idk if anyone has read this far it’s just me rambling like an idiot lmfao

ANYWAYS

i wish lizzie did more book adaptations it’s so fun to read books her movies are based on and watch her interviews and know she read the book too

it’s just so fun to analyze u know???

i need a literature pal T_T

[mlem2460]

marvel au: good cop thor n bad cop loki

everythin basically same set up, but all opinions on loki n thor dynamic? public speculation. jealous loki, prideful thor, n sibling rivalry turned tragedy? rumors started by asgardian equivalent of gossip columns. people talk bout em like they the kardashians. sif n the warriors three major attitudes? palace servants takin lil things way outta proportion.

thor uses his naturally sunshine puppy look n personality to gauge peoples intentions, surprisingly good for intel gathering. no major change, hes still a jock, just one with a golden heart n sum tricks picked up fr his mastermind lil bro. strong leader, relies on each friends specialty n makes final calls. believes in fairness n honor.

lokis the group strategist; first to suggest takin advantage of public opinion to their favor. he respects older bro cause thor values his insight. hybrid wine aunt n mom friend. will fret if u arent eating well, will also laugh n help u avoid consequences for starting an international incident while everything burns around em. self sacrificing, gets on frens nerves.

sif cast as hypocritical misogynist that hates loki as her opposite, when really they r thick as thieves n casually overturn the patriarchy after brunch. self care w loki after beating sexist pig appointment at twelve. regular appointments to salon loki to touch up her roots n bitch bout judgmental cis hets. is blunt brute force, straightforward attitude often misinterpreted. not close to many, but love fiercely those she comes to care for. shes here to kick ass n laugh w her frens while doin it, get out her way.

fandral seen as quippy air-headed man whore, actually soft boy guarding himself w sarcasm but falls in love way too easily n consequently gets his heart broken on the regular. sif once told him to cry her a river. now he randomly crashes their patriarchy pummeling brunches to bitch bout his latest 'true love.' it vexes sif, but she wont tell him to stop cause she needs to kno how these unworthy pieces of crap treated her shield bro; overprotective but wont admit it. loki thinks its hilarious n asks fandral questions that fire him back up every time he starts to calm down. when necessary, fandrals a master actor who can play any part n blend in anywhere. well traveled n smooth talkin, very diplomatic.

they say hogun is grim cause of his mean right hook n grunts that often act as dialogue with few words sprinkled in. quick, forceful, n sever r words strangers use to describe him. n theyre accurate... for his fighting style. personality wise? poor baby has social anxiety n neurodivergent enough to have trouble making eye contact. hes not dismissing u, he just cant get the words out. hes not lookin down on u or aloof, hes focusin on what ur sayin its just hard for him to make eye contact. once he feels comfortable w u, he still doesnt talk that much, but more cause he dont kno how to not be straightforward n prefers to use physical touch or wordless sounds to communicate. actually, his frens understand his 'language' more when he isnt straining to use words. hogun expresses himself a million different ways; walk, volume, facial expression, stims, humming, etc. but in front of strangers? blank slate. no thoughts, head empty, panic mode on. frens presence soothes enough for a few words but no more than that right now.

volstagg is deemed irresponsible glutton ready to laugh at a joke hes unaware was made at his expense. honestly he... doesnt kno how he got here. he married the best cook in asgard that he loves even more than her signature pies! they have quite a few little ones running around as proof of that. so howd he end up here? after hed given up his job on the battlefield to watch the babies while supporting his wife pursuing her culinary passion, how the heck did he end up in an actual fren group that wasnt his kids friends moms. maybe when his bold lil girl managed to get a magic lesson fr a prince to pass her upcoming test? or when thor showed his son a new sword technique that hes never even before? no, the moment he recognized that his princes, futre of the realm, treasures of asguard, masters of their fields, were the smartest dumbest people in all the nine. u kno those best frens that r smart individuals, but once they get together do sum of the dumbest shit uve ever seen? thor n loki everyone. n how was a jolly house spouse that commands a small fleet of children supposed to look at these reckless troublemakers n not half adopt them?? his childen gains uncles n auntie while his wife kicks out the house every once in a while to 'go have fun w ur frens.' dad fren, scolds n frets n compliments. is always right n is too nice to say so but everyone knos anyway. prob most mentally stable one of the fren group, resident therapist/advisor. lives in the silver lining n laughs a jokes made by strangers bout him cause he thinks it hilarious how wrong n ignorant they r. wont n dont got to explain jack to nobody bout anythin, so he mind his business n loves life.

heimdall is constantly exasperated but doesnt get paid enough fo dis

[katslitg]

how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

[thereal-linh-cinder]

Cinder’s Notes on Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets

We’re back with CoS!

Again, massive spoilers for the entire HP series (obviously)

Woo the hell plans where theyre going to stand when dinner guests arrive? you seem so unbelievably inhuman, which, i suppose the Dursleys are, but still...

DUDLEY’S COMPLIMENT FOR MRS. MASON

Because Harry is an unreliable narrator, is it possible that the Dursleys treat him slightly better than is described? Unlikely, but something to consider

Harry is so humble?

He’s also hilarious “[Voldemort] hasnt got a brother, has he?”

bars on the window are a bit extreme

the twins ooze chaotic energy

are the owls that wizards use magical? they always seem to understand humans VERY well...or is it just magic that gives magic folk a better connection w animals? Or is that just how owls are? Or do I just not understand how carrier birds work? 

rather convinient that only the bottom stair creaks and not like. the 13th from the top or something

“Draco made Dudley sound sweet” i mean. childish bullying at school  vs physical abuse for years but ok go off jkr

the twins are 14 and driving a car. in Britain. where you have to be 18. chaos

Mrs. Weasley reminds me way too much of my own mother

Percy wears sweater vests confirmed (are we surprised)

Please take a moment to imagine Percy’s reaction to Hermione becoming Minister

Lockhart + Rita Skeeter (idk what this means but its in my notes)

“got the impression that Snape could read minds” 👀

Lockhart is just gonna go through the whole rainbow huh

Lockhart really compared Harry almost DYING to him winning that stupid smile award. Bruh.

Lockhart has 7 books

I feel bad for Nick :(

There’s so much about the Vanishing Cabinets in this book!

that moment with the salamander and the firework is a gem

Do Ron and Hermione at least hear hissing in the walls?

so Lockhart is basically running the Hogwarts theatre department huh

why was Ron’s first thought toenails

Scarhead? Thats the BEST insult you can come up with, Malfoy? 

Yeah, let the 12y/o deal with the rogue bludger on his own, y’hear? (can you tell I’m a lot older now)

Honestly, Madame Pomfrey? Kinda a savage

If Voldemort was 70 when he died in ‘98, and he went to school with Lucius, how old is Lucius? 

Technically, if all purebloods are related, Harry IS a descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Not the heir obvs, but you know

honestly when you think about it, Fawkes’s death is hilarious. Like Harry’s just chillin and sees a cool bird and then it spontaneously combusts 

Did Crabbe and Goyle ever get their shoes back? 

Ron has REALLY good intuition

Why do they still have Riddle’s trophy on display? Like yeah not many people know that he’s Voldemort but that just feels like the equivalent of like...keeping up a trophy for the kid that turned out to be a sch**l sh**ter

Ok but the younger Weasleys have this knack for bullying Voldy. Twins pelted him with snowballs, Ginny flushed his diary down a toilet, Ron barfed slugs all over his special award....

well Harry if its a DIARY where you conventionally write personal stuff about your day or your crush, why are we surprised that it doesnt even have stuff like “dentist” and “aunt mary’s birthday” or “half past 3″ written in it

RON’S INTUITION BRUH “[the diary] coud be dangerous” “maybe [Tom Riddle] murdered Myrtle] yall know that theory abt him being a seer? yeah

I adore these characters so much bc theyre so real?? Lke we truly watch them grow up. Something about the way 11y/o Ginny covers her face and runs away vs how she acts in the later books just. I adore it. 

So this is where I broke my own heart and froze for a solid 15 minutes. I was beginning to write “I hope the twins sang ‘His Eyes Are As Green As A Fresh Pickled Toad’ at their wedding” before I realized that only one twin got to attend Harry & Ginny’s wedding. I trailed off at the S in twins and you can see how shaky my hand got in the writing (i wrote all of this out in a journal)

Riddle’s personality is so well preserved. (and then I remembered that he made his first horcrux that year and THATS why bc this is 16/17 y/o voldy’s soul)

In Riddle’s memory, he stops by the potions room after speaking to Dumbledore on the staircase. Slughorn is teaching that year. Harry says he is stuck outside that room for “what felt like an hour.” Is this where Tom asks about horcruxes? Technically at this point, Myrtle has already been murdered and its been a while but I’m p sure he asks about horcruxes after class one day. But idk. It really seems plausible, and It’s possible that he altered the memory to show Harry...

this is my least favorite book so i just wrote “this is the most boring book. I’m skimming.”

ah forcing 12 y/o to choose a career path

Quidditch mathces are EARLY (im used to sports matches in the evenings but i guess soccer matches are early and such so it makes sense) (my american is showing)

Is sitting at any table allowed? I never understood that and it used to bug me in the movies. Is it only required to sit at your House table during important feasts? Is that how a lot of inter-house relationships come to be? 

Fudge’s wardrobe was ROBBED in the movie. They really made him look like an established businessman when when we first meet the man, he’s wearing a pinstriped suit, scarlet tie, POINTED PURPLE SHOES and honestly woud it have been so hard to at least give him the lime green bowler hat? Such a staple of his personality

i feel like we tend to forget that hagrid has been to Azkaban

Ron saw Draco being racist and had to be physically held back by his friends. Mans was ready to THROW HANDS. 10/10 absolute icon

The prejudice against werewolves is very prominent.They clearly dont know a lot about them/arent taught (constantly expecting to find them roaming the forbidden forest EVERY NIGHT)

literally WHAT would they do without Hermione

still shocked that Hermione Jean Granger would willingly rip a page out of a book, especially a library book. But maybe thats just the fact that I’m the daughter of a librarian.

is the basilisk page from Fantastic Beasts? They really called it “a page from an old book” its literally in ur first year curriculum but ok boys

Why did Ron toss Lockhart’s wand out the window? He couldve used it instead of his spellotaped one. Granted, it wouldnt have been very good later on if he had, but. You know?

if this Tom is just an imprint of Voldy’s soul at 16/17, how does he even know who Harry is

he already has voldy’s laugh

OH Ginny told him about Harry that makes sense

Voldemort is SO dramatic. Imagine your buddy Tom one day says “hello dearest closest friends, I’ve decided I hate my name so I tried to make an acronym. Please only refer to me as Voldemort from now on. Also I could spell Lord with my name, so I am claiming my new status as a Lord.”

Also he’s holding Harry’s wand. Why is he sending this ginormous, super sow snake after this tiny scrawny 12y/o? Just kill him yourself. Even when Harry gets poisoned Tom’s like “take ur time bro imma watch u die i have nothing better to do” and only when neither of those first tow extra af options DO NOT WORK does he think “oh well guess i gotta use this WAND now ugh” like was he just not corporeal enough to actually use the wand yet or???? Buddy. If you really wanted Harry dead I feel like you could do better.

the fang SPLINTERED in Harry’s arm????????????????? uhm

Harry gets covered in ink a lot in the series

Dumbledore is such a simp for Voldemort honestly

I forget that Harry & Ron get trophies for special services too bro

did Arthur create the Muggle Protection Act???

...why DOES Lucius have Voldy’s old school things? 

Harry and Ron got a total of 400 points for this. But only 10 FOR TAKING OUT A TROLL AT AGE 11 

Lucius is LITERALLY on the PTA hes a school governor 

[maggotmouth]

         hello, its nora again ( she/her, gmt ) n this is the ethereal but spoiled alma olive putnam (she goes by all 3 names cos she’s pretentious as fuck).  ive never used anya taylor joy as her fc before but anya has a smile that looks like she knows something u dont and thats completely alma’s vibe so we’re gonna try it out. she was raised in a farmhouse in vermont, big horse girl energy. very hungry for everything life has to offer. wakes up and smells the success in her blood. luvs the smell of libraries and listening to french music from a tinny record player in knee socks. here is pinterest. bio is below the cut, like this post to be bombarded with plotting messages but i might forget or get shy tho so pls message me x

application template.

ANYA TAYLOR - JOY   ,   CIS-FEMALE   ,   SHE/HER         →         according   to   the   school   records   ,   ALMA OLIVE PUTNAM   has   been   attending   sacred   heart   for   the   past   three   years   .   i   last   saw   them   hanging   around  the  sacred   heart   cathedral   ;   i   think   they   were   studying   the   stations   of   the   cross   with   a   smile   like   a   well - kept   secret.   at   twenty   -   one   years   old   ,   alma   has   been   studying   classics   and   get   this   ,   i   heard   that   she   has   made   a   fortune   on   the   black   market   by   forging   renaissance   art   to   sell   to   collectors   —   figure   it’s   true   ?   everyone   around   here   always   associates   them   with    neck   scarves   tied   around   your   throat   the   way   they   do   in   french   new   wave   films , running   barefoot   through   the   woods   drunk   on  red  wine   and  untapped   power , a  smile  like  a   locked   door   that   speaks   only  in   riddles  .   in   the   time   since   these   strange   happenings   ,   they   have   have   encountered   any   unexplained   occurrences   .         (   written   by   nora   ,   24   ,   she/her   ,   gmt   )

aesthetics.

a red beret nestled on top of bright platimum locks, neck scarves tied around your throat the way they do it in french new wave films, running barefoot through the woods in feckless hedonism, china dolls with porcelain faces lined against the walls of your room, the mona lisa smile, knee-socks tugged over the hockey grazes on your knees, a forged botticelli drying on your easel, ophelia floating in the middle of a lake.

proceed w caution, tw for death, drugs, alcohol, violence

the short form. (still long af tbh)

— studying classics cos she thinks it makes her sound smart, but actually hates fuckin latin and just loves learning about feckless hedonism and the festivals of bacchus and writing about how all women in myth are literally forgotten. was expelled from princeton in her first year so her parents basically paid her way into sacred heart and the board really liked her in her interview. i think the governors kind of expect to see her in the supreme court one day or st

—  born in vermont in a big old farmhouse. her great-great-grandfather moved to america as an immigrant and worked on a plantation, made his way up cos he could speak a lot of languages and therefore win more people over. for the last two generations, putnam men have owned the farm and do little of the dirty work. big in the meat industry.

— both her parents had large personalities, so alma’s never really been shy around adults, even as a kid she’d speak to them in a forthright, confident manner, and because she was always surrounded by adults, she’s always seemed a bit wise beyond her years.

— very much a consolidation of every character in the secret history. has a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. obsessed with w.h. auden and the beat poets. — ”aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing and even that is pointless” — is majoring in classical civilisation. can read ancient greek and latin. also speaks french.

— studies hard and plays hard. she gets top marks but it’s because academia is literally her life, she loves the smell of libraries, the ancient smoke of learning, of feeling like old wine in a new bottle reincarnated from the bones of some old, dead witchy woman who invented a cure for cowpox or somethin.

— isn’t a foward-planner, however. alma prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manner so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenaline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night.

— pretentious motherfucker. loves poetry, especially the romantics, loves morbid ones too, edgar allen poe, sylvia plath, allen ginsberg, she just loves them all. can’t get enough. her favourite films are like…. wanky artfilm independent european cinema. especially french new wave. “what do you think of goddard’s work??” while snorting a line off someone’s sink at 5am on a school night, but you can bet she’ll make it to that 9am class. — very intelligent and beautiful and knows both of those facts. plays devil’s advocate. humanitarian, vegan. — judgemental but takes great care not to appear so. petty and vindictive

— obsessively devours mystery and thriller novels. she herself is a gillian flynn book waiting to happen. — tries to be an enigma. wants to be mysterious and unreadable because that’s what books have taught her makes women desirable and interesting and cool. very amy dunne in the way she expertly reinvents herself to suit her audience, when she wants to impress

—  an incredibly talented dancer. she was accepted to juliard to study ballet, but after an injury to her foot she had to refuse her place, something that she’s incredibly bitter about. she went to princeton instead to study classics for a semester, before being expelled. 

— alma comes from a family of high-end art dealers. while her parents paid her way into the school, that was mostly due to previous expulsions, not low intelligence. she’s incredibly intelligent but will only put in effort when she deems the cause worthy. she’s frustrating to teach, because she requires evidence, truth, in order to accept something as worthwhile. she plays devil’s advocate, but academically she’s brilliant. 

—  she can recognise any renaissance artist just by their brush strokes. her aunt and uncle deal antiques and art, and from an internship with them after her expulsion from princeton, she learned how to market and sell art, how to recognise originals in contrast to fakes. from this, alma began to produce counterfeit art and sell it off as the original work to the contacts she had made in her internship. it’s disloyal, but it’s powerful.

— act like the flower but be the serpent under it. is a user. manipulative. leads people on. will throw another student under the bus to demonstrate her own intelligence and integrity — heavily involved in the theatre society. loves attention. — has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive, runs track, played lacrosse at school, now is a cheerleader probably. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning.

— her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee-high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk. — relates to ophelia from hamlet and sibyl vane in dorian gray. weirdly obsessed with women who commit suicide. loves jackson pollock paintings and abstract art. – likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramophone because ��the sound quality is better” kfdsjj.

plots.

here are some generic wanted plots but by all means message me so we can flesh them out more if any strike ur interest:

study buddies !! someone who is equally unprepared and so spends all night in the library with alma before a big deadline, maybe they even met in the library

if they’re from new england or vermont, then cousins . second cousins / extended family / family friends –  probably spat volavons on your character once as children, omg childhood friends !

honestly someone who is fully in love with her or crushing on her that she can just break would be sweet :/ or on the other hand someone she unexpectedly gets feelings for and actually wants to guage her own  eyeballs out bc of it

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sporting or academic rivalries !

hockey / cheer friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!!

fellow academics who like meeting up to discuss latin and greek ! gimme a secret society bonding by their love of ancient learning

i reckon she’s in a lot of societies, definitely the film club, maybe works as a projectionist at the uni cinema if they have one so give me ppl affiliated with that, give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties

people who think she is throwing her academic potential away by caving to hedonistic impulse

a secret society !!! honestly i would die for a slug club esque thing in which the children of notable families are invited to dinners or alma’s also an art forger, so maybe like a club of students set up to basically forge paintings and documents from the university special collections

people she has drunkenly made out with, hooked up with, or regularly sleeps with casually, maybe even a friend w benefits she is repressing feelings for, i love angst,

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life, she is a roman catholic after all

full biography.

alma olive putnam.

intro.

        the girl is a knife. razor-sharp, double-edged, the bright shine of a two-faced, lovely thing. silver like the secrets you magpie thief from other heads. you’re a scavenger of knowledge, of tidbits, of gossip to lock away for later use and late-night re-inspection. a mind is like a clock if you get to learn the pieces. bit by bit, you dismantle the inner workings of the brains that tick around you – how easy it is to change it’s path, how words and their meanings can make a person laugh or cry in an instant. to have the power to control that is to be a god. it’s the power trip you crave wielding pom-poms in your hands; a possessive need for control that a younger you, small and weak, never had as a child. small lips, smaller smile, a doll clutched in your too-hungry fingers, hard enough to shatter the bones of a real infant. you cut your hair with your mother’s kitchen scissors before the autumn falls, rendering you out of season, unfit for the cold weather that beats against the nape of your neck, where a stick-and-poke marks the star you were born under ; the bull. “mama, when will i be a queen?” as soon as they find a crown small enough not to slip from your head.

biography.

        if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. hands red, stained by pomegranate seeds, the empty pulp of its shell splattered on your thighs you find yourself wondering – what would it be like to want? in the beginning, you never knew hunger. twins, born under the same star, you first, him second – a nuclear family. never a sister to compete with, you were always the cherry pie of your parents’ hearts. white-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful baby of mine. the townhouse in vermont and the summer house in lyon, you wanted for nought, showered with attention, saddled with gifts - hardly a wonder you came to rely on such affection as a confirmation of your own worth.

        at eight years old you first met death, blood on a gingham-print dress, a smear of it over your cheekbone and the pulp of a mangled animal at your feet murdered by the hands of a stable boy. “alma, my precious baby, you get away from that filth,” your mama would cry from the upstairs balcony – cigar in one hand and a bloody mary in the other – though whether the filth she referred to was the dead pig or the boy with a kernel of corn in his mouth, you never did find out.

        your family earned their keeps in farming, great-grandfather wolfgang hildegarde a german immigrant, great-grandmother maura lisbon a prairie girl. they fell hopelessly in love between troughs and pig-shit, working for three dollars a day at a farm their descendants would later own, trade deals with the indians, vacations to calcutta, your father todd putnam in the kind of sheepskin coat his father’s father could only dream of owning. he worked hard so that you’d never have to. your mama once asked – you heard it through the window, rounding cartwheels across the picket-fenced lawn – could he not find a respectable career rather than selling shrink-wrapped pork for a dime a dozen? that blood money had no business raising a child. you look far back enough, edie, your father had said in his low, strong voice that could bring a civil war to silence, and i think you’ll find that all money is blood money.

        language was never fickle on your tongue, french dinner time talk by the time you were out of your hush puppy shoes, your mama fixing the au pair a smile as she fixed herself another martini. you learned the clarinet at four and how to dance with the grace of a swansong at six, ethereal under a spotlight, an audience captive in the palm of your hand. by eight you knew that you’d always been destined to be loved. loved so hard they would want to taste you, bite into the soft plump of your cheek and eat you alive. that was how magnetic you wanted to feel. but mother hamsters eat their own young when penned in together too long, and soon you became too wild, too restless, another package on your father’s delivery invoice, box-shipped out to english boarding school.

        fitting in had never been something you had to concern yourself with. you were always the shiny new toy the other girls wanted to play with, bright like a dropped coin from a magpie’s beak. wherever you went, you seemed to leave a trail of awe, pig-tailed harriet’s adoring you, imitating you, teachers forgiving your class-time chatter for the sake of your wild heart and the restless spirit you possessed. tell us what it’s like in the states, alma. they’d coo, enamoured by your hollywood drawl. does your father own a gun? you hardly knew. barely even knew the colour of his hair, for the scarce amount of times he’d stoop to kiss your cheek, though you’d tell silver-tongued tales if it’d guaranteed you an audience. when you learned how to smile at the right times, and that flattery would get you everywhere, it soon became apparent that charm would pave the yellow brick road to success even when your lack of drive couldn’t.

        the road you followed – gum-snapping, roller-blading, friendship bands all up your arm – eventually led you to sacred heart. bright-eyed and gingham skirted, you’d always known you were more. there was a hunger in you to be something extraordinary, a want so adamant to be imagined and desired that it was almost savage. in leather-bound volumes and a circle of stones, you were helen of troy, the girl for whom they’d launch a thousand ships. but there’s so much rage within you, collecting like sawdust in cavernous parts. hockey helped. there was something grounding about the feeling of a stick clasped in your hands. sweat. stiff knuckles. feet pounding the earth. the smash of wood against flesh in the scram of a game, passed off as mere enthusiasm. “slipped, sorry.” hockey is the one thing you had that was yours alone – a feral instinct that motivates you to play; something primitive within you that sparks an energy like no other. on the pitch, you feel alive. you feel like a god.

[galaxylohnce]

VUD paladin headcanons!!!!

BTW this is based off of @voltronuniversaldefender ‘s reboot!!! CHECK THEM OUT THEYRE DOING GOD’S WORK

also i have read approx 2 headcanons and baRELY understand this AU so if there are similarities to anyone else or inconsistencies iT IS AN ACCIDENT AND IM SORRY

anyway this is just about the 4 confirmed paladins BET ill be doing more about Fa’rah/Takashi/Zahi/Ashanti once i know a bit more about their roles in the team!!

Alvaro Garcia Valladares

he has a twin. i don't make the rules, but he has a twin.

he has a big family. the biggest family. we’re talking, his mom has 8 siblings and his dad has 9 and there’s a 10 year age gap between him and his oldest sibling and he loves them all so much

natia is his best friend. i repeat, NATIA IS HIS BEST FRIEND!!!!

he’s also quite close with kiki. Natia and Kiki are the only two that he met before their great space adventure

he wasn't really sure of his sexuality at first. (i say this because i wasn't sure of my sexuality at first - im bi btw - and all the media i saw told me that any lgbt+ character was 100% sure of their sexuality form the day they were born, which made me doubt myself bc i didn't figure it out till recently, so i wanna see that in some media!! sometime!!) he probably figured it out halfway through having a crush on someone

the someone is akio, and he definitely tells Natia about it first

“natia... natia listen.... I have a crush on akio. freakin akio.... what do i do??? I’m bi, natia... I'm bi. what does this mean -”

“alvaro, I'm so proud of you, but this is a public bathroom and akio is right outside -”

GUARANTEE that the first time he saw Akio he just basically wanted to fight him but also flirt with him and had a slight moral crisis and ended up doing nothing

he is a goddamn sharpshooter, okay. he straight up becomes famous for it throughout the galaxy.

yet despite that he’s still insecure, and those insecurities prevent him from really getting together w akio until much later

he comes off as very suave and extroverted when you first meet him, but underneath it all, he’s actually really warm, personable and funny: not that anyone outside the team know that 

aliens on social media, probably: god, the blue paladin is so cool... i bet he’s amazing and awesome and eloquent...

meanwhile, alvaro: do u guys think i could fit my whole hand in my mouth or nah?

enjoys memes, and shares this love with kiki

basically an all around great guy. because he often felt like a seventh wheel at the beginning of the formation of the team, he always tries to include everybody as best as possible, going way out of his way to ask after people, even if they forget to ask about him sometimes :’)

Natia Nanai

first off: what a gorgeous name. seriously. incredible kudos, my dude. anyway on to the head canons for this gorgeous girl

probably alvaro’s soulmate. already mentioned this, but it needs reiteration. they are best friends

had a large family too (not as big as alvaros tho) and probably major relate to him with that big family dealio

v close with kiki. they complete each other on a technological level. 

natia is very, very creative. she and her sweet engineering know how are always instrumental in getting the Team out of tough situations

Akio: theres no way out of this we’re going to die -

Natia: bet?

she does say “bet” a lot. like, almost too much? but she's always right and valid when she says it

the villain: i’ve got you now!!!!

natia, under her breath: bet

the paladins, thinking: thank god, we’re saved

very soft but also badass as hell. she has a unique duality.

pulls a violet baudelaire: she puts that GORGEOUS hair up in a ponytail when doing work or whenever she has an idea

everyone on the team, regardless of sexuality, is low-key in love with her because she’s just so nice. no one can hate her. she's way too solid of a friend

speakinG of being a great friend: natia is 100% the secret keeper up in this bitch. everyone comes to her because they know she’s got the best advice around and will take their secrets to the grave

akio: idk man... alvaro is just rlly cute, u know?? but i can't tell him...

natia, thinking of alvaro literally whining to her about akio not even five minutes ago: christ

the mom friend. she always has all the things everyone needs on hand or in her lion, and she’s got it all going in terms of chore charts and family meals. she is the queen of figuring out times for team bonding and everyone loves her more for it

definitely started a board game night asap

she has a silent bravery about her that no one else can match. despite her trepidation, natia will always do what has to be done for the greater good. 

she is guided by her heart and her morals, and is easily the kindest person on the team

bc of this kindness, she is often the diplomat when conflicts arise between people on the team

she is seen by the general public (aka the galaxy) as a strong, morally righteous woman. kind of like rosie the riveter-esque??? she’s the symbol of justice and fairness. 

aliens: she's so... peacekeeping :0

natia, at kiki: throw me that wrench, or so help me god - 

basically, a queen who always considers everyone and works really hard to create a family, even when they're all so far from home :’)

Kiki Evans

generally over it tbh

“always tired, but always inspired” - kiki, on being asked why there were dark circles under her eyes

kind of standoffish. she’s not really about being nice, she's about getting the job done, and that can rub people the wrong way, since she is always the first to offer up the cold, logical solution

but underneath that, she’s just a computer science nerd who is loyal to a fault

she really is loyal. its almost dangerous sometimes, because she would put the universe in danger to save her friends, which actually comes into conflict with her typical cold, logical approach.

she has 0-1 sibling. she's every bit the single child. she cannot relate to living in a big family setting, and at first its hard for her to deal with before she warms up to everyone else on the team

she's a genius, and thus found school to be tedious. in fact, she got fairly bad grades, as she wouldn't do the work that she saw as pointless and boring

she is a meme connoisseur, and loves to quote vines, often assisted by alvaro

kiki, as they approach a giant black hole: HZZK

alvaro, catching on immediately: is... is that real???

she is a conspiracy theorist, for sure. the government is watching us all, trying to make sure we don't learn too much.... she’s sure of it, and akio is too

tbh, the first proper conversation she had with akio was about cryptids and how the government had hidden them from the public

she was friends w natia and alvaro from before, but it is akio she becomes closest with the fastest. in some ways, she feels more distant from natia/alvaro bc of how close they are with each other and  bc all of them have known each other for so long while akio is someone she got to know recently: he has no preconceptions about who she used to be, and she has none about him

plus, she and akio relate on many levels: both trans, both gay, both autistic, both theorists, and both loyal to a fault. she finds a real blood brother in akio :D

very openly gay. very. she's a space lesbian, and theres no denying it

kiki, meeting some random space girl: oh

kiki, moments later to akio: god I'm gay

akio, downing a glass of water but acting like its vodka or smthg: god, same

the public sees her as the cold and calculating techie, the brains of the operation

natia is her partner in crime. they finish each others sentences. they've got a tech connection going, babey

kiki: if we just cross-reference the zaiforge tunnel with the -

natia, nodding: particle consummator, of course we’ll get the perfect -

them, together: amount of energy!!!

everyone else: sorry wot

basically, she's a tech goddess with a splash of genius. she's uneasy and a bit awkward, but thats just bc she’s never been in a situation like this before. after literally 1 second with her, she opens up and is such a loyal friend. :’)

Akio Himura

wow this boy is gay and he knows it

he loves his parents (zahi, takashi, and ashanti) but god he will never admit it. not ever

alvaro, after listing his parents, 20 aunts and 100 cousins: and i love them all so much, with all my heart. what about ur family akio?

akio, not wanting to show weakness: they're nerds.

alvaro: um okay cool good talk haha :)

akio, internally: but i love them nd would die for them tbh... but i can't show weakness

he's so guarded after his biological parents left/died/disappeared. poor boy

definitely a single child, and definitely adopted

his parents love him SO MUCH. so much.

akio: why do i have three parents, dad?

takashi, almost crying: its simple. u deserve so much love, that it couldn't be contained in just two people. we needed three. its how its gotta be, my beautiful, sweet summer child

a yeehaw kind of guy. he grew up in the midwest riding horses before his biological parents died and theres a piece of him that will always be a southern boy

the kind of kid in school that pretends he’s a delinquent, but actually just has the aesthetic of a delinquent, and is truly soft

akio: hell yeah I'm a rebel. i logged onto disney.com without my parents permission

kiki, choked up: so brave

mothman is his love. his passion. all cryptids, for that matter. kiki is more of an all around conspiracy theorist: akio is in it for the cryptids 

he’s a bit awkward, and doesn’t totally understand all social cues/jokes. because of this, he stays away from memes, and is very guarded when meeting new people, especially after experiences with light bullying for not only his social ineptitude, but his upbringing.

considering that, his first meeting with alvaro was supremely awkward, and akio accidentally fought with him multiple times before they established a solid friendship

akio, having a gay panic: you are the light of my life

alvaro: sorry what??

akio, panicking more: I said, you wanna fiGHT WITH A KNIFE???

he pined after alvaro from basically day one, but had the foresight to actually know that he was pining, unlike alvaro who just floundered

of course he would never say anything

he is a stabby boi. he is unrivaled in swordplay, and enjoys routine. his natural affinity for picking up new skills plus his unrivaled work ethic basically DESTROYED everyone else when it came to swords

he’s loyal af and is always the first one to take action. akio is a “do something. do anything, but do it fast before we lose a chance to do something” kind of guy

the general public sees him as the fiery one: he’s the one with the fanciest footwork in a fight, and he’s very good with battle tactics. he can come thru with that strategy at the perfect times

he's a low-key emo. for sure. he loves MCR, but strangely dislikes other similar artists like p!atd and fob. 

kiki: but...brendon urie, akio....

akio, sipping tea: as a gay, i can appreciate the aesthetic. but no one can compete with MCR

kiki, exasperated: its not a competition -

basically, a slightly guarded boy with a real talent for defending the universe and his friends, but also an emo cowboy mess who is in love with alvaro and loves everyone :’)

WELL THAT ENDED UP LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. I HOPE U ENJOY AAAA

ALSO FOLLOW @voltronuniversaldefender !!!! its amazing, guys, really check it out :D

[fmdxjerome]

hello people from old and new! naomi is back in action with her son jerome. i’ve been stuck in my sisters house for the last weeks of my absence because she went on vacation and i had to take care of a sick rabbit who peed everywhere. i might have a disease now at the amount he bit me but what can you do. im joking. you might ask “but naomi doesnt your sister have wifi” yes she do but i’m an anxious wreck so spending my days on a first floor apartment  with my sister on the other side of the world w an infected foot had me fucke d upppp boiii but now i’m back in my own home and my sister + her boyfriend are safely home!! foot all fine!! and everyone is calm again!! so!! i can return with a good heart. i’ll be sliding in the dms of the people who bear emoticon’ed me 600 years ago and bc i suck w introducing myself to new people i’ll just hi!!!!! i think when i wake up i’m gonna do a “bio reading” marathon as i write bc i need to appreciate. also shit i need more threads wow i suck might see me replying to some open starters and def need to get back to plotting bc there are some people i’ve been dying to thread with ;^;

its like 6am now so i might b heading 2 bed now but under the cut there will be a reintroduction to jerome (one i promised in januari i believe) as im rewriting his bio (no major things change really its just minor things nd its time for an upgrade) so yes! hello (ims will come tomorrow as well ;3;)

also fact. mullet daddy jaebum is jerome rn dont drag him dont @ him its gone before you know it. probs after idolized its a look tho wow i love- a chic farmer (... the short bangs are tragic tho jerome honey i kno u liked them on wren but ur not wren. jerome: but i- me: no. this this not this jerome: :( ok fine me: fuego 

anyway before i pass out here is reintroduction. the triggers are; adoption, racism themes??? like yeah ok!! apologize if this is shit. hope everyone is having a good day though you all are great!

Jerome Gauthier aka Yuddy

-Anti idol

-Has an okay reputation but that’s because he’s smart about things.

-BC eyeing him tho *eyes fake friends with good reputation for him to hang out with* (hmu for fake friend plots. funny the person w the best rep of all actually likes jerome. bless jisoos christ. guess that praying on knees worked out in the end huh jerome. /dont/ sainthood is waiting)

-Talented™. (ask him to write songs for you) (Actually have a few songs in my library i want him to write but not sing so *eyes*)

-Passionate as fuck don’t mess with him in the studio (passionate all over tbh)

-Adopted and in search of his bloodlines

-Hoe but not really

-Actually, scrap that. Nicknames him JerHOEme

-Is actually lovely

-But acts like a shit

-Slips up and is soft to people sometimes before being a complete and utter asshole the next second

-bc soft jerome whOMST i only know deMON

-Suave Fuckboy who’s nonchalant about everything

-French™

-Will call you baby at some point in your life

-Signature smirk

-Egotistic???? Narcissistic??? a lil bit don’t stroke his ego

-Secretive™. not much info on his time in france

-Secretly a dad without children (except for his actual biological son insoo aka chorizo sausage who he goes to play ball with- i mean work on songs in the studio. seriously catch him picking up his son from soccer practice i mean shit no i mean- ok insoo is really his son dont fight me on this.)

-And also has a daughter an Oriental shorthair cat called Edith who he is so soft with he kicks out girls to cuddle with her. (one meow and he’s home)

- we support WISH hating jerome in this household. please people who have girls in WISH dont let them like him (or be a rebel and go against the mothers wishes but you’ve been warned)

-Dont let him get in your pants too like ask wren you dont want that (or i mean with the list of kinks i peeped maybe idk who am i to say what your muse wants or does not want idk im just protecting people from satan)

-Unlikely he’ll get in any pants now anyway tho bc he a proud shopper at papa juliens pizza and y’all some other brand type ish domino lookin asses NAH *throws hands up* rome’s in the house (no but guys. this is his soulmate THIS IS HIM. dISgUStiNG- )

-In 2016 interview took him out of context and it looks like he hates all idol rappers but is not true. He just doesn’t like companies making rap out to be like this thing you can do if you’re pretty and you can’t sing and he doesn’t like it when said pretty idols know nothing of it. he gets the grind but will side eye (benjy nd jerome already have a rivalry bc of this shit thank u interviewer)

-Dating scandals?? EHH. He almost had one with a Japanese model called Momo in the beginning of his career but BC did well of spinning them as friends and he legit had one with his ex last october which?????????? shit she touched his *spoiler* and it was *spoiler* . BC about to ban him from fashion shows damn. yoonah and him have to go to paris fashion week quick

-BC has yet to force him into a relationship tho. but damn he gonna be angry when that ever happens yoo. 

-Studied to become a cinematographer. Now is annoying as fuck during recording MV’s bc he butts into everything (BUT thats why his his mvs so AESTHETIC. eye for beauty bois)

-Holler at ya boi if you want a nice mv he’s involved like that

-Also to the girls who have been in an MV with Jerome.. know he probably flirted with you between takes bc during he’s grade a professionalism but he still a ho

-Actual catlady no questions asked (he feeds stray cats and gets cut up by edith when she smells other cats on him rip)

-Actual wife material no questions asked (to quote the great Halit Yilmaz during that time Jerome stood in the kitchen for hours making baklava and other Turkish treats for Halit’s Eid al-Fitr: “Shit, Jerome if you were a girl i’d marry you in a heartbeat.” and its true. we would ALL marry jerome. who says no is lying. )

-Smooth™

-Ok the ego thing btw its weird its an act but hes weird about it dont ask

idk what else to write ok short rundown of his bio as again i’m writing a new one and i cringe every time i look at my old one. im probs forgetting a lot but EYO ITS 6AM WHO CARES

CHILDHOOD age 0 to 10

-Born to a single mom who got fucked over by a smash nd dash dad. (we side eye Ok Chanwook in this household.)

-Moms family discouraged her from taking care of him herself so putting up for adoption it is.

-Very emotional not ok mom boram cry a lot pls. (got v angry too like boi if she ever sees chanwook again he can change his name to no dick larry)

-Adopted by a French couple called Lucas and Daphné (previously named Annelies). pretty kool peeps

-JK racist assholes who fetishize jerome a lot. PLEASE. the yellow fever runs deep. take him away from them,

-Raised in a small town in France and knew 0 Asians growing up. so thats nice

-Loves his adoptive grandpa to death tho (who’s he named after u3u)

-Actually hates the rest lol

-Ok uncle Rémy pretty cool bc he laughs at teen!Jerome shit talking his parents and aunt Camille. She a sweety ;3; a bit odd but a sweety #stanauntCamille

-Basically the people on the Gauthier side and born from Jerome and Clemintine are ok, the rest is shit (except for his dad Lucas. He a Gauthier but he shit)

-Junior/Senior relationship w granpda ;3; “Pépé!!” “Junior!!” *tiny jerome swings around grandpa’s neck* LOVE

-Grandma passed when he was 9. (he loved her very much and would always show her his drawings on her bed ;-;)

-Hard time adjusting at first when he was a tiny toddler. had a lisp talking french. ;3; baby rome

-young jerome had a bad case of the abandonment issues he literally held onto his dads leg for like 30 minutes before the teacher finally peeled him away from him. my smol boi

-Elephants. remember this. is important. /sob

-TLDR; biological mom didnt want to loose him. adoptive parents and dad are fucks. grandpa is kool. jerome had a good childhood until he didnt. thank u ignorance

TEEN YEARS age 10 to 20

-middle school very nice

-j FUCKING KKKKK EMO JEROME INBOUNDDDD

-kids are mean. teens are mean. young!jerome v lonely

-honestly he had no friends. except for like maybe this one kid on his sport called mattheo but he kinda a weeb so uhhhh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-the time comes that he feels uncomfortable with everything korean. he already learned korean along side french and english when he was growing up but now distances himself from further learning. he clings to french culture a lot and even to this day he refers to himself as french and european, and rarely refers to himself as korean or asian.

-feels disconnected from both though. its like.. his parents took his korean culture away from him by using it for their own amusement. it was not his to have basically. and french- a lot of people around him give the vibe he’s not “allowed” to call himself fully french. they see him as korean, korean-french but never just french. he feels very misunderstood. lack of identity and just not fitting in

-around this time (or earlier i’m musing still) his cousin Antonin (moms side) kind of fell out on him. like. wow. not good. fucked jerome up a lil. (issues intensify)

-inferiority complex inbound/ is he ok? no he isnt. he starts writing to get his emotions out.

-Blessed Freddy rolled in teen jerome’s life like: guess we need to do history homework together jerome: aren’t you gonna make a ‘do my homework bc you’re asian’ joke freddy: why would i jerome:

-they bond over music, freddy is the one who gets him serious about getting into it (we thank our lord freddy for this gift of life we call singer/songwriter jerome. pray to freddy 10 times a day *srry jisoos christ but ur out*)

-literally young jerome would be a great soundcloud artist in this day and age. he was like joji meets rei brown with more of an rnb tinge. he liked ambient because it calmed him.

-in his old bio thats still up bc im a slow writer his old name was some dumb shit like l.only DUMB its romeles now (get it.. jeROME LESlie gauthier. im smart)

-OK IM GONNA GO QUICKER NOW

-eMO FOR A LONG TIME BC OF LONELINESS AND OTHERING FREDDY IS HIS BEACON OF HOPE WE LOVE FREDDY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!!!!!!

-had a big ass fall out with his parents when he was around 15? was like “UHHH FUCK Y’ALL” and moved in with his grandpa (he was very disrespectful like damn boy but you know what. i support)

-best decision of his life because grandpa v lonely after his wife died and Jerome^2 is… so soft.

-Jerome dancing/singing to old tunes and being engrossed with old movies

-Learning how to cook ;3;

-I mean bc his middle and highschool were in Laval he spend a lot of his time w his grandpa already so he already had a bed and ;-; #jerome^2

-Halit rolls into his life. Braces, huge smile, lil prepubescent stash ohmygod. My child.

-BLANC is born. Freddy/Jerome/Halit’s musical trio. Stan the Three Musketeers

-Found his first best friend and a purpose in Freddy. Found a home in Halit. (sob)

-Finds solace in rnb and hiphop. People start noticing him because of it. Writes songs and performs them in café’s. Found his niche. 15 to 19 where his “best”  years

-THE BIG MOVE. After a concerned halit mom, a proud freddy mom and a “WHAT THE FUCK JEROME NO DONT GO” jerome mom they pack their bags and PARIS HERE WE COME

-Enter ex who haunts his life, Seo Yumi aka Marie (now model, v pretty, makes me cry)

-Spots her in the summer doing yoga in the park and boi he an assman so he got fucked up (jk he saw her face and was like wHAT love at first sight

-enrolls in film school, meets her there again and wow falls in love hard like wow calm down boy

-Dating~~~v possessive not good at ALL cALM DOWN JEROME

-ok he got his issues nd marie was the first one who openly listened to his problems and understood and made him appreciate his korean heritige bc she’s korean and showed him cultural aspects without the gross fetishizing that came with his parents and he just- he got intense ok. he already got a v intense personality so- still not good tho he needs to dial it down

-she thought so too and like after a year she was !!!! what the fuck. she is not one for serious relationships but jerome was like ehhh why not in the beginning its v nice to hear nd be seen as the most beautiful ok but then it got suffocating but instead of breaking up with him she kept him around. he a safe haven ya know. reliable. someone to built on later. *i wanna say she also didnt break up w him because his emo stories but marie,,, eh...* (funny tho like she got a thing for bad boys so she just “this is the fifth time you called me beautiful just degrade me lil like choke me idk” and jerome just “w-why would i do that you’re beautiful i dont want to hurt you” ah *looks into the future* ohhowthetableshaveturned.mp4 )

-Marie cheated on him the second she got the chance which was when jerome went to america w his bros

-Got offered a job as a songwriter when in ny. Wouldnt think he’d take it but after getting kicked out of school for beating the shit out of the guy marie cheated on him with and with marie out of the picture nothing held him back from starting a new life.

-TLDR; emo era. silver era. emo era 2 emo harder

ADULTHOOD age 20 to now

-Seoul make way for the rise of YUDDY™

-the name yuddy is from the film days of being wild. the character is kinda yuddy-ish too so he saw the film again and yep. thats my name

-Fuck_love.mp3

-Visits his orphanage. they like “nah boi u aint got no papers boi”

-Parents can give him access to his birthmother btw, aren’t doing it lol

-EMO

-Drinks. Sleeps around. Gets a reputation. You kno how it is. (gr8 ride tho. highly recommend. 5 out of 5 stars on yelp)

-SMASH ND DASH. Chanwook is that u??????

-One girl who he got with multiple times reminded him of Marie tho and that fucked him up for a bit (PSST ITS A PLOT WINK SO IF YA GIRL OF AGE IN THE 2013′S HMU BC ITS DRAMATIC HE GHOSTED THE SHIT OUT OF HER)

-Writes a lot of songs, a few for BC (knight baes). BC like *eye emoji* who dat boi who him iz

-Gets sign w BCreate and is like eyy life pretty good

-but lmao he debut and oh who’s that pretty girl promoting that lipstick?? oh.. its marie ;3;

-imfine.jpeg

-Joins main label and literally joins w a blessing stream limbo on spotify

-wgm era was a great era of jerome lmty his hair was great, shared cute personal things, manager was happy, slept with his best friend, was married to a sweet beautiful girl ya know the good stuff  👍 no im not crying you are

-triple fantasy era was awful we dont talk about that he looked like his brother and i’m still emotional about him wow. 

-instagram is a great song

-Interviewer: u mention an ex in ur song tell me more Jerome: *SWEATS*  

-Marie: my short hair DOES look pretty thank u babe ur red hair was cute too <3<3

-The fact she linked to him now is spook

-But ok he still flirty, still daring, still yuddy™ but definitely less of the whole “sleeping around” thing now bc he… he uhh closetoyou.mp3

TLDR; he turned into his dad but romeo is rising AND HE IS SCARED!!!!!

also never forget jerome is the messiest king in this ok non y’all are as messy as him. he fucked his ex’s friend oK THERE IS NOTHING MORE MESSY. dONT COME FOR HIS CROWN

[alyjojo]

Today is the story of how my pregnancies came to be, without the fun stuff. It plays a very large role in why I believe in God tbh.

So my ex. It’s a relevant start. Him and I were together four years, never used protection, dumb as that is. I bring that up at because, for much of that time, I just didn’t have periods. Like at all.

After about a year of waiting and taking pregnancy tests wondering what the hell, I went to the doctor (I hate doctors...back then fear won, a lot) and she gave me pills to force me to have one.

I would have one sporadically after, so I didn’t feel like a mutant, and I’d be like well okay...and didn’t go back to the doctor. But it was every few months.

PCOS seems to run in my family, my cousin has used years of fertility treatments to have children, and though it’s worked it’s been a hell of a struggle for her. I was always kind of afraid I couldn’t have kids.

July 2007, I felt a way that was different, didn’t have a period as usual, took a pregnancy test. This was a regular thing with the lack of periods. Positive. ....what?? Told him, and he lost his fn mind. I can’t describe just how stupid he acted, and I was lost. How I knew later he was a cheating pos. We went to Planned Parenthood to take their test. Negative. Idiot danced to his car, and something in me knew he was an idiot but I just let it go.

We broke up a few days later, he did, of course.

The day after we broke up, midst all my emotions yanno how that goes, I started on my own for the first time in...I couldn’t remember. And it stayed that way, regular, every month, ever since.

Mom said “it’s the guy”, who by that point she was kind of disgusted with too lol. Well. Yeah. It was? Seems so. Angry and blaming and rawr at God like I was and they were like nope sorry...not that one, and I just showed you that 🙏

He continuously plays a role in this story. Idk if he was A soulmate of some sort. I’m definitely one of his life lessons. It’s always been...deeper, even if we don’t even get along. At all.

Ok so hubby. Years later. Ex was long gone, didn’t talk didn’t nada, I lived with my boyfriend 😜 and his parents for a year, working on my car and saving money for a place. Which I did, we moved in August and September 18 (my late gmas bday), I hadn’t had a period and took a test like oh this crap again. Honestly didn’t think I could have kids...never had a scare in the year I’d already been with hubby.

Pregnant. Whaaat? So my EX sends me an email the next fn day. How? I have no idea. I had told hubby...that’s it. I don’t even remember what the email said, how are you or something idk, I avoided it like the plague before being like omg just answer and writing something quickly, send, delete. Never read it again. I’d gotten him out of my brain space tyvm bye. Well in my response was something like lol I’m pregnant. He was the 2nd person to know. And considering he flipped out and left over a baby...karma.

In my later belief system, and seeing my oldest’s chart, she has much Libra/Scorpio influencing her (10th, Saturn/Moon). I felt like initially that positive may have been her, just long enough to get him tf out. The timing of his message blew my mind. Didn’t speak again for like 10 years, baby daughter got the name I had always wanted, and gmas middle to honor her. I still see 9:18 periodically. Love u Gma ❤️

So next baby. After two years in our first apartment, we were bombarded with BEES 🐝 Like this was insane level of bees, you couldn’t leave the house without these threatening mfers chasing you to the car, management was shit, we moved.

Moved into a bigger nicer apartment in a nicer part of town. August again. Had a fun night with some drinks to celebrate the night we moved in...no protection, big fun, hubby joked drunk, there’s #2.

So September 11th...I bought it 😆 But I refused to do it on that day. September 12th...hello baby girl #2.

Years and years pass, we use condoms regularly. Very careful always. Idk how my son came to be and I’ll say it till I die. I went back to work, I had lost a bunch of weight lol, I was not in baby mode at all. I was 100% done. So much that for two months I didn’t even realize. Until my jeans stopped fitting and I was like WTF. Sure enough. Hello baby boy.

I had been playing the sure let’s be friends game 🙄 with some of my ex’s after hubby’s stupid bs. Nothing more trust & believe, hell no. And it just doesn’t work as friends either so idk why we ever tried. Will never get along. The other ones were just drama...was my Saturn return, that was a nightmare. Then we entered his, and that was also a nightmare. That’s as much as I’ll say about that 💯

The last thing I said to that same ex, 10 years later...I’m pregnant 😆 It’s a kind of karma somehow. Goodbye again, the same way it’ll always be. Like God was like I’m sorry, you need a reminder?

My children ❤️

I always blamed my husband for doing it on purpose. Because he was so happy when I was. He’ll always deny it, but the boy came out DADDY’S boy and I just let him take over because...well he wanted to. And for the first time, the baby wanted, demanded, him too. It was actually insanely sweet, still is.

I went to the doctor and said I guess I’m due in February? She’s like try Christmas. I literally threw away the whole doctor and got a new one because I thought she was lying to me 😆

So on Christmas DAY, 6pm, I’m making meatloaf bc I knew a baby would be coming soon and we didn’t want a fridge full of leftovers...water breaks. 7cm dialated by 7pm, they gave me meds to slow down while hubby dropped off the kids at gmas. Little Aries moon was OUT in four hours 🤣 My biggest baby.

Jane...we were again very careful. Condom flew off inside of me completely. Like flew. Idk how tf that happens and it was very uncomfortable to fix btw. We knew, and when it was positive, we knew. We were not in a good place at that time. It was bad.

She was due on my cousins bday, and down to the very signs they would’ve been similar, and my cousin has lost babies...kind of how we had our falling out. She was mad at me for having my boy, but she was petty and rude to me for months, it broke my heart, then her mom my aunt tells me how she and my mother just talk shit about us both, when I trusted her the most, I just...bye. Gtfo ur one of them. Cried.

Well Jane. I lost Jane. I’ll always be sad about it. Cap with Gemini moon (supposed to) ended up being a little lost Leo. Same middle name as my cousin.

It’s here I’ll mention our foster kids. Hubby’s niece by blood, nephew by marriage. They were hard, that situation was hard, the boy is on the spectrum (which I now know means dick all really, he’s incredibly normal despite his horrific early circumstances) and he alone needs a lot of care. And their parents broke up and his dads side wanted them...he’s not ours, how could we claim him first? Our niece fits like a glove, she is ours. His sisters. We felt it was taking away from our kids after awhile, having two more suddenly, with DFS and court and visits and phone calls. We were getting screamed at by the parents for trying to be good people...then my car broke down with this timing chain nightmare, his was totaled (fk u forever)...then came the positive with boy, and we gave the kids to their Dad’s mom. Who is a very nice lady, with money, sister in law be pissed or not. We all felt we just couldn’t do it.

The boy was a Christmas Eve boy. Hilarious and so smart and adorable and sweet, just a lot of work. Our niece, a Leo, born way too early (late Oct due date). Small, tiny, but healthy.

My son is Christmas Day. Hilarious and SO smart and adorable and so sweet...a lot of work. Can not look away for two seconds. Also breaks things. Also punches his sisters. Even looks kinda like our nephew. Its eerie.

I tell my husband we didn’t keep the kids...we had the kids 😞 Because I ended up losing my little Leo, born way too early 😢

These kids are why I believe everything, they’re why I have faith, they’re how I notice the funny little things others wave off as oh it’s coincidence. No, it’s not.

Whether there’s another in the future idk. With Covid it’s not something I want right now. I did have my heart set on 4, once Jane came into the picture.

Maybe someday. Maybe not. Besides #2, which hubby joked about, and she’s a silly sarcastic goose just like her Daddy 😆, it seems God has more say on that then I ever have. With everything.

Take charge types scold me like “you have the power”, and I’m like oh yeah watch this. Try to work or try to do anything, car tires burst or something, some emergency, hubby has some insane project he needs me with them for, a baby appears, or foster kids, something always happens to keep me home. They all need me here. Just how it works in my life.

Someday...who knows? For now, this year, I’m a homeschool teacher ❤️ We’re happy 😊

[cnisms]

ok u know what ? what i had planned was taking way too long n i don’t wanna rush myself so let me just share what i have n then we’ll take it from there xx HELLO AGAIN ! i’m emmy (she/her) of the house aest/gmt+10 aka yes i did wake up at 6am on a saturday then fall asleep halfway through putting this together. my things are intersectional feminism, avocados, inxs, dogs, history, and watching every single tv show to ever exist (except suits... one day...) ! i have 25 too many muses so get ready for one line on each ! don’t @ me bc they’re all fleshed out and if u wanna ask abt any of them, i’m ready 2 go off. do @ me bc i’m too lazy to finish their individual pages. anyways ! i love plotting so if ur interested... pick a muse or five and we’ll brainstorm !!

i do have a muse navigation here which you can click through. an amazing 2 out of 25 muse pages are completely finished, some have completed stats, most have shit-all. also, they do have intro posts in this tag but probably don’t read them bc they’re mostly messy and expired memes.

MARI RIBEIRO (camila mendes, 21) rich girl with her shit mostly sorted. was loved an unrealistic amount by her parents and now does the same to her friends. if ethan jumped off a bridge, would mari do it too? absolutely. always overreacting to something. can’t drive.

TOMAS TURUNEN (bill skarsgard, 25) pretentious romantic. mad at his dad and takes it out on everyone else w mind games. has probably killed someone. manages the bar in soho and that is literally... all most people know about his private (fake) ass.

CICI GAUTIER (elle fanning, 18) thinks she’s marie antoinette. filthy rich, filthy morals. does whatever jennifer meade tells her to if she can’t make someone else do it for her. uncomfortably obsessed with her cousin (no incest tho, i promise). very very little empathy. absolutely the type to costume change at any event.

WES KOTECHA (avan jogia, 24) has a lot of feelings, all of them hurt. plays guitar (and keytar but...) for liberal scum. tfw no gf meme. king of making dinner awkward by either bringing up his latest personal problems or just getting into politics. surrounds himself w vegans.

MINDY WILLIAMS (margaret qualley, 22) the goth girl kevsdgaf is always tweeting about. monotone. only listens to one direction or the cure. loves twilight and shakespeare. the weird girl who never got over her vampire phase. rarely experiences bad moods.

BECK HOLMES (alfie enoch, 29) big nerd. means well. loves learning and helping others learn. literally does not ever stop looking for new information to absorb. needs better friends right now immediately. does not have a life outside of his few friends n his books.

ROSIE RIVERA BLANCHE (eiza gonzalez, 25) my first muse... my baby... biological and adoptive daughter of rock royalty. got into acting instead. too good for the show she’s on but hasn’t gotten any other big offers. thinks she’s better than everyone else. friendship and romance? she doesn’t know either. just hugo.

ANGEL ROSADO (zoe kravitz, 24) heiress to a resort empire, head of a fitness one. competitive. has considered having other gyms burned down. has her head stuck up her own ass most of the time. dependent on her family. takes everything personally.

AJA PAREKH (naomi scott, 22) farm girl who was forced to run away to the city when family dramas got tough. can’t decide if her dream is to drive a van around europe or just milk some cows. super friendly, super annoying. doesn’t even know how to acknowledge a problem.

ARABELLA GOMFREY (gabriella wilde, 23) lucrezia borgia. pious. thinks her family are right about everything no matter how wrong it is. would do anything to make them look good. cliquey. likes surrounding herself with beautiful people but gets pressed if they’re cuter than her. nice until you come for her family. 

ZACH BALTAZAR (jamie blackley, 25) insecure or just lazy? he’ll crack a joke about it. deserves happiness but doubts that. is up for anything but will judge you the whole time. king of impressive first dates and romantic poetry then forgetting to text you back for a solid three weeks.

NATALYA BELYAKOVA (alicia vikander, 27) boring. literally just reads, works and wears pencil skirts. actually only moved to london to get bloody revenge on the people who killed her father and brother. good at keeping secrets obviously. smart.

ALANIS BAUMANN (emily ratajkowski, 25) a hero. literally scammed 9 different people for money telling them her baby was theirs before calvin shut that down. actually named her kid freddie mercury. would die for him. crude. just tryna have a good time.

CONSTANCE ABERNATHY (diana silvers, 20) church girl who didn’t wanna go to church or read her bible. got married young n ran away. not the one who put her husband in a coma but we all have our suspicions. was famous on vine and refuses to let it go. kinda mean. 

PARIS BAYOUMI (mimi elashiry, 20) full time kitchen witch. has a herb garden that she actually talks to. will ask how you are then immediately tune out. serene. unintentionally sardonic. tells detailed stories that literally no one cares about. no one knows anything about where she came from.

GWEN HATHAWAY (madchen amick, 43) soft spoken angel who can and will turn into the actual devil if you get in her way. still dealing with the 90s. has children somewhere. impulsive. always putting herself first. seems so sweet it’ll takes a second to realize she doesn’t care.

LUKE FALLEY (toby regbo, 25) the biggest pain in the ass. seems to think he knows everything. actually does not have a mean bone in his body but seems condescending. always got some weird shit to say. feminist. does not stop talking ever.

HELENA O’SHEA (lily james, 26) the girl who had it all together at a young age n then fell from grace. successful wedding planner who threw it all away out of embarrassment when she got dumped and called off her wedding. miserable. hates children. extremely organized.

GIA VISARIYA (charli xcx, 23) actual queen of youtube. writes n stars in a ‘reality’ series there. very loud and very friendly. thinks of everyone as a bff. if you end up in her contacts for whatever reason she will invite you out every weekend. needs some manners.

VERONIKA ERIKSON (angelina jolie, 40) goddess. half retired supermodel who has spent the last 20 years trying to have a baby. got divorced n “””moved on””” bc she couldn’t take the heartache anymore. iconic aunt. deserves the world. now flips houses to keep herself busy.

LUMA PONTECORVO (sofia black-d’elia, 23) such a bad influence that her older brother literally set her up in a different country so she would stop getting his kids into trouble. brat. always showing up to work late and hungover. cunty. mad abt her mom dipping.

ELIZABETH LEBLANC (margot robbie, 27) fakes the domestic goddess stereotype to please other people. gets her kicks from spending her dirty drug money on clothes and curtains. has experienced poverty and would probably kill before going back there.

AJAY JOHAL (rahul kohli, 30) everything he does is literally just in an effort to support his parents. super flighty. could not make a decision to save his life. super respectful. quality lad. maybe a lil immature but he’s working on it. sike ! he’s not.

PERCY NICHOLS (finn cole, 20) an actual stain. just a horrible lil shunt. screwed over his friends and got rich. would absolutely do it again. cheeky nandos. very smart but you wouldn’t know it. coked out. absolutely has to live a certain life. will never be satisfied anyway.

BOBBIE SANTOS (blanca padilla, 22) ruins lives w how angelic she is. ur annoying yoga friend who instagrams her food before eating it. doesn’t know how to mind her own business but thankfully isn’t very perceptive. glass half full. under educated. independent.

[leeoliver]

they’re in their late 20s by the time the events of the game take place like 28-29. idk how old asra is but its possible theyre older than him.

they were raised on a farm in literally the middle of fucking nowhere. i mean it. like a 5 day horse ride due south to vesuvia and theres nothing for miles and miles and miles in any other direction, unless ur looking to walk directly into the sea. the farm was pretty much self-sufficient, so there wasnt a ton of need to go to the city.

they have two dads, ciar and tavish. the farm is ciar’s family farm and he struck out when he was younger to seek his fortune as a mercenary and tavish was a member of the mercenary crew but they didn’t get married just then...after a couple years ciar went back to his farm bcos he was kinda sick of being a mercenary and his parents were old and couldnt work...so then when he was like in his late 40s he randomly reconnected w his old mercenary buddy tavish when he was in town, who now only occasionally does merc work, mostly writes poetry, and has a young daughter, lileas, from a really short-lived marriage. anyway they ended up falling in love and all 3 of them moved out to the farm

rhian was adopted. like they were literally left on their dads’ doorstep in a blanket just like in meet the robinsons. their dads just assumed it was an answer to their prayers and vowed to raise and cherish them. it turns out that there had been a series of like, baby kidnappings in versuvia around the time they came to the farm and they only found out when they moved to the city as an adult and heard about these terrible kidnappings that had happened a couple decades ago and the children were never seen again and they were like “haha, wait, fuck” but more on that later

they love animals. all animals. they have firsthand experience w cows and goats and sheep and horses and pigs and everything but stuff they couldn’t see close up they read about.

they prefer animal-related tasks like feeding and cleaning and helping birth calves and stuff but sometimes we all have to help out w the harvest...they were a pretty husky kid and as they became a teenager they were more farm strong...after they moved to the city they didn’t really feel compelled to keep that up so they’re a little softer around the edges now

lileas was like 9-10 when they arrived so there’s a bit of an age difference between them. they got along fine tho to their knowledge she’s still on the farm.

they never really. enjoyed rural life and their dads could tell. whenever one of them would go into the city their sister was pretty much hit or miss on whether lileas would tag along but rhian always always always wanted to go. as they got older like into their early 20s they knew like they would never really be happy on the farm but they didn’t feel like they were able to just pick up and move and handle like money and housing and everything so they were just. miserable.

and then a really weird distant relative of tavish’s like a great great aunt thrice removed or something who lived in vesuvia died and left him her little house in the city and when they got the news literally all of them had the same thought: “oh, rhian should take it”. like not in a “we want to get rid of rhian” way but like this looked like exactly what they had been waiting for. it’s a really strange theme in rhians life of stuff that looks like miracles happening just when you need them to.

so they said goodbye to everyone and packed their bags and went and they consider it the best decision they ever made. the house was fucking tiny but it was so close to the center of town and there was always noise and hubbub even late at night and they didn’t mind that they never got a second of sleep

one thing tho they were always worried+conscious of looking/acting like a hick? their normal speaking volume is really loud and before they started like consciously regulating it there’d always be the occasional dirty look when they were in public?? also all of a sudden very aware of their body and how much space they take up? the city is much more crowded and they weren’t used to it and were constantly jostling people and knocking stuff over and they hated, hated being looked at and started wearing these really baggy ill-fitting drab clothes to avoid attention but honestly they’ve literally got like green potato sacks draped over themself it’s not doing that much

they don’t. really like authority. growing up, the ruling family didn’t really have a ton of affect in their life and it’s kind of hard to grasp this concept of a single person who’s treated differently based on?? no reason?? that being said they do love asra

they worked at the bakery for a while (the same bakery where the guy offers u the bread at the beginning) but couldnt do much in the kitchen bcos again. kept knocking stuff over. eventually he set them up doing samples on the street and that was a pretty good gig. anyway then they met up w asra.

[kkaadvns-blog]

* ♦ ⋅ ⋆ — ‹ michael b. jordan › meet kaden walker, a twenty-eight year old male gang banger that is known as the crimson. the rent-a-thug, he is a scorpio, which means he is charming & intelligent, as well as hedonistic & flirtatious. hopefully, nobody will find out kade’s dark secret. 

*uberhaxornova voice* alright helLO ( watch, no one else knows who that is ) i’m caitlyn, i’m 22, i live in CST and i go by she/her pronouns. this is my trash baby kaden.  im v excited to be here & plot with ya’ll!!! speaking of plotting, like this if you wanna plot and i’ll hop into ur ims rEAl quick.. i need all the plots. i have a v basic connection pages up for him HERE, if you wanna take a look @ that and some stats n whatnot below the cut!! ( PS: i will be at work for three hrs but i’ll be on as soon i get home )

( tw: mentions of death, weapons, drugs, alcohol & violence. )

BIOGRAPHY

was born in oakland, california and lived there until he was 16.

lsn ok kaden grew up… hella wealthy.. however, that money was not really made legally ??

his parents were a part of a v notorious gang in cali and lets just say he didn’t have the most ‘normal’ life growing up bc of if.

even though his parents did that for a living, they tried to keep him and his younger sister out of the loop as best as they could, making a life for their kids that was not a life like their own.

however, he knew there was something up at a very young age, there were far too many times where his parents were gone late at night for him not to catch onto their job positions.

but for the longest time, he just told himself they were doing whatever they needed to do to keep him and his sister safe and left it at that.

being the curious person he was, he ended up sneaking out of her first day of class ( i’m talking middle school here ) one day, tracking down his parents car and found a window that was open and listened to the entire conversation about how they needed to end an opposing gang that was treading too close to her parent’s territory. that’s when he found up they were much higher up in rank than he thought.. like.. leader status

he kept silent about it for a while, dropping subtle hints here and there until his parents finally caught on. they weren’t even mad that he eavesdropped on their conversation, instead they sat him down at a very young age and explained everything they did and why they needed to do it.

not only that, they started training kaden as well, teaching her him to use various weapons, how to pick locks, how to get in and out of places unseen and everything else she would need to know to eventually take their place one day.

much to their surprise, kade picked up on these things as easy as it was for him to breathe the air around them. he was a natural born criminal and that made them proud as can be. but he knew he wasn’t the only child they had, so he started asking questions.

after asking why his parents weren’t teaching these things to his sister, he found out that her life path was not that of their parents. from a young age, his sister wanted to be a cop, so that was what she pursued.

for a while, he couldn’t understand it, wanted to know why his own sister would be on the side that could potentially lock their parents away for the rest of their lives.

but that didn’t matter, she wasn’t even an official officer when kaden had to pll her out of school only to explain to her that their parents died in a crash. it was almost too much for the both of them to deal with, but it also made it clear to kaden why his sister chose a different path.

he knew that crashes happened and for a year or so, he lived with that and just wrote it off as an accident. but what people didn’t know was that he’d become really, really good at hacking into people’s information, finding out that his parents weren’t just killed in the crash, they were murdered. the whole thing was a set up.. done by someone below them in ranks that didn’t like the fact they were in power.

this set kaden off, making her go into this downward spiral that even his sister couldn’t get her out of.

he went out partying at a young age, started doing drugs.. anything that would make her forget about his parents for a while.

not only did that happen though, he became more and more motivated to take over their legacy, bursting in on one of the mafia’s meetings only to punch the person responsible directly in the face. he thought it would get him killed, and there was a part of him that didn’t care. but it didn’t, in fact it not only scared the other mafia members, but it instilled a respect for him in them that he had gotten from her parents.

things were find for a while, he was 16 and living with his aunt, uncle and sister.. all of whom  tried to keep tabs on him as much as they could, but even that didn’t help them when he had a con-artist of a boy who paid people to lie for him about his whereabouts and things like that, but they tried and that was enough for him because it showed that they all loved him and cared.

but things changed once again when he turned 16, his uncle catching him trying to steal clothes from the store. and instead of reporting kaden himself, his uncle took him straight to his younger sister and they both filed a roperot on him. needless to say, they were probably a little more harsh on him than they should have been given that it was their relative. they ended up putting him in a cell for a  good three weeks, probation after that and that was when he started to dislike her and her life choices.

after his probation was over, he knew she needed to get out, go somewhere where no one knew his name, no one knew what happened to his parents nor the ties he now had with the same gang that got his parents killed. so she made the choice to move to mississippi. he’d seen articles on it and fell in love so he figured why not?

shortly after that, he found out that he could do dangerous things for a living and basically tried to do anything and everything he could that was considered reckless. falling into the underground life.

he quickly gained the title rent-athug in the gang and was climbing the ladder of the boxing ring he’d gotten into after a flawless first 10 fights, his opponents not even touching him.

now? he’s pretty well known in the underground scene, feared by a lot due to his brash and blunt behavior. not to mention the fact he’s gone untouched in every boxing match he’s had in years.

however, outside of the underground life, he tells people he’s just a trust fund baby who was left with the amount of money he has, making sure his other life doesn’t get out to the general public.

PERSONALITY

while kaden is sarcastic and blunt, he’s extremely outgoing, intelligent and charming when he wants to be.

he normally get along with everyone because he lives his life as chill as he possibly can. sure, there are some people that annoy him but he has never hated anyone other than the person that killed his parents.

loves to party, drink… be wild, do stupid things.

is the dude that probably sends half nude photos to his friends 2 see if they’re up to par ?? like ‘hey do u think this is good enough 2 send’

will want to go to a bar, club or party with everyone because that’s where he feels more comfortable.

extremely reckless.. like probably will suggest they break into a park of something after hours just to go exploring in the dark??

curses like a daMN SAILOR

drinks…. a lot… like….. way more than he should.. probs bleeds whiskey

always has bruised knuckles or a black eye or SOMETHING from his boxing matches

owns a motorcycle.. and its literally his baby

… he flirts… with everyone and is rather amorous. meaning there’s a 99.9% chance he will try 2 sleep with everyone because that’s just his ‘thing’

wears glasses 2 read, but hates them w a passion so he tries not to use them when he’s in public bc she doesn’t wanna get made fun of??

extremely into netflix n chill……. yikes

can cook like a five star chef?? yet he rarely cooks for himself.

a little guarded at first but once those walls are down, and he can trust you, he considers you a friend.

the people he trusts fully though?? shit, he’d do anything and everything for.. like he’d even take a bullet for them ??

dom af & proud.

also might be slightly addicted to sex but he tries to keep that on the dl… ( sIKE hes a hOE )

plays video games whenever he gets the chance, reads comic books and is a marvel & dc hoe.. honestly.

acts like he’s okay all of the time even if he’s not because he doesn’t want to burden people with his problems, they have enough to deal w as it is.

fluent in quite a few languages.

knows how to hack into people’s things or places and does that sometimes whenever he’s bored & looking for something 2 do ??

a burnt cupcake who’s trying

STATS

BASICS

Full Name: Kaden James Walker. Nickname(s): Kade, Walker. Age: Twenty-nine. Date of Birth: October 31st. Zodiac Sign: Scorpio. Place of Birth: Oakland, California. Ethnicity: African American. Nationality: African American. Gender: Male. Sexual Orientation: Bisexual. Romantic Orientation: Bisexual. Religion: N/A. Occupation: Rent-A-Thug.. Language(s) Spoken: Spanish, French, Welsh, German, Gaelic, Russian, Italian & Japanese. Accent: None.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: Michael B. Jordan. Hair Color: Brown. Eye Color: Brown.. Height: 6′ 2″. Weight: 224 lbs. Build: Fit.. Tattoos:  X, X, X, X ( ribs only ), X ( back of left calf ), X. Piercings: None.

PERSONALITY

Label: The Crimson. Positive Traits: Intelligent, Charming, Adventurous. Negative Traits: Hedonistic, Flirtatious, Reckless. Fears: Arachnophobia & Claustrophobia. Hobbies: Playing video games, drinking, partying, riding motorcycles / atvs, boxing, reading comic books, watching old movies, cooking. Quirks: Believes in karma, fights for animals rights, fights for gender & marriage equality, owns an outrageous amount of shoes, drinks lots of water, works out once a day, fidgets constantly, knows how to code websites, knows a lot of useless trivia.

FAMILY

Father: Jason Walker. ( deceased. ) Mother: Marshay Walker. ( deceased. ) Sibling(s): Younger sister. ( one year younger / alive. ) Pet(s): One husky named Balto and one Persian tuxedo cat named Lucifer. Financial Status: Wealthy.

TESTS

Myers-Briggs: ENTP-A Enneagram: Type 8 ( The Challenger. ) Temperament: Sanguine. Hogwarts House: Slytherin.

[lizziebennet]

I've been following you for a while and I've noticed how much you love Pride and Prejudice. I also love both the book and the 2005 film, but I've always had one pretty serious problem with the storyline. I've never understood why Elizabeth falls for Darcy. I've read the book countless times, seen the film even more than that, and I still don't understand. Why does Elizabeth, a wonderful, bright, independent, and headstrong woman fall in love with a man who has repeatedly shamed her and her

family? And when he attempts to make up for hurting Elizabeth’s feelings, he really only fixes the things HE RUINED in the first place (ie Jane and Bingley’s relationship). Other than that, I still don’t understand why Elizabeth should fall in love with this man. She even states that “only the deepest of loves will persuade me into matrimony”, and Darcy has done nothing to warrant that love besides giving Lydia the money for her marriage. I’ve looked up to Lizzy since I was 11 and I don’t get it

[crackles knuckles] buckle up yall we’re ab to get DEEP into pride and prejudice

ok well first of all thanks for sending me this ask bc i love talking ab p&p as everyone knows. 

so ur question: Why does lizzie fall for darcy??????

i like to think about it this way: what would’ve happened if lizzie hadn’t overheard darcy and bingley belittle her at the dance?(there are some rly good fics on this topic btw) how wouldve lizzie and darcy’s relationship progressed differently if lizzie hadn’t been determined to hat e him before they ever really interact? because of their interactions after that hinge on lizzie’s opinion of darcy being set – hes a pompous dick. she decides it. but what if she had greeted him with an open mind like any other new acquaintance? i think she wouldve probably still thought he was awkward and pompous but realized much sooner that there was more to him than that. 

because what happens in the book is that while darcy is having this evolution from his prejudiced view of lizzie based on her social status to falling in love with her, lizzie isnt budging from her opinion that darcy is a dick because she hasnt had any positive interactions with him to change that view. when wickham (a guy she literally jUST met and doesnt have any connections with) tells her darcy is an asshole she believes it right away because thats already how she views him. 

in short what im saying that they both start out with a predisposition to dislike one another – darcy because lizzie isnt high born and lizzie because she overhears darcy say a mean thing about her. darcy’s opinion changes because he spends time with lizzie (and jane) and sees what great amazing vibrant people they are. 

but lizzies opinion of darcy doesnt change except to get WORSE based on what other people tell her. and thats because of one of the central problems in p&p: DARCY IS HORRIBLE AT COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER PEOPLE!!! he cant show his personality to lizzie the same way she does to him because hes so awkward and doesnt know how to act well. i think if darcy didn’t have issues with being around new people lizzie’s opinion of him would change so much more quickly and thats because DARCY IS ACTUALLY A GOOD PERSON!!!!!

the bennets are always like why does bingley who is amazing hang out with darcy who is the worst??? its because darcy is actually a caring and compassionate friend again he just doesnt do well with new people. we see this with how he interacts with georgiana, when the housekeeper at pemberley tells lizzie and her aunt and uncle that darcy is adored by all the staff and everyone in town, etc etc. darcy is a good person – not perfect, he def has lots of faults like pride and prejudice and classism for example – but he just isnt good at showing that thru words. 

so what changes lizzies mind??? even if darcy is secretly a good person why would lizzie care after what he did to jane and bingley? well a few very important things happen. 

1. lizzie gets the letter from darcy. this letter isnt a 100% fix it situation because he doesnt explain the rude things he says ab her family but it does explain ab wickham and make lizzie feel for him ab that whole situation. it also explained ab jane and bingley and while lizzie doesnt agree w him, it def changes her perspective that darcy is an evil villain who just wanted to cause pain. still, after the letter she mostly feels awkward and guilty and embarrassed but no love. 

2. darcy practices. when at rosings lizzie makes fun of how bad darcy is at talking to people and he tells her that its not something that comes naturally to him. lizzie tells him to “take his aunts advice and practice” and when lizzie goes to pemberley its obvious that he hAS BEEN PRACTICING!!!! lizzie notes that he is not at all like how he was when she interacted with him before, and her aunt and uncle are like why did u tell us darcy was such a bad dude?? he rules?? darcy isnt perfect but the point is that he gets better – he learns!!! lizzie teaches him!!!!!! he becomes better – less judgmental, less standoffish because he wanted to better for lizzie. 

3. actions speak louder than words. even tho darcy is getting better at talking his actions still speak louder than what he says. the way he interacts with georgiana at pemberley, the way he rescues lydia, the way he convinces bingley to go back to jane. these actions show lizzie that the TRUE person he is and make her realize that hes actually Great. 

like if ur thinking ab lizzie and darcy as darcy is an ass why does lizzie change her mind about him i view it differently?? like i think darcy was always a good person who is very suited to lizzie but because of the communication errors (lizzie “willfully misunderstanding” him) and drama that goes on, lizzie doesnt find this out until the end. 

because i do think that lizzie and darcy are Very suited for each other. they are SO ALIKE (lizzie says this so cutely at the end of the 2005 version). they are both proud and they both have prejudices. lizzie kind of thinks shes better than everyone else and love to make fun of people and secretly watch their “follies” to get amusement. darcy prefers to be by himself or with a close few because he generally thinks all new people arent really worth his time. they are both really fiery and passionate. and i think they both challenge each other like… when u think ab darcy growing up losing his parents at a young age and being so rich do u think anyone really called him out on his shit in his entire adult life??? no. so when lizzie like dragged his ass thru the dirt it was probably the first time anyone told him that he came off like a total douche. and even tho lizzie makes fun of darcy when he says “my good opinion once lost is lost forever” ISNT THAT EXACTLY WHAT LIZZIE IS LIKE??? she decides she hates darcy and likes wickham and then realizes she was totally wrong about both of them. 

they are also both oblivious about their friends’ love lives even though they want whats best for them (im talking ab charlotte for lizzie) and both are really loyal to their families. and yeah, what darcy said ab lizzies family was really really rude but was it different than anything lizzie has said before??? she is constantly getting annoyed/embarrassed by her mom and her sisters. so. 

i really think they are soulmates because they bring out the best in one another. they challenge each other and have really different viewpoints and upbringings but the same core values. 

i hope this maybe explained a little of why they fall in love??? basically it wasnt about the lydia wickham thing at all but about lizzie Seeing darcy as he truly is.  

[gardenstateofmind]

@bpdmalum omg ur fine i love seeing what u have to say, but yeah omg it's nice that our culture is slowly getting more accepting so not every gay kid grows up in a homophobic home my family situation is kinda weird, like everyone has a different stance. my cousins are chill i mean one of them is gay herself, my mom is like lowkey homophobic but in an ignorant straight person way, she's mostly just supportive, and then my grandma and aunt are traditional, catholic mexicans so they aren't Hateful so much as they genuinely believe homosexuality is a sin. so they don't have a problem with me being attracted to people, they just have a problem if i were to "act" on it. but regardless we're a really tight knit family so there's not much drama around it, it's just a Thing. my mom's husband is hella homophobic tho he loves calling me a "deviant" lmfao but yeah it is so weird being ace and hypersexual!! i, and a few of my friends, have been there, and it's a confusing feeling, but it does make sense bc hypersexuality is like a sort of mental state, whereas asexuality is just u dont feel any type of way from looking at a person. there's a lot of ace ppl who have sex just cause it feels physically good too. sex is a v complex thing idk i think under the right circumstances i could be capable of feeling sexual and romantic attraction, but for my every day life it's not gonna happen. but im totally open to trying relationships with people of any gender so i still identify as pansexual.

[bvdblog-blog]

life and death. such strange concepts that everyone takes so seriously. and rightfully so. i think about death alot. and not in a way where i want it to happen to me or anybody around me anytime soon. at all. i can positively say im not suicidal. but death is such an interesting topic to me. for so many different reasons.

first of all, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE???? ive literally wondered this for a good majority of time now. i guess it boils down to what someone believes. some say u go to heaven if youve “asked for forgiveness.” others say you go to another life of come back an animal others say nothing. lik its such a fuckin trip honestly. WHO. REALLY KNOWS. its not lik someone can come back from the dead and explain what theyve been up to since they died. idk why it fascinates me so much but it does. lik the moment u stop exsisting do u know uve stopped esixting? is it just white? black? lik god damn its intense to think about. 

i think as much as it fascinates me i struggle with it too. my whole life ive been told theres a god, heaven, and afterlife in heaven if you live ur life right ask for foregiveness and do all the right things give or take. so i always thought that. but now as im older im not religious anymore. i dont agree with half the shit in the bible and i hate church people. christians. granted there are definitely christians who have been nothing but nice to me but overall im not a fan. others do as they please but at the moment im not into it. so im stuck in this spot where i dont know what i believe overall including life after death. and it scares me. 

part of it is laziness. i dont wanna have to read on things n decide what i believe. but at the same time i wanna know what happens when i die. its weird as fuck and if i think about it too much i get so much anxiety. i know alot of it is cuz i feel bad tht im not following my parents choice of christianity. i definietly make my own decisions but i feel bad for dissapointing them. the thing is i believe in god i think. thats for sure. i do think there is a set path for everyone but tht they have to work at it. but lik beyond tht idk. i talk to a god yes n i ask advice n shit but i dont go to church and i dont want to. tht doesnt maek me bad right? sometimes i wonder if following a certain religion or belief system would make me happier in life? idk. im too lazy to figure it out thooooo thats for sure. and maybe thts where i fall flat. idk.

back to the death thing. i was watching a show a couple weeks ago called captive. where people tell their stories of being held captive for ransom. and the reinactments would show people begging for their life which is obviously how everyone acts in near death situations like that. it just got me thinking. (this about to sound pretentious, suicidal, and weird all in one. i promise its none of those. just thoughts i have while driving sometimes) 

someone begs for their life why? obviously i know why. cuz they wanna live their lives beyond that point. duh. but lik really think about it. if someone dies, their death doesnt effect them. other than the obvious dying part. lik it effects their family and friends around them more. tht just trips me out soooo much. is that why people beg for their lives so much? for the others around them? or for their own living?

i guess its different for someone who has kids or a huge successfull business or thriving life. not that i dont have a thriving life but someone who has kids has more to live for than i do in a sense. they dont want to abandon their kids and leave them. i obviously too dont want to abandon my parents siter or friends but its different. it makes me wonder if ill see death differently when i have kids? overall would tht change my opinion and outlook on life? idk. i hope so sometimes. 

theres also a weird thing about grandparent death. my grandparents died only a year ago n it still drives me in circles. i was sad. devistated as fuck. still am. i think about them all the time. but its also weird because lik grandparents are old and are headed towards death every day right?  i mean i guess we all are which is morbid as fuck but yeah. 

idk i worry about my empathy sometimes, this girl posted on fb tht her grandpa died n she was broken, and i felt bad for her but at the same time i as lik ok he was old it was bound to happen. but lik WTF!? my grandparents died a year ago n  instead of relating to her i went back to the same old them being old thing. why do i do that? does it have to do with my weird fascination with after death? idk.

dont get me wrong. i would do anything to have my grandparents back this second. but old age and death is strange. i also think i am somewhat jaded to old age and death because i work as a care giver for old people daily and i see the sadness of peoples mind and bodies giving up on them al the time. my one client is 105 and just sits there al day. having this kind of exposure almost makes me not want to live to be older than 80. idk

i also have to remind myself besides my grandparents and aunt, ive never lost someone close to me. i look at my mom who lost her parents and struggles every fucking day. ive not been in that place where someone ive known my actual entire life and spent almost every day with isnt here anymore. so i think tht clouds my thinking as well. but tht situation scares the shit out of me more than anything. my mom or dad being here one day and then not. cnat go there cuz it gives me anxiety. 

of course this was all over the place with no organization. what ya gonna do haha

just to say again, im nowhere near suicidal. at all. weird things just fascinate me. i could never say these things out loud. but im glad i could write it here. 

[mymindsabouttoexplode]

wow long

my aunt and I have this thing where we vent to eachother about the toxicity of this family and I honestly dont think what were doing is bad because were not insulting anyone or anything we just talk about negative reactions/situations with my siblings, fights in the family, and what my parents did and how it made us feel and the possible connections it could have to how my siblings and i react to things due to being in this environment (my aunt, though affected by it, did start living with my nuclear family when she was nearly an adult already so she wasnt raised in this environment). The toxicity constitutes how my family continuously talks bad about eachother and somehow manages to pretend that they hadnt and they claim they love their family and its hard to tell if they truly mean it or if their brain kind of just tells them they should feel that way? idk how to explain it but its very unintentional...they dont even realize they do it. Irrational behaviors on the plate too bc my mom doesnt handle negative situations well so when she actually does something to handle a bad situation its usually in an unhealthy way and if she isnt doing something she is enabling the bad behavior of others, with my dad being the main target of these actions (she rationalizes his behavior, tells us to ignore it, doesnt confront him because she fears his reactions [he is not abusive he just might not take it well] and much more). He loves and cherishes intensely, but he constantly thinks nobody loves him (despite how often I have expressed my love deeply and how my other siblings have too, which to be honest is infuriating because it feels like he doesnt acknowledge the love WE DO give him ex. he’ll complain like “why'd u do that for ur mom but not for me” on MOTHERS DAY even tho we did something similar for him on Fathers Day... are u really in that much need of constant validation...) and has a history of my grandparents disliking him at the beginning of my parents relationship (to the point they eloped), despite them living with us now and , to be honest, i dont think they care much for him (theres not even hatred, just no feelings for him). This has lead him to have a vicious cycle of constantly needing attention and feeling badly almost instantly when he isnt given it. Along with this hes rather obnoxious and has a terrible sense of humour and is bad at reading social cues. (ex: he says a terrible, rude, joke and none of us find it funny/or tell him that was inappropriate to say. sometimes reactions from my siblings are more intense than they need to be but its because of how we were raised...he often leaves this situation thinking “everybody hates me, i cant even joke around with my kids, i shouldnt say anything at all because it just makes people mad because they hate me” rather than actually take what were saying and reflecting on his behavior. He has very similar reactions when he talks negatively about our grandparents who are honestly doing nothing and we dont reply the way he wants). There is also a constant habit my parents do of keeping secrets, talking behind eachothers backs (in the most toxic way possible, its not for pure venting or wanting support), or constantly thinking that every little action has a deep meaning behind it (ex: my aunt doesnt talk much one morning- this is because she is sleepy from having a late work shift and is rather introverted. My parents think its because shes mad at them and come up with all these reasons as to why she could be and why shes being “terrible” rather than simply asking “hey whats up you dont seem very talkative this morning are you okay?” This later influences how they treat her) We’ve only started talking about it in the recent years and we only do when either I feel she has been wronged (they do treat her differently after talking about her and she is constantly out of the loop of it because they never confront her - another habit, fear of confrontation, that was passed down to my siblings and i- and she is often left confused and bothered) or they have hurt me emotionally.

Recently, I think my aunts been acting more openly, expressing more of her feelings about these behaviors to them or having negative reactions that she normally hid when talking to them when topics such as my dad, who she feels is mean and irrational (he talks bad about my grandparents/her parents and its true his reactions to things are often irrational unfortunately). My mom talked to me about it in the car and was like “hey it seems ur aunt has been reacting negatively when i bring up your dad...” and I know she knows we talk, but not specifically what it contains. I feel it is limited to venting in her mind or she possibly projects that we talk like how she talks about others, with the latter being extremely toxic. I of course dont tell her about what my aunt and i discuss because I’m not sure how she’ll take it. She tells me “your aunt doesnt seem to be one to talk about her emotions (this is true..my aunt prefers to handle her emotions independently and its not because shes trying to not rely on anybody, its just how she prefers to handle them) so if somethings bothering her you should tell me so I can change myself for the better...dont tell her you told me though and I wont react drastically so she knows we’ve talked....i know you guys vent to eachother because your close but...itd mean a lot if u told me when shes upset by something Ive said...also keep this conversation just between us ( I feel like she sometimes thinks I tell my aunt what we talked about...sometimes I do do this so i have no right to get mad. Obviously my mom is observing my reaction at this moment to see if I actually do that [which I just know from experience] and I try to keep my emotions very hidden and just say okay)”. And I honestly...dont know how to handle that. I dont know whether I should actually tell my mom when my aunt is bothered, especially since the whole “dont tell her” thing was tacked onto the end, which feels uncomfortably secretive. Or if I should tell my aunt about this conversation we just had because its bothering me and I usually rely on her for support when I dont know what to do, but IM hesitating because Im not sure of how she’d react to this information, it also never feels good to tell her specifically after Ive been told not to. Or if I should choose to just not tell my mom anything regarding my aunt and not tell my aunt about the conversation, which I feel could present consequences of its own/it might slip because I constantly think about it. Its stressing me out. To the point I feel like dying because my brain is never relaxed and I feel like I cant handle it sometimes. Life really shouldnt be this complicated and it makes so uncomfortable and anxious and I just want to leave.