#aurora RANTS
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Awww cuteeee my first hate message!
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As a kid (and even now) I was obsessed with organisational stationery. Work desks, pen stands, planners, diaries, the likes of them. They fascinated me in way, like you can organise all your stuff and thoughts so much easily which I could never do on a daily basis.
Now, as I'm older and understand better, I think it was mainly because I wanted to be organised and keep my stuff and thoughts in neat little stacks but I couldn't physically do it. As a neuro divergent person it saddens me that this part, as well as many other smaller behavioural incidences, are mostly overlooked in early diagnosis of children. It is treated as "just a phase" when it could be one of the key points of a mental health diagnosis. The diagnosis is for the person suffering from it, not for the symptoms to fit into perfect little boxes for the doctor. Each individual reacts and copes differently with the symptoms they show and dividing them into categories with distinct boundaries is just unfair to that individual.
#Aurora rants#i had to self diagnose myself before getting a professional opinion#neuro divergent#mental health
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GHOULS ARE LOCAL CRYPTIDS
MOUNTAIN AS A STRANGE DEER CREATURE THAT PEOPLE HAVE SPOTTED IN THE WOODS
MULTIPLE BODIES BEING FOUND DRAINED OF BLOOD CAUSING THE NEAR BY TOWNS TO THINK THERES A VAMPIRE AND THAT VAMPIRE IS PHANTOM
RAIN CAPSIZING FISHING BOATS IN THE NEAR BY LAKES AND RIVERS
CIRRUS HAUNTING ROADWAYS AND KILLING ANYONE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE THERE ALONE AT NIGHT
AURORA STEALING LIVESTOCK FROM FARMS LEAVING ONLY A TRAIL OF BLOOD AND CLAW MARKS INTO THE FOREST
DEW CHASING DOWN CARS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT
SWISS SHAPE-SHIFTING INTO DIFFERENT PEOPLE JUST TO LURE SOMEONE TO THEIR UN TIMELY DEMISE
CUMULUS' SIREN CALL BEING THE LAST THING SO MANY PEOPLE HEARD IN THEIR LAST MOMENTS WHILE IN THE WOODS
GHOULS ARE CRYPTIDS
#ghost band#nameless ghouls#the band ghost#phantom ghoul#dewdrop ghoul#rain ghoul#swiss ghoul#mountain ghoul#cumulus ghoulette#cirrus ghoulette#aurora ghoulette#cryptid#ghoul headcanons#blacklight rants
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hunting for love//killing for pleasure//must be the concrete jungle
here's an alternate version without the filter and a different colour scheme that I still didn't like but was better than other attempts. I gooootta start planning out my colours and figuring out how to work with values. but that's hard so I'm not gonna do that👍🏻
#i digitally painted a whole ass piece for this. realised that i hated it and then just slapped a filter on it#words are from animal by aurora#and a painted version with a lil rant is under the cut lol#art#my art#fanart#iwtv#iwtv fanart#daniel molloy#armand#devils minion#the chase
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ghost movie this, ghost movie that
I need to see dewdrop in 4k for 2 hours on the big screen
give me my little man
#the band ghost#nameless ghouls#dewdrop ghoul#cupid ghoul rants#cupid ghoul speaks#rain ghoul#shitghosting#ghost ghouls#mountain ghoul#phantom ghoul#swiss ghoul#aurora ghoulette#sunshine ghoulette#aether ghoul#cirrus ghoulette#cumulus ghoulette
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I'm not sure how much good this vent will do, I'm not even sure I want to post this vent after my last one, but I'm writing it just so it's out of my head and into words because it seems once again fandom has chosen to send vitriol Ashton Greymoore's way.
What for? They talked to a 'specter' of the primordial titan within them, through their connection to the earth, the natural flow of creation and destruction. They ask what will happen to the world, it responds that it'll endure, they ask what of the people, it responds that the strong will survive and the weak will be remade into something stronger, to which Ashton replies they think they understand. To fandom this means that Ashton is becoming a fascist, that they have a 'Make Exandria Great Again' attitude for wanting the Primordials back, that they need to be beaten up or 'get what's coming to them' in order to change their mind, and I can only sit here and stew and wonder if this hate is really well-founded? Ashton is among my favourite characters in C3, I get frustrated by them at times too but if I think about it a big percentage of my frustrations is more towards people disliking them than me disliking things they do, or Matt setting up scenarios that doesn't do them any favours towards the fandom that hates them. Some of these are knee-jerk reactions of course, but for others it does feel like they have it out for Ashton, and I don't wanna engage with that, which makes it quite lonely when most of the fandom hones in on it.
For the most part I can understand how the whole 'the weak will be remade' bit can be taken badly; it's definitely iffy, but every other plan we have is also very iffy. The Release Predathos option literally involves unleashing an entity that wants to genocide the gods, the Maintain Status Quo option ('option' the status quo imo is impossible, in my mind the Gods can stay but the dynamic will still have to change) maintains a relationship where the gods pick and choose who they feel deserves help, using their power to covet more power, strongarm and demand loyalty, and overall choose fellow gods over mortals when the chips are down and not owning up to it. We should also remember that entities can speak in riddles, 'remade into something stronger' doesn't necessarily mean death; it could mean to adapt and grow, to become strong enough to bear and overcome it as many of the PCs of Critical Role have done with their hardships and trauma. It's worth reminding that the sad truth is that people will die whatever outcome happens - the aim is always to lessen the amount but if the Gods leave it's a power vacuum, if we linger too long it's a Calamity, and if the Gods stay it's a holy war on a more wild and less organized scale - and that Ashton isn't saying they approve of such death, merely that they think they understand. The commune doesn't tell Ashton which way to go; it only tells them that the world will endure, there will be change and it will change people, trees will still grow, the wind will still blow, the waves will still flow along the coasts of the sea, and people will survive. I know the interpretation can differ from people thanks to Matt's patented vague or riddle-mounted choices in phrase, but I also think if it was the Wildmother who told Orym or some other follower that 'nature is a cycle, everything must adapt to change or else it'll die - this world will change, but it will also survive' nobody would be calling Orym a fascist, people would accept it because the Wildmother's domain is nature, and nature is not always kind.
While we're mentioning Orym - and because this is gonna come off as critical I must preface that I like and enjoy All of the Hells, that's not changed - I also gotta call it out here because it does very much feel like the people who hate Ashton hate them for the reasons they love Orym. Both are stubborn, they're diligent in their personal code, they care deeply for their friends and would give their whole being just to keep them safe, they believe in the Hells' power and greatness more than each member does and more than they believe in their own, but Ashton gets the hate mainly because these fans agree more with Orym on the god stuff. What confuses me though is how these same haters can despise Ashton for being consistent but love Braius, the literal Devil Worshipper who secretly is on board with the Chase Away plan only so he can help the Devil rule the world, the compulsive liar. Where's Braius' scrutiny? A world under Asmodeus will be a far worse 'survival of the fittest' scenario, why does Braius get a pass in all this stuff huh? Because he's funny? Seems people ignore the whole morality talk when they're discussing Braius' dedication to Exandrian Satan.
I find it irksome too that even the group seem to criticize Ashton reaching out to Primordials too - as if that wasn't what we wanted them and Fearne to do anyway. They don't dislike the gods simply because they're a 'great entity', it's because they're a great entity that holds power and doesn't use it equally or fairly; they pick and choose who to help, a lot of the time in Ashton's experience for their own self-service, but they won't prioritize mortals over another god no matter who cruel or heinous the god is being, and the following of these gods are so intertwined with politics that most religious motivation also ends up being political. Ashton has no connection to the gods, they reached out and got nothing, an Angel looked at them and made them feel like nothing, but they do have a connection to the Primordials; from the Earth Golem to the Titan Empress they're literally a vessel of, they experienced something significant in their connection to the Earth, so I don't like how that they're almost mocked for having it. In addition, Ashton's behaviour during this commune differs because of that connection, but also because the titans are a natural flow; they don't demand or test or politic or prejudice, and despite being a Great Entity in its own right it never made sure Ashton felt small for their own satisfaction, they asked a question and got an answer, it's the same reason Ashton has disdain for most political leaders but likes and respects Keyleth, Allura, Kima, Pike, and (eventually) Percy despite also being people in power. To call on Orym and the Wildmother as an example again; Orym's an Air Ashari, the Ashari are guardians of the Elemental Planes - made from the Primordials - not tied to a god, but nobody criticizes his connection to the Wildmother despite both not being a follower and his culture being more tethered to Primordials and their descendants. I'm not saying it's all correct for Ashton to want things to go back to how Primordials ruled, but we must remind ourselves also that we only know a story written by victors when it comes to the Schism - a story which could very easily have been altered and edited to make it feel more justified for the Primes and mortals to actively genocide all the Primordials, the native species and creators of this world, and desecrate their remains to make weapons, soul anchors, and cities - the specter didn't say 'fuck em, all mortals should die' after all, if they believe mortals would survive then they must be at the least tolerant of mortal existence. Why is it okay for god followers to say they wanna keep the world with the gods they have a connection to (and I'm not saying they aren't) but Ashton is out of line for wanting to have a world which has something active that they also have a connection to? It seems rather unfair to allow one side to have and the other to have not, picking and choosing because our audience's bias has spent more time with the gods, Ashton wanting something they can connect to doesn't feel all wrong either, the Eidolons still exist with faint worship hiding away so they're not smited by the gods, why can't faith exist so they're not in hiding? I sincerely doubt the Punk Rock that is Ashton is asking for the Primordials to fill the Gods' roles the same way the Gods have been running things either, they want to break the throne remember? There needs to be a balance in ideals and practice of course, and in an ideal world there could even be a more fluid and all-inclusive Exandria where gods and Eidolons live harmoniously with mortals without hierarchy and class systems, I think Ashton could happily live with something like that, they did say the world needs 'a little chaos' to call back to Matt hinting that the current world doesn't have enough.
Which leads us to those wishing violence upon Ashton - and I really don't like that. People who say 'hitting them over the head is the only language they understand' seem to misinterpret Ashton as if everyone around them have been on their hands and knees begging Ashton to reconsider and them ignoring valid points and pulling a Leroy Jenkins. In reality, nobody is actually talking to Ashton about it, a lot of the frustration with Bells Hells right now is that they aren't talking to each other, even about the end goal! Ashton has valid reasons for their thinking, so being violent isn't gonna change their mind; undermining, dehumanizing and trying to effectively bully anyone let alone someone with chronic pain and low self worth will never truly convince them to your way of thinking. All people understand the language of violence, but that language is not used justly, those who truly wish violence upon Ashton don't want it in hopes it'll force Ashton to change their mind, they want it for their own satisfaction of seeing them in pain; so they can further push them away from the rest of the group and go 'that guy's not one of us', make it so the people Ashton calls family after a lifetime of loneliness, confusion and abandonment - the people they promised they won't abandon, and have kept true on that promise even at their lowest - make them feel small and worthless, and force them into box where they can't be themselves, and I hate that people would want to treat them that way. Ashton IS capable of listening; they've stepped back and trusted the other Hells to do their own thing even when it's ridiculous like staging a play where they pretend to be Ludinus to trick Unseelie emissaries into thinking that he attacked them, they listened to the gods even when they didn't have to like they promised they would and despite it being very personal they held themselves back for the benefit of the group, and if the group talked to them calmly where they were all allowed to healthily discuss the pros and cons, the ideals and compromises, and the risk and reward of all plans that have been proposed then they would listen, and they would try - you don't need to slice bread with a broadsword.
Will Ashton 'get what's coming to them'? Maybe, but what is that exactly? We only assume to know the full vision of what Ashton wants to act on. All of Bells Hells are gonna face the consequences of the choice they make on Ruidus - when they finally make one that is - in and out of the world they live in, so won't that apply to everyone? So what for Ashton? do people want Fractures 2.0? Does everything Ashton wants in life have to blow up violently in their face? Family, Closure, their best friend's safety, why does 'what's coming to them' have to be something aggressive and harmful? People change through positive reinforcement and good experiences too! Caduceus Clay would remind you that it's love that makes people. Don't mistake this rant as me wanting Ashton to be exactly as they are now, I too want to see growth from Ashton and we ARE seeing it happen; I see it in small instances where they think twice about rash actions and try not to fly off the handle, when they sit just to listen or understand or to defuse tension, and that when they're going somewhere or doing something they let the group know in advance, those who think Ashton hasn't changed since ep. 1 aren't paying close attention, but that doesn't mean that they don't still have more ground to cover. I believe that Ashton grows the most through kindness; when they're treated like a person and not a blunt instrument or a nuisance, and I hope what's 'coming' for Ashton isn't rejection, bitterness, and isolation, but acceptance, empathy, and for someone - if you know me you'd know who I'd want it to be - to convince them that they are worthy of living, that they're special not because of their powers or blood or because they have died and been put back together again (honestly, it does irk me a little that both Keyleth and Imogen chose that for titles and to brag to the Matron, I know it isn't intended this way but sometimes it feels like saying 'your best defining quality is that you've died a lot') but because while they have every reason to hate everything they still chose to be kind to those who deserve kindness, they have a good heart and they mean well. Are they perfect? No! They're in their 20s very few people irl have their lives together at even twice that age, but I want them to have good things in their life; things that help them feel happy and safe and like they can still feel comfortable in their own skin without having to appear more 'palatable' for people who've already decided that they don't like them. I want them to know that they've always deserved to live and they still deserve it now, I want that not just for Ashton but for all the Hells, and hopefully they'll all live to have it.
And most of all I want the people who hate them to be wrong about Ashton Greymoore, and I want Taliesin to prove them wrong.
#critical role#cr3#cr3 spoilers#c3 spoilers#c3e110#cr spoilers#bells hells#ashton greymoore#taliesin jaffe#matthew mercer#yes this is my ass coming to the defense of Ashton again#not saying Matt hates Ashton but they don't half give them a short straw when they're seeking answers#Ashton and I are very different (*) but there are similarities I feel also very strongly about that I'm compelled to put my foot down on#(*I kinda expect they'd steal my wallet but then return it after seeing my donor card and tell me how to not make it so easy to steal)#this is not angrily targeting everyone - it's a culmination of things I've bit my tongue on that I disagree with#there will be people who don't like Ashton for valid and fair reasons a valid and fair amount - this is not against you#but the hate guys - the hate! It ruins my day seeing it let alone thinking about it#and 110 still had a lot of fun and interesting things going on in it that I'd rather focus on#I was not in a great mood already for having missed ANOTHER set of auroras last night#I've stared at this for half an hour in drafts between posting and deleting - if things get more bitter I'll definitely be deleting it#this is not put out to debate this is just pure shouting to the ether#and what I shout to the ether is that 'Ashton Greymoore deserves to feel loved'#it's out but it's not gone from my system it just won't boil over again for a bit - but I still don't like having these vents#I'd much rather rant about fun and good things that make me happy and are a comfort to me
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Outbreak Pt 3 (LU in Healthcare)
(Content warning, this is a plague fic, it will likely hit close to home, and there’s dark humor and character death in this part)
It started off as a whisper, but the whisper became a chatter, a groan, constant and disturbing and growing ever closer.
Cases were on the rise in the city, though the surrounding area seemed unaffected still, for now. City officials were growing concerned, and restrictions were starting to be enacted. People were asked to stay home, if possible. As for the hospital and squads…
Hyrule squinted at his email. "Wait. Didn't... didn't they say we could use alcohol wipes to clean the equipment?"
"Yeah," Mo called from the kitchenette in the station.
"Now it says we can only use bleach wipes."
Mo groaned. "Isn't that like the third policy change this week?"
"I'm still trying to figure out if we're doing a specific isolation truck or not anymore," Aurora mumbled. "Like we just had one truck dedicated to the high risk iso cases, and now we're getting so many calls for it that it's a moot point anyway."
"I think the last email said put plastic over everything for Arfy patients and then wipe everything down that you use," Mo replied.
"Wait, which email?"
Hyrule sighed. This was getting ridiculous. And he was getting just a little nervous. “When in doubt, just bleach everything, I guess.”
Aurora huffed. “Did you see the email about the respirators?”
“Which email?” Mo threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “I’ve got twenty new emails!”
“I suppose that means you’ll actually have to read them now,” Aurora noted with a snort.
“Do you all think it’ll get worse before it gets better?” Dawn asked, wringing her hands worriedly. “The OMD made it sound like that would be the case.”
“Our medical director knows more than I do,” Hyrule shrugged. “If he says it’s going to get worse—”
“No, he didn’t just say that, he said ‘it’s not a matter of if the wave hits us, but when,’” Aurora quoted, standing. “He scared the hell out of Dawn.”
“They’re pretty foreboding words,” Hyrule commented darkly, looking away. It was the main reason he was getting nervous. But he was also steeling himself. If they were in for a fight, he would face it head on.
“Okay, but what does any of this have to do with the email about the respirators?” Mo asked as he scrolled frantically through his email.
“Oh, we’re supposed to wear N95s now,” Aurora answered with a wave of her hand.
Hyrule blinked. “Wait. Aren’t—aren’t we supposed to get fit tested for those?”
“Oh, yeah,” Aurora nodded, rolling her eyes. “Here’s your official fit test: pick a mask that fits.”
“We’re all going to die, aren’t we?” Dawn questioned worriedly, hugging herself.
“Nobody’s died from Arfy yet, I don’t think,” Mo noted. “At least not here.”
“People have died,” Aurora corrected.
“Well, maybe we’ll die, then,” Mo amended.
Hyrule laughed while Aurora swatted his partner. Well… at least they’d die fighting. But he really hoped it wouldn’t get to that point.
While the rescue squads struggled to keep up with policies and slapped shoddy safety regulations into place, the hospital clamped down even further. Visitor policies had officially been revoked as of today, and it made all the providers somewhat uneasy.
In some aspects, it was helpful. In others, it made things that much harder.
Arfy patients were medical patients. Which meant the medical floor and ICU was quickly filling up while other parts of the hospital either maintained their quota or decreased as people stayed home. More and more, Four found himself floating to his friend’s ICU, and he felt fairly out of his depths about it. The one good thing was that he got to spend time with Dot. But as cases rose, so did the stress, the worry, and the heartache.
The ICU felt less like a unit where critically ill people got better and more like a place to go to die.
Four and Dot had the same patient assignment for four days in a row. It was the same assignment because nothing had changed with the patients. Intubated, sedated, paralyzed, some proned. The amount of sedation required to keep their patients under was far more than Four was used to, and it was insane how little it would take for their oxygen saturation to drop. Any semblance of activity in the body increased oxygen demand, and the instant oxygen demand increased, no amount of intervention from the ventilator seemed to help. ECMO was a word Four had hardly heard in his trauma ICU, but he heard it on a near daily basis now, being considered at rounds, being initiated with someone else’s patient.
Four was exhausted. His face was breaking out from wearing a respirator for twelve hours at a time. His feet and knees and hips hurt from standing in isolation rooms for three to four hours at a time trying to cluster all his care. And now, with the visitor restriction enacted…
Visitors were hit or miss, particularly in Four’s world. Trauma precipitated drama, and while family could be infinitely helpful and supportive, he’d also seen things go awry, had to deescalate fights or call security. In some aspects, he was thankful there were no visitors while all of this was happening; he was tired of having to explain that yes, you have to wear this gown and gloves and mask, no you can’t kiss your loved one while they’re intubated and sedated with a contagious disease… but still. He couldn’t imagine how hard it was on the family - the patients were sedated to the point that they shouldn’t be aware of anything, but the family had to agonize over the matter at home.
He didn’t like it. He understand the logic. But he didn’t like it.
And so here he sat, holding a patient’s hand while they withdrew care. Here he sat, being the only witness to someone’s last breaths while their family mourned from afar.
Four watched the heart rate steadily drop. He watched the oxygen saturation plummet. He muted the red alarms as the monitor screamed that his patient was dying, that something should be done, like an accusation and call to arms when Four knew this particular fight was over.
He wasn’t a particularly religious person, but he said a prayer for the patient and the family either way. He found himself praying a lot these days, honestly.
While the visitor policy took its toll inside the frame of work, the restrictions both inside and outside the hospital were causing further stress on everyone. Warriors had basically banned Wind from seeing him, opting to stay with Time and Malon instead, leaving the kid in the apartment. He brought food deliveries to the door, asked if Wind needed anything, but he always did so when Wind wasn’t awake - the teenager had swore up and down that if anybody got Arfy he’d take care of them, and Warriors was terrified of that promise as it was basically a threat. Time agreed that Wind didn’t need to get involved, much to the teenager’s chagrin, and Wind found himself already struggling from the loneliness and the frustration of trying to study for classes online when nobody knew what they were doing or how long this would last.
Meanwhile, Wild sat in his room, fingers aimlessly tracing over each other, the smell of bleach so fresh in his nose from scrubbing everything relentlessly for hours on end that he might as well have inhaled a bottle of it. His chest hurt. Not to mention that new disinfectant they were told to use made him cough a lot.
And he worried. Because… it had been a few days since he’d seen his father. Legend had given him updates through his sister (and made Wild swear not to tell anyone about her), and it had sounded like he was improving as expected. But now, he… the rest of the family…
It felt like a blessing and a curse. It was a guarantee that Wild couldn’t run into his mother or sister by accident, but it was also a situation that his mind screamed that he address.
He couldn’t just… he couldn’t just leave his father isolated and alone recovering in the hospital in the midst of an outbreak. He couldn’t.
But what if visiting him made things so much worse? What if it stressed his father’s recovering heart? What if it triggered more traumatic memories for Wild? He was terrified of getting anywhere near the man while he was awake, but his heart screamed that he go to him.
Wild refused to be a coward. And he refused to be heartless, despite how anxious this entire situation made him, despite how his mind screamed he keep away. So that night, when he got on to work, he took a delivery to the cardiovascular ICU and paused in front of a doorway, looking hopefully for a familiar nurse.
“Link? Wild?”
Jumping, Wild turned around to see the nurse in question, watching him scrutinously. She smiled (or at least, he assumed she did, based on how her eye crinkled above her mask) in recognition. “I thought it was you. You here to see your dad?”
Wild swallowed and nodded.
“Good, because the drama I’ve been trying to avoid has been driving me insane,” Legend’s sister said lightheartedly, but despite the casualness of her tone, the words sank into Wild’s stomach like a stone.
“Drama?” He questioned quietly.
“Nothing like… bad, I suppose, but still,” the nurse explained. “I’d be in there taking care of him and overhear him talking to his wife and he’d mention that he swore he saw you. I’m not entirely sure she’s convinced. She seems hopeful, though. But I figured it was best not to bring it up myself since I, ah, don’t know what’s going on.”
Wild felt his blood freeze. His father remembered? And he’d told his mother?
Great. This was… this was just great.
“Go see him,” Legend’s sister prompted gently. “I can tell he loves you very much and just wants to know you’re ok.”
Wild’s eyes unexpectedly burned with tears in an instant, and he was grateful he was wearing a mask to hide his expression. He nodded, hesitantly making his way towards the room.
It all seemed so normal, seeing his father sitting in a recliner looking at his phone. Wild wasn’t even entirely sure he’d recovered memories of his father like that, but somehow it seemed familiar. Abel hadn’t noticed him yet, engrossed in whatever he was looking at, brow slightly furrowed. That expression drew memories, a familiar scrutiny that he would often give Wild himself or his sister, a quiet concern and sternness that made Wild want to stiffen up and simultaneously run to him.
Damn it all, he’d missed him.
Wild swallowed his fears and stepped forward, hoping that this wouldn’t be a disaster. He knocked on the door, initially so quietly that his father didn’t hear him over the chatter of the news on the television. He knocked again.
His father looked up. Stared a moment. Went a shade paler.
Wild hastily stepped forward. “W-wait, don’t get worked up—”
His father stood, seeming mostly steady on his feet, and tried to walk to him, heedless of the cords and oxygen tubing attached, and Wild hastily met him part of the way before he ripped everything out of the wall. Abel immediately pulled him to his chest in the tightest hug Wild had ever felt, and…
And Link sank into the embrace, crying.
#writing#If you see any typos no you don’t lol#My iPad keeps editing medical terms without me noticing ugh 😩#lu in healthcare#lu hyrule#lu mo#lu dawn#lu aurora#lu four#lu dot#lu wild#Abel#sorry if this isn’t quite up to snuff as usual I don’t even know how much sleep I’ve gotten in the last 48 hours#And I want to bury myself in a hole and never come out lol#It’s been a stupidly long week and the next few months are only going to be longer and I’m already very freaking over it#Anyway there’s my mild rant for the day I guess LOL enjoy the writing
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Is that a Mechanisms reference?
#The Bifrost#the bifrost incident#the mechanisms band#the mechanisms#aurora borealis#the AURORA????#northern lights#im not sure why they are visible rn but im so glad they are#ender rants
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One of the best things that happened to me was coming to terms with my femininity, i realized that i loved feminine things and that it was ok. Liking pink and dresses didnt make me lesser than other women, it wasn’t a weakness. I soon realized that by stopping this insane derision of traditionally feminine things in life i was in fact improving my character. I think that I saw improvement in the fact that i stopped just hating female characters who had these traditionally feminine traits like Cinderella, Aurora, Sansa, Katara, Fluer, Ty Lee, Susan Pevensie, and so many others, looking past this mental block i had as a pre-teen and early teen i realized that they are all strong characters who have many many admirable traits, I would even go as far as saying that they are what i would want to be as a person as opposed to the characters i idolized as a pre-teen. This internal hatred of my femininity wasn’t of my own creation though, i knew that I was very smart from a young age, and people around me and the online communities i saw all demonized these characters saying that they were weak, annoying, and deserving of misery. Some people say that our society is more accepting of woman than we ever have been but its still so hostile to young girls, people disguise this hatred of feminine things behind jokes on the internet calling girls “basic” for just doing things that girls tend to do, we see it in the pure hatred that grown men AND other women throw at artists like Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina Carpenter degrading them and depreciating their capabilities as artists, and the absolute hatred that any female led fan base receives. And while Hollywood may feature more female characters as leads in movies, they aren’t good characters, we see characters that aren’t well written, a strong female character is a well-written character, this is one place where i think Star Wars has done really well, we have Ahsoka, Fennec, Padme, Leia, Jyn, Mon Mothma, and both the Kryz sisters are all beautifully written and have distinguishable personalities, you have the kind Padme, the headstrong and confident Leia, the wise Mon Mothma, and Ahsoka who is perhaps one of the best written characters in Star Wars. We need more characters written like this. Also, We as a society need to STOP shaming the traditionally feminine qualities in young girls specifically, let little girls know that they aren’t lesser just because they are kind. We also need to stop teaching young boys that cruelty and meanness makes them more masculine.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk
#rant#sansa stark#star wars#ahsoka tano#jyn erso#mon mothma#satine kryze#bo katan kryze#taylor swift#olivia rodrigo#sabrina carpenter#padme amidala#leia organa#fennec shand#beyonce#cinderella#aurora#katara#ty lee#fleur delacour#susan pevensie#femininity
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We're learning about grouse hunting together!
I was really undecided on whether I wanted to hunt with Rory for realsies because I don't have a shotgun and I don't really care to get a shotgun (I have a gun license from my time up north). I have a small air rifle and a tactical slingshot (both legal for hunting small game in my area) so I've been taking those for walks in hunting areas, along with all my permits and stuff, just to see what we see.
This grouse woods is in the same corner as my swamp, just a different part of the rec area. You can legally hunt small game during the open season with dogs with some restrictions (certain distance from the parking, some trails close for hunting on a rotational basis for maintenance, etc.) but it's not terribly popular so it's a really good area to learn. We are looking for ruffed grouse and rabbit, both of which are super common out here.
With pointing dogs like britts, you generally don't want to shoot any game unless they're pointing steady (*except when doing gun conditioning, but that's a specific training set up) - it makes sense because a shot bird is the ultimate reward and you want to make sure you're reinforcing the behaviour you want, which is usually a safe steady point. Rory isn't pointing steady yet so there's really not much for me to do on these walks besides reinforce good manners (recall, how far she ranges, etc.).
There's a really well known saying in pointing dogs, which is wild birds make bird dogs. Wild birds flush (fly away) much more reliably than farmed birds so the chances of a dog catching a wild bird is really minimal compared to farmed birds. It's super important to get young bird dogs on wild birds as much as possible so they learn all the important skills: how to navigate terrain, what habitat holds birds, what each bird species smells like, how far they can range, and most importantly, that they need a person to actually get a bird.
(Most of these skills can be taught with planted birds in training, but planted birds may be more habituated to people and dogs so they might not flush reliably. Once pointing dogs learn that they can catch birds themselves, it's much harder to foster a strong stop and point. You might see people using these tip ups, which protect the training bird from the dog. You'll often see training dogs on long lines (called check cords) or with a flank collar to reinforce not getting too close to the bird, but you have to phase those out quickly so the dog doesn't become dependent on them. You also have to be really careful with scent trails when setting up planted birds or you might end up with a dog that follows your scent instead of looking for birds organically. And of course, you have to train without birds sometimes so the dog doesn't get discouraged about not finding birds quickly because sometimes there just aren't birds out there. Lots to consider when setting up training!)
Anyway I've been trying to get Rory out on wild birds as much as possible (with the caveat that we don't run wild birds during nesting season) so we're wandering the grouse woods lately. My early recall training is really paying off because she's been super reliable in terms of good manners, it's wonderful to see!
We've been out four times (1-2 hours each) so far since the season opened. The first two times we're mostly just a pleasant walk in the woods, Rory didn't really know what we were doing so she was just vibing (THIS IS TOTALLY FINE, SHE'S NEW TO THIS). We had a couple chance grouse encounters and I could see the wheels turning, I encouraged her to sniff around where the grouse were sitting before they flew off and I watched her start to connect the dots.
(It's important to remember that dogs don't know what they're looking for until you show them. Most bird dogs are naturally birdy, but they don't know which birds are good and which birds are boring! You have to show them which birds you care about - this is easiest if you can run with an experienced hunting dog, but you can do it alone like I am by making a big deal about any interest in the "correct" birds.)
The last time we went out to the grouse woods, she did a couple of really nice whip-arounds when she caught scent she liked and followed scent off the trail I was walking! This is the behaviour I want to see so it was awesome to watch it start to click! She trailed a moose (don't want that, she found some moose pee to roll in so whatever), a pileated woodpecker (again, don't want that but it was cool to see), and two separate grouse. The first was on the wrong side of the fence so I couldn't do anything about it but she held a really nice point (the photo) and I gave her a ton of chicken and praise for it. The second was a quick point but it flushed really far away so there was no finding it again. Both birds weren't visible when she found them, they were true scent points and she was strategically looking for them so that was super cool!
She's still in heat and super sensitive right now so I wouldn't shoot over her anyway, but I'm getting pretty accurate with my slingshot so I'm hoping we can connect on something this fall - both for her pointing steady and me aiming properly. She gets more steady and more sure of herself every time we go out so it's only a matter of time!
#rory borealis#about aurora#bird dog training#dogblr#this is a long one!#its pretty rambly about my thoughts about grouse hunting training so far#one real issue im having right now is how gear-sensitive rory is#she will happily wear a regular collar (or an ecollar - shes conditioned to wearing it but i dont use it on her yet)#but i cant put a bell or a belly protector on her without her freaking out#it makes her super shut down and upsetti and it sucks#ultimately its not a big deal because she ranges appropriately and i can have eyeballs on her at all times#but i would like her to wear an orange belly protector for these kinds of outings because its hard on her body#i have to revisit gear desensitization once shes done her heat#ive never had a dog that was this avoidant of gear tbh#on the note about gear:#rory has exceptional recall especially for a young bird dog#you'll notice im running her naked without an ecollar or gps collar#if youre following along and want to train your dog for grouse hunting PLEASE use appropriate gear for your dog#dont ruin the privilege of running dogs on public land by not having reliable control over your loose dog#i really dont gatekeep most of the areas i run my dog - i am so so happy to give local people recommendations on where to run#but please please please dont be the person who ruins it for us#i dont say this to be rude like live your dream#but consider the ethics and the privilege of having access to these areas and how easily they could be taken away#(sorry thats a rant but you get it)
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Olay so I dont know meta, I dont know how to build characters, I'm just fucking around and it's working??????
Just finished a side quest where I'm generating all 5 skill points at the start if every battle??????
Gave equilibrium level 4 (ig, idr) with literally the basic characters and they kept regenerating HP like idek what the fuck I did to gallagher or the other characters in my team to make that happen?????
I hope I dont jinx it like march 7th does but whatever im doing it's working and it's making me very confused
#aurora rants#hsr#idek whats going on but im liking it#sorry for all the question marks im just bamboozled rn
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Aurora and Phantom's dynamic is literally just dipper and mabel
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despite her being very chaotic in that final number, grace chasity is still a lawful evil girlie (she was more lawful neutral earlier, but slid down the scale after crashing in ddmd). because lawful evil is defined by sticking to a moral code, which she very much does. it's the point of her whole apocalypse, killing dirty dudes (those who go against the standards of purity culture, particularly those she deems to be sexualising her). her perspective is absolutely skewed, because insert essay here, but she still adheres strongly to what she values. i think that is the essence of her character, following the rules she deems important and chastising (haha), later punishing those who don't meet those same standards.
and i love her for that.
#grace chasity#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#'hey aurora what about your post 5 minu-' shhhhhhhh i'm cooking#grace npmd#also seen in ac#a little inspired by part of the rant i had on discord a few hours ago ab the depiction of grace
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Me being Pissy™️ about Out
Nastya is a hypocrite. She says that Aurora is no longer the one she fell in love with due to various modifications, but Nastya herself has canonically messed with Aurora's programming, as stated in "A Bedtime Story" in which Nastya states she'll adjust Aurora's algorithms. If Aurora was no longer the one she fell in love with, it's her fault. The others only made adjustments to Aurora's physical aspects, not her programing. If Nastya left because Aurora was no longer who she fell in love with, that is entirely Nastya's fault. And if Nastya left because Aurora looked different, that's even worse! Why would you leave someone just because they look different? Ship of Thesus, blah blah blah. Aurora is sentient. Her body/ship may have changed, but that has no bearing on who she is. People are people, no matter what they looked like at different times. In conclusion, Nastya is kind of a bitch.
#nastya rasputina#the mechanisms#fandom ramblings#the mechs#the starship Aurora#randomvoices#spilled thoughts#fandom rant
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sometimes life is soSO crazy
almost a month ago this really random thing happened in my life and i never posted/talked about it here of course but it somehow led me to being hired to co-direct this christmas play with someone who then ended up telling me "i have this idea but no script" so i volunteered to write it and he then said "ok yes thank you. so im not sure about this or that but one thing I know is that the characters name is aurora"....... AURORA!!....... i mean, how crazy is that?!!
this was like a week or so ago, so i wasnt going to bring it up or anything, but yesterday&today we were testing makeup/wardrobe and it was such a surreal experience. like i was so excited and taking pictures of everyone, and then someone ask me "how does it feel to see your characters come to life?" and it just... it kinda hit me for the first time what was really happening and idk guys. idk.
i know my fanfics arent big here i know ive never been able to properly finish a story and i know i keep promising one thing and doing the complete opposite.... but i will never be able to express how thankful i am for having this space to play around with characters and explore how deep i could go when writing a plot and background story and all that. this isnt broadway i live in the middle of nowhere so of course im not gonna try to make anything look bigger than it actually is, but im just very thankful for aurora and lia (and maisy and all the harrys and nialls) and the so many more that you never saw but exist on a google doc anyway. i really am.
thank you to those of you who encouraged me and who were here and who stuck around when things were different and i was different too. life got chaotic unfortunately but somehowwwww i still got here and damn im really really trying to be better and enjoy every little moment to the fullest <3 i reallyyyy am.
#i feel like im gonna be crying every day now until january at least <3#this aurora is nothing like auri... at all.... but the connection feels crazy to me#anyway just got a pic from the girl whos playing her so that's what prompted this embarrassing silly rant#its nothing but its everything and honestly tytyty#<3#tomorrow im gonna text the script to my therapist... shes gonna be so happy lol
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I apologize to all of my followers who initially followed me for Aurora content (I still like the comic it’s very cool) I just have no desire to draw for it bc of recent stuff + ISAT is my main focus atm lol!
#the bitter ocean talks#the bitter ocean rants#mainly bc I just focused on my other interest#but also because parts of the Aurora fandom is racist! whoops! so I’d rather not. Aurora Server I do not miss you in the slightest.#Dw though I’ll still be happy to talk about with friends/ mutuals I just am :/ reluctant to show my art in a fan space rn in those circles#like with the combo of the stalking and then also letting users say the n word and they still get to be in the server#or just how majority of the mods are white and let shitty people hurt the people who areracial minorities is wild#womp womp
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