#ive been suicidal off and on for months

[theforesteldritch]

god I am very mentally ill and tired and I don’t let anyone know and it’s killing me

[syrenki]

i teally think i just waited too long to get help or anything like that, im just. like. past the line. im in another world now basically. in another fucking dimension. im effectively dead. and the fucking psychologist who was my last stupid naive hope isn't even texting me back about meeting a second time. i feel so fucking stupid begging. so pathetic. but its all the more confirmation ive needed that its just, no, its fucking done for me

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[themyscirah]

I think that comic creators should be forced to read the entirety of Ostrander & Yale's Suicide Squad run before they even THINK of using Amanda Waller in anything actually

[fortjester]

📓

alright so y'all know how im obsessed w the concept of multiple dead/status as yet unconfirmed characters reprising their roles in atn while harrow's in hell? i have this fic idea that will not leave my brain that's fully Harrow In Hell based. starring Harrow, ft. Naberius (full Prince of Hell mode; actually and quite literally a demon, whose mission status is currently to lead Harrow hella astray so she cannot ever leave hell, etc.) + possibly also Ulysses, Augustine, Silas & Colum, maybe Wake if i'm feeling funky, as her shitty dirtbag greek chorus tempting her into an existence of sin & suffering. likely a long character study w lots of one on one intellectual debates between her and Babs, or her and one of her dirtbag greek chorus members (a la the Divine Comedy), all culminating in Babs revealing to Harrow a way to view/contact the Ninth remotely, where Harrow discovers she can access any time in history on the Ninth that she wants. She eventually giving into Babs's taunting so she can speak to her parents (unseen to them, also not revealing her identity), and when she finds out they do not regret the creche massacre or whatever, she vengefully talks them into their own suicides or smth. in my mind, it is titled "whole damnation's watching you" (which is a lyric in "Word To The Wise" from Hadestown)

[oflgtfol]

it is really unfortunate the way suicidality is talked about nowadays because it’s either all a joke so it’s hard to discuss in a serious capacity or it’s so upsettingly serious that you can’t even discuss it without fear of like being institutionalized

[inkats]

no ok so if this really is fucking pms i need to get on birth control stat.

[marsreflection]

im still hurt over january

[iscrubmeclean]

Oh my god i want to kill myslef so baaaaad

[29121996]

.

[chucklechampion]

evening dedicated to The Horrors

[zemnarihah]

i got pulled over and i have to go to court i think

[gfd-cleric]

.

[catatombi]

beware of fang

Hey, im gonna say it outright and state that this is a call out. people get called out for being dangerous. fangs nearly pushed 3 people to commit suicide(including myself) and i had to be hospitalized because of him, so this feels justified. Im sorry if you disagree, ill keep it short and to the point If you’ve been a long time follower of his im sure you’ve seen his vague posts about his ex friends, the cotl tumblr community and “fandom drama” with little to no context behind it, other than various people appearing on his DNI. his vague nature in the posts is intentional, he doesn't want to let on that he was abusing his friends. Ive tried time and time again to write something but it never seemed right, like what he’s done to me and my friends wasn’t severe enough to warrant something like this, but it is and i don't want to let this go any longer, esp not when he has my friends, their names, usernames and literal contact information in his DNI list Over the last year ive been friends with fang hes been horrible. Hes never changed and refuses to acknowledge what hes done to his friends and how horribly he has hurt them, to keep this short im keeping this bullet pointy Here is his carrd, he has everything neatly outlined for yall to block on every platform Dont harass, dont contact. all of this is public information so https://web.archive.org/web/20240713073710/https://fanged-info.carrd.co/#boundaries

https://fanged-info.carrd.co/ Twit: FFANGEDD / narilamb_ / mewhenimsilly Insta: ffangedd / narilamb Tumblr: ffangedd / fanged-cotl / fanged-xeno Cara: narilamb Blusky: fanged / narilamb Itaku: fanged Artfight: FANGED Toyhouse: FFANGEDD Sheezy: fanged Discord & telegram: narilamb All the people mentioned have given consent Cw !!! abuse, suicide, self harm https://drive.google.com/drive/u/2/folders/1MLMOT-qvgrX-9NnUEgpl4AkEPfixy2wG

The drive is a bit out of date, as I logged it all before april. Hes posted more awful shit and vented to me again since then Feel free to request the letter i wrote to him, i might share it anyway because it sums up my thoughts on the matter If you want any additional context feel free to ask

Fang uses suicide and self harm threats to control and manipulate his friends, hes begged me for assisted suicide and when i refused to help him commit he begged in groupchats. He begged on instagram stories as well as twitter, so much so that his twitter for suspended for 12 hours. He has admitted to wanting someone to commit suicide with him and has previously formed suicide pacts and nearly followed through on one with a friend. fang backed out first. he continues to redirect blame. refusing to take accountability for his actions. He still blames his previous medications, his ex psychiatrist, his self diagnosed BPD & OCD, psychosis, and states of beings from disorders he doesn't have (claiming to be manic or sociopathic whilst not having bipolar1 or ASPD) fang blames his (ex)friends, claiming they were projecting their mental illness onto him when they were just reacting to his abuse, that they the ones in the wrong and that how they treated him/cut him off was vile and unfair, and believes that he never got real closure when he did. it just wasn't what he wanted to hear and now feels entitled to an apology from these people when all he’s ever done is traumatize and terrorize them. He describes the amount in which he has cut over pavi, wart and kat because what they put him through and how they traumatized him. The traumatizing actions were: Kat asking for a content warning, pavi didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore and blocked him without an explanation & wart blocked him after being emotionally abused for months Hes described how he would carve their names into his thigh and told me that he will carve my name into his skin when i leave too. He demanded wart and surf choose their “real friends” and cut off their community for him because fang hated that they were being “two-faced” and hanging out with “people who hate him” He would spend hours venting relentlessly and graphically in his friends DMs, demanding their time and attention and expecting immediate replies. His friends are not professionals and shouldnt be expected to be an on-call DIY therapist for him, for hours, without consent. Fang has said he is completely unwilling to self censor for other peoples safety fang has vented to a 13 year old (they were not hiding their age) He referred to me (and our friends) as a phone person, a voice, icons. Concepts he can talk. Completely dehumanizing everyone that cared about him even to their faces. He blames his ex friends for his poor mental health and has said he wishes they watched him commit suicide, he wanted his friends to be traumatized from this (as if they werent already.) When a friend posted a screenshot of a gamenight to tumblr he had a breakdown so severe and so dangerous for so long that several of his friends has to mute the DM to keep themselves safe from his verbal abuse and suicide/SH threats He doesn't care about how triggering any of this can be for someone and will subject anyone (including people in danger) to his “venting” He didnt care about triggering me and contacted me at the worst of my suicidality in january and exasperated the danger i was in so severely I had to be hospitalized against my will before I could commit suicide. 

Im honestly not entirely sure what to even think. he knew the severity of my suicidality. he knew I had been hospitalized for an attempt in 2022, and still he chose me, probably the most vulnerable of his friends at the time to vent that heavily too back in janurary Hes a dangerous selfish person whos proven over and over that hes not getting better and isnt willing to change, i honestly had hope when he slowed down his graphic vent posts and victim blaming on twitter and insta but he decided to say fuck all and get right back into his shit train of shame and misery. Heres a link to all of the screenshot, damning ones are in important bitz if you’re not interested in going through them all https://drive.google.com/drive/u/2/folders/1MLMOT-qvgrX-9NnUEgpl4AkEPfixy2wG in these screens alone he: admits to sending his cuts to his friends, threatens to cut if i leave, admits that he was going to go through with a duel suicide and begged me for assisted suicide

warts screenshots v

full screenshots & complete context in the drive as for him claims that i was stalking him: i was scared, i was his friend. i tried so hard to be good enough and never was. the screens were a by product of confiding in my friends about what was happening and the drive was made to share w/ them i admit i prolly shouldve combed out some of it but, ykno also big phat apology for tagging cotl!!!!! only did bc fang has, please stay safe everyone, and thank you so much if you have read everything (the doc encase anyone was wanting it ! figured i;d just use tumblr regular posting method) https://docs.google.com/document/d/17QjXUEdQVd8c4GZS--vPo-xR3kgmoLl4ZmN3ROMutg0/edit?usp=sharing

edit as of 8:30pm 7/17/24 here is a link to pavi's response warts response and kats response

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

okay i Will get a life bc if a pretty woman on the internet tells me to get a life (and make zines), i will get a life (and make zines), but seeing as i dont have one yet, here are my top 3 "damn i wish someone read that one" fics:

wondering about the perspective of the person who confuses interbellum with no man’s land (thasmin smut but make it a 2000 word long poem. only thing ive written of which the title was exactly as good as the fic i think)

playing doctor (vault arc but make it 13/yaz/missy, has great chapter titles, and my mother liked it, even the octopussy parts) it's very pretty printed too:

sunset provision (14/yaz shared theological/ontological crisis. i call the doctor a psychologically disturbed rhesus monkey and co-piloting a religiously charged cockfight. And theres footnotes <3)

watching a video on youtube abt making zines and shes like "i have a full exciting life that i create for myself every single day that has nothing to do with zines. and i think that when you have more things going on in your life youre less likely to become hyperfocused on the reaction you get to your work" and im like damn outgecalled, no wonder we get neurotic abt it here on the hyperfocus no life website

[gamblersdoll]

Is it possible for you to write an ex bf sukuna fic where he shows up at psychiatrist y/ns office, as a patient, to win her back after months of her not reaching back to him 😭

This could end up being fluff or smut wtv u prefer 😛

ogey! toxic! sukuna semi nsfw

oh my fucking god, dude.

you would think that because he is the one who broke of the relationship, sukuna would just leave you the fuck alone..

nope! instead of that, he just texts you when you leave him on read, an obvious sign that hes bothered by the fact that you dont reach to him anymore. he lived for it, it was pathetic for both of you.

merely pathetic of him, moreover.

you had more important things to worry about, like your patients at the hospital that were worried about their own health and needs.

“okay, how are we doing —“ you were looking at your little pretty notepad, thinking that you were attending to the same old man who dealt with hallucinations and voices, but no..

its your delusional ex boyfriend, sukuna.

“im doing better now, doc.” he grumbles, a shit eating grin and he crosses his legs. “why dont you respond anymore? aren’t psychiatrists supposed to do that?”

you could punch him.

literally. like, you could punch the fuck out of him.. and unfortunately, he would like that.

“to patients, not to ex flings. you grunt, turning your back to him to reorganize your desk. you feel a pair of hands on your hips, breathing on your neck.

had you both stayed together, you would be soaked.

“and to me, because im a patient now.” he chuckles, sitting back down and expecting a professional smile. “well, arent you going to help me, doc?” it wasnt really a question, more of a snide.

it takes everything to not break him.

“ohkay, ryomen.” you address, he hated when you called him by that. “what’s been going on? any new medication youve been taking.”

he sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes. “well, i have this asshole of an ex girlfriend.” he starts, noticing a vein popping out of your neck. “but, cant get mad.. had the best pussy ive had in years.”

how poetic.

“hmm, okay, and how does that make you feel?” you coo, seeing three veins pop from his knuckles. seems like he could lose this game he started.

“it pisses me off,” he starts. tapping his foot, he stares into you. “she acts as if she can win this little ‘ill have him crawling’ game. yet, shes using her pussy as some pawn.”

now that confused you, but, if he says so.

“has it made you feel.. down? blue?”

“the fuck are you asking me?” he growls, a eye twitch and his fist balls up. you hold back a chuckle, professional, professional.

“have you been having suicidal thoughts, ryomen?” you mask your voice with that customer service voice, knowing damn well it pisses him off so bad.

“no, i havent had— fuck you!”

“ryomen, why are we angry?” you press again, eyes lowering to his and a small smile.

youre fucking with him, he knows that. he knows that you are toying with him, he knows that. why does it make him angry? he used to do the–

fuck, he taught you that shit.

“fuck you, ill have you lose your job.” he growled.

“for what? being too nice? for good customer service?” you chuckle, “ryomen, is there someone i should call to come retrieve you?” you suggest, “any nephews? brothers?”

oh, you fucking bitch.

“we aint done.” he says, storming out and slamming the office building door. you chuckle, immediately looking at your phone to see the missed calls and texts from him.

you pussywhipped fucker, sukuna.