#im probably just doom spiraling ik but like.
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i got pulled over and i have to go to court i think
#she came up and i was shitting myself and then she was like just letting you know you have a tail light out:) and i was so relieved and then#she asked for my license and then she came back and was like so your registration is super expired and im giving you a citation. and you#have to call this number#and theres no fine listed but like. i think i literally have to go to court. and theyre definitely giving me a fine there right? idk i#looked it up and i think the lowest i could possibly get is 200 dollars but it could be like a thousand.#it literally says that if i dont call they will issue a warrant for my arrest how fucking insane is that#the cop had a tattoo on her arm that said 'ill keep you safe' keep me safe from what my big bad expired registration#keep me safe from having a good day. or having a savings account. cool thanks#do you think if i like. fake my death and name her in a suicide note and like put in it that my last wish is for someone to tell her it was#her fault. that would probably sufficiently emotionally scar her right#also im kind of worried abt my job i think they did background checks when i got hired and idk if this is smth that would effect it but lik#its not just a ticket i think its literally a crime. like i think i have a record now and i dont know if im allowed to HAVE that at my job#im probably just doom spiraling ik but like.#i just feel so STUPID like i knew it was expired i just keep forgetting and putting it off and oh ill try and do it in the next couple week#and ive been doing that for MONTHS#but also WHY is it that serious who CARES if a vehicle is registered. does it literally matter at all like genuinely how could it effect ou#society. like how am i harming anyone.#whatever. im an outlaw. ive been watching cowboy movies and romanticizing outlaws so i guess this is what i get. im an outlaw and i am goin#to go register my car.
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my boyfriend is moving back here next month and returning right around my birthday, which is excellent and im very excited to see him. hes taking us to LA to see our favorite doom metal band Thou as a bday gift.
theres just one problem. getting fired right after moving kind of set my mental health back like 100 steps… and then seeing that guy who screwed me over in town even worse (i still think he was purposely messing with me). i think being apart from bf made it even worse, cuz im in a new place with no financial security so i kind of spiraled and relapsed. it was ugly. thank god for my friend group, they have been literal angels.
but who wants to start a serious relationship in earnest like this? im gonna give it two months maximum, to get a new job and see how i feel with him. if things dont improve for me on the inside then im probably gonna have to break up with him, at least for a while, because i really dont want to date him when i constantly feel split in half. even if ik i love him.
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