#ive been missing acting so much lately and idk if i miss acting or i just miss playing lili

[trans-labyrinth]

thinking about her a lot today

why we have a body, Claire Chafee

[jadeneppy]

Blwh

[11queensupreme11]

Hi again queen! Ive come bearing gifts 🤲😊

Since we're coming to a close with act 1, I felt it would only be appropriate to draw some memes again to celebrate 🎉 I started drawing all of these a few weeks ago but school + my gachas have been pounding my accs with all the banners so....yeah, here🗣️🔥

Also, I will soon be sending you drawn memes for each yan too + a baldur one (because for some reason i really cant get their ship out my head lol idk if im projecting my HC but i think he wouldve ADORED her  – what would their ship name even be? balcy 😭??? (cuz it wouldve been pretty fucking ballsy of them to get into a relationship knowing Loki is there to do…Loki things, LMAO). I will send 4 of the yan drawings um later and if not later, then tomorrow or the day after! Then the rest will be sent a day or an hour after those. I just need to finish some things before sending them out

(tbh it wouldve been better to drop it at the end of act 1 but school has been horrendous lately so im not taking my chances 😭 better early than late)

++ read the new chapter too – QUEEN I AM SO SCARED 😭 when you first introduced anubis i thought he was super cute!!....then you dropped this chapter, and now im worried 😭???? Wym by others??? Wym screaimg for him to stay away or trying to escape??? HES CREEPING ME OUT AND WE WERE JUST DONE WITH UNCY HADES, like this went from sweet to…extremely unnerving 😭 BRING US BACK DADDYSEIDON I MISS HIM, HOW IS HE RN?? IS HE ABSOLUTELY LOSING HIS MIND LMAOOO

+++ saw that comment about Ra - i am foaming for a tsundere grandpa PLEASE

Also, welcome back! I wish you all the best w your exam results!

YEAH WE'RE GONNA HAVE A TSUNDERE/YANDERE GREAT GREAT GRANDPA-IN-LAW RA 😂😂😂😂😂😂 i'm gonna enjoy this so much, it's gonna be like the ares and percy beef except ra's not a fucking dumbass 😭

thank you for the drawn memes 🥺💖💖💖 i actually recognize some of these lmao thank you 💖 the beelcy one is very accurate considering beelzebub 1000000% stalks her socials lol

AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE OTHER FANARTS/MEMES!!!!! I WILL WAIT PATIENTLY OR AT LEAST TRY TOO LOL

(also omg you drew c�� chulainn with his doggy 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

[phagodyke]

ok moment over its all good

oh who am I fucking kidding. I'm not gonna go am I.

[mysterycitrus]

i know you've been talking about jason lately so i'll ask about smth different... robin jason (sorry)

idk idk lately i've been wanting to take a peek at his robin comics for the sake of writing fic (ofc...) but i'd like to hear what u think before that, a summary of sorts if u may (i also wanna contrast what u say with what i get out of it so yeah)

i feel like his robin days are so muddled by his identity as red hood later on, and even before that it was his death. u had people constantly blaming jason for dying in text (or else they'd have to admit bruce can make mistakes and everyone in dc is allergic to doing that) and painting him like someone reckless and violent (classist editorial u need to DIE), and then people in fanon painting him like a sweet fella who would do nothing wrong and as well as being bruce's Only Actual Son etc etc for the sake of making the situation around him all the more sadder (yeah yeah pathetic meow meow we've all seen it)

and i'm just curious bc i rlly wonder what the actual comics say about him, most likely something in the middle of this? exams are killing me but my god i'll come back to life after im done just to read jason robin's days... have a good day !!!

the difficulty with reading about jason as robin is that there are three primary periods that all differ fairly dramatically from each other — pre-crisis jason todd is a strawberry blond acrobat who’s almost adopted by dick grayson before becoming robin; post-crisis jason todd is a kid from crime alley who steals the wheels off the batmobile before becoming robin; and post-crisis, post-utrh jason todd is a very angry, very violent kid who becomes a cautionary tale after he gets himself killed (something he is often blamed for).

we can walk the line here. pre-crisis jason isn’t particularly relevant because so much of robin!jason’s stories depend on his reinvention after the reboot. all the crucial factors leading up to death in the family — growing up in the alley, both his mothers, his relationship with the robin mantle, his developing relationship with dick grayson, his slow schism from bruce, his relative isolation from other superheroes — are all crucial to who he is, especially after his death.

fanon about jason is annoying because there are valid criticisms that can be made about how he’s written with regressive, classist stereotypes, but as always it pivots way too far in one direction. jason wasn’t the “happy” or “angry” robin in the same way that dick wasn’t the happy or angry robin — they’re both characters that possess more than a single emotion. it’s true that jason was later written to be more explicitly violent (to contrast him with dick) but also like… they’re both pretty similar characters that differ in interesting ways. dick created robin to be a symbol of hope and joy. jason carried that on when he took up the mantle. they can both be angry at stuff without the world falling apart. it’s not that serious.

the dialogue about dick being a child soldier but jason being the true son makes me want to tear my hair out. jason became robin because bruce missed dick and was afraid of being alone. they’re both his gd kids. acting as though bruce wayne doesn’t love dick grayson so much that extra-dimensional beings can clock it is so fucking stupid. it once again ties into fanon’s obsession with each character only getting to be “one” thing. tim is smart, which means he’s the smartest. jason said robin made him magic, which means he’s happy all the time. dick chased after zucco in a grief spiral, which means he’s the violently angry one, with no other character traits. dick can’t have been nice to jason because he’s nice to tim, etc. seems a little silly, no?

i think i’ve only read jason’s brief run as robin once, though ive gone through a death in the family + a lonely place of dying a bunch of times, so ig my advice for reading him is to keep in mind the context in which he was created. dc comics was reeling from losing dick grayson as robin, and were really throwing anything at the wall to get something to stick. many, many negative tropes are baked into his introduction, and thanks to writers like jeph loeb and scott lobdell they have compounded over time. jason’s updated backstory is, with actual critical intent by the writer, a really good examination of how poverty and class will affect how someone views the world. his death was not his fault — and removing sheila haywood from that warehouse purposely makes his story less tragic. he was a good kid! and he was angry for a good reason. if jason had lived, i believe he would’ve carried on the robin tradition and left bruce behind once their differences became insurmountable.

[tacharie]

VERY LATE REVIEW ON EPISODE 8 WOW.

HEY GUYS SO SO SORRY IVE BEEN LATE BUT IM HERE… ROGHT BEFORE EPISODE 9 😭😭😭. guys but for realsies I don’t really have much to say for episode 8 cause I mostly forgot what happened. TIME TO BRING OUT THE SCREENSHOTS. As always, spoilers ahead of you have not already read Tokyo Debunker Episode 8, and these were written in the order of my reactions, so you will be seeing how my reactions progress. There will be no more spoiler warning ahead of this soooo pls don’t blame me DANKE :3

ohhhhhh ok ok I see this and I’m kinda not liking it!! They’re pretty and all but like… I hate auctions cause it’s like geez louise. I’ve read so many zombie manwhas where they start selling people at auctions and it makes me so uncomfortable now that I see auctions.

ANYWAYS staring off strong with my boy RITSU!! I haven’t seen you in forever my lizard looking friend what’s happening !!!

this bitch is no longer my friend. WHAT ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN FOR DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF US TURNING INTO AN ANOMALY LIKE DANG. Like Ik you’re all head first into work or whatever but geez Louise, part of being a lawyer is being empathetic to understand how to get evidence from witnesses dumb dumb.

why is this LOSER. Not listening to my glorious queen. Just because it don’t follow the charts does NOT mean that it isn’t plausible like cmon think logical here. Also, when he’s like getting mad at Taiga without actually talking to him, I can just see him shaking his fist in the air lmao. Moving on from him… ROMEO CALLED US :3!!

HAIIII ROMEO MY NEW FAVORITE OF SINOSTRA WHATS POPPING!!! Also, NEW FACE!! NEW FACE FROM ROMEO I THINK. He has an angry one all the time last time, but now this one is more like… concerned?? Idk MOVING ON!! Also, I’m starting to like Romeo and I really want to know his lore for now. Cause look at this:

Like who is doing this to you BBG!!! I kinda feel bad for him he’s js a lil guy sometimes :(

(NOT IN LIKE THE FANON MIDORIYA WAY BUT IN LIKE A he’s very pitiful sometimes)

Also dang what is with this tension between Taiga and Romeo bruh. Like they’re legit acting like exes. I DONT SHIP THEM DONT GET ME WRONG. But like… there was DEFINITELY SOMETHING. Especially since Taiga remembers his name/nickname.

Yuri and Jiro :(!!! I MISSED YOU TWOO HAIIIII!!! Guys they’re so cute lmao Yuri getting worried like a friend awwwwww… though I’m pretty sure it’s because Jiro is still his subject. ARGHH OMG 😭💕 “I was only there cause I was looking for you” AWWWWWWW THATS SO SWEET!! The whole vomiting scene was so funny and silly and cute of them I hope we see them more!!

WOAHHHHHHHHHH!!! AWOOGA HELLO 😍😍😍!!! GUYS THEY LOOK SO PRETTAYYYYY!! Dang Romeo hand selected them, no surprise there. They’re sooooo cute AND THE MC AHHHHHH SHES SO SILLY 😭😭💕💕💕!!!

“try not to be discreet” immediately grabs Taiga’s ear. Oh wow. Also Imma need Taiga to STOP WOTH THE KITTEN TALK. IVE HAD IT 😡😡. ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

WHAT. NO. NONONONONONONONONO PLEASEEEEEEE SPARE ME WHY ME 😭😭😭. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH THESE THREE LUNATICS. BRUH TAIGA’S PROBABLY LIKE A SLEEP BITER. UH UH I REFUSE 😡. You guys are rich aren’t you?? Can’t we have separate rooms pretty please. Also besides from sharing, I don’t like the idea of staying overnight. Cause they told us nothing!! We ain’t got toothbrush, deodorant, NADA. It’s gotta REEK in there.

Ok so… Romeo knowing the password is not rubbing me the right way. I hate it actually. Romeo please don’t be TOO sketch!!! Please please please I BEGGGG!! Also woah… I don’t like how it looks!! Like the AI is so obvious with this one PLEASEEE INVEST IN A BACKGROUND ARTIST. It’s not that difficult I promise you. The music is hella nice tho MEAH MWAH LOVELYYYY!! Also if you screen record a video with the background, you can see they added a shaky effect which was cool!!

alright Romeo. How’s you come up with the name. Guys he might actually be in some dark shit uh oh. Chat I think my fav sinostra character is cooked. Taiga pointing that out makes js confirms my suspicions. Like guys. Sighs. Also, I highly doubt Gojo teacher is gonna bail us out of this one taiga 🙁… he’s … NOT THAT GREAT!!

Ok so we split up anddddd… Taiga went to a bar. Naturally. RITSU, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. Like, I know he’s not personally insulting anyone, but like getting compared to Romeo is bad?? I mean, I guess they’re kinda opposites so IG!! Gulping down Taiga’s drink is WILD LMAOOO 😭😭.

ok moving onto their little exploration, Taiga, leaves his three blind mice looking glasses alone. It’s actually kinda cute that Ritsu is so sweet for his mom. ALSO HOURS??? FOR GLASSES?? I thought I was indecisive geez man. And oh!! They found the mask right? NOT TAIGA SUGGESTING THEY GANK THEM WHAT 😭 WHY IS HE SHOOTONG THE PLACE UP HELLO?? WHY DID HE SHOW RITSU TO WHACK THINGS WITH HIS BOOK OMG 😭.. IM DEADDDD.

alrighty now our side. Romeo and queeny let’s gooo!!! Romeo scamming some guy is actually crazy lmao. But like, he knew this guy?? Then why is this guy acting like he doesn’t know Romeo? That’s … STRANGE!! Anyways, AHHHH THAT ONE ART OF HIM HOLDING THE PAINTING WAS EVERYTHING :(!! So sweet so cute!! Other than the fact he scammed someone but I digress!!!

“There’s only a handful of people in this world that know the true vale of things.” Such an odd sentence to add, that’s more of an inner dialogue thing but he said it aloud. Maybe he meant smth else by it but like IM NOT THAT DETECTIVY GUYS!!

Romeo please leave my Boy Yuri alone 😭😭. They got that little man stressing fr. But I wanted to point out a few things from their conversation:

-“ Someone’s gotten cocky” (Romeo to Yuri) The word gotten changed the entire meaning of THSI sentence. They knew each other before… from Frostheim maybe?? Cause we know both of them have personal beef from frost heim, maybe they both transferred but were once close back then. Sounds kinda cliche but. Further evidence: “I remember when you ran off crying to the grubby old lab, now you’re playing king of the castle?” So maybe not together, but just what kind of connection did they have? Maybe Romeo was a bully :(

BUT WAIT !! THERES MORE!!! “ha ha. Fine words coming from a has-been like you. Why, I hardly hear anyone speak of you these days. I suppose your accomplishments were only possible before you relinquished your brand name. Oh, I suppose it’s more accurate ‘before it was stolen from you?’ “. … WOW!! Ok!!! So yeah Romeo was popular, he was .. maybe forced out of Frostheim because of his family situation… or maybe bullied out of it. With Romeo, a lot of times someone mentions something being stolen from him, which is probably why he’s so obsessed with wealth. Their relationship is so strange, I need to raise their affinities to see more lore.

Aw yeah, my queen got the lobster and pasta she deserved for her dinner!! I’m so glad that we don’t have to sleep with each other bro like legit JUMPING FOR JOY 😆😆😆!!!

Aw shucks Romeo is being shady once more ; “ Just relax by your little fireplace and I’ll bring you a nice souvenir. I’ll bring you back that mask so don’t forget our deal.” PROFESSOR HYDE. IK ITS YOU. WTF ARE YOU UP TO. Why does he want that mask, why does he need a mask, is he doing this against Darkwick or for them? Guys I need answers like urgently.

Oh no. It’s Taiga. Everyone smile and wave. Bruh why is he talking to us like he don’t know us m. It’s us, your kitty patootie. YEAHHHH HE RECOGNIZED US!! PROGRESS GUYS!! Omg wait he might actually remember the train… HE DID !! HE DID YES 😭😭!! TAIGA YOU ARE THE GOAT MY GLORIOUS KING TAIGA. Wait but he forgot where the monster went. Man… can’t do nothing fr 🙁. Uh oh :3 Romeo caught us!! DAMN TAIGA BEING SO MEAN FOR WHAT. “We were just talking about how gross you sound buttering someone up” like dang. We think that, not say that. What power does Gojo teacher hold to control Romeo so easily… I don’t get it :(.

phew day 2, auction day!! Taiga sleeping in the ceremony is so real. WHY IS HE SO READY TO SHOOT EVERYBODY GEEZ. Oh!! Romeo comes busting in… AHHHHHH MY GLORIOUS QUEEN MC IN THE BACKGROUND SUCH A CUTIE. Oh he actually started shooting ok!!! Awesome!!! OH WHAT THE… THEYRE ALL GLITCHING. RUN MC TUN. DONT LET THE OTHERS SLACK YOU!!

Ok so they got to the exit, and they won’t let us out… AWESOME. JUST AWESOME. Bruh Taiga is going on some riddle shit JS TELL US PLEASEEEEE. Bruh. Romeo. My guy. My pall. WHY TF DID YOU HAVE SO MUCH TREASURE 😭😭😭. WHY WOULD YOU THROW IT RIGHT AT RITSU. RITSUUUUU GET YO ASS HOME!! Oh wait his stigma nvm. He’s chilling. That panel of Ritsu saying his stigma goes hard though.

AWWWWW THEIR DIRT COVERED FACES ARE SO CUTE!!! AHHH I LOVE IT!! Too bad about the mask and Romeo’s treasure but we chilling. OH WAIT NVM TAIGA GOT THE MASK!! YAYAYYAYAY!! Romeo looks so happy aw 😭. Oh.. OH!!! ARE THEY ABOUT TO KISS?? WHAT HAOPENED IT ZOOMED IN ONTO ROMEO’S LIPS WHAT HAPPENDD.

Oh we’re back at the Diner with Ritsu. WAIT CAN WE SEE OUR BOY REN :3??? BRUH WHAT. TAIGA ATE THE FUCKING MASK??? HUH??? Another probation is actually crazy dang…

Oh shit Taiga and Hyde. “Lay off Lulu” AWWWWWW HE CARES ABOUT HIS FRIEND. AWWWWW!!! Bruh Hyde is actually pissing me off bro tf you mean “The stage is nearly set” FOR WHAT??? FOR WHAT PURPOSE??? Guys 😭

ok so that’s that. Uhhhhh I might have skipped a few parts but this is merely going off on the deleted screenshots I took the time I read it. The only thing I do remember is what I was thinking on each scene. Honestly, not much was given in this one for like DARKWICK lore, except for the fact they work with underground connections as well as governmental. That’s actually so wild how powerful they are. I’m actually so excited to see more of Ritsu’s emotional side, and Romeo/ Taiga’s backstory, not just tightened but their personal ones too. Still don’t have Taiga’s unique magic womp womp :(. Hyde… is freaking me out a bit too. And nothing has been explained about why Hyde called Sho for a “special mission”. It doesn’t look like he’s gonna be a part of the next chapter too, so it’s making sho SUPPERRRR SUS rn. But anyways I hoped you enjoyed and I will make another one of these VERY soon for Episode 9 :3!! Ciao , until next chapter!!

[journalsouppe]

My spread for To The Moon! A friend recommended me this game and although there were a lot of things I really liked about this game, I really really don't like sad stories so this particular game just wasn't for me. The storytelling and art and music was all super well done!! I just hate reading or watching something that will leave me depressed afterwards.

So I do recommend this game if you like sad stories and my score is very subjective to my personal tastes, so don't let that deter you if you are interested in this game. I also gave Celeste a low score even though if I had watched a playthrough instead of playing it, it would've been way higher (I hated the mechanics but loved the art and storytelling). It's just not for me and that's totally okay!

Writing typed below! + extra blurb

rating: 7 played: su 2023 port: pc (steam) fave? N replayable? N recommend? Y

Comments:

"he likes cats" "why does the world have to be so complicated"

i'm worried this will turn into a horror game lol. the art reminds me of the witch

so many rabbits

"you neurotypicals" i... don't think this convo has anything to do with neurodivergency

the environments are so gorgeous

repetitive gameplay- slows down storytelling

i like river's expressive eyes

cute lighthouse scene

if i had known the gameplay was this simple i prob wouldve watched keith or a similar lets player

aww pretty horse

oo it's getting creepy

why is neil missing

^ LMFAO NVM

OH SHIT

fucked they made him forget his own brother

NOT JOEY THIRD WHEELING

damn i do not like the mom

the fair is really cute

the river name scene is pissing me off (as someone who has such a rare name ive never met another person with my name irl or online, river is not that uncommon of a name T_T_T_T_TT_T)

awww his brother's back

the memory tech stuff is very confusing

idk why eva was so sketch i think neil wouldve agreed to it

why was the pill addiction relevant?? did i miss something??

Game notes:

beautiful music and pixel art

point and click walking

collect orbs to unlock memories

puzzle grid for memories

whac-a-mole with pretty janky controls

apparently you can move with arrow keys T_T

"combat" scene with dodging and shooting

Summary:

Although I liked the story and thought the thing was very wellmade, this game just wasn't my particular cup of tea. Similar to Celeste, I prob would've liked it if I had watched it instead. It's a depressing tale esp after realizing all the work you do is just some simulation and joey still died and river still died heartbroken. It's absolutely a game I'd recommend for people who like sad/sappy stories but it's not something I'd personally replay. Idk if I'll watch or play through the extra content, again this story just made me kinda depressed and i don't enjoy this feeling. I'm also confused why they acted like river's diagnosis was taboo or smth, she had smth like autism right? Why did they say so... The art style is very cute and the animations were done incredibly well. The environments were especially superbly made. The controls were a little odd esp for the mini games. A little disappointed I didn't learn to use the arrow keys until the last ten minutes of the game. Eva and Neil were fun characters, i liked their dynamic. I understand the structure of the story and finding key pieces of their life, but the gameplay got pretty repetitive and tedious until the switch in act 2/3. Overall, a good game with beautiful designs and simple mechanics. If you like sad/tragic stories then I def recommend. This game reminds me a lot of UP (the movie) so I think MC would really like this game (an old teacher of mine).

Also a little note on my comments for autism, I also have autism so it just felt a little weird playing this game. I'm sure the attitudes around autism were much different in the time they were depicting (probably around the mid to late 20th century) but it still rubbed me the wrong way that it seemed everyone treated river poorly, especially her husband. And I also just hate miscommunication tropes so bad so part of that really played into some of the diagnosis and storytelling. Again, not a game for me personally and these were just my critiques but I'm not actually or seriously offended by this game, I just hate sad shit!!!!!!

[grape-icing]

hi!! could you write a short story thingy between cg! roxy and regressor! dave? platonic ofc!!! i think roxy would act as a mother figure to dave!!! maybe dave comes over to roxys for a playdate for the first time, and he’s a little nervous to be so vulnerable around someone for the first time!! idk, you can take whatever creative liberty you want with it!! :)) thank you!!

HAIIII IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! IVE HAD TESTING ALL WEEK AND I HAD NO IDEAS!!! SORRY IN ADVANCE IF ITS BAD!!! I'll also post this on ao3 :33333

Actual story!!

Dave was pretty nervous about John's doctor's appointment because he knew John would call a babysitter. Which was fine he supposed due to the fact he already told everyone about his regression but he hadn't been watched by anyone else before. Bluh!!! Even the thought of it made him anxious. Dave curled up next to John, filled with worry.

“Something worry bud?” John questioned the sudden movement of the younger boy.

“Uh no” Dave replied which was a lie because he didn't want John to get worried and potentially miss his appointment. Although now that Dave thought about it….

Well never mind, the mystery babysitter was here. Dave really hoped it wasn't someone in his family.

“Oh! That must be her.” John got up and raced towards the door.

“Hiya Roxy!” Dave was doomed, why did it have to be his mom? Sister? thing of all people, well at least it's not Dirk.

“Ok, so he knows where everything is and stuff. Uh, am I missing anything? Oh, his favorite juice is in the fridge. Shoot I'm already late! Okay got to go, bye Dave I love ya!” John quickly left.

“Hai Davey!” Roxy announced. Dave turned away.

“Oh um okay. Do you want to watch a movie or play or….uhm…do something?” Roxy questioned, trying to get him to do anything.

“No,” Dave said quick and bluntly.

“You don't wanna do…anything like at all? Not even a movie?” Roxy walked over and sat right beside him.

“I- uhm sure, I guess,” Dave replied not trying to hurt his mother's feelings. Dave didn't actually know if Roxy considered herself his mother but she didn't mind being called “Mom” so maybe.

“Good!! So whatcha wanna watch honey?” Roxy reached over to grab the remote.

“Uhm I'm not sure, maybe Octonauts? You can pick if you want though.” Dave said in a softer voice than earlier.

“Nah, Octonauts work!” Roxy quickly put the show on and wrapped an arm around Dave, which he wiggled and squirmed his way out of.

After around 20 minutes Roxy suggested they go outside and get some fresh air which Dave very nervously said yes to.

“Need any help getting your shoes on, baby?” Roxy asked while bending down to him.

“no” Dave stated. Roxy saw right through the lie and helped him tie his shoes.

“Uh m-mom,” Dave muttered.

“Hm? What is it pumpkin?” Roxy questioned as she finished trying the younger one's shoes.

“Nothing much. I was just wondering if it was hot outside.” Dave asked while standing up.

“Oh yeah, it's going to be very hot, perfect for playing!” Roxy said cheerfully while grabbing her purse to leave.

“Oh” whined Dave.

“Is something wrong muffin?” Roxy asked due to the tone of his voice. “If you don't want to play that's okay, we can get ice cream if you want!”

“I want um ice cream, please” Dave followed Roxy onto the front steps.

“Alrighty! We can totes do that, I think there's an ice cream place right around here.”

Roxy carefully held his hand the entire walk home, which Dave thought was nice. After about five minutes of walking, they made it to the ice cream parlor.

“Look! We're here!” Roxy bumped Dave on the shoulder to draw his attention.

“Mhm,” Dave quietly followed his mother over to the counter to order their ice creams.

“Okay I'll have one strawberry ice cream and, what do you want Dave?”

“Uhh cookies and cream please.”

After the two got their ice cream they started to walk back home.

“Hey Rox, do ya know um when dad is going to be home?”

“Yeah, he has to run some errands so it might be another hour or two. Don't worry though! Me and you will have loads of fun.” Roxy reassured him that the time would fly by and she'd be out in no time.

“It's okay if you don't want me to stay. I'm not mad I promise.” Roxy gently stoked his hair.

“N-no I don't want you to leave I just don't want you to uhmm never mind.” Dave quickly cut himself off before starting to try and speed-walk home.

“Dave baby slow down. You can tell me anything! I wouldn't say a peep to anybody, not even John!” Dave hit a full stop when she said that.

“Uhm well that was kinda it, I don't want you to go and talk about me to like, I don't know, Rose or Dirk?” Roxy turned to Dave and pulled him into a hug.

“I would never do that, but I can understand why you would think that. Hehe, I talk a bunch so it's reasonable.”

Dave and Roxy stood, embraced in that hug for at least a minute straight before going back to walking again.

Once the two of them returned to the house Roxy decided it would be best just to stay home due to the heat instead of playing outside. Roxy put Dave’s show back on before realizing he was probably still hungry.

“Hey sweet pea, you hungry?” Dave silently nodded. While Roxy went to cook him something, Dave slowly moved over to where he kept all of his little items but started to hesitate, finally, he picked up his bottle.

“Whatcha messing with Dave?” Roxy asked, coming into the room to check on him.

“Uh n-nothing?” Dave squealed out as he quickly shoved what he was holding behind his back.

“Are you sure? Because that didn't seem like nothing?” Roxy questioned as she got closer. “What’s behind your back, Dave?”

“Nothing like I said!” Dave said in an elevated tone, leaning away from her, trying to conceal what was behind him.

“Dude, I need to see what's behind you so I can make sure it’s nothing dangerous.” Roxy pulled his arms away from his back, which was surprisingly easy.

“Pumpkin if you wanted a drink you could have just asked. I'll bring it when I bring your food. I'll be right back!” Roxy placed a small kiss on his forehead and went back to the kitchen.

While Roxy was in the kitchen she quickly filled up his bottle with the apple juice in the fridge, Grabbed his food, and made her way back into the living room. When she got there she handed him the plate.

“Um, thanks” Dave muttered while eating a big spoonful.

“Of course!” Roxy answered.

“Oh, wait! Here’s your bottle, sweetie.” Roxy handed him his cup and sat down beside him. Dave mumbled something inaudible and shoved it where it couldn’t be seen due to him being embarrassed by it. Which obviously confused Roxy.

“You okay little dude? I saw you hiding your drink, any reason for it? if it’s because of me, you don't gotta worry, I don't care whatcha do as long as you’re not getting hurt or making a mess.” Roxy moved closer so she was basically right against Dave’s back, She gave him a small hug from behind. Dave leaned into her warm embrace and cautiously reached for his bottle, looking over at Roxy to make sure she wouldn't judge him or anything like that. Roxy planted a small kiss on his head as he finally started to drink his juice. After around twenty minutes Roxy pulled a blanket over him as soon as she realized he was asleep.

“Hey! I'm back!” John announced, getting cut off by a loud “shhh!!” from Roxy.

[thisisegregiouuuus]

ok i was gonna make a post abt my rh oc kitty but i got distracted like usual so i gotta say 2 THINGS!!!

first of all, im kind of getting back into warrior cats...not rlly the books, but moreso the game clangen which im legit obsessed with, and its kind of similar to how i act w royale high. ill randomly be like 'oh hey i havent been on clangen in a while' so i hop on, get attatched to it for a week or 2 at most, and then wham bam thank you MAM!!! im sick of it and leave

but rn im back on it! and im kiiinnndddd of maaaaybbeeee considering starting a new clan and recording the events and stuff on a new blog/account/idk whatever thingy here on tumblr (for the billionth time... bc u have NOOOOO idea how many times ive started a new clan, been like 'oh yeah, this is the one', documented it for ages, then just gave up on it. i probably have like 10 random google docs floating around that are documenting random stuff in random clans </3) so yeah, idk if its gonna happen, especially bc i kind of need to focus on school rn, so idk. i might leave it to do it on the holidays but who knows if ill still be interested by then....theres always too much things going on around me and in my brain for me to even keep up

and also if anyone was wondering, yes i kind of am into warrior cats, i useed to love it as a kid and i still do. i remember playing the old roblox roleplay game back when it was just like rlly shitty cylinder morphs of cats back in grade 8 but let me tell u....the poor quality just added the more fun and charm to it. not even kidding, i loved it so much. i literally would stay up every single night so late just to rp, that game used to be my life, like i cant put into words how much i loved that game. every night i played the warrior cats rp game, that would be the highlight of my day, or the thing i was most esxcited abt after school was over. but things are different now, dont get me wrong the new and improved version of the game is rlly impressive, but ill always miss the good old days with the bad morphs of the cats </3 they will always hold a dear place in my heart, and same with all the fun and memories i made playing that game

also bc of how often i used to rp i became like a pro, like i was rlly confident and everything came naturally, but now ive left it for too long, i havent roleplayed in what feels like a billion years, and im hella rusty </3 it rlly sucks bc rn id love love looooveeee to get back into roleplaying on roblox. even if it isnt on warrior cats, id be happy, i just miss roleplaying in general

anyway im going soo off course rn. i did read the warriors books as a kid but i didnt rlly read the series in order tbh, like i remember reading into the wild, but thats it. otherwise id only read the special edition books lmao, idk why but i did and i loved them, and even tho i basically didnt follow the chronological story line, i still loved warrior cats sm

anyway that abt does it for the whole warrior cats stuff. idk where its gonna go from here but for now ill just enjoy clangen as is

and now that i said all that i cant be bothered mentioning the second thing lmao. its legit almost 2am im not even kidding, and i have to wake up at like 9am </3

sorry for any spelling mistakes and stuff btw this isnt proof read

[sebstanismyspiritanimal]

Here's chapter 5! Sorry for the late update but I work full-time and am getting ready to move so I've been super busy! But this chapter is extra long to make up for it 😁

I would like to apologize in advance for Uncle Wayne 😔 he is one of my favorite parents to come out of Stranger Things, but I honestly really love making my characters feel so much pain only to make them heal and become stronger later. There's probably a term for that 🤷🏼‍♀️

As always leave any suggestions or comments as you please and here's chapter 4 if you missed it :)

The case was closed after three days in Nebraska and the team was quickly packing up files and papers at Quantico to hand in to Hotch and take the next two days off.

Spencer hadn't mentioned the radio to Eddie or the voice on the other end, and she hadn't either. He had watched her the next day and she didn't seem tired or worse off for most likely having spent a night up and talking to someone else.

She didn't bring the radio out in the day time and so Spencer let the matter drop, who was he to say someone was acting weird?

"I'm thinking a night out with drinks and dancing to decompress, anyone else in?" Emily was asking as the agents were crowding in the bullpen to leave. JJ, Derek, and Penelope all quickly agreed and they looked to Spencer and their newest member for their answers.

"Ah, no thanks, crowds and flashing lights aren't really my thing." Eddie sheepishly grinned at the boos that were starting.

"Besides ive still got an apartment to unpack and that is taking ages." Penelope seemed to perk up at that and grinned brightly.

"We can help! It'll go a lot faster with more hands helping!" Everyone else around her started making noises of consent, making Eddie start to protest, "No, you guys go have fun, I can handle the unpacking myself." But they fell on deaf ears, "I'll bring pizza!" Derek said as he started calling someone on his phone, "And I'll bring the drinks!" JJ threw her hand up to volunteer.

Spencer gave Eddie a small grin, "There's no point in arguing, but we are rather efficient. If this FBI thing doesn't work out we could definitely start a moving company." His grin got wider as Eddie let out a quiet laugh, "You all just want to snoop don't you?"

She gave everyone her address and they all dispersed in the parking lot, walking to different cars.

"Do you mind if I just catch a ride to your place? I don't see the point in riding the metro twice tonight." Eddie told him to hop in and they were smoothly driving out of the parking lot.

The ride was silent for a while before Spencer started to talk, "So what made you join the task force? You said you joined right out of high school, right?" Eddie's grip on the wheel tightened before she deliberately relaxed her hands.

"It wasn't my decision, not really. The other members of the team were my friends. We were all approached and recruited together and they decided to join up so I followed them."

Spencer was pretty shocked by her answer but before he could ask anything else she was pulling in to a parking lot, "You live in the sister building to mine!" Spencer exclaimed before he could help himself.

"Yeah? The taller one right there?" He nodded at the building she was pointing at.

"Seems silly for you to keep riding the metro everyday then."

"Oh, you dont-"

"Spence, literally it takes no extra time in my commute, your building shares a parking lot with mine." He blushed as she laughed brightly and began the trek up her stairs.

Not even an hour later and JJ, Penelope, Derek, and Emily were in various parts of her living room organizing and unpacking from boxes, asking questions about things they found and laughing through their own guesses if Eddie pretended she couldn't hear them.

Penelope opened a new box and let out a large gasp, "Guys! I found the nerd box!" Everyone gathered around her to look at the contents. Figurines and banners and tshirts from multiple different franchises spilled out and on top was a large stack of DnD Manuel's, notebooks, loose paper drawings, etc.

"Munson, you weren't kidding about the DnD stuff, what is all of this?" Derek whistled as he started leafing thru the large stack.

"Hey I never kid about Dungeons and Dragons. I was DM for the club I started in my highschool. I met some really good people thru that group." Eddie explained shuffling thru the pile and smiling slightly.

Garcia gasped and dove her hand in the box pulling out a stack of frames with various people in them.

"Look! Baby Eddie!" She cheered and showed the group the top picture of Eddie surrounded by a large group of people, are varying ages. They were all smiling but it seemed that most of everyone had been crying right before the picture was taken.

"Who are all these people?" Emily asked her, touching the faces of a couple of them.

"That's my family. That was the day we left for training for the force." Eddie whispered, smiling gently at the picture.

She cleared her throat abruptly, "This is Jonathon, Steve, Robin, and Nancy" she pointed to each individual person, "they were in the task force with me."

The group looked thru the other three pictures, the same people sprinkled thru each one except the last, the last one was just a selfie type picture with a teenage Eddie and an older, greying man that hadn't been in any of the other photos.

When Penelope uncovered it, Eddie took it gently from her.

"That's my Uncle Wayne, he took me in when i was 11 after my dad got sent to federal lock up for the last time."

"Is he still in Hawkins?" JJ asked her, noticing the sad smile on her colleagues face.

"No. No, he died my senior year, earthquake took out the trailer park we lived in and he was home, got caught up in the rubble." Everyone looked away to give her some privacy to wipe the tears gathering in her eyes.

The crackle of a radio turning on broke the atmosphere of the apartment and made everyone look at the dining room table.

~Jonathon and Steve requesting roll call.~

The voice on the other end sounded strained and tired, making Eddie walk over to it immediately and put the speaker to her mouth, but she paused before she said anything.

One by one different voiced came over saying different names, obviously replying to the roll call.

~Lucas~

~Dustin~

~Robin~

~Nancy~

~Mike~

~Max~

~El~

~Will~

~Erica~

Finally Eddie clicked her button

~Eddie~

At that the radio went silent, until Eddie started talking into it again.

~Jon.~

~He's okay. It was another terror, but I brought him out and he wanted a roll call. He's back asleep already, I gave him some medicine so hopefully we can avoid a migraine in the next couple days.~ the answering voice was tired, it was the same man who had requested the roll call but it was whispered now, trying to be quiet for someone.

~Okay, let me know if he needs anything.~

~Will do.~

When Eddie turned around to face her team she had to turn back around so she wouldn't cry again.

They were silently unpacking boxes again, not one person looking at her confused, waiting for an explanation, but letting her have her moment with her family, as strange as it was.

[cinnaminsvga]

zee exclamations anon here!!! thoughts on min yoongi recently? how’s your emotional relationship with the memory of such an icon of your youth? also how do you feel about the little guy lately? as an artist, does he linger still as a muse? as a person, is he a vase of love still? i was just listening to time adventure from the adventure time soundtrack, and this line “will happen, happening, happened, and we will happen, again and again, cause you and i will always be back then” made me think that past is eternal, and love that once were will forever be when it was, so, it made me think of how in young forever they say “as today’s me, i want this moment to be eternal, i want to be young forever” and how yoongi now says “i want to grow up together” and how it seems it’s different but i think is the same. cause you and i will always be back then. we will grow up together, cause we are already together, cause we were together, so we are young forever. i think hope is just a loooot of love. or i think thats what it costs. like in that paramore song 26 “reality will break your heart, survival will not be the hardest part, it’s keeping all your hopes alive, all the rest of you has died, so let it break your heart” i think youth is so hopeful, and its hard to maintain that much hope as you grow up. it’s hard to see things as you once did, or feel em as you did, cause your heart breaks and things happen. so “i want to be young forever” is just so beautiful, cause its aware of how precious all of it is in that unique moment as everything is, and longs to keep it forever that way, and yet, “i want to grow up together” is the most hopeful thing to say. we’ll happen, happening, happened. some things must change to remain the same. it seems unforgiving when a good thing ends, but you and i will always be back then. growing up is an act of hope. love is eternal. the song ends with “you and i will always be best friends”. so how do you feel it zee?

im gonna be honest anon the way i just went slackjawwed when i saw this in my inbox HAHAH love u and ur little song references its like getting a personalized web weave in my inbox so thank u

hnngnghhg ive actually been rewatching some of his suchwita eps because i miss the little guy... it also massively sucks that he isnt gonna be Around for a bit, but cmon i just wanna see his bald ass head... just give me some excitement in my life... yoongi save me

and yea ofc he lingers as a muse to me... he's literally my ideal type HAHAH its kinda hard not to reference him in anything i write. even writing for other fandoms, i cant help but yoongify them somehow... i just love men who love softly but care so deeply. and yeah perhaps i have yoongi on a pedestal inside my brain and yeah maybe the version i have of him in my head isnt quite accurate but like... ITS HARD!!! NOT TO LOVE THE LITTLE GUY!!! AUGHHGDHG HES MY BEST FRIEND but not like /parasocial more like "hes my childhood imaginary friend that held my hand on the first day of school" sorta thing. he's a part of me, whether anyone likes it or not!!! like a parasite but its kinda awesome even though i think he wants to kill me sometimes. we could be like venom or something (idk never watched the movie).

kinda like how every interest ive ever had in my life kinda never leaves,,, it waxes and wanes but like at the end of the day, a lot of the stuff ive grown to love and maybe forgotten still keep a place in my heart. yoongi is my youth, and i choose to live youthfully for a long time. like ive said before, youth and love and all those sorts of things... its a lifestyle. time destroys so many things but those two stand against its claws. IT IS WHAT IT IS!!! BUT BY GOD, LETS HOLD HANDS WHILE WE'RE AT IT!!! anyway love u anon

[flockofdoves]

im not really complaining because i've had fun and its given me good time to get really into my other big interest of set construction and ive learned so much about using power tools and stuff and i love all the people in the scene shop. but its kind of crazy i added the theater minor with the explicit 2 goals of

exploring the potential of becoming a dialect coach

getting more formal practice with costume construction

and then what has actually happened has been

the intro to [all hands on non acting or dramaturgy subjects] class that used to be split evenly between the scene shop and the costume shop had just my first semester been restructured to be 2 days a week scene shop, 1 day a week just like whatever little thing of everything else among stage management/lighting/sound/costume/makeup/etc

multiple of those costume shop days got cancelled

i got confused and then thought 2 more were cancelled that werent and missed even more

i wasnt told i could take intro to costume design at the same time as that intro class so then the semester afterwards i didnt have the prereqs for a lot of interesting costume classes

i take a practicum class after having been encouraged to so that i could get costume construction experience only to find out after its too late to drop it that the costume shop isn't even taking any helpers for the semester

on the last day of my prerequisite general voice for actors class with the one dialect coach professor at my university she announced shes going on sabbatical for all of the next year (my senior year) so there'll be no dialect class or her advising a student dialect coaching a student production this year

i start taking intro to costume design and its (understandably by name but not by how the department website describes it) purely design no construction

there are literally no costume construction related classes available during my last semester of college and the costume shop faculty still don't seem to be taking helpers (and even if they were i just do not have the ability to fit such a large amount of out of class hours into my last semester)

so like. idk lol. maybe one day i could scrounge up the money to take a knight-thompson speechwork class (doesn't really feel justifiable though without at least some path forward outside of it) and i will still keep trying to improve my sewing and fiber art skills outside of the classroom as energy allows in an unstructured environment but. Man.

[androidboy]

🌸 :/ + ed tw + body image tw

sooo reuniting with my gf was very nice except i could feel that i had kind of emotionally retreated. i think maybe i was also nervous about whether or not she was gonna be in a bad mood bc that’s just kinda my response to things but she wasn’t and she was very excited to see me and kept telling me how much she had missed me and i just wasn’t as excited as her and i felt a lil guilty but also we had talked every night and i was in my usual routine and we’ve gone that long without seeing each other before so i tried not to feel too bad about it but yeah idk it’s like trying to start a lighter like i can feel the lil flicks of fire but i can’t tell if it’s gonna catch.

it’s fun making plans with her but also it’s hard to be excited about them when i’m not sure those plans are gonna happen. last night and this morning with her was so so good and it felt nice to hold her and be with her but then i was getting dressed and i put on literally the smallest-around-the-waist thing that i have and even when my weights fluctuating they’re always still a little snug and i realized they’re actually a little too big for me right now and i had to wear a belt with them for the first time and idk what to do i feel fine but then like i’m behaving like i’m not while also acting like i am and i was so tempted to go back on having the exclusivity talk with her because ive been flirting with so many people lately and i was like :((( do i really wanna give this up :((( but i don’t even feel like i can do anything bc it feels like i’m gonna lose my footing even more

idk it’s like i’m observing myself from the distance and i can tell i need to change things but i’m also living as myself and i’m scared to change things. literally feel like i’m watching myself waste away and i can’t get myself to talk about it with her bc i feel too vigilant about changes. i’m not used to putting myself first and it’s gonna be really big to put my mental health in front of our relationship and in front of me getting to experience all the positives of being with her. like i think if i fit into these fucking shorts even if it was my low weight type of fit i’d back out but look at this shit

if ive EVER been at this point before it was 5-6 years ago during my biggest relapse i’m literally crying while writing this this is fucking ridiculous i hate that i put myself in this position

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

So! Finally caught up on opm manga!!! Gotta say I’ve loved these last few chapters and I missed reading it so much, college has taken away the time to read my fav series regularly :( Anyway, my thoughts aren’t completely sorted yet but I’ll say a few things! (MANGA AND WEBCOMIC SPOILERS BEWARE)

1. OH MY GODDDD the Blast reveal about why he’s been away? So fucking cool!! It’s weird bc that’s like the one thing I haven’t been spoiled on lately so it was a fun reveal and makes me extra interested in his character and where he’ll go from here, especially when Blue gets introduced.

2. OH MY GOD GENOS BEING A LITTLE SHIT AT THE MEETING AND EVERYONE BEING LIKE ‘this bitch is gay’ WAS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED OH MY GODDDD. Also, the way everyone played off of each other in the meeting, especially Genos being a snarky bitch to everyone and Zombieman trying to mediate was so funny. I love Genos oh my FUCKCJCJCJX 😭😭😭😭🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻

3. AND THE FUBUKI AND PSYKOS FLASHBACKS?? So impressed with the way Murata has really brought One’s art to life in his own way once again! Amazing work, and I won’t mention the gay shit between them bc that’s all I’ve been talking about lately. I will say, I was worried the Psykos and Fubuki fight had been cut out or something but I gotta say, making it a short flashback that also foreshadowed God was genius and a great solution to having the fight without conflating the MA battle even more.

4. Arguably one of the biggest deviations from the wc, Tatsumaki herself. Seeing that her fight with Fubuki over Psykos is now “staged” in some way bc of Tatsumaki, it absolutely drives another wedge between wc Tatsu and manga Tatsu as completely different people. In the wc, the fight over Psykos was extreme and Tatsumaki put Fubuki down more than usual, threatening to seclude her and it painted her as overprotective and downright cruel. I imagine that she’ll still play up the whole mean vibe as an act, but that’s just it! The fact that she isn’t going to plain kill Psykos out of the whole “she must die because I say so” idea, even tho she has another idea with what to do psykos in relation to the ones who once experimented on Tatsu completely distinguishes her as the kinder, more well rounded Tatsumaki here, both because of her actions and the larger amount of insight into her past that we’re given in the manga. The only thing this will change, tho, is her fight with Saitama, which was born of pure anger because of his words that supported Fubuki and told Tatsu she was being shitty. Now that it’s an act, will she get as angry and do the whole side fight with him, or will he get involved bc of the Tskyuomi guy? (I’m sorry Idk how to spell it😭). If so, it won’t be bad, but I’m worried it won’t be as good as the og fight, that one’s a classic.

Regardless of changes, I’m so so interested in the way this arc is going down and the way the changes of the MA battle are making bigger and bigger ripples! Also, sorry for being so MIA, promise I’ll try to talk to some of my mutuals and asks and stuff, y’all are very fun to talk to and I feel mad at myself for not finding more time to exist in the community again :(

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[navire190413]

i am exhausted. i really need to stop drinking so much. i almost didnt make it into work today just because i wanted to sleep more. probably since i've been going to bed around 2 every night. i really gotta adjust my life style soon or i feel like there will be serious consequences somehow.

ive been considering giving up on x-chan. its been 4 months since we broke up, and then 3 months as "friends", where we're just doing this stupid game of ohhh we like eachother so much one week then dont like each other the next week, repeat. we met up after work yesterday and went to 神田 to go to 神田屋. idk why we even went there, x-chan hates chain izakayas. we only had one drink then decided to walk to 秋葉原。we found another chain izakaya to go to since they allow smoking at your seat. usually when we're together he always holds my hand, but he didnt reach for it at all last night, so i didnt reach for his either. i felt like, oh maybe its actually over now and we're just actually going to act like friends and not be all ラブラブ like we are most of the time. 

we left pretty early after having 2 mega lemon sours and some food. he was exhausted from work and was basically falling asleep at the table. we said bye and didnt kiss or anything. i went to my usual bar for a drink or two before going home. most of the usual people were there but i mostly just drank by myself and played with my phone. i was too exhausted and over thinking everything to even try to communicate in japanese. 

i texted x-chan while i was there saying i wanted to hold his hand earlier but didnt know if it was okay or not so i refrained. he told me its always okay and he likes when i do it, so i guess i will from now on. i also told him i still like him and after i got drunk i asked him to please tell me if he ever starts talking to a girl romantically so i can stop pursuing him out of respect for the both of them. he agreed, so i guess i should stop worrying about if he's talking to anyone until he tells me he is. 

my old drinking buddy ended up coming to the bar while i was there and we drank until 11:30, which is why im so fucking exhausted today. he's american from texas and has been in japan for less than a year. he's kind of sort of studying japanese but he hasnt really made much progress lately haha. he teaches english and is stuck in that terrible cycle. i couldnt do it. all of the people i know who are english teachers are miserable and on the verge of offing themselves. the pay is too low and their hours too long and they have weird ass fucking contracts with barely any time off. i definitely got lucky when i decided to go to language school. but also extremely lucky i had the means to save up for it and afford it. i love japan but i dont love it enough to become an english teacher just for a visa. i would absolutely move back to the states before i even considered teaching english as a job. which is why i was so panicked the entire time i was job hunting. 

im sure if i didnt come to work today it would have been fine, but i had a cold two weeks ago and something about me missing 3 days of work in a month when i just got my work visa 2 months ago doesnt sit right with me. i got ready in 10 minutes today so i could sleep in the max amount of time possible and didnt even bother with makeup. i really gotta get my shit togetherrrrrrr. x-chan also doesnt want to drink as much anymore and wants to save money, so if i stop hanging out with him as much i wont be drinking as much or spending as much money either. but if i dont hang out with him as much, he'll start hanging out with other girls! i dont think he will but my ocd is killing me. i want to give up so bad. i tried my hardest to make things right between us, but they keep going from good to bad and then from bad to good and i am frankly emotionally exhausted. he texted ME good morning today, and that made me more happy than it should have. i need to stop wasting my emotional resources on this and focus on myself. its so hard. 

i think im gonna go pray at a temple this weekend. it usually helps me clear my head and i feel like my luck usually turns around when i do. fighting the urge to look up 縁結び祈願 temples because i should pray about getting my life together, not getting back with x-chan haha. i typed this then immediately invited him to go with me.

i do the money management and accounting at my job. im still being trained on how they like their stuff organized and how to do everything the right way in japan. japan's tax system is so complicated compared to how "streamlined" it is in the states. also having to add up big amounts of money here is kind of comical. so many 0's. so. many. 0's. also dont ask me to say any number larger than 999万円 outloud because it takes me like 10 seconds to count from the end of the number and backwards to understand if its 万 or 億.

i need to go shooting soon. i have a photo series in mind, but it requires me being out all night long until like 6am, and i dont feel comfortable doing it alone since random men always approach me when im by myself so im kind of relying on my friends to go with me. i also keep blowing off my friends to hangout and try to woo x-chan. my life is a mess. i also need to study instead of drinking every night. and i need to not go to the bar as much so i can save up to move. and and and and. and i need to buy more film for my camera. and i want to play pokemon in my free time. and i need to study more japanese grammar for my job because im forgetting a lot of it now that im not going to school everyday. and and and and. i need to go to the grocery store after work today.

yesterday on my way to the station after work, there was a guy puking on the sidewalk. first thought was, okay gross? and at 5:30? kind of fucking early to be hammered… then i looked at his vomit and it was a giant amount of unchewed ramen noodles. like. so so so much. we made eye contact and that man was in PAIN. i wonder if he just overate or something instead of being drunk 😂 that image of those fucking noodles will stay with me forever.

i need to do laundry and clean my room when i get home tonight.