#it makes me sad. i always bring up that i wasted 7 years with someone i thought would love me forever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dreamcatcherrs · 4 years ago

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a high school prom au where the reader and Dream are like childhood best friends and the readers date shows up with someone else then when the reader feels all lonely, Dream is like “what if we danced🥺” ??? anyways love you and your fanfics you’re like my favorite writer on tumblr💖💘

+ this is such a cute concept! I’ve never written anything like this, but I hope it was what you wanted<3

++ also this is such an old request, I’m so sorry

prom night - dream

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: high school au! dream x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: after being abandoned by your prom date, the person you expected the least to spend the night with asks you for a dance.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1.501

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst, fluff, swearing, slight mention of alcohol use.

song recommendation: love on the brain - rihanna

you couldn’t believe your eyes.

there your date stood, arm wrapped around a person that you for sure knew wasn't you. the excitement disappeared from every corner and edge of your body, hands falling to your sides in complete disappointment.

proudly, your so-called date stepped forward in line with a smile on their face, waiting to be the next for the photo shoot the had been set up. your smile was gone. and so was your passion for continuing this prom.

looking down, you turned on your heels, walking away from the great asshole of a date, and finding an empty seat by one of the available tables.

you’d wondered why it took so long for your date to arrive - you should’ve known, really. but no - now you were just left sitting alone by an empty table. what was the point of even being there anymore when all you could feel was loneliness?

everyone else was having fun, partying and smiling about the night ahead of them - just like you should’ve been. but now, you were just left with feeling disappointed in yourself. how could you make yourself believe that someone actually wanted to bring a date like you to the prom? what were you thinking?

you sighed deeply as you rested your head in the palm of your hand, other hand busy with tracing the cutouts on the table.

“just go over there, man!”

“yeah, they’re just sitting there all alone… this is your perfect chance!”

clay scratched the back of his head, staring down at the drink in his hand.

“I don't know… what if they say no?”

george and nick both rolled their eyes. the only one who really believed that was gonna happen would be clay. it was crystal clear to literally everyone else that the two of you had developed feelings for each other over the many years of knowing one another. clay would always brush it off with a “we’re just friends”, but really, he knew they were right.

he’d known you since he was 8 and you 7 - having been best friends since that day and until last year. you'd kinda… broken off since then. as you grew older, more important things had distracted you from keeping the connection, and eventually, you just slipped away.

he knew he liked you as more than a friend. but he was certain you didn't.

after all, you wanted to go with a complete dickhead, who ditched you anyway. and now look where you were.

“hey guys~ why are you wasting the night just standing here? let’s party!” karl slurred as he came crashing into george and nick, swinging both arms around their shoulder from behind.

as george was busy pushing karls’ arm off of him, and nick pulling him closer, clay’s eyes were only focused on you. you looked so… sad. no one should be sad on their prom night, and frankly, maybe his friends were right.

before he knew it, his feet dragged him across the dance floor, towards your place on the chair. george’s eyes widened, a big smile spreading across his face, showing off his braces.

“would you two stop flirting with each other and watch what is happening right now?”

nick and karl giggled.

“why, are you jealous gogy?” nick teased, causing a light shade of pink to brush across george’s cheeks.

“shut up-”

“hey.”

the second you broke away from your melancholy stare at the table, your heart started racing and a wave of sweat danced across your skin. he hadn't talked to you since… you couldn’t even remember the last time.

lifting your head off your hand, you sat up straight, watching as clay scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“hi,” you responded, voice quiet and unsure.

why was he talking to you all of a sudden? after all these months with absolutely no contact with each other, now he wants to talk to you? on the other hand, it’s not like you'd been very communicative with him either…

clay hesitated slightly, shifting on his feet. “why are you sitting here all alone? I thought you had a date?”

you sighed, corner of your lips turning down slightly. “yeah… they ditched me.” you looked away from him, feeling somewhat embarrassed that you'd let yourself get into a situation like that.

clay felt bad. how could someone let go so easily of someone as perfect as you? on the other hand, this meant that no one else could have you - and that made him kind of relieved.

he hesitated a little before speaking up again; “what a dickhead.”

that made you laugh a little. “yeah.”

silence approached after that, and a tension started building up. the both of you could feel the unspoken words you'd been keeping from each other rise up - yet you remained quiet.

after all, there wasn’t really anyone you could blame your fading friendship on - apart from yourselves.

clay cleared his throat, as a new, slower song came on, hand reaching out in front of him, hovering right before you. your eyes trailed along his tux-clad arm and up to his eyes, noticing the withheld love in them.

“do you wanna dance with me?”

you blinked at him, thankful that the fluorescent lights made it hard for him to see the blush on your cheeks. your heart felt as if it was pounding out of your chest.

“I-,” you stuttered, recollecting yourself quickly before placing your hand into his, fitting perfectly right into his palm. you smiled up at him softly. “I’d love to.” he smiled back to you, gripping onto your hand and lead you through the large crowd of people onto the dance floor.

he turned to you, taking in how absolutely breathtaking you looked right then. it was hard for him not to blurt out compliments at you at any given chance.

his hands found their place on your waist, and you let your hand snake around his neck, resting right where his haircut ended. it tickled him in a way that made him realise just how much he had missed your touch - hell, even talking to you reminded him of how lonely he’d felt without you.

slowly, the two of you swayed from side to side along to the song, just staring into each others eyes. clay sneaked a glance down at your lips, quickly averting his eyes again once you parted them.

“I’m really sorry we haven’t talked for so long,” you spoke, twirling a finger around one of his locks. “I miss it a lot. I missed you, clay.”

you stared at him with a look of guilt, biting down on your bottom lips once you'd finished your sentence. you looked down again, feeling sorry that you hadn't reached out to him before.

clay moved a hand to your cheek, tilting your head upwards so you'd look at him again. your eyes widened at the touch of his fingers, and you melted into his hand once his thumb bushed across the soft skin of your cheek.

“I missed you too, y/n. don't be sorry about that - I could’ve reached out too, y’know? we’re both guilty on that note. but, now that I can finally talk to you again, I don't wanna worry about the past, okay? I just want you to have a good night.”

you smiled softly at his words, feeling a wave of forgiveness wash over you. it felt good to know that you had your friend back again.

“I don't think my night can be ruined at this point,” you smiled, moving your hands from his nape to his shoulders instead.

“well, can I still make it a little bit better?” you raised an eyebrow at him, cocking your head to the side slightly.

his eyes fell down to look at your lips again, this time not being able to hold back from the temptation.

your lips attached to his.

and everything around you just stopped.

your eyes fluttered closed, leaning into the kiss once you realised what was happening, only making him pull you closer to him. his lips moved so gently, slowly against yours, a withheld desire finally being released.

who cared about the things that’d gotten in the way of your friendship? all that mattered right now was this very moment - that’s all that ever mattered.

“yes clay!”

“finally he fucking did it.”

the yelling coming from karl and nick from a distance away made the two of you break away from each other, turning your heads to the direction of them. george elbowed nick in the stomach to stop him from jumping into the air, revealing their spying spot.

you chuckled lightly at them, slowly turning your head back to clay with a lick of your lips. clay sent them a nice “fuck off” with his middle fingers, before also returning to the current situation and smiling at you widely.

“better now?”

you smiled wider at that. if only he knew.

______________________________________

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wifeylouis · 4 years ago

Text

Louis Tomlinson writes queer love songs about the queer experience.

Louis is a prolific songwriter who has penned most of the iconic One Direction songs and has written on every single one of the songs from his debut album Walls. LGBT+ fans have always resonanted with Louis’ song writing and most of us have picked up on the very obvious queer coding. Many people seem to dismiss Louis’ outcries about his sexuality through his songs and I’m here to bring back the attention to all the gay anthems Louis has given us!

Before someone brings up the fact that Liam Payne has written on these songs too, in his own words, he focused more on melodies and Louis on the actual lyrics!

In One Direction:

1. Strong

I'm sorry if I say, "I need you" But I don't care, I'm not scared of love 'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong That you make me strong?

Here Louis talks about not being scared of loving his partner and asks them if it's so wrong for them to be in love and to need each other. A very common thing gay people are told is that it’s wrong for us to love our significant other. Louis is trying to make his lover realise that it’s okay for them to do so, and that there's nothing to be afraid of.

Think of how much Love that's been wasted

People always Trying to escape it Move on to stop their heart breaking But there's nothing I'm running from You make me strong

Many older gay people have remained in the closet all their lives and have tried to “escape” from their truths and from who they really are, because they have been (and still are) afraid of rejection or the heartbreak they might face if they were out.

Specially back when things were even worse for the community, gay people would remain in straight marriages and even have children - take the example of Philip Schofield, the british presenter who only came out as gay this year after 27 years of marriage.

Louis, on the other hand, says that he isn’t ashamed of who he is and he isn’t running away from his true self. He knows who he loves and is proud of himself.

2. Alive

My mother told me I should go and get some therapy I asked the doctor, "can you find out what is wrong with me?

Here louis refers to how families and society often tell us that being gay is something that needs to be fixed. The “doctor” could be a reference to conversion therapy that many gay people in homophobic religious families are forced to go through. If you grow up around that mindset, you might really wonder if something is wrong with you.

She said, "hey, it's alright Does it make you feel alive? Don't look back Live your life Even if it's only for tonight" She said, "hey, it's alright If it makes you feel alive"

So the doctor tells him that it’s okay to be himself and to live his truth, love who he loves, because all that matters is doing what truly makes him “feel alive” which is being himself.

I whispered something in her ear that I just can't repeat She said, "okay" but she was worried what her friends will think She's going crazy Can't contain it She asked me, "what should I do, oh?"

Those of us who have been in a closet have at some point worried about our friends finding out, I know that I have been careful of being with another girl if there was a chance my friends would find out about it. We all know the theory that if you replace the girl in Alive with a man, the song changes its meaning. It clearly becomes a song about a guy hooking up with another man at the same party, and him worrying about what his friends would think about him being with another guy. Louis is telling him what the doctor told him: that it’ll be alright, and that he needs to do what makes him feel alive! To be who he is and to live his truth freely. I love this theory for the song because it makes so much sense!

3. Through the dark

You tell me that you're sad and lost your way You tell me that your tears are here to stay But I know you're only hiding And I just wanna see you

Here he's probably referring to a lover or a friend who was maybe afraid to accept themselves. This song reminds of Taylor Swift’s "Seven" where she sings about a friend who will no longer have to be in the closet if they leave their homophobic home and come live with her. Louis is telling a friend, who has lost their way trying to find themselves, that their true self is still there, hiding under that blanket of shame and self hatred.

You tell me that you're hurt and you're in pain And I can see your head is held in shame, But I just wanna see you smile again See you smile again

The theme of “hiding” and “shame” are obvious references to internalised homophobia and Louis is telling his friend or lover that he wants to see them happy, wants them to accept who they are. Throughout the song he reminds them that he will always be there for them and that he will support them and love them regardless of what society might say. He just wants them to be happy and to be themselves.

4. Ready to run

There's a moment when you finally realize There's no way you can change the rolling tide

All of us have had that moment when we realised we were queer, for some of us it happened at a young age and for some of us later on in life. But that moment of realisation and coming to terms with our sexuality is a shared experience for the entire community. Louis talks about that moment, about realising who he is and not wanting to change it because the truth is there and he’s accepted it.

There will always be the kind that criticize But I know, yes I know we'll be alright

As LGBT+, we face a lot of criticism from society and Louis talks about how he doesn't care about who stands against him and his lover, he knows they’ll be alright because he believes in their love.

5. End of the day

All I know at the end of the day is you want what you want and you say what you say And you'll follow your heart even though it'll break Sometimes All I know at the end of the day is love who you love There ain't no other way If there's something I've learnt from a million mistakes You're the one that I want at the end of the day

A wlw anthem! Louis really does love his sapphics and this song was easily claimed by his wlw fans. He again talks about staying true to himself and living his truth even if he might face rejection and heartbreak, he can’t change who he is. A common phrase associated with the LGBT+ community is “Love is Love”. Louis speaks on the same theme and says that nothing can change him because he knows who he loves and there’s nothing wrong with who he loves and wants. He talks about how he's not afraid of being in love with this person and he's ready to say what he wants about his lover, because he's not ashamed of his feelings in any way or form. And he’ll follow his heart even though he might be rejected.

The priest thinks it's the devil My mum thinks it's the flu But girl it's only you

He refers to the “priest” and “mom” like he did with the “doctor” and “mother” in Alive. Religion tells us that being gay is something wrong and evil, our family tells us that it’s just a phase that we will get over, and Louis talks about these elements in many of his songs. But he knows that there’s nothing wrong with his feelings, it isn’t a phase or a trend for him, he loves who he loves and there’s no other way.

7. Home

Make a little conversation So long I've been waiting So let go of myself and feel alive

Here Louis refers to the feeling of being “alive” once again. Being who he really is makes him feel like he’s truly living. He’s finally “letting go” of himself, as in coming to terms with who he is.

So many nights I thought it over Told myself I kind of liked her But there was something missing in her eyes

Louis leaked Home even though it wasn’t a single and even tweeted a little Home emoji for it! This song was quickly claimed by LGBT+ fans as exclusively for us and we even started Project Home for it. Here he talks about how he tried to make himself believe he liked this girl, but at the end of the day he knew it wasn't right and there was something missing. Most of us have tried to make ourselves believe that maybe we’re just confused, and many of us have suffered through comp-het, or giving heterosexuality one last chance before realising that something’s wrong and this isn’t for us.

I was stumbling, looking in the dark With an empty heart But you say you feel the same Could we ever be enough? Baby we could be enough

There was a point in time where he was confused, figuring out where he fell on the spectrum, he was “stumbling” through this journey of self acceptance and he found his lover along the way. Someone who told him that they felt the same way he did. This is again a common shared experience in the LGBT+ community, finding comfort in realising that there’s other members of the community around us who are like us, we are not alone in this struggle. Finding that person who felt the same way he did, was enough for him.

I see the smile as it starts to creep in It was there, I saw it in your eyes

Referencing the missing something in the girl’s eyes from before, Louis says that he’s found it in his lover’s eyes. They’re happy, they know who they are, they’ve accepted themselves. I also made a connection here with a lyric from Louis’ song Walls where he sings “Looked you in the eyes, saw that I was lost” perhaps implying he could no longer find that “something” in his lover’s eyes, he no longer feels the same way. Louis’ songs have many easter eggs and little references to eachother, it’s amazing how he’s writing a story through his songs and no matter which album or era you pick a song from, they all link with eachother and can be written down like a cohesive story. He’s a really brilliant, smart songwriter.

In his debut album Walls:

Something to note here, Louis hasn’t used a single pronoun in the entirety of Walls. Unlike the unnecessary “girl” in awkward places that were forced into One Direction songs, Louis’ debut album is a beauty, gender neutral piece that is relatable to everyone, regardless of who are partner is.

7. Too Young

Oh, I can't believe I gave in to the pressure When they said a love like this would never last

Being LGBT+ as a regular person is hard enough, but being a gay man in the homophobic music industry is near to impossible. Louis talks about the pressure and hardships he and his lover may have faced under their label and management, considering how restrictive, abusive and controlling Sony Music is, it isn’t far-fetched to think that Louis is referring to the pressure his relationship may be under because of contracts and agreements. The industry is homophobic, the artist is a product and the listeners are the consumers, and gay men in pop music aren’t exactly seen as marketable by the executives. A “love like this” is obviously referring to queer love, and being told that it’s phase that will pass, or that it won’t last because they won’t let it last.

8. Habit

I took some time 'cause I've ran out of energy Of playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be But honestly, I don't have to choose anymore

Louis talks about being tired of playing a character, hiding his true self and being someone he isn’t because thats what hes told to do. Again, this could be a reference to that “pressure” he felt in Too Young, and also an obvious reference to a closet. All of us who have been closeted before or are in the closet right now, know that our day to day public lives feel like playing a character, acting like the person society expects us to be. Straight men don’t experience this, they don’t have to play someone else because they are exactly what society expects of them already. Louis is tired of that, and doesn’t want to choose between that pressure of the hiding and being his true self.

9. Only the brave

It's a church of burnt romances And I'm too far gone to pray

Only the Brave is the last song on Louis’ debut album, and was quickly claimed by his LGBT+ fans as a second sister to home, another gay anthem. In the track by track, he says “Love is only for the brave”. Bravery and pride are two words commonly associated with the LGBT+ community, pride is an integral part of us and we are extremely brave for being ourselves and loving who we love in a society that tells us that we are wrong for doing so. Here, Louis again brings up religion and his relationship with it. This is a recurring theme in his songs. The “burnt romances” are obviously queer romances that the “church” or all religion has killed, by telling us we are wrong or evil for being who we are. Alot of gay people have a bad relationship with religion, mostly because we are so demonised by it. “Too far gone to pray” definitely refers to how gay people are told that if they pray or if they hadn’t strayed from religion they might be able to “cure” themselves. In this case he says that he can't do that anymore, because he KNOWS who he is and doesn't need religion to tell him. He’s too far gone to turn around and try to “fix” himself, instead he doesn't need that fixing at all.

And they'll say, "I told you so Come on, when you know, you know"

Something most of us have heard when we come out of the closet, is people saying “they knew all along” and this is a reference to that. It can also be interpreted as knowing who we are when the time comes. Most of us have had our gay awakening at some point in life, when that moment comes, we realise who we were all along. Louis himself has been outed multiple times in his career, once even by The Wanted, he might be referring to how people will say that they had known all along when they find out the truth about him.

Additional:

10. Just Like You

“Twenty-five and it's all planned”

Louis announced Just Like You as a song for the fans against his label’s wishes on 11th October 2017, also known as National Coming Out Day. His LGBT+ fans knew it was another outcry from him about his sexuality, reaching out to his community through his music. Here he talks about how his entire career has been planned, perhaps referring to Too Young and Habit, playing this character because he’s been forced into it, because that’s what's written down for him by the management and labels. His fans have always picked up on certain mannerisms and things he does and says that look forced, and are probably a result of controlled media training of his body language and words.

Yeah, I feel the same as you would do Same stress, same shit to go through I'm just like you If you only knew

The “you” here is the LGBT+ community. Time and time again Louis has been alienated from his own people, and through his music he reaches out to us and tells us that he’s the same, he goes through the same troubles and hardships and faces the same societal pressure that we face when it comes to being who we are and loving who we love.

I wanna lay where she lays

This is the one of the only pronouns Louis has ever used in his solo music but his fans quickly picked up on the real meaning behind it. “She” lays next to a man, and Louis might be referring to how gay men are told that men should not lie with men, and he says that if he had it his way, he could be lying where “she” is, as in next to the man, his lover.

Louis also released a beautiful lyric video for Just Like You where he added newspaper articles about various topics ranging from Black Lives Matter, racial inequality, police brutality, feminism, sexual assault and the LGBT+. There are many easter eggs and hints to pick up on in the video including a clipping of a crossed out “What is your sex” column and using a separate clipping of the letter “S” over the word “He” to form “She”, a reference to gender neutral pronouns or the “He” that he wants to lay next to.

There are many themes that are recurring in Louis’ music, specifically religion, societal pressure, having to hide and be someone society expects him to be, being told that there’s something wrong that needs to be “cured”. All of these are a common part of the queer experience, something all of us have been through and shared with eachother. That’s why Louis’ music resonantes with gay fans, because the words he writes and sings tell a story that all of us have lived, and a straight man could’nt do that. LGBT+ artists queer code through many ways, clothing, mannerisms, art, Louis does it through songwriting. He may be in a tightly controlled, restrictive situation but he has a positive outlook on life, he is proud of who he is, he constantly reaches out to fans and his community through the only way he can, his songwriting. He’s given us many gay anthems and has helped many fans, myself included, come to terms with our sexuality and accept ourselves because his music told us that it’s okay to do so. I’m grateful to Louis for giving me that acceptance and love that all of us seek through his beautiful songs. It’s time we stop invalidating Louis’ struggles and the amount of times he has reached out to his community and tried to show us his true self.

Can’t wait for our next big gay anthem in LT2!

#louis tomlinson #girlie #this took me 2 hours #originally a thread on twt #thanks vale for telling me to post it on here lmfao #lgbt #louis tomlinson is lgbt #hes GAY #masterpost #louis tomlinson walls #POSTING FOR THE SECOND TIME

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bukojuiice · 4 years ago

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rose-colored boy

ೃ pairing: (eren jaeger x fem! reader)

ೃ tags: college/modern au, fluff, humor, love at first sight cliché, mikasa is your cute little sister, armin, sasha, jean, and connie are your besties, and eren is a himbo who works hard and has terrible friends.

ೃ warnings: strong language and mild suggestive content

ೃ part 1/??? of my (eren x reader) college au!

ೃ word count: 3000 words

ೃ my nav → my mha writing masterlist

ೃ This is my very first snk x reader fic! so i hope you bear with some errors! qwq

i’ve been following the anime ever since it was released in 2013, and this is the first time i’m going to be writing for it. this month’s manga chapter really took me out so why not channel my sadness thru writing an fluff! eren fic? 🤧 i hope you enjoy either way!

ೃ please do reblog if you enjoyed!! (feel free to add tags too because i love reading them and my heart swells with happiness when people love my work!)

ೃ in which (Y/N) (L/N), 20, still in school, and regretfully-unregretfully-her little girl scout sister's assistant, meets eren jaeger in an embarrassing too innocent door-to-door cookie sale whilst a humiliating party was going on.

cookies, suspicious maybe-maybe-not pot brownies, meddling little sisters and friends, “oh my god they were roommates” vine on replay 24/7, homework, tears, and fairy lights bring them together.

“I’m going to enter now.”

“Ahhh yes, please!”

“Shut up, please.” Eren muttered to himself as he tossed and turned around in his bed, but still couldn’t get to sleep. “When will they ever stop doing this?” Why did Eren’s next-door roommate and his girlfriend have to do this five times a day? They had a lot of stamina for 21-year-olds who didn’t have anything better to do.

Eren’s thoughts eventually brought him to his parents.

His parents- did they even exist?

For pretty much 14 years of Eren’s life, they had been out of town or out of the country. His older brother, Zeke, blonde, bespectacled, tall, and sometimes too far up his own ass older brother who Eren is able to confide in from time to time, recently got a girlfriend whom he’s hopelessly in love with (they’re even thinking about getting married which isn’t really a problem since the girl is genuinely nice to his older brother so Eren is good with her.), so… things in the family had been a bit rough and busy to say the least.

Communication with his parents wasn’t always the best.

Eren would study late at night back when he was seven, because no one bothered to help him with homework. Along with the fact that he wasn’t the brightest kid in class, and he knew that very well, but he had ambition and he was determined to make it big in the world. He focused more on sports, particularly Soccer in middle school and high school, and tried to balance that with his studies. After being granted a Sports Scholarship from Shigashina University, Eren decided to rent and share a flat, living with his batchmates who he met at a mixer party (before Uni started as this whole meet and get to know each other kind of thing) and whom he was so quick to call his ‘friends’, just so that he could get out of the hellhole that was his own house.

But things turned out much worse than expected.

Eren thought that the ‘College Life’ was to focus more on pursuing your future career and make a name for yourself but… it was the other way around.

He thought that after Freshmen year, everyone would take things seriously. Sure, have some drinks, get wasted after finals, or have house parties from time to time. But he was unfortunately, dragged into the wrong crowd. After attending around 5 parties in the first few months of being generalized as one of the infamous and pompous freshman archetypes present in every university, he called it a year and spent the rest of his nights doing homework, projects, playing video games, staying at the school soccer field until 10PM while his roommates were probably smoking crack and not caring about the number of units they needed to take for each of their goddamn subjects.

He was ~living the life~ and now that he regrets most of the decisions he made in freshman year, the only option that he has left was to wait until his third year and move to a different apartment.

Now, here he was, Sophomore year, nearing the end of the semester, and very much eager to get the hell out of here and also study for his upcoming finals on Constitutional Law II, as his professor, Mr. Erwin Smith, was going to throw hands if one of his students score below average on the exam.

“EREN MICK JAEGER! BROOOO!” Eren winces when he hears the shrieky and annoying voice of his flatmate Thomas Wagner, calling out to him. “Wanna go and party with us?” Eren smiles halfheartedly, shaking his head, “Ah, no thanks. I have a game tomorrow and finals coming up on Thursday.” Thomas smirked and wrapped his arm around Eren, “Oh fuck that, live the college life ya spoon.”

“No, really I have to study.”

Thomas frowned and groaned, “Oh god, you’re such a killjoy. Fine, if that’s what you want. Don’t blame us if we tell you to buy some beer down the block.”

Eren cracked an obviously fake laugh and pushed Thomas away from him, “You’re an ass. That only happened once and that was when we first met. Don’t you even dare try to ask me to buy you shit again.”

“Woah. Woah. Woaaaaaah. That was a joke Eren. Loosen up will you?” Thomas raises an eyebrow, clearly taken aback by the brunette’s sudden aggressiveness. He hums Moves like Jaeger by Maroon 5 as a way to spite Eren whilst passing by him down the staircase.

The brunette shook his head, tying his hair into a bun carelessly and sprinting into his room without uttering another word.

Eren just wanted to study. He really did.

Instead, his roommates, all of them, mind you, were all partying in the lounge and the music was too loud and Eren was too annoyed.

They did manage to bring him out and make him stay in the kitchen where he mindlessly glared at anyone who came in. He sighed and tapped his pen restlessly amongst the insane amount of books on the table.

There was a knock.

His roommate, Floch, came in the kitchen with his girlfriend who Eren couldn’t even name with all the women he has brought into the apartment. She was hanging onto his arm and giggling. Floch’s eyes were red and his speech very slow and lazy. "Eren!" he said with a sly grin.

Eren raised an eyebrow, shooting him an irritated look. "What now Floch? Are you here to tell me to take a shot again?" The ginger-haired’s girlfriend giggled once again and kissed Floch’s cheek. Floch laughed and swatted her away, though he missed by a long shot. "Someone's at the door," a thumb pointing to the den. "wouldchumind ge'in it?" another giggle. The girl nodded sloshily. "Yesss! Erenieee get 'em door, please. Be a dearrrrr."

Eren frowned and stared at them menacingly, earning no reaction from the two as they were mad drunk. "You were just in the den," Floch’s eyes widened. "My lovey wovey-we was in the den?" His girlfriend’s mouth went into an O. "Di'nt notice tha'!"

Eren sighed and stood up. He miraculously got through the throng of bodies and to the front door. "Yes?" he called out exasperated, not knowing who was outside.

"Do you want cookies?"

Eren turned and looked to see a little raven-haired girl, a girl scout no less, a blonde-haired boy pulling on a trolley who looked significantly shorter than him, wearing rimmed glasses, and an overall appearance whom his “friends” would immediately label as a nerd they had to be a few feet away from if they saw him and lastly, a girl who looked very tired and very done with life.

Beautiful (h/c)-colored hair, her eyes looked like the starry night sky, twinkling as he catches her gaze and a smile that looked forced, but warm all the same.

A girl who was just absolutely fucking gorgeous.

Eren was captivated. His heart was beating like crazy and he could feel his ears turn red. He would make a fool of himself if he looked red as a tomato right now.

"Um," The girl peeked inside and grimaced, squeezing the hand that was her little sister's shoulder and catching Eren’s gaze. "Mikasa, I don't think these kinds of guys would want cookies."

“Unless they're pot cookies,” Eren almost said. Mikasa pouted and widened her eyes at Eren.

The older girl crouched down and frantically covered her little sister’s eyes. "Nopenopenope, Mi, don't pull that on him."

"But (Y/N)!"

(Y/N).

Her name was (Y/N).

Eren smiled sincerely (for the first time today) and leaned back inside to the drawer by the door to grab the extra cash he and his roommates put there for emergency pizza and stuff. "You know what? You're absolutely brilliant at selling cookies. I'll take one."

Mikasa smiled back at him cheekily and tugged her older sister’s hand. "See, (Y/N)?! He wants some! Go get 'em!”

The raven-haired girl then turned to the blonde teen, practically jumping up and down. “Armin look! We sold another one!"

“We did!” The boy who was apparently named Armin, clapped his hands together, then gave the little girl a high five. “You’re a natural at this Mikasa!”

(Y/N) looked at Eren, then Mikasa, and sighed. She grabbed a bag from the trolley Armin was dragging around and pulled out a box of cookies. Eren grabbed them slowly from her, their hands almost touching as he gave (Y/N) a small smile. The (h/c) girl blushed lightly, though not visible enough for the brunette to notice.

"Hope to see you again!" Eren called out when the siblings said their thank you's and bid farewell.

And, this time, even for the slightest moment, Eren’s serotonin levels were going straight through the roof. His heart was still beating loudly, almost in sync with the trash music his roommates were blaring on the speakers. and for a moment, even just for a moment.

He felt genuine happiness that he hasn’t felt in a very long time.

The three of you continue to walk animatedly, now that the coast was clear and the guy from earlier wasn’t within earshot, your blonde friend just had to break the silence.

Armin smiles, pushing his glasses up to the crook of his nose. “(Y/N), you did see how he looked at you right?” The blonde chuckles softly, catching his best friend off guard.

You blinked. “Him?” You try to stop yourself from smiling, blushing profusely. “Geez Armin, I don’t even know his name yet.”

“I’ll bet you 100 bucks that he goes to our Uni.”

“Even if he does, it’s not like we’ll talk to him or anything. Judging from the place he lives in and the people he was hanging out with, we’re in two completely different worlds.” You shook your head in denial, holding Mikasa’s hand, your interlocked arms swinging playfully. Armin gives you a knowing look in response.

Mikasa continued to wave back at the boy whom they had just sold cookies too. (Y/N) looked over her shoulder and smiled. “Wasn’t he nice (Y/N)?” Mikasa asks her older sister. (Y/N) returned her sister a small smile, “He was.”

"I hope we see him again!"

"I'm sure we will."

The day of Eren’s dreaded finals finally arrive.

He has prepared tirelessly for this. Hours upon hours of hard work. But, before he finally gets his well-deserved sleep, he has a few more hours to cram and absorb more knowledge for his exams.

So, what better way to do so than head straight to the library as soon as it opens at 6 AM?

This time, no one was going to bother him. No annoying roommates and no distractions.

Eren heads over to a table near the coffee and snack machines. He puts down his bag on a seat next to him, and begins to study once again. Looking through the course materials and the lessons that he still didn’t quite understand. Eren was so absorbed with studying and relying on his gut feeling that no other student in this university would think of going to the library at 6 AM on the day of finals… then he’s wrong. Very wrong.

“Sasha, should you even be eating mashed potato this early in the morning?” Armin asks the brunette worriedly, a huge tone of concern in his voice.

“Armin! Don’t chu worry! I ate heavy breakfast! Bacon, Eggs, and Toast! Did you not see me in the kitchen!?” She reassures her blonde friend, continuing to scoop up the mashed potato on a reusable cup.

“Liar.” Connie hissed, narrowing his eyes. “I was awake since 4 AM. Not once did I see you sneak into the kitchen until (Y/N) woke you up.”

“Atatata. Can we… stop with the negative vibes for a second?” Jean tries to become the mediator by holding his hands up against his two friends who were about to start an argument. “It’s finals week. We have to keep a clear mind, body and soul-“

“Jean, you know that’s BS.” You yawn widely, still practically half-asleep.

“Oh, come on! Can’t you just let me be positive just this once!? If we fail this exam I’m going to blame you!“

The five of you continue to talk mindlessly on the way to the library. Connie pushes the glass door open, very much excited to have this huge library all to yourselves.

Until…

There was someone already there.

Your eyes immediately come into contact with Eren’s. His radiant jade eyes staring into yours, mouth practically agape, his hands holding on to wooden chopsticks as the hot air of instant ramen breezes through his face.

“Oh?” Connie blinks. “Guess we aren’t the first ones here then.” He whistles.

“(Y/N)!” Armin nudges you in the arm in an attempt to tease you. “Guess your wish came true huh? We did see him again! By himself too!”

“W-what am I supposed to do exactly?” You turn to Armin, speaking in a hushed whisper.

“Say thank you to him! Offer him to go on a boba date or something!”

“You got the Sasha seal of approval (Y/N)! He’s hot!” Sasha motions you a thumbs up and you can’t help but feel yourself already wanting to die of embarrassment.

The four of them slightly push you towards his table. With your friends cornering you like this, there was no way of escaping this.

All you had to do was talk to him and properly thank him for buying cookies from your little sister.

That was it.

No need for any extra ad-libs or poor and bad attempts of flirtation.

Just thank him (Y/N).

You can do this.

You breathe a hefty sigh then approach his table with confidence. The brunette continues to look up at you whilst turning the page of his reviewer that he wasn’t even looking at.

“Hi again! I just wanted to thank you properly for helping my sister and I, out the other day. Mikasa really appreciated the gesture you did for her, and she couldn’t stop talking about you to our parents since we saw you. You see, none of the other girl scouts want to be paired up with my sister because they think she’s an emotionless and monotonous freak. They’re really mean to her but she really wants to continue being a girl scout so my friend and I accompany her whenever she has to sell cookies!”

“It’s N-no problem!” Eren quickly replies, running a hand through his hair. “Why would they say such horrible things to your sister like that? Judging from the way she acted in front of me, she was quite the opposite. In a positive way of course! Those kids are just assholes who are intimidated because another girl their age is seemingly better than them.”

You giggle in response. “Thank you. I’ll tell Mikasa that you said that!”

There was short silence for a few seconds until you realized that you forgot to say something.

“Ah! I’m (Y/N) (L/N) by the way!”

“Eren.” He smiles, reaching his hand out to you for you to shake. You grip his strong and calloused hand firmly, and Eren could feel his ears turning red again while you were about to blush as red as a tomato.

You hear your friends snickering in the background and you took this as a sign to go back to your table. “I guess, I’ll see you around campus?” You ask, tilting your head. For, you actually really wanted to see him again after this.

“Yea! I’ll be seeing you!” He grins widely, watching you leave where he was seated. His smile then envelops into a frown as soon as you went away then he goes back to studying.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” Connie whispers loudly, calling you over by waving his hand. Why was this dunce being so painfully obvious? “Ask him if he’s looking for an apartment or if he wants to live with us!”

“Already!?” You ask in disbelief, a bit shocked by what Connie had just said. He scoots to the left, as you take a seat between him and Sasha. “Guys, you’ve known him for like… 3 minutes. Only Armin and I actually interacted with him before this.”

“He has to pass the vibe check first.” Jean shrugs, sipping on an iced expresso. “But, yeah, he does seem alright from a few feet away.”

“Come on (Y/N)! Ask him!” Sasha nods approvingly. “It’s weird that he’s studying alone like this while we’re in another table trying to remain unaware that he looks lonely as hell.”

“UMmMM… maybe he wants to study alone because that’s the only way he can focus? That’s a thing that normal people do, Sasha.” You remark sarcastically, trying to think up of more reasons to not approach him again.

Armin clears his throat, “Look, (Y/N), it won’t hurt to try right? Besides, don’t you feel a tiny bit sorry for him? He does seem lonely and you do have a crush on him so… more ways to interact with him right?”

Your shoulders slump and you breathe a defeated sigh. “Okay okay fine.” You make your way to Eren’s table again but before you do, you turn to your friends. “By the way, I don’t really have a crush on him just yet. I just find him cute okay?”

“Yeah yeah.” They say in unison as you continue to walk back to the brunette’s table.

“Hi again Eren!” You wave and try your best not to fumble or look painfully obvious that you were infatuated by him. He looks up and you try your best not to smile like a weirdo.

“Hm?” He hums.

“Would you like to come over to our table and study with us?”

To be continued.

#shingeki no kyojin x reader #snk x reader #eren x reader #attack on titan x reader #eren jaeger x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #eren jaeger x you #eren jaeger x y/n #eren x you #snk #aot

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mightyavngrs · 4 years ago

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don't do that again | poe dameron x reader

summary: a broken promise and a mission gone wrong

warnings: mentions of a panic attack (stay safe <3)

a/n: hope you guys had happy holidays! here's a belated christmas gift :)

masterlist | taglist

You laid silently in your bed, heavy eyes trained on the alarm clock that stood in your nightstand. 1:45, 2:36, 3:18... the time passed and you couldn't help the voice inside your head telling you that every hour gone by the probability of Poe coming back safe and sound lowered.

He was supposed to come back a week ago. Maker, you knew it. You knew this mission wasn't going to go well.

Your legs carried you through the resistance base as you furiously made your way to Poe's quarters. It was late and most people had already retired to their rooms but the few members in the hallways threw confused looks your way. As you got to Poe's room, closed fist ready to bang on his door, the thing opened before you revealing a very excited Poe Dameron whose smile disappeared the second his eyes met yours. You caught his wrist, pushing him back inside the room with you before closing the door.

"Y/n, what happened-"

"Tell me you didn't take that mission." you demanded, your raised voice unrecognizable to your own ears.

"Wait, what? This is the most important mission of my career i thought you'd be happy i-"

"Poe this is the most dangerous mission anyone in the resistance has been assigned in years."

"You think i can't do it? Is that what this is about?" he questioned in shock, failing to keep the disappointed look that formed in his face.

"No! Maker, Poe, you're one of the most skilled people this rebellion has seen but this mission could just be an ambush for all we know! I mean collecting intell in heavy-guarded enemy territory from someone the resistance hasn't even heard about? Do you realize how dangerous that is?"

"Yes, y/n, i do. You know i think you're forgetting i've been a part of this rebellion for far longer than you have." he snapped, voice dangerously low and your eyes couldn't help but widen at the hostility in his words.

"Why are you being so aggressive? I'm just worried about you." you stuttered, trying to hold back the tears already forming in your eyes. Your anger for his stubbornness now fully replaced by concern. "I know this is important to you and you know i wouldn't be saying this if i didn't actually mean it but i have a bad feeling about this mission, Poe. Please stay. Just this once." you practically begged, hand moving to cup his cheek before he harshly brushed it away.

"I think you need to go, y/n."

And with those words you were out the door and on your way back to your room. Although hurt, you weren't too worried about Poe's outburst. You guys had promised each other long ago never to leave for a mission without saying goodbye, even if you were mad at each other. He wouldn't break that promise. "Just needs to cool off." you thought to yourself before allowing yourself to drift off to sleep.

When you woke up the next day it took you a second to process what had happened the night before, but once you did panic filled your senses. You quickly got out of bed, clumsily getting ready before starting to make your way to the hangar, your eyes frantically searching for any sign of Poe or the falcon.

"Hey, y/n! What's wrong?" Rey's voice broke you from your thoughts as the jedi made her way towards you.

"Where's Poe?" the question left your mouth without hesitation and the look that formed on your friend's face told you all you needed to know.

"He left for his mission an hour ago."

"No. He wouldn't just leave without saying goodbye. We promised we wouldn't do that." you muttered feeling Rey's hand on your arm as she gave it a comforting squeeze.

"I'm sorry, y/n."

After hours of staring at the alarm clock you sighed. "No way i'm gonna get any more sleep tonight." you thought to yourself, swinging your legs over the side of your bed after deciding a walk through the hangar would be a much better waste of your time. The hallways were deserted and if all the equipment didn't look so modern you would've thought you were walking through an abandoned resistance base.

Finally arriving to the hangar you started your walk through the area before your eyes landed on a beaten up millennium falcon. You violently shook your head, figuring the sight was just another trick pulled by your tired mind to torture you a bit more, but when the image of the spaceship didn't disappear you felt your blood run cold.

And then you were running through the hangar and towards the beloved ship, quickly punching in the code to open its door and before you could call out for your best friend's name you were met by an obnoxiously loud BB-8. Between the mess that were the noises produced by the small droid you were only able to pick out three words. Ambush. Poe. Shot.

You only had time to scream for BB-8 to go and get help before you were sprinting through the ship. Once you finally arrived to the cockpit your eyes landed on your best friend lying on the ground. You fell to your knees by the pilot's side, releasing a shaky breath once you confirmed he was, in fact, still breathing. Tears were starting to cloud your vision by now, and you felt your chest getting heavier by the second. You tried your hardest not to let the panic settle in. This was most definitely not the time for a panic attack; Poe was injured. He needed you. He needed you applying pressure to whatever blaster wound those bastards had given him but your body was frozen, you couldn't move. You could only stare at your best friend's beaten up face as a pool of blood grew around his body. You don't know how many minutes had passed when you felt someone pull you away from Poe and against their chest startling you in the process.

"Y/n, it's ok. We got him, he's gonna be okay." hands you could now recognize as Finn's were rubbing your arms in an attempt to ground you and bring you back from your state of panic. This wasn't your first panic attack but you usually had Poe there to help. Stars, Poe. He always knew what to do; how to help you, and now you couldn't even help him. You closed your eyes, trying to avoid the sight of his bloodied body being carried away by the medics and finally, after a couple of minutes, you gained enough strength to get on your feet (with Finn's help), and start your walk to the medbay.

7 hours. The longest, most painful 7 hours of your life and you were finally let inside the room. A sweet doctor had come to get you letting you know that, although stable, Poe was still unconscious but she hoped hearing your voice could help him. After a quick nod of reassurance from Finn and a hand squeeze from Rey, who'd met you at the medbay only a few minutes after you'd gotten there yourself, you stepped inside the room.

Poe laid on his hospital bed, face still dirty from the mission he'd barely made it out alive from and a thick bandage on his torso. You closed the door behind you, moving to take a sit next to the pilot. With a sigh you brought your hand up to his hair, brushing the brown curls away from his bloodied face.

"If only you had listened to me just this one time." you mumbled with a sad smile, your hand now moving to hold his. "I'm sorry i couldn't help you. I tried to move but seeing you like that i just- i thought i was going to lose you and i couldn't focus and i-" and then you were choking on your words and there were tears running down your cheeks again and you couldn't believe you were this pathetic because if you couldn't even help your dying best friend then what the hell were you good for. Then you felt a squeeze in your hand.

"Please don't cry." Poe's tired voice filled the room and you couldn't help but do the exact opposite, lifting your teary eyes to meet his own.

"Poe." you were barely able to mutter out before you were engulfing him in a hug. The pilot ignored the pain in his abdomen, focusing instead on how warm your embrace felt and on how happy he was to be back in your arms. His favourite place in the galaxy. "I thought i'd lost you." you confessed just above a whisper, and he hated that he could hear how mortified you were in your voice. He hated that the tears now staining his shirt were a result of his stubbornness and most of all he hated himself for breaking your spirit like this.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." he muttered into your hair, trying his best to hold you as tightly as the pain would allow it. "You were worried and i snapped at you and then i left without saying goodbye and you were right about the whole thing. It was an ambush. Maker, y/n, i'm so sorry." he kept apologizing while rubbing your back, trying to bring you as much comfort as he possibly could. But you shook your head no before attempting to reassure him.

"You had no way of knowing. It wasn't your fault Poe just- don't do that again ok? Please don't ever leave without saying goodbye again..."

"I won't. I promise."

Poe had always found amusement in complaining about the resistance beds but now, as his bare back laid in fresh sheets for the first time in weeks, he couldn't help but sigh in content.

"Alright! You're all bandaged up." you exclaimed happily, putting away the gauze you'd been given before laying down next to the pilot. It'd been a few days since the incident and the doctors had released Poe from the medbay as long as he promised he'd change his bandage daily, job you'd gladly taken. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm happy i'm alive." he replied with a smile, staring at the ceiling above, but something about his tone of voice and the slight frown still visible in his features threw you off.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" you asked softly, bringing your hand up to caress his face when he flinched at your touch. "Look at me, Poe. Please." And then his eyes were on yours. You were used to hearing the fear in the pilot's voice, no matter how much he tried to hide it through his comlink you could always sense it but this... you'd never actually seen fear in his eyes like this. He was still terrified. Terrified that he wouldn't come back home one day. That he wouldn't come back to you.

"Hey, you'll always come back home." you assured him, and you sounded so confident in your statement, so faithful that, just for a moment, he allowed himself to believe your words. "You'll always come back home because you're the best pilot in the resistance, Poe Dameron. You'll always come back home because this rebellion needs you. I need you, ok?"

Poe swallowed the lump that'd formed in his throat. "Say that again." he pleaded and Stars you could never say no to him.

"I need you, Poe. I can't do this without you." Your fingers were tracing his skin in an attempt to get him out of his head. To get him to calm down so he would finally get some proper rest. But then he was scooting closer to you, resting his forehead against yours.

"I love you." the words left your mouth before you could stop them. You pulled away from the pilot, eyes widened in fear of the rejection you knew was to come but Poe's hands found your face and pulled it towards him closing the space between you. Your eyes fluttered shut and you ignored the tear you felt running down your face as they did so. It felt right. His lips on yours that is. And when you finally had to break the kiss for air he pulled you gently into his arms. "I love you. And i really can't do this without you either."

a/n: i'm so excited to finally post this! i've had this idea for a year now but my first attempt at writing it went so bad i gave up haha i think i've gotten a lot better ever since so hopefully you guys enjoyed! don't forget to leave feedback if you'd like and treat people with kindness <3

taglist: @buckysbeloved @justanotherblonde23 @lbuprofiend @etherealsanakin

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jkbabiey · 4 years ago

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𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚜𝚑 ⤇ 𝙹𝙹𝙺

Words: 4.7K

Genre: angst; fluff; it's a sad ending y'all

Synopsis: “I'm in love with you and it scares me to death."

Song Rec: 2 kids - Taemin ; to die for - Sam Smith ; r u ok - Tate McRae ; Emotional bruises - Madison Beer ; Selfish - Madison Beer ; i love you - Billie Eilish ; when the party's over - Billie Eilish

Oh, he was so perfect! So freaking flawless you couldn’t take your eyes off him for a second!

You had just got to Hoseok’s party with Yuta, but it seemed, to Jungkook, like he had been staring at you for hours. You hadn’t spared him a look yet, and if he hadn’t stood up from his seat on the couch to greet you, you probably wouldn’t have even known he was there too. You were too busy looking at your boyfriend, all wide-eyed and agape lips, to notice his presence behind you. But then Yuta’s eyes hardened as he crossed eyes with your best friend, and you, of course, noticed his change of behaviour and looked over your shoulder.

“Oh! Hi Kook!” you squealed and immediately threw your arms around his neck. Jungkook quickly enveloped your waist in his muscular arms, lifting you from the floor. “God, I missed you so much these last days! Where have you been?” you asked against the skin of his neck. And Jungkook smiled, discretely taking a sniff from your hair.

“I’ve been where I always am. You’re the one who disappeared,” he said, humorously - but not so much, because he actually meant to throw that in your face, but he wouldn’t stand the idea of making you feel bad over anything, ever.

“Oh God, blame Yuta here!” you said, raising your eyebrows and chuckling softly as he let you back on the floor. “Yuta, this is Jungkook, my best friend.” You presented him, and he held out his hand in Yuta’s direction, out of pure courtesy.

“Hey man,” Yuta muttered and shook his hand, a bit too boldly for Jungkook’s liking. Jungkook smiled at the guy - a very small and not-genuine smile. Any other time, you would have noticed how fake his smile was, but right now, your eyes were on Yuta. None of your attention was aimed at Jungkook.

Before Jungkook noticed, you two were already too immersed in how amazing these last days - without him - had been, he turned around and walked out of the toxic, smoke-ish and noisy environment that had taken over Hoseok’s whole place, betting his ass that you wouldn't notice his absence until the end of the night.

His hands were buried in his pockets and his head hung low. He was praying not to bump into Jin, Taehyung or any other of his closest friends that had also attended the party. His lips were currently being intensely wounded by his front teeth. His eyes stung and he didn’t know why. Then he got to his car, sitting down and letting go a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding in. Then the tears he also hadn’t noticed to be sheltering in his eyes started to run down his cheeks.

He didn't quite know why he was crying. The only thing he knew was that you were taken. You were completely smitten to some other guy, that wasn’t him and that bothered him in measures he couldn’t have imagined. You were absolutely smitten to someone, who wasn't him.

He had lost his chance. That's why he was crying.

He was a goner.

You were standing there, messy hair, deep dark circles, bare face, large grey sweatpants- that seemed oddly familiar to him, but he decided to ignore that - and a black sweatshirt, in front of him, asking to come in. He stepped away and you came in. Not wasting any time after he closed the door, you grabbed his neck and buried your face on it. He felt the wet patches you were leaving in his thin dark green t-shirt. He held you tight against his body and you sobbed fully. Your cries only intensified when he placed one of his big hands on your head and took his soft lips to your forehead, pecking it.

Then he picked you up, your legs around his waist and your face, still buried in his neck. He took you to his living room, taking a chair and placing it in front of his warm fireplace. He sat on it, you on his lap, holding onto his shoulders. There was nothing better than this spot to calm you down on a cold day. He knew it but he doubted Yuta made any idea of it.

“Have you ever been afraid of losing the love of your life?”

His heart shattered. He could hear it shatter, like a very fragile glass piece. Yuta was the love of your life. What had he to do with that, why were you even here, if your problem was with Yuta?

“You and Yuta argued?”

You hummed, a bit hesitant - the reason unknown to him. He didn’t say anything else. He couldn’t. It was not his place. You just needed a friendly lap to seat on, a couple of warm arms to hold you and a gentle voice to tell you it was alright.

“It’s alright... It’s alright baby...”

That’s exactly what he did.

“This is Soojin, my girlfriend.”

Your eyes widened and a small, surprised smile played on your lips. He hesitated for your answer.

“Hi!” after greeting the beautiful girl that stood next to him holding his hand tight, you moved forward to briefly hug her. “Jungkook, never mentioned you before!”.

Snarky.

Soojin looked at Jungkook, her shy eyes now displayed a small discreet amount of anger.

“Oh... This is pretty recent. That’s why,” Soojin blurted, a nervous laugh erupting right away.

Soojin was a girl he had met about a month ago and she was amazing. Incredibly breathtaking and Jungkook couldn’t adore her more. His crush on you had been long forgotten - or at least he thought it had.

Jungkook thought the dinner was delicious, but still, when you asked what he thought of the dinner he answered ‘it’s good, but yesterday Soojin made some amazing bibimbap, I should have asked her to do it for tonight instead’. And you smiled bitterly and him. No one else noticed the bitterness in your smile, but he did.

Why was he acting this way? Because since he and his new girlfriend got in your apartment, you had established this dumb discreet competition between you and Soojin, making passive-aggressive comments and the poor girl beside him was so notoriously uncomfortable, he felt sorry for bringing her here.

“Soojin, maybe you should visit my hairdresser”

“I know you probably don’t understand since you’ve never been to college, but I’ve been so happy with my grades recently”

“How have you managed to attract someone like Jungkook, I mean... You know what I mean, right?”

So when the dinner was over, he pulled you away by the arm, bringing you to the kitchen and leaving Yuta and Soojin on the balcony, enjoying the view and hopefully sparing Soojin some minutes of your annoyingly mean comments.

“Why are you being such a bitch to Soojin?” he asked, hands on his hips and his eyes raging.

“I’m not,” you furrowed your eyebrows and he laughed ironically.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N.”

“You had never mentioned her before. Who do you think I am, for you to present me some temporary fling you’re having. I’m more important than that! If you want to present me to someone, I want her to be at least stable. Not someone you’ve been dating for 2 weeks!”

“What has time to do with it? I like her, I think she’s worthy enough for you to meet her!”

“C’mon, look at her. She sports the slutty look.” you deadpanned and Jungkook’s eyes widened.

“You’re going too far! Look at Yuta! He’s the typical high school fuckboy!” he whisper-screamed. “You have no moral to talk about Soojin like that!”

“Oh, now he’s defending her!” you ironized and he rubbed his forehead, trying to look for just a little bit more patience. “You didn’t even tell me she was coming! And plus, I don’t have to mandatorily like her!”

“I don’t like Yuta and you don’t hear me talking to him like he's trash, right?”

“Yeah, that’s because he’s not trash, but we can’t say the same for Soojin, can we?”

That was enough. He turned his back on you, going to the balcony in quick steps and grabbing Soojin’s hand in his. He dragged her across your apartment as you stared at him piercingly.

“Babe, what’s going on?” Soojin asked, completely adrift.

“We’re leaving.”

“I haven’t said goodbye yet, kook”

“You don’t need to, we’re not coming back anyway,” he stated as his eyes locked on yours.

Jungkook really didn’t plan on coming back but Soojin broke up with him about a month later, claiming that he was in love with someone else and not bothering to explain further. Needless to say, Jungkook had never been as bewildered and nauseated in his life. He had argued with you, his best friend, to protect Soojin’s dignity, and she dared to say he didn’t love her?!

The only one he could think of to help him figure out what the heck Soojin was referring to with such barbarities, was you. You were the most intelligent and astute person Jungkook had ever met. He was sure you were the only one who could possible help him.

When he showed up at your door, you opened it. No sign of shock or surprise evident on your face in seeing him after your huge argument, because you both knew you two would never be able to stay mad a each other for too long. A month of not talking was a new record.

When he blurted out the reason Soojin had used to break up with him, after sitting down next to you on your couch, your mouth fell agape and your eyes widened.

“What?” you exclaimed as Jungkook shook his head, showing his bewilderment.

“That’s what I said!” he exclaimed back and you looked at the floor, completely confused by what your best friend was telling you. The boy had almost finished his 7-year friendship to defend his new girlfriend. How could she even question his feelings?!

“She’s probably just overthinking something... Maybe she saw you hugging another girl... Or maybe a text on your phone...”

“I didn’t text anyone other than her! Not even you!” he screeched and you scratched your ear, trying to think of some logical reason behind the sudden breakup.

“... Probably, it’s really her overthinking something... Girls do that! I do that, all the time!” you looked at him doubtfully, as he stared back in the same way. “SHE’S INSECURE!” you shouted as the sudden realization, that seemed to be the most logical out of every single theory you had already come up with, came to your mind.

Jungkook widened his eyes, straightening his back as your speculation didn’t seem as automatically disposable as all the others that had come to his mind.

“That’s it!” you continued. “Probably, she’s in one of those times where she doubts every single thing in her body, and she thinks she’s not enough for you! I feel that way too often!”

Jungkook’s expression got serious as he heard the last portion of your speech. “You do?”

It took you a moment to understand what he was asking, but as you saw the worry behind his eyes you quickly figured the context of the question. “Oh... Yeah, I guess it’s pretty normal...”

“You shouldn’t feel that way, you’re pretty amazing...”

You smiled shyly and sent him a sweet gaze, as he quickly returned it. “With Yuta, it’s pretty hard not to doubt me at times. Have you seen the guy? Seems like he came straight out a freaking novel...” you chuckled playfully and Jungkook pushed your shoulder with his.

“And so do you.” And there was Jungkook in his natural element.

“Jungkook! Stop flirting!” you screeched, shyly as your cheeks turned into a dark shade of pink. Jungkook laughed, cringing internally at how cute he found you in that exact moment. He embraced your shoulders in his muscular arms, and you finally looked into his eyes. His face was awfully close and you could feel his breath on your face as a soft smile lingered on his lips.

“Missed you,” he whispered so that only the two of you could hear it, even though no one else was around.

“Missed you,” you whispered back, leaning your forehead to his.

Soojin had taken him back.

She had her reasons to break up with him in the first place, but she couldn’t deny the guy a second chance as he stood by her door, a bouquet of red roses, that you had recommended, in his hand, puppy eyes and pouted lips.

You had found out in the worst of ways.

Crying your heart out, you stood in the elevator, waiting for it to finally come to your destination, your best friend’s apartment floor. When it did, you got out of it, your face smudged with your -supposedly, waterproof - mascara. You knocked and were received by Soojin, in all her beauty, messy hair and no make-up features, wearing Jungkook’s shirt. She was probably busy with something else. She still managed to look extremely gorgeous, and there were you, looking like you had just been run over by a bus.

“Y/N! Are you alright! That’s dumb, of course not! Do you want to come in? Wait a second, I’ll go call Jungkook,” she stated with a genuine expression of worry on her face and a hand on your shoulder.

“No! No, leave it. I’m fine!” you said, grabbing her hand before she could go and call Jungkook. “I’ll just go home. Sorry for interrupting you two!” you smiled, even with your smudged make-up face. “Don’t worry, I’ll just call him later!”

And so you turned your back on her, as you felt her worried look on your back.

“Oh! And I’m sorry about how I treated you last time...” You turned back to her, sending an apologetic smile her way.

“Don’t worry about that...” she muttered and smiled back.

It was obvious why Jungkook liked her so much.

“What happened yesterday?!” Jungkook shouted as soon as you opened the door, exactly 7:54 AM and the guy was already standing by your door.

“You didn’t tell me you and Soojin were back together...”

“Not what I asked,” he said back, impatient.

“I wasn’t answering you either,” you mocked and he sent you an annoyed look. “Don’t worry about last night. I’m fine now.”

“I just want to know what happened. Not even worried...” he said and you laughed at how sarcastic he could be at times.

“Yuta and I broke up,” you said and Jungkook’s eyes widened. “He cheated. A drunk night out.”

“Son of a bitch...” he muttered and you quickly enveloped his face with your hands, bringing his eyes to yours.

“I’m fine, really. No need to get mad” you chuckled a bit. Jungkook stared at you for a while, before holding your hands and kissing both of them.

“You deserve so much better. Please don’t settle for someone like him.”

“I won’t,” you smiled and he smiled back.

He spent the rest of the day with you. Both laying on the sofa, holding onto each other, and watching movies, with a huge bowl of the sweetest popcorn you could have managed.

“I’m 25...” you muttered out of nowhere and Jungkook hummed back, his face snuggled by the side of your neck, his arms around your waist and his chest against your back.

“And?”

“I want to get married someday and now I don't have a boyfriend,” you muttered once again.

“Were you really planning on marrying that piece of shit?”

“I didn’t know he was a piece of shit.”

“You don’t need to get married now. You’re still young. You’ll find a great guy, who knows how to truly value you as the woman you are,” he said, before softly kissing the skin of your neck, where his cheek was previously resting on.

"Soojin’s a lucky girl,” you said, smiling, after few silent moments.

She really was a lucky girl.

A few years later

“Would you marry me?”

Your eyes widened, quickly averting to your best friend, kneeled down in front of his 3-year girlfriend. He was glowing. A wide perfectly white smile played on his lips as he stared up at Soojin with eyes that shone brighter than ever. She was speechless - very much like you. Her hands covered her mouth and her eyes were starting to get wet with tears. The answer that followed was obvious.

“Yes!”

There it was. She threw her arms around Jungkook’s neck, as he stood up and enveloped her slim waist in his embrace. She was crying already and he chuckled lightly at the emotional mess his girlfriend was.

You weren't expecting this. But you should have. Jungkook hadn't talked to you about this or left you any clue about it, but still, he was 28 years old. You could see the shine of his eyes getting brighter each time he looked at her, every passing day. They were in love and their relationship was stronger each day.

Your whole group of friends manifested their happiness. Jimin had tears in his eyes from how happy he was seeing that the youngest of the group was finally settling down for life. Namjoon clapped his hands, smirking proudly at the youngest. You could swear you’d seen Jin, that stood next to Namjoon also clapping his hands, winking to his friend when their eyes crossed. Yeri whistled loudly along with Taehyung, while Irene laughed at her friends’ foolishness.

Mingyu, quite unaware of the mess the living room held, kept his eyes secured on you, smiling. When you caught his gaze, you sent him a tiny smile back - the first since the heartfelt proposal. You averted your eyes back to the couple holding each other in the middle of the room and when they parted their embrace, Jungkook’s eyes locked on yours. You weren’t smiling as he expected you to be. You didn’t even seem to be happy for him. He smiled anyway, and you, in all your effort, winked playfully at him, as you turned your back on him. You grabbed a cup of champagne and walked towards the balcony, being interrupted by the male hand that suddenly grabbed your waist.

“We’re next,” you heard Mingyu whisper in your ear. You looked back, grabbing his hand and lightly squeezing it.

“You bet,” you answered playfully and smiled brightly at him.

Mingyu was your boyfriend. You had been dating him for 2 years now and he was great. Jungkook had presented him to you at a home party. You still remember complaining to him about having to watch him and Soojin being all couply while you still spent the night laying in bed and watching romances. The week after your complaints he took you to a party and introduced you to this really nice and good-looking guy, which happened to be his friend, named Mingyu. Mingyu was a few months older than you and he had just started to work as a lawyer. He was already introduced to your family and they all loved him, dismissing your sister's daily comments that claimed her disappointment because she thought you 'would end u with your Jungkook'.

When Mingyu let go of you to go hang out with the rest of your friends, you reached the balcony, closing the door behind you, leaning on the glass balcony and gazing at the amazing view your friend Irene had got when she bought this new apartment with Jin, her boyfriend. Your hair, being wildly swept by the wind, was a mess, but you could care less. Your eyes were teary, you didn't really know why though. Something about Jungkook getting married left a huge ball of emotions sitting on your chest. What bothered you is that even knowing Soojin was an amazing girl and Jungkook would be happy with her, you weren't particularly happy with the news. You knew this could as well turn you into a very shitty best friend, and that's why you thought you wouldn't really be able to talk to Jungkook without catching a breath of fresh air first. Without noticing the tears you had been previously sheltering in your eyes, were now running down your cheeks.

You sobbed and quickly wiped the tears away when you heard the balcony doors opening and closing again. It was Jungkook, you knew it when you felt the warm presence you'd gotten used to after 9 years.

"Hey," he muttered.

You didn't answer, afraid your voice would fail you and just kept staring forwards, feeling Jungkook's gaze on you. You knew he knew you had been crying. He was a master when it came to figuring it out.

"So... you're getting married now hum?" you commented, once your vocal cords seemed stable enough.

"Right," he answered, and you looked at your side, not bothering to hide your puffy eyes. "What do you think of that?" he asked you and you looked down at your hands.

"You know... If you're happy, I'm happy," you said and he chuckled.

"Of course," Jungkook mimicked your actions, looking down as well. You two stayed quiet for some time, as the starry night sky shined down on you.

"You look amazing tonight, by the way," he remarked. "Didn't get the chance to te-"

"You didn't tell me you were going to propose," you interrupted him, looking back at him. There wasn't a shy smile on your lips or a polite gaze on your eyes. All Jungkook could see in your expression was hurt.

"I don't have to tell you every little thing going on in my life," he answered, putting up his defensive side.

"This is not little! This is marriage," you exclaimed and stared at him. He stared down and stayed quiet.

"Mingyu told me he's going to propose too," he announced and you widened your eyes. Not that you hadn't thought about it. Mingyu had commented a lot of times he wanted to make you his wife and build a family with you. But still, it was big news for you.

"I'm sure you weren't supposed to tell me that."

"Are you going to say yes?" he asked and stared at you.

You stared back at him and for once in that night, your eyes met for more than a minute. There was a silent plead present in his eyes that you couldn't really figure out. He sighed and got closer to you, your arms rubbing against each other. You lay your head down on his shoulder and he shortly kissed your forehead.

"Y/n..." he whispered, and you hummed back, still not answering his previous question. "I can... go back. If you... want me to."

"If you love her, then you should marry her," you answered right away, not wanting to hold your best friend back from marrying the girl he loves.

He kept quiet and so did you.

"Are you going to say yes?" he repeated his previous question and you shot your head up, looking straight in his eyes.

"You know... I've always thought of you as the love of my life."

Jungkook's eyes widened as you chuckled. That's when it came to him. That night, you were afraid of losing him, not Yuta.

"I've always been told I should marry the love of my life. But I don't think I can marry you now that you're already married," you stated playfully, but Jungkook's stare was serious. "Mingyu is amazing, really. I worship him. But how do I know if I love him enough to marry him?" you asked, looking up to find Jungkook already staring at you, a mix of different emotions present in his eyes. "How did you know you loved Soojin enough to marry her?" you asked again and Jungkook looked down.

"Well... I like her almost as much as I love you," he whispered loud enough for only you to listen. "And I think that's a whole lot."

"Do you love her, though?" you asked, absolutely perplexed at his answer.

He smiled lightly and sighted.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he whispered.

He stood up straight, turning his back on you and walking back towards the door.

"Why don't you just tell me then?" you said a bit louder than you had talked the whole night.

He looked back at you, over his shoulder, his hand already on the door handle. He chuckled lowly, what sounded like a sarcastic chuckle, before turning back to you and taking two steps forward. Somehow, his expression had changed and you weren't sure how to read it now. He was bitter.

"You want me to tell you? I just proposed and you have the guts to get sad because I'm marrying Soojin??

"I'm not s-"

"Shut up! Just... Shut up." he begged ironically and you stood quiet, he sighed angrily and looked to his left, avoiding looking at you.

"Maybe you should step away... At least for a while."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Jungkook you're getting married. I can't miss that. I won't miss that!"

"Exactly!" he screamed suddenly and walked quickly towards you. He had never been this angry in front of you and it scared you that you were the reason for his anger. His face was inches away from yours and you could feel his quick breath fanning over your lips. "I'm getting married to Soojin but all I can think about is if I should have proposed to you!" he whispered in your face and you could see his eyes watering, very much like you could feel yours do the same. “You know why I proposed so suddenly? Because Mingyu told me he was going to propose to you and I didn’t want to be the only one feeling miserable!”

"J-Jungkook..." you sighed and Jungkook let his tears fall, furrowing his eyebrows in pure anguish, as he nestled his face on your neck, crying silently. He enveloped your body in his arms and you quickly did the same.

"I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I-I'm in love with you and it scares me to death," he sobbed and your grip on him tightened.

"It's alright... I'm right here..."

You two stayed in that same position for a while, until he calmed down and his sobs stopped.

"What do I do now?" he asked, still laying his head on your chest.

"You do whatever makes you happy," you answered and he kissed your neck, and action that, from him, was already usual.

"Hubby! Can we go home?" Soojin opened the balcony's door, chuckling at the new nickname. Jungkook quickly stepped back and wiped the stray tears on his cheeks away. Sensing your stare on him, he sent you a tiny smile.

Soojin caught your gaze from behind Jungkook's shoulder and sent you a smile, which you retributed.

"Yes babe, let's go..." Jungkook answered after a while. He looked at you, the deepest look in his eyes that you had ever seen. He cupped your cheek as you two heard Soojin walking back inside, to say her goodbyes. “I’ll go now.”

“Please, don’t do this. If you don’t want to marry her, you don’t have to.”

“What do you want?”

You didn’t answer, opting to roll your arms tightly around his neck, as he held your waist, bringing your body impossibly closer to his.

“I love you, Jungkook,” you whispered. “, but this is a decision you have to make.”

And he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to break all the promises he had made to Soojin this past three years. He wasn’t ready to admit that all she was was a way to get to you. He wasn’t ready to admit that at some point in his life he had become a worthless and selfish jerk and that his life had been diminished to you. He wasn’t ready to break every single ethical moral and principle that he had been trying to live by all his life. This decision didn’t come to him, and only him. It came to you, to Soojin, to Mingyu and to everyone surrounding the four of you. It wasn’t his right to break his friends’ hearts and he wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it.

“I’m sorry.”

And he walked away.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenarios #scenario #best friends #best friends to lovers #au #best friend!jungkook #they don't get to be overs #lovers #i means #jungkook au #jungkook imagine #jungkook one-shot

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libraryofloveletters · 4 years ago

Text

Amnesia

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: Fem!reader, cheesy love letters, crying, break ups, mentions of blood and injuries

Category: Angst

Word Count: 3.3k

Author’s Note: mkay, I didn't use the whole song. It flips back and forth between the reader and Spencer’s pov, flashbacks of their relationship are in italics!

Song: Amnesia

----

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted

Aaron placed a paper on your desk. You glanced up at him as he gave your shoulder a small squeeze. Spencer’s eyes were on you and you could feel it. You weren't ready to tell them that you were transferring.

Working with Spencer after the breakup was hard.

You did what you believed was best for the team. You stood up and walked out to take a phone call, leaving everything where it was, figuring that you’ll pack up after everyone leaves.

Spencer watches Penelope walk to your desk, her eyes scanning the paper on your desk. “It’s.. oh my god” she says, Derek looks over at her “what is it mama?”

“Transfer papers. Y/n’s leaving the BAU”

Everyone’s eyes were on you as you walked back into the bullpen, everyone but Spencer. Penelope sat at your desk, the paper in her hand. “You’re really leaving ?” she had a small pout on her face, you nodded. “Oh baby” she pulled you into a hug, soon enough everyone came over.

Everyone knew why you were transferring, it didn't need to be said. Spencer was on the team first, it was only fair that if one of you were going to leave then it would be you.

“Come and visit all the time” JJ said as she and Emily hugged you, Emily nodding in agreement.

“I’m gonna miss you mama” Derek gave you a good solid squeeze, “gonna miss you too, D”

In typical Rossi fashion, you were greeted by two kisses on the cheek. “Don’t be a stranger kid” you smiled at him.

Penelope hugged you once more, “promise you’ll come and see me all the time. Oh! and we’ll still have our weekly lunch and gossip” you laughed, “of course Penny, I wouldn't miss it for the world”

Even Aaron seemed sad by your departure, “take care of yourself y/n” “you too Aaron” he gave you a small hug.

Finally, Spencer stood up and made his way over. He gave you a quick and semi awkward hug before wishing you good luck.

JJ, Penelope and Emily helped you pack up your desk and made you promise once more that you’ll come visit them. You glanced over at Spencer on your way to the elevator, his head was down in his book, his finger trailed across the page as he read. Once again, JJ, Emily and Penelope pulled you into a group hug before letting you get in the elevator. You smiled at them as the doors shut.

The thought of your hug with Spencer replayed in your head.

And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?

When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

7 months have passed since you last set foot in the BAU. You had been keeping up with the team outside of work. You had seen the girls for drinks one night, popped into Rossi’s for dinner, went over to help Derek with his latest house project and visited Aaron at one of Jack’s games. Only person you hadn’t seen was Spencer.

At one of your girl’s nights, you met a guy named Jacob. The two of you hit it off and exchanged phone numbers, which led to a date which ended in you and Jacob starting a relationship.

You had kept the girls in the loop about your budding romance with Jacob, but only the good parts. They didn't know about the fights and the sleepless nights.

You were currently have one of those sleepless nights. Tumbling through your boxes of stuff from your apartment with Spencer, you came across a stack of letters.

You opened one of them and began reading,

“To my darling y/n,

This week has been tough. I wasn’t sure how to help you physically but I decided to help you the way I know how too, through words. Just a little reminder to make you feel better, hopefully. It was 2 years ago tonight that I asked you to be mine and you told me you loved me. You changed my life that evening, leading us on a journey that would bring us so much joy.

Every time I look at you, my love for you grows deeper, a degree of love I didn't know I possessed. Whenever something good happens, you’re the first person I want to tell and when something bad happens, I know I can count on you to take me in your arms and tell me that everything will be okay. I can only hope that I'm that person for you because I want to be, because I'm here for you and I always will be.

I’m the luckiest man in the world because I can say with all of my heart, that I'm in love with my best friend. I know that I can't give you the world, but I promise to hold on to you forever, there is nothing that would give me greater joy than seeing you happy.

Your love is everything to me.

There’s not another in the world that can hold a candle to you, my love, as you are my one and only. I love you more than even the most heartfelt words can express.

Yours always,

Spencer. R”

The tears rolled off your face and onto the paper. Spencer had always had a way of telling you exactly what you needed to hear, even if you weren't with him.

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

Y/n and her boyfriend sat at Rossi’s dinner table with the rest of the team. He had invited her to the team dinner because they all missed her, even Spencer, although he would never admit that.

Spencer knew she was coming, he just didn’t expect her to bring her new boyfriend. It felt wrong for her to do that because he would never bring another girl to a team dinner.

There would never be another girl for him.

They sat there laughing along with everyone as Derek told his story. His hand was on her shoulder and her smile was still as beautiful as it had always been. Spencer couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, she had captured his attention once again.

“Pretty boy” Derek called out to him, breaking Spencer’s gaze away from her.

“What is it ?”

“Did you hear what I said ?”

“Fran took your sister to the doctors only to find out that it was a hickey and not a burn mark. I heard you Derek”

Y/n’s eyes were on Spencer as he spoke. Spencer glanced over at her, their eyes meeting. It felt like forever before either of them looked away. She gave him a small smile before shifting slightly which caused her boyfriend’s hand to fall off her shoulder.

A glimmer of hope flashed through Spencer’s body. Her boyfriend’s hand falling off your shoulder, maybe it was intentional, maybe she was trying to tell him that she wanted Spencer and not him.

Or maybe it was all in his head, he was reading too much into it.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

The two of you stood in your bedroom screaming at each other.

“How am I supposed to know what you’re thinking Spencer ? I can't read your friggin’ mind!”

“Maybe if you paid attention to someone other than yourself, you’d know how I felt!”

You scoffed and shook your head, you could not believe him right now. “What? you know it’s true y/n” he uttered, taking a seat on the bed

“I can’t believe you. Out of all the people in the world, you call me self centred ?”

“I didn’t say tha-”

“No, but you did. If only I paid attention to someone other than myself right ?”

He rolled his eyes, he was acting like a child and he knew that. The last few weeks you’ve been wrapped up in work and honestly, yes, you had been a little distant but you were going to tell him why tonight. Since he wanted to act like a child and argue with you, why not give him what he wants? Since you never pay attention right?

“I try my best to be there for you Spencer, I always do and you know that. You told me I coddle you too much, so I gave you your space. When you were worried about your mom, I sat up with you all night and helped you come up with ways to help her. When you were in the hospital, I sat by your bed day and night. Whenever you needed me, I was there for you. I dropped everything for you. So don’t you even dare to pull that I only focus on myself shit with me.”

He was quiet, you stood in front of him. His arms reached out for you but you stepped away.

“I don’t think you love me anymore y/n” Spencer whispered.

“What?” you were in shock.

“We haven't been okay for the last few weeks. This isn’t working, we barely talk and we see each other everyday, all day.”

“Spence, I know I've been busy with work but I-” he cut you off

“y/n, please. don’t.” He looked up at you with a sadness in his eyes. The tears threatened to fall but you held your ground. You couldn't let him see you fall apart, you wouldn't.

“That’s it then ?” you looked at him, your face expressionless. “3 years for nothing?”

“I’m sorry”

“You’re not.” You picked up your go bag from the corner of the closet. “I’ll be back for my stuff another day”

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone

I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone

And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on

Spencer was moving out today. He couldn’t stay in a house full of memories.

Memories of her.

Derek had come over to help him pack up the last of his stuff. Spencer emptied his clothing into a suitcase, just throwing everything from the drawers into the suitcase.

A picture had fallen onto the pile of clothes, it laid face down. It must have been buried between the clothes. Spencer picked it up, flipping it over. A smile creeped onto his face, it was one of those 4 frame pictures from a photo booth. You had managed to convince him to take one with you on your first official date as a couple.

He sat on the bed, his finger brushing over the picture. The memories of that day coming back to him like it was yesterday.

“Spence pleaseee” you begged him.

“Y/n, do you know how many germs those photo booths have?” He gave her a stern look.

“I promise to let you shower with bleach or lysol. Whatever will get the germs off” you laughed, he shook his head with a smile on his face.

“Just this once” you grabbed his hand. He nodded, “just this once”

The first picture was of the two of you laughing, your hand rested on his cheek. The second picture, you were in the same position, the two of you were smiling at each other and his hand rested on yours. The third picture, your foreheads were against each others and the final picture was of the 2 of you kissing. A tear rolled down his face, how could he have let you go like that? It hurt him just to think of you, let alone of how he let you go.

“Pretty bo- what’s wrong?” Derek walked into the room, taking a seat beside him on the bed. Derek looks down at his hand to see the picture. Spencer looks at him, face covered in tears. Spencer opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, instead he falls into Derek’s arms.

“Shh, it’s okay. let it out man, you’ll be okay”

“Why did I let her go?” Spencer mumbled into his shoulder

“What do you mean ?”

“I just let her leave. I should have tried harder”

“Spencer, she’s happy. Don’t beat yourself up okay ? You’ll be happy again too. I know you will”

It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

“Oh my sweet Derek!” Penelope’s heels clicked as she made her way into the bullpen.

Derek spun his chair around at the sound of her voice, “hey mama. What’s going on?” he got up and gave her his chair. She sat down and Derek leaned against the edge of his desk, she grabbed his hand.

“You’ll never guess who came to visit me today!”

“Who was it babygirl?”

“y/n! and she bought my favourite cold brew for me, oh man I miss her” Penelope let out a big breath between leaning back in Derek’s chair. Derek chuckled, “how is she?”

Spencer’s head perked up when Penelope said your name. He couldn’t help but wander over to Derek’s desk. “She’s good, her and Jacob ended things but she’s happy.” Penelope smiled at Derek.

“Hey Spence” Penelope smiled at him, he gave her a tight lipped smile. “Just needed to borrow this stapler” he picked up the first thing he saw which was the stapler.

“You have one on your desk pretty boy” Derek chuckled, “yeah. mines broken”

The truth was that Spencer just wanted to know how she was. He was glad to hear that she ended things with her boyfriend, maybe he could talk to her and fix things. There was that glimmer of hope again.

He knew it was foolish to think that they could go back to what they had, or to even be friends but he truly hoped that she would come back to him.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

Spencer sat at his desk when the door unlocked. You stepped in and sighed, “hey” Spencer looked up at you from his book.

“Oh sorry, I didn't realize you’d be home. I figured you were still at the office” you mumbled, shutting the door.

“It’s fine. You're here for your stuff?” he asked, watching as you place your keys beside his. You nodded, “everything is still where it’s always been” he said before turning his attention to his book. You headed into the bedroom to pack up the rest of the clothes you had left.

You bumped into the bedside table knocking over the picture frame that was on it. “Shit” you bent down to pick up the pieces but you cut your finger on a piece of glass. Spencer walked into the bedroom after he heard the frame fall.

“Y/n, are you okay ?” he helped you up, leading you to the bathroom.

“I’m fine, I just cut my finger in the frame” you ran some water over your hand. You watched as the blood washed down the drain, not waiting to make eye contact with Spencer. “Let me get you a bandaid” he bent down to get one from the drawer, his head brushing against your leg.

“I’m fine” you walked out of the bathroom, his hand grabbed yours. He wrapped the bandage around your finger and you let him. “Thanks” you mumbled before stuffing the rest of your clothes into the suitcase. He walked with you to the front door.

“Thanks for letting me come get my stuff”

“You don’t need to thank me y/n”

You went to unlock the door when you felt Spencer’s hand on yours. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Spencer asked you quietly, you shook your head and let out a shaky breath. “Spencer... don’t do this. please”

“I can't let you go”

“it’s over, okay? you can't stop me from leaving”

“y/n I love you” he whispered, looking at you.

“I love you too Spencer, but what’s done is done”

Spencer stood there, the two of you looking at each other. His back against the door and your hand on the knob. You felt the tear roll down your cheek, you watched his hand reach up to wipe it away. Spencer’s hand rested on your cheek, his thumb rubbing softly against your face.

Right then and there, you wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again but you know you had to hold yourself together.

“Move, please” you looked at him, pushing his hand away from your face.

A small okay left his lips before he stepped away from the door.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me

Like all of this was just some twisted dream

I'd hold you closer than I ever did before

And you'd never slip away

“Good morning sleepy head” you smiled at him from the door.

Spencer sat up and smiled at you. “Morning” you made your way over the bed with a cup of coffee for him. You set the mug on the bedside table before hopping back into bed with him.

Spencer lays back down making himself comfortable against your chest. “How’d you sleep sweets?” you asked him as you ran your fingers through his curls.

“I slept okay” he flipped over and onto his stomach. He rested his cheek on your stomach while looking up at you.

The sun shined through the cracks in the curtains. The light glistened across your bare skin, accentuating your beauty.

“Angel” Spencer mumbled smiling up at you.

Your thumb rubbed softly against his cheek, “hm?” you smiled at him.

“You look like an angel” his words causing you to blush.

Tell me this is just a dream

'Cause I'm really not fine at all

Spencer's alarm goes off.

6am.

He rolled over to find an empty bed. Being back in your arms, you looking like an angel from the heavens was all a dream.

You were actually gone.

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horansqueen · 4 years ago

Text

Stuck With You - Epilogue 2

Epilogue 2 : Anyone But You

🡪chapter 1 🡪chapter 2 🡪chapter 3 🡪chapter 4 🡪chapter 5 🡪chapter 6 🡪chapter 7 🡪chapter 8 🡪chapter 9 🡪chapter 10 🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31 🡪chapter 32 🡪chapter 33 🡪chapter 34 🡪chapter 35 🡪chapter 36 🡪chapter 37 🡪chapter 38 🡪epilogue 1

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I don't change my mind for anybody I won't waste my time on just anybody I won't share my life (with anyone but you)

It's such a long road (with anyone but you) That I couldn't follow (with anyone but you) Never anyone but Never anyone but (anyone but you)

THANK YOU! thank you for reading this story, for commenting this story, for reblogging and liking this story. Thank you to everyone on the update list, everyone who sent me requests and ideas, everyone who followed this story and everyone who was excited for every chapter. Thank you to everyone who messaged me, complimented me, thank you for all the emotions you shared with me through the characters. THANK YOU SO MUCH! i love you all. i can’t explain how much!

This is the final chapter. i hope you enjoy it and that this story reached your expectations. and i hope it makes you want to read my next story!

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH THANK YOU TIMES INFINITY!

NIALL

I stared at the painting on the wall as people walked slowly around me. I was proud of my girlfriend for her first exhibition but it was the very first time I was seeing this specific painting and although I knew no one had seen the picture it was based on, I recognized it immediately. She had asked me if she could expose the pictures but I couldn't see them anywhere. Instead, she had painted one of them and I was staring at it. The feelings invading me were the same than when I looked at the actual picture and I realized it was probably the moment that made me feel like that.

I felt her soft touch on my upper arm and detached my eyes from her art, blinking a few times to look at her. She raised her eyebrows slightly and bit her bottom lip nervously.

"You hate it."

"No!" I quickly replied, shaking my head and frowning a bit. "No it's just, so different than what you normally paint."

"I know, I think painting the human body is so complex and it really depends on how you see the person. It gets so much more emotional when you paint someone you love."

Her eyes found the painting and she breathed in before sighing. "Maybe I shouldn't have painted it, maybe I shouldn't have exposed it... I just thought it was a way to expose the pictures without really showing them to anyone."

"It's amazing, Devie." I whispered, making her turn around to look at me again.

Our eyes met and she sent me a shy smile. I turned to her and cupped her face, running my thumbs on her cheeks gently before bending down to kiss her lips.

"Dev!"

My girlfriend broke our kiss when she heard her name and I looked up to see Lewis, Daxia, Louis and Eleanor getting closer. We had been hanging out a lot recently and it was nice to be around people like them. Louis and I were also getting closer, probably because of Devon, and I liked that. I had missed him.

"This painting is beautiful." Daxia let out, making her glass turn in her hands as she stared at it. "I mean they all are, this one is just different."

"I was just telling her that." I smiled, glancing at my girlfriend.

"A lot of emotions thrown on that canvas." Louis pointed out, raising his eyebrows, and I immediately knew that he had guessed.

I thought about the real pictures that we had left at my apartment. Devon had created a mobile with them and we had placed it in a corner of my bedroom. Sometimes, I stared at it, just watching it move to see the lyrics written behind one of the pictures,. It brought so many memories to my mind and I knew It always would, no matter how many years passed.

"Hey, where are we celebrating tonight?" Lewis asked as Louis sent a smirk to Devon.

"Nope, not tonight guys, but we'll plan something soon." I quickly replied, shaking my head. "Tonight I'm just spending the night alone with my main girl."

"Seriously, why do you guys call each other like that?" Louis asked with a grimace. "Does that imply you have side girls and guys?"

Devon chuckled but I shook my head. "It's a secret between us, Tommo." I just replied, hitting his arm gently and making my girlfriend laugh.

I didn't answer his question because I knew he was joking, but it made me wonder if Devon really knew why I called her like that. It took an hour and a half before we finally arrived at my apartment and as soon as we walked in, I pressed her against the wall, pushing the door with one of my feet.

"It's my turn to be proud of you." I whispered, feeling her hands slip under my hoodie. "Your art moves me, Devie. You move me."

She grabbed my bottom lip between hers and sucked on it, making me groan.

"You know why I call you my main girl, right?" I wondered in a whisper, my lips brushing against hers.

"Mmhm, because of that conversation we had, when I said I wanted to be the protagonist." she moved closer to kiss me again and I let her before licking my lips.

"Not only that." I admitted just as low. "Devie, my real story didn't start before I met you. It was just a long prologue before the main thing."

Her lips parted and her eyes watered as I kept staring at her in the darkness of the room. I didn't know how to explain to her what she meant to me but seeing the way she was looking at me at that exact moment made me think she may know anyway.

She brought one of her hands in my hair as she stared at me. I loved feeling her fingers in my hair and I kissed her lips gently again. I thought I knew what love felt before but I really didn't. I knew it sounded cliché but it was true. I was ready to bet on anything that Devon was the love of my life and that what we had would last forever.

"I love you," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "And we're going to your room right now."

I chuckled at her words and shook my head too. "No, we can't. I have a surprise for you." I admitted, making her frown. "Close your eyes." She stared at me and i smiled. "Do you trust me?"

Instead to answer, she closed her eyes and breathed in before I turned the light on. I put myself behind her, placing my hands on her eyes and leading her slowly to the living room, making her stop next to the couch.

"Okay, keep your eyes closed alright?"

She nodded and slowly, I took my hands off her eyes, making sure she was not cheating, and I took a few steps back. I stared at her for a while, feeling my heart thump against my chest, a bit scared of what she'd say, and when I softly told her to open her eyes. I watched confusion appear on her traits until she saw the little puppy, laying on the floor, asleep. I had tried to put a bow on his head but it was falling down and Devon chuckled, her lips parted.

"Niall!" she let out without sending me a glance before getting on her knees and moving closer to the small dog.

Slowly, she took him in her arms and he woke up, making my lips curl. "It's a miracle he didn't bark before, would have ruined the surprise."

"Niall I... I can't." she shook her head, looking at the puppy with loving but sad eyes. "My parents will never let me bring a dog home, you know it."

"He can stay here." I just shrugged, pushing my hands in my pockets.

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, turning to me with an amused smile. "Ah, you bought yourself a puppy, then."

"No, it's your puppy." I explained after swallowing the lump in my throat. "And he's gonna need you 24/7. And... and I need you 24/7, too."

She frowned and slowly got up, walking to her, the dog still in her arms. "Niall, what are you saying?"

I breathed in and swallowed again, taking a few steps closer to her very slowly. I had no idea why it stressed me so much. Perhaps I was scared that she'd think it's too soon, or that it was a stupid idea, but deep down, I really wanted her to accept.

"Devie, I'm ready to spend forever with you." I confessed in a gentle tone, taking my hands out of my pocket to grab one of hers. I opened her palm and placed a key inside before sighing. "It would be an honor for me if you moved in here, with me. What's mine is yours, and all that."

"That... That would mean we'd go to bed together all the time, and wake up together all the time. And I could watch you get ready for work in the morning, and we'd take showers together, and cuddle in front of the tv, and make food together... Every single day?"

"No." I shook my head with a chuckle. "Sometimes I'd bring take out or we'd order."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, putting the dog down before he just ran away, making her laugh. She brought her attention back to me and I raised my eyebrows. "So? Is that a yes?"

She got on her tiptoes as her lips curled and slid her arms around my neck, pulling me gently closer. "Yes. It's a yes." she whispered, making me sigh of relief. "Did you doubt it?"

I chuckled nervously and kissed her lips. "Was just nervous." I admitted, raising my nose up. "How are you gonna name your puppy? Something original!"

"No idea yet, but you're right, we need an original name for our main dog."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "Thank you, Niall." she whispered, licking her lips. The way she looked at me all lovingly made my heart jump in my chest. There was something about the way her body fitted perfectly with mine that I couldn't stop thinking about.

"What for?"

"For being you. For seeing me. For loving me."

"Easiest thing I ever did, petal." I admitted in a murmur. "I love you."

"I love you more."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan enemies to lovers #niall horan au #niall horan uni au #niall horan college au #my fanfics #swy

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ateezmakemeweep · 4 years ago

Photo

(1/7) gluttony: an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

(envy) (gluttony) (greed) (lust) (pride) (sloth) (wrath)

hongjoong x reader

word count: 3k

angst (warning: alcohol abuse)

it was the 7th night in three months you were woken by the sound of your phone blaring, a number you were coming to recognize making your stomach sink.

you knew what you were gonna hear.

hongjoong’s drunken voice slurring that he needed you to pick him up. that he hadn’t been doing anything but got busted by the police and needed to pay yet another fine.

it was the same thing you’d heard every other time you talked to him at five o’clock in the morning. charged with disorderly conduct as he paraded around the city a drunken disaster.

he was always a happy drunk, the life of the party who made everyone laugh and made alcohol look as if it was a mood booster; but more often than not, it would quickly turn sour.

he would mouth off to the wrong people but be able to dip before a fight broke out. he would conceal his alcohol in a brown paper bag, him and his rowdy friends passing the judgmental gazes of families and couples.

he would ignore your texts and calls pleading with him to be careful and to come home at a reasonable hour.

but you never ignored him.

no matter how mad and upset and frustrated he made you, you never ignored him. you got out of the bed, threw on a pair of shoes and made your way to the police station the same way you’re doing right now.

you watch your boyfriend in defeat as he walks out of the police station, opening your car door and plopping down in the seat wordlessly.

you make no move to leave yet, silence lingering between the both of you. you’re waiting for an apology or an explanation or something, anything, even though it’s things you’ve heard a thousand times before.

that he hadn’t meant to drink that much.

that shots were on wooyoung that night so he couldn’t turn it down.

that he’ll stop drinking all together because he can’t keep paying these fines and being brought in.

“hongjoong,” you say quietly but he only groans, rolling his head back onto the seat like you’ve screamed at him.

“i know, y/n,” he says, annoyance in his tone like he has any right to feel that way. like he was the one disturbed in the middle of his sleep and had to drive to the police station again to pick up his significant other of three years.

“i don’t think you do. this is the 7th time i’m picking you up hongjoong. it’s starting to-”

“baby, my head is fuckin’ killing me and i just wanna sleep. can we talk about this later?”

he meets your gaze full of concern and disappointment but it’s like it doesn’t even phase him.

like he doesn’t care how much pain and devastation his drinking brings you. how much he’s missed out on and made you miss out on with his addiction (something he refuses to admit is, in fact, an addiction) within these past three years.

unsurprisingly, you first met him at a bar.

you were drawn to him immediately, his handsome face and electric energy that had you guys leaving together just hours later.

but opposed to how most bar meetings go, you hadn’t had sex. you talked all night in his small apartment, the one you moved into only four months after dating.

you guys had such a natural chemistry and connection, the good times of going on dates and cuddling on the couch and hanging out with his friends really good.

but then the bad times got bad when you saw just how much he drank.

how you’d get home from school or work sometimes and see he’d already had a 12 pack of beers before five o’clock. how he went out almost every single weekend and got completely shit faced.

like the first time he met your parents, promising to meet you guys for dinner at the nicest restaurant in town.

you told them the second you sat down how great he was, how funny and kind and great he treated you; but the more time ticked on, the more they doubted you.

because not only did he stumble in almost an hour late, he was drunk.

a slur to his words and a stagger in his step as he sat down and ordered another beer. but he was happy, at least, he talked with your dad and laughed with your mom and you figured, okay, it could’ve gone worse.

this could’ve been way worse.

but then it was worse on your birthday, when all your old friends surprised you at the party hongjoong had thrown you.

as the night went on, though, your boyfriend celebrated your birthday like it was his own. downing shots and buying shots and cheering shots in a way you still can’t believe he lived through.

you begged him toward the second half of the night to stop, to just drink some water and leave the bartender alone for a little bit. but he only rolled his eyes and told you to loosen up, that the least you could do on your birthday was to stop being such a stiff.

hurt not by his words but by the way he continued to get obliterated, tears pricked your eyes and one of your best friends put his arm around you to comfort you.

he wiped your eyes and begged you not to cry on your birthday, to not let your asshole boyfriend upset you on your day.

but hongjoong only saw the boy’s arm on your shoulder and stumbled over with all his liquid courage, pushing him away before punching him square in the face.

it hadn’t left a lot of damage due to his state but it was enough to cause alarm, the first time he’d gotten violent the first time you told him you thought he had a problem and needed to go to rehab.

he laughed at you like you’d said the funniest thing in the world, insisting he didn’t have a problem and definitely didn’t need to go to rehab.

and even when he missed your graduation because he’d been hungover, he still didn’t believe you.

you went back home after the ceremony with a lump in your throat, your cap and gown still on as you quietly asked him if he still wanted to come to your celebration dinner.

his eyes popped open and you saw the sadness and guilt in them immediately, his arm wrapping around you and pulling your body into his. he kissed your head and apologized for over sleeping, the scent of alcohol still on his breath making your eyes prick with tears.

he tried to get up and change but ended up vomiting on the floor, your head shaking frantically as you told him to not worry about it. that you’d bring him home food and you guys could do something another day.

your parents and friends weren’t surprised when you told them hongjoong was sick and couldn’t make it, knowing looks and sympathetic gazes that made your heart start to sink.

because you knew he had a problem and knew he needed help but what else could you do?

you tried to talk to him and asked him to go but he’s not admitting that he has a problem; you can’t help someone who doesn’t wanna be helped.

you told yourself you’re just gonna wait for that moment. wait until he’s so low and broken that he comes to you and says he needs to go to rehab or aa.

but that time never came.

he’s missed your promotion dinners, he’s missed your birthday celebrations, he’s forgotten your anniversary, all because he was too busy going out at night.

he was the boyfriend you knew and loved during the week, kissing you softly and hugging you and telling you how much he loved you every hour of the day.

but then the weekend would come and that hongjoong was gone.

you were lucky if you were able to have a 30 minute conversation with him, usually sleeping the day away before he came out to peck your head and tell you he’d be back home later.

in the beginning you would pout cutely and ask him to stay or if you could join him.

but he always said you wouldn’t wanna come with them, that they got too crazy and he didn’t want you in that kind of environment. he told you he’d try to be back before you fell asleep only to wake you up stumbling in at four in the morning.

but when the problem became more persistent and when the arrests started happening, that’s when you really knew you needed to talk to him. really needed to get to the root of his problem and beg him as someone who loves him to get help.

“i don’t need help and i don’t have a problem,” he always said, “we can talk about it later.”

and that’s exactly what he was saying now, looking at you pleadingly because you know he just wanted to collapse into bed and sleep until nightfall.

with a defeated sigh and not another wasted word, you drove him home.

he took your hand and walked with you upstairs before diving into bed, dragging your body down with him as he nuzzled into your neck.

“i missed you,” he mumbled into your skin before his breaths turned even and he fell asleep with his arms around you.

you slipped away from him after a few moments, the smell of alcohol and sweat making tears prick your eyes.

you don’t wanna give up on him but you can’t do this much longer. you can’t keep wondering where he is at night and plagued with fear about what he’s doing.

about how many shots or how many beers he had.

most people are scared that their boyfriend is gonna go out and cheat on them when they’re drunk off their ass.

but you’re scared that the next shot is gonna be the one that kills him, that he’s gonna stumble into the street and get hit by car or mouth off to the wrong person and get his ass handed to him.

these thoughts run in your mind all day, trying to distract yourself by cleaning and reading and watching tv.

none of that works.

nothing works because you just wanna sit with him and talk to him. show him how much he’s been hurting you and beg him to stop.

you hear his feet pad out of the bedroom at around five in the evening, turning around to see his hair a mess and eyes hazy. he plops down on the couch and pulls you into him, kissing your forehead as he asks how your day was.

you bite the inside of your cheek so you don’t cry or scream, your teary eyes trained on the television before he pulls your face away and looks over you with concern.

“hey,” he says softly, in the tone you’ve come to love and miss so much these days. “what’s wrong?”

and that’s when the tears come to the surface, a look you haven’t seen in his eyes for so long completely breaking you. you miss him, you miss him being here for you and holding you and acting like the man you fell in love with.

“are you really asking me that?” you cry out quietly. “i...i can’t keep doing this hongjoong.”

“doing what?” he asks, his thumb trailing over your face gently; and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he really didn’t know. really had no idea that seeing him drink and destroy his body has been draining the life out of you.

“you have a problem, hongjoong, and you need to get help,” you tell him, your eyes meeting his and already seeing the objection in them; but your own are teary and sad and defeated and it’s something he’s not ignorant to.

“i can’t keep wondering every night if you’re fucking dead just for me to pick you up at the police station.”

“it’s only been a few times, baby, and i’m sorry. you just know how crazy wooyoung can-”

“i’m not talking about wooyoung!” you snap, “i’m not dating wooyoung and i’m not crying over wooyoung. i haven’t picked wooyoung up seven times for disorderly conduct just for him to do the same shit over and over again.”

he’s angry at the way you’re calling him out but he can’t find it in himself to fight back, the brokenness in your tone and tears on your face making his stomach twist in disgust; he did this and it’s his fault that you’re this sad right now.

“it’s so draining, hongjoong,” you say, voice barely above a shaky whisper.

“i can’t keep watching you do this, okay? and i need you to please, please stop. if you need help, i will help you. we can look at programs together or look for meetings or do anything you want to. but please, i can’t keep thinking that this is gonna fucking kill y-” your voice breaks as a sob leaves your mouth and he immediately pulls you into him, his hand moving to the back of your head to stroke your hair. he feels tears sting the back of his eyes at hearing your muffled cries in his shirt, rocking you back and forth as he shushes you.

he tells you right there that he’ll stop.

that from this day on, he won’t ever drink again. for real this time. that he’s gonna do it for you, cold turkey without the help of rehabs or meetings.

“it’s better to get real help, hongjoong, it’s an addiction,” you tell him.

maybe because a part of you knew he wasn’t gonna be able to do this for you or anyone else. that he had to stop because he saw the issues and error in his ways and didn’t wanna feel like this anymore.

but he kisses your face and holds you tight and assures you that he’s not gonna do it again. that he loves you more than alcohol and is sorry he made you feel this way.

and when one weekend passes, you stupidly think maybe he was right.

you couldn’t remember the last full saturday you had with him, a picnic date during the day followed by a romantic dinner at night and movie at home. it had been just like when you first started dating, when everything was pure and sweet and you guys had nothing to worry about.

but then next weekend, when you were out for your friend’s birthday, you had a bad feeling in your gut.

you told hongjoong you wouldn’t go if he was gonna be too tempted but he only scoffed and told you absolutely not, that san and mingi were just gonna come over and play video games.

“i told you, baby, i’m done,” he reassured, pecking a kiss to your cheek and smiling sweetly at you. “i love you, okay? have fun.”

when you stumbled in a little past one o’clock, with no sight of him in the dark apartment, you knew right there that you two were done. tears pricked your eyes and you slid down the wall as you hid your face in your hands and cried.

cried because you couldn’t stop him and you were silly to think you could.

cried for him and whatever demons he had that made him go out and drown his sorrows away. that he didn’t feel like he could come to you or anyone else in his life besides a bottle of liquor.

you laid awake until suddenly you weren’t.

until that familiar ringing of your phone ripped you conscious, the first words in your ear a lowly spoken “i’m sorry.”

you took your usual route to the police station and watched him walk toward the car with his head hung, plopping down next to you and looking at you with sadness in his eyes.

“y/n, i’m sorry...i...we...we only meant to get one drink but-”

“stop,” you begged quietly, pulling back out into the street as you made your way back to his house. you walked him up, crossing your arms over your chest so he didn’t try to hold your hand before watching him flop down onto the bed.

you just watched him lay there, his hands holding his head like he was in a grave amount of pain. you thought for sure he was sleeping before he looked up, his eyes hazy and pale face looking at you with a mix of guilt and sorrow.

“baby, i’m sorry. you have every right to not believe me and to be mad at me, but i promise, that was the last time. i-i even told the guys that i can’t anymore and they said-”

his head lolls to the side before his eyes close and for a split second you think he’s dead.

but then the rise and fall of his chest a few seconds later relaxes you, allowing the tears to stream down your face again before you make your way to the closet.

you quietly pack your clothes and shoes into a suitcase, texting your parents and asking if it’s okay that you stay with them for a little. when a hanger flies from out of the closet and hits the floor with a loud crash, your head snaps up to see if it’s woken your...hongjoong.

but the boy doesn’t even flinch, his eyes closed and mouth open as his body recovers from all the damage he’s done. you linger at his bedside before kneeling down, feeling sobs threatening to leave you as your hand gently runs through his hair.

you don’t know how long you sit there and watch him sleep but it’s enough time for your mom to frantically call you and ask what happened, simply telling her that you’re leaving now and will be there in a little to explain.

you take your bags out into the hallway and fill up a glass of water, leaving it at his bedside as you look down at him one last time.

you hope that when he wakes, your absence will be something productive.

not that he’s gonna go into more of a downward spiral because you left him but show him that if he had just gotten help, this would’ve worked out.

that people are so desperate to help him but also can’t watch him get worse and worse.

“i’m sorry,” you say to the sleeping boy quietly.

because you wanted to help him so badly. you really wanted to be by his side during this and show him that you were a person who was gonna stick by him no matter what.

somehow your lowly spoken words make his eyes flutter open, looking at you in a sleepy daze before a small smile quirks at his lips.

“hi, baby,” he mumbles lowly, his eyelids heavy as sleep starts to consume him again. “i missed you.”

you feel your eyes gloss over and wait a few seconds for him to fully fall back asleep before getting up and walking out into the hallway.

you wipe at your tears and tell yourself you can’t go back in there no matter how much you want to - that, for both of you, this needs to happen.

you hope that he finds it in himself to get help one day.

you hope that this all didn’t happen for nothing and that one day, he’ll be able to fight whatever’s inside of him that causes him to do this.

and when the boy wakes up at night time, the apartment dark and empty and eerily quiet, it’s like a part of him already knows you’re gone.

he can’t say he really blames you either, he’d almost been waiting for this moment he knew was gonna come.

when you woke up one day and realized that he was never gonna get better.

that the only thing he can do is drown his demons and sorrows with a bottle and hope that someone will be dumb enough to stick around and beg him to stop something he can’t.

#hongjoong #hongjoong angst #ateez #ateez angst #hongjoong imagines #hongjoong scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #seven deadly sins au

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insertdeeplyrics · 4 years ago

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On the ending of Supernatural

Hi, I’ve never actually posted anything on Tumblr of my own creation (I mostly reblog stuff), but I’ve just seen the ending of Supernatural, and given that this is where I’ve been fed my SPN content, it felt right to share my thoughts here. I’m sure nobody is going to read this, but whatever, I just need to get this out of my chest. Sorry in advance if this is too long, but I have to type this out if I want to move on.

I still need to take some time to process everything that’s happened, because it is a lot. I did have my hopes up for the finale, thinking that Cas would at least show up, but like many of the fans, I was let down.

So I guess that would be the first issue I had with the episode. Regardless of what Dean felt towards Cas, if he reciprocated his feelings or not (which he totally did, I mean, we have all been watching the same show for 12 fucking years, and if you don’t believe me, there are plenty of metas that would support this statement), he still is his best friend and it doesn’t sit right with me the fact that he doesn’t even try to find a way to rescue Cas from the Empty. And okay, maybe he didn’t, make Cas got resurrected by Jack, then why the hell wasn’t he on the final episode? He was a pivotal character for the series, I mean, the proof is in the ratings: Season 7, when he was killed off to apparently never return, the ratings were at their lowest. The show may have started as just Dean and Sam, but over the years it became much bigger than them, and it is so disappointing that the show runners failed to acknowledge it. But I’ll get back to this point later.

Okay, I need to talk about Dean’s death, the only part of the episode that made me cry, because my poor baby had to suffer so much! Like, when he started saying that Sam never put up with John’s crap (which reinforces my headcanon that John was abusive towards the boys) and how much he admired him for it, my heart just shattered. I just love Dean Winchester so freaking much, and they did him so dirty... Don’t get me wrong, Jensen and Jared’s acting was 10/10, like, I thought I had a grip of myself and then Sam started crying and tears came back to my eyes. Nonetheless, I felt that the scene was so freaking long! I mean, Dean was dying, and he had time to make a 10 minutes-long speech! C’mon! Also, I get that Sam and Dean’s relationship is quite deep and strong and whatever, but I felt a bit unconformable watching it: it didn’t feel like a brotherly goodbye, more like a lover’s one. They were too touchy and intimate, and, overall, their relationship from this point on was coded as a romantic one, in my opinion. And Chuck, did I hate it! I have an older brother and I know what it is like to be close to your sibling and to love him more than anything else in the world, but the way they portrayed their relationship on this last episode felt incest-y, which makes me believe that this scene was originally written with another character in mind (cough CAS cough) or the writers don’t know the difference between romantic and brotherly love. To finish off, the way they killed off Dean??? I mean, I did expect Dean to die, but this was such a horrible and ridiculous way to go... I would have accepted it if he died actually fighting, but impaled??? After all he’s been through, after fighting so many demons, angels and deities, that’s how he dies??? That just felt cheap and rushed. Dean did not deserve that ending and I refuse to accept it. In fact, I refuse to acknowledge the existence of this whole fucking mess of an episode. Also, I just can’t believe that no one showed up to Dean’s funeral. I just can’t. I get that maybe it was difficult to bring in a lot of actors due to the pandemic, but they could have added them on post-production...

Next, we have Sam’s ending. He quits hunting and finally obtains his white-picket fence life. I did like the fact that he honored all of his friends and family that he lost along the way, especially Dean. Like, yes, if my brother died, I would like to keep a token (don’t know if that’s the actual word for it, my first language is not English), to have something with me that reminded me of him and to have him with me wherever I go. And I did like that he named his son Dean, in honor of his brother. However, we don’t know how he met his wife, we don’t even know who she is. They set up Sameileen for what?? Like, Sam and Eileen deserved better, tbh. And, again, even with Covid restrictions they could have done something to signal that Sam got married to Eileen, you don’t need the actor there. In fact, we never actually found out what happened to her, and just like I can’t believe that Dean didn’t even try to save Cas from the Empty, I can’t believe that Sam didn’t reach out to Eileen. Furthermore, the montage with his son felt cheap and a way to try to appeal to the audience’s emotions... (Btw, as a side note, the grey wig and the glasses, my god, they did Jared dirty 😂😂). But it wasn’t doing it for me, I didn’t care much for the kid, and while I do believe that was always going to be Sam’s ending, I didn’t like how it was executed.

And the worst part of it all: that suuuuuper long scene with Dean driving in Heaven, waiting for Sam. They could have used that time to show something more meaningful, even to develop a bit more Sam’s new life, how he adjusted to domesticity and fatherhood and all that crap. Or, I don’t know, A TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 REUNION??? And I guess this is my biggest issue with the whole episode. I get it, Sam and Dean are the central characters, the ones that started it all, but family don’t end with blood, and they were not the only ones who deserved a goodbye. They had formed so many bonds and friendships over the years, and to not have them address them on the final episode just feels infuriating. Especially Cas. His arc was not finished, he deserved to be on the finale. We never got Dean’s reaction to his confession, we don’t know how he felt about him, nor did Cas get to say goodbye to any other character. How did he get out of the Empty? What is he doing now? Is he still an angel? Also, he gave his life to save Dean, only for Dean to be killed not long after. My headcanon that is helping me cope with Dean’s death is thinking that he was so quick to accept his death because he was hoping to reunite in Heaven with Castiel. A girl can dream, ok??? But also, what about Jack? He is the new God, but I highly doubt it that he won’t drop by the Bunker from time to time, after all, Sam and Dean (AND CAS, ESPECIALLY CAS) raised him. And Charlie? Did she get back with Stevie? Did she and the boys go for drinks from time to time? And Jody? Donna? Claire? Sorry to be so repetitive, but I just can’t understand why the writers thought that these characters weren’t important enough to deserve a spot on the finale, and not just an off-hand mention (and not even all of them got that). Of course, the brothers are the main characters and their goodbye must be the longest and the most emotional of them all, but like I said before, the show stopped being just about the Winchesters on season 3, when Bobby was first introduced, maybe even 4, with Cas.

Overall, the finale left a lot of questions unanswered, most of them regarding secondary characters (but not less important for that!), completely destroyed Sam and Dean’s character development (Dean never got to be free, like he had been fighting for all season, probably all his life; Sam’s development is non-existing, as he ended up as he would’ve if he never had gotten on that hunting trip with Dean 15 years ago), and completely disregarded all the themes they had been setting up this season, probably on previous ones as well. It is sad knowing that the writers, either don’t know the show good enough to give it a proper goodbye, or they just didn’t care to do so. I don’t know who’s to blame here (definitely not the actors, though, probably someone higher up the chain), but I just know that I am so fucking disappointed. I expected more from the last episode of a 15-season TV show, one that has been part of my life for 7 years. I guess, that despite all of it, I can’t hate Supernatural. Maybe I was not a hardcore fan like some people on this site, but I did care for the characters and what happened to them. This is the show that introduced me to the world of shipping (Destiel will always hold a special place in my heart, it doesn’t matter how badly their relationship was treated, as well as the characters) and I got to discover one of my favorite characters, Dean Winchester. He is just such so complex, one that I relate to on so many levels, and his relationship with Cas has been the source of many short stories that I’ve never posted anywhere, but that have made me take up writing again. That’s the reason why I love the show so much, it has helped me tap into my creativeness and go back to writing, a passion of mine that I seem to have forgotten over the years. Anyways, maybe one day I’ll publish some of those stories, and maybe even write my own fix-it fanfic, but right now, I can’t deal with anything that has to do with the show, I am too hurt. Maybe once the five stages of grief are over, I might give it a try and read all of the amazing codas and fanfics that I’m sure will be posted here or on AO3. But for now, Supernatural is dead and gone, and I don’t want to talk nor think about it anymore. I’m done wasting my time here, because I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing this past 7 years after watching this crap of a finale.

To finish this long rant off, I just want to say thank you to some meta-writers, the true heroes of the fandom. Thanks to them, I carried on watching the show, because they made me have hope that things will get better. They are the ones that have made this experience worth something, and even though I’ve never spoken to any of them, I see you and I love you. Thanks for everything ❤.

@tinkdw @charlie-minion @dotthings @heliodean @verobatto-angelxhunter @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

#supernatural #spn s15 #spn #carry on #destiel #supernatural finale #personal rant #dean is bi #dean winchester #sam winchester #disappointed #dean winchester deserved better #destiel forever #jack also deserved better #every fucking character deserved better #character development who? don't know her #castiel #spn spoilers #spn 15x20

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xpeachesncream · 4 years ago

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off the grid | nine (final)

summary: it was as simple as swapping places with a stranger from across the world to get away from everything back home. that is - until you meet Jimin. things become more complicated as he unfolds a new chapter in your life that you were initially trying to avoid.

pairing: reader x pjm

genre: post-college au, christmas/holiday au | angst, fluff, smut (to come)

words: 1.7k

chapter warnings: cussing, more insecurities and overthinking, crying, reminiscing, fluff

notes: here we are, folks! the final chapter to this series. i may post some drabbles later on and accept requests, but for now, i’ll keep this where it’s at. thanks for the love and support on this! head over to my kth fic called perfectly wrong if you’re looking for something a little messier lol

> series masterlist <

You took one last look around Yana's loft to make sure you weren't missing anything. You made sure her loft was spotless, doing loads of laundry and cleaning every inch to make sure it was ready for her arrival back home.

Once you were satisfied with your round, you sighed, giving the loft one last look with a tight-lipped smile. This place truly gave you the best memories by far. You look towards the living room, remembering the moment you shared with Jimin and how you both had confessed your feelings for each other.

It was something you were never going to forget.

You grabbed your purse and your luggage and made your way downstairs to the cab you called over to take you to the airport. The driver happily helped with your luggage before you took your position in the back seat and sat quietly. You held Jimin's polaroid album tightly, letting it sit on your lap as you reminisced once more on the memories you made in Seoul while the driver began to pull off.

The people you met. Jungkook, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jin.

The places you've been.

Jimin.

You were feeling a little unsettled as the ride continued because you were still questioning the decisions you've made. Was this truly it for you two? Were you really going to go back home without reconciling in any way with Jimin?

You flipped through the polaroids one last time, fixating on the very last polaroid of you and Jimin. You made many mistakes in the past, and you knew this would be the cherry on top if you allowed it to slip from in between your fingers.

Fuck this. This couldn't be it, and you were wrong for initially thinking so.

You've lived these past years in so much sadness and frustration, so much stress and pent up negative energy. You felt like you wasted so much time being unhealthily down in the dumps, and you were so damn tired. You came here to start over and do better for yourself and you finally found that reason that pushed you to do better. You weren't gonna do this to yourself, not again. You weren't gonna make this mistake. You weren't gonna let him get away. You weren't gonna go home feeling this empty. You were gonna be selfish, and you were going to do whatever that meant to you.

You abruptly told the cab driver you had a change in destination, and he drove back towards Jimin's address without any complaints. All of a sudden, the 10-15 minutes to get to his apartment complex seemed like forever. You were dying to get out of the cab, mainly afraid you'd miss Jimin and you'd miss your chance to do this.

God, if this was meant to be, please just let me talk to him.

When you finally arrived to the steps of his apartment building, you paid the cab driver heftily and dragged your belongings into the small elevator. As soon as you reached Jimin's floor, you rushed over to his door, pushing your belongings to the side. You knocked frantically, hoping someone was at least home.

"Y/N? Are you okay? Don't you have a flight to catch?" Taehyung looked at you worriedly.

"Yeah, but that's not important right now." You rushed in while Taehyung politely brought your things in and set them aside. "Is Jimin here?" You asked although you were already making your way to his room.

"No, he just left not too long ago." Your heart dropped.

"Fuck." You said to yourself as you ran your hand through your hair.

"I'm pretty positive he went to his parents' cafe. Do you need me to drive you there?"

"Please? I really need to talk to him." He nodded and grabbed his keys.

"Alright, come on." You and Taehyung rush out the door and hop into his car. You were praying that you'd find Jimin there, but you were hopeful. Jimin had always spent time with his mom and dad, besides helping out at their café. Your felt your heart beating against your chest, the anxiety skyrocketing every minute that passed by. Taehyung was doing his best to navigate the streets quickly, but safely, immediately understanding how important this was to you.

Jimin had been having a difficult time getting past this, being that all he really did was sulk in his room if he wasn't at the café. He didn't know how someone could come in and change his life the way you did. How he could fall so easily for you. But he was starting to think that maybe, you were right. Maybe, you had a point. At least, that's what he liked to tell himself so it would become easier to move past this.

It never got easier, though. If anything, it really didn't do anything for him. You continued to stay on his mind, 24/7.

And so, you and Taehyung finally arrive at the café. It's not too busy, with only a few people sitting inside, sipping on their drinks and eating pastries. You and Taehyung don't spot Jimin at the front, and only see his sweet mother. She smiles from ear to ear as she approaches the both of you, pulling you into a tight hug.

"Y/N, I told Jimin to bring you over for Christmas, but he said you were busy getting ready to go back home. Isn't your flight today?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." You pouted. "It is, but there's something I need to speak to Jimin about. Is he around?" She shook her head.

"We had him run some errands, but he should be here soon. Just wait here, I'll bring you two some drinks and pastries." She sat you both down at a table near the register, pouring you some coffee and Taehyung his favorite tea.

"Hey, don't worry. He'll be here soon." Taehyung flashed you a toothless, reassuring smile.

"Thank you for driving me here." He nodded. "I, um. I don't wanna go home like this. Even though, I'm not sure he'd want to talk to me after our stupid argument."

"He'll be happy to see you, Y/N. Trust me. Just be honest with him and let him know how you feel."

"You don't think he'll be mad?" He shook his head.

"No. I promise you." Before you know out, you both see Jimin's car pull up out front. He hops out of the car, bringing a few bags towards the back of the cafe. You couldn't wait for him to notice you, so you head outside to follow him. You stand there with Taehyung a few steps away, hoping he'd turn around and warmly greet you. Just as long as he didn't storm off all pissed, that's all that mattered.

Which, he doesn't. When he turns, his facial expression softens, and his whole body relaxes. He stands there in a puffy jacket, a white tee and jeans. He stares at you, slightly caught off guard as to why you were still lingering around when you had a flight to catch.

"Y/N?"

"Jimin." You ran straight to him, throwing your arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, I totally messed up. W-what I said, I didn't mean any of that shit and I was just so stupid. I-I don't wanna go home like—" You rambled on and on into his chest before pulling away from the hug you embraced him in, confusion plastered on his face as he couldn't understand what you said word for word.

"Woah, slow down. What is it?" You sighed as your face softened while caressing his cheek.

"Jimin, I'm sorry. I messed up. I didn't mean anything I said after we got home from the bars. It was stupid."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." He leans into your hand. "But, you have a flight to catch. We should probably get you going—"

"No, I don't care. I'm staying for a bit longer. I wanna stay with you. I want to be with you, I want us." You smile at him as the tears begin to well up in your eyes.

"I hope you don't feel obligated to do this in order to make amends." He says softly. "You know I'll understand and give you the space you need—"

"No, I'm not. My feelings for you," You paused. "My feelings for you run deep, Park. God, it's so frustrating. I didn't intend to fall in love coming here, but I did and it's the greatest feeling in the world knowing it's you. I've made a ton of mistakes in the past, but I wasn't going to let this be another. I wasn't going to let you get away. I wanna be selfish for once, and I wanna choose what will make me happy." You cupped his face with both of your hands as he smiled down at you, his hands resting on your wrists. "We'll figure this out, but for right now, lets just enjoy this as we are, in this time and space. I wanna do this ride with you and I hope you still do, too."

"Of course I do." He smiled down at you. "God, fuck, I really, really do." He held you tightly against his body. You wasted no time planting a kiss on his plump lips, smiling into it as he caressed your back and held you close. Everything about this felt so right, and you couldn't but feel complete. You couldn't help but feel like you have finally done things for yourself, reached new heights for yourself and finally let go of the past, leaving it to where it belonged.

And so, you, Jimin and Taehyung take this back inside, not giving one fuck about missing your flight or what the upcoming days will look like. You were extremely giddy from the spontaneity, and all you wanted to do was curl up in Jimin's arms, right where you were safe. You had never felt so free and so loved at the same time, surrounding yourself with your new friends, who cared for you, and Jimin, who absolutely adored you in every way possible. Being here, you had learned that it was just better to let go. Don't chase those answers or explanations. You keep fighting for you, because no one's got you like you got yourself.

Seoul had brought you that, paving a way for a new beginning that you were excited to conquer with Jimin by your side.

That holiday-solo-vacation love story didn't end up being so bad after all.

#bts #bts fanfiction #jimin fanfiction #jimin #park jimin #pjm series #pjm x reader #jimin x reader #off the grid #otg #writing

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cosmicbash · 4 years ago

Note

it’s always jelus and insecure em!! i wanna see jelus and insecure kells!!!!

They're divorced. Twice.

It's public knowledge, and the majority of the sordid details behind their shitshow of two marriages are too.

And Marshall's his. The little sparkle of one of his own earrings reflecting from inside the older man's lobe and the heavy droop of his sweater on the smaller rapper's shoulder's only emphasizes that. The same way his presence here at a close family and friends holiday party does.

Marshall's his. His boyfriend, his lover, his partner. His. No one elses.

But. That sickly sour taste of insecurity is tickling the back of his tongue with each bitter bite the blonde finds himself taking of a gingerbread cookie. His eyes are locked across the room on Marshall's fluffy santa hat decorated head, the cute christmas centric outfit he was wearing no longer warming Colson's heart like it had only an hour prior. Marshall looks too good in it, all soft and dressed down from his usual monochrome track suits and that was exactly the problem. Colson hates how good he looks right now, knowing the man's ex also got to see it, up close and much too personal for his preference.

It wasn't like he had any real reason to worry. Kim was here because of the kids. Not because Marshall directly invited her. It was a pleasantry between exes, done solely to keep the peace and feign some level of normalcy to their children. Even long after all of them had grown up.

And the two weren't exactly on great terms. Marshall still cringed at the very mention of her and from the dirty look she shot the man's way the second they opened the front door she hinted it was mutual.

But, Colson also knows the rapper isn't against hate sex. Afterall, if Marshall was, him and Casie wouldn't have been scrambling to finish all these damn gingerbread men this afternoon. They'd be miles away in Cleveland or LA, celebrating their own christmas, never knowing Marshall's "secret recipe".

It's frustrating to say in the least.

"I see Kim's round for her bi-yearly intereference." A soft bump to his shoulder drags Colson's eyes away from the locked position he's held for over a half hour. Royce's smug smiling face replacing it as he turns.

Colson's still not sure if he can call himself and Ryan friends just yet, there's a past there between the rapper and Marshall as well that's he's only gleamed surface of, on top of the usual tension that comes from an overprotective friend meeting the new "boyfriend". But unlike Kim, Ryan will at least acknowledge his existence so that makes it a bit easier for him to handle. "Bi-yearly interference?"

"Yeah," The other rapper's smirk only seems to widen into a grin as he shakes his head and downs what's left of his drink. "That's the kindest word I can use with the girl's around." Ryan's motioning with his head to follow him around the countertop for some more and despite how much Colson appreciates his current vantage point he accepts the invitation if not for something better to do.

Better than getting called out for staring like a jealous tween girl at least.

"She does this every other year, or just any year Marsh manages to bring home a lady finally-" Ryan's ring clad fingers shake the bottle of spiked eggnog his way. Colson accepts that too with quick nod, letting the 'lady' dig sent his way pass without acknowledgement. "She shows up in that stupid baby blue dress, hair freshly dyed, face done up to the nines, all that shit she'd do back when her and Marsh were still together and she was his-" quick pause in pouring for signed quotation marks, Ryan's eye roll visible even through his shades. "Dime piece." The confirmation of something being up with her less than Christmassy themed outfit only stokes the fire in Colson's stomach though and makes his neck itch to twist back around but Ryan is continuing. "And then she flaunts their ex status like its some trophy whoever Marshall's seeing should be jealous of."

Even the quick toss of some eggnog into the back of his mouth doesn't smother his fire. If anything the weak liquor filled drink puffs like gasoline for Colson's nerves. "And what? She's gonna try and fuck him? Break us up?" Either of those things would happen over his dead body, or hers. He's not against slapping a bitch when it comes to his love life. "So much for him being the bitter yearning ex huh."

Ryan gives a little snort and nod before retopping up his drink. "Funny how that works aint it?"

Now Marshall's presence behind his back feels like a super magnet. Colson's eyes a set of steel balls trembling right before they're whipped back across the room to land on their target. He doesn't want to look just yet though, not now that he knows this jealous pit in his stomach is just further feeding into Kim's scheme. So he settles his eyes onto Ryan's shimmering gold chain instead. "Kinda dumb to compete with a dude by flaunting her old saggy tits and ass though." If Kim knew Marshall half as well as he does she'd know that neither of those can come close to competing with the huge cock hanging between his legs. "If he really needed to look at those there's at least 4 better pairs bouncing around the room right now."

Plus Colson had already taken a glimpse at Kim's flat ass on her way inside, the sad outline of a butt pad was clear as day to anyone within 20 feet of her.

"5 if you count his own." The honesty in Ryan's comment flashed a small strike of Colson's jealousy his way too. The clink of their glasses together in mutual agreement a little harder than needed. "I wouldn't waste your time worrying about it. Been like 6 or 7 years since she was actually successful with it."

"Yeah?" That still felt a little too soon for Colson's comfort. Even if he was only a sniveling brat in Marshall's mind back then.

"Yeah man, trust me, he ain't gonna risk shit with you for Cursed Kim over there." By now Colson's gaze has followed Ryan's, settling rather anxiously on the two with just as much intense focus as he had earlier. The small touch of Kim's fingers to Marshall's bicep tightening his own around the glass.

"For her sake he better not."

"Yeah?" Ryan's shoulder bumping his jostles his attention away again, this time the man is staying closer though. His warm breath felt on Colson's face when their eyes meet. The pretentious shades finally having slipped low enough to flash serious brown orbs. "He cheats and you gonna whoop HER ass? You that obsessed with Marsh?"

Colson can hear the disbelief, and see the close scrutiny he's suddenly being put under. But he doesn't back down from the look one bit. "If he fucks up that's on him, but he's still mine and I'm not gonna toss him over to her just because he acts like an idiot." Marshall cheating would hurt. Colson's already gone through that awful fear once before though, back when they had just started fucking and the question of monogamy came up. The mere thought of the other man touching someone else had almost killed him, and they weren't even dating yet. But it had also set Colson's mind that even if it did happen he wouldn't limp off to lick his wounds.

He's only going to dig his claws in deeper and stake his claim louder.

Marshall's his. Even if he fucks up and forgets that for a moment. He's his and Colson's never letting him go.

"He's mine."

Kim's manicure on his man's bicep is only temporary. Colson's gaze and quick feet will make sure of that.

"Damn, you might be worse than both of them, kid."

#this has sat in my drafts #so time to clean them out a bit #emgk #asks #i love asks

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violet-knox · 4 years ago

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Kindness is Overrated

Year 7 - Chapter 63

Summary: You spend Christmas morning with Connor and Severus exchanging gifts.

Word count: 3876

Warnings: A bit of naughty touching

A/N: Wow this update is so long overdue. I should have come back to this story a long time ago, but I at the very least wanted to post a chapter before I started posting my Snape Bang entry. As I mentioned before in a previous ask, I’ll be alternating between writing a chapter for this story and fulfilling my request todo list. I’ll also be posting my Snape Bang soon so stay tuned for that. Writing this chapter, I realized it’ll take me a bit of time to get back into this story and I’m so sad I missed the opportunity to post this chapter on Christmas. There’s even a chapter coming up focused on Severus’ birthday and I know I won’t be able to post that any time soon, but that’s okay. It’ll just be a delayed celebration. I hope you enjoy and I hope my posting rate will increase this year (low key new years resolution?) compared to the last.

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1

Severus was so insistent yesterday on spending the night in his dorm despite the fact you’d done just that every day for the past week. You’d begun to cherish your mornings together and couldn’t imagine any reason why last night would be any different, but you had to admit, waking up today felt nothing like it had this past week. The warmth of Christmas morning enveloped your body as you felt the gentle brush of slow, sensual kisses trailing across your neck and collarbone. It was nothing like the last few mornings you’d spent together, and you understood why Severus was so persistent yesterday, constantly making sure you were planning to sleep beside him.

“Happy Christmas,” you mumble through your sleepy state, your eyes open just enough to catch the light of the morning, your fingers twirling around strands of Severus’ hair as he continued to press his lips to your skin. This holiday was always meant to bring people such joy and year after year you’d see families gathering, friends exchanging gifts, an overall feeling of love and joy passed from one person to the next. But it was never a holiday you’d found yourself caring for. Last year you thought the Yule Ball was your one chance to experience what everyone else felt this time of year, but it wasn’t until this morning that you’d understood why Christmas was such a special holiday.

“Happy Christmas,” Severus whispered into your ear before lightly grazing his teeth against your earlobe, teasing you as he let one of his hands travel up from your hip to your waist, resting against the side of your breast. Pressing his knee between your legs, he moved to press as much of himself to you as he could. With your chest against his, your hands in his hair and his lips finally meeting yours, he felt his heart swelling with such glee. He’d been looking forward to Christmas all year, needing it to be perfect to make up for what he’d done last Christmas. He wanted to please you, to show you how much you meant to him as best he could tonight, starting with the passion he put into your morning kiss.

You blinked away your sleep as you parted, your eyes finally meeting his, your hand slipping from his hair to rest on his jaw. You smiled as you felt yourself floating in bliss, feeling guilty about having to ruin this wonderful morning by telling Severus you’d have to meet Connor for breakfast in the Great Hall. the idea of bringing it up to Severus these past few days had loomed over you, saddening you when you saw how happy he was to be spending so much free time together over the holidays, you didn’t want to ruin it.

“What’s wrong?” Severus saw the burden in your eyes, worried he’d already done something to ruin such an amazing day. He propped himself up on his elbows and peered down at you, studying your face as he waited for an answer.

“It’s nothing-”

“No,” he interrupted you before you could even try and come up with an excuse, anything to explain your sudden shift in mood without upsetting him. “I know that look, something is troubling you. Tell me (Y/N), you know I’m here for anything you need.”

Your lips stretched into the widest of smiles, elated by his words. He’d been so supportive this year, your rock to lean on, someone you knew you could go to with anything and you loved him more for that. It was hard to tell him the truth now, knowing he’d do anything to protect your happiness only to have you turn around and snatch his away from him.

“Okay, don’t get upset but-” you pushed him from over you and sat up against the wall. “I told Connor we would spend Christmas morning with him.”

“(Y/N)!” You could already see his anger bubbling to the surface as he sat opposite to you, his fingers running quickly through his hair like they always had whenever he was stressed. Your heartbeat fastened as you so desperately hoped to salvage the moment, your hand finding his, squeezing it tightly.

“I’m sorry! I know how much you wanted to spend the holidays together, but we couldn’t avoid him forever Sev.” You leaned into him and let one hand slowly rub up and down his bare arm, trying to assure him the day was not lost. “Please don’t be mad at me, it’ll only be a couple of hours.”

Severus took a deep breath before looking up at you, the corner of his lips twitching into a subtle smile. He couldn’t believe you’d asked that of him when he knew very well there was nothing you could do to make him mad at you. Of course he was upset this day wouldn’t be absolutely perfect, but he would never hold it against you, nor would he blame you for wanting to brighten the day of everyone around you with the privilege of your company.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” you offered with a sly smile as you crawled out from under the covers and over his lap. You settled atop him, wrapping your arms around his neck, his hands slipping from your legs and over your pants, resting on your waist under the shirt you wore. Pressing your lips to his, you sealed your promise with a kiss, happy to see your morning plans hadn’t ruined his mood.

“We should get dressed,” you whispered as you trailed kisses down his jaw, one hand gripping his hair. You felt his own hands slither to your back and press you against him, lifting your shirt up as they rested between your shoulder blades. You loved the feeling of his skin against yours, especially with the contrast of the cold dungeon air, but you knew if you didn’t get going now, Connor would start to suspect there was something between you and Severus. There were times where you thought telling Connor the truth would make life much easier, but every time you thought of saying something, you could only imagine the abandonment he’d feel knowing two of his friends were dating and you couldn’t do that to him, especially on Christmas day.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I cannot wait to spend our next Christmas away from Hogwarts.” You chuckled, taken back by his words, never thinking you’d see the day that Severus Snape would prefer spending his time away from Hogwarts. Slipping off his lap, you took his hand and smiled knowing you were the reason he was happy enough to find a home outside of Hogwarts. You stood in front of the bed, Severus joining you before he reached into his trunk and handed you your uniform.

You both got dressed, Severus taking his time, knowing now there was absolutely no rush to start the day since he’d be forced to waste hours of it in the company of others. You watched him lean back on the bed when he was done tying his shoes, smiling at you as if you’d just returned from class, ready to call it a night and cuddle with him. Shaking your head, you grasped his hand and pulled him off the bed, dragging him out of the dorm until he finally stopped resisting, trying to enjoy the last few moments he’d get to hold your hand before you both found yourself in the Great Hall.

It wasn’t until you’d stepped through the large doors you realized you’d spent longer than usual in the Slytherin dorm this morning, everyone else already present, seated at the table. Two empty seats stood waiting for you beside Connor and without a second thought, you sat next to him, placing yourself between Severus and Connor. The feast began and you enthralled at the food appearing before you. You’d always loved Christmas at Hogwarts, but nothing could ever compare to this year’s Christmas, the feeling of love, care and acceptance flowing from one side of the table to the next. House rivalry was forgotten, and all sat at the same table as equals.

Severus did his best to engage in conversation with you and Connor. He wanted to see you happy, glad you were smiling all throughout breakfast, but he felt envious. He wanted to be the sole reason for the smile you wore, to be your happiness like you were his. It was selfish of him to think like this, he knew that, but he was at least glad this Christmas was going a lot better than last years. At least with Connor here, Severus was more inclined to keep himself grounded, letting you take the lead instead of jumping the gun like last year. He even felt himself enjoying a conversation with Connor, less resentful towards the fact he was stealing alone time with you until owls interrupted the feast, one landing in front of Connor.

The box it was carrying weighed down the poor creature, struggling to keep itself upright when it finally landed. You offered the owl all the food you could grab and filled your empty goblet with water, hoping it hadn’t travelled too far to deliver whatever it was Connor’s parents had sent him. You were surprised to see Connor push aside the gift as if it wasn’t important, always assuming Christmas would mean a lot more to those with caring families. His attention instead lay on the gifts he pulled from his robes, handing one to you, the other to Severus.

“I suppose now is as good a time as any. Merry Christmas,” he told you both as he handed you your gifts. You smiled in return and reached into your own robes to hand Connor and Severus their gifts. Connor’s face lit up, happily opening the gift you gave him, Severus feeling much less elated than him. His lips stretched into a frown as envy took him over once more. He felt humiliated for being the only one without gifts to give at breakfast and enraged that you and Connor had thought of each other when shopping for Christmas this year. He watched the boy sitting on the other side of you tear apart the wrapping paper you’d so neatly folded over the present, holding out a Herbology starter pack that you’d taken the time to buy for him. He held his breath as Connor thanked you, watching you open his gift to reveal a broomstick polishing kit. He’d been so busy drowning in his own fury, he’d neglected to open his own present, your voice the only thing reminding him of the fact that you’d taken the time to buy and wrap his gift too.

“Sev, open it!” You pushed, unable to take the anticipation any longer. You’d put so much thought into his gift, looked everywhere for the perfect item to give him, you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he unwrapped it. Severus’ lips twitched into a smile, his shoulders dropping as he felt himself let go of the resentment he’d felt towards this holiday and very delicately began to reveal your gift to him. “Come on Sev, the new year will arrive before you finish unwrapping it!”

Severus scoffed at your comment, but didn’t let it affect his speed, wanting to cherish this moment as much as he could and salvage every piece of care you’d put into this gift. Finally he pulled back the wrapping and his eyes were met with the most beautiful dragon scale notebooks he’d ever seen, a quill set placed atop them. His nimble fingers hovered over the items feeling completely unworthy to touch them as you smiled with satisfaction. You were overjoyed at his reaction, knowing he would love the delicacy of the items, the rich cover of the two notebooks and the intricate metal casing holding the most stunning quill you’d ever seen.

“(Y/N), this is-” Severus was at a loss for words, wanting so badly to kiss you and spend the rest of the day simply staring at the quill and notebooks you’d bought for him. “They’re remarkable. Thank you.”

You took his hand, smiling in response as he grasped your hand and ran his thumb over your knuckles a moment before letting go. He picked up the quill set and opened it to reveal a beautiful flaming red phoenix feather quill, accompanied by four detachable tips and a self-filling inkwell. He grazed his fingers over the feather, deciding it was too perfect to ever be used. He wanted to keep this quill and the notebooks that came along with it forever, never to be tarnished, never to be ruined. The notebooks were made with the same high-quality craftsmanship as the quill, the spine carefully pressed, the covers beautifully made. They were absolutely perfect and he couldn’t have wished for a better gift.

“Well, now I’m not sure you should open my gift Severus. It’ll never compare to something like that,” Connor gestured to his gift, Severus almost forgetting he had one more present to unwrap.

“I’m sure whatever it is, Severus will appreciate it,” you lied to Connor, knowing full well it didn’t matter what either of you gave him. Severus would cherish any present from you over anything anyone else would give him. That of course didn’t stop your curiosity as you watched Severus tear open Connor’s gift to reveal a small set of potion ingredients.

“Thanks,” Severus mumbled to Connor with as much of a smile as he could muster. The ingredients Connor had given him weren’t cheap and he was thankful for them, but his thoughts still lingered on your gift. He couldn’t take it anymore. He’d entertained the idea of sharing Christmas morning with Connor long enough. He needed to spend the rest of the day with you alone, needing to show his appreciation and hope you’d like his gift half as much as he loved yours. “I think I’ll go drop these off at my dorm.”

Severus wasted no time gathering his belongings and jumping to his feet, his eyes briefly meeting yours as he walked out of the Great Hall. You could barely keep from reacting before you found yourself standing up as well, excusing yourself and thanking Connor one last time. You ran off before he could ask to meet in the evening and left the Great Hall after Severus. You caught up with him as he was making his way to the dungeons, seeing him stare down so intently at your gift in his hands.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad was it?” You chuckled, thinking back to his disappointment when you’d mentioned spending the morning with Connor. You were glad to see Severus making conversation during breakfast and knew your gift would help lift his mood. You could only look forward to whatever the rest of the day had in store for you, ready to properly celebrate Christmas with Severus.

“I suppose not.” Severus pushed his gifts to one hand and held yours with the other. He gave you a soft smile as you walked down the stairs to the dungeons feeling grateful to have you in his life. He couldn’t have been more thankful than he was in this moment, but his growing love for you kept him afraid. He worried over losing you, over ruining things to the point of no return or have someone else take you away from him. He worried over Connor’s intentions and couldn’t help but nitpick on every move he made towards you.

“You know, I think Connor fancies you,” he commented casually, feeling unsettled by his thoughts. He already knew you’d think it was ludicrous and your laugh confirmed just that, but jumping to the worst case scenario in his mind was something he couldn’t help but do. He knew you loved him, he knew what you shared was real, but that didn’t stop him from assuming the worst.

“Why because he’s nice to me?” Your laughter died down, but the absurdity of his comment kept your smile from fading. “Severus, just because a friend is kind to me, doesn’t mean they fancy me.”

He was being paranoid, and you weren’t surprised. Connor hadn’t done anything to warrant these accusations, but Severus didn’t have the best track record with the people he cared about, and you understood his hesitation to trust others. You didn’t expect him to trust Connor or to open up to him when it had taken years for you to reach that point in your relationship with him, but you hoped that he at the very least had faith in you and trusted you to do the right thing if what he claimed was true.

“Don’t be so sure. We started off as friends,” Severus agued, thinking back to how kind you’d been to him when you’d first met. He hadn’t done a thing to deserve your kindness, yet you’d blessed him with it and continued to do so until you became the one person in his life he couldn’t live without. He remembered you standing by his side when everyone else turned against him after the Whomping Willow incident, not even questioning why he was there or what happened. You’d just sat there with him, comforting him while the rest of the school put Potter up on a pedestal. He remembered every kind gesture you’d ever given him, the job he’d received over the summer, the happy memories he’d gotten to build at Cokeworth because of you. He could never repay the happiness you’d given him, and he worried that Connor was now giving you what he couldn’t; a show of appreciation.

“That’s different!” you protested, dismissing his worries, finding them completely ridiculous. “Besides, even if it were true, it wouldn’t matter. You’re the one I want to be with.”

You smiled as you stepped into the Slytherin common room, making your way to the boy’s dorm. Severus immediately walked over to his trunk to put away his gifts, taking special care of your notebooks and quill as you threw yourself on his bed.

“So, where’s my gift?” You leaned back on the bed and looked down at him, smiling in anticipation. You knew Severus would only want to give you your gift in private despite the fact you’d already given him his. Even if you’d told him ahead of time, you knew he wouldn’t want to buy Connor a gift, so you decided it was best to hand him his gift with Connor’s and ambush him for your gift later.

“Gift?” Severus questioned like he had no clue what you were talking about.

“My Christmas gift!” you leaned towards him at the edge of the bed, offended he would dare forget your gift after all the thought you put into his. Your eyes widened as you waited for him to apologize and give you your gift. You weren’t at all materialistic, nor did you care for expensive gifts, but the idea of someone shopping for you, of wrapping a gift with you in mind was something you’d always cherished. You wanted to feel loved and you wanted him to take advantage of one of the only excuses he had to show his love for you.

“I don’t recall agreeing to exchanging gifts this year.” Severus smirked as you pouted, half believing his lies, acting like a child who’d received a chunk of coal for Christmas. He chuckled and gave up his ruse, pulling out a neatly wrapped gift from his trunk. He closed his trunk and walked around the bed to sit beside you before handing you your gift, watching as you smiled. You placed the gift on your lap and took care when unwrapping the paper, just as he did with yours. Severus held onto every moment that passed, watching you intently as your eyes sparkled with wonder, your heart filled with love and your smile proudly displaying your glee for him.

Pulling back the wrapping paper, you revealed a large brown photo album with gold braces on each corner. In the centre was one word, letters partially faded, written in cursive gold lettering: Memories. Inside were three photographs, pinned to the first page. The first was a Muggle picture, a still image of you standing with Severus in the middle of the bookshop on your last day of work. Mr. Davis had insisted on taking the image, knowing you wouldn’t come back to work for him again, but you had no idea Severus had asked for a copy, never seeing him as the type to enjoy photographs. The second was a picture of you flying on your broom, waving as you went in and out of frame. It was your first game as Captain, you knew because of the nervous look on your face, the lack of confidence that you had now. The final image was a polaroid of Severus, one he’d taken himself. You smiled as the figure in the photo waved at you, his eyes filled with love.

“Oh Severus,” you whispered as your fingers traced the border of the last image. “It’s beautiful.”

Severus smiled, delighted with the warmth in your eyes as you stared at his gift. It really wasn’t much of a present, nowhere near as expensive as yours, but when he saw the album in the window of the antique shop he passed by on his way to work over the summer, his mind going back to it all day, he knew he had to buy it for you. He knew that you’d soon start your lives together and he wanted you to keep all your memories of the life you’d build together all in one place.

“Do you really like it?” he whispered back, a small bit of nervousness in his voice. Despite your words, he really wanted to be sure you liked his gift as much as he did yours. You tore your eyes from the album and took your hand in his, smiling from ear to ear.

“I love it,” you assured him, tucking his hair behind his ear with your free hand. You cupped his jaw and watched a look of content wash over his face, the joy of Christmas and the love shared in your gifts enveloping you as you leaned in. Severus returned your motions, pressing his hand against yours as he tilted his head and closed his eyes. Your lips brushed against one another, his soft touch sending sparks jolting through your veins as you kissed.

You set aside the album for now and leaned forward as Severus lay on the bed, accepting what you’d consider your second Christmas gift. He hummed in delight as he pressed you to him, wrapping his arms around you. He couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas and it seemed that all those years of wishing for a holiday where he wouldn’t have to spend it alone was all worth it in the end. He never would have pictured his wishes coming to life in such a simple way, but he was glad they had, and he was glad that they’d all been fulfilled by you.

Next Chapter

@dracos-mudblood @bush-viper-cutie @wanderingtrails @sleepysnapesnake @fluffymadamina

#Severus Snape #Severus x reader #Severus Snape x reader #Snape x reader #young Severus Snape #young Snape x reader #my fanfic #my writing #pro Snape #snapedom #female reader

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soldrawss · 4 years ago

Note

Ok, this morning I opened Tumblr, found your blog, started checking all your rottmnt tagged posts, found your big brother Mikey AU, CRIED FOR ALMOST AN HOUR as I red every post about it, drooled all over your gorgeous art, smiled like a crazy person reading all your Human AU posts, got up with the sun in my chest and more energy than I know what to do with and have been productive since then. I don’t know what to ask (or if you take asks) but I crave more infos about your big brother Mikey AU❤️

WOAH OK this was such an incredibly sweet ask and I’m SO HAPPY that my BBM au could bring you so much joy and ahhhh!!! Just thank you so much, this ask made my night <3 Here’s one of the many little stories I’ve written for the AU that I’ve sent to my friend @zacharandom (thanks for always reading my little emotional blurbs about these kiddos Zach~) Enjoy!

(I haven’t gotten into it yet (I will, it’s a separate ask I’m working on) But Leatherhead is a BIG part of the BBM au. Zach had asked if any of the kiddos had ever been to LH’s place, since LH always stays over at the Hamato’s, and I said yes, but only Donnie, and then this mini fic was born.) Donnie and Mikey get into a 'fight'. And I say 'fight' because Donnie doesn't really know what else to call it. Because he doesn't pick fights, not really, not with Mikey. He doesn't go looking for them with Mikey like he does with Leo. Leo, who can take the worst of Donnie’s shitty teenage attitude and come out of it alright, wearing the worst of Donnie’s temper and anger like a bulletproof vest. Donnie can afford to hurt Leo cause Leo won't break because of it. He's safe to hurt. But it's different with Mikey. Mikey, who's so tired he can barely stand straight most days. Who has bags under his eyes like dark stickers, that not even doe-eyed and ever adoring Raph can peel away. And Donnie KNOWS better than to pick a fight with Mikey about it, it was mostly why he was trying to avoid the conversation altogether. Why he had hidden all the school letters and hacked into Mikey's phone to block all the emails and texts and phone calls from the school about it. He didn't expect Mikey to run into one of his teachers after work and basically blow everything Donnies worked so hard to avoid. He didn't want to skip a few grades. He didn't care what his teachers or his GPA said. He didn't CARE if they thought he was ‘wasting his potential’. He wasn't, and they had no right to complain about it to his big brother like they did. Donnie had TOLD Mikey that he didn't want to. Had gone all the extra lengths to take as many of the AP classes the adjacent high school offered, bargained and pleaded and BEGGED them. He’d do whatever it took, but he didn't want to move grades. He didn't want to quit the robotics club. He didn't want to go to school with a bunch of kids older than him and be the butt end of every baby freshmen joke in the book. He didn't want to be separated from Leo. He really, really, really didn't. And he had explained this all to Mikey. And he knew that Mikey KNEW this. But the teachers wouldn't stop hounding him, and Mikey was already so tired anyway, the weight of the world always seemed to be a weighted pressure on his shoulders that looked physical, with the way Mikey’s whole body sagged. Like every move he made was a conscious effort and pain. Donnie knew this, and he still yelled at Mikey about it anyway. And Mikey didn't yell back, cause Mikey never yelled back at them, but his voice was stern and tired and it just begged Donnie to at least consider talking about it. But Donnie’s 13, and the biggest jerk in the world because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. And Mikey didn't deserve the one sided shouting match that was all Donnie, he didn't deserve the pointed "I can't believe you would take THEIR side, you NEVER listen to me!" And Mikey DEFINITELY didn't deserve the front door slamming in his face, the last words Donnie said hanging in the air behind him. "I HATE IT HERE!" It wasn't raining, but there was a misty cold hanging in the November air as Donnie sat at an empty park bench, somewhere in Flushing, feeling like the biggest loser in the world the second he ran away and oh,,, oh God. He ran AWAY. How could he run away? He didn't want to run away! He didn't want to run away from anything, especially if it was away from Mikey. Mikey, who deserved more than Donnie’s cold shoulder and heated words, but took it anyway, and he didn't even flinch as Donnie practically screamed at him. He just looked tired. More tired than ever. And accepted Donnie’s temper tantrum like he accepted every other bad thing that has ever happened to him. Like he thought he deserved it. And he was sad. Sad in a way that made Donnie want to throw up. Because he was one of the people who were NEVER supposed to hurt Mikey like that. But he did. He did and he ran away like a little kid and he felt so STUPID about it, jumping on the first bus he could and taking it to God knows what neighborhood and now he was sitting alone on some random park bench, the November cold sinking into his skin and thin shirt cause he didn't have the mind to grab a jacket on his way out and GOD what was he doing? He was cold and alone and probably lost and Mikey probably hated him and now- "Donatello?" Came a voice from behind Donnie, and Donnie whirled around on the park bench because he'd recognize that low and gentle voice anywhere and... Yup. There he was. Lieven Heather, or Leatherhead as Mikey always affectionately called him, standing tall and curious like. His long black hair pulled into a low bun, his green eyes leaf-like and bright, piercing through the dark park like fireflies, looking at Donnie like he was searching for an answer before he got the chance to ask the question and WOAH was Donnie not the emotional type, but he could have cried when he saw the familiar face.

Actually, he was already crying before, but crying because you’re happy to see someone and crying because you’re a jerk to your big brother are two completely different types of emotions, and Donnie tried to hide it either way by rubbing at his face with the back of his wrist. LH’s namesake leather jacket is HUGE on Donnie, but the 12 year old takes it without a fight because LH does NOT look like he's willing to negotiate, as he holds a bag of groceries in one hand and holds an umbrella over the both of them in the other, saying that his apartment is just a few blocks away, and it'd be best to get out of the cold. The tall man doesn't press Donnie for details, doesn't ask why his friend's kid brother is out at 8pm on a school night, all the way on the other side of the city, eyes red with something between tempered anger and grief and skin pale with November cold. Donnie is thankful for it. He doesn't feel like explaining himself quite yet. The second hand hurt from before is still raw in his chest, and even though he knows he's the one at fault, he can't really shake off the sinking black hole feeling in his chest. So the 10-minute walk is mostly silent. LH lives in a grey bricked building, on the third floor, and his apartment is exactly what Donnie would expect if he really thought hard about it. It was a simple studio, minimalist and uncluttered, but that seemed more because the place felt untouched rather than because LH was a particularly clean guy. All the electronics on in the kitchen where stainless steel and spotless, Donnie half suspected they were untouched because of the garbage can filled with dollar store Ramen noodle cups and forks in the sink. His grey walls were bare, and he didn't have a TV, but there was a large bookshelf that covered the expanse of one wall, filled to the brim with thick books that looked like they belonged in the reference section of a library. There was a little queen-sized bed shoved in the corner, neatly made, and looked rarely slept in. The only sign of life in the little apartment that felt much too small for the nearly 7-foot man was the little desk that sat beside the bed, which was covered in astrophysics textbooks, notebooks filled with scribbled notes and a few orange study note cards that had Donnie's older brother written (metaphorically) all over them. Lh motioned to the chair at the desk with a nodded, "you can sit there if you want. I'll make some Valerian tea." "Valerian tea?" "Helps with stress." "I'm not stressed." "Right, of course not. Still tastes good." And Donnie doesn't really like tea, he'd much prefer coffee, or one of the energy drinks Leo sneaks him during school lunches because Mikey doesn’t buy them, but he knows better than to ask for that. He knew about LH’s anxiety disorder and underlying PTSD, from a past that Donnie didn't know any details about except from snippets he'd overhear here and there from the hushed late-night conversations LH and Mikey would have when they thought that Leo and Donnie and Raph were asleep, and he knew that caffeine wasn't something LH indulged in often because of it. The tea tastes fine though. It's hot, and burns his throat a little, but Donnie doesn't care enough to wait for it to cool down to enjoy it. Because it hurts, and Donnie figures he kinda deserves the pain. It's after a few quiet minutes, Donnie sitting at LH’s desk while LH leans against his kitchen counter, that Donnie reaches for a courage he doesn't usually possess and tells LH everything.

About the extra AP classes, and the nosey teachers, and the way it feels a bit too suffocating trying to be everything everyone wants him to be.

And how it all feels too lonely. He barely remembers his mom. He’s starting to forget dad. Mikey works all the time and Raph goes to a completely different school. If he moves up a few grades, then he loses Leo too. And he just can’t deal with that. He can’t deal with everyone, some way or another, leaving him. And how in some, backward, twisted way, it sometimes feels like people are trying to get rid of him. And he just can’t take it anymore. Donnie likes LH. He's smart and collective and cool and he's super nice to Mikey and he’s pretty much everything that Donnie wants to be when he grows up. And he's friends with LH. LH gives him pointers on his science projects and he teaches Leo how to punch a bully like its nothing and he's patient and understanding and helpful with Raph's temper and he's a godsend of a friend the Hamato clan didn't know they could afford after April had came into their lives and Donnie LIKES Lh. But he didn't think they were good enough friends for Donnie to deserve THIS. LH listened to him patiently and quietly. Nodding at the appropriate moments in Donnie’s tearful and half-hysterical rambling about his school and his GPA and how he didn't mean to take it out on Mikey and he didn't mean to run away but GOD he was so sick of everyone looking down on him like a little kid and like HE didn't know what was best for him and didn't have a choice in deciding HIS future. And he expects LH to get mad at him too, cause he was Mikey’s friend first before Donnie’s, and Donnie YELLED at Mikey, and Donnie WASNT going to sob like a child about it, but his head lowers and there's a stupid stinging in his eyes and he sniffs once or twice anyway when he mutters "God, I'm so stupid. Mikey probably hates me right now and is so mad at me." And he can hear LH sigh, and put his own cup of tea down, before walking over to where Donnie sat and crouching before his chair. "That's funny you think that, because when I texted him earlier, he sounded nothing short of scared out of his mind and relieved." "You texted him???" "Well yeah, of course. He called me shortly after you ran out, singing the same tune you are about how you're so mad at him and he didn’t mean to fight with you and that you probably hate him. That’s probably the only reason I even saw you, I wouldn't have known to look out for you if he hadn't told me to keep a lookout for you." And that, woah, Donnie felt a million times worse now because of COURSE, he didn't hate Mikey! Donnie wasn't even MAD at him. He was just being a stupid stubborn teen who took out all his frustrations and insecurities on the last person in the world who deserved it and boy oh boy, this whole thing was so stupid anyway.

“How about he finish our tea, wait for you to get a little bit warmed up first, and then get you back home so that you can tell everything you just told me to your brother. Because I think we both know how much he’d want to hear how you truly felt about this situation.”

And that... that sounded good. Because after his entire mini-rant, it felt like a shadow had been cleared from over Donnie’s heart, and now he wanted nothing more than to go home and hug his big brother for all his worth and apologize about a million and half times. Maybe more. Donnie hadn’t decided yet.

After they had finished their cup of tea, and LH had given Donnie one of his warmer college sweaters to wear before they took the subway back to the Hamato residence, where Mikey stood in front of the building, red-cheeked and shivering from the cold in a giant puff jacket and pajama bottoms, waiting for them.

Donnie didn't even wait, he ran the second he saw the familiar orange jacket that belonged to one of his favorite people on the planet and broke into a breakneck sprint, colliding into his older brother’s chest and waiting arms, and breaking into a choked cough when Mikey’s arms instantly wrapped around him like he always belonged there.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to run away!" Donnie rushed to say because he didn't want a second to go by without Mikey knowing that, but Mikey was already running a gentle hand through his hair and hushing into the crown of his head.

"Shhhh, shhhh it's ok, buddy. I know. I'm just glad you're home." And Mikey still had bags like bruises under his eyes, and looked on the point of breaking if Donnie hugged him too tightly, but he still smiled at Donnie with all the affection and warmth of the world when they pulled away, and Donnie couldn't fight the urge to spit out, "I don't hate it here! And I don't hate you. Ever! I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry Mikey." And Mikey replied with a soft smile and an "I know, kiddo. It’s ok." But there was relief like a balloon losing helium in his eyes and shoulders, like he would have believed differently if Donnie hadn't said anything, and Donnie made the promise there and then that he’d do everything in his power to make sure Mikey never thought that way, even for a second, again. LH hadn't stayed over for the pizza movie night that Mikey offered as a silent ‘thanks for bringing my kid home’, so Mikey and Donnie saw him off at the subway station, and made the few blocks back to their waiting apartment and waiting little brothers with their arms around each other in a side hug. Neither one of them wanting to let each other out of their grasps. And there had been a promise to talk about it later, because Donnie was feeling a little more up for negotiation even though Mikey swore up and down that he’d back whatever Donnie decided to do 110%, but it could wait till another day, when both of their nerves and hearts weren't so tender and raw with emotion. Tonight, they would just sink into the weathered old couch that was softened by a million quilts, and out on a Mothra vs Godzilla movie, and squeeze themselves between an over-excited Raph, who couldn't stay still and just HAD to act out all the Godzilla fight scenes, and a relaxed Leo, who sprawled his legs over Donnie's lap despite Donnie complaining about it, but Donnie didn't make any effort to push him away because Leo kept keeping a wary and watchful eye on his two older brothers, probably knowing more about both sides than either one of them, and keeping his legs over Donnie was half for familiarity and half to keep him from jumping up and running out again and huh, maybe he wasn’t so relaxed after all. Guess Donnie had more than a million and a half apologies to make. Better round it off to a good 2 million, just to be safe. Because Donnie couldn't rightly blame him for keeping a careful eye out, but Donnie had learned his lesson. He wasn't running away again. He wasn't running anywhere if it was away from his brothers. Away from the only family he’s ever had. Because donnie was stubborn and stuck in his ways. And he wasn't going to quit the robotics club, and he wasn't going to skip grades and he wasn't going to leave Leo behind and he wasn't going to be left behind. Donnie wasn’t going to run away. Because Donnie wasnt going anywhere.

(one of the doodles I did for this particular story)

#my fic #big brother mikey au #bbm au #rottmnt human #rottmnt human au #rottmnt #tmnt #tmnt human #i have like 10 stories already written that i've shown zach about this au #and i'm just waiting for the excuse to post them because I don't want to spam you all #unless asked to #but anyway yeah #donnie's the one one who's ever ran away or has seen lh's place #and it's a tiiiiime

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depressedhatakekakashi · 4 years ago

Note

The u know whos have been harassing me all day can i please request some more HC for both your knight and skill reversal AUs regarding how kakagai reationship grows to forget about them? Thank you mun 🤍

Why are they harrassing you? Who do I have to fight? i will fight them all omg. LEAVE THIS POOR PERSON ALONE YOU JERKS.

Royalty Au

Kakashi and Gai have known each other since childhood. It’s an outcome of Kakashi’s father, Sakumo, being the royal guard to King Dai. That plus Sakumo being an only father since his wife's death, and he finds himself having to have Kakashi by his side a lot growing up. He could get someone to take care of his son, but Kakashi keeps running them into the ground and scaring them off.

Thankfully, the king is very understanding and loves that his son has someone else to play with. Most people who interact with Gai treat him like a porceline. Like they have to be super careful around him or he might shatter. Kakashi doesn’t do that. He respects Gai of course. Calls him ‘your highness’ and always bows when they greet each other or say goodbye, but otherwise, he considers Gai his friend. They run around the garden together, learn together, play together. Everything that Gai does, Kakashi does with him. Sometimes Kakashi will even be able to help Gai with his learning, being a quick learner himself who can explain things better for Gai than his tutor.

As they grow up, they continue to hang out. Even when Kakashi starts to train under Lady Kushina as a page at the age of 7, Kakashi will often use his time off from training to spend with Gai.

Gai is the first person Kakashi ever tells of his dream to become a great knight. Not just like his father, but even better. He wants to prove that he’s talented and smart and that he can protect the Kingdom and the Prince from anything and anyone. Gai feels a little sad that day, even though he loves the excitement in Kakashi’s voice when he hears about his dream. But knowing that Kakashi is going to put himself into a job that could get him killed young, all to try to prove himself. that hurts Gai’s heart.

When Kakashi is promoted to Squire at the age of 11, it’s a huge celebration. People are amazed by this kid's progress. the standard age for becoming a squire is 15, and Kakashi’s already well on his way to becoming the youngest knight in history. Even with his extra duties though, he makes sure to always visit Gai in the garden at least twice a week. They still have race’s around the place, and sometimes Kakashi will show Gai how to sword fight. Gai does get lessons from a tutor of course, but he finds that he learns easier from Kakashi. Kakashi just has a way of talking to him that helps him understand quicker. Plus Kakashi always lets him make things into a competition, which helps a lot with getting him pumped and ready to learn.

When Kakashi is knighted at the age of 16, Gai’s not sure how to feel. He’s excited for his old friend of course. This was part of Kakashi’s dream. He’s already making a name for himself separate from his father. But at the same time, Gai’s terrified that this means he won’t have any time with Kakashi anymore. Kakashi will be too busy to visit him, and he’ll be alone with no one to hang out with but the people who treat him like porcelain.

Of course, Dai won’t have that. Kakashi is immediately made Gai’s royal guard. Partially to keep him out of the field where he might find nothing but a young death, and partially to keep Kakashi and Gai close. He knows how important the two are to each other already, and he refuses to be the one to tear them away from each other.

When it comes to marriage at the age of 20, Gai is not excited. He can’t think of anyone he wants to marry, and he always finds problems with the people that he is presented with. Genma is too pessemistic, Obito is too... well, Obito. Him and Kisame just want to rip each others throats out most of the time, and while he gets along fine with Rin the two of them both agree they’d prefer to be friends.

It’s not until someone mentions to Kakashi that he should also be looking to settle down that Gai realizes why he can’t choose a marriage partner.

He doesn’t want anyone else. He wants to be with Kakashi. To have Kakashi by his side, not just as his knight, but as his partner.

He knows it’s not conventional. Most people marry royalty from other lands to strengthen treaties or secure partnerships. But his father never married. He found other ways to do those things, so surely Gai can too. Right?

He’s afraid to bring it up to his father. Terrified that he’ll be rejected. But when he finally does, Dai just laughs and tells his son that it’s about time. That he just needed to tell him what it was he wanted, and he would make it happen for him.

Gai and Kakashi don’t get married right away. Neither of them is in a rush.

But when they do it’s a big event, and Kakashi is not pleased about this fact.

Both of their fathers are standing by their side, proud that their sons have found each other and can be together. That they know who’s side they belong at. Kakashi can’t imagine Anyone else protecting Gai, and Gai wouldn’t have anyone else standing beside him as his husband or as his royal guard.

Kakashi’s position does not change at all. There are people of course who are adamant that the King's husband cannot be his royal guard. that the position is too dangerous.

But Dai knows that neither of the boys are going to let anyone else take Kakashi’s position, and he’s alright with that. Kakashi has always been the one to protect Gai, and he always will be.

Skill Swap Au

Kakashi and Gai still meet outside of the academy, but it’s Kakashi who has been turned away. Denied entry because of his lack of skill in Ninjitsu or Genjutsu. Gai feels bad for the other boy. He looks so sad standing there by his father's side, the White fangs side, knowing that he can’t get into the academy because he has been deemed ‘not good enough

Seeing something in Kakashi that no one else did, Gai decides to challenge him to a spar. It takes a few attempts, and Kakashi gets annoyed really easily at his challenges and tries to remind him that he’s just going to lose to ‘the genius’, but finally Kakashi caves.

And Kakashi loses, badly. But when he crawls to his feet and stuffs his hands into his pockets determined to leave, Gai stops him and tells him that they should spare again.

And he doesn’t stop challenging Kakashi. No matter how many times Kakashi wants to give up. No matter how often the two of them hear that Gai’s ‘wasting his time with a failure’. Gai never gives up on Kakashi.

He knows what Kakashi could be capable of. He has seen his own father train her to be strong, and he has seen Kakashi training on his own. Kakashi is not a quitter. He works his butt off and always comes home bruised and tired from his efforts. Gai knows if they just keep at it, that Kakashi can become strong.

Ultimately, with Gai’s help and a lot of perseverance, Kakashi finally makes it into the academy. It’s a moment of celebration for them both and Gai can’t stop congratulating Kakashi.

Halfway through the year, Sakumo’s mission goes terribly wrong, and suddenly ‘the white fang’ is a name no longer spoken with pride. It’s a name that people spit venom at. And that loss in pride hits Kakashi hard. After Sakumo’s death, Kakashi disappears from the academy.

Gai’s terrified that Kakashi has given up. That he’s just going to let those hateful people’s words win and stop trying to become a great shinobi.

He’s wrong. Oh so wrong. Kakashi’s more determined than ever to prove himself. to show the village that he can be a great Ninja no matter what they say. Every day from dawn to dusk Kakashi trains endlessly. Pushing himself to near collapse just to get stronger.

It’s at this point, after finding Kakashi unconscious in a field after a long day of training, that Dai decides to show him the eight gates.

Having Kakashi around the house a lot more is pretty weird, but Gai also really enjoys it. Kakashi’s not always the friendliest person, but he’s always helping out around the house with chores.

Gai graduated from the academy at the age of five, setting the record for the youngest shinobi to become a genin ever. Choza Sensei decides when he’s six to have him compete in the chunin exams, and he is promoted before any of his classmates even make genin.

Kakashi graduated at the age of seven, which is still really impressive given the fact that people have always said he would never amount to anything.

Gai gets placed on team choza with Ebisu and Genma, while Kakashi gets placed on Team Minato with Obito and Rin. Kakashi’s still very ‘by the rules’ because of his father, but rather than fighting with Obito over who’s stronger, Kakashi and Obito get along a bit better.

By the time they’re 11, Kakashi has actually managed to beat Gai in a fight. It’s no surprise to Gai when he becomes a chunin along with the others, even as Gai is promoted to Jonin ahead of them.

Team Minato still gets the Kannabi bridge mission, but they’re given another Jonin to lead the mission while Minato takes care of his part of it. When Rin is kidnapped, Obito convinces Kakashi to go with him to get her even though they’re going directly against Jonin’s orders.

Kakashi still loses his eye protecting Obito, Obito still awakens his sharing, and then Obito ‘dies’ saving Kakashi from being crushed by a bolder.

Kakashi is blamed for the mission going wrong when they get back to Konoha, but instead of allowing it to eat at him, he decides to keep training. To become stronger and show the village that he’s not the failure they think he is.

Gai is determined to help him in this mission and starts making their competitions into training sessions together.

Whenever someone gets rude with Kakashi or blames him for Obito’s death, they usually find themselves meeting the end of Gai’s foot. Kakashi may not be willing to stand up to them, but Gai is more than happy to do it for them.

Rin doesn’t die in this au because of Kakashi. Instead, recognizing that she has no other way out, she uses Kakashi’s distraction while fighting the enemy shinobi to take her own life.

Obito’s still mad at Kakashi for not being able to save her, and Kakashi still see’s her blood on his hands in his nightmares. But that’s because he actually held her body while she bled out.

Recognizing his student’s strength and hurt, Minato decides to shove Kakashi into Anbu. Something that’s frowned upon by many until Kakashi starts going out onto missions. They’re surprised by his sheer strength and ability in the field.

When Minato dies against the Kyuubi, Kakashi sinks deeper into depression and tries to push everyone away, including Gai.

Of course, Gai doesn’t allow this. He refuses to let Kakashi suffer alone and always tries to keep up with their competition and spars.

When he realizes just how bad Anbu is affecting Kakashi’s mental health, Gai decides to try and join so that he can be with him. But he’s turned away because of his personality (just like in Canon)

So instead, he decides to get Kakashi out.

Kakashi’s not too happy to be made a join sensei after being shoved out of Anbu, but he takes it as punishment for not being able to help Itachi avoid the massacre route that he chose to take (in Kakashi’s eye since he doesn’t know the truth at this point)

Over the years, Kakashi has grown a lot as a shinobi. Even Itachi was surprised to see just how strong Kakashi was with just Taijutsu and did a lot of training with him to improve his own Taijutsu.

Come the Chunin exams with Team seven and Team Gai, Neji, Lee, and Tenten are unsurprised to find that Team Seven is extremely skilled in Taijutsu. Kakashi has taught them well, and these three are ready to take names and kick butt.

Sasuke still loses in his fight against Lee, but Lee’s proud to say that he was taught Taijutsu from their sensei (taught first by Gai, and then improved upon by Kakashi) and that they’re surely going to get stronger with more time under him.

The month that Kakashi spends training up Sasuke’s taijutsu is possibly the worst month of Sasuke’s life. He’s introduced to Kakashi’s personal training methods and it is not fun. Not one bit.

And after the chunin exams, while the village is trying to repair itself from the Konoha crush and settle into some sense of nromality, Itachi and Kisame show up. This time, it’s Gai who faces down Itachi and ends up in a 72 hour genjutsu. Itachi knows better than to allow the genius time to come up with a plan. But then just as Kisame is about to swoop in and finish Gai, Kakashi shows up and kicks him away. A genius and the best taijutsu master of Konoha? Itachi is out. This is not worth the hassle.

Sasuke finds out about Itachi's appearance in the village while Kakashi, Kurenai and Asuma are watching over Gai while he's resting from Itachi's attack. Kakashi of course goes after his student

Kakashi also gets to the the 'dynamic entry' against Jiraiya, kicking him in the face and away from his students. He recognizes Jiraiya of course, but damn he'd be lying if he said that didn't feel good.

#Royalty au #Skill Swap Au #Kakagai #Anonymous #Long POst #Omg this got so long i'm sorry XD

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