youdontknowwheretogofromhere - Tumblr blog

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Wednesday, September 25, 2024 9:24 pm

so I’m actually in a pretty good mood today. i miss my boyfriend and my sister and i miss talking to people on the phone

i miss people being nice to me for no other reason they because they want to

I’m about to eat some chilli but there are people(my nephew) in the kitchen. i am a stupid ugly fat piece of shit so i hate eating while someone else is there. it doesn’t help with all that big back bullshit jokes they have been getting popular. like yes man, I’m fucking insecure. everyone is. don’t be a dick. and like i try to ignore it but it still gets to me sometimes..

whatever though. the chili is sweet so I’m gonna add some salt and cheese and eat it with a corn dog or something

genuinely forgot i was writing this it’s 10:01 pm

my fault. i don’t have anything else to say anyways

bye i love you. love you so so much

10:03 pm

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Tuesday, September 14, 2024 9:58

so, hi guys

i wasn’t gonna write anything today but i started thinking about my bf and got pissed off

on the toilet rn

so, I’m sorry i guess, i misremembered the conversation that upset me. but it pissed me off just thinking about it so i looked up the actual convo and this is what was said verbatim

(context: he told me he liked to romantically while we were flirting or something)

him: nooo i literally have romantic feelings for you so much

me: yesss i super super like you romantically

him: but like i really do, i wanna be with you

me: i thought we were already together (◎_◎;)

him: well not officially are we? i feel like if we were official we'd text more

you know now that i read this i feel a little dumb. I’m still mad tho cuz then when does it become official???? idk this is my first relationship and i thought “taking it slow” was code for a casual relationship but maybe I’m just a fucking idiot

anyways I’m. not mad at him cuz he just sent me a really sweet message today so :)))))

also i had to go to school today and almost passed out in first period. i had the worst fucking nosebleed of my life when my mom drove me to school it was awful. i had the pull out this blood clot that was like as long as my finger out of my nose and it kept breaking so i couldn’t breath. then my nose stopped bleeding but because I’m sick, i still had to blow my nose and when i did a giant thumb-sized clot landed on my grey shirt and it left a stain all day

it sucked. anyways, i’ve been sad the last couple of days because no one is picking up my calls

i only call 4 people, my mom, my sister, my brother, and my boyfriend. my brother never picks up anyway so idc about that. but i call my sister all the time and i feel like she only ever talks to me to complain about her problems but never listens when i talk and it makes me sad sometimes. and i told her about it and she was like “oh, okay.” then like stopped responding when i was talking and it felt like she was mad and we haven’t spoken since even though i text her every day. and my bf skipped our weekly call( its weekly cuz im tired after school so we call on the weekend) I’m not mad at though cuz he just told me he has some things going on in his life(didn’t specify) and he was like “ we’ll definitely call this week or next week, i’ll never forget you, i promise. “ and my heart was so warm. idk but it was very romantic to me

okay i have nothing else to complain about

maybe i’ll talk about good things. maybe if i feel happier. i’ve kind of been in a kind of miserable rut but like i don’t really give a shit. like I’m sad but it’s all in the background so i can laugh all the time and shit but be really

omg i got out of the bathroom and forgot i was writing this for like 20 minutes. i started eating a cooking. it’s now that good cuz it’s like bittersweet chocolate instead of just milk but

anyways, i love you. i will always love you. i hope you love me too

(ive played the game like 8 times and have never been to boom town lol”

10:35 pm

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Sunday, September 22, 2024 4:43 pm

I dont really understand formatting and stuff like that but i decided i wanted to do this about 20 minutes ago so I’m doing it.

I want my blog to look really pretty but i don’t understand tumblr so that’s something

i really like talking and complaining and halfway through typing that sentence i realized i never like introduced myself

i want to go by w because it’s a really long letter to say. i meant to type inconvient but i also just decided i won’t delete or rewrite anything so you really get to experience my thoughts as i have them

so w because it’s concise and simple but stupid to say out loud. i don’t really want to use anything related to myself because it’s not like anyone in my irl uses tumblr but i just don’t want to be found and whatever

idk if i’ll do multiple a day but maybe

or i’ll forget about this for months idk

i’ve gotten really into making video diaries so

idk

i’m super sick and i have school to

my mom called me as i was typing that

I’m super sick and i have school tomorrow but ii have to go anyway even though i sound terrible and I’m dying because my school does this stupid thing where if you miss a day you have to come in the next day and stay after school to make up for it

I’m gonna complain more tomorrow but i don’t feel like typing anymore

bye

4:59 pm