#just bad timing innit!
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ok moment over its all good
oh who am I fucking kidding. I'm not gonna go am I.
#probably for the best. at least I've realised I can't do it now rather than once I got there bc that'd be a lot more stressful#I can get the rest of my chores done today and then find smth fun to do at home instead that won't be as overwhelming#I havent actually played any videogames for 3 weeks now bc I've been finding even doing little things to relax so difficult#so maybe that should be my plan instead :-) get my ass back on elden ring!!#and its okay ive seen the band before anyway and maybe theyll come back another year!!#and if not well at least i got to see them last time it was one of my fave gigs ive ever been to.. glad i have the memory of it#like its a shame but not the end of the world. maybe next time theyll play local so its not so much hassle for me to get to!#plus im seeing another fave band in a few weeks anyway and that one IS local and i roped a few friends in >:)#so will 1000000% be going to that.. always something else to look forward to#but yea its cool. i can refund my train tickets. not much sunk cost anyway cuz the gig tix were cheap in the first place#i was just rly angry at myself for a moment abt it but well. its been a difficult time lately and im still recovering so i need to be more#patient with myself. these things happen.. i dont have anything to prove by forcing myself#ive done similar solo trips in the past and i will be able to do them again eventually when my feet are more solid on the ground#and im still in the middle of titrating medication which has been a rocky thing like once i get that sorted itll be so much easier#just bad timing innit!#sad to be missing out on things with friends this weekend too but its ok. i hope there'll be other times in the future#where i dont have conflicting plans n I do actually get invited. I was worried abt tripping my rsd over it but I think I'm safe from that#might have a moment or two where it twinges but nothing significant#again its prolly for the best. if I had gone or been planning on going I think that actually wouldve set it off quite badly#bc i still havent fully regained confidence/trust in those specific friends yet and idk exactly how long itll be until I do#and I'm not in the right state to go out to big group events either but thats cool I have 2 irl socials planned next week already#and we'll probs do a movie night and I'll call one of my other friends another night. so plenty of other nice things planned :-)#man ive given myself a hell of a headache im gonna take some paracetamol and make lunch#and then ill write a list of chores for this afternoon. surprised at how quickly I calmed down n thought things thru actually#maybe meds are actually helping.. hmm. anyway sorry for losing my shit I experience mild stress and start acting like a prey animal#.diaries
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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on medical leave so no one can stop me from being annoying about women
#the last two are just disjointed parts of a marcy betty confrontation i was thinkin up#betty grof#marceline#adventure time#fionna and cake#my art#magic betty#marceline the vampire queen#also im so bad at writing ic dialouge i was just havin fun innit
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Just saw someone refer to the veilguard endings as Kind/Unkind endings instead of Good/Bad endings. And idk it makes me laugh a little. Not that they're wrong for doing so but it creates a very funny image in my head.
#datv#dragon age#datv spoilers#(for my tags)#i don't exactly agree with Good vs Bad endings anyway#especially not in veilguard#you could argue all of them are 'bad' endings in some sense just as you can argue them all to be 'good'#ebery ending could be good because the veil is still up and the evanuris and solas are gone in some way#sure rook and co might not make it out so well or solas might have a bad fucking time but the ultimate result is positive innit?#just like every ending could be considered bad for some of the characters depending on which one it is#kind vs unkind is still subjective to me. unkind to whom? solas?
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Very normal person.
#yeah very normal that when someone gently points out that you're just. straight up homophobic#whatever#discourse#inniters you know?#its whatever you just gotta remember they're not safe people to be around and move on#does it drive me insane? absolutely.#but like. ughhhhhh#its the same issue hc fans have but like a thousand times worse#hey did you know that calling people slurs is actually a bad thing?
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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Rule: Share seven lines of a WIP and tag seven people (tagged by @explosionshark thank you xoxo)
it's NINE. i tried SO hard. (<- not a lie)
“In many ways, I’m glad not to be a product of your age,” Helena said quietly. “The horizon of my aspirations— it would have been quite close, and well-defined. I might have busied myself building larger and larger spinning contraptions, obsessing over wormholes… but instead I thought, if time were at all manipulable, then it would be totally manipulable. Either it would be traversable in the same way as space, as the two would be cognate laws, or it would be traversed as a matter of substitution between those parts of uniform space and attendant time which were, theoretically, precisely the same.” She pursed her lips, somewhere between pouting and musing. “It could have been quite good for simple travel, too, if one had a fondness for whistle-stop tours.”
Until then, Myka had nursed the uncharitable notion that the reason Helena’s time machine didn’t work like H.G. Wells’ was that Charles didn’t have the first clue what his sister was working on, and had made some shit up instead. But no— it had been the first attempt. It was easy to see, in that light, how the Time Traveler was Helena all along: a daring cosmopolite of space-time, a relic of an optimistic youth.
no pressure tags-- i know you write stuff and i'd love to see it: @cargopantsprentiss @userstarling @strangesmallbard @purlturtle @anandabrat
#fic#actually none of what i'm working on is like neatly excerptible which is probably a bad sign lol. oh well#philosophy of time travel innit (not this actually. this is just appended 2 it)
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but this is why i think ash should like . avoid twitter discourse because this is Not the first time that he's said/done something that elicited some form of backlash or disappointment from fans, which is normal and happens to everyone, but instead of handling that criticism maturely he takes it as a personal attack. like i understand it must be overwhelming to have thousands of people upset with you but you can communicate that without immediately going on the defensive and refusing to apologise yknow?
#also that thing he said last time about how he was 'disappointed' we'd assume bad things about him (paraphrasing)#erm We Don't Know You......#we dont know Any cc personally but we know you Even Less bc ur not a streamer who's had a very close relationship w fans for years yk?#so its not assuming its just. based on what comments and tweets you put out in the world . innit#alex.rambles.txt#ash kabosu#lovejoy#critical
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The fact that so many people are less willing to believe spiderverse gwen stacy is trans and more willing to believe that her peter, who got so bullied it ended up killing him, was is. Like it's not bad i guess but it's. It's something alright
#i am a long time trans peter truther so i HATE the fact that lately hearing the words 'what if peter was trans' is often a sign i'm going-#to witness a Terrible terrible take but it is what it is#we have a whole ass transfem co protagonist. who is SUCH a cool and interesting character. who gets to be herself without having her story-#be tied to trasphobia while also having a storyline that works as a well written allegory for the struggles that come with being-#trans. who is so obviously Adored by the protagonist. and you would rather say all her trans coding is actually there to pay respect to-#her dead best friend?#like that just feels offensive to a certain degree honestly. imagine the writers being like Okay trans people love peter don't they. what-#if we made the One (1) version out of DOZENS that appear in the movie who dies die because the harrassment he got as a trans person-#was That bad. that's a cool idea innit
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NOOOO RIGHT 'CAUSE LIKE... the way the Arakawa Family specialize in faking deaths already, I'm sure Jo was so on top of everything. And who better to walk Masato through it right... flight's the perfect time to get started if it's gonna take like fourteen hours...
BUT YES. YEAH. Like The Day Of he's just paralyzed with worry and caught between wanting to do something and not wanting to go against Aoki... maybe at most he chances calling Arakawa telling him to be careful, because that's not too conspicuous given his role in the dissolution, but Arakawa just gives him the old I'll Be Fine Worry About Yourself... and, you know, why shouldn't he; they've always had their enemies and he's Arakawa the Assassin, he can handle himself... he can let himself have that fleeting hope, but deep down... and THEN he finds out and has to act like he didn't mean anything to him and has to go back to his duties like nothing happened... OUGH
Can I just say. Literally such an insane fucking series of scenes in Coin Locker Baby. Because you get Jo's despondence when he's saying he might have killed Arakawa--he's being a bitch to provoke Ichiban into a fight, but it's also an admission his inaction played a part, isn't it... and then you get him expressing that he's familiar with Ichiban's need to protect Arakawa... and then you get the sheer desperation and insistence in his voice when he says he could never kill him... and then you get--I'm not totally sure how clear it is in English--but you get him actively saying his feelings go deeper than Ichiban's without really explaining how... and then you get the tinge of fondness when he's thinking back on the old days when Arakawa lived up to his name... Like. Why Did They Do That. Any Of That.
ALSO. GOD. I've gotten so much shit the past couple days because I said I want to lock Jo, Kume, and Tendo in a room for five minutes For My Entertainment. Reading those tags felt like coming home honestly 😭 Like, even Ichi was ready to kill someone over Arakawa, and Jo was out here threatening to disembowel people [in the dub]. And I Think They Should Be Allowed To. As A Treat. So FOR REAL the biggest "I'm so glad we get to talk" 😭😭😭
On that note genuinely so funny that I took an extra ten minutes re-rendering the video because I forgot to put the "flashback" part in Arakawa's subtitles at first but then nobody read it 😭
But it's also something I've been mulling over because I'm delusional. Getting actors as high-profile as Nakai and Takei back for just A Flashback is kinda crazy to me because Arakawa and Jo's screen-time took up a full four percent of the entire game [over ten percent of the cutscenes] originally. But then if it's multiple flashbacks equivalent to that... what exactly is going on here that the past is so intertwined...
And Because My Brain Is Evil there is the fact that technically speaking, Yokoyama only said that line was from a flashback, and specified Arakawa wouldn't be appearing in the main story. Now of course a normal person would interpret that as him reassuring the audience he won't appear in any present-day scenes, but part of me was like. Oh So A Side Story Is On The Table [<- it's not it's fucking not it will not be in a million years]
JUST. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS COOKING WHY IS THE KITCHEN DOOR CLOSED WHY ARE THE WINDOWS BLACKED OUT
ANYWAYS that's enough from me for today I am [as always] glad you enjoyed One Missed Call and Kyouen, ABSOLUTE bangers
YAYA THATS WHAT IM SAYIN YOU GET IT. UNSURPRISINGLY BUT YOU GET IT ಥ▽ಥ
no but thats what i MEAN like i already was jokin with myself like 'jo and arakawa probably had A Thing right lmao' BUT THEN THE WAY JO TALKED BOUT ARAKAWA AND OBVI THE GENERAL FACT HE COULDNT KILL HIM REALLY JUST MADE ME (。・∀・??) AND REAALLLY LOOK AT EM CLOSER THE SECOND TIME AROUND like genuinely for what. it will fuck me up until i'm dead and gone SOOO unnecessary and yet they did it..
wack that people wouldnt want to see kume and tendo stuck in a room with jo like. from what i know everyone is a part of the We Hate Kume gang so. cmon. kume will be shredded into candy floss within five minutes. it'll be fun (๑❛ᴗ❛๑)
OK BUT NAKAI AND TSUTSUMI'S STATUS WAS A BIG REASON WHY I DIDNT THINK ARAKAWA NOR JO WOULD BE BACK FOR LAD8 THAT'S SO VALID TO CONSIDER THAT its that idea that just has me especially wondering what the plan is. im not expecting them to have MAJOR parts (or in arakawa's case too many flashback segments) but they MUST have a SUBSTANTIAL amount to warrant bringing them back right..
#long post#snap chats#when it comes to Famous Persons Coming Back i was also just like 'theres no way they could get george takei back right'#LISTEN i know the eng dub is not to be spoken of but it exists and it cant be denied takei's REALLY prolific in the states yeah#so i HAD to ask it was WORTH asking myself. unless they decide to swap arakawa's eng VA but w/e its not overly important#moving on. its ok most people dont read anyway no worries about missing a subtitle </3 a painful reality but. we take W's where we can.#OH BUT TO END /MY/ NIGHT THO i LOVED One Missed Call UGH such a good horror movie#i wanna watch it with my dad so bad he loves horror/suspenseful movies and we used to watch em whenever id visit him#KYOUEN'S A DARLING OF A SHOW SO FAR I THINK IVE SAID THAT ENOUGH but yeah......... BIG love........#i'm almost done with it. if i said i finished it earlier i think i lied i cant remember POINT IS I JUST HAVE THREE EPS#i plan on watching them before stream time tomorrow so that'll be cute :]#buuuut speaking of finishing watching things i Just finished watching the first We Make Antiques movie and UGH#love. love love love it was so silly but also really fascinating to watch... team of forgers thats WILD and i loved it..#i wish i had access to the sequels tho like PLEAASE i wanna watch these two be losers more....#they became domestic with each other so quickly like goddamn.. money can do anything#it can make two dudes trying to con each other work together.. its beautiful.....#ok now thats all from ME for tonight. id talk more on the jo and aoki bits but theres a good chance ill do that during stream#or. ill draw it during stream. me drawing is the same as me talking now innit Let My Bullshit Speak For Me etc etc#ok thats all from me fr this time BYE
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Its PPRIDE and its the FIRST EVER ARO VISIBILITY DAY, allowing me to unlock my powers to fire godzilla beams from my mouth and evaporate anyone that implies Sonic wouldnt save or try to save Shadow if he wasnt gay for him
WOULD YOU RESERVE LIFE SAVING TO YOUR ROMANTIC PARTNERS ONLY, AND LEAVE "ONLY" A FRIEND TO FALL FROM SPACE? BECAUSE THEYRE "JUST" A FRIEND?
PATHETIC
WEAK
IF I WERE SONIC ID SIMPLY SAVE EVERYONE WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP ALONE--oh wait he already does that
😤
#Personal#Sorry but by your logic Sonic should leave Tails in danger all the time#After all hes 'Just' his best friend/lil bro#He should also not bother to save the world seeing as he isnt dating everyone in it or feeling romantic attraction towards them#This isnt just This fandom this annoys me in every fandom#When people point at a scene of a character saving anothers life or being worried when theyre in danger#And go 'SEE THEY MUST LOVE THEM ROMANTICALLY. ITS PROOF'#Would you not try and save your friends life? Arent you worried for them when things arent okay?#Is concern only reserved for them if you have a crush on them?#What a sad way to live#Sorry i saw someone praise fanart of Sonic saving Shadow at the end of SA2#And blatantly ignored the canon where Sonic DID try to save Shadow anyway#Just to say 'Sonic tried to save Shadow in this fanart because hes so gay for him' and I went feral#Youre free to your queer headcanons and praise of queer fan works but the moment you do it by throwing#Friendships under the bus i will GET you#I know amatonormativity has rotted all our brains#But im begging yall to think for a minute before you say things like this#I hc Sonic as acearo. Imagine what itd sound like if i said smth like 'well maybe if Sonic actually valued Shadow as a friend he wouldve tr#tried to save him. He didnt try to save him because he ONLY had a crush on him'#Sounds bad innit?#Anyway im done rambling. Happy aro visibility day remember romance and friendship are equal and one is not better than the other
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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need professors to stop modifying and giving weird due date permutations. my professor was like 'oh yeah i wont actual LOOK at your essays until 9 am tomorrow so if you dont turn it in at midnight exactly, it's fine, just turn it in by 9' which is a very nice gesture but Sir You Have Absolutely Fucked Me
#damien.txt#anyways it's like 2 am and i haven't written a damn word of this essay#bc my brain!!!! has just!!! given up on viewing due dates seriously at all!!!#i used to get MAJOR anxiety abt assignments the day they were due.#and now i literally like. have to fucking brute force myself. like the anxiety abt it has Stopped. it's just a numbness#and like. my ability to force myself is really bad!!!! i have actively failed classes at this point#bc i have been Unable To Force Myself To Do My Assignments#and just like. fuck.#what the fuck happened to the 'gifted kid' shit i used to have. 13 year old me would be looking at current me with horror#frankly freshman year of college me would be looking at me now with horror#it's the untreated mental illness innit!!!#speaking of. i literally started getting tested at like the beginning of september. and i was supposed to get my diagnosis two weeks ago#but it's gotten pushed back twice!!!!!!!! and i am!!! suffering!!!!#i need intervention like honestly Immediately but i guess not for another week! and hopefully it doesn't get pushed back again!#also lmaooo i realized i didnt really explain the post. it's like. if my brain perceives i have Any amount of time remaining to do a thing#it is like... cool we have more time to wait. but that's not true! im literally not going to be able to sleep.#im just. fuck. im so tired of my brain working this way. i wish i had. any motivation for any of this again.
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AND LET THIS FANDOM DIE? fuck off
I wish some of you would like the characters for who they actually are rather than your OC personalities that you project onto them
~🗳
#cmon now one of charm of hetalia fandom is how we can basically use this character like our silly little barbie doll#isn't thats why we able to have new content still despite how old this fandom is?#new idea new interpretation new AU all often based on a smidge of history that got expanded into something more#if you got problem with certain creator projecting their idea into Heta character then you can just block em#if you wish for more 'canon compliant' content then create them yourself and who know maybe you can be the trigger for more people enjoying#'your' interpretation#because lets be honest here lads even if you try your best to make it 'canon' it will NEVER be canon as there's will always a trace of you-#in that said works.#honestly as for late i just starting to dislike this kind of thinking as i feel this would hurt the fandom if people start to think how-#their content might be 'bad' because their interpretation of character is OOC#*shrug*#i mean isn't it fun to see how people see these character from their POV? What influence them to see these character so different in canon?#Like how Vietnamese who used to be colonized by France would see Francis as more cruel than this-#soft gentle and silly 'big brother' who can be a bit perverted from time to time#but even if there's no historical backing for these HC whats harm from doing it anyway#in the end fandom exist just so we can have fun and we wanted to share what we have to the others.#ofc it would be different if ppl trying to force their HC to others but this is a different topic innit?
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Jealousy, Jealousy
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Where the boys get jealous... (Feat. Barty, Regulus, Sirius, Remus, and James)
WC: ~3.5k
CW: Fem!Reader, a few cusses, obsessive and possessive boys, Remus and Moony are written as different characters.
Barty gets asked if you're single…
Barty leaned against the stone wall of the corridor, arms crossed and a lazy smirk playing on his lips as the boy in front of him tried to find his footing in the conversation. It was late enough in the evening that most of the students had cleared out, leaving the space quiet except for the faint echo of distant footsteps. The boy- what was his name? Probably irrelevant- was shifting his weight nervously, though he tried to mask it with a forced bravado.
“So,” The boy began again, licking his lips as though trying to sound casual. “You’re close with her, right? I mean, you two are always together.”
Barty raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening just a touch as he tilted his head- pulling the smoke from between his lips. “We’re friends,” Barty replied easily, though the word friends came out slow and deliberate, almost like a challenge.
The boy took a deep breath, seemingly bolstered by Barty’s nonchalant tone. “Right, yeah. I figured.” He hesitated, then plunged forward, clearly emboldened by the silence. “I was just wondering, you know… do you think she’d go for someone like me?”
Barty blinked. For the briefest moment, his expression was unreadable- like he hadn’t quite heard the question correctly. Then, like a switch being flipped, he grinned widely, his whole face lighting up as though the very idea had amused him to no end.
“You?” He repeated, laughter edging his voice as he uncrossed his arms and pushed off the wall. He took a deep breath of his smoke and let the ash slip onto the boy's shoe, who quickly shook it off. Barty gestured at the boy vaguely, as though considering his entire existence. “You’re asking if you would have a shot?”
The boy’s bravado faltered slightly at Barty’s tone, but he straightened his shoulders, forcing a confident nod. “Yeah. I mean, she’s nice to everyone, right? So I thought- ”
“Oh, that’s precious,” Barty interrupted smoothly, his voice warm but condescending. He stepped closer, his free hand sliding into his pocket, his green eyes glinting as he looked the boy over. “She is nice to everyone, isn’t she? That’s what makes her so…” He paused, pretending to search for the right word. “Enchanting, I suppose.”
The boy relaxed just a fraction at Barty’s seemingly complimentary tone, but Barty’s smile sharpened as he took another step forward.
“Here’s the thing,” Barty continued, his voice softening into something dangerously close to friendly. “You’re not a bad bloke, are you?” He flicked his robes, letting the smoke from his cigarette fill the boys senses. “Clean enough robes, decent enough grades- probably someone your mum’s very proud of. Real cookie cutter, yeah?”
The boy blinked, caught off guard. “Uh… I guess?”
Barty grinned wider. “See? Nothing wrong with you at all. And yet…” He trailed off, taking another hit before he blatantly blew the smoke into his face. Even then he still found himself leaning in slightly, his voice dropping lower. “She’s not for you.”
The boy coughed, shooing away the smoke, confused. “What do you mean? She’s not- ”
“Let me save you some time, mate,” Barty cut in smoothly, stepping around him as though they were taking a casual stroll together. “Do you know what she wants to be after she graduates? How she wrinkles her nose when she laughs too hard- how much she hates when someone brings it up? Or how she’ll hum to herself when she thinks no one’s listening? How to make her smile on her worst days?” He glanced back over his shoulder, his smile full of sharp teeth. “You don’t, do you?”
The boy shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Barty’s words. “No, but- ”
Barty whirled back to face him, the sudden movement causing the boy to flinch. “That’s the problem though, innit?” He said softly, his voice dripping with false sympathy. “You don’t know her. Not really. And she deserves someone who does.”
The boy looked frustrated now, his confidence cracking under Barty’s pointed gaze. “You’re just saying that because you think you’re better for her!”
Barty’s smirk vanished. The shift was subtle but immediate, the playfulness draining from his face as his eyes turned icy, pinning the boy where he stood. “Better for her?” Barty echoed softly, his tone devoid of its earlier amusement. “I’d destroy myself for her. I’d burn the whole bloody world down if it so much as thought about hurting her. I've spent years of my life making sure she'd never know fear when I'm around.”
The boy opened his mouth to respond, but no words came. Barty stepped closer, forcing him to back up until his shoulders hit the cold stone wall. Flicking out his cig and tossing it at his chest.
“You don’t understand devotion, mate,” Barty continued, his voice low, almost a whisper. “Not the kind that keeps you awake at night, wondering if she’s happy. Not the kind that has you ready to rip apart anyone who so much as looks at her the wrong way. That kind of love… it’s not for people like you.”
The boy swallowed hard, his eyes darting away as though trying to escape Barty’s unrelenting stare.
Barty tilted his head, the hint of a smile returning to his lips, though it held none of its earlier warmth. “But don’t worry,” he said lightly, taking a small step back. “I’m not angry. You’re harmless, really. Like a moth buzzing too close to something far too bright for you to touch. Happens to everyone who meets her.”
The boy shifted uneasily, his face pale as he tried to muster some shred of dignity. “You’re crazy,” He muttered under his breath.
Barty grinned at that, his eyes glinting with something almost feral. “Probably,” He admitted cheerfully, shrugging. “Just trust me mate. You wouldn't survive the competition.”
~~~
Regulus sees a guy trying to ask you out…
You were standing just outside the courtyard, the stone archways sheltering you and a nervous-looking Gryffindor boy from the cool autumn breeze. He’d stopped you after class, clearly trying to build up the courage to ask something. You were being polite, as always, listening with a soft smile while he stumbled over his words.
Regulus hadn’t been far, of course. He never was, though you hadn’t noticed him watching you from across the courtyard, his keen gray eyes narrowing slightly at the boy’s sudden presence.
“So, um,” the Gryffindor started, shifting on his feet and running a hand through his hair. “I was wondering if- uh- well, maybe you’d like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? Just us?”
You blinked, surprised by the question. “Oh- ”
Before you could finish, Regulus moved in like a shadow, silent and swift. Without a word, he appeared at your side and leaned down, resting his chin casually on your shoulder. The gesture startled you, your breath hitching as his weight settled comfortably there, familiar but intrusive all the same.
“Are you busy, ma moitié?” Regulus asked smoothly, his tone soft, casual, and laced with just a hint of amusement. He ignored the Gryffindor completely, acting as if he didn’t exist.
Your face turned slightly to the side, startled by his sudden proximity. “Regulus? What are you- ”
“We have that thing to do, remember?” Regulus murmured, his voice low but perfectly clear. He tilted his head, the movement brushing his hair softly against your cheek.
The Gryffindor frowned, his nerves quickly shifting to irritation. “What thing? I was just asking her something- ”
Regulus finally glanced at him, his gaze lazy and unbothered but chilling nonetheless. “How generous of you to interrupt,” he said coolly, his chin still perched on your shoulder as though he hadn’t a care in the world.
The boy bristled. “I didn’t interrupt- ”
Regulus cut him off with a small, sardonic smile, as though he were correcting a child. “You didn’t mean to, I’m sure,” he drawled. “But, you see, we have plans. So unless you’re particularly fond of wasting her time…”
You frowned slightly, your hand moving to nudge Regulus’s shoulder as if to make him move. “Reg, that’s not- ”
“Isn’t it?” Regulus replied smoothly, tilting his head ever so slightly, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips.
The Gryffindor’s face flushed, clearly caught off guard by Regulus’s presence and tone. He looked at you, frustration in his voice. “Look, I just wanted to- ”
“I think you should go,” Regulus said, his voice as light and polite as ever, though there was no mistaking the ice beneath it.
The Gryffindor hesitated, but Regulus’s unwavering stare pinned him in place. It wasn’t a glare- Regulus didn’t need to glare to be intimidating. His calm, unwavering confidence was sharp enough. After another awkward pause, the boy muttered, “Maybe another time.”
He turned and walked off, shoulders tense and ears red.
Regulus finally lifted his chin from your shoulder, straightening up with a look of faint satisfaction. You turned on him immediately, pouting a bit with your bottom lip jotted out- eyebrows furrowing and your arms crossed. “That wasn't very nice, Black.”
Regulus shrugged and wrapped his arm around your waist as he turned you away from the courtyard. “He’ll live.”
~~~
Sirius seeing someone flirt with you…
It was a lovely spring afternoon by the Black Lake. The sunlight filtered through the branches of the nearby trees, dancing over the rippling water. A cool breeze swept through the air, ruffling your hair as you sat cross-legged on a blanket, deep in conversation with a Slytherin boy.
The boy- someone vaguely familiar, you thought his name was Marcus- had approached you earlier in the day, something about needing help with Potions. He was pleasant enough, a bit shy, though you couldn’t help but notice how often he looked away or scratched the back of his neck when you smiled.
“…and, you know, it’s just the stirring,” Marcus was saying, his voice faltering slightly as his eyes darted to yours. “I keep- well, messing it up. Slughorn says I’m overthinking it.”
You offered a gentle smile, always patient. “It’s probably just nerves,” you reassured him kindly. “You’re better at it than you think, I’m sure. Do you want me to walk you through it?”
Marcus blinked, visibly perking up. “Oh- yeah, that’d be great, I mean- ”
“Ah, there you are,” Sirius Black’s unmistakable drawl cut through the serene afternoon like a thunderclap.
Both of you turned toward the voice, and there he was. Sirius stood at the edge of the blanket with his hands shoved lazily in the pockets of his trousers, the sunlight making his dark hair shine like ink. There was an unmistakable mischief in his gray eyes as he looked from you to Marcus and back again.
“Sirius,” You said with a mix of surprise and mild annoyance, straightening where you sat. “What are you doing here?”
“What, can’t a man visit his favorite girl?” He replied with a grin, though his gaze sharpened ever so slightly as it flicked toward Marcus. “You know, it’s dangerous out here by the lake. Giant squids, rouge bludgers, snakes- all that. Best you’re not left alone with someone… inexperienced.”
Marcus’s face flushed, clearly thrown off. “I think she’s doing fine, thanks,” he muttered, trying to sound confident but failing miserably.
Sirius smirked, as though that was the response he’d been hoping for. Without any preamble, he dropped onto the blanket beside you- practically on top of you- his long legs stretching out as he sprawled back against the grass like he owned the entire lakeshore.
“Merlin’s beard, it’s exhausting being me,” he said dramatically, folding his arms behind his head. “You don’t mind, do you, sweetheart? Just needed to rest my bones for a bit.”
You rolled your eyes. “Sirius, I’m kind of busy- ”
“Oh, don’t let me interrupt,” he said innocently, though the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth was anything but. “Go on, Marcus. You were talking about… stirring, was it?”
Marcus shot Sirius a pointed glare. “We were in the middle of something.”
“Were you?” Sirius replied, eyes gleaming with barely contained amusement. “Could’ve fooled me.”
You frowned, nudging him with your elbow. “Sirius, stop being difficult.”
“I’m not being difficult.” He purred smoothly, shifting just enough to rest his head against your shoulder, his hair brushing your neck as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “Just keeping an eye on you. Someone has to.”
Your face burned at the unexpected affection, though you tried your best to seem unbothered. Marcus, however, looked positively livid, his fists clenching and unclenching by his sides.
“You’re doing this on purpose,” Marcus accused, glaring at Sirius.
Sirius blinked up at him, all mock innocence. “Me? What on earth would I be doing on purpose?”
“You know what- ”
“Marcus,” you interrupted, sighing as you tried to salvage the conversation. “Maybe we can pick this up later. It’s… getting a bit distracting.”
Marcus glanced at you, frustrated but resigned, his gaze lingering a moment longer before he nodded stiffly. “Sure. Later.”
He stalked off without another word, leaving you alone with Sirius, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
“You’re an ass.” You huffed, finally shoving him off your shoulder.
Sirius sat up with a dramatic groan, smirking as he stretched out his arms. “Merlin, that was exhausting.”
You glared at him, exasperated. “What was that?”
“That, my dear,” Sirius said, grinning cheekily, “was me doing you a favor. You don’t honestly want to spend your afternoon discussing stirring, do you?”
“That’s not the point!” You argued, narrowing your eyes. “He was just being nice, and you scared him off!”
“Good,” Sirius replied smugly, lying back down with his hands behind his head. “Couldn’t risk losing you to someone boring.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I could be practical- real practical. We can talk about stirring.”
You huffed, trying to hide the small smile tugging at your lips.
Sirius turned his head to look at you, his grin softening ever so slightly as his stormy eyes held yours. “Besides,” he added, voice quieter now, “it’s much better when it’s just us, don’t you think?”
~~~
Remus finds you asleep on someone he doesn't know…
The Gryffindor common room was dimly lit, the fire burning low, its golden light casting lazy shadows across the walls. Most students had gone to bed, and silence blanketed the space, save for the occasional pop of burning wood.
Remus hadn’t been able to sleep. He’d lain awake for what felt like hours, restlessness gnawing at him as Moony clawed at the edges of his mind, pacing.
She’s not where she's supposed to be, Moony murmured, insistent and low, like a growl rumbling through his chest. Go to her. Find her.
It was nonsense, of course. You were probably curled up in your dormitory, safe and warm, and yet Moony’s unease bled into Remus, like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He sighed, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and padding barefoot to the staircase. Just to be sure. Just to calm Moony.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs, the fire caught his eye first. Then he saw you.
You were curled up in a worn armchair by the fire, your head tilted to rest softly against the shoulder of a fifth-year boy Remus barely recognized. The boy sat stiffly, afraid to move, his expression somewhere between frozen panic and misplaced pride.
Moony stilled.
And then he snarled.
Get her up. She’s vulnerable.
Remus stopped in place, his breath catching as an instinct he couldn’t quite name surged through him. Moony’s anger wasn’t a loud roar this time- it was quiet, simmering like an ember. What’s he doing there? She’s asleep. He shouldn’t be near her. She's vulnerable.
Remus swallowed hard, his fingers twitching as he tried to steady himself. He didn’t want to startle you, and he didn’t want to scare the boy. He wasn’t angry- not really. But Moony… Moony didn’t understand manners.
Before he fully realized what he was doing, Remus moved forward. Quiet as a shadow, he stopped in front of the chair, his amber-tinged eyes fixed on the boy.
The younger Gryffindor glanced up nervously. “Oh. Uh- Lupin- she fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake her.”
Remus didn’t say anything at first, his gaze shifting to you. Your breathing was soft and steady, one arm curled loosely under your head. Moony quieted just a little at the sight, though the wolf’s presence still pressed against Remus’s ribs, heavy and protective.
“She’ll be more comfortable in her own bed,” Remus said finally, his voice low and calm. “I’ll take her.”
The boy blinked, confused. “I- what?”
Remus lifted his chin slightly, his tone firm despite the gentleness in it. “You can go. I’ll make sure she gets to her dorm.”
The boy hesitated, but something in Remus’s steady gaze seemed to settle the matter. “Right. Yeah. Sure,” he mumbled awkwardly, carefully shifting out from under you. He moved to stand, glancing one last time at you before hurrying up the stairs, his footsteps fading into the quiet.
Remus let out a slow breath, crouching down next to you. Moony settled just a little further, content now that the boy was gone, but still restless, still protective.
She’s too exposed, Moony murmured. Wake her. Take her where she’s safe.
Remus hesitated, watching the way your lashes fluttered faintly against your cheeks as you stirred, your lips parting slightly as though searching for the warmth that had left. His heart tugged in his chest, guilt biting at him.
“Dovie,” He called softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached out, his hand hovering over your arm for just a moment before gently brushing against your shoulder. “Up you get, lovely girl.”
You shifted with a quiet murmur, blinking blearily as your eyes fluttered open. “Mmm… Remus?”
“Hey.” He cooed, his lips curving into a small, careful smile. “You fell asleep down here.”
“Oh.” You blinked again, sitting up slowly and rubbing at your eyes. You looked around in confusion before your gaze landed back on him. “What time is it?”
“Late,” He chuckled, standing to his full height as he offered you a hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your dorm.”
You frowned sleepily, tilting your head. “You don’t have to do that.”
Remus’s jaw tightened faintly, and for a moment, he swore he could feel Moony’s growl rumbling deep inside him. She needs protecting. Don’t leave her here.
“I insist,” He said gently, his voice soft but brooking no argument. “You’ll sleep better in your own bed.”
You yawned, smiling at him as you took his hand. “If you say so.”
~~~
James steals the show from your newest admirer…
The Gryffindor common room was alive with its usual evening bustle- cards flying in midair from a game of Exploding Snap, the fire crackling merrily, and the low hum of chatter filling every corner. You were perched on the arm of one of the chairs, laughing softly as a chaser- Finn regaled you with a story from practice, his easy-going charm and dramatic hand gestures keeping you engaged.
Finn’s voice was lively, something about a Bludger mishap and the newest Beater, and you couldn’t help the bright smile it pulled from you.
James, sitting across the room with Sirius and Remus, had been halfway through a halfhearted game of Wizard’s Chess when he noticed.
“Prongs,” Sirius said, nudging him when his knight didn’t move. “Your move, mate.”
James didn’t hear him. His hazel eyes were fixed on the sight of you leaning just a little closer to Finn, laughing at something he’d said.
James sat up straighter, his jaw tightening.
“Earth to Prongs?” Sirius waved a hand in front of James’s face, earning himself a scowl.
“Do you lot know,” James said suddenly, his voice pitched loud enough to carry across the room, “about the time I stole Filch’s keys and locked him in his own office? Poor guy thought Peeves was after him.”
All at once, a ripple of laughter swept through the room. Students turned toward James with wide smiles and bright eyes, a chorus of, “No way!” and “You’ve got to tell us!” filling the air.
Finn faltered mid-sentence, glancing toward the growing crowd around James.
You shot Finn an apologetic smile, clearly torn between listening to the end of his story and the infectious energy that always followed your best friend. James’s grin was wide and charming as ever, his eyes twinkling mischievously- but when his gaze flicked to yours, something sharper lingered beneath the warmth.
He hadn’t stopped looking at Finn once.
“What happened?” One of the younger students urged eagerly, completely captivated by James’s easy charisma.
“Ah, you wouldn’t believe it,” James replied, leaning back in his seat as though he had all the time in the world. His voice was smooth, his confidence magnetic. “I’d hidden behind that big grandfather clock, you know the one? Filch swore up and down he’d heard a ghost- but he couldn’t figure out how the door locked from the outside. Poor bloke works at Hogwarts and still doesn't grasp magic!”
More laughter erupted, and James winked at you as if to say, See? Isn’t this better?
Finn glanced at you, clearly realizing he’d lost your attention entirely. “I, um… I guess I’ll finish the story later,” He muttered sheepishly.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” You said, genuinely apologetic, but Finn was already waving you off.
“It’s fine. James has a habit of stealing the spotlight anyway,” he joked, though his tone wasn’t without a hint of frustration. He wandered off toward his dorm room, leaving you to turn toward James and his growing group of admirers.
Later, Sirius confronted James about his little stunt. Calling him jealous, James scoffs dramatically. “Jealous? Me? Please. I’m just looking out for her.”
Sirius raises an eyebrow. “Looking out for her, or making sure no one else looks at her?”
James shrugs, a smug little grin tugging at his lips. “Same thing, really.”
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oh I love pain and suffering and. the sensory nightmare of fresh piercings
#its not that bad just........bit irksome innit#i think 6pm also is just The Dark Hour for me why am i always so stressed at this time lel
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