#ive been finding some good ones though
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So I'm halfway through Soul Eater.
#soul eater#dr. stein#aroace#headcanon#hc#haven't really watched a whole lotta anime since middle school and even then i was only really into like 2#ive been finding some good ones though#my sister got me into this one#no spoliers please#he's my favorite can you tell
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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eras tour lookbook: my favorites edition
#taylor swift#tswiftedit#candy swift#my edit#eras tour#CAN I GET SOME COMMOTION FOR THE MOST UNDERRATED LOVER BODYSUIT. AND THE YELLOE DRESS#AND UNPOPULAR OPINION THE GREEN FOLKLORE DRESS WILL NEVER BE THE WHITE FOLKLORE DRESS#mine#this has been in my drafts since JULY 😭😭😭😭#because originally i had the black and gold the man jacket here but that was soooo hard to make a usuable gif of#and then once i finally was happy with how it came out taylor debuted the midnights bodysuit with the cutouts and i was like oh crap#that was also somewhat hard to make a cohesive gif of but i persevered#i just have to say though that IVE BEEN THE NUMBER ONE YELLOW DRESS FAN SINCE SHE FIRST WORE IT OKAY#there’s so much lore associated with it now but it’s been my darling all along#also my unpopular opinion is preferring the empire waist bronze dress but that was just impossible to find good footage of tbh#also my original efforts at this gifset were all for naught regardless bc i’ve changed my mind and like the silver jacket better now#this also all preceded the debut of the pink bodysuit and jacket but idt they would have made it on here anyway
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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Hail Apollo and Hermes for helping me get my ass in gear to take care of a couple financial things that have been stressing me out for a while! ...and for the reminder to not impulse spend.
#and. of course. it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be!#i was told in no uncertain terms in my last tarot pull that some financial things would bite me in the ass if i didnt deal with them#so i said i would take care of them by the end of the month and i managed to!! well. mostly#im waiting for a checkbook to come in the mail so i can take care of the second one but the first one is settled#and im no longer terrified that i'm going to jail! (that was never going to be the outcome in the first place)#thank you apollo and hermes#i need to find something to offer. i'll figure something out#helpol#hermes#coriander says#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#apollo#hellenic community#pagans of tumblr#theoi#'it's not as bad/scary/catastrophic as it feels' has been a theme atm#the tarot pull was from last week ive just been thinking about it. it's about time to do another check-in pull but i wont be able to till#friday probably#i owe. $7 to the state of texas but afaik i'm only able to pay via check b/c of the circumstances so i had to get *80* of them#the only person i know who still uses checks is my grandpa#...the checkbook would be a good thing to keep on hermes“#*hermes's altar though#my post#gratitude post
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was looking through some of my old art and found my original feanorion designs (minus parts of curufin and ambarussa)
#silm#silmarillion#feanorions#maedhros#maglor#celegorm#caranthir#curufin#mae's design changed a good amount#his color palette shifted more towards greys and dark orange though sometimes i still put him in purple#maglor is pretty much the same#just switched some colors and restyled his hair a bit#celegorm is also the same#caranthirs design clothes wise changed a lot though i might still use this one for formalwear#curufins clothes also ended up more casual#interesting how the detail of maedhros having the fancy embroidery lasted this long#and maglor having a slightly anachronistic waistcoat considering ive been trying to keep armor styles mid 15th century europe#but oh well its a part of him now#the inverted circlet was also an interesting find#i dont think it shows up in any of my recent designs?#celegorms orome tattoos actually are part of the foundation behind my idea of unique valarin face markings
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Endeavor is almost a perfect allegory for what the society in the mha universe does to people who can't be heroes or use their quirks in a way to benefit society, which is cast them aside or pass them over without over giving them a second glance until uh-oh! Suddenly they're worth being noticed because they're a threat.
He apologizes to his family, which is good! If you're a bad person and did terrible things, the first step in your own transformation and atonement should be to acknowledge what you've done and to apologize to those you've wronged. Great!
Thing is, Endeavor set off a chain reaction with his abusive, neglectful and downright irresponsible choices that it damaged everyone in his family for life.
I don't think someone who causes one of their own children to literally go up in flames, crying because they're finally getting attention from their father and family in the very end, ever deserves to be forgiven.
#mha#my hero academia#endevour#mha dabi#mha endeavor#im sure im gonna get some flack for this because for some reason lots of people think that he should be redeemed but no???#im sorry guys i like villain redemption arcs as much as the next person and i understand being confused over#why so many people forgive other villains vs endeavor#but theres something about being in a place of power and influence and using that to harm and neglect your family and having EVERYONE#EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD PRETTY MUCH JUST LOOK AWAY AND SAY OH ITS NOT MY FAMILY THATS HIS BUISNESS#BETTER NOT GET INVOLVED IT'LL SORT ITSELF OUT#that just doesnt sit right with me whatsoever#ive liked plenty of villains who do horrible things but i can still see their good side because they have their henchman or their own family#or that one person who they care for and will protect because thats their heart#im saying that even though endeavor FEELS BAD he really just didnt have a heart or care for anyone but himself until hmm#oh! after he became the number one hero#and after he got a scar that humbled him#theres a reddit post where the op talks about how people soften him and are willing to forgive him but i think thats coming from people who#very very thankfully no shade did jot have to deal with anyone like that irl in any way#OR people who are less into stories and allegories again no shade and take characters at a more surface level#its just another read on the character which of course is obviously fine but please please understand why people will never forgive him#mha spoilers#its like especially hard to not hate him when you find out that dabi had his mothers power all along#meaning he WAS that perfect child that endeavor had been looking for but he cast him aside too soon to even let that power bloom early on#god i hate Endeavor so much#love the way hes written story and character wise like he IS really well written#but fuck him all the same lol
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sighs sorry guys i guess its time i get a real art style
note yes these are traced from cannon tf2 images HERES THE IMAGES I TRACED OVER FOR THIS JOKE
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 spy#tf2 scout#cupid#spy loadout#scout loadout#THIS IS A / J THIS IS NOT SERIOUS AT ALL#CONTEXT FOR WHY I MADE THIS THOUGH IS BEAUSE SOME DUDE ON TWITTER MADE FUN OF ME FOR MY ARTSTYLE AND CHARACTER DESIGNS LMAO#LIKE IMAGINE BRO CALLING MY DESIGNS UGLY. TRUST ME IK MY ART AND DESIGNS ARE NOT EVERY ONES CUP OF TEA BUT COME ON#IMAGINE TAKING THE TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO COPY MY ART STYLE JUST TO CALL IT UGLY#LIKE- BRO??? HELLO?? LMAO ARE YOU OKAY??? LIKE DO YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOME THING???#I FIND IT FUNNY BECAUSE THEY COMPARED MY AU DEISGNS TO THE CANNON DESIGNS AND LOOKS#EERRRMMM BUDDY HAVE YOU HEARD OF AN AU? PERSONAL DESIGNS? CREATIVITY WITH THE DESIGSN?#I FIND IT EVEN FUNNIER BECAUSE THEIR BUDDY TAGGED ME IN THE DRAWINGS#I NEVER ONCE INTERACTED WITH THIS USER A DAY IN MY LIFE#AND THEY MAKE FUN OF MY STYLE CALLING MY DEISGNS UGLYKJNGSDKJGNSDJKGNSDJK#ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE HAD A GOOD CACKLE FROM PEOPLE ON TWITTER THIS MADE MY DAY DUDE
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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.
as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".
with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":
1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and
2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.
(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)
now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).
to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.
(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)
#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter#ari opinion hour#this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic#which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to#me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word#is an important barrier to consider in communication#i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very#important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me#anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language#but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the#first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again#its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category#even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic#but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter#part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs#love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs#but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him#and i would still put those in the second category#so part of it is awareness as well#so. yeah. its interesting#i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that
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Do any of you remember a Youtube video about Re:Kinder talking about how the game is seen and percieved by some people (mostly touching upon and arguing against how it has been treated insensitively as some sort of weird legend like "ooo disturbing game with a hidden truth behind it" due to it's creator being dead), as well as talking about the charm of the game (even mentioning it's art at some point) and sadness of the themes without spoiling anything at the same time?? I remember the video avoided saying any spoilers at all and only touched on the literal plot as the kids being stuck in a dire situation in the town with all the adults dead without really getting into the why (it didn't even say one of the kids themselves was the cause— as thus, spoiler free), other than that it just touched on the emotional side of it and vaguely mentioned some scenes.
i also remember at some point the later half (at the very least if not in all of it) of the video, music by Siinamota was playing in the background. Does anyone remember seeing a video like this?
I can't seem to find it anywhere and don't even remember the exact year I watched it.😭 It was the way I found out about this game a while ago, which eventually ended up in me playing it, and I really wish I could watch it again. I thought it was a deleted video by someone called hazel as it was mentioned by a lot of people, but I found that one and it isnt it.😓 I'm wondering if anyone remembers watching something along the lines of what im describing and knows if it's still up.
#re:kinder#not art#posting this because naw i am desperate ive been looking for this video for months#i genuinely thought it could be the hazel video but it wasnt and now im back at where i started...😞#if its still up i cannot find it on youtube#but i wonder if anyone even recalls watching this at all because im worried my memory is playing with me😞#itd be rather weird though because i do recall it very vividly. it struck with me in a way i managed to remember the game by name later on#looking back on my memory of it it was a really nice video. i do agree on what it said of how people seem to treat this game#the video was really trying to make people see and appreciate the game and the themes itself instead of the glorified urban legend idea ofi#because it is true that people treat it as some “disturbing fun fact” that someone died as if it was all his legacy was😞#i dont remember it being the high quality standard editing known of video essays nowadays#oh thats all i can say i dont recall much its been a while and i dont know how much a while is ...😞#id be very happy to know if anyone can recognize anything at all. that video really got imprinted into my memory#it left me very emotional even as it didnt even tell me much about the game it still managed to express the feelings of it#ou shoutout to this video forever i love you thank you for informing me of this awesome game while letting me go blind#i was up for a ride#i wish i could see it again#really showed me one of the ending scenes and i had NO IDEA I HAD NO IDEA#oh my god what a good video i had no idea yet i was so devastated#thats all i can convey im not sure if saying “it made a deep emotional impression on me” is a good descriptor to find a video i cant find#i dont know if anyone who has seen it would have felt as emotional as i had but im not sure how else to put it
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Went skimming thru late trimax For Reasons, got caught up reading the Legato fight, realized things about the fight that I never had before & went WOW, I kind of want to write an analysis post right now!
Felt the same kind of insanity grip me, however momentarily, that fueled all my analysis posts however many months ago. Too tired to actually word things coherently right now, but...
I May or may not have a full(ish?) analysis of the Legato & Vash fight a la style of This post analyzing the Trigun: Multiple Bullets fight that got unexpectedly kind of popular. People seemed to really appreciate that one, & I even had some ppl saying it could be cool if I did that for others?
So. Legato fight. Maybe. Feel free to remind me later if u see no mention of it again for over a week lol
#speculation nation#ive been wanting to go back into reading the manga again#ive only slowly (VERY slowly) been puttering along with where i am in my fic#for research purposes with the fic.#i do want to go back through the manga bc i STILL havent done a full reread of it#ive just reread so many different parts of it for assorted research that im probably getting to some 10 or so reads total lmao#i wanna reread it in full tho front to back to sort out any stray details and remember any timeline things i might have slightly skewed.#the problem with reading the manga though. is that every fucking time i look at it. i am consumed by a drive to research EVERY little thing#so me reading turns into 'hm thats interesting. that reminds me of this thing that i know happens in volume 8. let me just check that now--'#and i end up so dreadfully distracted every damn time. bc i end up with all my wires crossed and my attention pointing a million ways#it's exhausting. and so i havent been reading the manga outside of random research dives.#im very good at that. i know every volume of the manga and can find Anything within 1 or 2 mins (at the Most)#which is also kind of the problem lol. fingers in too many pies. so many things to think about.#if i get back into Actually rereading the manga tho you can bet ur ASS ill find more things to make posts about#every time i open up the manga i find new things that i could analyze.#i just havent. bc i dont have time. but. ykno what. maybe i Could get back into it...#remind me later. this is one of my favorite fucking fights with my favorite Fucking panels#and i realized smth about the shit Vash is doing that was making me lose my MINDDDD#later tho. ive been sleep deprived today. and it is time for me to rest.#& yea yea ITNL is still the main focus. but idk i have such a mind for details and i remember So many things about the manga#i wanna show that off to people again. and thus. Analyses!!! :D#later. goodnight for now
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💀
#my bros fiance and i speaking spanish and giggling and hes like “HEY THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO PLOTTING?”#“I HATE IT WHEN YOU 2 TALK SHIT AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.”#then little bro you should've taken spanish in high school like i did#and got adopted by a few aunties in the community#i still cant speak it well for shit and if its spoke rapidly i can catch pieces#but i can read it pretty well even though i fuck up the grammar#anyway his fiance is like “BABY RELAX WE'RE JUST MESSING AROUND”#“I KNOW MY SIS. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT INHERITED GREAT UNCLE JERRYS MANGO.”#“IF SHE WANTED TO STEAL YOU AWAY I KNOW SHE COULD FUCKING DO IT.”#HEHEHEHE HE CAUGHT ONTO MY PLAN#kidding kidding 😂#my future sis in law is wonderful and theyre a lovely couple shes the best thing thats happened to him#i just like fucking around and finding out yknow?#as for the mango piece our great uncle jerry was...popular#he was a ladies guy and might've been bi too#when my bro started showing signs he had the gift everyone was happy but come to find out i got it too and commence pearl clutching#at least i used my charisma powers for good a la helping my friends get hooked up with people unlike my bro#anyway point to this is BRO ADMITTED I OUTCLASS HIS ASA MUWAHAHAHA!!#20 SOMETHING YEARS IVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR HIM ADMIT IT#im better!#LMAO#🎶i got more rizzz than yyyOOOOOuuuuuuuu🎶#need a tag for when i share something personal that makes me happy#not magenta but some other pink#anyway im good at flirting but if they flirt back or it gets too weirdly intense: jay.exe stopped working#needs strong emotional connection to continue subscription#stars#cant do it#not today!#not ever actually
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by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn
#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem#& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss#and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified#whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing#but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!!#like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard#(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha)#is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this#like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp#and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life#and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM#THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER#SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME#but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself#and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it#like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe#that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love#or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress)#and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness#otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc#and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway#like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done#('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us)#whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me#and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response#AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT#like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart#ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum#but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism#taob updates
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happy almost birthday :o)
:) thank you!!! there's gonna be a bounce castle at my birthday party and every body is invited
#ask#catboygirljoker#ough.... the passage of time marches on.#on that tuesday i will be 25. fucked up.#i dont really do much for my birthdays honestly. besides my mom taking me out to a restaraunt to eat.#on the day of i just get a good pizza and thats enough for me#a friend did recently offer to get me a desktop computer. and the tower has been here since thursday.#im currently waiting on the monitor. which should arrive in a few days.#im. really bad at accepting gifts. that said. even after having accepted this one im still experiencing grief#the computers an older model. but it runs on windows 10.#im. internally scared to think about what it can and cant run. i even dread thinking about even finding out.#like. ohhhh how id love to play animal crossing city folk again... or even minecraft...#but im doing. my best. to keep my expectations low.#i really hope it runs emulators (gamcube/wii/ps2 era ones) well. i need to play dbz budokai again i need to look at zarbons model again#the monitor is 1080p. which i dont think ive ever had a monitor that high res.#ik that TF2 probably wont run the best. but i hope sourcemods run fine.#ill have to do so much re-installing of things....... ogh.....#it doesnt have a wifi chip so i think temporarily ill have to use a usb to connect to the internet.#which i can live with. ik theyre not as powerful but its fine. maybe at some point ill get a wifi card.#though. i dread the thought <- had internal ptsd thinking about touching anything within a computer again#tldr. had a good laptop. screen went dark one day. was told it was probably the cmos battery.#tried to do repairs myself. ooggh..... the horrible memories....#ik adding a wifi chip is incredibly easy. but that doesnt mean im not scared#anyway :) thank you for the soon birthday wishes
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Immovable object (my chronic fatigue) vs unstoppable force (my desire to do literally anything other than lie in bed)
#was cooking nonstop for an hour yesterday#then did a bunch of dishes and some cleaning#my body did not appreciate that#i could tell when i was going to bed last night that i overdid it#but today was worse than i thought it would be#btw ive been trying to process my grief or whatever over losing so much of my ability to function over the past year#its not going well#thought a therapist might help but the ones i found and liked dont take my insurance#my last therapist specialized in trauma (was good at helping me process that) but isnt a good listener lol so i need someone else#im not thay motivated to find a new one though tbh#its a hassle and im too exhausted to deal with it#maybe ill save up all these feelings and put it into a fic someday#i talked to a fandom friend once about writing a story about a disabled character so maybe ill actually do that#someday#after i finish sgb#which will be a long time from now#a long long long time#at this rate#its so frustrating to be incapable of doing the things i want to do#especially when those things were within my capabilities not that long ago#i have to chill out about it though because emotions use energy and i have so very little of that to spare#ha ha#ha ha ha ha ha#its all good#we press on
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Bro no joke, forgetting that not everyone hates capitalism and then having to try have a reasonable conversation with someone about buying things... *eye twitch*
#to explain we will have person A - person B and then me#so person B is asking me if its ok to buy stuff from ebay - because i am a person that tries to avoid buying from amazon etc#and im like yeah should be because its independent sellers mostly - to be fair though yall. i barely buy anything online because i hate#online shopping. i try to buy things in person instead#anyways insert person A whos like 👁👄👁 oH aRe YoU oNe Of ThOse PeOpLE ThAt DoESNt pUrCHasE frOm AmAzON#yall im sighing just thinking about this conversation omfg its so stupid#anyways queue me explaining that yeah. i try to avoid it if i can because i dont like my money going to some motherfucker who doesnt need#the money (person B pipes in that jeff bezos is on the way to becoming a trillionaire which is Not Good 🙃 . thank you B now i will go on)#A then goes on to explain all the benefits to amazon “what if you want something the next day” i ask if theres really anything you truly#need right away like that. we used to live in times where you would have to wait or find it in a shop. A says “oh but its so cool and#convenient“ and i say sure. because they have the money and grew their business of being more 'convenient' than other businesses#A says “oh but the customer service is so good. if i want a return theyll do it straight away with no questions and maybe even give me#credit too“ and im like yeah. because they can afford to do that. ”sometimes independent sellers are in there too“ ok so buy from them then#If You Must but i can guarantee you mostly dont. not to mentuon theyre probably only on there in the first place because amazon has made it#so its one of the most popular places to use instead of anywhere else#and it went on. i just stopped talking eventually because it eas one of those situations where the other person was not fucking listening to#the point i was trying to make. which is that if you really have to. ok do it whatever. i get that its a bit impossible to avoid sometimes#im not gonna sit here and pretend when ive not been able to get something anywhere else i havent got it from there. but the point is to#actually think about WHY youre buying stuff and WHO the money is going to. because websites like amazon especially have created such a trend#of overconsumption. that you just buy stuff and then buy prime because oh its so cheap and useful and comes right the next day! and you dont#consider why any of these things are true. whos getting fucked over in the process. that you are one of the people getting fucked over!!!#lord i could go on but i shant#point is. genuinely do what you want like deep down i do not care it does not affect me and i know its not so straightforward#but people who just BLATANTLY and actively SUPPORT rich people (forgot to mention A kept talking about how the whole site was smart and that#Jeff was a genius blah blah) can you sit and realise that this whole system and that FUCKING Imbecile of a man are!!¡! a problem!!#i wish i could articulate it better but im leaving it at that#good morning yall xD#le text post
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