#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to
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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.
as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".
with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":
1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and
2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.
(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)
now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).
to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.
(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)
#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter#ari opinion hour#this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic#which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to#me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word#is an important barrier to consider in communication#i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very#important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me#anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language#but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the#first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again#its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category#even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic#but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter#part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs#love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs#but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him#and i would still put those in the second category#so part of it is awareness as well#so. yeah. its interesting#i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that
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Jungkook
𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐆𝐨𝐝 🔞⚠️
In which Jungkook isn't sure what he hates most anymore: her, the past, himself, or you.
Tags/Warnings: Non-idol AU, massive warning for implied ED & body dismorphia, hurt and comfort, heavy angst in specific parts, past emotional abuse (implied), strangers to lovers, road to self acceptance?, smut but it's not the main focus
Length: Very long, 7k words
A/N: If you think you've read it before, you're probably right. This fic was posted before on a different account, but it has always been written by me. After much consideration and multiple requests, I've brought it back here to my main blog.
Furthermore, please read the tags carefully before reading. This fic covers heavy themes that could be upsetting to some. You have been warned.
Additional Content: None
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Jungkook liked sweet things, some time ago.
He'd enjoyed ice creams with mild flavors such as vanilla, or other sweet desserts that were similar to it. He snacked often and always got a little excited when experiencing a new flavor for the first time, adventurous and never judgmental when trying out things he's never eaten before.
Jungkook also loved junk foods, like ramyeon or fast foods. He couldn't help but give in from time to time, the convenience of it all being a quick meal convincing enough to walk through the food markets back in his hometown, just to get back home with a plastic bag full of treats.
But that was before he'd met her.
He's always been quite quick to fall in love, not only with people. With a soul as trusting and eager for affection as his own, he's always been someone to love others with a fiery temper and a full heart. But that also made him an easy victim, a target almost painted on his chest it seems; because he also was once someone who trusted easily, and never saw the bad in someone.
Now? He wishes he could go back in time and warn his naïve self of what's to come.
He's punching the black bag over and over again, arms already aching- but that's just a sign that he's pushing his limits again. He knows his body inside and out, takes great care of it- or at least that's what he likes to believe. Never again will someone be able to make him feel shame about himself, never again will he feel like he did years ago.
He knows his worth.
But on his way home, he smells it again; the scent of melting sugar and baked goods, faint but familiar by now ever since the bakery had opened up a few months prior. Whatever is sold there must be good, because he can see the people lining up at the front door every morning before it opens up- and even after the morning rush, the tables inside and outside seem always filled. He wonders what's it all about- maybe just a glance this time.
He won't buy anything, he's just looking.
Someone's humming to a newly released pop-song quietly playing from the radio, inside of the shop warm lit and inviting. It looks almost more like a home than a café- but it's empty now, a much different look than what's going on during the day. "Oh?" your voice finds his ears, and he needs to take two glances left and right to find where you are, broom in hand and standing behind the counter. There's a bit of flour on your apron, and what looks like sprinkles, the frilly blouse you're wearing underneath void of any stains however. Your face shape is absolutely not as sharp and angled as what he's usually surrounded by- be it men or women- and you're visibly not as tall as the average female from what he can see.
Cute, he thinks to himself. What?
No, you're absolutely not cute. You're probably not even aware of all the calories you're selling to costumers daily- and it must be pure irony that you've opened your shop in close proximity to a gym of all places. You probably never went to one in your life, absolutely careless about your weight or health-
A lightbulb starts to flicker aggressively above his head. You laugh sheepishly.
"My boss said he'd get that fixed tomorrow. It's been like that for a few days now." you tell him for no reason. He didn't ask. "it's a little creepy to me, you know, considering I'm working alone when closing. But I can't change it myself, you know." you explain further, putting the broom to the side. Again, he doesn't know why you're telling him this. He doesn't care.
"you're closed?" he asks after a moment of staring at you awkwardly, and you shrug, making him confused.
"depends. I have some iced coffee left?" you say, opening a small fridge behind the counter. Only now does he realize that the shelves are void of any goods.
"don't wanna cause you a hassle. It's fine." he waves off at that, and you nod, smiling. He just nods back dumbly, walking out the door.
"Oh- please be careful! Goodnight!" you call out, and he turns around, hands in his jogging pants' pockets. His brows are raised, irritated.
"I'm a guy." he tells you, and you nod.
"So?" you wonder, and he scoffs a little.
"whatever." he simply mumbles to himself, before closing the door behind him.
……………………………………….。.:✽:.。………………………………………
Yoongi breathes heavily as he sits down on the carpeted gym floor, close to where his friend and personal trainer stands. "How's the shoulder?" Jungkook asks, mild worry in his words as he sits down close to him as well, crossing his legs.
"Better- but I think I should call it a day." He says, pushing a hand against the front of his shoulder before moving it in a circular motion. "Don't wanna overdo it." Jungkook nods at that, before another voice chimes in.
"I hope you're not overworking yourself already, Yoongi." You say, walking up to both of the men, and Jungkook himself can't help how his face shows his judgement of you. You don't fit into the scene at all, with your overknee socks and frilly skirt. You're wearing a blouse with cat-shaped buttons, entire attire showing that you visibly don't seem to care about your shape, seams of your socks already rolling down on one side from the fact that they sit so snug against your thighs, right where he can spot faint stretch marks lingering. Aren't you even the slightest bit ashamed?
Yoongi pats your head once, laughing at your words simply, before he looks into the white plastic bag you've brought. You're squatting now, Mary-janes making a slight sound as the leather bends to accommodate the way your feet are bending a little, and he tears his gaze away as soon as he notices that he can see almost under your skirt. You really have no shame, it seems. "What's that?" His older friend asks, rummaging around in the bag, while you just smile with excitement, your cheeks all round and a little blushed.
Would they look like that if you were to loose a bit of weight too? He hates how bloated he looks after eating, has kept his body-fat percentage low to make sure his face stays sharp and masculine- always remembering how much she praised his appearance if he did that. It's what's desirable, after all- so he can understand where she came from, back then.
Would she love him again if she saw him now?
"They're filled with a peach filling- but I played around a little so it's not too sweet, since I know you don't like that too much. And, you know, nowadays people are pretty scared to eat something sugary it seems." You joke, making Yoongi shrug while Jungkook feels irritated.
"Some people care about their diets." He speaks without holding back, and Yoongi looks at him a bit scandalized- but he doesn't get to scold him, because you're already talking.
"One single cream puff isn't going to ruin your body if it's once in a while." Jungkook hates how confidently you say that. And how he knows you're right, too. But he doesn't back down either, feeling threatened now.
"You don't look like one to know much about nutrition." He mumbles more or less, and Yoongi looks even more angry now- but you don't seem fazed at all, still smiling.
"Do you eat after working out?" You wonder, and he feels self-conscious now at that question. Oddly put on the spot. He doesn't like it- doesn't like you. You're not pushy, not at all, just asking, but he feels like you're interrogating him in a way he's uncomfortable with.
"No." He mumbles more or less to himself. "I have a tendency to, you know.. binge." He doesn't know why he's admitting that. You just asked a simple yes or no question, why does he feel the need to justify himself?
You're digging around in the plastic bag at that, before offering a small plastic container. "Here-" You say, friendly smile way too sugary for his tastes, like honey staining his teeth. "It's just fruit, nothing added to it. I brought them with me because I like to snack them during work, but you should definitely eat those instead." You tell him, and he looks at you with a questioning gaze.
"What will you eat during work then?" He wonders, and you shrug, an impish glint in your eyes.
"I'll hardly starve from one day without snacks. It's important to eat within the first two hours after working out- and we both know I didn't touch any of these weights here." You say giggling, and his heart stings a bit. While yes, he thinks the same, it's still tough to hear you say this so easily. He doesn't want you to think like that about yourself. He doesn't want you to feel like you need to adjust. "Alright- are you still coming Yoongs?" You wonder, and Yoongi nods, getting up and helping you stand as well. Your hand looks small in Yoongis large palms. Jungkook notices your little struggle. He himself can get up without any help.
"Yeah. We're eating at Jin's, you wanna tag along?" Yoongi asks the younger man, who instantly shakes his head.
"I need to put everything back into place again. Thanks." He simply offers, turning away from you both.
"Alright- maybe another time." You say, and he can only imagine the pitiful look you probably have put on for him. "I really wanna try his new dessert- he said he put some extra aside for me!" You giggle, voice becoming more quiet as you walk away. "Do you think I can watch him cook this time?"
"You know what Jin's like, but maybe-" Yoongi's voice becomes undistinguishable the further he walks off, and Jungkook dares to look around, seeing you smile effortless up to the older man, a little jump in your step, while the usually rather stoic producer looks at ease and genuinely friendly towards you. You both look so comfortable, so warm, and Jungkook suddenly feels like a kid left behind to stay at home alone for the first time- his inner thoughts not his own it seems as he watches you both leave the gym.
I want to come with you, too.
……………………………………….。.:✽:.。………………………………………
Sex isn't really anything special anymore.
He tends to be the first leaving, just like now- having barely undressed anyways, but he knows how to work around being naked while satisfying someone else. They don't care about him anyways, simply out for pleasure and no strings attached, and he's fine with that too. It makes him feel something at least, even if it's barely anything. It tastes of nothing but stale bread, feeding his desires while his soul leaves starved yet again.
The door closes behind him, and he can hear the lock set in.
Walking home, he passes your bakery- or rather a side-project of Jin's he'd been told by Yoongi last time he'd trained with him. It's closed now, but he still walks towards it, looking at the dark interior inside, barely visibly and only lit from the streetlights outside. Some red dots are blinking, indicating the security system is active inside- though Jungkook doesn't know what one might want to steal from a bakery of all places. The chairs are all upside-down on the tables, neatly placed, floor clean of any crumbs. Tomorrow, the people will wait at the entrance again, standing in line to get their breakfasts and coffees, and you'll probably stand behind the counter again with all those stains on your apron like he's seen you before.
He really doesn't know how to feel about you.
It's clear to him that your body makes him feel uncomfortable- because you're lacking any sense of consciousness about the way you look, but at the same time that can't be true considering you otherwise looked very well put together. Yoongi likes you- so why doesn't he himself feel the same?
Maybe because he's jealous.
He likes to tell himself that you're standing home alone as well, in front of the mirror and judging all those unflattering parts like he does way too often. Maybe you're just good at masking your feelings- your work having stained your very touch to the point that everything you do is just so tooth-rottingly sweet. You probably can't help it. He understands that.
Jungkook liked sweet things too, some time ago.
He walks away from the shop and back home, where nothing but the buzzing lights wait. And a cold bed, because he left the window open.
Maybe in his dreams he could fly outside?
……………………………………….。.:✽:.。………………………………………
"Oh, Jungkook, isn't it?" You ask, almost bumping into him in the furniture store.
"Yeah." He simply answers, a hand on your back pulling you a bit out of the way when he notices an elderly woman trying to push her shopping cart past you. Your back is warm. You're also way shorter than him. It's odd how he only notices now, it seems.
"Oh, thanks!" You say. "Uh- do you know where that spot is to get furniture you've ordered?" You ask, and he furrows his brows.
"I don't- what do you mean?" He asks, and you look up at him, clearly not uncomfortable standing close to him, because there's barely a step of space between you two. Or at least it feels like it to him. In reality, you're probably standing two steps away. At least. He puts his hands in the front pockets of his sweater- just to pull them out again. The pocket looks award when something's in it. He doesn't want to look odd.
"I ordered a small dresser a week ago, but they didn't have it here yet- so they ordered it and I could take it home later." You explain, and Jungkook nods at that, now realizing what you're talking about.
"That's up front- do you have a cart?" He wonders, and your eyes widen.
"Oh shit." You almost whisper, and a snort escapes him.
Oh god that's weird. He coughs to cover the sound up, but you're already laughing at him. He knew it. He can feel the tips of his ears turn red already-
"I'm so stupid I swear." You laugh- but it's at yourself, he realizes. "Ah, I'll get a cart then, and hunt down some employee so they can lead me there. It's no wonder they made those SCP-Horror stories about Ikeas stores." You giggle, and Jungkook can't suppress his smile this time. He can't force his lips down.
"You know about those?" He asks, he doesn't know why. He doesn't care.
"I'm on reddit and 4chan, I know more than I want to, to be honest." You say, faking a serious expression. "Someone made an experiment with his piss once-" You start, and Jungkook laughs at this, unable to be stoic about the way you so seriously say that. "I'm serious!" You laugh along, and he nods.
"No no, I believe you." He nods, using all his strength to make sure he doesn't grin, because his teeth look like a rabbits, she once told him. He doesn't want you to see it. Or maybe it's just become a habit. "Do you need help with that closet you bought?" He asks, and you giggle again. Did he say something weird?
"It's a dresser- but I guess it can classify as the same thing just smaller?" You think. "Wait when does a closet start and a dresser end- is it even size?" You begin thinking, and Jungkook apologizes instantly.
"You said dresser, I remembered that wrongly, sorry." He says, but you just playfully shake your head.
"No worries, maybe its even a closet and I just misunderstood." You tell him. "But yeah, if you could help me, that would be awesome! Gotta use those muscles for something, heh?" You joke, poking his stomach a little. He feels like you've just shot him. He doesn't know why he's so hyperaware of where you've placed your finger on his stomach, and it doesn't hurt, but in a way, it does. He doesn't know.
You're confusing him.
He trails after you like a lost dog and he's aware of it, but he can't help it. He's offered his help, it would be rude to just leave you be now, and he doesn't want to be rude to you. Even though he's been rude to you before already. Oh yeah- why do you seem so at ease with him?
You walk towards the place where he'd told you to get your furniture, and when the old man starts to place every piece in your cart, Jungkook helps without thinking. It's the same once you're at your car- he lifts it all into your trunk without thinking of the consequences it might have for him, adjusting the seats so everything can fit into the small vehicle properly. It's only when you go to bring back the cart that he realizes in horror what had happened.
The inside of his sweater feeling damp against his skin, body freezing as he can only imagine the darker stain on the back now where he knows he sweats the most. His neck feels just as cold as the wind passes him- even his hairline bothering him now. Why did he help you with that stupid furniture? He knows he sweats easily.
'Jungkook' she'd said, apologetic face when she'd spoken. 'you gotta do something about that. I don't wanna say its gross but.. well, it kinda is. No offense.'
Her voice doesn't let go of him even years after breaking up it seems. It echoes inside his head even as you're walking back towards him- and he falls into panic realizing he's gonna take public transport home. Maybe he should just walk. He didn't even get what he wanted to get anyways. "Thank you so much!" You say, grinning at him with genuine friendliness, and he just feels awkward standing like this in front of you. "Where did you park?" you wonder, and he shakes his head.
"Took the bus." He admits, and you nod.
"Oh- do you want to ride along? The least I can do is give you a lift home." You offer, but he's quick to shut it down.
"No no, it's fine, I'm all sweaty and gross now-" he rants, but much to his surprise, you simply shrug.
"Gross?" You ask, and he nods, ashamed.
"Yeah." He responds.
"Nah. Come on now, if you help be put it up too I'll put some chicken nuggets in the oven!" You giggle, getting in the car.
He doesn't know why he accepts your offer.
His smell is probably already noticeable to you in the small interior of the car. He doesn't rest his back against the seat- the fluffy covers way too clean to be touched by his sweaty back. He hates that he's like that. Maybe he should consult a doctor about this. This has to be an issue only he has. But then- your hand pushes against his front, forcing him to lean back into the seats.
You don't say anything, but you also don't need to. He just stares- because between all the horror of knowing now that you know about his insecurities and inner fights, there's a glint of relieve filling him. Because you're not annoyed. You don't seem bothered. You're still smiling a little, eyes on full alert while you keep your attention on the road in front.
While he right next to you can't help but think, how come he's never noticed how pretty your collarbones look? Not sharply protruding, or aggressively visible- but soft, delicate, and merely there to show that your bones underneath your skin are present. A simple necklace rests over them, pendant hidden in your cleavage, but the silver band alone seems enough to decorate that part of you perfectly. Your neck is a little red where you've scratched it a little earlier, itching the skin for no apparent reason- but it doesn't look out of place. It's like proof that you're alive, because looking at you now, he realizes what you remind him of.
Those old paintings of angels, with their soft bodies and rosy cheeks.
But that spot, and the slight redness on your nose is proof that you're alive. That there's blood running through your veins, that there's a heart beating and organs working inside of you. You're breathing next to him, and that alone makes him feel oddly out of place.
Because you're so at ease with just existing, it seems.
You know that he's staring, but you don't scold him either. You just smile, like always sugary sweet, when you have to stop at a red light- and he feels like he's drowning in honey.
But the strangest thing is that he's fine with that.
Because something sweet once in a while won't hurt your body, right?
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Your apartment is odd.
Its Sunday, and he's currently waiting for you to do something in the kitchen while he takes off his shoes, looking around the area of your small home. It all looks warm, chaotic but inviting- like a genuine home. You don't seem to follow any sort of decoration theme, more or less simply existing, just like always, and it's odd to him how it all still fits together. It looks like you.
Cozy.
"Alright, so-" You start, leading him into what he assumes is your bedroom, considering the bed in the corner. "-I just need help with like, holding some of the heavier boards. I'll screw, and you hold, alright?" You offer, and he nods. That's what he's here for. Why are you saying this stuff as if he's got an option here?
He doesn't even know why he's agreed to it- or even when exactly he did in the first place. All he knows is that you're actually good at following those disgustingly confusing instructions- never seeming to misunderstand where something goes, confident in the way you screw in those metal pieces, as if you've done this multiple times before. And all is fine until you have to stand awkwardly in front of him- and he becomes aware that you can probably look into the wide and short sleeves of his oversized grey shirt. You can probably see that he didn't shave, why didn't he think of that?
But you just smile at him for a second, as if to pacify his thoughts, before you turn back to your task.
He falls into his habit of judging you yet again when you sit on the carpeted floor, reading the instructions with screws in your hand while the other turns the page of the tiny booklet. The board has left a red indent in your thigh where you'd leaned into the wooden piece not too long ago, soft thighs seemingly without muscle while your arms look similar. Your wrists are small, fingers dainty like a doll- while your stomach rolls up in several little folds from the way you sit a bit hunched over, legs crossed now. The thin straps of your top lay carefully over your shoulders, and only now does he realize you're not even wearing a bra- faint outline of your nipples against the inner fabric of the top giving him the clue to come to this conclusion.
There's oddly enough no sexual thought in his mind though. Only the mere question about, how?
How can you just sit there so comfortably, not even realizing how admittedly unflattering you're showing yourself to him right now? You're not wearing makeup, your hair a little messy, and he hates the fact that you still look pretty to him. You look adorable, with the way you lick your lips before biting the upper one a bit deep in thought. Is it a habit? He wants to know, and he doesn't even know why.
"Jungkook?" You ask, waving your hand in front of his face a little. He didn't realize he's sat down on the back of his heels by now, probably staring into nothingness. The carpet has created angry red imprints on his knees. They look awfully boney compared to yours- he can't help but pull down the seams of his sweat shorts, his gaze falling onto the little heart shaped pendant hanging from your necklace. There's a paw print on it, and he wants to know why. Do you like pets? Why don't you have any? Then his eyes fall back onto your cleavage. Your breasts look just as soft as the rest of you. Are you warm? Could you warm him up if he touched you? "You can let go now, you now?" You say, and his heart stops beating for a second, eyes snapping up to meet yours.
"The board. You.. can let it go." You giggle a little, and he swallows hard, and lets go of it. There's a sweaty handprint left. Great- he's being gross again.
"Maybe I should skip dinner today." You say suddenly, and he feels ripped out of whatever thought he might've had just seconds ago.
"What?" He asks, whispers almost.
"You know, to combat all of this?" You say, sitting back and stretching out your legs or a second. "Maybe if I work out hard like you I don't look like the Michelin man when sitting down?" You laugh, but he doesn't see the joke. Where is this coming from? He doesn't like that you talk about yourself like that. "Do you think if I lost weight my face would look like those models in the TV commercials?"
"Stop it.." He says, barely above a whisper, in no way an actual threat. You just rant on.
"But then again, it's probably genetics. Imagine my body being all toned but my face still all round. I'd look hideous- all for nothing, really." You sigh. "But plastic surgery is an option. The easy way. I mean, I saved up to maybe move into a bigger apartment, but imagine how my life could change if I was pretty!" You tell him excitedly, and he hurts. "Like, actually, conventionally pretty!" You tell him. "I'd finally be loved too-"
"Stop.!" He barks out now, having reached his breaking point. He wants to apologize for yelling, but you're still smiling, sitting right in front of you. Only now does he feel your knees touching his- skin warm, warmer than his own it seems. Or maybe he's just imagining it. He can't stop staring at the differences. "Don't say that.."
"It's rough hearing someone else talk about themselves like you talk to yourself, isn't it?" You say suddenly, quietly, softly, and he feels his eyes sting. Now he really wants you to stop. "Truth is, Jungkook, that I don't care." He looks up at you. "I don't care what you look like. I don't care what I look like." You say, and he swallows thickly before attempting to get up. But you don't let him, holding his arms, even though you're no match for him.
He lets you win.
He doesn't know why.
But he lets you.
And he cries into the crook of your neck, all ugly and loud, sobbing now because who cares? He's already crying in front of you, so fuck it. It doesn't matter now, he just wants to exist just for a moment too, without thoughts and expectations and deadlines and time, and instead with your hands so gentle running over his back, your body heavy on his lap, but in no way uncomfortable. He feels as if your weight keeps him from floating away, from breaking apart and being swept away by the waves.
He calms down only after a moment- but refuses to look at you. Embarrassment is already creeping up his throat, making its home in his mind when he realizes the way he'd cried all over your naked shoulder. He's being gross again. "Who hurt you, Jungkook?" You carefully ask, and he shrugs.
"No one." He answers, voice raspy.
"Bullshit." You respond. "This doesn't happen for no reason." You say, and it's quiet for a good moment, giving him the opportunity to break apart from you- but he doesn't want to. You're warm- and he hasn't had something sweet in years.
He just wants a taste. Just once won't hurt, right?
"I was gross back then. I still am, sometimes." He admits. "Like right now."
"You're not." You reassure, but he shakes his head.
"She loved when I worked out. Said I looked like a Greek god when I was at my peak." Jungkook explains, for the first time spilling anything about it. "She wouldn't sleep with me if I slacked with my workout. But when I managed to stay on schedule, she'd love me. And I loved her."
"Jungkook.." You say, but he continues to rant.
"She really loved me then. You know. All the bad things she told me, all the times she yelled at me, I could understand it then. It was to help me, so she could love me at my best." He tries to justify, but you just squeeze his body.
He likes that feeling. He wants you to do it again.
"That's not love, Jungkook." You admit to him. "She didn't love you, Jungkookie. She loved your body, nothing else."
"I don't care." He simply responds.
"But I do." You say, and he feels his eyes sting again. "I care about you."
"You said you didn't." Jungkook fights back, leaning back a little and your hands wipe his tears from his cheek without any sense of disgust.
"I said I don't care what you look like." You remind him, and he can't help but stare. Have your eyes always been this pretty? They're like two rare gemstones polished to perfection, moving so lively and looking so warm and inviting. Even the faint redness and blemishes look more like stars now than anything else. "I care who you are. You're such a handsome being, but it's all messed up because of someone who didn't even notice what she had." You say.
"You're just saying that to boost my confidence." He responds.
"I'm saying this because you deserve to have that confidence." You instead say, and he cant help but stare for a second. "Don't kiss me now." You say, and he blushes, stammering a bit.
"I-wh.. why not?" He wonders. The moment is perfect, so why don't you want to? He's confused. It all sounded so much like you liked him- maybe even loved him.
"Because right now, you're not properly thinking." You say. "Go home. Sleep. Go about your day- don't think about it." You instruct. "For once, just exist. You've got free will Jungkook, no one cares if you work out or not, if you go get a coffee or not, or if you stay at home and laze around all day. Do what you want to, just for once, and not what you think is expected." You say.
"And if I still want to kiss you after?" He asks, and you smile.
"Then I'll be here, waiting."
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It's been weeks since you've seen Jungkook.
Yoongi says he's gone on a trip, camping, something he's not done since he was a kid. You're happy- he deserves to do what he likes, and to exist without any boundaries. "He's looked.. a lot warmer these days." Yoongi says, speaking to you who's sitting on his couch in his studio. "I have a feeling I know who's at fault."
"Hmhm, maybe." You say. "I still can't believe how much damage that bitch has done." You grumble to yourself, loosing a game on your phone, and letting it fall out of your hand onto the carpet on the floor.
"Yeah. I remember how heartbroken he was when they broke it off." He sighs, before clicking some stuff on his computer. "Did he talk to you at all these days?"
You shake your head. "Not a single message. It's fine though- he's probably busy enjoying his newfound freedom." You giggle, and Yoongi turns in his chair, looking at you.
"It's okay to be upset." He tells you, and you nod, well aware. You're not upset though- you're happy for him, genuinely so. Maybe he'll find someone who will finally cherish him for who he is, and not what he looks like. He deserves feeling happy. "Come here, angel." He suddenly says, and only now do you realize the tears falling from the corners of your eyes.
Seconds later dampening Yoongi's sweater, while he holds you close in the quietness of his studio.
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"What do you mean she doesn't work here anymore?" Jungkook wonders, standing in front of Jin who simply shrugs, defeated.
"I think Yoongi said she's now a lyricist under his label. Don't know where she went now though, sorry." He offers, before going back to wiping the counters.
Outside, Jungkook calls his friend with eager taps of his fingers- but he's not picking up. You said you'd be waiting, you told him you'd wait- so why did you leave now? You loved that bakery, you had a passion for your work, so why did you just break apart from that?
Because you've got free will.
You're way more aware of it than he is himself, having only newly discovered it, but it hurts to think that you just left like that. Sure, it's been almost half a year, but is that really too late now?
Your apartment.
He takes the bus line he's taken before, stands in front of the building, tries hard to remember which apartment number was yours, but he can't for the life of him focus anymore. He doesn't remember, he doesn't know- how could he forget a fucking number like that? Maybe you tested him, tested his love and he literally royally fucked up that test like a champ, because he took all your advice, all your efforts and all your comfort and ran off with it instead of staying. He should've stayed. He should've insisted.
He should've fought.
"Jungkook?"
His phone vibrates in his pocket before it falls out, clatters to the ground. The screen is probably broken. He doesn't care.
"I still want to kiss you." He says.
You break out in laughter.
Before pulling him down towards you.
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"That's not how you do it." Jungkook says, furrowing his brows.
"So?" You say. "Not a crime I'm committing here. Modern problems require modern so-lutions!" You struggle with the chopsticks, before the cork of the wine bottle finally plops out. "Hah! You see that? I'm a survival specialist, Bear Grylls has nothing on me!" You triumph, before pouring some in his glass, then your own.
"So you plan to survive a let's say, zombie apocalypse, with wine?" He raises an eyebrow, the warm fire between the two of you crackling away and painting your body in red hues.
"Hey, being drunk makes a lot of situations better." You offer, and he laughs- freely, corners of his eyes crinkling a little, bunny smile on full display. You like him most like that. Free.
Happy.
"Hm, I disagree." He says.
"Oh?" You challenge.
"Hmhm." He tells you, taking a sip of his wine after you. "For example, my first time with you shouldn't be wasted with alcohol." He cheekily says, and you blush- happy the fire covers that change in color for you. "I wanna remember it." He teases. He's become awfully bold- entire being evolving into something you can only describe as dangerous.
"Ah.." You just respond.
"Too much?" He asks, and you shake your head.
"No- just.." You say, unable to quite put it into words. "It's weird hearing someone say that, you know, to me." You say.
"Why?" He wants to know. Are you a virgin? He highly doubts that- considering you're pretty soul and pretty smile. There's no way he's the first to ever be interested in you like that.
"I don't know, it just.. happens, I guess. I'm good at giving advice left and right, but I'm bad at following that myself. I.." You admit, sighing as you look at the fire. "..tend to let myself be used, I guess."
"Why?" He asks again, but this time its whispered, like he himself can't believe what you're telling him.
"Because it lets me dream a little?" You giggle. "It's why I didn't kiss you, you know, right away. I know where it would've lead."
"And you don't want that with me?" He wonders, but you shake your head no.
"I do." You say. "I did back then too." You confess without shame. "But.. I liked you too much. It would've crushed me to wake up and realize it's been nothing but a short fever dream. I would've hated myself if you woke up and.. I don't know, realized that you don't like me like that after all, and that emotions were just hot and high."
Jungkook nods at that- because he can't say that it wouldn't have happened like that. You looked out for him that night as well, maybe without knowing it- and he's thankful you did. Because it gave him time, freedom, and the chance to really let everything sink in and flow through.
It made him realize that he still loves you, even if you hadn't been the one to wake him up like you did.
"Now I ruined the mood." You laugh, throwing your head back a bit in dramatic agony. "Ugh I'll never get anywhere like this."
Wordlessly, Jungkook puts his glass down on the plastic table, before he walks over to you and takes yours as well, helping you stand up. "Jungkook?" You wonder, and he just kisses you, soft and warm like he always does. It's silent, there's no need for words, especially not when he picks you up and opens the door of the campervan, bringing you inside where he immediately tries to shed your thick jacket and sweater.
"You're so pretty." He chants out, hands running over your warmed up skin like he has to convince himself that you're real. And he does, in a way- because it all feels absolutely surreal to him in every way.
He doesn't think about his own appearance at all. He doesn't care.
He doesn't mind when you pull his own sweater over his head, hood of it catching on his jaw and making you both laugh. Your hands on his skin feel like heaven, he's never realized how he'd burn the world down just to feel your skin against his own. You're holding onto him like he's worth millions, his lips chasing yours, teasing you every now and then by not letting you get as close as you'd like to.
Sex has never been so exciting and comfortable at the same time for him.
Every sound you make, every heavy breath or whine he drinks up like a starving man, hands gripping your flesh like you'll disappear if he doesn't hold onto you strong enough. There's trust in this- trust you'll tell him where to go if he looses his way, trust that you'll accept what he does for what it is, trust that you'll love him just as much as he loves you.
Your thighs are soft, laying over his shoulder as he holds onto them, his mouth busy on your core.
You're both cute and absolutely enchanting, writhing and squirming under his actions, whimpers accompanying his own obscene noises he doesn't care about making. You're divine, you deserve to be treated like it as well.
And you cum so prettily too, toes curled and hands reaching out for his own.
"I love you." He says, and you smile up at him, kissing his lips before you turn his chin towards the side.
"And I love you too, but maybe no kids yet?" You joke, making him laugh and nod as he walks over to fetch a condom out of his bag. He didn't specifically plan anything to happen on the trip with you- but he still prepared in hopes of it. "Jungkookie.." You say, when he's back above you, wrapping the contraceptive over his length.
"Hm?" He wonders, looking at you wide wide eyes, in all his naked glory and inked up skin.
"I love you." You say, and he grins, brightly even though he's barely illuminated by the little campfire outside.
"I love you too." He responds, adjusting your positions to push himself inside. "Everything about you." He adds on, before he moves, slowly, agonizingly slow, frustrating you. But he seems to enjoy that struggle, rather than feel like he needs to adjust anything. "We've got time." He chuckles, and you wrap your legs around his middle at that.
"Please..!" You beg, and he only cocks his head to the side at that, hair falling into his face a little. "Kook, please, come on-"
"Impatient now?" He wonders, and you huff.
"Obviously!" You call out, making him laugh again before he pushes your thighs towards you, adjusting his pace to a more brutal thrusting.
Your head spins.
"You look so fucking pretty like that." He praises, hands on your skin digging into your flesh, probably leaving imprints later on.
Good.
"Gotta mark you up all pretty too, right?" He grunts into your neck, kissing first, before he bites, sucks, claims almost. "Gotta make sure they know you're mine." He says breathlessly.
"Yours." You respond out of breath yourself, before you clench around him, orgasm hitting you hard at his ruthless pace. He himself can't help the obscene moan that escapes him as well, coming undone only a short time after you.
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"Make sure they know you're mine?" You joke, out of breath. "Where did that come from?"
"My heart." He says, making you slap his chest. "Ow!"
"You're so cheesy!"
"You love me for it."
Yes.
Yes you do.
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#bts imagine#bts fanfic#bts fic#jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook x reader#bts jungkook imagine#bts jungkook x reader#bts jungkook fanfic
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Electra Heart is an Armand album - a thesis
Some of you may remember my preacher's daughter thesis of a very similar nature. Well, I'm back on my bullshit :) Somewhat for @misslovelace who I think will appreciate this
(under a cut as it will be long)
Bubblegum Bitch
Not a song I have ever particularly associated with Armand, If I am honest, so not the strongest of starts, but the more I think, the more it comes together. It's a very Amadeo song, really.
"Got a figure like a pinup, got a figure like a doll, don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all"
So much of Armand's self worth is so directly tied to his outward appearance and perceived beauty, that he is so used to playing into it, he simply doesn't care as much any more, he stopped caring even when he was mortal.
"I'm the girl you'd die for"
More than you'd know it. Many have.
"I'll chew you up and I'll spit you out, cause that's what young love is all about"
Knowing his beauty and effect on other men, Amadeo played into it, intentionally seeking out men who desired his youth and beauty as a distraction, only to cast them off. Of course this ends badly for him in the books as it eventually leads to his murder.
Primadonna
This song I don't have a lyric breakdown for as I don't think it fits Armand lyric-for-lyric, but more as a whole, his deep desire to be loved, to be adored, to be given everything, then his misery hidden not so far from the surface beneath. And you know he'd do anything for what he wants, even if it ruins him.
Lies
The first of the darker songs of the album, and immediately a deeply Armand song. I find myself debating what period of his life it fits the best, and I keep coming back to book-loumand's relationship.
"You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?"
Armand wants so much to be loved, to be desired more that superficially. Everyone wants him for what they can take, nobody wants him for what he is. When he meets Louis, he thinks maybe he will be, and in a way he is, they do love each other, but still not as Armand wants. louis is cold, distant, yearning for Lestat, who also brushed him off. What's the use in playing this game?
"Why don't we just pretend? Lies, don't wanna know"
Veering back into show loumand, why don't they just pretend? Armand lies and manipulates so they can pretend that they are happy together and that Armand did not kill Louis daughter and push Lois to attempted suicide.
"Can't let you go, can't let you go"
What is says there, the only thing Armand dreads more than not being loved is being entirely alone. He can't let Louis go even through all of this, as he cannot be alone, he can't.
"I just want it to be perfect, to believe it's all been worth the fight"
Again, if Armand crafts it to his perfections, maybe he will convince himself he is alright as he is, that is is worth everything he is done and that was done to him.
Homewrecker
Again, not one I have much lyrical breakdown on I'm afraid, however it does give me a strong vibe of both Armand's last mortal years in Venice as Amadeo, and also his relationship with Lestat. This one I just have to mentally transmit into your mind. Do you get it?
Starring Role
Okayyy I have a lot for this one. One of the loumand songs of all time, to me. Lets go.
"You're hard to hug, tough to talk to, and I never fall asleep / when you're in my bed, all you give me is a heartbeat"
I am not a loumand bed death truther, however I am a loumand zero emotional intimacy truther. There were whips and chains of all sorts on their walls, but in bed they sit so far apart, barely speaking.
"I've turned into a statue, and it makes me feel depressed/ cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed"
Much the same as my previous comment, but the statue lyric reminds me so much of Armand as Rashid, so still and silent in the corner of the room during s1.
"You don't love me, big fucking deal / I'll never tell you how I feel / You don't love me, not a big deal, I'll never tell you how I feel"
Again and again, lack of emotional intimacy, lack of any communication, lack of real desire.
"It almost feels like a joke to play a part, when you are not a starring role in someone else's heart"
From what I have said, you may be surprised by this, but I do believe Louis and Armand loved each other, I do. I think they'll love each other again, this is part of the tragedy, the horror. The love was there. What I don't believe, is that Armand was the love of Louis' life, and he knew that. He was not the "starring role," so to say, as he wanted to be. He may have wanted Louis more than anyone in the world, but Louis didn't feel the same, though he did love Armand, it was not enough for him, it felt like a joke, a cruelty. This is of course what causes Armand betrayal in Paris. Tragedy after tragedy.
"Sometimes I ignore you, so I feel in control / Cause really I adore you, and I can't leave you alone"
Armand patterns of neglect and abuse to find power he wishes for as he feels it is the only way to have any power combined with his consistent ned to never be alone are a horrifying combination. This lyric describes perfectly to me Armand's treatment of Louis after his attempt in 1973, his neglect so Louis stayed weak and under his command because he would not let him leave him, in any way.
"You're like my dad, you'd get on well, I send my best regards from hell"
This is interesting, as I do not believe that Louis actually is like Marius in any way despite the "Maitre" power play the pair had happening. It is at its core, a badly communicated and deeply fucked up projection from Armand to be a victim again, to want Louis to be like Marius so that he feels loved again in the way he sees love, but also to explain why he does what he does to Louis. They would not get on well, but Armand wants them to. It's all projection.
"I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me / But nothing's ever gonna give, I'll never set you free"
He waits and waits to be the one that Louis wants, truly wants not just out of spite, but realises it won't happen and resolves to simply bearing, and making sure Louis can't leave him anyway, trapping them both in this prison. He'll never set them free, he's thrown the key away. Until Daniel finds it, of course.
The State of Dreaming
I see TSoD as a very TDV-era Armand song, post-Lestat and pre-Louis. Of course, "my life is a play" is a very obvious lyric, but the entire vibe of the song as a dark dreamlike state of performance you cannot escape is so fitting for Armand's years in a theatre cult coven.
Power & Control
Lesmand. I don't have any more to say here. It's lesmand.
Living Dead
This one is too obvious I fear but I'll mention it anyway. He is. Literally.
Teen Idle
Ah, where to start. Every troubled teen's anthem, a very Armand (particularly bookmand) song.
"I wanna be a bottle blonde, I don't know why but I feel conned / I wnna be an idle teen, I wish I hadn't been so clean"
The blondeness here is metaphorical I think, metaphorical for a sort of beauty that is intention, wanted, enhanced, something that you create, not something cursed to you. Armand feels conned by his beauty, something desired and coveted making many things worse for him, more difficult, causing so much pain.
He wants to be an idle teen, to to have been perhaps. Not as he was, as Amadeo was, so... busy, with so much, so many. Or maybe he wished he had been more so, less clean, less quick, messier. Maybe that would have spared him pain too.
"I wanna stay inside all day, I want the world to go away"
Easy thing to say as a vampire, especially an eternally teenage one.
"I want blood, guts and chocolate cake, I want to be a real fake"
He wants indulgent things, vampiric and human, anything he can get.
"Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible"
Armand's religious backstory, what more can I say. His loss of faith and difficulties with it are laid so clear here.
"The pretty lies, the ugly truth"
What more is there to Armand?
"The day has come where I have died, only to find I've come alive"
A teenager, forever. Dead, perfect.
"I wanna be a virgin pure, a 21st Century whore / I want back my virginity, so I can feel infinity"
I've been sitting here for minutes thinking of what I can say about this but its all in the lyrics. You already know.
"I wanna drink until I ache, I wanna make a big mistake, I want blood guts and angel cake"
Drinking until he aches has a double meaning to me, both his desire for blood as a vampire and for alcohol as mortal. The big mistake is either seducing Lord Harlech, or wishing to be a vampire in the first place. Then of course, another desire for blood, this time with angel cake. He was always describes as an angel, not quite human any way anyone looked.
"Adolescence didn't make sense, a little loss of innocence, the ugly years of being a fool, ain't youth meant to be beautiful?"
This just sums up Amadeo. It does.
Valley of the Dolls
This is where I move heavy into HC material, especially the hc that Armand suffers from some form of dissociative disorder, making Armand, Amadeo and Arun/Andrei distinct alters. The lyrics "living with identities that do not belong to me," and "pick a personality for free, when you feel like nobody" fit this extraordinarily well.
Hypocrates
I see this song as a very good explanation of my interpretation of Armand and Marius's relationship. Very good.
"You're the lonely, one and only, body in the world / Who can make me, who can break me down into a young girl"
Marius is, in many ways, the only one who holds any power over Armand on a personal level, for so many reasons, but this just brings up the part where Armand describes himself as being afraid of Marius. He still makes him feel like a mortal boy in his service again.
"I know you only want to own me, and that's the kind of love you show me / You tell me one thing and do another, keep all your secrets undercover"
This just sums it up to me. He does just want to own him, that is the only love being shown.
Fear and Loathing
"I lived a lot of different lives / Been different people many times"
Armand is consistently whoever those around him want him to be, he has never truly been his own person. Every new person, every lover he asks the same thing he asks Louis "who am I?", he creates a new life in his death.
"I lived my life in bitterness / And filled my heart with emptiness"
Armand learned, especially from the Children of Darkness, to not find pleasure or goodness in anything, especially not himself. He does not value himself or others, he is nihilistic quite constantly.
"Not everyone is out to screw you over / Maybe, yeah, just maybe, they just want to get to know you"
One thing I believe is intrinsic to Armand and his relationships with others is his fundamental lack of trust in them. He does not trust that they won't hurt him, they won't leave him, s he hurts them or himself before they can, makes them leave before they can choose to, before they can grow bored or fed up with him. He doesn't trust that anyone has good intentions, that ever actually love him.
"Got different people inside my head / I wonder which one that they like best"
Again, see Valley of the Dolls. I do see Arun, Amadeo and Armand as separate identities fighting to be the "real" one in a bid to keep safe if he can make others like them the most.
"And when the time comes along and the lights run out / I know a light will burn on when they blow me out"
There is one thing that Armand does very well, and it is endure. This is about him enduring. He will always burn on.
"Don't wanna be completely faithless, completely faithless"
Faith and religion are so SO important to Armand as a character, his belief in a higher power either blessing him or cursing him, but he cannot function without. He wants so much to hold some faith in what has happened to him, what continues to happen, that it is supposed to be in some way. It's a guide for him, if nothing else.
(Okay here I am going to skip How To Be A Heartbreaker as I do think it is the one song that does not fit, though at the same time Ithink amadeo would have loved it so shout out)
Radioactive
"My heart is nuclear / Love is all that I fear"
Would Armand know love if he saw it, if he experienced it? Or would he think it another trick, a play to gain something as it has always been to him. He fears love as much as he craves it as I doubt he even understands it. But his heart, his love is a powerful thing, a dangerous thing.
Sex Yeah
"Nothing is provocative anymore, even for kids"
'No one though children innocent of sensuous pleasures' :/
"All my life I've tried to hide what history has given me"
The ideas of history are really really interesting in this sound wrt Armand because of how much of his history is informed by sexuality. It's at every turn, every fight, every moment of his past and it is his legacy in many ways, take the painting. But what if he could fight that, could hide it, be something more, reclaim his personhood without forfeiting his sexuality. Maybe he has the time to, and has seen the culture change in so many ways.
Buy The Stars
I have very similar feelings to Hypocrates with this song, and I think it's similar in meaning when thinking of Armand too. Essentially I see this song as a representation of love as possession, a sort of love Armand had with Marius, and how owning and giving is not loving or knowing someone.
E.V.O.L
Devil's Minion song. So DM. "It only takes two lonely people to fuck love up and make it evil / It only takes a drop of evil to fuck up two beautiful people"
#iwtv#amc iwtv#armand#electra heart#music#meta#interview with the vampire#tvc#this isnt my best work tbh i wrote this mostly while super tired and a little tipsy#maybe not as good as my preachers daughter one BUT I WANT IT OUT THERE
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Hello! First time requesting here!
I have this scenario for Underverse with Cross Sans/X-Tale Sans: Cross and female human darling have know each other since childhood. Well, they always meet each other when the overwrite happens as if they were meant to be together. But then, the incident happened. Cross lost his family and his universe. He also thought that his lost his best friend. But little he didn’t know, she was with Ink and Sans (she lost her memory) trying to stop him. And with the help of Nightmare, Cross was doing everything to get his home back and the human he started to love.
Here also some prompts:
34 and 40
Welcome! I'm not too far in Underverse but I fell in love with the concept after watching X-Tale... here you go! It's 12 AM and the brainrot struck!
Not fully proofread, there may be mistakes but I hope everything is enjoyable >:) This was fun!
Yandere! Cross Prompts 34 + 40
"No one else understands me except you!"
"Do you really remember nothing? It's me! Your partner!"
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Angst, Kidnapping, Violence, Possessive behavior, Forced relationship, This is all just very sad :(.
Despite everything he's gone through... Cross still remembers a human that he held dear. Not Frisk/Chara when he was still just Sans... another human girl. A human girl he found himself adoring... even after every Overwrite.
Perhaps Chara knew about you... or maybe this fondness he's feeling is just Sans. Either way, Cross recalls the human girl, you, meeting him in every timeline in his universe. It was like fate drew you two together... which made him fall hopelessly in love.
But does love even matter if it's so easily torn away from him?
Even when his world became a white void, Cross still thought of you. Even when he fought with the two halves within him... he still thought of that human girl. The human girl he saw as a childhood friend when his world was bleak.
Cross was convinced you had perished when his universe essentially collapsed. He tried to find companionship in Ink, even mentioning you in conversation. Ink could tell Cross was fond of this girl... but tried to ease the pain with distractions.
Cross wanted nothing more than to persist. He wanted to have his own world, he wanted to be happy. More than anything... he wanted to be able to act on the feelings he had towards you.
Now all he has are memories.
Even when teamed with Nightmare Sans, Cross's thoughts still wandered. Even Chara seemed affected by the echoes of you. Perhaps both halves craved love they couldn't have.
All of this creating negative emotions for Nightmare to feast on.
When Cross eventually saw Ink again, he was annoyed that he kept tracking him. He somewhat expected Sans to be there too due to taking half of his soul to persist. But what he didn't expect... was you.
Cross was stunned when he saw you with the other two. At first he tried to tell himself you were just a copy. You may even be a copy.
But did he really care?
It was you.
You really were another part of his dying universe. You looked so clueless... even more so when you saw him. It was like you didn't remember him...
"She doesn't remember you... get used to it... they never do." Cross hears Chara hiss to him. "We've been through this song and dance time and time again."
Cross wants to ignore the pessimism, but Chara had a point. Memory loss was a common side effect of being Overwritten. X-Sans could vouch for such a thing.
But perhaps... he can make you remember.
"I want to try." He replies to his other half, eyes never leaving your confused form.
"There's no point... do you really expect her to love you? Us? She won't." Chara replies, a frown on his face.
"I don't care." Cross, X-Sans, answers... once again bickering to himself. "I refuse to lose her again."
Chara keeps saying it's pointless, but his pleas are ignored when Cross acts. With reckless abandon, Cross attacks. However, he never harms you.
He's careful. He can harm original Sans, he can even harm Ink... but you're the target. Ink notices this and does his best to defend you. Unfortunately... Cross manages to outsmart the guardian and grabs you when he can.
Nightmare finds the whole thing amusing. Cross seemed so desperate to keep you. He could sense positive emotion brewing in the tortured soul pair... but not enough to drive him away.
By the time you regain your senses, you're in a universe completely unknown to you. A doomed timeline? A doomed universe? You couldn't tell....
Your eyes and head hurt...
But soon a figure in front of you comes into view... a golden locket around their neck.
You try to regain your senses, a hand hesitantly touching your shoulder. It feels vaguely familiar... yet you could tell the source of the touch was in disbelief. When you focus on their face... his face... you see a red and white set of eyes staring at you.
"It's you..." The person in front of you murmurs... eyes wide. "It really is you..."
You stare at the figure in front of you. You can tell they're who Ink told you about. Cross... that's his name, yeah?
Cross can see your confusion and appears pained for just a moment. He appears to be listening to someone for a second before scooting closer. He grips the locket around his neck, before his attention swaps fully to you.
"Do you remember this?" Cross asks, gesturing to the locket. You feel like you've seen it somewhere... but have no clue. You try to move away from him but his grip quickly switches to your ankle, gaze swapping to purple and red for a moment.
Sensing the tension in the air... you shake your head softly. Cross pauses at your response and you swear you see tears form for a moment before he composes himself. He appears to listen to another voice again before moving closer again.
"Do you really remember nothing?" Cross asks, denial in his voice. Chara nags him again but he refuses to listen. "It's me! Your partner!"
Cross recalls the many times you two met. It wasn't until timeline X that you two managed to graduate from childhood friends to new lovers. Of course... that was taken from him...
Yet here you sit with him once again... a possible new start for the both of you... it feels wrong to be optimistic.
Cross is only met with more confusion. You stare at him as if he's delusional. The thought finally brings tears streaming down Cross's skull as he stares at you again.
Why must he be tortured in such a way...?
You try to say something when you notice the tears flow... but are cut off when Cross lunges into a hug around you.
You see him shift into another human for a moment... once you aren't sure if you recall... but he swaps back into the usual skeleton self soon enough. You feel him sob into your shoulder and you sit there awkwardly.
You want to comfort him... but he's dangerous and out of his mind... isn't he?
"No one else understands me except you!" Cross pleads. "I just want you back! Please remember... we were perfect for each other!"
His grip tightens and your breath hitches in response.
"We had finally become boyfriend and girlfriend... I was so close..." Cross continues but he pauses, perking up as another idea is whispered by Chara. His gaze then snaps to you again, red and purple haunting your vision.
"... but I can still have that." Cross whispers, pulling away to look you in the eye. "I have you now... I just have to make you remember..."
He then leans closer and you freeze, his eyes still remaining that haunting color.
"I'll make it happen again... it won't fail this time." Skeletal fingers hold your face in a loving manner. "We'll be lovers again... you'll be all mine... no one's going to take you from me again."
Cross can see you attempt to protest but he quickly cuts you off.
"Neither Ink or Sans will take you from me." Cross vows, eyes holding a possessive yet desperate glint. "Even if you try to refuse me... I won't let it happen."
Cross then pulls you into another crushing embrace, knocking the wind out of you. You feel power radiate from him. It scares you.
"We're meant to be... always were meant to be..." Cross whispers in your ear. "I'll have us back to what we were before... even if I have to force it to happen again."
Completely at his mercy... you find yourself hugging him back to appease him. Cross seems to accept the gesture and stays in your arms. There's a deafening silence between you...
Yet Cross feels this is a step in the right direction...
Fate really does want you back together.
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Your special someone
Eddie Roundtree × Fem!Reader
✧.* requested by anon — Hey could u possibly do an imagine with Eddie where y/n is graham and Billy’s sister and she just tours with the band and like one day she’s just sitting out on her own lowkey on the verge of tears cause she’s scared of what Billy’s becoming with his addiction so Eddie sees her and holds her and they have a moment and start to get closer and more touchy with each other (cuddly) and when billy goes to rehab her and Eddie take a trip together to wherever (you decide) and then Eddie confesses that he’s in love with her and she also confesses? You can add whatever u want but that’s just the general basis of it.
✧.* summary — Your brother's addiction to drugs made you more and more worried about him, you looked for a way to make him better, and in that moment of anguish the person who supported you the most was Eddie. And over time your relationship grew into something more.
✧.* warnings — mention of drugs, addicted Billy, maybe some mistakes in the timeline of the book (sorry about that).
✧.* word count — 2.4k
✧.* 🎸 — Eddie's masterlist
✧.* mandy's notes — I love writing declarations of love, this one made my heart warm. Hope you like it <3
Being the sister of two rockstars was the biggest wish of all those people who were screaming for The six out there, but for you your brothers were much more than rock stars, they were what kept you sane, your foundations. Billy, Graham and you were always very close, and since you were little you always took care of each other.
Your love for them was something so big that you didn't have words to explain, even with all the mistakes - especially Billy's - you weren't able to stay upset with them for long.So when they told you they were going to LA to further the band's career your heart almost broke at the thought of being away from them for so long. You then talked to your mother and with the help of your brothers you convinced her to let you go with them.
Being with them throughout this trajectory filled your heart with pride, you could hardly believe that at that moment you were backstage at one of their concerts that was sold out. Words weren't enough to express your pride in them, and seeing them wearing the clothes you made was even more rewarding.
However, as unfortunately not everything is always happiness, you had spent the last days of the tour extremely worried about Billy. The last few days he was clearly overindulging in drugs and booze, even bringing you flashbacks of your father… The fight with Camila had sparked a much bigger drug craving in the older Dunne, he couldn't seem to stop and it was more and more visible.
Graham Dunne: Y/N tried to warn me, but we didn't really understand what addiction was back then. I thought he would recover with time, that it was just a relapse.
Y/N Dunne: I knew he was in bad shape, I didn't recognize my brother anymore... And if I'm honest with you, I was terrified.
Billy was once again snorting another line of cocaine, and watching your big brother do this made your heart clench in frustration.
"Billy, don't you think it's enough?" Concerned, you approach him, touching his shoulder.
"Are you my mother now?" He says rolling his eyes, pulling away from you. "I know when to stop, you don't have to take care of me."
He says as he walks away from you, staggering a little while feeling the effect of what he used. Not knowing what to do, you sit down, worried about what it all could cause later, the consequences of it all. They had just played the last song, the crowd's celebration was thrilling, and you knew you couldn't stay to watch your brother tear himself apart like he always did at the end of every show.
So you decided to take some time alone, you needed to think about how to help him, and since Graham didn't want to instruct you or at least think of something to solve it, you felt helpless… It wasn't like you could call your mother for help, after all she was in Pittsburgh and Billy was old enough for her to be able to force him to stop.
Eddie had become one of your best friends over the years, you were very close and he knew your concern for Billy and how it was affecting you. He had thought and even tried to talk to Billy about it but as usual he didn't listen to the blonde, so all he could do was try to calm you down, make you feel better.
As soon as Roundtree comes down from the stage, his eyes look for you, when he notices your absence he starts to worry because he knew that you always liked to be there at the end of the shows to congratulate them.
"Warren, have you seen Y/N?" the bassist asks.
"No man, did something happen?" Rojas asks, noticing his friend's worried expression.
"Thank you" he says not answering the drummer's question, heading towards the open part of the place hoping to find you there.
It was already half past midnight, the moon lit the streets along with the streetlights and you cried when you thought about the state your brother was in, it's very difficult to see someone you love with all your heart and soul in a situation like that, and the fear of losing him became more and more alive in you.
You sobbed while letting the tears escape, it was as if you were getting rid of, or at least trying to, a weight that had tormented you for many days. You wanted to have the solution for Billy, you wanted to be able to help him but your hands were tied.
Eddie saw you sat with your hands on your face, his chest tightened to see you sad like that, he cared about you in a way he couldn't explain and he hated when anything made you feel bad. The bassist was in love with you for a long time, he loved every detail about you and would probably do anything to see you well.
He approaches you slowly, expecting you to notice his presence, but you didn't. Roundtree reaches out his arm to poke your shoulder, You wipe your tears in an attempt to hide it from whoever was there, but when you notice it was him you smile weakly shaking your head, showing him that you weren't fine… that you needed him there.
"Is it okay if I sit here?" He whispers, waiting for your confirmation.
"Of course Ed'' You reply, holding out your hand for him to take, which he does.
"I hate seeing you like this…" He says, lacing his fingers through yours. "What can I do to help you, love?"
You smile at the nickname, you two had this way of treating each other which you decided not to name, you had a relationship that with all the characteristics could be called loving, but the two of you for some reason didn't want to risk making things different by talking about.
You were very affectionate with each other, hugs, nights sleeping together, cuddling and sometimes some make out sessions.
"I wanted so much to help him Eddie" Without holding back the tears you say, laying your head on his shoulder. "I hate seeing him like this, I feel so useless"
"Oh my love, you do your best for him" He says, enveloping you in a hug where you knew you could feel safe. "If you want I can help you with that idea you had"
Last night while you were in bed, you told Eddie your idea to call Teddy Price to help Billy, you were sure he would listen if it was Price who told him to control himself. The only problem is that you had no contact with him, and you had no idea how to get in contact with him without Billy knowing.
You watch him closely, the tears in your eyes started to fall you felt so supported by him, you know he would always be there for you. Relieved you let out a sigh, hugging him tighter. He hugs you back, stroking your back assuring you as much as he can that he'll be always there for you.
"You can count on me for whatever you need." He says, placing a kiss on your head. "I'll talk to Warren, he might know his number or where he is."
"I don't even know how to thank you." Eddie noticed that you were much more relieved the more you talked.
"I know…" He says smiling, you take your gaze to him. "Let's rest? I want you to be at peace with all of this, I'll sort it out. Do you trust me?"
"With my life" You smile, planting a kiss on the bassist's cheek.
…
It had been a few weeks since Billy had been in rehab, and although the fact that he was away was something that made you anxious you knew it was for his own good and that was enough. With Billy's absence the shows were cancelled, and they had to pass back the money the record company gave them, and with this free time you all took the opportunity to take a break before looking for any job.
Warren was obsessed with the boats that were around there, and he didn't spend a day away from the beach to have any chance of getting on one. Graham spent half his time with Karen, and although they swore no one knew about them, you knew your brother… you knew he was madly in love with her.
And you were now packing your bags for a trip with Eddie, you didn't have a lot of money for an extraordinary trip, but when he told you the idea of going to a cabin just the two of you your eyes lit up with excitement. Eddie and you were in that friends-with-benefits thing, and although you wanted to make it official the fear of losing him spoke louder, after all Eddie was a rock star and rock stars didn't date seriously, you thought.
So besides the invitation to the trip that took you by surprise, you couldn't wait to be alone with him enjoying each other's company.
"Are you ready beautiful?" He asks, wrapping his arms around your waist.
"Almost Eddie, give me just a second" You open the closet, taking a few more things to complete your checklist. "Now I'm ready."
You turn to him, smiling with excitement the blonde places a kiss on your lips and looks you from head to toe
"You are wonderful..." He takes your hand, heading towards the exit with your bag in the other free hand.
After an hour of travel you arrived at the cabin, it was very cozy and would certainly be a great house for you that weekend. Inside, the decor was super characteristic, several vinyl records hanging on the walls, a fireplace with some armchairs around it. Upstairs is just the suite where you were going to sleep, you went up the stairs excitedly throwing yourself on the bed.
"Eddie this is amazing! I'm in love with everything here" You take your gaze to the window behind the bed, which had a wonderful view of the forest and lake beyond you.
"I'm glad you liked it my love" He lays down next to you on the bed, holding your hand he brings it to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. "It's always good to get away from problems with you"
You turn onto your stomach, looking tenderly at the blonde he smiles as he takes a closer look at your face, he was madly in love with you.
"If I could I would stay with you here forever" You approach him, kissing his nose. "So what? What are the plans for today?"
You and Roundtree had spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company, you danced together, he played a few songs while you ventured out to sing a little, then you decided to prepare things for dinner. And now, with only the moonlight illuminating you, the two of you were sitting in the cabin's backyard.
Just you and the noises of nature, you were sharing a bench you snuggled between the bassist's legs getting a cuddle from him, keeping your eyes closed. Eddie watches you, not believing that someone as wonderful as you was there with him, he didn't believe he was the lucky man who had the chance to hold you in his arms.
However, the thought that you could be with anyone else came to the blonde's mind after all... You weren't official. He knew you wouldn't do something without talking to him first, he trusted you, but the thought that someone could have the courage he didn't have to declare himself to you made him despair.
"I need to tell you something" The bassist says, making you open your eyes and watch him carefully.
"You can say it, I'm here for you." You say, smiling in an attempt to calm the boy who had a rapid heartbeat at this point. "You know I won't judge you or anything…"
"Y/N I can't pretend this doesn't affect me in a different way anymore" He lets out, making you startle at his choice of words.
"What do you mean?" You shift in the chair to look into his eyes.
"I can't pretend that I'm not in love with you baby." He concluded, now making your heart skip a beat. "I am in love with every detail that shapes you, I'm crazy about your smile, you're the most talented person I know, and also the kindest person ever...I mean, you can be nice to Billy! This is the hardest thing a human being can do."
He says making you laugh with the last sentence, slapping the bassist on the shoulder saying non-verbally "hey, that's my brother!"
"There is no one that makes me feel the way you do, and you know I'm terrible at showing what I feel, and even worse trying to put my feelings into words, but when it comes to you… fuck, Y/N! I can change the world just to see you smile" He says, bringing his hands to your waist, seeking closeness. "And I would never forgive myself if I let the best person in the world slip through my hands without even saying how I feel. I love you so much"
You can feel a few tears form in your eyes, an involuntary smile appears on your face when you hear those very beautiful words. Eddie Roundtree was the man that made you sigh, in many ways, he was the man that made you feel special, that made you feel safe, he was the person that would not only be there to help you, but to give you support in everything you set out to do. He was your special someone.
Without wasting time you end the distance between you with a kiss, your hands go towards the bassist's neck from time to time taking your fingers to the man's hair, he kisses you tenderly like he wants it to last forever, like he doesn't want to feel you far away anymore.
"I'm crazy for you Eddie" You confess, your foreheads were together while your eyes were closed. "I love you, and I'm in love with you too baby."
Y/N Dunne: Well, Billy was in for a big surprise when he got back from rehab. *Laughing* He was jealous for sure, but he knew deep down that there was no one who made me feel better than Eddie.
Eddie Roundtree: What can I say? I'm in love with her.
...
Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo
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OK. I did it anyway! Finished the translation and tried as best he could. Part 3
I have a lot of debt, but I did it!
Good ending attached. If you like the bad ending of this story then please stop at 2 parts.
There's also a bit of angst here, a mention of smut.
I listened to a bunch of songs while writing this. In fact, there was a gigantic temptation to make Leon's girlfriend run away again, but I decided to fix the broken hearts of readers.
English is not my native language (I will write this as often as possible so that I don't get tomato thrown at me for mistakes). But I tried.
The text is quite large. I do not know if anyone has the strength to master it.
All efforts crumbled like a house of cards. All hopes that your relationship could still be saved were destroyed from the very day when you finally left, taking one suitcase with you.
For Leon, it was still an idiotic comedy that dragged on for a long time. He kept calling, texting, trying to talk to you about this misunderstanding. But you just cut him out of your life right away, without even giving him an attempt to explain everything.
But the comedy turned into a nightmare. Because Leon realized that you really left. A rather dirty game: to become the one who gave him peace and true love, and then in one second set fire to a small flowering island in his soul, leaving ashes behind.
Leon let you get too close to him. So close that he began to consider you his own. At some point, it even seemed to him that no one could love the way he loved you. But now you have turned the blue sky into black, discarding it as an unnecessary thing. Sometimes, stretching out his hand, lying on the bed, Leon woke up, thinking that since you are not around, then you are in the kitchen. You probably eat breakfast while looking at your phone.
But then he remembered.
You've gone. With tears, creating from his image a monster that hurt you throughout the relationship. You have done worse than Ada. It was a hundred times more painful. Leon knows it's crazy, but for just one night with you, he would give his life.
The only woman who has always been on his side. He wanted to feel the soft cotton of your gray T-shirt, but only your hands could be more gentle.
You have always been so pure that the world could be silenced by such innocence and angelic beauty. All the stars could go out if only something happened to you. You are a rare angel, in whose arms nothing hurts, who descended to him, to the last sinner, constantly fighting in an endless hell. Maybe someone decided that he received too much grace?
Leon would agree with that. But he's not ready to accept it. You said that you love him, despite the fact that he supposedly has feelings for Ada, and if he can convince you otherwise, then perhaps his beloved will return to him
But you didn't want to be in that cage. The whole situation with Leon, in your opinion, resembled the plot of Dolly Parton's song "Jolene", where Jolene is Ada Wong, whom you could beg not to take your lover. After all, as Jolene, Ada was the embodiment of an unearthly ideal. With a voice as soft as summer rain and with a smile like the breath of spring… Ha, you grinned remembering the words of the song.
What could you, a simple student, compare to this Ada-Jolene? Leon kept her compact in his bedside table and you still feel the reproach of envy that you will never become such a woman. You still cry when you think how many times he imagined an elusive mercenary in your place. But your happiness does not depend on Ada. You were able to find the strength to open the birdcage and run out to freedom, breathing in fresh air.
Leon used you. Crushed your heart into a piece of paper and threw it into the fire like the last scoundrel. But here you took out a burnt ember, intending to take care of it and already now you see that the first sprouts of trust in other men break into the light. However, love is not knocking at your door yet.
Because there is one huge problem: no matter how much pain Leon caused you, you want to leave him in your memories. Salty rivers of tears flow down your eyes almost every night, forcing you to curl up in the fetal position with your hands pressed to your chest when you read his messages. These are such ruthless blows that literally destroyed your soul. He's already traumatized you enough, so why doesn't he stop it already?!
The whole body and soul are screaming: help me! And the mind doesn't want to forget his fucking name and touch. You can't go back to Leon Scott Kennedy because he will bring nothing but evil. Say to yourself and remember forever: goodbye, my love for this man, because my heart can no longer bear this sick love.
You met in the spring and broke up in the spring. How much joy and sadness this time of year has brought you!
How much pain there is in the world, and all because of fucking love.
But for Leon it was completely different.
It was the middle of the day, when the sun was still high in the sky, promising to illuminate the streets with its light for at least another three or four hours. Late autumn time, Leon didn't want to get out of his mostly, alcohol-smelling apartment, but he had to write a report and hand it over to Hannigan, despite the overdue deadlines. To gather his thoughts a little for an answer, Leon went into a nice cafe, hiding from the strong wind, hoping that in addition to all kinds of desserts, he could order coffee to take away.
Ordinary strong coffee without sugar and hopes that it will not taste like bile.
The arrival of a new visitor was announced by a ringing bell, to the ringing of which the waiter immediately raised his head from his business. Leon was not going to linger, he walked past the tables with a few visitors until the familiar smell of women's perfume hit his nose.
And stopped.
He forgot about everything: Hannigan, the report, his job. About everything that brought him pain from your departure, because right now you were sitting with your back to him in a warm beige dress, holding a glass with some kind of drink with one hand and writing something in your notebook with the other pen, completely ignoring anyone.
All Leon wanted at this very second was to grab you in his arms and never let you go again.
How did this even happen? Why did you, loving him dearly, renounce him in an instant?
And yet your mere presence lifts him from the thorn-strewn earth. Only a meter separated you from each other, but Leon is already burning to the ground. It didn't matter if you were an angel or a demon, you were his love. His restless bird that flew away from him because it could. Because you believed he could still love another woman.
You look like two fools, each of whom believes in his own truth.
You were so serene, calm and nondescript to others. Strawberry ice cream almost melted from lack of your attention or you just didn't find it tasty enough to finish. Leon completely forgot why he came to this cafe. Illuminated by the evening sunlight, you looked like a work of art that you were so fond of.
A slight smile, careless strokes of a strange drawing in a notebook…you looked tired and a little thinner, but for him you remained the most beautiful. Aesthetic - Leon remembers that you like this word.
Did he have the right to disturb you? Like a mirage, Leon didn't want to scare away the one he loved because he knew if he touched you now, you would disappear again. Messages, calls - there were many of them and not one received a response.
If his love really brought you so much suffering, do you need it? Is he really that selfish? But now you tensed up, feeling someone else's gaze on your back, and as if small droplets of crystals began to beat anxiously against each other like wind music warning about who you are desperately trying to get out of your head.
But there was no soulful cry of "run."
You knew he was there. Behind. The heart did not stop with horror - it trembled with excitement. God, don't turn around! So much was lost because of Leon: dreams, hopes, trust, heart…
The palette of the endless emptiness of weekdays turned into slightly brighter colors.
Leon touched your shoulder and you shuddered lifting your head up. It was impossible to ignore this meeting and there was nowhere else to run. His touch was so welcome. The body responded to him by itself, trying to cling closer to feel the forgotten warmth. It was so good.
Suddenly you felt like a drug addict who received a long-awaited dose of the drug.
The purest buzz.
You still didn't say anything, just stared into those diamond eyes, completely losing yourself. By looking at it, you can experience all kinds of death. You wanted to finally surrender to him, submit and accept the inevitable, and then fall asleep in a tight embrace - all for the sake of the illusory hope of not being number 2.
What idiot said that time heals? There wasn't a night or a day when you didn't think about him.
You want to tell everyone to go to hell, and yourself first, because you're the last fool. A proud fool who can't live without him. Damn pride. Leon took a step forward, swallowing loudly, grabbing your shoulder with his other hand, but it didn't hurt. He looked at you as if he was afraid that you would melt into thin air.
You love each other very much, and each of you thinks that one of you does not love the other.
In an instant, everything collapsed in November. Leon knelt down, still squeezing your shoulders. Curse this month. He pressed you to him and you buried your face in his shoulder, inhaling the smell of a leather jacket and barely perceptible cologne. The stubble scratched the skin unpleasantly, but now these sensations were so pleasant.
If Leon doesn't disappear right now, it's going to be the worst month on the calendar. An unhappy month that will leave another stab wound. Your first true love and not a stupid infatuation…Whatever Carey says, it's impossible to forget Leon. There is no longer the strength to drown in it, grasping at a thin thread of feeling.
"Let's talk" - you're definitely a drug addict. His voice was like heroin causing euphoria. Rough and stringy at the same time. The infernal rejection started from him again.
The waiter's voice sounded like a soft soprano, and Leon reluctantly pulled away from you, but did not let go, as if he was afraid that you would jump up from your seat and run away, grabbing your coat. The lungs let out a heavy sigh, but you didn't want to talk to him. It was as if you were afraid that he would have words that would make you return to this anarchy of abnormal relationships. When he loves one woman and sleeps with a completely different one.
"I don't want to, go away," - you whispered, pushing him away with your palm. It was a terrible gesture. But you endured for a long time, accepting his lies, running after him like an obedient dog.
Love is not when it hurts you. And he mocks you and jokes, building those puppy dog eyes. He pretends that this separation is also hard for him. As if he wasn't a soulless being who took advantage of the trust of a girl in love with him.
But the idiotic heart keeps shouting to him, "Love me for a long, long time!" and Leon seems to hear him.
Leon grins, feeling butterflies flutter in his stomach. How many bridges can you burn?
But he strokes your head, runs his fingers through your hair.
"We'll just talk. Please stop ignoring me!"
"Stop foaming at the mouth to prove to me that the mysterious spy in red does not live in your head."
Keep your finger on the pulse and run. After paying for lunch, you grabbed your coat and walked briskly to the exit. And only when Leon caught up with you on the street, trying to stop you by grabbing your wrist, you turned into a scorpion who tried to escape using all his poison.
It's the same thing again.
"You're the worst thing that's ever happened in my life!"- that's what you finally shouted out to him along with all the other shit, but it was this phrase that killed him completely. The gaze seemed to read information from your face, as if checking it for truthfulness. The fucking detector gave out the truth.
"Someone like you never knew what love was. You know what's funny? To Ada Wong, you're just a puppet. A toy that she can play with whenever she wants, and then put it on the shelf and forget." - You poured out your burning poison, turning words into caustic acid to kill him once and for all, despite your tear-stained face. - "That's enough! I will never forgive you! Run after your elusive spy and leave me alone. I deserve to be happy. I'm already broken inside by your fucking love!"
It wasn't fair. You just tore him apart with those words. He's never even half loved you, he's never compared you to anyone! But nothing will bring you back to him. You will no longer illuminate his pitch darkness with your light. Leon really felt like a bastard who trampled on someone who loved him.
He stood there, looking after you, listening to your hysterical sobs, while you ran away again to lick the wounds inflicted. It seemed like you were about to fall to the ground and die from all this pain. All those months that you have not seen him, in no way helped you to stop loving this man. Because things have only gotten worse.
You wanted to lie down and die. Everything you were rebuilding exploded again, turning you into ruins. Ada Wong would never have allowed herself to do that. But the pain you felt became physical. Your head is spinning, the world has become so crazy and alien, sickeningly disgusting, because all the protective mechanisms of orgasm just fail you after all the continuous work. You just screamed from all the injustice that happened to you, and the name of this injustice was Leon S.Kennedy. The fucking bastard who caused you to fall into the mud, acting like an escaped lunatic.
"I hate you," - Leon heard it. The most terrible thing is that he realized that he was destroying you. Your body was experiencing physical pain - spasms, and you already needed professional help. And yet he cradled you like a baby in his arms until you fainted.
One thing you didn't have time to say: despite the fact that you were burning alive, your stupid little heart continues to seek salvation in Leon. It hurts her, but she calls him for help, begging for caring kisses and warm hugs.
What does it feel like to be a girl with a sensitive heart and a brave soul? The moment you discovered that he still loves Ada made you split into many pieces. Lying in a hospital bed, taking medications whose names you don't remember, you heard your mother's muffled crying and fell asleep under it, pulling the blanket over your shoulders, as if under a white noise. Your father stroked your head as if you were a child, slightly dulling the pain that was pounding in your chest.
"You will be sad and forget" - that's what your mother told you when she found out that the cause of the disease was a man. "You won't even remember that you once loved him there."
But you didn't want to forget him. You're so tired of falling asleep thinking about him… because even when you close your eyes like a phantom, you continue to see him. How can you live with this poison in your soul? Leon poisoned you and didn't even send you flowers, considering that he got you into the hospital because of him. And yet part of you was waiting for him to come.
Leon didn't come.
Nervous breakdown on the background of constant stress. Friends also came to find out about your well-being, but only Carey stayed for a long time, trying to pull you out of oblivion, which the brain could not cope with.
She didn't say a word about Leon, fearing that any mention of him would provoke a violent reaction again. Everyone kept saying that everything would be fine and you'd be coming home soon. Did you really feel a little better, but did you feel depressed just thinking about what would happen next? Your beloved friend disappeared as you wanted.
It is in vain to grieve about a failed relationship that was still beautiful, despite the subsequent horror.
"It was wonderful. Goodbye, Leon," you said to yourself when you found a little strength to admit that he is not a monster at all. Time is fleeting, and nothing lasts forever, and you are also unlucky to find happiness in this man.
Drive all thoughts of him away and remember that you are no longer the two of you. Find the strength to learn to live without him and suppressed the passionate feeling of rushing to him under the door banging on it with his fists.
Burn this brand on yourself.
In fact, even in the void can be cozy. When the day of discharge came, your father insisted that you come home again and recover a little from the experience. But you knew that if you came home, you would never erase Leon from your memory. If there was a record with his name on it, you would have listened to it until I broke it.
It's like you've been living in a dark paradise now. There are no medications for memory, but the ones that you started taking clearly muffle all feelings, allowing you to focus on studying. It was quiet and cold in this dark paradise because Leon wasn't there, but you still remembered how your pain-filled body fell to the floor. And yet there was one significant plus that allowed you to live - it was peaceful in this paradise.
And yet, as if you were a lost thing on the shelf, it did not leave you.
November is a really disgusting month. The whole world seemed to be turned upside down. There was the usual calmness with the absence of something important.
But then stability came.
You and Leon don't talk anymore. Apparently, what was said greatly influenced him, but the flowers in your soul still do not bloom. His love for you is still breathing and part of him knows that you love him, but he will prefer to give you a chance to forget him and all the memories associated with him, given how he hurt your soul.
He would like to stay in your life, but not after what he did.
Therefore, he was content with what was left to him. Polaroids from your vacation with him and memories…and some things that you forgot at his place. Meaningless little things, but he kept them. Everyone focused on their lives. You were riding with friends on a bike, exposing your face to the wind, hugging a friend. Leon is back from his work. And everyone missed the other.
But there is no desire to fall into this abyss anymore. Then it was time for healing, it seemed that the impossible was happening, but fate desperately liked to bring your roads together.
Your face is a real masterpiece against the background of daubs. Among the hundreds, Leon noticed you with your bestia when you were choosing some kind of gift, he looked at you from afar.
The cradle of his suffering… Leon feels like he is filled with love for you again, watching you laugh merrily after recovering from all the wounds that he inflicted on you. So cheerful… he had no right to be with you. With the people he values, something happens all the time, but this time he himself is the one who repeatedly stabbed in the back.
You never blamed Ada for your failure, only him, and it was deserved, because until the moment of your loss, Leon still found these meetings… more personal and intimate even if sex between them has not been for a long time. Just something else attracted him, but he would never let ordinary attraction destroy what he really loves.
However, that's exactly what he did. A stupid compact left somewhere in the corner of the bedside table, which he still had from China… you made the wrong conclusions by backing them up with that inappropriate message on his phone and it was still enough to leave him forever. But now you were laughing and it warmed Leon, how he wants to hear this sound again at home, along with numerous words of tenderness.
It was not worth looking at you for so long because some force pulling each other forced you to find this gaze from which you can die and rise again. Everything beautiful has remained very far away. None of you will say a simple "hello" to the other, and yet why are you silent like fools?
Thanks to the pills, all the senses were dulled a little, allowing a stupid thought to slip into your head - to talk to him.
The doctor prescribed you treatment: medications, rest and moderate physical activity, and somewhere between the lines he wrote in invisible ink "no Leon Kennedy." And you're drowning in this swamp again, violating all the doctor's orders. It doesn't hurt yet, but it's already scary to exhale if you stumble, fall into the water and have to start over.
These silent glances with each other… everyone is afraid to take an extra step, because everything can collapse. Leon doesn't want to be the cause of your tears, he's already brought enough shit to a dear person. Everything beautiful has remained very far away. None of you will say a simple "hello" to the other, and yet why are you silent like fools?
Thanks to the pills, all my senses were dulled a little, allowing a stupid thought to slip into my head - to talk to him. You said a lot to him that day, a lot of things he didn't really deserve, trapping him.
But only now are you wondering: did you notice any moments correctly or did you come up with a reason for leaving? After all, sometimes you could catch the scent of someone else's perfume on his clothes and still believe that there is only him and you. Maybe Ada marked it on purpose so that you could figure out who it really belongs to? What if it was her subtle sign for you?
"Stay away from my territory"
But there was another truth. Your bestie got distracted looking at some jewelry in the window when you watched Leon leave. Have you ever wondered who is a masochist God or is it you? It looks like it was you, because no god forced you to follow him. And Leon felt this persecution, which made him turn around when he saw your indecisive face.
You yourself took a step towards him, and the heart itself began to revive after a long hibernation. The truth is, you had no idea what to say.
It was you who wiped away his tears when he was in too much pain.
It was you who banished all his fears when he woke up in the middle of the night.
You were holding his hand. Not Ada.
"I'm sorry…" You nodded for some reason. - "I'm not… princess… this is a chance meeting. I didn't want to bother you, so you wouldn't think about me.
"I know." - Leon barely heard what you said to him, looking away from his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I said to you then.
"What?" - his reaction made your lips smile with a kind smile that he could not forget. Leon seemed really discouraged, but you just turned around to look at Carey to make sure she wouldn't go crazy when she saw who you were talking to. Definitely, it's all because of the pills.
"I said you were the worst thing that happened in my life, but that's not true. In fact, I only told you a lot because I wanted you to be as hurt as I was. However, I shouldn't have done that. You're a good man. I behaved terribly, like a naughty child."
Leon couldn't understand what had just happened to him. His pupils seemed to widen at the impossible words and your ridiculous apologies. After all, if anyone should be apologizing, it's him, because he drove you to a nervous breakdown. He shook his head, just in case checking to see if you were a figment of his imagination, but you were still standing there. Right in front of him. Was what was happening a prank?
Maybe it's karma?
"You don't have to apologize" - all Leon could squeeze out of himself and you just shrugged your shoulder for a long time without answering anything.
"I apologize for saying too much. It's my fault that I ended up in the hospital, not yours. But I'm not apologizing for that…" Ada's name stuck in throat.
"For leaving?" - Leon grinned when you silently agreed with him. - "At least you had the right to. I don't want to hurt you anymore. You've had enough of me already. "
He wanted to touch you. Just to touch your cheek or hand one last time. He didn't want to let you go, but he knew he couldn't keep around if you didn't want to. Leon snorts, trying to shake off this desire. What kind of kisses can we talk about if you don't love him? All hopes for at least some stability in his life burst like a balloon, and Leon himself held the needle in his hands.
"Thank you for your wonderful attitude!" - You shoot him again, saying these words, and Leon recoils from the one he was so eager to see. - "Even if we didn't succeed, I'm still grateful to you. The last few months have been difficult, but it's my own fault. You didn't promise me anything… I've had time to think. With this Ada, everything is much more complicated and longer for you than with me, and I probably didn't want to admit it to myself. I put on pink glasses and didn't want to see anything but pink shades. You didn't need my heart, and you told me about it at the very beginning, but that's how young she is…" - You laughed nervously, feeling that the effect of the pills seems to be starting to evaporate. - Someone has watched too many movies about love. Forgive me for these tantrums if you can."
Carey screamed loudly and you both turned around at her exclamation when she pulled you by the hand trying to take you away from this man. It even amused you a little, but something still pleased your poor soul more - you were able to admit to yourself that your fault was present in this breakup. Not just Leon.
Leon didn't have time to say a word, but it was in vain for him to be sad. You have forgiven him and yourself. It was the most important event that finally brought a bit of long-awaited relief.
There was only one thing you didn't want to understand, either the brain was using a dirty autosuggestion technique, or it was the pills that dorktor prescribed for you. but the point is this:
Kennedy needed your heart. He needed your love, because everything he had, he had already given to you.
He should have apologized, not you. He wanted to come to the hospital to pick you up, but changed his mind at the last moment, fearing that his presence would complicate the situation. And yet Leon followed you to the exit when Carey shouted at him not to dare approach.
It seems that this is the reason for your separation . The one who hammered into you the idiotic idea that you were his "meat for fucking".
But you are no longer running away from him, however, is it really necessary to break into an already destroyed world again, where he destroyed everything. Leon no longer leaves messages, does not call and does not look for a meeting, and you also began to live quietly feeling only constant fatigue and unwillingness to do anything. And it didn't work out with the guys, there were friends, but it didn't go beyond fun gatherings, even if they tried to flirt.
Looks like your heart still belongs to Leon. For him, it's probably a souvenir, and you have a hole in your chest.
Do you remember that bar where we met for the first time? Now, sitting at the same table, you're looking at the place where Leon was with some damn expensive bottle of whiskey. Without thinking about anything. You straightened your legs and just indulged in sweet memories that no longer caused any harm. It's a little sad, but you're still too young to be disappointed in yourself.
Previously, there was some kind of vigorous cocktail of disappointment, hatred, sadness and contempt inside, but now there is absolutely nothing. It's like you finally got a sobering slap in the face, returning to your former state and admitting that suffering is shit.
Was there any point in talking to Leon? He's probably already broken up with his feeble-minded girlfriend and now he's either found another one or is chasing Ada-their favorite cat-and-mouse game. Of course, he really has some part of your cosmetics left in his apartment, a favorite mug, maybe something else… oh! a notebook. What a stupid thing, because there was nothing important in this notebook except funny drawings and a list of products. Well, maybe something else in small things. Leon probably threw everything away a long time ago.
Although you would like to return the mug.
The mug that he gave you with an idiotic inscription.
You unlocked your phone and saw some excited messages from your father. After quickly answering them, you clicked on Leon's number. Just one click separated you. You could have texted or called, but you spat and just put the phone back in your pocket. It would be necessary to delete his number.
And he still has your damn expensive perfume. It is not like the one used by Ada Wong - her fragrance is dominated by fresh citrus notes combined with something cold. A grenade? You liked calmer floral scents. Lilac and gooseberry have a good aroma.
And you would have torn it off with your own hands. Because the bottle cost a lot of money, and was in a limited collection. For some reason, now you remember him and it became so insulting that you lost such an expensive thing (even if Kennedy bought it for you again). But it's still a damn stupid reason to look for a meeting with him!
In general, you should have been kicked out of his head too. Leon kept your things close on purpose but didn't touch them. One part of him hoped that you would remember them and come to pick them up, and the other party was afraid that then he would have nothing left. The last memories will be gone. He loved flipping through your notebook, finding funny the drawings you made while you were sitting at boring lectures.
He doesn't care, he knows that you liked this perfume, and he also knows that you can't afford such a luxury right now. It's a shitty act to look for a meeting with you again when all the dots are already set.
Even though he wants to see you, can he really let you go later?
However… he wants to write to you. Fingers are already typing a message when an alert with your number and a short phrase appears in front of the screen: Can I pick up some things?
Holy shit! YES!
Leon answered immediately. The usual "yes" despite the fact that everything inside was screaming. A couple of minutes later, another message came asking when you could do it and he wanted to answer in a sarcastic manner, what exactly is for you at any convenient time.
But the line came out the usual "when you want, then take it." Maybe it was a little rude.
Nothing else followed. Leon had no idea when to expect you. Apartment was in terrible condition. In addition, there was your wilted cactus on the computer table. Cactus. Wilted. Maybe because his hostess collected all the belongings and left forgetting him?
Leon didn't know how to take care of him at all. Just poured half-drunk water into a small flower pot, and that's it. The flower that grew on it has long disappeared, and the cactus itself has turned yellow. He turned the pot over in his hand, looking at it from all sides, wondering if it could be fixed somehow in a short time, but decided that if it really upset you, he would buy exactly the same one.
At least to make it up to you a little.
After about an hour of thinking, there was a quiet knock on the door. Leon, casting a cursory glance once again at the unfortunate cactus, let you into the apartment pretty quickly, but you stood there for a few more seconds as if you were afraid to enter the lion's den, which would certainly bite off your head if he crossed the threshold of the apartment.
"Hey," - Your hand waved nervously in the air as a greeting when you were here again, afraid of being captured by your own memories.
Leon only apologized for the mess (although he managed to clean up some things while you were just standing outside the door for about 30 minutes, gaining strength to knock) and offered you tea, knowing how much you love him. A great opportunity to find out what happened to your favorite mug, but you refused first of all by casting a glance at the withered plant.
"I watered him from time to time." He hesitated, scratching his head with his hand. - "Maybe he needed fertilizer, but I didn't know anything about it, especially since it's a cactus!.. Okay sweetheart, just let me buy you a new one or something.
Your laughter slightly diluted the gloomy atmosphere, and Leon clearly felt better.
"It's all right." - A small pot appeared in your hands with the intention of taking it and then throwing it away. - "To be honest, this guy has been sick for a long time. Eventually, he still fell to the death of the brave."
You smiled wearily, making some kind of hero out of a cactus, and your ex-boyfriend also picked up the cheerful mood, lowering his head as he leaned back against the bar, watching his angel take the last thing he had left from this relationship.
Leon compares this to the fact that you gave him the strongest and most beautiful wings when you agreed to be with him. Something truly pure and bright, which allowed him to fight with bioweapons, only for the sake of you and your kind. And now with relentless cruelty you are tearing these wings along with the spine. As the most severe punishment for a mistake.
You silently gather your things, trying not to let your hands shake as Leon watches your actions, fighting the urge to try to stop you again.
Inside, it feels like a guitar string is breaking or sad chords are playing in the soul. One sentence: All gone. You will be left behind, like another experienced chapter of his life, but the fact that the pages of this chapter were full of sincere joy only makes it worse.
Leon's eyes are on the lookout for anything that might help you change your mind. Turn the pages of the book of life a little back and rewrite the plot, correcting this misunderstanding. Although luck is not on his side again.
How to regain lost trust?
It was hardly possible. He could show you those messages from Ada, try to prove that the powder box has been in the trash for a long time, but would you believe him?
He called you by your name as you put the rest of your cosmetics in your bag, thinking that Leon didn't have anything particularly important from your things left. Of course, you turned around meeting with those eyes in which if you look for a long time you can drown, but now only Leon was choking of the two.
"You said then that I didn't promise you anything. it was true, I didn't really make any promises. No vows that I want a family, children and everything else that normal people have, since my work does not imply their presence." - Leon moved to a safe distance so you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Unlike you, even when under stress, he was well oriented and adjusted to the situation, because your eyes were already watering. - "I don’t understand at all what you saw in me that you fell in love with so much, but it was not non-reciprocal. Maybe I didn't say much, but I meant it. These gifts, trips, dinners in restaurants..."
"In your words, I became like a gold digger who managed to find a rich fool." - You interrupted him with a loud squelching nose.
"What?... oh no! Fuck... I didn't mean it. I just know I screwed up. I have a whole carload of problems that I didn't want and don't want to involve you in. Ada - is in this carload . You are right, a lot connects me with her and the story is very long, but believe me, this is not at all what I really want. When I was 21, it was damn interesting. I was attracted to her for many years until that outbreak in Lanshiang. I won’t lie, we met not only on missions, but also after them; Ada has repeatedly saved and helped me; I will not lie and say that I have never had sex with her, but! There is a huge difference between the usual attraction to each other and really sincere feelings. And you were never fucking meat to me!" - Leon raised his voice, but not to hurt you. These crystal blue eyes resembling ice, no matter how paradoxical it may sound, could melt the heart of anyone. He was the one who could turn you into a puddle in seconds. - "From the moment you agreed to be with me, I had no relationship with Ada other than working. Even in my thoughts. We have our own style of communication - it's true. Flirting and banter, but when you showed up…I didn't need anything else."
"Nevertheless, you have loved her for more than ten years. It's not an attachment anymore, Leon. It's weird that I have to explain this to you." - There was no longer that stone in your chest that prevented you from speaking. You felt like a kind of abbess who reveals the truth to the boy standing in front of you (who was much older). - "We managed to get into all this dirt like this…"
"Was our relationship dirt for you?" - You looked up at him. You could clearly see the experience, pain and sadness. As if what happened broke him completely. Leon frowned, waiting for your long answer. - "I haven't always been open with you, and yes, you deserve a younger guy. Someone from your college or just a nice man your age. But you really were the best episode in my life, despite the fact that things weren't always smooth between us."
"It's not about me" - The lip gloss that you were restlessly twisting in your hands all this time finally fell out, rolling to Leon's feet, as if it was a sign to finally approach him, but you were afraid of getting burned again.- "Understand me… I want to be loved. For real. I'm not a fool either, although you probably think I am…"
"I never thought that about you. Naive, careless - yes. But you always had enough brains."
"Women like Ada Wong… -" you kept trying to ignore Leon's gaze. - "You can't get them out of your head. A kind of fatal beauty, capable of hitting any man to death. Such women have no rivals, and you do not consider it an insult, but she chose you, which means that you belong to her forever. However, you don't mind, do you? If I were you, I wouldn't be able to resist her either."
"Yes… - Leon smiled very unpleasantly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, throwing you your lip gloss, which you managed to catch and throw into a gym bag. - "Manipulation; constant concealment of information; a rather specific concept of "relationship". We've been lovers for a long time-I won't deny it, besides, it doesn't make sense. But I'm telling you the truth: you've become everything to me. As I could, I showed my love and care. Trust me, sweetheart , when you get into the same shit year after year, not knowing if you'll live to see the next day… well, it's a bit tedious. With Ada BEFORE YOU, I had some stability. The stability of our crazy meetings, yes, I had feelings. Until I realized that all this is fucking nonsense and it's not love at all, but an ordinary attachment to a person I've known for many years. And it was never love."
"More than ten years…" - Leon shook his head when you said those words one by one, slowly, as if savoring each. - "If you wanted to stop everything, you would stop it, but she is really a part of you that you will never let go. She occupies a big place in your heart, and I don't want to sit on the bench at all, so that during your next break you come to me. Don't you think it's unfair to me and my feelings?"
You trembled. The nerves began to give up again and the fingertips began to go numb, covered with a sticky cold sweat. Trying to listen to your own feeling, you only heard the frantic beating of your heart and the blood pounding in your ears. In some ways, it resembled a pre-fainting state. Part of you knew that Leon wouldn't do anything wrong, and the other part was terrified of the conversation going on.
You urgently needed to grab something to distract yourself. But most of the things were already in the bag.
On the other hand, it was hard to tell what Leon was thinking. His eyes focused on one point-you. A mixture of misunderstanding, irritation and bitterness in one bottle. He got the feeling that you were trying to convince him to believe your own lies, because during the time that you were together, Leon never gave a reason to think that there was someone third in his life.
But you felt something that you wanted to tell him against your better judgment for a long time. This is what you started falling asleep with when you first started suspecting him of cheating, despite the fact that it was very stupid.
"I thought my love was enough for you and me. I was ready to forgive you for the first mistake, Leon. I thought I could be irreplaceable for you, but now I realize that I'm not her equal."
"God, can you hear yourself?" - Leon ran his hand through his hair pulling it back, sincerely tired of explaining the same thing to you. As if you really were…blunt.
However, he didn't need to tell you, you yourself understood what he was thinking. And yes, it was stupid to come here again. You're really dumb.
"The conversation reached a dead end." - you continued to collect the rest of the things, once again capitulating to him.
"You're leading him to a dead end!" - Leon jumped up from his seat, shouting loudly at the top of his voice. You recoiled to the side, away from his formidable figure, next to which your own seemed very tiny. Your subconscious was still saying "don't be afraid," but your instincts were afraid of any violence. He could scream, he could hit… Leon never did this, it was the lowest act for him to hit another (unless circumstances require it), and disputes were generally resolved by ordinary conversation. You knew he could raise his voice, but Leon chose to leave before he reached boiling point. - "What else do I have to tell you to make you believe me?"
Your heart sank. But stand still. The commanding tone of the inner voice told you to resist, and apparently the small iron makings of your father's character were passed on to you. As a last resort, you quickly glanced towards the door, holding a bag in your hands, figuring out a plan in case of escape, and Leon noticed your strange behavior. Disappointed once again. In myself or maybe already in you? Do you really think he's such a monster?
"Why the fuck are you shaking so much?" - It wasn't funny anymore. Leon snatched the bag and threw it with all his might into a corner, not caring about the fragile contents. - "One big quarrel and I became the son of a bitch who beat you up or what? I'm not an angel, and with all my adoration, you're not a gift either! But did I hurt you at least once?!
"Yes!" - In a fit of emotion, you screamed, closing the distance with one big step. Leon chuckled. He meant physical pain, not mental pain. - "You hurt me. And it's still hard for me to live with this wound. I screwed up too. You know, I'm not the only loser here! And this is not a quarrel! You're a fucking jerk who still can't figure out his feelings. You didn't promise me shit, and it's my mistake that I came up with a big love for you ! But no one who has a conscience and respect for a partner will keep a compact of an ex-girlfriend and correspond with her in a joking manner. For some reason, my father does not allow himself to do this. No truly loving man will ever allow himself to do this! And instead of at least admitting the obvious, you convince me of something else! Tell me, Leon, if I did this to you, would you want to keep talking? Would you be able to trust me? "
"This shit has been lying there for a fucking cloud of time. I've already forgotten about her!"
Now both of you have switched to raised tones. You weren't scared anymore. The anger inside you was growing, erasing absolutely all the feelings that had been blunted before. Now you wanted to be fucking rude to him again, and that's probably what he liked about you. Leon even suspected that you would flare up like a match and be able to hit him.
"Forgot about the messages too?!"
"Fuck..." - It was unbearable to fight with you. Like a stubborn sheep who believed a stupid fool - his damn friend Carey. Leon pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened a message chat with Ada. There was no government information there, so he turned the screen to your face so that you could see what was written months earlier. But you didn't even look. Until Leon grabbed your wrist and put the smartphone in your hand. - "Look, read it since you're so sure that I still love Ada. It already seems to me that you are crazy about her".
Stubbornness was not always the best trait of your character, so you pressed the button on the side of the screen and just put the phone on the bedside table, making it clear that you would not stoop to such baseness to dig into other people's things. You also had a sense of your own worthiness.
"What happened?" - Leon croaked, taking a step forward. - "You wanted proof-I gave it to you."
"I don't want anything anymore Leon"
Only one thought was spinning in your head like a gear, "In vain. You shouldn't have come! Nobody got better from the fact that you disturbed this wound by reopening it." And yet you lied to yourself first of all. Leon's anger is caused by your disbelief, but even in a fit of the most terrible rage, he never did anything to you. Although you definitely felt uncomfortable from the tense atmosphere that had developed, where almost sparks were flying around the room, you still kept well with your arms crossed on your chest.
You needed Leon. You still wanted to love him and hugging a pillow at night you imagined that you were hugging him. But agreeing to be a fallback is also not in your style. There will still be a drop of pride for this.
So you just went to your bag, trying to pick it up to pick up the last belongings and leave, but Leon grabs your wrist. No pain. A firm grip is like a call to stop and give him a few more tries before he lets you go forever.
And you freeze, yielding to your instincts that purr sweetly from the slightest intimacy with this man. I wonder if Leon feels your pulse beating wildly? He lets go of your hand, biting his lower lip, and God, how you want to reach out to him to remember again what it's like to be his lover…
"So you came here just to break my heart again?" - his palms rested on your face, forcing you to look at him. For a second you suffocated drowning in the fragrance of his body and losing your mind looking into those eyes again. It's like they were pulling the soul out of you. - "Which of us is hurting the other more? First you reject me by running away for two months, then you pack up and say you never want to see me, but now you're coming back again… Of the two of us, who is the greater sadist?"
Your cheek pressed against his palm. A wave of heat spread throughout your body in small electrical discharges, as if you had taken a heavy intoxicating drug that turned you into clay in his hands. Leon pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes so that you could listen to the steady breathing and you were so waiting for the last kiss. At least a light touch of his lips…
Maybe in fact the main villain of this story was not Leon at all, but you yourself?
"I do not know," - somehow you whispered barely audible. Despite your closeness, you weren't sure Leon heard. -" I'm completely confused"
His bangs fell over your eyes, which made you smile a little.
"Do you want to leave?" - A question that made the body shudder with fright. As if you didn't want him to ask it to you, because an inner voice kept saying "no" and common sense began to doubt the correctness of the decisions made earlier. - "I don't want to let you go, but I can't forcibly hold you either. I really love you no matter what you think of yourself there, and it doesn't matter whether you believe me or not."
"I want to believe you but" - the voice trembled like a string. You lowered your gaze, trying to blink away the hateful tears despite the fact that Leon continued to hold your face.
"What?"
"I'm afraid." - you finally confessed, feeling a huge crack in your heart. Leon pressed you to his chest and you were grateful to him at that second because you no longer had the strength to control your emotions. - "I'm just afraid"
"My love? Or what?"
You didn't know what you were afraid of anymore. Leon pressed his cheek to the top of your head, holding the back of your head. Both of you didn't even notice how it started raining outside, creating an atmosphere of silence and loneliness. All that the soul craved was to stay standing like that for longer or even for an eternity. You feel his other hand on your waist, but you don't have the resolve to hug him back.
"It's not even about Ada, right?" - you didn't say anything. - "Do you really distrust me so much that you are ready to believe anyone but me?"
"You smelled of her perfume; you kept her things and never trusted me. I've always been away from you."
"Believe me angel, the shit that I constantly see haunts me almost every night and this is not what I want for you at all. Even if you begged me, I would never tell you about it. And about the rest…I have no idea what you smelled there."
Leon's words sounded like a final chord. No more excuses. Your body reflexively pressed against him, feeling the lost warmth of your native closeness, which caused the corners of Leon's lips to slightly rise up.
And in the end, you succumbed to the temptation of clasping his back with your trembling hands, covering your eyes from the fatigue of what is happening.
His lips touched your hair, and the noisy intake of breath that followed made him plunge into memories. It seemed like everything was covered in a misty haze, and your scent could make him lose his mind, even if it was for brief moments. The anxiety of a quick farewell enveloped the body, but there was something else… something that excites the mind regardless of temperature. A strange and at the same time precious emotion that has returned comfort to you two, affectionate behavior to each other, warmth of soul. This is something from the depths of the heart.
If Ada was a candle all this time, whose light illuminated a narrow space, then you were like the sun, whose warmth and beauty he missed so much. Leon realized that he was looking at a dazzling man with a huge sun inside, which dispelled all the darkness that had hung over him since the days of Raccoon City.
He knew he had no right to do that, and you could have pushed him away, but Leon wanted to feel your light one last time. Tearing you away from his shoulder so that the next moment he could press his lips to yours, memorizing your sweet taste. Like a rare nectar that can only be tasted once. A crushing kiss filled with belated remorse.
"Let this be my parting gift"
You're not annoyed or even angry. Whatever happens, you will always love him more than you should. So much time spent in vain to burn bittersweet feelings out of a stupid heart and stop following stupid emotions. Everything was absolutely in vain.
You pursed your lips when Leon started pulling away from you. As an avalanche hit a lonely wanderer, so you were dying at this second. leon believed that his love was hurting you and he is ready to step back so that you can heal, but the fact is that now you are at a crossroads again, not knowing the right way.
So maybe we should turn back?
You don't have an umbrella, just a thin jacket, and it's still raining mercilessly outside, as if someone is mourning the heavens. Drops trickle down the glass, and you wipe away your own tears, trying to listen to the footsteps behind you, but they are not there. A gigantic heaviness rolled over.
"It's stupid," you sobbed when you heard his voice, the one that cut you from the inside like a knife blade, forcing you to clench your teeth. - "I will never look for a meeting with you again, but still…stay with me."
"I..I can not…don't know" - Leon hugged you from behind again. Your voice was lost in hoarse sobs and if it weren't for his strong hands, your knees would hit the floor. It was as if the scenario of that day was repeating itself. - "I don't want to leave. I love you so much..."
You covered your mouth with your hand, unable to hold back your sobs any longer. It's just that emotions poured out in a flurry, turning you into a crying mess. However, the grip on your thin shoulders tightened when Leon turned you around to face him, holding you in a vice.
And your hand felt so good on his neck… Leon smiled as if he didn't want to know anything else in the world, starting to cover your tearful face with smudged kisses lingering on your lips and when you started answering all the barriers finally collapsed.
"So you'll stay." - no question. - "No more tears. No jealousy. You're here with me."
"Lee..on…" - with difficulty pronouncing his name, he burst into your mouth with a new kiss that stopped your breath. His tongue easily slid into your mouth intertwining with yours and you knew where to put yourself, allowing his hands to wander over your body.
"Either you leave now and never come back, or we send everything to hell and forget all the shit that happened to us. Choose now."
You were hanging around his neck, and to be honest, this really was your last chance to escape. It was only necessary to make a movement to the side, to pull away from him, but you stood still. One minute. Two… maybe the last two minutes of your sane thoughts.
You stayed, continuing to look into those sky-blue eyes, pressing your forehead against his, without interrupting eye contact. The person standing in front of you was irreplaceable, and now you would rather part with your life than agree to part with him.
Leon stroked your cheek with a funny peck on the lips, causing a sincere smile.
"Never dare to doubt me. Don't ever leave again. You and I will go somewhere far, far away from here. Let's drop everything and go to some house on the shore of the lake, where we will enjoy the tranquility and each other." - another kiss on the swollen nose. You just nodded, clinging to his T-shirt.
You've always been more of a vanilla girl, but Leon decided that rudeness would be superfluous. Not now and not tonight. He pulled off your clothes along with your underwear, throwing you on the soft bed that you already shared with him once and all you could think about was how he proved his love for you, holding you motionless in his arms, licking wet tracks from his cheeks. You didn't have the strength to fight him trying to take the initiative, the only thing you were thinking about was deep slow thrusts knocking moans out of your mouth. Leon was hugging you to him with great greed and a bit of fear, as if you could run away from him now. That's why he whispered soothing words and praise in your ear all the while tucking your hair back.
"I love you. You have no right to think otherwise. You're just my pretty girl, look at me, beautiful" - Leon threw you on the pillow, forcing you to open your eyes. Panting, you obeyed, wrapping your legs around his torso, pressing even closer to him, while Leon found your hand, twining your fingers together. - "I need you. You're my favorite girl, I love you so much. More than anything in the world, I value you, don't you dare leave me anymore, angel."
His smooth movements were maddening. Leaning over to you, he caught your lips pulling into a gentle kiss, but you immediately interrupted him leaning against his cheek like a petting cat, losing his head and blushing from vulgar pops and squelching sounds due to the abundance of lubricant.
"Don't leave me," - you freed your hands trying to straddle him, but Leon crossed your sad attempt pressing only harder to the mattress. - "I'm not leaving anymore, I swear. I'm so sorry… I've never wanted anyone more than you. Only you…my love…"
He was so gentle with you. There could be bruises from your closeness in some places, but you felt as good as ever in all the past months of separation. A loud moan escaped his lips when he plunged into you too deeply. His seed soiled your belly when he cum snuggling up to you.
You don't remember exactly when your sanity returned to you, but you definitely felt it when Leon, after the second round and long hugs with compliments, took you to the shower where he carefully washed off the traces of your intimacy with him, gently kissing and sucking every bruise left from his fingers, promising that he would take care of it in the morning.
You ran your fingers over his wet bangs, brushing it away from his eyes, which Leon used when he picked you up under the hips after taking a hot shower to take you back to his bed and let you rest.
Actually, the bed linen should have been changed too, but you two didn't care at all. Leon pulled you closer to him, laying you on his chest, hugging you with both hands, stopping any attempts to escape, but you were no longer planning to run anywhere. He fell asleep pretty quickly, and you lay motionless next to him for another hour, tormented by a feeling of hunger and thinking how you could get to the refrigerator without disturbing a light sleep. His shirt was left lying on the floor and with an awkward movement, as if deceiving a sleeping man with the desire to turn over, you carefully free yourself from the ring of embraces by getting out of bed. You take a cursory glance at Leon, making sure that he is still asleep and throw it on hastily without even buttoning his shirt, leaving the bedroom with light steps with the obvious intention of robbing his refrigerator.
Slowly and on tiptoe… wanting to have a snack at least with a sandwich, you realize when you open the door that a mouse has hanged itself in the refrigerator. Nothing particularly edible, and what Leon ate all this time, also remains a mystery.
Although it seems the cheese seemed quite usable. It's not too satisfying after a particularly sinful night, but you can last until morning. You already want to close the door when suddenly you realize with a sixth sense that someone is standing behind you, forcing you to freeze in place with a slice of cheese in your teeth.
But Leon just stroked your thighs laughing at the silent scene.
"I'm hungry" - That's the whole excuse. - "I'm sorry, but I won't fall asleep if I don't eat something…"
"I told you not to leave me anywhere." - It sounded harsh, but with obvious notes of playfulness, especially since Leon was clearly staring at your breasts. - "You could have asked me instead of running away again. God, stop eating that cheese. I don't want you to get poisoned!"
"Then feed me something or I'll starve to death. I definitely won't be able to return from the other world."
Leon took the fucking cheese out of your hands after enjoying this sweet conversation between two lovers and one hungry heart and threw you over his shoulder carrying you back to the bedroom, putting you back in his bed.
"And now you're lying or sitting in bed like the obedient girl you are while I bring us something to eat. If you are not in this place, blame yourself. You've already rubbed my nerves and yours enough, angel." - You nodded, still feeling the residual stress from the hysteria you experienced, but you were still smiling sweetly, hanging one leg over the edge of the bed, teasing Leon a little, who was getting dressed all this time. He noticed your stupid game and took a leather jacket from the closet on the way out of the bedroom tickled your heel, forcing you to hide it back under the blanket.
"You're staying here. So that when I come back, and it will be very soon, I will find you in this very place." - Notes of sadness and fatigue were still hovering in his eyes, so you didn't argue, but just agreed.
"I'll be here. It's raining outside anyway and I don't have an umbrella with me."
Leon flicked you on the nose, clearly not appreciating the joke. He didn't even ask what you wanted, even though he already knew about your taste preferences. Therefore, as soon as the door slammed shut, you quickly reached for your mobile phone, answering missed calls from your parents, explaining to them that you just dozed off and didn't hear the mobile. In general, you have found something to do by digging into your phone, checking messages and flipping through the news feed in the social network, thinking only about Leon and the food that he should bring soon.
It all still seemed unreal. You looked at the corner where your abandoned bag was left lying around, as if confirming reality. It's unlikely to be possible to pretend that nothing happened and Leon really looked too tired, but right now you didn't want to think about anything else except his return. Perhaps you have already suffered enough and you really should go on vacation together somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of the world? Leon will probably want to talk about this topic again with a fresher head when he calms down a little.
In the end, finding you sleeping in his bed was a really beautiful reality that he was afraid he had already lost. In his shirt, with pretty bare thighs, sleeping lightly on his pillow. Leon put the bag of food on the table, taking off his jacket just to hug you, proving to himself once again that this is really not a dream.
You really stayed with him and he won't let you leave anymore.
#leon kennedy#leon scott kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon x reader#leon kennedy x reader#resident evil#leon s kennedy x reader#reader#leon kennedy x you#resident evil x reader#re
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save me lord(e) please save me
i struggle with the concept of religion because i've never quite understood the belief on an omnipresent something watching over you and giving you a path or whatever that's supposed to mean.
i went to church probably 15 times in my life when i was younger and i was bored all the time. i took the first communion when i was 10 because my parents made me do it. (i just wanted to taste wine and receive money from my family tho) but i remember that by that time i already rejected the concept of it. maybe because i was deppressed from the very age of 8 years old and i wanted to kms since then (im over it rn fyi), so the whole god thing it wasnt much enough to make me have faith in anything because i already thought i suffered more than jesus.
i've never been much close to my family, im a single child too. not to blame them really, but my parents did the bare minimum so i had to create my own moral codes from way too young. i teached myself, and educated myself on everything i know of since i was a kid. i took the responsibility of being the emotional support of adults as a child because they didnt know how to be parents nor communicate their feelings with each other (or me, for that matter). i hided my own. and when i was on my breaking point i took care of myself at 13/14 i think? and made myself go to therapy because i knew if i didn't i wouldnt be here today —i had to convince my mom, changing the reason i needed to go and i made her lie to my dad because he "doesnt believe in that" and so on—. my parents were clueless all the time 'till i grew up and told them my story on a crisis i had in the pandemic. they are still not the best parents you can find but i moved on from being resentful and made somehow peace.
i remember i was quite interested in the whole lucifer arc and the apocalypse stuff. when my catechist was explaining the 7(i think?) days of creation or etc i was reading the very end, fascinated as a kid reading the hunger games. probably my father's fault since he loved to watch the conspiracy shows in history channel about nostradamus and so on in the living room's tv. and also maybe because i loved chaos and i never fitted in anywhere so naturally i didnt even try.
i hyperfixated on greek gods if that helps.
at 13 i met the 1975, my favourite band (if it wasnt obvious at this point). and the first songs i listened to were girls, me, and antichrist. and i know it's very likely that you think im exaggerating but antichrist is doubtless the purest most real song i heard in my life. and i think about it a lot. the whole journey the band, and matty especially, made about religion made me think a lot through the years. i agree with him tho, but i made that entire journey when i was 9, as they said men do drugs once and discover the same things girls have discovered alone in their bedrooms at 13 years old. and today religion is a thing so foreign, and distant to me; sometimes i wonder if im missing something by not being part of that feeling.
i can't wrap my head around it, i cannot process faith because i don't find it logical. however when im lost i sometimes find myself asking for signs to "the universe", so it's complicated. i also think it's better for people that feel lost to find a communion of some kind than ending up being addicts or worse, liberals. and i also think some religions are waiting for people to have misery to sign them up on their cult.
what is religion really? what is god? is there one? or two? or millions? but what about science? the big bang? evolution? capitalism? media? how can all of that make some kind of sense altogether? i said already i am skeptical over probably everything, but the truth is that science is also a common agreement of stuff and "hard" evidence, but we don't have the certainty that things work like that in the whole universe, so technically it's not an absolute truth, it's just what works. but what is the whole universe? i trust science over anything ofc that's not what im trying to say, the thing is i lose my mind every now and then when i dig that up. because you end up thinking you are so tiny and irrelevant to the whole universe, the whole thing we live into. are we even alive at this point? is this reality real? and i know it's stupid deep thought thinking you have when you are a kid but i wrote something about this years ago in my diary and im going to quote it:
(i wrote it in my native language so the translation may suck a bit)
"(...) the human being is perfect, nature is perfect. the society is a mess but synchronously is perfectly designed to still work. what's the goal of humanity? some people believe in god, not me tho. i sometimes think people are simplistic and conformist with the unknown. weak deniers of the search of the truth. the systematization almost automatic that is used on people as individuals of each culture, each society; with the vague idea of making them believe on free will, and the freedom of choice. when there's something existing over us that influences us, dominates us, and drives us like cattle. but what is this really? (...) the different "types of control" influence all of us so we achieve an end to society. nobody question said unknown end, because they believe, they have faith; on themselves and their meritocracy, the destiny god prepared for them. to the reach of a post-civilization with all the answers, from the firm and fair science that at the same time is clinging to nothing, to the not knowing blindness. the problem with humanity is believing but not fighting for the answers. the problem with humanity is trusting in "what exists and what doesnt exist" as a concept; when you can find somehow the solution on untrusting and not believing on absolute truths, because all of those are influenced by human subjectivity. civilizations are built with absolute truths, "civilization or barbarism". the barbarism never was that much stupidified. do we live in a simulated civilization? i dont know, all i know is that i know nothing."
lately i've been thinking about religion as a support group for people, but the institution makes me yikes. i've been thinking a lot about lots of things.
and i find myself in the context where everything i know of is taking another meaning now. maybe religion is what conveys the society altogether, maybe it's something else. i don't know. the world was always at war because of religion, and the preponderance of one over another. noone can convince me that religion has nothing to do with the world war we're living rn.
i consider music as a support group, i have my own friends and we like the same things (i dont like people who i dont think somehow alike). and i like my music as a representation of my personality too. i believe one is what one consumes. i grew up here, on tumblr, and i know what i write now will probably resonate with you too.
what i know most of is possibly reading patterns on people. and what i am wondering right now is if we, as a whole, and our generation specifically, walked away too much from the "love your neighbor" premise. i may not believe in religion, but i believe in collectivism as a way to live, as a gear that sets society in motion. and me, personally, i am a hater of everything and everyone. but i can deal with it, i dont think society will. we can't make the bad people disappear, and we can't kill them all (sadly). so lately i tend to believe i have the knowledge and the wisdom to be the adult and choose to make peace with the evil, to stop fighting for making people change, and go build community, the safe space, the home, with the people who are predisposed to listen. because individualism will kill us all. and we cannot save ourselves alone.
lorde said explicitly "if you're looking for a saviour well thats not me". but here we are.
happy easter to those who celebrate.
#girlblogging#girl blogger#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#this is a girlblog#girl blogging#girl boss gaslight gatekeep#girl rotting#girlblog aesthetic#girlblog#femcel#girlrotting#just girly thoughts#just girlboss things#religion#catholic#catholiscism#easter#lorde#antichrist#the 1975#matty healy#matty the 1975#jesus#fleabag#faith#girly stuff#church#supernatural#i hate it here#the tortured poets department
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Requesting a Hazbin Hotel Matchup!
I would prefer a male character! (Despite that, I am an ace lesbian. I just wanna indulge my comphet fictional crushes iykwim + i prefer more of the male cast in hazbin. I totally understand if you'd prefer to match me up with a female character) I use she/they pronouns.
A few personality traits of mine would be hardworking, clumsy, compassionate, and playful. I am a workaholic, and often work myself to the bone. Ironically, to others, I try my best to ensure they don't overwork themselves. I'm a bit of a people pleaser to the point where I jeopardize my mental health, but I'm working on it. I'm decently good at appearing mature and socially adept (if a bit anxious) when around strangers, but around those close to me, I admit I am a bit of a baby, being playful.
I have ADHD, a Depressive Disorder, and strongly believe I have Autism. Some jokes, sarcasm, and flirting goes iver my head, but if I notice, I do like to play along. I like cutesy pastel colored clothing in a sort of streetwear style. Like, cargo pants are great but I also love cute skirts. I'm an artist and a gamer. I like to animate and am working towards developing video games! My love language is definitely physical touch and quality time. Hugs are important to me. I like being close to people I care about, even if we're not doing the same thing. Parallel play is peak to me.
My music taste swings around wildly. I've always been a sucker for vocaloid and musical theatre songs. Lately, I've been listening to Epic The Musical and Calliope Mori. I love to sing and play the violin, so any music that I can vibe to, I like. I like plushies quite a bit, even though it's childish. My sense of humor is nonsensical even to me. I laugh a lot, basically, from dark jokes to antihumor.
I'm unsure of my demon form, to be honest. I'd probably have something to do with video games or art, and my favourite animals are small round birds (like the white-browed tit-warbler), jellyfish, and frogs. Feel free to describe my sinner form however you want! (I am short though)
I hope this isn't too much haha I just realized how much I rambled
I don't really want full NSFW headcanons, but some spiciness/non-explicit stuff is good.
Thank you!
-👾 (so i can find this later)
Your Match Up Is. . .
Lucifer!
You probably met him at the Hotel.
Now, Lucifer wasn’t immediately obsessed with you. No, no, he had his daughter to focus on.
However, you caught his attention soon enough.
It was actually while working on the Hotel rebuilding that you caught his eye.
With you darting around from place to place, making sure everything got done while also making sure everyone else took a break, you made yourself known.
Unfortunately, no one made sure you took a break so he took that role upon himself.
It probably took some convincing but eventually he got you to do it.
Over time you two got closer and closer.
It was one of those things were everyone else realized you were both in deep for each other before either of you did.
This is because neither of you recognized when the other was flirting. . . like at all.
It would probably be Angel or maybe even Charlie saddling up to one of you going, “Soooo, when are you gonna ask them out?”
Immediate denial followed up by very intense analyzation of every single one of your interactions with each other because what are they talki. . . Ooooh, you see it now.
It’d be a while before you two got together.
When you did though, prepare for heaven in hell.
Wow, Lucifer sure is a catch.
He is so sweet and so caring.
He is able to recognize signs that your depression is getting worse because of his own and together you’re able to help each other through the spirals.
You’re also able to give each other advice that actually works with you AuDHD brains because there is no way that man is neurotypical.
Get ready to be able to infodump any time you want to and be listened to with the most attention. He is asking all the questions.
You’re making a game? What genre? What animation style? What’s the main story line? What’s that side character that you made too detailed of a background for? Tell him everything.
You like drawing? He likes making ducks. Can you draw him ducks for him to make when he’s in a funk?
And you have plushes! They can be friends with his ducks.
If he hears you listening to a song from a musical, it’s over. You’re not doing whatever it was you were doing. You are now obligated to reenact the scene from him.
He loves dancing with you.
Sometimes though, he can get a bit in a Gomez Addams-like mood and he’ll just start kissing your arms, then your neck, the one thing leads to another.
This man is big on oral.
Cuddles after. Always.
He is a big cuddler.
This man is so touch starved it’s not even funny.
He intends to make up for it so a hand is almost always on you. He is always in your space.
You are never falling asleep without being cuddled again.
#hazbin hotel matchup#hazbin lucifer x reader#lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel lucifer morningstar x reader#spider Anon#????#I honestly have no idea what that is#and it won’t let me copy it
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I know I said I wouldn’t talk about taylor swift on this blog anymore but this is about billy so I am breaking the promise for just a second.
I have been listening to “the great war” on repeat and there is no universe you can convince me that it’s not about billy and max, specifically about everything following the fight at the byers, with “the great war” being their home life.
the songs opens with
my knuckles were bruised like violets, sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep talked
we all have our theories of the aftermath of the byers fight, but the consensus lies somewhere with billy ending up getting punished because he didn’t get max, and billy putting the blame on max. billy’s knuckles were bruised from the fight, he’s beaten down and angry, and he’s cursing max because in his eyes, all the blame falls to her.
the second verse begins
you drew up some good faith treaties, I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone
it also appears that the consensus is that tensions between max and billy started to settle after this moment, with max standing up to him and the two of them finding themselves in some sort of truce. however, the problem of neil was still a problem, and it was likely max continued to do things to get billy into more trouble. I think this likely led to billy isolating himself. we see beer cans scattered all over his room and it’s not unlikely that he was using alcohol (poison) to self medicate.
also going back to max’s actions having negative consequences for billy, the following line goes
you said I have to trust more freely, but diesel is desire, you were playing with fire
max is playing with fire whenever she rebels, except the difference is that she’s not the one at risk of being burned. billy ends up with the blame and the punishment, so of course that’s going to lead to some type of resentment.
and maybe it’s the past that’s talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did, so I justified it
I don’t think max is aware of how her actions are affecting billy because she had already made up her mind on the kind of person billy is. I think she realizes eventually how neil is weaponizing them to fight with each other.
It’s clear there’s something that happened in california that they both blame each other for. billy blames max for his life being uprooted, and that paired with the fact that her actions disproportionately harm him, he’s misplacing the blame for his abuse onto max, and truly believing he’s justified in it because to him what she’s doing is just as bad.
now the song seems all doom and gloom for the siblings until you get the hopefulness from the choruses.
all that bloodshed, crimson clover, uh huh, the bombs were closer, my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war
always remember, uh huh, the burning embers, I vowed not to fight anymore, if we survived the great war
despite their volatile sibling relationship full of mistrust and resentment, they are able to understand each other on a level nobody else can. they are both experiencing what it’s like to live as a child in their home, and I think at the end of the day, deep down they both truly care about each other.
we actually know this. the show tells us this with how max reacts to billy’s possession in season three, and billy’s pleading to max, reaching out to her for help (because maybe she’s the only one who has ever tried to help him)
they count on each other in a weird way. they don’t trust each other, yet in “the great war” they wouldn’t call on anyone else for help.
i think that eventually, if having been given the chance, they could’ve mended their relationship and worked together instead of against each other, and their story could have had the ending that the song gives us.
there’s no morning glory it was war it wasn’t fair, and we will never go back to that bloodshed, crimson clover, uh huh, the worst was over, my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war
always remember, uh huh, we’re burned for better, I vowed I would always be yours, ‘cause we survived the great war
sorry if this isn’t very well thought out, I just needed to express my thoughts cause I think the song just captures the nature of their sibling relationship so well—enemies with an even bigger enemy in common.
anyway, go listen to the full song if you want to break your brain like I have.
#billy hargrove#max mayfield#stranger things#all I wanted was for them to survive the great war#and the duffers had to go an fuck that up for everyone#also I would have talked about the bridge too but the post was getting too longgg#also it’s 3am and this probably makes no sense lmao
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It was true. Delta had been spawning thoughts similar. Maybe they were born from the shared mind or maybe they were her own. Sometimes she wasn't sure which thoughts were her own anymore. She didn't care. They were two, but they one and the same. She'd never see it any different for as she so existed. No one could ever convince her otherwise. In the start she worried she needed to plan for taking over Halloween Town for him until those similar thoughts began to evolve. They had Feral. Fuck Oogie and her whatever legacy she thinks she has power over. It wasn't them. That's all that really mattered. It sure as fuck wasn't them, it was nothing Frank wanted, and it sure as fuck never would be them, and their world was going to end up so much better once designed however the fuck they wanted. It might take some time, but they were working on it. So fuck all.
Party on.
Once at the castle....
Everyone from the bus had piled in and were getting their groove on in their own way costumed or dressy. Between nonesensical cats or fancy fae folk getting pouring punch or jamming out all seemed to be going according to plan well enough. Still, it was time for Delta's planned dance and Piper had managed to get Maddy's attention. Bastien was a little whoosy from the lights and cocktail of drugs he'd taken to have an extra special evening. It was all going to his head. Luckily, he seemed to be having a time so far. All's well just like at the river with the fireflies and sparkles in the water. He'd watch as his wife and the eye ball queen walked away together. What an amazing evening! That's all Bastien could think. He'd met the angel of death, the reaper, the reaper's messenger, he'd been given a job title as the Firebug when called for duty, and now some sort of Heirophant of the Great Eyes. He couldn't believe his life was so blessed with such divine intervention.
Yeah, he missed that was Piper. Ah well. His mind was a little in and out on that one. But, damn it was a happy moment for him. Maybe that's all that counted?
Up in the studio the gals and Zero would get out of whatever outfits they had on and get into something more comfortable to dance in. They'd be able to come up and get redressed after if they so pleased.
While upstairs changing a few changes were happening downstairs too. A mock set up began that Babyface didn't know was happening. So he got a surprise. Black Arts stepped up on stage.
"What the? Since when does he know Delta? How the?" Babyface would look so confused as he stepped on stage. Also, anyone who knew what the girls were doing would know Valerie was going to sing and would probably know what song she was going to sing, so when Black Arts would stand up and start to sing the song Delta had picked out for Valerie to sing it might have confused those guests especially when all the girls were gone and couldn't be asked.
However, it was part of the act. Black Arts agreed to sing the song only three quarters of the way through as lovely of a job as he did, even with Willem as part of his back up band, lots of unexpected participants here....
Then that's how the girls would make their entrance. Valerie would come down first, burting in and with a new mic and simply drown him out with her superior vocals.
"Like a River, Like a River" Echoing making Black Arts look back in confusion and her bold voice would jolt out loud "SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND RUN ME LIKE A RIVER!" So Superior - and he'd bow out and clap as he gave her the stage. It took quite a man to allow such an act to take place and allow his talents to be upstaged, but it happened. At least musically. He was fine with being upstaged musically. Magic however and he'd say nay sir.
It was the way the girls and Zero that came running down dancing to it like militant march that would capture the audience too. Every guy with a gal up there and Victor with Zero had their favorite member to be sure, but the whole group was quite a force with a forceful song. Of course Delta took that middle center spot. She'd have to being the shortest. She did consider herself the lead to follow, but she'd give each person a moment to swap spots to be highlighted. She'd still end in the front center.
The pull of excitement on earth was too much for Seven. The veil was thin and his normal watch list included Zero. Today was harder to see clouded over by the magic of Delta Castle until the sun went down. All Hallow's thinned the veil enough to hear the music, smell the feast, catch glimpses of the pagentry. He and Zero almost always did matching costumes. It was magnetic. Zero was earth and Seven could feel the force of gravity pulling his heart. He caught glimpse of calfs in heels? A beat his own foot couldn't help but want to stomp too.
"Oh Pierre, pull yourself from the pits and tie that bun up like a man. We're crashing that party."
"Come on."
Boom. Earthbound.
They weren't the only ones.
As Valerie kept repeating "like a river" out of context her own child by the name of River was manifesting not too away too. He'd been practicing control for a long time helping her with the hole left in her spirit when Caim ripped Sparky from their unbreakable vow style magic leaving her open for other spirits to take her over. He'd been invisibly been keeping her safe for months only appearing by happenstance on a good day. Tonight was his night too. Full control unlocked.
"Guys wait!" He manifested completely solid. He looked real just like Sparky used to. River was different than Seven. He was a full time ghost. This was different for him. Full time unfinished business.
His clock started ticking the moment he manifested Halloween or not. His body would start rotting at an accelerated rate before the night was over unlike the others. He might get extra time this night due to the extra power of All Hallow's Eve but he's still stuck in this cycle none the less. Skin will decay. Ears might fall off. Anything is possible as the night goes on until he peters out again to the other side.
He started at the bottom of the hill and he realized right away that was a mistake. He had to keep walking up to the castle and he wasn't as fast then. This wasted some of his time. Sadly, even in death, River's sight did not connect with the others, not even when his physical body manifested. His lifeless body was but a memory despite being tangible. Still, manifesting at all was a huge accomplishment.
He'd be standing wore out and already his body losing life by the time he climbed up the mountain and managed to get to the party. Still, he would be there at the edge of the party taking a much needed breather and having a look around at all the people when he came in.
It would be when Delta sighted him sitting on the edge of her piano she became quite alarmed, but she didn't let it show on her face. Only Frank would know the alarm if he was reading her. She bowed for her dance graciously like she always did. But all she could think was "If River's here.... ghosts are getting in. Ghosts are getting in my castle. He might be showing his face, but who might not be?"
She couldn't have known the castle's weakness. She was but a child growing up here. Sometimes nature is bigger than witchcraft.
Her eyes darted to Frank. They needed to send what Fae army they had on a security search. They'd have to sweep the place after the party too.
Then there was yet another unexpected guest crashing their party. Silas. He'd been in Feral all along. Bastien had been talking vaguely about a shadow to Maddy, something about it not being Peter Pan's ever so long ago. It didn't really add up or make sense when it spoke of it. Knowing Bastien it really could have been anything, but it was Silas. He's been keeping under the radar by staying in his shadow form like his father, Chernabog to keep undetected.
It was Halloween. Again the veil was not only thin for ghosts, but this was known as the devil's night for a reason too. Infernals came out to play. Chernabog might have been in a brass vial around Delta's neck but the pull between father and son was strong. The demonic influences were hard to control and Silas could not withstand them.
He wore a clown costume. He slipped via shadow and manifested as himself over by the buffet. He had his mouth covered up. If Frank did any invasive head scanning he'd find the costume choice with the mouthpiece was actually for the guests' safety more than anything. He was trying to deter himself from getting too eager for being this close to easy targets again. His mind would be full of torture and agony he's performed on people with zero remorse with absolute fascination. It would be a rabbit hole of American Mary artistry, and sadististic scenes of malice, and rare copulation because that wasn't the point, but sometimes he'd get off on it, but it was hardly needed. If Frank dug deep enough when he'd find this crasher he'd learn he'd come there with some hope of regaining access to Dr. Chernabog again.... one way or another.
Frank would hear him continually remind himself that his father loved Delta and the jealously would be fuming over it because it landed him in this position in the end. All the thoughts and memories of his father not seeing how fine a line he was walking by the end with Oogie baiting Jack's kid once he started to hang with Maleficent's. He had warned Jenner. He couldn't understand it because his own father told him to think of Oogie like his mother, so he did. It feels to Silas his father chose Maleficent and Delta over Oogie and him and then somehow ended up betrayed in that vessel unable to understand everything that happened.
Then there was Bastien who would be the first to meet him personally. "Hey. I know you. You're that shape. You're the shadow shape. You're the shadow."
He shook his head no.
"Yes, you are." Bastien wouldn't let up. Bastien sees things. "You just have color now. Lots of things have color now. I like you with color. It's nice."
This made Silas stare at Bastien for the longest time.
"Nice to meet you colorful shadow." Then Bastien waved at him like he was the coolest thing ever. One more thing in his cool Bastien world.
This wasn't even the last thing odd happening on this party evening. Magic was stirring everywhere with the thin veil. That included Pleasure Island. The damn Coachman's ghost was up and running and hee haws were being heard over the water in the night through the fog more eerie than it ever had. Carnival music was back up and running like a ghost park in the night no matter the construction the Boogies had done, it was just like it was the night Babyface shot him, and would be like that every Halloween. There was just something about the magic of that night and the evil of that place.
A lot was stirring in what used to be known as Nola, but now was most certainly extremely Feral as a mighty ghost of a whale that Jetsam once harpooned splashed a giant tidal wave outside on the beach making deep white currents out the windows of Delta Castle. Everyting that once was Nola, was haunting Feral.
Frank wasn’t dragging his feet about any of this, which might have been an odd thing considering. No, actually, he had some pride in what Feral had grown into. In part because of him, but mostly because of Delta. Her power was intimidating, and that was one of the many reasons why he loved her so much, had from the beginning. They weren’t just showing off the castle, but the people on the bus were seeing the transformed streets, the darkness of the woods. They could rival Halloweentown in it’s spookiness, but without all of the corniness. He didn’t have to inherit shit from his father. He earned this through Delta.
Also, the night was sure to be entertaining. Add dashes of Halloween, this crazy crowd, everyone in their costumes, who knows what kind of amusing thoughts are going to be going on inside of their heads? Frank intended to catch as many as he could, laying out a wide net, filtering in the best for Delta. It wasn’t really a ball without a little drama, now was it?
The guests were arriving, and they had a lot to look at. Of course Delta and Frank were a spectacle of their own, him in his tight leather costume, looking almost like a bladeless S&M Edward Scissorhands. Then there was the setup of the Ballroom, the decoration, the drinks and all that were set out for their guests, as if they had come to a King’s court.
Beagles, Laveaus, Belleroses, Trouillefous - and other. A mishmash of people who had collided over the years.
And Frank had a careful eye on it all.
GoGo moving to dance with Scout and Neb, Ellie joining in, making a silly dancing group. Only thing was, GoGo always looked a bit silly when she danced because the girl had absolutely rhythm. Her dancefloor was the racetrack. She wasn’t winning her way onto Delta’s dancetroupe anytime … ever.
Maddy was whispering to Bastien, admiring the way that everyone was looking ronight - nothing but complimentary and wondering who they should approach first - when Piper had gone ahead and made that decision for them. Her smile was genuine, like it always was when she saw Piper after a while. And then she bit down on her lip to hide in the giggles at her husband’s reaction. He’d told her about the eyes. She’d seen some of them at their wedding when Frank had given her glimpses into Bastien’s mind. So she caught on right away as to exactly what Piper was doing. It was also easy to tell that it was Piper - who else would wear something so bold?
“It’s a party no one could miss,” Maddy said, holding onto Bastien’s arm.
“Okay,” She nodded to Piper, and slowly let go of Bastien. She was excited for this dance, for the costumes, for all of it. “Hmm - it’s up to you, but I think he’d like to see it again.”
#valeriexthomas#deltaxfrank#errybody#sevenxpierre#bastienxsilas#ok everyone's at the ball#feel free to put yours whereever with whoever#maybe say where they spread out to and then we'll focus on one or two? or whatever. idek roll with it lol
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Subtle - Finn Shelby *TW: Disordered Eating*
@anonymooseforever007 submitted: Can you please do a Finnxfem!reader with angst prompt G where Reader is A and Finn is B where reader chooses not to eat regularly or often forgets to get food and Finns realizes it and starts to carry around little snacks to just hand them throughout the day? Like when he sees her he’ll just hand her some nuts or something small like that? And he won’t necessarily point out loud that she’s not eating because it may make her more self conscious about it? It could be romantic but I also don’t mind if you focus on the platonic aspect of it.❤️❤️
Anonymous asked: Hello! Can I request a Finn Shelby x fem!reader one shot (or blurb is whatever you want) where she maybe doesn’t eat a lot. Like she just forgets to eat or never eats very much and is dating Finn. And when he notices that she doesn’t eat actual meals much he just starts carrying little snacks in his pockets to hand to her occasionally. B/c he realized that she won’t eat meals but is he hands her like some nuts while she working she’ll eat them and stuff. Or he try’s giving small stuff to eat<3
This imagine is in no way meant to glorify or romanticize disordered eating habits. If that is something triggering to you, please skip this one. Your mental health and well-being is much more important than reading a fanfic.
I wrote this in a fit of anxiety so apologies if it’s not my usual standard. I’m just trying to get my brain to calm down and go shush. If the formatting is off, I will fix it later.
To make a request, you can find prompts here and here.
Requesting guidelines here. You don't need to use a prompt to request.
Masterlist
Prompt: Person A not eating much or taking good care of themself and Person B trying to get them to be healthy.
Warnings: disordered eating/eating disorders. The reader is not aware they are engaging in disordered eating.
Word Count: 1,054 words
It wasn't anything intentional, truly. It started when you got a stomach bug a couple of months ago. Nothing you ate would stay down; your stomach just twisting and cramping painfully when you tried. You were sick for nearly two weeks, Finn worrying by your bedside as he tried his absolute best to get you to even drink some broth.
However, you did get better. Your fever broke and your body started to heal. You could eat plain meals such as lightly seasoned meat or toast and jam. Finn stayed beside you, trying to convince you to eat a little more, but your stomach was recovering. You couldn’t eat much more than that.
Now, nearly two months later, your stomach was fully healed. You didn’t get nauseated at certain smells or feel your stomach cramp up when you ate dinner. But, you still didn’t eat much. You had fallen into a habit of not eating too much during the time you were ill and it seemed you couldn’t shake it.
Finn first noticed something was a little off when you were reading a book while cuddled against him on the couch. Your stomach was making soft rumbles and whale sounds, begging for something to fill its hunger.
“Y/N?” Finn asked you, raising an eyebrow after a particularly loud grumble coming from your belly. “Let’s have dinner early, I don’t know how you can read peacefully with that rumbling.” He teased you a little bit, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to your temple.
You blushed a little, closing your book. Now that you thought about it, you hadn’t eaten since breakfast, which was several hours ago. “Sure, but only because you’re giving me those bloody eyes.” You teased him back, kissing his lips after you saw his puppy eyes.
But, it didn’t end with just that one incident.
Finn noticed over the course of a few days that you seemed to just ignore when you were hungry. He was concerned, but you were both always buried in work and forgot to eat. Only, he would listen to his body when it told him to eat.
Finally, he broke one day and just had to ask. You were tightening the waistline of your clothes, humming a song to yourself under your breath. Finn just couldn’t hide his worry anymore.
“Y/N? Are you okay?” He asked you cautiously, sitting down in a chair beside you. His hand rested on your thigh, his eyes gently gazing into yours. “I’m worried about you, love.”
You crinkle your brows, looking up at Finn with confusion. “Why are you worried? I’m doing well. Work has been busy, but that’s nothing I can’t handle. Have I done something to worry you?” You asked him, your voice filled with as much worry as his was.
“No, no you haven’t done anything. I’m glad you’re well.” Finn decided to drop it for now, giving you a kiss on the lips. You had lost a little weight, but it was nothing dangerous. Finn could see it wasn’t intentional… you were just so lost in your head and focused that eating slipped your mind.
“Of course.” You smiled warmly, blushing a little from the kiss. He always managed to put some color in your cheeks. The two of you went to bed shortly after that.
Finn had an idea spark in his head that night. When he woke up the next morning, he stuffed his coat pocket with little snacks. Mostly various types of nuts, but he stashed a couple sweets in there as well.
The two of you went to work as normal. You worked more with people than he did, but when you returned to your small desk in the corner, there was a small smile of nuts and a piece of chocolate. You looked up at Finn to see him give you a wink and a smile.
This became a new routine quickly after that. Wherever you were, Finn always seemed to have a pocket full of never ending snacks. He started to even pack bread with him some days. He had a small pouch in his briefcase that was now assigned strictly small snacks.
“What are you, a fuckin squirrel?” Arthur asked him, a smirk on his face as he watched his little brother scramble to pick up the fallen contents of his briefcase.
“Fuck off, I’m just carrying snacks around for Y/N. They forget to eat sometimes.” Finn shrugged, throwing away what had touched the ground. Thankfully, he had wrapped up most of what he carried around.
Arthur nodded, still chuckling to himself. “Well, you should really find a new system. Carrying nuts and chocolate in your case isn’t gonna do you any good. Just make people think you’re a kleptomaniac of small foods.” He teased, patting Finn on the shoulder.
Finn shrugged him off, rolling his eyes. “Oh sure, yeah. That’s what they’re gonna think.” He laughed, setting his cleaned up briefcase on his desk. “I’ve got work to do, Arthur.”
Arthur took the hint and left, but not before making another couple teasing remarks to his brother.
——————
The weeks went on like this. Finn would bring snacks and even small meals everywhere the two of you went. You were starting to look healthier again now that you were eating a little more properly.
It took nearly three months before you caught on to what he was doing… why he always had snacks for you. But, you didn’t say a word. You found it quite endearing that he would do this for you.
One morning, you walked downstairs and caught him carefully wrapping some nuts in a small rag to stuff into his briefcase. “Finn.” You spoke aloud, giving him a small smile.
You went into the kitchen, standing on the tip of your toes to give him a passionate kiss. Afterwards, you pulled him into a hug, burying your face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you, Finn.. thank you.” You whispered, relaxing as his arms tightened around you.
“I would do anything for you.. I just want to see you happy and healthy.” Finn told you, kissing your lips sweetly. “I love you… but now that you know… are there any other snacks you’ve been wanting?”
#peaky blinders#Finn Shelby#finn shelby x reader#peaky blinders fanfic#finn shelby imagine#x reader#peaky blinder fanfic#peaky blinder imagine#reader insert#angst#trigger warning: ed#disordered eating
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no good for me (light yagami x reader)
i’m back lol
> warnings: smut, degradation, spit kink, inappropriate use of the death note, VERY toxic relationship, song fic kinda, lyrics are in bold and italics, based off of diet mountain dew by lana del ray
> tag list: @ygm1slt @cradiot28
❛ you’re no good for me, baby you’re no good for me ❜
Nothing on this earth scared you more than the man you were about to see; the pretty boy brunette flaunting good grades and a picturesque family life whose facade of ambitious, respectful young man was a mask almost no one could see through. Some people felt dread at the thought of spiders or snakes, felt fear in their stomach imagining the paranormal, shadow ghosts or criminal stalkers invading their comfort zones. None of these perfectly rational fears scared you the way Light Yagami scared you. There was no fear to be had at the thought of something undesirable creeping its way into your privacy or comfort zone, because Light had manipulated his way into your comfort and trust long ago. He was scarier than a murderer ready to kill at an urge’s call, his blood lust hid in shadows behind his golden boy facade, his words were tools and his touches were negotiations. You couldn’t trust a single thing that came from his mouth, you often questioned your own sanity. Light Yagami had a terrifying grip on you, and it was exactly what he wanted.
Your eyes scan over the text Light had sent you for the millionth time, the words almost ingrained in your head at this point.
Come to my house. We need to talk.
You were sure he kept his words vague on purpose, yet another tactic to keep you at his disposal out of pure fear. You weren’t exactly sure if you loved Light anymore; what was your definition of love at this point? You loved him, yes, but was it out of obligation? Was it survival instinct?
It was true, in the beginning you had loved Light purely and truly. You believed his ambition was justice, to make the world a better and safer place for you. But as time went on, “Kira doesn’t kill innocents��� began racking up more and more exceptions, and as the twisted justifications spilled from his mouth, so did the gaslighting. Over and over, his sweet words convinced you to keep coming back. His empty promises were a drug and you were addicted.
His text, you were sure, was a reference to this fizzling out of your love for him. He could sense it, and surely he must have found out you were planning on leaving. You weren’t planning on revealing that he’s Kira- that would cause more commotion you were not interested in being a part of- no, you simply wanted to move states, get away and forget about Light Yagami, forget about Kira and Ryuzaki and Ryuk and everything that has overtaken your life. However, if he did find out your plans to skip town, you may just have to reveal that he’s Kira for safety measures.
❛ you’re no good for me, but baby i want you ❜
Hestiently, you opened the door you had been staring at blankly for what felt like hours. Light had been staying in an upscale hotel during the investigation, so maybe the other tenants could hear you if you screamed for help; the overdramatic thought brought you comfort.
You walk in the room, closing the door behind you. You’re met with the sight of Light’s back as he sits in the rolling chair across the room. In the absence of any words, without even seeing his face, you know he’s mad. Every slight change of Light’s emotions could strangle a whole room by tension alone; his aura manipulated the feeling in the air, which served as a helpful alarm to know when he is upset. And man, is he upset.
You open your mouth to greet him, but he cuts you off, spinning around in his chair to face you, “Don’t talk.” You nod and close your mouth. Why do you even listen to what he says?
“I knew I couldn’t trust you. From the very beginning I knew you would run that pretty little mouth of yours. I know you’re planning on leaving. And then what? Telling the first news outlet you see that I’m Kira?”
“No Light,”
“I said don’t talk.” He stands up from his chair, “If you tell everyone, you’ll also have to tell on yourself. Imagine what everyone would think of you if they knew...You knew I was Kira and you still dated me, you defended me, you kept my secret, you even got on your knees for me. Are you gonna tell that to the media? That you let Kira fuck you?”
You purse your lips, restraining yourself from talking back. You knew it would only make things worse, but you couldn’t stand the way he talked down on you and expected you to take it.
“Come here.” He motioned to his desk and you followed, sitting on his lap per his instruction. He placed the death note open on the desk, handing you the pen. With one hand gripping yours and the other on your hip, he began to guide your hand, the pen spilling out the first letter of your name on the pages.
❛ do you think we’ll be in love forever? ❜
“N-No, Light, you can’t do this, please.” You begged, your heart rate quickening as you realize what he was doing. It can’t end like this, it just can’t.
“Shhh, just write. That’s it, baby. This is what bad girls get, you see?” His death grip tightened on your hand as he spelled out your name, the last letters leering closer and closer before you could register the implications of what he was doing. This was it, this was really it.
Light lets his free hand wander up to your jawline, pulling your face closer to yours and enveloping you in a kiss as he wrote the last letter of your name. You shake your head with a whine, however he disregards your concerns and runs his hand on your upper thigh.
“What’s the matter, Y/n? Don’t wanna spend your last moments with me?~” His nose kisses your neck, and the soft, sensual gestures almost make you forget your life was quite literally slipping away at every second that ticked by. 40 seconds. You had 40 seconds to do something.
You jump off of Light’s lap, reality rushing to your lungs as you felt your world closing in. Your pants become heavier, harsh air ripping through your throat as if they were the last breaths you would ever take because, well- they were.
Your head felt buzzing and dizzy as you fell to your knees, crawling towards Light who had spun around in his chair so his back was facing you; completely apathetic. After all you’ve been through together, after all you’ve done for him, nothing. Nothing at all.
You crawl closer, grasping towards the notebook Light held in his hands, your weakness limiting your reach as anxiety stole your clearness of mind. He only chuckles at your meek attempts to save your own life. Your head was racing as your nervousness blacked out everything in the room except for the little black notebook your boyfriend had a death grip on; ‘I’m running out of time, I’m going to die, I need the death note, I need to cross my name out, I need it I need it I need it I-’
“Goodbye, Y/N. You were fun to play with for a while.” Light kisses your nose with an arrogant smirk, peeling your hands off from his lap and wrists before checking his watch, signaling your last few seconds.
You quit your pitiful attempts to grab the notebook and instead push yourself further and further away from Light until your back hit the wall, lacing your fingers tightly in your hair as you cried your last moments away.
“5, 4, 3 2...” Light spoke.
“No no no no no, please god,” You cried out, squeezing your eyes shut in preparation for the pangs you would soon feel in your chest.
“1...”
And
Nothing.
You breathe. You let the air flood your lungs; it shouldn’t be possible. You dare to open your eyes, revealing the same scene. You, pathetically on the floor with tears down your face, Light before you in his chair with his head thrown back in a maniacal laugh.
He tossed the death note down to you, like a dog being thrown a bone. You frantically grab it and flip to the newest page, your name scratched out with two thick lines.
You were alive- no, he let you live.
❛ hit me my darling tonight, i don’t know why but i like it
“Well?” Light asks expectingly, standing up from his chair and kicking it to the side of the room. You look up at him questioningly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as tears still brimmed your eyes from the just-curved anxiety attack.
“No ‘thank you’? I spared your life even after you betrayed me- lied to me. You’re so ungrateful.”
“I, I-” You found it difficult to shape your words with your hitching breath. You inhale deeply, eyes closed, calming down, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Light.”
Why were you even apologizing?
“I’m so sorry, please, just take me back. I’m sorry.” The words spilled from your mouth so quickly simply because they felt right. You needed to apologize, you did wrong, you need to be good. You wanted him back more than anything so you can be good.
❛ scary, my god, you’re divine ❜
“That’s right,��� Light smiled, his voice softening unnaturally, “Now, how about you come over here and show me just how sorry you are.”
You hesitate for a second before crawling over to him. You sit obediently with your legs beneath your thighs on the floor in front of him.
“Mm, that’s my babygirl.” He pets your head affectionately, coherencing a smile from you. Despite everything he’s done, he always knew how to reel you back in. You needed the approval. You needed his approval.
You look up at him with puppydog eyes, to which he cocks his head to the side. “You know what I want.”
Nodding, you slowly unzipper his khaki pants and pull out his cock. You run your hand up and down, pumping it slowly.
“Don’t be a fucking tease” Light scoffs, raking his fingers through your hair and forcing your mouth down onto him. That sweet, caring demeanor was gone in barley a second- of course it was. What were you expecting? It was a thinly veiled facade and you fell for it everytime without exception.
Light groans, pushing your head further onto him as you try not to gag. You feel the tip of him hit the back of your throat as he thrusts into your mouth faster. “God, Y/N, you take my cock so well. Hah, if only the media could see you now. Poor little Y/N wants to run away from big bad Kira, meanwhile here she is on her knees for him, sucking him off like the dirty slut she is.”
He lets out a deep sigh before pulling out of your mouth. “Be useful for once and get on the bed.” He commands, bringing you to your feet with his strong grip on your hair and pushing you in the direction of the bed. You obey, sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for his next instruction.
Light slinks over to you, standing over your figure as his delicate fingers dance up your inner thigh. He takes off your skirt and slowly rubs your clit through the fabric of your panties.
“Mmm, Light, more...” You buck your hips up to meet his touch, his movements were agonizingly slow and you needed more friction.
“More?” At once he removes his hand from between your legs and grabs your face, your jaw in between the tight hold of his thumb and forefingers. “You want more, huh? You don’t get to make demands of me. You really think i’m gonna give you what you want after that stunt you pulled? Hah, I’m not letting you off that easy.”
You let out a whine, bucking your hips again asking to be touched.
“Aww, poor baby...” Light cooed, “Open up.” You obeyed, opening your mouth before Light brought your face closer to his, spitting in your mouth. “Now swallow.”
You do, earning a smirk from Light. “Mm, good girl. Good girls get rewarded.”
He pulls your panties aside before dipping two slender fingers inside you; wasting no time, he pumps them in and out frantically.
“Oh god Light, fuck,”
“You’re so wet for me Y/N, you like this, don’t you? I knew you would, such a dirty whore. You like when I treat you like this? You like being treated for the slut you are? God, you probably got wet when I almost killed you. It makes me hard, having you under my thumb like this, under my control...”
“Fuck Light, it feels so good, I’m close...”
Quickly, he removes his fingers from you once again, earning a cry from you at the loss of heat. “Please Light, I need you so bad,” You beg.
“What did I say? You’re still not forgiven for that stunt you pulled. Don’t whine.” He wraps his hand around your throat, pushing you down onto your back.
He fully pulls his boxers down, aligning himself with your entrance.
“Beg for it.”
“Please, please light, god, I need it so badly. I want you.”
“Hmm, yeah? You’re so desperate for my cock? I’m not convinced.”
“Please, Light, I’ll never be bad again, I’ll never mess up again. I need your cock so badly, I need you to use me. Do anything you want.”
“Mm, that’s more like it,” Light remarks before pushing into you, earning a loud moan. HIs thrusts were slow, no doubt teasing you.
“Oh, Light, please, faster...”
“More demands? God, you’re such a needy slut. Fine.” His grip on your throat tightens, pushing you further into the bed as he snaps his hips into you without mercy. His pace is relentless, quickly finding your g-spot.
“Fuck, Light. It... it feels- fuck,”
“Hah, stupid slut, what’s wrong? Cat’s got your tongue? Or is it me fucking you so hard you can’t even think straight, can’t form sentences?”
His words only egg on your approaching orgasam, “Hmmph, it- it feels so good. I’m gonna...”
With that, Light pulls you up slightly by your neck before slamming you roughly back into the bed, thrusting into you with speed. “Cum, show me how sorry you are.”
You obey, releasing with a loud moan of his name. He finishes soon after, roughly letting go of your throat. “Clean yourself up. You look like a fucking mess.”
You slip your panties and skirt back on as Light sits apathetically at his desk, his focus buried in paperwork. You heart skinks to your stomach.
Once you finish dressing, Light allows you to leave, informing you of the Kira case work he had to finish and opening the door for you.
“And Y/N,” He catches your attention before you step into the hallway of the hotel, “Let this be a lesson. Don’t ever try to leave me again. You’re mine.” He grabs your jaw and kisses you tenderly- but you weren’t stupid. You knew the motivation behind it, and let you still kissed his soft lips back and let yourself melt into him.
“Goodbye,” He remarks after pulling away, “Behave yourself.”. The door slams in your face.
You can still feel his cum dripping from your heat daring to spill out of your panties. The hallway was empty, allowing reality to rush to you at once. Your senses only seem clear when you were alone- with Light, you didn’t see with your own eyes or hear with your own ears.
You let your back touch the door of Light’s hotel room, slowly sliding down until you were sitting on the carpeted floor. Your life was broken pieces and you cut yourself picking up the glass shards, relishing in the fact that your boyfriend liked the way the blood looked on your pricked fingers.
❛ hurt me and tell me you’re mine, i don’t know why but i like it. ❜
#i did not proof read this lol sorry for mistakes#Light Yagami#light yagami x reader#light yagami x reader smut#light yagami smut#toxic! light yagami#death note#death note smut#anime#death note x reader
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Hey! I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling well lately. Sending you all the best vibes and hope you start feeling better. I haven’t been on much lately but I love seeing your posts when I get on, they always make me smile
I’ve never requested anything before so I’m very sorry if I did it wrong, feel free to delete it if I did or if you’ve done something like this before.
I was watching the film red trailer and it made me think, do you have any head cannons on how the WBPs would be at a concert (not necessarily Utas, although personally I feel like Thatch would be a big fan lol) I feel like Ace would definitely try to crowd surf. Thank you!! 💚💚💚
I did some small headcanons about this over here but I will do bigger ones here because I looooove this and it's so good and I love WBP. Thank you for such sweet words, I am ruffling your hair and being warm at the words <3<3 I am fine, I am always fine <3
Marco
Super chill at a concert.
He likes rock music and alternative music but he will go to just about anything with friends.
The person you can 100% trust with your beer.
He likes to just vibe, he stands off to the side but somehow ends up at the very front and not because he tried.
Ends up with the setlist at the end.
Is good to stand in front of because no one really messes with him.
Probably has some fashion left over from his goth phase.
He will let you temp dye his hair.
He’ll clap after every song but isn’t loud about it.
When he says he’ll hold your place he really means it.
Somehow never spills a drink no matter how rough the crowd is around him.
If he doesn’t enjoy the band or music he doesn’t say, he just nods his head along and vibes.
Would let you up on his shoulders.
Undercut: Ace-Thatch-Izou
Ace
Ace comes alive during a concert.
Doesn’t mind going to your kinda music if it’s different from his own but it means he’ll be less behaved because he doesn’t mind getting kicked out.
Will drink any drink given to him to hold.
Maybe that’s how he gets so drunk so fast?
He will be there at the front before anyone, gripping the bars at the front with a manic grin.
Will be dressed in black, ripped jeans, a band shirt maybe some flannel or something.
He loves alternative music, punk, rock anything with some thud in it.
Is the asshole who screams and claps louder than anyone in the entire building.
Will start moshpits, I’m convinced he’d start a moshpit in a Cold Play concert just to feel something.
If somehow he ends up at the back he’ll crowd surf his way to the front.
Scream lyrics and is a loud little shit but is loving every second and gets his friends and partner really amped up with him.
Thatch
Also happy to go to almost every concert because it’s a good night out and he wants a fun time.
He has a preference for older rock and classic bands. He does however love pop and would be the huge grown man dressed in 50’s wear at an Uta concert towering over all the girls as they scream and he screams.
Likes his rockabilly image.
Also can trust him with a drink, he’ll make sure no one even looks at your cup for too long.
Also someone who is happy to vibe no matter where he is standing.
He lets anyone smaller than him go in front, he ends up at the back sometimes but that's alright.
Doesn’t bother him where he is as long as he’s with friends.
Is that person who will stop a mospit if it gets too wild.
Buys so much band merch, even for his friends so they can always match with him.
Izou
Is the only one ever who prefers seats at a concert and sits and watches but will beat a man if they stand up and block his view.
Brings his own fold-up chair so he can sit off to the side.
Loves dressing up, themes his outfits, does his makeup, loves getting ready for them, and hates sweating all his makeup off.
Tells you to hold your own damn drink.
Does not enjoy the noise.
Brings earplugs and sits there with a face.
First person the bump him is in so much shit that rumours cross the entire venue and people are very careful about being too close to him.
Is the spot holder because everyone around is too scared of him.
Could get everyone backstage from batting his eyelashes at the sercuity or the band.
“When did music get crap? This is too loud, this has too many curses, this is too angry, ugh there is no meaning in the lyrics’
kIdS ToDaY DoN’t KnOw rEal MuSic
Get him drunk or high and Izou becomes crazy and like Ace at a gig.
#one piece x reader#marco the phoenix#one piece reader insert#one piece#one piece x you#sfw#gender neutral reader#portgas d ace#portgas d. ace#marco#marco x reader#portugas d ace x reader#ace d portgas#portgas d ace x reader#portgas ace x reader#ace x you#ace x reader#marco op#fushichou marco#op marco x reader#marco x yn#marco x y/n#thatch#thatch x you#thatch x reader#izou#izou x reader
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hi! i'd personally love to read your volume 2 theories (if you have any) regarding byler
Ok, this is different to my last Byler post on S4 which was speculation and headcanon, whereas this post is more of an objective theory post like my usual ones. But before I continue, I will be discussing events from S4 so if you haven't watched, I've put a warning below.
ST4 SPOILER WARNING
Secondly, there's a possibility one of them being put in a Vecna trance. I originally thought the rainbow ship was in Will's trance but it appeared in S4 already, so I don't think that's the case. Still, if they come back to Hawkins, one of them is probably going to be targeted. The posters include everyone walking towards a portal shaped like Vecna's eye which to me foreshadows that all paths lead to Vecna. I believe at least one person in each plot is going to get Vecna'd and whilst it could be Mike or Johnathan, let's be realistic; the most traumatized person in that group is Will.
Firstly, they're going to have to address Will's painting for Mike. In case someone reading this somehow isn't convinced it's for Mike, why else would Will bring it to the airport? Eleven explicitly says the painting could be for someone he has a crush on, so by revealing this painting, I don't think Will could pretend it's a platonic thing. In volume 2, Will and Mike will probably have a heart to heart in which Will reveals that the painting was of Mike, by extension revealing his romantic feelings for Mike. I feel like Mike probably has worked things out by that point but who knows. He seems pretty oblivious sometimes.
The painting may possibly be of Will and Mike meeting on the swing sets, as pointed out by @hnleleven. For those of you who don't remember, in S2 Mike explains how him and Will met on the swing sets and became friends, saying it's the best thing he ever did. This obviously meant a lot to Will so it makes sense he's painting it if he is.
If Will is in a trance, it'll probably revolve around his sexuality as that is the central focus for his character this season. It could include him first meeting Mike, warped to make Mike a homophobe, or maybe Lonnie. Either way, in order to break Will out of the trance, they'll have to play him music. Firstly, it could be Should I Stay or Should I Go as a throwback to S1. This is probably the most likely scenario as it works as fan service as well. If this is the case, I'll admit it's probably a family member who's going to play the music and not Mike as that song more relates to his familial bonds. However, it could also be Boys Don't Cry from his poster or maybe even a mixtape made by Mike. In these scenarios, it would probably be Mike.
If Will is in a trance, this would be a great link to his confession to Mike. They'd realize what he has going on so Mike would check on him like he always does to talk it out. Will would mention the painting and then tell Mike he is gay. I don't think he'd have to say explicitly that he likes Mike as Mike would probably realize it from the painting (I hope they do because some viewers are very oblivious) and this would lead to Mike either reciprocating Will's feelings or turning him down.
If it's reciprocated, I think that they'd have to somehow work this out around Eleven. Maybe there is a mature break up where in their time apart they realize they should be separate from each other. On the other hand, Mike might cheat on Eleven with Will and then end the relationship that way. As much as I like Byler, I really hope they don't make him cheat. Whilst it could be dramatic, I would feel really bad for Eleven which would kind of dampen the scene for me.
If it's not reciprocated, then Mike would probably have to say that he doesn't like Will like that but he'd accept him and stay friends. Then he'll probably use that as inspiration to tell Eleven how he feels. They'd have to be careful about how they handle this if they don't want it to come of as 'sad gay Will'. Whilst I think this is better than nothing, I really hope they are reciprocated. It would be a missed opportunity and could damage their friendship (hopefully not because exes are pretty civil in this show but still) and this is just my pessimistic response.
Hope this answer helped! Again, my pessimistic bit at the end is not me saying what will happen, it's just my thoughts on how they'd handle it if they decide to not make it reciprocated. I think they could and should so please stay optimistic! I never want to make anyone less hopeful or kill the vibe, I'm just throwing out different possibilities to try and be as comprehensive as possible.
Thanks for the ask anon!
#stranger things#stranger things four#stranger things theory#stranger theories#byler#stranger things analysis#will byers#st4#mike wheeler#byeler#st4 theories#st4 theory#stranger things theories#st4 spoilers#stranger things spoilers
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The Favors, Pt. 3
Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Part 1 | Part 2
Summary: Reader assumes that Bucky is experienced due to him being a ladies man in the 40s, however, she finds out that he’s never been touched and decides to help him out. (3 part smut series, virgin!bucky)
Warnings: language, smut, penetration, drinking, brief mention of anxiety, descriptions of nudity, hickies, fingering, unprotected but reader is on birth control
A/N - this ones a bit longer cause I added a little more plot to it. But here’s the grand finale. Once again will mention that I am not great at writing smut so bear with me. Also I didn’t proof read this, there’s prolly mistakes everywhere.
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“Looks like you’re having fun.”
He’d been staring down at his drink intensely, furrowing his eyebrows and frowning, for god only knows how long. He was sitting in a far corner of the room, away from mostly everyone but close enough to the bar that he wouldn’t have to walk far for a new drink. You’d seen him from across the room, looking irritated as ever, with many other empty cups surrounding him. It’d be concerning for a normal person to have drank that much but you knew he was fine. In that aspect anyways. His head shot up quickly when you spoke, almost as if you startled him. Actually, you probably did because he was so lost in thought.
“Having the time of my life.” Bucky said with a grimace before gulping down what was left in his glass.
“I’m sure you are. I love the look you’ve got goin on here, the suit and tie with resting bitch face is a great combo.” A smirk tugged your lips as you spoke and for a brief second you thought you saw a smile start to form on his. Then he rolled his eyes and looked away again.
“You know, you’d maybe, just maybe, have more fun if you socialized a little bit.”
That earned you a glare, one that implied you just said the stupidest thing in the world. Once again, Tony threw a party, well, a formal party. You had no idea what the occasion was, not that you cared. It was an excuse to dress up and get drunk, so the reasoning behind the party didn’t matter to you, you were just glad it was happening. Bucky, not so much.
“Oh come on, don’t give me that look. You know I’m right.” You teased with a soft punch to his shoulder.
“No.” He denied with a dramatic head shake.
“Yes. You can’t just be at a party and hide away in a corner.”
“If I had it my way, I wouldn’t be here at all.” He grumbled, his hands fiddling with the empty cup.
You knew he hated parties, or any social gathering. Or basically just being around people in general other than his very few friends, on some days he didn’t even want to be around them. You knew he was anxious, you could tell by the way he was fidgeting and because he’d briefly spoken about his social anxiety before. You were well aware that this was hard for him. But you also knew that sometimes he needed to be pushed just a tiny bit outside of his comfort zone, you knew it’d be good for him.
“Come on, Bucky. Just for like ten minutes.”
“I’ll pass.”
You sighed in defeat before sitting down next to him. “If you won’t talk to anyone else, then will you at least talk to me?”
“I guess so.” He smirked just the tiniest bit at you, then he let his eyes quickly roam your body before averting his gaze.
The two of you sat and talked for a bit. You teased back and forth. You people watched and made fun of some of the drunk idiots around you. He couldn’t deny that the party was more bearable with your company.
“Wanna go dance?” You asked suddenly, causing his heart to skip for a minute. He examined the crowd of dancing people before responding.
“I don’t know if I’d consider that dancing.” He chuckled a bit. “Just looks like a bunch of people humping each other.”
You laughed a little bit at that, you loved when he acted like an old man. “If I convince them to play a slow song, then will you dance with me?”
“Maybe.” He smiled softly.
So you did, you payed the guy on music ten dollars to play something not so upbeat. To your surprise, none of the other guests seemed to mind, they just kept on dancing with each other as they had before. With that, you took Bucky’s hand and led him to the middle of the floor. You moved your body close to his and wrapped your arms around his neck. His own, shakily found a spot on your hips.
You looked up at him, admiring his beauty, as you swayed. You noticed he was barely making eye contact and that his body was tense. So you moved your self in a little closer and dragged one hand to his back, rubbing it in gentle ministrations.
“Relax, bud. It’s just me.” You reassured gently. He smiled and you felt the tension from his shoulders decrease. “You look good, by the way.”
“Thanks.” Bucky blushed sheepishly. “I, uh, you look good too. Stunning, I mean. You’re beautiful.” He then rambled out nervously.
You didn’t say anything back but instead rested your head against his shoulder. You then felt his arms wrap around your lower back tightly. You stayed dancing like this till the end of the song was near. You lifted your head to meet his big blue eyes that were now full of affection. With a sudden rush of confidence, he brought one hand to your chin and lifted your face to meet his own, kissing you sweetly. Your tongues gently grazed each other.
It wasn’t like you’d never kissed before, but this was different. It was real, there was more behind it than just trying to be experimental. This had real emotion and affection in it. When he broke away you were almost saddened, not wanting it to be over. So you pulled him in again. Kissing him just an lovingly as before, but with each second that went by, things sped up, got more passionate.
You were no longer dancing even, the song that had been playing was over. You were just standing there making out. It took a couple of minutes or so for you to realize that you were in public, people were probably staring. You broke away.
“Let’s go somewhere more private.”
That more private place ending up being the hallway. The second you two were out of the room, you were immediately all over each other. He was more passionate for you than ever in this moment, practically hungry for you. The kissing got more and more sloppy by the minute but it was enjoyable. Next thing you knew there was a hand on your ass, grabbing and squeezing it borderline aggressively. This made you pull him in further to you, you took his free, metal hand and placed on your breast so he could fondle it as well. After a few more minutes of this, you felt something hard brushing against your leg. In between kisses, you mumbled, “my room. now.”
It wasn’t far. One floor up one the elevator and then the first door beside of it. You managed to get inside without breaking away from each other for more than a few seconds. As soon as you entered the room, you pinned Bucky against the wall. You stopped for a second slipped off his blazer, his lips now messily red from your lipstick. You went back to his lips while you unbuttoned his white shirt, he then began to unzip your dress and it slid right off of you with a little tug.
Your tongue trailed his until you found a perfect spot on his collar bone. You started to suck on his soft skin while he moved his hips against you. His breathe was heavy, you could hear every inhale and exhale as clear as day and his chest was heaving against your own. After a few moments he started to lift at your legs hastily. You knew what he wanted so you lifted your arms around his neck once again as you kissed. He picked you up, your legs wrapped around his hips and he carried you to the bed, where he then threw you down.
He was now looming over top of you, his huge body only inches above your own. He lifted your upper body slightly, just enough to where he could unclip your bra and then let you fall back again. He threw the bra across the room before hungrily pressing his lips to yours. His giant hands roamed your body freely, touching whatever he pleased.
After a moment, he put his attention on your breasts, putting your tender nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. You moaned slightly before speaking out. “Getting a little confident, huh, Buck?”
The man didn’t even respond, rather just moved his mouth to the inner edge of your breast were he began to give you a hickey just as you’d done to him a few minutes before. You moved around him to slip off your own thong, pulling it down enough just to leave room for him. You grabbed his metal hand and brought it to your pussy, he thankfully took the hint and inserted two of the cold fingers. Still sucking on your skin, he started to pump his fingers back and forth forcefully, causing you to whimper in pleasure.
A few moments later you grabbed his wrist to stop him, he pulled his hand away and tried to kiss you on the lips again but you didn’t let him. Instead you grabbed his shoulders and flipped him over. He was now laying on his back, you straddled over his thick thighs whilst unzipping his pants. You practically ripped his bottoms off, bringing them down released his large, pink cock that was already leaking precum.
“Wanna feel your cock in me, Buck.” You hummed lustfully. “Do you want me to ride you, hun?”
He swallowed and nodded his head quickly.
“Words, Bucky.” You commanded. You grabbed his dick and squeezed it gently.
“Yes. God, Y/N, please. Wanna be in you, wanna fuck you.”
You started to pump your hand very slowly up and down his cock, making him moan loudly.
You leaned in to kiss him passionately again, when you broke away, you rubbed his chin, feeling the stubble on your finger tips. “You’re so pretty.”
You peppered kisses from his neck all the way down to his happy trail.
“Gonna have to ride you, cause you’re so fuckin pretty.”
“You’re prettier.” He mumbled sweetly. You smiled and hushed him, before spitting all over his dick. Making sure it’s nice and wet before it goes in.
“You ready, buck?” You said, leading his cock to your entrance.
“Yes, yes.” He said frantically, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait. His cock was practically throbbing at this point.
You lifted your hips a bit to settle on it, you started to push it in, hurting you since it was so large. You put his cock in as far as you could with slight winces because of the size. You then lowered yourself back down and rested your hands on his belly while you bounced up and down. Both of you were moaning loudly. Bucky grabbed you and started to thrust his hips upward.
He was getting increasingly loud, practically screaming out your name. You felt so good around him, you were so tight wrapped around his length, so warm. He felt amazing to you too, you weren’t sure if you’d ever had a dick this big inside you. The fast pace you both were going at made it feel even better, it was painful for you but in the most pleasurable way possible.
“Y/N…Y/N, I’m not gonna last much longer.” He whined, with you still moving up and down on his cock quickly.
“I’m gonna cum, Y/N”
“It’s okay.” You whimpered. “Cum for me.”
You started to go faster, as quickly as you could, moaning out his name repeatedly. Bucky half moaned, half shouted, the word “fuck.” Then you felt a hot liquid pooling inside you.
You threw yourself off of him, letting the sticky liquid make a mess on your bed. You hear him panting beside of you, you’re panting yourself truthfully. You look over to find that he was already staring at you with wide eyes, mouth hanging slightly open.
“How was it, since it was your first time and all?” You asked.
“Really fucking good.” He said bluntly before his demeanor suddenly shifted. He seemed almost shy now, much to your confusion. He opened his mouth to speak but then shut it quickly as if he couldn’t find the right words.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I just-“ Bucky cut himself off mid sentence and looked away from you.
“You what, hun?” You spoke gently, with a hint of concern in your voice.
“I love you…” He mumbled, barely audible.
You sighed and raised an eyebrow. “Bucky, I can’t hear you when you mumble like that.”
“I said I love you.” His voice was deep and his words flew out quick. He avoided eye contact out of nervousness but he also felt the need to further clarify his feelings. “I’m not just saying that because we had sex, I’ve loved you for months.”
You didn’t answer immediately, you were in shock and it took you a moment to process that information. When you didn’t answer, regret filled his head, he wished he wouldn’t have said anything until-
“I love you too, Bucky. So much.” You finally responded gently, and then you shifted your body to cuddle against his chest.
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Tag list: @your-not-invisible-to-me @lilakings @winterwhore @lonewolf471 @barnesand1
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x avenger!reader#smut#bucky barnes smut#virgin!bucky barnes#bucky barnes is a virgin
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Okay, so this is a spur of the moment sort of idea, but is it possible to have a headcanon of the four lords with a s/o who has terrible memory loss. And I don't mean forgetful, think more along the lines of Fifty first dates, like she greets one of the lords and they get talking, lords end up coming back cuz they liked their positive attitude, but when they come to visit again, s/o greets them like they've never met. Does that make sense?
Yeah I think I get what you're saying, though I never really watched the full movie HAHAHA I've only seen half of it but I know how it goes down. Hopefully, whatever I've come up with satisfies your idea :P
To stay true to the idea, reader here has anterograde amnesia -- characterized by not being able to retain short-term memories. They're aware of their own condition.
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Alcina Dimitrescu
Understandably, she'd be confused, caught off guard that you didn't remember the time you spent with her.
Honestly she might be so confused that she'll forget to be offended -- not that it would have ever occurred to her that she was bad company in the first place. You were so pleasant to be with too, so... what went wrong?
When you explain it all to her, you might actually be surprised at how quickly she gets it. Definitely isn't the strangest thing she's ever heard of. She knows too what it's like to be around someone with terrible memory -- her patience with Moreau is astounding and one she doesn't extend to just anyone.
(But you aren't "just anyone" to her. You were a warm presence, a ray of sunshine in that time you spent together, however short. She wanted to get to know you better, and if that meant putting much more effort into maintaining that connection with you, then it's nothing she can't do.)
She'll creep her way into your mind (and heart) through song. She'll invite you to the castle and teach you serenades and classical pieces, you sing while she plays the piano. It doesn't matter to her if you sing off-key or add your own silly lyrics -- if she's being honest, sometimes she even prefers your versions.
Every now and then, you do forget the notes and the words, but Alcina doesn't have a problem with going over them again if you hear a "new tune" you found interesting. It's a good thing too that she loves music so much.
One day, she might even catch you humming them while you sit with her in a comfortable silence. You may not be sure exactly how you know the song, but you're glad you're able to make the Lady smile by doing so. Maybe you'll try to learn the words next time.
Donna Beneviento
...was she really so unpleasant that you already forgot about her and the day you spent together?
She'll be so embarrassed if you don't remember who she is, thinking that the other day was a mistake and that she was just imagining the connection you two had. Not to be dramatic but she'll definitely run away in tears.
The best way to remedy the situation is to go after her right away and try to explain the situation. She might not even believe you at first, her anxiety initially convincing her that you made all this up as a way of rejecting her, or that this was all a mean prank. But if you're patient enough, she might come to understand it.
In the process of becoming part of your life, she'll definitely make something that will eventually remind you of her, or someone like her. She just wants something that would stick with you, ideally something tangible.
One day she'd gift you with a doll in your likeness, complete with its own clothes and accessories. She might even include a very small doll in Angie's likeness to go with it, to serve as that reminder.
Once you do get close enough, she says that she would rather have you call her "Donna" than by her formal title. Though this frequently slips your mind, it's no trouble at all for her to remind you. Besides, it's quite cute to see you say her name like you're trying it out for the first time, even if it may have been the eleventh. She loves the way you say her name.
And when it finally sticks to you after enough repetition and you greet her like that without prompting? Her heart just flutters.
Salvatore Moreau
Moreau has always known that he has terrible memory, but after meeting you? He's starting to doubt exactly how bad he could really have it.
As a former doctor, he might recognize the diagnosis you give him after explaining it and he goes "Oh.... Oh!"
He'll be so relieved it's not because you wanted to let him down gently by feigning forgetting the memory of what was literally yesterday (but also he'd understand if you did, he almost threw up on you in excitement. Come to think of it, maybe it was best you didn't remember that part.)
Still, he'd be determined to spend a lot of time with you and become a part of your working memory somehow. Though he knows there's no cure for such an affliction, he'll want to make an effort to include some aspect of himself into your routine.
He'll write you little notes and letters, about how wonderful you are and how you make him feel whenever you two are together. He'll give you a journal so you can write about all the cool things you want to remember later on (and part of him hopes you write about him too.)
(And of course you write about him, who would ever want to forget about the sweet doctor fish man who just wants to be loved and a part of your world.)
One day, he catches a glimpse of one such diary entry -- and he only knew that because he saw the cute little doodle you made of him, along with a small heart next to it. He swears he never meant to pry, but he thinks about it for days and days. He's never been happier.
Karl Heisenberg
Oh he'll be mad at first, for sure. He's likely the type to express first and ask questions later when it comes to these matters, but the anger is more out of confusion than genuine offense.
If you try to explain it, he may just think you're lying at first. "If you wanted me to leave you alone, you could just say so," he'd say. But at the same time, there'd be such a sincerity in your voice that it would be hard for him to keep denying it. Fine... maybe you're not pulling his leg then.
You can't tell me that this man doesn't make trinkets in his spare time. He can be a big mean metal worker all he wants but I can also picture him having made a keychain or two in his life. Maybe even a necklace. They're not perfect or polished by any means, but he just likes making little things with scraps left over from bigger projects.
That said, he'll give you some without much of a second thought. He probably ask you first if you want to keep any the first time you stumble upon his messy workstation at the factory. They looked pretty neat, so you took some of them home.
You might find yourself fidgeting with the moving parts of it, trying to rack your head and remember exactly where you got them and how. Was it on a trip? Did you get these as souvenirs? Why did one of them look like an electric fan with legs?
Sometimes you'll show him all this stuff and talk about how cool they looked. Your favorite might be the one that looks like a hammer, but the fan with legs was a close second. You tell him to be careful of the sharper parts though (wouldn't want him to get tetanus.)
He may or may not get a little embarrassed as you gush about your "new" trinkets. You might offer to give some to him that he likes but he insists you keep them, especially since you like them so much.
#alcina dimitrescu x reader#alcina dimitrescu#lady dimitrescu#donna beneviento x reader#donna beneviento#lady beneviento#salvatore moreau x reader#salvatore moreau#lord moreau#karl heisenberg x reader#karl heisenberg#lord heisenberg#resident evil village#resident evil 8#re8#gender neutral reader#gn!reader#alcina dimitrescu headcanons#donna beneviento headcanons#salvatore moreau headcanons#karl heisenberg headcanons#amnesiac reader#anon#inbox#headcanon requests
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