#its the reason i havent been posting art
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asdal,mshdl ai keep spending HOURSS on a drawing only to then abandon it when the lineart is like 90% done bc i get bored and idk what to do anymoreeee
#i hate lineart so much#but i dont like doing lineless#its so annoying#its happened like.... 8 times the past few months?#its the reason i havent been posting art#i keep losing motivation right before i get to the parts i want to do ://#ive done the hands. ive done the body and the clothes and the face and EVERYTHING#i just cant get the hair right and now im starting to hate the entire drawing and OIASHDKJAHSKLDJAH#im so tired of this shitttttt i just want to draw :(#its me talking for once#bep complains <3
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idk if I've said it before, but your portrayals of both Rouxls and Queen are among my favorites, and the way they are when you combine the two is the sole thing that got me to say "yes" to queenkaard. When I first saw it in the game and it started catching on as a ship, I was like "nooo I hc him as gay," but then after seeing your stuff I was like "oh nvm I totally see this now."
i think hearing "i didn't see this ship before, but after your art i understand it and/or even ship it myself" is one of the nicest compliments i get, because it makes me feel like i'm representing something meaningful and sweet about a pairing and having people understand what i think is so great and captivating about them. i've gotten a couple asks like this and sometimes i forget to respond but i always really appreciate them :) thank you very much
#ask#deltarune#queenkaard#rouxls kaard#queen#art#doodles#conkreetmonkey#i mean its fine to draw ship art Just Cuz dgmw but i have Paragraphs of reasons why i like All my ships and it feels really good when i can#help people see the reasons why i think characters are cute together and why they'd work#i love feeling like im Doing something with my art. expressing something. explaining something. makes it feel meaningful#esp when i thought queenkaard was very Out There at first dhbsdjbhf i was like 'dude theres only gonna be me and 2 other people#who ship this'. and there was at first. now people dont think its a rarepair. i built this city goddammit. me and like 2 other people 😭#and im only half joking. i drew them so much because nobody else was. its still a rarepair to me. the fanart and fanfics are still#kind of sparse besides me tbh. but a LOT of people say 'i ship it because of cozy' and that makes me happy#there Are a couple fanfics on ao3 i havent gotten to yet only bc ive been tizzy about the gay car this year but i will read them eventually#anyway i still really love queenkaard i miss the blue people i cant wait to draw them more once the new chapters release aaaaaa#also since i mentioned i dont always respond to asks: i still read each and every single one of them#im sorry if anyone ever sends me something and i didnt post it. sometimes i go on ask-reply sprees and sometimes it just gets#answered months later dhbdsbjf. but please dont ever think i dont care about what you have to say i love hearing from you guys#and sometimes i just Forgor because adhd go brrt
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(Original art) Xaror, any pronouns, species (?), age (?)
short summary about them; they act as both an antagonist and an ally since they are only really interested in what they want or whats fun to them, they are immortal and call themselves 'death itself' since they have a special connection to souls (being the only one able to communicate with them) and the ability to seperate souls from their bodies in such a way that nothing can harm the soul afterwards their main goal is to .. bother and disturb the 'celestials'*, which they hate, as much as they can, breaking into their palace, freeing prisoners, destroying research, destroying the place, and most importantly, making as many souls unusable to them as possible-
they dont want to destroy the celestials though, they cant fight them anyway and this game of doing 'good' only with the goal of annoying them is their most treasured activity, so Xaror doesnt intend to stop them from killing or hurting anyone, only from harvesting what they are actually after (though Xaror doesnt actually care as little as they think they do about people, and has a soft spot for demons)
most of their appearance is later into the story; Zaphira (the empress) had been in coma and the medical facility she was treated in was destroyed by Shargon (orange eyed demon who acts as her bodyguard for the first part) in an attempt to save her from her estranged relatives taking over her country after they heard of her decline in health, she is believed dead but washes up on the shore of the mountain Xaror resides at years later (it has a reason, too much to write here) and they slowly nurse her back to health, the reason they give for it is that they found their first encounter very fun, thats all (is it?)
(more lore under the cut bc this is already so long .. im trying to keep it short q-q ......... this is stuff i have been working on since i was a kid so uh, some things might be cheesy but i cant change them anymore ..)
just to get some basics out of the way; theres three worlds, the celestials palace, human world and demon world, each are their own planet connected via different gateways
*celestials (possibly not final name, loosely based on angels) are the last remaining "survivors" of their planets demise, when their world died the most powerful among them cannibalized the weaker to sustain themselves until there were only less than 10 left, who each turned into different beings from it and dont resemble their own people much anymore, they built a palace from what was left on their world that protects them from space as its atmosphere collapsed shortly after- however they still needed something to live off; they discover the human world and are delighted to find rather short lived people with powerful souls, the best kind of sustenance for them (now), they aim to herd them like cattle, but a problem arose when it turned out another world has long been in contact with the human world; demons
demons are semi immortal creatures that act as protectors for their world, protection they extended, more or less secretely, to the human world ensuring them a long and secure life- the celestials need them to die at their whim though (demons are few in numbers, hard to kill and rarely have offspring, not an ideal target); as they worked out a plan on how to get rid of demons one of the celestials, Xanthriel (time) grew somewhat fond of people as they spent alot of time in the human world to observe and research them; in the end turning on their own completely, but losing the fight against Uriel (knowledge)
Xanthriel was supposed to be executed for their betrayal, but it doesnt work, instead they are splintered into many parts after a lot of struggle, most body, memory and most strength is one part (ending up as motionless forever bleeding corpse kept locked up in the palace), the rest is some time later gathered together and reforms as a seperate, weak mockery of them, they embody Xanthriels emotion- Xaror, without memory, strangely cut to pieces (hence all the missing limbs and broken halo) but driven by an unstoppable desire to disturb the celestials (they live seperate long enough to each become their own person, at some point Xaror discovers Xanthriels body after all and they merge back together, though as they are now two, Xanthriel only takes over once directly after merging, stays silent for a long time and lets Xaror be themselves, only later revealing that they are there at all .. hiding perhaps- i rarely have specific ideas for voices, but Xanthriels is like, like coarse rocks being violently rubbed against each other, less voice more noise)
(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group
(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group (he wasnt the strongest or special, he was jsut the last in the row and always got the lowest dosage) when Xaror found them in yet another break in into the palace and got him back to the demon world .. where he was promptly blamed for the others that were taken and treated like a pretender/fake/spy bc what he got put through changed his eye color (something that demons cannot change in any form) to one that does not exist among 'real' demons (orange ... notice the inner color of Xarors broken halo? :) ), some even suggesting killing him, but none of them were brave enough to do it (they were all kids still) .. except Eadrya (the big blue-ish one, largely regarded as the strongest demon alive) but Shargon managed to escape, and since then lived largely in isolation- this is part of why he is so hated, and why he starts to spend so much time in the human world after rediscovering the pathway there)
#ganondoodles#art#original art#oc#oc lore#i guess??????????#jesus this got so long#even though i tried to leave out as much as i can#god it sounds so meh when writing it out like this#but i swear it all fits together ......... at least a little bit better than it seems to be here#i have had most of this lore for years and years#im only now connecting everything and writing it to makes sense all together#ngl i almost dont want to clikc post#i dont know if i ever wrote this much oc stuff publicly#its like .......... my thinking lifes project#its also 1:30 am and i need to get up early for a dentist appointment hahaaaaaaa#long post#again .........................................#pls excuse any typos i am actively falling asleep as im typing#i havent even gotten into much of the demon lore#the entire element system and lords and king and and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#just a few days ago i had the idea to make Eadrya actually having been fond of Shargon when they were young#only for him to reappear weird and changed- like an impostor there to end them all at some point#would give it even more reason why Eadrya hates Shargon so much hmmm#i want to thank the three people who will read this rambly wall of text#idk why i even put it on this wonky doodle .... but anyway- written is written
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Not sure how important this is to people but:
If I draw something that you think should be tagged for whatever reason (alcohol mention, cussing, a specific ship) you can totally send an ask to say so! I don't think much of it when I draw it but if anything topically is something you would rather I tag... please tell me. I am just drawing what makes me happy most days but that doesn't mean I want you to be uncomfortable looking at it!
Also in regards to ships: I can try to use my best judgment for it but I'm prone to enjoying banter and stupid/silly conversations that are not intended as romantic. So I do draw people interacting that I might ship but in a platonic (to me) interaction and I don't think it would count as tag-worthy for it.
#moe talks a lot#not art#this is literally for anything i draw whether its fanart or ocs#my more commonly drawn ocs frequently go to a bar so one of them can stare at the hot bartender working there#and while its not focused on drinking they still might mention drinks#and one of them is incredibly foul mouthed so like i worry about posting him some days even though hes my beloved son#and with dbh we have alcohol coping and foul language and now the third factor - ships#ive only ever once been asked to tag a ship for blacklist reasons and it was for fe awakening lmao#idc if you want to tag my art as a ship bc i cant stop you from it#but ive had sooooo many pictures tagged as ships that were not meant at all to be a ship related doodle#i havent experienced that much yet for dbh but im still newish to drawing for it#i truly dont want people to feel uncomfortable if i can avoid it!#i also just REALLY LIKE BANTER so playful commentary isnt indicative of romance for me#its just people palling around ya know?#but i can try to tag more romance inclined things if people desire
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I'm not usually a person to post on many serious matters not regarding fandom on here, but as someone who watched a lot of his stuff and posted about him in the past a bunch, I just wanted to say that I'm no longer am going to interacting with any of Wilbur's content and if you support Wilbur Soot then please don't follow my blog because you are not welcome here. All strength and love to Shubble in this ✊
#just felt i should adress this stuff cause its. yeah#its so messed up#his music really helped me through some messed up stuff and even if i wanted to listen to it now i couldn't even enjoy it i don't think#its just. man#i havent been watching much of sbi and their friends since technos passing but like. this still is such a punch for some reason#glad shubble is in a better situation now and that she had the strength to come out with this. this is such a mess#tw abuse#Wilbur soot#im not gonna make more posts about it or rb much stuff if its not support for shubble#cause i try really hard to have my blog be a positive space for myself and for people who enjoy my art and my blog#but like. wilbur is such a godawful person and its like. with dream i just always thought he was annoying asshole#if not an absolutely awful person although you know i don't rule it out#but with Wilbur like. i never thought about him this way and now that i do a lot of stuff feels. well bad#there are a lot of things that seem really bad with this context.#its just. man. what a fucking asshole. don't even have words for this
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"oh! why didn't u say that? i love nagel und hammer" "do u rlly?" "no <3"
[reblog > likes] and here's the og ^_^ (shit quality im sorry)
#maimaidraws#limbus company#project moon#emil sinclair#sinclair limbus company#sinclair lbc#lcb#whatever#sinclair lcb#OMG MAI POSTS ABT LIMBUS?!?!? 4 ONCE!??!#i havent drawn anything limbus company related in 4ever im so sorry#ive been playing 2 much ruina#i need 2 draw the sinners more ngl#anyways this thing did numbers on tiktok 4 some reason so ill put it here 2#yeah its the maya winky screencap redraw#maya winky#just bc#artists on tumblr#shitpost art
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doodles be upon ye
#art trashpost#i dont know which of these ive posted yet and which of these i havent#so if im repeating doodles OH WELL#today's episode features epic hit singles such as#“i don't think this is what i was supposed to gather from that cutscene”#“i am once again blatantly missing the point”#“i never once focused on cindered shadows for the intended reasons”#“this is not canon OR accurate. help.”#and other marvels of the disasters i craft at 12 am running only on my poor memory headcanons and hyperfixation energy#theres also some MUCH MUCH MUCH older doodles in there#including CASPAR BAWLING HIS EYES OUT FOR NO REASON IN MY CRISPY OLD ARTSTYLE THAT LOOKS BAD YAYYYYY#i've been thinking about finally posting it for months now. its awful but what the hell. someone will laugh or soemthing idk#one of these days my handwriting will be legible. it is not this day#uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh hmmmmm yes tagging characters now#caspar von bergliez#linhardt von hevring#ashe ubert#ashe duran#i've seen him tagged as both??? not sure??? where that comes from?? i suppose its a spoiler ill just have to find out abt lol#raphael kirsten#ignatz victor#not gonna tag the others lol thereare too manuy#fe:3h#fe3h spoilers#maybe im not sure better safe than sorry AaAAAAA
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…yeah okay im burnt out
#also ty for your input on a previous post ive made ive read them all and taken them into consideration tysm🫡#but yeah i havent been drawing for days my hyperfixtation got snuffed out for some reason my head is empty i havent been listening to music#any positive perception of my art has been thrown out the window#its a bit concerning bc this hasnt happened before#not all at once like this#i think its a sign i need to take a step back#ill go and touch some grass in the meantime#sorry for the lack of art lately ik its what you all followed me for and it must be disappointing#but anyway hope yall have been doing okay and taking care#💖#vent#and as always if anyone has advice from personal experience to offer on how to deal with stuff like this im all ears
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Scar <3333
#man i havent posted art in forever (especially not on this blog)#which is by no means a bad thing its just been a while#also ty stiff for the scar big nose propaganda ur the reason im drawing him again :]#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#my art
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//uhHh gunna go on a small hiatus due to not having internet+other (ill expln in the tags c/tw vent/rambling)
#// i owe like 300+ for my internet ($200+ to reactivate) reason i havent been able to pay it was due to paying rent/bills/groceries/gas#and medication(for my partner) and weve applied to a better job but we need funds to pay for the livescan to continue/finalize the hiring#process but sadly we wont be able to pay rent this month due to some circum's sothats sm ;u;#and aside from all that both of us going thru heavy depression and mental fog#we want to hang out w irl friends but feel like we cant cuz were always broke (our friends still live w their parents/have a safety net) an#we feellike a buzz kill cuz we cant pay for our own meals or afford to go out in general just feeling left out causing us to be depressed#and not wanting to go out/be invited out#we had one friend lecture us abt money when its like dude you&gf pay $200 in rent to ur parents; we live together(w my retired/disabled MIL#and we pay rent household bills groceries gas car stuff medication we get paid bi weekly so like first/ending monthweek checks are for rent#and the mid week check we have to save accordingly for rent but were cured w the pharaohs curse cuz whenever#we have money that we plan to get alil smth for ourselves something goes wrong w the car#like we cant do shit and honestly it feels like someones praying on our downfall or smth cuz its every fkn time we cant catch a break#so yeaa gunna go on hiatus dunno how long tho but wont be too long but i will still be drawing so maybe expect some art dumps#ily guys thank you for putting up w me i dont ghost on purpose im just always depressed and need to be distracted or else the urges comebac#trying to be okay but its hard but i need to grow up#//i have my parents but theyre going to financial hardships too so they cant help and my sisters cant help cuz older sis started a family#amd my twin sis lives w my parents#my mom started working but hadda stop due to having a grapefruit sized tumor on her ovary (which is the other main reason4 my depression#and dad could care less abt my moms condtion (hes the reason for her suffering but ahe refuses to leave him#vent post#sorry went off on a tangent#but istg if i lose my mom im going to fkn hurt him cuz i already lost my dad (my FIL) and i will not be able to mentally recover#like i was there when we got the phone call (couldnt be at the hosptial due to covid reg.) i dont ever want to go thru that heartache again#edit if youd like to help me out i have comms open and i have a cshpp if ur feeling generous ;; $altereghost
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WHY AM I FEELING SELF CONSCIOUS AND BAD ABOUT POSTING SILLY ART WTF IS WRONG WITH ME
#PEOPLE LIKE THE DRAWINGS WHY CANT I JUST#ILL DO IT TOMORROW IG#ohhhhh but it doesnt mean anything its disrespecting canon by being too cute it makes no sense ohhh youre a bad fan and a bad artist QUIET#before that gift art i did i havent posted ship art in a month#and i havent even posted a saiibomatsu in 2 months#ggghfhfhfgdhgggggggggggg brain is so mean to me#ive been so stressed about art recently not like making it but just#stressed about the quantity i make and whether im posting enough of the right things#feeling so behind on all my ideas but always too tired to draw as much as i want#i just set impossible standards for myself for NO reason even though this is literally just a hobby i do for fun
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so, this blew up on twitter (currently at 15k+ notes and still going ..) which completely blindsided me and now i cant draw again as if i was burnt out right away AGAIN and its rly annoying :I
also on twitter one person called me the r slur on it though and i just blocked them without understanding why they said that .. until i got another one earlier today that said "fuck off with your pronouns and just go make political art" and i realized oh ... people getting mad at pronouns are real after all, its such a non problem to me i didnt see how there was anything offensives about this until that second one spelled it out xD
Empress and her Bodyguard.
(OCs, grey haired lady Zaphira she/her, demon Shargon he/they)
(also some details up close)
and this guy bc i find him funny
#ganondoodles#art#also weirdly enough its doing better on bluesky than on tumblr#like the share to like ratio is much healthier over there for some reason#despite me having only barely 600 followers when i posted it there#(on twitter im at 22k+ and here its 10k+ but most are dead accounts i guess- its so weird to have tumblr be “worst” one)#(bc i have been here far longer than even twitter and feel much more attached to it and the people here)#i wonder if that art block feeling is bc i feel like i should draw more ocs stuff immediately but for others and not for me#idk if that can be the whole reason though#anyway idk what to do now#im so used to oc stuff not getting much attention so it was easier to do it on the side while fandom stuff was the main thing in a way?#and now idk ....................#im also afraid to disappoint people that thought my oc stuff is way cooler based on this art than it actually is#like Shargon isnt a scary demon that eats people#hes an anxiety riddled weakling rejected by other demons and only seems to imposing to humans bc they dont know any other demons#bc they prefer to stay in their world .... except him bc they reject and abuse him..#i have more oc lore and story than i have for the zelda comic but how would i even begin to explain any#id have to draw it all and i cant ..... do that ..... as much as i wish i could im just too slow and low on energy at all times#(the guilt of all the messages i havent answered ... ough .... im sorry)
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also the furry stuff ive been drawing lately has been flopping really bad on twitter. which is incredibly sad because im having a LOT of fun with it but no one likes meeeeeeeee its fine. i dont care in fact. i just wont post any art anymore. that way i dont have to see it flop and get no likes. i can sit on my pile of bunny jameson porn and be happy. grins. smiles even
#i just dont think posting things that dont get any attention like at all is good for me right now#i am very suicidal and i truly hate my life and being alive#and its just salt in a gaping painful wound that nO ONE LIKES MY STUIPD ASS DRAWINGS!!!!!!!!!!!#so maybe i wont post anymore. im actually thinking of deleting my tumblr permanently#because i hate everyone and everything and no one likes me like they did 4 years ago#i just have no reason to be on social media anymore. my art isnt good and doesnt get any amount of attention no matter where i post it#which i guess makes sense cause im not skilled or unique at all but it still makes me really fucking sad cause i cant help#but be proud of the stuff ive been drawing. since i havent really been drawing for the past 3 months and im finally getting into it again#AND EVERYONE HATES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love tumblr as a social media platform (i have stockholm syndrome) but god. theres just no point in posting here anymore#please ignore my pathetic whining guys. i just want to kill myself so fucking bad and 0 likes on my niche art is the fucking cherry on top#vent tw#delete later
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teehee
#im making a pvz fangame too you know that?#you being whoever's reading these for some reason#its so so so so much work and i havent touched it in months#i love making it and i hate it#kevin perjurer quote#i need to write dialogue for marin to say to link on the beach#i went to do this in september and thought to myself#ill know what to write after i have my 2 year anniversary with my partner#i dont know what to write#i felt even on that night as though i was dreaming even when im awake#i dont think im disassociating because that sounds scary and denial + making more art sounds easier#i need to write until i cant think of anything else to say#so i can go to sleep#if anyone i know is reading this#what's up#ive been thinking about panic's sectonia resurrection au#probably gonna make a song about jt#dont tell her#maybe even two#'miracle' would be cutscene style about joronia being alive and taranza being in disbelief#and 'au' would be based on toby fox's lost girl and be a heart to heart about how they both feel distant from each other#that means i need to make it tomorrow#i think i want 'ship' to be about ado and ribbon#and i want 'duel/rival' to be a boss theme for bandee#don't tell anyone#im really excited to see how people react to that kne#jm probably close to 30 tags so ill go now i think#never really vent posted before so its great that i get to immortalize my stupid thoughts on the internet forever#if you want to play survival minecraft with me dm me#okay bye
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me: oo boy oo man i missed yesterday's theme but i have a lot of free time today so ill do that!!
me: wait let me check what it is today
theme: draw you favorite mech!!
me, who doesn't have a favorite mech because i really dont like mech: ...why.
#stuff#i thought i could draw mei's bike but it doesnt count as mech#so no drawing for today#...i think ill stop doing the challange#idk i just havent really been having hte time or motivation ot do it#but idk#still want to post the drawing for day 3 since it looks cool#i normally dont do more illustration-y sort of stuff so yeah#these chalanges are fun to me because for some reason i nomrally draw more environments#so i get to experiment more with that side of art that i dont touch much#its fun#but yeah been losing motivation and sutf
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mfw i try to draw something but it looks like something i wouldve drawn when i was 12 when i havent drawn since i was 12
#i hate it so much but also what did i expect??????#yeah i dont think imma be getting back into actual art ever again lmao#like doing the occasional manga colouring is whatever (not that i post any of those really)#but part of me feels so let down cuz this was the only thing i was good at for so long and people expected me to keep doing it#so ig i just feel like a disappointment#thats not new to me but it feels so much worse now#oh well ig#i have no drive or motivation to improve and trying to draw gets me so frustrated cuz i havent drawn in like 7 years lmao#i dont think im ever gonna bother with this again#feels weird to say that and its kinda like im letting go of the last thing i used to genuinely enjoy#but i genuinely have no reason to try getting back into it#side note#i think im depressed and spiralling again and idk if im gonna try to stop that either at this point#the past month has been shit and idk how much longer i can take it lol#vent post#yoshi talk
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