#im only now connecting everything and writing it to makes sense all together

[ganondoodle]

(Original art) Xaror, any pronouns, species (?), age (?)

short summary about them; they act as both an antagonist and an ally since they are only really interested in what they want or whats fun to them, they are immortal and call themselves 'death itself' since they have a special connection to souls (being the only one able to communicate with them) and the ability to seperate souls from their bodies in such a way that nothing can harm the soul afterwards their main goal is to .. bother and disturb the 'celestials'*, which they hate, as much as they can, breaking into their palace, freeing prisoners, destroying research, destroying the place, and most importantly, making as many souls unusable to them as possible-

they dont want to destroy the celestials though, they cant fight them anyway and this game of doing 'good' only with the goal of annoying them is their most treasured activity, so Xaror doesnt intend to stop them from killing or hurting anyone, only from harvesting what they are actually after (though Xaror doesnt actually care as little as they think they do about people, and has a soft spot for demons)

most of their appearance is later into the story; Zaphira (the empress) had been in coma and the medical facility she was treated in was destroyed by Shargon (orange eyed demon who acts as her bodyguard for the first part) in an attempt to save her from her estranged relatives taking over her country after they heard of her decline in health, she is believed dead but washes up on the shore of the mountain Xaror resides at years later (it has a reason, too much to write here) and they slowly nurse her back to health, the reason they give for it is that they found their first encounter very fun, thats all (is it?)

(more lore under the cut bc this is already so long .. im trying to keep it short q-q ......... this is stuff i have been working on since i was a kid so uh, some things might be cheesy but i cant change them anymore ..)

just to get some basics out of the way; theres three worlds, the celestials palace, human world and demon world, each are their own planet connected via different gateways

*celestials (possibly not final name, loosely based on angels) are the last remaining "survivors" of their planets demise, when their world died the most powerful among them cannibalized the weaker to sustain themselves until there were only less than 10 left, who each turned into different beings from it and dont resemble their own people much anymore, they built a palace from what was left on their world that protects them from space as its atmosphere collapsed shortly after- however they still needed something to live off; they discover the human world and are delighted to find rather short lived people with powerful souls, the best kind of sustenance for them (now), they aim to herd them like cattle, but a problem arose when it turned out another world has long been in contact with the human world; demons

demons are semi immortal creatures that act as protectors for their world, protection they extended, more or less secretely, to the human world ensuring them a long and secure life- the celestials need them to die at their whim though (demons are few in numbers, hard to kill and rarely have offspring, not an ideal target); as they worked out a plan on how to get rid of demons one of the celestials, Xanthriel (time) grew somewhat fond of people as they spent alot of time in the human world to observe and research them; in the end turning on their own completely, but losing the fight against Uriel (knowledge)

Xanthriel was supposed to be executed for their betrayal, but it doesnt work, instead they are splintered into many parts after a lot of struggle, most body, memory and most strength is one part (ending up as motionless forever bleeding corpse kept locked up in the palace), the rest is some time later gathered together and reforms as a seperate, weak mockery of them, they embody Xanthriels emotion- Xaror, without memory, strangely cut to pieces (hence all the missing limbs and broken halo) but driven by an unstoppable desire to disturb the celestials (they live seperate long enough to each become their own person, at some point Xaror discovers Xanthriels body after all and they merge back together, though as they are now two, Xanthriel only takes over once directly after merging, stays silent for a long time and lets Xaror be themselves, only later revealing that they are there at all .. hiding perhaps- i rarely have specific ideas for voices, but Xanthriels is like, like coarse rocks being violently rubbed against each other, less voice more noise)

(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group

(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group (he wasnt the strongest or special, he was jsut the last in the row and always got the lowest dosage) when Xaror found them in yet another break in into the palace and got him back to the demon world .. where he was promptly blamed for the others that were taken and treated like a pretender/fake/spy bc what he got put through changed his eye color (something that demons cannot change in any form) to one that does not exist among 'real' demons (orange ... notice the inner color of Xarors broken halo? :) ), some even suggesting killing him, but none of them were brave enough to do it (they were all kids still) .. except Eadrya (the big blue-ish one, largely regarded as the strongest demon alive) but Shargon managed to escape, and since then lived largely in isolation- this is part of why he is so hated, and why he starts to spend so much time in the human world after rediscovering the pathway there)

[jacaerysgf]

wrong pick!

Reality tv star!Jacaerys x Reality tv star!Reader | 2.8k wrds

Jace has been paired up with cassandra since the beginning, thinking their bond was pretty strong he felt as though he had nothing to worry about but he was soon proven wrong. and he quickly finds out theres always been someone else in his corner.

too hot to handle!au, fluff, mild angst, confessions, blooming love, first kiss, jace pov, acts of service, she/her prns used for reader, slightly proofread

[its pretty late into the game so they have the watches if you know what im talking abt some things in this fic wont really make sense if you don't know the show, used outer banks characters names cause i was watching it while writing it dont mind me, ive also never watched the show ive only played the games so idk what goes on, im very rusty i havent properly written something in months im sorry if this is lame no taglist cause idk if people care anymore. does anyone even read these authors notes anyway enjoy!]

Being on too hot too handle was turning out to be a lot more fun than Jace had originally expected. He had met someone he truly thought he connected with. or at least he had thought so not even an hour ago but now he was storming away from the outdoor lounge pit with a furious look on his face as Cassandra calls after him.

He’s never been one to break rules, even on a show like this when moneys draining from the pool left and right he doesn’t dare let him be the reason it gets knocked down a couple thousand. When he paired up with Cass he had been worried at first since she had seemed like the sexually driven type but she seemed respectful of the fact he had no intention of breaking any rules. He wanted that money to be able to provide for his family back home so this meant a lot to him. Yet after they had gotten the green light she seemed to be more persistent in her attempts to get them to break the rules and he was not interested in the slightest which pissed her off.

She had come into the bathroom as he had just gotten out of the shower, the two flirted a bit and she had tried to kiss him to which he backed away. He truly didn’t mean anything bad by it but she had took it really poorly and stormed off from him, he tried to calm her down and she just blew up on him. He had realized the two had completely different thoughts about their relationship and she clearly did not like him the way he liked her and he lost it. She didn’t respect him, she could barely even remember the things he had said to her which was more than enough for him.

When she realized he had gotten truly upset with her, which he hadn’t done before, she tried to back peddle but he simply stormed off leaving her to call after him. He wishes he was more thankful she didn’t follow him but a part of him stings that she didn’t even care to come after him. He walks along the beach side until a familiar figure comes into his view and smiles at him. Kiara, one of the original contestants here like him, who quickly paired up with JJ another contestant, and the two had become good friends.

“Heard some yelling all the way over there,, everything good?” He drops down to sit in the sand next to her and sighs. “I don’t know. I think me and Cass are done.” He tries not to get hung up on the fact Kiara doesn’t really seem surprised by the news. Was it obvious to everyone but him they weren’t going to work? She sits quietly for a moment, Trying to put the right words together before she speaks. “Are you upset?”

“I don’t know. I think so? I feel like I should be more upset.” “I’m sorry dude but I don’t even know how you put up with Cassandra so don’t feel bad about not feeling bad.” He turns and glares at her, his mood souring slightly. “She’s not as bad as you all seem to think. she,, can be nice.” Kiara laughs with disbelief and looks at him expectantly, “Sure,, like when?” A soft smile falls on his face as he recalls a moment in particular in mind. “I had been complaing about how my favorite shirt was all wrinkled and she steamed it for me.”

A look of pure confusion crossed her face. “What are you talking about about?” “It was awhile ago I had fucked up my shirt-” She quickly stops him placing her hands on his chest as she fully turns to look at him. “No dude I know what you’re talking about what do you mean Cassandra did that?” Now its his turn to be confused. Kiara full on belly laughs as he tries to understand what’s going on. “Ugh She’s gonna kill me for this but dude it was never Cassandra doing that stuff. Its Y/n. its always been her doing all that shit for you. Got a huge crush on you.”

Jace’s face is unreadable as he attempted to process this information. He had always assumed it was Cass since she was the one he had been complaining to about it to and she always liked doing little things for him without taking credit,,, right? There has been so many little things, little comforts, little actions done for him after he’s complained about it that he’s always just assumed was Cass and his stomach sinks at the idea its never been her. Kiara has no reason to lie to him. She’s your best friend here and he likes to think the two of them are good friends too. There’s no way she would be trying to set you up.

It was all you.

Kiara watches him with an amused expression as he tries to put the pieces together. He quickly stands and Kiara’s face grows into a knowing grin, “See you later!” He barely acknowledges her as he quickly sprints back towards the villa. Kiara looks out towards the ocean and shakes her head, speaking out loud more so for the camera than for herself. “She’s gonna kill me.”

His head is racing, his mind twisted up in knots as he finally arrived back to the villa. He flinches when he sees Cassandra has thrown herself a pit party, some of the other contestant comforting her as she sits and cries into her hands. All heads shoot up when his footsteps hit the pavement. Cassandra perks up and quickly rushes over to him, stopping him when he tries to walk away. “Jacey please lets talk,” “We’re done Cassandra. There’s no need to talk.” Her eyes widen in horror as he tries his best to gently move her out of his way but he stops him, “Please Jacey baby lets not do this to us-” “There is no us.” He spits out before storming past her into the villa house, ignoring the way she’s calling after him.

Jace’s eyes dart frantically around every room he enters until everything goes still once he finally sets his eyes on you. You’re sitting in the lounge pit, JJ on one side and on your other side sat Pope, one of the other contestants. Whatever conversation the three of you were having completely pauses as all eyes had turned towards him. He takes a moment to finally look at you. He’s seen you around often sure but he never had truly stopped to look at you. You're another one of the original contestants just like him. He remembers meeting you on the first day, The bright smile you had on your face, the way you made him a special drink at the bar and sent a wink his way. It had been the best drink he had ever had. He had always thought you were beautiful but right now he couldn’t take his eyes off you.

“Hey dude, you need something?” JJ is the first to speak up, sitting up slightly from his lax sitting position prior and looking at Jace with raised brows. Jace however did not spare him a single glance, his eyes lasered onto you as you attempted to act nonchalant about his presence in the room.

You’re wearing your hair differently today.

“Can we talk?”

Despite not addressing anyone directly everyone knows he’s talking to you. You glance over at pope who shrugs and another glance at JJ who looks equally as bewildered as pope does before nodding lightly and standing to follow Jace out the room. No words are exchanged between the two of you until you reach a private terrace just outside the villa. When he turns to face you you give him an awkward but friendly smile as you attempt to not take this situation too seriously. “Sooo, What's up?” you pop the p at the end and grip your hands tightly together behind your back.

You had just heard him and Cassandra fighting outside everyone did quite frankly. You almost wanted to go run after him but it would be too out of character, too obvious.

“I know it was you.”

Your friendly demeaner falters ever so slightly at his words instead contorting into confusion as you tilt your head at him. “What was me?” He takes that step closer to you and by instinct you lean away from him ever so slightly. “I know it was you who steamed my shirt.” Your face completely falls and he watches your face twitch as you attempt to come back with a statement but he doesn't let you.

“I know you had decided to make skewers that might because I had been complaining about missing my families yearly barbeque this year. I know you were the one who had found my missing t-shirt after I ripped apart the whole house looking for it;” With every claim that leaves his mouth he takes a step towards you he takes the slightly step towards you and you take the smallest step back.

At this point your back at hit the cloudy glass door and he was right in your face. He could hear your heart pounding but he’s sure you could hear his too, to anyone else it would see like you were completely unbothered by his words but he can see the minor glaze in your eyes which tells him everything he needs to know.

Before he can say anything else one more particular memory pops into his mind, he can’t believe he had ever forgotten about this. You go to open your mouth to deny his allegations during his moment of silence, the eye contact and closeness the two of your were sharing was killing you but he quickly stops you.

“And worst of all, I know you were the one who put my name down in the anonymous poll.” When your eyes widen in horror he fights back the grin that grows on his face.

Got you.

It had been about two weeks ago. They had been having a costume party and Kiara had suggested they do a ‘Who’s the hottest?’ anonymous poll, one for the girls and one for the guys. Since the couples had been pretty strong at that point and it was pretty deep into the game it was originally brushed off as a lame idea since everyone would just chose who they were paired with but Kiara managed to convince everyone since two new bombshells had just arrived yesterday.

Everyone had technically been right and most people picked who they were paired up with except one. Jace had two votes. that pretty much killed the night as Cassandra blew up trying to figure out who had voted for jace. She had never suspected you since you were pretty much always paired up with pope and pope had gotten a vote. So she automatically targeted Cleo, one of the new bombshells, who later took the fall for you and claimed she had voted for jace. He never thought anything about it, it was a harmless game. Plus Cleo had come up to him and said she wasn’t really interested she just thought he was hot, so he ended up getting pretty embarrassed by Cassandras outburst but brushed it off as he really caring about him.

He watches you gulp and look down as you try to collect yourself. He can practically see the wheels churning in your head as you attempt to come up with anything to say. Suddenly you look back up at him. your face hardened as you even slightly glare at him. “So what?” His gaze turns into something more affectionate at your admission and your face softens, “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” His hands had come to grab your forearms lightly as his words are let out in a light whisper. You turn your head away from him as you try to ignore his burning gaze into the side of your face. “You’re with Cassandra. I would be the bad guy if I tried to break that up.”

He releases one of his hands to grip the side of your face to turn you back towards him. “I wasn't in the beginning.” Your eyes turn away from him as you mutter something under your breath he can’t understand. He pulls your face towards him and he hears your breath hitch. “You can tell me.”

“She beat me to it.” He blinks rapidly as he doesn’t understand what you mean before his eyes widen in realization. The first retreat had just been completed, you and Cassandra had been deemed the stand outs from it and were given the opportunity to pick one person to go on a date with. Before you could even speak Cassandra picked jace first, he remembers agreeing to the date thinking Cassandra seemed interesting he had never even considered you were planning to ask him as well.

You had ultimately ended up picking pope who happily agreed. He had now realized you simply settled and picked pope because he had already been taken out and everything else seems to fall into place. You and pope aren’t a couple, everyone with eyes knows that the two of you are just really good friends who happen to get paired up together since there's nobody else around for the either of you as everyone is already paired up. And now pope has become infatuated with Cleo leaving you alone for the last two retreats. You had no interest in any of the bombshells that walked into the villa or any of the original contestants because you liked him.

He finds his chest tightening as he takes a deep shuddering breath. “I'm sorry.” You flinch as if he had slapped you and lightly shook your head. “For what?”

“For thanking someone other than you for the things you would do for me. For not knowing it was you,” You are quick to cut him off “You were never meant to know don’t feel sorry.” If anything that makes him feel worse. He breathes as if his throat is constricted. “Why?” You sigh in defeat, your beautiful eyes downdated. “As I said you and Cassandra are a thing and I'm not someone who likes to get between-” “Me and Cassandra are done.”

As your face contorts into something unreadable he pulls you to press your body directly against his. “The things that I had thought were the reasons that made me fall for Cassandra were actually done by you. I have no attachment to Cassandra know that I know its always been you all along. The one I should have been looking for, the one I should have gotten the green light with.” Both of your breathing turns erratic as the tension is palpable between you. “I want to try things with you. I don’t know how everything will turn out but I want to give whatever this is a shot. If you’ll let me.”

He gives you as long as you need to try and compose yourself. He watches as your eyes flicker all over his face for any sense of dishonesty but you can’t find anything because there is none. You can only see the pure affection dripping out of his pores and gulp. Once you open your mouth to speak you are cut off by a familiar light gleaming on his face.

Green.

He manages to contain his shock, despite his declaration he makes no move to close the distance between you and does not speak a single word. You decide words are pointless now as you grip the back of his head and pull him into a deep kiss. He eagerly meets your enusastic kiss and wraps his hands around your waist to hold you close to him. After what feels like eternity the both of you pull away and stare deeply into each others eyes, not even noticing the green light fade away into black.

“Lets give it a try.” The two of grin like giddy children as you press your foreheads together. No more words are needed to be spoken at least for now. He’s sure once the two of you leave the sanctuary of the terrace there's going to be a storm inside the villa but for now he can enjoy the peace and quiet alone with you.

[blehblehbleh735]

Touch Starved

Summary: Chris has been away for weeks and when he finally returns, he can't keep his hands to himself. Warnings: suggestive material, use of y/n Word count: 700

It had been two weeks since Chris had left for tour, and the separation was starting to take its toll. The messages, the calls, the video chats—they were all sweet, but nothing compared to being in the same room as him, feeling his presence, his warmth, his touch. The absence of him was starting to gnaw at you.

When Chris finally came back home, you knew it wouldn't be long before he was at your door, his scent and warmth filling the room, replacing the emptiness he'd left behind.

The moment you opened the door, he was on you, arms pulling you into his chest with a sense of urgency that sent your heart racing.

His lips pressed against yours in a kiss so desperate, so full of need that it made you dizzy.

He stepped back, his eyes searching your face, but his hands didn’t leave your body, tracing the familiar curves like he was reacquainting himself with something he had been starved for. His voice was thick with longing when he spoke, "I need you," he rasped. "I need you right now."

You swallowed hard, caught in the intensity of his gaze. "I thought you’d be tired," you whispered, though your body betrayed you, leaning into him, craving the connection as much as he did.

Chris shook his head, a soft growl escaping his lips. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Not once.” His hands roamed down to your waist, his thumbs brushing the skin exposed by your shirt, leaving shivers in their wake. "I need to feel you."

The urgency in his voice and the way his hands tightened on you made it impossible to resist. You could feel his need, raw and undeniable. His lips found your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin, his hands pulling you closer until there was no space left between you.

You let out a breath, trying to catch your bearings, but the moment he kissed you again, all coherent thoughts left your mind. Your body responded instinctively, pressing into him, hands running through his hair, pulling him closer.

"Missed you so much," he muttered between kisses, his voice was strained, as if saying the words was the only way to hold himself together.

You didn’t need words. You could feel the ache in his touch, the desperation in the way his hands gripped you. The space between you had been too wide for too long, and now he was closing it, pouring all his pent up frustration, longing, and love into every movement.

He pushed you gently against the wall, lips still capturing yours with intensity. His hands slid under your shirt, skimming over your skin, as if reacquainting himself with every inch of you.

"Let me love you Y/N," he whispered, voice trembling with need. "Let me remind you how much you mean to me."

With a soft sigh, you nodded, already moving to pull him closer, hands desprately undoing the buttons of his shirt. The moment was dizzying—like the world had fallen away, leaving just the two of you, craving the touch you had both been deprived of.

As the minutes passed, the urgency only grew. Clothes were discarded, and soon there was nothing but the heat of his body against yours, his hands everywhere, caressing, kneading, claiming.

Each touch was like a promise, each kiss a reminder of everything you had both missed.

Chris’s lips found your ear, his voice low and rough. "I'm going to make up for every second I’ve been gone," he murmured, as his hands guided you toward the bed. "I'm going to show you just how much I need you."

But now that he was back, he wasn’t going to let anything stop him.

guys im sorry I would go further but I am terrified to write smut because it would be so bad. I guess if anyone has tips you should share them🤠

[ddoralaexplorer]

Eclipsed by You~ A Paul Lahote Story

Chapter four ~ Unraveled

A/n: Hey guys! Im sorry it took forever! Ive been busy with school, and some other things! But I promise to write more! :) Please let me know how you guys are liking it as well. I love feedback!

“No”

“No?” Paul’s voice is low, full of confusion, as he kneels in front of me. I sit there, trying to process it all, my mind struggling to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions and information. Sam, Emily, and Jared sit at the dining table, watching closely, their eyes a mix of concern and curiosity. I know they're waiting for me to say something—anything—that’ll make sense of the madness.

“I… I don’t even know you, Paul. How is any of this possible?” I ask, my voice shaky, my gaze flickering between Paul and the others.

He exhales sharply, a slight edge to his voice. “It’s a wolf thing. It happens naturally. I didn’t ask for it, okay?” His frustration is evident, but there's a depth to his words that makes me pause.

I take a deep breath, standing up as I try to push the overwhelming thoughts from my head. “Paul, I just… I need time. I mean,” I glance at Sam, then Emily, before returning to Paul, “Vampires? The Cullens? Are you telling me this is all real?” My hands instinctively move to rub my temples, the weight of it all sinking in. The world I thought I knew is completely upside down, consumed by creatures I’ve only heard about in stories. And through it all, Bella… Where is she? What’s happened to her?

I try to hold myself together, but my thoughts keep spiraling. Is that why Bella left? Was that why she freaked out on us all?

Before I can ask myself any more questions, my phone rings. It’s Charlie.

“Hey, Dad. I’m okay, what’s—”

“Bella had an accident! Where are you? I’m coming to pick you up!” His voice is frantic, every word more urgent than the last.

“What?! I’m over at Sam Uley’s right now,” I blurt out, my heart racing. I look to Sam, then Emily, and finally at Paul, my panic skyrocketing. My eyes well up with tears as the reality of the situation sets in.

Paul’s by my side instantly, his hand on my shoulder, his touch grounding me. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice gentle, but there’s concern in his eyes.

“It’s Bella…” I choke on the words, my voice breaking as I struggle to keep it together. The thought of her hurt, or worse, makes everything feel like it’s unraveling.

“I’m going with you.”

“No!” My voice comes out sharper than I meant, the panic rising again. I take a breath, trying to steady myself, and turn to Paul, my tone softening.

“No, I can’t have you involved in this,” I say, meeting his gaze. His expression softens, but there’s still that stubbornness in his eyes that I can’t seem to shake. He’s not backing down.

I glance away for a moment, my heart torn. I haven’t known him for long, but already, I feel this connection to him—this care that I can’t quite explain. And yet, I don’t want him dragged into whatever mess this is.

“I’m going,” Paul says, his voice calm but unwavering.

I look at him, the truth settling in. Nothing I say will change his mind.

I glance at my phone, seeing Charlie’s name flash on the screen again.

“My dad will be here any minute,” I say, my voice quieter now. I run a hand through my hair, the weight of everything pressing down on me. “Come on.”

There’s no more arguing, no more resisting. I know Paul’s coming with me, whether I want him to or not. But deep down, I’m glad he’s here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the hospital room, holding a bouquet of flowers in my hands, feeling a mix of emotions swirl inside me. Renee is sitting beside Bella’s bed, her eyes a little red, but there’s a softness in her expression, a calmness that feels almost out of place given the circumstances. It’s the first time in a couple of years I’ve seen her, and though things are strained, there’s still a familiar warmth in her voice when she sees me.

“Ves, baby,” she says, her voice gentle, a little shaky, like she’s trying to hold herself together but can’t quite manage it.

Bella is awake. Her eyes are open, but there’s something distant about them, something I can’t quite read. Edward is sitting beside her bed on the couch, his body relaxed in sleep—but I know better. His tense posture gives him away. I left Paul waiting outside in the hallway, giving me some space to figure this out on my own.

I take a deep breath, walking slowly toward them. "Hey, Mom," I whisper, my voice barely audible in the quiet room.

Then, I turn my attention to Bella, sitting down beside her bed. The lump in my throat grows, choking me. I swallow hard, trying to keep it together. "Hey, Bells," I murmur, my fingers brushing against hers. "I should’ve been there for you." The words feel too small for everything I want to say, but they’re all I can manage right now. The guilt claws at me, and I fight to keep my tears from falling.

There’s so much I should’ve done, so much I wish I’d known. But right now, all I can do is be here.

“What happened? Why did you leave? Who did this?�� The words tumble out of me all at once, my voice cracking with confusion and worry. I feel helpless, like I'm missing something critical, and it's eating at me.

“Woah, Ves, I’m fine,” Bella says quickly, her voice trying to sound calm, though there’s a faint edge to it. “I just fell down a flight of stairs. It’s really not a big deal.”

But I know she’s not being honest. I can see it in her eyes, the way she avoids my gaze, the way her hands tremble just slightly as she tries to cover up the truth. She’s lying, and I can feel it in every fiber of my being.

I glance at Edward, still sitting beside her on the couch, his posture rigid, his gaze averted. He hasn’t said a word, but I can see the tension in him too—his body coiled, as though he’s waiting for something, or maybe he’s just holding something back.

The air in the room feels thick, and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to this than Bella is willing to admit.

I try to keep my voice steady, but the worry is making it impossible. “Bella, please. You’re not fine. I know you’re not. Who did this to you?” The question is softer now, but it still holds the weight of everything I can’t say.

Bella gives a small, forced smile, her eyes flickering to Edward for just a moment before looking away. “Ves, it’s nothing. I’m fine. Really.”

But everything inside me screams that it’s not nothing. And the fact that she’s trying so hard to convince me it is makes my heart race even faster. I can’t let this go, not when she’s clearly hiding something.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to talk to Charlie and the doctor,” Renee says, standing up from her chair with a soft sigh. Her voice is calm, but I can tell she’s anxious, too. She gives me a reassuring smile before walking toward the door, leaving me alone with Bella and Edward.

The silence settles over the room, thick and uncomfortable. Bella’s gaze is fixed on the blankets in her lap, her fingers fidgeting nervously. I can feel the weight of the room shifting, the tension crawling up my spine as I steal a glance at Edward. I know he knows what’s going on. There’s no way around it. But what’s worse is that I know he knows I know.

And that thought makes it all the more awkward.

Finally, Edward speaks, his voice low but certain. “You know, don’t you?”

My heart skips a beat. I freeze, staring at him, feeling the shift in the air between us. I turn slowly, my throat suddenly dry. "Wh-what?" I say, though I already know what he’s getting at. My mind races, trying to prepare myself for whatever’s coming next.

Edward stands up from his spot on the couch, his movements deliberate, his eyes never leaving me. There’s a quiet intensity about him, like he’s waiting for me to admit what’s hanging in the space between us.

“You know about us,” he states flatly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

I scoff, feeling my nerves tightening, my chest constricting. “I’m not sure I understand.” I try to steady my voice, but the tension in my words is impossible to hide. I take a step back, trying to put some distance between us, but it only makes the space feel heavier.

I’m not sure what he’s asking. What does he mean by “us”? Of course, I know about vampires, but I’m still struggling to piece it all together. The Cullens, Bella, Edward—it’s all spinning in my head, too much to absorb at once.

“I’m not… I don’t really get what you’re trying to say,” I add, feeling even more off-balance. My words hang in the air, like I’m trying to figure out how to approach this conversation without losing my composure.

Edward watches me for a moment, his expression unreadable. It’s like he’s waiting for me to come to terms with it, waiting for me to say the words out loud, as if once it’s acknowledged, we can move forward.

But there’s no moving forward from this, not yet. Not when everything I thought I knew has turned upside down, and everything I’m being told just adds to the uncertainty.

“I know it’s a lot,” he says quietly, almost as if he’s speaking to himself, his gaze dropping for just a moment. “But you’ve already seen too much to turn away from it.” He looks back up, meeting my eyes. “We’re not normal. You can’t un-know that.”

I feel the weight of his words, the truth of them settling heavily in my chest. I’m in this now, whether I’m ready for it or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t breathe. The air felt thick, suffocating, like the walls were closing in on me from all sides. My feet moved faster than my mind could process, and before I knew it, I was out of the room, stumbling down the hallway, my heart racing, my thoughts a whirlwind of confusion and fear.

Everything was spinning out of control. The world I thought I knew had shattered, and now, I was caught in the middle of a nightmare I couldn’t escape from. My chest ached, the pressure in my lungs unbearable. How had I gotten trapped in this?

I passed Charlie, Renee, and Paul, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. My tears blurred my vision, my breath coming in shallow, jagged gasps. I didn’t want them to see me like this—broken, lost, and drowning in all the uncertainty.

I turned a corner, finding a quiet spot where I could collapse, hidden from everyone. My back pressed against the cool wall, and I slid down, wrapping my arms around my knees, trying to hold myself together. But it was too much.

The sobs came, violent and uncontrollable. I couldn’t stop them, no matter how hard I tried. My entire body shook as the weight of everything came crashing down on me. I couldn’t process it all. I couldn’t understand it.

Then, I heard footsteps. Paul. His silhouette appeared in the hallway, the sound of his boots echoing against the walls as he approached. He stopped when he saw me, his expression unreadable, but the concern in his eyes was clear.

“Did he hurt you?” His voice was soft but urgent, his gaze scanning my face, searching for answers. “What did he say?”

But I couldn’t answer him. My throat felt tight, the words trapped inside. All I could do was cry. My sobs were raw, desperate, spilling out uncontrollably as I hugged my knees tighter to my chest. I didn’t know how to explain the storm inside me, the turmoil that had taken over my entire world.

Paul kneeled in front of me, his presence warm and steady. Without a word, he reached out, his hand resting gently on my shoulder, offering silent comfort. I buried my face in my hands, the tears never stopping, feeling more alone than I ever had before.

"I don’t know what’s happening," I whispered between sobs. "I don’t know anything anymore..."

[twopoppies]

hi gina. so im not exactly a new fan, i've been here since covid and i have read and discovered so much about larry and everything they went through. what doubt has persisted in my mind though is this: i know some of us believe they might have broken up at some point, some believe they were only together during the time of 1d, some believe (including me a lot of times) that they've always been together with some ups and downs (which, naturally.)

why i say that i don't hundred percent believe it is their discography obviously. now i wonder if its just them exaggerating everything for the extra drama (unlikely imo) or did something that bad actually happened to make them write songs like that (hs1, their leaks, some songs in walls etc) iykwim.

now ik you might have answered this question numerous times before and im really sorry for making you repeat yourself again if you have. i just want to know how we stay with the theory that they have always been together, always going strong, and at the same time also believe that all those songs are about them only?

Hi, love. Well, IMO, regardless of whether they’ve dated other people, at the end of the day, they’ve always been each other’s person. They’re always going to be connected on some level.

Saying that, I do think they’ve had periods where they weren’t together. And I don’t think we should feel we know 100% what went on/is going on in their lives based on their discography. But I have the sense that lyrics about the struggle to communicate with a lover, the adoration and infatuation with a lover, the self-reflection of behavior in a romantic relationship, etc. are about one specific relationship. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t lyrics that are based on experiences outside of their particular relationship. Other people’s stories, inspiration from books/film/other music, maybe other lovers, their imagination, and really just what makes a good song, all play a role.

But, given the way those songs all tell two sides of the same story, I believe the songs about romantic relationships, as a collective, are about each other.

Obviously, that’s all speculation. But that’s what I think. 😉

[nickeverdeen]

Hey Nicky! (Idk if you like that nickname but I thought it sounded cute lmao)

My birthday is coming up soon and I've recently watched OBX season 4 and now I'm rewatching season 1 and GODDAMN IT IF IM NOT A LESBIAN

Anyways I went through your rules for smut and I wanted to request one-shot of she/her female reader going down on and scissoring sub!Sarah Cameron because there's not enough sub!Sarah representation out there

And maybe also Sarah thinks she's straight until reader and then gets all flustered around her and she doesn't have any experience with girls and still acts very straight so when her and reader get together reader talks her through it and there's lots of dirty talk

My birthday is December 7th and I saw your birthday fics I totally get it if it's not enough time but I was maybe thinking you could put it out on my birthday 🫣 totally okay if you can't, also I wanna hear your thoughts on this one bc it's like authors only write the request and never actually tell us if they like it or not so I wanted to check what you think bc you honestly seem amazing and I wanna hear more about your interests!

Not Until You | Sarah Cameron x fem!reader

Pairings: Sarah x reader (romantic)

Type of fic: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: Top!reader, bottom!Sarah, eating out, fingering, scissoring, a bit of expected dialoges

Summary: Before Sarah met you she was sure she is straight, but then you walked into her life and that changed her and you help to guide her throught this ordeal

Ps: Hi! First thing I wanna say to what you said “and goddamn it if I’m not a lesbian” girl same. Anyway I’m truly sorry, if this was not what you expected as it’s not perfect and stuff like that. I think that this is a very solid request, but personally I wasn’t sure how to conmect the smut part into this so I hoped it’s okay. Honestly this is a great request and just wow, but like I said it was a bit harder for me to connect the smut part into this so maybe someone who’s better at writing than me (almost everyone lol) would maybe have written it better? I tried my best either way, if you want to let me know if this is okay. Happy Birthday! 🎂

———————

Sarah Cameron always thought she knew herself. She liked boats, sunshine, and boys who flashed easy grins. At least, that’s what she’d always told herself. But then you happened.

You weren’t like anyone she’d ever met. Confident, magnetic, with a smile that made her stomach flip in ways she didn’t understand—or didn’t want to. At first, she chalked it up to admiration. After all, you were charming in that effortless way that she envied. She told herself that her stammering around you was just nerves, that her lingering glances were just curiosity.

But then came the night when her excuses stopped making sense.

The two of you had ended up alone after a long day, a quiet evening settling over the Outer Banks. The warm glow of the setting sun spilled through the open window, painting your features in a golden light that Sarah couldn’t seem to look away from. You leaned back on the couch, your legs tucked under you, watching her with that same easy confidence that always tied her in knots.

“You’ve been quiet,” you said softly, tilting your head as if you could see right through her.

“I’m always quiet,” Sarah replied quickly, too quickly, her voice an octave higher than usual.

You laughed—a warm, low sound that made her chest tighten. “No, you’re not. Not around me.”

Her cheeks burned. “I’m just… thinking.”

“About what?” you asked, your gaze steady.

She hesitated, biting her lip. She wanted to tell you, wanted to blurt out everything she’d been feeling, but the words caught in her throat. How could she explain that being near you made her question everything? That her heart raced every time your fingers brushed hers, that she dreamed of you in ways that left her breathless and confused?

“You,” she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Your smile softened, and you reached out, your hand brushing against hers. “Sarah,” you said, your tone careful, as though you didn’t want to scare her off. “You don’t have to be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous,” she lied, her eyes darting away from yours.

“Yes, you are.” Your hand lingered over hers, your thumb tracing slow, soothing circles against her skin. “And that’s okay.”

Sarah swallowed hard, her heart pounding in her chest. She looked back at you, her hazel eyes wide and uncertain. “I don’t—” She faltered, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s okay too,” you said softly. You shifted closer, your knees brushing against hers. “Let me help you.”

Her breath caught as you leaned in, your hand coming up to cup her cheek. You didn’t rush her, your movements slow and deliberate, giving her time to pull away if she wanted to. But she didn’t. Instead, she leaned into your touch, her eyes fluttering closed as your lips met hers.

It wasn’t like kissing boys—there was no rush to prove anything, no fumbling or posturing. It was soft and deliberate, your lips moving against hers with a tenderness that made her feel like she was the only person in the world.

When you pulled back, she opened her eyes slowly, her cheeks flushed and her lips parted. “Wow,” she breathed, her voice shaky.

You smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Not so scary, right?”

She laughed softly, a nervous, breathless sound. “Maybe a little.”

Her gaze lingered on your lips, her cheeks flushed, and when you leaned in, she didn’t hesitate to meet you halfway. The kiss was soft at first, her lips tentative against yours, but it quickly deepened as her hands found your waist, pulling you closer.

You were surprised when Sarah gently pushed you back against the cushions, her body hovering over yours. Her lips pressed to yours with more urgency now, her hands gripping your hips as if trying to ground herself.

But as her kisses faltered and her movements grew hesitant, you realized what was happening. Sarah might have initiated this, but she was clearly out of her depth—unsure of where to touch, what to do, or how to take the lead.

You pulled back slightly, your lips curling into a soft smile as you looked up at her. “You’ve never done this before, have you?” you asked, your voice low and teasing.

Sarah’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of red, and she glanced away, her confidence wavering. “I mean, not with… not like this,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Then let me take over,” you murmured, gently guiding her to lie back on the couch as you straddled her hips.

Her breath hitched as you leaned down, your lips brushing against hers before trailing to her jaw and neck, leaving a trail of kisses that had her squirming beneath you.

“You’re so sensitive,” you murmured, your hands slipping under her shirt to caress the smooth skin of her stomach. “It’s cute, really.”

Sarah let out a soft whimper as your hands moved higher, pushing her shirt up and exposing her. You grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to the swell of her chest before meeting her wide, unsure eyes.

“Relax,” you said, your tone soothing but laced with heat. “Just let me take care of you.”

Your hands slid lower, undoing the button of her shorts and tugging them down along with her underwear. She gasped at the cool air against her skin, her legs instinctively trying to close, but you gently nudged them apart.

“Don’t hide from me,” you said, your voice firm but playful as you settled between her thighs. “I want to see all of you.”

Her breath hitched as you pressed a kiss to her inner thigh, your lips soft against her sensitive skin. “You’re already so wet for me,” you teased, your fingers lightly tracing her folds.

She nodded, her cheeks flushed and her eyes half-lidded as she looked down at you. “Y-yeah,” she stammered, her voice trembling with anticipation.

You chuckled, your tongue darting out to flick against her clit, earning a sharp gasp from her. “Good girl,” you murmured before diving in, your tongue exploring her with deliberate precision.

Her hands flew to your hair, her fingers tangling in the strands as she let out a series of breathless moans. You alternated between sucking and licking, your movements slow and teasing at first but gradually building in intensity as you guided her closer to the edge.

“Just like that,” you said, your voice muffled against her as you looked up to see her completely unraveling. “Let go for me, Sarah. I want to feel you come.”

She cried out, her back arching off the couch as she reached her climax, her thighs trembling around your head. You didn’t stop until she was completely spent, her body collapsing back against the cushions as she tried to catch her breath.

You grinned, crawling back up to kiss her, letting her taste herself on your lips. “You still with me?,” you said, your tone playful as you pulled her fully onto the couch, her body still pliant beneath you.

She blinked up at you, her cheeks still flushed, but there was a newfound confidence in her eyes. “Yeah” she nodded, her voice breathy but curious.

You smirked, leaning down to kiss her deeply as you shifted your position, lining your hips up with hers. “I wanna show you something,” you said, grinding against her slowly to demonstrate.

Her eyes widened as the slick heat of your bodies pressed together, the friction sending shivers through both of you. “Just follow my lead,” you whispered, your lips brushing against her ear as you began to move.

The rhythm started slow, your hips rolling against hers as you both adjusted to the sensation. Sarah’s hands found your waist, her fingers digging into your skin as she matched your movements, her breathy moans filling the room.

“You feel so good,” you murmured, your voice heavy with desire. “You’re doing so well.”

Her head fell back against the couch, her body arching into yours as the pace quickened. The slick, desperate sounds of your movements filled the room, each grind of your hips drawing you both closer to the edge.

“God, you’re so beautiful like this,” you said, your voice breaking slightly as your own pleasure mounted. “I could watch you do this all night.”

Sarah’s nails raked down your back as she let out a strangled moan, her second climax hitting her even harder than the first. The sight of her, flushed and trembling beneath you, was enough to push you over the edge as well, your own release washing over you in waves.

You collapsed beside her, both of you breathless and spent, the quiet sound of your breathing the only thing breaking the silence.

Sarah turned her head to look at you, a shy smile tugging at her lips. “Fuck” she said, her voice tinged with awe.

You laughed softly, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her face. “You’re a fast learner,” you teased.

She rolled her eyes, but the smile didn’t leave her face as she leaned in to kiss you again, slower this time, as if savoring the moment before you helped to clean up. No boy could ever do this like you did.

[winxfairyliveshere]

josko is apparently an experimenting cook, which makes sense cause he used to work with his dad in the fish market, and he loves to game and always has snacks beside him. he seems like such a wholesome guy, but deep down i’m there’s a whole different josko with his significant other

wowww actually can we elaboate the last part!? wdym by a whole different? im curious 🤭🤠

After this message i thought what can i write about cook josko,dig into youtube for what can i find.At the end i found a yt video with eng subs which made me so happy. There are so many videos about him but no subs :( I mixed the infos i got into here.

Thank you anon for the idea 💞

Video Shooting

As i got closer to the apartment building, i turned off music. The valet was there, i smiled at him and gathered my stuff.

"Hello Miss Y/S/N."

"Hello, thank you so much. Have a nice day."

I walked to the door, personnels were in ground floor interacting with residents. I fastly passed everyone and started to wait for the elevator. The excitement made my legs move. I couldn't stand where i am, walking back and front. Nearly two weeks ago Josko called me and said "I need to take a video for my new partnership. It will be in my house and i want you in it too. To be honest it will be a good memory in the future, like showing it to the grandkids." Those words made butterflies fly in my wholeee body. Even though we are together for two years and engaged for four months, we still have that connection between us, still feel the same way when i saw him for the first time in Split. I was in there for a trip, taking photos of the glamouros Diocletianus Palace and i heard a voice "I can take your photos if you want, the sunlight makes everything beautiful in this hours. You seem you don't need much but." He acted like a real photographer back then, making me change poses and other things which made me feel odd. I felt like i was under of a giant spotlight.

"Thanks, so polite of you." I swiped amongst photos, they were really good. Golden hour making my face shine, freckles that so obvious you can count them.

"I told you." said Josko while smiling. We had a short chit-chat over there. He had a short beard comparing to now, his curls were resting on his forehead so charmingly. He told me there will be a festive in city centre tonight, giving me hints he will be there. I got the message and said to myself "Why not? He is cute." Also do i need to mention his eyes? In that golden hour? This was our beginning. That sun is still up, never set, warms me constantly, making me feel free, enjoying myself. I trust myself more, I know i can do everything because my life won't be in dark, it will be bright always. Ding, doors are open to hall.

I turned my back to the mirror before stepping out of the elevator, fixed my hair and clothes. "Agh, i paid hundreds for this concealer and still looks cakey!"

"Hi!" My eyes got bigger when i saw my fiancee. "Did you download a tracker app in my phone or something?" He started walk towards me, streching his hands out. As soon as i got near him, i jumped on his arms. "So what is the answer?" I picked my phone, held it closer to his brown eyes. "Where is it?"

"I opened the door for taking the trash out. Sound of the elevator stopped me. And yeah, my guts are right, you are here." He hugged me, placed a warm kiss in my neck covered with my hair.

"Aren't you have guests in your house? You forgot to throw your trash out, leaving them alone and hugging me in the hall. What a bad host you are."

We went inside together, "technologhy people" were in living room and kitchen. They were nearly done with setting up cameras, microphones, lights. I stepped over cables a few times. A lady with a brush roll and Josko were sitting under a light. Isn't it just a youtube video? About Josko's daily life? Why all this stuff? Anyway, i am not a expert on this, i should control my face and my inner voice.

✨

"Don't get fooled by him. He only went fishing one time in his life."

"Do i have to fish regularly because my dad is fisher man? What can i do? That is not suitable for me." he expressed himself with a fun voice and gestures. "I went once and it was enough for me."

"He likes eating them not catching them."

"What about cooking? Is he a bad one or?" question was for me.

"Well, i can not say that. When he wants, he cooks quite good. He goes for healhty recipes like umm, cheesecakes or brownies--"

"Yes cheesecakes, you know she never cooked one." I rolled my eyes and stepped in front of him, blocking him with my body. But he poked out his head over my shoulder. "Cheesecakes are challenging."

"But i should give her credit. She cooks my favorite food burek very well."

"It is a Croatian dish i guess?"

"Yes. It's one of my faves also, he likes it with cheese, i like it with potato."

"And she makes them sooo delicious." he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I caressed them. Long beard of him was digging into my skin.

"Do you prefer your mom's bureks or her's?

He immediately released his arms, turned his back to sink. Everyone, including me, started to laugh loudly. While i was laughing, i put my hand on his back unconsciously.

Josko turned to camera and scratched his beard, said "I think we are done here, let's go to gym!"

"Can you please give us a answer?"

He only moved his lips, no sound. "No."

✨

I hope you guys liked the fic. Feel free to send me your ideas, it can be about Ruben too, or your thoughts about them! We can discuss 💖 Thank you so much! Have a nice day or night or morning 😁

[deadlykitten404]

MAG 187 - ooooh FASCINATING I think the Distortion is so interesting because of how little Helen lies, considering she's a being made of the fear of lies

also everyone loves Michael and Helen because they're designed to be likeable, but also out of all of the other chapters in the series there really are so few that are easy to sympathize with. like, all of the fan favorites really are the ones that are still kind/friendly (ig is the best way of putting it). Like, the statements where people just kill or torture without remorse are the ones that have the characters I like the least, but then you have characters like Helen and Agnes and Annabelle who really are more victims of the narrative that are just making the best of their situation

MAG 193 - oh I didn't realize that Elias was an actual stoner, idk why I fully thought it was like a fanon thing (like the lonelyeyes divorce subplot)

MAG 194 - Annabelle?? I still haven't figured out what the Web's motivation is here, frankly I'm surprised that it still has any notable power amongst everything the Eye has.

I'm so glad Melanie is still like, a normal (fairly) rational person, it's refreshing around all the supernatural explanations for stuff loll

YOOO HILLTOP IS BACK??? I thought getting rid of the apple like destroyed the place???

MAG 195 - BASIRAAA

MAG 196 - wait,,, were the tapes from the web?? or did Annabelle just take tapes??? either way writing a statement from the position of the house is fascinating

MAG 197 -oooooh so they are from the web!!

usually lore dumps are kinda tedious, but that was fascinating. it's so cool seeing everything come together.

MAG 200 - "I don't want to die" bold words from a man who condemned the whole world.

I loved the little lore dump about the fears, getting their backstory was so interesting ! also the web literally having a mind of its own is pretty cool.

oooh so now the cover art makes so much sense. I thought it was going to be like Jon's connection to the Web and the Eye, but NOPE ITS ALL THE WEB

also this was the only thing going through my head while Jon was giving his closing monologue, so enjoy both versions of the meme (im sure it's been done before, but I couldn't decide which one was funnier so I'm doing both)

[stuckinmymind22]

After Ever (Chapter 6)

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pair: sylus (l&ds) x MC tags/tw: lots of dialogue from game, cannon adjacent ig, graphic violence, blood, swearing, slight ooc, not proof read (never is) word count: 5.5k song rec: better than revenge by taylor swift a/n: important to note that he is not himself here, they are in extreme circumstances and might behave a bit ooc, but given their circumstances it makes sense PSA driving tired can be just as dangerous as driving under the influence

important: i wanted to group my writing together so i decided to move this fic over to this account but i promise it's still me. if you want to follow this fic and updates but don't want to follow me bc im annoying (understandable) check out the tag #after ever fanfiction and if you follow me for one piece content you can just mute the tag or something idk

Her eyes fluttered open, a blinding light dominating her vision. She was restrained at her wrists and ankles, she couldn’t see them, but knew they were there. Muffled voices spoke among themselves above her in a language she didn’t quite understand. Her heart rate quickened and her breathing deepened, the expansion of her lungs cut short by another set of straps outlining her midsection, further locking her in place.

She was praying that the people would leave and leave her alone, but it seemed no god was listening that day. The shadow of a looming figure broke up the powerful light. Another figure passes what looks to be a scalpel over to the first one. That is when she realized what was happening.

She screamed, pleading with the doctors to let her be. She could feel the tears rolling down her face, snot pooling at her upper lip. A hand came descending down onto her face and she screamed. The hand wiped away the mucus and her tears, telling her it would all be okay. The voice was familiar and should be comforting, but it was only inspiring further panic.

She screamed until she couldn’t anymore. A sharp sting from the scalpel making its first cut was the last thing she felt before everything started to get hazy.

“Just go to sleep, child,” a voice said… 

…Grandma?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kore’s eyes snapped open as she jolted awake. The relief she felt at the ordeal being over was cut short when the figure of another doctor loomed over her. It suddenly hit her that she had no idea where she was or what had happened to her, hell, she had no way of knowing what time it was or how long she was out. Although she attempted to not let fear get the best of her, she was scared and disoriented, worried that she hadn’t truly escaped her nightmare.

“You’re awake,” the old man said before checking her vitals. She was connected to various machines – all of which, according to her limited knowledge, seemed to be outdated by decades. Seemingly content, the man began the task of disconnecting her from all of the equipment as well as the IV bags that hung by her side.

“Y-yes, I am,” she responded, her voice raw from lack of use. Her throat was bone dry, and a glass of water was thrusted into her hands, which she greedily gulped down.

Kore was trying hard to get a grip on reality.  Her body, starving for stimulus, amplified every one of her senses, the steady beat of the heart monitor pounded in her head. Her vision started to regain clarity as her eyes started to fully adjust to the light.

“Good, we thought you might be a goner,” a new voice said from somewhere in the room. Her eyes snapped to the source of the sound, but whoever it was was shrouded in shadows. Well, that’s promising, Kore remarked about her safety.

“It looks like her vitals have returned back to normal, she should be out of the woods now, but it is important that you keep an eye on her and contact me if her condition starts to deteriorate,” the doctor said to the other voice in the room before making a prompt exit.

The room around her was dark, old, and stuffy, it looks like it could be from a haunted house if you added more dust and cobwebs, she remarked. In spite of all of its flaws, the room looked to be in remarkable condition.The sheets that she lied in seemed to have once been of quality but have worn into rough cotton over time.

“There is some food next to you if you are hungry,” the same voice said. Kore turned to the bedside and saw a modest meal, her stomach growled at the mere sight of food. Weakly, she reached for it and started eating the now cold soup.

A voice, slightly different but eerily similar, spoke up, “We made sure that you always had a meal because we didn’t know when you would wake up. Sorry if anything is missing, someone got hungry while watching over you.”

“So you two,” Kore started with a mouthful of food, decorum be damned.

“You’re seeing things. I’m the only one here. There is no ‘two’.” the first voice said. By then, Kore’s eyes had adjusted well enough to see the two figures in the room, one far in the corner resting on a dresser and the other walking closer to her. Her eyes narrow as she glares at the young man.

“Oh really, then I suppose your brother here is just an illusion,” she said pointing at the other man.

“Wow! How did you know we were brothers?” the one in the corner asked as he hopped off the dresser.

“Your voices are similar,” she paused, continuing once the second man had reached the light, “Plus you look the same. Twins, I suppose.” For some reason both men seemed to be impressed with her figuring them out.

“Oh wow! What else do you know?” the one on the right said.

“Do it again!” the other twin cheered.

“No,” Kore said and their shoulders visibly sagged, to which she couldn’t help but chuckle at. “What I want to know is why you were watching me and how long I was out.”

“Aw, you’re no fun,” the same twin complained before the other elbowed him in the side.

“I’m sorry about him, I’m Kieran,” the one on the left said.

“And I’m Luke,” said the victim of the elbowing.

“To answer your question,” Kieran continued, “you were out for approximately three days, maybe four, I’m not sure, and we were watching you because our boss told us to.”

“When he wasn’t at your bedside like some lovesick puppy,” Luke giggled, earning him another elbow in his side. The twins seemed to have a silent conversation with each other that only they could understand.

“What I meant to say,” Luke said cautiously, eyeing Kieran for approval, “was that we should let our boss know that you are awake.”

“Before you do that I have a couple of questions,” Kore asked, the twins looked at each other and shrugged before she continued, “Where am I?”

“You’re in Onychinus’ base,” Luke answered.

“Why?” Kore further questioned.

“Because after you passed out our boss wanted to make sure that you were safe-” 

“Because you know the whereabouts of an aether core and no other reason,” Luke interrupted Kieran with an uncomfortable laugh. Kieran only glared at his brother.

“That answers my next question,” Kore said, finishing her food. “Now I only have one more question left, where is the bathroom?”

The twins guided her to the room’s en suite and informed her about extra clothes and toiletries in case she wanted to shower after so long. Relieved, she took them up on that offer, noisily locking the door behind her. It was only after she swept the bathroom for cameras, bugs, or other means of surveillance that she felt comfortable enough to do anything.

In the shower, she becomes lost in thought. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to go about getting more information about the aether cores and she didn’t know how she felt being kept hostage in Onychinus’ base.

She knew she needed to get out, that she wasn’t safe, but when would she have a better opportunity to gather intel on the enemy than being confined in their walls? As the water cascaded down her body, a plan started to formulate in her head.

If she could escape long enough to learn the layout of the base and its surroundings then allow herself to be caught again, she could use that opportunity to become close with her captors and learn more information about aether cores. Ideally, she would also be able to take down the whole of Onychinus, or at least the people at the top, but that was a secondary motive. All of this hinged on the idea that they would go after her, but with the incentive of an aether core, it was a bet she was willing to make.

Knowing the quicker she can escape the better, Kore started to strategize. She quickly settled on a classic technique, which seemed like it would be full proof if she could acquire a weapon. Finishing her shower, she dries off and goes over to the countertop where the fresh set of clothes lay. 

She wasn’t sure if it was kind or if it was weird that somehow all the clothes were her size even down to the bra. One thing that she did find was her crossbody bag, she tore into the bag and was grateful that whoever put it there hadn’t been thoughtful enough to actually go through it because in it she found her “weapon.” Now all she needed was a reason for one of the twins to get close enough to her. Inspiration struck when she was struggling to get the bra hooks to line up. Quickly, she finished getting dressed, leaving her bra unhooked.

She grabbed the shirt and hid the laser pointer she found in it. Pretending to struggle with hooking her bra, Kore exited the bathroom. She was relieved to find that the twins were still in the room. This is going to work, just commit to it, she thought to herself.

“Excuse me,” Kore said bashfully, “I’m really struggling to get this hooked on right, could one of you help me please?”

Both twins were too stunned to speak. Oh shit, this isn’t going to work, this would’ve worked better if they were women, Kore thought, cursing herself for not coming up with a better plan.  

Kieran was the first to snap out of it, stuttering, “S-sure t-thing, miss.” 

Kieran approached Kore apprehensivly and she turned around so he could help. While he was struggling for his life trying to clasp a simple bra, Kore was pulling her “weapon” out of her shirt.

Quickly she turns around and points the object at his head, “Here’s what’s going to happen: you’re going to give me your weapons and let me walk out of here or else.”

“Or else what,” Kieran, the one she had hostage, spoke up - with genuine curiosity. Kore shot him an incredulous look and composed herself quickly.

“Have you heard of the Xt-7, the Hunters Association’s latest weapon?” she asked, pressing the small object further into Kieran’s neck. She didn’t wait for a response before she continued, “It’s a high-powered laser that can penetrate your skin and vaporize your blood.” It was that that caused Luke to kick his weapon over to her and Kieran dropped his weapon to the floor. “The good news is that it’s quick and painless. The bad news is that you’ll be losing a lot of blood from your neck, are you squeamish?”

“Did we say that you weren’t allowed to leave?” Luke asked, Kore hesitated, “You’re free to go at any time.”

“We were never holding you hostage,” Kieran said shakily, still believing the laser pointer to be a threat to his life.

“Oh…” Kore mumbled, lowering the laser pointer slightly, “I’m still taking your weapons, but then you’re free to go.” True to her word, she picked up the duo’s guns and lowered the pointer. She then fixed her bra herself, Kieran had tried but clearly he has never touched a bra in his life. Pulling on her shirt, she heads towards the door.

“People are looking for you, you know,” One of the twins starts, “People more dangerous than us.” Kore can’t help but scoff at his words.

“And even if you escape, you’ll only get lost in no-man’s-land,” the other twin adds. Despite their warnings, the twins willingly gave Kore directions out of the building.

“As a gift, why don’t you guys have this,” Kore said, handing over her “weapon.” Luke took it from her hand eagerly and Kore opened the door, he thanked her profusely for giving them a confidential weapon from the Hunter’s Association. Both of the twins were marveling at the small object and on her way out the door Kore said with a gleeful grin, “It’s a laser pointer.”

As soon as she left the room, Kieran was already informing their boss that she was awake.

“How far do you think she’ll get before he finds her? A hundred meters?” Luke said.

“I bet not even ten,” Kieran responded.

“I’ll say five, then.” 

Huh, it was really that easy, Kore thought to herself as she entered the hall, its former opulence on display. Trickles of daylight from other rooms was the only thing that illuminated the way. At least I know it’s daytime, she thought.

Opting to ignore the directions that she had been given, she roamed the halls making a mental map of the building. The guns she took off the twins in her waistband dug into her hip as she walked. She had yet to regain her strength, her muscles ached with every step she made. She took short breaks periodically, justifying it in her mind as creating a more detailed map of the mansion while she braced up against the wall. 

At one of these stops Kore’s mind started to wander to the last thing she remembered before she woke up in that bed. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had hallucinated parts of it, she couldn’t picture smoke having the power to lift a fully grown man into the air like that. Her speculation was cut short when she caught movement in her periphery.

With a caw a large crow flew over top her head, as if it was trying to get her attention. As usual, curiosity got the best of her and she followed the bird to see where it went. The bird navigated the halls with familiarity, taking her back to where she started and closer to where Luke and Kieran said the exit was. Just when she was catching up to the crow, it made a sharp right entering a room through the transom window.

She heard the end of a conversation as it stopped abruptly, another door opened and closed with the sound of fading footsteps. The door she stood in front of was ajar, she could have sworn it was closed earlier. She didn’t know what, but something was pulling her to the room, almost like she needed it to survive.

“Come in,” a deep voice said from inside, “I don’t bite.” The voice sounded familiar but she couldn’t quite place it. After a moment’s hesitation, Kore entered the room.

As soon as she stepped through the door she felt a force pulling at the hem of her shirt. Before she knew it the guns she had confiscated were pulled from her waistband and flew across the room in a cloud of smoke, ending in the hands of the only other person in the room.

“It’s not very nice to steal,” the man said, giving the guns to the crow perched on the back of his chair, who took them and flew out the same way it entered, “I would’ve thought the Hunter’s Association would have taught you that.” 

She figured out how she knew his voice, he was the one who killed the man who kidnapped her, and kidnapped her in turn. Kore was quite taken aback by the man in front of her, even in the dim light she could tell that he was gorgeous, snow white hair, crimson eyes. His chiseled features were accentuated by the dim lights casting shadows on his face. He sat upon what seemed to function as a throne with a haughty aura surrounding him. This must be him, this must be the leader of Onychinus, Kore thought to herself, This is Sylus. 

“You’re one to talk,” Kore scoffed back, still at the room’s edge. The man let out a dark chuckle. Suddenly, the same energy that pulled the weapons away from her was pulling her closer to him until she was standing a few feet in front of Sylus. She looked him in the eyes with every intention to chastise him for moving her like a ragdoll, but then she started to hear voices in her head.

Kill him… Devour him… He’s yours…

Using all her might, she broke eye contact with him and to her relief, the voices stopped. She made note to avoid looking him in the eyes at all costs, lest he get the upper hand. That idea didn’t last for long as the smoke forced her to look at him. This time the voices didn’t appear.

“Is this how you greet an old friend?” The question confused Kore, up until recently she had never seen him in her life. A wave of anger flashed through his expression before quickly being tampered down to the same uncaring aura he held before. 

“I take it that you don't remember anything,” Sylus said, something like hurt creeping into his voice. “I suppose it would be time wasted trying to tell you anything. All you need to know is that you and I, we’re the same. True kindred spirits.”

“We’re not the same. You’re a monster,” Kore spat out, “I should kill you where you stand.”

A dark laugh escaped the imposing man and he responded, “You’re lucky I don’t like picking on the weak, Kitten.”

“You killed my family, you bastard,” she screamed, storming up to his dumb chair. For a fraction of a second, Sylus’s eyes widened, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, leaving Kore questioning what she had seen.

Reaching into his waistband he pulled out a gun. He made sure that the gun was loaded and the safety was off before he extended the handle out to her - much more relaxed than he should be. 

“Didn’t you want to take my life? Or do your words ring hollow?” Sylus asked her with a steady voice. She was shaking, unable to understand why he was so calm, casually offering for her to shoot him as if it was a benign activity. He patiently held the gun out for her, waiting for her to accept it. 

The voices from earlier started chanting in her head once more. Despite her conscious begging her not to, Kore reached out and grabbed the gun, grasping it firmly. She had had so many years of training that firearms were second nature to her at this point, without thinking she pointed the barrel at the center of his eyebrows.

“You think I won’t do it?”

“That’s better," he smiled. “I don’t think you have it in you,” he said, redirecting the gun so it was aiming at his heart. Kore hesitated again, her moral compass speaking louder than the weird voices inside her head.

“Why are you trembling? Has your resolve already begun to falter? You weren’t just bluffing, were you?” His even, condescending tone was really starting to piss her off.

“Do you need some help? Yes? No? Maybe So?” Sylus further patronizing her was the final straw. With a renewed sense of determination and without a second thought, Kore pulled the trigger.

It wasn’t as bloody as she had expected, aiming for the heart. Nonetheless, blood covered both of them as it shot out of his arteries. The recoil had sent them flying apart, Sylus slumped in his chair and Kore stumbled several steps back to the ground. Upon hearing his ragged, gurgly breath, Kore regretted her actions. Just because the man quite literally had asked to be shot didn’t make it right. He may be a heartless killer but it was the government's job to deliver justice, not hers. 

“Fuck,” Kore whispered. This time she screamed, “Fuck!”

She scrambled to her feet and ran to him as fast as she could. She applied pressure to his wound, desperately hoping it would stop his bleeding, while mumbling a line of creative curses. When the blood didn’t stop she resorted to pleading, “Don't die, you can’t die yet! I still need you! Shit.”

The man in front of her chuckled. Chuckled! She was trying to save his life, grappling with becoming a killer and he was laughing. 

“Are you worried about me?” Sylus managed to choke out. He was insane. Insane. 

“Are you crazy,” Kore whisper-shouted at the man, scared of drawing attention to the mess she had made. 

“You wanted to take my life. And now you have," he said. Suddenly, waves of black and red smoke converged around the wound, obscuring it from her sight. By the time they disappeared all that remained of the injury was the hole in his shirt and the blood on her hands.

 Kore had been quite literally stunned into silence, never having had seen - or even imagined - anything of the sorts before. He chuckled, yet again, at her reaction. 

“Have you already figured out how you’ll pay me back?” He said - almost playfully. As expected, he was met with silence. He pushed him off of her and that seemed to bring her back to reality.

“What do you mean?” Kore asked.

“I saved your life and you took mine, it seems like you owe me something in return, does it not?”

She followed his line of logic but didn’t want to give the criminal anything so she stayed silent. Sylus smiled, he knew what game she was playing. He let the two of them bask in silence until she broke.

“Just let me go,” she finally said.

“Oh, Kitten,” he sighed disappointedly, “Do you know how many people are out there looking for you after your little show at The Nest?”

“Better off out there than in here with you,” Kore bit back.

“Are you sure about that, Sweetheart?” he spoke with such condescending certainty that Kore’s resolve started to falter. Sylus patiently watched as her brain weighed her options. When her shoulder deflated in defeat he knew he had won.

“Fine, what do you want?” Kore said dejectedly. She watched as her dejected tone brought a smile to his face - the damn smirk made her want to go for his neck.

“Resonate with me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her resonance wasn’t working. No matter how much they had tried, Kore could not resonate with him. Although there had been a connection there, Sylus had felt it, it was muted as if there were a hundred brick walls blocking it. Now they were on their way to the only person who could fix it.

Riding his motorcycle typically would be enough to clear his head, but with Kore gripping onto him so tightly he couldn’t help but replay their interaction in his head. It was not how he had imagined it would be. Truth be told, it had upset him how she had looked at him with such unfamiliarity, it's not that he had expected her to remember everything but the blank stare she gave hurt.

There was also what she had said about her family, it was hard for him to believe that they were dead, although he couldn’t bring himself to feel any sympathy for Josephine, the news of Caleb’s death rattled him. He hadn’t bothered to correct her that it wasn’t him who did it, but she had been so hellbent he knew he would never be able to change her mind.

“Holy–! Are there no speed limits in the N109 Zone?” he heard Kore’s complaint, muffled by the wind, and chuckled a little to himself. To be honest, he had gone through that corner faster than he should have. He was already on edge, he hadn’t been sleeping well - or at all - since she got here. If he had half a mind he wouldn’t be driving, but these were special circumstances. He needed to get her fixed because, clearly, there is something wrong with her. 

With his reckless driving they get to the Workshop in no time. Even after he shut off the bike, Kore’s eyes were still pinned shut in fear. Sylus forced her arms off from around his waist and dismounted the motorcycle.

 “There’s no need to be dramatic. Now, get off,” he said to her. To his relief she didn’t protest and joined him as they walked to a large, abandoned looking building. Before Kore could reach for the door Sylus grabbed her arm, halting her in her tracks.

“If you want to stay out of trouble, behave yourself once we get inside, got it?” Sylus said, waiting for her nod before he opened the door.

“Go away, we’re closed,” a male voice said from deep in the building. Sylus chuckled at the insinuation and continued walking, dragging Kore along with him.

“I said we’re cl- Oh, Mr Sylus, welcome,” the man’s tone did a 180 when he realized who the intruder was. He had been busy working on a machine of some sort before they got there.

“You don’t normally do unannounced visits, what’s the occasion,” Jack asked. He seemed to notice Kore for the first time, after wiping his hands clean of grease he extended one out to her and said, “Hello, I’m Jack.”

 “No time for introductions. Something is wrong with her evol, fix her.” Sylus said gruffly before a dark smirk overtook his handsome face, “actually, I brought you a guinea pig. It is past time for the Evol Linkage Alteration Project to have a living test subject.”

Kore’s eyes widened, she was about to protest but when Sylus threw her a deadly glare she knew this was not a fight she was going to win. That didn’t stop her body from showing that now she was on high alert. Sylus nearly chuckled to himself when he noticed her scanning their surroundings for anything that could help her out of the situation.

“I'll see what I can do,” Jack nodded, walking over to an intimidating array of equipment, “I will have to run some tests first. Come over here, Miss.”

Sylus hoped that once whatever was wrong with her evol was fixed he could find out once and for all if she was the one he shared fragments of the same aether core with. He knew that typically aether cores, being as powerful as they were, were often split into multiple parts before being implanted. He was itching to know the truth, almost as much as he was itching for her not to hate him.

“What happened while I was away?” Sylus inquired in a calculated move.

While hooking Kore up to the machines, Jack said what Sylus already knew - what he wanted Kore to hear - that he wasn’t responsible for her family’s deaths. Jack, unknowingly, aided his case further by outright saying that he was the scapegoat for the attacks in Linkon. 

The entire time Jack spoke Sylus kept his eyes trained on Kore’s facial expressions, watching as they moved from uninterested to taken aback. He smiled lightly to himself, it seemed like it was working.

“Are you saying that someone else was behind the explosions?” Kore butted in. Her daring behavior was something that Sylus was still getting used to, but he couldn’t say that he didn’t enjoy it.

“Oh dear, you look upset.” Sylus said, trying to keep the gloating tone from his voice, “I didn’t know that you were the type to swallow a lie that makes you feel better instead of looking for the truth. Although, I suppose I should have expected that from a hunter.”

Kore opened her mouth, clearly ready to fire something back at him when Jack spoke, “I’m afraid that she isn’t a suitable recipient. Her Evol Linkage is normal, only its strength has been suppressed.”

The news that her evol was suppressed didn’t surprise Sylus in the slightest, he had been expecting that to be the case after the third time they couldn’t resonate. He was pretty sure that he knew the answer to his question but decided to ask anyway, “Did someone put in a suppressor?”

“Nothing that I could find,” Jack said, before breaking eye contact, “I don’t think it’s physical.”

“I can resonate with others just fine. I don’t know what they issue with you is,” Kore butted in, yet again. Sylus’s nostrils flared, she was getting on his nerves. Suddenly, an idea formed in his mind. 

“And that thing I asked you to alter… How’s that?” He questioned, hinting at the wanderer he had gotten his hands on. It was a risk he was willing to take, plus he would be right there if anything were to happen.

“Are you sure about this, Mr. Sylus,” Jack asked worriedly. Sylus nodded. Jack pressed some buttons and a door opened revealing a large wanderer.

Kore’s entire body showcased the shock and horror of seeing the subdued wanderer. He hadn’t come here with the intent of seeing how she fought, but it couldn’t hurt to see how she reacted to an opponent, especially when she was caught off guard.

Kore was still covered in his blood from when she had shot him. That won’t do, he thought to himself, the wanderer had been trained not to touch him and her covered in his blood would confuse the creature. With a simple wave of his hand, his evol cleansed her of the dried blood. 

“You said that it was only her strength that was suppressed, right?,” Sylus said, entirely too calm for the situation, “She just needs a little stimulation then.”

The wanderer was then let loose on Kore. Sylus watched her struggle - it was almost as if she was completely out of her element. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was a fluke or if someone on the UNICORNS team was really this incompetent at their job. Torn between being disappointed at her lackluster job and proud that the wanderer was really able to hold its own against an “elite” hunter.

It was quickly realized that she was not ready for this level of opponent, if the fight continued any longer she would be killed. Jack expressed his concern and Sylus had the wanderer called off, disappointed in the outcome of the experiment.

“It’s a shame your evol has deteriorated into its current state,” Sylus sighed. It used to be incredible, he thought

“What the actual fuck was that Sylus?” Kore was fuming, Jack winced at her words, he was far too close for her scream.

“Resonate with me,” Sylus said, grabbing her hand.

“No! Why would I resonate with you of all people,” Kore protested, wrenching her hand out from his.

“Just do what I tell you to for one second,” Sylus countered

“I will never listen to you

Much to Sylus’s disappointment, their connection was even weaker than it had been before.

“Run the tests again, fix her,” he instructed Jack, who looked like he was debating saying something, “What is it Jack?”

“There might be another reason why she can’t resonate,” Jack said looking uncomfortable, “...her evol is special. It utilizes the waves generated by the human brain’s magnetic field. It is possible that her brain’s magnetic field produces repulsive waves against you. That is likely why she can’t resonate with you?”

Sylus gave him a get-to-the-point glare and Jack fumbled with his hands, “To make a long story short… on a subconscious level, either she’s rejecting you, scared of you, or… disgusted by you. Even if she were to undergo alteration, you wouldn’t be able to resonate with her so long as she’s still hostile towards you.”

That felt like a punch to the gut to Sylus, even if she had forgotten him, he hoped that she wouldn’t hate him – and hate him so much that it prevented them from resonating. He was quick to suppress the emotion though, never letting the impartial mask slip.

“And Mr Sylus,” Jack said, snapping him back from thought, “if we were to go through with the alteration and it were to fail, she would be completely ruined. We need to address the root of the cause before we can go any further.

“By the way! I have an evol stabilizer in the storage cabinet. I can make her use it and we’ll see if that helps,” Jack said before pulling Kore away.

As soon as the pair left the room, Sylus’s phone began to ring. He picked it up and Luke was on the other end, “Mr Sylus, Sherman’s men attacked sooner than we anticipated.”

Sylus sighed. Great, another thing for him to have on his plate, he thought. He had Luke provide him with what information they had and it turned out that the attack was nearby. Sylus wasn’t originally intending on abandoning Kore at the worksop, but now he had no choice, he’d come back for her later.

Sylus instructed Mephisto to keep an eye on her before starting back up his bike and riding away. However, he wasn’t counting on her to find her way to the scene of the crime.

a/n: idk why i like writing sleep deprived characters, we gonna try and get them on a consistent sleep schedule soon (not really lol)

[hotchnissonly]

Sometimes its hell to live in my brain because the artist in me merges with the author in me (add in the ADHD and now were all doomed). I wrote a fic over this past month, and it was totally different than anything ive written before in context and depth and emotion, and now my brain cant stop wanting to do a whole fucking literature review on it and analyse every single thing i did like its a fucking painting. Because its not even about the words. Its about the look of it. the feel of it. The actual text (which i hope is somewhat decent lmao), has become irrelevant to my little electricity filled brain.

None of them moved. They just stood there, watching. Letting her take it. And she did. Because she deserved it.

This, grammatically speaking, is awful. It could have been a detailed paragraph filled with beautiful words that joined it together and really conveyed the depth of the emotion. But instead its almost... blank? empty? disjointed? But thats the point right? it looks empty, it looks disjointed and cold and blunt, because its meant to. Because thats how she feels. she feels empty and cold and like everyone and everything is distant and lacking emotion and lacking connection. Its not a beautifully formed paragraph conveying emotion. because there isnt any emotion. her brain, her life, her feelings are a void.

Their pleas, the sobbing, the begging, the shouting the relentless banging on the doors the walls god she didn't even doubt the fucking floor. She ignored it all. 

Again, grammatically awful. It begins with the correct pauses, the correct commas to add maybe a little drama, to give the reader time to breathe and acknowledge the words. But the more the sentence goes on it just starts to run. no spacing. no pauses. Because her desperation is growing. the slow acknowledgment of whats happening kicks in and its no longer slow, because suddenly its a wave and there is no pauses because its all hitting her at once and it LOOKS overwhelming because it IS overwhelming. Then theres the full stop and the simple, non explanatory sentence of "she ignored it all." because she had to cut it off. had to stop her brain from running so she made it stop. no thinking. just nothing.

shaking like a coward, drowning in the very fear he had forced her to swallow over and over and over AND OVER again.

again, no commas, no spacing, just an overwhelming torrent of feelings that are LITERALLY growing as you look at it. the first 'over' is just normal, regular maybe minimal emotion, but it keeps running without stopping into a little more emotion with the italics. Simple, not overwhelming, but emphasis all the same. flowing directly into bold AND italics, the emotion is growing more, and finally you have bold, caps, and italics, where you can SEE the emotion reaching its full peak before it abrubtly just.... stops. back to calm, back to collected, back to almost nothing.

I tend to make my phone to read my fics aloud to me so i can hear how they sound, and listening to this fic? its almost jarring in a sense? because there are parts where it is so blunt, like the first example, where the words hit you and your like okay we arent sugar coating anything here. then you get the sentences that just run and dont stop and along with the context of the fic it almost filled me with a sense of urgency? of not quite panic but that oh okay were off and were running and im almost sensory overloaded because my brain cant process whats happening and then it just, stops? And i know i am probably the only one who will ever see it that way because its just a random piece of writing thrown into the depths of the internet. But my brain is particularly inquisitive and searches for the meaning in anything and everything (i should have been an english teacher, the way i hunt for the hidden metaphor that was absolutely never intended by the creator in the first place - eg. did they choose red curtains for this scene because it conveys the characters seething rage and theyre subconciosly etching it into their environment so that even the SUNLIGHT glows red, or did the set director just grab the first curtains they found at the top of the box, we'll never know.) But i am really proud of it and honestly its probably my favourite thing ive ever written for these reasons alone. It was so contextually different from anything ive written this past year and it feels so fucking good to see that my writing has improved even if its just in ways that only I will notice. Because again - the grammar is awful. technically speaking this is horrifically written. BUT THAT IS THE POINT. The fic is heavy, and it FELT it. does it sound good? maybe not, but i felt something because i could SEE what i was trying to convey.

[glacierclear]

im sorry i need to dump all my thoughts about ada x leon somewhere for personal fulfillment reasons,

big disclaimer: resident evil canon/lore is inconsistent and my feelings/thoughts on all this is NOT me stating it as fact. It's 99% speculation and me interpreting context. I'm just having fun!

it's really wild that i started my resident evil experience hating Ada. I did not understand her character and the way she's portrayed is very inconsistent and confusing (probably on purpose) and, like many others, I assumed the choices she made and the pain she inflicted on others was malicious and intentional.

But something clicked recently,,,I understand now that she didn't choose this life. She doesn't WANT to be a spy. She doesn't WANT to be a mercenary. Everything she was and everything she had was taken and stripped from her. She doesn't even have a real name anymore. I think seeing the small insight of her backstory in the biohazard manga really put all the pieces together and brain blasted me with understanding. Her entire character (to me, at least!) revolves around survival and self-preservation. She is a SELFISH character, not because of ego or power, but because of a LACK of power. She no longer has autonomy over her life in a way that matters and so the only thing left for her is to stay alive.

And I just think that ties so beautifully with Leon's struggles. Both of them being forced into this life where they have to live and die at the hands of the people who control them. And, listen...listen...it's overdramatic as fuck and a VERY idealistic/romanticized interpretation of their relationship, but honestly it makes me hella emotional thinking about Leon potentially being one of the few things in life Ada wants to live for other than herself. Him being the only person in the entire series who has ever shown her genuine, selfless kindness and care,,, and the fact that her circumstance and the trappings of her life forced her to betray him and she has to live with that guilt and has to come to terms with the fact that she will never genuinely connect with people because who even is she anymore? She has no sense of self.

And her entire campaign in RE6 resonates me in such a weirdly poignant and impactful way. RE6 has some WONKED UP writing and it's so silly and stupid; but I think if it was tweaked a little bit it would be a genuinely moving story about a woman losing her agency and bodily autonomy to a violent man who wants to own her and her fighting with his fabricated, demented vision of her. It's a manifestation of his greed and possession...and then she kills her clone and immediately after she sees Leon again and his first immediate instinct is to protect her and sacrifice himself again for her and throw himself into MORE bullets for her even after the betrayal of RE2 ........ and then after that she finally snaps and FINALLY chooses to fight for HER morals and HER justice by killing Simmons' bioweapon.

Like, listen, I hate the trope of "woman traumatized being saved by a man" in most cases, but something about the way I see Leon and Ada just makes SENSE man.

The fact that she specifically goes out of her way COUNTLESS times to protect him and save him and none of it is enough to get him to forgive her. None of it will ever be enough but she keeps trying anyways. Like, damn, his entire mission is Spain is only possible because Ada saved his ass like...four times??? And you can make reasonable arguments that she doesn't care about him he's only important for her mission, and to be honest I think that interpretation is also valid, but for me personally I just think she cares about him so much but it's in his best interest to continue believing she doesn't care.

And I just want them to be happy. But it will probably never work out between them, just due to everything...they can't escape their lives. They're both kept alive by two opposing morality systems. Leon's guilt and unyielding need to fight for truth and innocence and to protect everyone he's lost and everyone who depends on him. And Ada to hold onto herself and what whittling remains of self-identity and independence she still has when it was all taken from her, even to the point of someone making a damn clone out of her.

Man I just love them so much I'M SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

💫𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 2023💫

2023 has been a year to say the least so lets get into this 😂. As usual this is in no particular order cause I cant handle putting these into a proper order.

𝐓𝐨𝐩 5 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐬:

1. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝐂𝐚𝐟𝐞 (2022).

I watched this on a whim and boy am I glad I did. The female lead is so unhinged but in the best way and our main guy is so in love with her I cant. Literally this drama was such a fun time and everything connected together so well. Just watch this drama pls.

2. 𝐁𝐨 𝐑𝐚! 𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐡 {𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞} (2023).

Yoo In Na shines and I love the character growth that both the leads go through, everything that happens makes sense and it really does show that working on yourself isnt a linear process. There will be set backs but you can over come them. I tend to not care for side couples but I loved all of them in this, they were just hilarious or adorable.

3. 𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧 (2023).

I wasnt going to watch this drama but thankfully instagram reels made me interested enough to give this a chance. I love all 4 of the leads, they are my babies and they deserve all the happiness in the world.

4. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐅𝐥𝐲 𝐓𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 (2023).

This was such a cute, fun drama. I didnt expect to love it as much as I did, the family dynamics, friendships, everything was so well done and the 2 couples were the cutest.

5. 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 (2023).

Literally Instagram reels made me watch this and I do not regret it. The melodrama, romance, revenge, plot twists... Everything was such a wild ride, I recommend that everyone watches it.

𝐓𝐨𝐩 5 𝐍𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬:

1. 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫 ~ 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧.

The irony, I always said that I wouldnt stan a group with more than 7 members 😂. Honestly I was just seeing too many funny reels about SVT and then I watched the Game Caterers videos without even knowing all of their names and Super was everywhere that I just fell into the rabbit hole that is Seventeen.

2. 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 ~ 𝐉𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐨.

My bias came and she ate. I love this song and it showed in my top 2023 songs its at number 6... The top 5 are all Taylor obviously.

3. 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 ~ 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤.

He came and took over the world. Nothing more to say about that.

4. 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦 ~ 𝐄𝐧𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐧.

Yall need to stop sleeping on Enhas japanese discography. This song is just so sweet and wonderful. I cant with it.

5. 𝐔𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 ~ 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐦.

I just loved this whole song and the album too. Next LSF comeback when?!.

𝐓𝐨𝐩 5 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬:

So last time I only had the vault tracks but Speak Now was the album that made me a swiftie so not limiting myself to just the vault tracks this time.

1. 𝐇𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝.

This is my absolute favourite song. It is just such a masterpiece and can be related to in any situation.

2. 𝐄𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝.

I love this song so much, I have a one shot of the same name 😂.

3. 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐅𝐥𝐲.

Im a hopeless romantic okay.

4. 𝐈𝐬 𝐈𝐭 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐨𝐰.

Do I even need to explain myself with this.

5. 𝐒𝐥𝐮𝐭!.

Most definitely not what I was expecting but I love it so much.

5 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝:

1. Bestie got married, shes happy and Im happy for her. It was a proper desi wedding and it was good fun.

2. I FINALLY graduated from University😂. Only took me like 5 years, one failed attempt and repeating my third year.

3. Made some great friends from the school I worked at, we bonded over how messed up the school we worked at is.

4. Managed to travel and have such great experiences.

5. Im happy with the fanfics I wrote this year. Still shocked that people actually read and enjoy the stuff I write but Im immensely grateful for all the love and support I get.

[rin-and-jade]

hi i'm the anon asking about raising dissociative barriers from a while ago!! sorry it took so long to give an answer, i've been unsure how to word it and then i forgot a little bit..

i'm not sure if this is really the solution to my problem but! it has recently been very hard for us to actually distinguish between alters, in the past it has been very easy as we were all very distinct and had our "own" interests and such, but currently our sense of identity is not so strong. i (we) still have drastic changes in my interests and such, but instead of "switching" it all feels like one confusing and continuous train of thought??

i'm not sure if it might be because we possibly have new alters who aren't as connected to the core of our system and so are a bit confused. (we have a lot of alters and split a lot, our structure inside is fairly complex.) i don't "feel" many of our older alters around currently, if that makes sense, besides sometimes our gatekeeper or protector.

how i feel is like. i frequently feel like a new person, but i keep remembering all of this stuff that i have no business remembering. the memories aren't super distressing, just a bit annoying/inconvenient, and i would kind of like to put everything "back in its place", and everyone into their own rooms again!

ty in advance and for all your other advice posts!!

Welcome back, its been a while since your last ask but i have taken into consideration about making a post on the high & lows of dissociative barriers, its an interesting idea and added that i haven't made a post on it--if you or anyone is interested please stay updated on the first week of march for it's release!

------

From this experience written, you seem to describe a similar situation i can recognize,, the term is called blend/meshing. It is meant to describe when things feel less clear cut and everything had melded together, does it sound familiar for you?

This can happen on any stages in your system journey, and can be taken as a sign that something might be happening (it can be for both good or bad reasons, personal experience varies) which shifts your sense of identity (should be temporary) along with the leaking memories.

Would you be able to check from your existing list of parts and see what matches? If it doesn't seem to fit any particular member, it could count as a new alter forming or (temporary) fusing. Though its only one possibility, as from your information given only those two are most probable. If neither is correct, it would be a situation where the barriers had indeed lowered--without anything else changing. Here's another reminder that raising barriers could undo healing and internal communication which is why im against it, i shall cover this topic properly by having its own post.

My only advice for now is to track what kind of memories you're able to remember and write down any sense of self/traits that can be put to words, this is to help you see a pattern admist the blurryness. Time to clear that fog up!

Additionally, could you retrace back when this started happening, or anything that triggered it? I would help you reorganize, but we need more clarity on this situation first,, feel free to resume this process with me via DMs.

If you do not choose to DM, the ask submission is still accepted to update on what progress have been made. See you!

- c

[humanmorph]

PALISADE 28.crazy good this week etc

New radio person for the intro...! This comes at a good moment. I still miss Baldwin Home like. That very first PALISADE intro is genuinely so hard to beat... but this feels good. I'm once again thinking about Austin writing these... The style used for Black Screens intros obviously shines through (she's his protégé) but she does have her own voice already (way more rhyming? I mean, I'd have to doublecheck HIS intros, it's literally just a feeling). Just the tone used and intonation already does a lot. Austin is so good at this fr. I'm still curious how he even approaches that. Also the "watch me unloose 80 Ls on these next lines" I knewwww that's 80 Ls for real as soon as Parti said illogical. I wonder if he wrote that bit first trying to see how many Ls he could fit in there & then finetuned it to get to a good number? I guess that's just how I would do it.

(who knows if we'll ever get a description for Parti. we never did for Black. maybe if she shows up in a conflict turn somehow? so im just fuckin around for now... i haven't sold myself on the clothes. i'm just not a fashion guy. but i do like the braids)

Oh & new guy alert part 2!!! New Keith character! And he has a funny hat. Not even funny as in goofy it just makes me laugh a bit because my dad and maybe every 5th 70+ y/o man I see has a hat like that. Love the sequin poncho.

(btw I am almost certain Keith has posted a picture of that teapot on Cohost before... He posts about tea sometimes so there's at least a chance. I mean the description of the coloring he gives is actually pretty good IMO, you can work with that, but I as an artist I like to have a visual reference. EDIT: someone just asked him. thank you keith and also rosecrest)

I have the. I got Armor Astir & a lot of the playbooks other people made in a bundle a while back and I'm real torn if I should just look at the Investigator because I'm really curious. But. I also love to be surprised. So I probably won't, but it's good to know I COULD, if I wanted to. Anyways, I was pretty sure it'd be another B-Plot character too, just because it makes sense. Brnine COULD go alone on a B-Plot, I guess, but it's more fun with 2 groups to jump between, surely. Though this means the Eclectic-Brnine dynamic is crucial! I hope they can meet up soon... But yeah I just really am gonna miss Phrygian backing them up and cheering and clapping and asking questions. They were so fun together... A great team :' (

ok so I wrote everything else about Eclectic down yesterday & then noted down "vibes?" as break between paragraphs because all I had at that point was the description & I wanted to get back to this. And ooohhh my god the vibes are fucking immaculate right off the bat I'm having a hard time to not Already be obsessed with this guy he's SO funny conceptually and it KEPT getting better... Truly delighted with this new type of guy (& Keith is doing a voice!). And I fucking love the hooks. Truly so great to me. The thought of these getting loosened OR deepened is already really really good. "Leap says"..... oh it's SO funny I keep laughing to myself

And I'm VERY excited it's a delegate like genuinely so happy. I was mourning the loss of a branched onscreen (okay.I still am) but this does make it worth it. Ever since they got introduced basically I so badly wanted to know anything more about them, but especially what Austin mentioned in the episode itself: the delegates relationships to the divines they are made from & of course the divines themselves (who are alive!!! Apparently that was already written in a dossier way back when, but I rarely read those). That has me sooo excited.

Oh and the like... I only thought about this just now but the connection there to Thisbe's new project is. That's gotta be something! "The divine who's being held captive somewhere on this planet, and has been tortured for millennia" hearing a message of... That this can end & rest is possible and it's SO CLOSE? But does that just make it worse... Ohhhhh. Yeah this rules. What a great idea.

That project generally is really... god, I love Thisbe so much. I love how Janine talks about her and what she thinks and why she does what she does. Thisbe's relationship to work and being a tool and of use is so interesting to put here, with the divines wanting to rest. (And Janine saying something like... Thisbe thinks of herself in relation to divines how Mow is to her? Kind of?) And saying it seems so solitary a project... every divine should know about it. Every divine deserves the right to rest. But it's also a call to action of sorts when she talks about like... "shouldn't you want to protect this?" I think her "Fighting is not my purpose, but there is nowhere else for me until the fighting is over." hook could be in conservation here too... Also I'm just looking forward for Thisbe to Broadcast again. It was like, one of her things in PARTIZAN. I really liked her & Cori working on this together with the. Experience they just had behind them. Sylvi & Janine reading the hooks for each others characters kind of sheepishly was soooo funny "I forgot how bitchy this was!". That's good stuff to me. (as an aside: god, Thisbe has always had good as hell hooks/beliefs/whatever else. Remember "Operant Broun lies to me because they believe I am a person."? Banger. ) I also love that she thought of this/about this at the rib(?) of Barricade. Barricade as an axiom who had this close (& good, protective) relationship with another axiom...

btw now that Leap is NOT coming back I do miss him a bit. Mostly out of principle like I am So happy we have Eclectic but Leap is my guy.... shoutout to him... being a bitch bastard pirate out there in space... + shoutout to Figure A too always : ) (speaking of, on the Gathering Information Extra bit from today he talked about if he had played Leap, picking a class that also had like, a crew, and I'm mostly just really curious who that would've been. I would love for Keith to make up some funny guys for Leap to order around. I wonder if Eclectic or an Eclectic type would've been on that?)

(Also Leap investigating Motion. Ok. To ME it's at least partly bc this was so important to Millie. And he has reason to be concerned generally he fought Motion too but. That's MILLIE'S rival! And it doesn't even have to be at the front of his mind when he does this. Maybe it isn't. But it's real & it's something to remember her by through actual action. Because he's not the sentimental type.Do you get me.?)

Brnine talk show. This was sooo good. After they joked about it in PAL25 too. I recognized the hosts name, but wasn't quite sure from where until I read the dossier - of course he's that guy from the podcast. God. I have got to relisten to that sometime... I remember Ali on one of the recent Gathering Information ep (the one w/ Austin on, I think) mentioning a conversation that was like. stressful to do. and then also to listen to? (since she has to for production/editing) and I figured it would be another Gucci-type talk but ooohh my god. This was sooo. EDIT: ACTUALLY what if it wasn't even. What if it's about to be this talk with Rye edit: GALLICA i cant believe noone called me on this. mixing my elects up. rye is the one gur killed (mvp). Austin was sounding a bit ominous about it at the end of this episode! HUGE shoutouts to Ali again she is just absolutely killing it this season for real... And I honestly feel like overall Brnine was, considering the situation, doing very well. Genuinely. You're feverish and hollowblooded and have this fucking. Guy needling you & asking the stupidest questions... & like. "You made Kalmeria. They'd never let you rot in jail." of courseeee they want Brnine working for them. They're so GOOD at what they do. They messed with the parts of A Fucking Divine. . I just had a scary thought and it involved Mustard Red. But. Surely not. Nooo. I'm shaking my head. However Arbitrage? An Arbitrage deal (like they tried to make them take before) would work just perfectly for this, wouldn't it...

some other stuff:

When Austin mentioned Grand Mag in that vision Cori had I thought something like 'man. sucks to be him : (' but like. In a genuine way. "I can't stop it from hurting people a little"........... Hah oh wow I just thought of this but I am so excited for people who haven't listened to TM to meet him now. He's not even my favourite he just makes me crazy in a way almost no other character does? Like there's something so WRONG with him. And there's things wrong with a lot of FatT characters but it's like... Well. Grand Magnificent.

I love the thought of them watching Brnines interview at the next movie night (POOR BRNINE.) but I also want to know what Eclectic would pick for movie night. Oh and Partial too. Though he may not be staying I would still really love to know. Partial coming on board for the mission has me intrigued generally.

Oh and Gur talking! Even if just a little. I still feel so bad for them. "I believe in whispers in ears"... and they have reason to now. Figure is a person trying their best to do good & make changes, which is what Gur wants. I just wish they weren't a specter haunting someone elses body & what even happens when Figure rolls a 10+. Is Gur still there and Figure just stops seeing him? oohh it hurts a bit.you can't do this to him you can't (related: I extremely forgot about the other specters and ghosts and ghouls and whatnot that Figure can also see. It's not just my friend Gur Sevraq. Looking forward to hear more about that & how it affects Figure so much as to roll with disadvantage!)

Love to learn just a little more about devotion. I really need to just relisten to that again & think about it a bit harder.

At one point Austin says "Still flanked by guards, you are" and it caught me off guard & made me wheeze. He didn't even do that on purpose . I get him I do this way too often(realize I forgot to say part of a sentence and pack it at the end)

[1d1195]

I COULDNT SLEEP LAST NIGHT SO I SPENT THE NIGHT REREADING ALL OF TRADTIONAL !!!! AND IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN I LOVEEE THEM😭😭😭 he was sooooo down bad im obsesseddd

"bro, you're annoying as fuck" GOODBYEEEE THAT IS ACTUALLY THE REALEST IVE EVER HEARDDDD. my dad is always like “you know, u can tell me anything.” AND IM LIKE “since when?? i literally can’t???” this is the same man that gets sooo mad when i just ask a question he doesn’t like😭 but my big brother’s wife is actually pregnant and she’s due soon so one good thing is i’m going to get to be here for that !!

sam you’re too sweet i looove you😭😭 my sister calls me barbie all the time and i think it’s so cute you chose the same nickname. I LOVE YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, TALENTED WOMAN🫶🫶🫶🫶

i used to usually make my coffees at home. id brew it in a french press orrrr id make some using my keurig (omg if u or a friend have a nespresso machine those make it taste SOOOOO GOOD my mom has one and i LOVE using it) i add a little bit of sugar while its hot and i let it cool down and id use oat milk (i’ve only tried two brands; califa farms & oatly, i enjoyed them both. if im out i literally just use regular milk cuz whtvr) and thennn id use the coffee mate french milk creamer (is that what it’s called? it’s milk idk) and then a little bit of the torani vanilla syrup (cause it’s pretty strong). if my sweet tooth was kicking extra hard i’d add a drizzle of some white chocolate syrup.

HELPFUL AT HOME ICED COFFEE TIP I SAW ON TIKTOK: maybe this is common sense (it wasn’t for me tho🫣) but you’re supposed to add all your syrups and creamers into the coffee and mix it together AND THENNN pour onto ice😭😭 apparently it doesn’t mix as well when you pour them one by one onto the ice (WHICH IS WHAT I DID HAHA) and i did actually notice it made a slight difference.

so sorry that was wayyy longer than it had any right to be but it took me forever to find a way i enjoy making it at home. AND IT WORKS CAUSE EVERYONE IVE MADE IT FOR SAYS IT TASTES LIKE ICED COFFEE FROM A CAFE YAYYY !!! when i go out though i usually get a cup from dunkin. their cold brews are sooo yummmm and i love getting the sweetened cold foam.

omg thank you for asking abt the whole GED, i can’t believe you remember, its so sweet that you do, but i was actually going to bring it up in my last ask but i guess i forgot to. I DIDNT HAPPEN☹️ I HAD TO CANCEL THE CLASSES BEFORE I EVEN STARTED BECAUSE OF THIS TRIP☹️☹️☹️☹️ it actually upset me soooo much at the time. i’ve been trying for a couple years now and it NEVER works out, i was SO sure it would this time, but now im starting to wonder if the universe if just telling me it’s not meant for me😭

i don’t have anything planned yet but hopefully it’s chill. i hope you have a great weekend as well babe !!!💕💞✨

~🎶

I frequently reread traditional. Especially when I'm in the mood to write about them more. I really like how caring Harry is in that one 🤭 I think it's cute when he tries to spoil his girl 🥰

My dad knows surface level things of me as best but he thinks we have this connection. I feel bad, he's mean to my sister. But tbh I don't tell my parents EVERYTHING. I tell my mom a lot, she's one of my favorite people, but since I've moved out, I just tell them both less and less. They're a lot of work and a) I don't want to burden them with my shit, and b) there's not much they can do at this point in time to help me.

BABYYYYYYYYYYYY boy or girl? Can I ask that? I love babies so much I love that for you!!!

AHHHHH I just went with your metaphor, but I love it! 💕

Okay I think I misled you. I buy a jug of cold brew every week and make coffee that way. I will have to try the pouring onto ice. I had NO IDEA. I do one at a time too! I don't have any coffee making machines. Everyone I KNOW has a nespresso machine. But I refuse. Idk. I'm a cold coffee gal and I'm like anti using hot to make it ice 😭

I think I've mentioned I'm from the Northeast before so I literally run on dunkin so I get you. I cold foam the other day (a treat for myself because I usually just do coffee) and it was SO good. I forgot how much I liked it!!! When Dunking does their $3 cold brew deal every day for a month (I think it's usually February because it's the shortest month--Capitalism am I right?) I enjoy getting cold brew from them!

I unfortunately yap a lot but I try to remember the big things! I'm glad I remembered! I kind of figured the trip would have affected it's happening. Don't give up yet! I think if this is something you want you should do it, regardless of how long it takes. Who cares if it's a little later than you wanted! I think if it's what you want then it's meant for you! 💕

xoxo

[ciaossu-imagines]

this thought wouldnt leave my head so can i request headcanons of the reader getting high with the hmr abc boys? like not necessarily in a group setting, but more of a hcs of how it’d be like smoking with each boy? idk if im even making sense lol 🤦‍♀️

I love this request but jesus, did you come to the wrong person! I haven't smoked weed since I was in high school - it interacts badly with my medications, making me a combination of nauseous and paranoid that I just don't enjoy. So I had to go back to those high school days and pulled a lot of inspiration from friends who smoke or use edibles and such and hope these will make sense and be good!

KAMAMOTO

So, we're going to kick this whole post off with some bonus Kamamoto headcanons. That's mostly because I don't think you can discuss weed within HOMRA without talking about Kamamoto.

I write him in every AU as really being the holder of the weed, the one who supplies the other boys and I see that as being kind of a canon thing within the world too. If you want slightly harder drugs, you go to Chitose, who has a lot more connections through the clubbing scene he really loves, but for weed, you always go to Kamamoto.

I really do think that Kamamoto has a real green thumb and he genuinely enjoys plants. I honestly do see him having a couple of houseplants he kind of babies, definitely a plant parent. And I see him growing marijuana too. He's actually really meticulous about it. He learns the optimum growing conditions for various strains, follows them well. Other than Dewa, I think Kamamoto is really the only other one with kind of the knowledge on the properties of different strains, like Indica versus Sativa versus hybrid. And he definitely has his preferences for smoking, preferring a hybrid, normally sour diesel.

Now, while Kamamoto definitely smokes, I see him being more into the edible scene. The man enjoys food and the man enjoys weed and being able to mix the two? Perfect, in his opinion. I think that, after the first couple months largely using edibles, he even starts to look into how to make his own edibles. And honestly, when he does? Amazing results.

Like you will be so spoiled if Kamamoto feeds you his own edibles as they taste amazing and, because he is so knowledgeable about marijuana as a whole, he's able to give you the right kind of edible for what you prefer as a high. The man enjoys cooking as much as he enjoys food, after all, and he's a pretty great cook.

In some way though, any weed use will end up with food for Kamamoto, since he's prone to the munchies. He's always willing to share though without hesitation and it's nothing for him to get high with a friend and then take them out to eat at a buffet style place, make a fun bet to see who can keep the 'all you can eat' thing going the longest.

DEWA

Now, since I mentioned Dewa above, seems the easiest to just kind of go into him next.

I really do see Dewa as someone with some pretentious qualities, though loveably so in a lot of ways. And this definitely extends into his marijuana use, as he's the only other boy whose really sat down and learned everything they could about marijuana. He was curious, had some time to kill, and Dewa does actually like learning about new things. He definitely has a preferred stain and he's going to be that person who is all 'I only smoke Blue Dream' or 'I can't believe you're still on that indica shit, dude hybrid's really the only way to go'.

And he will fill the people he's smoking with in on fun facts about marijuana that he's learned, will teach them all about the subject. In fact, they probably get the same kind of lecture every time they smoke with Dewa just because the subject is one he thinks is really cool.

Does it matter that they're just kind of nodding and visibly wishing he'd stop talking? Because yeah, I know all this shit, Dewa…you told me this literally the last time we smoked together, and the time before that, and the time before that…doesn't matter one bit to him, because he's just really into this lecture and topic and teaching someone and he's positively glowing with the joy of it. Honestly, he has at least one or two new fun facts every time that are worth listening to and probably interesting for the other person.

And if he's not ranting about weed in general, Dewa's sharing the most random bits of knowledge he knows and it's really when he's high that people tend to realize just how fucking intelligent this man really is. How long did it actually take to build Rome? Ask high Dewa, he knows. The fact that Dr. Suess wrote Green Eggs and Ham as part of a bet? High Dewa knows that. How dynamite is made? High Dewa knows that as well, along with the fun and random fact that peanut oil can be used to make dynamite. Hell, high Dewa will sit and debate whether the DeLorean would have made a viable time travel machine given its structure and the materials it was made of and the sheer force of gravity and the space-time continuum.

Like I said, Dewa enjoys learning new things, is kind of a trivia buff, and he'll say things while high that just have people looking at him like 'how the fuck do you know that'. Getting high with Dewa is definitely an educational experience, especially since high Dewa is a much chattier Dewa.

That being said, I don't think he's really into getting high often. For him, it's mostly a social thing or done when he's having a really hard day.

FUJISHIMA

⦁ Another one where getting high is very much a social thing with him? I see the only times Fujishima really thinks about smoking up or getting high is when he's out with his friends or when he's out at parties. It's not much of an everyday thing for him and I honestly see him tilting a little more towards alcohol if he really wants to party since it tends to do more for him. ⦁ I do see Fuji as just being a very chill high. You thought he was quiet before? It's even worse now because he will get high and will literally just kind of sit there and zone out. Sometimes he might make a couple random noises or come out and say something, normally out of the blue. But overall, weed just makes him really relaxed and lazy feeling. ⦁ That being said, I do think he uses marijuana, in a form, outside of social situations. Given that he works a really physically demanding job, I do see him using CBD product for days when he's really sore or worn out, because he's been told it'll help with the pain. ⦁ I will say, he's one of the two members of HOMRA I see having the problem of it being extremely obvious to those around them that they're high. Fuji gets the bloodshot eyes and just kind of vacant expression and you can tell just by looking at him that he's high.

ERIC

In a complete opposite, I see getting high as something Eric does primarily alone. He might indulge around a partner or people he's really close to, but overall, it's a solo activity for him.

And there's really two reasons for that. The first being that Eric is one of those types who can get really paranoid when they're high. He really hates the feeling but he can't seem to stop it when it does hit. He'll be doubting the people around him, but he can also get really into rambling about conspiracy theories and other paranoia fueled things when he's really high.

The other reason? If it's not inspiring paranoia, weed just makes Eric really sleepy. He uses it a lot to get some sleep because he has issues with getting good rest. Sometimes his mind just doesn't want to click off and let him sleep, so he'll smoke a bowl or two or take a couple gummies and that normally solves the issue. He gets some of the best sleep of his life when he's high and he might actually become a little dependent on that as a sleep aid.

SHOUHEI

Okay, I know I've mentioned it in direct messages with friends, but I don't know if I've ever publicly discussed this headcanon on the blog. I do think Shouhei has undiagnosed and untreated ADHD though. It just really fits with him as a person in my head and I think he kind of does self-medicate using weed.

He's kind of a perfect blend in between being a social smoker and being like Eric, using it on his own time and away from people as a sort of aid to issues.

If he's smoking socially and getting high with friends, I will say it has to be sativa or hybrid strains. He only smokes indica strains by himself, usually at night, and it's often done for the same reason Eric does it. It helps Shouhei sleep. That, and for some reason indica strains really give him cotton-mouth, so he keeps an absolutely huge water bottle on his nightstand or beside him while smoking.

He's really cool with both smoking and edibles, but he prefers smoking for the more immediate effect.

When smoking socially, I do see it as making Shouhei much more relaxed and lower-energy than he normally is and that's really the big appeal of it for him. He can allow his body to just be lazy. He gets the munchies big time and normally either hits up Kamamoto for treats or gets delivery. When he's high, Shouhei can and will put away an entire large pizza by himself.

Overall though, I see high Shouhei as just being very chill, for lack of a better word. He gets rambley, very talkative and honestly, a little more openly emotional than he normally is. If he's smoking with someone he's interested in, this would be the time when he'd either confess or go on little tangents about how great that person is.

BANDOU

You know how when I was talking about Fuji, I said he was one of two HOMRA members where I see it being super obvious whenever he's high? For those wondering, I definitely see Bandou as being that other HOMRA member where you can just look at him and know he's high, whether he's a little high or super high. Honestly, his sunglasses come in super useful, because his eyes get really red when he's high and he can't seem to keep his face normal. Yeah, Bandou's known for being emotional, but honestly, he's got a pretty solid poker face that doesn't always show everything he feels. That changes when he's high because his face and body language become a lot more expressive.

I don't see Bandou as being prone to the munchies but like Shouhei, I see dry mouth being a huge issue for him and I do see him craving sugar whenever he gets high, and high Bandou has a terrible soda addiction. Crippling really. Like go through three or four 2L bottles within the space of an hour crippling and then whine and complain that he's gotta stop to piss again.

The funny thing about Bandou when it comes to getting high? He's never consistently the same kind of high, honestly. It really seems to depend on the day, his mood, the strain, how he's taking it (edibles versus blunts versus bowls). He can go from being a really relaxed and sleepy high to being talk a mile a minute happy and chattering high to being super horny high to being an angry and paranoid high. It really does all depend and part of the fun of getting high with him is seeing what he's going to act like that time and what kind of stupid shit he'll get up to.

He has definitely run straight into a tree while high at extreme speeds because he got it in his head he could run and jump and do a backflip off the tree. Has he ever done a backflip in his life? No. Does he even know how to go about doing a simple one from a stationary position? Also no. Was he convinced he'd suddenly gained the skills of a gymnast in this park late at night? Most definitely yes.

In a surprising similarity with Shouhei, I also see Bandou getting really honest when high. High Bandou is very much like drunk Bandou in that regard - he will suddenly let loose all the emotions and thoughts and feelings he doesn't normally talk about if the right buttons are pressed.

Doesn't help that when he gets high, just getting high is never enough for Bandou. He wants that higher than high experience and doesn't know his own limits. He wants to barely remember the time he was high, that's how high he prefers to be.

He also has moments though, mostly when he's smoking alone, where he just gets high, orders delivery, and games and he's really content and happy and relaxed for that length of time.

CHITOSE

Other than Kamamoto, I see Chitose being the biggest weed-hound of the boys. He's always carrying a least a couple blunts with him and if the boys can't get a hold of Kamamoto, they know they can normally get their fix by hanging out with Chitose.

Getting high is very much one of Chitose's coping mechanisms for life, on top of being a social activity. Bad day? Get high. Feeling crappy? Get high. Bored? Get high. Out partying? Get high. I'm not saying he's perpetually stoned, because I don't think he is, but he's probably the one most often high within HOMRA.

He definitely has merch with pot leaves on it.

He's also kind of a hog when it comes to smoking together with people. He'll genuinely apologize and try to do better when he's called out on it, but it is his bad smoking habit.

He doesn't care if it's edibles or smoking. He really genuinely does not care and he likes both for different reasons.

If he's out partying and he gets high and there's hot chicks around him, he can start to get a very horny type of high. But if it's just him and the boys smoking, he doesn't have that same reaction so I will say that the type of high he gets is very situationally dependent.

Also, again, to me, Chitose is the one out of HOMRA to have most likely tried harder drugs while out partying.