#im only now connecting everything and writing it to makes sense all together
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(Original art) Xaror, any pronouns, species (?), age (?)
short summary about them; they act as both an antagonist and an ally since they are only really interested in what they want or whats fun to them, they are immortal and call themselves 'death itself' since they have a special connection to souls (being the only one able to communicate with them) and the ability to seperate souls from their bodies in such a way that nothing can harm the soul afterwards their main goal is to .. bother and disturb the 'celestials'*, which they hate, as much as they can, breaking into their palace, freeing prisoners, destroying research, destroying the place, and most importantly, making as many souls unusable to them as possible-
they dont want to destroy the celestials though, they cant fight them anyway and this game of doing 'good' only with the goal of annoying them is their most treasured activity, so Xaror doesnt intend to stop them from killing or hurting anyone, only from harvesting what they are actually after (though Xaror doesnt actually care as little as they think they do about people, and has a soft spot for demons)
most of their appearance is later into the story; Zaphira (the empress) had been in coma and the medical facility she was treated in was destroyed by Shargon (orange eyed demon who acts as her bodyguard for the first part) in an attempt to save her from her estranged relatives taking over her country after they heard of her decline in health, she is believed dead but washes up on the shore of the mountain Xaror resides at years later (it has a reason, too much to write here) and they slowly nurse her back to health, the reason they give for it is that they found their first encounter very fun, thats all (is it?)
(more lore under the cut bc this is already so long .. im trying to keep it short q-q ......... this is stuff i have been working on since i was a kid so uh, some things might be cheesy but i cant change them anymore ..)
just to get some basics out of the way; theres three worlds, the celestials palace, human world and demon world, each are their own planet connected via different gateways
*celestials (possibly not final name, loosely based on angels) are the last remaining "survivors" of their planets demise, when their world died the most powerful among them cannibalized the weaker to sustain themselves until there were only less than 10 left, who each turned into different beings from it and dont resemble their own people much anymore, they built a palace from what was left on their world that protects them from space as its atmosphere collapsed shortly after- however they still needed something to live off; they discover the human world and are delighted to find rather short lived people with powerful souls, the best kind of sustenance for them (now), they aim to herd them like cattle, but a problem arose when it turned out another world has long been in contact with the human world; demons
demons are semi immortal creatures that act as protectors for their world, protection they extended, more or less secretely, to the human world ensuring them a long and secure life- the celestials need them to die at their whim though (demons are few in numbers, hard to kill and rarely have offspring, not an ideal target); as they worked out a plan on how to get rid of demons one of the celestials, Xanthriel (time) grew somewhat fond of people as they spent alot of time in the human world to observe and research them; in the end turning on their own completely, but losing the fight against Uriel (knowledge)
Xanthriel was supposed to be executed for their betrayal, but it doesnt work, instead they are splintered into many parts after a lot of struggle, most body, memory and most strength is one part (ending up as motionless forever bleeding corpse kept locked up in the palace), the rest is some time later gathered together and reforms as a seperate, weak mockery of them, they embody Xanthriels emotion- Xaror, without memory, strangely cut to pieces (hence all the missing limbs and broken halo) but driven by an unstoppable desire to disturb the celestials (they live seperate long enough to each become their own person, at some point Xaror discovers Xanthriels body after all and they merge back together, though as they are now two, Xanthriel only takes over once directly after merging, stays silent for a long time and lets Xaror be themselves, only later revealing that they are there at all .. hiding perhaps- i rarely have specific ideas for voices, but Xanthriels is like, like coarse rocks being violently rubbed against each other, less voice more noise)
(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group
(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group (he wasnt the strongest or special, he was jsut the last in the row and always got the lowest dosage) when Xaror found them in yet another break in into the palace and got him back to the demon world .. where he was promptly blamed for the others that were taken and treated like a pretender/fake/spy bc what he got put through changed his eye color (something that demons cannot change in any form) to one that does not exist among 'real' demons (orange ... notice the inner color of Xarors broken halo? :) ), some even suggesting killing him, but none of them were brave enough to do it (they were all kids still) .. except Eadrya (the big blue-ish one, largely regarded as the strongest demon alive) but Shargon managed to escape, and since then lived largely in isolation- this is part of why he is so hated, and why he starts to spend so much time in the human world after rediscovering the pathway there)
#ganondoodles#art#original art#oc#oc lore#i guess??????????#jesus this got so long#even though i tried to leave out as much as i can#god it sounds so meh when writing it out like this#but i swear it all fits together ......... at least a little bit better than it seems to be here#i have had most of this lore for years and years#im only now connecting everything and writing it to makes sense all together#ngl i almost dont want to clikc post#i dont know if i ever wrote this much oc stuff publicly#its like .......... my thinking lifes project#its also 1:30 am and i need to get up early for a dentist appointment hahaaaaaaa#long post#again .........................................#pls excuse any typos i am actively falling asleep as im typing#i havent even gotten into much of the demon lore#the entire element system and lords and king and and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#just a few days ago i had the idea to make Eadrya actually having been fond of Shargon when they were young#only for him to reappear weird and changed- like an impostor there to end them all at some point#would give it even more reason why Eadrya hates Shargon so much hmmm#i want to thank the three people who will read this rambly wall of text#idk why i even put it on this wonky doodle .... but anyway- written is written
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im a multishipper. i ship buddie and bucktommy. but if im being honest one side is being incredibly more hateful and toxic than the other side. (aka the one thats been around longer) maybe i’ve taken off my rose-colored shipping glasses, but seeing ppl make hate posts abt tommy/lou gives me the ick. it makes me actually realize why oliver left twt. bitterness will get you nowhere. if buddie is meant to happen then it’ll happen. you cannot force it to happen. everything i’ve seen and read tells me buddie was more of a consideration pre-s5 than it is currently. and that fucking sucks but just because things aren’t going your way doesn’t mean you need to get on the internet and be a bully. it’s truly mind-boggling to see people so intense in their hate for a character that has righted his wrongs, who is now friends with the people he wronged, is well-liked among said characters and is now being a positive influence on buck’s newfound sexuality. their dynamic is also nothing new, pessimist/optimist ship dynamics have been around forever and it’s only a problem because it’s not eddie.
i would be happy for buddie to go canon as much as the next guy. getting buck canonically bisexual is mind-blowing enough in itself, i’m glad we’re witnessing it at all. if ryan doesn’t want to do buddie because he feels its important they stay friends then so be it. platonic friendships between a queer man and straight man are important, especially one that runs so deep like buck and eddie’s. sure, their friendship could be read as romantic throughout the show, but partly because oliver and ryan truly share a great chemistry on screen which helps lean into it but also because these shows are not written with an endgame in mind. 9-1-1 is very much a go with the flow show, and if bucktommy is where the show is flowing then that’s what is meant to be. invisible string theory isn’t because ppl think it was always planned from the beginning, it’s because it’s amazing how well buck and tommy becoming a couple comes together so perfectly out of pure coincidence.
we know buck was supposed to be made queer long ago. we also know maddie originally was brought in for eddie but was put with chimney instead. if tim minear hadn’t left after s4 i truly think buddie could have been already established by now, but unfortunately that isn’t how things work. perhaps the idea of tommy and eddie was pitched but ultimately ryan didn’t agree it would work for these character nor the story being told at the time. buck was already supposed to be queer, so turning it to tommy and buck instead makes total sense.
no one is saying you aren’t allowed to continue to ship buddie. most ships in the world are ships that have never gone canon. buddie is valid even if it’s non-canon. god knows i will continue to read and write for them and enjoy them whilst also enjoying buck and tommy together. the behavior i’ve been seeing though is just weird, especially from larger creators who i understand are very passionate for buddie, but it’s weird when you flip it into tommy/lou hate instead of just talking about buddie itself.
perhaps the theories will be true. we don’t know! maybe buck and tommy won’t last and buddie will be endgame. i’m happy either way because buck’s sexuality is so important for him and at the current state of the show eddie is absolutely not ready for anything romantic because he’s still grieving shannon to a point where he is not ready to move on romantically just yet and we’re literally shown this. even if buddie is happening, it is not happening by the season finale nor is it probably happening by the beginning of s8 considering the current storylines and where they’ll be at by the end of this season. lou probably isn’t going anywhere and from the looks of it, we’ll probably be bumped up into a semi-regular character in s8 like karen. he’s easy to write into the plot, he’s got connections to people and emergencies outside of buck that would integrate him well into the plot. their romance is supposed to be “romcom” esque, they’re taking things slow but they’re obviously happy together at the moment.
im just really tired of the nasty attitudes ive been seeing. sure theres are som toxic people on both sides, but to me its obvious which side is being the bigger bully. reality checks needs to be put in place for some people, go outside and realize you are getting way too worked up over a tv show where plotlines are out of your control. if the show is ruined for you over one relationship then stop watching it.
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I just have some thoughts since I’ve watched the first three episodes now. some things I’m glad the show did and also the things that irritated the fuck out of me so let’s go 👏🏼
1. aging the characters up. I think this is smart to do and there’s more you can do with the rest of them if they’re in their early twenties instead of being teenagers. sorry not sorry but I’m not interested in seeing teenagers being chased by grown adults
2. Clary is still beyond annoying. I know she’s traumatized by losing her mom and not understanding this new world but literally coming in “I don’t care about the clave, about your rules, I just want to find my mom.” yeah ok we get that but there are still rules that need to be followed. you’re out here almost getting people killed and it’s all in the name of your mom. and I’m not saying the clave is trustworthy because they’re massive dicks but you can’t go around running and doing whatever you want lmao
3. please give Alec a raise or a year vacation. the amount of shit he deals with having to be jaces parabatai is too much. honestly, Alec deserves better. Jace takes advantage of Alec and I would have loved to see Alec have another parabatai, one that cares for him. I know you can only have one BUT CUT THE FUCKING CORD PLEASE
4. Magnus is fucking perfection
5. Izzy is perfection too 🔥 I do not blame Simon losing his tongue over her. my bisexual mind was like OOOOO ALEC NO MAGNUS NO IZZY NO RAPHAEL NO MAIA!!!!!!! NO ALL OF THEM
6. Clary and Jace are very cringe and I’m not sure if that’s on the acting or the writing but it makes it hard to believe they’re “in love.” I felt more connection with Alec and Magnus meeting for a second than I did with jace and clary in three episodes. even Alec and jace have a bit more chemistry than he does with clary. and that is something I DO NOT ship
Jace: I would die for you
Clary: but jace we just met
Jace: I don’t care if I throw all my friends and family away clary. we’re destined to be together
7. superb acting from Matthew Daddario. he’s absolutely wonderful and he really captured Alec’s angst in my opinion. you can see why he’s on guard not only because he likes jace (ew my man Alec WHY) and because he’s worried about the safety of his people. I feel like Matt captures the emotion without saying a thing so well. as does Harry. I think they’re both great at this
8. “This would be bad for clary.”- (talking about the cup and valentine) Simon “it would be bad for all of us”-Izzy. of course in Simon and clary world, everything is all about clary. I get simon is worried about his bff but this affects EVERYONE
9. if Simon was my bff and someone as jace talked to my friend that way, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. she doesn’t really say much, she’s all like “we’re a package deal.” honestly clary and jace belong together because they both take advantage of their friends. they’re both so self centered so let them run away as far as possible together
10. Alec is big sad now but you will have better, just you wait. also want to add, I enjoy season one for the build up Alec and Magnus but man do I hate Alec pinning after jace 🤢 but if there isn’t any incest, it’s not a proper CC story
11. Im just here for the Malec content. stuff that show did well: Alec and Izzy’s sibling relationship. I love these two so much. Clary actually being nice to izzy and being her friend, and not being mean to her cause she’s jealous. Magnus’s whole attire. I love this bi king so much. I love magnus, I love his sass, his makeup, his clothes. I LOVE HIM. I wish they would’ve changed his hair and makeup more in the last two seasons. kinda feel like they thought oh he has mascara on, that’s good enough. that pink hair is truly one of my favorite Magnus looks.
12. last thing to add that I like what the show did. I love that Alec actually knows how to fight. it never made sense in the books that he’s never killed a demon, especially since he’s a Lightwood. never made sense to me. I’m glad they allowed in the show for Alec to actually be able to fight 🏹
that is all for now until I watch actually one of the best episodes of season one. Magnus and Alec meeting 🥰
#anti cassandra clare#anti cc#alec lightwood#anti jace herondale#anti clary fray#magnus bane#anti clace#just my stupid opinions#shadowhunters tv
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im sorry i need to dump all my thoughts about ada x leon somewhere for personal fulfillment reasons,
big disclaimer: resident evil canon/lore is inconsistent and my feelings/thoughts on all this is NOT me stating it as fact. It's 99% speculation and me interpreting context. I'm just having fun!
it's really wild that i started my resident evil experience hating Ada. I did not understand her character and the way she's portrayed is very inconsistent and confusing (probably on purpose) and, like many others, I assumed the choices she made and the pain she inflicted on others was malicious and intentional.
But something clicked recently,,,I understand now that she didn't choose this life. She doesn't WANT to be a spy. She doesn't WANT to be a mercenary. Everything she was and everything she had was taken and stripped from her. She doesn't even have a real name anymore. I think seeing the small insight of her backstory in the biohazard manga really put all the pieces together and brain blasted me with understanding. Her entire character (to me, at least!) revolves around survival and self-preservation. She is a SELFISH character, not because of ego or power, but because of a LACK of power. She no longer has autonomy over her life in a way that matters and so the only thing left for her is to stay alive.
And I just think that ties so beautifully with Leon's struggles. Both of them being forced into this life where they have to live and die at the hands of the people who control them. And, listen...listen...it's overdramatic as fuck and a VERY idealistic/romanticized interpretation of their relationship, but honestly it makes me hella emotional thinking about Leon potentially being one of the few things in life Ada wants to live for other than herself. Him being the only person in the entire series who has ever shown her genuine, selfless kindness and care,,, and the fact that her circumstance and the trappings of her life forced her to betray him and she has to live with that guilt and has to come to terms with the fact that she will never genuinely connect with people because who even is she anymore? She has no sense of self.
And her entire campaign in RE6 resonates me in such a weirdly poignant and impactful way. RE6 has some WONKED UP writing and it's so silly and stupid; but I think if it was tweaked a little bit it would be a genuinely moving story about a woman losing her agency and bodily autonomy to a violent man who wants to own her and her fighting with his fabricated, demented vision of her. It's a manifestation of his greed and possession...and then she kills her clone and immediately after she sees Leon again and his first immediate instinct is to protect her and sacrifice himself again for her and throw himself into MORE bullets for her even after the betrayal of RE2 ........ and then after that she finally snaps and FINALLY chooses to fight for HER morals and HER justice by killing Simmons' bioweapon.
Like, listen, I hate the trope of "woman traumatized being saved by a man" in most cases, but something about the way I see Leon and Ada just makes SENSE man.
The fact that she specifically goes out of her way COUNTLESS times to protect him and save him and none of it is enough to get him to forgive her. None of it will ever be enough but she keeps trying anyways. Like, damn, his entire mission is Spain is only possible because Ada saved his ass like...four times??? And you can make reasonable arguments that she doesn't care about him he's only important for her mission, and to be honest I think that interpretation is also valid, but for me personally I just think she cares about him so much but it's in his best interest to continue believing she doesn't care.
And I just want them to be happy. But it will probably never work out between them, just due to everything...they can't escape their lives. They're both kept alive by two opposing morality systems. Leon's guilt and unyielding need to fight for truth and innocence and to protect everyone he's lost and everyone who depends on him. And Ada to hold onto herself and what whittling remains of self-identity and independence she still has when it was all taken from her, even to the point of someone making a damn clone out of her.
Man I just love them so much I'M SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!
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Maccready did not need the sadboy deadwife backstory at all but in my mind the idea of his wife being the same lucy from little lamplight is like kind of genius actually. They're both around the same age and got out of lamplight around a simmilar time and the idea of them finding comfort in being the only thing familliar to the other in a huge wasteland thats unkind to everybody is like. DO YOU GET ME. AND THE FACT THAT FROM THE AGES OF 16 (when they left lamplight) TO 22 THEY MANAGED TO SOMEHOW HAVE A KID WHO MANAGED TO GROW OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY IN A BACKYARD BY HIMSELF (im guessing atleast like 2-3 years old i doubt he was unattended but the way maccready says it its like yeah he was just playing one second and suddenly hes randomly sick idk tangent over back to my main point) BEFORE LUCY EVENTUALLY DIES (brutally. Thems the DC for you) AND MACCREADY GOES TO THE COMMONWEALTH WHERE HE'D HAVE TO BE SITUATED FOR ATLEAST A YEAR FOR THE TIMELINE TO MAKE SENSE IS FUCKING INSANE. AND I KNOW ITS JUST BAD BETHESDA PLANNING/WRITING BUT ALSO THEM BEING RAISED IN A COLONY OF STRICTLY CHILDREN BASICALLY AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY HAVING A KID PRETTY MUCH FRESH OUT OF THE CAVES ITS LIKE. IT MAKES SENSE. Dumbasses do not know what sex ed is!!!!! Like everything in maccreadys backstory can literally be explained by the fact that he and his wife were raised in a fucking cave by OTHER CHILDREN and are NOT NORMAL. Maccready is dark and broody because he lived like 40 years worth of emotional trauma in half a decade. Lucy being from lamplight also connects fo4 maccready to fo3 maccready better than if it was just some random girl cuz maccready could be literally any other bastard with a dead wife but if Lucy is also from lamplight then its ALSO AN NPC YOU MEET AND TALK TO AND KNOW IN FO3!!!!!!! Yeah it fucking sucks that they had to resort to the dead wife trope for the 7th time in fallout 4 alone but it really shows just how brutal DC was and gives mac leverage to like connect with the sosu cuz THEY JUST LIKE ME FR LIKE YOU KNOW???????? In reality his backstory is fucking stupid but in my mind i modified it and now it rocks. I want to give lucy depth. I want to make a million stupid headcanons about her from how she was the only person stubborn enough to keep up with maccready to how anxious she was about leaving lamplight before maccready promised they'd go together (you know to help her feel better not because he thinks of her as a friend or likes her or anything b-baka). Todd doesnt understand my vision
#fallout#i dont want to tag this anymore i dont know why i went so unhinged over this specific topic.#its 2 am#i just. shakes my fists at the sky i love overanalyzing insignificant shit especially in fallout 4#fo4 writing infuriates me cuz its not always bad but when it is it hits so fucking hard and has so many plot holes#still mad about the game being like yeah kellog lived over 100 yrs with some technology we made for especially for him once and never again#like idk. is this anything.
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💫𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐧 ���𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 2023💫
2023 has been a year to say the least so lets get into this 😂. As usual this is in no particular order cause I cant handle putting these into a proper order.
𝐓𝐨𝐩 5 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐬:
1. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝐂𝐚𝐟𝐞 (2022).
I watched this on a whim and boy am I glad I did. The female lead is so unhinged but in the best way and our main guy is so in love with her I cant. Literally this drama was such a fun time and everything connected together so well. Just watch this drama pls.
2. 𝐁𝐨 𝐑𝐚! 𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐡 {𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞} (2023).
Yoo In Na shines and I love the character growth that both the leads go through, everything that happens makes sense and it really does show that working on yourself isnt a linear process. There will be set backs but you can over come them. I tend to not care for side couples but I loved all of them in this, they were just hilarious or adorable.
3. 𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧 (2023).
I wasnt going to watch this drama but thankfully instagram reels made me interested enough to give this a chance. I love all 4 of the leads, they are my babies and they deserve all the happiness in the world.
4. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐅𝐥𝐲 𝐓𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 (2023).
This was such a cute, fun drama. I didnt expect to love it as much as I did, the family dynamics, friendships, everything was so well done and the 2 couples were the cutest.
5. 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 (2023).
Literally Instagram reels made me watch this and I do not regret it. The melodrama, romance, revenge, plot twists... Everything was such a wild ride, I recommend that everyone watches it.
𝐓𝐨𝐩 5 𝐍𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬:
1. 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫 ~ 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧.
The irony, I always said that I wouldnt stan a group with more than 7 members 😂. Honestly I was just seeing too many funny reels about SVT and then I watched the Game Caterers videos without even knowing all of their names and Super was everywhere that I just fell into the rabbit hole that is Seventeen.
2. 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 ~ 𝐉𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐨.
My bias came and she ate. I love this song and it showed in my top 2023 songs its at number 6... The top 5 are all Taylor obviously.
3. 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 ~ 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤.
He came and took over the world. Nothing more to say about that.
4. 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦 ~ 𝐄𝐧𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐧.
Yall need to stop sleeping on Enhas japanese discography. This song is just so sweet and wonderful. I cant with it.
5. 𝐔𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 ~ 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐦.
I just loved this whole song and the album too. Next LSF comeback when?!.
𝐓𝐨𝐩 5 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬:
So last time I only had the vault tracks but Speak Now was the album that made me a swiftie so not limiting myself to just the vault tracks this time.
1. 𝐇𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝.
This is my absolute favourite song. It is just such a masterpiece and can be related to in any situation.
2. 𝐄𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝.
I love this song so much, I have a one shot of the same name 😂.
3. 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐅𝐥𝐲.
Im a hopeless romantic okay.
4. 𝐈𝐬 𝐈𝐭 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐨𝐰.
Do I even need to explain myself with this.
5. 𝐒𝐥𝐮𝐭!.
Most definitely not what I was expecting but I love it so much.
5 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝:
1. Bestie got married, shes happy and Im happy for her. It was a proper desi wedding and it was good fun.
2. I FINALLY graduated from University😂. Only took me like 5 years, one failed attempt and repeating my third year.
3. Made some great friends from the school I worked at, we bonded over how messed up the school we worked at is.
4. Managed to travel and have such great experiences.
5. Im happy with the fanfics I wrote this year. Still shocked that people actually read and enjoy the stuff I write but Im immensely grateful for all the love and support I get.
#year in review#year in review 2023#kdramas#top 5 songs#top 5 taylor songs#5 positive things that happened#zainabs year in review#2023 review time#songs#positive things#the law cafe#perfect marriage revenge#when i fly towards you#twinkling watermelon#true to love#super seventeen#flower jisoo#seven jungkook#blossom enhypen#unforgiven lsf#haunted tv#enchanted tv#sparks fly tv#is it over now tv#slut! tv
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PALISADE 28.crazy good this week etc
New radio person for the intro...! This comes at a good moment. I still miss Baldwin Home like. That very first PALISADE intro is genuinely so hard to beat... but this feels good. I'm once again thinking about Austin writing these... The style used for Black Screens intros obviously shines through (she's his protégé) but she does have her own voice already (way more rhyming? I mean, I'd have to doublecheck HIS intros, it's literally just a feeling). Just the tone used and intonation already does a lot. Austin is so good at this fr. I'm still curious how he even approaches that. Also the "watch me unloose 80 Ls on these next lines" I knewwww that's 80 Ls for real as soon as Parti said illogical. I wonder if he wrote that bit first trying to see how many Ls he could fit in there & then finetuned it to get to a good number? I guess that's just how I would do it.
(who knows if we'll ever get a description for Parti. we never did for Black. maybe if she shows up in a conflict turn somehow? so im just fuckin around for now... i haven't sold myself on the clothes. i'm just not a fashion guy. but i do like the braids)
Oh & new guy alert part 2!!! New Keith character! And he has a funny hat. Not even funny as in goofy it just makes me laugh a bit because my dad and maybe every 5th 70+ y/o man I see has a hat like that. Love the sequin poncho.
(btw I am almost certain Keith has posted a picture of that teapot on Cohost before... He posts about tea sometimes so there's at least a chance. I mean the description of the coloring he gives is actually pretty good IMO, you can work with that, but I as an artist I like to have a visual reference. EDIT: someone just asked him. thank you keith and also rosecrest)
I have the. I got Armor Astir & a lot of the playbooks other people made in a bundle a while back and I'm real torn if I should just look at the Investigator because I'm really curious. But. I also love to be surprised. So I probably won't, but it's good to know I COULD, if I wanted to. Anyways, I was pretty sure it'd be another B-Plot character too, just because it makes sense. Brnine COULD go alone on a B-Plot, I guess, but it's more fun with 2 groups to jump between, surely. Though this means the Eclectic-Brnine dynamic is crucial! I hope they can meet up soon... But yeah I just really am gonna miss Phrygian backing them up and cheering and clapping and asking questions. They were so fun together... A great team :' (
ok so I wrote everything else about Eclectic down yesterday & then noted down "vibes?" as break between paragraphs because all I had at that point was the description & I wanted to get back to this. And ooohhh my god the vibes are fucking immaculate right off the bat I'm having a hard time to not Already be obsessed with this guy he's SO funny conceptually and it KEPT getting better... Truly delighted with this new type of guy (& Keith is doing a voice!). And I fucking love the hooks. Truly so great to me. The thought of these getting loosened OR deepened is already really really good. "Leap says"..... oh it's SO funny I keep laughing to myself
And I'm VERY excited it's a delegate like genuinely so happy. I was mourning the loss of a branched onscreen (okay.I still am) but this does make it worth it. Ever since they got introduced basically I so badly wanted to know anything more about them, but especially what Austin mentioned in the episode itself: the delegates relationships to the divines they are made from & of course the divines themselves (who are alive!!! Apparently that was already written in a dossier way back when, but I rarely read those). That has me sooo excited.
Oh and the like... I only thought about this just now but the connection there to Thisbe's new project is. That's gotta be something! "The divine who's being held captive somewhere on this planet, and has been tortured for millennia" hearing a message of... That this can end & rest is possible and it's SO CLOSE? But does that just make it worse... Ohhhhh. Yeah this rules. What a great idea.
That project generally is really... god, I love Thisbe so much. I love how Janine talks about her and what she thinks and why she does what she does. Thisbe's relationship to work and being a tool and of use is so interesting to put here, with the divines wanting to rest. (And Janine saying something like... Thisbe thinks of herself in relation to divines how Mow is to her? Kind of?) And saying it seems so solitary a project... every divine should know about it. Every divine deserves the right to rest. But it's also a call to action of sorts when she talks about like... "shouldn't you want to protect this?" I think her "Fighting is not my purpose, but there is nowhere else for me until the fighting is over." hook could be in conservation here too... Also I'm just looking forward for Thisbe to Broadcast again. It was like, one of her things in PARTIZAN. I really liked her & Cori working on this together with the. Experience they just had behind them. Sylvi & Janine reading the hooks for each others characters kind of sheepishly was soooo funny "I forgot how bitchy this was!". That's good stuff to me. (as an aside: god, Thisbe has always had good as hell hooks/beliefs/whatever else. Remember "Operant Broun lies to me because they believe I am a person."? Banger. ) I also love that she thought of this/about this at the rib(?) of Barricade. Barricade as an axiom who had this close (& good, protective) relationship with another axiom...
btw now that Leap is NOT coming back I do miss him a bit. Mostly out of principle like I am So happy we have Eclectic but Leap is my guy.... shoutout to him... being a bitch bastard pirate out there in space... + shoutout to Figure A too always : ) (speaking of, on the Gathering Information Extra bit from today he talked about if he had played Leap, picking a class that also had like, a crew, and I'm mostly just really curious who that would've been. I would love for Keith to make up some funny guys for Leap to order around. I wonder if Eclectic or an Eclectic type would've been on that?)
(Also Leap investigating Motion. Ok. To ME it's at least partly bc this was so important to Millie. And he has reason to be concerned generally he fought Motion too but. That's MILLIE'S rival! And it doesn't even have to be at the front of his mind when he does this. Maybe it isn't. But it's real & it's something to remember her by through actual action. Because he's not the sentimental type.Do you get me.?)
Brnine talk show. This was sooo good. After they joked about it in PAL25 too. I recognized the hosts name, but wasn't quite sure from where until I read the dossier - of course he's that guy from the podcast. God. I have got to relisten to that sometime... I remember Ali on one of the recent Gathering Information ep (the one w/ Austin on, I think) mentioning a conversation that was like. stressful to do. and then also to listen to? (since she has to for production/editing) and I figured it would be another Gucci-type talk but ooohh my god. This was sooo. EDIT: ACTUALLY what if it wasn't even. What if it's about to be this talk with Rye edit: GALLICA i cant believe noone called me on this. mixing my elects up. rye is the one gur killed (mvp). Austin was sounding a bit ominous about it at the end of this episode! HUGE shoutouts to Ali again she is just absolutely killing it this season for real... And I honestly feel like overall Brnine was, considering the situation, doing very well. Genuinely. You're feverish and hollowblooded and have this fucking. Guy needling you & asking the stupidest questions... & like. "You made Kalmeria. They'd never let you rot in jail." of courseeee they want Brnine working for them. They're so GOOD at what they do. They messed with the parts of A Fucking Divine. . I just had a scary thought and it involved Mustard Red. But. Surely not. Nooo. I'm shaking my head. However Arbitrage? An Arbitrage deal (like they tried to make them take before) would work just perfectly for this, wouldn't it...
some other stuff:
When Austin mentioned Grand Mag in that vision Cori had I thought something like 'man. sucks to be him : (' but like. In a genuine way. "I can't stop it from hurting people a little"........... Hah oh wow I just thought of this but I am so excited for people who haven't listened to TM to meet him now. He's not even my favourite he just makes me crazy in a way almost no other character does? Like there's something so WRONG with him. And there's things wrong with a lot of FatT characters but it's like... Well. Grand Magnificent.
I love the thought of them watching Brnines interview at the next movie night (POOR BRNINE.) but I also want to know what Eclectic would pick for movie night. Oh and Partial too. Though he may not be staying I would still really love to know. Partial coming on board for the mission has me intrigued generally.
Oh and Gur talking! Even if just a little. I still feel so bad for them. "I believe in whispers in ears"... and they have reason to now. Figure is a person trying their best to do good & make changes, which is what Gur wants. I just wish they weren't a specter haunting someone elses body & what even happens when Figure rolls a 10+. Is Gur still there and Figure just stops seeing him? oohh it hurts a bit.you can't do this to him you can't (related: I extremely forgot about the other specters and ghosts and ghouls and whatnot that Figure can also see. It's not just my friend Gur Sevraq. Looking forward to hear more about that & how it affects Figure so much as to roll with disadvantage!)
Love to learn just a little more about devotion. I really need to just relisten to that again & think about it a bit harder.
At one point Austin says "Still flanked by guards, you are" and it caught me off guard & made me wheeze. He didn't even do that on purpose . I get him I do this way too often(realize I forgot to say part of a sentence and pack it at the end)
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I COULDNT SLEEP LAST NIGHT SO I SPENT THE NIGHT REREADING ALL OF TRADTIONAL !!!! AND IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN I LOVEEE THEM😭😭😭 he was sooooo down bad im obsesseddd
"bro, you're annoying as fuck" GOODBYEEEE THAT IS ACTUALLY THE REALEST IVE EVER HEARDDDD. my dad is always like “you know, u can tell me anything.” AND IM LIKE “since when?? i literally can’t???” this is the same man that gets sooo mad when i just ask a question he doesn’t like😭 but my big brother’s wife is actually pregnant and she’s due soon so one good thing is i’m going to get to be here for that !!
sam you’re too sweet i looove you😭😭 my sister calls me barbie all the time and i think it’s so cute you chose the same nickname. I LOVE YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, TALENTED WOMAN🫶🫶🫶🫶
i used to usually make my coffees at home. id brew it in a french press orrrr id make some using my keurig (omg if u or a friend have a nespresso machine those make it taste SOOOOO GOOD my mom has one and i LOVE using it) i add a little bit of sugar while its hot and i let it cool down and id use oat milk (i’ve only tried two brands; califa farms & oatly, i enjoyed them both. if im out i literally just use regular milk cuz whtvr) and thennn id use the coffee mate french milk creamer (is that what it’s called? it’s milk idk) and then a little bit of the torani vanilla syrup (cause it’s pretty strong). if my sweet tooth was kicking extra hard i’d add a drizzle of some white chocolate syrup.
HELPFUL AT HOME ICED COFFEE TIP I SAW ON TIKTOK: maybe this is common sense (it wasn’t for me tho🫣) but you’re supposed to add all your syrups and creamers into the coffee and mix it together AND THENNN pour onto ice😭😭 apparently it doesn’t mix as well when you pour them one by one onto the ice (WHICH IS WHAT I DID HAHA) and i did actually notice it made a slight difference.
so sorry that was wayyy longer than it had any right to be but it took me forever to find a way i enjoy making it at home. AND IT WORKS CAUSE EVERYONE IVE MADE IT FOR SAYS IT TASTES LIKE ICED COFFEE FROM A CAFE YAYYY !!! when i go out though i usually get a cup from dunkin. their cold brews are sooo yummmm and i love getting the sweetened cold foam.
omg thank you for asking abt the whole GED, i can’t believe you remember, its so sweet that you do, but i was actually going to bring it up in my last ask but i guess i forgot to. I DIDNT HAPPEN☹️ I HAD TO CANCEL THE CLASSES BEFORE I EVEN STARTED BECAUSE OF THIS TRIP☹️☹️☹️☹️ it actually upset me soooo much at the time. i’ve been trying for a couple years now and it NEVER works out, i was SO sure it would this time, but now im starting to wonder if the universe if just telling me it’s not meant for me😭
i don’t have anything planned yet but hopefully it’s chill. i hope you have a great weekend as well babe !!!💕💞✨
~🎶
I frequently reread traditional. Especially when I'm in the mood to write about them more. I really like how caring Harry is in that one 🤭 I think it's cute when he tries to spoil his girl 🥰
My dad knows surface level things of me as best but he thinks we have this connection. I feel bad, he's mean to my sister. But tbh I don't tell my parents EVERYTHING. I tell my mom a lot, she's one of my favorite people, but since I've moved out, I just tell them both less and less. They're a lot of work and a) I don't want to burden them with my shit, and b) there's not much they can do at this point in time to help me.
BABYYYYYYYYYYYY boy or girl? Can I ask that? I love babies so much I love that for you!!!
AHHHHH I just went with your metaphor, but I love it! 💕
Okay I think I misled you. I buy a jug of cold brew every week and make coffee that way. I will have to try the pouring onto ice. I had NO IDEA. I do one at a time too! I don't have any coffee making machines. Everyone I KNOW has a nespresso machine. But I refuse. Idk. I'm a cold coffee gal and I'm like anti using hot to make it ice 😭
I think I've mentioned I'm from the Northeast before so I literally run on dunkin so I get you. I cold foam the other day (a treat for myself because I usually just do coffee) and it was SO good. I forgot how much I liked it!!! When Dunking does their $3 cold brew deal every day for a month (I think it's usually February because it's the shortest month--Capitalism am I right?) I enjoy getting cold brew from them!
I unfortunately yap a lot but I try to remember the big things! I'm glad I remembered! I kind of figured the trip would have affected it's happening. Don't give up yet! I think if this is something you want you should do it, regardless of how long it takes. Who cares if it's a little later than you wanted! I think if it's what you want then it's meant for you! 💕
xoxo
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OKAY IVE NEVER REQUESTED BEFORE SO IM SCARED BUT I REALLY LIKE YOUR WORK AND IM JUST WONDWRING IF YOU COULD WRITE A RICKY X FEM! READER WHERE THEY ARE LIKE STARGAZING TOGETHER OR SOMETHING?
OK, I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! Sorry for not posting in such a long time, but life has been going downhill for me lately, and I just feel so unmotivated, so I'm very sorry for making you wait such a long time! My mom has gotten an operation to get rid of a cyst out of her vocal cords, and she's mute for some time, which has made me go through a very deep depression, and exams have made me go through it even deeper.
But now I'm a little better thanks to friends and family. I'm still very sorry for making you guys wait such a long time for me to write oneshots, but I promise that I'll try writing more!
Anyways, here's your order of a scenario Ricky stargazing together with (Y/N) <3
We also reached over 100 followers, which I still cannot believe! Thank you, guys, so much, I love you all very much!
Anyways, sorry for rambling, so here's the oneshot <3
(Tw: None!)
Rewrite the stars (Ricky x Fem!Reader)
(𝓨/𝓝)'𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥
My life was pretty boring until I met this boy named Ricky at school.
Ricky had always been fascinated by the stars. He would spend hours looking up at the night sky, marvelling at the beauty of the constellations and imagining what it would be like to explore the vast expanse of space.
Despite his love for stargazing, Ricky had always been a shy and introverted boy. He had developed a condition that made him unable to speak, and this had always made it difficult for him to make friends and connect with others.
But then, when we first met at choir practice, we immediately hit it off. I saw beyond his silence and understood the beauty and depth of his soul, and he understood mine too.
I'd never felt happier in my life until this boy came into it, and I'm thanking every star in the galaxy for making our meeting even become true.
Speaking about the galaxy, today is a very important and rare day for astronomical events. Today is the day when a solar eclipse occurs!
I and Ricky were very excited about this event, and so we made a plan to witness it: We were going to go to the top of Uranium's highest hill tonight and I might even confess my crush on him... That idea makes me blush.
As I stood on the hill, overlooking the vast expanse of the valley below, I couldn't help but feel my heart racing with excitement. The solar eclipse was about to begin, and I was standing here with the one person who had become so special to me over the past few months: Ricky Potts.
I glanced over at Ricky, and I could see the excitement in his eyes. Despite his inability to speak, he had a way of communicating with me that was so pure and genuine. I felt like I could understand everything he was thinking and feeling, without him ever saying a word.
As we stood there, gazing up at the sky, I noticed how the air around us had grown cooler, and a sense of calm descended over the hill. I felt like we were the only two people in the world, lost in our own private universe.
I looked through the eclipse glasses that Ricky had brought along, and I gasped as I saw the sun slowly being obscured by the moon. The bright disc of the sun was being replaced by a dark circle, and it was as if the world had been plunged into twilight.
Ricky pointed up at the sky, and I followed his gaze to see the corona of the sun blazing around the dark circle. Even though he couldn't speak, I could sense his excitement and wonder, and it made me feel so happy to be there with him.
As the eclipse continued, we stood side by side, lost in our own thoughts and feelings. I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for this moment, for being able to witness such a rare and beautiful event with someone who had become so important to me.
As the eclipse ended and the world slowly returned to its normal brightness, Ricky turned to me and smiled. I knew that even though he couldn't say the words, he was thanking me for sharing this experience with him.
"Hey Ricky...I have to admit something to you..." I said. Ricky looked confused. "I like you...And I mean like LIKE you! Wouldyoupleaseacceptmetobeyourgirlfriendprettyplease?" I said the last part faster than sonic the hedgehog could ever say, which made me blush even more.
Ricky started blushing and looking at the ground. Did I do something wrong? Before I could ask him, he signed for me to sit down next to him, and so I did.
At that moment, as I felt the whole universe revolving around us...we finally kissed.
At that moment, I felt like the luckiest person in the world, and I knew that no matter what the future held, this memory would stay with me forever.
𝑅𝑒𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑔 >> 𝐿𝒾𝓀𝑒 (𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈)
#Randommoonchild#ride the cyclone#ride the cyclone x reader#x reader#rtc#reader insert#rtc x reader#rtc musical#ricky potts#ricky x reader#ricky rtc
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it sucks that i am committed to writing kotone as close to her canon characterization as possible, something that is tricky but doable for the others, because she really does not have many consistent characterization moments. they're either player determinant or from pq2, which have their unique issues
if you go by just p3p, assuming all social links were maxed and only aigis was romanced (the others are player determinant and ultimately, you end up with aigis anyway so im assuming platonic relations all around), you have to go by social link dialogue options and very little else. luckily, s. links have objectively correct answers and thus contain things that canonically kotone would and would not say. this at least gives us a little bit; she's kind, a good listener, and willing to show her fierce side if the needs arises (see saori's social link). but everything else?
now what we have left are the choices during s. links or story events that have NO consequences. this is where things go off the rails: depending on what you choose, you can end up with wildly different versions of the same character. for example, at multiple points, you have the choice between attempting to use violent force to solve a problem or trying to get others to help/resolve it peacefully. we see this is yukari's social link where kotone can try to straight up fight three dudes harrassing yukari, and in saori's where she can try to punch a girl who slapped saori over something that wasnt her fault.
depending on what the player chooses, we get two very different results: either someone who can and does fight well, but chooses to talk out her problems, or someone who seems almost eager to start a fight. its important to note that no one else in this entire cast except maybe akihiko displays this much willingness to throw hands. and again the problem with determinant choices: what do the choices you didn't select mean? was it something kotone was thinking about but didn't do or an abstract method of building your own protagonist? we don't know.
i mentioned pq2 earlier, and my main issue with it is despite kotone being a fully written character, we dont get any more information you couldn't get from p3p or just by looking at her. yes, she's pretty and social and bubbly and fun but she's a little sad too! and now shes back to being fun. yes, you can put together that she's pushing her own emotions down to not burden the group (as it her role in p3p to help others shoulder their burdens) but we really don't see any of it past that one scene. meanwhile in p3p, especially with ryoji near the end of the game, she can say some fairly haunting stuff. like when she's asked what lovers talk about, all she can think of a depressing or (and this is the really worrying one) pointless things. what does that mean? what is kotone's definition of a pointless thing to talk about? it could well be she deems her own emotions as "pointless" because beyond these perhaps unintentionally revealing lines, she never ever talks about how she feels. like ever.
this makes it really important to me to have a very strong interpretation of kotone in order to accurately write her (i dont mean to insult anyone, but i am not a fan of works where her personality is not pulled from the text. i once read a fic where for no reason whatsoever she was portrayed as very immature and described as "childish" and it really did not make any sense to me). so here's my take:
i think kotone is a girl who has a very carefully crafted persona of cheerful indifference; not so much "i don't care", more so "i don't mind". she's clearly okay talking with people, but has no motivation to become close until she connects with SEES (whether because of the wild card ability urging her to do so, or if you're like me and writing an alternate timeline, a golden opportunity to make friends for once.) she is genuinely kind, friendly, and a good listener, that is not a mask; rather its the non-existence of negative emotion she seems to display, using her inherent selflessness to keep everyone at arms length, to make sure things are "about her" as little as possible. she shoulders the burdens of others to avoid talking about or dealing with what burdens her.
however, that negative emotion still absolutely exists: we know she was bounced from one foster home to another, signifying neglect or worse from the parents and/or because kotone was (or perceived as) doing something wrong. this rough childhood shows us the cracks in the mask, as she can be standoffish, depressed, angry, or outright violent towards those who wrong her or the ones she loves. she doesn't want to talk to and gives a nosy girl who just wants akihiko's secrets so she can date him attitude, she's more than happy to tell maiko's parents exactly what she thinks of them, makes at least one actively suicidal comment ("i wish i was dead..." when talking to junpei and yukari), and even attempts to kill takaya after defeating him in battle. the only reason she doesn't is because aigis asks her not to.
in short, her cheerful and energetic exterior is just armor to cover up her severe depression, anger issues, and an unwillingness to open up to others (whether because she doesn't want to be vulnerable, because she doesn't trust others with how she feels, or both).
anyway. this was just a very long-winded ramble. feel free to toss in what you think in the tags, comments, whatever. i honestly love talking about characters like this and am happy to discuss
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this thought wouldnt leave my head so can i request headcanons of the reader getting high with the hmr abc boys? like not necessarily in a group setting, but more of a hcs of how it’d be like smoking with each boy? idk if im even making sense lol 🤦♀️
I love this request but jesus, did you come to the wrong person! I haven't smoked weed since I was in high school - it interacts badly with my medications, making me a combination of nauseous and paranoid that I just don't enjoy. So I had to go back to those high school days and pulled a lot of inspiration from friends who smoke or use edibles and such and hope these will make sense and be good!
KAMAMOTO
So, we're going to kick this whole post off with some bonus Kamamoto headcanons. That's mostly because I don't think you can discuss weed within HOMRA without talking about Kamamoto.
I write him in every AU as really being the holder of the weed, the one who supplies the other boys and I see that as being kind of a canon thing within the world too. If you want slightly harder drugs, you go to Chitose, who has a lot more connections through the clubbing scene he really loves, but for weed, you always go to Kamamoto.
I really do think that Kamamoto has a real green thumb and he genuinely enjoys plants. I honestly do see him having a couple of houseplants he kind of babies, definitely a plant parent. And I see him growing marijuana too. He's actually really meticulous about it. He learns the optimum growing conditions for various strains, follows them well. Other than Dewa, I think Kamamoto is really the only other one with kind of the knowledge on the properties of different strains, like Indica versus Sativa versus hybrid. And he definitely has his preferences for smoking, preferring a hybrid, normally sour diesel.
Now, while Kamamoto definitely smokes, I see him being more into the edible scene. The man enjoys food and the man enjoys weed and being able to mix the two? Perfect, in his opinion. I think that, after the first couple months largely using edibles, he even starts to look into how to make his own edibles. And honestly, when he does? Amazing results.
Like you will be so spoiled if Kamamoto feeds you his own edibles as they taste amazing and, because he is so knowledgeable about marijuana as a whole, he's able to give you the right kind of edible for what you prefer as a high. The man enjoys cooking as much as he enjoys food, after all, and he's a pretty great cook.
In some way though, any weed use will end up with food for Kamamoto, since he's prone to the munchies. He's always willing to share though without hesitation and it's nothing for him to get high with a friend and then take them out to eat at a buffet style place, make a fun bet to see who can keep the 'all you can eat' thing going the longest.
DEWA
Now, since I mentioned Dewa above, seems the easiest to just kind of go into him next.
I really do see Dewa as someone with some pretentious qualities, though loveably so in a lot of ways. And this definitely extends into his marijuana use, as he's the only other boy whose really sat down and learned everything they could about marijuana. He was curious, had some time to kill, and Dewa does actually like learning about new things. He definitely has a preferred stain and he's going to be that person who is all 'I only smoke Blue Dream' or 'I can't believe you're still on that indica shit, dude hybrid's really the only way to go'.
And he will fill the people he's smoking with in on fun facts about marijuana that he's learned, will teach them all about the subject. In fact, they probably get the same kind of lecture every time they smoke with Dewa just because the subject is one he thinks is really cool.
Does it matter that they're just kind of nodding and visibly wishing he'd stop talking? Because yeah, I know all this shit, Dewa…you told me this literally the last time we smoked together, and the time before that, and the time before that…doesn't matter one bit to him, because he's just really into this lecture and topic and teaching someone and he's positively glowing with the joy of it. Honestly, he has at least one or two new fun facts every time that are worth listening to and probably interesting for the other person.
And if he's not ranting about weed in general, Dewa's sharing the most random bits of knowledge he knows and it's really when he's high that people tend to realize just how fucking intelligent this man really is. How long did it actually take to build Rome? Ask high Dewa, he knows. The fact that Dr. Suess wrote Green Eggs and Ham as part of a bet? High Dewa knows that. How dynamite is made? High Dewa knows that as well, along with the fun and random fact that peanut oil can be used to make dynamite. Hell, high Dewa will sit and debate whether the DeLorean would have made a viable time travel machine given its structure and the materials it was made of and the sheer force of gravity and the space-time continuum.
Like I said, Dewa enjoys learning new things, is kind of a trivia buff, and he'll say things while high that just have people looking at him like 'how the fuck do you know that'. Getting high with Dewa is definitely an educational experience, especially since high Dewa is a much chattier Dewa.
That being said, I don't think he's really into getting high often. For him, it's mostly a social thing or done when he's having a really hard day.
FUJISHIMA
⦁ Another one where getting high is very much a social thing with him? I see the only times Fujishima really thinks about smoking up or getting high is when he's out with his friends or when he's out at parties. It's not much of an everyday thing for him and I honestly see him tilting a little more towards alcohol if he really wants to party since it tends to do more for him. ⦁ I do see Fuji as just being a very chill high. You thought he was quiet before? It's even worse now because he will get high and will literally just kind of sit there and zone out. Sometimes he might make a couple random noises or come out and say something, normally out of the blue. But overall, weed just makes him really relaxed and lazy feeling. ⦁ That being said, I do think he uses marijuana, in a form, outside of social situations. Given that he works a really physically demanding job, I do see him using CBD product for days when he's really sore or worn out, because he's been told it'll help with the pain. ⦁ I will say, he's one of the two members of HOMRA I see having the problem of it being extremely obvious to those around them that they're high. Fuji gets the bloodshot eyes and just kind of vacant expression and you can tell just by looking at him that he's high.
ERIC
In a complete opposite, I see getting high as something Eric does primarily alone. He might indulge around a partner or people he's really close to, but overall, it's a solo activity for him.
And there's really two reasons for that. The first being that Eric is one of those types who can get really paranoid when they're high. He really hates the feeling but he can't seem to stop it when it does hit. He'll be doubting the people around him, but he can also get really into rambling about conspiracy theories and other paranoia fueled things when he's really high.
The other reason? If it's not inspiring paranoia, weed just makes Eric really sleepy. He uses it a lot to get some sleep because he has issues with getting good rest. Sometimes his mind just doesn't want to click off and let him sleep, so he'll smoke a bowl or two or take a couple gummies and that normally solves the issue. He gets some of the best sleep of his life when he's high and he might actually become a little dependent on that as a sleep aid.
SHOUHEI
Okay, I know I've mentioned it in direct messages with friends, but I don't know if I've ever publicly discussed this headcanon on the blog. I do think Shouhei has undiagnosed and untreated ADHD though. It just really fits with him as a person in my head and I think he kind of does self-medicate using weed.
He's kind of a perfect blend in between being a social smoker and being like Eric, using it on his own time and away from people as a sort of aid to issues.
If he's smoking socially and getting high with friends, I will say it has to be sativa or hybrid strains. He only smokes indica strains by himself, usually at night, and it's often done for the same reason Eric does it. It helps Shouhei sleep. That, and for some reason indica strains really give him cotton-mouth, so he keeps an absolutely huge water bottle on his nightstand or beside him while smoking.
He's really cool with both smoking and edibles, but he prefers smoking for the more immediate effect.
When smoking socially, I do see it as making Shouhei much more relaxed and lower-energy than he normally is and that's really the big appeal of it for him. He can allow his body to just be lazy. He gets the munchies big time and normally either hits up Kamamoto for treats or gets delivery. When he's high, Shouhei can and will put away an entire large pizza by himself.
Overall though, I see high Shouhei as just being very chill, for lack of a better word. He gets rambley, very talkative and honestly, a little more openly emotional than he normally is. If he's smoking with someone he's interested in, this would be the time when he'd either confess or go on little tangents about how great that person is.
BANDOU
You know how when I was talking about Fuji, I said he was one of two HOMRA members where I see it being super obvious whenever he's high? For those wondering, I definitely see Bandou as being that other HOMRA member where you can just look at him and know he's high, whether he's a little high or super high. Honestly, his sunglasses come in super useful, because his eyes get really red when he's high and he can't seem to keep his face normal. Yeah, Bandou's known for being emotional, but honestly, he's got a pretty solid poker face that doesn't always show everything he feels. That changes when he's high because his face and body language become a lot more expressive.
I don't see Bandou as being prone to the munchies but like Shouhei, I see dry mouth being a huge issue for him and I do see him craving sugar whenever he gets high, and high Bandou has a terrible soda addiction. Crippling really. Like go through three or four 2L bottles within the space of an hour crippling and then whine and complain that he's gotta stop to piss again.
The funny thing about Bandou when it comes to getting high? He's never consistently the same kind of high, honestly. It really seems to depend on the day, his mood, the strain, how he's taking it (edibles versus blunts versus bowls). He can go from being a really relaxed and sleepy high to being talk a mile a minute happy and chattering high to being super horny high to being an angry and paranoid high. It really does all depend and part of the fun of getting high with him is seeing what he's going to act like that time and what kind of stupid shit he'll get up to.
He has definitely run straight into a tree while high at extreme speeds because he got it in his head he could run and jump and do a backflip off the tree. Has he ever done a backflip in his life? No. Does he even know how to go about doing a simple one from a stationary position? Also no. Was he convinced he'd suddenly gained the skills of a gymnast in this park late at night? Most definitely yes.
In a surprising similarity with Shouhei, I also see Bandou getting really honest when high. High Bandou is very much like drunk Bandou in that regard - he will suddenly let loose all the emotions and thoughts and feelings he doesn't normally talk about if the right buttons are pressed.
Doesn't help that when he gets high, just getting high is never enough for Bandou. He wants that higher than high experience and doesn't know his own limits. He wants to barely remember the time he was high, that's how high he prefers to be.
He also has moments though, mostly when he's smoking alone, where he just gets high, orders delivery, and games and he's really content and happy and relaxed for that length of time.
CHITOSE
Other than Kamamoto, I see Chitose being the biggest weed-hound of the boys. He's always carrying a least a couple blunts with him and if the boys can't get a hold of Kamamoto, they know they can normally get their fix by hanging out with Chitose.
Getting high is very much one of Chitose's coping mechanisms for life, on top of being a social activity. Bad day? Get high. Feeling crappy? Get high. Bored? Get high. Out partying? Get high. I'm not saying he's perpetually stoned, because I don't think he is, but he's probably the one most often high within HOMRA.
He definitely has merch with pot leaves on it.
He's also kind of a hog when it comes to smoking together with people. He'll genuinely apologize and try to do better when he's called out on it, but it is his bad smoking habit.
He doesn't care if it's edibles or smoking. He really genuinely does not care and he likes both for different reasons.
If he's out partying and he gets high and there's hot chicks around him, he can start to get a very horny type of high. But if it's just him and the boys smoking, he doesn't have that same reaction so I will say that the type of high he gets is very situationally dependent.
Also, again, to me, Chitose is the one out of HOMRA to have most likely tried harder drugs while out partying.
#replies#k project#project k#headcanons#akagi shouhei#bandou saburouta#chitose yo#chitose you#dewa masaomi#eric solt#eric surt#kousuke fujishima#kamamoto rikio
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what’s love in español? — one shot
Part three of The MC88 Series
Mini Summary: following seb & mia at the spanish grand prix in 2021 and the start of something that neither of them would ever forget (a03 link)
word count: 6.4k
tags/warnings: aston martin !driver¡ oc x sebastian vettel, infidelity, swearing, nsfw, smut, teammate-cest, minors dni
an. im trying to write this in order now (connecting up all the parts ive posted previously) !! parts might be a bit slower as i always get writers block writing this way but otherwise theres too much going on for it to make sense ! but anyway enjoy and well done if u get to the end !!
an. im trying to write this in order now (connecting up all the parts ive posted previously) !! parts might be a bit slower as i always get writers block writing this way but otherwise theres too much going on for it to make sense ! but anyway enjoy and well done if u get to the end !!
It was almost easy to want to forget the first half of the season. Race after race they had been left with disappointing results one after the other, but it wasn’t just on track that she wanted to forget; it had been everything else too.
She almost wished that it never happened; it had caused too much grief ever since it had first happened, but there was a part of her that no matter what happened she wanted to relive those few precious moments again.
It was in Barcelona and she had woken up to the morning sunlight beaming through the window of her hotel room, the undrawn curtains failing to keep any of the light out which instead allowed it to illuminate the whole room. Her hands fell to her face, covering her eyes as she tried to block out the light that had disrupted her sleep as she let an almost cry-like sigh escape from her lips. It was too early, she knew it, without even having to look for her phone, but her hand still fumbled around for her phone on the bedside table, nevertheless. As she moved the bedsheets fell around her naked waist and it was that moment that she froze because all of the memories of the night before came tumbling back.
She raked her fingers through her tangled hair, in an attempt to try and calm the unruly mess. But also because it was just instinct as her mind tried to scramble together what had happened the night before.
She remembered it this time, but she still looked around the room, only for another sigh to leave her lips when she couldn’t see him and her heart broke a little.
He had gone, of course he had.
It would have been worse if he had of stayed. She knew that, but there was still part of her that wished he had; a part of her that needed him to have stayed.
She shook her head at herself; she had slept with him, again. What was she thinking— they had done the one thing they were not meant to do, again, and this time they had no excuses; they hadn’t even been drinking.
And she remembered it all, every last little detail.
It had been the Friday evening of the Spanish grand prix, just a week after what had happened or not happened between them in Portimão. It was after they had finished at the track, after both free practices, which hadn’t gone too badly for the team compared to the races previously. They had both slotted around tenth, which was funny because just a couple of years ago they both would have been equally disappointed with those placings. But this season had changed both their perspectives on formula one.
They had left their debrief still talking about something or another, and they had only separated to head back to their respective drivers rooms so they could head home. But a few minutes had barely passed before she heard a knock at her door and found her teammate leant against the wall outside. She just gave him a small smile as he just continued talking to her about what they had been talking about before, as if they had never stopped. But she noticed the look in his eyes; she had seen it just a couple of weeks before, and she knew that he wasn’t there just to talk about their race— not really, not deep down.
He let the door close behind him as he carried on talking to her as he watched as she continued doing whatever she needed to be doing to she could leave that evening. She had been a little bit all over the place that day, which meant she still had a lot to be doing before she left, but Seb didn’t seem to mind and didn’t seem to be wanting to leave anytime soon.
She didn’t question it and she was only partially listening to what he was saying as she carried on doing what she needed to do so she could leave the track at a respectable hour.
He carried on talking to her about their car that day and the set-up changes they had talked about in their briefings. They talked about the circuit; they talked about the changes compared to last year, and then they talked about the years before and then the years past. Seb mostly talked and she listened, but she didn’t mind; she had been listening to him for years and she still listened to every word he said.
But then he asked her if she remembered the first time she ever raced there, and of course, she did.
“I wasn’t that far behind you,” she had said drawing his eyes to hers from where he was sat at the little table in her room. His back pressed against the wall as he faced the middle of the room looking to her.
“When?”
“2015,” she smiled glancing to him, “started behind you on the grid,”
“you remember that?”
He remembered it for some reason, he remembered watching her Toro Rosso in his mirrors.
“Of course,” she replied biting down on her lip to stop her smile from growing, “first time i got to start behind you,” she said quickly having to add that it was also her first time starting on the third row of the grid too and also that got to watch his Ferrari fly off into the distance from right in front of her with her very own eyes.
She didn’t want him to think that he was the only reason why she remembered that race. But then they started talking about the past and their past more specifically, and then it didn’t seem to matter anymore.
“I beat you one year,” she said flicking her eyes to him as she sat down in the chair across from him,
“which?” he asked as she had beaten him in a couple of races in Spain over the years,
“2018,”
“i remember,” he smiled to her, “beat me to the podium,”
“it felt like a win that day,” she replied,
“i know,” he replied back with another little curl of his lips, “you told me that day,”
“i think i told everyone,” she said, grinning back at him, “i was so relieved just to make it over the finish line, let alone get on the podium as well,”
“it was the one time i didn’t mind you beating me,” he said back, and she just nodded. It had felt like a victory that day. She almost cried when the car made it over the finish line. The relief consuming her body as a happy cry croaked from her throat. It had only been the fifth race of the season, but it had already been plagued with dnfs and mechanical failures, and this was piggybacking off of the six dnfs she had the year before.
She had finally managed to grip hold of the seat she had been hunting for her whole life. The one she had first-handedly seen Seb win championship after championship with. The one that Mark had secured his ever elusive first win with and the one that had sky-rocketed Daniel’s career to what it is today. But once she finally had it, they couldn’t give her the car that she needed, the car she deserved and she barely lasted two years in the team before it resulted in her leaving formula one.
“Do you ever regret leaving at the end of 2018?”
She just shook her head because she didn’t. It had been the most sensible decision she had ever made in her life, and she didn’t regret it one bit. She could have won more races, maybe even a championship, but once you fall out of love with the sport there is no way you can carry on after that.
And that’s what she told him.
He just nodded and they carried on talking about something else. But at some point the conversation whittled to an end, and she found herself wanting the same thing that she had wanted all those weeks ago. Her mind started to drift to the look he had in his eyes when he first appeared at her door, and maybe he wanted it too.
It took all of her confidence to say what she said next. It wasn’t even that she thought he was going to turn her down. No, it was more her trying to convince herself that it was a good idea even though every part of her knew that it wasn’t.
“My hotel is only a twenty minute cycle,” she said, looking at him, almost not being able to hold his gaze, “or Cathy… but she might-” she added failing to get the words she wanted to leave her lips,
“i’ve got a bike,” he said much to her own relief that she didn’t need to scramble for the rest of the words that she wanted to say,
“ok,” she replied, letting his hand fall from hers as she stood up, knowing he would follow her.
They had cycled back across the city from the racetrack. He followed close behind her choosing to ride beside her when the road was wide enough. They talked the whole way. The conversation always flowed easily between the two of them. One of them always had something or other to say, but that nervous almost child-like feeling still bubbled away under the surface.
They made their way to her hotel room. She remembered closing the door, but she wasn’t sure how they had gotten from there to then kissing, but once they had their lips met they barely left the others. His lips only left hers to trail down her neck and then across collarbone and chest. His fingers teasing the edges of her top and then her jeans. She could feel the sensation building in her belly as he pressed himself against her time and time again.
Her mind felt clouded, she felt like she was drunk all over again, but this time it was just the desire making her feel that way. It was the way he lips felt against hers; the way his hands brushed over every millimetres of her skin and the small groans that escaped his throat.
He started pulling off her clothes. His mouth only momentarily leaving hers as he pulled her top off over her head. It was rushed because if they stopped then they would have time to think about it and then they probably wouldn’t be continuing and neither of them wanted that. She managed to pull off his clothes too, but then he was walking her over to the bed and then she was laying under him within a matter of moments.
But then he halted.
He knelt between her thighs; sitting back on his heels as he stopped himself momentarily, or maybe for eternity. He wasn’t looking at her; she couldn’t catch his gaze as she tried to stop herself from squirming underneath him, but he was still looking down at her. It was the only moment that time seemed to pause, and she could see that it had hit him with what he was about to do; that he was deciding in that moment whether he wanted to do it or not. She could see the instant regret falling over his head, but in that moment it didn’t matter to her. They had started this and they couldn’t stop now.
“Seb,” she said at not much more than a whimper with a small buck of her hips in his direction, “Seb, you-you can’t stop now.”
He just looked at her as if to say i can’t?
But she had just returned it with a pleading look in her eyes that he couldn’t deny.
So he just pushed himself inside her. A small moan left her lips as she stretched around him. It felt just as good as the first time, and by the string of swear words that she managed to mumble out as he thrusted into her again and again, maybe it was better.
It was everything and more than she remembered and she wanted it again before it had even ended.
But when it had, he had plunked himself down beside her as he tried to catch his breath. She just let her hand smack gently against his chest, but he caught her wrist with his hand and just held it against his chest as it rose and fell with every breath that he took.
She only gave herself a moment before she was moving across the bed, not saying anything as she picked up his pants and throwing them at him as she made her way across to the bathroom. She needed a shower, but more importantly, she needed a moment to try and figure out what the hell had just happened, again. It was the one thing that they were never meant to do, not ever; yet they had done it for a second time in the space of just a couple of weeks.
As she tried to comprehend what had happened, she found a part of wanting him to stay, almost needing him to stay. She didn’t sleep around, not really. She always would wake up the next morning with the person beside her. She had a boyfriend until that ended, and then between then and now she had dated people; it never had just been sex; there had always been more to it then just that. Even with Daniel, with whatever that had been, she still woke up the next morning with him beside her.
That’s what she wanted now; she wanted him to stay.
“There’s spare towels if you want a shower,” she told him as she emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body and another in her hair on top of her head. She adverted her eyes away from him. She couldn’t tell him to leave. She couldn’t do that to him and she couldn’t do that to herself. She wanted him to stay no matter how wrong that was. So she opted for leaving that decision in his hands so she couldn’t blame herself no matter what the outcome was.
He gave her a nod as he slipped into the bathroom, leaving her alone.
She got into bed, urging her body to go to sleep so she couldn’t be left with the decision, and for once her body cooperated because by the time he had showered and walked back into the room she was already curled up asleep. He found the rest of his clothes and he pulled them on, careful not to wake her up because that was the last thing he wanted, and then he reached across the empty side of the bed and placed a delicate kiss on her shoulder. He allowed himself to have one final piece of whatever this was before he slipped out of her hotel room.
And that was that.
When she finally saw him later that morning, it took all of her courage again just for her to say good morning to him. It was like she had been transported right back to when she was a teenager and she had gotten to meet him for the first time, but he didn’t seem bothered at all.
“Good morning,” he said back to her with a smile that she noticed failed to reach anywhere near his eyes. It looked forced and so did the way he greeted her. He seemed distant and it was a complete one-eighty to what they had last night.
“How are you?”
“good,”
“good.”
She stopped herself because she wanted to scream. She had opened her mouth to say something else, but nothing came out. She had nothing to say to him for the first time ever and it seemed like he didn’t either because what on earth do you say to your teammate after you’ve slept with them for a second time. It wasn’t even that they had slept with each other, it was because she had wanted him to stay and because it was more than just sex, but neither of them knew it yet and neither of them would ever want to admit it. She didn’t understand because he was so different from one moment to the next. She knew, well, hoped, he didn’t mean too, but one moment he was her closest friend telling her how proud he was of her and then the next it was as if they had barely ever met. It made her stomach flip and not in the good way.
“We need to talk.”
He had said it, holding her eye contact for all of a moment before he had left her standing there as he headed into the garage without giving her even a second to respond.
She followed him reluctantly into the garage and she was glad that they didn’t have any marketing to do together as she couldn’t think of anything worse in that moment. She was glad that all she needed to do that day was drive and for the most part it would have nothing to do with her teammate.
The final free practice session hadn’t gone as well as the others. They had been testing a few things and she hadn’t done a single lap on the soft tyres so it was understandable that she had only set the fourteenth quickest time of the session, but it still left a bitterness in her mouth as they headed towards qualifying.
That was the only time she had spoken to him at the track, well, until later that day. It was right before qualifying and she had managed to muster up enough courage to go up to him and wish him good luck before they both went out. He was standing at the back of his side of the garage, getting ready, standing in front of the little compartment that housed his helmets, gloves, and balaclava. She walked over from her own section to his noticing that his eyes fell on her, watching her take every step. She hated this. She hated this feeling. It was never meant to be awkward like this. She hated it and she just wanted it to go back to what they had before. To what they had before they decided to fuck all of it up.
“Good luck,” she said, stopping right in front of him,
“i’d say the same, but you don’t need it,” he replied, noticing the small curl to the corner of her mouth. She watched as his hand juddered forward, reaching out to do up the top strap of her race suit around her neck. She just froze and it seemed like he did too. Her eyes darted to his and he was staring right back at her and it was almost as awkward as the Seb vs. Mia video they had to film on the Thursday.
She wanted to scream.
She had forgiven him for not staying because this was so much worse.
“Top ten?” he just asked her, visibly taking a step away from her as he reached for his balaclava,
“we can try,” she said back, pushing a smile back onto her face.
Qualifying ended up being tolerable. It wasn’t any better than her previous runs of the season and it could have gone a whole lot worse. She ended up just missing out on Q3 and had to settle for eleventh. Which wasn’t so bad as she had out-qualified her teammate in three of the four races now, which was quite the feat as he was Sebastian Vettel, the four-time world champion, and she had barely a quarter of his victories to her name.
“Almost,” came his voice once she was back out of her car after qualifying. She had managed to fist bump most of her mechanics and just about gotten her helmet off before she had to entertain the whims of her teammate who had decided now that she did in fact exist.
“Almost,” she replied, glancing around to see him standing at the back of her side of the garage, “maybe next time,” she said with a small smile as she joined him,
“bets are on you for Monaco,” he said and she just returned it with a confused furrow of her brow, “you won here last,” he explained, reminding her of a victory that seemed like a lifetime ago,
“we’ll see,” she replied with a small smile as his shoulder nudged against hers as the walked to the back of the garage together.
She didn’t know what to think anymore. What was she meant to make of this, and she was sure he wasn’t meaning to mess with her like this, but he still was. One moment they were fine and the next they weren’t, and it felt like a stupid primary school relationship.
“Later?” came his voice, and she had to visibly stop herself from pulling a face at him,
“what time later?”
“what are you busy?”
She shrugged her shoulders, “i’ve got a few things to do,”
“yeah?”
She nodded, “i’ll text you when i’m done,”
“ok.”
She finished her race weekend duties; the track side ones such as post-qualifying interviews and media with the team along with team briefings. Then she was heading back to the hotel to get ready to go back out. One of the perks or downsides, whichever way she wanted to look at being one of the only female formula one drivers, meant that she had a lot of brands, sponsors, companies and people that wanted a bit of her time. This meant a lot of dinners and events that she had to attend at both race weeks and non-race weeks and Saturday was no exception.
She had tried to set boundaries at the start of her career but to no avail. She didn’t want her Saturday nights to be filled with meetings upon meetings. She wanted that time to herself before the race the next day. She had argued at the beginning, but her time was worth more than that; her face on a poster was worth more than that; and in the end she didn’t get a say in how her time was spent.
Once she had finally finished another sponsor dinner she had texted her teammate and before she knew it there was a knock at her door and she opened it to find Seb standing there.
“You look nice,”
“thanks,” she replied almost squinting her eyes at him before she opened the door a bit wider so he could step in,
“anywhere nice?” he asked as she shut the door behind him,
“work,” she replied with a deflated smile.
He just nodded because he knew there were sides to her job that he would never have to do simply because he was born the opposite gender. He remembered when she was younger, even before she had a seat in formula one, just how many dinners, events and meetings she had to attend just for being a girl. She would be at the track one moment and the next she would be meeting potential sponsors— or with some rich businessmen that wanted dinner with the pretty, young new racing driver. He had to meet his fair share, but not nearly to the extent she did.
“I wasn’t expecting you to be her so soon,” she said, glancing at him before walking over to where she had stood before taking off her jewellery,
“i was already in town,” he explained, and she just nodded. She had so much she wanted to talk to him about. There was so much that they would usually just ramble on about for hours, but whatever this was, it made her feel like she couldn’t anymore, and that friendship they once had had slipped through her fingers.
“This feels so messed up,” she said only just above a mumble as her eyes flicked to his,
“i know,”
“no, Seb, i feel like i can’t even talk to you anymore.”
She watched as his eyes scrunched shut and his brow furrowed, “i know and i don’t want it to be like this. I didn’t think it was going to be like this,”
“i’m sorry,” she said as he just shook his head because she had nothing to be sorry about, “i want to go back to before,”
“i know,” Seb replied with an almost painful sigh, “i want both,” he added and it was probably the most honest thing he had said to her all month,
“we can’t have both.”
He nodded and it felt like a whole eternity passed in those few moments that they stood there just a few feet away from each other.
She finally turned around, “can you?” she asked feeling her voice quiver as she noted to the zip of her dress.
He nodded as she stepped towards her. She moved her hair over her shoulder as his fingers found the zip at the base of her neck. She could feel his breathe on her skin and it matched the racing heartbeat in her chest. She couldn’t fool herself no matter how much she wanted too— she wanted this and she wanted him.
He could feel the silky material under his fingertips as they brushed over her shoulders and then down her spine as he undid the zip of her dress. She didn’t move away even though he had unzipped her dress and his temptation to run his fingers over her skin grew as she stood there in his reach. He squeezed his eyes shut before all of his hesitations unravelled and then his fingertips were running down her spine. He felt her shudder slightly, but his touch hadn’t been unwanted, his hands had just been cold.
He let his fingers trace her body and her finally let his fingers wrap around her waist. He could feel her relaxing into his touch and then he finally let his forehead rest upon the base of her neck. A sigh leaving his lips as every other problem seemed to vanish too.
“We shouldn’t,” she said ever so quietly,
“that’s not a no, Mia.”
And she didn’t say anything because she did want this.
His hands crept around her waist, lacing over her belly as he pulled her flat against his chest. His head resting against hers as her hands fell to rest upon his.
“I want this, Mia,” he said into the base of her neck as he pressed a kiss into her skin, “and i want everything that we had before.”
She didn’t say anything; she just nodded as he pressed another wet kiss to her neck, followed by another, “and I’m sorry for being a fucking idiot these past weeks,” he added, tightening his grasp around her waist too, “i should’ve just told you how i felt.”
She just turned around in his arms, her dress falling from her shoulders and pooling on the floor around their feet. She noticed his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed after noticing she was now basically naked in his arms. His eyes failing him for a second as he snuck a glance before looking back to her eyes that were just staring back at him. “Yes?” he just asked,
“yes,” she nodded back with a smile creeping onto her lips.
She reached up bringing her lips finally to his.
In a matter of moments he had cupped her face in his hands and was kissing her as deeply as he possibly could as their mouths moved against one another. She pressed herself against him as closely as conceivably possible. Needing to feel every part of him and her hands holding onto his sides as if she might loose him if she were to let go. Her fingers gripped hold of him as she pressed herself against him even more, wanting as much contact as physically possible. She was constantly pulling him closer making sure that there wasn’t even an inch of air between them. So much so that she could feel him stiffening in his shorts and she could feel it pressing against her belly.
A small moan escaped her as he grazed her lips with his teeth, feeling a smile forming on his own.
Her fingers trailing under his shirt before taking a second to tug at it so he knew what she wanted. Then she was pulling it off over his head. She took a moment to look at his stomach, running her hand over it and through the hairs that covered the centre of his belly. She had seen him shirtless enough times simply because they were teammates, but never like this.
A few seconds had barely passed, but she knew she was staring, so she darted her eyes back to his. She could see the little smirk forming at the corners of his mouth. She hit him pathetically square in the chest as she had to bite down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from grinning.
He just kissed her smile away.
He walked her backwards towards the bed until the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed and gave way underneath her causing her to sit down. He leant down joining their lips again as he cupped her face in his hands. He only pulled away for a moment to press a kiss to the tip of her nose before signalling to her to move further back onto the bed.
He caught her ankle in his hand, halting her from moving too far away and then he was leaning down to bring his lips to the inside of her calf. Then his fingers were trailing up her leg with his mouth not far behind. Another moan left her lips as he reached the inside of her thigh. Pressing kisses and nibbling at the tender-side of her thigh. “Seb,” she moaned again as her hands fell to her face and she could feel the smirk on his lips against her skin.
When he finally reached the edge of her pants, she was already unravelling under his touch. He had moved so he was almost hovering on top of her causing her to open her eyes as she felt his breathe against her skin. Then she was looking at him, “you sure?” was all he said and she just nodded.
He leant down pressing another kiss to her lips before he leant back to sit on his heels.
“Seb,” she warned managing to wrap her hand around his wrist,
“ok, ok,” he said, shifting off of the bed so he could kick his shorts and then his boxers off. Then he was reaching for her ankle again. Running his fingers up the insides of her legs again, but then he hooked his fingers under her pants and then he was pulling them off.
He moved so he was kneeling between her legs again, running his fingers down the inside of her thighs again, causing her to almost tense away from the touch. Her body needing him more than anything else. She watched through her eyelashes as he debated what he wanted to do; he flicked his thumb over her clit a few times, causing a shiver to spread across her body like nothing ever before, and then he was lining himself up with her entrance before he finally pushed himself inside of her.
“Fuck, Seb,” she moaned as she stretched around him. Her body almost forgetting that they had been in the exact same position the night before. But, something was different; it wasn’t quite like before, or at least what she remembered from the very first time. There was something that felt so much for relaxed about it. A familiarity and comfortability with each other that hadn’t been there the times before, and it felt like maybe the following day wouldn’t be filled with awkward greetings.
“Shh,” he hummed as his hips pulled back before he thrusted slowly into her again.
He set a pace that was everything they needed. It wasn’t rushed, but it wasn’t slow, and it was deep enough that her whole body felt alight. It was everything she wanted; everything she needed, and from the flow of little grunts and moans leaving Seb’s lips above showing that it was everything he wanted too.
Her back arched from the bed as her hips tried to match the rhythm he was setting. Trying to move her body so that he could reach deeper and so that she could take everything physically possible from the moment.
“Seb,” she moaned quietly, letting his name fall from her lips. Her head falling to the side as she tried to reel in the pleasure she was feeling, but he just took her cheek in his hand so she was looking back at him; his other hand at her hip; his fingers digging into her skin as he tried to hold her still.
“You’re so pretty,” he said as he hovered over her and that was really the only thing he said to her the whole time.
The moans left his lips, but never her name.
He just leaned down, pressing his lips against hers once more, sucking on her bottom lip, and he continued to thrust into her.
She knew she was looking anything but pretty. She knew she was covered in sweat and she knew the baby hairs around the edge of her face wouldn’t curled into ringlets from the sweat. She knew she was looking far from her usual presentable self, but it didn’t matter and he loved her looking like this.
After everything that had happened, he loved seeing her fall completely undone. He loved seeing her lose control of herself; completely giving into the pleasure that was humming through her body. A complete juxtaposition to the Mia he saw at the track every weekend.
He could’ve cummed just from the sight.
And he nearly did.
It was long before they were both reaching the heights of their orgasms, scarily, almost in sync. Her hands grasping tighter around his waist, the words tumbling from her lips telling him not to stop, and there was not a single part of him that had even debated stopping; he wanted this just as much as she did.
He watched as she orgasmed. He could feel her tightening around him. Her whole body arching off of the bed as it screamed for every ounce of pleasure. Her head falling back and her mouth falling open as she moaned. Her eyes rolling to the back of her head, and he had never seen anything so pretty, and with a few more thrusts he found himself collapsing on top of her as his own orgasm hit him.
He stayed there for a few moments, his head resting on her chest as she tried to catch his breath. Her body rising and falling beneath him with every breath she took herself. Her hands moving to the back of his head as her fingers ran through his hair and her legs falling to rest against his sides as he still laid nestled inside of her.
They laid like that for what felt like eternity, but in the best possible way because it felt wholeheartedly like nothing else.
But eventually he did move.
She hadn’t even tried to stop the whimper that left her lips when he started getting out of the bed. He had heard it, and even though part of him wanted to stay; wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms; waking up to her in the morning; he knew he couldn’t.
“You need your sleep,” was all he said as she turned his back to her and walked across the room. She had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She watched as he picked up his clothes from the floor, chucking them to the foot of the bed. Collecting them there before he started to pull them on.
“I’m not a child, Seb,”
“I know,” he just muttered back to her.
That was his way of saying he wasn’t staying.
She had to almost stop a disheartened sigh from leaving her lips as he refused to even look in her direction. He turned cold. She wanted him to stay, but she knew he was regretting even just being there. She wanted to be in his arms as she fell asleep; she wanted to know what that side of him was like. She would never get to see it, which was why she longed for it so much. She longed for that little bit of intimacy because that part of her life had been empty for so long that even if her bed wasn’t empty for just one night, it would make her feel a little less like a failure.
She didn’t even look at him as she got out of bed, wrapping her robe around her as she made her way over to the bathroom. She turned the tap on splashing the cold water onto her face before she reached for her tooth brush. She started brushing her teeth and she was was still standing in front for the mirror as she watched him lean against the door frame behind her once he had gotten himself dressed.
“You want to talk about it?”
He watched as she finished brushing her teeth and spitting the remainders of her toothpaste down the drain.
“Not right now,” she said pausing for a second before she chose to lean in to press a kiss to his cheek. Her palm resting on his chest momentarily as she brushed past him and back into her room.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all he said before leaving and she just hoped it hurt him as much as it did her.
She knew it shouldn’t hurt her. But it did; maybe because he had consumed so much of her brain for these past few weeks; because he had for so many years, too. That every time she tried to close her eyes she was reminded of what they had done. She knew that it would only ever just be sex, but she wanted more than just that.
#sorry if the cut line is messed up idk why it keeps doing it#the mc88 series#f1 fanfic#sewellove writes
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HI IM BACK- OK SO.
Everything starts at what would've been the 'finale', but instead of....everything that did happen, c!Dream is killed by c!Tubbo and remains dead. Tubbo gives c!Tommy the mask. And everything is almsot fine, for a while. They think this is the start of their healing arc, and it mostly is! Not for Tommy though- he keeps the mask. He isn't sure why either. Maybe as a symbol that he is finally free(though it doesn't feel like it)? Or maybe because that mask is weird as hell. As in. It has a weird type of energy around it. Most likely the second choice. Now, this part is kind of blury for me to as I'm not sure how exactly Tommy's first meeting with the ghost would happen. But ehm. Eventually he's met eye to eye with Dream once more.
The thing is, Dream's soul is kind of. Connected with his mask. Because that thing(the mask) for me became some type of relic in my head. But regardless of that, the person who can see Dream's ghost is the one who has the mask. And, well. That'd be Tommy in this context who isn't aware of how simply he could get rid of this issue. And of course Dream is not planning on telling him any time soon either(assuming he is actually aware of it himself). Anyone else is completely unaware. And most get eventually concerned(depends ig?) for Tommy because from their perspective he's talking with *air* most of the times. And he's also claiming that Dream is haunting him. Which perhaps wouldn't be so far fetched considering they all are aware of ghosts existing, but usually ghosts are *visible*.
In any case, clingyduo won the battle, Dream is going to win the war, as for him, besides the whole being dead thing, would be a win at some extent. Would this au have a happy ending? Probably not. Best case scenario instead of only Tommy being stuck with Dream, they'll both be stuck with eachother. Best case scenario.
Also Dream is exasperated by children's cartoons(<-resulting from Tommy babysitting Michael B)
Thank you for actually reading all this lol- also for the record i never thought I'd feel weird calling c!Dream, well, c!Dream. Recently Mr smiley face received a new name from me that well. I and like. One other person call him. It fitted him well in my head-
This au is slowly slipping into my own narrative for post dsmp-finale and that isn't good for Tommy.
Anyway- I'm sorry for asking if I can send this and then didn't do it yesterday, so also have a c!prime doodle
OMG YOUR ART IS GORGEOUS!
fun fact! one of my earliest ever dsmp headcanons (you can find it in my earliest fic even) is that c!dream used the revive book (which I just write as a “ok u can talk to dreamxd and make him do shit for you book” bc tbh it makes more sense than canon) before he even used it to revive the dead to connect his and c!tommy's soul forever. they’ll never be apart for long even if one or both of them died. they’re stuck together but c!dream does Not mind lol
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Now I'm curious how exactly you think buddie will go canon. Like how will they approach/write that? I'm still in the "hoping v much it goes canon but not sure if it will" camp, so I wonder what the most realistic way would be according to you 😊
hello!!
if you asked me this even a few months ago, i would had an elaborate timeline with detailed events for you. right now tho, i’m not so sure about the ‘how’.
s6 is surprising me in a way previous seasons didn’t really, and whilst i have half baked ideas about where i think buck (and eddie’s) arc is going to go by the end of the season, it’s nothing sure and concrete. so if i were to try give you a realistic ‘this is how it’s going to happen’ it wouldnt really work cos i have no clue.
i do know that over the seasons, there are certain things they have been building up to with buddie which have to come into play as/when they go canon. i’m a very firm ‘eddie needs to choose and buck needs to be chosen’ truther, so i do think it will be eddie taking the first leap (tho the way season 6 is going, if s6 really does end with buddie as we all hope, it would make a lot of sense for buck to have that realisation first). i think that there are a lot of conversations they need to have first before it can be a thing - the shooting and the will right at the top, but also the lightning strike). and i think that canon buddie is going to be a real slow burn, and there will likely be some time between the realisation and the confession/getting together. one of my favourite things about what i think they are trying to do with buddie is allowing them to heal individually before bringing them to heal together - and only when they have truly begun to bridge that gap between them since the shooting will it really happen, i think. i think the couch by the end will have some connection to eddie too, if only bcos introducing the idea of buck finding the right couch through eddie was very pointed and it has to culminate to something right?
i dont think i actually answered your question lol, but the sum of it is how it’s going to happen? i dont know. i’ve had a lot of daydreams about it, but most of it is fantasy tbh. but is buddie going to happen? i like to very firmly believe so. i’m good at distinguishing between what is fanon and what is canon, but i do genuinely think that everything we pick up with buddie is canon, and it all has to be leading up to something.
(having said that, i do understand why some people are cautious and that’s completely fair. i hope im right, but in the meantime im enjoying the ride!)
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*dj khaled voice* another one im sowwy 👼 in your opinion, what do you consider to be the most logical ending for rat boy: high chaos or low? 👀 BUT!!! if you could rewrite his ending, what would it be?? 👀😈 always love reading your thoughts!!! 🐣🔥💕🔥💕🔥 *monkeys hugging gif*
OOOOUGHGABOOGA thank YOUUUU WE DA BEST! GibbonHug dot GIF I am thinking Thinkging NEVER apologise im so glad to be made to Think.. hm…. I know you said abt Dear Rat Boy but i think this is connected to his loyalisms so… aw shit here i go again
Like honestly? I think that the Story of dishonored makes more sense in high chaos - I cannot patch together WHY the Three Amigos would even AGREE to try to off Corvo in low chaos! Like I said abt it being Hamhock's Ambition's Fault but… idk that Martini and Treachery would both agree with his Idea in LC…
In high chaos my feeling is that Martini and the hamhock came to the idea because HOLY SHIT this guy has got to be STOPPED - not just before he comes for us but also before his Villainy destroys everything they've worked for… treachery says uh…. Ok. Sure thing boys. My loyalisms is all i got and i dont wanna be on the end of corvo's knife…
Meanwhile in low chaos it's like.
How fucked would it be if everyone found out that the guy who cleared up all of the Corrupt City Officials was ALSO working for us before we swept in and Fixed It All.. now hang on a minute! If anything that legitimises them???? So idk WHY if Hamhock went "we gotta get corbo outta da way" pornstar martini didnt say "no we dont" - I mean I think Treachery is not inclined to Rock The Boat, so he would Voice An Opposing Opinion ONLY if he was not alone in it and either way at that point? It's less Boat Rocky to disagree w The Hamhock than it is to Literally Kill Corvo
Low Chaos Corvo's a man who causes Hurt only to Proven Enemies… which is why I had to write high chaos for nlwib: even if Light At The End is. Completely Bonkers borderline surreal - the events LEADING to it make sense in a fucked way? I mean either is I guess logical for rattie because… he will follow the others. And I do think he would follow Hammy over Martini - treachery & havelock do seem to have a kind of? Mutual admiration? Whereas he & Martin dont really ever have anythinf to say abt one another? So when The Girls Are Fightiiiiing in HC it's like. Sickos YES! Tried to screw me, didn't you my lord pendleton!!! Bet you're sorry now, boyo! Theyre Inned Sane I love it!!!
Ok i dont think that really answered ur question but. I guess what I mean is that what treachery does in hc makes more sense bc what martini does makes more sense?
But I tell you whatever ending he gets I STILL wish that he could Survive. Like do you ever think that. No matter what changes the only characters who Always Die are: Jessamine (rip legend), Lydia Brooklaine (MY WIFE), Mistuh Wallace Higgins (my blorbo) and LORD TREAVOR PENDLETON…. (My pet 🐀) and… I dont think it's fair i think i should be allowed to save them actually!!! SO.
Basically: i think the canon ending should be the loyalists get sent to prison and have to do this:
Then they get exiled to tyvia or some shit.
Actually I tell you what WOULD be fucked is if in low chaos Hammy had done Corvo in himself? Uhoh boys, Corb's dead… im gonna stop thinkgin abt this idea before i start trying to write another fic I'll never finish. Oops.
ThaNK YOU im kiss kiss hmm thinkign.
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someone help me. i shouldnt be enrolled in english class
so we had to write a scenario or event that has happened to us and because i cant write (or draw) from life very well i asked my english teacher if i could go a bit.....fictive on it. so now im in a poly relaytionship (fictively) [this is still a WIP]
(btw its based off the time i was left and abondoned in the woods by my family)
help me its not done yet.
We were in the woods. And I had lost the group. Alex was gone, Will had followed Alex because,well, It’s Alex. Mark was scared and stayed in the car, and I was left here. We had all planned to go on the hike together, but of course, I’m left behind. And, because I’m the only one with common sense, I was the only one with a map. So I wandered down the designated path, the rough, cratered trees sprayed with a slash of bright sunny yellow spray paint. Leaves crunched under my weight, trees stood looming over me, their leaves creating a connected canopy leaving little rays of sunlight to stab through and pierce the shadows of the outdoors. Birds chirped noisily at work, fluttering every which way, as if in a rush to get somewhere sometime very soon. I breathed in the aromas of soil and clear water, breathing and taking a calming break for once. I was at ease. “Maybe I could get lost here,” I thought to myself, “The quiet, the smell, the everything…is perfect.” I continued along the path, hoping to find Alex and Will sometime soon, knowing that whatever they we’re doing was stupid and unsafe. But then again, that’s why we’re friends. I pick up small things along the way, little acorns and small shards of geodes and rocks, things to make into something that will mean something to someone, if they ever choose to look over my way. “AL!” Someone shouts behind me. Footsteps follow the shout. I finally look up, seeing Alex and Will jogging toward me. “And where were you guys?” They blush nervously, “Uh, just ‘ya know, walkin’.” Alex says innocently. I turn to Will, a threatening look on my face saying tell me now or it’s your arse I’m coming after. “Uh-uh, w-we, well…” Will stammered. I sigh, “Well, whatever it is I probably don’t wanna know, so your safe for today. But don’t ever leave me again! You hear me? I’m the only one with a map, the only one with food and drinks, and apparently the only one with common sense and a laundry bill now that you’ve gotten dirt on your trousers.” Will scoffs, shoving me jokingly, “You need to ease up AL! You act like you’ve never acted like us before. Well, you do, but don’t be so uptight right now…” He smiles at me. I sigh, his smile is too much not to smile back. “Ugh, alright then. Mark is probably wondering where we are.” I pause, “Next time, don’t forget to tell me when i’m excluded from the make-out session. Quite rude of you~” They blush. Ha, caught ‘em. We had all been dating for a year or two now, I remember as I glance down to our matching rings on our ring fingers.
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