#its so fun being chronically ill so i can barely go out and meet people and make friends

[perfectblve]

this is like the most pain i've been in in a while and i can barely walk properly or stand up straight bc i just get pain shooting everywhere i'm so tired

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[poptod]

Cyber Security (Elliot Alderson)

Description: An online ad leads him to you, though in reality he has little interest in your ad. What interests him is how you accidentally doxxed yourself and how oblivious you are to that fact.

Notes: idrk what to say about this one its one of those things that i wrote at midnight after almost falling asleep to a fantasy and then realizing it could work as a fic. like i did this same thing with ‘close your eyes’ that one was also a before-bed-to-get-to-sleep fantasy. this is also not a particularly romantic interaction, though it can be read as such WC: 2.2k

+

Sweat drenched his sheets, bathing him in the cold wind that breezed past his only air conditioner lodged in a nearby window. He stared blankly upwards, half shivering and half overheated, as he once again found himself in a familiar predicament—the practice of sleep.

It was no secret he had trouble calming himself down, and that aspect of himself reached into the evening, as well. He already downed three melatonin pills hours earlier, along with smoking a joint that should’ve put him to bed. Unsurprisingly, that did not work.

“Xanax,” he mumbled to himself, hearing it bounce back from empty walls. “Need to get xanax.”

In the meantime he raised himself to his feet, padding across freezing floors to his computer. With a click of a button the white screen buzzed to life, shining bright onto his sleep-heavy eyes, that did their best to acclimatize to the sudden change.

Hypnotization—strange as it might’ve been—had worked a couple times before. Not all the time, but decently enough to give it a try. He had work in the morning and he didn’t need to be more miserable than usual, especially since he hadn’t slept almost the entire weekend.

sleep hypnosis

The blinker flickered for a moment before his fourth finger slammed down on enter, the last step in calculated movements. What popped up first was a video titled [ SLEEP HYPNOSIS ] 8 Hour Loop with a screencap of a spinning black and white screen. Below that, however, was something he hadn’t seen before—a YouTube video titled exactly what he’d typed, lacking the caps just as he had. The title screen appeared to be some sort of poorly-drawn painting.

Curiosity overcame his hazy, aching head, and he clicked, finding a playlist of videos containing what could be the titles of songs, along with several different poorly-drawn title screens.

The first video began to play before he could realize it. What he first noticed was it was bereft of ads—that meant the publisher made no money off the album.

Sat in the presence of God

whose name means filthy old fraud

Captions had been manually added by, he assumed, you. The author. There were three views on the video, no comments, and no likes, leaving few other options.

Maybe it was the melody—maybe the lyrics, who talked of a world plagued by aristocrats. But he found his eyelids heavy, dropping dark eyelashes in his vision that blurred the screen. By the third song, reciting verses of an Islamic poem, he was slouched in his seat.

He slid down to the floor, crawling his way back to flop onto his bed. The music continued to play till the first ad popped up, at which time he opened his eyes, seeing a music video from Katy Perry, at which time he promptly reached over and unplugged his computer. He wasn’t sure which cord he pulled out, but the screen still went black. With that, he just barely sneaked into his covers, dozing until the morning.

It was far too easy to get information on you. Your full name was stated clearly in your youtube bio, alongside several different social media tags leading to instagram, tumblr, and facebook.

Facebook alone provided him the means to your address, and he didn’t even have to go looking for it. Your most recent post was an ad, searching for someone good with computers to aid you in your recording process, which you noted as ‘dismal’.

Are you fucking kidding me? He thought to himself, reading the ad once more.

Your address, your real, physical address was stated as the place you wanted to meet those interested in helping you. On the internet. You had doxxed yourself after less than a year of being online.

Okay, he thought, clicking on your listed email. Someone needs to be taught a lesson.

Three days later—after about two weeks of listening to your echoing voice every night—you replied, sending a cheerful email detailing when you would be available to meet him. After shooting a short message back, the date was organized.

Two more days and he was standing at your doorstep, his neck craned upwards as he scanned your tall, narrow home squished between two other apartments. He just barely knocked before the black door swung open, revealing a familiar face belonging to a stranger. Elliot was dressed in his black hoodie and jeans, a stark difference to your long, colorful robes, coming out of a sort of fantasy world.

“Hi,” he said, his voice grating with how low and quiet he kept it.

“Hello,” you said with a smile that did not match his hunched posture. “Are you Mr. Alderson?”

“Elliot,” he corrected, his chin just barely raising to meet you. “Elliot Alderson. Elliot works.”

“Alright,” you said, nodding. “Come inside? I was just making tea. Do you like tea? Or do you prefer coffee?”

“I... I’m fine, thanks,” he said softly, scooting past you when you opened the door wide enough for him to enter. He sucked in a breath as his chest brushed yours.

Your home was modern—far fancier than Elliot’s own apartment, with large windows flanked by soft grey curtains. A small, upright piano was in the corner of the living room, set upon a reed mat lined with Korean symbols. The couch was clinical, made of a sort of black plastic leather that matched the grey skies beyond the window panes.

He sat down, shifting his feet closer together as his fingers dug into his palms, continuing to scan the room in its’ entirety until you returned with your own tea.

“What kind of experience do you have? School counts,” you said, setting your cup down on a tiny plate whose decorations matched your teacup.

“I’ve been... experimenting, with computers, since I was around 9,” he said, mumbling the words out as his shoulders hunched awkwardly down. “Have a job at a cyber security firm. Started a while back.”

“You still have that job?”

“Yeah,” he said with a small nod. “Jus’ thought this would be... fun.”

The dead look on his face indicated no humor whatsoever, but you took his word as it was.

“How’d you find the ad I put out?”

“I... I listened to your music,” he answered honestly for once. “Helps me fall asleep.”

“Oh,” you said, clearly taken aback. Your face grew warm as you glanced away with wide eyes. “I’m glad I could help.”

“You’re not very good with technology, though,” he said in his usual low, grating voice.

“Not really,” you chuckled sheepishly. “That’s why I put out the ad -“

“No, not that,” he interrupted you. “You put your physical address on the internet. You doxxed yourself. Do you even know how dangerous that is?”

The lyrics of your songs pointed towards a kind of brilliance, balanced against emotions felt thoroughly on pages and screens. It didn’t match your actions at all.

“What’s doxxing?” You asked.

Elliot had to physically stop himself from sighing and leaving.

“You want everyone to know where you, a minor celebrity, live?”

“I’d hardly call myself a -“

“I could’ve been a murderer,” he said, reaching into his bag.

He looked you in the eye as he pulled out a gun, clicking on the safety before he pointed it at you.

“This is how easy it would be to kill you.”

As expected, you stiffened at the sight of the iron barrel, your fingers withdrawing to your chest. Your lips pursed as you met his gaze once more.

“Please put the gun down,” you whispered, your voice cracking.

He did as you said, resting the gun on the table.

“That’s a hell of a way to start an interview, Mr. Alderson,” you said quietly. “Please get out of my house.”

His heart sank. What had he expected? For you to fall to your knees and sing to him as he desired you to do? He threatened you with a gun to teach you a lesson, and you reacted accordingly. Calmer than others would.

Elliot stood on shaky legs, sliding the pistol into his backpack before he zipped it up. Throwing the pack over his shoulder, he swallowed through a tight throat, shuffling as he delayed his departure.

“Keep safe from people like me,” he said in a strained mumble. “Take that ad down. Meet people from the internet only in inhabited, public areas.”

You tapped your fingernails on the table for a moment, chewing on your bottom lip. Suddenly you stood, tugging on his sweatshirt sleeve to get him to face you, instead of staring at his feet.

“Alright. If you’re really so good at the internet -“

He ignored your incorrect grammar.

“- and... if you actually do want to help me with my songs,” your tone softened, “then you’ll be able to find my real name, not my stage name. If you do.. I’ll hire you.”

“Alright,” he said monotone, knowing the battle was already won.

Even though he knew your name already, he turned away and left to his apartment, immediately going to work on figuring out everything he could about you. If you willingly still offered him the job after that, he knew it would take a lot to scare you off. He could impress you.

It was, after all, the only thing he was good at.

Two days later he showed up at your apartment again, quietly thanking you when you let him in. The clean floors and walls remained unchanged since his last visit, and you led him to the same table, sitting him down on the same seat.

“Your name is (Y/N) (L/N),” he started with. You already appeared to be surprise. “You grew up near LA and you’ve had a chronic illness all your life. At eleven you saw your first therapist.. that must’ve been when you first got diagnosed with depression... and anxiety.”

“Killer duo,” you muttered.

“Your parents split when you were thirteen, which came at the same time as your dog, Penelope, died. Or... sometime that year. When was that... 1997?”

“1999,” you said quietly.

“Your mom homeschooled you,” he continued. “That’s probably why you don’t know how computers work. Rather eclectic, in a.. boring way... an ex-Amish, right?”

You nodded and his heartbeat tripled. Everything was right thus far despite a two year difference in his guesstimate of your life’s timeline.

“Then there was your dad... logger in the Redwood forests. Burly guy. Not a great man, from what I saw,” he said.

“He was fine,” you said with a small shrug as you looked away. “Didn’t ever hurt me, or anything.”

“Abuse isn’t always physical,” he said faster than he could think, dizzied by his own memories playing behind his eyes.

“I know,” you murmured.

You went silent, so he continued, hoping to pry more precious words from you.

“Your favorite color is yellow,” he said, leaning closer to you. “On Valentine’s you get chocolate strawberries, and on easter you get kinder eggs.”

Nothing.

“You studied mythology as a kid, and you made paintings of the forest you lived in with your mom. Santa Cruz mountains, I think.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I miss the forests.”

“I know. You want to visit Ireland again because it’s a land of faeries and moss, it’s a breeding ground for your song lyrics.”

“How did you find all this out?” You finally asked.

“You use the same password on everything,” he said, though that was far from the actual answer. “Your web browser tracks all your movements and you don’t try to stop it, or hide ads, or stay away from sketchy websites. Your parents aren’t much better, either.”

You chuckled, shaking your head as you brought your hand to massage your brow.

“You’re way too smart to be helping me,” you said with soft laughter, blushing with your smile.

“It’s better than working for E Corp,” he said, huffing out a laugh that was hardly humored.

“E corp?”

“My.. uh, place of work,” he brushed off his slip. “My point is... I’d rather work with you and do easy work than work with my current fucking coworkers.”

You laughed, truly and fully this time, curling into a little ball that shook with the force of it. Your feet tucked into your tiny chair, making you even smaller.

“Bad people or just annoying?”

“Stupid,” he chuckled. “Don’t let me wear my sweatshirt.”

“Ooh, now it’s my turn,” you suddenly interrupted him, earning a strange look. “I’ve noticed things about you, too. I couldn’t learn anything off the computer, but you, you have anxiety too. Probably some childhood trauma.. maybe a dissociative disorder of sorts or a form of PTSD. Your jacket is like your home, and... you have sensory issues. Few types of fabric, don’t like to be touched, if I had to guess I’d say you might be autistic.”

“Blunt,” he said after a full minute’s silence.

“Do you mind?” You asked.

“No, not really.”

“Good. Then you’re hired,” you said with a smile, extending your hand for him to shake. “If you still want the job, of course.”

He watched you with evident apprehension, but took your hand after much thought, shaking with a firm grip.

“When do I start?”

[youngcollectedtired]

Class 1-a x New Student Reader

I wrote this to go along with a quirk I made for myself. I'd already made a quirk for a character who's gonna be paired with Kirishima so this is basically just if I was in MHA. It's still an x reader so enjoy. This story is mainly for fun and practice so I can get to know the class 1-a characters for my newest book. It may or may not turn into an actual book.

I just wanna say if I could draw this would probably be in a comic book. But I cannot draw so here we are. Also I haven't read the manga

Warnings? Mineta being a perv

Pairings? Possibly Sero or Todoroki or Shinso... or literally any of the guys I'm in love and i have a problem

Part 1/?

Quirk? It's complicated but based on the chronic illness called Lupus

You'd heard rumors about how easily Class 1-a attracted trouble. This made you feel better about yourself, but it also made you feel bad. You too had your fair share of trouble run ins. Being sister to the leader of the league villains left you with many watchful eyes in the underground world.

Few heroes knew of your relation and even fewer knew of your quirk. Your mentor, Hawks thought the safest place for you to be was UA. Yes, they'd had a run-in or two with villains, but because of it, they were the most capable to defend and fight with you. And Eraserhead it seemed was a great teacher, maybe he could help you learn to control it.

It was false hope, you knew that. Still, you were excited to meet your new classmates.

"Alright, class we've got a new student. Today's morning lesson will be replaced with you helping her settle in and getting to know her," you could hear Mr. Aizawa's voice from the hallway. He sounded bored and tired almost, but you assumed that was just his nature.

You heard excited chatter and that caused the nerves to worsen.

The principal Mr. Nezu smiled, "Don't worry they’ll like you."

You nodded your head, your fingers pulling at and adjusting your tie. You liked the school uniform, the skirt was shorter than you thought it would be that was an easy fix. Knee-waisted white socks with two red stripes on the top made you feel better.

The door opened and you entered. Aizawa barely glanced at you before nodding to Principle Nezu, "I'm leaving her in your trusted hands." You could hear the door attempting to close behind you which forced you forward. You felt every eye on you.

"This is Y/N L/N," he gestured to you. You'd forgotten your last name was changed, the Tomura sure to drag attention.

You bowed deeply.

"Hello, sorry to barge in your class. Nice to meet you."

You could hear whispers and you unconsciously touched your white horn, one on another side of your head. They were filed down to about two inches, still noticeable in your curly hair. You knew the grey streaks in your hair and in your eyes would cause many questions.

A boy with green hair raised his hand quickly, "What's your quirk?" He asked his eyes sparkling it seemed like.

You bit your lip but before you could answer Mr. Aizawa cleared his throat, "You're all dismissed. I expect her moved in by lunch, you have combat training this afternoon."

A girl with pink hair and yellow horns shook her fist excitedly, "YES! Feels like forever since we've had a lesson like that." Everyone stood up, while Mr. Aizawa slumped into his seat his eyes closing as he rested his head on his desk. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

"Don't worry, he does that a lot. I'm Uraraka," one of the girls said and you immediately put her name to her face.

"Nice to meet you," you beamed.

"She's so cute! I'm Mina," the girl with pink skin and yellow horns yelled excitedly.

"Hi! Thank you," you bowed slightly, causing her to shake her head wildly, "Don't bother we're all the same here! I'll introduce you to everyone."

On the way to the dorms, you found easy ways to remember everyone. Somehow each name fit a person. Plus you'd recognized a few people from the sports festival. You were thankful none of them asked personal questions, instead they choose to get to know you on the surface.

"Is your hair naturally that color?" "Yes, it changed its color when I was 6." "Do you play any instruments?" "Kind of, but I can paint better!" "Are you a good fighter?" "I'd like to think so but I guess we'll see this afternoon."

You also began to piece together the groups of close friends, the rivals, and even those who shared certain hobbies or hardships.

"You look nice in a skirt," Mineta complimented a smirk on his face, his mouth-watering. You knew his intentions, still glaring at him seemed to do nothing until Bakugo stepped in front of him his hand filling with small puffs of smoke.

"Thanks," you mumbled as you adjusted your skirt attempting to pull it down.

Bakugo let out a gruff, "Whatever," and joined his group of friends' hands tucked in his pocket.

"Sorry about him," Tsu stepped up next to you, "Mineta is our resident pervert. Be careful around him."

You nodded in thanks.

Your room had most of your bigger things moved in, you figured that was Hawks doing. On your bed were a few pictures clipped together with some picture frames, and journals.

The only thing you had to do was hang your clothes up, fix your desk and put your pictures up. The girls all volunteered, the boys cleaning around the dorm to make you feel more at home.

You hid the pictures figuring you'd go through them later tonight. Besides, being pictured next to a number 2 hero would definitely turn some heads.

"Your Japanese is good but it doesn't sound like your first language," Momo began as the girls made their way down to the common room, "What is your first language?"

You chuckled, "You're very observant, my first language was English, then Japanese, and then Russian," you explained.

Cue excited boys and curious girls.

Denki grinned, "Wow how did you learn?!"

Before you could answer, the bell rang the dorm common room almost seemed to shake. You decided it was only because it was your first time hearing it.

"Come on Dunce face, you'll get your answer at lunch," Bakugo grunted the first to make his way towards the doors leading out of the dorms.

No one argued with him food also on their minds and stomachs.

I hope I can fit in well, you thought to yourself grateful for Mina and Uraraka both of them explaining different things to you. Whether or not you knew what they were you were happy all the same.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

There are nearly FORTY THOUSAND AO3 stories in the MDZS universe, and I am just a single person with limited time, so....  Here’s a bit of y’all doing my work for me!

~*~

Mojo, I know it'd probably be recced before, but I have to recommend stiltonbasket's Twelve Moons and a Fortnight. It has made me squee of cuteness, hold my breath with suspense, marvel over the worldbuilding and character interactions, and just awed me at how well every original piece of lore and HC ties back to canon. I cried over it, only to cry laughing the next chapter. it kept me going through an entire year of lockdown and is finally coming to an end, and the resolution was magnificent.

*[I’m subscribed to this and keep waiting for Part One to be completed, but instead later parts keep getting posted:  is it completed but not marked?  I am confused.  And eager to read!]*

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight

by stiltonbasket (G, 267k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  "Let me get this straight. You really want me to stand in for you while you help Jin Ling settle in at Koi Tower?"

"Who else do I have?" Jiang Cheng snaps, ears turning scarlet as Jin Ling tries to pretend he isn't listening. "Father trained you to serve as my deputy, didn't he? And don't say you don't remember, or I'll break your legs."

"Well, yes," Wei Wuxian manages. "Uh. I'll just let Lan Zhan know I'll be at Lotus Pier until you're back at home, then."

Or, the one where Wei Wuxian spends the year before his wedding as Yunmeng Jiang's acting sect leader, and the cultivation world's greatest love story finds its happy ending with the help of three juniors, a teenage romance, and one very involved (and exasperated) younger brother.

~*~

May I recommend fielty by milkpunch a sort of AU where lwj in order to save his sect from being destroyed by nine after wen rouhans assasination goes to work as a guard to Jin zixuan where he meets wwx the right hand of Jin guanguao... ~ @pastashouldbeeatenwithafork

Fealty

by milkpunch (E, 84k, wangxian)

Summary:  Before, there had been two reigning kingdoms. Both claimed to be blessed by the sun, but with vastly differing views. One, under the name of Wen, was washed red with blood and violence, its soldiers fierce and stoked with a fiery blaze. The other, under the name of Jin, was bathed in golden light and glory, its soldiers proud and heavy with coin and prestige. The two kingdoms went to war for the true honour of having the sun’s blessing, fighting for many long years with many lives lost.

Jin Guangshan, emperor of the Golden Sun Palace, found that the sun favoured him more.

To prevent his kingdom from being crushed, Lan Zhan, second heir to the Lan kingdom, exchanges his freedom for that of servitude to the Jin kingdom. He is appointed as Jin Zixuan's personal guard, but there's more on his plate than just keeping the Jin heir safe. The Golden Sun Palace is not all that it seems, and the dazzling lives of the royals are less perfect than they appear.

~*~

Hey, I was wondering if I could rec a fic to you. My bestie wrote it for the Lunar New Year Wangxian gift exchange and it definitely did not receive the attention it deserves. It's a really fun mermaid/arranged marriage au! ~ @leahlisabeth

More Than This Provincial Wife

by ApprenticedMagician (T, 6k, wangxian)

Summary:  The negotiations surrounding the Lan & Jiang alliance through marriage encountered a few snags in the beginning.

~*~

I love your blog! I saw a recent post where you listed some rec's from other people? [Thank you!  And yes, I always appreciate and am happy to share your recs!]  I just read the WIP A Corpse Called By Name jaemyun and LOVED it! It's a zombie apocolypse AU, where Wei Ying gets bitten by a zombie.... and I don't want to spoil anything from there, but it is amazing! No pressure to put it in your blog, but wanted to send a note just in case. Thanks for all you do!

A Corpse Called By Name

by jaemyun (not rated, 37k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  A continuation of zombie drabble!

She loses her brother in a hoard of the undead.

She finds a corpse wearing his face in a convenience store.

The corpse calls her name.

~*~

Hi! I was wondering if I could rec this short fic that I recently found and really liked! The narrative is an inner monologue and I think it captures lwj really well :)

binding me in spells (till my heart's devoured)

by gaysgaysgays (G, <1k, wangxian)

Summary:  His scars are a reminder of his hurt, a reminder that he had healed.

(or a study of lan zhan's scars)

~*~

I found a fic I had recently asked you about, so I thought I'd share it with you: Seasons of Falling Flowers by merakily (http://archiveofourown.org/works/28522326). I rediscovered it completely by accident after listening to spinifex's excellent podfic adaptation. This is the fic where Lan Qiren despises Wei Wuxian until Wei Wuxian catches a cold and Lan Qiren find out about his golden core. That part is about 3/4 of the way through. The fic is wonderful and shows a rigid but surprisingly introspective Lan Qiren. ~ @clmoryel [Oh!  I just read this one yesterday!  Here’s my bookmark.]

Seasons of Falling Flowers

by merakily (G, 40k, wangxian, lan qiren & wei wuxian, podfic)

Summary:  Like a parasite, Wei Wuxian has this way of growing on people when you least expect it.

Over the seasons, Lan Qiren slowly pieces back together his relationship with Wangji and learns to like Wei Wuxian in the process.

(“Will you rejoin your sect?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Lan Qiren regrets his wording.

He is not surprised when Wangji’s eyes narrow, flashing with offence. “There is no need to rejoin what one has never left. I did not turn my back on my sect. My sect turned their backs on me.”)

~*~

Hi! Can I rec a fic? "bring you home" by Alasse_Irena on AO3 is a modern AU and is one of the most beautiful and atmospheric fics I have read. Thanks for you work running this blog! I have new Wangxian fics to read <3

bring you home

by Alasse_Irena (T, 28k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wei Ying rents a run-down cottage in a small town by the sea, looking for a quiet place to hide after the war.

Lan Zhan has always dreamed of the ocean. He returns to the town where he was born, and where his parents died, to find out why.

Instead, they find each other.

~*~

Good morning lady mojo, I hope you’re having a good day! I wanted to rec a fic, Breathing Firestorm by ladyshadowdrake. It’s 111k and great but barely has any love, which is unfair. You mentioned it in the last ‘in a mood for’ post but I think it should have more of a shoutout because it’s a lot of fun and I liked it a lot. Have a great day ♥️  [Oh!  I was subscribed to this one and saw it had been recently finished.  It’s def. on my list!]

Breathing Firestorm

by ladyshadowdrake (M, 111k, wangxian)

Summary:  After years of a mad quest, Wen Ruohan is finally given proof of a powerful creature living among mortals. He is delighted to find that it truly believes itself to be only a boy named “Wei Wuxian.”

While Wen Ruohan tries to unlock Wei Wuxian’s secret, the sects unite against him. If he can achieve his goal before they arrive, even the combined might of the cultivation world would not be enough to humble him. Meanwhile, Lan Wangji dreams of Wei Wuxian in the Cold Pond Cave, and works tirelessly to rescue him from Wen Ruohan’s clutches. No one is prepared for what awaits the allied sects in Nightless City at the conclusion of the war, and it very well might mean the end of the world as they know it.

~*~

Hi Mojo, firstly thank you for all the hard work you put into running this blog, I’ve found so many fics that I probably would have never come across if it wasn’t for your fic finders posts and your personal review posts.  [Aw, thank you!]

I don’t know if you’ve read this fic before or if it’s been mentioned before on your blog (I’ve done a quick search of your blog and couldn’t see it, so if I’ve missed it I apologise!) but if you’ve got a fic rec post coming up, I would suggest “The shapes a bright container can contain” by litbynosun.

It’s a case fic about 16k words long and set after canon. Whilst it’s not the main focus of the story it does delve slightly into chronic illness of wwx (the ailments of mxy’s body) and lwj (his continuous treatment of his scars) which might cover a few requests in the IITMF posts in future.

Thanks again for all the hard work you do! ~ @dulachodladh

the shapes a bright container can contain

by litbynosun

M, 17k, wangxian

Summary:  "Lan Zhan, look at this," Wei Wuxian calls. "They don't have organs, but they're all… fuzzy."

He gently strokes the corpse's arm -- it's covered in soft, pigmentless downy hair, like a rabbit. Lan Wangji crouches next to him and nods. "Lanugo," he says. Wei Wuxian raises one eyebrow. "They were malnourished for quite a while before death," Lan Wangji elaborates. Wei Wuxian scans the bodies again. Indeed, they both have sunken cheeks, and their abdomens are empty of both organs and fat padding. “That’s a question,” he says. “Did they starve to death, and have their bodies desecrated after they were already deceased? Or were they murdered, and simply starving at the same time?” "We should stay," Lan Wangji tells him. This is not an answer to his question. It is an offer to search for answers.

Or: Wei Wuxian and his family solve a ghost haunting. Wei Wuxain's old enemy, societal injustice, rears its head again.

[letteredlettered]

Absolutely no pressure to answer if u don't want to but how did u and ur girlfriend meet? U guys seem really cute together.

We are insanely cute together.

This is a long story that doesn’t need to be this long, but whatever. I love my girlfriend and you asked, so here you go.

Last spring I was writing That Lesson Alone, which was making me rethink a lot of things I’d already thought a lot about before. That rethinking made me promise myself to be more open to new experiences, which I try to be, but I do let my social anxiety drive quite a bit of what I do.

So, when I got an email from a fan who said she was going to be in what she thought was my hometown, and she loved my fics, and was I interested in meeting, I said yes. She mentioned she had left a comment on one fic and that we had had a little conversation; I remembered this comment in particular because the personal story in the comment was rather sensational and quite interesting. Still, I might not have agreed to meet, because it could be very awkward. I don’t like talking to strangers with faces. However, because of That Lesson Alone, and because she was fannish, I agreed to the meeting. (I like meeting strangers who are fannish far more than strangers in any other circumstance. At least you can talk about fandom with strangers who are fannish, and I’m very interested in fandom. You can talk about work with work strangers or the bus with strangers you meet at the bus, but most real things bore me so I struggle with these conversations.)

This person sent me another email in another language, which stymied me for a little while about how to reply, but then she quickly sent me another email saying the first email was meant for someone else; the someone else also sounded sensational. When she got to my hometown, she emailed to say she had arrived, but only had a vague idea of when she was leaving, and she had no concrete plans so could meet any time. I began to get the impression that this person was, how do you say, A Ride, by which I mean one of those people who is interesting and clever and sensational but also extremely non-linear and flighty and difficult to understand. I mean she was halfway around the world and didn’t know when she was leaving; she sent the wrong people emails; the people she told me she knew were sensational; she was perfectly bilingual; she was totally down for meeting random strangers. I have a friend who is A Ride. She is what the Sisters at the Abby would call a flibberty-gibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a darling, a demon, a lamb.

I wanted to meet on a weeknight (I don’t know if you know this, honey, but I told you I wanted to meet on a weeknight because I was busy, but although I can always be busy, so it wasn’t strictly a lie, this wasn’t my main motivation. I wanted to have an excuse to only have a small window of time to meet so that I could get away if it was too awkward), but on the night we arranged to meet, I was unwell. I was in fact entering the worse part of what I have now learned is a chronic illness. Usually this would be enough to convince me to cancel altogether, and to this day I’m shocked that I didn’t. Is it becoming clear that I don’t like meeting anyone and never ever date? Anyway, because of That Lesson Alone and my determination to be open to new experiences, we rescheduled.

I bused to the restaurant where we met after work and then walked from the bus. I remember this walk. I remember doing the thing that I do to prepare myself for social situations I don’t like, which is not letting myself dwell on it too much, reminding myself that I am actually rather good at making other people feel comfortable when I make the effort, reminding myself to ask questions, reminding myself I could get away, reminding myself that people actually find me quite personable and even vivacious, because I am, but if it’s with strangers, only if I fake it hard enough. These little reminders get me into game face, the face I use for dealing with other people.

Anyway, when I met her, she was very tall. This immediately made me more comfortable, as I am very tall and often feel awkwardly large around other people. And then the first thing she told me was that she had been watching something happy and queer, which meant we could not only talk about fannish things but also queer things. But was she going to be one of those people who just went on about straight things being dull? That always makes me uncomfortable.

Luckily, she doesn’t talk that way, and it was such an amazing conversation, the kind of conversation you dream about having with the love of your life, but the one you doubt you’ll have when you actually meet the love of your life. You imagine when you meet the love of your life you’ll have a conversation that goes, “Pass the salt,” and maybe you’ll talk about the weather, and then a few weeks later you meet them again and talk a little more about something equally uninteresting. Not until months pass by do you realize how much you have in common and how much you like being near them, and then you will start to talk about the things that truly interest you, and after years, you realize they’re the love of your life.

Most of the time, when you have a really stunningly good conversation, you don’t assume you’re talking to the love of your life. You assume it’s a once in a lifetime conversation, with a once in a lifetime person, and you never see them again, because they are too smart and too cool and too tall for you. Or, you do see them again, and you keep seeing them, because they are so mystic, so magical; they are so stunning and intelligent and intellectual; they make you feel so much, you just want to talk to them and talk to them and talk to them. And the more you talk, the more you find out that behind the magic, there’s actually not much that you have in common. Sometimes you find out that they trot out the same sensational stories on every occasion; they make the same jokes you found so witty over and over; you find out that everything that was glossy and new about them is something old that has been polished to shine, with very little you can hold on to and firmly understand underneath. Other times you just learn that your moral centers diverge, or you don’t actually like them. There is no fire beyond the initial spark.

This is just not true of my girlfriend. She is still smart and still cool and still sensational and, very importantly, still tall. I would not describe her as A Ride. She’s not one of those people who makes you feel like you have to sit back and hold on; though she’s endlessly clever, she can explain her thought processes and likes to; she thinks deeply about herself and others and listens. She’s so thoughtful and interesting and clever and also deeply passionate and exuberant about so many things that when you’re with her you can create a ride together that both of you drive or both of you sit back and enjoy. (She didn’t know when she was leaving my hometown because her flight back wasn’t for a long while, but she was traveling down to Oregon and California, and hadn’t bought train tickets yet, and we solved how the mistake was made on the email. We are guessing it was an autofill accident, since the person she was trying to email has a name that starts with the same letter).

She is reliable. She has a whiz-bang, knock-you-flat kind of memory, that not only remembers facts and conversations and locations but that remembers how you are feeling, and remembers to ask. She has the kind of broad-yet-also-piercing intellect that can follow an abstract conversation and build on it, even when you’re in the territory of feelings and concepts without names. She always wants to talk about her feelings, which makes me want to genuflect with gratitude, and she’s so hot she’d probably light a candle if she touched its wick. Like definitely keep her away from flammable substances. She’s creative and theatric and theatrically creative. She has big dark hair and curvy hips. She’s generous and accommodating and care-taking in a way that doesn’t negate her own self-interest. She’s gentle. She’s kind.

But anyway, so we got to talking, and it was one of the best conversations of my life, and I got on a bus and went home, very proud of myself for having accomplished A Social Thing, and telling myself, “See? Social Things are not always bad.” She had mentioned that she would be in town a little longer if I wanted to hang out again, but that would just be crazy, as having to do anything social twice in one week is a strain for me, much less with someone I don’t know. But the truth is, I already felt like I knew her, and leave yourself open to new experiences, said That Lesson Alone, and when else was I going to meet a magic person?

Also, I should mention, which I’m not sure I’ve mentioned to her, but I am suspicious of magical people. When I meet magical people I assume they are vampires underneath, by which I mean they are putting on an act, as I said above, or they are one day going to get you in a very difficult situation, because they are A Free Spirit, which, eventually, you find out means they think crime is fun, or something. I’m just a suspicious person, okay.

But we did hang out again. And that was also magical. And I invited her to my apartment, something I’ve barely done with anybody and never ever ever in my whole life with someone I’ve just met. And then I thought about having sex with her, which is something I basically never think about. And then she left town and said she might be in love with me, but at this point I still A LITTLE BIT thought she might be A Ride, in which case she probably fell in love with people all the time.

Usually when I meet someone very cool I assume they don’t want to pursue friendship with me, because they probably have way too many other friends. I think we’ve all been in the situation of knowing someone very popular and realizing that we do not mean as much to them as they do to us. I am always wary of investing too much emotion in someone who does not have the capacity to equally invest in me. However, because investing time in people I don’t know well is such a commitment for me, I’m also frequently guilty of just ghosting people. I often don’t respond to texts or emails. I often just drop people, without ever really meaning to. Part of it is how intently I focus on things—it’s difficult for me to be pulled in many directions at once, so it’s easier to have a few good friends rather than many casual ones. But part of it really is self-confidence, assuming people don’t want to know me.

However, writing That Lesson Alone reminded me that I am allowed to pursue friendships. It made me realize that a lot of my assumptions about people not wanting to know me are my own self-confidence issues, and not actually other people not wanting to know me. Writing That Lesson Alone reminded me I was worth knowing.

So, we kept talking. I was still late to replying to some emails, but I eventually did reply. I even got a new messenger app just to talk to her. We both have an interest in theater. I was directing a play. She expressed interest in seeing it. She was going to be in Canada when it opened. I told her if she wanted to see it she could stay with me if she wanted. I’d never really done anything like that before. She said yes. I still didn’t really think it would happen—but it did. She came to stay with me for a week that summer. I remembered thinking about having sex with her. I remembered thinking she might be open to it.

One of the things I wanted to be open to when I was writing That Lesson Alone was the idea of dating. I used to think that if I was open to dating, I would have to be open to dating lots of people I didn’t want to date; I thought dating meant you had to give everyone “a chance” and suffer through a lot of “pass the salt” just In Case. That’s why I didn’t date. I have actually been happy being mostly single most of my life. I never really felt a strong need for a partner, except in some sadder lonely moments, and even then, I wanted to be alone more than with someone who was just “pass the salt” okay. But one revelation I had writing That Lesson Alone was that I didn’t have to give everyone “a chance.” I didn’t have to give anyone a chance. I could just be open to dating, and look at what was out there (OK Cupid), but if nothing appealed, I didn’t actually have to do anything, since I already knew I was happy being alone. So, I thought more about what would be appealing, so I could know what I was open to.

I realized the person I wanted was tall (natch). With big dark hair. They like reading and talking about fiction and fictional characters. They can have abstract conversations about philosophical topics. And they are caring and accommodating in a way that can deal with an acerbic nature like mine, but they are also self-aware enough and assertive enough to be honest when I’ve hurt them. And they aren’t acerbic back.

This is a tall order. (hahaha) I thought about it a lot, because I really am harsh sometimes. I try not to be. I try very hard. I just get snappy when I’m tired or stressed, and even though I think about it deeply and put measures in place so that it won’t hurt other people, and I reflect on my own behavior and make apologies, I still hurt people. And despite all of this I’m still hurt by anyone that acts like me. I can deal with it! In fact, lots of times I like it, as lots of people like that (myself included) tend to be blunt and I love blunt, because I love knowing where I stand with people. But I also know that, as a rule, I just cannot be extremely close and spend my life with someone who will snap at me. I’m just too sensitive.

Anyway, over this week she stayed with me, I realized she actually was the only person I’d ever met who fit all of these qualifications. She was someone I would date if she was local. Meanwhile, she made it pretty clear she was really, really into me, which was also something that had never really happened to me before. If people have been into me before (which I still doubt, but who knows), they haven’t made it clear. If they thought they were making it clear, they didn’t realize that I am someone who needs heavy, heavy hints in order to understand flirting, even when I see it happening to other people. But luckily my girlfriend is pretty great at making what she wants clear. She made it really clear she wanted me.

So, well, things happened. I told her I wished that we could date and she could be my girlfriend. She asked why we couldn’t. I told her I thought the distance thing was an obvious problem. She didn’t think it was. So then I had a girlfriend, and she did too.

The end.

PS I love her.

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: Get A Life, Chloe Brown (The Brown Sisters #1) by Talia Hibbert

SPOILER ALERT : Chloe Brown GETS a life. Plus a sensitive, paint-splotched, motorcycle ridin' cutie named Redford to boot! Can you say SWOON? As someone who has quite a few chronic-somethings herself, I appreciated this book so much for exploring Chloe's life through the guise of pain and sickness. What that means. How it can look or feel. The way it can be for someone who has to consider all the details that go into the fabric of a day with meals, meds, work, exercise, friends, excursions with loved ones, and so on--with the necessity of adjustments or cancellations being made along the way as symptoms start to appear and the agony and exhaustion set in like a plane crash. How life devolves into a surreal Before and After. When it all can get to be a bit too much. Why it's important to have a support system. Not to mention the brutal isolating nature of it all and the fear that arises when anyone new encroaches too close for comfort, setting off radar, the warning bells sounding because you're forever unsure if they're there to gawp, judge, ridicule, or be a soft place for you to land. There's no way to tell at first glance. It's anybody's guess. That's when the question becomes this: who or what is worth taking a risk FOR? Which, whether you suffer from a chronic something or not, is a question we all ask at some point in our lives. At the beginning of the novel, Chloe's still trying to figure that out for herself. Find some answers. Decide what risks are or are not worth taking. So she makes a list to help get her out of her current state of stagnant reluctance. After all, it's time for her to get her butt back out there! Try new things! Meet new people! Be adventurous and maybe - I don't know - hit up a nightclub, dance, or even toss back a few drinks! However, none of that happens until she meets Red. (They literally collide, if you want to get technical.) Though they start off on the wrong foot, both of them laboring under false impressions of the other, Chloe and Red soon come to an arrangement where she will help him create a website for his art in exchange for his help with her "get a life" list. It's sort of a friends-with-benefits arrangement but with life/career goals in mind instead of sex. Of course, it isn't long before attraction rears its head and starts to muddle things between them, which is where the fun, and the emotion, starts to spill in... Personality-wise, Chloe's more of a prickly, cynical, detached person (at least on the surface) and she has a lot of walls to navigate around because of her illness. Having had many people who have left her in the past, who have ghosted, she's built a fortress around herself to keep others from getting too close, to prevent herself from getting hurt. Red, who is sweet, considerate, and sympathetic, is the perfect complement to all this because he's patient as well as observant. He takes time to consider her physical-emotional needs, giving her space when she wants it, concern before she has to ask for it, and accepts her struggles as real and valid without her having to convince him of anything first. (Seems like a small thing, I know, but it's not. It's MONUMENTAL. Feeling validated by another human being is one of the most moving, transformative experiences in the whole world.) As a result of this, especially since Red has his own history with domestic abuse, the two of them are able to sink into this authentic realness with one another. It's understanding at its softest. It's security with woolen sleeves. Chloe and Red can simply strip bare before each other and know they'll be comforted in the arms that await them--no more baggage left unopened, no more scars left unseen, no more hurt that needs to be hidden away. It's beautiful! Ugh! What a sweet, vulnerable love story! It was surprisingly playful and cute, too. If you're in the mood for something adorable, funny, and melt-worthy, then don't wait to get a life just do yourself a favor and Get This Book Already! Go on, now. You heard me!

4/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[dxmedstudent]

Got lured onto twitter to support BLM and afterwards got embroiled in conversation over the UK’s #sexban. I’m tired of twitter, and it’s hard to express yourself in a few characters, so I thought I’d share some thoughts here. Which is really just the tories declaring outright that sex between people living in two households is now illegal and punishable with a £50 fine. Given that households haven’t been allowed to mix, you’re nto allowed into anyone’s house and the 2m rule still applies, it was always ‘banned’ - those of us in that situation were already aware of our obligations. FWIW I’ve followed every recommendation before and after lockdown, because I’m a doctor and I want to decrease ANY spread as much as possible, until things are relaxed enough that our meeting isn’t a particularly big risk to others in the context of what’s going on. It’s not fun, and it kind of feels like the govt forgets people like you when its revising its plans and opening Primarks, but you think of the patients, and you continue.  But this law in particular pissed me off today. It was already covered in existing rules - so why explicitly banning sex? What message are they trying to send? That they have no intention to ease the lockdown on our personal lives any time soon? How are they going to enforce the fine? Are we going to turn every time a lockdown rule is broken into something we fine people for, and will that just make people see it as something minor if they can afford the fine? Obviously, we have to have a cut-off somewhere. We have to try to decrease transmissibility where we can. And for the most part the initial rules seemed fairly sensible. But telling people they can’t be intimate with 1 person,  but they can have a barbecue with 6, go shopping, watch footballers touch each other, and travel to work and sit with colleagues feels like the rules are arbitrary and not particularly fair. Weirdly I’ve been roped into twitter conversation with some ex-immunology researcher re: the fact that covid viral RNA has been found in semen say 14 days after infection. And that apparently this therefore means the policy isn’t arbitrary and it isn’t prioritising the economy over personal lives.  I have to disagree. They argue that this is about sexual transmissibility, but I disagree. The thing is, this isn’t really about transmissibility. We don’t know enough about when covid stops being transmissible. We don’t know if a negative test means you can’t transmit it any more. I welcome any research that helps us gauge risk and know more about how we can stop spreading the virus. But we don’t know what kind of viral load allows for infection via different routes. How can we separate the risk from PIV (etc) transmission from a recently infected person from the risks of them spreading it through aerosolised droplets? Now, when I was sick, I was allowed back to work with vulnerable patients after 8 days, despite my OH consultant being clear that we’re not really sure how long people are infectious for, and the government recommendations appear to be arbitrary. Other places recommend 14 days. Clearly we have to say at some point that people are allowed out, and that their risk of transmission has at some point. But a rule telling me that I can go back to work after 7 days with a cough, but can’t have sex with my BF (in case - what? one of us is an asymptomatic suffer and less than 14 days after infection?) is not based on evidence, and it does, from the outside appear rather arbitrary.  I was concerned to go back to work. I’m still concerned about how many people have been rushed back to work. I’m concerned over how people who’ve been exposed in the community are meant to self isolate, but HCW aren’t even tested unless we show symptoms - imagine all the asymptomatic spread. This isn’t about whether some of us go a bit longer without sex (frankly, it’s barely about the sex at all), it’s about how inconsistent the rules are, and how the government apply the letter of the law in cases where the risk is low and yet allow people who were shielding out, and force them back to work where they may not be adequately protected. Because I guess even if you’re asymptomatic you need to never have sex EVER just in case you spread infection. But is it really more likely to be from uh... mixing genital fluids, or from coughing in each other’s faces? And why can’t the answer simply be to use a condom if we’re worried about fluids? But only if you’re in different households. Those in the same household have never been advised not to have sex, though they have been advised to isolate themselves if possible, if they are sick. But in general the rules allow people within the same household to live normally. They accept that people in the same household will likely get infected -though in reality they shouldn’t cos it’s not 100%. Imagine if we told everyone in the same household ‘well, there’s a chance you might not pass it to each other, so can all of you sit 2m apart and not touch’?. That’d probably reduce infections too, by a certain number, but it’d be pretty unpopular and hard to enforce. But if we’re going to pretend this is about sexual transmissibility ... sexual health policy has never been “don’t have sex” - not in the longterm. That’s not how we treat people with HIV or any other communicable disease  - we tell people to use protection and get tested. We try to manage risk as much as possible. And as our planning reaches more chronic stages, we’re going to have take much more advice from those who’ve been managing infectious illness, particularly in the context of people’s intimate lives, for a hell of a lot longer than we have. Your sexual health colleagues can tell you how to engage people with infection prevention, how to avoid marginalising people like sex workers (anyone remember them? yep, they sill exist and still need to survive). This bugs me not only cos it’s a bit of a personal fuck you to couples in my position who’ve been following the rules from the start, but also because it’s not based on sexual health practice. All the recommendations have to be based on some kind of risk assessment  -the 2m rule. How many households you can mix with. Whether going to someone else’s garden is safe. Everything we allow - even shopping, even accepting a takeaway -  has some kind of risk - it may be low, but it is not zero. I’m worried that the government has given the message that it’s perfectly safe to go back to work (it’s not, commuting and social distancing still carries risk) or shop and do other outdoor activities (again, still some risk) or send kids to school (even if the kids don’t have conditions, their teachers or parents may be at risk!). They’ve relaxed a lot of rules all at once. I’m terrified for the vulnerable. I’ll socially distance for as long as I have to if it keeps people safe, but I have real concerns about how they’ve gone about relaxing things, and there are a lot of reports about people not following social distancing advice. After all the relaxed rules, and with the Cummings debacle, there’s a danger that people will all think the rules no longer really apply. What annoys me is that they appear to be inconsistent and arbitrary. And I no longer have any faith that the government is makng decisions based on scientific advice, and risk stratifying appropriately. I honestly think they are making much riskier decisions in order to open the economy, and then nominally keeping lockdown in ways that only limit social contact in small but meaningful ways because that’s not the economy. 

[hereticalapothecary]

On Vetting Companions

VET YOUR SPIRIT COMPANIONS. 

I’m loud about this because I’m passionate. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve seen some really horrible mistakes. This post is meant to teach anyone who wants to have a spirit companion how to vet a spirit that enters your space and asks to be a companion. 

This goes doubly for anyone who conjures or helps adopt out spirits or has a spirit refuge.

So, a spirit companion is essentially a lifelong friend. And as with making any friend, human or otherwise, you want to make sure of a few things: is this friend using me? Does this friend respect my boundaries? Does this friend respect my other friends and my space? Does this friend know people who will get me into trouble or will hurt me? In welcoming this friend, would I wind up running with a “bad crowd”? Are we compatible as far as personalities go? These are all things you’d want to know about a friend, and it goes doubly so for spirit companions. You know your limits and what you’re willing to accept. These kinds of questions are just the beginning when it comes to vetting a spirit for companionship. 

Where to start?

When I started learning about spirit companionship, I had no idea about vetting. That’s how I basically ended up with some very young spirits as a few of my first companions and had to go back and ask them questions about where they came from. Thankfully, since I have an honesty policy among my companions, they were able to tell me about themselves without much worry about whether or not they were being trutful. 

However, if youre meeting a spirit for the first time and vetting them for companionship, you have to be careful. You can’t rely on wards or other spirits. While it is good to get help and second opinions, you have to do the footwork yourself. You need to be able to read their energy and tell the difference between thoughtform and spirit. (More on this later.) You cannot rely on drugs or truth serums to give you accurate information Would you ask your potential new friend to take some drugs in order for you to evaluate if you want to be friends with them? Then don’t do it to a spirit. Plus, you may or may not have made a good or effective truth serum. Some spirits may have a resistance to the kind of magic you used for it. Some may take it and still be able to trick you by telling half truths or dodging certain topics. It may be true for them but it may not be the answer that you’re actually needing from them. 

Don’t rely on others or tools to do the hard work of vetting. 

Have banishing tools handy. Some spirits are clever enough to slip through even the strongest of wards in order to wreak havoc. Hell, I’ve come across spirits and entities that are strong enough to almost shatter my wards. Don’t assume your wards are working. Be extra thorough. 

What to know about the spirit:

I have a form that I use to interview spirits who want to be companions. Start with a list of house rules. If they’re serious about following house rules, they’ll agree. Make it clear that you’re willing to ask them to leave if they don’t meet your qualifications and standards. And if they still stick around, make it clear that youre willing to banish them. You’re essentially going into an interview. Set the tone so they know that this is something important and serious. 

Start with their name, pronouns, and age. Some may give you a nickname. Make sure you get their actual, true name. Using nicknames for your companions is fine! (I’d encourage it, especially if you want to post about them.) But it’s incredibly important that you build trust by knowing their name, especially if you have to kick them out later.

Follow up by asking more questions. Read their energy while you do so. Are you seeing any red flags? Hesitancies? You’ll want to know where they come from and why theyre even interested in companionship. Not every spirit who passes through your area is a spirit who wants companionship. Make sure that they have a good reason for being a companion. Ask about their species, especially if it’s a species you’ve never encountered before. (You’ll want to follow up on that. Some spirits are willing to lie about their species in order to make you think they’re cool or special or that you’re cool or special.) Ask about their families. Do they come from a place where spirits of their species are primarily solitary, or is there a family group setup? Why would they want to leave that for companionship? 

Ask about their ideal family size. Some spirits are shy or need a little extra attention and require a small spirit family size. Others like having a lot of other spirits around. This is important to know because if your spirit family size changes, you’re going to need to make sure the rest of your family is comfortable. Ask if they want to be bound to a vessel. Not every spirit does. Some have trauma related to bindings. Do not bind a spirit without their enthusiastic consent. And if you dont feel experienced enough to bind, don’t. A painful binding is far, far worse, and I’ve seen spirits with scars from badly done bindings. 

Ask about their likes and dislikes! What kinds of magic are they good at, if any? Do they have any sort of dietary restrictions or special preferences? What is their overall personality like? Are they seeking a romantic relationship or just a familial bond? (This is very important! You can say no to a spirit who wants romantic or sexual relationships with you.)

Here’s the thing/ Some spirits will put on their “interview clothes” so to speak. They aren’t lying, but perhaps they’re just not talking about flaws or problems they might have because they want you to say yes to companionship. Ask about their weaknesses. Follow up on these questions! Ask them again later to see if they are consistent. 

Health Checkup

You’ll want to do a health checkup. Any major scars or injuries? Any mental health problems? Any disabilities? Do they need a prosthetic? Do they have any parasites or major energy blockages? Are they sickly or have a chronic illness? You will want to know everything you can about their health, because you may not be equipped to help take care of a spirit who has a need that you can’t meet. You may already deal with depression and maybe you don’t want a spirit who has their own PTSD or have their own headmates. (Yes, spirits can have their own headmates. Being multiple is not just a human thing.) 

Birth control

Astral birth control exists. Please use it. 

No seriously, sometimes companions will find mates or have a one night stand. Ask how they feel about birth control. You don’t want to adopt a spirit and then find out that they’ve mated and now you’re not only responsible for one spirit, but all of their kids as well. Spirit midwives exist. Go ask them for birth control so that any babies that happen can at least be planned. Letting companions reproduce without caution is just downright irresponsible and often leads to neglect. 

Refernces

So you and your potential companion have made it this far! Now go ask for references. Talk to their community, visit where they come from. Does your sparkle rainbow dragon actually have a species named that, or is it just a bunch of regular dragonsand this one lied to be more impressive? Did they glamour themselves to look shinier? Are they actually a secret homophobe and their community knows it? Or is their community kind of racist? It’s okay to say no to a companion because you don’t want a homophobic/transphobic/racist companion. You can offer to teach them to be better, but you also don’t have to take on that responsibility. Put your investigator hat on. Talk to others who know them well and get other opinions and character references. 

Do it all again

You’ll then want to go back and interview them again. Have they been in a health treatment? How are they doing now? How have their answers changed? You’ll want to go back through and check on things again to see if things are still okay. 

Thoughtform vs Spirit

Honestly, it’s fine if some of your companions are thoughtforms. You’ll want to vet a thoughtform as thoroughly as you do any other spirit. But if you arent sure, it’s highly recommended that you learn how to tell the difference between thoughtform and spirit. It’s a difficult form of energy reading, but it does get easier with practice. Check the energy ties of the spirit. Not all bindings are bad, and not all energy ties are bad. But double and triple check them. You’ll want to make sure that you’re not projecting or someone hasn’t projected a thoughtform onto an already existing spirit. (Trust me, I’ve seen that happen and it isn’t pretty. The spirit underneath had been neglected since the thoughtform was having its needs met instead and was barely alive. Once the bindings on the thoughtform were undone, the thoughtform itself ceased to exist. Seriously. Check for things like this.) Learn to tell the difference between thoughtform and spirit. Thoughtforms can be fun companions, you’ll just want to know that they are a thoughtform. 

Social interactions

See how this potential companion works with your other companions. Are they socially adept? Do they get along well with others? Are there spirit types that they don’t get along with, and for waht reason? Does the spirit have personal social goals? Make sure that this potential companion can fit in with you/your family. 

But that sounds so intense!

Yes. It is. And it should be. Vetting needs to take place for at least three months. AT LEAST. And you need to do it consistently. If you’re not willing to do it that consistently every time, then maybe you should rethink your motives and if spirit companionship is right for you. You HAVE to be this thorough every time with every spirit who wants companionship. And frankly, this is the bare minimum. If you want to adopt from a spirit shop, check how long they vet their spirits. Honestly to me it’s almost a warning sign if lots of spirits are posted and adopted out quickly. Do they give you just a sentence or two about the spirit, or are there paragraphs of information about who this spirit is and where they come from and what they like? If the spirit you’ve adopted from a shop doesn’t have much more description than what’s already posted, the spirit hasn’t been vetted long enough and you’ll want to do this process yourself. Hell, vet the spirit shops themselves and see if you trust them. A good spirit shop is a lot more than just lots of “cool” or “new” spirits and a lot of popularity. Do they backtrack when they get criticism? Do they police their own behavior? Do they have an easily understood/accessible way to know their ethics? Do they vet on their own or do they rely on drugs or other spirits to vet potential companions? (If the answer is no to the previous question, then run. Stay away.)

If all this sounds like too much work for you, then take a step back. Review some of the basics of energy work. Practice your skills. Because seriously, a poorly vetted spirit can be downright dangerous if you’re not careful. Vetting is one of the most important aspects of spirit companionship, especially if you do shop work. 

[nicksagardaily]

Spotlight Interviews iLL Manors Star Nicholas Sagar

iLL Manors was one of  the most anticipated British films of 2012, and it’s inevitable success has bought its actors into the spotlight. Among them is 24 year old Nicholas Sagar. The future is looking bright for this London born actor and model. Having had smaller roles in movies such as S.N.U.B (2010), tv movie Gunrush (2009), and more recently featuring in an episode of NCIS: Los Angeles (yes, the one with LL Cool J), his role in iLL Manors is perhaps his biggest role to date. I was fortunate enough to chat with the charming  and very handsome Nick, who gave me an insight into his role in iLL Manors, and his motivation and inspiration.

Why acting? Is it something you always wanted to do?

NS: Growing up I always wanted to be a doctor. My older brother Michael has sickle cell anemia and as a kid I saw him go through a continuing struggle that persisted to get worse. He spent more months and Christmases in hospital than he did at home, so I wanted to choose an occupation where I could help take care of him. From a young age, I had always acted on the side, but it was just for fun. As I became older I started to realize that my heart lay with the more hands-on and physical subjects I took at school. Not that I was terrible at more intellectual subjects, I just had no passion to carry on with them. I tried a few different avenues such as breakdancing and football, but after a while I found that acting made me truly happy, and that if I was successful at it, I could one day pay for the best care for my brother.

How did you get into acting?

NS:  I had always taken weekend classes at a local theatre and was involved in all the school projects, but it wasn’t until I was 18 and not enjoying my course at university that I said to myself, “Nick, what are we going to do that I enjoy and will never give up on?” I knew straight away it was acting. It’s the whole aspect of entertaining people and escaping from my own life for those moments while you’re on stage and set that propelled me to make it my career choice. As a kid, I was forever re-enacting Michael Jackson and Eddie murphy so I knew it was something I loved to do.

Congratulations on your performance in iLL Manors, which is sure to be one of the biggest British films this summer. Your character, Marcel is a bully, drug dealer, a bit of a hood-rat really. Can you relate to him at all?

NS:  I don’t think I can relate to him as such, but I grew up around many people similar to Marcel so I knew what he was about. He is someone who is weak at heart and knows that if people knew this, he would never be respected in the circle he is involved in, so he creates this cloud of people who he manipulates through fear and uses the fact that he has money as a way to gain power. The only thing I would say I could relate too is his determination and drive. Even though what he strives for is deemed as wrong he still will never give up on it which is how I feel about acting. Although I must say I wouldn’t go to the same lengths he does (laughs).

How did you get into character? Did you take inspiration from anybody you know?

NS:  I was lucky in a sense that I grew up in Forest Gate and so did Ben Drew. So we were able to use people we both knew from our childhoods and sort of mix them together to create Marcel. Again, with getting into character I just recalled on people I knew and situations I had seen to help discover who Marcel is.

“Urban” London is constantly presented by the media in similar ways. It is often affiliated with crime culture and deviant behaviour. Though iLL Manors is fraught with violence and crime, do you think there is a deeper message to the film? And if so, what is it?

NS:  There is most definitely a deeper message. I think one of societies main problems today are we are too quick to judge a book by its cover and at times I am guilty of it myself. But if we took time to realize why some of these kids and adults rob and commit all sorts of crimes we would have a completely different outlook on them. Ok, yes, what they did made them a criminal, but some people steal because they have no money to eat or are forced by others to do things they don’t want too, because the person forcing them is being forced. I think that the movie quite accurately portrays this. It shows why people are forced to make bad decisions. In saying that there are others who just do things of that nature because they enjoy it but the vast majority of them don’t want to be there or take part.

I know that you are based in LA, and have worked on a few projects stateside, including a role in an episode of NCIS. How long have you been living in LA?

NS:  I have been living in LA for three years now, and yeah, I was extremely excited when I was given the opportunity to be in NCIS LA. I mean I grew up on LL cool J’s music and films so to be in the same show as him was a dream come true.

Why did you move and do you prefer LA or London life?

NS:  I moved for career opportunities, I did a presentation of actors and Models in LA, and was fortunate to attract attention from some mangers and agents who urged me to make the switch, so I did. London will always be my home, my family and friends all reside here and I will never forget where I come from, but the opportunity for an actor to move to LA was one I couldn’t turn down. But I will always be a London boy through and through.

What motivates you as an actor?

NS:  Other actors I grew up who inspired me are what motivates me. Actors such as Denzel Washington, Tom Hanks, Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr, to name a few, are people who I watched and was just totally mesmerised by their performances, so much so that I wanted to be able to inspire people how they did to me. Not to mention my family and friends who never let me give up and always tried their best to keep me on the right path, even at times when I resisted.

Who is your biggest inspiration?

NS:  My biggest inspiration has to be my older brother Michael and my Dad. My brother has a disease of the blood called sickle cell anaemia, which, to put short, is a condition where some of his red blood cells are deformed so his own white blood cells attack them and cause severe chronic pain throughout his whole body. I have watched him battle throughout his whole life, to the points of near death and never once has he ever complained. If you met him you would never know he was ill. He always has a smile on his face and will give up his last penny if he had too. Then there is my dad who is literally the rock of the family, he bared a lot over the years but always protected his family and never let us know when things where hard for him. I guess I aspire to be like them.

Who would you like to work with in the future?

NS:  Everyone who has ever inspired me. The likes of, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Helena Bonham Carter. Directors like Martin Scorsese, Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantino to name a few. This list could go on and on for a while (laughs). The people who made me want to act are the same people I would love to work with. It would be a privilege just to meet them let alone work with them!

What projects are you working on right now?

NS:  Well after NCIS LA and ILL Manors, some interesting opportunities have presented themselves. So at the moment I am taking meetings and figuring out what the next step up in my career is. iLL manors is fantastic and I was blown away by the end product that Ben created, but for me, I am now looking for a role to show my range as an actor.

Thank you Nicholas for answering our questions, please round them off by completing these sentences…..

I am at my best when… I am acting.

I believe in… hard work, positive thinking and always keeping faith.

Three words to describe me are… Humble, determined and Crazy at the same time !

When they say you can’t… I always do !

I am most focused when… I have my Family and Friends close by.

I am a Superman because… I let no obstacle big or small stop me from achieving what I want.

[tannerahonesti95]

How Long Does Reiki Healing Last Stupefying Tips

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[dust2dust34]

Pieces of Always: March 2031 (FICoN ‘verse)

Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows.

by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34

Summary: Thea meets up with the Queen ladies for a shopping trip and has a difficult conversation with her sister-in-law about her health.

An ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. (You do not need to have read FiCoN to enjoy this, but it will spoil the end. Please see the first installment for additional author notes. Thank you @jsevick and @alizziebyanyothername for the amazing beta!)

A/N: Please see the first chapter for an important Author’s Note, as well as under the cut for an additional one.

A/N: The effervescent @so-caffeinated is fully in the driver’s seat and she’s kicking all the ass, so please go send her your love!

A/N:  TW: Coping with chronic illness. (Please see additional notes under the cut.)

Excerpt:

‘Good days’ mean something very different now to Thea Harper than they had in years past. It’s an ever-evolving definition, really. What was good a year ago, five years ago, a decade ago is not the same as it is today. The girl she’d been before could never have understood the realities of her life today.

It feels so shallow, looking back, the way she’d defined a bad day as one with too much homework or a fight with a friend or even being arrested. Bad days now mean her sanity slips through her fingers and her body rebels against experimental treatments with violent, painful, damaging side-effects. Part of her is equally mad and envious at her younger self; she’d taken so much for granted. But she tries to clear her head of those thoughts, tries to remember that envy and anger get her nowhere, and that she was lucky to have no idea what a ‘bad day’ was really like for so long.

Looking at her nieces, she surely hopes it’s something they never have to discover for themselves.

(read on AO3)

Author’s Notes:

TW: Coping with chronic illness.

Like last week’s chapter, I did some research on this topic before writing it. Unlike last week’s chapter, I don’t have direct experience with it. When we gave Thea such a dire outcome in FiCoN, it was never going to be a temporary thing. In fact, at times, we had intended to kill her off during that story. There are a lot of reasons we didn’t (and I’m still glad we made that choice). It would have been remiss of me to avoid what she goes now, but I can admit I’m anxious about having done it justice. I understand that this is a heavy and serious topic (I promise next week’s will not have the same tone; I know this makes two weeks in a row with difficult-to-read health problems and I totally recommend the flashfic series if you need some fluff to balance out). I’ve done my best to treat it with respect and try to put myself in her shoes for a few pages. I hope it’s worked out. Until next week (which is mostly Ameliam)... enjoy. <3

*

March 2031 - The Cost of Things

‘Good days’ mean something very different now to Thea Harper than they had in years past. It’s an ever-evolving definition, really. What was good a year ago, five years ago, a decade ago is not the same as it is today. The girl she’d been before could never have understood the realities of her life today.

It feels so shallow, looking back, the way she’d defined a bad day as one with too much homework or a fight with a friend or even being arrested. Bad days now mean her sanity slips through her fingers and her body rebels against experimental treatments with violent, painful, damaging side-effects. Part of her is equally mad and envious at her younger self; she’d taken so much for granted. But she tries to clear her head of those thoughts, tries to remember that envy and anger get her nowhere, and that she was lucky to have no idea what a ‘bad day’ was really like for so long.

Looking at her nieces, she surely hopes it’s something they never have to discover for themselves.

“Okay, but who actually buys these?” Jules asks, holding up a sky-high, clear stiletto with sparkles running through it from the display and wrinkling her nose in distaste. “I have incredible balance, but even I would probably faceplant in these things. They’re ridiculous.” She’s sixteen now - something that utterly blows Thea’s mind - and while she’s matured into a surprisingly balanced, sharply intelligent young woman, she also seems to have adopted a typical teenage view that the world is best interpreted through the lens of her own opinions.

“Cinderella would like it,” Ellie points out. The sunny twelve-year-old looks past her sister with an “ooooh” a moment later, though. Moving to grab a little ballet flat with a cat’s face on the toes and whiskers on its sides. “These are super cute!”

“Disney princesses are a pretty narrow target market, don’t you think?” Jules scoffs, putting the shoe down before looking at the flats in her sister’s hands. “Do you really want cats on your feet?”

“Sure,” Ellie replies brightly. “I can look down and smile at them and it’s like they’re smiling back up at me. They’re fun!”

“They remind me of my old panda flats,” Felicity tells her daughters. There’s a smile in her voice as she moves to Ellie’s side and looks over the shoe with a wistful fondness. Her eyes go wide when she looks at the bottom, though. “But they cost about as much as one of the whiskers on this thing does.”

“Well, those were from your pre-Queen days, weren’t they?” Thea asks with a smile. She leans heavily on her cane and eyes the seats around her. She’s okay for now, but she knows her own limitations and she’s not about to push them. This is the first time she’s been out for anything other than doctors’ appointments or therapy since the latest round of treatments. Roy and her mom were both worried about her going out today. She knows that, but she also knows to take advantage of the opportunity to actually live her life while she has the chance to do so.

Today’s a good day… relatively. And she’s missed spending time with her nieces and sister-in-law a lot these last two months. The well-meaning phone calls when she was in the hospital had been a far cry from what she’d needed from them. All of her loved ones’ worry and walking on eggshells around her had been understandable, but they’d also hurt. She wants normal. She needs it. Even if it’s under a new definition. And it’s so very exhausting knowing everyone looks at her and sees her limitations first. She refuses to be reduced to that. She might struggle with her illness, but she will not allow herself to be defined by it.

“I want something red,” Thea declares. “Bright, loud, stoplight red. I want something that makes a statement… with no heel and a sensible tread.” She looks at Jules and holds up a finger before adding, “But, I’ll have you know that once upon a time, I’d have rocked a stiletto that height without tripping once.”

The disbelieving noise Jules makes as she rolls her eyes is the sort of thing she’s gotten accustomed to hearing from the teen. It’s funny, because it reminds her so strongly of herself at that age. It’s all bravado and it makes Thea grin hugely at the thought of her brother raising a daughter that reminds her so sharply of herself. “Sure you would have,” Jules notes sarcastically.

“No, it’s true,” Felicity says, backing her sister-in-law up. “Your Aunt Thea could’ve probably walked on stilts and still had the fashion pages gushing over her trend-setting style, before you were born.”

“Bet I could have made Cinderella shoes popular, even,” Thea declares loftily.

“You still could,” Felicity assures her, taking hold of her free arm and hugging it close. Thea lets herself lean against her sister-in-law slightly. It’s nice. She’s missed this. They’ve had so much time robbed from them over the years, but she does her best not to dwell on that because right now is pretty great. Her mind is quiet. It’s her own. And while her bones ache and she knows she doesn’t have terribly long before she needs to take a seat and rest, she’s still better off than she has been most of these last few years and she’s grateful for that.

“I need a designer cane,” Thea snarks. It’s a little self-effacing, but then, so is she. “Maybe I could market my own line.”

“You can do anything you put your mind to,” Felicity assures her. It’s supportive, even if it’s not entirely true, but Thea takes it in the spirit it was meant and rests her cheek against her sister-in-law’s shoulder. The relief at leaning against her is more than Thea expected, though. Maybe she’s pushed herself more than she’d thought. “Know what, girls?” Felicity chimes in. “Why don’t we go grab some lunch? The shoes will be here later.”

It’s only eleven. Restaurants are barely even open, but Thea knows this is entirely for her benefit. Felicity’s hold on her is more purposeful than it had started out and she’s well aware that any desire for lunch is out of a crafty attempt to get them sitting and resting for a bit. Part of her wants to tell her sister-in-law that she knows what her body can and cannot do, that she’s okay for a bit more, but another part knows this is as much for the girls’ benefit as for hers. They’re aware of her illness, of course. It’s been a part of her life since before either of her nieces were born. But the details of it, the severity of it… that’s something Thea prefers not to broadcast too strongly. To the girls, she’s just Aunt Thea. She’s never wanted the intensity of her health problems to be terribly apparent to them. And, they have always absorbed her disability as a part of who she is - it’s all they’ve ever known. It’s harder with her mom, with Oliver, with Felicity, sometimes. They all remember before, still sometimes seem to look at her and see what was done to her, like a surface layer masking who she really is. But Thea knows better. She’s not the same person she used to be any more than they’re the same people they used to be. It’s just a starker contrast with her than with them.

“I could eat,” Thea agrees.

Jules abandons the Cinderella stilettos easily, putting the shoe down and turning her attention entirely to her mom and aunt, but Ellie takes a moment to put down the kitten flats. When she does, it’s with a longing little sigh and Thea has to chuckle because for all that Jules reminds her more of herself than Ellie does… the younger girl does have her moments.

“Buy them,” Thea advises. Ellie jolts and looks at her in surprise. “I’ll buy them for you. You clearly want them.”

“Yeah,” Ellie agrees, but her voice is sad. “But they’re not worth it. I can’t spend that much on a pair of shoes, even if they are cute. There are so many more important things that $800 could go toward. How many people could that feed? How many teachers could get classroom supplies?”

And, just like that, Thea sees a whole lot less of teenager-her in her younger niece.

“Let me see the shoe,” Jules insists, holding out her hand. Ellie passes the flat to her big sister and watches as the older girl looks it over. “I bet we could make a knock-off. It’s not that you love the brand or whatever, it’s the cats. I can paint some canvas ballet flats and we can glue some whiskers on them.”

“Really?” Ellie asks. And, oh, but her face lights up at that. It’s adorable, and the way she looks up to Jules clearly is a point of pride for the older girl. Jules loves being held in high esteem by her sister. And this… this is what Thea’s missed the most these last few months. Missing out on the way her nieces have grown and bonded more, on all these family moments, that’s been such a hard part of her latest treatment. The pain is bad. The fear is worse. And getting her hopes up for an actual route toward being solidly healthy only to have them dashed is worst of all. But missing out on life had been a close second. The kids have grown and changed so much, so quickly, and she doesn’t want it to all pass her by.

“Sure,” Jules shrugs, handing the shoe back. “I don’t see why not. Then you can make the cat whatever color you want. It’ll be fun.”

“How about I buy you the paint and the cheap shoes and donate the difference to whatever charity you want?” Thea suggests.

“That’d be awesome!” Ellie declares gleefully. She’s hopping on her toes with giddy excitement. “Oh, maybe the foundation can get a few new laptops or some tools for the training programs? Or we can expand outreach more. Dani said the career wardrobe closet is running low on basics, too, you know. I bet that much money could get a few nice-looking interview outfits. Nothing fancy, but enough to give a few people a chance. And things like socks or underwear! People never donate those, right?”

“Slow down!” Thea laughs, shaking her head. “Dani said? You’ve been hanging around the foundation?”

“Well… yeah,” Ellie shrugs. “I like helping and there’s always something that needs to be done.” That’s doubly true whenever Thea’s going through new treatments, she knows. The foundation is her baby, but Roy’s taken the helm as frequently as she has since they started it. Dani’s backed them both up in the main office, with Donna spearheading fundraising events, and Sin filling in at the garage with hands-on skill training any time her health has taken both her and Roy away. But she hadn’t realized her niece was all that involved, not beyond spending much of last summer doing odd jobs at her side. “I’ve been there a lot more since Christmas. Dani says she doesn’t know what she’d do without me,” Ellie declares proudly.

“And you’re okay with this?” Thea asks Felicity slowly. The foundation does good work - great work - but, by necessity, it’s in pretty much the worst part of the Glades.

“Of course I am,” Felicity answers. “It’s the Queen Family Foundation. It needs all the involvement from the Queen family we can get. It’s our responsibility. And it’s not like she goes down there alone.”

“Sara comes with me usually,” Ellie chimes in. “And you know Sin basically lives there, so she’s always around. Mom’s gone for a couple hours once a month to help with the computers since like forever. Lyla teaches that women’s self defense class, of course. Oh! And Will said he’s gonna bring some guys from the firehouse to talk about career opportunities in emergency response. Even Jules started coming sometimes to paint and stuff.”

Jules shrugs like it doesn’t matter, but she smiles a little and Thea knows that’s a sure sign that it does. “Ellie said there was a girl hanging around there who liked painting but didn’t have any supplies. I figured I’ve got plenty, so I brought her some,” Jules says. “She likes seeing my stuff. She’s kinda cool, I guess. I’ve gone down a few times to show her some things and loan her some books.”

“I bet she appreciates that,” Thea offers up. She says it in an offhanded way, because she knows her niece and she’s well aware that too big a spotlight will make her uneasy.

“We can talk about it more at lunch,” Felicity states. Her voice is firm and clear. She’s not willing to entertain standing here much longer and Thea’s both kind of grateful and a little annoyed by that. She knows her sister-in-law means well, that she cares, and she does need a break soon, but she can manage her own life. If she’d truly needed a rest, she’d have said so herself. She doesn’t want people walking on eggshells around her, waiting for her to break. She’s Thea Queen Harper and she is made of stronger stuff than that.

More and more lately, though, it’s been the treatments that have made her feel fragile, that have robbed her of time with her family and friends, time devoted to her work. It’s been nearly seventeen years that she’s been dealing with the realities of what was done to her, and the optimism she’d once had for a full recovery has faded away over the years. Her focus these days is on managing her condition, on living her life. Every experimental treatment they’ve run her through has brought with it brutal side effects - sometimes keeping her out of commission for months, sometimes robbing her of her sanity, often robbing her of her mobility. It’s led to long, long conversations with Roy lately, ones that reevaluate her goals for her life, for her health. It’s about balance now, more than anything else. She’s so very tired of slashing her quality of life in pursuit of more quantity of life. She’s missed out on so much, too much, and she’s fast-finding that there are limits to what she’ll endure in the quest for something better.

“Lunch,” Ellie agrees brightly, snapping Thea’s attention back to the moment. The not-quite-teenage girl breezes out the door, holding it open and smiling back at them with a grin. Damn, but she’s adorable. She’s grown so much in this last year, shedding the last of that ‘little girl’ look and fast-shifting into a strikingly pretty, confident young woman. And Thea had missed so much of it. She’d missed Jules’ sixteenth birthday, lost in a haze of superpowered bloodlust while locked up in a room at Star Labs in preparation for the new treatment. She hadn’t been there for eight-year-old Nate’s science fair or Ellie’s first middle school dance. And that hurts. It hurts in ways she couldn’t have anticipated when first taking stock of the cost of her injuries nearly two decades ago. But, then, life looks different now than it did then. She’s older - she’s been through so much - and the perspective she’s gained has changed things wildly for her over the years.

Jules lowers her sunglasses off the top of her head as she strides out the door and joins Ellie. Thea and Felicity follow suit. Thea knows she’s a bit on the slow side and that’s frustrating to her, but no one else seems bothered by it, even if Ellie does seem to keep having to force herself to pace her stride once the four of them make their way down the street.

“Can we do the bistro?” Ellie asks. “Aunt That would love their new seasonal menu. They’ve got this pizza with winter veggies and chevre and it’s so good. You’ll just love it, Aunt Thea.”

“Sure,” Felicity agrees. “As long as Jules doesn’t mind?”

“Nah,” Jules shrugs. “That’s fine with me. I like their fish and chips.” Ellie dances on her tiptoes and claps her hands delightedly before looping her arm through her sister’s. It’s silly how happy she looks at the idea, but that’s just Ellie. She’s such a bright, happy kid and even the smallest thing seems to make her face light up with joy.

The girls are a few steps ahead, but they’re clearly hanging back a touch, trying to keep pace with their mom and aunt.

“You know, I bet they’ll have a wait,” Thea tells the girls. “Why don’t you two do us a favor and hurry over there to get a table. That way we won’t have to stand around when we get there. I’d really appreciate it.”

In truth, none of the Queens have to wait long for service anywhere they go - Thea’s pretty sure the salesperson at the shoe store was sorely disappointed when they walked out without buying anything - but it lets the girls go at their own pace and doesn’t leave Thea feeling like she should push herself to hurry up.

“Oh, that’s a good idea!” Ellie replies. “Did you want a booth or a table, Aunt Thea?”

“Tables are easier. Thank you, Ellie,” Thea tells her. “If you could order me a water once you’re seated, I’d appreciate that.”

“Will do! See you soon,” Ellie declares and the two girls hurry down the street at a brisk pace without another word.

That kind of energy is the sort of thing that astounds Thea these days and the moment the girls round the corner, she finds herself slowing more, sagging a little bit. So, maybe she’d been pushing herself a little for their sake.

“Did you want to sit for a moment?” Felicity offers. She’s been paying close attention, very close attention. Thea wonders how long she’d chatted with Roy about what to watch for before this little trip.

“Maybe at the bench after next,” Thea allows. “I’m okay for now. I can take care of myself, you know.”

“I know,” Felicity agrees. “But don’t push yourself for my sake.”

“I’m not,” Thea counters. “I’m pushing myself for mine.”

The look Felicity gives her is a little disbelieving, but it’s true. Yes, today is pushing boundaries as it is, but Thea needs to find her new normal and she knows it. Every round of treatments, every stupid path they’ve gone down to fight this thing, has left her redefining her own limitations. She’s relearning her own body right now, what it can do, what it can’t. She’s figured out some of that over the past few weeks at home, but there’s no substitute for actually spending time out in the world. And if she wants to get back to work - and god she does… she does; her foundation needs her and she needs it - then she needs to sort this through. The sooner the better.

“Okay,” Felicity says easily. Thea doesn’t think she means it, but it ends the conversation anyhow and she’ll take that.

“So, what have I missed during my most recent convalescence?” Thea asks. If it sounds a little bitter, that’s something she feels is more than fair. She’s allowed to be frustrated at her own situation and sometimes she needs to let that out to someone other than Roy. He’s suffered the effects of her condition as surely as she has, just in a completely different way. Marrying him was the best and most selfish decision she ever made, she thinks. But it’s always been worth it. She absolutely cannot imagine her life without Roy at her side. It would have lost so much meaning. “Ellie grew up so much while I wasn’t looking.”

“I know,” Felicity agrees with a sigh. “I keep going to grab her hand and then I remember she’s almost thirteen, not five and it sort of blows my mind.”

“At least she’s not as tall as you yet,” Thea points out. Felicity groans at that. Jules is ever-so-barely taller than her and wow that has to be weird. They should’ve figured. It’s not like Oliver’s short, so it makes sense Jules would be taller than her mom, but Thea doubts her sister-in-law was ready for it, anyhow. Still, poking fun at her is incredibly enjoyable, especially given the last few months in near-isolation. “Wait ‘til it’s Nate,” Thea adds with a grin. “That boy is gonna leave you in the dust.”

“I’m actively choosing not to think about that!” Felicity informs her with a forced smile that makes Thea laugh.

“Really, Felicity… they’re beautiful,” Thea says a little more soberly. There’s a bench nearby and she finally admits to herself she needs to sit for a few minutes. The restaurant is really only a block and a half away. She should be able to walk there. It wouldn’t have been a problem last fall - and she hopes it won’t be a problem again soon - but right now… right now her body needs a break. She sighs in relief the moment she leans back on the park bench and rests her cane against the side, rubbing her sore thighs just above the knees for a moment. Her physical therapist is probably not going to be happy about how much she’s pushed herself today, but that’s too bad. Sometimes these things are worth it and - despite his training - she still knows her own body better than he does. “I’ve missed them. I’ve missed all of you so much.”

“We’ve missed you too,” Felicity tells her, taking a seat next to her and squeezing her shoulder lightly in affection.

“I bet it was hard on Ollie when he couldn’t visit me, huh?” Thea asks, looking to Felicity with slightly guilty eyes. It’s unfounded, that sense of responsibility over her brother’s undoubtedly hurt feelings, but that doesn’t mean she feels it any less. For safety’s sake, for the sake of her own health and the well-being of everyone around her, visitors had been extremely limited. She hadn’t even seen Roy for the first two weeks. She’d finally been able to have visitors a couple of weeks ago and Oliver had been the first one there, but it hadn’t been anywhere near the celebration they’d been hoping for. The latest round of treatment had been a total flop.

“He coped,” Felicity replies as she sits next to Thea. She busies herself with watching as she smooths her hand over her wrinkle-free jeans, though, and she won’t meet Thea’s eyes. So… it was bad. Ollie hadn’t handled it well. And Felicity would prefer she not know that. Great. “Are you and Roy coming to dinner on Sunday?”

It’s far from the subtle shift of conversation that Felicity seems to think it is, but Thea lets that slide for the moment. “I’d like to,” she says. “I want to see Will. But let’s wait and see how I am.”

“He’d love to see you, too,” Felicity replies. “He’s been very busy lately, between volunteering with the fire department and studying for the written exam. He’s taking it really seriously.”

“I’m proud of him,” Thea says with a light smile. “He’s got so much more direction than Ollie or I had at his age and he’s got such a good heart.”

“He could use to hear that from you,” Felicity notes. “Oliver and I tell him all the time, but Samantha is still trying to talk him out of it. It’s put a real strain on their relationship. I know she wants what’s best for him, but…”

“But sometimes you have to back off and let someone decide what’s best for themselves, even if it’s not what you’d choose for them,” Thea continues. The truth of that sinks heavily into her skin, echoes of frustrated conversations with her own mother in recent days. Moms will always want what’s best for their children, at any age, but they can’t always necessarily see what that is.

Thea sucks in a long, deep breath of crisp air, savoring it before exhaling sharply, letting it go as she looks to Felicity. “Roy and I talked about it,” she starts. “I’m done with the experimental treatments.”

Felicity jolts at the words, her eyes widening. Thea can practically see the tension settling in her muscles. “What are you talking about?” Felicity asks warily.

“I’m done,” Thea repeats, mustering up a half-smile. It’s rueful and sympathetic. If Felicity’s reaction tells her anything at all, it’s that she’s far more at peace with her decision than anyone else in her family will be.

Except Roy. God, she’s so thankful for Roy she could cry.

“But you’re not cured yet,” Felicity points out in astonishment. “You can’t just give up.”

“I can, actually,” Thea counters. “It’s been almost seventeen years, Felicity. I’m tired of being a guinea pig. I’m tired of sacrificing months and months of my mental and physical well-being every year in search of something better. Every time I have to go off meds entirely, I’m nothing more than a feral animal. I lose myself. Can you get how terrifying that is? To know you’re capable of anything? That you’re a threat to the people you love most? And for what? A chance at a cure that might not even exist? I don’t want to give up the quality of life I do have in search of more. I feel like I’m wasting my life away in labs and hospital beds.”

“But... “ Felicity says, swallowing and licking her lips. “The treatment that keeps you stable now… it’s not sustainable. It will eventually kill you.”

“Yeah,” Thea agrees. A light breeze drifts by, teasing at her skin and rustling her hair. She lets it wash over her, savors it for the fleeting experience it is. “You’re right. It will.”

Felicity is clearly stricken, flabbergasted. Maybe it was a mistake to have sprung this information on her quite so suddenly, but Thea thinks there’s really no good way to tell your loved ones that you’re dying. Then again, that’s not how she sees it. Not really. She sees it as choosing to live, to enjoy the days she has ahead of her, the moments she’s in, rather than grasping for the impossible and whittling away the days in the process.

“We’ve reached a place where I had to make a choice,” Thea says. She takes Felicity’s hand in hers, the other woman grips it harder than she was expecting and Thea feels a rush of love and affection surge through through her. She’s awfully lucky to have such a wonderful sister-in-law who cares so much about her. Given Ollie’s track record, she’s well aware that could have gone another way entirely. “Every single trial we’ve done has run the risk of me dying or, worse, not being able to reach the same level of stability I had before. So… yes, relying on the tried-and-true treatments they’ve developed so far will eventually kill me. But I’ll get to live first. And that’s worth it.”

Felicity’s eyebrows are knit together as she stares down at their hands. She’s not crying outright, but Thea can see how very upset she is. It’s not even a question.

“How long?” she asks after a moment.

“Four or five good years,” Thea tells her. “Six at the most. But I’ll get to devote my time to my foundation and to Roy instead of to doctor’s appointments and lab work. I might be well enough by the end of summer that he and I can travel for a bit. I think I’d like that. And I’ll get to be there for Jules’ high school graduation and maybe Ellie’s, if I’m lucky. I’ll get to see Nate grow to be taller than you,” she notes, bumping Felicity’s shoulder with her own. “I don’t want to miss that.”

Felicity nods, but she still doesn’t look up, instead shutting her eyes tightly and exhaling a long, steadying breath. It’s the sorrow in her profile, more than anything else, that prompts Thea to continue. “I know Ollie won’t get this, but-”

“Yes he will,” Felicity counters, looking up with a dry, humorless laugh. “If anyone knows what it’s like to go through hell for years on end and get to a place where it seems like it’ll never end, it’s your brother.”

That might be true, Thea realizes, but it doesn’t mean he’ll accept it. “Not all of us get miraculous rescues from purgatory.”

“No,” Felicity agrees. “I suppose most people don’t.”

“I’m done trying to be rescued,” Thea tells her. “I want to enjoy what I’ve already got. I know that’ll be hard on you and the kids, on Ollie, on my mom, on… on Roy.” Her voice breaks a bit on Roy’s name. The thought of him having to deal with her eventual death absolutely guts her. It’s why she didn’t make this decision years ago. “But this is my health and my life. I have to choose what’s best for me.”

“I understand,” Felicity tells her. She doesn’t, Thea thinks. Not really. She can’t, because she’s never had to make a choice like this. And Thea’s grateful for that, but it also leaves her feeling a bit lonely in her choice. Between her mom and Roy and now Felicity, there’s a fair bit of sympathy, some anger, a lot of sadness, but no one can relate, not in a way that truly gets it. “Please tell me you’re going to tell Oliver soon? I won’t keep this from him.”

“No,” Thea shakes her head. “I wouldn’t ask you to. That wouldn’t be fair. I’ll talk to him when we get back.”

“He’s in session right now,” Felicity says, checking the time on her phone. “He’ll be back late.”

“Excellent,” Thea smiles. “Then I’ll have a chance to take a nap and recharge before that lovely conversation. But that’s for later. Right now, I want to have lunch with my favorite sister-in-law and the two best nieces in the entire world.”

She lets go of Felicity’s hand and pushes herself up off the bench, feeling stronger either from the brief rest or from the weight of words previously unsaid slipping off her shoulders.

“It’s a beautiful day, Felicity,” Thea says, turning her face up into the sunshine and letting it wash over her. There’s a kind of peace in this, a sort of joy in relishing the small things of the day instead of succumbing to the anxieties of ‘what if.’ She’s missed that in recent years. She’s missed so many things. And she’s done letting them slip past unnoticed and unenjoyed. “Let’s make the most of it.”

*

Reviews literally feed the soul and muse, so go send some love to @so-caffeinated! 

[greeneadrian94]

How To Increase Height After 21 Cheap And Easy Useful Ideas

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[metawitches]

12 Monkeys was a Syfy network series, loosely based on the 1995 Terry Gilliam film of the same name, which ran for 4 seasons/47 episodes, from 2015-2018. It focused on a near future post-plague world and the survivor, James Cole (Aaron Stanford), who is sent back in time from 2043 to the decades before the plague in order to stop the deaths of 7 billion people.

Though the series uses concepts and characters from the film, it’s largely left the plot of the film behind by the end of the pilot. In the original 12 Monkeys film, the Army of the 12 Monkeys is a red herring. In the series, it’s a vast, secret organization which is responsible for the plague. Cole and Katarina Jones (Barbara Sukowa), the scientist who sends him back in time, assemble a time traveling team who oppose the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and their mysterious leader, the Witness, in a war to control the fate of the timeline.

In the future, post-plague world, Katarina Jones and her people find a damaged recording made in 2017, at the height of the pandemic, by Dr Cassandra Railly (Amanda Schull), a CDC virologist who specializes in epidemics. The recording asks “Cole” to hurry and names “Leland Frost” as the originator of the plague. With this starting point and a time machine that barely works, Dr Jones sends James Cole, a barely civilized scavenger, back in time to interview Dr Railly in order to learn further details about the start of the pandemic. His mission is to use the knowledge he gains from Dr Railly to stop the plague virus from being released.

Of course it’s not as simple as that. Time travel isn’t precise enough yet to get Cole to the correct moment in Dr Railly’s timeline. He arrives in 2013, meets kidnaps Dr Railly, figures out that he’s too early for her to have the information he needs, then gets shot by the police in the process of jumping to a later point in her life. When she meets him again in 2015 and sees his fresh bullet wound, 2 years after she watched him receive it, Dr Railly is convinced that Cole is telling the truth. Together, they investigate the origin of the virus, which eventually leads them to Leland Goines (Zeljko Ivanek), code name “Frost”.

As viewers will expect, by the end of the pilot they’ve realized that Goines is only a piece of the puzzle. Information they glean from him, and later from his daughter, Jennifer (Emily Hampshire, brilliantly playing the role originated by Brad Pitt in the film), will draw them deeper into the conspiracy than they could ever imagine. But the Army of the 12 Monkeys is way ahead of them, already expert at time travel and manipulating events to suit their agenda.

While I love this series, the pilot is not one of my favorite episodes. I suggest watching the first several episodes, or even all of season 1, before you make a decision about the show. The plot is intricate and fast-paced, requiring close attention if you want to keep up with all of the clues and mysteries. There are set ups that don’t pay off for 2 or 3 seasons, but all of the dangling threads are addressed by the end of the series. I think it’s a great show to binge watch (over a few weeks) for that reason. If the episodes are spread out over several months, never mind years, it’s difficult to remember all of the tiny details that become important later.

But 12 Monkeys can also simply be watched as a fun romp. It’s one of the best scifi action-adventure series ever, with enough episodes to make it a meaty experience, but not so many that you feel like you’ll never finish. It’s well-made from a technical aspect, having been nominated for and won several cinematography awards. There is an overall series long quest, plus each season has its own arc. The series is full of great stories that range from the pandemic, various future dystopias and alternate realities, time travel, romance, detective noirs, comedy, Cold War spy vs spy, World Wars 1 and 2, mad science experiments, terrorism and revolution, fantasy to an art heist or two.

Some episodes can be viewed as entertaining stand alones, with familiar guest stars such as Christopher Lloyd, Matt Frewer, James Callis and Madeleine Stowe, as well as many faces that are recognizable to genre fans. Jay Karnes’ arc of episodes is a particular favorite of mine.

If you want to examine the episodes more deeply, the show also explores philosophy; the ramifications of scientific and technological progress; the long term effects of political decisions, corporate greed and organized religion; what long term poverty does to people on a personal level and on an organizational/ disorganizational level; and more. 12 Monkeys extensively explores the concepts of cycles, motivations, emotions, and morality. The ideas that are explored rotate through characters, groups and time periods, examining how varying circumstances affect the outcome, and how they don’t.

But this no Ground Hog’s Day- 12 Monkeys is well-written and original entertainment. You have to be paying attention to pick up on all of the social commentary and loops. In the end, it’s a show about love, loyalty, persistence and sacrifice. Showing the relationships between the characters is one of the things it does best. Many types of love are highlighted, including familial, romantic and brotherly. Intense religious devotion and ideology are explored as well. I would say that only same sex love is short changed. It’s hinted at, arguably to the point of queerbaiting and mild homophobia, but never fully expressed.

The characters are likeable, well-cast and acted. They all have chemistry together, including the recurring and guest cast members. Aaron Stanford, Amanda Schull, Barbara Sukowa, Kirk Acevedo, Emily Hampshire, Alisen Down and Todd Stashwick comprise the core cast who circle in and out of relationships with each other for 4 seasons. They are all outstanding as individuals and in their many configurations.

The female characters are complex and fill a variety of roles in the story. The main cast is mostly white, with only a couple of men of color to add diversity in the first season. The show eventually adds women of color later in background/minor recurring roles, but it also drops Kirk Acevedo (José Ramse) as one of the regulars. 12 Monkeys did have a female showrunner, Natalie Chaidez, for season 1 and a few female writers and directors over the course of the series.

Within the series universe, physical, medical and mental disabilities and differences were extensively considered throughout the show’s run. One of the main characters struggles with mental illness, while others have chronic illnesses, addictions, or susceptibility to the plague virus that makes them functionally disabled in the future. There are a variety of conditions that are unique to the 12 Monkeys universe that can be considered gifts or disabilities, depending on the situation, and this is also explored.

The series is character-oriented enough that each main and recurring character has a chance to be fleshed out. Several switch between villains and heroes, then back again. I found the main villain particularly compelling. Not because they’re so out of control or murderous, but because they’re trying so hard to understand themselves and their place in the world, and then to create a world where they can feel free and okay about themselves. This isn’t the usual selfish, OTT megalomaniac. All of the extraordinary actions in 12 Monkeys are motivated by very human reactions.

Because 12 Monkeys is about a global pandemic, there are some eerie similarities that predicted how the real world would change in a few years. Without the comforting distraction of zombies, watching a show in 2020 which depicts the death of 7/8 of the world’s population due a virus, followed by an inevitable break down of civilization, might not be for the faint of heart.

On the other hand, this show is sustained by the characters’ belief that they can find a time or place in the world where they can be happy with the people they love, even if their loved ones are currently lost to them. Throughout the grueling struggles in the series, the characters never give up hope that they can make things better in the long run. They have an amazing amount of grit that carries them through as a group, even when some stumble along the way. That’s a powerful message.

All of the struggles are brought to a big finish in the series finale, which is one of the best I’ve ever seen, also in my Top 5. I cried happy/sad/emotional tears throughout the last 2 or 3 episodes of the series. There’s nothing I would change about the ending. The characters and all of the many dangling plot threads are given closure in a satisfying way, with just a tiny opening left should someone want to revisit the universe again in a spin off. Given the complexity of the story and everything viewers go through with these characters, it was an incredible achievement for the showrunners to also bring the story to such a perfect end.

This show was created by showrunners with a clear vision and an ending in mind from the beginning, which is reflected in the show’s consistency across 4 seasons and in all areas of production. 12 Monkeys was created and executive produced by Terry Matalas and Trevor Fickett. Richard Suckle, Charles Roven, Natalie Chaidez and Jeffrey Reiner were also executive producers. It starred Aaron Stanford as James Cole, Amanda Schull as Cassandra Railly, Kirk Acevedo as José Ramse, Noah Bean as Aaron Marker, Todd Stashwick as Teddy Deacon, Emily Hampshire as Jennifer Goines, Barbara Sukowa as Katarina Jones, Demore Barnes as Marcus Whitley, Alisen Down as Olivia Kirschner, Andrew Gillies as Julian Adler, Tom Noonan as the Tall Man and Brooke Williams as Hannah Jones.

Currently streaming on Hulu.

Images courtesy of Syfy.

12 Monkeys: Review of Entire TV Series-1 of the best scifi shows ever. 4 seasons of action-adventure, time travel, a global pandemic, true love, & a vast conspiracy that spans the globe & all of time + questions the nature of reality. 12 Monkeys was a Syfy network series, loosely based on the 1995 Terry Gilliam film of the same name, which ran for 4 seasons/47 episodes, from 2015-2018.