#its not one of those phases im going through

[st4rgirlmar1e]

[bittasol]

smile, iruma! | hey ive been here before

[moonpaw]

Hello. I asked this a while ago on the relevent blog a while ago, but I don't know if you've seen it, so I figure I'll ask here. Is The Zoro Project abandoned? If so do you know of any similar fan translations?

Sorry if this is a question you get often (or if I greatly misunderstood and you're not the person who runs it).

nope, not abandoned! i've just been busy and taking a bit of a break from the project since i've been working on it nearly every day for 2 years now lol...

it's been about 2 months now though, so i'll probably get back on that

[imflyingfish]

bahh i want to chat about learning french but its kind of difficult. like either its super uninteresting to most people or i feel like i can come off as pretentious or whatever if im not careful and noo im just excited to both play videogames and learn a language. im literally a nerdd. anyway im going to make a post on that

[rise-my-angel]

.

[fonteyn]

Imagine thinking that the recent "failure" (by Disney standards) of Phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is because of the addition of "diversity wokeism" (their words, not mine) and a lack of focus from the architects of the MCU (mostly Kevin Feige) on the overarching storyline that binds all movies & shows and not due to the fundamentally unsustainable structure currently in place that attempts to make several gigantic billion dollar movies every year for the last 12 years whilst obviously relying on the exploitation of workers, particularly vfx artists, so much that it's driving people out of the industry, and milking as much money as possible through it all...

Like, sorry to say but: they aren't making movies...they're just rolling another product off the assembly line at this point.

[teabutmakeitazure]

the song savior by rise against makes me think of tbt

omg i thought i heard that name somewhere before. anon you unlocked memories i didnt know i had lol.

i dont know if its the lyrics or the vocals that i like about the song, but i can see why you would think that! maybe its the line about wanting to save while there's still something left to save. perhaps.

the theme of the fic will slightly change before the ending. i have a few sequel chapters planned that i will post separately. they're still subject to change but i have somewhat planned them out. one chapter will basically be reader's "future", something that will not be elaborated, only hinted at in the ending. the technicalities of that are still undergoing planning.

another chapter will involve kids! whether i include the child attack on childe is undecided (he gets attacked. thats literally it). one chapter that i will definitely put out is uh. how do i not spoil it. it takes place muuuch later on in the story, like reader is on the verge of being called an old lady kind of old. it involves pictures hiding away in the basement that are re-discovered and a long lost someone returning who immediately starts throwing hands (literally).

here's a sneak peek of the next chapter!

[thanatoseyes]

Don't mind me just sitting here angrily staring at Taylor Swift's new album that's being shoved through my throat like a hot knife.

[jojolimons]

lmao finished pepper grinder before downloading the qol update

[moonsaver]

Thinking back to a post you once made about Aeon Sunday… Imagine being someone who knew Sunday in the past before his ascension, only to then receive the gaze of Aeon Sunday later in life

Oh my god. I love this. This is simultaneously creepy AND oddly romantic.

Theres a lot of possibilities for this – was reader sunday's crush? A suitor? Maybe just someone he shared small talk with and actually liked it more than usual? Ooohohoho

Im not sure if its yan or not, so i just kinda.. kept it variable(?)

This ones a bit longer because i desperatley need to wordvomti . Thanks.

Achieving an aeon's gaze is strange, your discipline, morals, ideals, lifestyle, something has to deeply resonate with their followed path. Let us assume Sunday is something similar to a "dreamlike" aeon [maybe it's mentioned in his boss form description, all i remember is the embryo of Philosophy ;;]

But again, it's not exactly stated how you'd be able to achieve an aeon's gaze; i still have no idea how acheron did it [IX is literally a black hole??], because i cant for the life of me read through those huge blocks of texts in the dialogue.

So lets say Sunday's able to pull his own strings and maybe even force you on that path. He's an aeon – who's stopping him?

Its the middle of the night, you're awake in bed, tossing and turning. It feels like something in your chest is pulling, a weird sensation you've been trying to put off. Your eyes are burning from the lack of sleep, but your mind seems restless. You try to calm yourself down and think about one thing and then another, one by one, until you remember Sunday. You wonder what was going through his mind, his in-between words in that one conversation, what he could have meant..

And like that, you fall asleep. Your bones sink into the bed, your weight relaxes into the pliant surface.

And then you awake. But somewhere else. It's not your bedroom – not the familiar ceiling, nor the corner of your room with piled clothes or a messy table. It's the cosmos, littered with stars. It's strange. You almost don't notice until you try to move – you're floating in space.

You turn, and he's there. That recognizable golden halo, stretching out into the dark expanse like the inside of a star plunging into the depths, golden eyes that peer down at you; with recognition, understanding, almost sympathy, and something you can't quite place. Your ribs ache and your lungs burn when you're reminded to breathe – this is the man you were thinking about before you slept.

You wake up, panting, shooting up in bed. The familiar space of your room greets you this time. The night is young outside your window ‐ not much time seems to have passed in that brilliant moment.

You were ready to chalk it up to a dream, like the ones where you feel like you're falling and wake up with a racing heart. But then you look down, and see a strange symbol on your body, something akin to an eye.

It seems you've earned his blessing to follow his path.

And even more? It seems like you're the first person to actually follow this path.

It's strange and isolating in a way. You can awaken from the sweetdream paradise your beloved Aeon seems to have put penacony under. You gain this strange, superflous, iridescent ghost of a halo, and you realise you can use it to communicate.

You can communicate with Sunday.

But a part of you finds it pointless. you can't understand what he's saying anymore; Aeons' existence transcends language. You can only hear whispers of people speaking to you, as though it's from the corner of a room, somewhere in the distance, with one barely audible male voice standing out in the whispering; it might be sunday's real voice, but you're not sure. At least, to some degree, you've managed to make out a few words.

Some words give you information. You can monitor the true handiwork of your aeon this way. Every person's dream — sweet, deep slumbers, exquisitely woven by deft fingers, all in 7 days. You figured this when you phased out of the dream, looking down at your own sleeping body and freaking out, when Sunday communicated with you for the first time, instantly calming you down. Dream. Woven. 7 days. Those words were evident in the cacophony of whispers.

Some words carry warnings. Or rather, they're not exactly words.

When your curious hands boldly trace the surface of a particularly fragile dream, you hear breathing. In close proximity, too, as if its right behind your ear. Sometimes, if you try to wake someone, you feel the breathing; warm, and languidly flowing down the back of your collar. You've chosen to not find out what happens when you don't listen.

Sometimes, when you decide to simply phase out of the dream to take a look at your own body in reality – you talk to Sunday. You tell him what you think, who you met in the dreamscape, what he can do to make it better [since.. well, you can't exactly do much to awaken anyone or oppose an aeon]. You assume he doesn't hear you, since you don't get your whispery response, but after you catch a few glimpses of your suggestions in the dreamscape, you realise he's just a good listener.

Perhaps, even if you may be the only follower of this path for now.. it may not be as isolating as you think.

[st4rgirlmar1e]

[sunsetkerr]

SAMMY'S GIRL (ii) | s.kerr

summary: MORE headcanons on your relationship with sam, read part one here.

pairing: fem!reader x sam kerr

notes: getting out lots of little headcanons because they're just so much fun to do. sammy's girl is my favourite of all my girls (completely bias, sorry) but if you want to see what other 'wags' are in my lil universes, check out my masterlists!! each 'wag' is also going to get their own tag, so check those out for little file facts, or ask questions/send thoughts so we can add to them all!! lots of love

as previously established, you’ve grown up with sam right

you’ve known her through every little phase and every weird obsession she’s ever had

you know her deepest secrets and she knows yours

its honestly quite jarring because you both know each other better than you know yourselves

you’re not at sporty as sam, only relaly dabbling in school netball for carnivals and stuff when they needed extra girls

but sam would try and include you as much as she could in all aspects of her career

if she was having a solo gym day, or just going on a walk

guess whos coming with!?!!!

its you!!!!!!

if she wants a swim at the beach for recovery

she is making sure that you tag along

(not just to see you in your bathers, its for recovery, have some professionalism please)

sam has spent half of her life without you and having to settle for seeing you through a screen

so once you’re in london with her permanently, she is making the most of that

she needs to shower? you’re passing her body wash

she’s hungry? shes making two servings and you’re eating with her

she wants a coffee? youre heading to your favourite spot

you are always around

and sam isn’t having it if you’re not

when she does have to go away?

youre getting texts from guro, erin and millie complaining about her

‘omg she wont shut up about you’

‘if sam doesn’t stop talking im gonna clock her y/n, i won’t be held responsible for my actions’

‘she’s at a new level of pathetic, please come get your girl’

but they understand, they love you too

the entirety of the chelsea squad know you’re at every game

they have a dedicated seat for you in the family and friends section

everyone is away that it’s your seat

millie’s fiancée wards people away from it

he once had to face the consequences of sitting in your seat

he wouldn’t wish an angry emma hayes or sam kerr upon anyone

but its not all about sam

she is just your biggest cheerleader

you were able to finish your degree online and were lucky enough that your credentials in australia carried over to the uk 

so you started working there

im picturing sports journalism???????? you were forced to be around sport your entire life that it kinda just became a natural thing

you were so well-informed on so many different sports it was crazy

sam loved plugging anything you were writing

you posted a new article? she’s sharing that shit on her instagram story

you won an award for a piece? she’s at the ceremony

you’re working overtime to get a project finished? she’s ordering you dinner to the office

as much as sam is a professional and very famous athlete

she’s still just sammy to you

and she’s never forgotten that

but to her, you are the best thing to ever happen to planet earth

and she makes sure that everyone knows

living with sam is lots of fun

you relish in all of the time you get to spend together

call it making up lost time

sure, she leaves her stuff everywhere

but you’re guilty of that too

you still hold each other accountable

‘sam you didn’t do the dishes’

‘okay and you didn’t hang out the laundry’

‘… fair enough’

making dinner together is just chaotic 

sam can only cook breakfast, she excels at smashed avocado

so she really lets you take the reins on dinners 

she succumbs to the sou-chef life

you force her to watch movies with you

she argues and says that tv shows are better

(even though you know she’s completely invested in whatever film you’ve chosen)

you have a little brother who just idolises sam

and he has since the day he was born

he was a classic accident child, a real surprise for your parents

but watching him grow up was just the best

hes the biggest women’s soccer fan you know

he’s up-to-date on all of the woso drama

definitely can tell you the entire timeline and drama of the mcfoord relationship 

so when he’s old enough

sam flies him over to the uk all the time

he just loves sam so much

he wears her jersey to every game, saying he doesn’t want anyone elses

(maybe maccas, but that’s a different story)

and sam is estatic to have him there

definitely walks out with him as her mascot on multiple occasions

sam isn’t super touchy feely in front of others

but when shes drunk, she can’t help it

she just wants to hold you and she doesn’t care who’s around to see it

sam really loves watching men at bars or in clubs try to hit on you

just to go and ruin their fun

it’s her favourite pastime really

sam’s extra sappy and clingy when tired

after a big night or a tiring game, she wants to curl up next to you and have you hold her until she falls asleep

sometimes it’s a foreign feeling for you

sam is almost always the big spoon

so you really drink in the feeling whenever she feels vulnerable enough to let you hold her for a change

sam is also extra attentive when you’re not feeling well

she’s so doting and always checking in on you

if shes around, you’re being waited on hand and foot

‘are you okay? do you have a temp?’

‘let me get you some water’

‘i don’t like the sound of that cough, y/n’

if she’s away for a game, your phone does not stop ringing

she’s always texting when she has a spare minute 

and if she has more than ten minutes to spare, she’s calling you to see how you are

sam just adores you

the fans adore you even more

the amount of tiktok edits of you and sam are crazy

the one of you in the stands after her goal against england in the world cup went viral

the way you jumped out of your seat and almost threw yourself over the barrier was on the news the next day

the clip continuing as sam ran over to your section, as you both shouted in celebration to each other

or the clips in the matildas doco series of the two of you

the lesbians went feral for that shit

everyone wants what you have

everyone wants you

you are that bitch

sam knows it too

and she’s not afraid to let people know just who you are

because you’re hers 

forever and always

[kessellluvr]

NYE - nsfw

word count: 1.6k

pairing: adult!lottie x afab!reader

youre lottie’s younger partner and she gets jealous easily.. :3

warnings: 18+ content, fingering, controlling!lottie, older!lottie, rough!lottie, bratty!reader, sub!reader, teasing!reader, intoxication, use of alcohol, mommy kink, nipple play, overstimulation, crying, begging

It was another one of those nights - you were out partying while Lottie was at home, she hated not having you by her side, especially on fucking new years eve. she wanted to spend quality time with you, have a romantic dinner even but you didnt care, you were younger and in that phase where you felt the need to party whenever you could. Lottie tried to talk you out of it but you never listened, you were a brat. You’ve asked her to come along with you because she’d throw tantrums about how she didnt want you to do mistakes which you’d regret. She didnt want to come along, she’d say shes too old for that kind of stuff and its not for her.

Well, today was different - you had left the house without saying goodbye, you two had just gotten in a fight and you were so fucking upset. you felt like blowing up. you came home late, clearly more intoxicated than you’ve ever been before - it was new years eve and youve been to the club with some friends. you clearly had your struggle to get the key into the keyhole of the front door, your vision was blurry but you somehow managed. you turned the key and pushed open the door, pulling out the key and slamming the door. you didnt really care if you might wake up Lottie. you went into the kitchen, couldn’t even walk straight - you threw your keys onto the counter and sat down on it, noticing lottie standing in the doorway to the living room - wearing her black robe. you rolled your eyes and tore your gaze away from her, fiddling with the rings on your fingers - her eyes were burning onto you, you felt yourself getting hot. she stepped closer to you, reaching out to grab your chin. you gulped and looked up at her, innocently. “you know how fucking worried i was? its three am!” she snapped at you, your eyes wide with lust, you were so drunk - her bad mood turned you on.

Lottie noticed the way your lips parted slightly, your eyelids starting to feel heavier - she scoffed and picked you up. “tell me what you did.” she said, trying to sound calmer but failing miserably. “well.. u-uhm.. i drank.. obviously..” you slurred drunkenly. you felt her roll her eyes as the carried you up the stairs and into the bedroom, she threw you on the bed and went to straddle your hips. her robe had fallen open slightly - revealing more of her bare chest, causing your breath to hitch. Lottie’s hand found its way to your shirt - pulling it over your head. she threw it aside carelessly and her hands went behind your back to undo your bra, throwing it off too. Lottie’s hand cupped your breast - her thumb and index finger going to pinch your nipple, causing you to cry out. “did someone else touch you, huh?” she asked - her eyes looked so possessed, fuck it was hot. you shook your head, her two fingers pinched harder, causing you to squirm and whine. a smirk curled upon Lottie’s lips, she let go of your breast and her hands went to undo your pants - pushing them down to the floor and leaving you in just your underpants. “you know mommy doesnt like you going out.. yet you keep doing it.” she murmed as she trailed her finger over your abdomen, sending a shiver along your skin. “mommy’s really upset about that..” she whispered, her lips dragging over the sensitive skin on your neck. “i-im sorry mommy..” you whimpered as her hand cupped your soaked cunt through your panties. her finger slipped under your waistband and pulled your panties down, her thumb trailed circles over your clit. “mommy’s gonna make you cum.. over and over again, until you beg for her to stop.” she murmed and you nodded, this was her form of punishment - overstimulation.

Lottie pulled you in for a kiss as two of her fingers sunk into your cunt, making you moan into her mouth - she smirked and pushed her tounge foward, claiming you once again. her fingers worked expertly, curling up against your g-spot and making you gasp. your hands grasped onto her robe - pulling it off and causing her to stop for a second, she chuckled before she kept going, her tounge dancing with yours as she pumped her fingers in and out your of your cunt. your hands were all over her body, trying to find something to hold on and settling on her waist - your hips bucked upward as she kept fingering you, your eyes rolling back in your head as you felt the waves of your orgasm hitting. “fuuuck.. mommy..” you cried out as your cum came dripping out your hole, Lottie pulled her fingers out - licking them and savouring your taste. “Hmm so good..”

Lottie backed off of you, walking towards the bedside table and pulling open a drawer. she pulled out a vibrator along with her strap-on. your eyes widened as you watched her from the bed, you shifted so you could rest your head on the pillow. Lottie walked back towards you, the vibrator in her hand and the strapon on the matress next to you. you looked up at her with wide eyes - you felt the alcohol still running through your system. she moved to sit and lean against the headboard “come sit between mommy’s legs.” you complied, shifting to sit between her legs, the back of your head resting against her chest. Lottie ran a finger along your inner thigh before grabbing both thighs and spreading them apart. you heard her switch the vibrator on a low level and you glared down to see her bringing it to your swollen clit. as soon as it made contact you gasped, hips bucking upwards. she used her left hand to caress your breasts - you squeezed your eyes shut and felt the sensations run through your veins, a switch clicked and the vibrations started going faster. making you moan harder, hands grasping the sheets as lottie cooed down at you. “hmm let go..” and you did, cumming for her once more. Lottie didnt pull the tog away, she turned the level up once more and your legs twitched as you cried out. she chuckled and her left arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to her and holding you steady. you felt her face nuzzling your neck as she pressed a kiss on there “take it for me..” she whispered into your ear before gently biting down on your lobe - you were a moaning mess, drunk on her words.

As Lottie turned the toy on the highest level, you felt as if you were gonna melt - whimpering in her embrace as your eyes were starting to water “m-mommy please.. i- i cant..” you whined and she moved her free hand to caress your abdomen “shhh.. baby you got this, one more for mommy..”

A tear ran down your cheek as you felt your third orgasm of the night approaching, whining and crying out Lottie’s name as you came. “lottie.. please stop..!” your cry was muffled by her hand over your mouth.

After you finally somewhat calmed down, you laid against her chest - panting slightly. Lottie’s hand was caressing your hair, the vibrator was forgotten to the bedside table. you thought she was finally done punishing you but oh you were wrong. Lottie lifted you by your waist and made you face her, placing you on her lap as she pulled you in for a kiss again, her tounge ran over your lips and you split them, letting both your tounges tangle. after a few seconds she pulled back “now.. one more thing..” she said with that sweet, crooked grin (AHHHH :33) as she reached for the strap-on which laid on the matress. she carefully lifted you off her lap and went to put the strap around her waist, making sure it was tight enough and secure. you bit your lower lip, spreading your legs. Lottie raised a brow “get up.” her tone was more commanding now. you stood up and felt your legs trembling slightly, you looked up at the taller woman “turn around and bend over.” your eyes wide as you complied, spinning around and bending over the bed - it was a rather high bed so it wasnt a problem for lottie to reach you (idk did that make sense??). as soon as you were in position her hand flew across your asscheek, causing you to flinch slightly. Lottie chuckled lowly as she went to position herself, pressing the tip of her purple strap-on against your sore cunt. your eyes squeezed shut as you felt her push foward, your mouth hung open - your hands gripping on the sheets as she started thrusting back and forth, groaning as she did so. Lottie’s grip on your hips tightened, pulling you closer as she slammed the toy in and your cunt. “fuck.. lottie..” you moaned as you felt your fourth orgasm approaching. “so fucking tight.. yet you take mommy so well.” you moaned again, your face buried in the sheets as tears started to form in your eyes once more, your moans became louder and louder until you finally felt the knot in your lower area releasing. your whole body shook slightly, she kept pumping back and forth, her movements becoming slower as she let you fully ride out your last orgasm. “mhmm done so well for me.” she praised as she slowly pulled out.

and with that she left the room, probably off to take a shower as you laid on the bed, properly used by her. you had definitely learned your lesson from this.

AN: i have no fucking idea what this is just uhm yes

[ask-the-cookiefish-timeline]

ciao gente! che musica ascoltate, solitamente?

TRANSLATION: hi folks! What music do you usually listen to?

DAVEPETA: B33 < *slides in cutely all smooth like* DAVEPETA: B33 < *meowchal jackson up in this bitch thats how smooth dp slides in* DAVEPETA: B33 < *dp paws through their collection of sick records before landing on the purrfect one and they set that thang gently onto the record player* DAVEPETA: B33 < ive b33n listenin to this jazz fusion band from old earth DAVEPETA: B33 < its called casiopea! DAVEPETA: B33 < if you want a recommendation i like タイムリミット !

ROXY: when i was super young and im talkin like baby ROXY: imagine baby roxy in your brain. oh yeah ROXY: i was super into like early 2000s hip hop n r&b!! ROXY: i had a phase where i would listen to hey ya by outkast on repeat for um ROXY: like genuinely weeks on end i think... ROXY: it was called gettin my hey yas in and it was a genuine ritual that was beneficial to my well being!!! ROXY: that music still means a lot to me but nowadays i listen to a lot of those silly cat song playlists for silly people :3

KARKAT: THIS QUESTION FUCKING SUCKS BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ADMITTED THIS TO ANYBODY YET SO HERE WE GO I GUESS KARKAT: I STARTED DOING THIS BIT FOR MY STUDENTS WHERE I WOULD ONLY PLAY THAT SHITTY STOCK MUSIC BY KEVIN MACLEOD AS BACKGROUND, YKNOW AS THEY DO THEIR WORK KARKAT: DID YOU KNOW WE HAD A KEVIN MACLEOD ON ALTERNIA? THE MUSIC WAS EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME BUT ALL OF THE TITLES WERE DIFFERENT KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY KARKAT: ANYWAYS I PUT IT ON FOR THE KIDS SO MUCH THAT I STARTED GETTING ATTACHED TO IT AND NOW I EVEN PLAY IT AT HOME BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING I CAN FUCKING LISTEN TO ANYMORE KARKAT: DAVE KEEPS SAYING "where i come from we call that autism"

[classicconundrum]

i draw so that a 15 year old years from now right out of her deltarune phase scrolling mindlessly for the next thing to draw during history class can perhaps, one day, see my art and say "fuck it lets watch (insert homoerotic show/podcast)"

i draw so that a 25 year old nonbinary person on a 5 minute break from work can scroll on Tumblr and say "people still watch homestar runner?" before mindlessly reblogging as there fingers were trained to do after a life of this.

i draw so that the teen boy who has to pretend to be homophobic around his friends can send the little pictures to his boyfriend because "you like that show right?"

i draw so that 6 years from now the woman I wish I would have had the chance to marry can go on my blog and find all my little pictures and laugh and say "you never changed, did you?"

i draw for my friend, T, who likes every post i make and comments on all of my tiktoks "i agree!" followed by some arrangement of shouting and fire emojis

i draw for my mother who doesn't quite understand what I mean when I go on frivolous rants on what happened in that show or game or podcast or book or fanfic but smiles because its rare she sees me so happy it simply must be shared, and so she says "That totally makes sense" in a sarcastic tone that to one might convey rudeness, but between us has a certain sincerity, a recognition of the mundane, and we laugh.

i draw for myself to look back and squeal giddy because I love the way it turned out

i draw for people who would be my best friend that I never meet because im too scared to comment on there posts

i draw for the people i have known as long as i can remember, the people i likely won't get to see until i die, because they like my art

i draw in spite of those who make me want to quit, i draw because i know they can't stop me, and I don't think they would want to

i draw in spite of my middle school sweetheart that I still text sometimes because I miss when we were friends

i draw in spite of people who called all my art rushed after hours of work

i draw for the boy I wished i would marry because I know he looks at the art I made of him and washes out the part of it that was me, so that its a hollow glass of his own self love, posted to his media pinned as a profile photo, claiming it's nothing but knowing that after it all, he hangs a picture painted by me in his room and my love will never leave his heart.

i draw for the man he will one day be when he pushes the things he did down to unpleasant memories, and he looks at that figure, and knows that at one point, he was loved enough for someone to make it.

i draw for the man one day I will be, looking through sketchbooks full of Homestuck ocs and Mario enemies with nothing but the indication of a smile as I'm flooded with all the love I had for so many things.

i draw for the man T will be one day, hopefully still a friend of mine, finding his silly notes disbursed through my notebooks. his doodles in pages perfectly reserved just for him. you know. cuz I love him.

i draw for the people who will pass my life only knowing the cool eye I was drawing in history class.

i draw for the girl who took up art after seeing the way I put pen to page

i draw for the family that cheers to see another work done by me

i draw for the people who will exist long after I have died so subtlety effected by the art had on so many other artists, so many people, even if they don't know my name, even if they will never see my work.

i draw because its fun and it helps me think and I like thinking of ideas and putting them onto paper and I like how the finished piece looks most of the time.

i draw

[stephofromcabin12]

🤫

Ahem:

Dionysus hid in his own home during that time between HOO and TOA 5 like the dad in arrested development until Zeus spotted him out and about and sent him back.

Hera has a swear jar on Olympus. It’s most frequently brought out during game nights.

Hermes has the loudest, most obnoxious ring tones. Several because he has multiple phones.

Ares is directly responsible for reddit’s existence. He’s not aware of this. He’s also banned from 9897996 subreddits. He’s started double that amount.

Apollo’s main strategy of getting out of conversations with people is to pretend to text and go “uuuhhhhmm” *taptaptaptaptaptap* “weeeellll, hmmm, uuhhhhhhhh” *taptaptaptaptap* until they get angry and give up trying to talk to him.

You’re most likely to run into Hermes, Apollo and Artemis at a gym (Artemis is just there looking for potential hunters)

You might assume Ares would be there but he’s not. He’s casually dropping into arenas and hotels that athletes stay at while playing for tournaments. And sports bars. So many sports bars.

He used to go to the olympic village but he got too distracted by the games to even bother picking up potential mortal partners.

Apollo had a plant phase (“nymphs dig plants, right?”) didn’t last long.

Artemis attracts cats and does not understand why, considering she’s hanging out with wolves all the time.

Hecate likes to send her unclaimed kids those tarot “this was meant to find you” readings everywhere with specific hints that she’s connected to them, to see if they figure it out. She also will only communicate through scrying and magic rather than IM’s, and gets very offended when her children don’t pick up on it at all. Her version of “cause you’re always on that damn phone” is “You never use your intuition!!”

Hypnos has shown up in his kids’ dreams multiple times, in various forms. Hey, gotta take advantage of unseen ways of checking in on ‘em right. He’ll visit other’s children if he’s asked nicely and you catch him in the right mood. More gods have asked him to do this than they’d care to admit.

Dionysus can identify the year and grape of a wine just by hearing it poured.

Aphrodite is unapologetically on all dating apps, and is unafraid to message any of her kids she sees, as well as demigods in general, just to say hi. She’ll sometimes say something ominous as if she’s seen their interests and is making ~plans~ for their future in love. She knows they’re mortified, that’s why she does it.

I see trash canon Ares and raise you: Coach dad Ares. Your classic coach dad. He’s arguing with their actual football coaches, he’s grilling after a victory, he’s putting kids in headlocks and ruffling their hair. His leather jacket may or not crinkle due to the Werther’s originals he carries around. He does the reach around snack hand on the solstices during the presentations.

At those solstice meetings every year, the gods have a nymph secretary to whisper their kids’ names in their ear in case they forget.

Ares has had the same dog for 4000 years. Its unclear if its really the same dog he’s kept around or if he simply gets the same kind of dog every-time the last one dies and names it the same name. It’s called Thyella or “Ty” for short.

This is just like— headcanon but I like the idea of the gods not only being distant and emotionally unavailable bc they’re bad parents but also bc they’re just: extremely confused by humans. Especially modern humans. They can’t keep up. They’re perplexed at the speed at which their demigod kids pick up, and leave behind, things, phrases and trends. And they hate not knowing things, and even worse, not being considered cool by their kids (where’s the honor in that?). So they feign disinterest but the easiest way to piss them off is to make something up and go “oh you don’t know about that? Mom/Dad that’s ancient news!” When they ask what you’re talking about.

Similarly my favorite headcanon for them is that they’re deities, as in, they’re not human. They’re unquantifiable. They’re at times almost creature like? Like, they’re confusing and everchanging and Other. There’s something distinctly Not Human about them, even when they’re trying to come across as one. A mortal might find it alluring, a demigod will probably find it slightly disturbing, especially when they occasionally catch a glimpse of it in themselves.

Demigods, because of this, also come across as almost not human to others at times. There’s something off about them. Its not the ADHD, it’s not the way they never use technology. Its the way they nod sagely in class when discussing ancient myths, like they’ve met the gods themselves or quietly add “psh, yeah they wish” under their breath while watching a documentary.

Its in the way their eyes look purple if the sun hits them just right, before you blink and they go back to their usual blue.

Their reflexes that, despite being so clumsy, are freakishly good under pressure. The sheer strength they have when you know they’ve never set foot in a gym.

Its the way you remember that one time in the second grade when your buddy took a baseball to the face and still to this day you could’ve sworn there was the tiniest swirling of something shimmery reflecting in the blood dripping down over their fingers; microscopic golden specks reflecting in the fluorescent lights on the way to the nurse’s office. You never mentioned it at the time, much too caught up in the drama and excuse to leave P.E early. But you still look at them now, years later, stretching out in the sun like a plant; trying to absorb as much light as possible, scars that they never mention and never acknowledge crossing their abdomen and arms, and you wonder what that’s all about.

In the case of adults, mortals don’t necessarily know that they’re speaking to a god, but there’s something about them that just— feels off. Not bad, not always. Just something in the way they know things that doesn’t make sense. How they seem to appear out of nowhere, appearance always perfect without them even trying. They don’t sweat. They don’t blush. They never run out of things to say. They never lose their way. People seem to just bend around them, like the time the restaurant they took you to was closed early and after a short conversation, the chef reappeared to open the kitchen just for you. Or the time they scored tickets to that sold out concert, or wrestling match. It’s so odd looking back on that fling all those years ago and realising that you dont think they ever showered. Or shaved. Not that it showed on them but that’s still odd right? Or the time they chatted with someone on the phone in a language you didn’t recognize.

“What was that language?” An innocent question, this was before you thought to be suspicious of these things.

“Greek.” They answer, not meeting your eyes.

“I didn’t know your family is from Greece,” you reply, trying to think if they ever mentioned it.

“Oh, we go way back,” they say, changing the subject before you think to ask more questions.