#its mother's day so this dead mother is thinking about her babies and how much she misses and loves them

[i-cant-sing]

I can’t get this scenario out of my head with yan!batfamily in which Bruce worms his way into a depressed reader’s life by marrying their mother and slowly taking over the role of parenting reader while dealing with the depression.

No because Bruce would do that. In his head, its just another mission to "save Y/n" and sure, your mother isn't exactly his type, and your depression isn't exactly her fault- the poor woman just works day and night for you both to survive in this outrageous economy, she doesn't have had enough time to see you not doing so well mentally.

Bruce and his sons, by whatever sequence of events, are now infatuated with you. What started as concern for your well being has now turned into obsessive need to control your life to make it better. So, yeah... Bruce decides to marry your mom, who is more than happy to finally find a chivalrous, handsome man... who just happens to also be very rich.

Meanwhile, you hate him. It's stupid, but you hate how filthy rich he is and even though you know that he donates a lot to charities, you still hate him because Bruce thinks money can solve everything (and in your case, it almost can), but you can't help but feel insulted everytime he offers you a cheque, a wad of cash to pay off your bills and loans, or even a $20 bill to get yourself some snacks. It feels... abnormal. You're not a charity case.

Perhaps your socioeconomic status isn't the only reason you're depressed. Maybe it's just you missing your father (could be dead/murdered/suicide/just moved far far away).

The moment Bruce finds out that your dad is the reason why you're so depressed, oh it's "I WILL FATHER ANOTHER CHILD IN NEED OF PROFESSIONAL HELP" time. He's doubling down on his paternal instincts and he's just mentally smacking himself like "ofc you need a father figure in your life. Who better than me????"

And it just makes your skin crawl at how nonchalant Bruce is about all this- about incorporating himself into your and your mother's life. Treating you both, especially you like you're actually related. Like he's been around with you two his entire life. You lose your appetite when he stays for dinner, but you sit at the table for your mother. You try to make excuses when your mother tells you that you have to go with her at the Wayne Manor because "Bruce wants to spend a day with family". You can't help but look at your mother in wonder at how she is comfortable when you both pull up at the manor. You thought things would be easier if Bruce's sons were also uncomfortable or even hated you and your mother (or thought that your mom was a gold digger), but no, they're just as worse as Bruce. Dick being particularly the worst in the sense that he's more affectionate and his love language is physical touch, so you get squished to his chest everytime he sees you, with a small cry "my baby!" Sometimes, "sis" would be added.

You didn't like either nickname.

Then there's Jason, who is the most normal one of them all, perhaps because he isn't around much and when he is, he just makes small talk.

Tim doesn't talk much either, but he stares a lot. Somehow you feel like he knows something about you, at least more than he's letting on.

And lastly, there's Damian, that pompous little shit. You know he's being amicable for Bruce, but his eyes look at you like he's judging you- thinks you're beneath him. Which is true, in the sense of finance. Despite all of that, Damian still wants to show you off his interests/things around the manor. He's still being arrogant ofc, "Look at this oil painting- it's a Van Gogh original. Van Gogh is a famous painter- he's dead though. I'm sure you aren't familiar with his works. I can take you to the Gotham gallery to show you more paintings. Father owns it, so it can be just us two without other people bothering us." He's nice but also not nice. But at least he's not doing it intentionally.

Then there's Bruce. Who is always looking at you with a small smile, but his eyes are always analysing you, even when he's not looking at you directly, you know that he's watching your every move like a hawk. He tries spending time with you, often he succeeds, only because your mother makes you go. He's a good man, hasn't done anything exactly inappropriate, but... even something as small as making you walk on the inner side of the sidewalk so that you're safe from the cars... it doesn't sit right with you. Why is he being so paternal? You certainly have been rude to him on purpose. Always giving him one word answers when he asks you how your day was.

Then one day your mother returns home with a beaming smile.

"Bruce proposed to me! We're getting married!"

After only 3 months of dating? It's what you wanted to say, but you held it back when you saw how happy she was.

The next day, Bruce held a dinner at the manor to celebrate the engagement. Surprisingly, that was the first time you saw Damian looking mad at you and your mom.

It was a reasonable reaction. Acceptable to you, instead of the overly excited yell of Dick "WE'RE GOING TO BE SIBLINGS! That means we can have slumber parties and pillow fights and-"

Your mother and Bruce were shopping for the wedding, looking at dresses and venues and all the shenanigans while you were at the manor, moving your and your mom's stuff in with the boys. It was the last thing you wanted, but your mother.... she insisted on it. Or at least that's what she says, you know Bruce insisted.

Doesn't matter because by next year, you'd be moving away to college anyways.

You just need to put up with this for a little longer and see your mother finally be happy.

You didn't expect your mother to be dead a week before the wedding.

It was out of the blue. You were sitting in the library at the manor because Dick refused to let you be alone in your room all the time, so he was making you some cookies while you read. Then he and Bruce came together, their faces pale as they looked at you.

"Y/n... your mother, she... she got in an accident."

She was driving to some restaurant, wanted to get you your favourite fried chicken and spend some time with you alone. But on her way, a truck crashed right into her car.

She died on the spot.

Whatever little improvement you had on your mental health went straight down the drain. You locked yourself in your room and just cried quietly. They left you alone the first few days, but then Bruce and Dick tried to persuade you to come out, that they were concerned for you. You did come out the day the funeral was held. And it hurt you... it hurt you so deeply when you found out they were burying her at the Wayne cemetery.

She wasn't a fucking Wayne.

If you had any strength, if you had any energy at all, you would've taken your mother and buried her someplace else.

But you didn't.

When you returned inside the manor, you went straight to your mother's room, which was also Bruce's room but you didn't care if he saw you in there or not. You just started packing all of your mother's stuff, her clothes, her jewellery, her photos, everything she came here with, which wasn't much to begin with but still.

"Y/n?" You stiffened when Bruce called you, but you didn't pause on packing. "What are you doing? Looking for something?"

You sighed. Might as well get this over with.

You turnd around, not looking him in the eye.

"I'm moving out. And I'm taking mom's stuff with me. You can check, I'm not stealing anything that belongs to you."

Bruce looked at you in confusion. "Moving out? Where are you going?"

"College. I'll be going there soon anyways, so I'm moving to an apartment with some friends."

"Oh, but you don't need to move out. You can stay with us. Youre family-" you cut him off.

"Bruce, let's not." You finally look at him. "We're not family. I never was, I never wanted to be. Mom's gone now, and I have no reason or desire to be here. Thank you for letting me stay here for as long as you have, but I will be moving out by tomorrow, if not tonight." You said picking up your mother's bag of stuff and walking out of the room. Bruce followed you to your room.

"But I don't want you to move-"

You dropped the bags. "I don't care what you want!"

Bruce looked at you with his brows furrowed. He didn't get why you were acting like this. Your yelling had gotten the attention of the boys too, all looking in confusion at the bags.

"I don't want to be a part of this family. I never have, and I never will. I never liked you or anyone in this family. And if you're concerned about me speaking to the media about you guys, don't worry. If it helps you, you can make me sign an NDA!"

Damian narrowed his eyes at you. "Dont talk to father like-"

"Shut up!" You yelled harshly. You didn't care who you were hurting. Your mother was gone, you had no reason to be amicable to them anymore.

-

They left you alone that day, and by the next morning, you were ready to leave. At 6 am, you walked down to the main door, with your bags. You weren't expecting them all to be waiting for you, but here they were. You took a step towards the door, but Dick stopped you.

He cleared his throat. "Um, this is the NDA... if you'd just sign it here." He handed you the papers.

Unbelievable. They actually drew up a contract. You took the pen from his hand and signed at the dotted lines.

"Bye." You took another step, except Damian and Tim blocked your path.

"What now?"

"Where are you going?" Tim asked.

"Do we have to go over this again?" You grumbled. "College." You answered.

"You can't." Damian said smugly. What's he smirking for?

"You're gonna break my legs?" You scoffed.

"No, you just signed a document saying that you're a part of this family, and Bruce Wayne is your guardian and has authority over all decisions concerning you like going to college, or even... going out of the house." Damian replied.

You looked at Bruce, because there's no way Damian is being serious. But there were no signs of joking. You looked at Dick, at Jason-

They were all dead serious.

"You cant- you can't be- you can't keep me here." You said.

"You signed the documents. It's your fault for not reading them." Tim said.

"Bruce-"

"I really do believe that it'd be better for you to stay here." Bruce said, taking ahold of your shoulders. "At least until you're doing better mentally."

"I'm fine-"

"I don't think so. And I could even take you to a psychiatrist, they'd agree with me." Bruce cupped your cheek as you flinched away. "You'd be happy here. I promise you that, you'll be safe and happy with us."

You'd try fighting, but you already knew you were outnumbered.

Besides, even if you weren't, even if you were alone with the smallest one of them, you still wouldn't be able to leave. You have no idea what Damian is capable of.

After all, he's the one who had your mother killed.

[satellitespinner]

✼ mommy issues .. (one)

a/n: oh did you think this was gonna be a cute lil fluff fic? nahh it’s sad city down there!! be careful..

content warnings: ANGST panic attacks.. hurt (no comfort.) joel is dead. ellie’s a lil sad :/// ellie’s a lil anxious… ellie’s a projection of me.. ANYWAYS. reader and ellie are kinda the same but different ??? swearing ofc.. reader is very much okay with being a lesbian ! and she’s on good terms with the baby fawtha cause what! ellie is not fond of children apparently?? she also might be autistic.

wc: 2k.

taglist: @flowersforvi @diddiqueen @ellslvr @saturnsdrafts @3lli3l0v3r @williamssgirl @liasxeatt @adelaide013 @a-little-bit-of-everybody @elliessweetheart @pedropascalsbbg @ellies2missingfingers @nelzooo @r3starttt @jaeminpookie @onlinelesbo @tphmnv @p4ison1vy @pascals-doll @snowy-vee @diddiqueen

ellie grew up around masculinity, thats why people assume she is the way she is. but ellie can assure that her brain would work the exact same way if she had a mother.

plus, she had joel. that was really all she needed. she still knew how to be a woman. it’s not like she grew up without a mother and didn’t know anything about herself.

2 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS AGO..

ellie sighed and threw the white stained towel over her shoulder. fuck she muttered under her breath as she read yet another email.

ATTENTION STUDENTS!

You will all be required to purchase the following textbooks in order to complete the course - They will help immensely in the upcoming exam. I recommend reading carefully and thoroughly.

Sincerely,

Prof Morgan.

all 5 of the books linked in the email were over $150.00 each. how the fuck was she supposed to work that out? all while paying her own tuition, rent and utilities.

“yo, williams!” her manager jesse yelled, interrupting her calculations.

“breaks over.” he snatches the towel from her shoulder and makes his way back into the kitchen with it in tow.

she scoffs and shoves her phone back into her polyester pocket. jesse’s head pops back into the room “oh and” he starts before turning to her. “you’re training today” she scoffs and lifts herself off the chair.

“is that even in my job description?” she follows him out of the kitchen once again.

“sure it is, i just described it to you.” he winks, ellie huffs.

the sky had dimmed by the time ellies shift was over. skating home was gonna be a bitch.

“you need a ride home?” dina places a hand atop her shoulder, a helpful smile on her face. ellie really wanted to say no. she’s been asking for help from others so much lately.

“no, uhh- i’ll get home t’night. thanks dee.” she nods as she grabs her skateboard from her locker. have the trucks always been this lose?

“no, i insist.” dina presses. she pulls out her keys and throws her bag over her shoulder.

“let’s go, my child.” she giggles at the nickname. ellies shoulders relax.

“thanks again, i really appreciate it.” ellie said, her tone laced with genuine gratitude. dina dismisses her with a hand flick. “don’t even sweat it.” she bragged. “now get goin, it’s late.”

ellie pushes the car door open with a steady grip on her skateboard. her smile falters as she waves dina off.

she unlocks her door with a trembling hand, she hated being alone.

the picture of her and joel neatly placed beside the coat rack mocked her as she placed her skateboard down in its dedicated spot. she stared into the picture until the colors morphed into one big glob.

the loss of not just a parent, but her only parent cut her deep. she could barely lift her head for the first while, nevermind go to work. she should be proud of herself! but she isn’t.

how could she be? she felt like everyone else in her life was doing so much with themselves. dina had a kid for fucks sake! dina had a whole kid and ellie couldn’t even get to class on time.

“fuck.” she muttered as she placed her keys down. bills upon bills were flooding the kitchen counter. tears burned at her eyes, blurring her eyesight.

i look so pathetic right now. she thought. a slight chuckle leaving her throat at that.

she tried to blink back the tears but she couldn’t, they just kept coming.

her silent whimpers quickly turned to snotty sobs as her chest heaved in and out involuntarily. she placed a heavy hand on her heart as she slid down the kitchen cabinet. soon enough she found herself completely breathless and wailing.

she eventually calmed herself through deep breaths and a cold glass of water. as she does through every panic attack, although the melancholic feeling always lingered.

after joels death ellie could never find herself truly happy. especially not in an environment where he was everything, everytime she turned around she was reminded of the man who wasn’t even her real father.

nothing was really hers.

she made her way down the dark, dusty hallway to her bedroom. desks adorned with pictures of her and joel. she ignored them this time.

she stripped of her uniform and took to the shower. the water burning her skin till it turned red. she scrubbed harshly at her scalp and body. she smelt like grease. gross.

the after shower feeling made her feel a bit better. she grabbed her toothbrush and rinsed it before wiping a glob of colgate toothpaste on the bristles and shoving it in her mouth.

ellie chased sleep for what felt like an eternity. her damp hair scratching at her neck was definitely a part of the problem.

thank god she didn’t work saturdays..

the first 30 seconds of ellie’s day were complete bliss, usually. but not today.

today ellie woke up to the obnoxious sound of a child crying. she decided right then and there that the universe hates her and wants her to die. (but she thinks that about everyone in her life..)

she scoffs and walks over to the curtains, her own padded feet already annoying her.

she peeks out the curtain only to be met with a u-haul and an suv parked in the driveway next door.

new neighbors, how wonderful. and they had a whiny kid! perfect.

she continues watching out the window until she sees you hand off the kid to its father. her eyes follow you until you step into the u-haul and start dragging boxes out. that’s when she sighs and decides to get ready for the day. even though she doesn’t want to.

your entire life you were desperate to be equal. to be taken seriously. you craved maturity.

you spent your entire childhood chasing adulthood. you were desperate to grow up. you didn’t know it then, but you would regret it.

the one thing you didn’t regret, was felix. the baby that you got out of your last relationship. that was before you realized you were very much a lesbian..

“cmon baby, just put your shoe on.” you struggled against the child in the backseat as he wailed. the sound was excruciating.

“please- can you just let mommy put your shoe on?” you gritted as you attempted to shove the shoe onto her other foot.

“no!” he screamed, almost directly into your face. that was it.

“you know what? fuck it.” you muttered the last words under your breath. truthfully you already weren’t setting a good example, but hey! let not say fuck infront of our kid!

you gave up on the shoes and shushed him gently as you undid his seatbelt from his car seat. you placed him in the arms of his father, tossing the shoe into his dinosaur covered backpack.

he slowly came down from his tantrum as he placed his head on his dads shoulder.

“you sure you don’t need me to help unpack?” your ex asks, unsure of leaving you behind with an entire house to furnish.

“yep! i’m good!” you smile. you gently kiss your baby’s forehead before shutting your car door.

the father nods in response. “just text if you need and we will be here. isn’t that right felix?” he asks the child who nods profusely.

“of course mama!” he shouts causing you and his dad to laugh. “well alright then!” you rush, it was still early but you were eager to get to your gardening before dark.

you watch as your ex buckles the kid in and situated himself in the car, before pulling out of the driveway he rolls down felixs window.

you blow kisses as the pull out of the driveway and take off to ‘the old house’ in your sons words.

as soon as the car is out of sight you make your way over to the U-Haul.

you’re so focused on getting this last box out of the truck that you don’t even feel the presence creep up behind you.

“hey did you need some hel-”

“what the fuck!”

you jump in fear before turning around. being faced with a red headed, green eyed girl.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry.” she apologizes calmly. an awkward look on her face as you stare at her wide eyed.

you chuckle lightly before putting your hands on your hips. “it’s alright, hon.” you reassure.

you two just awkwardly stare at eachother for a few seconds before ellie finally speaks up again.

“i saw you struggling. did you want some help?” she asks. her eyes drifting to the box filled with gardening tools.

“oh that would be amazing!” you said before wiping the sweat of your forehead.

ellies eyes follow a droplet of seat down your neckline all the way down your cleavage. she finds herself licking her lips

before you introduce yourself.

she darts her eyes back up to your own, praying that you didn’t see her blatantly check you out. “i’m- i’m ellie.” she jumps over her words.

since when did you not know how to speak, idiot? she internally face palms before walking over to pick up the box.

“where do you want this?” she asks with a grunt as she steadys the box in her arms.

“just over here” you direct, letting her follow you as you walked over to the side of the house. she follows you and sets the box down with ease. she jokingly wipes the dirt off of her hands before nodding and starting to walk off.

“oh sweetie! i don’t wanna be a bother but would you mind helping me with one more thing?”

you must’ve been magic because somehow you swindled ellie into helping you with almost everything, and she was totally fine with it.

currently you were both at your kitchen island, laughing over a bottle of wine.

ellie had confided in you about school and you had rambled to her about what it’s like to be a mother.

“yeah, i mean- besides pregnancy it’s not all that bad.” you admit. ellie’s face shifts at the mention of pregnancy.

“i don’t know if i could ever have a baby inside me. i think i’d like- die.?” she questions. “not that i would of course” she giggles. your face becomes a look of confusion.

“no boyfriend? or just not one for kids?” you ask. you totally forgot that it’s very possible for her to be-

“i’m a lesbian” she answers and takes another sip of wine. her eyes watching your face for any negative reaction.

you clap your hands over your mouth quickly. now it seems obvious.

“i am so sorry, that totally slipped my mind.” she laughs at your attempts to redeem yourself.

“it’s totally chill, don’t worry.” she reassures, a smile on her face.

“i am too, actually.” you admit, it was your first time admitting it to someone other than yourself of your now ex husband.

“oh i was just gonna ask if that was your husband out there earlier.” she fidgets with the rings on her fingers as she asks.

“well, ex. it’s not easy to find a baby sitter that actually takes care of my kid these days.” you admit to her. she ponders for a slight moment before speaking up again.

“well, if you’re looking. i’m usually free during the day, i work nights most of the time.” she offers up. she wasn’t really sure why. she wasn’t even a fan of kids.

“really?!” it looks like your eyes had bulged out of your head. “god that would be amazing! i’ll pay you!”

ellie didn’t hear anything besides ‘i’ll pay you’ that’s all she needed to know.

“yeah of course. i’ll take him.” she confirmed.

that night ellie left with your phone number and a smidge of hope in her heart.

[starstruckgoateepuppy]

i was a dick, it is what it is

mina x f!reader

synopsis: you wanted to die so bad, and when you try, you forget about how much it would hurt your mina

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of pills, vomit

wc:854

a/n: my mimiwimi 🙁 i have so many drafts goodness its short but oh well sorry to disappoint

you held the pill bottle in your hand. you were crying, no one was home, no one to stop you. but why were you hesitating? you felt so helpless and at that moment you wanted to live, you wanted to live peacefully and happily without any problems. but who doesn’t have problems?

you had your mom and dad who was never around, you had some friends who you treasured very dearly, and your girlfriend who you would kill for. you were struggling so much and no one was there to save you from it, you didn’t want to burden anyone.

you hated that you felt this way, you hated that everyone had to see how messed up you were. you wanted to care for people, not needing them to take care of you. you plopped the pill in your mouth, swallowing it.

suddenly in your dilemma, you hear a buzz from

your phone. a notification from your precious girlfriend. you read it carefully, you read it again and again. you suddenly drop the pill bottle and regret everything you did. what did you do? why were you doing this? you had so many people who cared for you. you started to remember that, you forgot about it. you ran to the bathroom as fast as you could. forcing yourself to throw up the pill you just swallowed.

“hey lovely, you know that i miss you and i care for you so much right? xoxo your girl, minari”

that was a text that was sent a few seconds ago and a text that mina probably didnt know saved you from almost not being there anymore. you were struggling trying to vomit the pill out. you didn’t want to die anymore. you wanted to hug your girlfriend, your mother who cared for you when you were at your worst, even when your father was being horrible and argued with your mother so many times. you couldn’t imagine how much she would be grieving if you left.

your mouth was full of the white substance from the pill that was meant to unalive you. you vomited it out? hopefully. you wanted to stay, get some help. you felt painful in your heart, you wanted to live but the pain was unbearable. at least you were trying.

you hear the front door open. your mom came home, you run into her arms. surprising her a little, she hugged back tightly, kind of choking each other but you couldn’t care. you almost did not have the chance to hug her again. you kept remembering the message mina sent you. you had to meet her now. you had to tell her everything and tell her all your feelings and problems you have kept to yourself all the months. and how much she has helped you mentally.

“mom can i go to minas house?” you look up at her, loosening the hug. she nods, knowing that you had to say something important.

she went into your room after you left, not wanting to invade your privacy but just wanting to sit on your bed thinking. as she sat, she felt something hard after placing her hand on the bed. she saw the pill bottle, she stared at it closely. tears welling up from her eyes. she couldn’t believe what she saw, she really hoped you were safe, she couldn’t imagine you gone, the very room she was in, your body was almost found dead in. why was she only finding out about this? she felt so guilty she never realised any of this sooner. you were such a cheerful person, never once would she have thought you felt like this. it pained her as a mother that you felt this way. no wonder that was the most warming hug you have ever given her.

-

your frantic knocking on minas front door begging for her to open up and hug her as tight. you never left the house for days, saying you were sick and your body was sore. it never was, maybe your heart was. you haven’t met your baby in weeks and you never realised how much you took her for granted. you regretted ghosting her without telling her why you weren’t coming to school nor texting her. she was also helpless but she knew something was wrong and knew it was a problem for you to fix. she trusted in you that you would never do something like that on purpose to make her feel bad.

you were a great girlfriend in her eyes, anyone could see how much you cared and loved her. she couldn’t imagine a world without you. although she almost had to.

the creak of the door as it opened up to see a beautiful black haired woman with the brightest gummy smile you have ever seen. she smiled so hard her cheeks were hurting, how could she not knowing you were just fine? you lifter her up, letting her gasp in surprise. you were so happy and grateful God gave you another chance and the realisation that you have people who care about you.

[etherealising]

chapter one | a berzatto family christmas

masterlist | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmen berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!michael berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader

summary: you reunite with carmy years later at the berzatto family christmas party.

warnings: language (cursing), blasphemy, angst (maybe?), spoilers kinda (if you haven't seen season 2 don't read), the berzatto family, not dialogue heavy, very subtle hints to mikey being suicidal, probably ooc!characters, idk what else but if you find something let me know please! not beta’d and minimal editing so sorry for any mistakes. i also wrote this overstimulated on caffeine so if it doesn’t make sense or it’s repetitive then we know why : )

semantics: no use of Y/N: reader goes by the nickname Baby it has a backstory and its literally so simple, if this bothers you idk what to tell you, sorry : (

wc: 4.7k

You were standing on the sidewalk, nerves filling your body as you hyped yourself up to take the few steps left to the porch and ring the doorbell. You shouldn’t have been so nervous, you knew that but your mind was spinning with the myriad of scenarios both good and bad; that could play out once you stepped foot past the threshold. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much that you were nervous to enter the house itself, it was the fact that you’d be face to face with your childhood best friend for the first time in you didn’t even know how long. Maybe childhood best friend was a stretch you had only been introduced into each other's lives due to circumstance, and because of that forced proximity, you both took comfort in having someone stable around.

The two of you weren’t friends because you had chosen each other, or because you had met in kindergarten and shared toys in the sandbox because the other kids were stingy. No, you met because as a single mom, your mother needed all the shifts she could get even if that meant working the graveyard shift at the hospital, and only seeing you a handful of hours throughout the day because most times she was too dead on her feet to be conscious for more than a few hours. And when she could no longer pay the babysitter her next best option was the eccentric woman across the street who had children close in age with you.

Enter Donna Berzatto, a woman who came to feel like a second mom to you. It's not that she replaced your mom, no one could ever replace her, but she was the only real mother figure you knew for a time in your life. Who took you in as her own when your mother needed a new babysitter, and not just you but integrated your mom into the family as well, when she was spared the time off from nursing. Donna Berzatto who never sent you home empty-handed, and always made enough food for you and your mom to last throughout the week, just so your mother wouldn’t have to worry about fitting grocery shopping into her already hectic schedule. Donna Berzatto who, even when you were old enough to no longer need a babysitter, would send Carmy across the street to fetch you for family dinner, or even just invite you over because she thought you needed company.

Now that you were thinking about it, it seemed like you were more friends with his mom than you ever were with Carmen Berzatto. But then that would be a lie wouldn’t it?

You and Carmen Berzatto were friends due to circumstance, maybe even best friends. You weren’t just friends at his house, but you were school friends, you were everywhere friends. He really was your only true friend, of course, you had school friends, but that’s just what they were. You saw them Monday through Friday for a mandatory education, never an hour before school started or a minute after the final bell. Which didn’t necessarily bother you, but sometimes you longed for a weekend invitation to hang out, not that it ever came. And it wasn’t like you were shunned or unpopular in school, you were just average, you didn’t see a point in making friends with people you weren’t actually interested in befriending.

That’s what made Carmy so different, yes maybe you were only introduced due to circumstances but that didn’t stop the two of you from latching onto each other for dear life. Your mom always wondered how you two even established the friendship you did, with both of you being shy and never feeling the need to go out of your way to make friends. Include the fact that you had been neighbors practically your whole lives and never once taken an interest in each other aside from shy waves and curious childlike staring when either of you would be outside.

Your relationship with Carmen progressed as any childlike relationship would, you befriended each other, had your incessant petty arguments and fights, nothing ever serious enough to actually cause damage just childish antics. And it continued to progress through middle school and high school, the two of you were each other’s person, you just understood each other, the two of you let the other understand you, and wanted to be understood by each other.

You could also recall what you explain as a minute change in your friendship. As Senior year approached and you and Carmy continued to grow into yourselves, you developed a slight crush on the boy you had grown up with. It obviously wasn’t as small as you thought it was if you were standing in front of his childhood home giving yourself a pep talk just to ring the damn doorbell though was it?

The unsolicited card and wrapped present weighed heavy in your tote bag, as your breath was made visible by the chilly Chicago weather.

It was Christmas and for all intents and purposes you had been planning on mailing the present to Carmen’s New York address, but after visiting The Beef on your way back into town Mikey and Richie had let it slip that indeed the infamous Berzatto sibling would be gracing everyone with his presence this holiday season.

It was moments like these you wished you had picked up on the Berzatto family’s horrible smoking habit, thankfully your mom had taught you just how vital having functioning lungs was.

Your head shot up as the sound of loud rambunctious voices drew your attention to the front door opening and closing revealing a face you were all too familiar with and actually relieved to see. The oldest Berzatto brother stood on the porch, hands on his hips as he gave you a goofy smile. You could feel your lips stretching into a smile of your own, the infectious aura that Michael Berzatto exuded doing wonders to calm your racing mind.

“I know you didn’t come all this way just to stand outside staring at my family home like a fucking weirdo Baby.” Mikey’s smile grew in size as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes at the childhood nickname you wish hadn’t stuck as Mikey opened his arms to wrap you in one of his signature hugs. The two of you stood on the porch embracing each other for what felt like hours, you needed this hug as much as he needed it, you knew it and Mikey did too. That was the thing about you and Mikey although not blood-related it was as if your souls knew each other in a past life. Of the Berzatto siblings, Mikey was the last sibling you developed a relationship with. Growing up he was always just Carmy’s older brother but as you grew up surrounded by him, he became your surrogate older brother as well. And when Carmy dashed off to pursue his culinary dreams in New York, you and Mikey grew even closer.

You stepped back from the embrace, your eyes finding Mikey’s as he looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “You not standing out here cause of a certain Chef in that house are ya?” Mikey asked, smirking down at you.

You chuckled “The only reason I come around anymore is for Mama Donna.” You joked doing a poor job to convince Mikey.

He nodded, tossing his head back with a laugh, “You were always a shit liar Baby. Carmy’s an idiot, don't let him ruin your Christmas.”

You let out a sigh head resting against Mikey’s chest as you tried to let his words soothe you even more, “He’s not ruining it, you just know things have been kind of stilted between us, and I don’t know this whole situation just feels awkward.”

You raised your head to look at Mikey again, “It’s awkward right? Am I making things awkward? I don’t wanna ruin Christmas Mikey, I know how your mom is and I know how Carmy is, I don’t wanna ambush him.”

The worry in your voice was evident as Mikey stood there listening to your ranting. His hand reached out as he used his thumb to massage away the frown between your eyebrows. “Calm down Baby, you know Ma is expecting you, and she wouldn’t take it well if you missed Christmas. She looks forward to seeing you every year, you give her a piece of Carmy when he can’t be fucking asked to come home and visit.” His hand moved down to cup the side of your neck rubbing soothing circles where his thumb rested, “Do it for Ma okay? Let Carmy be fucking wonder boy Carmy a’ight.”

You laughed nodding your head as best as you could with Mikey’s hand holding it, he smiled giving you one last hug before dropping his hand to grab your wrist and tug you into the house. You stopped him by placing a hand on his arm that was connected to yours.

“Hold on Mikey, I got you something.” You moved to start rummaging through your tote bag stalling because you were too nervous for his reaction to the present.

“Awe you didn’t have to get me nothing.” You turned back to him with the present in your hands as he held his own hands over his heart mockingly. You knew Mikey didn’t do well when it came to sentimental things and the best you would get out of him was a joke as opposed to anything else.

You laughed holding the rectangular wrapped present out to him, “I wanted to Mikey, don’t think of this as a gift, think of it uhh…as a show of appreciation yeah?” You nodded feeling your face heat up as you dropped your head so he couldn’t see how unsure you were about the gift.

He smiled, finding your shyness endearing before tearing into the neatly wrapped paper and revealing a frame, his hands engulfing it from end to end. He smiled looking at it before you saw confusion etch across his face, “This is great Baby, yeah but uh what the fuck am I looking at?”

You shove his shoulder before laughing at him and grabbing the frame out of his hands but holding it in front of your chest so he could still see its contents, “It's a trademark certification you dumbass, can’t you fucking read Mikey.” You joked to try and underestimate how big of a gift this was.

Mikey’s brows furrowed before he snatched the frame out of your hands to get a better look at the certificate sitting behind the glass, eyes snapping back up to your face with a look you couldn’t read. You shuffled your feet feeling like you overstepped a boundary you didn’t even know was between you and Mikey, “Don’t worry though I-I, put it in your name, it’s not like I trademarked it for myself or anything. I just know how much this means to you and I, I know shit has been tough lately and I’m sorry if you feel like I stepped on your toes but…Mikey, you deserve good things too okay?” You hadn’t meant to go on a rant, but you could feel the apprehension leaving you as you became passionate in every word you spoke.

“You deserve to be fucking happy Mikey, and I, I want you to know I fucking believe in you and I’m always in your corner. If it's-” You were cut off by Mikey clearing his throat, causing your eyes to snap back up to his, all the emotions he didn’t know how to translate into words swirling in his brown eyes, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Mikey-,” Before you could get another word out you were once again trapped in his comforting embrace, this hug conveying something completely different from the earlier one you shared. Mikey’s head tucked into your neck as you felt his uneasy breathing through your hands clutched around him. Mikey wasn’t the type to get emotional in front of other people, and feeling a tear of his smear against your cheek as he raised his head from your neck and settled his bearded cheek against yours, you weren’t sure if you had done the right thing by giving him the gift or not.

The two of you stood in silence as you allowed Mikey his moment, not wanting to make him feel insecure about you being present while he was being emotional. When he finally pulled away you could see the leftover sheen in his eyes. He tucked the framed certificate under his arm as both his hands reached up to grab your face in both of his hands, eyes finding yours, a whispered “thank you, baby,” leaving his lips as he placed a kiss on your forehead before he grabbed the frame again and wrapped you in another hug.

His head rested atop yours as your face rested against his chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. You lied, you thought the last hug was different, but no it was this hug that was different, while the second hug you shared in the span of 20 minutes was a hug of love and gratitude. This hug felt heavier, like there were things Mikey wanted to tell you but couldn’t, things he only felt he could convey through a hug, things you weren’t sure if you wanted to question or not.

It had been almost 20 minutes since Michael had escaped the house to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing outside. Carmy didn’t know and in all honesty he didn’t actually give a shit either, too busy helping Donna out in the kitchen to try to give any thoughts to whatever had grabbed Mikey’s attention.

He was focused in the corner of the kitchen making Tiff Sprite to help alleviate her nausea symptoms. Anyone else would have done their best to block out the rambunctious noises going on throughout the house, not Carmy though, the chaos fueled him, it grounded him. If the house was quiet it would have been too much for him, to be alone with his own thoughts ping-ponging around in his head, waiting for a chance to drown him. So if he had to listen to his mom list a plethora of things he needed to make sure happened for Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch while he was making Sprite from scratch, he welcomed it.

He finished his concoction just in time for Richie to walk through the kitchen, the older man trying to figure out how the fuck it was even possible to make Sprite from scratch. Gratefully taking the glass Carmy had offered to him, marveling at the carbonated drink in his hand.

Carmy nodded in his direction, “Yo Cousin, where the fuck is Mikey. He just fucking disappeared.” Carmy’s head swiveled around the kitchen double checking whether his brother was there or not, coming up empty in his search. Richie glanced up before settling his eyes back on the drink in his hand still doing the mental math to wrap his head around what the fuck Carmy just made.

Richie jutted his head in the direction of the front door, “Outside talking to Baby.” His eyes finally focused on Carmy’s in time to see the frown grace the younger man’s face, his eyebrows pinching together in agitation, annoyed that his brother was on a phone call rather than inside. Though that’s what Carmy told himself subconsciously he knew he was just annoyed at the fact that Mikey was even talking to you at all. Carmy didn’t think he was possessive but as you and Mikey grew closer through the years, he couldn’t help but feel miffed about the ever growing friendship between the two of you. You and your friendship with Carmy was the first thing in his life that he felt like was actually his and his alone.

It’s funny really for Carmy to think he has any sort of claim over you, or like the two of you were even really friends anymore. When he left Chicago to pursue his culinary dreams, he left you behind to, essentially ghosting the one real friend he did have. It’s not like he meant to, you two just went your separate ways after graduation, and he wasn’t even sure if there even was an “Us” when it came to the two of you anymore. If that was the case the only person he had to blame was himself, it was no fault of yours that your friendship had hit a plateau, Carmy hadn’t responded to a text of yours in years, and the fact that you still texted him to this day caused a slight pain in his chest as he stood in the middle of his mother’s kitchen, frown still etched into his features.

“He’s outside on the phone with Baby?” Carmy questioned the ache in his chest doing nothing to alleviate his irritation. It was Richie’s turn to frown reciprocating the same confused look Camry wore.

“What - No dickhead, he’s talking to Baby, like she’s right in fucking front of him and shit.” Richie swatted the side of Carmy’s head like a child. “Your moms invites her to every holiday, Cousin, and she comes every time.” Richie knew the last bit wasn’t necessary but felt Carmy rightfully deserved it, all anyone wanted from the youngest Berzatto was a visit.

“Dudes been out there for fucking ever though, those to idiots just standing outside like a bunch of fucking jackoffs.” Richie left the kitchen not waiting for Carmy to follow him before heading to the front door. He stopped moving the curtain on one of the side windows to spot two of the people he considered family. He let out a low whistle nudging Carmy’s shoulder who had finally joined his side nodding his head to the window.

“Get a load of these fucking losers hugging on the porch like they’re in some fucking Hallmark movie or some shit.” Richie laughed pointing at you and Mikey through the window. Carmy leaned closer to get a peak at what Richie was going on about.

Carmy hated to admit it, but Richie was right, the too of you looked like the happy couple who just saved a small town’s Christmas or whatever the fuck Hallmark movies were about. Mikey had finally separated himself from you long enough for Carmy to take in your features. He’d be lying if he said the years apart made him forget what you looked like. You were still the same girl he left in Chicago all those years ago except the wand of maturity had touched you, and in his opinion he thought you looked more beautiful than you had in high school.

Carmy was never one to pay too much attention to a woman’s features, and not because he didn’t care, it's just that he didn’t think it mattered. But as he drank in your form he learned in that exact moment why a woman might want people to notice the small things. Like the haircut you were sporting that Carmy felt shaped your face well, not that he knew shit about stuff like that, but he could appreciate art when he saw it. The outfit you picked out doing wonders to compliment your tall form and accentuate your legs. Carmy could look at you all day, scratch that he wanted to look at you all day.

He was torn from his reverie as Richie narrated the scene happening in front of them, “Aw look at these fuckers lookin all in love an shit.” He joked watching as Mikey slung his arm around you and led you towards the door, what looked to be a frame held in his other hand. The two of you walked side by side, your arm wrapped around his torso, hugging him into your side, Mikey’s head leaning slightly down to whisper something in your ear a small smile gracing your face as Mikey pressed his lips onto your temple lingering there for what Carmen swore was forever.

The tightness in his chest intensified tenfold as the realization of just how close you and Mikey had become sank into him. He didn’t know how to feel, his brain not even allowing any emotions to process, saving himself from any conclusions he might come to from a split second interaction.

Carmy left, he chose his path, he knew this, and he had no regrets he would pursue his dream every time the opportunity was presented. He just wished that, maybe if he held onto you as tightly as you still held onto him, it would’ve been him greeting you on the sidewalk on Christmas Day, being the sole object of your attention holding you close to his longing body. He knew overall the decisions he made regarding you were wrong, while he ignored your daily text and calls enough times for you to just resort to monthly check ins asking him about his endeavors and congratulations as you heard about his achievements in the culinary industry, he knew deep down that Mikey answered every text and call you sent his way, made it his mission to connect with you anytime you were back in Chicago.

Carmy couldn’t admit it to himself but deep down he knew his family saw spending time with you as a way to stay connected to him. You were the closest thing any of them still had to Carmy, and even though he had essentially cut you off from his life, his family loved you too much to allow Carmy’s shortcomings to affect their relationship with you.

He was broken from the recesses of his mind as Richie threw the door open stepping over the threshold raising his hands in the air to welcome you and Mikey into the house. The glass of Sprite still clutched in his left hand, a broad smile spread across his face as you left Mikey’s hold to greet Richie eyes not having spotted Carmy who was hidden behind Richie’s small frame.

Carmy’s first up close look at you in years were your hands wrapped around Richie’s torso as he pulled you into a hug, rocking the two of you back and forth, Richie let you go quickly turning his body back into the house “A’ight fuckers you can all stop pretending you care so much about Carmy and his little rat in the chef hat bullshit. We got the real deal here now, Baby's gracing us with her journalist presence.”

Carmy’s brows furrowed at Richie’s dig only slightly offended about being compared to a fictional character named after pasta, too caught up in allowing the sound of your laugh to grace his ears for the first time in what felt like forever. Mikey had finally caught up to you standing behind you with a hand placed on your shoulder, Carmy watched as his brother’s hand glided up and down your arm before giving your bicep a slight squeeze and nodding his head in Carmy’s direction.

If Carmy was being honest it was becoming increasingly difficult to quiet his mind that was eagerly trying to piece everything together. From yours and Mikey's prolonged moment on the porch, to the kiss he placed on your temple, add in Richie’s jokes and the almost constant physical contact between you and Mikey and Carmy was sure he figured shit out.

You looked to where Mikey motioned his head finally noticing Carmy’s figure standing there while Richie ran off towards the stairs after his impromptu introduction. Looking at Carmy was like being in a Time Machine, nothing had drastically changed, he looked more exhausted than what you remembered. But overall he was the same Carmy you parted ways with all those years ago.

A small smile graced your lips as you took him in, he was still your Carmy appearance wise, and right now for you that was all that mattered. You lifted your hand in a small wave gaining his attention, your smile growing wider as your eyes locked with his.

The clearing of a throat broke you from your thoughts, Mikey’s hand giving your shoulder a squeeze as he walked you two into the house before shutting the door behind him. As he finished he stood in front of you so that Carmy was partially covered from view by each brother in your line of vision though your focus was taken up by the eldest. He gave you a reassuring smile before gently knocking his fist against your chin and presumably turning to leave you and Carmy alone.

As Mikey walked past Carmy he gave him his signature grin and a wink before patting his shoulder as left to check on Donna in the kitchen and mingle with the other guests.

Carmy’s face was still set in the same frown it had been in when he first asked Richie where Mikey ran off to. You took a deep breath to settle your nerves before taking a step to close the gap between you, your hand reached out to gently squeeze Carmy’s arm though stopping in midair as you watched him subtly flinch. Your smile faltered, your hand finding its rightful place at your side. You looked up to see the apology in Carmy’s eyes, you did your best to brush the moment off, maybe you came on too strong, maybe it wasn’t fair that you were still pushing for a friendship when Carmy had given you all the reasons to stop trying, maybe the Carmy in front of you was a different Carmy to the one you used to know. Maybe the life where it was you and Carmy had finally taken its last breath and you were just too clingy and desperate to realize.

You cleared your throat trying to alleviate the lump forming from the thoughts that were racing through your brain. The small placating smile on your face there to stop you from having a full breakdown in the Berzatto’s foyer. “Its good to see you Carmen, I hope New York is treating you well.” You lips wrapped around the generic greeting forcing yourself not to say anything you might regret.

Carmy nodded his head rapidly accepting your lackluster words, his lips parting and closing all in the same breath. The man obviously had nothing to say to you, and maybe you just had to accept that. You stayed a moment longer cursing yourself for doing so as the air between you two filled with palpable tension.

“Baby, is that you? My goodness you look fucking gorgeous.” Half of Donna’s body had popped out of the kitchen finally gaining a spare moment to greet you. Her words mumbled through the cigarette between her lips, a ladle held in her right hand while the left was occupied by tongs. Her apron covered in all sorts of sauces and whatever the hell else your brain couldn’t even begin to discern.

You laughed half in amusement and half in relief, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there as Carmy burned holes in your body. You waved at Donna quickly, beginning to head towards her to join her in the kitchen. It wasn’t your first choice as an escape from Carmen but you’d rather try and help Donna finish preparing Christmas dinner than be around Carmy for another minute.

Donna waved the tongs in Carmy’s direction, “Jesus fucking Christ Carmen, take the girls bag and coat. Don’t just fuckin stand there.” She huffed eyes glaring the longer Carmen stayed glued to the spot. You handed him your tote as soon as his arm shot out and began hastily shimmying out of your jacket. You gave him a soft smile before laying the jacket on his awaiting arm.

You began to leave the foyer as Donna motioned for you to follow her, mentally preparing yourself for what you were about to walk into. A sudden thought occurred causing you to gently grip Carmy’s bicep as you were walking past him, “I uh, I actually bought you a Christmas present. So um, find me later yeah?” You smiled tilting your head slightly in questioning.

Carmen Berzatto graced you with a small smile, nodding back in agreement as you sent him one final nod and turned to enter the kitchen. The first positive emotion he granted you since you walked back into his life 30 minutes ago.

next chapter ↣

a/n: this is my first fic that i’m publishing and i genuinely have no clue what the fuck any of this is, : ) but nonetheless hope you all enjoy! or don’t i’m just a stranger on the internet. constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated though. please like, comment, reblog if this behemoth tickles your fancy!

also i write for fun/hobby and i'm such an inconsistent bitch so don't get your hopes too high, but this will potentially be a series idk yet though lol.

[heartpascal]

when the sun goes down

▹— joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹— summary: joel doesn’t talk about you, until he does

▹— a/n: this one might be kinda ,, weird?? idk if i like how ive written it!! its kinda different to my usual fics !!! + the ending is kinda funky idk

▹— warnings: fem!reader (she/her used), reader is dead , mention of reader getting infected , grief, loss, guilt, lots of angst, small mention of suicidal ideation, referenced murder, mother tess, father joel, uncle tommy, ellie asking inappropriate questions tbh, think that’s everything but let me know!

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear (pedro)

masterlist

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

When Joel had been a stranger, Ellie would have never even had the thought to guess that you or Sarah had existed. The man seemed… too stoic, too unbothered, or perhaps, too bothered. She was never really sure what Joel was, back then.

But over the weeks, then the months, and then the years of knowing Joel Miller, it had become increasingly obvious that there was a distinctive daughter-shaped gap within him. It had left a cavernous space in the man, which Ellie had done her very best to fill, even if she would never have admitted it to anyone.

It was clear in the way Joel had tied up her hair when she was sick, in the way he knew exactly what she needed to hear, even when she didn’t know herself. It was obvious in the way he responded to her argumentative nature, her spitting words, his protective behaviour.

Ellie hadn’t even really thought about it, until the day she and Joel arrived at Jackson, until Maria revealed what the two names on that chalkboard meant. After that, it all started to make sense, and she had finally believed that she understood Joel Miller in some deeper way, in a way that actually mattered. She didn’t think about what she was doing back when she had argued with Joel, when she had spluttered out, “I’m not her, you know.”

Your name hadn’t even been mentioned, back then, and Ellie hadn’t known at the time that when she had said her, Joel didn’t know exactly who she was talking about.

Either way, he made it clear that Ellie shouldn’t be mentioning anybody Joel had lost. Certainly not you or Sarah, or even Tess.

After the whole… hospital fiasco, Ellie wasn’t sure she had ever understood Joel, after all. She’d been numb, to some extent, when she and Joel had finally made it back to Jackson, back to Tommy and Maria’s warm house, with their surprisingly peaceful baby. The first time she had visited their house, she hadn’t even noticed your name up on the chalkboard, a new addition, one without any dates below it, but written with as much care as the others.

It was the second, or the third time, maybe, that Ellie noticed the brand new name up on the chalkboard in Maria’s living room. She had been even more hesitant to talk about it than she had been to talk about Sarah and Kevin, so Ellie had figured that the loss was fresh. She hadn’t asked again, for a very long time.

Tommy, unsurprisingly, had been the one to tell her. A long day after a nightly patrol had the man exhausted, and he was two glasses of booze in when he had seen Ellie squinting up at the chalkboard as she was around for dinner.

“He ever tell you about her?” Tommy asked, fresh glass of booze gripped in his fist as he settled down on the sofa, looking up at the board with something numb in his eyes.

Ellie had said your name like a question, eyes scanning between the board and Tommy with furrowed brows. At Tommy’s nod, Ellie had shook her head, turning to Tommy like a child ready for story time before bed.

Tommy took another sip of his drink, sucking his teeth before he finally spoke. “He never told me what happened to her,” He said, eyes fixed on the board as if information might appear. “But I figure he must blame himself, whatever happened. She was fine when I left, but I’m guessing gone by the time you were around.” Tommy continued, looking to Ellie, who nodded. “Don’t know when exactly it happened. He’s real tight lip about it, even more so than he is about Tess, but I don’t blame him. She was his second chance.”

“Second chance?” Ellie repeated, eyebrows raised.

Tommy nodded in confirmation. “Found her not long after the Outbreak. She took to Joel straight away, poor kid. After Sarah, he was… different, but Joel, he looked after that girl like nobody else would’a.”

Some of the things Joel had done or said made a lot more sense to Ellie, in light of this information. You had been Joel’s second chance at protecting his daughter, his redemption, and he had failed. It was no surprise, in that case, that he had been as protective as he had. Or that he had tried to dump Ellie with Tommy, back when they first got to Jackson.

Joel believed he was a failure.

It was quite the realisation for Ellie.

She noticed more, after that. Like the way Joel would stop in the street when he saw people who must have held a certain resemblance to you or to Sarah. Or the way he would stay up late into the night, staring blankly at the darkening world around him as he sat on the porch. Ellie noticed just how much effort Joel put into looking after her, as if afraid that something could happen to her, or she could just disappear. She also noticed the way his eyes lingered on Tommy’s chalkboard, each time they visited.

Ellie thought that maybe, some day, Joel would wind up talking about you on his own. But days passed, and then weeks, and then they’d been staying in Jackson for close to two years, and nothing.

If it hadn’t had been for Joel sticking his nose into Ellie’s business, she probably would’ve never even revealed to him that she knew of your existence. Or at least, your connection to him. But Joel Miller was nothing if not stubborn, and when Ellie had been down for more than two days in a row, he stopped minding his business.

Joel was all comforting words in the face of a preventable loss on a patrol, and Ellie was sick of it.

“It ain’t your fault, kiddo. Nobody blames you for what happened, and you oughta talk about it to somebody.” Joel had said, voice warm and concerned like any father might be, and Ellie couldn’t help but snap after the day she’d had.

“It’s always one thing for you and then another for me, Joel!” She said, baring her teeth at the man, who only looked as confused as ever. “I’m sick of it. Stop telling me things that you know aren’t true, just because you feel guilty!”

His arms had been crossed defensively over his chest at her words, his eyebrows furrowing, the crease between them more prominent than ever. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, voice gruff and warning, as opposed to the previous tone he had been taking with her. He was practically daring her to go on with what she was insinuating.

“That you want to believe your kids dying wasn’t on you! And that’s great, Joel, but this was on me. It was my fault.” Ellie had spat out, arms wide out by her side, their stances opposing one another. She was accepting her guilt, acknowledging it, realising it was true, where Joel had only ever taken the blame, lugging the guilt along with him for years as if hoping it could disappear.

He had been sure, for a moment, that Ellie had taken to physical blows, but he realised in the silence which had followed her words that the pain was all him. She was right, which to Joel, was the real kicker. He had a knack for projecting onto people, for being defensive over guilt as if it reflected his own. As if, somehow, Ellie being guilty meant that Joel certainly was, too.

Maybe Ellie was right, but even if she was, Joel was in no mindset to admit it. How could he? He couldn’t even bring himself to talk about you, too scared that Ellie would see him for what he truly was; a failure. How would Ellie have responded to that? It was the exact reason he hadn’t told her the truth about the hospital, about what he had done, about the lengths he would go to. She might have seen him violent before, but never to that extent. Never against people she cared for.

If he told Ellie the truth, he would have to admit that he had failed a third child. Perhaps not quite in the same way as he had failed you and Sarah, but in some capacity, he would lose her, too.

Joel had been a selfish man for a very long time, by then. It was no surprise that he opted for the path that would allow him to keep the only child he had left. Who could blame him? Even Tommy, in some strange way, had understood his actions. Especially after his baby had been born, Tommy couldn’t blame Joel for doing what was necessary.

A parent’s love for their child was unrelenting. And Joel took that sentiment very seriously.

But Ellie couldn’t understand. She wouldn’t.

So, in that moment, he had levelled her with a look that put all parental glares to shame. “Go to your room.” Joel had instructed, voice flat, cold. Ellie, in her shock, had done as she was told, which was unusual.

This time, however, when Joel told Tommy of what had occurred, his brother hadn’t agreed with his actions.

When Tommy explained that Ellie didn’t know about you, or about Sarah, and certainly didn’t understand the relationship the two of you had had with Joel, he could see how she could’ve said something so… distasteful. After all, Joel had never told Ellie exactly what had happened to Sarah, let alone to you. Hell, he didn’t speak about you at all. He didn’t want Ellie to believe that he would fail her next.

But the talk was overdue, and the silence in the house had been suffocating Joel, and he noticed how uncomfortable Ellie had been, too. So he had no choice but to steel himself, to grip a mug of coffee, give up on slowing his heart rate.

When Ellie walked through the door, having been out with her friends all day, she stopped short at seeing Joel sat on the couch, looking more stressed than she had seen him in a long, long time. “Sit down.” Joel said, his words catching and tumbling out, as he gestured towards the armchair opposite the couch.

Surprisingly, she sat. “Is everything… okay?” She asked, hesitantly.

“I think it’s time I have a talk with you,” Joel admitted, his fingers squeezing the mug tightly. “You were right.”

“As always.” Ellie responded instantly, an instinctive response that generated a scoff of laughter from Joel, soothing his stressed brow the slightest amount. She cringed, but relaxed at his expression. “About what, exactly?”

“About it being one thing for me, and another for you. It’s not fair of me to ask you to talk about things, if I don’t talk right back to you.” Joel said, slowly, trying to sort through his thoughts before he fumbled another important father-daughter talk, as he had done many times before. “I’m goin’ to tell you about my girls.”

“Joel, you really don’t—”

He interrupted, “No, I do. And I want to.”

Ellie nodded after a moment, settling down in her chair, finally placing her backpack by her feet. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Joel repeated. He took a deep breath, squeezing the coffee mug once more. He said your name, the syllables almost unfamiliar for how long it had been since he had said it. “She, well, I—… She got Infected, ‘bout six years ago.”

Ellie sucked in a harsh breath, sure she knew what had happened after that. It was a story she knew, all too well. Joel scratched at the hair on his cheek, grinding his teeth together. Remembering it all, remembering you was… hard. But it was also refreshing. As if showing the parts of you he’d held to his chest for so long was a weight, lifted from his shoulders.

He didn’t want to talk about that part, about the time he failed you, about what he’d done for you, but other things? He could talk about those.

Joel remembered the years he had spent with you, watching you grow, spending weeks of his life searching for gifts for every assumed birthday. He remembered teaching you how to read, gifting you books, helping you learn how to survive. He remembered the bond you’d shared with Tess, the time the two of them would spend doing your hair for you, with whatever supplies they could manage.

Telling Ellie about you was probably the most vulnerable Joel had ever been with her. It was certainly the most open he had been. It felt like, for the first time in a very long time, he had his heart stitched onto his sleeve.

There was so many memories of you, so many he’d kept to himself for years because Tess had never been able to talk about you, because he couldn’t bring himself to, either. He worried about memories he had forgotten, about how much of your face had faded into obscurity, about how inaccurately he recalled your laugh, your voice.

He thought that, perhaps, his very worst fear would be that if he let go of these memories, if he let other people look upon them alongside him, he’d forget. Joel wasn’t sure he could be open and hold on tight enough. What was too much? How much could he say before he forgot it all? How much would he remember if he didn’t analyse them in his mind? If he let Ellie listen to the moments he held most dear?

Joel didn’t want to forget.

But if he didn’t tell anybody, then who would remember you, after Joel was gone?

There was Tommy, he’d considered, but he knew Tommy’s memories were corrupted, taken over by Firefly nostalgia. No, despite Joel’s being older, his memories of you were certain to be more reliable.

“Here,” Joel said, eventually, his throat feeling tight with the effort of holding back tears. He pulled out a folded up print, one he had gotten out just that afternoon. It was crumpled and degraded with age, but the image remained true. “This is her.”

Ellie took the photo from his hands, the image being of you. It was taken when you were a kid, back when he’d first found you, back when FEDRA had been doing photographs, before all of the printing supplies ran out. It wasn’t a happy picture by any means, merely an image of you, stood in front of a white background with a scared look on your face, dirt smeared across your nose, but it was you. And to Joel, that was enough.

He much preferred to think of you that way, rather than your last moments. It was the only thing that allowed him to let go of that last picture of you, the one that haunted his mind.

When Tess had died, the only thing that gave Joel some peace was the belief that she would have reunited with you. That you wouldn’t be alone, anymore. Often times, in the events after your… well, after he lost you, Joel had considered following you down that path. He had prayed to the God he had once believed in, he had cried out for any divine interference to stop what had happened from being true. But no matter how much he prayed, how much he cried, you were gone.

You had given him a purpose, after Sarah. Joel doesn’t think he would’ve made it this far, if it hadn’t been for you. And it feels so… wrong. He thinks, now, that Ellie had provided him with a purpose, after you.

“So, you raised her in the apocalypse?” Ellie asked, looking down at the photograph fondly, running a thumb along the yellowing picture.

“That I did.”

“Lucky kid.” Ellie said, not nastily.

“I dunno, kiddo, I’ve not always been the best…” Joel trailed off, unsure if he could actually refer to himself as your dad, after everything. After what he had done. Or, rather, what he hadn’t. “We did our best, me and Tess. Hell, even Tommy pitched in.” Joel decided on, after a moment.

He remembered the times Tommy would agree to look after you, to babysit, if such a thing existed in the apocalypse. Usually, it was when he and Tess were going outside of the QZ for supplies, occasionally for the Fireflies, which was why Tommy was allowed time away from his war against FEDRA.

One such time, Joel recalled, he and Tess had returned back to the ransacked apartment they had been assigned to find you and Tommy curled up on the decaying couch, which had only one cushion, asleep. A blanket had been wrapped around your shoulders, and Tommy had your newest book held in his lap.

In that moment, Joel had so wished that he could’ve taken a picture. He remembered a picture of almost the same scene, of Tommy and Sarah on the couch in his old house, in front of a still-playing TV. He regretted not taking the photo albums when they left, back then. Even now, he often felt a pang of regret over how much of Sarah’s memory was reliant on his own.

“Tess raised her with you?” Ellie questioned, almost surprised, but she could remember the way Tess had acted almost… maternal. Not to mention her optimism, her hope, when there was a possibility of a cure. She wondered if that was because of what had happened to you.

Joel nodded, going on to tell the tale of Tess teaching you how to shoot, when you became old enough to handle a gun, when it became apparent that you would need to handle one. He remembered how you had missed all but one shot by your second lot of ammo. He remembered how frustrated you had been, how Tess had told you to suck it up and try again, with that good old no-nonsense attitude.

Ellie could almost imagine Tess saying that, could almost picture how annoying that must’ve been for you as a kid. It was almost amusing to try and picture Joel and Tess raising a child in the apocalypse, especially given how the two had been when she had met them, herself. She tried to imagine that Tess being a mother, but came up empty.

“Did she, y’know, call you dad, or whatever?” Ellie asked Joel, after a moment of hesitation. She wasn’t sure if that was inappropriate to ask, but she was curious. She couldn’t imagine calling Joel ‘dad’ to his face, even though he was the only father she had ever known.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

“Dad!” You yelled, jumping up from the couch and away from Tommy, successfully waking him up in the process. You stumbled your way to the door as Joel swung it open, already dropping his bag to the floor. He was used to the greeting party, but you didn’t often shout him, in fact — did you ever? And since when did you call him ‘dad’? “You’re home! Did you get it?” You asked, jumping into his awaiting arms.

Joel squeezed you tightly, feeling a mixture of guilty and relieved that he was glad to be back, to come home to the child he had yet to fail. He thought about where you could have learnt that word, that name from, and could only come up with the new books Tommy had been helping you with while he and Tess had been away.

“‘Course I got it,” Joel responded, his voice gruff but full of warmth and humour. “Who d’you take me for?” He asked, grinning at your laughter and the way you squirmed from his hold to get to the backpack he’d dropped beside his feet.

“What’re we reading next, then?” Tommy asked, drawing Joel’s attention over towards the sofa, where his younger brother was smiling fondly. You hurried over, attention easily drawn away, and showed Tommy the book you’d taken from Joel’s bag, the one he’d managed to scrounge on his journey outside with Tess.

Joel was quickly drawn from his memories of the journey by you calling out to him once more. “Dad, are you coming to read with us, or not?” You asked, exasperated, and Joel grinned as he came over, his heart aching in his chest at the name, at the nostalgia of the activity.

“You bet.”

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

“She did.” Joel answered, after a moment of him being distracted, thinking of that very first time, thinking of the way he had fallen back into the title with such familiarity. He wondered if you would have been much like Sarah, had you been born before the apocalypse. Sometimes, he wondered that about Ellie. Often, he had to remind himself that you and Ellie weren’t his biological kids, and if it wasn’t for the apocalypse, he wouldn’t have had you.

He doesn’t like the way his chest aches at the thought of that. It might just be the only reason he’s grateful for the apocalypse that had ruined the world.

“She would’a liked you, y’know.” Joel said, almost absentmindedly, as if that comment didn’t make Ellie’s chest warm with appreciation, with pride. As if it didn’t make her wish that she could’ve met you, could’ve proved that comment correct.

“I think I would’ve liked her, too.” Ellie said, quietly, watching the way Joel reminisced, his eyes glazed over as he stared at the photo she still held. He smiled after a moment, and she was sure he was imagining what his life would’ve been like, had all of his kids met.

[serosbong]

feeling sad about krolia and keith…

feeling sad about krolia thinking about and dreaming about the day she gets to see her baby again, and when it happens she sees an almost adult who has been thrust into a war she tried to protect him from.

thinking about her desperately wanting to be a good mom but realizing she has no idea how to be, and that keith has grown up without one and doesnt need her in the ways she wishes he did.

thinking about keith desperately wanting a mom but when he meets her its been so long that he doesnt know how to be a son, doesnt know how to rely on other people for help.

thinking about krolia and keith desperately wanting to be mother and son but having no idea how, thinking about them being awkward and getting closer but it is never the type of relationship they dreamed about,

thinking about how they argue hard and it hurts because they are both broken puzzle pieces that no longer belong to the same puzzle bc there is a missing piece.

thinking about krolia being in pain every time she sees keith bc he reminds her of his dad and the life she could have had if she has stayed.

thinking about keith being in pain when he looks at his mom because she’s alive and he could have grown up loved and she was trying to protect him but it hurts and he wishes she stayed.

thinking about how tragic krolia and keith are and how much they want from each other with no way to achieve it because they dont know how to love freely and openly without fear,

thinking about her trying to tease keith but he takes it personally and she never does it again, thinking about them seeing parts of each other’s lives on the space whale and now they know each other but they still dont know each other at all.

thinking about keith having to tell krolia that his dad is dead and her being heartbroken and crying herself to sleep when keith is sleeping.

thinking about both of them and how sad they make me constantly…

thinking about how keith forgives her for leaving even if it still hurts but krolia cant forgive herself for it.

thinking about how both of them are scared to get to close to each other because it will hurt more if one of them is lost in the war,

thinking about keith crying himself to sleep when she leaves with kolivan to find more bom members because he didnt think she would leave him again, because he should be used to it by now.

thinking about her crying herself to sleep that night too because she didnt want to leave him but he had to stay with voltron

thinking about how they try but they never really have the relationship with each other they always wanted, there is to much pain and space and not knowing what to do or how to do it,

thinking about how they want so much yet get so little, they hurt each other and the cycle keeps repeating and repeating because she doesnt know how to parent a child who doesnt need a parent anymore and who never really had one, and he doesnt know how to be a son to someone who is so different yet so similar to him. they are the same yet different in every way

anyway lemme go sob real quick

[eyrina-avatar]

Mother's Day

parining: Neteyam x reader aged up and are parents - a mother's day special

synopsis: after the battle of Awa'atlu and with Quaritch now dead, the Sullys are back to living a peaceful life at the forest and Neteyam and reader have a child. Neteyam has a surprise for reader on Mother's Day.

warnings: none, mostly fluff. only a little tiny mention of reader doubting her skills as a new mother but those thoughts are later on squashed.

author's note: do na'vi babies use diapers or just loincloths that are regularly changed? I looked online and couldn't find any info on it. I mentioned about two weeks ago that this was supposed to come out on Sunday, so I know it’s late and Mother’s Day is long gone but oh well, life has been busy. Enjoy!

word count: 2.4k

glossary: prrnen- baby, ma'itan- my son, eyaye plant- warbonnet fern (the big glowing leaves of pandora that looks like a fan- in the right pic of the header), panopyras- the plant that looks like a glowing jellyfish (in the left pic of header). more info can be found on avatar's official pandorapedia and on avatar wiki.

┆彡

You gently moved your baby back and forth in your arms as you tried to calm his crying.

"Mawey, mawey ma'itan," you cooed into his ear as you tried to figure out what was making your less than one-year-old son so cranky.

"What is wrong, huh? I just fed you an hour ago, and daddy just changed your nappies." Your baby began to grow more irritable by the minute, and you had to find a quick solution. The baby was supposed to be asleep; that way you could go out into the forest to gather some fruit and vegetables for dinner.

Your son had now begun sucking on his thumb while crying and moving his head close to your chest in search of milk.

"You're still hungry? Is that what it is?" You adjusted your top to let your son feed on you, instantly calming his crying and fussiness. "What an appetite." You simply shook your head and laughed.

"Happy Mother's Day!" You heard a loud commotion outside of Neteyam's and your shared Marui. You moved the opening of your tent and peered outside, and saw Jake and his kids, Neteyam included, all showering Neytiri with attention. They all gave her a big hug and handed her flowers, rare fruits, bracelets, and a matching headset. She thanked her family for the presents, and you merely smiled at the kind gesture. You closed the flap of your tent, basking in the warmth and tranquility of your child as his eyes were now closed, content with his feeding.

When you were previously an avatar before your permanent soul transfer, you had already learned of Mother's Day and its significance. Though now, as a Na'vi, you grew to the customs of the Omaticaya and have not paid much attention to it until now.

As a mother of a young baby, not even a toddler, you knew not to expect anything significant on the day yet. How would your child know to give you a gift or thank you for being his mother? Foolishness- he was too young for you to even think about that, and you let out a small chuckle at your own thoughts and sighed.

Jake always made it clear to Neytiri on Mother's Day how much he loved and appreciated her, and he always gave her something for mothering their children. Would Neteyam do the same to you as well?

Although Neteyam is a Na'vi, you slightly expected him to know that this day held significance for you as well, especially as the father of your child. Or maybe he didn't know?

But like the rest of the Sully kids, he learned about it from Jake and has not missed a single year to gift something to Neytiri on this special day. Or maybe he didn't think you were such a good mother after all. Perhaps you were just being silly, how could you expect someone to congratulate you on something you’re so new at? You’re Na’vi now, and perhaps you should just get used to it.

You simply sighed again at the thought and placed your child in your frontal wrap as you prepared to go out and gather the food for later.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Neteyam walked into your tent and gave you a questioning look.

"No, no. Nothing’s wrong." You shook your head and smiled.

“I heard you sighing as if something was wrong.” Neteyam interrogated.

“Oh, I’m fine, Nete. I was just glad that the baby finally fell asleep after crying for so long.” You petted your son’s head as you tried to sell your excuse to your mate.

“I see. Sorry for not coming into the tent sooner. I thought I heard a baby crying, but I was a bit busy at the moment.” Neteyam helped you up as you grabbed a basket for the food you were getting ready to pick.

“It’s fine-”

“No, no, I should have helped you out-”

“Neteyam.” You placed your hand on his, “It’s fine. The baby was just hungry again, you weren’t going to be much help in that situation.” You let out a small giggle.

He simply chuckled, “I guess not.”

“I’ll be back in time to make dinner.” You waved as you made your way out of the tent.

Huh, busy? Simply busy celebrating Mother’s Day and not with you. You rolled your eyes and huffed out. Y/n, get yourself together.

You shook your head in disbelief at your own antics.

I’m sure Neteyam appreciates you, he’s probably just waiting for the baby to get bigger to celebrate Mother’s Day. In fact, maybe he’ll tell your son when he gets older. Yes, that's it.

You smiled to yourself as you came up with a conclusion and decided to drop the topic, knowing that getting upset over something so trivial wouldn’t do you any good.

You contently continued your way into the forest.

Nete, I’m home. Dinner will be ready s-” you looked into your marui and saw no one inside. Maybe Neteyam was out hunting, or busy helping his siblings, probably bailing Lo’ak out of trouble or something. You laughed at the thought.

You placed your still-asleep son in his cot and got straight to cooking as you peeled the fruits and vegetables, and moved the veggies onto separate plates, chopped, and cooked them. With your quick and skilled hands, the food was ready in no time, and your mate was home in no time as well.

“Mmm, what is that delicious smell, huh?” Neteyam made his way towards you. “Is that the wonderful cooking of my cute wife?” He bent down and gave you a kiss. Your tail swished back and forth at the compliment, and you blushed.

“Oh, just sit down.” You jokingly rolled your eyes as you gave him a bowl of food. “Thank you, love,” he smiled at you, and you sent one back.

“So, where were you?” You pried as you ate your food.

“Eh, just helping one of the clan members hunt some meat. No luck today, though.” Neteyam continued eating.

Hmm, strange. He’s all neat and clean, not a drop of sweat. Unless he bathed at the river before coming over? Probably so.

You decided to stop overthinking and just enjoy your food before you soured your appetite.

The rest of the meal was quiet but comfortable.

“Alrighty, done. That was delicious, as always.” Neteyam handed you the bowls, and you set them aside.

“So, anything in plan to do lat-” you were cut off with the sound of crying waving through your ears. You rushed over to your son and picked him up.

“Here, let me help.” Neteyam made his way over to you and took the baby from your hands. “What is my little mighty warrior so upset about, huh?” Your mate gently rocked the child back and forth.

“Shh, shh. Daddy's right here.” He cooed, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the self-given name.

The baby wouldn’t stop crying, and so you took a peek at his bottom. “Oh,” you simply let out.

“What is it?” Neteyam gave you a questioning look.

“He needs to be cleaned.” You took the baby out of Neteyam’s arms and placed him on a mat.

“Look at that cutie!” Kiri beamed as she entered the tent and made her way straight to you and Neteyam’s son. “Aww, don’t you worry. He needs a cleaning, right? I’ll take care of it.” Kiri shooed your hands away and got to work.

“No, Kiri, you don’t have to do that.” You felt bad and tried to stop her.

“Nonsense, I’ll take care of him. Go out with Neteyam and do something. Maybe go on one of those dates or whatever you romantics like to do.” She simply waved you away.

“Thank you,” Neteyam mouthed to her when you weren’t looking.

“Are you sure?” You let out as Neteyam dragged you out of the tent.

“Kiri will be fine.” He assured you.

“Well, where are we going?” You asked.

“Put this on.” He gave you a blindfold, and you simply looked at him confused about what he was doing.

“What?”

“Just put it on, you trust me, right?”

“Yes…”

“Good. Then put it on.”

You held the blindfold over your eyes, and Neteyam tied it. “How will I know where to step? What if I fall?” You asked, giving a questioning look behind the cloth.

“You wont.” Neteyam swooped you up in his arms and carried you bridal style. “You see?” He smirked.

“Well technically since I’m blindfolded right now…” Neteyam lowered his arms down, threatening to drop you. “Alright, ALRIGHT. I get it!” You let out as he swung you over his shoulders and made his way into the forest with you.

“Are we there yet?” You groaned at the long walk to wherever it was that Neteyam was taking you.

“C’mon, just wait a bit. We’re almost there.” Neteyam readjusted his hold on you.

“You said that like 5 minutes ago,” you rolled your eyes behind the cloth.

“You're starting to sound like Tuk with all of that complaining.” He chuckled

“Am not!”

“You see, you’re even arguing like her.” He teased as you swung your tail by his face in retaliation.

“Alright, I’m putting you down. We’re almost there, and you can walk from here.” Neteyam carefully lowered your legs to the ground. “I’ll hold your hand so you don’t fall.” He took your hand in a firm grasp and led the way.

“Alright, just a few more steps, c’mon.” Neteyam led you down a small hill and brought you to a stop at the bottom. “You can open your eyes now.”

You untied the cloth from your eyes and gasped at the view. A beautiful glowing stream flowed in front of you, and a small nearby waterfall fed it as a few hexapedes quenched their thirst on it. Lizards flew around you, and atokirinas gracefully danced in the air as some landed near the panopyras and on the lily pads in the water.

“Nete-“ you were speechless at the sight. This was the spot that made you fall in love with the forest, always so majestic and peaceful, breathtaking, and full of color and life.

“It’s beautiful, I love it! We haven't been here in ages; you know this is my favorite spot!” You gleamed as you faced Neteyam, and he smiled at your reaction.

"Well, what type of mate would I be if I didn't bring you anywhere nice on this special day?" He smirked, and your eyes widened in shock.

"You remembered?" Your jaw dropped open at his comment in realization that this indeed was for Mother's Day.

"Of course I did! How could I forget the beautiful mother of our child, huh?" Neteyam pecked your cheek with a kiss. "Happy Mother's Day, love. And thank you for being such a wonderful and good mother to our firstborn son. I couldn't have asked for anyone else."

A tear rolled down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away and sniffled as you tried to control your emotions. "Thank you. I love you so much." You wrapped your arms around Neteyam as he embraced you in a warm hug.

"I love you." He responded as he held you in his arms and looked down at your eyes, "I've got something for you."

You simply tilted your head in confusion as he let go of you and walked behind a tree, bending down to pick something up.

He brought back an object wrapped in eyaye leaves and handed it to you.

"What is this?" You gave him a 'you shouldn't have' look.

"Just a little something for you. Open it up, sweetheart." His tail swished back and forth in nervousness as you unwrapped the gift, and your eyes lit up at the sight.

You held up two matching bracelets, both filled with your favorite colors, blue and purple. Those were the bioluminescent colors of the forest that made you fall in love with Pandora, and Neteyam knew just how special they were to you.

"Do you like it?" His ears flickered at his anxiousness.

"I love it! It's beautiful, and they're my favorite colors! Nete, you know me so well!" You ran up to Neteyam and jumped up as you gave him a hug, almost knocking him down in the process. You grabbed his face and gave him small pecks everywhere, his cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, and finally, his lips.

"Well, I'm glad you like it." He chuckled at your antics and put you down. You put one bracelet on your ankle and the other on your wrist. Both fitted perfectly, and you raised your eyebrows at Neteyam.

As if knowing what you were going to say, he blurted out, "I measured you while you were sleeping. You're not such a light sleeper after all." Neteyam smirked.

"Well, however it was that you got the size, it worked. They fit wonderfully and look absolutely beautiful. I love them so much, thank you, ma'teyam." You smiled at your thoughtful mate and the beautiful gifts, mentally scorning yourself for your doubts earlier.

"And these are for you as well." Neteyam handed you a beautiful bouquet of sun lilies, glowing blue with purple outlines surrounding the petals and stems.

"Babe... you really outdid yourself. You know that, right?" You shook your head as you gently grabbed the flowers from his hands and smelled them. "They look great and smell amazing. Thank you." You smiled up at Neteyam as he held his hand on your back, and the both of you sat at the edge of the river, legs now kicking in the water.

"I'm so grateful to have you as my mate, my beautiful wife, and the wonderful mother of our child and hopefully many more to come, if you allow it." Neteyam kissed your cheek, and you smiled at the thought.

"And I'm so grateful to have you in my life, I wouldn't trade you for anything else. You make me feel like the happiest woman on Pandora; of course I would be glad to mother all of our future children." You smiled up at the stars as you held the flowers in your hands as a child, already used to carrying your baby in that position, causing Neteyam to chuckle at the sight.

"I love you," you turned to look at him.

"And I love you." Neteyam held your face in his hand.

"Forever..." you leaned in.

"...and always." Neteyam sealed his love for you with a kiss.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

again, sorry this came out so late. this was supposed to come out on Mother's Day but unfortunately I wasn't able to complete it sooner. I hope it came out decent enough for you guys to enjoy it.

reblogs/comments etc. are much appreciated

let me know if you want to be included in a taglist.

do not steal my work and please don't post it on ao3 or wattpad

© eyrina-avatar

colors used:#ED345F and #FFB3CF

credit: divider from this post: here

[glassartpeasants]

The Fire Will Pass

Trafalgar Law x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, hurt to comfort i think, spoilers for Law's backstory, mentions of death and blood, not edited cause my computer was DYING

A/N: Alright so i already posted the first part of this a hot second ago but i deleted it so i could write the rest of it cause i ended up loving it to much to let it not be finished. @mandiemegatron here is the gift. its the amber lead reader story i said i was gonna do centuries ago.

~~~

“Why is everyone avoiding that girl? Is she sick or something?”

“Don’t go near her! She’s contagious!”

Once again, here you were, treated like some sort of plague. Like something to be feared. New town, same reaction. No matter how hard you try to convince people, no one will listen. Even if there had been books and research about the disease you’ve been cursed with, they all see you as a walking sickness.

You supposed you did look contagious. Patches of white cover your body, and burns cover your already marked body. What happened that day that caused all your grief replays in your mind like a broken record.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Wake up!” The smell of smoke invades your lungs as your eyes flutter open. The scene of your frantic mother shaking you awake was the only thing you saw.

“Mom? What’s…what’s going on?” You were ripped from your bed as your mother held you in her arms—something she hadn’t done in years.

“Mom! Wh-”

“Shush! Baby, we need to be quiet.” The hushed whisper of your mother sent shivers down your spine. Never in your life have you heard your mother sound like that. And when you looked into her eyes, all you saw was fear.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Your mother hid your head in her shoulder as she rushed down the stairs. The only thing you managed to see your childhood home was the bright light of flames. Its heat burned your lungs as you let out a cough.

Opening the door, your mother ran out of the house quickly. Dry coughs slipped past her lips as you held onto her tight.

“Mom…I’m scared….” You whisper into her ear as your body begins to tremble.

“It’s okay, baby, everything will be okay.” Petting your hair, your mom held you tighter.

Looking up, all you saw was a black, smoky sky. Your eyes darted from place to place as the horror of everything going on around you began to sink in. Flames ate away at the buildings around you, and what you could only begin to realize were the lifeless bodies of your friends and neighbors, lying along the cold ground with patches of white dancing along their skin.

You were speechless as your eyes widened, seeing flames eat away at everything you’ve ever known.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Tears rim your eyes as you struggle not to sob. Why was this happening? What was happening? Why was the sky a mucky grey and the streets a ruthless red? It was a sunny and beautiful day earlier. People talked with happiness, but now those same people were lying lifeless on the street, their voices forever silenced.

You desperately looked along the streets for a certain boy with a funky hat, yet you couldn’t see anything through the flames. The flames burned brighter as ashes fell from the sky, each one you feared would be the remnants of the home of your only friend. 

As the buildings collapse from the fires eating away at them, you try to pinpoint where exactly you are. But as more buildings fall, everything seems the same until a red cross catches your attention. Your eyes widen as you see your mother, and you get closer to the hospital where you knew the boy’s parents worked at. A sense of hope filled your being as you stopped almost in front of the hospital. Opening your mouth to scream out and pray that he heard you, you were cut short as an explosion from inside the hospital caused the fire to burst out all windows, the glass shattering. 

“Their….dead…” Your voice barely came out as it felt like the air was stolen from your lungs. The world spins as the heat of the blaze fans your face as you look on in horror. All of them gone, yet here you were, alive as your mother ran down the dark streets of Flevance.

The cold water of the new world licked at your feet as you dangled them over the edge of the wooden dock. Patches of white decorated your skin, even though you wished the water would wash away the painful reminder of how alone you would forever be. Not a soul to call your friend, let alone love.

Why were you alive? Based on what research you were able to do and what you saw, you were supposed to die as a child. Why were you 23 and only a month away from 24? How dare you live while the rest of everyone you ever knew decay and rot away.

You look out to the sea and wonder that maybe, just maybe, there was another. Someone else like you. Another soul that survived the massacre thirteen years ago. Maybe they were immune just like you.

You didn’t know how or why, but despite showing the physical changes the amber lead did to your body, you’ve never had any symptoms. No weakness, coughing, just nothing. The one thing that showed you were a survivor of the disease was the white blotches that stained your skin.

“Hey! You!” Your body went rigid as you heard a voice call out to you. Swallowing a lump in your throat, you turn your head to look over your shoulder. A million things you were expecting, but a waving polar bear was not one of them. You rub your eyes to make sure you aren’t seeing things.

“You! You're the sick girl, right?” A frown worked its way on your face. Even though you’ve heard it countless times, it still didn’t make it easier to hear.

“What’s it to you? Come to mock me?”

The polar bear shakes his head. “No! Not at all! I just wanted to let you know that my captain can probably help you!”

“What I have can't be cured. So it’d be useless to try.”

“Come on! What do you have to lose?”

“Mom, please, we’re almost there!” You whisper as you try to drag her faster. Yet, with every step you take, your mom gets slower. Using both your hands, you grab your mom's as tears rim your eyes. Trying your best, you start pulling even harder.

You turn your head to talk to your mom. “Mom, we have to-” The words stop short as you see your mom's once white shirt splotched with ever-growing red. Time seems to stop as you try to comprehend what you're seeing.

Stumbling, your mom turns you around. “Run baby. Run and don’t stop till the smoke is no more.” Tears stream down your face as everything seems to stop.

“No! I won’t leave without you!” You cry as you try to turn around, but your mom keeps her grip tight.

“Please, baby, you have to go on without me. You need to live. Live for the ones that couldn’t make it. Live for me, baby.” Your mother presses a kiss on your head as her grip turns light. A final gasp escapes her lips as you hear her collapse behind you as you begin to run through the flames.

“Live for Flevance.”

“Alright. I’ll go. Show me the way.”

The polar bear smiles before grabbing your hand. “You won’t regret this!” He exclaimed as he started to pull you to another end of the dock. The action making your eyes widen and pang shoot through your chest. His ‘hand’ was in yours even though you were obviously sick.

How many years had it been since your hand has been held? Since youve felt the touch of a living person?

“Your not scared of getting sick?” A whisper escapes from your lips.

“Nope!”

“Oh…” The sound of your footsteps hitting the wooden dock did nothing to calm the rapid beating of your heart.

“It’s just up ahead!” The polar bear grinned as he ran faster. His happiness was contagious as you couldn’t help the smile spread on your face. For some reason, this time felt different. Like hope had filled you once again after all these years.

The closer you got, the more you see what he was dragging you too. A yellow submarine with black markings along it. Odd shapes but you kept yoru mouth closed. Now wasn’t the time to insult or question. But you notice that you feel an overwhelming pull to it. Like your heart was trying to jump out of your chest to it.

The polar bear stopped in front of the submarine. “Here we are! The Polar Tang!”

“The Polar Tang?”

“Yep! Now come on!” You watch as the bear climbs up and opens a hatch before motioning you to follow. With an exhale of breath, you follow. The cold metal making a shiver run down your spine. The ladder felt shaky even though it was simply yourself as you begin to grow nervous.

Finally stepping on teh metal ground the bear once again motions you to follow. As you walk with him, you realize you never caught his name.

“Um, you never told me your name?”

The bear looked over his shoulder. “Oh, I didn’t? Sorry! But my names Bepo! Yours?”

“(Y/N). (L/N) (Y/N).”

“Perfect. I’ll let the captain know.” With a hum,you follow the bear to an office around the corner. You watch as teh bear knocks on the door.

“Captain! Are you busy? We really need you!” You hear a sigh from behind the door before the doorknob turns.

“Bepo I’m really busy, what do you-” The captain stood quiet as he looked at you. A look of horror and shock in his eyes. Your heart beat against your ribs as time seemed to stop. With your eyes scanning the captain, your eyes stop at his hat. It looked so familiar…

“Bepo leave.”

“What? But captain-”

“Go!” He points away from him before turning back to you. “You stay.”

You watch as Bepo leaves and you can’t help but feel like your being crushed. The air seemed tense between you and him. But before a word left your lips, a cold hand grabs yoru wrist and pulls you into his office. Locking the door behind him, he begins to pace.

“This isn’t possible…this has to be some sort of nightmare….” Taking off his hat, he runs his fingers through his hair. Soon he turns to you, a bewildered look in his eyes.

“That’s amber lead disease isn’t it? The white patches…” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you respond.

“Yes.” Your answer only seemed to make it worse.

“Thats not possible! No one was supposed to survive after the government…” He trails off and you can’t help but feel tears gloss your eyes. Clutching your hands into fists, you look down.

Suddenly, you feel him grip your shoulder. “No one was supposed to live to see fifteen! So how are you alive?” His voice desperate.

“I don’t know.” You spoke with a soft voice as the tear begin to slip down your cheeks. “I don’t know.”

“Did you eat a devil fruit?” While still frantic, his voice was much more gentle. 

“No. I’ve never even seen one in my life.” There was a few seconds of silence as you watch teh gears turn in his head. “How do you know so much about Flevance?” You asked as you looked into his eyes. His golden orbs almost hypnotizing.

“I’m from Flevance.”

“What?”

“I’m from Flevance.” Your body seems to shake as you gently place yoru hands on his arms. The world seemed to spin as your eyes look into his own, trying to see for any lies.

“What’s your name?” He looks hesitant for a second before answering.

“Trafalgar Law.” Your hands fly to your mouth as it all begnis to make sense. The familiar hat, the pull you felt when you neared the sub, his eyes. All the pieces fit together. The boy you once thought was gone, now stood in front of you all grown up. Your heart jumped in yoru chest as what used to be tears of pain, were now tears of joy.

“Your alive…I can’t believe your alive!” A huge smile lays across yoru face as you grip his arms tighter. “I thought you died all those years ago but you didn’t! Your here with me!” Law looks at you intensely before his eyes widen.

“(Y/N)?” You nod and let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah.”

Without second to spare, Law pulls you into a tight hug. Wrapping his arms around you like you’d disappear if he so much as lighten his grip. You wrap your own arms around him and begin to sob uncontrollably. Despite his cold touch, knowing that he was alive gave you an unbelievable warmth.

After spending years alone, wandering around the world, you finally had someone. The feeling of behind hugged for the first time in thirteen years was overwhelming as you criedd into Law’s shoulder. You can hear him crying as he cried into your hair. Both your bodies trembling as the combined sobs echo in his office. Cries of pain and the finally ending loneliness slipping down your cheeks.

“I thought i was all alone. That i was the only one left.” You whisper into Law’s shoulder. Law said nothing and only gripped you tighter. His sobs echo in your ears as the two of you subconsciously begin to sway side to side.

“How did you get out? They had everything fenced in and guarded. How did you escape?”

You ran as fast as you could along the bloody flame ridden streets. Everywhere was a dead end or was guarded by the government who wanted you dead. It seemed like you were stuck in an endless loop as you went in circles trying to find an escape.

As you ran forward, a big wall of burning hot flames raged before you. Yet, beyond the flames, you could see the port. The water reflecting the horror that is your crumbling home. This could be your only shot.

Looking at the wall of flames, you took a breath before running into the heat, determined to get to the other side.

 “I managed to hide in a crate on a navy ship. And the next stop they went to after Flevance I got off.” Looking you at him, you sniffle. “What about you? How did you escape?” You watch as Law grows silent and clings to your shirt.

“If you don’t wanna say it’s okay. We’re already been through enough.” Rubbing his back, you try to soothe him.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been hugged, thank you Law.” You’ve never felt so calm since you were a child. Such safety in his arms.

“I don’t understand though, how did you survive the Amber Lead?”

Law lets out a shaky breath.”It’s a long story, but to keep it simple, I ate a devil fruit.” You pull your head from his shoulder and look at him with shock before stars appear in your eyes.

“You have devil fruit powers?! Really?! You must show me!” Law looked at you, a smile on your face. He can see the tired look in your eyes and the heavy burden you bear with teh more noticeable spots then his own.

It intrigued him: how you could still have such prominent spots that look like you're still fresh with the disease, but you're still healthy, walking fine, and showing no signs other than the spots. Could you have truly been immune?

Law goes to say something but he watches in shock as you examine his office before standing in front of his doctors licsence.

A shock gasped leaves your lips as you turn back to Law. “Is this real?! Did you really become a doctor?!”

“Yeah.” A chuckle leaves his lips before a silence falls between he two of you. Suddenly a sigh leaves your lips.

“I’m sorry if this is awkward. I just…I didn’t think I’d ever met someone from Flevance who was still alive and lived to tell the tale.” You say with a shaky tone. “And I know I’ve already said this….” With a trembling lip, you run up and pull law into another hug.

“I’m so happy your alive!” You wail as your legs grow weak. The inside of your head pounded like a drum as you struggle to breath through your sobs. With your legs finally giving up, your knees hit the ground taking Law with you. 

Law’s heart hits against his ribs at your words. After years of feeling so alone and hiding what truly happened that night, there felt a bright warm feeling in his chest.

“Please, I’ll do anything. Just let me stay with you.” Law hears your sniffles as you cry into his shoulder.

He hadn’t about that. What would happen now? By the looks of it and what you’ve said, people still treat Amber Lead like they did all those years ago. Medicine has advanced so much, and yet you were still stuck with a painful reminder of what you’ve lost.

“Of course, don’t worry.”

“Hello Mrs. Trafalgar! Is Law available?” The sound of your voice breaks through Law’s study session. Knowing his mom would let you in the house with no questions asked, he began to panic. He looked around his room and saw the slight mess that it was. Jumping from his seat, he begin to pick up the dirty clothes and quickly make his bed.

A few knocks reach a Law’s ears. “Law? Can I come in?” Your voice echoes in his room. Whipping his head around to check his room to see any mess, he pulls off his hat to straighten out his hair before throwing it on his bed.

“Yeah!” Law hit his head as he critizes himself for sounding too excited but quickly straightens himself out as you enter.

“Oh wow, your room is so clean!” You say as you look around before turning to him. “Hey, where’s your hat?”

“I just took off for a second.” Law says with a nervous chuckle. He watches as you spot his hat on his bed before grabbing it.

Going up to him, you put it back on his head. “There we go. Much better.” Your smile made his heart beat heavily as he swallows.

“How’s your studying going? I heard from your mom that if your not hanging out with me, your studying. Am i just that awesome?” Your teasing and smug smile makes his heart beat even faster.

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about!” Law exclaims as his face feels hot. “She’s making things up!”

“Alright calm down. I’m just teasing!” Grumbling, Law looks away.

“Whatever.”

You laugh before moving towards his desk after something caught your eye. Once your eyes finally got a good look, you squeal.

“Is that the new Sora: Warrior of the Sea book?! Why didn’t you tell me you got the new volume?!”

“I was walking for you to come over…” Law whispered.

“Huh?”

“I forgot. Lucky for you, I haven’t read it yet so you get the privilege to read it with me.” Crossing his arms, Law tries his best to exclude confidence. Not wanting to show just how excited he was to read with you.

“Well what are we waiting for?! Let’s read it!” Grabbing the book, you sit on teh bed before patting the spot next to you. With a leap of his heart, he goes to sit next to you.

“Law?” Your soft voice in his ear pulls him from his memories and back to the present.

“Hmm?” He feels you pull back from teh hug, eyes bloodshot from tears as some still streamed down your cheeks.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any Sora comics would you? Do you still like Sora?”

Law’s heart beats even faster at yoru question. “I probably have some somewhere, why?” He didn’t want to tell you just yet that he had every single volume in his room safely stored in a book case. Along with many, many action figures.

“Well, we, or I, have never finished reading that volume or have read them since. Do you think we can read them together again? Like we used to?”

“I’d like that.”

[skulls-soul]

🧡💚Once again, imagine with me 💚🧡

There’s a mysterious figure that has been coming to the koopa castle recently

Everyone was very wary of the man who wore a mask and a cloak with simple, loosefitting clothing except any concerns of intentions from him was quickly dispersed once everyone found out that Bowser’s the one who brought him in one day, showing him around the castle proudly so he couldn’t possibly be an enemy no matter how suspicious he looked…right?

He was also terribly kind and soft-spoken, barely ever speaking, any louder than just above a whisper

The staff questions about the man shifted from why is he here and what does he want to who is he and how did Bowser find him?

Especially since they saw Bowser holding the mysterious figures hand, especially when Bowser would have brunch with him, requesting everyone even Kamek to knock on the doors before entering, just in case, if said, mysterious figure was with him.

After some time, people finally somewhat got a title, although everyone knew it was nothing but an alias since “Mr. L” is clearly not his true name

—

I was thinking about how most fan fictions had Bowser and Luigi being public knowledge to the castle’s employees and how cool it would be if Luigi was like this mysterious figure that nobody knew about because Luigi said how he wanted to keep the relationship a secret and Bowser said how he wanted to (insert excuse for the Weegee to go to the castle here( lol I couldn’t decide on anything))

so for a compromise, Luigi would go in disguise, wearing nothing of his usual clothing, except for his boots and color scheme

I can Just imagine all of the shenanigans

Bowser just wanting to shower Luigi with love and kisses but they can’t because they’re “ “in the library right now”” and there are too many people to successfully give him a proper smooch

Bowser’s at some point is like fuck it I don’t care there’s a mask in the way I’m gonna kiss you anyways or maybe giving Luigi kisses on his knuckles and honestly anywhere he can without revealing his identity

Or how about Luigi jumps on Bowser’s for protection because the Koopalings really wanna know who this mysterious man that’s dating their father is 

 Sometimes the castle cards can spot the hidden plumber, running away from the bundle of Koopalings 

Luigi is use to being in the shadows, so he’s subconsciously sneaky, which causes many of the staff to jump when he “ suddenly” appears

 imagine if one day Mario and peach go to Bowser’s castle because they were wondering what the fuck he was doing because he hasn’t kidnapped anybody in a hot minute only for Luigi to also be there but in disguise and mario was like “who is this” for Bowser to respond with “none of your goddamn business”

peach very politely, (as always) walks up to Luigi and just introduced herself  Luigi shakes her hand, but doesn’t say anything and only just shifts and shuffles to hide behind Bowser

Mario is looking at him like if he’s trying to decipher some type of optical illusion which just causes Luigi to cower behind Bowser, like a baby chick, hiding its mothers wings. Bowser (ever the wonderful boyfriend he is.) SCOLDS THEM FOR SCARING HIM!!! ( omg I’m dead, literally I’m having so much fun with this idea)

Imma call this au “ the koopa king’s hidden gem”

If you have your own thoughts or ideas for this and want to then by all means do share I’d love to hear them





[eruherdiriel]

After ruin

Jonsa ficlet Rating: T Universe: Canon Other: Angst, Sansa POV

Also on AO3.

She watches him slide the knife from its sheath and test the sharpness of the blade against a callus on his left hand.

“Must you go?” Sansa asks. Jon is always going to war it seems, and this time he would march right into the dragon’s maw. “Daenerys has already killed kin to clear her path to the Iron Throne.”

Aegon Targaryen is dead, so proclaimed the letter that arrived not five days ago with news from the south. Dragon fire killed him, as it kills many in the Crownlands and the Reach these days. But his death occurred after a challenge, a mockery of a test Daenerys must have known her nephew would not pass. She offered him one of her dragons to ride and then commanded it to breathe fire on him, the letter said. When he burned, she said it proved he was a pretender and that her true nephew died nearly two decades ago in King’s Landing.

Sansa knows better. Targaryens are not immune to fire; she has felt the proof as she traced the ruined skin of Jon’s sword hand. And yet, she has also heard the stories of when they tried to burn his body after the mutiny at Castle Black. She still remembers how Satin would not meet her eyes when he spoke of it, out of both shame for allowing it to happen and for fear of how Jon rose amidst the flames.

“I am a soldier. The battlefield is where I belong,” Jon says. The blade sings as he slides it back into its covering. “This is how I serve the North.”

“And how you run from love,” she says softly. She had not meant to say the words aloud, and hearing them nearly stops her own heart. It is much too soon for such a sentiment, but once it is out, Sansa knows it is true. She loves him. 

Whatever he feels in return, it is enough for Jon to run from her, just as he runs from his parentage. If he is fighting, he doesn’t have to face either thing. He doesn’t have to think about his mother dying after she birthed him and living her final months hidden away in a tower in Dorne. He doesn’t have to explain why he lets Rickon fall asleep against one side of his body and Sansa fall asleep against the other when they tell her baby brother a bedtime story. He doesn’t have to explain why he stopped letting Sansa come to his bed when she has nightmares, but she knows it happened after the morning she woke to feel him pressed against her, his hand wound in her hair and his breath warm on her neck.

He doesn’t have to explain why, when she tended his wound after fighting the Others and began to cry at the damage to his body that showed how close she came to losing him again, Jon lifted her chin with one hand and told her not to weep. Told her that he survived. That he could survive anything if it meant coming home to her. And then he kissed her tears away, his lips pressed against one cheek and then another before finding the curve of her mouth.

Her words to him now make Jon still, his back toward her, and he stays silent for some time. Sansa holds her breath and waits. Jon is always making her wait.

Jon, and the gods. And because of that, she has learned to be patient, learned through waiting to escape King’s Landing, and then waiting to escape the Vale of Arryn, and still she waits for Bran and Arya to come home.

“I do,” he says, head cocked slightly in her direction but still not facing Sansa. “Love you. But my love would only ruin you.”

This time, her heart does stop; she would swear to it.

If only Jon had stopped speaking after saying, I do love you.

“Ruin? You know nothing of love if you think it would ruin me.”

Now Jon turns. “Sansa, I’m—”

“A bastard?” she snaps. “A Targaryen? A deserter from the Night’s Watch? How many times must I tell you I do not care about any of those things? I care about how you treat your friends. How you respect me and make me feel safe. I care about how you’re the only person left that I can talk to about Robb, even though it hurts. I care about how you do your duty as a soldier despite how I know you want nothing more than to find out if Bran and Arya are alive and to search for them.”

He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

But Sansa has more to say, so she continues before he can protest yet again. “When we find love in this world, we should cling to it. How much love does anyone know in their life? I once had a mother and father and siblings who loved me. And they are gone except for Rickon, swept off by war and violence, and that is ruin, Jon.”

His eyes soften, and finally he leaves his half-packed saddle bag and walks over to her. Then Jon takes her face in his hands, and for the heartbeat that he studies her, Sansa thinks he is going to give her what she wants—he will kiss her and say he is going to stay. But instead, Jon tilts her head down and presses his lips to her forehead, and the vision is dashed.

“This is all I can give you at present,” he whispers into her hairline. “My sword.”

Why, she wants to scream. Why can’t you stay with me?

But she knows why. The qualities that would keep Jon from her and drive her ire are the same ones that helped make her love him.

“And after?” she whispers.

Her head is tucked into his neck, but she can hear the frown Jon must wear when he speaks. “Let me deal with our enemies. Then we can talk about after.”

It is only half a promise, but she will take it, will hold it tight to her chest while she waits for the wars to finally be over.

[kuni-is-daddy]

cuddling with kabukimono scara

Sub!Kabukimono x Male! Kaedehara clan reader

Fluff + Smut(hint of angst at the end. IF YK. YK)

1.2k words Scara masterlist

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"12.." you took a deep breath while counting another soon to be dead nobushi samurai. "Its truly a shame.. such distinguished warriors as ourselves can succumb to banditry." You raised your cursed blade. preparing to kill the nobushi samurai as the rain drenched through your hair. "Y/n!?..Y/n? are you here?!" You lowered your katana as the sound of pattering footsteps through the forest grew louder, along with a familiar voice. "Kabuki?..What are you doing here?" the shorter man approached you. Unbothered by the rain as his amulet dangled from his kimono. "Well..Niwa said you would be here..So I went looking for you!" You sighed, cursing your brother in your head for bringing your lover all the way out here. "Buki.. Its been awfully dangerous in inazuma. You should be back at the estate, WITH niwa." He sucked his teeth at your remark. "Ugh. Who cares about that Y/N. Cmon.. I wanna hang out with you already~ and maybe have some fun~" He peaked his head over your shoulder to notice the wounded samurai behind you. "Who is this?" You turned around, now holding your blade up again. "THIS. Is the danger ive been trying to tell you about buki.'" Kubuki scoffed andwalked around you Infront of the nobushi. "Looks weak to me." he grabbed the samurai by its helmet, watching as thin streaks of blood could be seen brushing through the outside. He then whispered into its ear. "A pathetic excuse for a samurai like you shouldn't have existed. If it was up to me, I would've killed you already. Humans like you always take up my time with y/n..My everything. Know your place."

The rain picked up, Now turning into roaring thunder and lightning which crackled through the sky. Your primary concern of killing changed once your lover arrived. Now you we're focused on getting him back to the estate safe. You held onto his hand, He turned away from the samurai and blushed as you sheathed your sword. Now walking him through the forest. The walk was silent, mostly consisting of you looking around at your surroundings and Kabuki in absolute love with your dedication to protect him. A simple eep or yell and you'd be ready to protect him in a heartbeat. You then broke the silence. "Our almighty shogun hasnt been doing a good job of maintaining order within inazuma. Day after day things get worse buki. More samurai leaving the clan, more people betraying us. Thats why i keep telling Niwa to not send you on wild chases for me." He frowned while gripping tighter onto your hand. 'The almighty shogun' was his mother. He couldnt do much to change her will regarding eternity. After all, To her. He was nothing but a liability. "im..sorry..I cant do much about my mother y/n. If only I wasnt so..Emotional..Like she said things wouldnt have-" He was cut off when you suddenly smashed your lips against his. Pulling him into a messy kiss then pulling away to witness his dummed out expression, how the rain fell against his shiny purple hair. "Dont be sorry baby. Your perfect just the way you are. Infact If you we're our archon i think id have to put in more work to impress you."

You two eventually made it back to the clan's estate, fingers intertwined together as you both settled into the kitchen. You sat on the couch. Resting and wiping off any remaining blood from your weapon. "Oh Y/n! I was with some blacksmiths earlier and they offered me some tea. I didnt think much of it, but they insisted I tried it and it was really good!" He sat beside you and placed a cup on the table. Seeing kabuki so happy over something as dull as tea made your heart ache. You grabbed the cup and blew onto it before consuming the drink. "Huh...whats this buki?" He smiled at your reaction. Did he like it? "Its bitter black tea! its great right? I took one cup but then i just kept drinking more and more until they had none left! hah hah.. but some old man gave me his recipe so I can make some for you!" "Thats great kubuki, Im glad your starting to enjoy being around everyone."

You sat closer to him. Now placing your hand along his body. "How about..I make you feel even better? Would you like that?" His body shivered at your request. "Y-yes..Id like that.." you got up off the couch and the shorter man followed you to your room. Closing the behind him then pushing him against the wall. "mmm..How about I treat you right here tonight buki? would my baby boy like that?" He let out a small moan at your sudden agression. "Ah~ yes~ I want it." You bit and licked along the side of his neck. Kabuki covered his mouth at the sudden wave of pleasure. "Shit..Bet this cock is so hard for me isnt it?" he nodded his head while still covering his mouth. You slightly pulled down his pants, enough to reveal his cock already covered in precum. "Your such a needy boy buki~" You whispered into his ear. Rubbing the tip of his cock with your thumb "Y..Y/n..~" "Yes baby?" "W-want.. more.." you laughed. "Hmm? what was that buki? Need you to get a little louder f' me." tears began to form in his eyes. He wanted you to push him harder against the wall and stroke him so roughly he screamed for you to let him cum. "Please! Go faster Daddy!!" he yelled out desperately. "Anything for you baby boy~" You grabbed him by the hips, pushing his body closer against your own as he held onto the wall, Crushing him in-between you and it. "Oh fuck~ YES~" You roughly grinded your body against him, grabbing tight on his cock while stroking it. "Fuck...Love how desperate you get for me buki' like a slut." "I Wanna be your slut daddy~ Wanna be your good boy~" he panted hard with how close he felt to cumming, how much his body burned for you. "you are buki~ so fucking good for me. Cum on daddys hand, let me taste you baby~" he yelled out your name with a sharp cry. Ropes of his cum oozed onto your fingers. "hah..Such a good boy buki'" you tasted his cum. Letting him watch as you licked it all off of his fingers. His grip fell light against the wall, falling back into your embrace "Y/n..." "Shh... come baby.. lets relax a little." you guided him to your bed, helping him take off the rest of his kimono and switch into lighter clothes of yours, Rubbing your hands through his hair as he laid besides in bed. "Y/n...I love you, I love you so much..is that okay?" You pulled him into a hug. Letting him sink into your touch by how happy yet sad you we're by his words. 'is that okay?' "Of course it is Buki, I love you more than anything else in the world." He smiled, then suddenly remembering his conversation with your brother. "Y/n..Are you not going to be home early tomorrow? Miwa said you we're going to be busy." he pouted, hoping you could cancel what ever you had to do to stay with him again.

"Im afraid so my love, I have to bring him on a acquaintance he has with a man known as 'the doctor' We're going far out into tartarsuna and I dont want him getting injured on the way there or back. But please, Dont worry about me. I will be back for you. No matter what."

[strayheartless]

Little paws make light work:

** I’m not apologising for what I’ve done here.**

Picking through the rubble of what was once Midgar was harrowing on the best of days…

Cloud had been avoiding thinking about how many bodies would never be recovered all because of his failure. Tifa would argue with him that he wasn’t to blame for this but the fact remained that he had been the one to hand Sephiroth the black materia. He had failed Aerith, gotten Zack killed. He had been the one who had weakly failed to drag himself to his mother -

Green flashes behind his eyes and his centre of gravity tilts dangerously. There’s a voice ringing out, “CLOUD RUN! RUN AWAY CLOUD YOU HAVE TO LIVE! PLEASE BABY RUN!” His vision blurs with tears at the memory of her voice and he’s suddenly on the floor.

It’s not the place to be having a breakdown. He can’t be crying in a pile of rubble that could have people under it. But he is, and there is no way to stop this hurtling Frait-train of emotion that slams into his chest.

He’s sobbing on his knees, tears mixing with the masonry dust that coats his cheeks. He can’t breath. It’s all wrong, all of it! He should be the one who died! Zack should have left him to die! Zack was the hero, not Cloud. If Zack was here Aerith would still be alive. He would have saved her, she wouldn’t have been put in that position.

Oh Gods the world was swimming in front of him. He was going to be sick.

Hewasgoingtobesickhewasgoingtobe-

Meow

What?

Meow

“He-hello?”

Meeeeow!

Cloud crawls on his hands and knees to the edge of the slab he’d been balanced on, face ruddy, Noe’s and eyes still streaming. He’s sniffling pitifully but now his eyes are lit up with curiosity rather than agony. He locks his foot in a hole in the cement to try and lower himself into the gap between the broken slabs.

It’s dark in the hole, and if he hadn’t been enhanced he probably wouldn’t be able to see a thing. As it was he could see the gray little face of a meowing fluff ball…

It was a kitten!

He sniffs trying to force the tears to a stop and reaches his hand down towards the kitten who latches on to the leather of his glove without a second thought. With a little bit of manoeuvring, Cloud manages to get the Kitten out of the hole without too much drama and once he’s got a good look at them he realises that the poor thing isn’t grey at all, it’s covered in dust.

He huddles it close to his chest, using the edge of his shirt to wipe off the worst of the dust from the cats watering eyes. There’s a hint of brown peeking through and from the two tone of the dusty coat, Cloud would guess that they’re mostly brown except for the ruff.

“There you go little one, I got you” he mutters to the kitten who murps weakly in reply.

He was thanked with a sneezing fit that sent up a little plume of dust that would have been funny if it wasn’t caused by something so horrific. So he continued to sacrifice his shirt for the sake of taking the worst of the dust off of its coat.

There was a collar with a rather big tag on it around the kittens neck and as Cloud tucked the tiny baby close to him, he rubbed the tag between his forefinger and thumb to see if this little guy had a name.

SQUALL was printed on it in big letters. Cloud resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the universe as he turned the tag over to see if there was a contact number or a name that he could trace. Of course the cat had an air related name, one so close to Cloud too. He’d think it was fate except he and fate were not on speaking terms right now.

The back side of the tag did indeed have an owner name, but it wasn’t what cloud had expected to see.

“For Cloud” it read. “From your bro, Wedge.”

The tears were back again. Streaming down his face at a force that he could never hope to stop. This can’t be real. This wasn’t FAIR. What the hell did the universe want from him so badly!? Why does it keep throwing things in his way just to cause him pain?! He just wants to stop crying over dead friends! Is that too much? Was he asking too much of Minerva? Of Gaia? What had he even done to deser-

The kitten meowed again butting it’s head into the bottom of his chin and nibbling at his jaw.

“Ow,” cloud said, more out of reflex then reaction. It effectively pulled him out of the spiral though, and maybe that was the point.

He remembers very briefly, before the plate drop spiralling in front of Wedge. He had been helping the other man feed his cats and Cloud had been locked inside his own head thinking about how he couldn’t differentiate between his feelings on the animals or the phantom opinion he now knew to be Zacks.

Zack had never been a big cat person. He wasn’t against them, but he’d always preferred the company of dogs. Said they were always pleased to see you and cloud tended to agree. However Cloud liked both animals, he always had. There had been a few strays around Nibelhiem that he fed and Tifa’s cat was forever coming to cuddle with him on nights when he’d been excluded or beaten up. Dogs were really cool, and Wolves were even cooler, but Cloud had a special place in his heart for cats.

Wedge had watched, intrigued when a momma cat had come to say hello to him whilst he spiralled. He’d been particularly interested to watch Clouds breathing re-regulate itself when she did.

Cloud had never thought much about it… but apparently wedge had thought about it enough to pick out a kitten from that same momma cats litter for him.

Squall squirmed and Cloud suddenly realised that he wasn’t actually all that small. He had the lanky signs of kitten hood but he was a big baby. Absently Cloud considered that he might just end up being something the size of a Gongagan jungle cat or a Mideel coon. If that was the case he’d need to think over his food options…

“Your gunna cause me all sorts of problems Hm?”

Squall batted at a strand of his hair and purred.

“Yeah yeah, your lucky your so cute.”

In the distance Cloud could see Tifa and Yuffie climbing over rocked to get to him. He secured Squall in one arm and began to climb down towards them.

How to explain this new house guest without a home?

[obsessingonthevalley]

Post series 14 debrief

You might be thinking, “hey freak on tumblr, this isn’t stardew valley related,” or “hey freak on tumblr don’t you mean season 1…” shut up?

So yeah i can’t super think how to relate this to stardew valley, but that isnt the point. I’m feeling down and have been thinking about series 14 an ungodly amount to cope. Sooo… here we go.

I’m starting with my personal ranking of the series including “The Church on Ruby Road.”

9. Space Babies, fun but just not for me

8. Empire of Death, classic russell finale that just doesnt hit (cough cough series 2 finale) also fym “it only has power because we thought so”

7. Church on Ruby Road, pretty close between the next 3. They all just aren’t anything to write home about. I’m not looking forward to rewatch them.

6. Legend of Ruby Sunday, I liked this barely more than church on ruby road because of how much more there is to both Ruby and the Doctor as characters

5. Devils chord, mid episode. I liked it a lot when i first watched it but after some time. its okay.

4. Dot and Bubble, enjoyable, but not the most amazing, again mid but looking forward to rewatching it.

3. Boom, hard to put it here because it is phenomenal but the other 2 just take the cake.

2. 73 Yards, controversially apparently, i’ve heard its not the most loved episode. I get that the open ending and confusing paranormal esque plot isnt everyones vibe but i kinda liked it. also “fairy circle” “ask him about that” still makes me laugh to this day.

1. Rogue. AHHHHHHHH. jonathon groff the love of my life (yes i am lin manuel miranda. 🥰) Did make me miss river tho, like heavily. its just a spectacular episode and hopefully is one that can be looked back on as fondly as “silence in the library” and “forest of the dead”

I liked the series overall, it’s not my favourite for sure, but I think it’s better than series 2,11,12,13, arguably 7 too.

I think that Ncuti’s doctor has such strong Capaldi energy, and I dont have much of a reason other than in Boom there was a small part when he asked Ruby to throw the dead corpse tube in the air to figure out the weight was sooo heaven sent coded. He also just carries around a certain swagger.

I hate the sonic. not dislike. or feel weird about. I despise it, it is my mortal enemy. No further comment.

Yeah so about the ending, and Ruby’s mother, how she held so much power because we gave her power, is such a flaming pile of garbage. It is a sweet message or whatever but no.

[agentrouka-blog]

I was wondering if Bran ever think of Sansa? And how much? Because I mostly see people talking about Arya when they discuss Sansa and her siblings.

Actually, he's the sibling with the most compassionate and softest thoughts about her, safe Jon. :)

He doesn't think about her a ton, because he's an unruly little boy whose society encourages this kind of thinking:

Bran had been left behind with Jon and the girls and Rickon. But Rickon was only a baby and the girls were only girls and Jon and his wolf were nowhere to be found.  (AGOT, Bran II)

But when he does, he demonstrates an ability to understand her and feel compassion far beyond what Robb is capable of:

When the raven came, bearing a letter marked with Father's own seal and written in Sansa's hand, the cruel truth seemed no less incredible. Bran would never forget the look on Robb's face as he stared at their sister's words. "She says Father conspired at treason with the king's brothers," he read. "King Robert is dead, and Mother and I are summoned to the Red Keep to swear fealty to Joffrey. She says we must be loyal, and when she marries Joffrey she will plead with him to spare our lord father's life." His fingers closed into a fist, crushing Sansa's letter between them. "And she says nothing of Arya, nothing, not so much as a word. Damn her! What's wrong with the girl?" Bran felt all cold inside. "She lost her wolf," he said, weakly, remembering the day when four of his father's guardsmen had returned from the south with Lady's bones. Summer and Grey Wind and Shaggydog had begun to howl before they crossed the drawbridge, in voices drawn and desolate. Beneath the shadow of the First Keep was an ancient lichyard, its headstones spotted with pale lichen, where the old Kings of Winter had laid their faithful servants. It was there they buried Lady, while her brothers stalked between the graves like restless shadows. She had gone south, and only her bones had returned. (AGOT, Bran IV)

He wants to save her and Arya.

"Bran, child, why do you torment yourself so? One day you may do some of these things, but now you are only a boy of eight." "I'd sooner be a wolf. Then I could live in the wood and sleep when I wanted, and I could find Arya and Sansa. I'd smell where they were and go save them, and when Robb went to battle I'd fight beside him like Grey Wind. I'd tear out the Kingslayer's throat with my teeth, rip, and then the war would be over and everyone would come back to Winterfell. If I was a wolf . . ." He howled. "Ooo-ooo-oooooooooooo." (ACOK, Bran I)

Inside Summer he thinks of Sansa and Lady:

These woods belonged to them, the snowy slopes and stony hills, the great green pines and the golden leaf oaks, the rushing streams and blue lakes fringed with fingers of white frost. But his sister had left the wilds, to walk in the halls of man-rock where other hunters ruled, and once within those halls it was hard to find the path back out. The wolf prince remembered. (ASOS, Bran I)

He has memories of being comforted by her that come back to him in a moment of fear.

The footfalls sounded heavy to Bran, slow, ponderous, scraping against the stone. It must be huge. Mad Axe had been a big man in Old Nan's story, and the thing that came in the night had been monstrous. Back in Winterfell, Sansa had told him that the demons of the dark couldn't touch him if he hid beneath his blanket. He almost did that now, before he remembered that he was a prince, and almost a man grown. (ASOS, Bran IV)

He firms counts her as a magical member of House Stark.

Old Nan had told him the same story once, Bran remembered, but when he asked Robb if it was true, his brother laughed and asked him if he believed in grumkins too. He wished Robb were with them now. I'd tell him I could fly, but he wouldn't believe, so I'd have to show him. I bet that he could learn to fly too, him and Arya and Sansa, even baby Rickon and Jon Snow. We could all be ravens and live in Maester Luwin's rookery. (ADWD, Bran III)

Bran is clearly trying to define himself as a Man Grown in opposition to "the girls" and the kinds of feminine-coded subjects Sans cares for, in the same wa Arya rejects them as "stupid" because she stuggles with the confines of the role she was supposed to occupy. Neither of them is right to do so, but it helps to understand why they do it.

Bran did not understand, so he asked the Reeds. "Do you like to read books, Bran?" Jojen asked him. "Some books. I like the fighting stories. My sister Sansa likes the kissing stories, but those are stupid." (ADWD, Bran III)

The relationship of "the girls" (as Bran keeps referring to them) is obviously more prominent because they shared more of their time and space every day (and are meant to illusttrate through their conflict how no woman wins in patriarchy, they are all equally oppressed) while the education of the boys required more time outside and away. But there is a clear indication that Bran cares for Sansa and understands her and she was a gentle older sister to him.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for giving up everything, including my sanity and moral compass, in a desperate bid to save my daughter?

…I loved her more than anything.

Sorry. I know you probably don’t want to hear about it, but I want to make that much very clear. I have to, for my own sake. I want everyone to know, and so I will reiterate:

My daughter was my world. I can hardly put into words how much I cared about her, at least once upon a time.

She was a happy accident— she hadn’t been planned. I was young, or at least felt young at the time when her mother showed up on my doorstep. We weren’t in a committed relationship. I was a ‘player’ of sorts. I hadn’t intended to impregnate her, but then there we were.

She held her arms and told me what happened. She asked me what I wanted to do. She said she didn’t really want to keep her, and was thinking of adopting her out, but wanted to know what I thought.

I was stunned. I wasn’t ready. I was keen to get rid of her too. But then my baby girl— my daughter reached out a hand and grabbed my finger. And it was as if my whole world shifted.

I realized she was so small. And so incredibly alone. And MINE. I realized if I didn’t protect her, then no one would. That she was my duty.

I told her mother I’d keep her. I became a single father. It was frightening, but I was sure of it. For my daughter, I’d do anything.

And life was good, for a time. We were happy. But then, everything changed. I ruined it.

You see, I was a businessman and mechanic by trade. I had a moderately successful company producing technology. And one day, I stumbled upon the blueprints for a machine that would change EVERYTHING.

It was a wish granting computer… said to be able to make any dream come true. I was ecstatic. Not only would this surely help my company, but it would help ensure my daughter had a bright future. I decided I’d build it— make her life prosperous, and make all of her wishes reality. We even worked on it together.

It was our project. Our collective dream. We poured our hearts into that machine.

But it went wrong. It had to, didn’t it? There’s no such thing as a true miracle. Partway through building the machine, I…

I lost her.

Something malfunctioned. A portal opened up. Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed her to be near the computer— I don’t know, but either way, it stole her away. My daughter… the light of my life was swallowed by the portal. She screamed for help, and then…

The portal closed. She was gone.

My daughter was dead, and it was my fault.

I was inconsolable. I promised I’d hang the stars in the sky for her, only to to allow her to be murdered at only seven. In one terrible moment, my entire world came crashing down.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to go. But then it hit me, I realized.

…My wish granting machine— the same machine that had damned me— it was now my only hope.

If I completed it… if I were to make my dreams come true, then surely I could bring my daughter back to life.

Of course, it couldn’t function as was. I tried to make my wish, and it told me it was ‘impossible.’ But I didn’t give up. I just needed more resources. More time.

Did you know every planet has the power of the stars contained somewhere within it? A miraculous energy… that which my wish granting machine ran on. I harvested this power from my own planet, but it wasn’t enough.

I needed more.

I traveled to other planets, taking this power by force, if necessary. I constructed a grand spaceship, and my machine and I conquered.

But the grief in my heart hadn’t eased. I was beginning to feel delirious. I started suffering from severe health complications. I well and truly thought I was going to die. But I couldn’t allow that to happen before I saw my daughter again, and so I made another decision.

…The machine. I’d use its powers to transcend my mortal flesh. I replaced my faulty heart with a cybernetic one. My ailing limbs with machinery, and my weeping eyes with LEDs. That way, I would never die. My daughter wouldn’t recognize me upon her return, but that was okay.

It was all for her.

Slowly, I began to lose it, though. Something terrible was happening to me. I was more standoffish… edgy and angry, and even worse, my memory began to go. I began to forget things that were important to me.

…Even my daughter’s face.

I think, in some way, I was aware of it. I was aware it was that accursed machine. It was eating away at my brain every time I used it. But it didn’t matter. I still had to save her. And so I surrendered myself— gave my mind up, all in a desperate bid to MAYBE find a way to bring her home before I lost myself entirely.

I did not. I forgot my daughter— my precious child— the one who this was all for, and my priorities shifted.

Prosperity. That’s what I realized I wanted. Prosperity. For myself and the people cared about. But people were far too foolish to attain prosperity on their own. If I wanted prosperity to be treated with respect, then I would have to take it for myself. No-one else understood the correct way to live.

We invaded more planets— me and my precious machine. We did so with even more force. We stole their natural resources for ourselves, and as for the people who lived there…?

We improved them. We gave them the same upgrades I’d been given. It was the only way to live an efficient life, and so even if they didn’t want to, we mechanized them. We mechanized entire planets, spreading our agenda of prosperity all across the universe, and becoming incomprehensibly rich in the process.

It was… maybe eleven years into this when I met a peculiar person. She was young— couldn’t have been older than 18. She begged me for a job— said that she NEEDED to work for my company.

She had no credentials, but I felt… drawn to her, anyways. Her diligent demeanor and her strange sad eyes. I offered her a position as my secretary, and she agreed.

She, like everyone else, was mechanized, and she begun work at my company.

We didn’t always get along… me and this person, who I’ll call ‘S.’ I’d shout at her. I wasn’t an easy boss. I was mean-spirited and demanding. But even so, I was still kinder to her than I was to others, I think. She brought me a certain sense of peace.

…On quiet days, she’d sing me songs.

I trusted S, or at least as much as I could trust anyone. And so one day, when it came to us mechanizing a particularly important planet, I put her in charge of the operation. She’d shown she was competent, and I trusted her to do what needed to be done.

…She failed. Spectacularly. At every step of the operation, she messed it up. A rebel from that planet resisted our company’s takeover— destroying our spaceship and eventually making his way to my headquarters. S tried to stop him, but failed time and time again.

He waltzed right into my office.

She tried, one last time, to seize him… to make up for her mistakes and make me proud, but she was unable. He was too strong. He outright humiliated her.

I was… enraged. I’d trusted S with so much, and she’d let me down. I terminated her from her position right then and there— even though she begged me for mercy— even though she said she needed ‘just one more chance.’

I didn’t listen. I never listened to S.

I should have.

(I’m sorry. I’m so, SO sorry.)

I, too, was beaten by the rebel. But I had one last trick up my sleeve. I attempted to connect with the computer— my greatest accomplishment and my last hope. And S…

She stole it. That which I was using to sync with the computer, right as it was attached to my brain.

All at once, two things happened.

First of all, I lost control. I could feel the computer’s presence creeping up on me. I knew soon I’d be dead— TRULY dead as it reformatted me. S had killed me, whether she meant to or not.

But second of all…

For just a brief moment, I remembered. I remembered EVERYTHING.

And as I stared at S, dying… completely unable to move, I came to a horrible realization.

I knew her. Even looking at me with such hateful eyes. Even having changed her beyond recognition

I had met S before, a very, very long time ago. I’d forgotten it, but she was the one I did all of this for.

…She was my daughter. She’d been by my side all this time, and she’d murdered me.

The last thing I was able to process was just how angry she looked. Just how scared and small. She… well and truly despised me.

And really, I can’t blame her.

I’m in a better place now. My spirit was almost destroyed entirely by that which took everything else from me, but even a wish granting computer can’t defeat Death. Eventually, painstakingly, my soul was knit back together.

But I am not at peace. I am anything but. I can’t get her expression out of my mind… just how much she resented me.

Now, I know the full story. My daughter never died. Instead, she spent 11 horrible years trapped in a nightmare dimension. My computer could not bring her back because she was not gone… not truly. She was fighting for her life.

Eventually, she returned to me. She became the person I knew as ‘S.’ But by then, I had already forgotten her, and she was inconsolable. She vowed she’d find a way to save me… to ‘wake me up’ and have me remember.

She tried. She really, really tried. But I was beyond saving. And I guess when I tried to fire her… something snapped. Perhaps she thought maybe— just maybe if she were to get rid of the computer, she could change fate.

…She did not. I am gone now, and her efforts were all for naught.

I know, realistically, I am the bad guy in this story. I committed countless atrocities in the name of seeking salvation. I conquered planets. I mechanized strangers. I even mechanized she who was most dear to me.

But I didn’t mean to… I never meant to—

I just wanted to see her. One last time. I knew the fate it would condemn me to, but I did not care. Was that really so selfish? All we wanted was to rescue one another, and in doing so, we damned ourselves.

…AITA? For trying to save my daughter, and in doing so, perhaps condemning her to the worst fate of all?

[zedif-y]

I lovee the shapeshifter au so far :P

I'm curious what would Grian and Pearl's reactions be to finding Jimmy's note that he's gone hunting, then him not returning. Would they go looking for him? Would they have any luck?

The thing you have to know about Jimmy's perspective of all this, him deciding to leave just to prove himself... Is the fact that he was wrong about what his remaining family thought of him. I say this because Jimmy, for the longest time, truly believed that they thought of him as some kind of... Weakling. Other.

When their parents died, Jimmy was the one who kept the house itself. His workshop was there, and Grian and Pearl have their separate places. They're close enough to come visit as much as they like, and the house is more of a common area for the three of them most days. Jimmy kept all the hunting memorabilia, the grainy photos of his parents and his ancestors and all of their achievements. He takes care of them.

The point is that this feeling has been bubbling for a very long time. The point is that Jimmy's never felt more like a failure than when he found out about his father's dreams for him through old letters in the attic, and flipped through pictures in the family album where his mother is grinning, her trusty crossbow in hand. The crossbow she left for him.

The one he'd never properly used.

All this to say, Grian and Pearl did what they could. They knew Jimmy was feeling this way to an extent, but... He never told them how bad it had gotten. Mostly because the last thing he wanted was to give them another reason to worry, another reason to think he couldn't handle himself.

When they knocked on the door and Jimmy didn't answer... The worry came fast. They grabbed their spare keys, called for Jimmy as they entered the house, and--

They find his note.

Neighbors will tell you that they've never seen the two so afraid, before.

They packed as much as they could and basically ran, following Jimmy the only place he could have gone-- their usual hunting trail, though given his headstart he could be deep in the woods--

"We'll find him," Pearl tells Grian, who's grit his teeth so hard his jaw hurt. "We'll find him."

Jimmy's trail is easy enough to follow at first. Clumsy and obvious. But the forest grows dense, and at some point, Jimmy got lost, straying off the main path the two of them know by heart. Off into uncharted territory.

This is when fear turns into choking dread.

They don't find him on that first trip. Nor the second, nor the third. They don't find him, and the thought makes them ache, makes them tremble into each other's embrace as they sit in their childhood home, the damn thing so cold and empty without its owner.

"Some hunters we are," Grian says one day, choked up and shaking. Pearl gathers him up in his arms, "What are we gonna do?"

Eventually, they stumble upon dried blood in the forest. Ripped up dirt, a dried, bloody handprint on a nearby rock. About Jimmy's size.

But no body.

To say that they're in denial is a bit of an understatement. They refuse to think that Jimmy's dead. Not until they have proof. Not until they can see it.

(They both have nightmares where they do.)

And sometimes-- sometimes they think they see him, fleeting ghosts here in town. A hooded man with blonde hair sticking out and catching the sun, gone before they can approach. Someone who looks like they could be Jimmy, same build or height or whatever-- and they turn around and it's not him at all.

Nearly a year passes. They've kept the house clean for him. They still, though less frequently, comb through the forest for him.

Their baby brother isn't dead.

He can't be, there's no proof. They just have to find him.

(And they're right, though it stops feeling like it. They're right, they do see him, on all those times when he goes back to town to buy supplies and brings them back to Joel.)

(They're right. He's alive.)

(He just doesn't know how to face them again.)