#pedro pascal x platonic!reader

[heartpascal]

joel’s place

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader, hints of jesse x reader

▹— summary: you visit the cemetery

▹— a/n: this is inspired by the song robert’s place, simon robert french. i think it fits the situation perfectly :( — also i wrote this over many months so it may read a bit inconsistent, sorry! it also isn’t proofread, and by the end might’ve turned into just a string of consciousness idk

▹— warnings: major character death, grief and all that follows, mentions of scars & previous injuries, TLOU 2 SPOILERS, once again MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS, lots of angst, talk of canon typical violence, abby mentioned, ellie and dina mentioned, also can be read as platonic for jesse i think, long lasting injury effects (please add if there’s more! i’m rusty)

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything!) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915  @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa  @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being @hqkon (pedro!)

MASTERLIST if you can click on my masterlist, you can also do your daily clicks!

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Eventually, the snow bled into summer.

Time tumbled and warped, moved on, the world spinning, seasons changing and months passing by like nothing had ever happened. Sometimes, when you wake up, the sun shining in your eyes from a gap between curtains, the world feeling warm, you could pretend that nothing had. That the world was as it had once been.

And in the moments of waking, that’s easy. It’s second nature to slip into the past, into better times, where autumn fell and so did you. Where everything felt right in the world.

That, unsurprisingly, didn’t last very long.

But still.

You’re here, your house in Jackson unchanged, despite the year passing by unrelentingly. The only difference being the bloom of flowers at your doorstep, colours bright in the warm sun.

And you, of course.

If you’re honest, it’s probably you that changed the most.

With scars in new places, still aching with a pain that you were certain would never go away. Hair cut shorter, choppier, done by you in the middle of the night some time in the spring. Then there’s the shakiness to your hands, the tremors that linger despite the warmth. A slight limp when you would inevitably tread wrong on your ankle. And a new age to your face, a new hardship reflected in the bags that continue to weigh you down, after all this time.

You’re not sure that the people who were lost that winter would recognise you, had they been here now. There was a whole new air about you, too, lingering in every space you stepped into.

But still. You try not to think too much about it.

Instead, you gather a handful of flowers from your doorstep, bunched together into a makeshift bouquet that you tie with twine. The remaining blooms get a splash of water before you’re setting off from your house, stepping on soft grass until you reach the road.

From there, you wander along the path you know so well, that you have walked so many times. Gravel crunches underneath your soles with every step, unearthing the split second longer it takes for you to put weight on your ankle. It still hurts, but you don’t mind so much anymore. It allows some of your pain to be physical, rather than emotional. It’s a small mercy, really.

People used to call out to you when you walked this route, but they know better now, and don’t bother you when you carry flowers. That, you think, is a small mercy, too.

If you were to glance to your left, you’d see his house. Instead, you focus on your feet, ensuring you don’t roll your ankle again. As much as you try, you can’t accept that there’s someone other than him living there now. You don’t want to see his name pried off of the mailbox, Miller outlined from the five years that the sun bleached the uncovered wood around it.

You like to think that he’s still in there, somewhere, just down the hall. So long as you don’t look, Joel lives on in that house.

You could almost pretend that you weren’t going to his new home. His final home. His resting place, Tommy had called it once. But if you knew anything about Joel, you knew that the man couldn’t rest, not even in Jackson. Not fully. You’ve resigned to calling it Joel’s place.

It comes into view quickly, a mere stone’s throw from his house, and like every other time, you feel dread.

A wave of it crashes over you, leaving you gaping for air. It sinks down your throat and fills your lungs, your stomach, your very being. It’s an all consuming thing. You know his name is going to be carved upon a stone, instead of the mailbox where it should be, and every time you come here, it shatters the illusion. Each time, you have to pick up the pieces, and painstakingly put it back together again.

The flowers sit nicely, giving his place a burst of colour. It makes that pit in your throat open up again, and threaten to swallow your tongue. You know Joel wasn’t really a flower guy, but there’s not much else you can do. If he was here, you’d give him the bag of coffee that still sat useless in your cupboard. But he’s not.

“Hi,” You say into the still air, because you still can’t bring yourself to say his name here. There’s a part of you that refuses to believe it’s him, even after all this time. You practically fall to the floor as you lower yourself, and huff at the inconvenience your old injury still caused you. “It’s been a while.”

And it’s true — it’s been long enough that Zahir, the man who took care of the graves on a more regular basis, had removed the flowers from the last visit. They must have died quickly, which you found to be quite ironic. Still, you hoped these ones lasted longer.

“Dina’s going to have her baby in a few weeks, we reckon. She said that if it’s a girl, she’ll name her Talia. But if it’s a boy…” You smile faintly, just imagining what Joel would look like if he was truly here. “She said JJ. Jesse-Joel. I hope it’s a boy, if I’m honest. I think he’d have Jesse’s smile.”

A breeze shifts the air around you, and you fidget with the tongue of your shoe for a moment.

“Her and Ellie are still living up at that farm, with a whole bunch of sheep. It’s not far, but I don’t see them too often. Ellie doesn’t really show her face around here, much. I think she avoids it because of Tommy, and Jesse’s parents. I don’t blame her.” You continue, breathing in the warm air and hoping it’ll soothe some of the pain in your chest. “Jesse’s parents have tried to visit me, a few times. You would think I’m so stupid for avoiding them like this, I just know it.”

You swallow roughly, trying to push down the lump in your throat. More than anything, you just wish that he could answer you, wish that he could confirm your suspicions on what he would think.

“It’s just… it’s been hard, here. Since we got back. Everything just feels so different.” You scoffed. “Probably because everything is different. You should see Mike and Astrid trying to lead the patrols. Without you and Jesse…” You shook your head, trailing off.

The breeze shook some leaves free from their branches, and sent them swirling down to the ground, where Zahir would sweep them away later. You liked the man. He had been kind and respectful every time you had seen him here, and you appreciated how much care he put into the upkeep of graves of people he hadn’t even known.

Sometimes when you were here, it felt like you were the only person in the world. As if when Joel died, everybody else died with him. And in some ways, you think that might be true. Jesse died right after him, and Tommy was almost right behind him. And Ellie… she lost a part of herself in that basement. After Seattle, you were surprised there was anything left of her.

It was why you always felt relieved when Zahir showed up. He allowed you to realise that there were still people around you, that not everybody was buried with Joel. Zahir reminded you that other people were grieving, too. It helped to know that you weren’t actually alone in this experience, even if it felt like it.

You wanted to tell him how much you missed the two of them, how your life felt incomplete without them in it. You wanted to let the words fall from your mouth, wanted to observe as the breeze caught them and swept them away to somewhere that Joel just might have heard them. But you already felt silly, doing this. Speaking to him, knowing that he couldn’t hear a word of it.

What else could you do, though? Where else were you meant to put all of these unrelenting thoughts? What else could you do with the grief that threatened to bury you right beside the people you missed most?

“So much has changed here. It doesn’t feel like home, the way it used to.” You admitted to the open air, trying not to let regret or embarrassment consume you. The breeze could be comforting, if you allowed it to be.

It’s been a long time since you’ve allowed yourself to be comforted. Maybe too long.

All you can think is haven’t you suffered enough? Do you have to continue the seemingly endless cycle of pain that you have been trapped in for years? Shouldn’t you, after everything, be allowed some comfort?

“If I’m honest, I don’t think it’ll ever feel like home again. Not really. I guess that’s why Ellie doesn’t really visit.” You said, listening to the rustle of leaves, watching the petals on the flowers you’d brought shift. You believe it, too. You believe that Ellie refuses to visit because Jackson has lost its spark. Its livelihood. That, and you’re pretty sure she can’t bring herself to visit Joel’s place, or Jesse’s.

You don’t blame her. It had been one of the hardest things you’d ever done, coming here after returning from Seattle. You felt like some sort of sorry animal, failing to come home with the prey it was supposed to. Despite your best efforts, your jaws remained empty of prey. Your hunt had failed, had turned sideways, had left you feeling more sorrow than before.

How could you come here knowing that Abby was still alive out there? Knowing that, while Joel had been rotting underground, she had a life.

It had taken you a long time to accept that fact. To let it go.

Ellie was still holding on.

You suppose that you have always been better at knowing what went through Joel’s head. At rationalising things. You knew that going after her was never what Joel would’ve wanted for the two of you. But Ellie had always struggled with seeing his point of view. With seeing anyone’s perspective but her own, really. She could never understand Abby, just like she had never understood Joel after what he did to the Fireflies.

Joel would want the two of you here, not on some cross country journey for revenge. And you understand why — because that trip had caused you even more loss. It hadn’t fixed a thing, and at the end of it all, Abby was still alive.

Going after her wasn’t worth Jesse’s life.

If you had known the cost of that journey before you had left Jackson in search of it, you don’t think you would’ve gone. Not if it meant losing him, too.

A glance across the cemetery had your eyes locking onto another familiar headstone. It was still hard for you to face that one, knowing that you were the direct cause of Jesse’s death. Would he had left the safety of Jackson, if you hadn’t joined Ellie on her quest for vengeance? Would Abby have felt the need to defend herself, the kid with her, if you and Ellie hadn’t been so intent on killing her?

One of the worst parts about his death is that you could understand. Had you, Ellie and Joel not killed many people, defending those you cared about? Hell, hadn’t you killed WLFs to protect Jesse? You’d caused people this loss, too. Perhaps his death was just karma, finally catching up to you. But to reduce Jesse to that felt… wrong. He was more than that. So much more.

He should’ve been here. At your side, grieving Joel right alongside you.

Had you chosen to just grieve, rather than avenge, you wouldn’t have to do it all alone. If you had remained in Jackson while Tommy, Ellie and Dina left, you could’ve asked Jesse to stay. You’re almost confident that he would have.

But then you would’ve lost the others, too.

Either way, Jackson would’ve lost its spark of life.

“I think that, maybe, you guys were my home. And that’s why it feels like this.” You look away from the stone with Jesse’s name carved upon it. Admitting it just makes it feel more real, and you know that you will never feel at home again. Not like you did with them.

Your eyes water before you can do anything about it, trailing saltwater down your cheek. It crawls across the scar underneath your eye, and you feel the phantom pain of Abby’s fists upon your face once more. Everything in you aches, particles of loss and decay floating through your veins until it feels like it’s all you are.

But it’s not.

There’s still life within you, waiting to be let out.

Joel and Jesse don’t have that luxury. Which is why you feel like you have to honour them, like you have to actually live, instead of sitting here, wallowing in the pain of it all.

“I miss you.”

The wind brushes against your hair, your face.

“I’ll come back soon,” You promise, resting your palms against the ground to help you stand without aggravating your injury. “Maybe next time I’ll bring your guitar, show you what I’ve learned since we lost you.”

There’s a lump in your throat, and you can’t seem to swallow it. Your goodbye can’t get past it, and you know it will only worsen if you go across to Jesse’s place. You turn, swearing that you will have something more hopeful to tell the open air next time you come.

[writersblog20]

Movie night, adventures and sleepovers.

Pedro Pascal x reader

Credits to the gif maker!!

Summary: When you and Pedro finally had some time to hang out together so you decided on a movie night and a sleepover with maybe some edibles which leads to some funny yet cute situations.

Warnings:FLUFF edibles, smoking some grass,  quick mention of an unsafe environment. (but like very quick)

A/N I DO NOT give permission to translate, copy or repost my work!

Words: 3,7K

Movie night, adventures and sleepovers.

You were packing your stuff and got ready to go to Pedro. Since you’ve became co-workers, your bond had been so wholesome and loving that you got very attached to Pedro and Pedro to you. He was your best friend, comfort person and just your favorite person in the whole wide world. When you were filming a new tv series, you both watched a lot of movies together and tried to have a movie night every Friday.

Unfortunately Pedro was very busy the last couple of weeks but made it up to you. Instead of just the Friday night, he asked you to have a movie weekend. Which meant, eat edibles or smoke weed, watch movies, put on your crazy pajamas, cuddle together underneath the fluffy blanket that he bought just for you) order take-out, eat snacks (mostly popcorn) and fall asleep on his couch. He had a couch that you could turn into a bed so that was always what you did first. Make it as comfy as possible, bringing all the blankets and pillows down and chill on the bed/couch.

You got your stuff and texted Pedro that you were on your way. “Send me your live location sweetheart.” He texted you back, always worried for you and that you would arrive safely and if you won’t than he would know where you were. You texted him your location and put all of your stuff in your car and drove to his place.

You were very excited. You haven’t seen him in a month and two weeks and everyday it became harder and harder. You missed him so much and he did with you, hence the weekend. You did at least text each other everyday and facetime at least 2 times in the week.

After an hour or so you arrived at the comfort of Pedro’s home which you considered your second home. Pedro opened his front door and walked towards your car with a big smile and opened the door for you when you were almost getting ready to get out. Seems like he missed you just as much as you missed him. You couldn’t wipe the smile off of your face. “Give me a hug! I’ve missed you so much!” he told you excited and held his arms open for you. You got out of the car and quickly got into the hug. Pedro held you very tight, like he was scared that you might be gone if he didn’t hold you so tight.

“I finally have my baby girl back” he let out with a sigh as if a heaviness got off of his shoulders. Your arms were around his waist and your face buried in the crook of his neck while you stood on your tippy toes. Pedro chuckled and rocked the both of you in the hug. His arms around your shoulders and pulled you closer to the warmth of his body. “Let’s get inside, I got a surprise for you!” he told you excited, making you giggle, raising your curiosity and matching his excited energy. Before going inside, Pedro helped you with the bags and carried them, not wanting that you had to carry it.

He took your hand in his and led you inside his house. You followed him curiously. The moment you stepped into the livingroom, your breath got taken away for a second from surprise while Pedro put your stuff down for a minute. He already made the couch/bed but made some sort of tent with fairy lights in it. The fireplace was lit and it looked sooooo comfortable and cozy that you wanted to lay down already. “This is the first surprise.” Pedro smiled happily when he saw you happy and surprised. “Pepsi…. This is so sweet! Thank you.” he smiled “Anything for my favorite girl in the world.” You felt flustered and loved by his words. “Come here princesa, I got another surprise for you.” You felt so spoiled but you were always getting spoiled when you were with Pedro.

“So… as you know I’ve been traveling and of course I got something from back there for you.” he told you and happily gave you a box. It was a big box at that and you looked at Pedro to see if you could open it. He nodded with a big smile and neither could you wipe the smile off your face. The box had a ribbon around it and you got it loose, slowly opening the box. You saw the same pajama that Pedro had, and you loved so much. “Ohhh thank you Pepsi!!!” you thanked him happily and gave him a big hug, “Now we’re matching besties.” You giggled at his remark. “You gonna wear it tonight as well?” you asked him, feeling the soft fabric on your hands. “Of course I will!” you smiled and gave him a side hug. Pedro chuckled shyly and a blush creeped up on his cheeks.

“Oh and I went with my nephews to Disneyworld. You need to join us sometime! You’ll love it! but I saw something and I just had to get it for you.” you were still learning to accept gifts and not feel bad about it so this was a lot but you weren’t complaining. “Pepsi.. it’s too much.” You told him, feeling a bit guilty. “Hey, none of that. I want to spoil you, so I will because I love you. you know that right?” he told you softly and sweetly. You nodded and gave him a warm smile. “Come here baby girl.” He told you, holding his arms open for you again so he could give you a hug first. You immediately got in the hug and Pedro let his chin gently rest on your head. “I know you find it difficult sometimes but you deserve it. Besides, it’s part of my love language.” You chuckled. You knew it was indeed part of his love language, that’s why you always accepted his gifts because it made him so happy.

“I know, Peps. Thank you, I love you too.” He gave you a warm smile and kissed the top of your head. He got a paper bag from underneath the table and gave it to you with a big smile, which radiated over to you. You saw a very soft and fluffy fabric which was green, propped up in the bag. You got it out and it might’ve been the softest thing you’ve ever touched. You got it out of the bag and you saw that it was a big oversized grogu hoodie. Pedro knew that you really liked the Mandalorian so this was really sweet and cool. “Thank you Pepsi! I LOVE it.” Pedro smiled happily. “You’re more than welcome and I know, that’s why I got it for you, sweetheart.” You gave him a hug while he looked with adoration at you while he giggled a bit.

“Okay, let’s get changed in the pajamas and order some food. You have an idea of what you want?” He asked you while walking up the stairs as he carried your stuff. “Ehmm… maybe some Mexican food or something?” Pedro smiled, “That’s one of the many reasons why I love you.” you chuckled and followed him in the bedroom where he put your stuff down. The only thing that you were carrying were your presents, which you were so happy with. You went into the bathroom with your presents and got changed into the matching pajamas. You looked in the mirror and god you were really happy with your presents and walked out with a big smile on your face. Pedro was already wearing his and you chuckled. “I really, really like it Pepsi!” Pedro chuckled “We should take a picture!” he suggested while laughing, knowing that the internet would go absolutely nuts about this.

You both took a couple of pictures and did different poses. One where you were on his back, your chin resting on top of his head while he held you up with his arms around your legs, both with the biggest smile on your faces. You took some pictures of Pedro and he from you. He got the grogu hoodie and hinted for you to put it on, which you happily did. It was so big, he probably got you 3 sizes bigger than your own, knowing you loved when your comfort clothes were baggy and oversized. Pedro hugged you tightly. “Oh my god, you look so cute and feel so soft!” he jokingly cried out, making you laugh. You both took some more pictures and made your way downstairs.

You finally plopped on the, cozy looking couch/bed together. Your arms were propped up together, laying closely next to each other. Pedro opened the take-out app and made you chose something to eat. You chose your favorite take-out with some dessert. Pedro leaned his head on your shoulder, looking at the things you chose. You handed the phone back to Pedro and this time, you leaned against Pedro, head resting against his shoulder, looking at the things he chose. He placed the order and put his phone aside to get the tv remote.

“So… what movie?” he asked you. You both made a list of all the movies and series you wanted to watch together. You even categorized them to the genre. “What are we feeling today? Horror, fantasy, comedy?” you asked. “Should we do a horror movie?” you smiled and nodded. You picked one on your list and made yourself completely comfortable against Pedro, who already had his arm placed around you. You shivered a little when you finally became comfortable even though you were already underneath a big blanket, you just get cold very fast so Pedro got a soft fluffy blanket from the corner and placed it over your shoulders, tucking you in.

You were hanging so much against Pedro that not even air could get through. There was a scary part in the movie and you hid your face a little against Pedro, closing your eyes for a bit until the jump scares passed. You heard Pedro chuckle above you and you looked up to be met with his brown eyes that looked so kindly down to you. “You okay baby girl?” he chuckled softly and you felt yourself grow flustered and nodded. The doorbell rang and you almost jumped off the couch, scaring you to your core. Pedro started wheezing at your reaction. You felt your cheeks heat up and embarrassment floating over you while you swatted Pedro’s arm. He got up, still laughing to open the door. You could still hear him chuckle as he opened the door and got the food inside. You jokingly looked mad at him. “Aww I’m so sorry baby girl. You know I won’t let anything happen to you in real life right?” he walked over to you, still chuckling and pulled you in a hug and kissed the top of your head. “Yeah, yeah. You keep laughing.” You acted unamused but you couldn’t hide the smile on your face.

You unpacked the food and got back into your position on the couch and dug into the delicious food. Pedro looked at you, love radiating from his yes as he had a permanent relaxing and comfortable smile on his face. You continued to watch a movie and eat dinner and desserts before you were both fully full and content.

After the first movie ended, it was Pedro’s turn to choose. Pedro sat with his back against the cushions while you laid down. You rested your head against his arm and looked at the tv. He chose candyman as he was sort off a horror movie lover himself. You told him that you loved horror movies. You both sharred a  love for those old horror movies like Halloween, Friday the 13th, scream etc but some very good horror movies came out last year like bodies bodies bodies and the barbarian etc. So after candyman you watched bodies bodies bodies. You had already seen the movie but loved to watch it again with Pedro, wanting to know what he thought about it.

“oh my god… that ending are you kidding me?!” he said out loud, not believing what just happened. “I do really like the movie though!” you chuckled and discussed the movie further. You saw Pedro getting lost in his thoughts and (in this case) you knew he was coming with at least an idea. “Hey I got an idea!” he told you excited making you laugh, knowing that you were right. “So scream 6 is in the movie theaters right now… I still have some edibles… what if we watch a movie in the theaters on edibles?” mischief visible in your eyes, making you chuckle. “You know what, I’m all in!” you told him excited for the little adventure.

You both bolted upstairs to get changed into some normal clothes and went downstairs again. Pedro got the edibles and put them in his pocket before getting the keys of his house. There was a cab waiting, that Pedro had called so he wouldn’t drive on edibles. You both still wore comfortable clothes but yet could be seen outside with. The drive to the cinema didn’t took long and Pedro already bought tickets online, looking at the best seats. He got the seats where you could lay down in. Those luxuries ones.

You both stepped out of the cab when you arrived at the destination. Pedro gave you one of the edibles and took the other himself, both smiling and grinning like some teenagers about the excitement. It felt good, doing something that wasn’t falling into some peoples perspectives of being bad.

You walked in, not knowing what to expect since Pedro held everything a surprise. “What do you want to have as a snack and a drink?” you questioned as you got your wallet out. Pedro had that same mischievous smile. “Nothing, we’ll get taken care of.” You frowned, not understanding what was happening. “Trust me” Pedro quickly added. You let out a sigh and smirked, trying to look unamused but failed. Pedro smiled at his wining plan. “okay, you take the lead than.” You told him with a chuckle and Pedro turned with his eyebrow raised, a smirk and nodded. “It’s a surprise.” He told you happily. You walked into the theater and you couldn’t believe your eyes for a second. Yes, you’ve seen this online. Pictures and stuff on tiktok but never did it crossed your mind that you would go here. “Oh I really like this!” you told him as you looked around, eyes big. Pedro chuckled “Yeah I know you do.” He laughed.

He took you to the seats he chose and it was absolutely perfect. You saw the screen perfectly from here. You sat down and you looked around, still a bit in awe. Pedro turned his chair up, so his feet were up. “Wow…” you immediately searched for your own button to do the same thing. Pedro chuckled lovingly. “You remind me of Ellie her first time in a car right now.” he chuckled, making you giggle. “Here” Pedro helped you with the seat, leaning over you. “Thank you.” he smiled lovingly at you. The edibles started to work on the both of you.

Pedro showed you that you could order snacks online throughout the entirety of the movie. Pedro got a box of popcorn to share and some drinks. You smiled and got comfortable, Pedro looking over at you every now and then, smiling with love radiating from him. The movie started and you focused on the movie, getting a handful of popcorn.

When the movie finished, you talked about it for a while and decided to go to the store to get some snacks back at home before the cab would arrive to bring you both back home. You and Pedro were fully high at this point and had to use almost all your energy not to burst into a fit of laughter inside the store. You heard Pedro trying to hold in his laugh, making you laugh but also tried to hold it in which led into tears from laughing so hard and trying to hold it in. You both got all the snacks, drinks and ice cream you both wanted. You saw a slushy machine and looked at Pedro with a smile before making your way over. “Which one do you want?” You asked him with a grin. Pedro pointed at the blue one, while you got the red one. You paid for the slushies and the snacks with some fighting back from Pedro. “No, pedge, you already paid for literally everything else. Let me pay at least for this.” He finally gave in, knowing it would made you feel bad if he didn’t.

You got into the cab, still buzzing from the edibles, knowing it would stay this way for at least the 2 next hours. You let your head rest on Pedro’s shoulder when the taxi driver drove off. “You okay baby girl?” he asked you softly as he carefully turned his head to look at you. You nodded “Yeah, just tired.” Pedro hummed in reaction. “You can close your eyes if you want to. I’ll wake you up when we’re home.” You smiled softly, already eyes closed. Home… yeah you felt at home and Pedro knew it. He always kept saying that his home, is your home as well and always managed to make you feel at home. You never really felt at home (except for your cute little apartment since it was yours) but people never gave you a safety feeling and you’ve never really felt safe at home, which Pedro knew about. That was why he was so bound to make you feel at home, comfortable, secure, cared for, loved and safe and god did that man made you feel at home.

You felt Pedro softly resting his head against yours. His arm around your shoulder so you could get even more comfortable. Yes you were tired but that wasn’t why you closed your eyes. You felt so comforted and safe at this moment that you just wanted to stay present. His cologne hit your nose and it was something that always seemed to calm you down, knowing that Pedro was there. you focused on his breathing, his cologne, the way he softly rubbed your shoulder with his thumb. You just wanted to curl up in his arms and never leave. And the funny part was, you knew Pedro wouldn’t mind if you stayed.

“Baby girl, we’re home.” He spoke ever so gently. You opened your eyes and let out a soft relaxing sigh out, making Pedro smiled that you felt so completely safe with him. It was the biggest compliment he could ever get and it filled his heart up with so much love for you.

You yawned a bit, making Pedro chuckle. He got all the stuff out of the cab and paid the driver. He swung his arm around your shoulder again and led you both inside the comfort of his home. Pedro put the stuff on the table while you let yourself fall on the stretched out bed in the livingroom. You rested on your back while scrolling through your phone tiredly. Pedro fell down next to you on the bed and let his head rest on your shoulder this time, looking at what you were watching. He draped his arm over your stomach, holding you by your waist as he made himself comfortable. You played with his hair, not even trying to resist the urge. You knew Pedro was okay with that and obviously, he let you play with his hair right now.

After a half hour of tiktoks, Pedro spoke up. “You want to smoke a joint and watch something until we fall asleep?” he raised his head to look at you. “Yeah, sure!” you told him with a smile.

You went outside and sat down on his lounge couch outside and laid your legs on it too. Pedro followed soon and did the same as you, his back slightly resting against your side, so he could put his feet up on the couch as well, kicking off his slippers, like you did prior. Pedro lit the joint and you both started to slouch more against each other, letting both of your heads rest against each other as you passed the joint back and forth until it was finished. You immediately felt effect as you started to relax more and your eyes started to get heavy.

You both lazily walked back inside, got into your comfortable pajamas again and freshened up. Pedro put the fairy lights on and got ready for bed as well, joining besides you when he finished up. “Thank you Pedge. For this wonderful evening.”  You told him when you lay down on your side. Pedro smiled at you. “Your welcome baby girl. Thank  you for a wonderful evening as well.” you smiled in reaction and handed the remote to Pedro so he could choose the last movie of tonight. He clicked on something you both liked, something light hearted.

You crawled closer to Pedro, letting your head rest on his shoulder and your arm around his torso. His arms were relaxing around you as he held you comfortably. You grew very tired from the eventful and fun evening and tried to keep your eyes open but it was a losing battle. “Close your eyes Chiquita, it’s okay. I’ll make you pancakes in the morning.” He whispered and kissed the top of your head. You hummed, already falling asleep. “G’night.” Pedro chuckled “Goodnight princess.” He told you and looked for a couple of seconds at you with nothing but adoration. He couldn’t express how happy he was to spend a couple of days together.  

[reidispunk]

TAKE IT SLOW KID

JOEL MILLER x PLATONIC!READER

★⇢ summary; He saves you from the cruel life you’ve had but is it a mistake now after you begin to see him as a father-figure?

★⇢ warnings; angst, violence, mentions of death, slight trauma?,

★⇢ a/n; This is my first tlou fic so bare with me 😭 I hope the story makes sense like it did in my head and sorry if theres any mistakes, english isn’t my first language :)

★⇢ word count; 2,1k

Joel, like everyone else living in this fucked up world had changed after september 26th. His cold, ruthless demeanor had developed after his Sarah had died in his arms. He had convinced to himself that the paternal part of him was long gone and what remained was just a shell of a man, he had swore himself to never getting too close with too many people, or trusting them.

Until he saw you, lying on the ground while two grown ass men were beating you, a teenager, a kid. The feeling he swore would never come out again, he felt it in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly he was holding Sarah, his baby girl again while she bled to death and all the memories, the painful feelings he tried to push down were coming back up again. He needed to walk away, he needed to suppress the feelings away but he just couldn’t, he couldn’t walk away because the painful screams you were letting you were getting to him.

He went to an autopilot, surged towards the men and the only goal was to save you. After he managed to scare the men and he slowly came up to you “hey kid, cmon up” he extended a hand towards you. You shook and slowly lifted your small hand in his, he pulled you up “wheres your parents kid?” he asked after he flinched his hand away from yours.

You knew you probably shouldn’t trust this stranger but he saved you from those men who have taunted you a while. His presence scared you but you felt safe. But after he asked you that question you shut down and he could probably see it. “Don’t know, probably dead. Thanks for saving me I should go-“ you said not wanting to get out of the conversation as soon as possible because you knew that the fedra people would come looking for you. But he stopped you before you could even take a step. “Slow down kid, where are you going to go then?” he asked. “I don’t know, I’m thankful but I can’t stay here” you said looking pleadingly at his eyes. He sighed “You’re a kid, should have a home at least.”

You look at your feet now, painful memories coming up how everyone you loved left you. “I don’t” is the only thing you get out

———————————————————————

“Tess where is the kid!” You hear Joel yell after he came back to his small home. Tess is not here but Michael is who is now holding a knife to your throat, you hear Joel yell your name and you know he’s looking for you.

“One fucking word and I kill you and the grandpa after you” you hear Michael behind you speak. Tears are now rolling down your eyes and you hope that Joel doesn’t come to the room, but at the same time you want him to save you. You want him to protect you from this man behind you but you know you shouldn’t hope that.

“This ‘ain’t funny anymore kid!” You hear his voice and you let out a sob. “Shut the fuck up bitch” you hear from behind you. Suddenly the door is being pushed open and you see him, the man who has saved you now multiple occasions and took to his home, gave you a bed and food. Something no one has done for you.

“Joel” you creek out while tears are rolling down you cheeks, you see the panic in his eyes. You never really cried in front of him before. “Look man I don’t want to fight, I only want the girl. Just let us go and nothing bad will happen” you hear Michael speak behind you. You know he’s scared of Joel but it didn’t stop him from coming for you.

Joel looks at him and sighs “fine” and he steps away from the room. What? No. No no no. He can’t do this to you. You let out a sob “I told you shut up you fucking stupid ass kid” michael says and you feel him move the knife and it makes a small cut to your throat.

He’s pushing you out of the room and you can’t even look at Joel, he’s abandoning you just like everyone else. You thought you could trust him, the times you had to hold yourself back from calling him dad after he took care of you are now haunting you while you walk towards his front door.

“What the fuc-“ you hear that man suddenly speak behind you and hes pulled off you and being stabbed by Joel. You stare at him, in shock. He had said yes- he actually didn’t mean it? You fall to your knees, the panic still tearing your insides. You start to sob, you can’t breathe. Why can’t you breathe? It feels like everything is slowing down. Suddenly you feel someone, a palm pressing down on your cheek “kid, hey everything is okay” You hear a muffled voice speaking.

“look at me, hey! Slow down kid” You finally recognize the voice, it’s dad- Joel. It’s Joel, he saved you, you’re okay. You look up to him now, you see an emotion you can’t quite understand. “Dad?” you say weakly, still not breathing evenly and immediately regret it because you see it in his eyes, the shock and you feel him physically tense up.

Joel never thought someone would be calling him that again, he does see Sarah in you. Whenever you let out a little laugh or you tease him about him he can’t help but think his baby girl. But now you’re shaking because you thought he would let them take you. “It’s okay, everything is okay, I got you” he forces out. He know that you’re smart and he knows you probably noticed the way he tensed after you called him.. that.

“I-i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have called you that I-“ you imminent go back into a panic mode and apologize profusely. Joel says your name softly “its okay, slip ups happen” he says and you flinch but don’t say anything else.

You get up, avoiding Joels gaze and walking back to the room you claimed as yours. You close the door behind you after you hear Joels voice call after you. You can’t, you can’t look at him. It pains you how desperately you want him to accept you as what? His daughter? You know that there was a child, his child who died and you know it pains him so why are you even thinking this? Curling to the bed and pulling the sheets up to hide from the world but you hear joel open the door and step inside.

Tears are rolling down now, you don’t know why and you refuse to let Joel see it so you just hide your face from him. He says your name again and he sits down next to your curled up legs. “Look kid- I’m sorry I had you thinkin’ that I was going to let them take you. I swear that I would never do that to you” He says to you.

You sit up now but still don’t look at his face, you know he can see the tears now, “You- You should’ve let him.” you say to him “I know” you pause and wipe your tears “I know i’m a big burden on you and Tess and-“ you continue but Joel shuts you down “Thats not true. Kid you are no where close to being a burden” he says to you. You feel your head spin and suddenly you remeber the cut michael gave you, and lift a finger to feel it and you see your blood, you look at Joel and he already has the things to treat the wound.

Hes getting up and kneeling down in front of you, “I’m going to clean it first and then bandage it up, okay?” he says and you are just nodding. He does it fast as possible and it doesn’t hurt too bad. Now he’s looking at you “Joel I- thank you. And I’m sorry-“ he shakes his head and says “You have nothing to apologize for kid, I’m sorry for not keeping you safe enough” and that is what breaks you. You crumble and start sobbing, you hide your face in your hands in shame for not being stronger to hold it in. “Oh baby girl, it’s okay let it out” You hear Joel say while hes pulling you to his arms and he hugs you “he was going to kill me and- and” you say “I know, I know, shh” he says and rocks you side to side gently “he said he was going to kill you after me I- dad-“ you sob in to his shoulder not even noticing that you called him that again, but he does.

Joel feels it in his guts, “baby shh, i’m fine. Everything is okay” and he stays there until you calm down.

He notices your steady breathing and he realizes that you fell asleep on him, he sighs and gently places you to the bed. He knows this is not a good life for a kid, he found you when you were about 11years old and he watched you grow right in front of him. You are older now but still a kid, he knows he’s attached to you but he pushes the thoughts down and quietly leaves the room after tucking you in.

——

“Joel!” He hears you scream and he’s up in a flash “dad?” you yell and he bursts in to your room to see you toss in you bed. He walks over to you “Hey kid, wake up everything is okay” he gently shakes you and you don’t wake up. He says your name but you still don’t open your eyes but you’re still panicking about something in your dream “no please no don’t hurt him please, hes all i have” you yell.

Now he’s shaking you again but with a little more force “baby girl” he says and you shoot up and breathe unsteadily. He sees the panic in your eyes while you look at him “hey i’m here, you’re okay” he says to you and he sees you start examining him “you’re okay” you say and then he realizes, you weren’t worried about yourself at all. He has always knew you were selfless and tender hearted like many kids but he didn’t realize you were so worried about him “i’m okay baby, i’m okay” he says and looks at you with gentle eyes. Suddenly you throw your arms around him, he didn’t expect that but hugs you back regardless.

“You know you remind me of my daugher Sarah” he starts and he feels you tense slightly. “You don’t need to talk about it Joel, I know it’s a touchy subject” you say with a crooked voice. His heart tugs and he continues “I want to tell you about her, she had a beautiful smile just like yours and- and she was a snarky girl like you” his voice cracks. All the memories flood back, his Sarah just after she was born, her first day at school and when she repaired his watch for him for his birthday.

“She would’ve liked you kid, and you would have liked her.” he says and puts his palm to the back of your head and sighs. “I would have, she seems like she was a great person” you answer him.

“I had a sister.” you start. Trying to stay calm you continue “She was my best friend, she was all I had after my parents.. She protected me from the world and I owe her everything. She-“ you can’t keep your tears away anymore. Joel gives you time to gather yourself “After we got into the QZ they separated us and put me in the fedra school and she had to work. The first time i saw her after they separated us was when she was about to leave to smuggle something for more rationcards because she was struggling. I insisted that I would come with her because she was all I had, she said yes and we went outside.” You continue while trying to gather yourself “We got stuck in a building and there were so many of them, the- the infected chased us around the building until we found a door and I tried to open it but it was jammed but I managed, I stepped outside and she.. didn’t come out, i heard her say that she loves me and get back to the QZ and I stood there, while the infected were ripping my sister to pieces I-“ you choke up a sob “I listened her screams and I fucking couldn’t do anything I- I couldn’t move, maybe if i convinced her not to go she still would be-“ you couldn’t continue, sobbing to Joels shirt while he slowly rubs your back.

“It’s not your fault.” Is the only thing he says while he tries to calm you down. “It’s not your fault” he says again.

[afictionaladventure16]

Ahh im a sucker for angst😭i think pedro would be the most amazing dad but maybe a fic where reader was an unplanned kid and pedro never paid that much attention to her ?? Happy ending if you can i love your writing !

Did You Forget? (Pedro Pascal x Daughter!Reader)

A/N: I'm a sucker for angst too!!! Hope you enjoy this!

A/A/N: Also, for everyone, Don't quote me on where his sister lives or anything like that, I do not know and do not wish to know for their privacy. It's all fiction, so not everything is gonna be realistic.

Word Count: 5,283

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of self harm, depression, and panic attacks.

“I think I’d rather stay home,” you said to your Tia Javeria, you sat down on your bed in protest. You were being sent to spend the day with your dad while he did a press junket for his newest show The Last of Us, you had gotten out of school early for this. Much to your protest, your tia thought it was a good idea for you to spend some quality time with him since you really only saw him in the summers when you spent your summer vacation in New York with him. 

Throughout the school year, you stayed in California with your Tia Javeria. Your dad thought it would be wise for you to have a stable environment, rather than constantly being on the road for filming or switching schools because you would have to stay with Javeria. So, in reality, Javeria had full custody over you, it wasn’t something that was through the court, it was just an agreement between the siblings. 

What did this mean? You didn’t see your dad too often. Of course, he stayed in California from time to time, he had his own house here, but even then you never stayed with him. 

“Y/N, we’ve already spoken about this,” Javeria said, walking into your room to put some clothes away. 

You did speak about it, well, she spoke and you listened. Javeria didn’t like seeing her brother neglect his only daughter and well, although Pedro was a family man, he treated his daughter like she was never there. Javeria could never understand why he did it and if she tried to call him out on it, he denied the fact that he was doing it. 

She thought that maybe she was overreacting, but it was hard to ignore the facts. 

You let out a deep sigh, your dad played a good father on T.V. but it hurt that he couldn’t actually play your father in real life. “Does it even matter at this point?” You asked. 

“Does what even matter?” 

“Trying to build something that obviously isn’t there.” 

Javeria sighed, “He’s trying.” 

You shrugged, “I still think he’s just doing it to give him a good image.” You heard the doorbell ring. 

“That’s him,” Javeria stated, “I really need you to try, Y/N.” 

You wanted to say something clever or petty, but you kept your mouth shut. You respected your tia too much to say it, but you couldn’t help but feel hopeless. Javeria was the only true parent that you had in your life right now and it was sad for you to admit it. 

Following Javeria to the front door, you stood off to the side as you watched your dad greet his sister with a big hug. “There she is!” He exclaimed, “You ready? We can’t be late.” 

You gave him a nod, walking up to your tia for her to kiss you on the cheek. You didn’t receive a hug like she did, but you were used to it. You walked past your dad and towards his car that was in the driveway. 

“Be easy on her,” Javeria began, “She’s had a rough week.” 

Pedro sighed, “You say that every time I pick her up.” She gave her brother a sincere look, “Just stating the facts. I’ll bring her back around six.” 

The drive to the press Junket was quiet, your dad played the radio as he drove, not saying a word to you. 

Not a ‘How was your day?’ 

Or a ‘How’s softball going, kiddo?’ 

Nothing like the dads on those sitcoms. 

Nothing like the dad in your dreams. The one that would actually be present in your life. 

Maybe it was hard for people to ask how you are or to even make conversation. 

Once you arrived at your dads' press junket, you watched your dad be swept away by a makeup artist. 

“Y/N!” his manager said walking up to you, “so good to see you! How you’ve been?” Or maybe it wasn’t that hard at all. 

“Okay,” you said with a small smile. 

“Come on, I’ve got to introduce you to Bella!” You knew who Bella was, well, you knew about them. You’ve never met them before, but you’ve heard stories, mostly from your father, and boy did he speak so highly of them. “Bella!” Scott called out, you watched as Bella walked towards the two of you. “Bella, this is Y/N, Pascal’s daughter!” 

“Pascal’s daughter?” Bella questioned, but then a second later realization struck. “Oh, I totally forgot Pedro has a daughter! It’s so nice to meet you!” 

You forced a smile on your face, even though deep inside you were breaking. Here was Bella, they were the ones that you felt replaced you. They were the ones that your father spoke so highly about as if it was his own child. Yet, you were so forgettable, why? Because you knew your father didn’t speak so highly about you. 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you smiled. 

“Are you excited to see the show?” They asked. 

“Uh- yeah, I mean, I’m a big fan of the game.” 

“Oh yeah, Pedro told me you were,” They said. Someone began calling for Bella, it was time for their interview. They said a quick See you later before walking off. You walked over to the side and saw that your father was already sitting down on a chair next to Bella’s. 

Over the next few minutes, you watched as your father spoke among side Bella in an interview. You couldn’t help but feel jealous as your father laughed with Bella the way you wished he did with you. 

“Pedro, what made you take this role?” 

He laughs, “my nephews actually, they’re huge fans of the show and well, when I told them about the part they told me I had to take it.” 

You felt like your memories were lies, you remembered how your dad got the part and that moment was one of the only moments in which you felt like your dad actually cared. Now it was taken from you. All the moments you had left were from you were younger and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold onto them because you felt them slipping away. 

One of the crew told everyone to take a break while they set up for the next interview. You felt anger boiling up inside you, you couldn’t handle this any longer. You couldn’t handle watching Bella talk with your dad the way you wish you could or how he treated you the way you wished to be treated. It was all too much. 

“We have about fifteen minutes-” Your dad began to say to you, but you quickly pushed past him. “Y/N?” He called out. 

You ignored him, making your way towards the hallway, but Bella stepped in front of you, “Hey, Y/N, everything okay?” 

“How about you just stop stealing other people’s dads and maybe everything will be okay!” you snapped. You couldn’t believe that you snapped like that, it wasn’t your character and for a moment you felt embarrassed. 

“Y/N!” your dad yelled. 

But that embarrassment was quickly replaced with anger again. You ignored your dad as you walked into the hallway and out of the building. You heard the door open behind you, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” your dad exclaimed. 

“Me? What the hell is wrong with me!?” You yelled. “How about, what the hell is wrong with you!?” Your dad rolled his eyes, “You know what, forget it! I didn’t even want to be here today.” 

“Fine,” He snapped, “I told Javeria this was a bad idea anyway!” He pulled out his phone. 

“I fucking knew it! I knew you never wanted to spend time with me!” The anger took over and you didn’t try to stop it. 

“Well, how could I!? You’re so impossible to deal with!” He yelled. 

“Then it’s your fucking lucky day because you won’t have to deal with it much longer! I’m leaving!” you began walking away. 

“Don’t expect me to run after you,” He said. 

“I don’t!” you heard him sigh and then you heard the sound of the door opening and closing. He wasn’t running after you and you felt okay with that, for the moment. You walked yourself over to the bus stop, your adrenaline still running in your veins. Anger still boiling, you wanted to punch a wall or a tree, but you knew it wasn’t the wisest thing to do. 

The bus didn’t take long to arrive and luckily you had enough change in your pocket to make it home. Well, you had enough to go to the stop near your home. 

Your mind wandered to what had just happened with your dad, was it even worth calling him dad at this point? Because he didn’t feel like a father. 

A father was someone who was there for your children and he wasn’t. 

Well, he was, but then he wasn’t. He stopped. It felt like Thanos had snapped his fingers on your earth and your father turned to dust, only, he didn’t turn to dust, he just stopped showing up. 

He wasn’t there for your award ceremonies anymore, or any of your games. 

The spot next to your tia was now filled with a black silhouette in which you imagined him there. You began to see him more and more on the television and less and less in your own life. Sure, you were happy for him to achieve his dream, but at what cost? 

Well, your dad was the cost. 

You didn’t have your mother anymore, she died when you were young. The both of you had been involved in a drunk driver accident, which left you without a mother and soon without a father. You were left without a visible scar, but the doctors forgot to check about the invisible damage that could’ve been done. 

Did anyone think to check about the invisible damage? No. Now it felt like a dam being held together with tape. 

You felt the bus come to a stop, your stop. You got off and walked the rest of the way to Javeria’s house, your house. Once you arrived, you walked in, Javeria was surprised to see you home so soon and she had expected to see her brother follow a second after you, but was met with a door slam. 

“Y/N?” she asked as she got up from her spot on the couch, she watched as you tossed your keys into the dish on the coffee table. 

“Stop trying,” you said softly, tears in your eyes. “Please.” 

“What happened?” you just shook your head, walking up to your room and slamming the door once again. Javeria had a feeling what had happened, maybe she had meddled a little too much this time. She just wanted to see her brother and niece interact the way they used to. 

A couple of hours later, Javeria was met with a knock at the door. When she opened it, she saw her brother on the porch looking angry. “Is she here?” Javeria nodded as Pedro walked in, “You wouldn’t believe what your niece did, she snapped at Bella-” 

“Your daughter,” she corrected. 

“What?” 

“You said your niece when you should’ve said your daughter.” 

Pedro pinched the bridge of his nose, “She embarrassed me Javeria.” 

She shook her head, “For some reason, I don’t blame her for what she did.” 

“What?” Pedro asked in a confused manner. 

She sighed, “Pedro, don’t you see it?��� 

“See what?” 

“You’re fucking loosing her, dammit! Ever since her mother died, you’ve acted like she doesn’t even exist for fucks sake!” She exclaimed. 

Pedro knew what he was doing. Was he doing it purposely? Kind of. Well, at first he wasn’t but then the pain of seeing you and being reminded every single day of what happened, he just couldn’t help it. He didn’t want a reminder of that day, and he didn’t want to hurt you either, but he didn’t stop himself. 

“She already doesn’t have a mom and now she feels like she doesn’t even have a dad. Fuck, Pedro, she lives with me. She only sees you a good three months out of the year! Do you even know that she has to go to therapy? And it’s not just because of the accident, but it’s because she feels like you don’t love her.” 

“Javeria-” 

“No, you need to listen to me because you keep shutting me out when I tell you this. She needs her father back. She needs you, Pedro. I’m trying my best to keep her from falling apart but she’s slipping through my hands.” 

Pedro’s heart began to race, and he sat down on the couch, head in his hands, “I didn’t mean to push her away.” 

“But you did. You pushed her so far away, she’s in a different state.” 

Pedro looked up at his sister with tears in his eyes, “She has to go to therapy because of me? Why didn’t you-” 

“I tried telling you.” 

Pedro didn’t argue with her on that because she was right. He had shut her out when it came to things about you. He didn’t want to hear it, he felt like knowing anything about you was too much pain because he saw more and more of your mom in you. 

“She even started self-harming at one point, we had to hide the knives and anything that she could potentially hurt herself with. She was a mess at one point and I somehow brought her back but I don’t know for how long.” Javeria had a lot to say and she finally was able to get it off her chest. “She needs her dad, Pedro and you’ve been acting like you don’t even want her.” 

“Fuck!” He exclaimed as he got up from the couch, “What do I do?” 

“Talk to her, Pedro, and actually talk to her.” 

Pedro nodded, “alright.” He made his way up the stairs and towards your room. He was about to knock when he heard voices on the other side of the door. He leaned his ear against the door. 

“I don’t know, Marciela,” he heard you say. “Sometime’s it feels like I’m just invisible.” He didn’t hear anything for a few seconds. “Maybe you’re right,” he heard you sigh. “Do you ever think about how things would be if you didn’t exist?” you stayed quiet for a moment, “Sometimes I think my dad would be happier if I didn’t exist,” you choked out. 

“I fucked up,” Pedro whispered to himself. He stepped away from the door. He couldn’t do it. He needed time to think first. He walked back down the stairs, “I-I…” he began, “I’m gonna pick her up from school tomorrow,” he then stated. 

“What happened?” 

“I just need to think,” he said as he left the house. 

~~ 

“Sometimes I think my dad would be happier if I didn’t exist,” you choked out. 

“Y/N, don’t say that,” Marciela softly said. She had been your best friend since elementary and she has always been the first person you called when you needed someone to just listen. 

“It feels like it,” you shrugged. “You should’ve seen the way he was with her, Mar.” 

“Things are gonna get better, Y/N. Just remember how he used to be.” 

“It just makes me feel worse,” you said. She sighed, you heard someone calling her name on the other end, “Is that your mom?” 

“Yeah, I have to go, I’ll see you at school tomorrow okay?” 

“Alright.” You ended the call. 

You spent the rest of the night in your room, Javeria checked on you multiple times and although you protested, you promised to keep the door open throughout the night. Just for her to feel like you weren’t doing anything that meant hurting yourself. 

The next day at school felt like any other day. You met up with Marciela at lunch and filled her in on what had happened after the call. When the lunch bell rang, you and Marciela walked together to your next class, you were lucky to have most classes with her. 

“Well, if it isn’t little Miss Pascal,” you heard a voice say from behind you. You rolled your eyes as you turned to face Jenna. Believe it or not, the duo was once a trio. Jenna was you and Marciela’s best friend up until middle school. “I saw your daddy on HBOmax last night.” 

“Please don’t call him that,” you cringed. 

She rolled her eyes, “It’s funny how he plays the father role so well on T.V. but when it comes to real life,” she chuckles, “doesn’t it make you jealous?” 

It did, but you weren’t gonna give her that satisfaction. “I don’t know, does it make you jealous that I at least have a dad?” 

“Y/N,” Marciela warned. 

“What did you say?” Jenna asked. 

“Did I stutter?” you asked Marciela before looking back over at Jenna, “I said does it make you jealous that I at least have a dad because you know, you’re dad left before you were even born.” Jenna glared at you, “Hey, you already know I’d fight back, but I never said I’d fight fair.” 

“You’re a little bitch, Y/N. No wonder your dad never wants to be around you.” 

“Takes a bitch to know a bitch, it’s no wonder your dad left,” you turned around to walk away, but you didn’t expect Jenna to lunge at you. You fell to the ground, landing on your nose, groaning in pain you turned around to face Jenna. She was quick with her punches catching you off guard. You held up your arms to cover your face, giving you a chance to push her to the ground. 

It didn’t take long for the crowd, which was quick to surround the two of you, to draw the attention of the teachers. One of them dragged Jenna away from you as she tried to lunge toward you again. 

“Principal's office, now!” the teacher yelled as he pulled Jenna by the arm. “The rest of you get to your classes!” 

Another teacher helped you up from the ground, and you lost your balance, “Whoa, easy,” he said as held your arms.

“Holy shit,” Marcela said as she looked at the blood on the floor. 

You already knew your nose was broken, just by the throbbing feeling you had. The teacher helped you walk to the nurse's office, and she was able to stabilize your nose until someone could get you to the ER. 

You knew that someone meant Javeria. You waited in the nurse's office for the receptionist to call Javeria. Not too long after you heard the door open, footsteps soon followed. You heard someone clear their throat. 

“It wasn’t my fault, Javeria,” you began to say, looking up, but it wasn’t Javeria. It was your dad. “Where’s Tia Javeria?” 

Pedro felt his heart drop at the sight of your nose and bruised eye. He sighed, opening his mouth to speak, but the door opened and Javeria walked in. 

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed at the sight of her niece. “We’re suing!” 

You and your dad couldn’t help but chuckle at her initial reaction, “We’re not suing.” 

She looked over at her brother in disbelief, “Her nose is gonna be all crooked! We’re suing.” 

Your eyes widened, “Wait, it is?” 

Pedro rolled his eyes, “No, it isn’t.” 

Javeria sighed, “Let’s get you to the E.R.” 

“But what abou-” 

“Already dealt with,” your dad said. You shrugged, following them out of the nurse's office. You noticed that they both came in separate cars, meaning that your dad came here on his own free will. “I got it,” you heard him say. You turned around to see Javeria giving him a look, it was a look only siblings knew. Pedro nodded at her.

“Alright, I’ll see you at home then,” you watched her walk up to her car. 

“Come on,” you heard your dad say. 

You expected the car ride to the E.R. to be quiet, but you were surprised. “Looks pretty bad,” he began to say. 

“She surprised me,” you responded. 

He hummed in response, “principal is giving you a few days to rest,” he began, “I thought you and Jenna were friends though.” 

“We were friends, but we had a falling out in middle school.” 

There was that feeling again. He really didn’t know you anymore. “Really?” You nodded. This whole time he thought everything was the same with you, but little did he realize you had grown up. 

He remained quiet for the rest of the ride to the E.R. mostly because he didn’t know what to say. He was still in shock about all the information he had found out in the past twenty-four hours and he didn’t know how to talk to you. 

Once at the E.R., he made sure to help you out of the truck. He also made sure that they checked to make sure you didn’t have a concussion. They did some X-Rays and CT Scans, all highly suggested by your dad who was feeling overly anxious and kept asking the nurse to make sure to do every test. 

You didn’t know how to feel as you watched your dad suddenly act like… like a dad. 

After all the tests, the doctor came in to let you know that you had a small concussion and your nose needed to be realigned. He explained that he would numb your nose before proceeding. 

Sitting down on the exam bed, you prepared yourself for the worst. You watched as a nurse came in with a tray, setting it down on the side. You took in a deep breath when you saw the needle. Your dad quickly noticed your behavior, “hey, hey, look at me,” he said gently. You looked at him, tears welling up in your eyes, “close your eyes.” He took a hold of your hand. 

You closed your eyes, “Now talk to me about anything,” he said, trying to distract you from what was going on. He nodded at the nurse, telling her to proceed. 

“Um, well, I learned Matilda on the guitar the other day,” you began to say, eyes still closed. 

“Matilda… isn’t that the Harry Styles song?” He asked as he gently rubbed your hand. 

“Yeah, Marecela suggested it, it’s one of her favorite songs.” 

“All done,” the nurse said. 

You opened your eyes, and you didn’t feel a thing. “I forget how good that technique works,” you said as you watched the nurse walk out of the room. 

“Used to do that with you all the time when you were a kid and I took you to the doctor.” 

“I remember,” you whispered. 

He opened his mouth to speak when the door opened and the doctor walked in. “Alright, let’s see how numb you are,” the doctor said. You weren’t completely numb yet, but the doctor took that time to explain the aftercare for your nose. Once he had done the alignment he placed a splint and some packing. He handed your dad a prescription for antibiotics and sent you on your way. 

You got back in your dad's car, “I gotta go somewhere first before we pick up your prescription,” he said as he put his seatbelt on. 

“Okay.” Part of you was trying to take in what had just happened, how you were going to live with a broken nose for the next couple of months. Then the other part was just amazed at how your dad was treating you so suddenly. You were surprised he wasn’t yelling at you for what had happened yesterday. 

He drove for a while but eventually turned into a parking lot that overlooked the ocean. He put the car in park and turned the car off. You didn’t say anything at first, unsure of what you were doing there. “When your mom died, I felt like my world was crashing down,” he began to say, “but you lived and I felt like maybe everything would be okay.” He sighed, “But you look so much like her, and you act like her, it’s like she copy and pasted.” 

You remained quiet, “you were not planned.” 

“Gee, thanks,” you said sarcastically 

“Let me finish,” he sighed. “Initially, I didn’t want kids, not yet anyway. But I wanted kids with her and so, I grew to the idea of kids and you were my world. Then your mom passed and it felt like you were just a reminder of pain.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because I want you to understand what I was thinking.” 

“You want me to feel sorry for you?” 

“No, I want you to understand, that I couldn’t look at you without thinking of your mother so, I shut you out. I thought you as the kid that I never wanted-” 

“I know you never wanted me, you made it perfectly clear.” 

“Mija, please, just listen,” you sighed, “I was just trying to avoid grieving your mother and you were in the line of fire. So, I reverted back to thinking that you were unplanned and it didn’t matter, but it does matter. You were and always have been my whole world and I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.” You looked at your feet the entire time, not daring to look at him for fear that you would end up crying. You didn’t want to cry, not now anyway. “Mija,” he said gently. 

“What?” you hissed. 

“Can you look at me?” you shook your head, and he gently placed his hand on your chin, careful to not touch any bruises. He gently moved your head so you could look at him, “There she is.” 

You moved your head away from his hands, “No, you don’t get to just come back whenever you want and think it’ll be okay.” 

“I know.” 

“No, you don’t know!” you yelled, tears welling up in your eyes. “You left me when I needed you the most! You left and I didn’t know if it was because of me or because of Mom, you left without giving me a reason why! Did you forget about me!? Because it felt like I didn’t even exist to you!” 

Pedro felt like he didn’t have the right to speak, the hands of guilt crawled their way up his throat. He choked back his tears, he did this. 

“I felt like I lost both parents,” you choked. “And then I saw you treat Bella like she was your daughter and I kept thinking, that should be me.” Tears fell down your cheek, “I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why you could treat her like that when I was right there begging for you to even give me a sliver of attention!” You felt like the doors to the car were caving in as you tried to take a deep breath. 

“Mija, breathe,” your dad tried to console you. 

You couldn’t catch your breath. Your hands shook as you felt your heart thudding in your chest. Not now, you thought. You held your hand against your chest. 

Pedro was quick to notice, he opened his door, jumped out of the car, and ran to your side of the car. He opened your door and quickly knelt down beside you, “Mija, breathe with me,” he said as he took a hold of your hand, “Inhala,” he inhaled, holding it for three seconds, “exhala.” He exhaled. “Do it with me.” 

You nodded as you inhaled with him and then exhaled. It took a few minutes for your breathing to go back to normal. 

“You needed me,” he still had your hands in his, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t think I can ever make it up to you, but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying if you’ll let me.” It was all you wanted. He gently rolled up your sleeve, placing a soft touch on your scars. “I’m sorry if I am the reason these exist,” you watched as tears flowed down his cheeks. 

He then did something you didn’t expect him to do, he placed a gentle kiss on your wrist and it was enough for you. You let out the sob that was dying to be let out, and he pulled you in for an embrace, “I’m sorry, muñeca.” 

You wrapped your arms around him, “I don’t think I could ever forgive myself, but from here on out, it’s me and you, okay? I’m gonna change things, no more staying with Javeria. I’m sorry I did it in the first place, it was selfish of me. I want you to know that my life wouldn’t be better without you in it. My life would suck without you, Mija. I have just been a shitty dad and I’m sorry.” ” 

You wanted to say that it was okay, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay at all, but you were so used to always saying ‘it’s okay,’ that you had to tell yourself that this time it’s fine if you don’t say it. You could not say it and not feel guilty, especially if it’s not your fault. 

“What do you say? Are you willing to give your dad a second chance?” 

You needed your father and your heart would probably give him a million chances, even if it couldn’t handle it, but for now, you were willing to give him a second chance. You nodded, “Okay.” 

He pulled you in again for another embrace, this time he held on for as long as he could. Pedro wanted to make up for all the times you needed an embrace and he wasn’t there. 

After a while, Pedro got back into his side of the car. He took you to get your prescription before taking you back to Javerias. You both walked in with smiles on your faces causing Javeria to smile too. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. 

Pedro placed a small kiss on your temple, “Go grab your things.” You nodded as you ran up the stairs. Pedro waited until you were out of earshot range. 

“Well?” 

“I don’t know how she forgave me,” he choked back a sob. “I’m such a horrible father,” he sobbed.

“A horrible father wouldn’t have done what you just did,” Javeria stated as she pulled her brother in for an embrace. “Just promise me, you won’t break her heart again, I don’t think she can handle it, Pedro.” 

“I won’t,” he let out a deep breath, wiping away his tears. “She’s gonna stay with me tonight, we’ll come back for the rest of things later.” 

She smiled, “That’s fine.” She looked at her brother in awe, “I’m proud of you, Pedro.” 

He smiled at her, “Thank you.” 

You came running down the stairs with a bag of your essentials. “Is that everything?” Javeria asked. 

“Yeah, it’s just the main stuff,” you explained. She nodded, and you said a quick goodbye, knowing that you’ll be back the next day. 

The car ride to your dad's house was different than the past few car rides. This time he had music playing, “So, we’re still friends with Marcela?” And he asked questions. 

“Yes, best friends.” 

“What about Monica?” 

You shrugged, “We talk a little bit.” 

He sighed, “You mentioned playing the guitar, when did you pick that up?” 

“Beginning of the year, I was a bit bored,” you smiled genuinely. Your mind still felt weary about the situation but you wanted to trust your heart for once. You ached for the presence of your father in your life and now was finally your chance and you weren’t going to let it go. 

Pedro Pascal Taglist: @tracysnook  @cilliansangel  @change-the-world-someday  @graciegoeskrazy @oggystine93 @t-stark35 @twkobii @picklehat3r @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @white-wolf-buckaroo @steadydragongalaxy @rooting4theantihero @soupinasock @tracysnook @Ilovehotdadsandshit @dzaga890 @marantha @emmasauger

[moiravim]

Found part 2

Dad!Din Djarin x Teen!GN!yn part 2

Summary: Din bonding with his children; Grogu and YN.

it had been just a few days since Din had taken you in. He was quiet at first but slowly started warming up to you.

One of the first things you noticed about him was how protective he was of you. He took you and Grogu's wellbeing very seriously.

You had gotten sick and are currently in 'bed rest'. It was miserable. You were sweating and your head was aching worst than you'd ever felt before.

You could tell Din was stressed by the way he was acting. He wouldn't let you get up and would do everything for you. He was already like this, but now that your sick it's ten times worst.

He babies you but you just want to get back to normal again. You've been bored out of your mind.

Grogu and you had become close friends. Although you were very different, you both shared a father figure. That was the main cause of your sibling-like relationship.

It was also nice being around someone who wasn't an adult. Someone you could play around and get into trouble with.

You room was very small and had a mattress placed in the corner along with a few toys scattered and a basket of clothes. A few hours ago Din had tucked you and Grogu in bed and the two of you were supposed to be sleeping.

But currently you and Grogu were playing catch. Grogu was using the force while you played how you used to see other kids play.

Din walked in to check on you and when he realized you were playing he said; "Hey, stop that. Grogu, you need to save your energy. And YN. your supposed to be sleeping. Go to bed." He says as he takes the ball from you.

You frown and lay back down. "How much longer?" You ask in a miserable voice. He looks down at you and responds; "just a few more days. It'll go by faster if you sleep."

You nod your head and close your eyes. Din grabs your blanket and tucks you in before picking up Grogu and leaving the room.

[triplehmunson]

𝑷𝑶𝑽: Your boyfriend Pedro had to go on a trip for the recordings of the movie "Triple Frontier" after about two hours of recording Pedro decides to call you to tell you that he misses you and out of nowhere his friend Oscar appears, who is your platonic love since you were little girl when you met him in the movie "Mojave" and when you saw him you literally screamed with excitement and your boyfriend Pedro jokingly tells you:

P: ah no 𝒎𝒊 𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒓 he is mine so I’m sorry

and you just can't stop laughing….

[outoftheseine]

- JOEL MILLER FIC RECS -

(most of these fics are age-gap romance. some fics have mature content (+18) so minors please respect the authors and do not interact). also please beware of the canon trigger warnings (violence, language, guns, death, blood etc.))

part 2 | main masterlist

SERIES - MULTI-CHAPTERS

one thing i am missing • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @joelscruff (fluff, smut)

to do the right thing • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @pedgeitopascal (very angsty, tw: abortion and ppd, childbirth)

if the door wasn't shut • joel miller x platonic!reader

↳ by @heartpascal (very angsty)

joel miller x feral!fem!reader

↳ by @ohraicodoll (angst, lots of blood, sometimes gore, reader has a given nickname, smut)

if he wanted to • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @sl-ut (angsty, tw: mentions of suicide and sa, drug use)

twenty years later • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @yelena-bellova (angst)

weakness • joel miller x fem!reader part two

↳ by @pedgeitopascal (fluff, little angst, smut)

the stable girl • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @guess-my-next-obsession (mature, angst, fluff)

friendly fire • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (angst, smut)

uneven odds • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @theetherealbloom (angst, fluff, smut, anxiety)

burning in a hopeless dream • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @tightjeansjavi (angst, implied smut)

ONE-SHOTS/BLURBS

from love and life • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @bubbles-for-all-of-us (child birth, fluff)

adjustments • joel miller x fem!teacher!reader

by @softlyspector (fluff, smut, mentions of dead loved ones, tw: mentions of suicide)

kiss it better • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @morningbluebell (mostly fluff)

why can't i breathe? • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @oliviajdjarin (fluff, flustered joel)

no time to die • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @davosmymaster (very angsty, hurt/comfort, chef's kiss, so good)

she's a gun • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @cowgurrrl (fluff)

darlin' • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @charnelhouse (angst, tw: sexual assault and mentions of suicide, smut, hurt/comfort)

alone and foresaken • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @chelseasdagger (smut, very good smut actually)

once again in your arms • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @foli-vora (angst, tw: loss of a child, fluff)

too late • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, injuries, hurt/comfort)

don't let me drown • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort, tw: drowning, some nudity but nothing explicit)

nightmares • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (tw: panic attacks, nightmare, hurt/comfort)

saving • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (angst, hurt/comfort, joel being an asshole)

a house in nebraska • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @highdramas (angsty, heavy feeling of nostalgia, mentions of sexual interactions)

spring breeze • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @thedgeoftheuniverse (fluff, hurt/comfort)

for you, anything • joel miller x reader

↳ by @mellowsaturns (fluff, sick!reader, domesticty)

perfectly wrong • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @psychedelic-ink (enemies to lovers, smut)

domesticty looks good on you • joel miller x reader

↳ by @girlscull (sooo fluffy)

ghosts of his past • joel miller x reader

↳ by @lol-im-done (very angsty, made me cry)

soft touches • joel miller x reader

↳ by @theeoriginals (fluff, hurt/comfort)

close call • joel miller x reader

↳ by @rogueonestan (hurt/comfort, angst)

first kill • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort)

illusory light • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @lavendertales (angst, injuries, fluff)

playing house • joel miller x reader

↳ by @me-and-your-husband (some angst, smut)

try to love me, honey please ��� joel miller x reader

↳ by @peterhollandkait (hurt/comfort, angst, sad and soft joel, mentions of blood and death)

confused warmth • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @rise-my-angel (angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut)

soft spot • joel miller x gn!reader

↳ by @orangevtae (very fluffy, some hurt/comfort, sunshine x grumpy)

love in the time of cordyceps • joel millet x fem! reader

↳ by @sameheart-sameblood (angst, fluff, mentions of blood)

one bed • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @frannyzooey (good old one bed trope, explicit)

sleeping bag • joel miller x reader

↳ by @quin-ns (very fluffy)

lavender haze • joel miller x pregnant!fem!reader

↳ by @forever-rogue (soo fluffy, made my heart flutter)

intent • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @forever-rogue (angst, joel is an asshole, fluff)

[builtaworldwithyourlove]

Sweet

one shot

1.5k / joel miller x f!reader / minors dni

summary: summertime saturday bliss with joel. Inspired by ‘Sweet’ by Cigarettes After Sex

warnings: fluff, dad!joel, boyfriend!joel, no specific description of reader, no outbreak, age gap (reader is mid20s& joel is early to mid 40s), just a whole lotta loving. 

Main Masterlist 🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️

You were never fond of sharing a bed with anyone. As a child, you hated sleepovers and always wanted to be asleep early. As a teenager, you had a scrupulous night routine which carried on into your life now. Skincare, meditation, reading and sleep no later than 10pm. You were a light sleeper too, the slightest twitch, distant car alarm or whistle of wind would startle you.

That soon changed after you met Joel and you stayed the first night with him. He was double your size and he made sure to hold you all night. He was a deadweight and didn’t disturb you in the slightest. After the first night with him, the loss of his arms draped over you was huge and you could no longer sleep easily without him next to you.

Joel always slept in later than you, and would only wake after you did, to you either stifling a laugh to some stupid cat video, or vigorously writing down your manifestations and goals for the day. He didn’t mind. Your face first thing in the morning was a sight he’d want to cherish for the rest of his life.

‘Morning darl’ he drawled through a squint. 

‘Sleep well?’ You rolled over to face him, and he cupped your face and pulled you in for a kiss.

‘Better than ever,’ Joel rubbed his eyes and scooped your hair off over your should and behind your neck. ‘Coffee?’

🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️

You both moseyed downstairs and opened all the doors and windows, ready for the heat of an American summer to fill the home .

Joel made your coffee, exactly how you liked it, with frothed milk, plenty of syrup and in your favourite mug, engraved with your zodiac sign.

He held out his hand and you delicately took it and walked outside onto the patio. 

Wildflowers were scattered across the borders of the garden, splashes of colour and flickers of wildlife dashed throughout the morning dew.

A sparrow darted across the garden and landed the fence, calling out to the magnolia tree which shaded your patio. Joel laid propped up on his elbow as you both lounged on the deckchairs watching the birds and butterflies in the morning sun. 

He aimlessly ran his fingers up and down your leg, gazing at you sipping your coffee, and smirking with a full heart.

‘Enjoying the summer mornings baby?’ Joel drawled, as he stood up and stretched. His shirt lifted, revealing a strip of golden skin and chiselled stomach.

You tilted your head, squinting as the sun glowed into your eyes. ‘I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else, sweet boy. The city life doesn’t even compare’

‘Well this is your home now darl’. Can’t let you go anywhere now’ Joel winked and took your empty coffee mug into the kitchen.

You followed him into the house, finding the motivation to get your life together and not strip the man down to his bare bones. 

He pointed a finger at you. ‘You, shower.’

You rolled your eyes.

‘Er, none of that little miss. I’m not having you moaning when it’s 11am and the parking lots are gridlocked and you can’t get your damn scented candles and bed linens.’

You were too stunned to speak, and cackled as he knew you too well. How could you be mad when he loved you too deeply to let you lose out?

🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️

You hopped in the shower, scrubbing yourself whilst filling the air with fragrance that came from Joel’s mahogany teakwood shower gel. Women’s toiletries smelt sweet, but didn’t last anywhere near as long as men’s. And anyway, who wouldn’t want to have Joel’s scent lingering all day.

Wrapped up in a fluffy white towel and your hair in a towel wrap, you did your makeup, brushed out your lashes and eyebrows, and drowned yourself in Lost Cherry. Your signature scent. 

You decided on a linen co ord, baby pink with shorts and a long sleeved shirt, which you had unbuttoned slightly lower than normal, but smart enough to leave enough to the imagination. 

You danced down the stairs, hearing Joel and Sarah playing in the garden. Breakfast had been made and you invited Sarah to join you on your Saturday shopping trip before Joel had to go to work 

‘Come on peanut, I’ll treat you to the soda shaped candle you wanted’ you called to Sarah and grabbed your purse and some snacks, of course. Sarah ran upstairs to find one of her favourite dresses and matching bows. You prayed she’d never grow up out of her tutu dress stage for any occasion.

Joel looked like a dream, in his cargos and tight fitting flannel. The sky could be on fire and this man would still be wearing a flannel insisting it’s never too hot. He smelt like coffee and cigarette ash, and cedarwood.

He grabbed your waist, threatening to tilt you backwards over the garden sprinkler. You yelped and whacked him off with your purse and whispered seductively ‘That’s just taken away your chance to see what’s underneath my outfit.’

He fell to his knees and lunged into you, your knees buckling as he stood up with you over his shoulders. He ran into the kitchen, still holding you as if he was a fireman and the garden was a burning flame. Sarah skipped down the stairs and immediately ran with concern hearing you yelping.

‘Ma’am, I’m gonna need you to clear the exits!’ Joel did his stupid talking down a walkie talkie impression and pointed to Sarah to give way to you both. 

She crossed her arms and stood firmly in the doorway, as if she wasn’t 4ft nothing.

‘You leave me with no choice’ Joel seemed to forget he still had you upside down over his shoulder and squatted down to put Sarah in the same position.

You clumsily bumped heads as Joel flung you both about with no care. He dropped you on the sofa and Sarah on the armchair.

You were out of breath from laughing and trying to keep some of your dignity.

Joel realised the time, he had to leave in two minutes to go to the site. 

‘Well girls, thanks for holding me up’ he jokingly muttered, trying to imitate the attitude you and Sarah sometimes give him.

Sarah looked at you and you both shook your head and giggled. Joel chucked you the car keys and you and Sarah went out to do some shopping. 

🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️🫧☁️

After facing the trenches of a retail park in scorching heat, you headed home. Joel had called to say he would be home before you and asked what cocktail you wanted lined up.

Sarah was asleep in her car seat, and you reversed onto the drive, texting Joel to grab Sarah while you got the bags.

Joel’s eye widened and jaw went slack as he saw you unload the car.

‘Baby, if I see another throw cushion I may have to scream.’ Joel delivered the most deadpan one liners sometimes, digging at your femininity and weakness for home furnishings. 

‘Don’t act like you don’t fall asleep on them every single night half way through the film you decided to pick’ you shut the car door and let Joel chuckle as he went and layed Sarah on the sofa.

‘What’s for dinner baby?’ Joel asked.

‘Not sure, ask Sarah when she wakes up what she wants, I got groceries yesterday so she can pick’ you kissed his cheek and reached up for the wine glasses.

You gestured at Joel if he wanted some, and he pulled the cork out of the half finished wine bottle from last night with his teeth. 

You began to crumble under how hot this man was, until he blew the cork out of his mouth and aimed it for your head. He laughed like a boy and smacked your ass as you rolled your eyes. 

‘You know Miller, for someone who likes sex so much, you’re doing an awful lot to sabotage your chances of getting some tonight’ you tapped him on the hip with your foot, and he grabbed your ankle trying to trip you up. 

‘You can’t resist this boyish charm, baby’ he winked and showed his perfect white teeth through a grin.

Sarah came tiptoeing into the kitchen and cuddled her daddy. You sat on the breakfast stool next to Joel, and she clambered onto your lap. You kissed her forehead and she wrapped her arms round her neck. 

‘Daddy, can we have Pizza and the special salad you make?’

‘Anything for my princesses’ Joel stood and wrapped his thick arms round you both, before getting dinner ready for you all.

Sarah picked up your phone and scrolled through your playlist, picking the song you were humming as you drove earlier.

‘It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don’t need to say it to eachother, sweet’

‘I love you’ you mouthed to Joel. Your eyes welled up as the song played and filled your heart with an overwhelming feeling of how happy you were.

[henrycangelbaby]

In which: Joel wanted to say so many things—to apologize for the time he had lost together, to say sorry for losing her—but he couldn't. He pulled back slightly, encompassing her face with his hands. She leaned into him, nuzzling her cheek into his palm.

Or

Joel is reunited with his babygirl.

The house is quiet when Joel gets home; it's rather surprising to him; he expects to hear giggles coming from the kitchen or the living room, but the only thing that he can hear is the low chatter of the TV in the next room over. He wonders if maybe Sarah has decided to be responsible and send herself and Y/N off to bed at a reasonable time, but he doubts it; the two of them never really seemed to put responsibility over having a good time together.

 Joel doesn't even remember when Y/N and Sarah had become best friends. It felt like it had just been this way forever; he remembers when a very young Sarah had come home practically begging to have her new best friend to sleep over one night, and suddenly Y/N was sleeping over every other night. He should have been annoyed about it. Joel already had enough on his plate, raising Sarah by himself, but she had been such a sweet kid, so kind and lovely to Sarah. They seemed so inseparable, spending all day at school together to only to come home together giggling over things he didn't understand at the dinner table before crashing together in Sarah's bed for the night.

 He simply couldn't say no to yet another sleepover, so when Sarah called him after getting home from school, asking if Y/N could stay the night, he mockingly sighed before agreeing wholeheartedly. 

Joel found them in the living room together. The question of the silence was quickly answered when he saw Sarah laying on the couch; a peaceful sleep overtaken her. He then spots her best friend next to her. Y/N isn't asleep; instead, she sits awake, her head propped up dangerously on her palm. The sight of it makes Joel smile a little bit; despite everything, Y/N was a good kid. 

The older that she had gotten, the more he had gotten insight into why she spent so much time at his house. She spoke occasionally of her father's temper, her mother's ignorance, and how it had scared her and how sometimes she couldn't sleep from the fear. It had made his heart ache, as well as quelling any annoyance that he had felt feeding four people instead of three. Y/N had been a part of their family for years now; she spent all the holidays with them, buying everyone Christmas presents as well as doing chores around the house when Sarah did.

Her presence made Sarah very happy, and it eased Joel's worry for her. As long as she was under his roof, she was safe and happy, and that's what matters. 

Y/N's head snapped up at the sound of Joel's boots walking into the living room; she smiled up at him before, pointing to Sarah and miming for him to be quiet. He smirked as he sat down next to her. She launched into hugging him the moment he was sat, her eyes bright with enthusiasm.

 “Happy birthday, Joel!” 

He chuckled, his heart warmed by the action. “Thanks, baby girl,” he spoke before she continued, “I'm sorry I could be here this morning to make breakfast for you.” She pouted lightly. He just shook his head, patting her on the head gently. 

“That's ok, you're here now,” he assured her. “How've you been, honey?” 

He tried to be subtle about the way he worried for her wellbeing; he knew it had only been one day since he'd seen her, but both him and Sarah had been a little taken aback when she hadn't shown up at school the previous day. 

“Everything ok?” He asked, 

she hummed, “Yeah, I missed you and Sarah yesterday." 

As if awakened by her name, Sarah slowly sat up while Joel responded, “We missed you too." 

Joel turned his attention to Sarah as she sat up. “What are you girls doing up so late?" 

“Crud, what’s the time?” Sarah asked, looking up at the clock,

 “Way past your bedtime." Joel said

"But it’s still today,” she spoke.

Joel watched suspiciously as Y/N reached down to grab something while Sarah was talking, handing it to Sarah behind her back. Joel fought the urge to roll his eyes at their antics: 

“Listen girls, please not right now; I don’t have the energy for this." 

Before he could continue to complain, Sarah passed a box into his hands. “Here,” 

his curiosity peaked. “What’s this?” 

“Your birthday, silly." Y/N answered. 

He opened the box slowly, smirking slightly at the sight of a watch-shaped gift inside.

“You kept complaining about your broken watch,” Sarah explained,

“so we figured well.” Y/N continued,

“You like it?” They asked together, young eyes peering up at him; 

He couldn't help himself from pulling a small joke on them. "Girls, this is...” 

They cocked their heads in confusion together.

 “It's nice, but i… I think it's stuck; it's not." 

They leaned over in concern, looking at each other confused. 

“No.” Y/N was quick to state.

“What?” Sarah added.

He smirked. Y/N was the first to realize he was messing with them. “Ha ha, very funny Joel." 

Sarah slapped his arm away lightly.

“Where'd you guys get the money for this anyway?” he questioned. 

“Drugs,” Sarah answered without missing a beat. 

Y/N nodded alongside her. “Yeah, we sell drugs, only the hardcore stuff,” she added on. 

“This is great news; you two can start helping me out with the mortgage,”.

They shook their heads. “You wish." 

He knew it wouldn't be long until they both knocked out with the TV on in the background. Soon enough, they were passed out laying on top of each other in the way they usually did. He took them up to Sarah's bed one by one; he could remember a time when they had fit on one arm each, carrying them both effortlessly to bed.

Oh, how times had changed. 

It was the phone ringing that woke Y/N up; she had ended up on the side closest to it, likely (definitely) courtesy of Joel. The ringing wouldn't stop; she picked up the phone hesitantly, 

“Hello?” “Y/N? Sweetie, is that you?” 

She recognized his voice the moment he spoke, 

“Yeah, Tommy, what's up?” 

“I need you to put Joel on the phone now; can you do that for me, honey?” 

“Um,” she tried to think her brain was too sleepy to process what he was saying. 

“I need to speak to him now there's som-” 

The phone cut off before he could finish speaking. What was happening? 

Y/N gently shook Sarah awake, worried about Tommy's odd phone call. Sarah awoke to the pleas of her name. She pushed herself up gently. 

“What's going on? Y/N, what time is it?” 

Y/N ignored the question, explaining panickedly about the phone call. Sarah only looked at her worried.

“Let's go find dad.” She offered her hand out. 

The young girls walked around hand in hand, calling for Joel in the quiet, abandoned house. They stopped together inside Joel's room; the TV was playing a news report being shown despite the late time. They both turned around at a loud sound of something in the distance. 

“Uh.. What was that?” Sarah questioned

Y/N shrugged beside her, “Something weird is happening, Sarah." 

The empty kitchen was lit up by Joels phone screen, the ringing the only sound in the otherwise deserted kitchen. 

“8 missed calls,” Sarah stated after peering at the busted lock screen, “where the hell are you?” 

Y/N hummed; this was all so weird. The attention of the two girls was suddenly pulled to the sound of a door being yanked open. Joel stepped through it, slamming it shut behind him. Sarah let out a breath in relief.

“There you are, we whe-” 

“Girls.” Joel interrupted, his tone suddenly serious. “Are you both okay?” He continued; 

They both nodded confused. He spoke again, his back to them, busying himself with something. 

“Has anyone come in here?” Sarah and Y/N shared a glance 

“No” Sarah answered, 

“Why would anyone be in here?” Y/N added on. 

He shook his head, muttering to himself, “Stay back, okay? Away from the door.”

 Sarah spoke again, “Dad, you're freaking us out a little." 

“Joel, what's going on?” Y/N asked

“It's the Coopers.” He responded quickly and seriously, “Something ain't right with 'em."

"Are they sick?” Y/N asked worriedly

 “Yeah.” He let out a breath, "Yeah, they are."  

A sudden thud scared them, both jumping back in fright. Joel cursed under his breath, 

“C'mere.” 

He motioned for the two girls to stand behind him, pushing them away from the door. Suddenly the glass on the door was smashed, warnings flew out of Joel's mouth, none of them heard as the gunshot rang through the house, the material of his shirt quickly fisted in fear.He pushed them backwards, ignoring their pleas for an explanation.

"Listen, my girls,” he spoke seriously. “There is something bad going on." 

"We have to get out of here; you understand me.” The young girls shared a scared look before agreeing. 

They were quickly ushered to a waiting Tommy, he spoke angrily towards an unfocused Joel, who was ensuring both girls got into the car. Perhaps he had underestimated the chaos of the apocalypse, but nothing was going well; the roads were cut off and traffic piled up. The closer they got into the city, the worse it got.

He swore they were doing fine, until suddenly the only thing he could hear and see was the impact. 

Fuck. They had been hit.

His head felt fuzzy; he couldn't think straight. He pulled himself up; his heart dropped slightly when he saw his girls. Y/N was peering over at something– someone.

 “Joel!” she shouted quickly at him. She sounded so scared. "Joel, please, Sarah,” she insisted. 

Joel was rather horrified to find that Sarah had an injured leg. He helped her up into his arms. He turned to Y/N quickly. 

“Are you okay, honey? Hurt?” 

She shook her head. “I think I'm fine,”

He nodded. “Okay, listen, stay close by; don't go anywhere.” 

She turned around to find Tommy offering out his hand, insisting that she shouldn't let go. The streets were chaos; Joel could hardly think straight; adrenaline was coursing through his veins, anxiety forming a pit in his stomach; they ran far, dodging the people, avoiding the fire. The world had really turned in an instant.

Despite that, things were okay for a second.

They were suddenly being chased; the things, the creatures were on their trail. Tommy quickly slammed the door behind them, trapping the infected on the other side.

“Get to the highway!” he yelled, ignoring Joel and Sarah's questions as he pushed an upset Y/N towards them.

“Go!” he yelled, “hurry!”. 

Joel took his girls and ran. He didn't make it very far; before he was stopped by a soldier, Joel tried desperately to get his message across, insisting they needed help for his daughters.  

"Joel,” he heard a whimper from behind him, the soldier pointing the gun towards them. 

Suddenly they were down, he lost eyes on his girls only hearing the bullet, before he could think, beg for his life from the unrelenting soldier, another gunshot rang out, this time taking the soldier down. 

“Oh no…” Joel's heart felt like it might tear out of his chest.

 He runs over to Sarah; he feels sick. The blood in the way she cries—nothing can fix the ache he feels. She dies; Sarah dies in his arms; he holds her close, pretending that he can feel her heartbeat against him, but he can’t; her blood seeps through onto his clothes and his hands; it stains his heart forever in a way that is indescribable. He can't think, he can't feel nothing moves around them as he holds her close; eventually he's brought out of his haze. 

Tommy speaks carefully at him, “Joel?” 

He shakes his head in response, unwilling to address him. Tommy persists, 

“Joel, where is she?” 

It angers Joel. “What?” he snaps, turning towards Tommy, who stands quickly. Suddenly,  his heart drops. Tommy looks frantically around; he disappears out of Joel's eyeline. Joel knows exactly what he is looking for and who he is looking for. He can’t even get an explanation out, his mouth unwilling to move, to stutter around the excuse that he had just seen her; he swore Y/N had just been behind him a second ago. 

But she wasn't. 

Tommy searches frantically and messily, screaming himself hoarse, yelling her name over and over again as if she might magically appear from around the corner, but she's nowhere to be found. Tommy's knees collapse from under him when he sees it; the bloody flannel lies abandoned on the ground. Tommy recognizes it instantly; he had brought it. He remembers exactly the intent behind his purchase; he had laughed to himself when he saw the opposing color flannels, the light purple and blue reminding him so badly of his two nieces he had purchased them on the spot. 

The light blue that had reminded so much of Y/N was now sitting a few feet away from him, stained dark red. He picks it up, his hands suddenly stained red by the fresh blood. He feels sick; he is sick. He throws up when he lifts the blanket close to him, unable to stomach the warmth it still holds. 

Tommy walks back towards Joel in a haze, both of them gone. In minutes— how had they let this happen? 

Joel flinches instinctively when he hears Tommy walking back towards him; he hasn't let up on Sarah, unable to move away as her skin grows cold under his touch. Tommy doesn't say anything; he doesn't step aside to reveal a scared but alive Y/N holding his hand. Instead, he drops down beside Joel, keeping his eyes downcast, unable to look at Sarah as he hands over the flannel silently. 

“Tommy what?” Joel asks in disbelief, “Where is she?” 

Tommy could only shake his head in response, 

"Tommy, what the fuck where is sh-” 

“Christ Joel, she's gone.” Tommy interrupted him angrily. He gestured to the flannel, “probably already fucking dead.” He finished his chest, heaving with anger. 

There is nothing to explain the feeling that rips through Joel's chest; his heart feels shredded and ripped up into so many pieces he may never be able to put them back together. 

“My girls, my babygirls,” Joel mutters under his breath, tears leaking down his cheeks. 

Tommy takes the Flannel back, placing it gently over Sarah. This is how she would've wanted it, he thinks; she would have wanted to be close to Y/N in some capacity. The lone flannel was the only thing they had left of her, and Sarah needed it more than they did.

Jackson had been good to Joel, or at least that’s what the people around him think. He sees it in Ellie. She seems happier and more free. They've been here long enough for her to start settling down and making friends; she has three hearty meals a day and is receiving some form of education. The people around him say that they see it in him as well. Maria comments lowly to them that he seems more relaxed, a benefit that he now gets along better with her (and all the other residents of Jackson). 

Tommy had teased that he had filled out slightly with all the food Jackson had to provide. He had tried to care, that he had put on weight, that he was getting older, but after everything he had suffered through, his brother's teasing had rolled right off his shoulders. It felt like a good thing anyway, being able to be happy, healthy, and safe. 

But something didn't feel right. There was an anxiety that had settled deep in Joel's chest; he was unable to shake the feeling that something bad was coming. He knew that it was just in his head, his life since the outbreak had been on the run; the new peacefulness that had come with Jackson was almost unnerving to him. Perhaps it was the domesticity of it all that had really gotten to him. Although he was happy, he had Ellie and his brother and everyone else that came along with that; his heart ached in a way he felt he could tell anyone about. 

All of this, the community, the events, and the seasons. It had been years since he had celebrated Christmas; in fact, he had been unable to celebrate it since he had lost his girls. Even in Jackson, when the opportunity opened up for decorations and presents, he had to turn it down. The thought of putting up a tree without Y/N or Sarah made him ill. They had both loved Christmas; Texas winters were unforgivingly cold, but they had always seemed warmer alongside his small family.

He's sick of thinking about her. Jackson had allowed Joel time to reflect; perhaps time really does heal all wounds. Time and being surrounded by people that care about him has allowed him to reflect; the once gaping wound that had been Sarah was now patched over. For the first time since her death, he felt he was able to celebrate what her life had been instead of beating himself up for the fact that it had ended. He started to see past his loss, slowly letting Ellie in; he had even been able to tell Ellie briefly about Sarah; they would have been friends. good friends, at least Joel thought so. 

Joel felt that he could finally love Sarah's memory in the way he had loved her. Fully and without guilt. He couldn't do the same with Y/N. Her memory was a gaping infected wound that nothing could seem to heal. He refused to talk about her. Of course Tommy knew; Maria had some sort of idea through Tommy, but he couldn't even stand for either of them to mention her name. He was sure Ellie knew; there was a photo of Y/N in his bedroom. She was younger than Ellie in the photo, and it was very clearly not Sarah, but she had never asked about it. The wound still felt so fresh; it felt like it was poked every time he thought of her. 

He knew it was the guilt; she would be by his side, a fully grown woman if he had been paying attention. Maybe she would have already been in Jackson when they arrived, having stayed by Tommy's side through the outbreak. But she wasn’t. They had turned their backs for a minute, and she was just gone. Probably killed, with no one to care for her or mourn her. She had probably been so scared, and no one was around to be there for her. Joel would give anything to have been able to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay, but it wasn't; nothing was okay.

“Joel?” 

He hums in response to Ellie; they're sitting eating dinner together. Dinners together have become fewer, and after between the longer they stay in Jackson. Ellie is busier than him; friends, love interests, and hobbies take up more and more of her time. Although he sometimes misses seeing her 24/7 as long as she is happy, he is. 

“What's up?” he asks as she darts her eyes around nervously. Almost as if she is hiding something from him. 

“Can I ask you something?” She sounds scared. 

“Of course, kiddo,” he answers, confused. Ellie has no reason to be scared of him anymore. 

“You promise you won’t get angry?” she insists again. 

He nodded, agreeing with her, “Yeah, I promise."

Ellie takes a deep breath before asking, “Did you, um, did you have another daughter?” She stutters out. 

Joel feels locked in place for a second; the question takes him so off guard his heart stops beating in his chest for a second. Ellie opens her mouth quickly to apologize, fearing that she has overstepped, but he shakes his head at her in response. He allows them to sit in silence for a moment, considering his next option before he speaks. 

“It's complicated,” he says; truthfully, he doesn't even know where to start.

Ellie is quick to try and smooth over any problems: “It's just something Tommy said—probably misheard him or something; it's silly, real-." Ellie spoke, but she was cut off by Joel, who unintentionally interrupted her. 

“She wasn't technically mine,” he said quietly, unable to look up from his dinner. 

"Huh?" ellie asked in confusion, 

“She was Sarah's best friend.” He clarified quickly, “They were inseparable, had been best friends for years; she spent every other night and all holidays at my house." He choked out; for the first time in 20 years he was talking about Y/N, and it was making his head spin.

“Is she the one in the photo?” Ellie asked, referring to the photo of the unnamed girl that had sat on Joel's dresser ever since they had settled in Jackson. 

He nodded in response, 

“Her name was Y/N.” He spoke her name for the first time in years; it felt heavy on his tongue. 

“Was?” Ellie asked, “Is she, um, well gone?” She was unwilling to say dead, worried that it might provoke a sensitive Joel. 

He remains quiet for a second before answering her lowly "probably." 

Ellie goes to ask more, confused by his vague answer, but he shakes his head, stopping her. “I think that's enough questions for tonight, kiddo,” he states firmly. She nods in response before turning back to her food. Ellie doesn't approach Joel about it again; she can tell that she has received all the information that he is willing to give and doesn't want to make him angry. 

She redirects her curiosity to Tommy; not straight after she waits to get him alone, they end up on patrol together. Technically, he isn't not actually patrolling; Joel is still very much unwilling to let Ellie do anything even slightly dangerous, but she scopes out the landscapes with Tommy occasionally shooting when he allows her. It gives her a sense of freedom, even if Joel is sitting back at the patrol tower waiting for them. 

“Tommy?” he looks up at her, quickly distracted from the gun in his lap. 

“What's up?” he asks with a small smile on his face. He doesn't often get to spend time with Ellie; she's a good patrol partner despite Joel's resistance. 

“Can I ask you about something?” She says carefully, and he stops walking for a second, eyeing her up suspiciously. She doesn't usually ask him things; he wonders if she is doing the same thing Sarah used to do when Joel told her no: turn to the next responsible adult in her life (him) and ask for the same thing until she got a yes.

"Listen, if Joels already said no, I'm not gonna say yes, ok?” He is quick to lay down the law. She cringes at that quickly recovering her face to look at him. 

“It's not that ok, I just want to ask you about someone,” she tells him. 

“Yeah, sure.” Tommy says his curiosity piqued. 

“Is Y/N alive?” Tommy's breath hitched, his heart speeding up at the name. 

“How do you know her?” He asks

“Joel told me.” She responds quickly, and he lets out a breath. If Joel had already spoken about it, it was fine. He tries to find the words before he speaks them, but he comes up short. 

“Alive? Well probably not,” he speaks, the truth that has been simmering in the back of his mind for years. 

“Did you see her die?” Ellie asks

“No.” Tommy shakes his head. “She went missing when Sarah was killed, disappeared into thin air, and only left behind some bloody clothes.” He explains, 

“You haven't seen her since?” Ellie asked, 

“No, probably fuckin’ dead anyway." Tommy dismisses in a way that is so reminiscent of his brother. Ellie doesn't pry anymore; she knows enough to satisfy her curiosity. She feels strangely closer to Joel with the new information, her heart a little softer for the old man. 

Things in Jackson remain uneventful; people come in seeking the warmth and comfort that Jackson provides; patrols come and go; people begin to prepare for Christmas. The decorations going up make Joel's heart ache like it does every year, but he survives. Things are fine. Ellie doesn't press anymore about his past, which he is grateful for. She opts to spend more time with him than she used to, which is strange, but he would always value her company. 

Maria spends less and less time going out on patrol these days; she has bigger problems in the community, and with the rate that Jackson is growing, she feels like she spends every other waking moment greeting people and assigning houses. It's nice to get out sometimes; technically she should be protecting Jackson, but the path she's on seems harmless. The logbook remained clear of any disturbances for months now; it's just Maria and the heavy snow that had fallen as a consequence of Jackson's cold winters. Everything is peaceful and calm, even until she hears a gunshot ring out. 

It comes from close by—a lodge that had been abandoned forever ago. It was useless to the people of Jackson and had long sat by itself rotting away into the mountain. She has to go investigate the sound. Who could be there? Perhaps it was another patrol in need of help. She arrives quickly. The building looks to be empty; there is no light coming from it, no obvious signs of life. Maria knows better than to let her guard down, holding her rifle close to her chest as she yells out, urging anyone to come forward, yell for help. No one responds; she hears feet move quickly from a room somewhere; following the sound, she turns into a room; she walks in slowly; the person is backed into a corner, unable to escape. 

Maria steps closer, her view of the person's face skewed by a cloth wrapped around their lower face.

“Drop your weapon,” Maria orders quickly; they don't drop their weapon, instead bring it closer to them with a shaking hand. 

“Please,” they plead quickly. 

Maria falters for a second, the woman's voice taking her by surprise. 

“Please, I'm sorry for running; just leave me alone.” The woman all but begs; she doesn't sound dangerous; she sounds scared. Maria slowly lowers her gun, walking closer carefully.

“I won't hurt you,” she quickly promises to the younger woman. “Are you infected?” 

The woman shakes her head in response.

 “I’m not, I swear,” the woman says. 

“Are you alone?” Maria asks cautiously; she hadn't heard or seen anyone else in the desolate building, but she couldn't be too sure; she only receives a nod in response. 

“I’m Maria,” she offers quickly. She raises her eyebrows as an indication for the other woman to give her name. 

Maria watches as the younger woman pulls the fabric of her lower face; she speaks clearer without the fabric blocking her. 

“Y/N.” 

Oh, Maria pauses; she hadn't heard that name in a while, not since Tommy had retold Ellie’s prodding of his lost pseudo niece. The thought flashes through her mind quickly; there was no way. Tommy had swore she had died. What were the chances? Probably very little. She doesn't let the thought linger, moving to be face-to-face with the woman. 

"Listen, I'm from a commune; come back with me,” Maria offers.

Y/N stares back at her almost as if she was insulted by Maria's suggestion, 

“Why?” Y/N asks,

“Well, you're all alone out here." Maria states honestly, it wasn't exactly like this Y/N girl had anything else going for her. 

“Are you going to kill me?” Y/N asks, and Maria laughs gently. 

“If I had wanted you dead, I would've done it five minutes ago,” she says humorously. 

Y/N smiles gently at her, picking up her bag from beside her walking out after Maria. Maria helps Y/N up first onto the horse; she seems awkward getting up there. Maria watches curiously as she places a hand under her stomach, using the other arm and Maria's help to haul herself onto the horse.

Was she? Maria had found her alone, but maybe she hadn’t always been; maybe that's why she had been so scared that Maria was going to kill her. Her suspicions are all but confirmed when she instructs Y/N to hold on tight to her as they ride. Maria can feel it poking into her back. 

A baby bump. 

“Are you p-” Maria goes to ask, but she is interrupted quickly. 

“Yeah,” Y/N responds. 

Maria isn't quite sure what to make of her tone of voice; she sounds upset, almost. 

“How far along are you?” Maria asks gently.

she feels a shrug from behind her.

“A few months, hard to say really.” Y/N responds; 

Maria nods, “I’ll have you checked out with the doctor later.” She offers,

“That would be nice." Y/N responds, pulling her arms a bit tighter around Maria. 

They get into Jackson after dark; the town deserted as everyone stays home, keeping out the cold. There are a few people around doing odd jobs. Maria helps Y/N down off the horse she turns to one of them men who had been standing guard right inside the wall, “she's safe” she starts. Bringing strangers into Jackson wasn't exactly a normal thing; they were usually brought to Maria after being found. 

"Listen, I need you to get Tommy; tell him to meet me outside of the hall in ten,” the man moves off with a 'yes, ma’am,' while Maria turns towards Y/N.

"You wanna eat something?” She asks Y/N and nods, “Yeah, me too." Maria exhales.

They eat together in silence. Y/N sheds her winter coat to reveal a medium-sized baby bump. Maria isn't an expert, but she would estimate around the 5-month mark. Their eating is interrupted when the doors to the other empty hall are opened. Maria quickly gets out of her chair, promising to be back soon. 

Tommy looks confused as Maria pushed him away from the main hall; he had seen she was eating with someone, but Maria had quickly ushered him away. She exhaled before speaking,

"Tommy.” He nodded. “You have to listen to me, ok?”

He nodded again, confused by her tone of voice. Had he done something wrong? Was she angry with him? 

“Is everything okay?” he asked curiously. She nodded at him. 

“Listen,” she started. “I need you to help me identify the girl in there.” She spoke seriously. 

Tommy was confused. No one had ever asked him to identify anyone before. Who was this girl? Why did he have to identify her? 

“Who is she?” he asked. Maria gently placed her hands on his shoulders. 

“You need to be calm about this, okay?” she asked. 

He felt his heart rate pick up at the insinuation. 

“What?” He asked, confused again. 

Maria started hesitantly, “I think.” 

He encouraged her to keep speaking with a nod, 

“I think she’s Joel's daughter.” 

His breath hitched; he knew exactly who she was talking about; there was no way. Y/N was here? 

“I can't be sure, ok, same name, similar ages, but I didn't know her; you did,” 

He stared at Maria for a moment, unsure what to say. Suddenly an surge of energy overtook him; she had lived, Y/N was alive and well, and she had been sitting eating dinner with his wife. 

“Okay!” he said a little louder than he had intended, adrenaline in his veins making him energetic. 

Maria grabbed his arm before he could walk into the hall.

“Tommy, you can't just go in there guns ablazing okay?” Maria warned him, 

“What? I want to see her!” he insisted  Maria sighed,

“I know you do; it's just that." She started but didn't finish her sentence, 

“What, what is it?” He asked urgently, 

"Tommy, she's pregnant.”

He felt his heart stop; she was pregnant. She couldn't be. His heart ached with the fact of her age. How could she be old enough to be a mother herself? He choked on the revelation for a second. 

“She's a little fragile, okay. She's been on her own for a while. I don't want to scare her.” 

He let a breath out slowly before nodding.

“Just identify her, and we can go from there,” she promised him.

He followed behind her closely. She was the only one in the hall, and due to the late hour, Y/N picked at her food slowly, almost as if she was savoring every bite, scared that it might be the last meal she ate. The thought made his heart clench. They approached slowly; he trailed behind Maria, and as soon as he got close enough to see her face, he knew it was her. It felt like there was a shift in the air; he could feel it in the pit of his stomach. 

Being so close to Y/N made him feel weak. He had sworn for so long that she was dead, mourned the loss of one of the most precious people in his life, and here she was sitting in front of him, oblivious to his inner turmoil, oblivious to him standing behind Maria. Maria cleared her throat. 

“Y/N?” she asked, catching the woman's full attention. 

She looked up from her food, nodding at Maria in lieu of a response. 

“There's someone you need to meet, ok?” She looked hesitantly at Maria, suddenly aware that they weren't alone in the room. 

Before he could even comprehend the worry on her face, he stepped out fully into Y/N's view. The room stood still for a second; he panicked in turn at Y/N's silence; had she forgotten him? The thought made his heart clench. 

“Tommy?” A voice broke him through his haze; it sounded so small, almost like she was 13 again. 

He stepped closer to Y/N 

"Tommy, is it really you?” she asked hesitantly, almost like she didn't want to know the answer. 

He nodded as Y/N stood up. He could barely open his arms quick enough before she was hugging him. His arms were tightly around her shoulders. It was all suddenly so real. Y/N had lived. She was here right now in his arms. He pulled back slightly, placing his hands on her shoulders. His eyes brimmed with tears as he surveyed her face; she was so grown up. 

"Christ, honey,” he breathed, “so gorgeous and grown up.” 

Y/N smiled at him bashfully, re-lopping her hands around his neck to pull him close once again. 

“I missed you, Tommy,” she admitted quietly, 

"yeah, I missed you too, more than you know."

He watched as she finished her food, raising an eyebrow at her when she left some of it on her plate, insisting she was full; she wasn't. 

“Tommy?” she asked in between mouthfuls. 

“What's up?” he responded. 

He was willing to tell her just about anything to hear her voice again. 

“Is um-?” She started sounding unsure. “Is Joel alive?” she asked barely above a whisper. 

Tommy smiled again, even wider than he had been; Joel was alive; in fact, he was here, in Jackson, to stay. He moved his chair next to hers, putting an arm around her shoulder. 

“Yeah, he is alive,” he said, smirking lightly. She seemed to exhale at this. 

“In fact, honey, he's here.” Her eyes met his for a second, almost as if she thought he might be lying to her. 

“He's here?” She asked, “In this place?” 

"Jackson,” he supplied for her quickly. 

“In Jackson?” she asked again. 

“Yes, he is. I promise you.” Tommy said seriously. 

Y/N looked at him hopefully. 

“Can I see him?” she asked. 

Tommy glanced at the clock in the big hall before shaking his head.

“It's late; the old man will already be sleeping,” Tommy joked. 

It brought a small smile to her face. 

“How about this?” Tommy started, “You can sleep in my spare bedroom tonight; I'll take you to see him first thing in the morning.” he offered.  

She smiled widely at him, pushing up and out of her chair, a hand delicately under her belly. 

“Maria mentioned something about warm water?” Y/N asked, 

“Yeah, we got that. Take a warm shower before bed if you want.” Tommy spoke. 

Y/N seemed to light up at the prospect of that, gladly placing her hand in the crook of his elbow as they walked together towards his house. 

Tommy wakes up early the next morning. He gently peeks in through the door of his guest bedroom, a breath of relief coming from him as he sees a sleeping Y/N. He had woken up panting lightly pulled from his sleep by fear that it had all been a dream, but it wasn't. Y/N was here sleeping peacefully in the room next to his and Maria's bedroom. 

Tommy was not typically an early riser—not that he had much choice since the world had ended, but it wasn't exactly his calling. He was more like Sarah in that respect; he can recall getting up several hours into Saturday mornings to find that she was still sleeping. Y/N had been the opposite of Sarah, a naturally early riser, who Tommy would often find talking to Joel over a hot chocolate (or in Joel's case, a coffee) on said mornings. They would tease him gently about how they “had been up for hours” before everyone argued about who had the chore of waking Sarah up (they almost always sent Y/N; she was definitely Sarah's favourite amongst the three of them; they always came downstairs together giggling about something a far departure from her usual morning attitude). 

He knows that Joel will be up already; Jackson is waking up slowly; people making their way out of their warm houses, and Joel is no exception. He had always been the early riser out of the brothers; Joel had spent every morning she was there chatting to Y/N in the kitchen as they prepared for the day before anyone else is up. 

Tommy takes a deep breath before knocking; he had tried to plan out what he was going to say. Trying to tell your older brother that his (not technically) daughter that he spent years mourning was actually alive—in fact, she was asleep right now in Tommy's spare bedroom—was far harder than he had anticipated. 

He knocks lightly, unwilling to disturb the otherwise peaceful neighbourhood. It doesn't take long for Joel to answer; he looks unsurprised to see Tommy standing there, inviting him in quickly to sit at the dining table. Tommy isn't sure where to start when Joel asks him what's up, 

"Joel.” He starts seriously, “There is something I need to tell you." 

Joel lets a look of confusion wash over his face. 

“What?” he asks Tommy bluntly. 

Tommy suddenly understood why Maria had been acting so strange yesterday; this was a hard conversation. 

"Joel,” he tried again. "Y/N,” Tommy started, but his sentence was interrupted quickly by Joel. 

“Don’t even start Tommy,” he stated angrily. 

Joel didn't want to ever have to tell anyone about his failing towards the once-young girl; after telling Ellie, it had been too much. Tommy shook his head, effectively silencing an angry-looking Joel. 

“Y/N is alive,” Tommy said firmly. 

Joel quickly turned to disbelief, blinking at Tommy as if this were some cruel joke. 

“Look, Maria found her yesterday a while out; brought her back last night." Tommy continued on, 

"Is it  really her?” Joel asked in disbelief, 

“Yeah, I saw her last night. God, Joel, she was so grown up, I couldn't believe it.” Tommy rambled, 

“Can I see her? Now?” Joel asked quickly. 

Tommy frowned at Joel, not wanting to break his bubble the way Maria had to him last night. 

“Not yet ok?” Tommy spoke carefully. “Maria is taking her to see the doctor, then you can,” he explained. 

Tommy watched the flash on panic crossover Joel's face answering Joel's question before he could even ask it.

“She's fine, not hurt or anything, I mean." Tommy assured me he hesitated before speaking again. “But there is one thing." 

"What?” Joel asked snappily,

“She's pregnant.” Tommy offered. 

Joel couldn't think for a moment, his heart clenching in his chest. 

“Really?” 

Tommy only nodded in response.

 “My baby girl, having a baby?” he spoke aloud. 

The words rang in his ears, when had she gotten so old? Joel swore that she was still the young teenage girl he could remember her being. 

“I'll bring her over to yours when she's done, okay?” Tommy told Joel, gently patting his older brother's shoulders as he stood to leave.

Joel nodded in response, unsure of what to say; he had had too many revelations for one day, and it was making his head spin. 

He couldn't think after that and sat at his dining table staring at the abandoned cold cup of coffee; if he stared at it for long enough, he could see her face; perhaps he was really losing it seeing a thirteen-year-old Y/N in his cold cup of coffee.

A knock at the door pulls him violently out of his own head. He knocks over the cold cup of coffee, swearing as it begins to drip off the side of the table. 

“One sec!” he yells out, continuing to swear under his breath as he quickly cleans it up.

His hands shake lightly as he throws the dirty cloth into the sink. He takes a deep breath, unaffectedly trying to steady himself. He opens the door slowly and is greeted with the sight of Tommy smiling at him as he steps closer to Joel.

“I'm gonna leave y’all to it, okay?” 

Joel nods before Tommy steps back, revealing a nervous-looking Y/N behind him. 

Joel can't even process it unmoving as he takes her in fully; she had grown. Of course she had, but it still made his heart ache. Before he can even think about the wetness occurring on his eyeline as he pulls her close, he grips her so tight, gripping the back of her head against his chest.

“Joel” Y/N whimpers, looking up at him with wet eyes. 

Joel wanted to say so many things—to apologize for the time he had lost together, to say sorry for losing her—but he couldn't. He pulled back slightly, encompassing her face with his hands. She leaned into him, nuzzling her cheek into his palm.

 “I know, baby, I know,” he promised. 

“I missed you, Joel, so much." Y/N said quietly, resting her head on Joel's chest. 

He wondered if she could feel it clench beneath his skin at her words. 

“I missed you more than you'll ever know, sweetie,” he spoke gently to her, “and I promise, I swear that you'll never be alone again, baby girl; I'll always be here for you." Joel spoke softly; 

He felt Y/N pull him impossibly closer at his words. 

“I love you, babygirl,” he whispered to her, “my baby girl.”.

[whxtedreams]

Chapter 16: Crawl Home to Them

Blood Runs Thicker than Water - Joel & F!Reader (Platonic DBF!)

Summary: You fight tooth and nail to get back to Joel and Tommy, but not everything goes to plan.

Word Count: 4.4k

Tags: Loss, grief, violence, blood and injury, pain induced visions/flashbacks, descriptions of injury, captivity  

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist - Read on AO3

Chapter 16: Crawl Home to Them

The hours pass slowly as the sun rises and falls through the sky, and you remain sitting by your father's side, anxiously awaiting Joel's return.

But Joel never comes.

Slowly, an intrusive, painful thought begins to creep into your mind: he must be dead. In the absence of any other logical explanation, you find yourself settling on that as the only plausible reason why he hasn't returned to your side.

You sit on the steps of the cabin, your hair covered in a thin layer of snow, the blood from your father's killer drips down the staircase and stains your jeans, soaking into the fabric. The bitter cold seeps into your body, but you hardly notice.

You sit still, fixated on the sight of your father slowly being buried under the falling snow. The white flakes gently descend upon his unmoving form, blanketing him in a cold, unforgiving embrace.

As the sky lightens once again, you kneel beside your father and place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

He’s so cold.

You shiver as you remove the jacket from your own back, carefully laying it over him in a silent gesture of love and farewell.

The journey back home is a grueling one, marked by the cold and the solitude that surrounds you. Every rustle of leaves or crunch of snow under your feet sends a fresh wave of adrenaline surging through your body, your heart racing in fear that someone else is lurking in the shadows, waiting to kill you just like they had with your dad.

With Joel.

As you finally reach the familiar surroundings of home, you are met with a horrifying sight: bodies of the dead scattered everywhere, filling the air with a putrid stench of death. The very essence of what once provided you with a sense of security and belonging is now tarnished, and a wave of grief and despair washes over you, breaking something deep within your soul.

Desperate for a response, you call out Tommy's name as you enter through the front door, but only silence greets you. With fear and worry building within you, you shout for both Tommy and Joel, hoping to hear their voices or see a familiar sign of life.

The stark contrast between your recent carefree morning spent solving puzzles with Tommy and the horrific scene now laid out before you is jarring. The remnants of the puzzle you had been working on earlier are scattered across the floor, their colorful pieces now stained with blood. Your father's favorite mug sits silently on the coffee table, waiting for his return.

But he’s not coming back.

Overwhelmed by a wave of grief and despair, you collapse to the floor, a heart-wrenching sob wracking your body. Your mind is flooded with the painful realization that you've lost your father, that Joel's fate is uncertain, and that you have no idea where Tommy is. The thought of being utterly alone in the world envelops you, leaving you feeling lost and vulnerable.

The onslaught of emotions becomes too intense to bear, leaving no space for any other thoughts or sensations to register in your mind.

You don’t hear the grunts as someone wakes.

You don’t hear footsteps on the stairs.

You don’t hear the person behind you.

Caught off guard, you hardly hear the presence behind you until their rough hand grips your hair and forcefully throws you to the ground. The shock and pain momentarily cut through the fog of despair, leaving you disoriented and confused.

In that moment, as you lay on the ground, a realization dawns upon you suddenly. You understand now why your father had insisted on keeping your hair short over the years.

You had hated every time he picked up those rusted scissors, the sound of them snipping through your hair ringing in your ears. Each time, you would feel a pang of annoyance and frustration, wishing your hair could be longer, like the girls in the old torn magazines you would sneak glances at.

As you are dragged across the floor, your cries escaping your lips, a profound sense of longing wells up within you. You yearn for the days when you were safe in your father's embrace, his gentle touch on your hair, and the sound of his soothing voice telling stories about the life that once was.

How you wished to be back in that place, engulfed in his embrace, far away from the nightmare that envelops you now.

The man's words seep through the fog of your thoughts, and you catch fragments of his grumbling about Tommy. He roughly pulls you into the kitchen and pushes you onto the circular dining room table, causing the remaining plates from your morning breakfast to crash to the floor in a loud symphony of shattering ceramic.

Desperation fuels your actions as you struggle against your captor, your hands desperately trying to peel away the hands grasping your hair. Your legs kick and thrash wildly, making contact with his stomach and then finding their mark with a well-aimed kick to his groin. The man curses and loosens his grip, creating an opening for you to land another kick to his face, causing him to stagger back momentarily.

With a gasp of pain, you roll off the table and land heavily amongst the shattered remnants of broken plates and mugs. The cuts from the shattered ceramic slice into your skin, the pain searing through your body. Undeterred, you push yourself up, gritting your teeth against the agony that lances through your limbs. You clamber awkwardly over the side table that separates the kitchen from the dining room, desperate to put some distance between yourself and the man.

You hear the man's curses ring out as you crawl across the wooden floor, trying to put as much distance between yourself and the approaching threat. The rough texture of the wood digs into your skin, mingling with the sharpness of the shattered ceramic. You can feel the warm trickle of blood as it flows from the open wounds on your hands and knees.

Amongst the chaos and fear, your attention is drawn to the motionless body of a woman slumped against the cabinets that line the wall. A chilling sight, you see one of Tommy's knives deeply embedded in her chest. With trembling hands, you pull the knife free, your blood mixing with hers.

The sound of glass and porcelain being crushed under his heavy boots resonates through the room as the man hauls himself over the side table. His weight landing heavily sends a rumble of tremors through the floor, echoing the impending danger that looms closer. Your heart pounds in your chest as you make eye contact with him.

The man eyes the knife in your trembling grip, a sly smile crossing his features as he points at it mockingly. "And what do you think you're going to do with that?" he sneers, his voice dripping with condescension.

A flicker of fear and uncertainty dances across your face as the man's challenging words hang in the air. For a brief moment, the thought of taking another life, of watching someone else succumb to your actions, sends a wave of trepidation through your soul.

Your instincts scream at you to turn and face your pursuer, but instead, you pivot on your heel and flee in the opposite direction, hurtling down the hallway and bursting into Tommy's room. The man follows in hot pursuit, closing the distance between you at an alarming speed.

Despite his messy tendencies, Tommy's room is packed with an array of supplies. Weapons, ammo, and explosives are discreetly hidden amongst the clutter, a testament to Joel’s practical and wary nature. Joel's familiar sighs of disapproval echo in your mind whenever he entered the room, his subtle way of expressing irritation and concern over his brother's habits.

You recall the memory of sitting on Tommy's bed, your expression turned to a disapproving frown just like Joel’s as you took in the untidy state of his room. The floor was covered with discarded clothes, empty bottles and stray scraps of metallic objects, creating a chaotic scene that clashed with your own tidy habits.

Tommy had sat behind you on the bed, a frown of concentration on his face as he attempted to braid your hair. A tattered book sat in his lap; its pages filled with detailed instructions for braiding techniques. Despite his determined expression, the results of his efforts were far from perfect, leaving you both frustrated and amused.

 You had asked him, curiously, why he kept his room in such a messy state. He had chuckled lightly before he dropped your half-braided hair, and as you turned to face him, he replied, “We’re safe here, but you never know when something might happen. It could be someone breaking in or even Joel going through my things. I never know when I might need something to defend myself with. I threw a book at Joel last week when I woke up to him going through my drawers… again. I keep telling him if he wants my magazines so bad, all he has to do is ask”

“What magazines?”

He paused. “Never mind.”

After that, you kept your own floor messy, much to Joel’s disgust.

You scramble into the room, but the man follows closely behind, his weight crashing down upon you as you fall onto the pile of Tommy's clothes from the previous night. With your hand reaching out in desperation, you clutch the nearest bottle, swinging it upwards with all your might as he turns you onto your back. The bottle connects with the man's face, shattered glass flying in all directions as you plunge the knife into his shoulder.

As the man reels in agony from the shattered glass, his shouts of anger and threats of death fill the air as he pulls the knife from his body. You scramble away from beneath him, your hand reaching out for the nail bomb sitting in front of the dresser. Just as your fingers close around the cold tin can, the man grabs your ankle and tugs you back forcefully. In a desperate act, you lash out with your free foot, landing a powerful kick to his face, buying you enough time to grab the nail bomb.

Escaping from the room, you leap over the man's grasping hands and rush out the front door, heart pounding with adrenaline. In your haste, a misplaced step on the stairs causes you to stumble and fall face-first into the cold, soft snow as your blood stains it red.

The man emerges from the house, his seething anger evident in every line of his face. Tommy's knife glints menacingly in his hand as he points it towards you, the blade still stained with blood.

The man's voice cuts through the tension-filled air as he scoffs, his words laced with condescension. "You little shit. That's not a toy, put it down, kid" he warns, taking a step closer towards you. In response, you instinctively take a step back, creating some distance between you.

The man stops in his tracks as you raise the nail bomb in your hand, a flicker of caution crossing his face. “One more step and I throw it,” you threaten, your voice trembling slightly.

"You throw it, we both die," the man cautions, but your expression remains stoical.

A standoff ensues, with you still standing at the bottom of the stairs, gazing up at him as he looms menacingly above. His gaze locks onto yours, his expression a mixture of anger and determination, silently challenging your resolve.

With a sudden lunging motion, the man hurls himself forwards, closing the distance between you rapidly. In a split-second decision, you make a desperate toss, throwing the nail bomb right at him. The bomb arcs through the air, its explosive potential ticking away as it hurtles towards its target.

The nail bomb detonates in a fiery explosion, throwing you backwards with a violent force. You tumble through the snow, your body a rag doll in the impact, as you cry out in pain. The world spins around you, disorienting your senses, and you feel your body grow heavy and still in the cold white embrace of the snow.

Cold air rips at your chest as you gasp for breath, each desperate inhalation chilling your lungs. As you look down, you see the nails and fragments of metal are embedded deep within your body. Your voice breaks out into agonizing screams, crying as your body trembles.

In between the waves of pain, your thoughts flicker to the hope of being rescued. You fervently wish for either Tommy or Joel to hear your cries and come to your aid, carrying your broken body to safety. In the back of your mind, you can almost hear their voices chiding you for being careless, worry and concern lacing their words as they tenderly tend to your injuries.

Your head lolls to the side, and through the haze of pain and tears, you see the man lying motionless in the snow. Yet, the image that forms in your mind is not the man, but your father.

As time loses meaning, you find yourself drawn irresistibly to the river that flows in front of the house. With each painful inch, you crawl and pull your aching body toward the river's edge, determined to meet your fate in its familiar embrace.

The images from your memory play out vividly in the river's rippling surface. You see your dad laughing heartily as he teases Tommy for looking like a drowned rat. And beside you, Joel, sits with a book in one hand, his other hand tenderly running through your hair, soothing.

Your mind, foggy with pain, struggles to separate the past from the present. It feels as if you can truly feel the touch of Joel’s hand, a calming presence offering comfort. But even in your delirium, you know that it's mere illusion, a figment of your wounded imagination, offering temporary solace in the face of your agony.

The sound of shouting in the distance reaches your ears, and during your torment, you twist your head away from the river. Tears well up in your eyes as you hear Joel and Tommy.

Two figures appear from the trees, and seeing them, you cry out desperately, your voice choked with pain and fear. Your heart races as you hope and pray that it's the brothers, that they have come to rescue you.

A soft touch tenderly cradles your cheeks, and as the tears clear, you see Joel's face hovering above you. Relief floods through you, his familiar features offering a small comfort during your pain.

“She could be bitten, Beck,” Tommy says, and a frown creases your brow in confusion. Something is not right; this voice doesn't sound like Tommy.

Why is he calling Joel Beck?

“Do you see any infected, Wade? Take a look around you, they tried to kill a kid.” The confusion deepens as a voice you don’t recognize as Joel's speaks, but the tone and timber are wrong. It’s not the deep, gruff voice you know so well.

Despite the pain, you muster the strength to call out his name, your hand reaching out instinctively towards the figure before you. But the smooth, delicate skin that meets your touch feels completely wrong, lacking the gruff, calloused texture of Joel's hands.

This isn’t Joel.

Your eyes blink, trying to focus and make sense of the scene unfolding before you. The world blurs and shifts as the comforting visage of Joel's face vanishes, replaced by a woman's delicate features. Confused and dizzy, you struggle to comprehend the sudden change in your surroundings.

Pain shoots through your body as you attempt to move away, and the woman grips your arms, holding you firmly in place. Frantic and desperate, you thrash and struggle, tears streaming down your face, trying hopelessly to break free from her grip.

Her voice is soft, trying to soothe you with reassurances of assistance. But in your pain and confusion, you don't want their aid. The only names that swirl in your mind, like a mantra of comfort, are Joel's and Tommy's.

The man's voice registers in your pain-filled consciousness, his words sinking in. "She doesn't want to come with us," he says, a resigned sigh escaping his lips. The woman shakes her head.

The woman's determination is evident in her tone as she retorts, "I'm not going to leave a kid out here to die alone." Your heart races in fear as she speaks, and before you can protest, the man moves towards you. With little effort, he lifts you off the ground, and you are helpless to do anything against his hold.

The last thing you think of before you pass out in the strangers’ hold, is how different he feels compared to Joel. Joel, gruff and protective, would cradle you close, his grip strong and comforting.

This man feels cold and unfamiliar, and you hate it.

The steady rumbling of the car beneath you lulls you out of unconsciousness, and your eyes slowly flutter open, catching glimpses of the silvery moonlight that filters through the car's windows. The pale light casts a gentle glow inside the vehicle, causing you to squint as your senses gradually return.

The slightest attempt to move sends waves of pain coursing through your body, and you wince as you look down at the unfamiliar clothes you're wearing. You notice the bandages covering various parts of your body, evidence that someone has tended to your injuries.

Caught in a haze of pain and confusion, your voice rasps weakly as you murmur Tommy's name. Fresh tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you take in the strange environment around you, completely different from anything you recognize.

The unexpected touch of a stranger's hand on yours jolts you back to reality. Instinctively, you recoil, yanking your hand away as if burned by the contact.

The woman's soothing words fall on deaf ears as your distrust and fear take over your thoughts. “You're safe,” she insists, “We won't hurt you." But the promises mean little to you in your current state of unease.

How can you trust the intentions of strangers?

Your body, battered and exhausted, cries out in pain, yet the soft plush seats of the car beckon you back towards sleep. The desire to rest, to ease the aching, overpowers your fear, and slowly, your eyelids grow heavy with the weight of weariness.

As sleep starts to claim you once more, your lips barely move, forming the names of Joel and Tommy, a silent plea for their presence and comfort. With each mumbled syllable, your voice grows weaker, until finally, you succumb to unconsciousness, enveloped in the deep embrace of sleep once more.

As you come to awareness, your bleary eyes take in the dimly lit surroundings. There are no windows in sight, only grey cobblestone walls which reflect the dancing light of candles that cast flickering shadows in the room.

Your eyes survey the cramped room, the bed you lay on like an island in the middle of the mess. Medical supplies are scattered on tables that line one wall. On the opposite wall, bookcases stand tall, filled with tomes and books that are surprisingly well-preserved.

Your voice, hoarse and raw, whispers Joel's name into the silent room, hoping for an answer or a familiar face to appear. You attempt to sit up, but your movements are hindered by the wires and needles that protrude from your skin, keeping you in place. Worse still, you realize that your wrists are handcuffed to the bed, firmly restraining you against your will.

Panic wells up within you as your eyes fix on the handcuffs. You pull at them with all your strength, straining against their unyielding restraint. Despite your efforts, the metal digs into your skin, the unforgiving handcuffs holding you captive.

“Good to see you’re finally awake.” A man's voice slices through the silence from the darkened corner of the room. It startles you, making your eyes dart towards the source of the words. Your heart pounds in your chest, dread settling in the pit of your stomach as you try to make out the man's features in the shadows.

The man emerges from the shadows, revealing his appearance under the dim candlelight. He is in his early thirties, his face marked by a deep scar that slashes across his forehead. His clean-shaven face and hardened features give him an intimidating aura, and you instinctively shrink away from him, warily watching his every move.

The man's apology is a sharp contrast to his intimidating appearance, and his chuckle sends a shiver down your spine. He gestures towards the handcuffs, "Sorry 'bout those," he says, his tone laced with mild amusement. "We didn't want you hurting yourself when you woke up in a strange and dark place."

“Where am I?” You say.

He leans against the medical table, pushing up the sleeves of his black button-up as he looks down at you without answering right away. He seems to be studying you, assessing your condition in the dim light. The silence between your question and his response stretches out, causing your heart to race with anticipation.

“Where am I?” You repeat yourself.

With a smile, the man spreads his arms, gesturing around the room as if presenting a prized possession. "We call it The Refuge," he says. His words sound almost comical, given the bleak and cramped surroundings. It's hardly a refuge but a place of confinement.

You can't help but scoff at the man's words, rattling your handcuffs once more. The metal links rub against each other, the sound echoing loudly in the quiet room. "Doesn't seem like a refuge to me," you retort, your voice dry and filled with sarcasm.

A short laugh escapes the man's lips as he listens to your words. He pushes off from the table and saunters over to your bed, pulling a set of keys from his pocket. The metal keys jangle as he twirls them around his index finger, the sound adding to the tension in the room.

The man stops beside your bed, keys dangling from his raised hand. He quirks an eyebrow at you, his gaze scrutinizing your face. "Are you going to try and run if I uncuff you?" he asks, his voice a mix of caution and mild amusement. He holds the keys up, making the metal jingle once more as he waits for your response.

You consider your options, the desire to escape overwhelming you. In your mind, you yearn to be back home with Joel and Tommy, where you feel safe. But, as you take stock of the pain that still courses through your body, you realize that attempting a dash for freedom would be foolish. Not only would it be painful, but you doubt you could even make it to the door, let alone leave the room without collapsing.

So, you shake your head.

The man's smile softens as he moves closer, stepping up to the side of the bed. He brings the keys to your wrists, the metal clinking as he searches for the right key. With a click, the cuff on your left hand comes undone, the man moving around the bed to do the same to your other hand. The cold metal slips off, freeing your wrists from its vice-like grip.

The man pulls the chair closer to your bedside, its legs screeching against the stone floor, before plopping down into it with a sigh. He sits down, leaning back with a casual nonchalance that is at odds with your dire situation. "I was surprised when my brother told me they brought in a kid," he says, his tone tinged with curiosity. "We don't see a lot of you anymore, let alone in the state you were in. You really put up a fight."

You glower at the man, your teeth grinding together as you process his words.

The man continues to speak, his voice unnervingly calm as he mentions that there are a few couples inquiring about you, interested in taking you in. Your heart clenches at the thought, and you shake your head fiercely, a wave of fresh panic washing over you. The thought of being placed with strangers, in a new place without Joel or Tommy, is too much to bear.

 "I’m not staying here," you assert, your words edged with a hint of defiance. "They'll come looking for me," you add, the certainty in your voice masking the fear that lurks beneath.

"Joel and Tommy, right?" he asks, and your eyes widen, both horrified and relieved that he seems to know who you're talking about. "You mumble in your sleep," he explains with a chuckle.

The man's tone shifts from nonchalant to one of sorrow and understanding as he speaks, his expression becoming serious. "Listen kid," he begins, his words heavy with a sadness you can almost feel. "I don't want to give you bad news, but they're dead." The sudden declaration leaves you stunned, your heart plummeting at the thought that Joel and Tommy are gone. "My brother checked the resort, there was no one left alive."

“You’re lying.”

The man's lips twitch into a small, sympathetic smile and he leans forward, patting your arm. "I'm sorry," he says quietly.

The man rises from his chair, his presence no longer looming over you. Your eyes remain downward, refusing to meet his gaze as tears begin to blur your vision.

The man walks towards the door, pausing for a moment to look back at you. "A nurse will be by shortly to check on you," he says, his voice gentle. "Once you're up to it, I'll make sure you're put with someone to care for you. Who knows, you might find you like this place." The words seem hollow and empty as he leaves the room, the sound of the door closing behind him echoing in your ears.

You can feel the hot, salty tears streaming down your face, staining your skin. Your eyes flutter shut, refusing to accept the harsh reality the man told you. You cling to the belief that Joel and Tommy are alive, that they will find you and bring you home to safety. The tears keep falling as you silently pray that your hope isn't misplaced.

And if they don’t come for you, you’ll crawl home to them.

Click here for Chapter 17- Comming soon

Notes

Sorry for the wait, I’ve been sick and have not had the energy to write this chapter. It’s heavy, so I had to be in the right mindset for it. I’m anxious about fight scenes, but I tried! Also there’s one more chapter left of part two! Then we move on to part three! I’m excited to write the new part!

If you want to be tagged, please comment on the masterlist for this series and I will add you. If you want to be taken off, please DM so i don't miss your request.

Every comment, like and reblog means the world to me. please let me know your thoughts about this, i want to ramble about this story so much.

tags: @sunandmuun , @rain-soaked-sun, @frootloops1213 , @samarav , @geralallfandoms , @joelmillersblog , @severussimp , @kitdjarin1 , @yesjazzywazzylove-blog , @justanotherteen12 @lils-1979 @elisha-chloe , @faith-alons26 , @ayedomino0 , @yellowismyfavcolor

[heartpascal]

when the sun goes down

▹— joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹— summary: joel doesn’t talk about you, until he does

▹— a/n: this one might be kinda ,, weird?? idk if i like how ive written it!! its kinda different to my usual fics !!! + the ending is kinda funky idk

▹— warnings: fem!reader (she/her used), reader is dead , mention of reader getting infected , grief, loss, guilt, lots of angst, small mention of suicidal ideation, referenced murder, mother tess, father joel, uncle tommy, ellie asking inappropriate questions tbh, think that’s everything but let me know!

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear (pedro)

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When Joel had been a stranger, Ellie would have never even had the thought to guess that you or Sarah had existed. The man seemed… too stoic, too unbothered, or perhaps, too bothered. She was never really sure what Joel was, back then.

But over the weeks, then the months, and then the years of knowing Joel Miller, it had become increasingly obvious that there was a distinctive daughter-shaped gap within him. It had left a cavernous space in the man, which Ellie had done her very best to fill, even if she would never have admitted it to anyone.

It was clear in the way Joel had tied up her hair when she was sick, in the way he knew exactly what she needed to hear, even when she didn’t know herself. It was obvious in the way he responded to her argumentative nature, her spitting words, his protective behaviour.

Ellie hadn’t even really thought about it, until the day she and Joel arrived at Jackson, until Maria revealed what the two names on that chalkboard meant. After that, it all started to make sense, and she had finally believed that she understood Joel Miller in some deeper way, in a way that actually mattered. She didn’t think about what she was doing back when she had argued with Joel, when she had spluttered out, “I’m not her, you know.”

Your name hadn’t even been mentioned, back then, and Ellie hadn’t known at the time that when she had said her, Joel didn’t know exactly who she was talking about.

Either way, he made it clear that Ellie shouldn’t be mentioning anybody Joel had lost. Certainly not you or Sarah, or even Tess.

After the whole… hospital fiasco, Ellie wasn’t sure she had ever understood Joel, after all. She’d been numb, to some extent, when she and Joel had finally made it back to Jackson, back to Tommy and Maria’s warm house, with their surprisingly peaceful baby. The first time she had visited their house, she hadn’t even noticed your name up on the chalkboard, a new addition, one without any dates below it, but written with as much care as the others.

It was the second, or the third time, maybe, that Ellie noticed the brand new name up on the chalkboard in Maria’s living room. She had been even more hesitant to talk about it than she had been to talk about Sarah and Kevin, so Ellie had figured that the loss was fresh. She hadn’t asked again, for a very long time.

Tommy, unsurprisingly, had been the one to tell her. A long day after a nightly patrol had the man exhausted, and he was two glasses of booze in when he had seen Ellie squinting up at the chalkboard as she was around for dinner.

“He ever tell you about her?” Tommy asked, fresh glass of booze gripped in his fist as he settled down on the sofa, looking up at the board with something numb in his eyes.

Ellie had said your name like a question, eyes scanning between the board and Tommy with furrowed brows. At Tommy’s nod, Ellie had shook her head, turning to Tommy like a child ready for story time before bed.

Tommy took another sip of his drink, sucking his teeth before he finally spoke. “He never told me what happened to her,” He said, eyes fixed on the board as if information might appear. “But I figure he must blame himself, whatever happened. She was fine when I left, but I’m guessing gone by the time you were around.” Tommy continued, looking to Ellie, who nodded. “Don’t know when exactly it happened. He’s real tight lip about it, even more so than he is about Tess, but I don’t blame him. She was his second chance.”

“Second chance?” Ellie repeated, eyebrows raised.

Tommy nodded in confirmation. “Found her not long after the Outbreak. She took to Joel straight away, poor kid. After Sarah, he was… different, but Joel, he looked after that girl like nobody else would’a.”

Some of the things Joel had done or said made a lot more sense to Ellie, in light of this information. You had been Joel’s second chance at protecting his daughter, his redemption, and he had failed. It was no surprise, in that case, that he had been as protective as he had. Or that he had tried to dump Ellie with Tommy, back when they first got to Jackson.

Joel believed he was a failure.

It was quite the realisation for Ellie.

She noticed more, after that. Like the way Joel would stop in the street when he saw people who must have held a certain resemblance to you or to Sarah. Or the way he would stay up late into the night, staring blankly at the darkening world around him as he sat on the porch. Ellie noticed just how much effort Joel put into looking after her, as if afraid that something could happen to her, or she could just disappear. She also noticed the way his eyes lingered on Tommy’s chalkboard, each time they visited.

Ellie thought that maybe, some day, Joel would wind up talking about you on his own. But days passed, and then weeks, and then they’d been staying in Jackson for close to two years, and nothing.

If it hadn’t had been for Joel sticking his nose into Ellie’s business, she probably would’ve never even revealed to him that she knew of your existence. Or at least, your connection to him. But Joel Miller was nothing if not stubborn, and when Ellie had been down for more than two days in a row, he stopped minding his business.

Joel was all comforting words in the face of a preventable loss on a patrol, and Ellie was sick of it.

“It ain’t your fault, kiddo. Nobody blames you for what happened, and you oughta talk about it to somebody.” Joel had said, voice warm and concerned like any father might be, and Ellie couldn’t help but snap after the day she’d had.

“It’s always one thing for you and then another for me, Joel!” She said, baring her teeth at the man, who only looked as confused as ever. “I’m sick of it. Stop telling me things that you know aren’t true, just because you feel guilty!”

His arms had been crossed defensively over his chest at her words, his eyebrows furrowing, the crease between them more prominent than ever. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, voice gruff and warning, as opposed to the previous tone he had been taking with her. He was practically daring her to go on with what she was insinuating.

“That you want to believe your kids dying wasn’t on you! And that’s great, Joel, but this was on me. It was my fault.” Ellie had spat out, arms wide out by her side, their stances opposing one another. She was accepting her guilt, acknowledging it, realising it was true, where Joel had only ever taken the blame, lugging the guilt along with him for years as if hoping it could disappear.

He had been sure, for a moment, that Ellie had taken to physical blows, but he realised in the silence which had followed her words that the pain was all him. She was right, which to Joel, was the real kicker. He had a knack for projecting onto people, for being defensive over guilt as if it reflected his own. As if, somehow, Ellie being guilty meant that Joel certainly was, too.

Maybe Ellie was right, but even if she was, Joel was in no mindset to admit it. How could he? He couldn’t even bring himself to talk about you, too scared that Ellie would see him for what he truly was; a failure. How would Ellie have responded to that? It was the exact reason he hadn’t told her the truth about the hospital, about what he had done, about the lengths he would go to. She might have seen him violent before, but never to that extent. Never against people she cared for.

If he told Ellie the truth, he would have to admit that he had failed a third child. Perhaps not quite in the same way as he had failed you and Sarah, but in some capacity, he would lose her, too.

Joel had been a selfish man for a very long time, by then. It was no surprise that he opted for the path that would allow him to keep the only child he had left. Who could blame him? Even Tommy, in some strange way, had understood his actions. Especially after his baby had been born, Tommy couldn’t blame Joel for doing what was necessary.

A parent’s love for their child was unrelenting. And Joel took that sentiment very seriously.

But Ellie couldn’t understand. She wouldn’t.

So, in that moment, he had levelled her with a look that put all parental glares to shame. “Go to your room.” Joel had instructed, voice flat, cold. Ellie, in her shock, had done as she was told, which was unusual.

This time, however, when Joel told Tommy of what had occurred, his brother hadn’t agreed with his actions.

When Tommy explained that Ellie didn’t know about you, or about Sarah, and certainly didn’t understand the relationship the two of you had had with Joel, he could see how she could’ve said something so… distasteful. After all, Joel had never told Ellie exactly what had happened to Sarah, let alone to you. Hell, he didn’t speak about you at all. He didn’t want Ellie to believe that he would fail her next.

But the talk was overdue, and the silence in the house had been suffocating Joel, and he noticed how uncomfortable Ellie had been, too. So he had no choice but to steel himself, to grip a mug of coffee, give up on slowing his heart rate.

When Ellie walked through the door, having been out with her friends all day, she stopped short at seeing Joel sat on the couch, looking more stressed than she had seen him in a long, long time. “Sit down.” Joel said, his words catching and tumbling out, as he gestured towards the armchair opposite the couch.

Surprisingly, she sat. “Is everything… okay?” She asked, hesitantly.

“I think it’s time I have a talk with you,” Joel admitted, his fingers squeezing the mug tightly. “You were right.”

“As always.” Ellie responded instantly, an instinctive response that generated a scoff of laughter from Joel, soothing his stressed brow the slightest amount. She cringed, but relaxed at his expression. “About what, exactly?”

“About it being one thing for me, and another for you. It’s not fair of me to ask you to talk about things, if I don’t talk right back to you.” Joel said, slowly, trying to sort through his thoughts before he fumbled another important father-daughter talk, as he had done many times before. “I’m goin’ to tell you about my girls.”

“Joel, you really don’t—”

He interrupted, “No, I do. And I want to.”

Ellie nodded after a moment, settling down in her chair, finally placing her backpack by her feet. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Joel repeated. He took a deep breath, squeezing the coffee mug once more. He said your name, the syllables almost unfamiliar for how long it had been since he had said it. “She, well, I—… She got Infected, ‘bout six years ago.”

Ellie sucked in a harsh breath, sure she knew what had happened after that. It was a story she knew, all too well. Joel scratched at the hair on his cheek, grinding his teeth together. Remembering it all, remembering you was… hard. But it was also refreshing. As if showing the parts of you he’d held to his chest for so long was a weight, lifted from his shoulders.

He didn’t want to talk about that part, about the time he failed you, about what he’d done for you, but other things? He could talk about those.

Joel remembered the years he had spent with you, watching you grow, spending weeks of his life searching for gifts for every assumed birthday. He remembered teaching you how to read, gifting you books, helping you learn how to survive. He remembered the bond you’d shared with Tess, the time the two of them would spend doing your hair for you, with whatever supplies they could manage.

Telling Ellie about you was probably the most vulnerable Joel had ever been with her. It was certainly the most open he had been. It felt like, for the first time in a very long time, he had his heart stitched onto his sleeve.

There was so many memories of you, so many he’d kept to himself for years because Tess had never been able to talk about you, because he couldn’t bring himself to, either. He worried about memories he had forgotten, about how much of your face had faded into obscurity, about how inaccurately he recalled your laugh, your voice.

He thought that, perhaps, his very worst fear would be that if he let go of these memories, if he let other people look upon them alongside him, he’d forget. Joel wasn’t sure he could be open and hold on tight enough. What was too much? How much could he say before he forgot it all? How much would he remember if he didn’t analyse them in his mind? If he let Ellie listen to the moments he held most dear?

Joel didn’t want to forget.

But if he didn’t tell anybody, then who would remember you, after Joel was gone?

There was Tommy, he’d considered, but he knew Tommy’s memories were corrupted, taken over by Firefly nostalgia. No, despite Joel’s being older, his memories of you were certain to be more reliable.

“Here,” Joel said, eventually, his throat feeling tight with the effort of holding back tears. He pulled out a folded up print, one he had gotten out just that afternoon. It was crumpled and degraded with age, but the image remained true. “This is her.”

Ellie took the photo from his hands, the image being of you. It was taken when you were a kid, back when he’d first found you, back when FEDRA had been doing photographs, before all of the printing supplies ran out. It wasn’t a happy picture by any means, merely an image of you, stood in front of a white background with a scared look on your face, dirt smeared across your nose, but it was you. And to Joel, that was enough.

He much preferred to think of you that way, rather than your last moments. It was the only thing that allowed him to let go of that last picture of you, the one that haunted his mind.

When Tess had died, the only thing that gave Joel some peace was the belief that she would have reunited with you. That you wouldn’t be alone, anymore. Often times, in the events after your… well, after he lost you, Joel had considered following you down that path. He had prayed to the God he had once believed in, he had cried out for any divine interference to stop what had happened from being true. But no matter how much he prayed, how much he cried, you were gone.

You had given him a purpose, after Sarah. Joel doesn’t think he would’ve made it this far, if it hadn’t been for you. And it feels so… wrong. He thinks, now, that Ellie had provided him with a purpose, after you.

“So, you raised her in the apocalypse?” Ellie asked, looking down at the photograph fondly, running a thumb along the yellowing picture.

“That I did.”

“Lucky kid.” Ellie said, not nastily.

“I dunno, kiddo, I’ve not always been the best…” Joel trailed off, unsure if he could actually refer to himself as your dad, after everything. After what he had done. Or, rather, what he hadn’t. “We did our best, me and Tess. Hell, even Tommy pitched in.” Joel decided on, after a moment.

He remembered the times Tommy would agree to look after you, to babysit, if such a thing existed in the apocalypse. Usually, it was when he and Tess were going outside of the QZ for supplies, occasionally for the Fireflies, which was why Tommy was allowed time away from his war against FEDRA.

One such time, Joel recalled, he and Tess had returned back to the ransacked apartment they had been assigned to find you and Tommy curled up on the decaying couch, which had only one cushion, asleep. A blanket had been wrapped around your shoulders, and Tommy had your newest book held in his lap.

In that moment, Joel had so wished that he could’ve taken a picture. He remembered a picture of almost the same scene, of Tommy and Sarah on the couch in his old house, in front of a still-playing TV. He regretted not taking the photo albums when they left, back then. Even now, he often felt a pang of regret over how much of Sarah’s memory was reliant on his own.

“Tess raised her with you?” Ellie questioned, almost surprised, but she could remember the way Tess had acted almost… maternal. Not to mention her optimism, her hope, when there was a possibility of a cure. She wondered if that was because of what had happened to you.

Joel nodded, going on to tell the tale of Tess teaching you how to shoot, when you became old enough to handle a gun, when it became apparent that you would need to handle one. He remembered how you had missed all but one shot by your second lot of ammo. He remembered how frustrated you had been, how Tess had told you to suck it up and try again, with that good old no-nonsense attitude.

Ellie could almost imagine Tess saying that, could almost picture how annoying that must’ve been for you as a kid. It was almost amusing to try and picture Joel and Tess raising a child in the apocalypse, especially given how the two had been when she had met them, herself. She tried to imagine that Tess being a mother, but came up empty.

“Did she, y’know, call you dad, or whatever?” Ellie asked Joel, after a moment of hesitation. She wasn’t sure if that was inappropriate to ask, but she was curious. She couldn’t imagine calling Joel ‘dad’ to his face, even though he was the only father she had ever known.

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“Dad!” You yelled, jumping up from the couch and away from Tommy, successfully waking him up in the process. You stumbled your way to the door as Joel swung it open, already dropping his bag to the floor. He was used to the greeting party, but you didn’t often shout him, in fact — did you ever? And since when did you call him ‘dad’? “You’re home! Did you get it?” You asked, jumping into his awaiting arms.

Joel squeezed you tightly, feeling a mixture of guilty and relieved that he was glad to be back, to come home to the child he had yet to fail. He thought about where you could have learnt that word, that name from, and could only come up with the new books Tommy had been helping you with while he and Tess had been away.

“‘Course I got it,” Joel responded, his voice gruff but full of warmth and humour. “Who d’you take me for?” He asked, grinning at your laughter and the way you squirmed from his hold to get to the backpack he’d dropped beside his feet.

“What’re we reading next, then?” Tommy asked, drawing Joel’s attention over towards the sofa, where his younger brother was smiling fondly. You hurried over, attention easily drawn away, and showed Tommy the book you’d taken from Joel’s bag, the one he’d managed to scrounge on his journey outside with Tess.

Joel was quickly drawn from his memories of the journey by you calling out to him once more. “Dad, are you coming to read with us, or not?” You asked, exasperated, and Joel grinned as he came over, his heart aching in his chest at the name, at the nostalgia of the activity.

“You bet.”

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“She did.” Joel answered, after a moment of him being distracted, thinking of that very first time, thinking of the way he had fallen back into the title with such familiarity. He wondered if you would have been much like Sarah, had you been born before the apocalypse. Sometimes, he wondered that about Ellie. Often, he had to remind himself that you and Ellie weren’t his biological kids, and if it wasn’t for the apocalypse, he wouldn’t have had you.

He doesn’t like the way his chest aches at the thought of that. It might just be the only reason he’s grateful for the apocalypse that had ruined the world.

“She would’a liked you, y’know.” Joel said, almost absentmindedly, as if that comment didn’t make Ellie’s chest warm with appreciation, with pride. As if it didn’t make her wish that she could’ve met you, could’ve proved that comment correct.

“I think I would’ve liked her, too.” Ellie said, quietly, watching the way Joel reminisced, his eyes glazed over as he stared at the photo she still held. He smiled after a moment, and she was sure he was imagining what his life would’ve been like, had all of his kids met.

[penvisions]

return the favor {chapter 23}

Pairing: Post-Outbreak! Joel Miller X Smuggler! Reader

Summary: You can only hope to catch up with Joel and Ellie before it's too late, the warning words of your cousins on your mind as you encounter a group of people at the campus yourself. Your trio is reunited in the worst of circumstances, altering the very perception Ellie has of the world.

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: minor character death, canon typical violence, canon typical language, cursing, insult, sexual content, non con, allusions to non con sexual advances, mentions of nausea but no vomiting, fighting, blood, reader gets injured, ellie gets injured, joel gets injured, guns, gun violence, creepy david gets his own warning, religious imagery, allusions to cannibalism, end of the world politics, end of the world rhetoric, allusions to pedophilia and grooming (bc of david), please let me know if i missed any!

A/N: well hello there, this was unexpected but procrastinating packing has led me here and who am i to argue? i hope this isn't too heavy of a chapter, but it sets up the remainder of the fic and we will see the end of it within 5-7 chapters. i've missed this little trio and their dynamic, even if it seems like i've wronged them in this latest installment

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

You groaned out, your entire chest aching and sore. Sunlight too bright on your eyes and causing the throbbing in your head to amp up a notch. It felt like you had fallen or been thrown around. Entire body blooming with sensitive spots tender to pressure.

“Fuck.”

The ground was cold beneath you, hard and solid. Wind howled faintly but you had to be inside because you couldn’t feel it jostling your body. When you moved to push yourself up, your arms flexed against something tight around them. Blinking your eyes open, the only thing you could see was a barred fence and the brick wall behind it. There was a buzzing sound that seemed to consume the air around you, not helping the throbbing in your head.

You blinked a few times, coming back into your body and the buzzing sound suddenly shifted into a familiar voice.

“Bean, please wake up. You need to wake up, they’ll be back any minute.” It was Ellie, her voice a little raspy and her words far too fast to process as you shifted into a seated position. Your hands were bound around the wrists, rope tight and knotted around them. It wasn’t an official knot, but just a tangled mess of tied off twists that had been pulled on so much the fibers dug into your skin.

“What happened…?” Your head rolls on your shoulders, feeling out the kinks and knots in your muscles that would take years to work out. Fuck, you were getting old. But the clatter of something Ellie was doing had you up on your feet in a heartbeat, eyes wide and searching. She had been trying to use a bucket to get up into the window, to see out of it where it was high on the brick wall that backed up your separate cells. It had fallen with her weight on top of it, too much for how empty it was, the side of it dented in and she was standing beside it with a sheepish grimace.

“They attacked us, they hurt Joel. I-I-I tried to remember what you taught me about stitching but I couldn’t focus and they got cut one of our bags, the stuff you packed up fell out when I was trying to get us away.”

“Who…who attacked you?” You brought your tied hands up to your mouth and dug them into the rope, it tasted of dirt but you tried not to think of what else could be soaked into the fabric as you tore into it as best you could.

“Some guy named David, he found me when I was hunting. Joel needed something to eat, he’s not….Bean, he doesn’t look good.” You looked up through your hunched over position to see the shine of her eyes, the way she was trying to keep everything in check. But she was so young, kidnapped, stolen away from the one person who she had left in the world while you….while you had just gone off on your own.

Guilt flared and burned hot in your body, making you feel shameful and like you had caused all of this to happen. She seemed to sense it.

“They would’ve attacked either way, back at the school campus. They had been looking for people, they go there a lot, at least that’s what it seemed like.”

“You said you had to stitch him up, how bad was it? All I saw was a bat on broken in half.”

“You were there?”

“I was tracing your last known steps, I- I ran into my family and they told me they had been here but that it wasn’t…it wasn’t what it was promised to be. I’ll explain later. Ellie, tell me that they haven’t touched you, please.”

“No one’s…touched me, well they did when they tried to corner me and when they carried me here. But that David guy gives me the creeps.”

The way she was speaking, you weren’t sure she was understanding what you were saying. Which was both comforting that it was such an unfathomable thought in her mind, no real weight to the phrase of the words. But it was also damning in the way she really had no idea what you were talking about, her innocence and gullibility on the matter something you thought telling of her age and life thus far. But she had to know, she needed to be aware of the way people would take everything from one another, even if it would be a hard conversation to have, a hard pane of glass to shatter in her perception of the world she was now in the midst of outside the QZ walls.

“Don’t let him get you alone, you hear me? Do not let him touch you. He is a bad, terrible man. He’s a fucking-“

Ellie said your real name, the one printed neatly on your old license she had been so fascinated with.

“I think Joel is dying. I…I tried to trade with David, for some medicine, but when his guy came back with it they cornered me and said they were looking for the man who killed someone from their group back on the campus, that he had been traveling with a girl. They knew it was me, that it was us. He’s…Joel… he’s- he won’t wake up. I tried to do it how your showed me and I didn’t know where to put the medicine but I tried, he…he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“You’re okay, Ellie, I promise. You did,” You walk up to the fence separating you from each other, sticking your fingers through the gaps to get her to grasp as your hands. You were thankful she wasn’t tied up as you were but it also made your heart weary because it meant that this David was still trying to keep her guard down. “Everything you could. That medicine, even if it was put in the wrong spot, is what saved his life, he’s not waking up because it’s strong, it was penicillin, yeah?”

“Y-yeah. I think that’s what they called it.”

“That’s perfect, Ellie. That’s exactly what he needed. It’s a strong one, it’s in his system and he’s going to be okay. You stitched him up, you can lord that over him if you want once he’s better. Everything is going…everything it going to be okay.”

You could tell she wasn’t completely believing of your words but she was taking them, her furrowed brow relaxed just a bit and her fingers tangled with your own. She rested her forehead, swollen with a gash across the left side against the fence and you mimicked her.

“I was so scared.” She admitted on a quiet breath.

“I know, baby, but it’s okay. You did it, you got through the scary moment. Now all that’s left is to get out of here and back to Joel. He’s hidden somewhere, yeah? You made sure he was safe and inside somewhere?”

“Yeah, yes, he’s,” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know how far it is, but he’s in a house, I dragged him to the basement and made sure he had all the sleeping bags and blankets on him, he…he looked so helpless. Bean, he looked-“

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. I promise you, it’s all gonna be okay. He’s strong, he can-“

“He’s so stupid! You both are! None of this would have happened if you two hadn’t fought and just- we would’ve been together and those guys wouldn’t have gotten us if you two had fought them off!”

“I know, baby, I’m sorry. We- we didn’t, we…needed some space. Joel, he-“

“He’s a fucking baby! He’s…he’s dying and he…he won’t even get to see you one last time.”

“Hey!” You couldn’t help the sharp tone nor the volume of your shout. “Ellie, you look at me and you listen.”

She does, her eyes wide and shining as she takes in the sight of you tied up and confined just like she is.

The situation is anything but ideal, it’s heartbreaking and too heavy on your shoulders. But at least you were with her now, she had help now. She wasn’t alone.

“Joel is not going to die. You got him the medicine he needed. It takes time. You and I are going to get out of this situation, we will. And then we will find him. We are going to be okay, it was a lesson that needed to be learned and it will stick. You need to understand that things happen for a reason. This is one of those times and no one is at fault.”

She nods, once and then again before she’s moving about her enclosure and explaining to you the ways she’s tried to find weaknesses in it. No screws were loose, no bars were rusted or weak. The window was too high, the fence too strong. You’re watching her as you tear at the rope once again with your teeth, the sound of it tearing quiet and rattling through you each time a thread snapped.

Ellie’s body is suddenly flying to the chain link barrier that separates you, her breathing harsh.

“Ear.”

“Ear?”

“On the floor, by the drain.”

“What- oh.” You feel your stomach lurch when you spot it, the cut off cartilage laying beside a drain surrounded by thick drops of dried blood.

“They-“

“They’re monsters.”

The door was opening before you could say anything else. The evidence of how these people lived, of how David provided for his people telling you how depraved and desperate they were. How he chose to feed his people when there was ample woods and forest to hunt in just beyond the cluster of buildings they reside in, the houses only a short trek nearby they could scavenge in.

He wasn’t what you pictured, but he was exuding predatory energy as he approached the chain link fencing of the enclosure. Rather thin and with waning fair hair, he knelt down to slide a tray adorned with a bowl of something far too bright red, a spoon, and a mug of water. You sincerely hope Ellie hadn’t taken anything offered to her, not putting it past the man to drug her. But she remains as close to you as she can get, hand reaching for yours through the fence.

“I don’t have enough for you both. But I assume you wouldn’t care for anything I offered.” David aims at you, eyes trained on the way Ellie is clinging to you as best she can. How she’s still as a statue and her own eyes are trained on the food given to her.

You don’t say anything, unsure of what you would even if your voice came back to you. The rope still wrapped but no longer knotted around your wrists allows you to feel powerful if only a little.

Ellie looks from the food finally, toward the ear and David follows her gaze as he remains kneeled on the ground. He seems almost remorseful at the discovery you two had made in his absence and you wonder if his people knew the truth about the food they were consuming. A part of you hoped they had no clue, even if it meant David felt no fear or shame about manipulating those who willingly followed him to the very edge of humanity.

“For what it’s worth, this is just deer meat. I swear.” He tries to hide his monstrosity, to no avail. You wouldn’t believe him even if you didn’t know him, even if you were starving.

“You’re going to chop me up into little pieces. Both of us.”

“I’d rather not,” He keeps her gaze, not even bothering to acknowledge your presence in the face of Ellie’s fear. He’s feeding off it, reveling in the way she’s speaking willingly for what you believe the first time since he turned on her in the woods and she ran from him. “Please, just tell me your name.”

“If you wanna judge me-“

“Judge you?” She’s shouting, her voice harsh as she lets go of your hand and storms up to the door of her enclosure, far too close to the man for your comfort. But she kicks at the tray, sending it flying across the floor and knocking into the large butchers block atop a storage table cemented into the ground, the too red meat splashes color onto the dull tile. “You’re eating people, you sick fuck!”

David is surging up, though every move he’s making is calculated. He doesn’t look shocked or surprised, not taken aback by the words or actions of Ellie as she turns her back on him and corners herself as far away from the door as possible.

“Yes. There are only a few of us that know.” “But I would’ve told you.”

He’s watching you now, just past her. Calculating as he takes in the way your body is practically shaking as instincts warn you to get as far away from this man and this place as possible.

“I would’ve told you and your mother. Sooner or later. I guess sooner, to help tide you into our group.”

“You’re an animal.”

“Well, yes, we all are. That’s sorta the point.” David agrees, not wanting to dispute her, trying to earn her favor by being frank.

“It was a last resort. You think it doesn’t shame me? But what was I supposed to do?”

“I would not let these people starve. These people who put their lives in my hands, who e-expect me to keep them safe, who love me?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Ellie replies quickly, her emotions beginning to get the better of her. But you meet the man’s gaze and sneer opening at him.

“There are woods just beyond here, houses and neighborhoods to scavenge. You have men, could they not provide in a better way? No, I suppose not, because you’re weak. Helpless in the face of the world, of the way things are. You’d rather tear people down and prey on them instead of think critically, you’re nothing but a weak leader, guiding your people to their death.”

“Starvation would’ve only set in sooner if I were to concentrate efforts on such fruitless endeavors. I don’t think you believe it would’ve been better. I don’t think your friend would either.” He’s moving, mirroring Ellie’s pacing as he looks down at the food she’s wasted. “Didn’t he take another man’s life to save yours?”

“He was defending himself.”

“He was defending you.” He meets her steps as she stops, standing right in front of her with nothing but the bars and air separating them, and you feel every muscle in your body tense. “But you knew that.”

“You see a lot. So do I. And you know what I see when I look at you? Me.” His smile is small but he truly believes the words he’s spouting, the intent behind them clear. He means to take her under his wing, to mold her into a reflection of himself. Manipulate her into an image of his likeness. “You remind me of me. You’re a natural leader, you’re smart…loyal.”

“Violent.” He concludes, seeing the was she’s trembling with emotion.  

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“But I do. If I let you out of that cage right now, put that knife of yours in your hand, you’d stick me in a second. And you wouldn’t look to the woman behind you, you would do it without a thought. You have a violent heart. And I should know.” He stalks closer, his steps quiet and measured. “I’ve always had a violent heart. And I struggled with it for a long time.”

Your blood runs cold, the words flowing from the man chilling your very soul. He was depraved, he was sick as he tried to appeal to Ellie, to connect with her. His words revealing in more ways than he realized, than Ellie was able to read. You were sure she had no clue what he was doing, not exactly. Not aware of the way he was seeking her out and it made your heart ache even more so as you watched it happen in real time, the dance he orchestrates to get those he’s interested in to see him, to hear him. To fall in line and dance with him.

“But then the world ended and I was shown the truth.”

“Right…by God.” Ellie dubiously connects the dots of the man’s speech. But he’s not making much sense to her, you can tell. The message is loud and clear to you. He’s been inspired, taken the world as it fell and turned it into his own playground of sorts. You’ve encountered men like him before, set to play God and manipulate the conditions around them to their favor. The shepherd to lead sheep blindly as they need something to cling to. Something to believe in. But he’s a false prophet, one that is selfish and wasteful, no skills of his own to fall on so he uses those around him to his advantage, to propel himself into the next day, time and time again.

“No. By cordyceps.” He sounds reverent, praising and preaching the very thing that eradicated humanity in droves. Sounding so much like those that used to deliver sermons and dictate what sins the people before him had committed, promising them salvation when he was the one to damn them in the first place with perceived power he did not truly possess. “What does cordyceps do? Is it evil? No. It’s fruitful. It multiplies. It feeds and protects its children, and it secures its future with violence, if it must. It loves.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because you can handle it. The way the others can’t.” He stalks even closer. More measured steps, as calculated at his words. “They need God. They need heaven. They need…they need a father. You don’t.”

The room is silent, his focus not leaving her even as you shift on your aching feet.

“You don’t. You’re beyond that.” He repeats, appealing to her. Admonishing her with praise and tenacity for being ‘better’ than those he believes he needs to look out for and is responsible for. “I’m a shepherd surrounded by sheep, and all I want…is an equal. A friend.”

“What about my friend?” Ellie demands, Joel on her mind as the man in front of her displays the complete opposite of everything he stands for. It makes her wish for him to be here, to be better, to beat the threat into submission as it closes in on her. But he’s not here, it’s just her and him. You are too trapped to help in your own cell.

“Like I said, loyal. I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They’ll spare him.”

“Really? They’ll just let him go?” She’s matching his steps now and your stomach plummets.

“Yes. If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. The woman behind you too, should she leave peacefully as well. They do what I tell them to do. They follow me.”

“And they would follow us. Lord knows I could use the help. I- Look what’s happened.” He reaches out and places a hand on the bars of the door, causing you to step forward as far as you can into the fence that separates you from Ellie. The target the man has set his sights on. “Think of what we could do together, as strong as we are. We’d make this place perfect. We’d grow, spread out. And we’d do whatever we needed for our people.”

Ellie’s reaching to touch a hand of her own to his and you feel something in you snap, you didn’t know what she was thinking, what she was doing and it was heartbreaking to see her move toward the man manipulating her. Playing her, dancing so eloquently around her and ensnaring her in his orbit. If only she would fucking look back at you over her shoulder. His hand moves to rest over hers and you feel the cold touch of his fingers as if he had touched you instead of her. The chilling skin of someone who had done this before, who was doing it again. Heeding the example of the very thing that had ruined the world as if it was something to admire. “Imagine the life we could give them. Imagine the life we could build.”

“Oh.” Her voice is so small, so quiet. And you feel acid bubble and rise to your throat as she brings her other hand to rest over his, cradling his hand almost.

And then her shoulders tense and she’s snapping his fingers, the loud cracking of bone filling the air as the man wails out, crumbles at the assault.

Ellie makes a grab for the keys hanging from his belt, but he snatches the front of her sweater and pulls her harshly into the bars. Her head collides with one and she’s reeling back before he has the chance to tighten his grip on her again, tearing out of it.

“You little cunt.” He swears, cradling his wounded hand tight to his chest. Anger colors him, shakes him to his core as he realizes the task he set for himself won’t be as easy as he anticipated. “Let’s see what I go tell the others now.”

“Ellie.”

“What?” Turning, he seems taken aback by the quiet admittance from the young girl. As if he isn’t quite sure he heard her correctly or he could believe that she chose now of all times to answer his questions.

“Tell them that Ellie is the little girl- who broke your fucking finger!” She shouts so loudly that she shakes with it, the words nearly growled out.

“How did you put it? Hmm? ‘Tiny little pieces’?” He taunts, though you can see the fear shift into a twisted sense of admiration. Frustration at being bested turning into confidence in her skills and the desire to best her glimmering in his eye before he turns away completely.

As soon as the door slams behind him and the lock clicks, she’s rushing across her enclosed space and reaching for you. She’s hiccupping and coughing as blood drips down her nose and busted lip, smearing it all over your own sweater as you try to hold her to you as best you could through the divide.

The door opens once again, some time later but it’s not David that enters. It’s two men with a third behind them. The lock of your cell clicks loudly as they open in and step inside, two of them while the third remains by the door.

The two men who were approaching you with a needle had you standing so fast your knees cracked. In her own cage, Ellie flew up to stand from her own crouch as close as she could get to you. She watched as you stood as straight at you could, to make yourself look as tall as possible and she mirrored it. The two men worked together to lock the slim opening behind them, keys going into a front pocket. There was rope in one of their hands, the other with the needle.

“We got you cornered, don’t know why David was insistent on locking you up, you’re no bigger than the girl. Look about as frail as her too.”

“Pretty little thing, aren’t ya? Wouldn’t mind giving you the promise of safety here if it meant-“

“Enough, do not taunt her. She’s liable to be just as violent as the man.”

David appeared in the doorway of the space, watching with a newly bandaged hand. You couldn’t help the feeling of pride that swelled in your middle at that. Ellie had done good, even if it had been hard to watch. Hard to watch and hear as he propositioned her. You had been in too much pain to do much about it, but it had allowed you to see what he was truly wanting with the young girl you considered family. The same he had wanted from your younger cousin. He was a sick, twisted man. Vile in the worst way one could be.

“You think I’m trapped in here with you?” You clicked your tongue at them, bringing your arms up to fend them off should they take one step closer to you, revealing that you had gotten out of your bindings. Your smile was wicked as you stared at them both, daring them to close the gap. “You’re trapped in here with me.”

You tried to focus on the man helping David drag the young girl from her own cage and the two coming at you, but it was all chaos. Loud, screaming, threatening and chilling chaos. They lunged at you, throwing the blanket they had in their grip over you and then you found yourself being hauled up by your thrashing hands and feet, each man holding tight to your body as they carried you out of the room.

As you’re being carried out, you hear another man and David’s voice speaking. Ellie is furious, her rage and desperation coming into play as you disappear and she’s left along with the man whose set his intentions on her. You try to scream, to tell her to run, to hurt, to kill and David’s laugh is the last thing you hear before gravity shifts and you’re in a new room separate from them.

There was a table, and a few chairs, that much was all you knew as your back was slammed onto a hard surface. The feeling of your pants being tugged at striking a primal fear deep inside your chest. It’s useless, your hands are bound once again between two larger ones, and the blanket over your form prohibits you from fighting back as well as you want to. The knife that you feel cutting at the fabric of your jeans tearing into your skin around your thighs and you try to scream and snarl as you rock yourself back and forth between the two men. You manage to kick the one with the knife at the end of the table and you head him land hard on the ground, the blade clattering to the floor.

Surging up, you spin and kick at the other man, tearing the blanket from over your head and diving off the table to grab at the fallen weapon. It’s your machete and you smile, tasting blood from the scuffle as you take in the small room you had been dragged to. The man you kicked had fallen harshly enough to open the back of his head and he lay motionless on the ground, a chair thrown from his body careening through the air.

The second man is reaching for you, grabbing at your hair and pulling you to him. The needle that had been in his grip in the other room plunges into your arm and a scream bubbles up. The blade in your hand is cutting you lose, thick strands of your hair flying up into the air as you fall to the ground from the force of being freed. He’s hissing, the blade having caught along his fingers. You try to get back up on your feet just in time to see him reaching for something hidden in the waistband of his pants

You’re lunging at him with the blade gripped tight in your hand. His stomach bleeds where you cut him and he moves his hands over the seeping wound with a strangled sound of protest. Its deep, his widened eyes meeting yours just before he collapses.

Rushing, you stormed into the room you had been taken from to see Ellie grabbing hold of a knife and slashing the man who had taken a step back from where she was laid out on a table much like you had been. Thankfully all of her clothes were in place and she seemed relatively unharmed. Blood sprayed into the air and David seemed to be shocked by her violence, stunned into silence for a moment long enough to allow the young girl to scramble off the butcher’s block and through the door.

David doesn’t even glance at you as he chases after her, the door locking behind him as your body slams into it. He smiles something vile and sickly sweet before he’s off after her, disappearing from view.

A few moments later, the smell of smoke and fire waft down the hall. Your efforts intensify, the need to find Ellie consuming you. Your mind focused on her and only her even as the skin of your thighs sting and bleed. The hair that had fallen loose tangles and swings with your efforts to break the door down, the wood of it getting too hot to slam your fists into or jostle the doorknob. Huffing a breath, you look around the room but there’s nothing to use to knock it loose.

As carefully as you can, you grip the top of the handle of the machete and slam the butt of it down on the doorknob. Once and then again, the splintering of wood loud even as the crackling of flames becomes obvious as the door pops open. It’s all smoke and darkness as you shuffle through the room in the crouch. The sound of flames licking at the support beams of thick wood loud, the taste and smell of smoke tickling your lungs when you finally see a figure downed on the ground.

Heart beating harshly, you approach it with your weapon held in front, but it’s not Ellie needing to be saved. It’s David. And he’s dead. His face bloody and broke, his body limp and immobile.

Ellie is no where to be seen and the room’s heat tries to take you for a second victim.

You collided with something hard and solid as you tear out of the building, the force of it knocking you down to the ground. The impact of your body sending snow flying up, blood smearing the ground in a bright display. You shouted as you fell, terror being the only thing that could be heard in your wordless exclamation. You spun from your side quickly, neck hurting from moving so fast, only to see two more men around you, just as shocked where they had been knocked down at the impact. They didn’t have any weapons but that didn’t matter. Everyone and anyone in this whole god damn place was a threat.

A stab of worry has you gasping for air as you quickly righted yourself, hoping Ellie had gotten out of here without running into anyone else. You had no idea what had happened between the time she had escaped and you had managed to do the same. The building you had burst from was crackling behind you, flames rising high despite the freezing temperatures. But the mangled body of David was the only clue as to what had happened. You spotted a third figure approaching in the distance, though it was moving fairly slowly toward you.

With a loud shriek you lunged at the man still on the ground, the other struggling to right himself where he had fallen over his own feet. The machete in your grip came to catch the man before you across his front, his shouts and pleas falling on deaf ears as you could feel your whole-body struggle against the drugs still pumping through your veins, your mind focused on one thing: survival. The squelching sound of you cutting into his throat had the other man struggling to get on his feet stumble in shock at the brutality.

“What the fuck!” His shout was loud, his eyes wide as he watched you murder his companion. All they had done was come out see what the roaring of the fire had been, you had flown from the building as they talked over what could’ve happened.

You round on him, eyes wild as he just shouted at you, trying to get away from you as quickly as he could. The snow was falling so heavily, the denseness of it already built up on the ground tripping him up on his injured ankles. He turned back to look at you over his shoulder, freezing as he saw the figure closing in behind you. You turn slightly as well to see how much distance there was between you and both men. You sprinted forward toward the one trying to get away, him being the closer of the two. He shouts as he throws his entire body to run into you, knocking over your smaller frame, hands scrabbling for the blade in your hands. It was knocked away as your back hit the ground, the man falling over you. He righted himself, legs on either side of you and your mind went white in rage.

“Not again!” You shriek, bringing your knees up to knock into him, kicking with all your might. Your hands grappling for a grip on his arms, you managed to land a few hits and used his moment of stillness to push up. You slammed his back on the ground hard as you flipped over, the pain immobilizing him just enough for you to do so. You realized you were screaming as your clenched fists landed hit after hit to his face, his neck, his chest. Blood was flying off your knuckles to splatter in the snow, on your face, your hands covered in the thick red liquid. You were sure it was just another layer to the grime and dried blood that had already covered your entire body and form. When the man went still below you, you crawled to where the machete had fallen in the scuffle. You brought it up to cover your front as you turned on your back, the figure too close for you to risk scrambling back up. Your chest heaving, your clothes were ripped, you were covered in blood and your eyes were wild as they connected with a pair of brown ones above you.

The figure pauses, hands coming up in front of them, but you weren’t taking anymore chances. The figure didn’t make another move toward you, but you weren’t seeing anything other than a threat. Your mind blurring the figure in front of you into every man that had every tried to touch you, into every man that had. You got your feet up under you and pushed yourself to stand, machete coming up and swiping as you try to put more distance between you and the tall figure. They hiss as the sharp edge of the blade catches one of their raised forearms.

“You’re not gonna fuckin’ touch me!” You holler, voice hoarse and so unlike your own. It’s tone low, it was terrifying, it was a touch desperate, and it was exactly how you were afraid of being heard. But it was harsh, tone hard and serious. You couldn’t stop the words from tearing through your throat, nearly growled out. “Your fuckin’ friends are dead and I’ll kill you too!”

You sway on your feet, the drugs in your system still fighting to overpower you. Your hair wild and loose, the choppy strands evidence of where you had cut it to try and free yourself earlier. The move had only saved you minutes of agony, years of growth erased in one swift motion. Your shoulders ached as you kept the blade up between you and the figure. They hadn’t moved, hands still held up in front of them and that’s when you realized they were talking to you. That you were still making guttural sounds deep in your raw throat. Warnings aimed at them to not get closer to you, that you would kill them just as swiftly as you had the others who opposed your escape. The hesitant voice cutting through the haze of your mind. Your eyes focused, the figure coming into view. It was Joel. But it had registered a second too late, you had already lunged at them, blade swinging.

He grunts as the blade makes contact with his shoulder. You had tried to stop the momentum, but you had swung so hard that between him not moving to save himself and you realizing it was him too late, the blade still cut into him. It wasn’t deadly, as it would’ve been, but it wasn’t a shallow hit either. He’s missing his jacket, the remaining layers of his clothes took most of the damage, but he would need stitches. The blade is still gripped tight in your hands, but it was lowered now, shaking. He looks from the new wound to you, his hands wanting to grasp at it but not doing so out of fear of triggering another swing. His eyes are pleading, he’s desperate for you to see that it’s him, not someone who was trying to harm you

“It’s me, it’s Joel.” He didn’t dare say you were okay. He knows you aren’t. He knows Ellie wasn’t from the way she had been screaming much the same way when he had found her. Her fear had been heartbreaking, it had hurt beyond words to see her, to hear the sheer terror in her voice as she had hit and fought against him before she realized who he was. Yours was shattering, you were covered in more blood, and from the looks of it a lot of it was yours. Not the way he envisioned seeing you again after going about your separate ways. His eyes lingered on the rips in your pants, blood coating your thighs underneath.

“J-Joel?” You repeated, as if it was a foreign name, as if he wasn’t real. He hadn’t been, during the entire ordeal. Ellie telling you what had happened, the way she had tried to help him, you had compartmentalized his death already. Knowing the odds of fighting off a wound like that, dirty stitches made with a rusted needle, infection quick to set in even in far better circumstances. It had been logical, the only outcome for such a medical condition in this time with no aid, no sterile environment.

You were still heaving, trying to regain your breath, the drugs in your system making it hard to do so. You swayed again but didn’t release your tight grip on your weapon, on your salvation. You startled so badly you swung out as the building on fire lost part of its roof to a cave in. Joel stepped back quickly at the motion, not wanting another harsh cut. That machete was dangerous on its own, but in your hands, it was an extension of yourself, lethal, not to be taken lightly.

“Joel?” Your voice sounded clearer, the height of your emotions calming slightly. You shook your head, not believing it, your emotions and the drugs blurring your vision of the only man you trusted.

“It’s me, I promise.” He dared to step toward you, reaching out to you slowly. You seemed to be frozen, eyes fixated on him. He was squarely in front of you now, his hands coming out to grasp over yours on the handle of the machete. He gently pried it from you, you still beneath him. The second it was out of your hands, he moved to place it in his bag, sealing it away. When he turned back to face you, you threw yourself at him, burying your face in his chest. He could feel your body convulse with harsh sobs, the sounds of you trying to suck in oxygen hiccupped by shuddering cries. Your fingers were digging into his arms so tightly that it hurt but he didn’t dare say anything, he just slowly brought his arms around your back.

“We need to move before the rest of the town comes out.” He spoke lowly, not wanting to spook you into throwing punches. He had seen you pummel that man’s face to nothing, and it scared him you could do the same to him in a blind panic. You just nodded, not moving, body shivering against him as he tried to console you. He didn’t think he would ever be able to, not with this, not with what his brain was telling him had happened here in this nightmare of a town. He tried to take a step, but you didn’t budge, hands tightening on him. “Darlin’, we gotta move.”

“I can’t f-feel my legs. They drugged me and I think it’s kicking in.” You looked up at him, eyes shiny with tears. You looked so defeated and he was scared you were going to look like that for the rest of your life. He couldn’t see any part of the woman you were before this in your face, in your eyes. He hadn’t seen any of who Ellie had been before either and his heart hurt in his chest. He pulled away from you and moved to scoop you up bridal style, but you weakly pushed at him. “No, you’re gonna hurt yourself, p-pull your stitches.”

You shift on your feet, leaning heavily into his left side.

“I got Ellie safe in the brush, I didn’t want to leave her, but she said they still had you locked up.” He didn’t dare say locked up in a cage, the feeling of those words settling heavily in him. They had locked you and Ellie up like animals, like things to be used at their convenience. The fire spread to the surrounding buildings, the freezing air offering no relief for the town. “She told me to save you, that they-“

“They’re dead.” The parody of a conversation from long ago in the darkness of a small forest clearing not lost on either of you.

“I know, darlin’. But we gotta go. Now.” He watches as splotches of color began to pepper the snow, people emerging from the buildings. People he didn’t have the energy to kill now that he had you in his arms and Ellie was waiting for them to retrieve her. As you hastily distanced yourself from the burning town, you felt Joel lean into you as much as you were leaning into him. Two broken and beaten people trying to offer whatever solace as you retrieved Ellie. She was smothered between you both, shielding her from the world as you moved further, further, further away. The snow was blinding as it whipped around your little trio but you didn’t look back. None of you did.

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[drugsorgasmsandcheese]

i’m not going anywhere | j. miller

joel miller x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of joel’s suicide attempt, mental health problems, reader & joel being purely in love and devoted to each other i love it 💯, age gap (reader in 20’s, joel in 50’s), violence, murder, death, angst, reader being ellie’s mother figure YES MA’AM, flashbacks in italics, reader has a past with david, no word count cause i forgot 😔

i bet your shoulders can hold more than

just the straps of that tiny dress

that i’ll help you slide aside

when we get home

joel watches you from across the room, talking to some of the other women in jackson. he sees you laughing, the sight of your smile putting him at ease, knowing that you were at least comfortable.

it’s been a few months since the three of you arrived in jackson: yourself, joel and ellie. ellie was the first one to settle in, happy to be somewhere that wasn’t the QZ or the outside world, and you were soon to follow after her. all you ever wanted was a peaceful place to live, and jackson was the closest thing to it. and joel, he was the last, but only because he couldn’t settle until both you and ellie had.

the dress you wore was white and short, it hugged your chest tightly and pushed your breasts up like a corset would. joel didn’t know where you found that dress, but he’s glad you did. all he’s been thinking about is taking you home, slipping that dress off your body and worshipping you like a theist to their god.

he walks over, places his hand on your waist in a gentle grip and forcefully smiles at the rest of the women. “excuse me, ladies, need some time with my girl.” joel watches as the women nod enthusiastically, he doesn’t know if it’s because they like how he treats you or just like him. he doesn’t know because he can’t read other women, he’s only ever spent his time learning you.

“hi, honey.” you smile brightly at him, looking into his eyes with such care that joel feels himself melting under your gaze.

“missed ‘ya, darlin.” he tells you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, causing you to giggle.

“was only across the room. could’ve joined in the conversation.” he hums, continuing to press a series of kisses across your face. “joel!” you squeal playfully.

“wouldn’t be able to focus when i got you by my side, darlin.” his southern twang hits in the pet name. “‘specially when you wear that dress. ‘s sin, baby, look at ‘cha .” he runs his hands up and down your hips, drawing you in closer to his chest. you smile at him, hands hooking together round the back of his neck. “feel so damn good against me, sugar.”

you giggle. “then do something about it, tex.” joel stares at you, hunger flashing through his brown eyes as he drunkenly takes you in. he’s drunk off you, the idea of you, the thought of you. he’s wrapped around your finger, and if he has it his way, you’ll be wrapped up in the sheets together in no time.

i’ve seen em carry family

and the steel drum weight of me

effortless just like that dress

that i’ll help off

that day was the worst. joel being injured meant you and ellie were left to your own. she trusted you, she always did, you had always cared for her. before marlene, before joel; there was you. you taught her the tricks with her knife, you taught her how to tackle, to fight, the same way your uncle taught you when the outbreak began.

two innocent, vulnerable women seen by themselves in the wilderness would’ve caught anyone’s attention. especially ellie, a young girl who seemingly looks alone and lost. you knew you should’ve fought harder to have her stay with joel whilst you collect supplies. it wasn’t her fault you both got caught in that position, you should’ve warned her.

but it was too late.

you were both locked up in delegate cages across the room from one another. david torments you by talking to ellie. he doesn’t know that you’re not the same scared little girl you were way back when your uncle was still alive, but he will know soon. when his time has come.

he seems giddy as he walks over to her, child-like charm in his step, maybe from all the years he’d snatched it away from other children did he take it for himself. you didn’t understand that before, but you do now. you understand perfectly. you know who he is, what he does, you watched and experienced it for an entire three days.

but, for whatever reason, you’re back in his trap, ellie by your side. making every killer instinct in your body heighten.

you looked over to her. she was sat down whilst you were stood up. she’s looking at you in what you know is fear, and for a second, her face blurs and you’re staring into the eyes of your fourteen year old self. you’re snapped out of it by david telling her to look at him, not you. his hand reaches behind the bars of her cell. that’s when you snap.

“move the fuck away, david.” you hiss, body pressed up against the bars of your cell. he looks at you, smirks, before turning back round to face ellie. you know you’re letting him win by reacting to his psychological torture, this warfare he seems to have mastered countless times, but he doesn’t know who you are now, what you’re capable of. so you showed him.

ellie stood watching as you stabbed him with his own machete. you didn’t notice she was still with you, but ideally, you should’ve known better. you should’ve known she doesn’t go anywhere without you.

you’re crying out, over and over again as you face the brute that is reality as it strikes you in the face, harder than the machete does to david. ellie almost faced the same fate you did, she’s seen too much, she’s been through too much, she’s only a kid. you could’ve done better to protect her. you could’ve-

hands cupping your face stop your train of thoughts and your actions. joel is knelt down next to you, looking at you with such sincerity and love that you can’t even process that his injury is healed and that he’s here. his hands feel so soft, so tender. they are calloused and rough from years of hard labour but the way he holds you suggests differently, like he’s spent a lifetime waiting to hold you.

“baby, look at me.” his texan accent heightened. “sweet girl,” his pointer finger gently taps your cheek “look at me. i got you. ‘s just us, baby, ‘s just us.” you feel ellie by your side again, and you unconsciously lift your arm for her to tuck herself into your side as joel welcomes you both into his waiting arms.

“‘s just us.”

—

you had come back to the house after being out in the school the entire day. you had never considered yourself as someone who liked kids, too sticky and messy for you. ellie was the only exception, and she had been with you since you were a teenager.

maria was opting to give you the job at the school per your request. you wanted something easy, something that didn’t require you to look over your damn shoulder every waking second. you wanted to settle, to rest, to find peace, and you finally had the opportunity to do so in jackson.

when you got to the house that joel, ellie, and yourself were staying at, you didn’t expect to hear shouting. you ran up the stairs, just in time to see joel leave ellie’s room. you glare at him, hitting his shoulder with your own as he walks past. you make your way over to ellie, but you can tell by the way she doesn’t look your way that she wants to be by herself. you whisper to her, before leaving and walking into joel’s room.

“what the fuck was that?” the venomous tone in your voice causes his gaze to snap towards you. “the fuck did you say to her.”

“calm down-”

“calm down? calm down?! you tell me what you said to her right now, joel.” you move towards him, finger pushing into his chest. he sighs, gently moving your hand away.

“started talking to me about loss. she doesn’t know what loss is.” he says with such certainty, like he’s confident in his words and that makes the urge to hit him heighten. joel shakes his head. “ain’t her damn father, either.”

“think about what you’ve just said.”

“darlin-”

“dont darlin’ me! ellie watched her best friend turn into a fucking infected and couldn’t do anything until i showed up! you know how much she begged me not to kill riley?” your eyes tear up. “she begged, pleaded with me, joel. i couldn’t risk it. i couldn’t risk riley hurting her. i couldn’t live with that.” your breathing is erratic. “then tess, then sam and…and you pushing her away isn’t helping.”

you’re angry, you’re in his face practically hissing at him. “we’ve all lost something, joel. she lost her childhood, her best friend. the only people she has right now are me and you, and if you’re not willing to be there, then fucking go! ‘cause i’m staying, with or without you i’m staying with her.” a tear slides down your cheek, and you’re quick to wipe it away.

“you may not be her father, but the way you act with her says otherwise, ‘nd i’m not giving that girl another person to lose. so either stay, or don’t bother. but if you choose the latter…don’t come near us again.”

—

“don’t tempt me, darlin’.” joel smirks, lips lightly grazing your cheek as they make their way back down to your lips. he pecks them one, two, three times before you’re pulling him in for a passionate and heartfelt kiss.

“not doing anything.” you laugh into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck, fingers twirling into the bottom of his curled hair and he elicits a hushed groan. “just showing my man some love, that so bad, tex?”

he pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours. “say your goodbyes, baby, ‘m taking you home.” joel lightly kisses your forehead. “ellie’s staying with dina tonight, means you’re all mine.” he smirks, kissing your forehead again.

“oh really?” you grin, now holding his hand in yours. his smirk widens, and it tells you that he’s not joking. that you have ten seconds to wander off to say your goodbyes or else he’s carrying you over his shoulder out of here. “i’ll be back.”

he watched you walk over to the women, giving them all a gentle hug as you wave your goodbyes. telling them that you best get home before ellie starts to grow concerned. when you’re finished, you walk back over to joel, who wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you into him as you walk away.

because i’ve seen you

and i know you

and i’m not going anywhere

“i’m scared.” he says. you look up at him, arms folded over your chest. it’s not long after your earlier confrontation about what he said to ellie. you’re both sat across from each other, him sat at the dining room table and you on the sofa.

“about what?” you ask.

“she…i can’t protect her. not like you can. i’m old an…and i’m tired, darlin’. i ain’t made for this, can’t look after myself, let alone a teenage girl and yourself.” he doesn’t look at you whilst he speaks. it’s like he can’t say it to your face, saying it to your face means the truth in his admission and he’s not ready to look into your alluring eyes and face the reality of his feelings.

“you’ve taken care of us pretty damn well, joel.” you sit up, arms no longer folded but bent and resting on your knees.

“but i won’t for much longer. i’m so much older than you, sweetheart, i’m fuckin’ deaf in one ear and i ain’t as sharp as i used to be. ellie needs someone to protect her, ‘s why she’s got you.”

“she has you too.”

“i can’t help her, can’t be the man you need, either.” he takes a deep breath in, and your eyes catch the way his hands slightly tremble. he’s never been like this with anyone, so vulnerable, so open. him and tess seemed to have their own dynamic. business partners, friends, lovers, whatever the fuck it was, but you can tell by the lack of eye contact and body language that he never opened up to her like he’s doing with you right now.

“when…when the dogs were there, smelling her. i knew they smelt something on her, but i didn’t do anything. all i could do was stand there and panic.”

“you couldn’t do anything. any movements we made would’ve made everyone suspicious.” you state.

“couldn’t even protect my own daughter and-” he shakes, you can see the tears in his eyes and he’s not even looking at you. “i failed her, and ‘m gonna fail you both now.”

you stand up immediately, walking over to his chair until you’re stood between his legs. your hands find their place on either side of his face, thumbs stroking his cheeks and brushing away his tears, forcing him to look up at you. you hesitate, but your thumb gently traces the scar on his temple, and you hear him take a sharp breath in at the simple, yet doting touch of the place that marks the darkest time of his life after the death of his daughter.

“you’ve never failed us. not at the beginning, and definitely not now. you’ve done so much to protect us, tex. taking on a fourteen year old girl is a lot, but taking on me, too? well, i have to applaud you for that.” he laughs. “but don’t think i don’t admire you for what you’ve done. hell, most men out there would’ve ditched us when they had the chance but you? you stuck by, guided us, saved us, loved ellie like a daughter. a…and, you’ve made me feel at home.” a soft smile graced your lips. “everything you’ve done for us, been for us? that’s home.”

because i’ve seen you

and i know you

and i’m not going anywhere

“i’ve got you.” you say, grabbing his hand, rubbing your hand over the watch. “you didn’t fail sarah, you’ve never failed ellie and you could never fail me.”

“but-”

“no buts. you will never know how proud i am of you and everything you’ve done for us. to open up like this…” you sigh “i just…i’m glad you did.”

he removes his hand from yours, wrapping them both around your waist and pulling you into him. his head rests on your stomach, and your hands find their way into his hair. “home.” he mumbles, and you feel the smile on your chest.

i bet your back can carry more than

just the weight of your button down

one by one they come undone

when we get home

you stand by as you watch joel enter the house. three days, three damn days without him by your side because he was on patrol. you couldn’t blame him, it’s his part in making the community of jackson safe. besides, you knew he’d lose his mind if he had to sit around all day and lack any form of agency. he’d been in this world for too damn long to not find a piece of his mind in protecting others, especially you and ellie.

joel walks over to you, embracing you in a tight hug as he places a small kiss on your forehead. it’s followed by one on your lips, to which he smiles slightly, tipping his forehead so it meets yours. “missed ‘ya so much, darlin’.” his texan drawl makes you laugh.

“missed you too, baby.” you place both hands on either side of joel’s face, pulling back slightly to admire all that is him. his scars, his soul, his heart, everything. “ellie’s missed you too. been waiting on your arrival the entire day.”

joel chuckles, kissing you on the forehead. “i’ll go give her this, then.” he pulls out a book from under his arm, something you completely missed when he entered your house. he holds it up to you, and you read the name. a soft smile graces your lips, and you feel yourself wanting to tear up.

“she’ll love it.” you whisper.

it’s a couple hours later, the three of you having just eaten dinner, and joel and ellie are sat on the couch together. the tv is turned on, but joel is nowhere near paying attention, all of it is on ellie. she reads out the jokes in the joke book he gifted her, he complained about the bad ones, laughed at the good ones, and even shared some of his own.

you find yourself admiring them both, smiling wildly as you watch their dynamic. you knew you had the best relationship with ellie, but nothing could compare to how joel was with her. like a father, he cared and loved her without overstepping ellie’s boundaries.

and that? that’s all you could ever ask for in a man.

i’ve seen you carry family

and all my insecurities

one by one they’ll come undone

when we get home

you stand before joel, blood splattered on your clothes and covered in bruises in visible places. you hated to know how you looked underneath. you sat perched upon the counter in the bathroom as joel runs a cloth under the running tap, dabbing it on your face to remove the dried blood.

it was a patrol gone wrong. you thought you could handle it by yourself, you had done in the past. but when your patrol partner had lured you into a raiders den, it had all gone south from there. they got a fair few hits and wounds onto you before you remembered who you were, and you showed them no mercy.

brown, puppy dog eyes stare down at you, it’s almost comical. a hardened man with the softest expression on his face, all because you were bruised and injured. he sighs, placing the cloth on the side. “need you to take your clothes off, sweetheart. see if there’s any more damage.”

your eyes immediately snap up to meet his, panic arising in your body so much so he saw it in your face. “hey, ‘s okay.” his hand gently cups underneath your jaw, keeping your eyes on his. “ain’t gonna do anything, baby. just need to clean you u-”

“no.” you shake your head feverishly, cutting him off. “no.”

“got to make sure you ain’t hurt anywhere else.” he stares at you, and he looks so concerned and worried that you cave. pulling off your jumper and shirt, stood in your bra and sweatpants, completely exposed.

joel’s eyes trace your body, and you feels his eyes catch the wounds, but the scars that cut across your skin in a variety of places. he stiffens up, hand hesitantly reaching out to gently trace one, much like you had done with his.

he looks up at you when he’s done, stepping closer with his hand on your hip, where the scar his finger had just traced lingered. he tips his forehead to meet yours, both of your eyes closing. “i gotcha, sweet girl. always do.”

he pulls back and grabs the cloth from the sink, running it under water again before he starts to clean the cuts on your body. he traces every scar on your skin, each time making you shudder from the sheer amount of love he dedicates towards you, ensuring your comfort and trust, much like you had done with him.

he’s got you. he always has, always will.

because i’ve seen you

and i know you

and i’m not going anywhere

falling on top of you, joel’s hands travel underneath the hem of your dress, pulling down your panties. you sit up, pulling the white dress over your head, now completely naked and bare in front of the man you love.

joel tips your head up so you look at him, admiring your body as you sit naked and bare. he starts to take off his own clothes, pulling you close to him so he hovers of you. he kisses you lips passionately, your arms winding round his neck as you pull him in closer.

he chuckles as you moan when he bites your lip, pulling away to kiss down your neck, your chest, all the way down until he looks up at you, asking for permission.

you nod, and let him ravish you.

because i’ve seen you

and i know you

and i’m not going anywhere

because i’ve seen you

and i know you

and i’m not going anywhere

because i’ve seen you

and i know you

and i’m not going anywhere.

a/n: fun fact, this was gonna end in tlou2 with joel and reader being murdered together but i said no <3

taglist: (if you want to be added, pls message me!!)

@theeblackmedusa @joeldjarin

[afictionaladventure16]

bb I'm feeling the angst and hurt/comfort hyperfixation choking me out. what about... Pedro's daughter is incredibly stressed out. She doesn't ask for help because she doesn't want to be a bother. It comes to a head and she breaks down crying when he asks how her day is. Being the amazing dad he is, he cares for his baby and makes sure she takes a break and gets extensions for assignments

Stressed Out (Pedro Pascal x Daughter!Reader)

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Word Count: 1,712

A/N: I got you, bb!!! <3 I hope this isn't too short btw!! I hope you like it!!

Warnings: mentions of burn out.

Pedro had been keeping a close eye on your door, watching the small glow of light coming from underneath. It had been over two hours since you last came out and when you did, you barely said a word. He didn’t want to seem like an overbearing father going in to check on you 24/7, but he also didn’t want you to think he didn’t care. 

Maybe this was all his anxiety getting to him. 

“What is she doing?” He asked himself as he got up from the position on the couch. He hesitates walking over to your room, and eventually, he allows himself to go cook dinner. “I’ll cook dinner and then if she doesn’t come out, then I’ll check on her,” he tells himself. 

You, on the other hand, were stressing out about all the assignments that somehow your teachers had due in the same week. You had no idea how it all came crashing down on you, as a well-organized person, you always had everything done on time and never dealt with things being due all in the same week, until now. 

You had not had a good night's rest since Thursday night. It is Tuesday. Most of your weekend was spent trying to figure out what assignment you could do the quickest and which one needed your most attention. Then you spent a good amount of your weekend researching and crying and then doing more research and some more crying. 

Part of you was glad that your dad had to be away for most of the day because you didn’t have to deal with him coming in every hour to check on you. Also, you didn’t have to bother him for help. Even if he had offered, you’d still refused because you didn’t want to be a bother. It wasn’t his mess, but yours. 

“Focus, Y/N,” you said to yourself, it was hard to keep your eyes open. They were closing every other minute, stinging with any little breeze that came from the A.C. Growing heavy with every waking moment, you wanted so badly to just close them for a few minutes, but you knew it wouldn’t just be a few minutes. 

Naps were a no-go, there wasn’t any time in your schedule for them. You slapped your face, hoping that the stinging of your cheek would distract you from the stinging of your eyes, and for a moment it worked. Only a moment. Then it was both your cheek and eyes stinging and no work getting done. 

You groaned to yourself, resting your head on your desk, “Fuck me,” you muttered. 

Your current subject was Chemistry and boy did you hate chemistry. Yes, the concept and the way it works are interesting, and the experiments you did were cool and interesting, but the work? Difficult. You hated it. You weren’t a chemistry type of person. Nor were you a math person. 

You sat at your desk, staring at the word problem in front of you for about thirty minutes. The longer you stared at it, the less sense it made. You moved the paper to the other side of your desk, maybe if you looked at it from a different angle it would make more sense. You knew it wouldn’t work, but at this point you were desperate. 

A knock at your door disrupted your thoughts, “Come in,” you said softly. 

Your dad walked in, a smile on his face, “Hey, not sure if you smelled it, but dinner is just about ready.” 

You hadn’t. You were so focused on your homework that you didn’t even smell dinner and you didn’t notice how hungry you were. Maybe some food in your system would help. 

“Thank god,” you muttered as you got up from your desk, following your dad out into the kitchen. 

“Mind setting up the table?” He asked as he gestured towards the small mess of miscellaneous items on the kitchen table. 

You groaned at the sight, “Can’t we just eat at the counter like we always do?” 

He chuckled, “Alright, but I swear, we keep putting it off.” You didn’t say anything else, your mind lingered back over to the assignments that were waiting for you at your desk. You could be finishing them right now. Your dad noticed how you got quiet, “you okay, hon?” 

You hummed a response, sitting down on the stool next to the counter. “Looks like something is on your mind.” 

“It’s nothing,” you said with a smile.

He sighed, placing one of the plates down, “Mija, I know you too well to know when you’re lying to me.” He walked over to you, leaning against the counter. “What’s on your mind?” 

You let out a shaky breath, “School,” you said as tears began to well up in your eyes. 

Your dad's face instantly softened, “Oh, Cariño, what’s wrong?” 

You took in a deep breath, “I’m just stressed out,” you began, “I have two assignments for chem due on Thursday, Two Essays due Friday, Three assignments for Calculus, and an art project all due Friday too.” 

Your dad wouldn’t say it to your face, but you were fucked. It was a lot of assignments and so little time. “Oh, Mija,” he cooed. “No wonder you’ve been locked up in your room!” 

You let out a small sob, and your dad pulled you in for a hug, “I don’t know what to do,” you sobbed. “I’ve been working nonstop on my assignments since Thursday, I barely got any sleep over the weekend. I’m so tired, Dad.” 

“Mija, how come you didn’t tell me?” he asked. 

“I didn’t want to bother you,” you sobbed into his shirt. 

He let out a disappointed sigh, rubbing your back gently. “Mija, you’re never bothering me when it comes to these things, you know I’d rather you tell me than you be all stressed out.” 

You let go of the embrace, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your shirt, “I didn’t want you to feel stressed. I know you had a long weekend with all the press you had to do.” 

“Just because I have to stand in front of a camera and answer a few questions for a duration of time, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me these things. You come first in my life, if there is something you need help with I want you to tell me. I’ll make arrangements,” he gently wiped away the tears on your face with his thumbs. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

It was beginning to all make sense, why you hadn’t come out of your room and why you were always yawning around him. He was slowly starting to believe that you thought he was boring. 

“It’s okay, but from now on you tell me if you need help, okay?” You gave him a small nod, and he placed a kiss on your forehead. “Alright,” he began, “this is what we’re going to do. I’m going to go to your school tomorrow and ask for extensions on your assignments, you are also going to take the night off. That means no more working on these assignments for the night, okay?” 

“But-” 

“No buts or ifs about it, senorita!” He said sternly but with a smile on his face. “Tomorrow when you get home from school we’re going to work on your assignments together, Okay?” You nodded, “Now go change into your pajamas and hop into bed and wait for me.” 

“What about dinner?” 

“Go!” 

You rolled your eyes and jumped off the stool, your dad placed a quick kiss on your cheek before you walked off. 

“Aye esta nina,” he muttered to himself as he watched you walk down the hall. He couldn’t believe that you tried to hide this from him, especially since you told him almost everything. But it was okay, he was going to make sure you got the help you needed for your assignments. 

After a few minutes, Pedro carried two plates with him to your room. You were already laying down under the covers when he walked in, “thought you were going to send me to bed without dinner,” you commented. 

He chuckled, “Nope, we’re having dinner in bed,” he stated, placing one of the plates on the bedside table before handing you the other plate. He laid down beside you, grabbing his plate. Your dad grabbed the remote that was on the bedside table, “alright, what are we watching?” You shrugged, “Paddington 2?” 

You groaned in annoyance, “Not Paddington 2, I already feel shitty, I don’t wanna feel shitty and sad.” 

“Alright, alright, no Paddington 2. Even though it’s a masterpiece.” You rolled your eyes at his comment, “I know!” He exclaimed. 

You watched as he began to put in the letters in the search bar, “Bridesmaids?” 

“It’s a classic!” 

You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, “alright, I can agree with that.” 

You were quick to finish your dinner, laying your head on your dad's shoulder as the sound of his laughter slowly drifted you to sleep. 

Pedro wasn’t sure when you had fallen asleep and he wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for your snores. He smiled to himself as he gently moved you so you were in a better position on the bed. He grabbed the plate from your lap before attempting to leave the bed, but he felt a tug on his sleeve. 

“Don’t leave,” you muttered in your sleep. 

He sighed, “I’ll be right back,” he whispered. He was quick to go place the dishes in the sink and get into his pajamas before heading back to your bedroom. 

He got back into the bed, “Cuddle, por fav.” (please) 

He chuckled, you hadn’t asked to cuddle since you were little and he had missed it if he was honest. “Alright,” he said as he lifted his arm so you could lay beside him. He placed another kiss on your forehead, “Go mimis, mija, I’ll be right here.” That was all you needed. You were safe in his arms and you knew that you could get a good night's rest now. Your assignments could wait one day. Your dad moved a strand of hair out of your face, “my stubborn girl,” he whispered. 

Pedro Pascal Taglist:  @tracysnook  @cilliansangel  @change-the-world-someday  @graciegoeskrazy @oggystine93 @t-stark35 @twkobii @picklehat3r @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @white-wolf-buckaroo @steadydragongalaxy @rooting4theantihero @soupinasock @Ilovehotdadsandshit @dzaga890 @marantha @emmasauger @marysucks-blog @pcotato

[moiravim]

Found

Dad!Din Djarin x Teen!GN!yn

Summary: you sneak into the Mandalorian's ship in hopes to find something valuable. When he catches you, you realize you've found something much better than you were hoping for.

You were sneaking into a strange space ship. It was the largest one you've ever seen. You had seen someone walk out of it and decided to go check if there was anything that would be useful for you. Money, food, or pretty much anything that you could sell.

That was, until you heard the doors shut. It worried you for a minute but then you decided you'd make an exit when the owner of the ship came back.

The ship lifted off the ground. You fill your pockets with random supplies before running back to the closed door. You try opening it and search for a button to open it.

It doesn't work. You can't find any way out. You wait out the time until the ship reaches it's next destination

When the ship settles back down you sigh in relief. Then, a mandalorian walked into the main room of the ship. He towers over you and your jaw drops.

Your hands start to shake and anxiously play with each other as you look up at the scary man.

Tears fill your eyes and you hear him sigh. "Show me your pockets." You empty out everything you had stolen as you start to sob.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please" you cry out. He takes his things and puts them in their place as you try to explain everything to him.

"I didn't mean to- I mean- I'm sorry. Please, I don't have a lot of money, I just thought- I thought..." Your words are drowned out by your sobs.

He guides you over to a chair and you sit down in it. "Where are your parents?" He says.

The silence answers his questions. You shiver and he hands you a small blanket that you wrap around your arms.

He walks back to the room where he has just been and comes back with a small green creature.

"This is Grogu. I expect the two of you to stay here. I will be back." He says as he opens the door and walks out.

I look outside to see a town that looks nothing like your home. You wipe the last few tears in your eyes before looking around for something to do.

When he comes back he says nothing. He picks up Grogu and motions you to follow him. He sets Grogu down in his chair and sits down in his own.

You stand akwardly and the man points to an empty spot. You sit down and he nods.

"I'm Din." He says, breaking the silence. "...YN" you respond. He had already known he was gonna let you stay but this was the moment you had realized.

You slept on the way to wherever he had to go next. Although he tried his best to hide it, he had a soft spot for you. He was also extremely overprotective of you and wouldn't let anything bad happen to you.

[triplehmunson]

𝒫𝒪𝒱: It's your birthday and your husband Pedro, who is traveling to record a new movie. He wanted to send you a nice video for your birthday to wish you the best and tell you that he misses you a lot, but when a colleague was helping him record Pedro, he had a nervous breakdown and instead of saying happy birthday he said merry Christmas and when it happened Realizing his mistake, he started laughing and all his friends laughed too.