#its fun and im tired of pretending its not
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
If you dial 1-866-584-6757, you can leave an audio post for your followers.
Text
me vs my need to make a ship name out of everything
#admin talks#its fun and im tired of pretending its not#calling ona and salma salmona#ona and aitana are aitona
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think ppl who are super online or into fandom should watch/read/etc something without ever touching fandom discourse or making aus or shipping characters just like every once in a while
#this isn’t a diss at shipping or aus#i participate in that sometimes#and its fun#im mostly saying like#sometimes people seem to get way too engrossed in the idea of fandom to the point its not even about enjoying the source material atp#and it also seems to result in fans acting like the creators of things have some obligation#to keep in mind a fandom or how a fandom would feel ab their thing#and i think that’s a stupid mindset#a writer should not be like i better specify this specific thing so there’s not meaningless discourse about it on tumblr!#☀️🌈🔥#i just think it’s not particularly good to get really into a fandom of anything and everything you consume#mostly bc of the way fandoms are nowadays#also maybe i’m a bit tired of seeing really good series/whatever turned into au/shipping fodder and nothing else#if you’re going to do that at least pretend you like the source material outside of the character designs#idk im rambling i might make this a more cohesive post later lawl
72 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
More familial posting. He's like a squeaky toy to me
(also the reference in the first doodle) ↓↓↓
#self insert#homestuck#dave strider#davesprite#my art#yomiel (sona)#thatse my favorite bird :] specialest guy in my heart#specialist bird who is neon orange fuck everyones eyes forever#this familial f/o shit is awesome now i understand my s/i mutuals i should do this more often /lh SDKLFMDKLS#indulgin a bit with some hcs(?) of mine related to the lil man. like the cut eyebrow and tired eyes (im very original)#i am not immune to funnie trope of character that has their eyes covered/hidden actually had pretty eyes all along#if you get the cinnamon thing i'll love you forever btw#character development or whatever the fuck 💥#im not gonna even pretend i can do the homestuck coloring ÑSDLKFJKLDS#that said coloring like this fun. gotta thank brogatory/turnstechgodhead for the inspo. watchin zir streams was nice#as well as bdhs blogs in general. i've known about them for ages but its cool to see there are still a thing to this day#also HS in spanish always felt different to me while reading it. it's a different fun vibe imo i wish i could make yall feel it how i do
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
this picrew was so cute for bb io
#i do picrews when im too tired to draw#also its just a fun one in general people make ur ocs#kiwi.txt#theyre an elf but pretend theyre a bug
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i could have haters stone me in the streets for this but some of the new spock/tos crew show content is good and im tired of people dismissing it as bad when they never engaged with it genuinely.
#like am i completely pleased? of COURSE not#and i havent watched more than a bit of snw yet i will admit GDSLFHSD this is mostly about disco#and the actors in general. bc is that guy leonard nimoy? no!!! does he bring something unique and fun to spock? yes!#yes it would be better if he had eyeshadow. no i dont think hes disrespecting the pure and angelic vision of spock.#anyway michael and spock disco revolutionized the world. siblings of ALLL TIMEEEEE. and im tired of pretending they arent.#personal /#do u know what it meant to me to see spock the smartest character of all time be represented with learning disabilities and psychosis.#did you even watch the scene where he and michael say goodbye. the ones where they struggle under the weight of their father's desires.#where they sacrifice little bits of themselves for each other and still feel awful. and its not even their fault.#some of it was cheesy and dumb or weird but. all star trek is. come the fuck on.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
when ppl are like "do u know ppl of x minority that ur still in contact with" as a gotcha ig to say ur not actually as open and progressive as you say you are but bud... i dont talk to anyone from my past, lmao, I dont think thats a fair metric to go by quite frankly
#no i dont talk to that person anymore. just like i dont talk to any of the privileged ppl i knew anymore either lmao#i kinda cut everyone off bc apparently ppl in my state just have a hard on for being judgemental assholes all the time and im tired of it#i thought maybe it was me but i hear from ppl who arent from here all the time that ppl are way more weird and cliquey here#and its hard to make friends so. i feel less bad now lmao.#i thought i was crazy but no im seeing reality perfectly clearly. ppl just are super cliquey here for no reason#and anyone who strays from the status quo in any capacity must be Shunned and Condemned for being Wiyuurrd#the more right leaning types dont try to hide it. but the progressive try to cloak their disgust and uncomfortability with people#being different with a bunch of excuses. literally making shit up about me to justify hating me so they can still feel progressive#while hating and making fun of me in an explicitly rw way#like. acting like kiwifarms people out here being fucking strategic n shit pretending to like me so they can make fun of me type shit like#you look like a nazi dawg lmao.#you make me feel like hanging out with my brothers friends- who definitely leaned a bit to the right- is more ideal bc at least they're#fucking out in the open and honest about making fun of me bc they think im weird. yall are too cowardly to just own up to it.#'n-no i swear its because he did [thing i either did but it didnt go down the way they said or something they made up]! i swear im not#just making shit up just to make fun of him !!!!!!! i promie!!!!'#i literally cut off all my hair bc of taking 'lsd' from those same brothers friends bc i went fucking crazy basically (trying to emphasize#how low the bar is that id rather hang out with these dudes than the more left leaning ppl i knew) and people assumed i did it bc some girl#who had or died of cancer that i never even fucking heard before??? like idk. ig they thought i was trying to be insulting or smthn????#i didnt even know who this chick was and it was my first time hearing about her when ppl told me someone spread that rumor.#bitch i was sitting in my bathroom for hours having weird discussions in myself and basically fighting between my real self#and what felt like an external force of all the judgements ppl have made about me manifest into one being (zero) trying to convince me#i couldnt be me and i felt like he possessed me to cut off all my hair and i heard him say 'THIS ISNT YOUR REAL HAIR!!!'#since it was dyed at the time and i was embracing being trans and embracing being my true self but something about that 'trip'#fucked me up and detrans and it had a lot to do w another trip i had w those same brothers friends making me feel inadequate.#i dont know who da fuck you were talking about bitch im living in a nightmare over here can we talk about that instead of whatever tf#you're going on about and making up to justify hating me and ignoring my suffering?
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wish more ppl should be willing to approach viktor/jayce through league w/t arcanes influences... its such a different form of love and history that gets scrubbed away by forcing league n arcane into the same timeline (also does the same back to arcanes setup!) when the two should be getting equal care and effort put in not just bc like leagueverse is just older meaner one note versions of more fleshed out characters n arcanes 'fixing them' or whatever i see a lot... let them be different. increase the vkjc biodiversity in the process.
#bc i do get tags like this way too often n its kindve disheartening. my league fanart isnt only worthwhile if you can pretend its arcane#jayce giopara isnt only worthwhile if you think hes jayce talis etc etc#does a disservice to the writing in arcane too bc they went to a lot of effort to change the story#n regardless of thoughts on it changing it to fit into a framework that will not exist ever for it just is making everything soooo boring#also i just need more league only viktor n jayce i love seeing ppls interpretations! have fun!!#im v tired so i could def word this more coherently later but eh
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#ngl. im really tired of being brave#of having to be clever and witty in the face of people who want to hurt me#and other people thinking its funny or cool#its not fun. im not having fun. im anxious all the time#i cant eat solids much anymore because im so anxious all the fuckin time#and its just about wearing a fucking mask#but people take it so personal#and to be honest i have thin skin. i just pretend to have thick skin#but i come home and fall apart and sit staring for hours unable to process anything because im not safe anywhere#but i just have to ignore it. because there's consequences for trying to stand up for yourself in the hellscape i live in#like getting fucking shot#so i get to be quiet and clever and pretend like nothing's wrong#i dont get a sense of superiority about wearing a mask. im just fucking tired and i dont want my sister to die#i dont know if i would care if i died to be honest. i think it might bum out some friends#and i would like to do some things before then#but my coworkers already think im dying so
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
the good thing about asperger's no longer being a diagnosis is that it's just called level 1 autism spectrum disorder now. i know i probably shouldn't be poking around in the mental health of strangers online, but as an autistic person myself, your struggles resonated with me. ever since i've been able to accept, understand, and begin to provide myself accommodations for my autism, my mental health has improved tremendously. autism is also co-morbid with oodles of other conditions, so it is definitely possible to have autism and other conditions that may have overlapping symptoms
It's funny, I was diagnosed, accepted it, over analyzed and rejected it, subsequently forgot about it entirely, then when the only helpful counselor I ever had brought up the idea I was like: Oh yeah! That makes sense. And went through the same process over again. I will say, having someone point out that something might be inhibiting my ability to interact with people was extremely helpful. Because I just thought I was really bad at it and processed it as a point of failure (which was intolerable). At one point she said "You don't have to do things you don't want to just because you feel like you should" and I think about that a lot. That should have been obvious but it was like she slapped me with a fish
#i used to pretend to be a person a lot more. now im just like im too fucking tired to not be anything but myself#ill wear whatever weird patterns i want. ill avoid all eye contact and say whatevers in my head. bc usually its nothing#harmful. perhaps a bit blunt but usually in a way thst makes ppl laugh. with me or at me idk but whatever#ill be as weird as i want. i wear fucking white moon boots around everywhere lol. ay now im just being defensive bc#these r the things my sister would make fun of me for lol. point is im probably autistic and overthinking it#but in the past few yeas when the obsessive compulsive behavior started to become a more and more obvious problem i was like hm maybe its#something else and my brain restricts even the words i use in the context i use them so i became no longer allowed to say oh yea im#autistic. which is annoying. thr malignant force that is my obsessive compulsive tendencies. which again im not allowed to name bc its not#allowed without an official diagnosis bc thats how my brain work 👍#level 1 autism sounds Hilarious tho. the teired heavens of autism. ive only ascended to level 1. allegedly.#god. my brain. y do i have to plausible deniability myself. its like im waiting for someone to collect evidance and make an arrest bc of#messy liguistics. ay ay ay. there r 2 wolfs inside me. one is trying to drown the other lol#unrelated#me when i have to b around ppl: actually im an insect person. an alien studying humans. watch them go#but no no im not one of them. im simply an observer
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
the fact ingesting information can be so exhausting. 0/10
#beef trimmings#FIRST DAY DONE#I wrote down so many notes my hand hurts and im so fucking exhausted lol#😭 this yr fr tho academic weapon over here im gonna stay on top of this#i have 2 roommates to keep me accountable!!#and also its big part of the grade so I HAVE TO KEEP ON TOP OF ITTTT#RESEARCH AND WRITING BABEY LETS GO THIS IS MY YEAR#THIS IS MY COMEBACK#12 YEARS OF SCHOOL DIDNT MANAGE TO INSTILL THE ABILITY TO TAKE NOTES AND STUDY#BUT 3RD YEAR OF UNIVERSITY THIS IS IT WE GOT THIS ITS COMING TOGETHER#< i am hyping myself up i am so tired rn but if I pretend like its fun and engaging maybe I can make it through this
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy one year anniversary of My Mum Saying The Worst Part Of My Grandma's Funeral Was Not Burying Her But The Fact That I Was There And She Wished I Hadn't Gone To The Funeral At All to me
#(my mum forgot/moved on from this in like a month and has since pretended it never happened - so thats also fun)#personal#vent#so i guess it's kind fitting that this year im sat alone#crying#trying to work out whether my sister is gonna feel worse if i go to her bday thing or if i dont#and its all my fault because i dont drive#but theres no winning#i didnt look at trains bc my mum told my sister she would pick me up#then mum called and said she cant pick me up (i said this would happen last week)#so i tried looking up trains but theres a fucktonne of engineering works this weekend#and my sister is out this evening so i couldnt call them so i tried messaging to meet at theirs tmr morning to get a lift#and they just said they want tomorrow to be a nice chill day and that we can do something another time if im going to be stressed or grumpy#and now i cant tell if they dont want me there and just dont want to say or what#im just so tired of being unloveable and having to pretend like i dont notice or care that i am#(i guess at least this is happening now and not next week when i have a 2 day heart monitor#bc this would be fucking with those results)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
my roommate (who works at the same clinic as me) is forcing me to go to our christmas party despite the fact that i Deeply do not want to go and my one condition has been that i dont participate in the gift exchange thing going on and as of today im also being forced to participate in that as well (by my boss! because otherwise im gonna be "the odd one out" for not doing it). awesome.
#can i not be given seven more reasons to have a panic attack every day of finals week#i just want to stay home and sleep this semester was so physically draining ive been nothing but tired for the past 4 months#but i cant because i have to dress up nice and pretend to be in a good mood for 4+ hours#its fancy too and i dont have clothes to wear to it#im just gonna let my roommate go through my closet the day of and when she inevitably finds nothing i can wear maybe i can finally stay hom#i know im overreacting or whatever but im just so mad that for the past 2 years 'no' has been a perfectly reasonable answer#and this year all of a sudden its not#i didnt feel left out the last 2 years when i didnt go. my roommate still had tons of fun despite me not being there#nobody fucking benefits from this#simon says
0 notes
Text
and you will listen to my halfway unmixed vocal synth covers. you will. my final message (dies in your arms)
all the virvox guys in voicevox humming! yume no tobira piano ver vsqx by leah ocarina and the instrumental is by 友紀!
#wip#vocal synth#voicevox humming#i will never stop posting unfinished covers!!!! never!!!!!#hfkjdjgskfdsd in my defense its because i get like 90% done a cover pretty fast#and then that last 10% takes me MONTHS HDJFKSJFS#and i have a feeling im gonna be messing around with these dynamics for. a while LOL#so listen to how it is now~ its not bad for someone who doesnt know what they're doing <3#i think some love live songs might be particularly good for voicevox humming like specifically the more 00s idol-y sounding ones#like some earlyish u's ones and such. because like theyre great and fun songs but theyre also#like less focused on super fancy voicework and more focused on like. charm. probably because they werent sure if it the#franchise was even gonna take off that much at the time and they were working with limited budgets and just kinda#figuring it all out? obvs there was so much talent front the get go. but in different areas#dance comedy acting singing pr etc. some vocalists had a lot of experience and some didnt have as much#so theres like this like. charmingly clumsy edge to some of the songs. less worry about pure vocal talent#and more focus on sounding like ur a cute anime character having the time of ur life LOL#in general thats been a big focus of the sound of the franchise -> sounding like ur having fun and#filled with passion above all else. which is why i think these songs might work for these guys pretty well!#(although u can definitely hear the noise. and how much these guys HATE su zu and tsu HJKSHJDS they're doing their best)#my beloved off-key makeshift boyband LOL you have to be nice to them. they're speaking synths pretending to be singing synths <3#dont ask how the lyrics about youth (seishun) pertain to the 50 year old man. its okay. dont bother him#also no tuning credits cuz. u cant tune in voicevox. so its all just the program LOL i thought about doing pitch correction#in fruity loops or smthng but i am le tired so i didnt <3 its part of the charm i say now. its the charm#i did go in and mess with the vsqx to change the timing and lengths of different syllables five separate times tho LOL#but thats because there are 5 dudes and i did Not want them to sound TOO much like theyre playing back the same midi 5 whole times#even tho thats what they are doing. you know how it is with this stuff HJKSHJKFDS
1 note
·
View note
Text
"shoutout to e for being patient zero" no probs matt! any day pal! 😁😁 (help me can somebody hear me please hel
crying screaming throwing up
#hey grabs you in my fist HI#wordgirl#steven boxleitner#amazo guy#word girl#dr two brains#dr. two brains#amazing cheese#'I NEED THEM TO BE HAPPY' 😀😀OH??OH THEN UM IDK??STOP DOING WHAT YOU. JUST DID.??#STOPSTOPSTOP GRABBING MY HEAD HIDING MY FACE CURLING INTO MY LEGS AAAAAAAAAAA#this will haunt me this will haunt me get away from meWHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM#WHAT BUSINESS DO YOU HAVE OVER HERE IN ANGSTLAND GTFO WHO INVITED THIS GUY??#SCRAM YOURE MEANT TO BE MY SOURCE OF FLUFF‼️‼️#AAAAAAAeheheh omg hiii hey amazo hii HOW AM I MEANT TO HATE THIS WHEN ITS TO YUMMY TOO AAJRGHGHRGR#man i need to get back on tumblr this is fun asf#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ZOOMING IN ON EACH DETAIL guys theyre holding hands guys theres air coming out behind stevenGUYS AAAA ANALYZING AAAA#PERCEVING PERCEIVING PERCEIVING PERCEIVE#help me HOW do you draw amazos hair. stealing it. woops#THE LINES FIT THEM SO WELL I. AAAAAAAAA#i cant convery my distress properly through only text i cant do thisWATCH OUT#AHAHtread carefully.#ok im tired of pretending im EATING THIS UPP AAAAAAAGRHRHGHHAHGHGRHGRAAFGGR#man it sure would suck if you. thought about this concept some more ahahhaaaa#IDK WHAT IT IS I ALWAYS STARE AT STEVENS SHIRT WHEN YOU DRAW IT??#aaaaahhfejefq im gonna find you im gonna get you#hey wait did you forget to color stevens glove--💥UFO CRASH#HOW DO YOU. SHADE AND THEN NOT SHADE AT THE SAME TIME I CAN FEEL THE ART EXPRIENCE EMMINATING IT LOOKS SO AAASDDFJ#and you did this in like a few hours im gonna pack my bags never lifting my finger again chat i peaked already#watch outWATCH OUT IM EATING THIS UP#okay i thihk im running out of space uh watch out im pulling up im EATING THIS UP and off to stare at this for another week
93 notes
·
View notes