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awsugawara · 4 years ago

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bnha hcs with an artsy s/o [1/?]

i’m going to make this a mini series, so expect to see this AND haikyuu characters too :) i will also do the k-pop hcs too, so look forward to that !

note: your quirk will be the same all around, if implied you have one!

Quirk: AMBIENT ILLUSION - with a single touch of your hand or glance, you are able to make your opponent think that they’ve been taken to another “realm,” but in actuality their body movements mimic those in the illusion; it’s a quirk that can be used for good or for bad; your creativity isn’t limited, but the side effects are headaches, nausea, and sometimes insanity for a short period of time until your stamina runs out or unless someone knocks you out

Hero Name: Chiaroscuro or Chiasu [for short]- referring to the major contrast of light and dark in an image; in italian it is said to literally mean light-dark

enjoy :)

---

s. aizawa

> teacher x teacher scenario tyvm

> you were a popular teacher at U.A., teaching in some of the general studies classes as an art teacher

> students in class 1-C, D, and E would flaunt how cute/hot and talented their pro hero of an art teacher was

> midnight was gossiping about you with present mic and aizawa overheard

> he knows you have your own agency, so how you double that plus being a teacher was beyond him

> “oh midnight! i was actually looking for you :)”

> aizawa-seeing-a-cutie.exe has stopped working.

> for someone who is low energy and stoic for the most part, this was new

> got more acquainted with the other teachers, but you were really close with aizawa

> funny thing is,,,you and aizawa met up a lot after school and you eventually started dating

> the other pro heroes at the school only found out is when midnight had walked in on them kissing

> the students found out about the relationship when aizawa walked you to your next lecture class as he left class 1-A with present mic

> aizawa glared at them and as soon as he left, your students pelted you with questions, until the teacher told them to quiet down

--- k. takami

> keigo is like a SIMP for you

> he practically with go out of his way just to buy you new art stuff

> “babe...i don’t need anymore sketchbook paper...i have an office at the school and they supply my paper-”

> “you can never have enough, my dove”

> you work at U.A. as an art teacher and met keigo when you were walking home from the school

> you had a run in with a villain, who was on a mission to kidnap you and he swooped in to save you

> your art was scattered all over and some destroyed and keigo caught a glimpse of them and noticed your U.A. badge

> “you’re a teach at U.A.?”

> keigo walks you home, if you chose to stay late to work on your art

> when you first started dating, he was wondering why you would stay so late, and you had to explain your quirk to him

> he wants to be your #1 source of ideas, but he gives you space when you’re truly at an artist roadblock

> when he took you flying for the first time, he vowed to take you every now and then because seeing how your eyes lit up at the city below made it worth while

--- t. shigaraki

> shiggy treats you like glass

> i see him as someone that really admires you and your quirk, let alone your ability to be able to create such fine pieces of art

> you were a lone wolf, who met dabi, who introduced you to the league

> when shigs laid his eyes on you for the first time, he was SMITTEN

> childishly rants to kurogiri when you and dabi are out patrolling

> “why do they always have to go with that burnt piece of shit”

> #getrekteddabi

> shiggy sucks at socializing and it doesn’t help that you always have a resting bitch face™

> you’re actually a softie and a sweetheart at heart, but you notice shiggs advances and are quite confused

> “uhm...hello, tomura-senpai,,,is there something i can help you with?”

> rip shiggy from the CUTENESS

> one day when you didn’t show up at the base and dabi did, shigaraki and kurogiri gave him a look

> “oh, if you’re looking for Chiasu, they’re at home sleeping...idiot stayed up painting again.”

> shiggy left after demanding dabi to reveal their location

> when he got there, he rang the doorbell and questioning why he came because this really isn’t something he does

> “hmm? tomura-senpai? what are you doing here?” **rubs sleep out of your eyes**

> he felt his heart leap

> “i came to see my s/o after being told that they stayed up working. now, are you going to let me in or am i going to have to force myself inside your house?”

--- dabi

> you were at witz end with your life as a pro hero

> you weren’t depressed or anything,,,just bored,,,no ideas or fighting spirit

>one day, you had happened to run into dabi committing one of his oversized fires

> he tried reading you, but all he got was just your stoic, almost sad, expression

> you hadn’t moved and he was walking toward you, stopping and moving his face down to your level

> “well, well what do we have here?”

> you hadn’t remembered much from that day, but you hadn’t run into dabi and the only time you really left your house was to get more art supplies and food

> when you were trekking home on the same path, dabi stepped from the shadows in front of you

> you just gave him a blank look and tried to side step him, but obv he didn’t let you

> what happened next was probably the most shocking,,,he embraced you

> you didn’t know what to do other than cry...for losing your fighting spirit

> after that day, dabi would check up on you frequently and eventually he convinced you to stay with him, so he can stay with you

> it took about 2 months to get you to smile and boy was that worth it

> you were grateful of dabi for sparking [pun not intended] your creativity

> “if you’re so grateful, why don’t be mine?”

--- h. toga

> innocent is how toga would describe you

> her attraction to you was much more different than the times where she’d feel the need to cut someone up

> she wanted you in one piece, unharmed

> so she dragged you to be apart of the league of villains with her

> shigaraki was skeptical letting in a quirkless civilian into the league, but he found your ability to design and draw potentially useful

> dabi likes to mess with you to rile up himi

> “you lay another burnt hand on my s/o, i WILL cut you”

> himi doesn’t like the fact you’re close with some of the LOV members, so she whisks you away to her room or somewhere that’s not the base

> if you go to school and you’re adamant in finishing, himi will kinda leave out the villainous aspects of her life so you can finish

> if you go to school and you really don’t care for it, she’ll try to convince you to become a full fledged member of the LOV rather than an associate

> the mission with the yakuza was probably super nerve-wrecking for you after you saw it on the news

> you were greeted with a toga at your door that evening and you just glomped her and expressed how concerned you were, knowing what her role in the mission was

> himi met you online and then began kinda figuring out when you went to your fav cafe and art store and what you like to buy and the such

> attentive, but psycho was how you described her at first, but just accepted that aspect of her

---

k. chisaki

> for someone who looks like a plague daddy- doctor none of the members of the yakuza would have imagined him dating a cutie with a QUIRK

> for starters, you kinda once over the media on the yakuza, more so concerned with your art

> so when you accidentally ran into kai one evening, you kinda just shrugged it off and continued to walk home

> he was so confused like didn’t you know who he was?????????

> nonetheless, he saw you again, while you were making your way home from the convenience store with your [fav. drink + snacks]

> “oh hey! i remember you!” **insert tense kai** “you’re that guy from the other day! how are you?” **cue confused kai**

> you didn’t really have much of a reaction when you FINALLY put two and two together on

> “you’re a part of that villainous yakuza, right?” **insert tense kai** “it’s okay i won’t tell, i like you too much to turn you in :)” **cue confused kai**

> he wasn’t sure whether to be more concerned about the fact you’re letting him, a villainous yakuza go, or the fact he is starting to develop feelings for you

> regardless, kai had “kidnapped” you more like you willingly agreed to stay with him, hidden away somewhere, where you were safer

> he allowed you to continue your artistry, but he made sure to stay away at least from that aspect of your life

> he wanted you to feel like you had those forms of freedom with the line of work that he was involved in because he loves you very much

> BONUS: you held a grudge on kai for keeping eri hidden away from you and for what he did to her and got a couple of hits on his ass, but you stayed with her and aizawa after kai was arrested

---

sorry some of these are short or kinda are,,,,idk bad? ^^;

#bnha headcannons #aizawa x reader #hawks x reader #bnha x reader #shigaraki x reader #overhaul x reader #kai chisaki x reader #himiko toga x reader #dabi x reader #keigo takami x reader

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4haechie · 4 years ago

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son of apollo!donghyuck

pairing: son of apollo!donghyuck x child of athena!reader genre: fluff, comedy, some adventure/action, pjo au, e2l au words: 3,173 warning: couple of curse words here n there a/n: i reference a bunch of pjo characters in this so if u haven’t read pjo *crowd booing*

so donghyuck’s the son of apollo right

there’s like no arguing when it comes to that

he’s extremely talented at singing and making music, dancing, rapping, songwriting, so he’s no doubt apollo’s offspring

and he’s naturally gifted at archery as well

you can’t spell haechan without ACE teehee

u on the other hand

you’re athena’s child

you love to read and write you’re incredibly smart ofc

you love competing and winning and taking part in strategy making to bring your opponents DOWN 💅🏼

athena’s the goddess of wisdom as well as warcraft so needless to say you’re exceptional in both fields

you’re not just textbook smart, no no, you’re able to apply all the knowledge you learn…well…irl

not to mention you’re good with all kinds of weapons

ur fave weapons include swords and spears :D

you’re okay w knives too!!! and daggers!!! you’re not picky

but you’re better w longer blades just cuz u have more experience w them

fun fact: you’re the head of the athena cabin and donghyuck’s the head of the apollo cabin

you’re both great leaders, always doing your best to make the best strategies to win capture the flag, the chariot races, and other fun activities chiron plans for the campers 😁

but . you guys are Sworn Enemies

actually the better term to use would be “rivals”

you guys r So competitive to the point where you actually developed a rivalry during your first few years at camp half-blood

donghyuck LOVES to win but so do you… so obv he’s gonna go out of his way to make sure he/his cabin wins

that doesn’t mean you’ve ever backed down from his challenges…

if he’s competitive you’re twice as competitive

one day after breakfast during your fifth year at camp when you’re both about 18, chiron decides to host a good old game of capture the flag

u know . for old times’ sake 😼

once he makes the announcement you immediately turn to your cabin mates

“we have to win no matter what”

“y/n, it’s just capture the flag. we’re not fighting gaea”

“bitch are u in or not”

the entire dining hall is buzzing with excitement

nothing makes a demigod’s day like a capture the flag announcement 😌

chiron suddenly grabs the megaphone again and calls out “this time however there’s a little twist,” he chuckles as everybody goes silent

you raise an eyebrow

“you’ll be in teams of course. everybody has to play. there’s twenty cabins, so there will be ten teams of two cabins each. i’ll pair you guys up myself. each pair gets a flag–so there’s ten flags in total. the game will be won by the pair who manages to collect all flags and brings them back to their base before anyone has the chance to steal their own flag.”

the demigods burst into intense chatter and discussion once more

you turn your head back to your siblings and tilt your head in slight confusion

you’ve never played capture the flag in teams before

“anyone but apollo. i’m literally begging. sam, pray to athena right now”

“y/n RELAX”

“i think if we’re partners with apollo’s cabin i’ll actually jump into tartarus”

“…”

“what? percy and annabeth survived” 🙄

chiron pulls out a scroll and calls out the pairings one by one

poseidon and demeter, hades and ares (good luck to them), so on and so forth

your heart keeps racing . athena’s name has not been called out yet

and just like that your worst fear comes true

“athena cabin with apollo cabin. the game will commence in thirty minutes, which is how much time you have to prepare. good luck and stay safe!”

you drop your head into your palm (aka head in hands meme jpg)

“this is the worst day of my entire life”

“y/n, you’re hands down the most dramatic person i’ve ever met”

maybe it’s just you–bc your siblings seem fine with the apollo kids

they have so many apollo cabin friends :(

curse u and donghyuck’s little rivalry that the entire camp and chiron knows about

so him putting yall together definitely was not a coincidence cough cough

can u blame him

🌤🌈 he just wants all of u to get along 🌈🌤

he’s seen w his own two centaur eyes what happens when demigods fight between themselves

it’s not healthy

he needs u guys to get along bc u and donghyuck are some of the best demigods at camp rn

ur quick wits and amazing sword skills

his position as the camp’s best archer

imagine how powerful yall would be if u two worked together

if only you got along from the start.. but nooooo

ur egos r just too high F

but anyway, back to the present

you’re sitting there, head in your hands, dreading this already when some of the apollo kids swagger over to your guys’ table

donghyuck is in front of them as he scoffs after seeing your dreadful state

“why the sad face, y/n?”

you lift your head up to see him hovering over your seat and roll your eyes

you get up and your siblings follow

you’re just gonna have to make do. you don’t have time to complain

the thing is

you’ve only lost capture the flag once 👎🏼

a few summers ago the apollo cabin defeated the entire camp leaving everybody speechless

it’s true they didn’t defeat JUST you but somehow you thought it was personal

you had the PERFECT record 😕

zero losses . only wins

but bc of the apollo kids your cabin’s record was tarnished

which is sorta why you started hating them (esp donghyuck their leader) so much

donghyuck caught on immediately and made it a point to compete just as hard as u

so yea. that’s how you became rivals

he knows how much ur gonna hate working with him but u don’t really have a choice now do u :/

so he knows exactly why u have a sad face

but this is donghyuck we’re talking about

just bc yall r “rivals” doesn’t mean he’s not gonna tease u 😂😂😂

(or maybe he teases u bc he thinks ur cute and he hopes one day u realise him teasing is actually donghyuck for flirting 🤭)

“you know damn well why, lee donghyuck”

“oh c’mon i think it’ll be fun! if we combine our skills, we definitely have a hundred percent chance of winning”

you cross your arms and glance at your siblings who just shrug in agreement

you sigh loudly

“don’t even think about fucking this is up, donghyuck. and just so we’re clear, i’m in charge”

he laughs, “yup! got it”

so you start talking strategy

you only have 30 minutes so you need to make the best of it

you divide the two cabins into pairs so that an athena and an apollo kid will be paired together and in charge of smth diff

you have plenty of people on your team – 5 in athena’s cabin and 5 in apollo’s cabin

some will handle weapons and safety gear, some will handle mapping out the playing area which was basically the entirety of the woods, some will be setting up traps near your team’s flag to prevent others from coming close

30 minutes quickly pass and after dividing the work and planning your strategy with donghyuck and friends you turn your attention back to chiron who has his megaphone in hand

everyone’s told to gather outside the dining hall at the open field before the game commences

you, donghyuck, and your teammates briefly talk strategy once more . just to make sure everybody knows what they’re supposed to do

“let the game begin!” chiron blows a loud whistle and the demigods scramble out of the field, going to their designated flag locations

your spot is near a little creek, but the forest around your flag is quite dense so u figure it’s relatively hard to locate

it’s not that late so the afternoon sun makes your skin glisten with sweat

“damn, can you tell your dad to chill tf out for a while,” you tell donghyuck jokingly

he just rolls his eyes but on the inside he’s kinda glad you’re being casual with him rather than 😡😡😡😡😡 like u normally are

u don’t know what it is about him today but u swear he’s acting different around u

he wasn’t… as annoying while discussing strategy ????

he actually ?????? listened ?????? to what u had to say 🤔🤔🤔🤔

he didn’t argue, he didn’t even throw around witty burns like he usually does w/o hesitation

u were like… is he ok

little do u know!!! he actually l*kes u 🤭🤭🤭

well… it’s not a 100% fact that HE himself knows as well

but his siblings caught on to his weird behaviour n figured smth was up

mark being one of hyuck’s closest friends n siblings in the apollo cabin, realised he was acting weird ever since yall got grouped together

he seemed nervous ⁉️ which he never ever is

he’s like the most confident person mark’s ever known

so mark was like *thinks*

after putting two and two together mark came to the conclusion that he might have a small crush on u

bc hyuck kept glancing over at u, kept talking abt how ur a good leader (he’s never gonna tell YOU that tho. he crossed his heart on that one)

mark was like i didn’t even ask but ok

mark was confused at first tho cuz everybody and their mom knows about your guys’ rivalry so why tf would hyuck have a crush on someone he considers his rival

mark decides not to get ahead of himself bc hey!!! maybe he doesn’t have a crush, maybe he just thinks ur a good leader

like that’s it u know?

LMAO 🤫

so anywayz where was i

ah right

the flag

OK SO ur team’s flag is yellow ! :D

it’s like the colour of sunflowers

you and donghyuck r in charge of guarding the flag while ur team members scout around for the other flags

easy peasy

you and donghyuck are at your base now, weapons drawn just in case

the flag is hung on a poll couple feet taller than you

you’re dressed in ur usual training clothes – a pair of washed out shorts, a very old orange camp half-blood shirt; your sword’s sheath hanging from one of the belt loops of your shorts

donghyuck’s dressed similarly – a pair of blue ripped jeans, the same orange camp shirt tucked into them, but he has a purple flannel on, which he takes off and ties around his waist

“it’s so freaking hot,” he says, mentally agreeing with the comment u made about apollo earlier

“tell me about it”

there’s a silence that follows, the only sound heard is the subtle flow of the creek water

you’re thankful for the silence

it’s easier to keep an ear open for opponents on their way to steal your flag

just as you think about it, an ares and a hades kid approach your base

they’re on the other side of the creek, less than ten to fifteen feet away

“hi y/n,” the hades kid you’re kind of close to says

you shoot him a fake smile before holding your sword in front of you

donghyuck pulls out an arrow from his quiver and nocks it in his bow, aiming for the two demigods in front of you

the creek isn’t that deep, so the two demigods cross it with ease

they have their weapons drawn; they’re now a couple of feet away from you and more importantly the flag

no words are said as donghyuck lets his arrow fly and knock the hades’ kid sword out of his hands

he didn’t use an arrow with a sharp tip, you note

the hades’ kid stumbles backwards, imbalanced after he gets unarmed

you stand your ground as the ares’ kid scrambles forward, attacking you with her sword

your blades clash defiantly

you continue to spar with all your might

from the corner of your eye you see that the hades’ kid, sword back in hand, is battling donghyuck on your left

the flag is right behind you and donghyuck; you can’t let the two demigods get near it

you and the ares kid are still battling each other, putting all your strength into making sure she surrenders

but u should know better

ares and athena kids have many similarities like their love for winning, their confidence in battle, etc.

it’s like looking in a mirror

you don’t have anything against this particular ares kid, though

“c’mon, y/n, give up already”

that REALLY makes your blood boil

you never give up, no matter what

with one final blow of your sword, you knock her sword out of her hands, making her think she distracted you with her words

she goes flying back, half her body landing in the creek water

her sword lies in between you and her, but you doubt she’ll have the courage to fight again

the hades kid sees this and quickly scrambles away from hyuck, picking up the ares kid’s sword and giving her a hand up

“this is why i hate you and your siblings–your huge ego always gets in the way,” you hear the hades kid grumble to his partner as they run away from you, shame written all over their defeat

hyuck laughs and wipes sweat from his forehead

you can’t help but laugh either

you love it here at 🧡 camp half-blood 🧡

a few moments pass as your teammates emerge from the dense woods, each pair with a different colour flag held between them

you smile in victory

you quickly bring down your flag from its pole and give it to hyuck

“me? it was your plan…”

“yeah, but i couldn’t have done it without you, hyuck”

he almost passes out at your choice of nickname

back at the main hall, chiron announces your team as the winner, and that the prize yall being excused from doing chores all week long!!!!

it’s not much, but hey, at least you and hyuck ended up working together and winning the game, right?

later, hyuck pulls you aside from your cabin mates, and walks you to the lakeside

you two sit at the deck, side by side, watching the water doing nothing in particular

you watch as hyuck swings his feet lightly, his toes barely touching the water

“y/n, do you hate me?” donghyuck asks out of the blue

you’re like 😳 what

now that he asks you that . like straight up . it makes u think

do u REALLY hate him

or do u just hate losing to him

“why would i hate you?” you question back

“i don’t know? i guess because of our, um, rivalry thing i thought you can’t stand me”

you play with the beads of your camp necklace

“i don’t hate you, donghyuck. i just hate losing. i guess it’s the athena in me,” you laugh at how lame you sound

“i hate losing too, but i don’t hate you, in case you’re wondering.”

he takes a deep breath

“i know we started going against one another ‘cause of that one time my cabin won capture the flag, but i don’t want things to stay this way,” he pushes his hair back

“i guess what i’m saying is… i like working with you.” he pauses

“yeah,” he says, as if more convinced now, “and i would really like to get to know you better,” he clears his throat, very clearly embarrassed

you laugh at his flustered state

“stop laughing at me,” he stretches the last syllable as he lightly shoves you with his shoulder

you’re trying even harder to not laugh now, but for his sake, you hold it in

“that’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever said”

he crosses his arms, “i’m always cute”

you’re like. THE NERVE?????? 😒😒😒

“how ‘bout we go slow? i mean, we just became un-enemies, we’re gonna need to be friends first, right?” you poke his shoulder

“you make a good point”

“i’m literally athena’s child, but okay”

“shut up!”

✨ time skip ✨

both u and hyuck stay at camp over the holidays which means more bonding time!!! yay!!!!!

a year has passed and u and hyuck r basically bffs, attached at the hip, and everybody except mark is surprised as fuck

rmb the days when hyuck thought u were “cute”?

welp 🤭 he’s at that point where everything u do makes his heart flutter

yeah… he likes u Like A Lot

u have no clue abt his feelings for u and he has no clue abt ur feelings for him either

exactly a year after the iconic capture the flag game, ur both seated at the deck by the lakeside, side by side, again

“y/n…there’s something you need to know”

“if you’re gonna tell me about the mixtape you’re dropping with mark, i literally don’t want to hear it”

“THAT WAS ONE TIME”

“YOU GOT THE ENTIRE CAMP’S HOPES UP FOR NO REASON”

both of you burst into fits of laughter

after calming down, he shoves your shoulder lightly with his shoulder, like he always does (only to u tho)

“no, seriously, i need to tell you something”

“what’s up?”

“i,” he pauses, clears his throat, “like you. a lot–i have for a while now.”

you swear your heart stops beating and your brain explodes

HE? LIKES? U?????????

he continues, “i don’t know if you like me back, but i’ve been wanting to tell you this for so long–guess i didn’t have the courage until recently,” he lets out an airy laugh

you’re looking at him in the eyes now; a subtle shimmer of the afternoon sun sparkling in his eyes

“hyuck, i like you too. how could i possibly not?” you chuckle at his shocked expression

he goes :O

he’s genuinely speechless when you lean forward and press your lips ever so softly onto his

you literally feel him freeze, which worries you for a second, but your worry is washed away when he slowly kisses you back

you melt right then and there

he takes your hand in his, interlocking fingers, as you pull away, a faint pink blush painting both your cheeks

“wow”

“really, y/n? that’s all you have to say? what happened to being wisdom’s child, huh?”

“donghyuck, i SWEAR to ALL THE GODS–!”

your sentence is cut off when he presses his lips onto yours again, you smile into the kiss which causes him to smile with you

he kisses you again and again, and then again, until you’re both a giggling mess

“let’s stay like this forever, yeah? what do you say?” he says, bringing his lips to your forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling back and looking at you

you look at your intertwined hands, and then back up at him, “i’d like that”

#lee donghyuck #lee haechan #donghyuck fluff #haechan fluff #donghyuck x reader #haechan x reader #donghyuck imagines #haechan imagines #donghyuck headcanons #haechan headcanons #nct fluff #nct x reader #nct bullet imagines #haechan bullet imagines #donghyuck bullet imagines #mine

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partyinthemysterymachine · 5 years ago

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a jellicle worldbuilding

fuck it here’s a wall of text infodump about my canon RTT and some worldbuilding, just copy/pasting bc i had the foresight to do so

i got an ask (thank you @jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear ! i love pushing buttons i didn’t mean to push) about what Symbolism i-not-so-quietly-hinted about in regards to Macavity and Munkustrap and their sweet sweet baby brother Tugger.

so while i’m still figuring things out like specific specifics and suchlike with these three, but essentially, RTT is Different. there are some bigger and obvious ones, like the heterochromia, the big ol’ irises, the suggestion of him being larger in body type (kinda accidentally got one of each lmfao coverin the bases), happier. all three of them have the same eyebrows and widow’s peak stripe. all three of them have it with color, tho RTT’s has a full background. doesn’t mean anything Deep. it’s a genetic trait. yeah, other cats have the same stripe/marking. i feel like there’s something Specific about it that i haven’t worked out yet. again it’s not Deep, but just.. a fun little thing, like a distinct birthmark. idk!!

in smaller details, while speaking about the stripe, RTT’s fans upwards while his brothers’ fan downwards. his teeth aren’t right; he was born with some pretty odd lookin’ teeth, and he didn’t grow in the pointy ones other than the canines. there was some concern for him for a hot minute there, but he seems to have done fine.

(note: i don’t HC the tribe as regular cats (tho i once had the idea of them looking like actual cats until the reach the Junkyard at which point, athros, because i was galaxy-braining it since i was 12 lmfao) but as, yeah, p much anthros. clothing is optional, more popular in other areas, right now in this tribe it’s unusual. the Jellicles are known to be kind of ‘old fashioned’. the tribe have guardians, hunters, craftsmen, etc.. they’re a tight little community. they used to be a lot larger, but nobody likes to talk about what happened.

the Junkyard has been Jellicle territory for a very, very long time and they are extremely territorial about it. strategically, it’s one of the best spots to be in. hunting isn’t super, but they have found some sweet spots that nobody else seems to have picked up on yet. obviously it’s a fortress but it’s also a city. there are hundreds of secret passageways, hiding spots, storage, etc. it’s very valuable. (and there’s a trouble tribe looking at it, as they’ve been doing in the last handful of decades)

visitors are usually either invited, or they’ll send word weeks beforehand. it seems very slow and rigid, but it’s more societal politeness and tradition rather than like, anything dangerous is going on. Jellicles and other tribes intermingle outside all the time. there are some chapped asses and that’s pretty typical anyway. at night it’s highly unusual and frowned upon to be cavorting about outside of one’s community. that’s what bad people do. looks Macavity

there are jobs and markets and places to go and enjoy oneself, so it’s pretty much our ‘normal’ life. just everyone has to go home. there is a nightwatch collective, one from each tribe, that enforces curfew. Munkustrap is a part of that collective. it’s a very honored and respected position.)

ANYWAY so basically the normal cat teeth are kind of still a necessity. like Macavity, he’s a maine coon, and chooses to fashion his fur in the mane style. so he regularly grooms it, and the rest of himself, because Fashion and Rebellion. (kind of really weird across the board to do it, though it’s catching on in other tribes and there’s some heat about it. usually only the sick are groomed like that. there’re a couple tribes that will groom short or outright shave a cat’s arms as punishment (or worse, their heads), and that’s always been seen as really harsh and super fucked up. Deut finds it disrespectful.)

RTT is a storyteller. consider him a bard LOL and bards/storytellers are like celebrities. their talent is highly valued, there are a couple competitions a year for them and RTT has been a tough one to beat in the last four years, holding the winning title of one of the events. he’s got fantastic stage presence, incredible social skills, nearly unbeatable improv skills (a part of the event he’s holding winning title of demands a story made up on the fly (topic given, you have x minutes, go) and he excels in that area. he’s got some weak spots ofc, but that awards the most points) and he’s a pretty great guy all around.

so back to the Symbolism. RTT and his brothers are pretty well known (and ofc there are many ‘well known’ cats, but i’m gonna stick to the Jellicles obv). their sore spot is Macavity, and he kind of a lot disgraced the Jellicles by doing what he did and becoming what he is. Deut, Munkustrap, and RTT took a hit. while they are respected, there’s a huge dent on their reputation and it has affected how they’ve been treated, talked about, etc (even a little tittering in their own tribe). so there’s a burden on RTT and Munkustrap’s shoulders to restore trust and honor, so to speak.

OK BACK TO THE SYMBOLISM so they were given color backgrounds and drip effects. Macavity and Munkustrap got it on their face and RTT got his from his chin down his front. it’s to set him apart from his brothers, obviously, but those two are down a shaky path. RTT feels like he’s picking up the slack from Munkustrap and doing what Macavity should’ve. (there are some societal hierarchy things but oh my god i can’t keep going off on worldbuilding tangents)

RTT is a pride and joy of the Jellicles. he does have quite a bit of weight on his shoulders. it’s not to say that all of his congeniality and such is a mask or a front. he’s genuinely like that, and he’s what you see is what you get. as anybody does, he has his demons. it’s hard to say which way the drips on those pictures are going; are they climbing or descending? whatever’s happening to Macavity and Munkustrap it’s affecting them both, and nearly at the same rate.

whatever’s happening to RTT is far from their spectrum, and pretty much everyone else’s.

there’re a lot of Expectations on Munkustrap. there used to be an important role for Macavity until, well, he Did Things. since that happened, people assumed it’d get handed down to RTT instead, but it doesn’t seem to be the case. Macavity’s role is still empty and there’s speculation on what’s going to happen, particularly because his exile happened quite awhile ago and his part was “forgotten” about by Deut. he won’t talk about it, even to Munkustrap.

Deut’s pulled RTT aside a handful of times since then. what he’s been told, discussed, and pitched eats him a bit. it’s going to be a lot of unnecessary trouble if Deut doesn’t sort it out soon. RTT is on a path he didn’t expect or want while he watches his brothers tie themselves, and each other, into sailor’s knots. Munkustrap and Macavity can’t tell if they’re ascending or descending; but RTT knows, and he also knows which way he’s going.

Deut better figure his shit out before it’s his turn to go to the Heavyside, or worse yet, when his brothers both snap for good.

#ches writes #ches writes things #long post #cats musical #cats the musical #worldbuilding #rum tum tugger #rtt #munkustrap #macavity #jellicles #jellicle tribe #froths at the mouth #fucking FROTHS at the MOUTH #me @ myself: damn bitch you got good ideas #leans on desk and immediately eats shit on the edge bc i'm a dumbass #anybody interested in knowing more #bc i'll probably talk about it anyway sucks for all y'all #i am everybody else's problem

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wahbegan · 4 years ago

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Oh Wait Now I Can Do a Proper Candyman Trailer Breakdown

I can analyze everything in the first trailer much better now, I think with the supplementary material provided by the puppet show and the other TV spot oh right i guess i should put this under a cut like I do cause i just know it’s gonna get long as balls all right

Opens with yeah recap of Candyman legend nothing really to see here

Not much in the bathroom scene either apart from it first introduces this Candyman’s shtick of only being visible in mirrors and shadows which is really neat...oh yeah also no the one Asian girl def chickens out after the 4th Candyman repetition so he literally only kills the white girls which i find personally hilarious. Speaking of hilarious....the girl with the buzz cut? Her character’s name is Boof. Ah, to be young again...anyway

There’s a lot of like...ochre and seafoam in this trailer, have you noticed? Like the bathroom, Candyman’s pants and coat idk i doubt it’s thematic it’s probably just an aesthetic choice but it’s interesting colors for a horror movie

“I feel really connected to this neighborhood” yeah as i mean everyone knows by now but Anthony was kidnapped by Candyman as a baby so it’s hard to tell how much of his fascination with the dark history of prettied-up Cabrini Green is just pretentious artsiness and how much is Candyman’s influence

Okay so the local ominous old kook here says something I find very fascinating when he tells him where he lives. Anthony said I just moved in around the corner, and OOK says “The old candy factory...” not next to the old candy factory or anything, just “the old candy factory”

Now we know from the puppet trailer that there’s a new character they’re introducing who is a black worker at a candy factory with a hook, but y’know like a real person hook that actual amputees get, maybe cause of a factory accident, i do not know, who was good natured and gave free candy to kids on his way home because y’know he works at a candy factory and some white cops saw, assumed he was a paedophile, chased him down to the bottom of the stairwell of presumably the building he lived in, and beat him to death

This character actually seems p important, in the new TV spot there’s a shot of a guy in a trenchcoat and seafoam pants in front of a building i THINK MIGHT be him, and a shot of some cops descending a stairwell, so I think we’re actually gonna see what happened to him, and I think he is going to be introduced as y’know a competing story to Daniel Robitaille’s, he’s MY BEST GUESS going to serve the function in the plot of revealing to the audience the idea presented in the puppet show trailer, that Candyman is more of an abstract entity or a floating moniker, it’s not necessarily bound by the identity of Daniel Robitaille

Anyway, i’m pretty sure by OOK’s comment here that the condos Anthony and Brianna live in are literally built on top of where the candy factory where that guy worked used to stand

Oh yeah just neat little shot of the graffiti of Candyman more as Clive Barker designed him fun reference

Bee stinging Anthony, more on that later, also notice he’s not just a painter, he’s a photographer as well because that becomes important

Oh yeah “he’s the monster that’s part of this neighborhood” is in all probability part of the same speech from the TV spot “Candyman ain’t a HE, he’s the whole damn hive. He’s the way we deal with the fact that these things happened. That they’re still happening.” Candyman I’m prob gonna make a whole post about this but his transformation from urban legend used to cope with random violence and urban decay in Clive Barker’s story to urban legend used to cope with racial violence seems complete in this movie, and I believe thematically the idea is the gentrified Cabrini and Anthony are under the delusion that this is a monster, a story of the past, and Candyman appears to...disabuse them of that notion. With a big fuck-off hook

We know from the TV spot the all-black portrait he’s working on in his apartment is Daniel Robitaille, and a damn good likeness of Tony Todd can I just say who the hell did these paintings they’re amazing anyway the one we see at the gallery of the man with the swollen face is I think the candy factory worker who was beaten to death. That guy i think is also the one who introduces the concept of the seafoam pants and ochre coat btw to Candyman’s wardrobe. Cause of that, he might be how Candyman appears when he kills the High School girls i do not know but that’s interesting, ain’t it? Candyman appearing in different ways to different people depending on the story they’ve heard

Oh the mirror opening to the space behind it must be a reference to the hole through Candyman’s mouth graffiti in the og i just got that that’s pretty sweet cool exhibition

When bearded guy in that god-awful Overlook Hotel carpet-looking button up shirt is saying Candyman, that movie that’s being projected in the background...I’m not sure which, but based on what little more we saw of it in the TV spot, pretty sure that’s footage of the lead-up to/possibly the actual act of the arrest or murder of one of Anthony’s Candyman subjects which is ahh....dark. I mean hell, he’s black, if anyone can do it he can but that feels a little tasteless Tony buddy

Anne-Marie is still obvs shaken up about Candyman, based on their two brief interactions in this trailer I’m assuming...well, cause he was a baby when it happened, he wouldn’t remember, i’m assuming she never told him about what happened to him and this is the first he’s hearing of it.

Candyman agrees with me that the movie was tasteless

Related to that Candyman becoming a monster of racial violence rather than urban blight thing, unlike the original movie, almost ALL of his victims in this are white, which is i mean yeah more on brand considering his origin story(ies)

Candyman appearing in the mirror and Anthony’s hand rotting from the bee sting yeah may as well talk about it here, it becomes obvious at several points through the trailer that the Candyman entity if you want to call it that is taking hold of Anthony

For a split second when he throws the glass, I think you can see his James Byrd, Jr. portrait in the background (with the exposed skull)

Yeah, I’m not exactly sure what’s happening to him as he paints but it SEEMS like he’s somehow experiencing the pain of his subjects

When he’s in his painting clothes covered in black paint seems to be mid-late in the movie when he’s kinda losing his shit yeah we see later the hook come out of a sleeve in the coat he’s wearing when he gets his hand sawed off (more on that in a sec) and the paint-splattered jeans so i’m pretty sure the painting clothes with the old fur-lined coat over it is gonna be HIS Candyman Transformation Chic

“He had a purpose for you, to be another one of his terrible stories.” This is completely shooting in the dark and it came to me late at night as I was falling asleep so I have no idea how stupid or crazy it may or may not sound, BUT if we accept Candyman as a recurring entity and his “terrible stories” as victims of racially motivated hate crimes, okay, hear me out. Remember how in the OG Candyman just kept framing Helen for everything? I wonder if Anthony’s story via Candyman was supposed to be “white woman harrassing Cabrini Green residents chops up woman’s dog, steals her baby, and puts him in a bonfire to be burned alive.” Like Anthony was supposed to be a what’s the word they use in the puppet trailer’s blurb “unwilling martyr”, a black baby boy burned alive by a white woman to keep the faith of his congregation going

I feel like that might be the old candy factory worker sawing Anthony’s hand off, anyway yeah he’s in a very Candyman coat, his hand infected presumably via bee sting is being sawed off, what I really love is that you can see that not only is his right hand getting amputated, he’s been blinded in his right eye. Now remember in Candyman’s original story, Daniel Robitaille had his hand sawed off not just so he could replace it with a sick-ass hook, but because that was his painting hand, that was the source of his talent and pride and wealth. Anthony, like I said, is a painter and a photographer. So Candyman takes his hand and his eye i just love that lil detail

I think that woman in the burned church with SWEETS TO THE SWEET on the wall might be Helen, who we know is in the movie and probably has a conversation with Brianna for plot purposes cause there’s a reaction shot of Brianna in the same church saying “this isn’t real”

Yeah that is absolutely definitely 100% Anthony killing that guy in the alley so yeah i guess there’s no question Candyman gets his ass but i feel like there’s more to it because well y’know they’re very open about it in the trailer number one in a way they’re usually not about the struggle the movie revolves around and as evidenced by him killing people the movie still clearly keeps going after he becomes Candyman so ???? i wonder what’s going on

There’s a brief shot of a little girl watching what looks like her dad jump out the window, I assume that’s Brianna seeing as how y’know a kid is credited as young Brianna and i think there was a character blurb mentioning her having a troubled past, so i feel like her dad’s suicide is obliquely related to Candyman in some way. It is worth noting he seems to jump out of some kind of painting studio

This little kid finding a corpse covered in blood and bees in the bathroom is, first of all, that’s only black person we see killed by Candyman, but also it just seems so disconnected from the rest of the plot and i can’t figure it out at all that I feel like this scene must be either a cold open or a stinger at the very end

#Candyman #Nia DaCosta #Candyman 2020

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atimefordragons · 5 years ago

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IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I SHALL PUNISH YOU! || EHS

☾♔; May 19, 2020 ☾♔; 2:19am ☾♔; sotd: Man of the World (Takanashi Yasuharu) ☾♔; cotd: Kuruma ☾♔; Elite Highschool ☾♔; Audition

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice!

𝐀 𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 (𝐌𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟑, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎): Finally done, I'm soz for taking so long! I've just been Narutoing. He's my boy, dattebayo!

☆──════ ⋆ ☽ ⋆ ☾ ⋆ ════──☆

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

➤TITLE: S̶p̶o̶r̶t̶y̶ ̶S̶p̶i̶c̶e̶ The Sports Star ➤OC NAME: Katarina Văduva ➤AGE: 16 ➤BIRTHPLACE: Brăila, Romania ➤BIRTHDAY: December 31 ➤FACE CLAIM: Bruna Marquezine ➤USERNAME: @.dracarysbitch

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

➤LIKES: football (soccer, not the american one), eurovision (obvs), tennis, volleyball, basketball, ice hockey, figure skating, anime, manga (loves shoujo, but would rather die than admit it), a song of ice and fire (of course), russian literature (tolstoy is a fav ofc), winter, blizards, snowstorms, fresh snow, sweet foods, video games (dragon age, assassin's creed, the witcher, until dawn, pokemon), sailor moon, pink, blue, stitch, disney (sleeping beauty is her fave, even though she doesn't really match her personality, it's more that her parents gave her away for her safety, and Kat used to imagine it was the same for herself when she was a kid), space, faberge eggs, sanrio (her favourites are Kuromi and Pandausa)

➤DISLIKES: sasuke uchiha (fucking bitch), supercilious people, the lodge (lol, grow up you fucking losers), shows that go on forever and never end (please, please just end), shows that have shit endings, game of thrones (fucking dumbfucks), americans, right-wing politics (it's so stupid, just grow a heart), religion (what a scam), being alone (either physically or with her thoughts, let's bury that shit), losing, being wrong, having to concede any ground on any matter whatsoever, not knowing things

➤HOBBIES: anything that is physical (fucking jocks, amirite?), she's loves going for jogs (can't relate - secretly naruto runs during night time jogs 'cause no one can see her being lame), and playing streetball, etc. watching anime, reading manga, ranting on the interwebs about her shows and books (in general she avoids the bigger internet drama 'cause it's stupid, but sometimes you gotta put a bitch in their place, 'CAUSE DAENERYS IS THE PRINCE THAT WAS PROMISED, FUCK YOU!), watching reruns of pro-games (can't relate, so boring)

➤STRENGTHS: determined, perseverant (is that even a word?), passionate, relentless, protective, observant, straightforward (usually ends up insulting people though, so it's more of a weakness tbh), goal-oriented, independent, self-reliant, has enough self-awareness to not go off on weeb/otaku interests in front of most people, but if it's like a "smart" anime, she'll discuss it (like Death Note, she's not gonna fucking admit to still loving Naruto at this age, shut up), diligent, loyal, a bad bitch (lol, not so much, but she likes being perceived as a strong girl who can and will stab you with her stiletto. the image only lasts for a few seconds, she more just comes off as rude).

➤WEAKNESSES: stubborn, very blunt, which tends to come off as brash and rude, though she's not always intending to be mean, despite that rude, blunt nature, she's also a bit tsundere, and struggles admitting her to deeper feelings. Gets flustered when complimented (outside of sports, there she's fine 'cause I'm the best bitches, or so she says), and she just can't admit it when she needs someone, whether it be a friend or romantic interest, especially if it's a romantic interest, 'cause she's also of the mind of who needs a boyfriend when there's food? while she's observant when it comes to changes in people's behaviour, she in general lacks the capacity to act well on her observations, and is awkward when trying to comfort someone or cheer them up. When it comes to her own feels, part from rage, annoyance, or "Jock Mode", she can barely admit to them, let alone discuss them with other. Speaking of "Jock Mode", she is competitive AF, somewhat dismissive (this usually only comes out in games, but she tends to ignore weaker opponents in search of stronger ones who pose a challenge). Also tends to display some arrogance in the sports she's most talented it, particularly volleyball. It's not quite a personality flaw, but she's weak for loving parents, or just a loving family in general (in life and when watching movies, it makes her fucking cry every time, which really puts a damper on her tough girl image, it's not usually a visible one, but she can't hide the longing in her face when she watches a parent and their child being a normal, happy family). Definitely has tunnel-vision, once she has a goal in sight, that's all she sees. Can even be paired down to dumb things, like C-grade trashy alien movies. She tends to notice only the aliens and revel in their destruction, while ignoring everything else, including the plot. Has plenty of issues; abandonment, trust, ptsd - none of which she is dealing with. She's just ignoring it and hopes it goes away once she becomes a cool, reliable adult™️ (lol, good luck that, adult life is a lie).

𝐁𝐈𝐎

➤SHORT BIO: Katarina is half-Brazillian, half-Russian, though she is under the assumption that she is Romanian, she is biological the daughter of Vasily Raevsky, a Russian Oligarch, and Xuxa Amalia Reis Moreno, a Brazilian businesswoman and all round bad bitch. For reasons unknown to her, Katarina was in effect abandoned at birth and placed in a Romanian orphanage in Brăila, which is also presumed to be her birthplace. Her birth certificate lists both parents as unknown, the orphanage named her. Having no parents or known family, and raised in an orphanage has given Kat many self-reliant skills, and allows her to live independently, but it has also left her with a deep sense of loneliness (not to mention PTSD 'cause Romanian Orphan life is a nightmare). She recognizes that much of her yearning is still childish fantasy, and often covers up that desire with her brash nature or jock hobbies.

Growing up in the orphanage was... not easy. The Brăila Home for Children was not the best, to say the least. Though it could've been worse (*shudders at the case of the Sighetu Marmației institution for disabled children* - do better Romania, oh my god). The orphanage was under and poorly staffed. They would often neglect and abuse the children, one year shaving every childs head so they all looked the same, and often chaining rowdy children to their beds. During Katarina's time, many of her fellow orphans died from minor illness or injuries such as cataracts or anemia, which were treated poorly or simply ignored, and a number also starved to death. Because of this, Katarina has a habit of hoarding food, and keeping snacks under her pillow. She also has difficulty sharing, and despises headboards that are railed(? the ones with gaps, idk what to call them).

When she was around eleven, the orphanage received ample anonymous donations, leading to much improvement, and the arrival of a new Director, Ileana Cojocaru, who, over time, earned the trust of Kat and her fellow orphans, and became something of a surrogate mother. Ileana did a nearly complete staff overturn (fun side note, some of the staff, especially those who harmed Kat have gone missing in the past few years, coincidence? no), as well as hiring accomplished childcare professionals from all over the world to help the children. It was Ileana who sparked Kat's, or rather Rina as Ileana called her, interest in sports, though Ileana was more into football herself, she encourage Kat to explore whatever she wanted, though particularly team sports so that Kat could foster dependent relations. Kat herself particularly enjoyed volleyball, joining a little league team and winning a number of competitions. Due to her skill both in setting and spiking, she usually plays in the Opposite Hitter position.

Katarina entered EHS in Highschool, on what she assumed to be the Elite's scholarship program, arranged by Ileana, who even said as such, though in truth, her entry and tuition are all being handled by an anonymous benefactor. This fact was revealed to Kat last summer after Ileana died (of p̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ cancer), whose lawyer was put in charge of the bank accounts meant to pay for all of Kat's needs. The lawyer refused to divulge whom the anonymous benefactor is, citing a non-disclosure clause, though the need to discover who has given Kat a whole new mission in life.

➤FAMILY: On Katarina's part, she doesn't believe she has one, though she does consider Ileana to be her family, and has grown to care somewhat about her fellow orphans from the Brăila Home, while growing up they were rivals struggling to survive. Ileana's death devastated her, and she's dealing with it by straight up ignoring it. Lol, I'm not sad, my eyes are just glistening with the ghosts of my past.

Biologically, despite her complete lack of knowledge of it, Kat comes from rather a rather illustrious family. Her mother, Xuxa Amalia Reis Moreno, is a Brazilian Businesswoman, herself the daughter of a self-made millionaire, Xuxa is expanded the Moreno parent company, MC Inc., an oil and mineral company in origin, into numerous side ventures, owning and operating businesses ranging from restaurants to magazines and clothing lines. Her father meanwhile, Vasily Raevsky, is of the (former) noble House of Raevsky, now oligarchs in modern-day Russia, who virtually control Russia's diamond and precious stone industry, currently owning controlling shares of ALROSA, the largest diamond mining company in Russia, and accounting for 95% of the countries diamond production, as well as 27% of the global diamond extraction, and the House of Fabergé, which they purchased after the fall of the Soviet Union. If she remained in the care of either of her parents, her name would technically be Katarina Vasilyevna Moreno Raevskaya, which is a fun and utterly useless fact.

Her parents met at a rich people conference (idk, Davos or some shit like that) and engaged in a short lived affair. Her father was already married and could not accept her, and her mother had no interest in being a mother at all, let alone a single one, leading to them choosing to give her up in Romania, an arbitrary choice that fucked her up, lol.

Via her father, she has an elder brother, Viktor Vasilyevich Raevsky, who is in fact her anonymous benefactor. Viktor discovered her existence after Vasily had an accident and was close to death, so he confessed his sins and what not. Viktor eventually tracked her down and sought to improve her life. Though he wants to bring her into the family, he doesn't for the sake of his mother who cannot deal with the affair, though she refuses to divorce Vasily for appearances sake.

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀

➤MOODBOARD: https://tinyurl.com/y8a2gjy8 ➤SCHOOL WARDROBE/AESTHETICS: https://tinyurl.com/ycodubrb ➤PLAYLIST: https://tinyurl.com/y6wwmp74

➤TOP 3 CHARACTER PICKS: the Sports Star, the Princess, The Rebel(de) <-- lol, see what I did there? I'm so funny.

#audition #doll set #urstyle #mine #elite highschool #katarina văduva

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anothers-trash-my-treasure · 6 years ago

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Pushing The Limits.

Welcome Back!

This is for the anon who requested Elliot with a Daddy Kink. Idek where this came from, I’ve never written something like this before but I’m low-key obsessed with it. Enjoy the pure sin!

Pairing: Elliot Alderson x Reader

Warnings: smut Smut SMut SMUt SMUT! Unprotected sex (use protection pls), name-calling, low key humiliation kink, choking, rougher sex. obvs daddy kink

Word count: 2550 (EXACTLY, this makes me so happy lol)

Please don’t hesitate to send me prompts or asks!

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*Gif is not mine*

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It had started with a simple text message.

Come over after? Miss you.

Very simple and straight to the point. Iconic Elliot. I smiled, deciding I wanted to rile him up a bit.

I’m off in a half hour. Miss you too, daddy ;)

I bit my bottom lip nervously before clicking send. Last time I had attempted to initiate sexting he had firmly said no, and that was the end of it. We had spent the night watching old movies instead. It’s a risky move to send a message like that, but I figure if he misses me enough he’ll act on his anger instead.

You just love to piss me off, don’t you?

I smirk at his response because at least I got one. And that tells me, he really does miss me enough to put up with my shit.

Love it just as much as you like to punish me for it.

I’m pushing my luck and I know it. But god, I can’t help it. It’s just so fun when Elliot gets riled up and in the right mood. My shift ends and I begin my trek to his apartment. I climb the stairs as fast as I can, stopping briefly to catch my breath when I reach his floor. I knock on the door lightly before trying the handle; It’s open.

“El?” I call out as I close the door behind me.

He mumbled a response and I round the corner, seeing him sitting on the end of his bed. His hoodie is pulled up over his head and a freshly rolled joint hangs from his lips. He shakes as head at me as he pulls the joint away from his mouth, exhaling a mouthful of smoke. He stares at me with unblinking eyes and I know what kind of game he wants to play.

“Am I in trouble?” I ask innocently, folding my hands in front of my body.

“What do you think?” He asks, a harsh tone to his voice as he takes another hit, “Come.” He gestures to the floor at his feet. I do what he says, he doesn’t look like he’s in the mood for me to bratty just yet. Once I’m kneeling on the floor in between his feet, I look up at him, awaiting my next instruction. He takes my chin in his hand roughly, forcing me to look at him.

“You know how I feel about this kind of shit.” He says firmly, thumb dragging across my bottom lip, “But it doesn’t look like a simple ‘no’ will stop you so,” He brings the joint up to his lips again, taking a deep drag and holding it before letting it go, “Looks like I’ll have to punish you, instead.” I let out a shuddered breath as excitement boils in my stomach. It’s been a while since daddy came out to play.

“Here are the rules.” He says darkly, “You don’t cum until I tell you.” That alone hits me like a freight train in between my legs, I’m fairly certain I could cum just hearing him talk like this, “You say red if anything gets to be too much. The rest will be discussed as we continue. As for now,” He pauses, giving me a chance to object to anything while leaning back to put the joint on the bed-side table. He glances down at his lap, “You know what to do.”

I waste no time, standing up on my knees and getting to work on his belt buckle. I work on the button and zipper of his signature black jeans before tugging them around his ankles along with his boxers. My mouth waters as I watch him spring out of the confines. I love his cock, the way it stands so proud against the black fabric of his sweater. I reach out a grab it tentatively and revel in the soft gasp he lets leave his lips. He watches me with intense eyes, leaning back on one hand as I spit in my hand before pumping it up and down his shaft, never breaking eye contact. He is not having this.

“No,” he hisses, “I want your fucking mouth.” He says as he buries his other hand in my hair and shoves his cock into my awaiting mouth. I moan around it, loving the sharp zaps of pain running through my scalp as he manoeuvres me how he pleases. “Was that so fucking hard?” He growls at me.

I look up at him with wide, innocent eyes that I know he loves as my mouth is dragged up and down his cock. All the while he’s moving my head, my tongue is rolling along the underside. His eyes are half-lidded, his breathing laboured as he uses me. I love it.

He starts to thrust his hips up slightly, hand gripping my hair tighter, “Take it all, slut.” He grunts, forcing me to take his right to the base, past my gag reflex. I can feel him at the back of my throat and body instinctively tries to swallow. His eyes roll back as my throat constricts around him.

“Fuck, baby girl. Look at you,” he moans, “taking my cock like a fucking champ.” He pulls out briefly, rubbing the tips against my parted lips, “what are you?”

I suck on the head, slurping sloppily because I know he loves that, “I’m your cock slut, daddy.” I say, my voice already raspy. He growls at my response.

“Yes, my beautiful little cock slut.” he moans, pushing past my lips again before starting to steadily fuck my throat. I can tell he’s getting close, his trusts getting sloppy, head thrown back and mouth open wide. I love knowing that I’m the one who makes him feel this way. It’s my mouth who makes him lose his mind. He shoves in deep again, holding there for a few seconds. A shudder racks his body and he moans loudly. He pulls my head away, breathing heavily, “fuck, too close..” he moans.

All I can think, at this moment is how badly I want his cum shooting down my throat. I whine, “Daddy, please give me your cum.” I kiss the top of his head softly, “Please daddy, want it so bad.”

His eyes roll back and he moans, defeated, “Fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit.” He puts the tip in my mouth just as he starts to cum, his hand working the base, moaning loudly. I moan happily, I dirty talked him over the edge. “You, fucking, minx.” He moans, gasping in between words as he finishes.

Once he pulls out, he grabs my jaw, “Show me.” he demands. I happily open my mouth, showing him the mess he made inside my mouth before closing, swallowing and opening again to show him just how badly I wanted it.

He moans again, throwing his hoodie off and flopping back on the bed. I stay in my position, knowing it’s far from over.

“Did I do good, daddy?” I ask cheekily after a moment, knowing full well he’s pissed.

“No,” he says simply, standing up and pulling me with him, “I was going to be nice to you. But for that little stunt, you’ve earned yourself a real treat tonight.”

He pushes me back on the bed, “take off your shirt.” he demands as he starts working on my jeans. Soon enough, I laying fully exposed on the bed for him. He crawls on top of me, kissing me harshly and moving my hands above my head.

“Keep your hands there, don’t move.” He says, manoeuvring his body down in between my legs, “and remember, you don’t cum until I say so, understood?”

I grip the pillow above my head, mentally preparing myself for whatever he has planned, “Yes, daddy.”

He wastes no time, immediately attaching his lips to my clit and sucking hard. I throw my head back and my arms flex with the effort of keeping them still. His hands are gripping my thighs in a near death grip as he goes to town on me. He moves his tongue from my clit to dipping it in and out of my wet core, fucking me with it at a leisurely pace.

“Fuck! El- Daddy, feels so good,” I moan loudly. I’m close already, his talented tongue sending me racing for the edge. My hips instinctively buck up against his face and he pulls away. I whine, looking at him quizzically.

“I told you not to move,” He says lowly, nipping at my inner thigh, “Besides, you think I don’t know when you’re close?” He smiles devilishly as I pout down at him.

“But-”

“You think I’d let you off the hook that easy?” He asks, returning to ever so softly dragging the tip of his tongue over my cunt. He chuckles darkly as the soft moan I let out, “baby girl, we’re just getting started.”

He moves my legs over his shoulder so he can slide his middle finger into my heat. But only just up to the second knuckle, so he’s just barely brushing against my g-spot. I whine breathlessly, biting my lip and gripping the pillow tightly and his thrusts his finger in and out of my shallowly. It takes everything I have in me to not grind my hips against his sinful mouth. He’s moaning and tugging on my clit as he adds a second finger, stretching me out in the most delish way.

“Daddy, please.” I whine, “I need more.” I meet his eyes, giving him a pleading look.

He detached his mouth from my pussy, “more?” he asks, I nod desperately, “Like this?” and with that, he’s shoving his fingers as far as they’ll go, rubbing my clit with his thumb is soft circles. I see stars.

“Fuck!” I moan, “daddy yes! So good, fuck I’m gonna-” Before I can finish my sentence he’s detached himself from me fully. I whine in frustration, twisting the pillow fabric between my hands as he sucks his fingers clean. He moves up my body, attaching his lips to one of my nipples while his hand plays with the other. His eyes don’t leave mine. When he pulls away I’m sensitive and begging, “Please, let me cum.”

He kisses his way up my neck, kissing and sucking before he reaches my ear, tugging on it lightly before, “Not. Yet.”

He moves back down and continues to tease me. Sucking and playing with my clit while he fingers me slowly, every now and then moving them in a ‘come hither’ motion. He keeps his eyes trained on my face, never letting up from his ministrations just dangling me over the edge. He knows my body so well, knows how to keep me right where he wants me; on the edge of insanity. He edges me a few more times before tears start to prick at my eyes. I’ve lost track of how many times he’s denied me at this point.

He pulls away once more and I let out a sob, “Please!” I cry, “pleasepleaseplease.”

He sits up on his knees, grabbing his once again hard cock in his hand, pumping it steadily as he looks at me, “Fuck, look at you.” he groans, “Crying for my cock, you want it that bad?”

I nod desperately, my hands twitching where they lay beside my head. I want to touch him so bad, but I don’t want to risk moving without permission, “Want your cock so bad, daddy” I whine, biting my lip in an attempt to ground myself.

He moves in between my legs, rubbing himself in between my wet folds, “Think you deserve my cock?” He asks in a low growl, “Have you learned your lesson?”

I nod again, squeezing my eyes shut, “Yes, yes, I’ll be good. Won’t do it ever again daddy, promise.”

He takes pity on me and finally sinks into my heat, letting out a soft moan as he down so. I moan loudly in relief as he fills me. One of his hands comes up to grab at my throat, placing his mouth by my ear, “You still can’t cum until I tell you.” He reminds me before pulling his hips back and snapping them back against mine harshly.

His free hand goes up to wrap around my wrists, pinning me to the bed effectively as his hips continue their merciless attack. I throw my head back, leaning into his grip on my throat. His lips are attached to my jawline, sucking and biting at my skin, leaving it peppered with hickeys. He grunts softly against my skin, murmuring praise softly.

“Such a good girl for me, taking your punishment so well baby.” He moans sweetly and them almost immediately switching roles, “Such a good fucking whore. My little slut, huh?”

I scream my agreement, losing myself in the pleasure. My head is swimming with the lack of oxygen, arms numb from being held tightly and hips bruising from the force of his thrusts. I’m obsessed with this feeling, only he can make me feel this way.

I can feel myself nearing the edge once more and I arch my back, “Elliot, please.” I moan, “Daddy, please let me cum, I’m so close.” I whine.

He sinks his teeth into my lip, removing his hands from my throat and wrists, and moving one of my legs over his shoulder, “not yet.”

I groan, holding on the last bit of control I have, my hands flying to his biceps and digging my nails in harshly, “pleee-easseee,” I moan, “God, fuck, daddy, please!”

“Not fucking yet.” He growls, bunching his eyebrows and concentrating, glancing down and watching where our bodies meet intensely, slowing down to tease me more, “you’re lucky I’m letting you cum at all tonight. You can wait a little longer”

At this point, tears are streaming down my face as I bask in the pleasure, unable to let myself disappoint him again tonight. I’m so sensitive and everything feels too good. I focus on him. Sweat running down his abdomen as it flexes beautifully. He’s thrusting slowly now, mouth hung open as he watches himself disappear in my tight, wet heat. He looks so good and I wonder for a moment what I did to deserve him.

Suddenly he moans, speeding up again, “fuck baby,” He takes both my legs and shoves them up near my head, “So good for daddy.” He moans, snapping his hips roughly again, chasing his orgasm, “c’mon then. Cum for me, you deserve it baby girl.”

Something inside me snaps, my back arching off the bed, head thrown back as pleasure envelopes my body. I can barely register my own moans, nearly screams and the sound of the headboard banging against the wall.

“Shit,” he moans, shoving in one final time, “God yes baby, fucck!” He moans lowly, releasing inside of me. He hangs his head and thrusts shallowly as he rides out his orgasm, both of us breathing heavily. He collapses beside me. I can feel him dripping out of me, my legs shaking from the aftershocks.

“Learn your lesson?” He asks, glancing over at me, smiling crookedly.

“If I didn’t, what are you going to do about it?”

#rami malek #rami malek smut #elliot alderson #elliot alderson x reader #rami malek x reader #snafu #mr robot #buster #finn need for speed #need for speed #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #smut #fanfiction #fanfic #josh washington #until dawn #absolute filth

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rilldineth · 5 years ago

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So a friend of mine told me that given that we are now in 2020, it will be fun if I did a top 20 ships of the past decade for me and boy, did I thought was a good idea and I have decided, why not right? I will be listing them here and...if followers decide to read it...well...

You will quickly notice that probably that most, if not all the ships fall on the following categories: a) rare-ships that are obv not canon; b) ships that are obviously crack; c) ships that had wasted potential, the ones hinted but never happened or briefly happened in canon and writers decided to fuck up. There’s also only one...one RL ship and I am ashamed yet not, but had to list it because I spent a long time hung up on it so don’t judge me.

So yes list...

Before the list, no list is complete without some honorable mentions, these are mostly ships I either got into the hype to recently (not being dedicated for years as the one I will list) or had my fancy then lost it.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Charlastor from Hazbin Hotel (recently got into it)

Clack from Final Fantasy VII

Cloud x Squall from Final Fantasy/KH series.

Hayffie from The Hunger Games.

TodoMomo from Boku Hero no Academia.

Gency from Overwatch series ( on and off )

RinMako from Free!

Terraqua from Kingdom Hearts series.

TOP 20 SHIPS OF THE PAST DECADE

20. Spuhura - Spock x Nyota Uhura (Star Trek original and reboot): Again this was another ship that I liked, since the original series, while everyone was Spirk this and that, I was like,’’yas, yas give me the sweet, sweet Spock and Uhura interactions’ and I was happy the reboot hooked them up, even if that ended dubiously but for a glorious moment, I had it.

19. Swarkles - Barney Stinson x Robin Scherbatsky (HIMYM): This is one of those ships I am bitter, bitter and salty about, there are more in this list in fact next spot is another one. But I loved it and I did think they complimented each other better than the wet noodle they stuck Robin with, they took the time to know the other, grown separately and then together, the episode where Barney proposed to Robin gave me all the feels and it was so sweet, and then fuck the writers deciding to do what they did. It’s no wonder the finale of this show is so hated.

18. Lotura - Lotor x Allura (Voltron Legendary Defender): When they announced a new reboot to Voltron I didn’t think much of it. I had fancied Lotor x Allura in the original series, as dubious as that was, but then I started to watch this Netflix thing and there was something between them, something more tangible and I was happy. It was this strong woman with an equally strong man encouraging her strength and not putting her in the box of the exotic pretty princess, like a certain dude, and wanted to know her mind and interests, they discovered things together and for a brief moment knew peace and I was here so happy that we were getting something good and then fuck the writers again that decided ‘Nah bro, you’re not getting it’ and you know to fuck off again. I will always have fan fiction I guess.

17. VinTi - Vincent Valentine x Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII series): This is a ship that I think started to like during my second playthrough of the game, I always figured the both could work, both having loved people that for one reason or another couldn’t fully love them back (Lucrecia due to damn guilt and Cloud because of Aerith) and both were mature enough to fit together, I just like them okay.

16. Helsa - Hans x Elsa (Frozen): Truly, I have never made it a secret that I really dislike this movie, I truly do. The only good things were Hans (which I am still huh at the ‘turns out he is evil’ I still call trolls) and Elsa (because of her damn powers) and then the next step was shipping them and honestly, he should have gone for the older sister lmao, they make more sense and there have very nice fiction out there.

15. Yuzuvier - Javier Fernandez x Yuzuru Hanyu (Figure Skating): Ahh, we have reached my dreaded and dark secret only RPF fancy. Be it broship or more, I always liked the friendship and camaraderie these two skaters had with each other, they were rink mates and rivals but above all friends. I was kokoro break when Yuzuru was telling Javi that he couldn’t do it without him and stop it you two. I just like them, they are wholesome.

14. Victuuri - Viktor Nikiforov x Yuuri Katsuki (Yuri!!! On Ice): And here we have another precious figure skating duo when I started to watch this series it was only because it was a figure skating anime and I love figure skating, I never expected to see a wholesome and wonderful healthy relationship to explode in front of me. The relationship between Viktor and Yuuri is just so lovely, so mature, they both worked through issues, grew from them and accepted them even and I can’t I love it. (Special mention here to Yurio x Mila, as is another ship I love from this series and so underrepresented).

13. Jonerys - Jon Snow x Daenerys Targaryen (ASOIAF/GoT): Regardless of the stupidity committed in the series, I have shipped them since the books, because I can read in between the lines and there are too many parallels between them and their journeys, ones that at will some point collide and bring them together in a way that will be worth it, so better make it count George.

12. Rhaegar Targaryen x Lyanna Stark (ASOIAF/GoT): Yes, mea culpa, I love tis ship and no one can shame me for liking it and boy has people tried to do so. Were these two smart of escaping like that and not saying a thing? Nope, they were so not. Was Brandon smart going to Kings Landing, knowing there was a crazy king with a penchant of burning people and demanding his heir's head? Nope, that was probably the stupidest move of all. Do I want to believe they loved each other? Why not? Martin has a penchant for tragic love stories, I know this ship is problematical for some, but I still love it and if you see spot 10 here, well I have varied tastes.

11. Soriku - Riku x Sora (Kingdom Hearts series): Come on, this is a given. Prior to Kairi appearing, it was clear Sora was Riku’s world and Riku’s was Sora, they were attached to the hip, the rivalry for Kairi more felt like Riku being jealous of Kairi and wanting Sora’s attention back. Then we have KH2 where Sora spent the whole damn game being all ‘Riku, Riku!’ and Riku doing his damn best to help him from the shadows, ashamed to be seen. DDD was more Riku protecting him and Sora leaning on him, even KH3 had Sora wanting to find and reach Riku, and then Riku going once again to find him by the end, so I am sorry but if there was a love story written here it was between these two.

10. Hannigram - Hannibal Lecter x Will Graham (Hannibal): Quite honestly, from all the things I ship, they are probably what one will consider the most toxic one I guess, which fair considering one part of the ship is a charismatic yet cannibalistic serial killer. But there was something in the way this relationship was developed by Fuller and brilliantly brought out by Mads and Hughs that just hooked me, their soft moments, their violent ones, it just somehow worked for me. I guess this is also one of the few canon ships that I have, funny enough.

09. Rivetra - Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral (Shingeki no Kyojin): Who will have thought that a series about human eating titans was going to give me one of my most everlasting and also shortlived OTP’s. Years can pass by and I will still love this ship, my heart will still believe there was something more between them, something that was realized or something that wasn’t, I don’t know, but I will forever love it and even though years have passed since she died, I always enjoy the hints here and there that he still remembers her or hints where we are supposed to do so.

08. Squinoa - Squall Leonhart x Rinoa Heartilly (Final Fantasy VIII): People can say whatever the fuck they want ‘the love story was rushed’ ‘we hate Rinoa’ (fuck you btw) but it doesn’t change the fact that Squall fell in love with her and that Rinoa helped him to open up, to not take things for granted and Squall taught her to be even stronger and conquer her fears, they helped each other grow and it’s what matters in the end.

07. Feanor x Nerdanel (Tolkien): This is probably, from all the romantic relationships that Tolkien has gifted us, which I have loved the most and held my attention the longest. They have the happy times, the ones that were full of joy when they met and fell in love and had their children, then we have the tumultuous times when he became too obsessed with this craft, the separation when he left with their kids leaving her behind in her pain and then their possible reencounter when he leaves the Halls of Mandos and how they might deal with it.

06. ItaHina - Itachi Uchiha x Hinata Hyuuga (Naruto): Both the heads of two of the most important clans of their villages, both with heavy expectations upon their shoulders that nearly broke them, only one was talented from the start and the other had to learn, yet they are also similar. Both love their siblings to a fault, sacrificing so much for them and their happiness, both seem to hate conflict yet know is necessary and both are devoted and loyal to a fault, they would have suited each other wonderfully, in an AU probably they would have gotten engaged, who knows, but it would have been wonderful.

05. SessKik - Sesshoumaru x Kikyou (Inuyasha): A ship that could have been but that we didn’t have. This is a ship that has been with me for years and I don’t plan to let it go, they were the best players (in a sense) in that game against Naraku, also probably the strongest, both level headed and smart, not easily intimidated and calculating, together they would have been quite a formidable force and it’s a shame we didn’t get to see that.

04. Bethyl - Daryl Dixon x Beth Greene (The Walking Dead): Another wasted potential and gone so soon, not to mention forever salty at the waste. The way they were being developed promised so much, in the few time he was with her, well, she taught him to have faith and it’s something that apparently still shows from times to times (I am not sure as I stopped with this show) and imagine how it will have gone if they had more time. Just a waste.

03. Romanogers - Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanov (Marvel/MCU): I have been shipping them for years, like honestly, and when the MCU was showing me the seeds of potentiality I was happy, not even that stupidity with Bruce killed my hope, as they still had this steady relationship, he trusted her and she trusted him, something that she couldn’t say of many, they had each others back and took care of the other...but again another wasted potential right there.

02. Huddy - Gregory House x Lisa Cuddy (House MD): I spent years, kind of, season after season watching the delicious and lovely UST between these two characters, watching them snark and then help each other, watching the ‘won’t they will they’ dance, waiting for the moment when these two will finally collide and my lord was it glorious when they finally did, and I was eager to see where it went, as they both seemed to be in relatively good places, but no once again forbid the writers to stop House from being self-destructive and another ship I had waited years was ruined.

01. Terrence "Terry" Graham Grandchester x Candice "Candy" White Adley (Candy Candy): And this is still my most important ship of the decade, I was forever bitter they never ended together and that their authors decided to make them suffer so much, but then Final Story came and all clues were pointing that aha they did found the other again and ended together as they were supposed to be, and before anyone says shizz, I did manage to read the novel and I do believe all hints were there to let us all know the identity of her husband was Terry and I am so happy.

And there it is, all the ships of the decade for me lol. Next stop, I should maybe make a list of mythos ships I like lmao.

#(;;blogger talks)#(;;blogger words)#(;;shipping and more)

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: where are you? Janis: put my coat away and everything Jimmy: weren't allowed in Jimmy: face don't fit Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: serious Janis: thought you said you could get in clubs Janis: hang on then, I'll queue up again 😑 Jimmy: it ain't my fault the door bloke's a dickhead Jimmy: fancies his chances better without me in the way Jimmy: might as well go for it now Jimmy: catch you in a bit 👍 Janis: sure, he's got it in for you, boy 😏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: he wants to put it in you Jimmy: understandable when he's going off how well you scrub up Jimmy: keep it off the snap & it is whatever, girl Janis: gross Janis: he's easily 42 Jimmy: don't knock it til you've tried it Jimmy: we ain't in the north so that ain't death's door Jimmy: & you ain't got me there to buy your drinks now, play it smart, rich girl Jimmy: that's how you stay rich, yeah Janis: well I actually got in so I can check out the talent beyond the door 👍 Janis: but tah for the tips Janis: what are you gonna do then Jimmy: big town full of Leprechauns Jimmy: maybe I'll find the pot of gold, gay clubs are the rainbow I assume Jimmy: start there Jimmy: find my own 👴💕 Janis: 🍀 Janis: funny now but when I end up dead in the river you'll be suspect no.1 Jimmy: like anyone's gonna believe I could take you out Jimmy: too 💪 you Jimmy: worry more about everyone chatting that you turned me 🌈 honestly Janis: ha Janis: like you said, keep it off the snap Janis: anyone sees you in there they'll have to out themselves first so Jimmy: 👌 Janis: laters bae Jimmy: �� Janis: [finds him, the kiss, walking away] Jimmy: [follows her out leaving this girl like ??!! as she also follows for the awks] Jimmy: [says 'keeping it short & sweet all across town tonight then?' because now is not the time for bants so obvs he's banting] Janis: [is just looking at the girl like bitch what are you doing and ain't gonna talk to him whilst she's there] Jimmy: [lights a 🚬 for an excuse to be still standing there when he's being blanked, sharing with the random girl just to make it worse, introduces Janis to her by one of her fake names cos actual dickhead] Janis: [completely blanks the girl like it would be obvious you were not welcome; 'how do you know no one saw you?'] Jimmy: [the girl be like UM I'm going back in, are you coming boy & he shrugs like in a bit cos still smoking obvs to prolong this & let's her go before he answers cos not trying to explain fake dating to this random] Jimmy: ['you've been in, it's well dead 'cause of being well shit'] Janis: ['so you don't then, in other words. great.'] Jimmy: ['nobody saw me. Calm down.'] Janis: ['fuck off. if you can't do this properly then why suggest it?'] Jimmy: ['I am doing it properly, I told you, it's alright'] Janis: ['for you maybe but that ain't the only part of the deal so sort it out. fucking amatuer'] Jimmy: ['piss off am I. It is sorted. She ain't from around here & nobody who matters saw us.' Janis: [shakes head 'yeah, you are. fuck sake, how old are you, 12?'] Jimmy: [is clearly fuming but trying to act not bothered. 'You'll be the one who fucks this if you don't trust what I'm telling you, girl'] Janis: ['nah, get why they didn't let you in now; what is this, under 18s night? check how old she was, did you?'] Jimmy: [just gives her a fuck you kind of look but that's a mistake cos she's really hot so has to look away] Jimmy: you got in, what did you follow me to this shithole for? Janis: [is laughing at him but it's obvs fake, then shrugs like, why not?] Jimmy: nah go on, you're such a #pro Jimmy: reasons for everything you do, all part of the plan all the time with you Jimmy: so what Janis: well no shit Janis: I didn't want to come out but it's on socials now so we need at least one decent picture together so they know it's #real Jimmy: come on then Jimmy: [poses in a really fake piss taking way] Janis: are you this shit or what Janis: I said, do it properly or I ain't bothering Jimmy: [does that sexy blowing smoke thing at her so it's basically a kiss like that gif I have of Nico doing it in MMFD & snaps a pic of it] Janis: [nods like that'll work 'cos what's she gonna say] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [then actually kisses her & again taking pics being all like don't say I don't do shit properly but like we both know he just wants to & its a moment] Janis: [pushes him back 'cos can't deal] Janis: that'll do Janis: keep it softcore, no one needs that much convincing Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: you're seriously going back in there Jimmy: [does the why not shrug she gave him earlier like its so obvious that you want her to tell you not to, boy please] Janis: [scoffs and shrugs back] Janis: have fun Jimmy: try not to fall or get pushed in the river, Joanne Jimmy: it'd be a crying shame that Janis: no one's pushing me away Janis: trust Jimmy: not in that outfit Jimmy: or out of it Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: you've done your snap bragging now, shut up Janis: can't make me Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Jimmy: get that too Janis: good Janis: don't get it twisted Jimmy: 👑 of the #flex Jimmy: nowt twisted here Janis: flexing makes it sound like it ain't true Jimmy: [sends her the pics so she can post them cos ultimate shade for rn that he won't] Jimmy: none of this is Jimmy: what did you say, don't get it twisted, Janet Jimmy: have fun with your #s Jimmy: [goes back inside] Janis: piss off Janis: I can get into places that ain't this dump, remember? Jimmy: you ain't let me forget Jimmy: enjoy being a hot girl then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤞 you can find one yourself Jimmy: tah Janis: so welcome Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: lovely you Jimmy: [leaves again because it actually is shit in there & obvs not feeling it] Janis: don't take it personal Jimmy: weren't & won't Janis: how unlike you Jimmy: you reckon you know what I'm like Janis: I reckon you love thinking you're special Jimmy: if I loved that we wouldn't be doing this Jimmy: I'd just let 'em all fawn over me like its their job while I do mine Janis: better in theory and bullshit than in practice Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: say the same for this fake girlfriend bollocks Janis: 💔 for you Janis: naturally Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: I'll live Janis: shame Jimmy: 💔 for you then Janis: yeah, should be Janis: inconsiderate Jimmy: reckon you've got that covered, my dear Jimmy: but I'll do my best Janis: excuse me? Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: & I bet you understood, smart girl Janis: are you drunk? Jimmy: you calling me a lightweight Jimmy: I weren't in there that long Janis: long enough Janis: 👍 Jimmy: for you maybe Janis: soz you didn't get stinky fingers? Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: yeah you looked proper sorry about it Janis: was I meant to be? Jimmy: don't bother saying it now then Janis: 🙄 Janis: did you a favour anyway Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: please Janis: even you could do better Janis: not doing this so you can throw all my good work away already Jimmy: than a girl who's not from around here, ain't gonna say shit & I don't need to see again Jimmy: not really Jimmy: but go on Janis: whatever, if that's your type Janis: then you may as well make your choice of the basics now and be done with it Jimmy: I don't have a type Jimmy: she did the job for tonight Jimmy: or would've until you turned up Jimmy: if you've got someone better in mind, I'm heading home, send 'em over Janis: lovely you Jimmy: I know Jimmy: tah though Janis: no, thank you for proving my point Jimmy: so welcome Janis: gone, was she Jimmy: or 💀 from the 🔪🔪🔪s you were throwing Jimmy: could've easily bled out while you were having your strop Janis: just playing the part Janis: like you were meant to Janis: or you want your fake gf to be that cool girl Janis: 🙄 figures Jimmy: I only clock in when there's actually an audience, babe Jimmy: like you're meant to Jimmy: & as I told you, there weren't Janis: sure Janis: you did a whole sweep of the club to doublecheck Janis: idiot Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it ain't big or packed Jimmy: & anyway if you were playing a role you'd have kicked off in front of the everyone you're so sure was about Jimmy: not outside to me Janis: not my style Janis: but you did your part by following me out like a puppy so we're fine Jimmy: 'cause I ain't no amateur Jimmy: weren't gonna let you fuck it up by fucking off without a word Jimmy: thought you paddy's loved a bar fight Jimmy: actually 💔💔 Janis: and I know boys love bitch fights, don't mean you're gonna get one from me Jimmy: gutted me Jimmy: of all the fake girlfriends I could've had Jimmy: lumbered with a dud like Julie over here Janis: find another one then Janis: save me the hassle Jimmy: bit late for that Jimmy: deal's done Jimmy: posts are posted Janis: people break up Janis: ain't even that deep Jimmy: 1 day in? Jimmy: that's the rep you want Jimmy: alright then Janis: why ain't it your rep Jimmy: I'm the lad I'm always gonna come off better Jimmy: either I dumped you this fast 'cause you wouldn't fuck me or 'cause you did Jimmy: It don't matter to me Jimmy: & It don't look bad for me whichever way Janis: that's bullshit Janis: when's the soonest I can get out of this then Jimmy: yeah but it's the way it'll look Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: not had to stage a fake break up before Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: fuck off with that Janis: all you've done this whole time is whine you didn't get laid Janis: like I stopped you Jimmy: I ain't said shit about it even though you did stop me Jimmy: you're the one with so much chat on the subject Janis: bullshit, you're moaning on and on like I'm gonna feel sorry for you Janis: you could've gone back in, she clearly didn't care you've got a fake girlfriend Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: & you clearly scared her off Jimmy: she didn't know about you, I don't lead with that chat up line Janis: yeah she's that fucking stupid Janis: just 'cos you're oblivious don't reckon everyone else is Jimmy: oblivious to what Jimmy: you weren't there & I didn't give her anything real Jimmy: she can't stalk my socials to check my fake relationship status without my name Janis: when I showed up Janis: to me, playing my part Janis: if you reckon she didn't clock that then you're literally braindead Jimmy: like I said, you scared her off Jimmy: & stopped me Jimmy: why am I repeating myself, are you the drunk one now Janis: bullshit Janis: don't use me as an excuse for whyever you pussied out Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I went back in, I don't need excuses it's literally what happened Jimmy: you fucked it up for me Jimmy: I'm good but nobody's that good Janis: 👌 Janis: whatever makes you feel better about your fuck up Jimmy: whatever makes you feel better about putting on a show for nobody but me & her Janis: you wish Jimmy: if this is your coming out, sure you could track her down & crack on, you did me easy enough Janis: hilarious Janis: even if I was gay, I'd have standards Jimmy: I've got standards but I've also got a nightmare of a fake girlfriend so Jimmy: well paranoid about getting rumbled she is Janis: 1. clearly not Janis: 2. well yeah, 'cos I ain't doing this for my fucking health Janis: like you said, you're gonna fuck up my rep when you've promised the opposite Jimmy: 1. I've already told you, needs must Jimmy: 2. fuck knows why you're doing it when you're so up yourself & convinced you can get anyone else you want Jimmy: like I said & yeah, promised, a deal's a deal Jimmy: I ain't gonna do nowt of the sort Jimmy: just calm down Janis: yeah, this is 100% about getting boys to wanna ride me Janis: boys are easy, no one needs to try to impress yous Janis: and don't tell me to calm down, seriously Janis: 'less you wanna see the opposite Jimmy: I don't give a shit what it's about for you Jimmy: you agreed to do this that's all that matters to me Jimmy: but I knew that's how you 🍀 welcomed the tourists Jimmy: better late than never Janis: stop chatting like you know then, twat Jimmy: only a rule for you that? Jimmy: you've been chatting like you know me this whole night Jimmy: leave it out or show up to my door for the brawl you want & tick off another nightmare girlfriend cliche before tomorrow Janis: you reckon you can propose it and come off all mysterious Janis: nah 😂 Janis: don't worry, sure everyone else is still wondering, new boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're probably good now for a few days anyway yeah Janis: so enjoy Jimmy: will do Jimmy: have a good one Jimmy: 💕 Janis: say you too but you're going home? Jimmy: like I said, I'll live Jimmy: got work tomorrow anyway Janis: best to face them not-hungover I guess Jimmy: we can say that's the reason Janis: oh my GOD Janis: give it up Jimmy: already have Jimmy: that's why I'm on my way home Janis: I mean, sadsack, I ain't apologizing Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: so much effort, you Jimmy: you too, babe Jimmy: must be #fated Janis: eurgh Janis: shut up 😂 Jimmy: alright Jimmy: night then Janis: now he listens Jimmy: not on the 🕒 girl, soz Jimmy: soon enough Janis: you hear me asking for a latte Jimmy: I mean your fake boyfriend one Jimmy: & you'd never ask for a latte, piss off Jimmy: I don't have to know you to know that Janis: MY 🕒? Janis: YOUR fake girlfriend one, own it at least Janis: alright, you can 'know' that much Janis: 'cos I'd have to throw it in your face before I drank it so Jimmy: iced it is then Jimmy: burn scars ain't the sexy sort Janis: rude but true Janis: not giving them the satisfaction of a wet t-shirt moment 🤢 Jimmy: shame Janis: like romcoms too do you Janis: seriously, give in to your pride and date fucking Janis: samantha, whatever her name is Jimmy: I watched some before I suggested this 'cause I take this shit seriously, alright, shut up Janis: 😂 Janis: that bodes well Janis: did you not make the end of any, boy Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: I was skimming Jimmy: you ain't paying me nowt for this Janis: well I've been forced through enough to know that it never works because the people are idiots Janis: so try not to be one, eh Janis: just this once Jimmy: same to you, girl Jimmy: I get it, I'm really 💪😎 & the accent's 🔥 but don't get carried away, yeah Janis: 🙄 Janis: we're safe Janis: don't worry Jimmy: not if you keep dressing like that Jimmy: sort it out, Jasmine Jimmy: uglier the better 👌 Janis: dickhead Janis: what you want an ugly fake gf for Jimmy: be more #goals Jimmy: #Iloveheranyway Jimmy: #itaintjustskindeepladies Janis: 😒 Janis: well thanks for the insult but too bad 'cos I ain't ever Jimmy: It was literally the opposite of an insult, dickhead Jimmy: I'm saying I'm still a lad alright Jimmy: & when you look like that it's just Janis: it obviously ain't if until now you reckoned I was #ugenough to get the job done so 🖕 Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: that ain't what I reckoned or what I said Janis: mhmm Janis: ⛏ Jimmy: you're such a knob Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend can't take a compliment Janis: what kind of fake boyfriend can't give one Janis: that's the real question, babe Jimmy: I literally just told you how hot you looked, babe Jimmy: try & stay with me here Janis: go on then Janis: what's the punchline Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: the joke is that I'm back home this early Jimmy: my dad's still up Jimmy: & he ain't the type to wait Janis: that's tragic Janis: poor baby Janis: could be worse, he could still be out Janis: then you'd be a real loser Jimmy: I see that & raise you he's got his girlfriend here Jimmy: might genuinely throw up in the kitchen sink Janis: oh dear Janis: least he might think you're at least drunk, sadsack Jimmy: might get drunk now to deal Jimmy: one sec Janis: honestly Janis: shoulda stayed at the nappy night Janis: weren't that bad Jimmy: if I'd known I was coming home to Michael Bublé & two sets of red wine teeth Jimmy: if you still want that fight come & 💀💀 me Janis: You'll get no mercy from me Janis: even if that's the worst thing I've ever heard Jimmy: come on Jimmy: if that's not truce worthy nowt is Jimmy: end my life & be a hot widow what could be more #goals Janis: 😂 Janis: there's no way I like you that much after a day, even faking it Janis: and no chance we've cashed in any sort of life insurance so Jimmy: actually if I 💀 myself you'll get A's in your exams Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: just leaving you a 💕 note Janis: that's definitely a myth Janis: whole school of scabs turning up at cambo like eyy someone topped themselves so now I'm a professor of theology Janis: I think not Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: & you could've said before I blew my brains out all over my dad & the love of his week but Janis: 🤷 Janis: maybe if you hadn't left it 'til the 💕💀 note to be nice to me Jimmy: when that girl finds out she's gonna think it's because she's a shit kisser Jimmy: that's awkward Jimmy: might have to go haunt her for a bit Jimmy: make sure she knows Jimmy: play some Bublé tunes Janis: again Janis: saving it for the afterlife to be considerate Janis: dickhead Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell 'em none of his songs at my funeral & I won't haunt you too hard Janis: come on, sure he's murdered my way Janis: just your speed Janis: basic white boy Jimmy: It ain't my fault my parents are both too northern to branch out Janis: save it for when your Swayze'ing that bitch Janis: sure she thinks you're dead exotic Jimmy: 👍 idea Jimmy: tah babe Janis: whatever Janis: we've established you've only got 👎 ones so Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: this fake dating one is working out top Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: I saw how everyone reacted to the posts I gave you Janis: you can take a picture Jimmy: & pose for one Jimmy: this basic white boy is working for you Janis: my ancestors will be thrilled Janis: #reparationsbitch Jimmy: mine too, I bet Janis: I mean, anything beats dying down a mine, I suppose Janis: probs racists though, even if the blackface weren't intentional Jimmy: I'd take it over my present right now Jimmy: pretty sure my dad's a racist still, even if he also likes Seal Janis: lovely Janis: remind me to not come over for tea Jimmy: invite's in the post, my love Janis: 👍 Janis: give us all the chance to 'lose' it Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: but I'm giving you the chance to lose it when you come over too so Jimmy: love a fight you Jimmy: & my dad's got a very smackable face Jimmy: & personality Janis: begin to sound more and more like you've got a fetish Jimmy: shit's kicking off right now & I haven't asked you to tag team Jimmy: got me all wrong Janis: bummer Janis: he pick a minger too? Janis: should've left her at the club like you did Jimmy: he'd have to leave her in the office & that don't work for long Jimmy: perils of 😍 over the water cooler Janis: eurgh Janis: is your whole fam just one big cliche or Jimmy: piss off Janis: just saying Janis: that's two no-nos ticked off Jimmy: well don't say it Jimmy: I'm living it, that's enough Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Jimmy: don't fuck anyone I wouldn't Jimmy: saves us comparing notes Janis: the basic white girls and you are safe Janis: I'll never find out how disappointing you are 💕 Jimmy: You've misunderstood this entire thing, you're my fake girlfriend 'cause I don't wanna fuck basic white girls Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: I thought so too but you must be the confused one Janis: strobe lights were not going that hard Jimmy: she weren't top of my list Jimmy: I told you, needs must Janis: keep protesting, it's so convincing Janis: least it's just me who caught you out 😂 could've been worse Jimmy: alright shut up Jimmy: you've never had a shit night, have you Janis: obviously not Janis: have you seen me Jimmy: you ain't getting no more compliments I'm still holding onto the last one since you wouldn't take it Janis: 1. it was not a compliment Janis: 2. not like I need it Jimmy: 1. yeah it was Jimmy: 2. nah you just want it Janis: 1. no Janis: 2. and no Jimmy: Obviously you're fit that's why I asked you so leave it out Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: p sure you told me to leave it 'cos you were losing but Jimmy: need more chatting up than a real girlfriend you Janis: that's just a tragic insight into your dating history I didn't need, really Jimmy: you wish, baby Janis: ew cease and desist Janis: we definitely no'd that one Jimmy: 😂 Janis: so annoying Jimmy: I told you, #fated Janis: you call it #fated, I call it #doomed Jimmy: it's all still bollocks Jimmy: no # needed Jimmy: 💕 Janis: so poetic Jimmy: wait til you read the 💀 note Janis: I look forward to it Janis: how long 'fore I can move on with the actual hot barista though Jimmy: a day for a day Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: I get it, you couldn't score him first time round so get him with the sympathy Jimmy: well played Janis: you gave me no time Janis: not like it's my usual haunt Jimmy: it's still your home town Jimmy: get a better excuse Janis: I don't make it my business to know everyone else's Jimmy: if he's that hot no need for him to be just a rebound off my demise Jimmy: sort yourself out, girl Janis: sort yourself out for doubting his hotness Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: I'm doubting your ability to close that deal Janis: fuck you Janis: never had an off day, remember Jimmy: only got your word for that Jimmy: & what's that worth with how much shit you chat Janis: whatever Janis: you already said you think I'm hot Janis: can't change your mind now Jimmy: you are Jimmy: don't mean that basic white lad wants you Janis: why wouldn't he Jimmy: I'll let you know when I've chatted to him on shift tomorrow Jimmy: maybe he likes his missus' more humble for a start Janis: no you won't Janis: and humble is just code for no self-esteem which you only want to cover up your own failings Jimmy: yeah I will Jimmy: & yeah maybe he's into that Jimmy: loads of lads are Janis: um he's #special and #different Janis: so don't ruin it for me with your chatter Jimmy: you're blinded by your 😍 Jimmy: & you ruined tonight for me so why shouldn't I Jimmy: makes us even Janis: no it don't Janis: she weren't no barista boy, get real Jimmy: don't matter to me Jimmy: nowt in the rules about keeping things fair Jimmy: we didn't even come up with any so Janis: even=fair so you don't get to get even by that logic, fool Janis: and pretty self-explanatory, just real relationship rules but make them fake Jimmy: even as I call it, fair as I call it Janis: fuck that Janis: you don't get to call everything Jimmy: watch me Janis: nah, you need me Janis: remember Janis: that's why it's a deal Jimmy: maybe I don't need you as much as I reckoned Jimmy: the basic white girl tonight weren't that bad Janis: like I said, call it off then Janis: in what world do I need to do what you tell me Jimmy: in the same world where you think I would do anything you tell me Jimmy: so the one we're in Janis: I ain't told you to do shit Jimmy: you are now Jimmy: call it off yourself, don't try & make me do it for you Janis: I'm saying don't act like you've got something over me Janis: at least something that I don't also have over you Janis: it ain't that deep, God Jimmy: deep enough for you to keep saying it ain't Jimmy: so convincing, babe Janis: 😑 Janis: you're the most annoying person I've had the misfortune of meeting Jimmy: nah 🥇 you Janis: well I love myself Janis: so obviously not Jimmy: let's ask about Jimmy: I reckon you'll win easy Janis: only if we were asking only the girls Janis: and you're new, you're basically anything they want you to be 'til your personality ruins it Jimmy: you're so popular with the lads, alright I heard you the first 100 times you said it Jimmy: get one of them to fake date you Janis: nah, this is the first sincere offer of fake dating I've ever Janis: so you can still feel special Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I can go to bed feeling like this is better than anything I could dream Jimmy: tah so much Janis: welcome Janis: do what I can Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: so far it's piss me off but let's see what tomorrow brings Janis: ain't on the ⏲ Janis: you didn't do all the convincing yourself though Jimmy: you ain't the one who needs to be convinced of owt Jimmy: thank fuck Jimmy: easy targets Janis: ain't saying I am Janis: saying give me the credit I'm owed and you'll get yours Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ? Jimmy: you were ready to slag me off earlier & loving it when you could give me credit for getting off with someone who ain't gonna ruin this Janis: it ain't the who it's the where, twat Janis: it ain't your hometown, you ain't got a clue who was or wasn't there, lbr Janis: give a fuck if you took her home but you can't be doing it in public 'til this is done Janis: simple as Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: trust me Janis: why? Janis: I don't know you, you don't know me Jimmy: we're in this together or we're fucking not Jimmy: if I weren't as bothered as you I wouldn't be wasting my time Janis: fine Janis: don't be stupid about it then Jimmy: I weren't & I won't Janis: then there's no problem here Jimmy: 👍 Janis: night then Jimmy: 💕 Janis: remember to ❤ the pics Jimmy: already did Jimmy: try & keep up with me, girl Janis: 👌 Janis: keen as always, boy Jimmy: serious Jimmy: remember that next time Janis: yeah, I was the one taking it not serious Janis: 👍 Jimmy: just do better tomorrow Janis: are you actually taking the piss Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: one for the road, like Janis: mm Janis: as I said Janis: most annoying Jimmy: as I said, SUCH a good match Janis: just convince them and we're both free Jimmy: already did that too Jimmy: so say the word Jimmy: any time or place Janis: and you already said if we leave it at a fuck, I look bad so Janis: sorry, not yet Jimmy: I'm just saying Jimmy: whenever Janis: alright, I know Janis: not like it's a legally binding contract Jimmy: so I shouldn't have opened a vein to sign something in my blood Jimmy: now she tells me Jimmy: always too late you Janis: 😏 Janis: earlier it was brains, now it's veins Janis: should I call the samaritans Janis: starting to sound like a cry for help, idk 🤔 Jimmy: you heard me say what's happening in my house tonight Jimmy: it is & you should Janis: 😂 Jimmy: glad you find MB on a loop such a laugh Janis: as long as it's drowning out worse Janis: be thankful Jimmy: do you actually want me to 💀💀💀 Janis: awh babe, no Janis: I don't care whether you live or die either way Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the type of service you get for free, kid Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [ze next morning] Janis: I've got to come in later Jimmy: really need to throw that latte on me? Janis: ha, obviously Janis: tell me when my sister and that get there, yeah Janis: remember what they look like Jimmy: it was only a handful of kisses, you gotta get over your jealousy about last night, Jill Jimmy: & yeah Jimmy: my best customers that's the type of service you get here at the CG Janis: strangely enough, not about you or my fake jealousy Janis: just lay off the charm offensive for five when I get there, that's all I need you to do Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Janis: see you then Jimmy: in a bit Janis: it'll be easy, no drama Jimmy: no fake break up then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: sorry to disappoint Jimmy: yeah I'm well 💔💔💔 Janis: make it up to you Janis: you'll get tons more #lad points Jimmy: clearly my top priority tah Jimmy: what's going on? Janis: I know you're just as 😍 for him Janis: nah, nothing, my sister's just being more of a bitch than usual Jimmy: you can't know I've been so careful with my 💘 & 😍 around him so there Jimmy: & what you wanna shut her up Janis: oh babes 🙊 Janis: yep Janis: need to, actually, but that's the gist Jimmy: don't she believe we're madly in love? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: appaz, you have no control over your 😍 at all 'cos she #knows you're into her so Janis: 👌 tah Jimmy: 1. she can piss off 'cause I've never Jimmy: 2. I know exactly what to do Janis: yeah, she's full of shit Janis: well so do I but open to ideas Jimmy: you get to do what you want, she's your sister & they weren't my 😍 Janis: 👍 stick to the plan then Janis: she's an idiot, you have to be blatant or she won't get it Jimmy: you gonna tell me the plan or nah Jimmy: & I get paid not to be blatant, gutted as I am about it Janis: you won't get in trouble Janis: not gonna go that hard Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: like you're as dumb as her? Janis: just gotta come be really #goals in their faces Janis: 5 minutes, tops Janis: easy Jimmy: double it if you wanna be #convincing Jimmy: never given a girl so little time in my life Janis: #swoon 😏 Janis: like I said, not gonna go that hard 'cos it has to be in front of them Janis: that's the whole point Janis: just look like you're having fun, yeah? Jimmy: you have to go hard in front of them, that's the whole point Jimmy: not as dumb as her tah Janis: 10 minutes is a bit much for making out Janis: could get it done in that time Jimmy: who have you been making out with? Jimmy: actually gutted for you Jimmy: can't even add the piss taking emojis right now Janis: shut up Janis: I'm not gonna suck face with you for 10 minutes Jimmy: if you can't hack it, call it off now Janis: 😑 Janis: just tell me when they're there Jimmy: said I would Janis: saving the enthusiasm, I get it Jimmy: that & drying my eyes over your real dating history Janis: what are you chatting now Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: just making ☕ Jimmy: you're the one giving away your shit kissing secrets Janis: piss off Janis: there's nothing wrong with my kissing Janis: it's just the boring bit, everyone knows that Janis: may as well skip it Jimmy: if you're doing it wrong, yeah Janis: you aren't an expert Janis: people like different shit, alright Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: you ain't meant to be coming in swinging Janis: stop being a dick then Janis: it's off-putting Jimmy: if you're that easy to put off this fake relationship is properly doomed Janis: I told you Jimmy: get it together or don't come Janis: I'm fine Janis: you're the one chatting shit Janis: you've got one job Jimmy: two Jimmy: get it right, rich girl Janis: yeah, so drop the relationship therapist bit Janis: no one's buying Jimmy: I get it, you're rich 'cause you're tight with every penny Janis: You're just full of shit, and I get that for free Janis: 🍀 me Jimmy: you wish I were Jimmy: but we ain't making 'em come true until the girls get here so Janis: why would I want that Jimmy: my therapist bit's been dropped Jimmy: at your request Janis: we'll talk about this comedian bit later Janis: I've got things to do Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: me too Janis: things that require more than one braincell but Janis: happy for you Jimmy: soz I'm not performing brain surgery right now Jimmy: well patronizing you Janis: whatever Janis: unlikely to catch my sister or obs so suits my purpose Janis: on* Jimmy: happy for you Janis: suits yours too Janis: or were you looking for someone to be really into you slobbering all over them Janis: shoulda been clearer Jimmy: there's nowt about kissing you for exactly 5 minutes mid shift at my job which suits me Jimmy: but go on Janis: I said 5, tops Janis: get it done in less if you're gonna be so moody Janis: yes or no, can I come in or what Jimmy: do what you want it's your masterplan Janis: well not if you're actually gonna get in trouble Jimmy: like you give a shit about my job security Jimmy: plenty of places to make a latte in this town Janis: I ain't that much of a bitch Jimmy: who knows maybe you'll do me a favor & force me into a job that requires two braincells next Janis: shut up Janis: it was a joke Janis: and you started it Jimmy: really funny you Janis: backatcha Jimmy: 💕 Janis: forget about it Jimmy: alright Janis: nothing lost, yeah Jimmy: nowt gained either but Jimmy: whatever Janis: well despite what you reckon, my secondary goal wasn't to get you sacked so Janis: sorta outweighs the need to get back at them Jimmy: you couldn't get me sacked if you tried Jimmy: you've got one foot out the door before you're even in Janis: you want me hanging about all day Jimmy: not what I said or meant Jimmy: I've had more of a connection with a customer whose order got fucked up than what you're planning to give me Jimmy: who the fuck is that meant to convince Jimmy: but I'm the one not doing this properly Janis: maybe we should fake hang out some more after this Janis: alright Janis: but all you've gotta convince 'em rn is that you wanna fuck me Janis: that's all they care about Jimmy: then I'll let you know when they show up Jimmy: like I said Janis: yeah? Janis: alright Janis: thanks Jimmy: nowt to thank me for Jimmy: blue balls is easy to fake when my dad's getting fucked more often than me Janis: 🎻 then Jimmy: 💔 but I got all those MB jams from last night in my head to mend it Janis: come through for you after-all Jimmy: he'll come to me forever now with those words of wisdom Jimmy: I'll never be free Jimmy: mind numbing job combined with mind numbing family life Jimmy: so few braincells Janis: what was it you said at the start of this convo Janis: need to let it go Jimmy: I can say what I like Jimmy: who are you Jimmy: let go of your fake being bothered Janis: fine Janis: have fun chatting shit to your customers then Jimmy: I survive on tips so I very much will Janis: don't know if sob story is the way you wanna go but Janis: you do you Jimmy: if you're sobbing, you do you Jimmy: probably get out of the mansion a bit more though Jimmy: it's fairly common out here Janis: boohoo? Janis: lemme dry my tears on a 50 Janis: what do you expect me to say Jimmy: don't say nowt Jimmy: shut up Janis: erm, say what I like Janis: who are you Jimmy: the one you're chatting shit to Jimmy: fuck knows why Janis: fucking hell Janis: what is wrong with you this morning Jimmy: the same thing that's wrong with me every morning Jimmy: but since you don't know me Jimmy: 1. it's news to you and 2. we don't need to go into it Janis: 👍 Janis: later Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [skip to lunch time when they'd show up & so would loads of other people lol] Jimmy: head's up, Juliet, your time to shine Janis: right Janis: okay, be there in 10 Jimmy: take as long as you need Jimmy: they ain't even ordered yet Jimmy: it'll look weird if you come through the door too soon after them Jimmy: like we planned it Janis: ha Janis: true enough Janis: they can kill a fair while, I imagine Janis: clean up properly then Jimmy: they can when they're too busy talking about us to pick up a menu Janis: ugh Janis: fun Jimmy: I'd forgotten Mia was still capable of speech Jimmy: I thought all the throwing up had destroyed her throat entirely Jimmy: she usually just communicates via 💀 stares Jimmy: I see why you two get on so well Janis: if you keep making me tell you I'm special and universally loved, you can't get mad at me for it, like Janis: and it's you that she's made the impression on Janis: that's Janis: nice Jimmy: getting mad at you for not taking a real compliment from your fake boyfriend ain't the same as not patting you on the back for being a dickhead Jimmy: yeah obviously hurry up or I'll run away with her Jimmy: won't be able to help myself & you've been warned Janis: highly doubt she can run Janis: bit cold to give her heart failure but I'm not crying here so Jimmy: I'll carry her then, more #goals anyway Janis: how Janis: she weighs sod all Jimmy: still get the rom com visual Jimmy: all that matters Janis: nah Janis: try and shift the big one Janis: that'd be something Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: easy 💪🏆 Janis: can't just promise her free pastries Janis: that's cheating Jimmy: you can't just start imposing rules now Jimmy: too little too late Jimmy: & shamelessly cheating Janis: 🙄 she'd go with anyone for a cream cake Janis: even the least hot one Jimmy: like I said, easy Janis: ugh okay Janis: guess it counts as a win Janis: not happy about it though Jimmy: I'm not happy about doing my back in for her but Janis: needs must? Jimmy: you know Jimmy: how cute that we're finishing each other's sentences though 😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: if you could find a subtle way to let 'em know how goals we're being Jimmy: I've been 😍 at my phone since they came in, don't worry Jimmy: not an amateur Janis: good thing I stopped chatting or it'd be more like 😒 Janis: kinda cute but not really painting me in the best light Jimmy: like you said, only got one job Jimmy: I'll paint you in the best light you've ever Janis: 👍 Janis: you want me to leave it in the tip jar or bit too obvious Jimmy: where'd your sense of humor spring from? Jimmy: MIA a bit ago Janis: that was you Janis: cheek! Jimmy: can't be a comedian which you called me & a moody cunt which you may as well have Jimmy: make your mind up, Jenna Janis: if you can't do what I want and don't do what I don't, without any helpful direction, what kind of boyfriend are you Janis: tbh Jimmy: the fake kind Jimmy: & I'll fake owt you need me to Jimmy: starting as soon as Janis: 😍 Janis: you know the drill, yeah? Janis: swear I'll piss off long before they've even asked for extra sprinkles, probably Jimmy: not my first girlfriend or barista job Jimmy: but that is an offer I can't refuse Janis: spare us both the debrief then 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: actually do hurry up though they're doing my head in Janis: you know they ain't gonna leave with me, yeah Janis: stunned into silence is a big ask, can try but Jimmy: I don't have to try Jimmy: it'll happen Jimmy: & I'll take it Janis: let the 💋 do the talking Jimmy: it will do Jimmy: louder than the bollocks they're chatting Jimmy: I told you, I know what I'm doing Janis: they do that, a lot Janis: should know better than me now Janis: I can try and avoid them out of school Jimmy: best customers remember, I do know Jimmy: & we're doing this 'cause I can't avoid them here Janis: exactly Janis: not forgot Janis: nor am I as dumb as them, tah Jimmy: skip the 'on the previous episode of the CG' bit then Jimmy: nowt you can tell me about any of 'em Jimmy: & even less I'd wanna know Janis: I ain't telling you anything Janis: it's all bullshit anyway Janis: whatever they're saying, that's a guarantee Jimmy: way ahead of you on that, sweetheart Janis: hope that's not the patronizing tone you settled on for your punters Janis: 😬 Jimmy: so you are worried about my job security Jimmy: well romantic 💕 Janis: I told you I weren't that bitch Janis: am leaving though Janis: be there in a few Jimmy: good Janis: what happened to take the time you need, boy Janis: only took a shower Janis: be grateful Jimmy: I said they're doing my head in Jimmy: & you already called me moody so Jimmy: tah for the romantic gesture of showering though Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so you gotta take every opportunity to be as sulky as? Janis: come on, I'll call you lots of better things if that's how it works Jimmy: do you want me to react to you kissing me like 😒 Jimmy: if the answer is yeah, take your time Janis: I thought you had this Janis: was your last gf a glutton for punishment or something 'cos no Jimmy: she weren't fake Jimmy: didn't have to pretend to be into it Jimmy: puts you at 👎 before you've kicked things off Janis: you said it weren't hard Janis: so which is it Jimmy: when did I ever say kissing you wasn't the bane of my life Jimmy: must've been drunk Jimmy: if I did Janis: grow up Janis: kiss's a kiss Janis: unless there's some unsexy scalding issue or similar Jimmy: not part of the deal, baby Jimmy: & no it ain't Jimmy: there's a whole scale of good & shit if you want me to rate you in a bit Janis: oh yeah! Janis: what girl doesn't want that Jimmy: if a kiss is a kiss what do you care Jimmy: don't matter, does it Janis: we don't trust each other, remember Janis: you'll just say I'm shit to be that dickhead Janis: and I know I ain't so who needs to hear more of your nonsense Jimmy: you don't trust me, I never said nowt about you Jimmy: I ain't that dickhead & I don't lie Jimmy: you're just shitting yourself about what the truth is Jimmy: that ain't my fault or problem Janis: sure Janis: your opinion ain't fact Jimmy: never said it were Jimmy: or that I give a fuck if you want it or don't Jimmy: I'm not 💔 that you don't like me Janis: you just called it the truth Janis: and you 100% said you don't trust me last night too so shut up, casual gaslighting here Janis: I wouldn't be Janis: don't like anyone, nothing to get upset about, ain't that deep, ain't that personal Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: how many times are you gonna try & tell me it ain't that deep like you don't have shit to lose if this fucks up Jimmy: you shut up, girl Jimmy: focus Janis: oh no, they'll bitch about me in cafes harder Janis: whatever will I do Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: end it then Jimmy: stop wasting my time Janis: as far as foreplay goes Janis: this is topnotch Janis: truly Jimmy: if I cared about you being turned on, we'd have bigger problems Jimmy: be in or get out Janis: don't worry, makes you the same as the rest of the lads Janis: I'm literally walking Jimmy: that ain't what I mean Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: it matters to you or it don't so which is it Janis: come on Janis: ain't doing this for my health Janis: or a laugh, thankfully Jimmy: stop taking the piss then Jimmy: save your 🙄 for them on your way in & out Janis: alright, whatever Janis: I ain't asked you why you're really that arsed so you don't need to ask me Janis: it don't matter Jimmy: I ain't asking Jimmy: I'm telling you I ain't gonna keep threatening to pull the plug every time you have a strop Jimmy: & I'm the one who's acting 12, yeah alright Jimmy: sort your shit or leave me & it out Janis: oh my God Janis: who's told you to Janis: if emojis count as strops then you're fucked Jimmy: piss off Janis: literally just got here Jimmy: you're so fucking Janis: save it Janis: [comes in] Jimmy: [intense eye contact cos we know] Janis: [we know what happens not giving much chance for chat here] Jimmy: [just like we know he shamelessly ain't that good at faking anything] Janis: [when you have to bounce 'cos what was that] Jimmy: [the levels of hot it would be, I literally can't. It's a miracle they ever speak again]

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