#its all so sobering
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In mass shootings like the most recent one: Do they usually leave the bodies there for investigations or do they try to take them out as quick as possible?
#asking cause i was thinking about how the victims might still be in the same exact spot they were this morning#which#makes me feel so strange#Im usually used to conversations where time has passed since the event and the victims had their funeral and their family members had gotte#the strength to talk about what had happened to them#but like#its still so... fresh#i guess this is the first time ive *really* thought of victims as corpses rather then someone's deceased family member#if that makes sense#its all so sobering#teeceecee#tccblr
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THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF GHOST ⛧ DAY THREE
favourite song from Opus Eponymous — Con Clavi Con Dio
[MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY] You are uncordially invited to attend the Ministry's conjuration for a night of infernal psalms. Be guided in praise of Sathanas by Papa Emeritus il Quarto; be led in worship of His Unholy Majesty; He shall rise, from precipice through birth. Tonight, siamo con il nostro Dio Scuro!
#your screen isn't dusty that's just my texture overlay D:#not to be basic. but con clavi amirite#me in the tags of my last 2 posts: this song means so much to me it makes me really emotional <3#me now- smear the smudge in my bleeding palms papa 😉😉#posting this post-wine btw if there are mistakes its for sober me to find tomorrow#ghost31#the band ghost#user copia edits#user copia all tag#papa emeritus iv#ghost#con clavi con dio#sorry i cant shut up its just such a good song has anyone else heard this shit#and such interesting lyrics#god im in such a music enjoying mood rn i love ghost so much
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belt move: success WE ARE EP.4
#we are the series#we are#thai bl#phumpeem#pondphuwin#pond naravit#i coloured the shot inbetween (yall would notice the difference in colouring in the og scene too) and it looks like a crime doc from the 80#so i might post that for fun later but yeah it does NOT fit this set at all so its alllll a focus on ponds face#enjoy <3#managing to sorta match the first shots with the second row is one of my proudest moments in recent sets ngl#petri gifs#userminty#userspring#usersufa#i need everyone to stop for a second and think about how phum felt butterflies putting on drunk peem's belt on and then started wishing to#try it out again when peem is sober and awake#he realised it was a perfect flirting move and im sure he was all giddy over it#im not normal about this at all actually#pinned post
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Thinking about kid Syd and kid Carmy spending an afternoon neither of them remember anymore playing under the tables of The Beef
#that instant connection kids can feel#carmy who was shy and had a hard time making friends#coming across this very sober girl who is with her sad dad#who lights up at the sight of the sandwich so he goes to tell her he also gets happy with the sandwiches#and then somehow they're playing restaurant (he's on the front and she's cooking) under the empty tables in the corner#and its forever but really just a couple hours#bc Syd's dad takes the opportunity to rest and matbe cry a little and he can tell the teenager at the till with the black hair is constantl#keeping an eye on the curly haired blue eyed white kid#Syd tells her all about her new friend on the way back glowing with the news#but the next day she's moved to a new thing and doesn't even ask after him next time they come into the beef#eventually Emmanuel forgets all about the quiet kid too#mmine#the bear#the bear fx#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto#carmy x sydney
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Hey do you think ya can explain Barnaby and his illusion smoke a bit? It seems really cool and I don't remember if ya talked about it in depth before
sure! this got a bit longer than i expected!
so i was thinking that Barnaby seems like more of a hands-off kinda guy when it comes to altercations. would rather sit back and make funny commentary! so if he Had to get involved, i imagine it would be from a distance and still in an Entertaining Way!
thus - illusion magic! for this au i've been picturing that he got his paws on some illusionary herb in his early teens. for making people laugh, you know! and help out with the farm - illusions could distract animals, convince them to move on to different pastures, calm the chickens for egg-collecting, etc!
Ms. Beagle didn't really approve, since smoking is harmful, but lucky for the both of them this particular plant doesn't deal as much damage when smoked as normal smoking materials would - like tobacco! something to do with the magic properties! so Barnaby mostly used it for chores (when his mama wasn't paying attention, ofc - it's still a bad habit in her eyes) and entertainment purposes.
how it works: on its own, it doesn't do much when burned. it's not like illusions will waft out of the pipe's bowl, or that sniffing it will give someone hallucinations. in order for it to work properly, the user has to inhale properly, form the Intent of what the illusion should be / look like / behave, then purposefully blow the smoke out with that thought firmly in mind. the reach of the smoke depends on the force of Intent, and the intensity depends on the amount inhaled. those that breathe it in / are surrounded by it will see hallucinations of whatever Barnaby - or whoever the user is - wants them to! it can be literally anything! whether or not the target is fooled depends entirely on the individual, but the herb is potent enough that most are convinced that what they "see" is real (auditory hallucinations only occur if the target breathes in the smoke)
upsides: this form of magic is great for distractions, cover, deescalation, and that kind of thing. if needed, Barnaby could stop a fight with one exhale! it's a pretty powerful trick! it also means that Barnaby has built up a tolerance to illusion magic over the years, so where most of the party would be tricked, Barnaby would be unfazed. the only one with total immunity to the form of magic is Wally!
downsides: if Barnaby uses too much in too short of a time, it will get to him. and since he breathes in the largest amount - undiluted at that - it can fuck him up! using it sparingly / using repeated small amounts doesn't do anything. the most it will do is make him feel slightly untethered, but he has an easy time ignoring it / shaking it off.
in mild cases of the magic getting to him, it's like a bad trip. his proprioception is messed with (basically he gets uncharacteristically clumsy & off-balance), he feels like he's falling, anxiety spikes, and his vision is just... off! there are blind spots (im talking actual blind spots, not spots of black), things are moving in ways that they shouldn't, he has mild auditory hallucinations. the others can help ground him by talking to him, touching him, and confirming what's real and what isn't.
in bad cases, it's like that but 10 times worse. on top of all of the previous symptoms being worsened, he gets extremely vivid hallucinations, and they're very often not fun! it's a simultaneous feeling of dying, going insane, and not knowing what the fuck is going on. Barnaby loses sense of where he is, who's where, what's happening. he can get lost in the hallucinations - he has no way to know that they aren't real. in these terrible trips, no one can really help him. they can't get through the hallucinations, and if they do, the magic morphs Barnaby's perception of them and they end up adding to the effects. honestly the best thing for him is to let him rest somewhere with as little sensory input as possible & leave him be until he starts to come down. physical contact does help, since Barnaby understands on an instinctive level that illusions can't touch him, but it doesn't help half as much as it does w/ the mild trips. and again, the presence of someone can make the hallucinations worse.
so! suffice to say! he doesn't like using the herb all that often, and it's why he Stays Out Of It unless absolutely needed. he has two pouches of the herb - one with the strong stuff, reserved for emergencies / one with just a tiny bit of it mixed in with Barnaby's own personal blend for recreational/everyday use. (he also has an emergency tobacco stash in his pack, but that's only for when he's completely out of his usual blend <3)
extra lil scribble that didn't make it into the lil doodle post... i broke his wrist...
#the undiluted one is the blue/purple/pink smoke#while the personal blend changes color depending on his mood#and the personal blend does Not cause illusions!#the herb is included in the blend for cosmetic effects - colorful smoke! - and it has calming affects#so its. yeah its rgb weed last person nailed it on the head#rambles from the bog#wh fantasy au#the other day i was thinking about howdy's first adventure with the neighborhood#and i was like 'ok situation where barnaby has to use a tad too much of the magic'#and i amused myself imagining howdy's shock and panic when barnaby - steady graceful barnaby#staggers a little. looks up at the trees/skies. goes 'oh no' and promptly stumbles and falls on his face. and then just does not get back u#he has to go get poppy to make sure he isnt hurt / also howdy would Not be able to half-drag barn back to camp on his own#that dog is dead weight and staggering all over the place - if they can even unstick his claws from where he's anchored himself#sometimes barnaby will feel the unpleasant trip Incoming and he'll just. lie down right there and then#facedown. gripping the grass like his life depends on it - and also whoever's closest#frank always leaps out of the way when barn starts to Sway bc he does not want to sacrifice his arm for a solid few hours#usually wally is the one to sit with him and happily get his arm bones squeezed into dust <3#a common thing is barnaby will be like 'the trees/sky is melting and the ground is turning inside-out'#what does that mean! no one knows! he cant explain it when he sobers up!
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okay so based off of haymitch ripping his house phone out of the wall, i think he's had several incidents where he's broken certain important things in the house and. did not fix them. the clock's too loud? there's now a knife splintering the middle. looking in the mirror is too much? they're all covered minus the bust-level ones. some are broken! he doesn't own a microwave because the beeping is god awful! the washing machine is in a designated room because if he hears the sound it WILL set him off! like yes he is rich but lavish living doesn't concern him because he is in his own personal hell and money cannot fix what the mentality is tormented by. no, he's not going to see a shrink unless he's forcefully tortured. and all of that is painfully old school.
#this is confirmation that he has a heightened sense of hearing#(it's autism. it all links back to autism)#he can handle certain sounds drunk but definitely not sober and definitely not in withdrawal#the heightened sense of surroundings is why i think he has cameras hidden by the porch#very VERY paranoid. it's half superstition and fear for his life but i#only i am considering all of that.#haymitch abernathy#the hunger games#thg#catching fire#mockingjay#the hunger games trilogy#meowcanons#someone needs a diagnosissss#i also think he has OCD but its. the religious kind more than anything#(paranoia is so bad for him. it is So bad)#dude is agoraphobic and yet wars with his house constantly
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Emotions are high and the vibes could not be better today!
"Pretty awesome. Lot of emotions. Feels pretty hefty but like, fuck we're Stanley Cup Champions!"
When asked who the Cup is for? No hesitation, the fans.
"They sponsor us. It's for them. It's for them. Like they deserve it, they've been waiting for it, like it's for them."
how do you endear yourself to the fans? i think chugging a brewski while they chant your name will do it! and also complimenting them that too oh what a darling
CBS News Miami | 6.25.24 (x)
#niko mikkola#florida panthers#at this point im gonna need a seperate tag called “mikksys drunk adventures”#i dont think this man has been sober since the eve of yesterday#HIS VOICE IS SO HOARSE FROM ALL THE SCREAMING AND DRINKING#him saying fuck on cbs news miami is so iconic of him YES KING#also he mightve said “hefty” or “heavy” as in referring to the weight of the cup but both work so like pick your own answer#NIKO NIKO NIKO#have you heard anything more beautiful#“fuck we're stanley cup champions” THATS ACTUALLY MORE BEAUTIFUL#ALSO “its for them [the fans]” 😭😭😭#MIKKSY I JUST STOPPED CRYING DONT MAKE ME START UP AGAIN#first year here and he knows how to work some heartstrings WHILE DRUNK#is it funnier hes more coherent in english whilst drunk versus sober#aka his inhibitions are gone and hes not carefully measuring his words anymore and by god its beautiful#he has a tendency to trail off a lot in eng and end with yeah despite the fact he wants to say a lot more#YEAH MIKKSY YEAHHHH#hes such a hazard to himself hes WATERBOARDING HIMSELF COME ON MAN#tags running long i just love ma wifeeee
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Throwback to the time I made House and Wilson into ponies.
#Im not great at drawing ponies#or drawing in general but thats a separate issue#lmao#rambles#house md#james wilson#gregory house#Im so proud of Wilsons cutie mark#cancer ribbons obviously#pink on the left because the breast cancer ribbon is most recognizable#lavender because its the ribbon for ALL cancer types#then the zebra ribbon OH#its for rarer types of cancer that dont have their own ribbon#WICH INCLUDES THE TYPE OF CANCER WILSON GETS#AND its a ZEBRA!#I dont think I need to point out why zebras are important to House MD.#And then Houses cutie mark being vicodin#a double edged sword#because oh pills equal doctor your destiny is to be a doctor#right?#but then he gets injured and addicted to the very same pills#and he always argues with Wilson that THATS his destiny and therefore he shouldnt become sober#and it drives Wilson up a wall#forgot to tag as mlp im stupid#mlp#my little pony#mlp crossover
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It would've been hilarious if ShawLuna had tried to cover their asses from the early volume transphobic jokes around Jaune by making him a trans woman. It can't be transphobia if it's ☆~foreshadowing~☆
#rwde#i wish i was at home rn so i could edit that brand margarine tub to 'i cant believe its not transphobia!'#the world if 99% of the rwby cast were trans 🏞🌟🌈#since all of jnpr are genderbent from their allusions theyre all trans. to me#ruby and qrow are trans bc i like them#also them being trans would be an excellent way to showcase how gender stuff works in remnant#i dont think qrow would be able to get a whole lot done w his semblance and all so no surgeries#just him and his hatsune miku binder against the world#but bc he's tried all sorts of things he knows the ins and outs and lets ruby decide which ways she prefers to go#god i miss messing around w ohar but it's such a huge project that i straight up dont have time for#i barely have time for the essay :/ thanks capitalism#im literally 3 seconds away from quitting my job just so i can crunch it in time for the election#i wanna stay sober the entire time im working on this thing and the election will 110% threaten that#plus some of the themes be relevant
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giving up drinking is hard bc at uni almost all of my social life is going to the pub or going out. i caved last night and had some drinks at the pub but im going to try and not have any for the rest of the month. idk i wish it was like school when hanging out meant loitering in a park for 5 hours and then going to someones house and having their mother make dinner for u all and playing viddy games until u get kicked out
#ik theres lots of activities u can do that dont involve drinking but tbh most of the people i know i dont feel close or comfortable enough#around to do stuff likethat while completely sober alcohol feels so necessary to overcome my social anxiety. which ik is its own issue but#idk how to solve that#wish we cld all go out for coffee and cake at like 2pm instead of staying at the pub until 1am
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I have had one (1) drink and am drowning in thoughts of Kevin learning that the Moriyama’s killed his mother and showing up on Neil and Andrew's door ready to do whatever it takes to shut them down and take them out
#spoiler: they do#im too tipsy to think through the how or details#but the fbi is involved and so are some secret interviews with choice bloggers who spread the seeds of doubt with the public#maybe a crime podcast or two who do some deep dive sleuthing into the moriyama underworld#and frankly uncover WAY more than kevin or neil knew about#and its all just so damning and public#and one day years down the line#kevin stone cold sober takes the stand against Ichiro Moriyama without a single crack in his voice or tremble in his hand#and as they leave the courthouse wymack hugs him so tightly his lungs hurt#but not his heart#aftg#kevin day#neil josten#andrew minyard#all for the game
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plausibly im going to go with these, warp in the solid weft in the variegated. my main hesitation is that if the weft actually looks terrible when i start working it up, i almost definitely don't have anything else around that will go with this warp, and then i will have a puzzle to deal with. my other main hesitation is that it's insanely bright and i don't actually know anyone who seems like theyre desperate to wear this color combination and im somewhat worried its busyness will compete with being a nice exercise in herringbone
#i have a couple skeins of tml that would be perfect and i will weave with someday bc theyd be much better that way than knit#but everyone online says its incredibly sticky and impossible to unweave so id like to save it for slightly farther in the future#i also have a sufficient quantity of laceweight white mulberry silk with or without supplementation from a malabrigo blue laceweight#but im not really in a delicate ethereal white silk wrap mood.#box opener#i have beautiful sober-colored yarn but a) not enough b) i still want to knit with it.#when i thought these were going to be socks or hats i was all in. somehow for a scarf im having more trouble.
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When i 🍃 i turn into the weakest little girl ever....
(He/him still please :3)
{F@nsly on profile}
#detrans kink#????#idk i might change the caption when im sober but dressing all up and thinking about a big strong top fuck me till i just haveeee to say-#-im a girll#its making me so fucking feral rn but usually i dont like detrans stuff#i saw a post earlier today and i havent stopped thinking about it#arlan pics.💚#ftm nsft#trans nsft#yappy puppy#ftm t4t#t4t nsft#t4t ns/fw#t4t puppy#t4t sub#ftm ns/fw#trans ftm#trans boy#trans bunny#weed intox#intox cnc#intox play
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Hi
hello!!!! you did not ask but i’ve been getting emotional recently about hogwarts…. jen said ‘heart of wizarding britain’ and yeah oh my god it makes me fucking crazy. like. imagine you’ve just been through a year of all-out war. everyone you know is fighting for their lives or in hiding or dead and you don’t know who’s alive and you haven’t spoken to anyone bc you don’t know who you can trust but you get word that the final battle is happening. and not only that but it’s happening at hogwarts. and hogwarts is a place that was always safe and holds so many happy memories and is HOME for so many people and now it’s under attack and so you go, maybe not even necessarily bc you particularly support either side but bc it’s HOGWARTS and hogwarts is HOME and so much love and the crux of so many people’s lives and you just have to go and help where you can. the thought of people piling through that tunnel from the hog’s head makes me fucking insane. like the amount of love in that room. the reunions. the people you thought you’d never see again. and you’re all there joined together to defend the place where you met, where you grew up together, where you became the people that you are today. and maybe you’ll die but hogwarts is home. you couldn’t possibly let it go down without a fight.
i’ve also been thinking about the death eaters who are there ATTACKING the castle. and maybe some of them called it home as well…. like even tom called it home at one point in time and although he’s way too far gone by that point and his memories were probs kinda soured anyway by dumbledore etc there must be some of his death eaters for whom hogwarts was always safety when they were students but now they’re THREATENING that safety. tainting those memories. like do you guys think they felt remorse??? guilt??? horror??? idk it’s just so interesting to me. the fact that the war proper starts (w dumbledore’s death) and ends at hogwarts. it’s really the centre of everything. even without taking the war into consideration it’s the centre of everything. it makes me CRAAAZY
#asks <3#okay i’ll admit it i’ve been drinking but jen and i were texting about this earlier today and it can get me emotional even while stone cold#sober. it’s just. fucking insane#like it’s just the heart of wizarding britain…. and that’s why it’s so fucking horrible when the death eaters take over as well#like i also get so emotional thinking about hogwarts under snape and the carrows. and the resistance there as well#hogwarts is meant to be safetyyyy it’s meant to be homeeee and imagine it’s all you have. imagine it’s literally the only place you’ve ever#felt safe and now people are getting tortured within its walls…. now people are going missing and you’re being watched constantly and#hogwarts is meant to be homeeee but how can it be when it’s got this poison inside it#god it’s crazy to me#i need to read a fic i miss it#sorry for incoherent rambling xoxoxo
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i need to consume something or my thoughts consume me
#all my therapist telling me she wont treat me until i go sober taught me is to lie to the therapist#and it made me question therapy altogether but all my friends swear by it#but now i already told everyone im going sober so i fucked myself 😑#well i should learn how to be sober during the week so i can get back into fitness#i have to call the drug counsellor she referred me to and see what she says#something has to change for sure… but im starting to think some people just arent meant to be fully sober#a lot of people dont see through or dont care about the bullshit but i do#and the bullshit just doesnt stop#i just need to be on top of that and have more self discipline and thats what i need to learn#how to not give into my impulses… and then i can do recreational substance use or something instead of abusing them#personal#but at the end of the day its about emotional regulation and self discipline and creating a better life for myself#because when its not substances then its the tv or food or shopping like the general issue is my lack of impulse control#so i dont really see how sobriety will solve all that it will just make me wish i had substances to ease my mind
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Happy Baltimore Pride, the parade starts in 3 and a half hours and I'm already exhausted
#am i excited to be in the parade for the first time ever? yes. am i as an audhd disaster already overwhelmed? yuh.#also like. for all the team/the pres and the few sober members are trying to make it safe for us pride just isnt sober/recovery friendly#like on the grand scheme big picture culturally i mean. yes you can easily avoid alcohol during daytime hours at the streetfair etc#but ive only seen one event very clearly advertise no alcohol. the rest is very much the shots shots rail liquor sponsored by x booze etc#and thats not to say it shouldn't be im not trying to ruin the fun for everyone else thats not what this is.#its more an observation of - damn. im four months into recovery with alcohol as an autistic bipolar person. this might suck.#like this might be really hard and not be as fun as I'd hoped and I'm grieving the fact i never got the experience the pride others did#the free unhinged party that my teammates have been constantly talking about in the chat for the last week#they're already cracking open beers im sure and the grilling starts at 11am at our parade spot so that they can start drinking and save $#im used to being on the outside of the glass but its always a smidge uncomfortable. it helps having sober teammates with me#but a part of me worries about this weekend i guess.#just... not feeling great in our body. bones feel wrong. everything feels tired and heavy. poor monster doesn't want to be seen.
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