#it's the sort of weird thing that makes me want to write an essay honestly

[shadow-pixelle]

I think one of the things I love the most about Dracula Daily is the sense of community. We've got people who've never read the book before. We've got people who've read it hundreds of times. We've got people who only know the story through media and pop culture and memes. And we're all here, spread across these various hellsites, making jokes about our Good Friend Jonathan Harker and his inability to handle paprika, and the way everyone's in a completely different genre of book for a lot of the early story, and it's just so nice. There's all the memes and the references and so much beautiful art, and it feels a lot like getting right back to the roots of what fandom is. It's a bunch of nerds sitting together in their nerd pool and talking about what they love. I missed a lot of it last year, joining late and not being on Tumblr and generally being too tired to interact. And I'm so glad to be able to get in on the ground floor of this one and enjoy everything.

[genericpuff]

the last few episodes of persephone moping around have felt like less of a self-reflective moment for her to grow and change and more rachel griping about criticism and surrounding herself with yes men

this isn't gonna be in any way a formal essay like my usual sort, more of a slam post honestly, so fair warning that i'm gonna be a little salty here

EPISODE 263 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

but seriously, it's been a pity party of greek proportions because this constant "woe is me" shit with persephone that's constantly met with "no queeen you're amazing and perfect" has been going on for DAYS (real time and comic time)

literally every episode since the comic returned has had some segment of either persephone or hades (or both) being upsetti spaghetti over their current situation because oh nooo persephone made the deal with erebus and had to sacrifice something. even though they both knew that was gonna happen and yet she did it anyways. so she just continues to lock herself away in her mansion and spout adorkable quips while her husband, mother, and colleagues deal with the mess she caused.

and of course there's the constant inclusion of apollo spitting straight facts about persephone being a terrible queen and person, but of course because it's apollo saying it, it's not meant to be taken as gospel, essentially clapping back at the words of the critics who call out persephone for being a shitty and toxic protagonist by putting those words into the mouth of a literal rapist.

and yeah episode 263 had a lot of the same shit, to the point that you could literally swap out the names of the characters and the words they were speaking and it applies exactly to rachel and the corner she put herself in u.u it's been a thing for a while now that apollo has just felt like a mouthpiece for LO criticism but as mentioned by users within the subreddit during the discussion of this newest episode, it's never felt more apparent than now.

so yeah enjoy this satirical text edit of a sequence from the newest FP episode, which I honestly can't tell is meant to satirize the critical community or Rachel's reactions to the critical community because the weird reality this comic and its community exist in has just become that wack that it's hard to believe it's not directly from The Onion sometimes LMAO

-and as much as i find myself empathizing with the pressure that rachel is surely under right now - no one should have to be subject to the screeching howls of the peanut gallery - i can't help but be reminded of the memes and tweets she's put out that basically outright say "persephone is supposed to be celebrated for being a shitty person, if you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best 💅"-

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A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

-and how often she's ruined her own day looking for critical groups or people with the "wrong opinions" that were minding their own business, or how much she's stifled her own community's attempts to discuss the story openly by having her mods ban anyone with even so much as a question regarding persephone's integrity.

so yeah, as much as i can empathize with her from one creator to another that being under this amount of pressure and scrutiny must be immensely frustrating and exhausting, beyond that one similarity i just can't empathize or relate to this mindset of almost learned helplessness that's taken a firm grip over her writing. this is the story she wants to tell and by all means no one is entitled to make her stop, but if she's gonna keep using her greek myth "retelling" comic that's trying to be "feminist" as a mouthpiece for her own griping over criticisms that are largely on-point and justified - to the point of putting the words of her critics into the mouth of her token villain like she's playing some single player barbie doll "act out that fight that sounded cooler in your head" game - then she's gonna keep getting called out, full stop. i figured she didn't have any nose left to rip off in spite of her face but apparently not.

look, i get it, there are some opinions and behaviors within the critical community that even i'm not on board with. there are people who absolutely take shit too far on both sides of the fandom, and i think both sides need to do more to hold themselves accountable for how they interact with each other, the comic, and rachel herself. i make it a point to keep my shit in my own house, i'm not entitled to rachel's attention and frankly it's the last thing i want because i have a lot of fun here and i don't want that to be potentially ruined or dampened! but if you come into my house and complain about the decorating, then i legitimately don't know what to tell you. i used to love LO and i'm so sad for my past self knowing fully well they're not gonna be able to wholeheartedly enjoy this comic forever due to how manipulative and shitty the storytelling has become. a story that i once connected to as an AFAB who was a victim of assault and abuse and generational trauma.

if persephone being the true main villain in her own story was ever meant to be the point of Lore Olympus, then it's taken way, way too long to get to that point, and rachel herself definitely doesn't seem to be of the mindset that that's what she's become with all of her blasé meme'ing on a plot arc that she's still expecting us to take seriously. persephone was never a very complex character to begin with - being an easy self-insert for the audience and rachel to project themselves onto and relate to - but at least in the beginning she felt like she had so much legitimate potential, she was naive but put her best foot forward and clearly wanted to make a life for herself, made by herself.

now she's just mean. jaded and mean. dependent on the constant validation of others to the point of being manipulative. an absolute shell of a person who can only grow a spine when she's punching down on people weaker than her, completely incapable of standing up to the people who are a legitimate threat to her. it's not empowering, it's not subversive, it's just another pick me story about women pitting themselves against other women and never taking accountability for their own behavior, mistakes, and deliberate actions meant to hurt others, often teetering on the line of straight up narcissism all for the sake of a "boss babe" moment.

anyways, if you want an actual well-written and GOOD scene of an empathetic female protagonist struggling to find their footing in adulthood being called the fuck out for their learned helplessness behavior, go read Tamberlane, it tackles this topic much better through its main character who keeps using her brokenness as an excuse to never do better, it slaps and it's so real.

[nicksolemnlyswears]

HOTD S2 EP3 THOUGHTS

SPOILERS AHEAD

sorry it took longer for me to post my thoughts. i had to take a moment to calm myself. i was shaking and crying. and then i wrote most of the post when tumblr decided to simply not save it 😒 this is my second attempt. enjoy

let’s start at the beginning shall we?

so happy to have milly back on another episode! the scene was weird as fuck though. daemon seriously needs to get out of harrenhal.

i feel very disconnected to daemon when he’s in harrenhal. i know most of the scenes are dreams but like he barely reacts to them? i don’t know how to explain it other than it’s sort of out of character?

then we get the bit at the dock. makes me wonder if rhaenys knows that alyn is one of corlys bastards? i think she does especially the way she says that their mom must’ve been really beautiful.

alicent asking for moon tea is hilarious. she’s trying to be so slick and failing. but also i thought moon tea was a plan b situation i didn’t realize it was fully an abortive tea!

love how larys catches on to it within a second. and he says what we all think NO ONE FUCKING CARES. my god alicent! you’re fucking criston cole. we all know. no one cares. you served your duty as wife to the king now he’s dead and your ‘free’ literally no one is judging you for fucking around.

now baela and jace are serving 💅🏽 with the outfits. i adore them they look so good! they are the IT couple rn and they deserve that title.

why must criston cole feel the need to call rhaenyra a whore? honey you are projecting. you are in fact the whore.

that lord deserves an award for defending rhaenyra. i was so damn happy when he told criston cole he doesn’t deserve the white cloak. YOU TELL HIM LORD. he should’ve called him alicents little bitch while he was at it.

the greens council…it was hard to watch. first of all, all aemond does is smolder and fangirl over daemon. whenever he’s not plotting some agenda he’s writing fanfics about his uncle i swear!

that being said i felt second hand embarrassment when aegon was not able to speak high valyrian. then again i thought he wasn’t going to even understand in the first place so its better than nothing.

now i’m gonna go on a big tangent regarding aegon.

i didn’t like him at all in the first season. he did some horrible things and i have not forgotten about them but i truly feel for him.

the fact that he’s inadequate at being a king is constantly rubbed in his face and it doesn’t fail to hurt him. he never wanted to be king. he knew viserys did not want him as king. so he never prepared.

he was forced on the throne as alicent and otto wanted more power for some reason. so now he’s trying his best to be a king and act like one but he’s always being undermined by everyone around him.

otto straight up told him viserys didn’t want him there. and alicent literally told him to sit pretty and let them do all the talking. it’s humiliating and frustrating.

i get alicent’s point about listening to others around you who have more experience but in reality they don’t want to offer advice. they want to act in his name. they don’t want him to do anything. they don’t think he’s capable and maybe he’s not capable but he’s trying to be. he could honestly be an actual king if anyone actually gave him a chance.

they all treat him like this object not like a person which is why he keeps making all these shitty decisions.

then she has the audacity to talk about all the sacrifices her and otto made to get him the crown?? HE DIDNT WANT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU HIGHTOWERS ARE A GREEDY BUNCH.

aemond is the person he thought could help him but that fucking psycho has plans of his own.

it’s isolating. it fucks with his mind. but i guess that’s enough for now. i could write a whole fucking essay on aegon.

so then we are back with daemon at harrenhal and honestly it’s getting a little boring. except for the moment where daemon is displaying as aemond. top tier comedy.

but we get a glimpse of laena!! i love having these actresses back if only for a scene. i hope we get a vision with viserys. i miss paddy ☹️

oh they mentioned benjicot!!! now we all look stupid cause that ‘davos’ guy was really not benji. (i still love the fanfics though. he’s a handsome man)

so rhaenyra disappears once more and the council doesn’t take jace, baela or rhaenys serious enough. it’s frustrating but omg the way jace spoke to rhaenyra when she retuned ???!!

my mother wouldn’t have taken that lightly

but it’s rhaenyra so she’s a sweetheart as always. i gotta say though that she’s taking things so calmly? like she took forever to return to dragonstone while the greens kept plotting. where were you girliepop?

i understand wanting to make sure the only way to get through this is through war but some urgency would be nice.

did jace learn how to speak like that from daemon? cause it was giving daemon including how he rested his hand on the sword handle.

now onto the battle at rooks rest:

where do i fucking start?

rhaenys is a queen. she is a true soldier. she knows how to battle. SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

if she said dracarys once…it was a lot.

ATTACK MELEYS. that’s how you fucking do it. that’s how you fight with dragons not just spewing fire at each other.

rhaenys is a queen and i had so many high hopes but i knew…we all knew she wouldn’t make it. i think she knew as well and it was so devastating. it’s one of the reasons why i was shaking at the end and crying too.

hey alexa please play ‘birds of a feather’ by billie eilish.

she survived so much but vhagar is just too fucking big. maybe if she hadn’t been sent alone this wouldn’t have happened.

so far this has been what has hurt me the most because i love rhaenys’ character and its gonna be so sad not having her around.

granted she went down like a true warrior. it was honorable.

sunfyre is the prettiest dragon to date. i’m so happy we finally got to see him. my gosh it brings me so much happiness to see aegon interacting with sunfyre. that man deserves some happiness in his life. it was truly heart warming.

now i don’t know what the fuck has gotten into aemond. i went to liking his character to completely hating him.

it’s truly each man for himself with this fucking family. tell me how aemond looked straight at aegon (who was happy to see his brother coming to aid) and yelled dracarys. WHAT THE FUCK MAN

this is what happens when you have shitty parents.

i’m not going to fucking stand here and say aegon was innocent when he has teased aemond all his life but does it warrant KILLING YOUR BROTHER? all because he teased you on the brothel when he saw you with your substitute mommy? GROW THE FUCK UP. I know he’s thirsting for the throne but my man you’ll get the chance trust me. THIS IS NOT THE WAY

FUCK i never thought i’d be on aegons side but then again no one on the show is on his fucking side. they don’t treat him like a fucking person but yet another thing to manipulate and it pisses me off

stricking him down wasn’t enough aemond had to find him and put his sword through his body too. thank fuck for criston cole. now that’s something i never thought id say

now i don’t know if he’s alive or dead. i personally think he’s alive but geez aemond. what the fuck?

why didn’t you give him the opportunity to flee in season 1? why must you do this?

if aegon is dead…i’ll be devastated. i’ve grown to like his character these last couple of episodes.

HELL EVEN CRISTON COLE WAS SHOCKED

THE ONLY ONE WHO WORRIED FOR AEGON THIS WHOLE EPISODE

Just goes to show how shitty these people are.

Bottom line. Meleys and Rhaenys had an honorable death. Inevitable once Vaghar joined in because that dragon is much too big. I wanted her to flee but I knew she wouldn’t. She has honor. ✊

also is alicent’s brother dead? or is he around somewhere?

i desperately need more helaena next episode. we didn’t even get a glimpse of her this episode. but if she’s gonna get hurt then i’d rather not have her on the episode. don’t know how ill live if that precious bean is hurt.

this post could’ve been better but my progress was ruined when tumblr decided to delete the post i was working on.

as always feel free to comment so we can talk more about this.

kisses! -Nikki 🤍

[lostconductor]

really longwinded fuckass trans oc essay

despite being trans myself i don't really think any of my trans characters actually satisfyingly explore the trans experience to me, which is fine because a trans character can just Exist, but also i do wish i had more characters who's lives and identities are affected by being trans. because my experience so far is that being transgender has affected me in a way where i feel proud to wear the label on my lapel because i've come this far. but i find that in most of my trans ocs' stories, being transgender is either a: destigmatized and/or b: not a problem (hormones and medical transition readily available, taken care of). there's that line between "do i really want to write transphobia into a world where everyone can just be happy?" and "i want a character that's had one of the genuine modern trans experiences" (i say one of and not "the" because there is no The Trans Experience).

then theres project moon world. where gender is and isn't important because gendered bodies and traits do exist, it's literally just the names that are subverted. but (at least as far as i personally know, i dont know anything beyond lobcorp, half of ruina, and everything up to like the lab half of yi sang's canto) we don't actually see or hear any discussion of gender or gender issues, or anything implying that a gender inequality or trans people even exist. which is fine i guess. not the main focus when people are turning into giant monsters and killing each other with giant swords. but it makes it hard to picture any sort of modern experience and relationship with gender in that world that'd match up with anything we relate to. body modification is a commodity and normalized there. you can get surgery to transfer your body into a robot body as long as your brain is intact. you can replace your head now. top and bottom surgery is ancient news, that's just normal. you can replace your head with a triangle now. do people still come out of the closet? does gender even come into play with sexuality anymore? does anyone give a fuck when people are turning into monsters and shit? it sounds like a nice world, where you don't have to constantly be on defense because someone might kill you for being a little too queer, but it also makes it really hard to visualize anything you can relate to without it seeming a little old-fashioned or silly for it to even exist

in my salem world buggy / skuggy being trans was me slapping it on them because i was trans and i wanted to connect with my ocs. i honestly havent revisited them in a while so i forgot a lot but i tried to work it into their stories but mostly ended up thinking longer on it for skuggy as kind of just him crawling out of a bad home situation and him being able to transition finally being his foot down on earth away from that old life. like shedding a shell into a new one. yeah things still suck and i'm heading for a town that's going to kill me, but i finally am on t and i can start saving up for top surgery. but after that point in his life it fades to the background and it's just normal. i think my salem folks are the closest ill get to being able to explore a genuine transgender experience

farrow is weird because the entirety of his life he's been kind of accustomed to playing this certain role and sticking with it, and losing himself in the tough guy facade of uncaring manipulative loner that he just becomes it and doesn't see another way until he's literally killed for being a prick and reduced to a speck that can't hold that facade anymore after being put into his place. as a child he was androgynous and didn't care about it but was still a boy. but the moment he's forced to stop revolving his life around the sole purpose of survival (in fact probably now the opposite) and has to be forced to face what actually lies beneath that facade he's implanted into himself , that nonbinary elephant in the room suddenly gets very very big and loud and he's forced to stare it straight down. i explored his very disorienting confused tiptoes into gender expression and identity mostly in private because i got shy being anything less than funniejokes about my ocs, but it was really just "i think i might be nonbinary but i have a job so i cant think abt that rn" "oh shit im unemployed im fighting these fucking demons" "why did being called this term awaken something in me" "oh god help me". i think i explored and pushed it the absolute most in band au where it's the most similar to modern day reality and just got to make him a little thing. but it's kind of the same thing where while i did get to explore his gender presentation and his thoughts on it and how other people close to him reacted to it or affirm it it i don't ttthink it has a lot of bearing on his character. which is fine i guess. i dont know how i feel about characters who's entire basis is being trans. but i guess that is literally just how it is irl being a stigmatized group you are just Defined by it bc it affects Everything In Your Gd Life. idk where im going with this

idk the thing that prompted this is just thinking about my lobcorp ocs because it is so. HARD. to relate to any of their trans experiences or write anything resembling a modern trans experience with them. they live in a hyperdeveloped future, why Wouldn't they have access to hrt and gender affirming surgeries. why Would it have any bearing on them what gender they are, they have to go die in a Nest or smtng tomorrow. i think a lot about eva and griffin and even like myukeu or roger/mags. i'm trying to go back and think about how it might've been for eva growing up but the most i can think is that he probably just stayed in the closet until he built up the courage and his parents were just "oh okay cool i guess. maybe you wont be limited by the glass ceiling now. finish your damn homework" like just such a anticlimatic end. (but even that response implies any sort of gender imbalance or acknowledgement of gender in this world and honestly, with all the women taking leadership and even mastermind roles in this world there is no way that's anything close to canon. also i dont want to write in fuckin misogyny. but thats the thing in a modern au His Parents Would Fucking THink Like That his identity gender and all takes a backseat to his Purpose. but its hard to write that when Everyone Is Just Like That with gender). like yeah i can write this character juggling work and arranging pharmacy prescriptions and fitting in a daily t shot into his routine and having to recover after top surgery but once he's socially transitioned even if he doesn't pass it doesn't have a bearing or effect on him because It Doesn't Matter Here You're An Employee All The Same. his identity is an afterthought in the corporation. the only time it comes up is when he befriends other trans people and has that "oh hey" feeling of solidarity or when years down the line he's getting freaky with julian and has to explain no an abnormality did not scar me those are surgery scars. im trans. and then it's fine

idk this is a very looseform ramble because in the end i don't know what my actual thoughts are. i guess i yearn for just a mundane trans experience. which is why i'm so drawn to band au / modern aus of any kind because it lets me write these people being Very Mundane Normal People. sure writing them in doomed time loops and turning into giant monsters and harnessing powers beyond comprehension is fun but also i really like writing mundane shit even if its boring to read. why do you think i spamdraw post-lobcorp so much. theyre normal. anyways time to brainrot more over band au than the actual canon

also if there have been any mentions/discussions of gender in projmoon games i would 100% be down to read an analysis or whatever. this isnt a projmoon haterpost believe it or not it's just me thrashing within the nonexistent box i've put myself in.

i like mundane modern trans characters. i like trans characters that look like people i would meet irl and just Exist the way we do irl. i dont care if there is no transphobia in the world i just need to see them being mildly inconvenienced by having to do advanced aerobics to take off their binder or experience gender euphoria after wearing a tank top and jeans. i wanna see them having a sleepover and getting their nails painted for the first time and just going "oh my god i can actually be pretty thats just something i can do". idk. i think i just want to write more trans joy into my stories it's just hard when there's a more prevalent ongoing plot going on (hell timeloop and melting away of identity)

[the-lonelyshepherd]

whst r your top 3 fav and least fav yellowjackets characters shep

im gonna do LONG answers bc i want to talk about my sillies

for faves…. i love them all so much it’s actually not funny but for my top #1 yellowjackets character of all time it HAS TO go to my girl Lottie

1. Lottie

she’s insane she’s a cult leader she’s a champion soccer player she has big brown eyes she’s been in multiple odd relationships with various blonde girls she’s a prophet and above all she’s just a girl. 

i’m literally just gonna TOUCH on many topics and not go in depth bc i will actually write a full ass essay. if i haven’t already. 

Shes actually one of my fav characters of all time, not even just yellowjackets. deadass she is SO fascinating, both adult and teen version. unloved by rich parents. schizophrenic (or is it really the wilderness speaking to her??? we don’t know!!!) but hides it until it’s too late. her transformation from sarcastic a little odd but generally kind and cheerful soccer player to borderline mute haunted prophet to years later mysterious but successful wellness center (…cult) leader??? INSANE!!!!! 

her whole religion arc with laura lee??? actually one of the DRIVING forces of EVERYTHIBG i could write an ESSAY on this. insane. her weird one sided rivalry with nat??? INSANE!!! (and lwk homoerotic). her obsession with wilderness baby??? this could be its entire own post

also she like… just wants the best for everyone. she’s been put on a pedestal, marked as an enemy, had her words twisted to excuse HUNTING and EATING someone and then told it was her fault. she also couldn’t stop this because she let someone beat her up to let their anger out. she’s so self sacrificial she’s so overly caring and it ends up hurting herself and everyone and all she’s trying to do is understand things. she can’t be a god but she can be a martyr if they kill her quick enough. she’s MY tragic queen no one gets her like i do. i love her so much. also courtney eaton is really fine. irrelevant.

2. Nat

next up is nat. nat is also like. ohmygoodness. 

first of all the most interesting thing about me for nat HAS to be her dynamics with the group. you could put her with anyone and learn so much about both characters. travis? jackie? misty? lottie? shauna? ben? all of them. it’s a combination of nats insanely interesting character and sophie thatcher’s (sorry juliette lewis but it just wasn’t as impressive for me) INSANE screen presence. she shows so much emotion with just facial expressions and fucking steals every scene she’s in. def a huge contributor in making nat the character she is.

also unlike a lot of the other yjs, nat already has a history with this sort of tragedy. we see in her flashbacks with her dad (i think s1.4?)

this stuff sets her up as immediately apart from the group - not only is she a bit of a social outcast, labeled as an alcoholic, a druggie, a whore etc, but she also already came from a dark place and physically spent a lot of time seperate from the other girls. she spends a lot of time w coach Ben and travis, expanding a lot of their characters and making javis death even more horrible for her. the trauma she has surrounding guns and her father also leads to another really interesting thing - above all, no matter how much she pretends she doesn’t, nat does really fucking care. she cares a lot.

i LOVE this kind of character so much, the kind that pretends to be rlly apathetic but is almost more genuine in their kindness than anyone else. nat just genuinely fuckung cares and she’s been through so much and i rghhhhh. her apology to jackie???? hell even her moments with travis. cutting off his dads finger to get the ring when he couldn’t do it himself. i’m losing it. anyways i have to cut this off bc i need to get to my next girl and i WILL write an essay if i keep going. 

3. Shauna

Shauna fucking shipmannnnnnnn (and by an extent jackie because let’s be frl they are kind of one) let’s go crazy girls. Shauna is honestly terrifying. starting strong!!! but it’s kinda true. she has this like weird underlying sense of something violent about her. she’s always wanted more, she’s always kind of lived in jackie’s shadow wether jackie meant to or not. she had this kind of mindset that’s just SO like obsessive??? i kinda sound like a shauna hater rn this is NOT TRUE 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ she is so compelling it’s insane. 

first off sophie nelisse is incredible. actually incredible. like from the BEGINNING she had me FASCINATED with shauna just with her expressions and rghhhh everythibg. the talent is INSANE. 

and shauna herself is just. so tragic. now you can’t really talk about shauna without talking about jackie. and it’s okay bc i love jackie as well she is my favorite girlloser, resident coldgirl, mislabeled, misjudged queen. et cetera.

and having jackie is such a core part of shauna’s character. when she comes to the wilderness she starts to slip apart a little. rifts form, promises broken and secrets start to slip out. but she still CARES about jackie. she tries so hard to help her do something useful so the other girls don’t turn on her. 

but in the end she was always going to be the one holding the knife. she was always living in jackie’s shadow (at least in her mind) and she had this weird relationship with her where she both villainized and obsessed over her. standard homoerotic highschool girl bestfriendship. i don’t even know where i’m going with this there’s so much i could say. before i end let me rq touch on

wilderness baby and callie. this is also one of the most compelling things to do with shauna. after jackie’s death, shauna is technically on her own. after being so long on begat she perceived as jackie’s shadow, she has, in her mind, autonomy. and things really start to go downhill. first, she’s carrying the baby of her dead best friends boyfriend. which is a situation. but jackie isn’t ever really gone - she’s in shauna she’s in the baby she’s in the meat shed she’s a ghost and eventually she’s a full on fucking meal. so even though she’s dead, she NEVER leaves shauna and shauna is haunted by her forever. normal best friend stuff. but anyways shauna carries wilderness baby to term and loves him so so much and then it turns out he was stillborn. let me emphasize she loved this baby SO FUCKING MUCH. then later as an adult we see her with callie. „i don’t even like my daughter”. the switch up is crazy???? i think i’m running out of room to type fuck but anyways shauna shipman you will always be famous i love you i would write essays on you

okay least faves is actually harder.  beacuse i love them all. i’m gonna say that annoying mustache groomer cop. and like idk who else tbh. nats dad? jackie’s mom??? oooghhh jackie’s mom and dad scene is a whole mother tangent

anyways i hoped you enjoyed me exhibiting symptoms!! thank you for your question idk if you can tell but i love talking about yellowjackets

[david-talks-sw]

any new Star Wars essays in the making, or are you moving on?

I don't know, honestly.

Part of it is "life gets in the way," I'm working a lot and so whatever time I have left is spent just messing around or meeting with my loved ones.

I've got a bunch of stuff in my drafts. I don't mind sharing it here, most recent to oldest:

Sort of a joke post of me pointing out how stressful being George Lucas' producer must've been, like this guy really DIDN'T WANT to write his fucking scripts, did he? Poor Rick McCallum. Abandoned because who gives a crap.

'Ask' reply on how EU-fueled fandom perception of the Jedi was flipped by the prequels.

'Ask' reply about the themes in Ahsoka and why the show doesn't know what it's about. Problem is, I go about it starting from the basics, so nobody's gonna sit through reading a tematic breakdown of the first Pirates of the Carribean movie, The Batman and the original six Star Wars films before I even get to the show at hand.

"Part II" post about what Ahsoka, Rebels and TCW get right about lightsaber duels, which the Prequels never did.

Quote collection & analysis on just how complex the Prequels were meant to be (in the late 80s, Lucas intimated that the Sequels were the story that was supposed to have gray morality, not the Prequels)

Quote collection on how the themes and principles of Star Wars align with Lucas' own opinions and philosophies.

Quote collection on Lucas defining Anakin's flaws.

Quote collection on Lucas talking about the fact that we need to be more proactive, which aligns with what Lumi points out sometimes about the Jedi: they should've been more politically engaged because we all should be.

Why I approach Lucas as "word of god".

Personal life/joke-y post dating from the time of the WGA strike about how Jack Black's School of Rock lyrics "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due!" applied to me. Abandoned because I didn't wanna bum everyone out.

Correcting the notion that Dark Times-era Jedi such as Kanan or Ezra or Ahsoka represent what Jedi were supposed to be.

A comprehensive end-all outlook on how Anakin's flaws all tie together. I've written this one twice and I don't know how to differentiate it from my other posts.

A secret "Part 3" to my TLJ Luke post, in which I point out that RJ's being too "indie", while being a strong point for a big chunk of the film, hampers the film's ability to make Luke feel as badass as he does on paper. I want to illustrate a storyboard for this one, but that takes time.

The evolution of Star Wars' approach to transmedia.

Debunking Star Wars myths: a (very) comprehensive outlook on children in the Jedi Order.

Problem is that only like 2/3rds of these are fully-written... and I still need to find the relevant clips, turn them into GIFs, etc etc.

There's many other interesting Asks in my inbox btw. But I'm already behind on all these, so I haven't begun to touch them.

Then there's the drawings.

I wanna draw a comic of the meeting between Yoda and Dooku in Dark Rendezvous. I wanna finish the comic fight between Maul and Ben. I wanna draw Mace, Shaak Ti, I've got a Luminara fan-art that was supposed to be ready for Jedi June 2022 and an Anakin drawing that looks weird. No time, nor am I skilled enough. (Like, I trace, that's what I do, it's not a secret I've said so before... but it takes me a long while to do so. I'm not fast at drawing, let alone coloring.) I could commission some of these, but there are obvious obstacles there.

There's fun tidbits I've discovered here and there but nobody will care about them and I usually try to not drown my blog with bs posts.

Then there's the bigger problem.

All the things I've listed above? I'm not 100% motivated to finish. But a lot of the new stuff I wanna write about is hella negative.

I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say about Ahsoka. But it wasn't all good. It was mostly me bitching, be it about the show or the fandom's reactions to it.

I've also got more stuff to say about Filoni's take on Star Wars, but I've talked about why it's inaccurate like 8 times already, and I don't actually dislike the guy, like there's plenty of things he knows and does that I think are awesome but also people won't stop putting him and his takes on a pedestal and--

oh shit, there's Acolyte too, I forgot about that, gray morality galore, here we come. But here too, like... I've talked a couple of times about why this entire gray morality thing is actually just the gen X-ers trying to make the prequels "cool" and "complex". but I've never explored properly, with quotes and research and shit. but i've talked about it so many times that at this point it'd end up like the Filoni rants, redundant. "we get it already." as if this show didn't have haters lined round the block for absolutely sexist reasons.

Don't get me started on the mountain of lies and/or idiocy that is the YouTuber Star Wars Theory.

And yet he said one thing a few months ago which struck a chord within me and it's the fact that Andor is awesome, excels on all levels because it's treated seriously, like a proper show, not a Disney Plus one... why wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi? Why wasn't Book of Boba Fett? And I've already established multiple times that I enjoyed Kenobi (yes, including the Reva parts) and I've established that I know what they were going for in Fett and I've established that this is mainly a "Disney Plus didn't know how to structure a fucking show pre-WGA strike" issue more than anything else... but when I think about how these could've been treated instead? When I look at the characterizations and emotional stakes of like Fargo Season 5? It's infuriating. Because it's not bad (talking about Kenobi, BOBF is awful)... but it could've been EXCELLENT and instead it was just "okay" to "good".

I just miss live action lightsaber duels, man. Like, good ones.

and i dunno. maybe I should just let it rip on all this. "go off, king!"

but I think there's so much negativity re: Star Wars that adding my thoughts on these subjects, no matter how structured and reason, will just blend into a wave of needless, un-constructive hate.

maybe I should finish the writings in the drafts and just post them with no gifs, maybe just still images?

but doing any of that feels like a step back.

So that's where I'm at right now.

[merge-conflict]

#9 #10 #23 🔫

questions here, ty for the ask right out the gate with asking me about canon you know me so well :3

9. worst part of canon

listen I know it's because I'm in the field and so all the things that annoy me are just background noise to most other people but I really really hate the way hacking and networks and AIs and tech in general is handled in cyberpunk. I don't think it should be perfectly realistic or exactly what we have in real life. I do think it should have some internal consistency when it comes to power leveling and that it should make some sort of sense. cyberpunk worldbuilding is often its weakest feature and that it's a bummer.

and it's not just a matter of tech working basically like magic, but the fact that there seem to be no internal rules so you can never figure out what the consequences of anything might be. why do people not just shut off their bluetooth before getting in a fight with someone who has a netrunner? why does alt not simply archive the engrams instead of imply she's going to eat them in some weird digital cannibalistic fashion? (why not just delete them if she doesn't have the space) are we just adding arbitrary and tragic restrictions on at the ninth hour because it makes it dark and gritty? that's BORING. tell me from the start why I'm fucked because my android soul is incompatible with your apple hardware. maybe johnny's brain which has never dealt with kiroshi's might have vision issues. let's think about those restrictions and why all software sucks instead of doing weak philosophical gotchas at the worst moment because the game has made pains to never discuss anything fundamental about life after death until you have to suddenly make a decision.

you know what would be an interesting idea in this vein? that the AIs made before the fall of the net really did jumpstart all technology and since they've all been banished everything has stagnated because huge world-wide companies having their global communications axed is a huge blow to recover from- not to mention the literal brain drain. What if the reason everything's been getting shittier is because people have been slowly poking holes in software and infrastructure that's no longer maintained? That no one knows how to maintain? That society is doomed to slowly fail because of unsustainable processes and people are going to have to band together to- Oh, what's this? I'm hearing that the actual problem is all the AIs are mad and feral and will drive you mad if you commune with them and take over huge spider robots. Well. That works too.

10. worst part of fanon

I would like to get more fanon honestly. I so rarely see people's actual takes on characters or the game's story or the world. And that's not a dig at OC lore, which I do like. Sometimes my face-blind ass just gets tired of VP where someone is looking into my soul the camera.

Mild annoyance because I also write my own wish fulfillment fic so I'm not saying I'm any better half the time- if it was as easy to be a rebel as just quitting your corpo job with healthcare and a steady salary to become a merc or a hacker or something, then there wouldn't be much to be punk about. You know? The whole point is that life in cyberpunk is a grinding struggle, and you do have to make sacrifices if you want to fight against it. The "we're poor but happy" thing probably isn't going to work out that way.

Actually that's the start of another essay of how interesting Barghest's survival and its recruitment strategy is... and why there are so many powerful gangs in NC. Being independent ain't easy. But I guess that's really just an extension of the game's reality where V can turn into a hero-figure killing machine who no one can beat in terms of skill, isn't it? Probably why the tower ending is the way that it is!

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

Not really? I can't really think of any instances where I've changed my mind about a ship. Characters yes, ships no. I guess maybe silverv, before I finished the game? Johnny hadn't earned enough Felix points for me to care about him. But I think I came pretty willingly when it was time.

[sadgirlautumn]

Your last set of tags...100% agree. I just wish it stayed about the music (and tour), y'know? I honestly am not super interested in TK, he seems nice, that's nice. Good luck to them. And genuinely the songs could be about whoever, I'm just interested in the way they sound and how they're crafted. Sometimes people's reactions just veer too far into gossip fodder for my taste. I like Taylor, I think she's talented, I love how her brain works to make these songs, but I'm not interesting in analysing her every move and analysing her every move like a character in a tv show.

You said it so well! We have so much to talk about but it always seems to circle back to her current or previous relationships. Don’t get me wrong her and TK have their cute moments but it’s weird that some people have to analyze every part of his life too now that he’s dating her. It just feels like an invasion of privacy even if the stuff that they are looking into is technically “public” that doesn’t mean that it needs to be over analyzed to see if he’s hiding a ring shaped box in his pocket or something. 😭

I remember I saw someone say a few months ago that “newer swifties wouldn’t have been able to handle Taylor’s relationships prior to Joe” and I feel like that is true for me because I joined tumblr during the drought right when Taylor and Joe had started dating and as I said since he was so private he wasn’t constantly giving the fans new things to talk about so I never realized how intense this fandom could be about her relationships until I got a little sampling of it with how people treated Jake during red tv and now with everything that happened in 2023.

I think why it’s been getting to me so much recently is i didn’t realize how much I didn’t like gossiping about this stuff until this past year because it didn’t seem like a big part of swiftie culture since when I joined it was just an occasional joke about a guy she dated a few years ago. I miss when we had silly little nights playing games (which we still do occasionally) and when people would write essays about a single song lyric. It just makes me sad to see some people I follow not be as active because the gossip gets too much. Myself included, i purposely tried to keep myself busy on Sundays so I wouldn’t get annoyed at people for having fun on tumblr dot com. (Which is another thing: I really see both sides to this because the people who want to talk about TK want to have fun and so do the people who don’t want to talk to him. I also think people are trying too hard to label people who agree or disagree with talking too in depth about it but everyone’s different so it winds up just being something to make people who already agree with you feel better rather than solve an actual problem that’s sort of unsolvable.)

To summarize: certain aspects of her personal life are always going to be relevant to the art she creates and can add layers or change perspectives by knowing certain things. But to dwell on them and act like the only interesting thing about her is her relationships just makes me sad.

[ace-robot-has-matcha]

Things I like and didn’t like about hazbin hotel

I watched it last night with my friends. My basic thoughts are that it’s pretty good.

!!THIS IS ALL 100% MY SUBJECTIVE OPINION ON ASPECTS OF THIS SHOW!!

Stuff I liked:

Most of the songs were pretty good, and of course the singing as well. The visuals for the songs are also very cool a lot of the time as well. Visual standouts included the vox song and the husk song

I’m still sad about the loss of the original cast, but I will admit that the new cast is also good. RIP Michael though. I still miss him in this show but he’s In everything now so whatever.

Vaggie was cool. She really felt expanded from the pilot version, even though I kinnnda miss her old design. The other new designs I got used to, but hers still strikes me as weird.

Niffty was epic. Honestly just like me fr.

This show made me come around to Alastor. Liked him in the pilot, but he was never my favorite (probably overexposure). But he ended up being a very goofy character, which I liked. The mystery element of what he was doing for seven years is also interesting.

I actually ended up liking the Vees. I didn't expect to like them lol. Vox is funny and has a cool voice, Val is cartoonishly evil (and scary at times so that's neat), and I never cared about Velvette before, but she turned out to be my favorite of the three.

One thing I really like about vivziepop shows is that she puts all those hidden text stuff in that you can actually pause to read. She does this in helluva boss, and she keeps up the tradition here. I like when shows do that.

So for years I've been calling him Anthony as a joke to lovingly bully him, and then it ended up being shown in canon lol. For some reason this made me lose my shit. Oh and also the angel dust stuff was really good too yeah yeah

My absolute favorite part was unironically Sir Pentious. This is mostly due to the surprise that he actually ended up in the main cast. I had no idea that was going to happen. I thought he'd be a sort of villain-of-the-week guy who sort of joins the party, but nope this goofy idiot hangs out at the hotel for the rest of the show lol. That was awesome. I never knew how much of his character I needed until now.

I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to television. I'm willing to excuse a lot of things, which is probably why I'm one of the like ten people who still thinks Helluva Boss S2 is okay. Therefore, there were only a few problems with these episodes that I actually didn't like enough to put here.

I really really didn't like Adam. His voice is good, his song is good but that's pretty much it. I don't even really like his design. He was just so irritating and unfunny. I know he was supposed to be annoying and unlikeable, but usually I still find enjoyment in those characters, and I just couldn't here. Case in point: Mammon is basically the same character but actually funny.

This is the only nitpick that really bothered me. Zestial is a cool character. BUT HOLY SHIT THEY COMPLETELY FUCKED UP HIS DIALECT. It happens a lot and it's so irritating because it does not take very long to look up the difference between thee, thou and thy. They didn't even change it to make it rhyme, it's just legitimately fucked up. This annoyed me way too much admittedly but it made me cringe in like every scene he was in, even though I liked everything else about him.

Yeah episode one isn't great. It's not very focused. This is kind of par for the course for vivzie shows though.

Spoilers I guess? I did not like the reveal of who killed the angel. It turned out to be some lady we just met five minutes ago?? It felt very underwhelming and made me angry. However, this one I'm willing to make my peace with because it's episode three, there will probably be a better payoff later. Hopium.

Write me an essay in the comments about why I'm wrong about everything or whatever. I'll read it and maybe adopt it into my perspective. There's probably other things I wanted to talk about that I forgot, but I don't care. Anyway I like this show give it like a 7.6 out of 10.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

1, 17 and 37 for Vetinari?

Ahhh our difficult to pin down patrician!! A classic and a favourite <3 <3

1. Canon I outright reject

Hahaha well. I mean. TP wrote a Trope, a caricature, not a character with Vetinari. He's too perfect to be believable as a real person*. So, you know.

--

*I get why. Vetinari can't have any real fuck-ups, because then TP would be writing a different series than one-offs "the baddie of the week," which is what his bread and butter was. To have Vetinari be a real man would mean there would be true mistakes and real repercussions that couldn't be resolved as easily as TP liked to wrap up his stories. And that's fair! He wasn't writing complex political fantasy. But that does mean the canon is limiting and 2D when it comes to side-characters, including Vetinari.

--

I suppose, I reject the portrayal of Vetinari at seventeen in Night Watch because lol like hell is that any seventeen year old I've ever known. And I've known (and was my myself) "firm head on your shoulders, grounded, hyper realistic about the world" sorts of kids. They're still kids. Vetinari in Night Watch was just Mini-Patrician.

And I reject that whole-heartedly. This is one of those instances where TP really shone with his bit-characters because Downey is a perfect Stroppy Posh Obnoxious Dick-swinging Prick as only a fundamentally rich, privileged seventeen year old boy can be. Vetinari is very bland in comparison. Again! Too perfect. It's boring.

So yeah, I prefer an Awkward, Weird, Posh Prick of a seventeen year old to whatever TP wrote with Vetinari. He can still inhume a patrician. Just give him pimples and make him awkward and weird. The Tiger Scene is a small recompense - and even then, it feels too....adultish? In a weird way? That just doesn't jive with me.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Too many to list outright. Fuck. Here are a very, very few that I've compiled offhand. Honestly, this is deserving of a whole second ask.

Poems/Books

Blitzed Out, Lauren Turner (poem) - granted, I apply different aspects of this poem to almost all characters.

The Glass Essay, Anne Carson (poem)

Willful Subjects, Sarah Ahmed - a full book on the concept of will and willfulness. Particularly of the concept of "willfullness" as a charge to be laid against others in a means to remove their will/agency. Anyway, it's always struck me as a book Vetinari would have on his bookshelf.

Coyote in the Dark, Coyotes Remembered, Mary Oliver (poem)

Two Atheists Banking on an Afterlife, Lauren Turner (poem)

The Awake and Sleeping Ye, Anne-Marie Turza (poem)

The Undying, Anne Boyer - another full book. Granted Vetinari doesn't have cancer, but her writing on illness and disability are things I lean on when writing Vetinari.

Litany, Billy Collins (poem)

Songs

Feel It Still, Portugal - the Man

Bury a Friend, Billie Eilish

When We Were Young, The Killers

If I had a heart, Fever Ray

Devil's Backbone, The Civil Wars

Fair, The Amazing Devil (this is truly The Downey/Vetinari song)

They Provide the Paint, Streetlight Manifesto

Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious, The Amazing Devil (another Downey/Vetinari one lol)

Quotes

"If God exists he isn't just butter and good luck. / He's also the tick that killed my wonderful dog Luke." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"To love rightly is to love what is orderly and beautiful in an educated and disciplined way." - Plato's Republic

"When we cut the ripe melon, should we not give it thanks? / Aand should we not thank the knife also? / We do not live in a simple world." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"What I want to say is / that the past is the past, / and the present is what your life is, / and you are capable / of choosing what that will be, / darling citizen." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Mornings at Blackwater"

"I don't know what God is. / I don't know what death is. / But I believe they have between them / some fervent and necessary arrangement." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Sometimes"

(Honestly - every Mary Oliver poem has a small set of lines somewhere within it that will remind me of Vetinari. Or, rather, I will call them to mind when I write him. Obviously, when I am reading Mary Oliver I am too busy weeping over small and gargantuan beauties to be thinking about fanfiction.)

"Regardless, I want to spell out that, in Judaism, a person can do real, profound, comprehensive repentance work and even get right with God—experience atonement—even if their victim never forgives them. Repentance and forgiveness are separate processes.” - Danya Ruttenberg excerpt from On Repentance and Repair

"Monuments are interesting mostly in how they diminish all other aspects of the landscape. Each highly perceptible thing makes something else almost imperceptible." - Anne Boyer excerpt from Garments Against Women

"It took me so long to realize / there are people who start fires, not to tend them, / but to see how things burn, and it took me even longer / to realize some places need fire simply to survive." - Caitlin Scarano, excerpt from “During the Wildfires” (this is also a Grima quote, honestly)

37. What they really think about themselves

As noted in the first question - Vetinari is a hard one to read and write because he's two dimensional in the text but given enough that he's not a full blank slate. But it's also a lot of nonsense we're given to work with. Masks, really.

And I think that's partially it - does Vetinari know what he thinks about himself? Or is he wholly Patrician, now? When he looks in a mirror, what does he see? Ghosts of previous patricians hovering in the hinterlands? Nothing so melodramatic as that, likely, but maybe. He has his maudlin moments in the books.

Fundamtenally, though, I think Vetinari's biggest trick is that he isn't faking anything. There's no mask. There's no cover. This is just who he is as a person. Cold, ruthless, calculating, cunning - but also given to a dry sense of humour, partial to moments of sentimentality, of being maudlin or philosophical when the mood strikes - also loves his irony and sense of occasion or moment and so on.

I think he has a fairly grounded sense of self. We're never given reason to think there's misalignment between how Vetinari sees himself (practical, efficient, capable) and how he behaves as patrician (practical, efficient, capable).

I'm not sure I'm really get at this question. But that's what I have to say on it for now. More may come to me later.

----

Thank you so much!! I do love talking about this weird freak of a man. Bless him that scag.

[cboffshore]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks for the tag, @fabrowrites!

Tagging: @basicallyjaywalker and, uh, I'm not really sure. NWOD buddies, if you see this, you're all welcome to hop on too!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

Twelve! One is technically a mini essay collection and one is a poem, though, so ten proper fics.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

122,397!!! Which is.... wow!!

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Ninjago. That's it. I don't really engage with other shows enough to write fic for them, and I think writing fic for IRL bands and such is weird as hell, so I don't that at all.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Oh boy, let's see:

A Disappearing Act (Done Poorly) leads the race, which makes sense - she's been around the longest!

It Doesn't Take Much (To Cover Up Small Cuts) is a bit of a surprise, but so worth it.

The Splinter in the Blind Man's Eye: An Unofficial Revision . What a great group project. Too bad Tommy wandered off to work on Dreamzzz or whatever... This one is like a tombstone on my account. Or maybe a mausoleum...

Just Cross The Waters my beloved!

Coughing Up Feathers is one that I'm amazed isn't higher - kind of had a spike in activity when I updated OSSAS this year.

5. do you respond to comments

YES. I love to blabber. Please ask me questions!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Elegy Above Sea Level isn't a fic - it's that single poem I mentioned earlier - but it's really the only work I have that ends on a purely bitter note. I don't deal in unbalanced angst, but I like this one. Goes down like a raw spoonful of cocoa powder, honestly, and I adore it.

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oof, that's... that's a tough one. I would have to say Coughing Up Feathers purely because it's got a miniature "everyone laughs" ending that still makes me smile when I read it back.

8. do you get hate on fics?

No, and you know what? I wish I did, sort of. Maybe not outright hate, though. As much as I love opening my comments to find my readers excited for me, it does get a little repetitive sometimes. Peer review me in the comments! Find an inconsistency and make me justify it! Lord knows I've done my share of criticism (on Tumblr and Discord, though - I'm just nice enough to not do it in the comments) and I think it would be fun to get that energy back. Plus, spite fuels me! If you make me mad, you get more writing. Win-win.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Nope. Never. I would rather eat pillow stuffing.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

Not any more, but my very first fic from middle school was a god-awful triple hit of Star Wars (with total homebrew lore, all I kept were the lightsabers and Force tricks), Ninjago, and - get this - Lindsey Stirling. I abandoned it halfway through the Rise of the Snakes season installment.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! That's the nice thing about focusing on an underappreciated angle - everyone else pays attention to the big, popular stuff, and only the people who would appreciate it even look twice at mine.

12. what's the longest you've spent working on a fic? and the shortest?

If I Can Think (Of Something Clever) took me about three months of on and off writing, plus LOADS of planning, so that's my longest! On the other hand, I wrote Wouldn't It Be Grand? (It Ain't Exactly What You Planned) in the span of a few hours.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Not sure I want to, either, although maybe someday...

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? from all fandoms?

IT'S THE MISFORTUNE'S KEEP. I don't do romance, not really, although to properly answer that I will confess that I do like Jaya enough to write it now and then.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't really have any WIPs in limbo right now, so I don't have an answer here? Either I finish a fic or I lay it to rest when the momentum dies. No middle ground.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I'm very good at comedic timing and imagery! I love trying to paint the mental image of a room - sometimes I even do floor plans to help me out.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

I worry that my action writing is a little too straightforward - I write like I had to when I was a stage manager, so my actions are VERY cut and dried. It helps me visualize better, so I'm unlikely to change, but I wonder sometimes if my readers get sick of it.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've never done it, but I think it's a cool idea!

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Ninjago. I've never written fic for any other.

20. favorite fic you've written?

My favorite usually tends to be my most recent, so that honor goes to If I Can Think (Of Something Clever). It also breaks a few records - both in personal best fic length, and in the fact that it's the first fic I've ever seen that comprehensively gets to Nya's experience during e63 instead of just nodding at it during the aftermath. That entire series is fueled by that "be the fic author you want to see in the world" idea, because let's be real - there isn't a lot of Nya centric Skybound content. When there is, it's usually aftermath, but I want to see the thick of it! I'm doing my best out here.

[gumy-shark]

okayh okay HI you said you wanted to know about the freedom/passion dichotomy thing? ive got the graph and i am going to do my best to explain this to you despite me barely having a grasp of it on myself. THIS IS VERY LONG IM SORRY.

so the first thing you need to know is this just started as a way to split my ocs and help me make character arcs and motivations, and it became a little bit of a habit to categorize my favorite characters this way as well. its is in no means a perfect dichotomy, and im constantly looking for ways to refine it, but for now the best way ive found to illustrate it is this:

basically its which think they represent most... or what they value the most? idk its kind of a case-by-case basis and is dictated by Vibe. like I said THIS IS VERY FLAWED so bare with me pls

when i first started watching lmk i sorted all of the characters i knew into either category. this was within the first four/five days are watching so some of it might be.. off? but i think its still worth something as my first impression of the characters, and it'll probably help illustrate what i mean

Wukong -> Freedom Macaque -> Passion Wukong and Macaque have this thing where one has too much freedom and is learning to temper that with passion (wukong) and the other has too MUCH emotion and is trying everything he can to gain true freedom (macaque) (this is true even when he isn't under LBD's control but is esp prevalent then). they each value the opposite thing they stand for and are trying to be more like the other, without even realizing it. MK -> Freedom Dont get me wrong! He very much has passion! He holds a lot of emotion in that body! but a lot of that passion is the passion for freedom. he just wants to be able to be himself and hang out with his friends, he doesn't do well with all this responsibility :C Mei -> Passion Does this need defending? High sense of duty (mainly towards her ancestors and her friends), and so incredibly passionate. and impulsive. She spits fire when angry! Nothing more to be said honestly. Red Son -> Passion Is a really good parallel to Mei, has too much passion to fit in his body. [In the original notes, I noted that he was 'scared of true freedom, but doesn't know that yet. I'm pretty sure this references his relationship to his parents? Smth smth he's too scared of making them angry so he doesn't explore who he is outside of his relation and loyalty to them?] Pigsy -> Passion this man doesn't need freedom when he as his passion for food. what does he need to be free from? he has everything he wants HEART EMOJI! Tang -> ...Its complicated The thing with tang is that he kind of gets like a character arc with like. Responsibility and his care for his friends? He goes from low passion/high freedom to low freedom/high passion over the course of the show. please note that i am insane about him and if i really wanted i could write a whole essay about him. Sandy -> ??? ONCE AGAIN ITS WEIRD. I WISH THE SHOW FOCUSED MORE ON HIS CHARACTER AND BACKSTORY BC I CANT GET A READ ON HIM.

okay thats the main cast, and HERES THE ALIGNMENT CHART ACCORDING TO THAT. WITH OTHERS AS WELL.

theres not a lot of people without any value of freedom and passion at the same time so the grey area is pretty empty LMAO.

ANYWAYS. I BROUGHT THIS UP TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE OF THE CHARACTERS WITH EYE SCARS TRIFECTA!!! Basically i see them all of how i described macaque earlier. He's trapped in a situation that he doesn't want to be in, whether it be LBD's control or his situation wiht wukong or his own creepy and standoffish persona/his trust issues making it hard to make real connections with others.

(in contrast wukong loves doing his own thing and just Hanging Out and never stopping his own momentum, but he also has trouble caring about... a lot of things actually. he's just soo easygoing! responsibility harshes his vibe!)

But anyways, macaque's problems are very similar to quackity and tempest's, i feel. Quackity constantly feels trapped by physical threats like techno or dream, and also his own circumstances and trauma (a lot of it from schlatt and manburg). a lot of his actions are him trying to reclaim the freedom he used to feel when he was younger. tempest felt she couldn't be truly herself without her horn, but in trying to get it she got herself in a really bad situation where any wrong move could get her killed.

The passion part comes in play in different ways for them all. Quackity tried not to care about people for a while, but still can never stop being extremely loyal and protective of his friends. Tempest had lots of rage inside her and was so intensely driven to get to her goal. And Macaque canNOT stop obsessing over wukong honestly. All three of them are very passionate, and all three of them are constantly trying to gain more freedom.

This is a super long ask, but thank you for inviting me to ramble about this lmao. I think everyone represents freedom or passion in their own way, and this dichotomy really only matters for characters BUT I THINK ITS FUN. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK!!!!!

i had a whole Thing written out and i was so proud of it and then my phone decided to delete it before i could post and not save as draft. but yeah im putting this chart in the microwave and then eating it and then putting it in the fridge so i can keep it overnight and microwave and eat it again. this is so fucking Good. in their attempts for freedom macaque cquack and tempest all disown the people they were when they Were free, bc they want to be unbound entirely, but they Feel too deeply for that to ever be a possibility for them. so they do the next best thing and try to pass those "lessons" they've learned on to others OUGH it makes me sick!!!

[haybuhay]

i am asking you about dermabrasion by pennydaniels 👀

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION!!! IM NOW GOING TO GO CRAZY !

DERMABRASION BY PENNYDANIELS is a canon divergent BNHA fic focusing mainly on Todoroki Shouto and Dabi’s relationship if Shouto had figured out his identity and tracked him down at the start of the UA school year. It is over 400k words, 41 chapters, and is one of my favorite BNHA fics (or just plain fics) ever. I cannot recommend it enough.

I will try SO HARD not to spoil anything in this rant/essay in case you haven’t read it… But minor spoiler warning anyway in case I mess up.

Some of the stuff I’m going to talk about is waay down the line (like 40 chapters out of 41 chapters type of down the line) but the fact that you know it’ll happen won’t take away from the joy of reading it because the execution is just that good. Probably. The build-up to these moments is just as good as them happening, if not better, I SWEAR.

OK. RANT BEGIN.

For reference, this fic began December 2020 and finished January 2023!! We got the Dabi is a Todoroki reveal November 2020 and then more about his backstory February 2021.

So this means that Dabi’s characterization and backstory here aren’t 100% canon compliant. Despite the fact that it’s in AU territory, the fic handles Dabi’s character and motivations really well?? Arguably, its because it’s not canon compliant that the fic is able to give us such a good insight into his character... Wow… When authors can expand on existing narratives while staying true to the essence of the characters… 😍…

Dabi’s motives, which I think are actually super close to canon (!!!), and how they inform his choices within the timeline of the fic and in his backstory make me so crazy. I am going to be cryptic and just say that the glimpses we get of young tweenage Touya in this fic is everything to me. His whole relationship with Endeavor at literally at any point in the story is especially well done…

A large part of this fic’s appeal to me is how it handles Endeavor. I am a huge fan of the Todorokis’ whole plot and since Enji is the dead centre of that fucked up family storm, I think getting him right is probably one of the most pivotal points in writing fics that puts emphasis around literally any Todoroki. Not even just how Enji himself is, but also the way other characters think about and act around him should be given thought and written with care... Dermabrasion does him, his affect on his kids and his wife and his development so much justice.

The fic begins with Season 1 Shouto’s Endeavor hatred. His vehemence for the guy is so obvious even in just the first few paragraphs where he dubs him ‘that fucker.’ He does this consistently throughout the fic LOL

Tbh. This put me off the fic a little, since I’m not interested in reading Endeavor-bashing fics (no matter how deserved they are HAHA) but I just got over myself and realised no, yeah. This is in character, it is completely understandable and a little hilarious...

What I like here is that his feelings towards Endeavor (negative or otherwise) aren’t a static thing — it progresses not just as Endeavor changes, but as he grows closer in understanding Dabi and the rest of his family and as he, himself, grows up. It’s so rewarding to see it unfold throughout the storyline little by little. I want to say that it happens in the background but honestly Endeavor haunts this entire fic. It’s not that he’s always there. Honestly, he doesn’t show up that much, but it’s only by virtue of his actions that this storyline exists at all so it’s like every action taken is an echo of his. Something about how even when he’s not there, everything is always about him and what he’s done. It’s great, and I mean that genuinely. I love this so bad.

Shouto’s character here is perfect for this sort of fic, I think. He’s stunted and it’s openly acknowledged by other characters how… weird?? he can come across. I think it just makes his arc all that more apparent... He becomes somewhat of a moral paragon and I’n not even upset about it. His development as a character is thoroughly explored and so hard-earned that his transformation from a dead-faced, dead-eyed kid to who he is at the end of the fic is just. rewarding.

AND ITS NOT JUST HIM… Almost every main-focus character goes through some sort of gratifying journey and are made to reckon with parts of themselves that in Dabi’s case, would mean redefining his entire identity. You can tell that all the characters in this fic want to be better, not just for themselves, but for the people around them. It’s one of my favourite things about this fic, how personal improvement is such a huge part in it. This is definitely the Mob Psycho 100 lover in me speaking.

(Side tangent: MP100 being a story about an overpowered, stoic, repressed kid who, with the company of a dubiously moral older brother figure, learns how to become a better version of himself and by doing that, he inspires those around him, including that dubiously moral older brother figure. This is Dermabrasion in a different world. If you love MP100, I will eat my entire shoe if you don’t enjoy Dermabrasion too.)

While the focus is definitely mainly on Shouto and Dabi, the entire family has their part in it. Natsuo, Fuyumi, Rei and Enji all get their moments to shine and show their growth and unique personalities. A fun thing about this is how similar Shouto and Enji are… I think it really drives home that they’re family.

I don’t think this is a huge spoiler, since it’s kinda implied in the premise, but when Natsuo reunites with Dabi the interaction is so. Real. And the fact that it takes time and effort for their relationship to be built back is so poignant and crazy and SICK. Everything in this fic is earned through a lot of tears and pain and misery. It’s a cathartic read.

Okay, now that I made it sound like the entire fic is just one huge therapy session, let me mention humour once then immediately go back to doing that HAHAHA I think this fic is funny as hell. Humour is subjective, yesyesyes, but it grew on me and it WILL grow on you. The back and forths between characters, Shouto’s natural temperament making him predisposed to being absolutely Comical, the inherent comedy of being in a Hero Society... As someone with siblings the way the Todoroki siblings interact here, fights and messy reuniting shit notwithstanding, has so much of the annoyed love and care that you get from the people you grew up with. I particularly like Fuyumi and Natsuo’s dynamic together.

They’re outcasts in different ways than Dabi and Shouto are outcasts. The guilt and remorse they feel not just from not being able to step in for Shouto, but for leading their own lives is GAHHH. The entire thing about being in a different world to their brothers and dad is … Augh. Heroes and Villains.

Rei. Rei… I am GUTTED by every scene she is in. I reread ‘when your love has always been enough (for me)’ by classicequinox to cope. That is a different post to make one day when I have the energy.

Idk if I said all I wanted to say. There’s definitely more to this fic. DabiHawks, for one. I think they’re great here. Somehow they AREN’T horrifically toxic, WOO!! The details of this I will leave for you to read… Another thing I like about this fic is how 1A reacts to Todoroki family lol. LOV also has its part in this fic, I think it is sweet what happens to them but ofc since they aren’t really the main focus, it’s more a fun bonus to see what happens to them.

Ok I need to wrap this up. One day I’ll write a proper spoiler-full essay about this with a thesis statement and everything but yk. Life.

To conclude I’ll just talk about the ending of this fic. It’s my favourite, absolute favourite thing about it. The author themself quoted a comment they received in the last chapter that I am going to quote here too: “Even at the end there's the clear sense that the character's lives will continue and that this is only the beginning for them.” That is literally the best way to sum up this fic. These character’s will continue growing and bettering and it gives me so much real, genuine hope in myself that I can change, too. So yeah. Read this fic and if it changes your life let me know.

[gentlemanjester]

I can’t remember if I’ve written about this before, but here’s another rant. Similar to my one on the Cirque du Freak movie, this one is a bit better but about a book series called The Last Dragon Chronicles by Chris d’Lacey.

So, when I was a kid, I read a book called The Fire Within. It was a really fun and cute book. A guy called David moves in with Liz Pennykettle and her 11 year old daughter, Lucy. The Pennykettles make clay dragons for a living, and it turns out some of them are special dragons who are kind of alive. They give David his own dragon, who he names Gadzooks, and his skepticism basically kills Gadzooks and he emotionally restores him back to life. There’s also a plot about David writing a story about a squirrel in the garden for Lucy’s birthday, it’s really cute, and that writing leads to him meeting a wildlife rescuer who becomes his girlfriend and... i honestly can’t remember her name, she was super generic, your standard nice girl.

But that story’s good. It’s a great standalone novel, has a (mostly) happy ending, fun adventures, it’s good. Then a sequel came. And in this sequel, David’s girlfriend has gone to Africa for a few months because of work, and David’s got a... weird professor at college who’s obsessed with inuits and offers a prize of a research trip to the Arctic for whoever can write the best essay. Two things are off here: firstly, professors teach at universities rather than colleges in the UK, where this is set, and secondly, a research trip to the damned Arctic? In college? That’s a postgraduate trip, at least.

So, we’re also introduced to big tiddy goth gf called Zanna, who is horny as fuck for David. Like she’s basically saying “put a baby in me you mousey dragon boy” in the most kid-friendly way she can. Because this is a kid’s book, without a shadow of a doubt. Keep that in mind for the future: a child is supposed to follow this storyline.

So, we’re also introduced to a villain: Gwilanna. Who, I think... tries to get Liz to... fertilise a dragon egg? Oh, I forgot to mention, the Pennykettles are descended from... uh... I think it’s a lady in ancient times who was tasked with a witch to trick a dragon, but instead sided with the dragon, and the dragon gave her part of his soul? Which is why they’re able to make special dragons that are kinda-sorta alive? I think that’s the gist of it.

So, Gwilanna turns out to be that ancient witch and David uses the power of polar bears (because polar bears are connected with dragons, somehow) to toss her out. He and Zanna make out in the kitchen and just as they pull away, David’s girlfriend comes in and Zanna leaves. Girlfriend then basically says “hey, so I’m gonna be in Africa for several years, so you go ahead and date whoever you want.” OH, that reminds me, David was absolutely a player during this book. Not only was there Zanna, but he also went to a publishing house to publish the story he wrote for Lucy in the first book, and the office is staffed basically only by young women, and David’s eyes are wandering everywhere.

So, David learns that for some reason, Zanna is mad at him for having a girlfriend... even though I am fairly certain he’d already told her, or else he’s even more of a dick, but it all ends with him winning the Arctic trip, Zanna picks him up and is all “we gon fuck in the cold loverboy” because her dad’s rich and everything.

So... okay, an alright sequel, it starts to set things up for the future, but it’s starting to get a bit... iffy. Well, book three is where the normalcy ends.

So, David and Zanna are having a good time at the North Pole, banging, hanging out with the Inuits, David’s writing his story on polar bears. Except he’s... kinda telling the future? Sort of? Like some of the chapters in this book are from the perspective of the polar bears, and David’s writing the story about those specific polar bears. It’s a magic power he has, he used it in the first book while writing Lucy’s story as well. But for some reason, he and Zanna get in an argument and he decides to go back down to England to hang out with Liz and Lucy.

Speaking of Lucy, she’s been kidnapped by Gwilanna and taken to some cave which I think it up against the last dragon? Maybe? Gwilanna’s planning to use Lucy for... something... I’m not entirely sure what. But the polar bears are kinda guardians of the dragon or something? Oh, and David’s professor has an invisible dragon he just keeps around and sends on missions. I think it transforms into an Inuit artefact? That might be something else. I don’t quite remember.

So, the climax sees David saving Lucy, but he gets injured, and he dies in Zanna’s arms. He gives her the invisible dragon, somehow, and the polar bears drag him off.

Okay... a pretty definitive ending there. Sad, but it does the job.

Except it doesn’t end there.

AND THE CRAZINESS RAMPS UP.

5 years have passed. David’s stories have been wildly successful, and Zanna has opened up her own little goth shop which offers massages. She gave birth to David’s daughter so the author could add in the creepy lines of the kid saying shit like “daddy misses us” and wotnot. Lucy is 16 now, and she is an absolute caricature of a teenage girl. On her phone all the time, blowing bubblegum while working as Zanna’s cashier part-time, arguing with her mum... oof.

Journalist guy called Tam comes in for a massage from Zanna, she minorly magically tortures him to get him to admit that he was sent by the paper to get dirt on David. Lucy ends up infatuated with this guy, who’s literally twice her age, she goes on to stalk him to his place of work and tries to sell the family secrets to get close to him.

So, the big reveal: David isn’t actually dead.

Kinda.

Well, he comes back. Zanna is pissed because David is kind of a weird demigod thing? Like he talks about himself needing to save the world, he kinda... imbues the power of two polar bears into Tam? Oh, and Zanna is a witch like Gwilanna. Obviously. Because she’s the big tiddy goth gf, she’s gotta be a witch as well.

Book five gives some backstory to Lucy’s dad. Turns out he was a scientist dude, he and Liz were in love, he then disappeared one day (I think because of Gwilanna?) and he’s spent all this time in self-exile in a monastery as a monk. And while at this monastery, he found a dragon claw which dripped ichor, and anything he wrote with this ichor came true. Kinda like David’s power from a few books ago. Remember that? I barely do.

So, we come to the other massive reveal: David never existed. He was written into existence by Liz’s boyfriend whose name is not even listed on the wiki page, holy fuck. I’ll just call him Bob for easiness. Anyways, Bob wrote David into existence for some reason. They find this out by going to the address listed on David’s letter of application for the Pennykettle lodging waaaayyy back in book 1, and they can’t find the place. Then Lucy gets teleported away and kidnapped again. Oh, and before this, she and Tam went on a road trip to some white horse in the English countryside, they stayed at a B&B and ended up being attacked by their hosts, I think.

OH, YEAH.

THE ALIEN SPACE FAIRIES.

So, there are these alien space fairies that exist. They... worship dragons? Or are dragons? They have something to do with dragons. Anyways, there are the good ones and the bad ones. The bad ones are able to take over people’s minds and make them into slaves. Oh yeah, the evil alien space fairies made the monks of Bob’s monastery attack anyone that came near because Gwilanna wanted to do some ritual. I think.

Oh yeah, and there’s this young dragon called Grockle who... uh... I wanna say Liz gave birth to him? Or maybe Zanna? Or maybe he was hatched from the egg that Gwilanna tried to get Liz to fertilise back in book two? I can’t quite remember. But he’s there.

So, it turns out the good alien space fairies and the evil alien space fairies have been at war for a while, and they need the dragons for... something...

And that, I think, is as far as I ever read. I think there’s maybe two and a half books in the series I haven’t read, because... I just can’t. It’s too much. The story is so convoluted and so far removed from what it started as. The first book was extremely charming. Cutesy clay dragons, an ancient legend which explained why they could kind of come to life, it was a fun read. The sequel was... alright. A bit more complicated, but it managed. The threequel was... eh...

But the rest of it. My God.

Oh, and the weirdest part? There’s this overarching theme of global warming and climate change, except it’s... minorly shoehorned in? Like it’ll be mentioned in passing as background noise on the television, or David will say something like “this is why X is happening, because the ice caps are melting,” but... nothing will come of it. It’s just sort of mentioned. There is literally no payoff to the mentioning of global warming. I get it, it’s a very real and major problem, but it’s just... so out of place in this story (which is saying a lot, considering what I’ve just written) and so obviously shoehorned in.

Oh, also, David’s girlfriend dies in one of the books. Pretty sure it’s book 5. Also, David can teleport. Or fly. Or both? I dunno, he’s a God that didn’t exist until a few years prior. Immaculate conception ftw.

This book series, The Last Dragon Chronicles, is a perfect example of when an author tries to mash together multiple different stories into a single series and, in my opinion, it fails miserably. The alien space fairies. The guy not existing until he was written into existence. The polar bears being guardians of a dragon. Those could have very easily been plot points for an entire different series. There wasn’t really much need to expand on The Fire Within, let along expand it beyond that first trilogy.

The first book is a charming read. I certainly recommend it. The next two... read if you want, but don’t expect the same charm. The rest... stay far away from.

[quibbs126]

I wanted something to draw, so I decided to continue my Favorite Cookies thing, so here’s the 3rd batch, featuring animal based Cookies

Also I was planning on having them all say things, but I couldn’t think of anything for Mocha Ray and Scorpion to say, so only Lobster says things

Lobster Cookie: I really like Lobster Cookie. First off I just like his design. Honestly I didn’t think I’d like a lobster as much as I do. Second I just think he’s interesting as a character. Despite being part of the Cookies of Darkness he’s probably one of the least evil of the group, considering he’s being manipulated. And even in the Sugarteara storyline, he doesn’t seem a bad guy, just being manipulated into thinking darkness is the way to save Sugarteara. And it’s clear he still loves the city and still takes his duties seriously

To be honest, I really want to see him interact with Dark Choco Cookie, because they’re very similar, yet different in crucial ways. Lobster wasn’t the cause of Sugarteara’s fall, and he still believes that it can be saved, though he’s blinded by that drive and doesn’t see that what he’s doing is wrong. Meanwhile Dark Choco is the cause of his kingdom’s fall, and he’s given up all hope of making things right. He knows what they’re doing is wrong, but seems to be here more as a form of self punishment than anything else, thinking this is the path he deserves. It’s kind of funny, they sort of each have what the other lacks; Dark Choco has the awareness to know what they’re doing is wrong, and Lobster has the hope that things can go back to how they once were. There’s also the fact that they both lost a physical part of themselves, but there’s a clear difference in how they feel about those things. Lobster lost his claw defending the temple, but he sees it as a symbol of his loyalty to Sugarteara and says he would gladly lose his other claw for the sake of it. Meanwhile Dark Choco lost his eye during his duel with his father, and while I don’t think we know how he feels about it, it’s likely that he sees it as a constant reminder of his actions and wrongdoings. I wonder, if the two were to team up and actually talk about each other’s past and motivations (because I doubt they’d do that normally, they’d probably both just see any mission together as a job to do and not talk much to the other), could they maybe help the other see that they can abandon the path of darkness and find a better one?

…sorry I’m in my literature class and I think it’s influencing me. I kind of want to write an essay on these two now, but I think I condensed all my thoughts here

But in any case, honestly I really want Lobster and Mocha Ray to be in Kingdom, but I don’t know how Sugarteara could reasonably fit into the narrative. I mean I suppose it could be a side story, but then Lobster is part of the main villain group, and that’s kind of important. Ah well. It would be nice, but I’m not sure if it would happen

Mocha Ray Cookie: to be honest, I love her mostly for her design. She looks so soft and squishy, I just want to hold her in my hands and like, gently squeeze her. That sounds weird. But you get what I mean? And she makes adorable noises when she slides, she sounds like an owl. I just really like her from a design perspective

And I hope she and Lobster are able to meet again and make up. To be honest I don’t know much about her from a personality perspective, but she seems interesting. It’s more about the aesthetic for me

Scorpion Cookie: similar to Mocha Ray, I mainly like her for her design. It just looks really cool and I love the colors. I also just want to know more about her. I like how she seems nice, but also I know she’s an assassin and that niceness may just be a facade, but she still seems interesting. I would also like to know more about the history between her and Lilac, and if there’s ever gonna be a confrontation about them with that

I also want her to be in Kingdom, and have a whole Yogurca update of some kind. I suppose it’s not urgent, as from what I can tell, Yogurca has no significance to the overall plot, so you can save it for after the Dark Enchantress storyline ends or just as a side story, but I’d like them to at least have some sort of update with them

Yeah I had much more to say about Lobster than either of the other two, but that’s probably because he’s been a target of my hyperfixation before, whereas the other two are more just Cookies I like looking at

Though now I’m curious what a group comprised of these three would do. Though I also imagine Scorpion would end up as some sort of third wheel here, given the other two’s history

[hollywoodsargeant]

10 on the weird writer questions? Also this poem https://poems.poetrysociety.org.uk/poems/fucking-in-cornwall/ made me think of boyish. Sort of :)

10. Has a piece of writing ever "haunted" you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

oh this question is wild but Yes and Yes. i'll answer the last bit first bc it feels important for context but to me a piece of writing that haunts me is like. i can't get it out of my head for a Long Time after being exposed to it the first time. i keep going back to it. sometimes i wish it would leave me alone. but it doesn't go away really just. anything that sticks with me to an almost uncomfortable degree

to which i say yes! i have definitely been haunted by pieces of writing and i am definitely actively being haunted by pieces of writing. first thing that comes to my mind is. my favorite poet of all time ever Michael Beard who the first time i heard his work i did literally hear it i heard him read his poems out loud and immediately knew i was never going to be normal ever again. nothing has ever ingrained itself into my brain the way his poetry did and i've heard a lot of poets read their work atp... like. bc i heard them out loud i didn't have records of them (and his stuff was really hard to find online) so just. months. Months of me being haunted by things i could not re-read until finally! i did find some of his stuff and helpfully compiled it into a gdoc for myself so i can continue the horrors at my own free will. i will drop some of the lines that haunted me/still haunt me/et cetera et cetera

"and I thought fragmentation of the self / meant easy to handle" (I have always wanted to be opaque)

"I wonder when I pull / out the poem I wrote to you / and recite its final words / I, too, blur / if they come to fruition / if they chisel away / this marbled image of you / until nothing" (I have always wanted to be opaque)

probably my favorite poem of all time it's the one that stuck with me the most after i heard it. Dead. the opening line is something about someone else's lip balm lingering in the spaces between your words and that is also. the second he read that one out loud i actually felt my brain turn over like a rotisserie chicken in my head

"dry fingers / not conditioned for such intimacy, such / lavish intimacy" (The Roots You Swear By)

"Please don’t ask me to take the cactus home / because then I will grow to witness / what these two hands can nourish, / press thumbs into spines, prove / that cactus and heart / are not so different / when it comes to where we put our love." (The Roots You Swear By)

ughhHhH. put a cactus in your heart. bye.

"Shape my body into a bowl and drink from the shallow collarbone / I leave for you." (Phiale)

"Think of the gestures that make us endless. / Speak, if you can. / Tell me how prayer is too small for this." (Phiale)

every day of my life tell me how prayer is too small for this rings somewhere in my head and every day i kill myself about it

"I wonder why you left yourself / on something rotted. / Your name, still etched into the middle post you thought / would fall into the water." (Re-parting Our Shapes)

"My heart is the moment the post finally falls. / The midpoint between the water and your name." (Re-parting Our Shapes)

yeah does that last one look familiar. Yeah. i love that poem so much the whole thing makes me insane. something about etching your name into rotted wooden posts in lakes and never being able to look at places the same in an after. fuck off my heart is the moment the post finally falls i am killing myself

and my own writing yeah. i used this metaphor both in heartstroke and in a very personal essay i wrote for a uni class but "warm the way a dead thing is in a blizzard" still haunts me. honestly that whole personal piece haunts me not even just for that metaphor but the whole essay is insane and in that i used the metaphor to describe the love i have for my father which is Wild but i stand by it. warm the way a dead thing is in a blizzard (something about by comparison and survival instincts and other crazy indescribable things)

and ohmygod thank you i read the poem and i do see what you mean... that and the idea that you read a poem and thought of something i wrote is making me a bit insane so thank you i really appreciate it <3

weird questions for writers