#Last Dragon Chronicles

[fishwithoneeye]

G’rwynn posting time‼️ ‼️

A stone dragon who lives in my lounge room. Gave him a name in a similar style to how the dragon names in The Last Dragon Chronicles book series work!

[yonder-ribz]

CRINGETOBER: day 2 ! Self - insert this is me as a Pennykettle dragon from the Last Dragon Chronicles

[gentlemanjester]

I can’t remember if I’ve written about this before, but here’s another rant. Similar to my one on the Cirque du Freak movie, this one is a bit better but about a book series called The Last Dragon Chronicles by Chris d’Lacey.

So, when I was a kid, I read a book called The Fire Within. It was a really fun and cute book. A guy called David moves in with Liz Pennykettle and her 11 year old daughter, Lucy. The Pennykettles make clay dragons for a living, and it turns out some of them are special dragons who are kind of alive. They give David his own dragon, who he names Gadzooks, and his skepticism basically kills Gadzooks and he emotionally restores him back to life. There’s also a plot about David writing a story about a squirrel in the garden for Lucy’s birthday, it’s really cute, and that writing leads to him meeting a wildlife rescuer who becomes his girlfriend and... i honestly can’t remember her name, she was super generic, your standard nice girl.

But that story’s good. It’s a great standalone novel, has a (mostly) happy ending, fun adventures, it’s good. Then a sequel came. And in this sequel, David’s girlfriend has gone to Africa for a few months because of work, and David’s got a... weird professor at college who’s obsessed with inuits and offers a prize of a research trip to the Arctic for whoever can write the best essay. Two things are off here: firstly, professors teach at universities rather than colleges in the UK, where this is set, and secondly, a research trip to the damned Arctic? In college? That’s a postgraduate trip, at least.

So, we’re also introduced to big tiddy goth gf called Zanna, who is horny as fuck for David. Like she’s basically saying “put a baby in me you mousey dragon boy” in the most kid-friendly way she can. Because this is a kid’s book, without a shadow of a doubt. Keep that in mind for the future: a child is supposed to follow this storyline.

So, we’re also introduced to a villain: Gwilanna. Who, I think... tries to get Liz to... fertilise a dragon egg? Oh, I forgot to mention, the Pennykettles are descended from... uh... I think it’s a lady in ancient times who was tasked with a witch to trick a dragon, but instead sided with the dragon, and the dragon gave her part of his soul? Which is why they’re able to make special dragons that are kinda-sorta alive? I think that’s the gist of it.

So, Gwilanna turns out to be that ancient witch and David uses the power of polar bears (because polar bears are connected with dragons, somehow) to toss her out. He and Zanna make out in the kitchen and just as they pull away, David’s girlfriend comes in and Zanna leaves. Girlfriend then basically says “hey, so I’m gonna be in Africa for several years, so you go ahead and date whoever you want.” OH, that reminds me, David was absolutely a player during this book. Not only was there Zanna, but he also went to a publishing house to publish the story he wrote for Lucy in the first book, and the office is staffed basically only by young women, and David’s eyes are wandering everywhere.

So, David learns that for some reason, Zanna is mad at him for having a girlfriend... even though I am fairly certain he’d already told her, or else he’s even more of a dick, but it all ends with him winning the Arctic trip, Zanna picks him up and is all “we gon fuck in the cold loverboy” because her dad’s rich and everything.

So... okay, an alright sequel, it starts to set things up for the future, but it’s starting to get a bit... iffy. Well, book three is where the normalcy ends.

So, David and Zanna are having a good time at the North Pole, banging, hanging out with the Inuits, David’s writing his story on polar bears. Except he’s... kinda telling the future? Sort of? Like some of the chapters in this book are from the perspective of the polar bears, and David’s writing the story about those specific polar bears. It’s a magic power he has, he used it in the first book while writing Lucy’s story as well. But for some reason, he and Zanna get in an argument and he decides to go back down to England to hang out with Liz and Lucy.

Speaking of Lucy, she’s been kidnapped by Gwilanna and taken to some cave which I think it up against the last dragon? Maybe? Gwilanna’s planning to use Lucy for... something... I’m not entirely sure what. But the polar bears are kinda guardians of the dragon or something? Oh, and David’s professor has an invisible dragon he just keeps around and sends on missions. I think it transforms into an Inuit artefact? That might be something else. I don’t quite remember.

So, the climax sees David saving Lucy, but he gets injured, and he dies in Zanna’s arms. He gives her the invisible dragon, somehow, and the polar bears drag him off.

Okay... a pretty definitive ending there. Sad, but it does the job.

Except it doesn’t end there.

AND THE CRAZINESS RAMPS UP.

5 years have passed. David’s stories have been wildly successful, and Zanna has opened up her own little goth shop which offers massages. She gave birth to David’s daughter so the author could add in the creepy lines of the kid saying shit like “daddy misses us” and wotnot. Lucy is 16 now, and she is an absolute caricature of a teenage girl. On her phone all the time, blowing bubblegum while working as Zanna’s cashier part-time, arguing with her mum... oof.

Journalist guy called Tam comes in for a massage from Zanna, she minorly magically tortures him to get him to admit that he was sent by the paper to get dirt on David. Lucy ends up infatuated with this guy, who’s literally twice her age, she goes on to stalk him to his place of work and tries to sell the family secrets to get close to him.

So, the big reveal: David isn’t actually dead.

Kinda.

Well, he comes back. Zanna is pissed because David is kind of a weird demigod thing? Like he talks about himself needing to save the world, he kinda... imbues the power of two polar bears into Tam? Oh, and Zanna is a witch like Gwilanna. Obviously. Because she’s the big tiddy goth gf, she’s gotta be a witch as well.

Book five gives some backstory to Lucy’s dad. Turns out he was a scientist dude, he and Liz were in love, he then disappeared one day (I think because of Gwilanna?) and he’s spent all this time in self-exile in a monastery as a monk. And while at this monastery, he found a dragon claw which dripped ichor, and anything he wrote with this ichor came true. Kinda like David’s power from a few books ago. Remember that? I barely do.

So, we come to the other massive reveal: David never existed. He was written into existence by Liz’s boyfriend whose name is not even listed on the wiki page, holy fuck. I’ll just call him Bob for easiness. Anyways, Bob wrote David into existence for some reason. They find this out by going to the address listed on David’s letter of application for the Pennykettle lodging waaaayyy back in book 1, and they can’t find the place. Then Lucy gets teleported away and kidnapped again. Oh, and before this, she and Tam went on a road trip to some white horse in the English countryside, they stayed at a B&B and ended up being attacked by their hosts, I think.

OH, YEAH.

THE ALIEN SPACE FAIRIES.

So, there are these alien space fairies that exist. They... worship dragons? Or are dragons? They have something to do with dragons. Anyways, there are the good ones and the bad ones. The bad ones are able to take over people’s minds and make them into slaves. Oh yeah, the evil alien space fairies made the monks of Bob’s monastery attack anyone that came near because Gwilanna wanted to do some ritual. I think.

Oh yeah, and there’s this young dragon called Grockle who... uh... I wanna say Liz gave birth to him? Or maybe Zanna? Or maybe he was hatched from the egg that Gwilanna tried to get Liz to fertilise back in book two? I can’t quite remember. But he’s there.

So, it turns out the good alien space fairies and the evil alien space fairies have been at war for a while, and they need the dragons for... something...

And that, I think, is as far as I ever read. I think there’s maybe two and a half books in the series I haven’t read, because... I just can’t. It’s too much. The story is so convoluted and so far removed from what it started as. The first book was extremely charming. Cutesy clay dragons, an ancient legend which explained why they could kind of come to life, it was a fun read. The sequel was... alright. A bit more complicated, but it managed. The threequel was... eh...

But the rest of it. My God.

Oh, and the weirdest part? There’s this overarching theme of global warming and climate change, except it’s... minorly shoehorned in? Like it’ll be mentioned in passing as background noise on the television, or David will say something like “this is why X is happening, because the ice caps are melting,” but... nothing will come of it. It’s just sort of mentioned. There is literally no payoff to the mentioning of global warming. I get it, it’s a very real and major problem, but it’s just... so out of place in this story (which is saying a lot, considering what I’ve just written) and so obviously shoehorned in.

Oh, also, David’s girlfriend dies in one of the books. Pretty sure it’s book 5. Also, David can teleport. Or fly. Or both? I dunno, he’s a God that didn’t exist until a few years prior. Immaculate conception ftw.

This book series, The Last Dragon Chronicles, is a perfect example of when an author tries to mash together multiple different stories into a single series and, in my opinion, it fails miserably. The alien space fairies. The guy not existing until he was written into existence. The polar bears being guardians of a dragon. Those could have very easily been plot points for an entire different series. There wasn’t really much need to expand on The Fire Within, let along expand it beyond that first trilogy.

The first book is a charming read. I certainly recommend it. The next two... read if you want, but don’t expect the same charm. The rest... stay far away from.

[marcvscicero]

wait guys in tldc whatever happened to zanna’s family? do they still believe she’s dead? but wouldn’t she have been mentioned on the news w all the david stuff maybe? or did she tell them she’s alive but they just never get mentioned? cos she seemed rly close with her sister and like… she has a literal kid now so have they never met alexa?

[riveramorylunar]

My favorite book from my favorite book series 🤭

[svvyntervvolf]

*bangs desk* fckkkngggg hrrrrrr

lot going on here

[grimm-the-tiger]

The themes of epic fantasy works, but terrible:

God is dead. Sometimes I think I still hear his voice. (Stormlight Archive)

Genocide is a-okay if they were the ones who started it! (Elder Scrolls)

Don't do incest or your kids will turn into petty tyrants. (Game of Thrones)

Lion jeebus is awesome and amazing and paganism is evil and spooky. (Chronicles of Narnia)

Have a worldly possession you think might be evil? Chuck it in a volcano! (Lord of the Rings)

Imagination is all you need to save the world! (Neverending Story)

Don't be a genocidal tyrant, or a twelve-year-old with magic powers will kick your ass. (Avatar)

You know that saying "Nothing under the Sun is new"? That, but it's the history of an entire continent. (Wheel of Time)

Don't murder children, you asshole. (Dragon Prince)

Whatever you do, don't ever let your party off their leash. (Dungeons & Dragons)

[theinternetisaweboflies]

[stellar-jay]

so far loving the vastly disparate vibes between fitz and the fool and sedric and carson

[darkdrag0ni]

Hi! The clay dragons series is by Chris d'Lacey, is called the Last Dragon Chronicles, and I haven't read it in a bit except now I will because I remember liking it. First book is called The Fire Within

No help on the first book (sorry) but I can recommend the Worldquake series by Scarlett Thomas because from what I can remember that was also good

Above bit, I did a quick search and found The Children of the Lamp series by P. B. Kerr which has a Nimrod Godwin who has the "focus word: qwertyuiop" (from the wiki) and is 7 books long

I have not looked through the tags but I do hope I helped

Have you read Eragon? If so, what did you think of it?

Okay confession time

when i was a small child, perhaps 8 or 9, I was given a coupon to a bookstore, and my dad took me and helped me pick out some books. I believe I picked out Levin Thumps and the Gateway to Foo, the first book in Ranger's Apprentice, some book I can't remember the name of that was urban fantasy and involved djinn and also the relevant people got magic after their wisdom teeth came in kinda similar to Percy Jackson in some ways, and Eragon.

I read all the books. Loved all of them. It's actually really bugging me I can't remember the name of that book, or the author. I remember the two main characters were siblings and they had to pick a word to cast their magic with and the girl picked something ridiculously long and unpronounceable and the boy picked "qwertyuiop". If anyone knows what book this is, PLEASE let me know. This is seriously bugging me.

But that's off-topic.

I read Eragon. I was about 9, maybe.

And I LOVED it. I loved Saphira so much.

I loved it so much that two lifechanging things happened: (1) my favorite color became blue. Because Saphira is blue. Even though I don't really care much about Saphira anymore, my favorite color is still blue. and (2) I first came to love dragons.

I had read books with dragons before. I think there was that one series with tiny clay dragons that someone makes? I read that, and liked it. But my love of dragons can all be traced directly back to Eragon.

I don't really care very much about the series anymore, I don't participate in the fandom. But Eragon will always hold a very very special place in my heart, for it was the series that introduced me to dragons.

[lady-hibiscus]

some rick riordan reader: I know Norse, Greek, and Egyptian mythology haha I ace the school tests, I'm just too good-

east asian, south asian, african, northern european, slavic, latin american mythologies:

i recommend wikipedia's list of pantheons and rick riordan presents books to help with this. you are missing out if you haven't read Aru Shah, Storm Runner, Dragon Pearl, Tristan Strong, Race to the Sun, Paolo Santiago, City of the Plague God, and The Last Fallen Star. if you're an young adult, American Gods by Neil Gaiman is THE mythology book that redefines modern concepts of deities. The Freya series by Matthew Laurence is also an excellent, more teenager-friendly take on modern gods. honorable non-mythology mention from riordan presents: Sal and Gabi.

[perplexingly]

Anyways why is it always a sailor who gets to have an interesting relationship with a dragon

[ao3-anonymous]

Fastest Growing Fandoms on AO3 This Week (05/01/2023)

Every week I pull data on how many fics are in each fandom and compare to the previous week, then calculate the percentage increase to determine fastest growing fandoms.  Since this naturally skews towards smaller fandoms, I have included the same data filtered to Over 1k, 5k, & 10k fics.

Overall:

Over 1,000 Fics:

Over 5,000 Fics:

Over 10,000 Fics:

Source: AO3 Fandom Dashboard

[yonder-ribz]

THIS SERIES STARTS OFF SO CALM AND GETS SURREAL SO QUICKLY. ITS GENUINELY INSANE and one of my favorite series ever because of it

People clearly never read the dragon books (these ones)

Because no one ever talks about the fact that book 1 is entirely a silly little story about a single mom who makes clay dragons and a college student who moves into her spare room and befriends her daughter by helping her save a squirrel, and by the end of the series the college student has become a bear, ceased to exist, turned into god, and his college girlfriend has given birth to the second christ, meanwhile the ENTIRETY of book 6 takes place in a completely alternate reality which is like…not explained until the end

[witchlingcirce]

Me protecting Ash from the fandom after he probably makes some really bad decisions in TLKOF:

[riveramorylunar]