#DOG BOTHERER

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

1, 17 and 37 for Vetinari?

Ahhh our difficult to pin down patrician!! A classic and a favourite <3 <3

1. Canon I outright reject

Hahaha well. I mean. TP wrote a Trope, a caricature, not a character with Vetinari. He's too perfect to be believable as a real person*. So, you know.

--

*I get why. Vetinari can't have any real fuck-ups, because then TP would be writing a different series than one-offs "the baddie of the week," which is what his bread and butter was. To have Vetinari be a real man would mean there would be true mistakes and real repercussions that couldn't be resolved as easily as TP liked to wrap up his stories. And that's fair! He wasn't writing complex political fantasy. But that does mean the canon is limiting and 2D when it comes to side-characters, including Vetinari.

--

I suppose, I reject the portrayal of Vetinari at seventeen in Night Watch because lol like hell is that any seventeen year old I've ever known. And I've known (and was my myself) "firm head on your shoulders, grounded, hyper realistic about the world" sorts of kids. They're still kids. Vetinari in Night Watch was just Mini-Patrician.

And I reject that whole-heartedly. This is one of those instances where TP really shone with his bit-characters because Downey is a perfect Stroppy Posh Obnoxious Dick-swinging Prick as only a fundamentally rich, privileged seventeen year old boy can be. Vetinari is very bland in comparison. Again! Too perfect. It's boring.

So yeah, I prefer an Awkward, Weird, Posh Prick of a seventeen year old to whatever TP wrote with Vetinari. He can still inhume a patrician. Just give him pimples and make him awkward and weird. The Tiger Scene is a small recompense - and even then, it feels too....adultish? In a weird way? That just doesn't jive with me.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Too many to list outright. Fuck. Here are a very, very few that I've compiled offhand. Honestly, this is deserving of a whole second ask.

Poems/Books

Blitzed Out, Lauren Turner (poem) - granted, I apply different aspects of this poem to almost all characters.

The Glass Essay, Anne Carson (poem)

Willful Subjects, Sarah Ahmed - a full book on the concept of will and willfulness. Particularly of the concept of "willfullness" as a charge to be laid against others in a means to remove their will/agency. Anyway, it's always struck me as a book Vetinari would have on his bookshelf.

Coyote in the Dark, Coyotes Remembered, Mary Oliver (poem)

Two Atheists Banking on an Afterlife, Lauren Turner (poem)

The Awake and Sleeping Ye, Anne-Marie Turza (poem)

The Undying, Anne Boyer - another full book. Granted Vetinari doesn't have cancer, but her writing on illness and disability are things I lean on when writing Vetinari.

Litany, Billy Collins (poem)

Songs

Feel It Still, Portugal - the Man

Bury a Friend, Billie Eilish

When We Were Young, The Killers

If I had a heart, Fever Ray

Devil's Backbone, The Civil Wars

Fair, The Amazing Devil (this is truly The Downey/Vetinari song)

They Provide the Paint, Streetlight Manifesto

Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious, The Amazing Devil (another Downey/Vetinari one lol)

Quotes

"If God exists he isn't just butter and good luck. / He's also the tick that killed my wonderful dog Luke." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"To love rightly is to love what is orderly and beautiful in an educated and disciplined way." - Plato's Republic

"When we cut the ripe melon, should we not give it thanks? / Aand should we not thank the knife also? / We do not live in a simple world." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"What I want to say is / that the past is the past, / and the present is what your life is, / and you are capable / of choosing what that will be, / darling citizen." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Mornings at Blackwater"

"I don't know what God is. / I don't know what death is. / But I believe they have between them / some fervent and necessary arrangement." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Sometimes"

(Honestly - every Mary Oliver poem has a small set of lines somewhere within it that will remind me of Vetinari. Or, rather, I will call them to mind when I write him. Obviously, when I am reading Mary Oliver I am too busy weeping over small and gargantuan beauties to be thinking about fanfiction.)

"Regardless, I want to spell out that, in Judaism, a person can do real, profound, comprehensive repentance work and even get right with God—experience atonement—even if their victim never forgives them. Repentance and forgiveness are separate processes.” - Danya Ruttenberg excerpt from On Repentance and Repair

"Monuments are interesting mostly in how they diminish all other aspects of the landscape. Each highly perceptible thing makes something else almost imperceptible." - Anne Boyer excerpt from Garments Against Women

"It took me so long to realize / there are people who start fires, not to tend them, / but to see how things burn, and it took me even longer / to realize some places need fire simply to survive." - Caitlin Scarano, excerpt from “During the Wildfires” (this is also a Grima quote, honestly)

37. What they really think about themselves

As noted in the first question - Vetinari is a hard one to read and write because he's two dimensional in the text but given enough that he's not a full blank slate. But it's also a lot of nonsense we're given to work with. Masks, really.

And I think that's partially it - does Vetinari know what he thinks about himself? Or is he wholly Patrician, now? When he looks in a mirror, what does he see? Ghosts of previous patricians hovering in the hinterlands? Nothing so melodramatic as that, likely, but maybe. He has his maudlin moments in the books.

Fundamtenally, though, I think Vetinari's biggest trick is that he isn't faking anything. There's no mask. There's no cover. This is just who he is as a person. Cold, ruthless, calculating, cunning - but also given to a dry sense of humour, partial to moments of sentimentality, of being maudlin or philosophical when the mood strikes - also loves his irony and sense of occasion or moment and so on.

I think he has a fairly grounded sense of self. We're never given reason to think there's misalignment between how Vetinari sees himself (practical, efficient, capable) and how he behaves as patrician (practical, efficient, capable).

I'm not sure I'm really get at this question. But that's what I have to say on it for now. More may come to me later.

----

Thank you so much!! I do love talking about this weird freak of a man. Bless him that scag.

[sabh0]

quick thingy i don't feel like cleaning up, oopsie

[lazylittledragon]

not to toot my own horn too loud or anything but i've showered 5/6 days so far this week and started running again and now i can kill god

[meatcatt]

I LOVE YOU HERALD OF CHANGE!!

[nyxi-pixie]

hc fyodor killing ppl by touch isnt his ability its actually just bc hes so old hes infected w every possible disease but just isnt symptomatic. so when u touch him u immediately contract every plague of the last thousand years and simply perish

[mothcpu]

happy valentine's day!

[themouthwashes]

Daisuke as a werewolf maybe ? 🥺 (or mayhaps playing w/ werewolf anya,,)

His head is now totally empty

[mail-me-a-snail]

:D versus D:

oh and ofc the full pieces :V

[originalartblog]

tiny cuddling skk for the soul

Dazai's clingy/tactile nature set free, and Chuuya who's still learning how to accept and reciprocate

[cubbihue]

I've been reading a lot of your AU, and I was wondering if Timmy has interacted with the genie Norm? What would their interaction be like?

He has! But only once. Timmy had to release Norm to let him know that he was being sent back down to Earth, as per the Genie-Fairy Treaty.

Norm was very very annoyed to hear that his 20 years of plotting has been thrown down the drain, what with Timmy becoming a Fairy. But, hey, it just means he has all of eternity to find something to make Timmy's life worse! Or just to make him suffer.

Afterwords, Norm's lamp was thrown back to Earth for any person to find.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[kyouka-supremacy]

[teddybeartoji]

tw mickey in a dress🙈🙈

sorry they're kinda blurry but you get the point okay the dress was very sex and i looked very prettyy:33333

[izzystizzys]

There is a scratch mark on the floor of the Council chambers that Mace has never noticed before. Not a deep one, mind, quite shallow. This matters because it’s making the white-hot pulse of agony stabbing through his eyeballs ebb momentarily. Then, he chances a glance upwards at the fidgeting Knight in front of them, and it returns in full force.

Huh, he’s never seen Oppo Rancisis’ face turn that colour before.

“Hmm”, Master Yoda hums, deep and scratchy. His expression is unreadable even to Mace beyond a baseline gremlinness, and the force with which he grips the edges of his seat is making his bones creak. Master of the Order you should become, they said. Follow the calling of the Force, you should. A fulfilling purpose, it will be. Mace is going to hunt the little goblin for sport when this is all over, and he’s going to laugh the whole time.

“Show us the livestream again, could you, Knight Parvo?” Yoda asks. Mace bursts a capillary, he’s pretty sure, and so does poor Knight Parvo, whose orange Mon Cala skin tips all the way into blood red with stress. “Most unusual, this is.”

“Absolutely not!”, Ki Adi intervenes before Mace has to, thank the Force for little mercies. Plo Koon’s tusks tremble slightly with either suppressed laughter or abject horror, maybe both, and Stass Allie has her head in her hands. “The holo stills should be enough”, Ki Adi proceeds to add, and Mace has to reconsider all feelings of grace he just felt towards his fellow Councillor.

He never wants to watch Yoda zoom in on someone’s abs again. Or Depa raise her eyebrows at the curve of thighs bent over the dripping front of a speeder.

“Speeder Wash For Our Troops”, his former padawan reads out loud from a still of what has to be hundreds of the things gathered in the public senate parking lot. “Fund Our Boys And Get A Wet Seeing-To!” The series of images features dozens of Coruscant Guard troopers in various stages of unkitted, gleaming and shining with soap suds and water. The fact that the whole thing is also massive shatterpoint after massive shatterpoint is, quite frankly, insulting.

“Well hello- oh dear”, Obi-Wan’s blue form crackles to life in his chair, followed by several sounds of choking that are definitely not him. Good, Mace thinks acidly. If he has to deal with this, then so does kriffing Skywalker. “I’m sorry, why am I looking at Commander Thorn using a washrag like a lasso on top of a speeder?”

“Oh, the Guard’s little fundraising project”, Bail Organa says, as he steps into the Council chambers. Normally, Mace likes the man well enough. Now, he just smiles and adds on, “I’ve already donated, in mine and Breha’s name. Remotely, of course.”

“The Guard’s fundraising speeder wash?”, Obi-Wan repeats, edges of his holo form flickering with what Mace suspects is Skywalker very unsubtly trying to edge in. Force, but the man really is horrible at any and all stealth, like kissing his secret wife in an open arena in front of his Master. “And they are fundraising for…?”

“GAR budget allocations have to come from somewhere”, Organa shrugs. “And with the tide of public opinion turning, they’ve been tending towards cuts. The Guard feels them more keenly than any other sector - they’ve been reduced from half to quarter rations, and medical supplies have not made more than a token appearance in the last draft. The Chancellor has cancelled three consecutive meetings on the matter, and thus it was agreed that a more hands-on approach was needed. Any surplus will go into the Army fund.”

“Surely it can’t be that dire”, Oppo protests, a slightly less concerning shade of purple now. Senator Organa shrugs again, jostling the smattering of cracks slowly building around his person in a way that makes Mace wince quietly. “It’s all publicly available data, Masters.”

It really can be that dire, as it turns out. And quarter rations is only scratching the surface of how dire, considering the Guard has apparently never had access to bacta in all their posting, and also includes requisitioning forms available to the Senate for reconditionings and decommissionings, two words Mace has only heard Ponds whispers amidst shuddering in the early days of the war before Shaak Ti went off and just about tore some throats out over it.

“Alright”, he concedes, rubbing at his temples. “Fair enough, we have failed to tackle a massive blind spot in the Guard’s well being. There is no Jedi assigned to Coruscant, and that’s an oversight on our behalf. But how in the everloving kriff did this get past the Chancellor and Commander Fox?!”

Who have both signed, black on white. Bail Organa smiles cryptically. “Well, if you scroll a bit past that one image, up to the industrial speeder in the back - Commander Fox is currently having credits stuffed into his codpiece in the back, I believe.”

“HE’S WHAT IN THE WHAT NOW”, Commander Cody screeches through the speaker of Obi-Wan’s holo image, and Mace has to summon every bit of Jedi-serenity he possesses in his body to keep from dropkicking a cackling Yoda through the chamber windows.

[sammunmakz]

hes got that dog in me !!!?

[featherwhiskered]

your own personal hell

sawtober day 6: rebirth

[jewishregulus]

love when ppl make random ass aus for their fave ship that r just nonsensical and crazy . anyways jegulus au in which the potter’s run an animal shelter and usually order their pet supplies online but one day james goes to a chain store and finds regulus, who hates every single thing abt his shitty fucking pet store job and ONLY stays bc having a shitty job getting to pet cats on a leash is better than having a shitty job and not being able to. anyways james sees a twink and loses a few brain cells so he just pretends he has NEVER had a pet before and asks for regulus’ advice to talk to him. in his nervousness james is like “so dogs can’t eat chocolate right hahaha that’s crazy i’d go crazy” and regulus is like “i don’t get paid enough for this”