#it's sad bc i still consider them friends
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not saying two of my friends are biphobic/lesbophobic but it's suspicious they almost completely stopped hanging out with me for the past two years... and i came out to them two years ago
#fun fun fun#like they're okay with our guy friend being gay#but it feels like they're uncomfortable with me (a girl) being bi#they're both girls so you get what i mean#anyway#it's sad bc i still consider them friends#but if i didn't that would left me with only three friends#and saying i have 5 friends sounds better than saying i have 3 lmaoooo#tbh i barely even see those other 3#but they still take their time to at least ask me how i'm doing#and two of those are definitely homophobic lmaoooo but i like to pretend they're not#those two obviously don't know about my gayness#and they will never know#and i'm okay with that#well at least i have that one friend who i can trust and who likes hanging out with me#personal#i just realised writing these tags that i definitely need new friends
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#i dont think i will ever be able to tell if im bi or gay or or#shucks mannnn compulsory heterosexuality makes me immediately sick#and in the literal sense too#like i was at my friend's wedding and brought a guy (a friend of mine or acquaintance more like. i just thought he is a good fit for#wedding party. and he was)#but all my friends were immediately like. as soon as he went to the bathroom. they were going ' you should 100% date him'#'he is a good husband material' 'we could finally go on double dates🤠'#right after i felt so sick i thought i was gonna throw up#i mean it might be the alcohol kicking in but i just find it funny that i felt it after they said all that#two of my friends wanted to speak in private with me and were like 'is he..? are u considering him AT LEAST?'#i know they had no bad intentions. quite the opposite but years after years i still get sad (understatement tbh) abt it..#another part of me knows that this is my fault bc i should've just communicated that i am not comfortable about such comments and#that i (surprise surprise) might not be straight! and that this isnt any default sexuality#buuuuuut how do i tell them this when i honestly dont feel like telling them so that i am able to figure things out on my own terms. i mean#one of my friends kind of knows and i never ever said anything to confirm nor deny anything xjhstwfy why is it so hard#on the other hand. yesterday for the first time i kind of got the feeling that it doesnt matter and that either way i will find happiness#SOME DAY maybe and i dont have to say anything and i can just not take their ~advice seriously and go on about my life#mine
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i decided 2 write about feelings while listening 2 bark like u want it by sir mix-a-lot
many things r blasting through my head tn
i feel rlly bad 4 all my friends who have 2 deal w/me disappearing all the time((not related 2 health reasons)) but literlly just bc i decided that i think they h8 me
4 no fucking reason
then when i try 2 explain myself i have 2 say how much of an asshole i was 2 them 4 doing so BUT THEN I JUST DONT GET CALLED THAT SO NOW IM CONFUSED
& now i just dont go abck bc i cant wrap my brain around it i dont get it i stopped talking 2 u 4 no reason other than my brain telling me u h8 me 4?? some reason???? & when i come back u just push me off & say it doesnt matter but i think it does I RLLY THINK IT DOES I DONT UNDERSTANDDD
its like im having a 1-man show in my head & im dancing in front of the mirror like wtf am i doing
on 1 side, i love 2 talk 2 ppl i love listening & contributing; BUT THEN ON THE OTHER, IM A SCARED LITTLE WUSS SO LIKE??? I DONTGET IT. I DONT GEETTT ITTTTTTT mayb this is y i was on regulating meds who KNowassosOSOWASsss im so tired
#uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#im literllly scared of discord#that app is my nightmare like idk y but its sooo hard 2 talk on it#i think its prolyl bc of all the experiences of certain things ive had on it that my brain automatically considers it uhhh ehhh?#its so strange idk#but liek the reasons y i consider ppl h8ing me i think r valid still like I BRIING THEM UP#@ least i used 2 but then it would kinda just b blown past then it would just happen again then i would leave then come back & it was just#it was not good 4 my health i think bc i kept stressing myself out 4 again no reason then doing dumb shit then coming back apologizig bc#thats all i can do then i leave based on NOTHING AGAIN LIKE#its ntohing i say its nothing but it means sm 2 me its moments that replay in my head over & over & sometimes i think id b happier by mysel#then i remmeber i love talking 2 ppl so thsts not an option bc i love ppl#UUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this entire thing of me bing sad 4 liek the past month has happened bc my goddamn family h8s when i talk so now#im just abandoning every1 & i feel rlly bad but like i love them all theyre my friends & i dont think they h8 me but i rllyyyy think i do#its bad its soooo bad man ccccmOOOOONNNNNN I CAN TELL IM OVER THINKING IN MY PEA SIZED BRAIN CMONNNN#but yeah no im still convinced uhm yeah idk yeahhhhhh yeah i ;;;;#therapist? uh no thats what tumblr tags r 4 actually
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It is so hard to keep friends bc I keep changing and changing and changing and they each drop off at a certain period but I am still me :(
#‘changing’ as in i learn something new about myself#create new boundaries for myself#learning to love myself#my best friends stop being my friend at all bc they cant just talk to me about what’s bothering them#this year has been such a transitional period of my life and it’s like these people expect and want me to stay the same#but if I stayed the same I would be so endlessly sad with the world#I am thankful for the good friends I have now and my partner who genuinely loves and supports and considers me#but I am still learning to get over the insecurity that these other bitches have given me bc they cant stand to see a woman winning#I am so angry that I put my trust in some of these people and the minute I am not convenient they just leave#or ghost or could not give a fuck to just say hi
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
#personal#i just want to make things so bad#it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it#i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life#if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art#if im making something im spending less time with them#and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences#but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that#and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends#but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas#i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors#all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick#so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included#but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad#i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum#maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes#for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult#and not spend to much time thinking about this
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karnak, who's main thing is seeing the flaw in everything, telling triton that his disability is actually a strength,,,,, crying
#'its a struggle everyday but the alternative is unthinkable' IM!!!!!! TRITON!!!!!!!!!#i get so sad over him all the time. my sister showed me a podcast where he was mentioned#and he was described as having no personality other than fish#and like. i cannot fault them for that bc he IS really underutilized!! BUT ALSO LIKE!!!#he occasionally gets these small moments of Real Emotion#and its like. triton's character is. weirdly tragic!! hes almost entirely background and even most of his family seem to#consider him a liability more than anything else#hes always isolated even when he IS with family and friends. and despite all of that he STILL deals with and struggles#bc he loves them that much. bc theyre the most important thing he has. bc theyre the only thing he has.#he commited treason and risked sabotaging EVERYTHING important to him just to try to make their lives easier#just to TRY for the end of a war and new terrigrn#just to TRY to save TWO OF THEM.#he was willing to throw everything away just to TRY. and because he refused to fight his brother#he literally DIES FOR HIS FAMILY!! HE DIED FOR THEM!!!#but hes just known as. the Fish One.#triton solo series WHEN marvel!!!!!#triton mander azur#karnak mander azur#lockjaw inhumans#undescribed
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I may have lost all hope
#it's a weird feeling?#like since late 2022 it's been kind of like. bad vibes consistently#and i tried to stay somewhat positive throughout it#but idk there's this very distinct feeling now of like. i can't describe it but it's completely gone#like I've actually got nothing to live for#nothing I've done or wanted to do since i was 14 has ever really like amounted to anything#all the friends i made i never feel like i can talk to#once again in that state of 'only alive so my family don't get sad'#like even when i wanted to just stop existing when i was 21 there was this tiny bit of hope still there a little bit#like i remember for that whole summer i kept getting quick thoughts about suicide but I'd always push them out of my mind instantly#but there was one day where i let the thought stay in my mind for a little bit and like properly considered how i would do it#and then after a bit i was like FUCK and then went and walked like an hour away from my house to try and forget it#and then after that day i slowly got better. and it was annoying bc it meant now i had to walk a whole hour back to my house#but even if those 2 months there was still this feeling of this isn't gonna last#bc i knew i was back at uni in a few months and at least i had music to listen to#and all the other times I've been in that state there was still this sort of feeling that it'll get better bc I've got things to get me#through it#but it doesn't feel like that now. like no job no friends no hyperfixation and now i can't even enjoy any music#anything i create is pointless bc only i care about it#all my friends are busy doing other stuff I'm like not even second best I'm the most forgettable person anyone might know#the only thing that would fix me is getting a random train to like some place I've never been#just to see a new thing i guess#but anyway#ramble#suicide mention
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//thinking about the claptrap dlc in the pre-sequel how Tassiter hid the H-source code inside of claptrap to prevent people like Jack from getting it. that would give him complete control over hyperion and Helios.(if i recall correctly-) I honestly think Tassiter probably knew he was gonna be targetted one day. considering tassiter himself isn't above hiring people to get rid of those who are causing problems for him. Though I do not think he thought that Jack would actually went through with his threats of killing him till he did. But man he did try everything to make sure some one like Jack wouldn't be able to get ahold of the H-source but yet he did in the end regardless//
#[headcanons]: classified information#//i have a tassiter muse who i rp on discord at times but man//#//hyperion is truly shady and cut throat even before jack//#//but even Tassiter knew to not let something like the H-source fall in some one hands like Jack's//#//but god that dlc ruin me emotionally and physically//#//that final boss fight can go perish!! truly the hardest boss fight in that game//#//i had to stop playing the dlc bc i got so annoyed//#//even with my full legendary gear timothy build its still a pain//#//but man claptrap truly deserved better- man still considered everyone (including jack) a friend despite knowing//#//that no one liked him//#//its so sad truly- he wouldnth ave betrayed any of them//
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a sumi haircut variation ive been testing out. i wanna say its a bit post-canon, not too far off, maybe a year or so. hasnt quite figured out what to do with herself yet, but shes getting there. only a little ways away from graduation.
#the clock chimes at midnight#selk.art#okay because im going stir crazy in my beautiful mind here. i forgot where everyone in the royal ending went so ive just kinda been doing a#post canon au based entirely arnd sumire and the only person whos really gone is ren. the others are in school and stuff still lol#ANYWAYS she and ren start dating a few weeks before 2/3 and after they restore the world its a very tumultuous start considering ren#immediately gets sent to jail. even after he gets out theyre both grieving akechi + it feels like theyre just going through the motions.#everyones like omg we could tell this was gonna happen! and it makes them uncomfortable for reasons they cant articulate#ren is using sumire to get over akechi + sumire is modeling rens identity + both see akechi in the other and are sad abt it#on top of all that they get into a huge fight when sumire learns rens leaving in like. a month. and she didnt know.#(he genuinely didnt realize she didnt know but gets bitchy in return)#they try to make it work long distance for a month/two but eventually mutually breakup (both a little bitter but agree to remain friends)#overall its a cute relationship with um . very odd undertones.#anyways she still wears her hair straight up or straight down during all that point. HAHAHA remember this is abt hair!#after ren leaves she latches onto ann + ryuji who are still going to school w her. and after the breakup simply bc#ryuji is a Boy and sumire is a Girl and They Enjoy Being Around Each Other they both reflexively think abt getting together#sumire starts to imitate him (bc for some weird reason she keeps wanting to be like boys!) and ryuji is like am i breaking bro code rn..#nothing ever happens bc neither actually wants to date the other and ann is always hanging around but its an odd time for everyone#she bleaches the tips of her hair for a little bit but its so small when she gets it chopped off its like nothing happened lol#this is probably around third year when ann/ryuji have graduated and the only thief around is futaba.#and. please nobody kill me for this. i think the two have interesting thematic similarities but the ship between them has always felt like#pairing the same-age spares to me. and i havent read anything thats convinced me of its full potential yet.#that to say i think theyre friendly but not super close. so sumire has to learn to just. exist by herself for the first time in years.#like i said this is probably when this actual haircut starts getting used. shes figuring it out!#after she graduates shes the first one to find akechi again and theyre both doing a lot better and become very close.#they move in together! platonically! unless...? but thats not the point! akechi helps her realize shes transmasc at which point she gets a#real short haircut. i cant decide. theres one thats like a curly haired bob almost and one thats shorter + looks kinda windswept#and thats all the haircut hcs i have for her postcanon timeline! spreads hands jazz hands. not all the timeline hcs but my thumbs r tired.
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#i am not doing well girlies#disclaimers that i am fine i'm always fine i will always be fine but hooo boy i do not feel fine lol#everything is always overwhelming i am always sad everything feels itchy#every single morning for weeks ive woken up with an anxiety bellyache and no matter how tired i am still i just have to get up#everyone i look up that i used to know is like. married and having babies or working their dream jobs and i just. im happy for them. i am#but where do i belong in all of this?#i know everything feels worse lately bc we're moving house and the routine changes and empty rooms feel Bad#plus my mom has not been doing well mentally which i feed off so it's just. you know#but will i ever Not feel like im so far behind? will i ever Not be deeply unsettled by even the mildest changes?#everything is so slow and so fast at the same time and it makes my head spin and we have a new friend who has a son my age and i was hoping#idk. that he'd be somewhat similar to me? falling behind a little bit too? maybe i could make a friend irl that understood a little?#but then i casually ask about him and oh no ofc he has a partner and family of his own etc etc#right. that's what i'm supposed to be doing at this age.ha#so many ppl i went to school with are married now. im turning the age this year that my mother was when she HAD me#meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and#i wonder so often what it's like to be wanted by someone but ive never felt more undesirable#i cant imagine anyone looking at me and Wanting me. and at this point as romance obsessed as i am idk if i could even handle it#and the other night i was having anxiety dreams over the fact that i rly want kids but even waiting until im 30 thats only 5 years??#and 30 is already fucking five years away from being considered a GERIATRIC pregnancy?? but im not even done being a kid myself!!!!#and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ??#and i cant imagine not liiving with my mom and sister but does that mean i'll live with them forever??#will i be 30 35 40 45 still feeling like a kid? or worse.. will i not feel like myself at all?#will i be married to someone i dont love madly simply bc im so terrified to be alone?#or will i hold so tightly to my stories and fantasies that i will be alone bc nothing could ever live up to them?#will it even matter what i want? will anyone ever want me to even give me the option? or will this all stay hypothetical forever#im just. stressed. and i thought i'd be more by now.
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i dont even know how to feel my own emotions thanks to my parents
#being sad is so hard for me#bc everytime i was sad or crying they would hit me or yell at me bc how dare i be sad#called ungrateful overdramatic told im embarrassing them completely no regard for how I'M feeling#my feelings were never ever validated never. i could say i wanna kill myself and they would be like okay#just so many memories of being degraded and hit in front of other people. i cant believe so many people and no one said anything did anythi#my only relief from them is when shes on the phone or theres someone else in the house that she doesnt wanna be violent in front of#although i can vaguely remember times when she hit me after getting off the phone but dont remember why#thats why im so good at hearing subtle noises and spotting details#always on high alert mode incase she comes in and sees me on my phone bc god forbid#thats a death sentence lmao#she really made it seem like i was committing a heinous crime bc i was texting or on instagram or watching something#she would beat me SO MUCH AND SO BAD for USING MY PHONE#constantly. from the moment i got it at 11 until i ran away at 17#i had no privacy anywhere not in the house and not on my phone#once she found a text saying to someone that my mom fucked up my day#and she wouldnt shut up about it for months but did she ever actually think ab the text itself#like did she ever consider how she was making us feel treating us likethat#she doesnt give a shit she only does what she thinks is right and fuck everyone else#and the audacity of this woman to be upset i told her to stop texting me bitch ur lucky im not going over there and setting ur house on fir#and the AUDACITY of every relative and mysister telling me TO BE NICE TO HER#it makes me sofucking mad. be nice to her? would u be nice to a nazi ?#telling me to be nice to the woman who has been beating me and degrading me since i was 4#classic abuser behavior lmao . im gonna keep making u miserable but if u say or do anything about it youre a fucking terrible person#and i still feel bad even though i shouldnt#jsut cuz shes older now and weaker doesnt mean shit#its the same woman who did all that and never fucking apologized even#i wish they would leave my head i wish they could just stop existing and my childhood wasnt just bunch of terrible memories#she would belittle all my friends and put ideas in my head that none of them cared about me and they saw me as less#if someone gave me books shed be like oh look theyrenot even new books#🧃
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Yknow all throughout exu I was trying to figure the boys out, bc it def felt like there was a Thing between dariax and dorian, except orym felt like he fit in there somehow but I couldn't quite pin down how. Now in the main campaign the amount of times liam has absolutely Stressed how important dorian was to orym;; oh boy he's gonna be so heartbroken when dorian leaves isn't he
#ignore me#maddie liveblogs cr3#liam: 'dorian returns and orym visibly relaxes' like. sir pls.#robbie too!! at one point he's introducing everybody as friends except for orym as his '...special friend' or something along those lines#like!!!! those boys!!#still can't quite pin them down completely but I'm considering them qpr and u can fite me on that#they're in a dedicated qpr and dariax is welcome any time#I'm hesitant to consider them gay for each other bc I only vaguely know about orym's history and I wish to know more about him in general#but. they're completely pining for each other. they're sweet for each other.#I don't think they'd like. date? each other? but they are so committed to each other#at first I was kinda thinking it was just a 'we traveled together before therefore we're super close' but he's not like that w fearne#anyways I know dorian leaves at some point and I'm gonna be sad on orym's behalf#my gosh I love overanalyzing fictional characters and their hyper specific potential relationships lmao
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uwgrhrhfbf feeling very pathetic + missing my ex rn..... not so much the dating part but we were best friends for soooo long :^(((
#ik its been a while but some things were just so easy with them there yknow. i havent felt that ease in such a long time now#the hole they left behind still hasnt filled in...ive never known as truly or cared as deeply abt anyone before or since#last time we fought rly was the last straw. if they wanted to resolve it I wouldve. but they said not to contact them anymore so I haven't#maybe that was smth they said out of anger + now theyre too proud to take it back (<- in character) but they couldve texted me anytime so.#but its so strange.. they havent blocked me on any social media but they removed me from their instagram followers#but they still follow me?? why not just block me entirely? and we're still friends on fb/discord too.. even tho our fight was over discord#I don't want to block them bc I wanted us to work it out + stay friends. and if they messaged now I would consider repairing the damage#so I'll leave those channels open in case they ever come back#they unfollowed me on spotify + deleted some playlists theyd shared with me but specifically not the ones they made FOR me(??)#which is also odd. the funniest part of it all (to me anyway) is they unfollowed me on duolingo... thats when u know the divorce is real#like WHY would u remove me on duolingo and not discord which we both use DAILY and still see each other active on..... what.#they always were an enigma#I didnt like the person they had become when we were last in contact. I think they were around some very bad influences#at their uni.. they were very bitter and saw the worst in everything. it made me so sad to see them change like that#it happens. but even with that + how they treated me I still cared abt them very deeply + still do now tbh#I hope theyre ok wherever they are + whatever theyre doing. sending nice thoughts their way#and I do still hope that someday maybe theyll reach out again I do miss them so much sometimes#man.#anyway too much thinking I need to go to sleep#goodnight ily silly ppl on tumblr#.diaries#.vent#<- i suppose
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Having OC Thoughs, I love them so much.
But why oh why right now when i have exams for two weeks
#i probably never posted them here#but i have this sweet vampire couple and im HDIDBSISBSOS#they were childhood friends once way back#they called one another nick names Raven and Hound cuz thier friendship was kind of forbidden#and then one of them took an L for the team and accidentally got infected with vampirism (it was supposed to be meant for the other one-#-the ultimate sacrifice people) and after some angsty shit they needed to part thier ways as a vampire couldn't live in that town anymore#but the other was needed in this town as he was an heir so when she asked him to run away with her he declined but left her his ring and-#-a promise that one day when he will make sure all his heir duties will be dealt with he will find her again and will stay with her#it took him a year to get all the stuff dealt with and then he faked his own death and then he spend two more years trying to find any-#-vampire and he asked to be turned and then he got a lot of trening for like extra years#in the end they didn't seen each other for centries#she thinks he forget his promise and eventually died as a human#he still search for her even if any other vampire he knows thinks that any vampire couldn't lived that long without support from-#-vampires officials and his like a Sherlock Holmes of vampire world right now and she has no record of existence in the vampire society-#-and is considered a fugitive AND I LOVE THEM BERY MUCH#he use his work as a way to find his old sweetheart#and she is sad girl trying to live a life that was given her#they are both stupid and loyal like she protected him and he left his whole life behind to find her again#his name is Félix and she's Danielle but she goes by Raven nowadays mostly bc that's what Félix was calling her so#many thoughts of them
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omg this is the first time i do this bc i always think i become a burden when i request sth🫠 BUT I PLUCKED MY COURAGE BC I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE A BOMB ASS IDEA BUT MY WRITING CAPABILITIES CANNOT DO IT JUSTICE. Ok so🫢 childhoofriend!/meandom!genshu lin x childhoodfriend!/sub!reader x childhoodfriend!/teasedom!jiyan after the war (lets pretend genshu didnt disappear/get unalived) and they release their pent up emotions by doing the deed and of course reader is more than happy to welcome them. Reader has enough holes for the two as you said😚😚
POOKIEEEE ILYSM🥹🫶🏼 i hope you like this!!!!!
What are Best Friends For?
〰cw: none
〰tags: sub fem!reader, mean dom!geshu lin, teasing dom!jiyan, all childhood besties with each other, creampie, unprotected sex, oral m!receiving, double penetration, anal, a lil degradation, throat fucking, a dash of stinky angst in the beginning
〰nsfw under the cut
〰m!list here
You always worried for your two best friends considering they were always at each other's throats, always arguing about battle strategies, what was right and wrong, or accusing the other of spending more time with you. You still did your best to act as a mediator or to provide them with whatever type of support they needed, no questions asked.
And right now, they both needed you. More than ever.
၊၊||၊꧂၊၊||၊꧂၊၊||၊꧂၊၊||၊꧂၊၊||၊꧂
Standing in the middle of battleground, the retroact rain surrounds both of them and all of Geshu Lin's soldiers. If looks could kill, Jiyan would be dead on the spot with the way Geshu Lin glowers at him. Jiyan stands his ground, "This isn't right. There's something wrong with this rain. It would be wise to retreat unless you really want everyone to die here."
Geshu Lin's tongue runs across his teeth before speaking in a biting tone, "Last I checked, you were only a combat medic." He scoffs, speaking again with disdain, "If thousands of my men must die, then so be it. Now shut up and keep moving." Jiyan stands there as the general turns away, barking orders at his soldiers, rage and concern bubbling up inside of him.
They both promised you they would be safe, that they would return home to you unscathed. But with Geshu Lin's bullheaded pride, the chances of coming home to the girl they both loved in their own way seemed unlikely. Jiyan couldn't allow Geshu Lin to go through with this.
"General, listen to me", he calls out. Geshu Lin ignores him at first continuing on until Jiyan's next words make him stop dead in his tracks. "What about y/n...? We made her a promise. Do you truly intend to break it?", Jiyan's voice is sad, almost desperate. Desperate for his arrogant childhood friend to just listen to him for once.
Geshu Lin stands still for a few moments before partially turning back to face Jiyan with narrowed eyes. He can see the sincerity and concern in Jiyan's expression, making something twist inside of his chest. "Put aside your pride, Geshu... Stop this before there is no going back", he pleads with deep resolution.
Geshu Lin grits his teeth, fully turning to look at Jiyan. "I'm doing this because of y/n, not because you personally told me to retreat", he growls out. Relief washes over Jiyan's features, letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
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You stand there pacing back and forth by the front window of your house, gnawing at your fingernails, worried as hell for the men you cared for so deeply. Only a few moments later do you hear their voices as they walk up the path towards your home, arguing with each other as usual.
You throw open your front door, running out to meet them with teary eyes and a smile that wobbles as you try not to cry tears of relief, "You're back! I was so worried I-" Jiyan pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly, nuzzling his nose into your hair and breathing in your sweet scent.
"No need to worry anymore, I'm here...", he coos softly earning him a harsh glare from Geshu Lin. Geshu Lin pulls you from Jiyan's grasp and into his own embrace. "I'm here too", he speaks through gritted teeth, keeping his golden eyes narrowed at Jiyan who gives him an incredulous look in return.
You breathe out a laugh as Geshu Lin practically squeezes the life out of you, "I'm happy you're both here." You pull back slightly, only able to because Geshu Lin allows you. You look between the two of them with a little smile, "Let's not fight. We're all here together, so let's enjoy this moment." Geshu Lin grumbles and Jiyan gives a hint of a smile.
"Tell me what I can do to make you both happy", you speak, eyes flitting between the two pairs of intense golden eyes as you offer a solution like you always do. Geshu Lin's lips twitch up in a slight smirk which Jiyan catches, releasing a breath as he addresses him, "Be nice, Geshu..." You raise a brow and Geshu Lin's smirk widens as something glimmers in his dangerous gaze, "No promises."
With that, Geshu Lin scoops you up, making you yelp in surprise as he carries you over his shoulder, practically kicking your door down as he enters your home with Jiyan following behind.
Once inside, Geshu Lin sets you down on the bed unceremoniously which makes you laugh out of both surprise and amusement. Jiyan stands by the edge of your bed, watching Geshu Lin's every move, golden eyes flickering between the two of you.
Geshu Lin begins to peel of his clothes piece by piece with a smirk plastered on his fierce but handsome face. His toned muscles ripple in the soft light of your room, pale cock twitching against his abdomen. Jiyan follows suit, stripping off his clothes and tossing them in a pile on the floor.
Your heart pounds in your chest as you take in the sight of your two best friends bared before you. Their bodies are different yet similar, equally captivating and littered with old scars. Jiyan is the first to move, kneeling between your legs as his hands travel up your thighs, "You're going to be a good girl for us, yeah?"
You breathe out a small 'yes', to his words, making the corners of his lips curl up as he stands back up, both men looking down at you with a mix of danger and pleasure in their eyes. "Then strip", Geshu Lin chimes in with a sharp command as he slowly strokes his cock.
Your breath hitches at his command. Sure this wasn't anything new between the three of you, but only ever separately. You never thought you would be pleasing them both at the same time, but you would do absolutely anything for them. You strip off your tank top and bra, nipples hardening as the cool air of your room brushes over them.
Next comes your shorts, fingers fumbling the with button and zipper as you tug them down your legs along with your panties, exposing yourself fully to your friends' hungry grazes. You watch as they exchange a glace, their silent communication passing through them as though they've finally agreed on something for once.
Their eyes linger on your body as if committing every inch of you to memory. They both approach with predatory grace, Geshu Lin stands close to your face and Jiyan stands in front of your spread legs. Geshu Lin takes your chin in his free hand, tilting your head up to look at him.
"Here's how this is gonna work, doll. You're gonna lay back and put your head over the side of the bed so I can fuck that pretty mouth of yours", his voice steady and commanding.
He nods his head towards Jiyan, "And Jiyan here is gonna play with that pussy." "But don't you even think about cumming until I give you permission to do so", he growls out.
All you can do is nod before you lay back, positioning yourself in the way Geshu Lin told you to. Your head hangs off the side of the bed, Geshu Lin's cock throbbing in front of you as Jiyan crouches between your legs once more, licking his lips at the sight of your twitching hole.
Jiyan's fingers trace over your folds, spreading them as he exposes your wetness. Two fingers tease your entrance, watching intently as your juices glisten in the soft light and make his digits slick.
A soft gasp has your lips parting, allowing Geshu Lin to angle his cock into your mouth. A low groan escapes his lips when he pushes past your soft lips and stretches your mouth open.
The sudden intrusion makes you clench around nothing as Geshu Lin's taste floods your senses. A garbled moan rises from your throat as you feel Jiyan's fingers press against your wet entrance, teasing you before pushing inside. The dual sensations make your body quiver with need and lust.
Each noise you make sends shockwaves of pleasure through Geshu Lin's cock, making him thrust a little deeper. He reaches down, squeezing your breasts in his hands as if using them to anchor himself to you. "Fuuuck... That's right, doll. Take my cock", he moans as he forces his length deeper down your throat, making you choke slightly.
Jiyan's fingers continue to pump into you, his own cock throbbing with need when he feels you clench around his soaked digits, desperate for something bigger to fill you up. His thumb finds your swollen clit, rubbing circles over the sensitive nub.
When Jiyan's finger curl up against your spongy, sweet spot, your back arches up, pushing your chest further into Geshu Lin's grasp. Geshu Lin releases one of your breasts only for his palm to crack down against it, making you let out a choked cry around his cock.
"You better hold off that orgasm, doll. I haven't finished yet", he growls. Jiyan chuckles as you writhe against the sheets, fingers continuously curling up inside of you. "Aww, having a tough time, love?", he coos teasingly, relishing in the way your body aches for more.
You try to speak, to beg them to allow you to cum, but all that comes out are muffled whimpers around Geshu Lin's throbbing cock. You squirm again, helpless against Jiyan's expert fingers, feeling as though your body is on fire. With a snarling growl, Geshu Lin pulls out of your mouth as you gasp for air, "Fuck it. Get on your hands and knees. I'd rather cum in your ass instead."
Jiyan's eyes snap up to his at his sudden change of mind, but pulls his fingers out of you, making you whine at the loss. Jiyan slides onto the bed, leaning back against your headboard as he beckons you towards him, cock twitching and leaking against his stomach, "Why don't you come up here and ride my cock, love?"
Geshu Lin gives him a sharp glare as he interferes with his plans. As you sit up, you look between the two men, one with a playful smirk on his lips as he pats his lap invitingly and the other has a dangerous look in his eyes that dares you to go against him. Geshu Lin scoffs when you crawl over to Jiyan, straddling his lap instead of following his orders.
Jiyan's smirk widens at your choice as he looks up at Geshu Lin, "Uh oh, seems she might have a favorite~" Geshu Lin snarls at his teasing words, but his eyes can't tear away from watching as you sink down on Jiyan's thick cock with a shuddering moan. Jiyan lets out his own breathy groan, eyes fluttering and head lolling back as he bottoms out inside of you.
Geshu Lin's own cock aches and leaks, still desperate to finish what he started. He climbs into the bed, positioning himself behind you. He grabs your hair, twisting it in his fist as he tugs your head back, "I'm not gonna let you two have all the fun."
He presses a searing kiss to your lips before releasing you as Jiyan's hands slide up your waist, pulling you to lean forward against him. With this new angle, Geshu Lin can see the girth of Jiyan's cock stretching out your cunt and your little asshole twitching in anticipation.
Finally, a little smirk plays on his lips as he lines up his tip with your smaller hole, spitting on it and watching as his saliva drips down towards Jiyan's cock. You suck in a breath when you feel it push and tease against the small ring of muscle.
Jiyan licks up your neck, nipping at your pulse point before pressing a soft kiss in the same spot. His breath ghosts against your slick skin as he teases you, "Relax... You can take it, can't you?"
You bite your bottom lip and nod, making the corners of his lips curl up as his eyes lock with Geshu Lin's in a silent confirmation before pressing another kiss to your neck, "Good girl." You let out a sharp cry as Geshu Lin pushing his cock into your ass the same time that Jiyan thrusts up into your wet cunt.
Geshu Lin hisses as your tight muscles throttle his length, "Fucking relax... Shit...." You feel so incredibly full having both of them inside of you at once, the sensation is utterly overwhelming. You try to hard to relax despite the insane stretch in both of your holes as your body struggles to accommodate them.
Jiyan reaches down, playing with you clit to help ease the pressure. "You're our good girl, aren't you, love..." You relax a little, your breasts squished against his broad chest as you whimper.
Jiyan's eyes flit back to Geshu Lin's with a nod. With zero warning, both men begin to thrust into you holes, making you gasp and moan so beautifully for them.
Both men let out husky groans, eyes rolling back as their cocks rub against each others through the thin layer of skin that separates them. The extra pressure and stimulation sends them reeling as they begin a steady, but brutal rhythm.
Jiyan's cock hits the deepest parts of you, pressing up against your cervix with each deep thrust, while Geshu Lin's cock pushes deep into your unexplored depths.
Tears spring in your eyes from both pleasure and pain. Jiyan continues to rub your clit furiously, bringing back that familiar heat that coils up inside of you as they ravish your holes.
Geshu Lin grips your jaw, tilting your head back as he kisses you with a heated and possessive passion. His tongue pushes and moves against yours as his grip tightens and his hips buck forward erratically.
Watching his friends kiss each other sloppily sparks a possessive and jealous flame within Jiyan. Wanting to bring your attention back to him, he grips your hips and thrusts up especially hard, smirking when you gasp against his friend's lips.
Geshu Lin rolls his eyes as he pulls away from your lips, but moves his hand down to your throat, squeezing lightly. "You're pathetic, you know that?", he scoffs.
You can't tell if that comment was meant for you or for Jiyan but the degradation of his words has you clenching down on both their cocks, making them moan.
Jiyan rubs your clit faster as he spurs on your impending orgasm, "Come on, baby. Cum for us." Your eyes flutter and Geshu Lin applies more pressure to your throat as he whispers harshly in your ear, "I wanna feel you squeeze my cock again. Bet you like being fucked in the ass, huh, doll?"
You whimper, wanting to protest but that would be a fucking lie. It doesn't take long for the coil inside of you to snap as your juices gush all over Jiyan's cock. Both holes milk their cocks for all they're worth as they both shudder and groan, releases load after load of sticky, hot cum inside of you.
Their cocks throb and twitch as they begin to soften inside of you. With another shared look between them, they pull out of you at the same time, making you mewl from overstimulation. Their golden eyes lock onto your holes as their cum drips and and dribbles down your thighs and onto the sheets below.
"Goddamn...", Geshu Lin rasps at the sight. Jiyan feels his spent cock twitch again, arousal pooling in his belly once more. You collapse against Jiyan as he wraps his arms around your waist, holding you close. Geshu Lin sits down beside him and puts his fingers under your chin, making you look to him.
"Give me a kiss", Geshu Lin's voice is softer now, but still holds that commanding edge. You lean towards him, pressing your lips to his gently. He sighs into the kiss, feeling all the tension release from his body. When you pull back, Jiyan redirects your gaze to him, pointing to his own lips with a slight teasing smile, "Me too, love."
You smile a little at both of their antics, but lean forward, kissing him just as softly. Jiyan smiles against your lips before you pull back. Looking between the two of them, your closest friends since childhood, you feel your heart ache with love in your chest.
Leaning forward, you embrace both of them, catching them off guard, "I love you both. I'm glad you're here with me." The sentiment makes them swell with emotions they would rather keep under wraps, but they both love you. They truly do. Always have.
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a/n: whew it got a lil emotional at the end there🥲
#jiyan smut#geshu lin smut#jiyan x reader smut#geshu lin x reader smut#wuthering waves smut#wuwa smut#jiyan x reader#geshu lin x reader#geshulin smut#geshulin x reader smut#wuwa x reader smut#wuthering waves x reader smut#wuwa x reader#wuthering waves x reader
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