#im literllly scared of discord | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pup-pee · 2 months ago

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i decided 2 write about feelings while listening 2 bark like u want it by sir mix-a-lot

many things r blasting through my head tn

i feel rlly bad 4 all my friends who have 2 deal w/me disappearing all the time((not related 2 health reasons)) but literlly just bc i decided that i think they h8 me

4 no fucking reason

then when i try 2 explain myself i have 2 say how much of an asshole i was 2 them 4 doing so BUT THEN I JUST DONT GET CALLED THAT SO NOW IM CONFUSED

& now i just dont go abck bc i cant wrap my brain around it i dont get it i stopped talking 2 u 4 no reason other than my brain telling me u h8 me 4?? some reason???? & when i come back u just push me off & say it doesnt matter but i think it does I RLLY THINK IT DOES I DONT UNDERSTANDDD

its like im having a 1-man show in my head & im dancing in front of the mirror like wtf am i doing

on 1 side, i love 2 talk 2 ppl i love listening & contributing; BUT THEN ON THE OTHER, IM A SCARED LITTLE WUSS SO LIKE??? I DONTGET IT. I DONT GEETTT ITTTTTTT mayb this is y i was on regulating meds who KNowassosOSOWASsss im so tired

#uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#im literllly scared of discord #that app is my nightmare like idk y but its sooo hard 2 talk on it #i think its prolyl bc of all the experiences of certain things ive had on it that my brain automatically considers it uhhh ehhh?#its so strange idk #but liek the reasons y i consider ppl h8ing me i think r valid still like I BRIING THEM UP #@ least i used 2 but then it would kinda just b blown past then it would just happen again then i would leave then come back & it was just #it was not good 4 my health i think bc i kept stressing myself out 4 again no reason then doing dumb shit then coming back apologizig bc #thats all i can do then i leave based on NOTHING AGAIN LIKE #its ntohing i say its nothing but it means sm 2 me its moments that replay in my head over & over & sometimes i think id b happier by mysel #then i remmeber i love talking 2 ppl so thsts not an option bc i love ppl #UUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this entire thing of me bing sad 4 liek the past month has happened bc my goddamn family h8s when i talk so now #im just abandoning every1 & i feel rlly bad but like i love them all theyre my friends & i dont think they h8 me but i rllyyyy think i do #its bad its soooo bad man ccccmOOOOONNNNNN I CAN TELL IM OVER THINKING IN MY PEA SIZED BRAIN CMONNNN #but yeah no im still convinced uhm yeah idk yeahhhhhh yeah i ;;;;#therapist? uh no thats what tumblr tags r 4 actually

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