#and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ??

[vitch-with-v]

Hey remember this? I do, so here's the proof

TRIGGER WARNING: UGLY ASS DRAWINGS FROM WHEN I WAS A PRE-TEEN AND LORE DROP

These are some of the first appearances of Joaquín, my "male version". He got his name after what my mom was gonna name me if i was born a boy

I had made a chart explaining all the different characters that were divisions of myself (cuz there were a lot) and here is Joaquín, who was not only my male version but also my self-esteem

Worth noticing: no, i don't have split personality or any kind of similar conditions, i was just a weird kid and i thought it was cool to give names and faces to different sides of myself, i haven't done that ever since, most of them didn't even survive past 2019, expect for him

His "presence" grew stronger in the start of the quarantine, cuz i was bored and very lonely :(, so he was basically an imaginary friend, that's why i usually drew him just hanging out with me (longer hair, pre-trans lol)

This is ME when i decided to cut all my hair off, wich is when i started questioning my gender, at this point i thought i might be non binary, but Joa still lingered, cuz i mean he was a really important character for me yk?

↑Me and Joa after my haircut... Yeaaaaahh....

Here it says "im gonna change Joa's name" (it says "don't ask why" under it, not pictured). This is also when i went oh shIT I MIGHT BE A BOY- so u can imagine WHY i wanted to change his name, you know, the name i was gonna have if I WAS A BOY??? Yeah, that didn't work out anyways cuz i ended up naming myself after some emo guy from an australian tv show that changed my brain chemistry so :p

This was also the last time i drew or ever mentioned him, after this he basically fucking died and i forgot about him completely + i stopped drawing and journaling for like a year or so (consider that i used to do it almost every day)

I find it crazy looking through my old sketchbooks and seeing my actual self from today be depicted as a "character", this is literally how i draw myself TODAY (with a lot of improvement ok? This is from like 2020/2021)

And i almost forgot to mention, but i was a hardcore fujoshi in 2019 (wich really fucked me in the head cuz it's not good to be reading porn at such a young age but oh well-), and so i used to ship Joa with one of my best friends oc's and we'd joke that they were gay and jaja funny they're gay yk hehe jiji jaja yk?

Thanks to the quarantine i started interacting with ACTUAL queer content, made by ACTUAL queer people, depicting what it's ACTUALLY LIKE to be part of the lgbt+ community, and not the fetishization of gay men made by and for (mostly) straight women, wich also made me feel real bad cuz i was like "oh no I've been fetishizing gay men all this time! Im a straight woman, it's weird for me to like gay men so much!" And honey do i have news for you :).

But i was pleased to find im not the only one that went thru the "fujoshi straight/might be a lesbian girl to transgender gay man" pipeline, it's crazy how there is no original experience, ive seen a gazillion fuckers who went thru the same shit, wich is surprising cuz how the fuck u go from "might be a lesbian" to "im a gay man", but hey, at least im not alone :))

If you read all that, you either really wanna know me, you have too much free time, or u need help HSKSHAKA. But yeah, jst wanted to share my experience, bc i still think about it till this day, and i still think of him every now and then

I don't think im ever bringing him back, or maybe i will, who knows, but for now he has a home in the black box with all my old sketchbooks, and i hope he's comfy in there ;)

the song made me giggle a lil as a trans guy

[bellesdreamyprofile]

I Bet You Think About Me - Austin Butler

summary: y/n is friends with actor callum turner and at the wrapping party of "masters of the air" she meets austin ; 4k words

"C'mon, kid you haven't left your flat in years.", you rolled your eyes at your friend's tone and leaned your shoulder on your phone, mixing your lunch in the pot. "Don't ya roll your eyes at me."

You met Callum at a random bar in London as you were hanging out with one of your girlfriends, Linda. It was years ago, yet you always loved to bring it up since the night ended on a chaotic note. Linda left to go to the bathroom and the bartender set your two drinks in front of you. As you were sipping your drink, a man sat on your friend's stool and grabbed her drink, downing it quickly.

You stared wide-eyed, unable to say a word. His smirk seemed to take over his entire face - and then he swiftly set the glass down. "You didn't have to, love. But thank you.", he winked at you.

"That was for my friend.", you stated, looking at the empty glass that costed you a whopping six pounds. "And I have a boyfriend. That's a heads up for whatever you're trying to do.", you warned him immediately, your eyebrow raised at his questionable behavior.

"No, you don't.", he said and cleared his throat, angling his body toward yours with an elbow leaning on the counter. "I'm Callum, love.", another stupid smile on his lips. "What's your name?"

"My name is get the hell outta here before I call somebody.", you said and grabbed your purse from the counter. Callum laughed, throwing his head back.

"Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters? Your boyfriend?", his disbelief was low-key offending you.

You huffed and glared at him. "I do have a boyfriend. He's busy tonight.", you justified - though it was completely true.

"Really?", he asked with a teasing tone.

You nodded sarcastically. "Really. Now please, I'm trying to have a nice evening with my friend.", my eyes frantically searched the bar for a glimpse of Linda. 

Callum sighed and moved closer with the stool, his tone lowering. "You know, that blonde chick you were with earlier? She's makin' out with one of my friends.", he pointed behind you, making you turn around. Surely enough, Linda was kissing some guy. He looked weirdly familiar. "One of the reasons why I came here. To ask you to be my girlfriend and offer you a drink."

You couldn't believe this man's naivety, so you let out a breathless laugh. "You can't be serious.", you shook your head at him, but the idiotic smile was still set there. "I literally rejected you twice."

"Third time's the charm.", Callum shrugged. You stared at him for a moment and grasped your purse yet again, but this time you were leaving.

"Hey, c'mon. Your name, just want your name.", you dodged drunks stumbling around you and found the exit of the bar. Making sure you've sent a text to Linda, your eyes searched for taxis around. But in vain.

You let out a frustrated sigh and started walking towards the closest busstop, but there was somebody that had yet to give up on you.

"Y/N! C'mon wait up!", you pursed your lips at the sound of your name and you hastily turned around, having had enough. Callum was standing a foot in front of you, amusement flickering over his features.

"Do you have to be so dramatic? And how do you know my name?"

He ran his hand through his dark locks and smiled. "I work in movies, love. Also, I asked your friend. Had a feeling that if I yelled "get the hell outta here" you wouldn't turn around.", you couldn't help but let out a little laugh, a disapproving head shake followed. This man was fucking crazy.

"You've got my name. That's what you wanted, so��goodbye.", you said in a flat tone and swiftly turned around, but a hand gently grasping your arm made you face him again. "Callum—"

"Your number?", he pouted, his touch disappearing within seconds. Your face remained neutral, not knowing how all of this would've played out.

"I have a boyfriend.", the reminder he seemed to not care about. He placed his hands on his hips and shook his head.

"Ah, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N.", the teasing note in his voice was back. "I wouldn't have run out of the bar if I cared."

You shook your head at his playful demeanor. "Callum..."

"As friends? We compliment each other's personality pretty well, wouldn't ya say?", you couldn't take your eyes off of him. The playfulness, the teasing — this man child was incorrigible, yet there was something about him you couldn't put a finger on.

"I've known you for ten minutes."

He boldly wrapped an arm around your shoulder and started walking forward. "The best friendships start in the craziest ways."

They surely did, because there you were all these years later. Callum always made sure to find ways to include you in his world - from premieres to afterparties. You loved laughing and joking with him, but meeting new people wasn't your forte. Luckily, it was his.

"I'd like you to know that I treated myself to a coffee from a café.", you informed him and plated your food.

"The café right by your building?", he knew you too well. "C'mon, it's going to be fun. Everyone's going to be there and you won't be the only guest, I promise. Other guys said they were gonna bring other people as well."

You sighed as you contemplated on your options for your evening. "I don't know, Cal.", you glanced at your dog sprawled on your rug. "You know, Leo needs his evening walk and all.", you bit your lip, hoping he'd let you off the hook.

Instead, Callum laughed so loudly you had to pull the phone away from your ear. "Yeah, right. I'll pick you up at six. It's a casual event by the way. Love you, kiddo."

Another sigh filled the room as you lowered your phone. Leo randomly howled in his sleep, making you smile. "You and me, buddy."

The hours passed and six p.m. was nearing and you had yet to pick an appropriate outfit for the night. Callum said it was a casual thing, but there was absolutely nothing casual about a room full of talented actors. You didn't want to impress anybody, but you didn't want to disappoint either. A mix of both - you could do that.

"Cal, what are you wearing?", you called him for advice.

"Who's this?", his groggy voice made your brows furrow in confusion.

"Are you asleep? Cal, you're supposed to pick me up in 15 minutes!", you were stressed and a man that could get ready in two seconds and look perfect was definitely not helping.

"Jeans, t-shirt, jacket.", he murmured, but you rolled your eyes.

"I need colors, stat."

You heard him huff on the other line. "Black jeans, white t-shirt and my leather jacket. Black leather, babe.", you could almost hear the way he rolled his eyes at you.

"Mkay, bye."

"Wait- You wanna match? Aw, sweet—"

"Goodbye, Cal.", you hastily clicked on the red button and immediately planted yourself in front of your closet. You quickly spotted your blue jeans, an olive green tank top and a white blouse, which you were going to leave unbuttoned.

You nodded to yourself and breathed out in relief, quickly retrieving some jewelry to enhance the look. Some hairspray and few touches here and there, and there was Callum at the door. You bounced on one foot as you slipped on your booties, reaching the front door.

"Well, well, well. Hey, love.", he kissed your cheek almost automatically. Cal looked you up and down with a raised brow. "You woke me up to ask me what I was going to wear and then you wear the opposite?"

You smirked and curled your arm around his. "I needed to know, so that when you give me your jacket it's still going to be a good look."

He laughed, shaking his head. "When I give you my jacket?"

You nodded with a knowing look. "Of course, I know I'll be cold later on. You always insist on those late night cigarettes."

Callum laughed yet again, his eyes flickering on yours. "You could've brought your own jacket?"

You patted his arm and thanked him as he opened the door to the passenger seat. You made yourself comfortable and waited for him to be seated behind the wheel. "I want you to look like a gentleman, you know?"

"Ah, of course. Thank you, dear for thinking about my reputation.", his joking tone made it hard to keep the chuckle to yourself.

"No problem. That's why I'm here. To make you look good."

The drive wasn't all too long, with you yelling at Callum for surpassing the speed limit, you made it in twenty minutes. A very low-key bar was rented out for the entire cast of the series, with private parking and all. Nothing you hadn't experienced before, but this time it was different - your gut was sensing that something unprecedented was going to happen tonight.

"I'll introduce ya to the big guys and then to my friends.", Callum informed you, his arm out for you.

Your lips curled into a smirk as you grabbed his arm. "You're not friends with the big guys?"

"I can't with you, for real.", he shook his head, making you mentally high-five yourself. 

You were in awe of the so-called big guys Cal was talking about earlier. The wisdom in this room was unmatched and you couldn't feel luckier. You even caught a glimpse of Steven Spielberg in the back. Unbelievable.

"You guys, this is Y/N, my best friend.", Callum wrapped an arm around you, his other arm pointing at the guys around the table. "Y/N, that fool over there is Barry—"

"What—", you laughed a little at the man that certainly didn't need introduction. Not too long ago, you found out that he was the guy your friend Linda was making out with.

"Then you have Anto, who plays Harry Crosby— Vomiting all over.", Callum pointed at the man, your nose scrunched simply at the sound of the word.

"Air sickness is very much real. Also, nice to meet you.", Anto defended his character with a knowing look aimed at Callum and then winked at you.

"It is real. Cal knows a thing or two about it.", you commented, earning some laughter around the table. His response was to simply bump his body into yours, his arm unwrapping from your shoulder.

"Alright, alright. Laughing at my expense, okay. No jacket privileges tonight.", you lightly slapped his torso, laughing at his defensive tone. "Anyways, blondie over there is my buddy Buck."

You looked over at the man in question and your lips parted in awe. He was the only one that showed up in a suit - sheer, black shirt with the first few buttons open, showing off his toned chest. Was he even real?

The blonde man laughed, shaking his head. "I'm Austin.", he smiled - his smile was warm, gentle, inviting. "The character I play is called Buck. He's Bucky's best friend.", he explained with ease and you just nodded, still in a haze.

"And Bucky is me, obviously.", Callum intervened, nudging your side with his elbow.

The conversation shifted and people were curious about what you were doing. Nonetheless, you weren't on top of your game tonight.

"I don't work in movies, but I love watching them.", you commented, chuckling. Your hands fidgeted on your lap under the white tablecloth. That wasn't one of your best ice breakers - it still earned a few playful comebacks - but meeting Austin tonight seemed to block you. Suddenly, you were very aware of your chipped nail polish or that your hair wasn't as styled as it should've been. Every sentence on the tip of your tongue was replayed in your head all over, your laughter was quiet and calculated. 

There was one thing you couldn't hide or control, and that was your curiosity. You loved talking and finding out random details about people you had never met before. That quality was something that intrigued Austin, waiting for one of the questions to be aimed at him. Yet nothing came from you. He had been told about his piercing gaze before and that was a weapon he intended to use on you.

"No way! My dog, Leo, is a Golden Retriever. Well, not the same as a Labrador, but same family, no?", you leaned closer to the edge of the table as Anthony let out a loud laugh. Austin couldn't take his eyes off of you - the way your eyes sparked at topics you particularly liked or the way you would slap Callum's chest to make sure he had heard too. Your eyes never met. For the first time, his piercing gaze didn't get him what he wanted.

"That's my song.", Callum called, leaning your way. You rolled your eyes and grabbed your drink, bringing it closer to your lips. He tapped the armrest of his chair and flickered his eyes to you, expectantly.

"I ain't gonna tell you not to sing.", you started slowly, yet that was the response he needed to stand up. "I ain't gonna tell you to sing either. Cal!", you shook your head, groaning. He fumbled for a microphone, yet the bar didn't provide one.

"You're kidding!", you heard him from a distance. You chuckled and grabbed your purse, fishing the pack of cigarettes. More people joined your table without introducing themselves, so now was your cue to leave for a short moment.

You glanced at the guys and accidentally made eye contact with Austin, your heartbeat accelerating. "Y/N?", it was Barry's voice, making your eyes finally move the other way.

"I'm gonna go for a quick smoke. Tell Cal, if he asks.", you motioned to the cigarettes in your hands and stood up, grasping your purse. He nodded and turned to his left, continuing his conversation.

Your legs carried you through the corridors until you found a door leading to a small balcony. You breathed in the cold air and breathed out, the stress and your overthinking tendencies melting away. A flicker of orange appeared as you cupped your hands to lighten your cigarette - a very much needed stress reliever.

"Hey.", a voice made your eyes flutter open. You turned around and spotted Austin behind the slightly open door, only leaving part of his body leaning your way. "Mind if I join you?", you felt your hands become clammy in that chilly air, your heart automatically beating faster. For you were going to be alone with him.

You exhaled the smoke and shook your head, your eyes meeting briefly. "Not at all."

He shot you a small smile and walked out to you, shutting the door behind him. His hand grasped one side of his blazer and retrieved his own pack of cigarettes. Now that he was distracted, your eyes followed every move of his, almost desperately. Simply the way he pulled out a lone cigarette and his lighter made you tremble in place.

His eyes flickered to yours, the stick between his lips and his hands still close to his face. You cleared your throat and looked away, shivering. Though you weren't sure if it was the weather or Austin being himself.

"You cold?", he breathed out, glancing at your bare forearms.

You waved him off, shaking your head. "I'm good, thanks."

Like you hadn't said a word, Austin's cigarette hung from his lips as he gallantly took off his blazer and took a step towards you. "I heard something about Callum taking away your jacket privileges."

You turned to your side and laughed a little, your eyes looking at the blazer held out for you. Your gaze shifted on Austin and lord, that cigarette and those dark eyes were making you feel things. He nudged at his blazer yet again and you just couldn't refuse.

"Thanks.", you said gratefully, feeling immediately engulfed by the unusually soft material. His manly, yet soft scent lingered under your nose. You were toast.

"No problem. I've been feeling stuffy since I walked in.", Austin said softly, his forearms against the railing as he tapped the cigarette against the metal. You hummed, not knowing how to continue the conversation.

"This is gonna come out of the blue, but...", he started, tilting his head your way. His eyes almost immediately attracting your gaze to his. "I have a feeling that you've ignored me the whole night. I-I know I don't talk a lot, but I was actually really looking forward to getting to know you."

The intensity of the blue in his eyes mixed with the gentleness and vulnerability of his words in an impeccable way. Your stupid mind game made this beautiful man doubt himself.

You shook your head and moved your gaze away. You couldn't possibly tell him that he made you flustered. Or that you developed a minuscule crush on him.

"I'm sorry.", you said with honesty. "It's just... I wasn't expecting a lot of people tonight and... I don't know...", your vague words made you want to slap yourself.

Austin raised his brows in surprise, the dots weren't connecting yet. "You talked to everybody, but me.", he felt almost embarrassed by his own words, but he was keen on understanding what was going on inside your pretty head. The moment Callum introduced you to everybody, he knew he liked you and he needed to find out if you felt the same.

Your lips parted as you stared ahead wide-eyed. The remains of your cigarettes were brought to your lips for one more drag.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable.", his words pulled you out of trance. You glanced his way and noticed him crushing the cigarette butt in an ashtray. "I, uh, I'll see ya later."

It just occurred to you that Austin followed you there. He noticed you weren't talking to him, so he was paying attention. Once he found you, he was quick to offer you his jacket and then he apologized over something he couldn't do nothing for.

Him walking away didn't feel right.

"Austin, wait.", his own heart almost exploded in his chest at the words he longed to hear. Your feet carried you to stand directly in front of him, your gaze confidently holding his, finally giving him the chance to look at every inch of your face. You sure looked damn good in his clothes.

You sighed and fiddled with the ends of his blazer. "I'm out of my game tonight."

A small, curious smile painted Austin's lips. "Why?", the chilly wind brushed through your hair and the lights from the city made your eyes spark. He couldn't believe his luck tonight.

Your eyes shifted from his shirt to his blue eyes. Whatever you said wouldn't have changed anything, right?

"Because of you.", the honesty took him back.

"Because of me?", you could only nod at this point, feeling mortified.

Austin desperately tried to hide his smile. He let out a little laugh instead, his hand brushing over his lips.

"So you like me?", he asked boldly and your eyes widened.

"That's what you get from "I'm out of my game"?", you said, quoting your words. Austin took a small step in your direction, your bodies inches away.

It was his turn to nod almost mockingly. "I thought you hated me, so yes, that's what I believe.", his jaw clenched as he pursed his lips. "Or at least, that's what I want to believe."

You scoffed, your eyes darting back on his. "Please, who could possibly hate you, Austin?"

He shrugged and fiddled with the ends of the blazer you were wearing. "I don't know... A funny, pretty girl like you? Maybe?", he looked up, your lips parting as you shook your head. "No? You don't hate me?", another wordless head shake fortified his own actions.

"Good, because I really wanna kiss you right now and I don't know if I'd be able to if you hated me.", you were pretty sure your cheeks were as bright as cherries, but you were happy it was dark outside.

"You can kiss me...", your voice was unsure, small, causing your chin to lower, but Austin wouldn't have none of that. His finger raised it gently, making you smile a little.

"You have pretty eyes.", he commented, making you roll your eyes as another stupid smile played on your lips.

"Please kiss me.", the shyness was taken over by desperation and he couldn't lie and say he didn't love that.

"Your wish is my command.", his hands found home on your cheeks and his lips gently set on yours. Your hands fell on the nape of his neck, loving the little hairs curling there. The kiss was electrifying, intoxicating and sweet all at once. You tasted the cigarette on him and his intoxicating smell was even stronger with you being impossibly closer.

His hands on you made you feel something you had never felt before, something you couldn't quite understand yet. Austin's cold rings against your skin made you initially gasp into the kiss, earning a groan from him. He was kissing you and you were kissing him.

Why did it feel so right?

It turned out, that pulling away from a magnet-like person that was Austin was almost impossible. But you knew you had to.

"I like taking things slow.", you said as soon as your lips parted, your hands slowly falling on his chest.

Austin hummed, nodding. "I like taking things slow too. I wanna get to know you... Your jokes, your hobbies... You know... Just you."

You bit your smile back, your gaze fluttering to his bare chest. "Aren't you cold? I'm sorry I took your jacket."

His hands squeezed your waist. "I'm not cold. You warmed me up nice.", you rolled your eyes at his cheesy words. "What? Feel, baby, I'm all warm!", his hand swiftly found yours and placed it on his chest, right by his heart.

"You are...", you didn't just feel his warmth, but his beating heart too. "Your heartbeat's fast.", you pointed out, making him smile for the hundredth time tonight.

"Because of you.", he threw your own words back at you. This man's charm was unmatched, rending you breathless before him - your body moved without even consulting your brain first. Your hands fisted the collar of his shirt and pulled him down on you again, his hands falling under his blazer, squeezing your flesh.

You lips were bruised by his passion that the sound of your name being called or the door opening weren't heard by either of you. 

"I thought you were smoking!", confusion took over your features at the familiar voice. You pulled away from Austin, who decided to leave one of his hands lingering on you, and faced your new balcony guest.

"Ah, Cal. I, uh, I was.", you pointed at the cigarettes in the ashtray.

"With me.", Austin nodded and squeezed your waist playfully.

Callum's eyes darted between you and Austin. "Were you guys making out?", his blue eyes squinted at the both you, his hand against his temple. He was obviously drunk.

You decided to tease him a little. "No, we were just talking.", you said innocently.

"And smoking.", Austin added, giving you a hard time on hiding your small smile.

Cal nodded and fished out a cigarette from the pack and brought it to his lips. "Whatever you two are doing... You kids have my blessing.", he stumbled your way, making you two part as he was heading to the railing.

"I'll drive him home.", you said, your hand placed on Cal's back as you turned your head in Austin's direction. He smiled and nodded, taking hold of your free hand, bringing it to his lips. If he didn't stop, your cheeks would permanently stay red.

"I'll see you, baby.", he lowered your hand and turned around. "Text me when you get home.", Austin opened the door to the balcony, but stopped as you called his name.

"I don't have your number.", you called with a careless smile.

"It's in the jacket.", he pointed at the blazer you were still wearing and winked at you. Your lips parted as he waved at you for the last time tonight.

"Good thing I revoked your jacket privileges.", Callum spoke up, his head low. You gently smiled and scratched his back.

"Good thing you did."

MASTERLIST austin masterlist

austin 2025 digital calendar 🎀 austin phone case💋

[tennco]

part of me wants to look more into this supposed decline of touhou, it's fascinating. but here's what i got now.

1.there are overall less touhou fanworks being made

this is mostly measured by doujin circles that apply to conventions. which, while a big part of it, is not the whole sum, specially since nowadays more people may opt to share their work digitally. also fails to account that conventions had considerably less overall attendance post-pandemic and it's still too soon to tell if that has normalized again.

2.touhou and doujin are more commercial than before (got nothing myself but i'd be inclined to agree, sure. then again things like merchandise have been around for a long while)

3.less quality than before (not really i already went over this)

ok but to be fair there was a dip in popularity somewhere post-UFO right. which is one of the games people like to point out as the downfall, along with anything else ranging from MoF to HSiFS because who gives a shit anyways. but that's a little bit misleading, it's not that there was a dip after UFO, it's more likely there was a peak with UFO. and i did no research on this next point to be fair, other than ZUN's account who largely alleged to it around the time of UM, but like i implied earlier with digital mediums being so prevalent there is the possibility that the decrease in doujin circles on conventions could be the result of a shift in the general landscape and not an observation endemic to touhou.

alright so what about the community. well i'm gonna leave out the bigoted takes (which have significant overlap with the rest i wonder why) because they deserve nothing more than shut the fuck up. everything else is all over the place, these are some of the sentiments i've seen over the years.

cries about secondaries and whatever the fuck a "tourist" is supposed to be. "oh they don't play the games", and if they do it's "oh they don't read the print works" this is just stupid i got nothing else to say about it.

"porn is good" but also "porn is bad and everyone is a gooner" this is also stupid.

"everyone just agrees or justifies everything ZUN does, there's no criticism" sometimes, and that should change. it doesn't signify anything though.

"there's politics now" lol

"touhou should've stayed niche" it's still niche but i know right? it's like this used to be my little corner and now there's all these people i don't know playing with my toys in ways i don't like. come the fuck on man.

and i think that's the thing. it's not about the statistics or the quality or the content or whatever else. either these people have completely shut themselves off on their own volition due to this perception that others are "corrupting" this thing they love (i wasn't kidding about the overlap up there btw), or they don't accept they are just bored with the series and continue to linger for some reason, and instead of moving on to something else they just start looking for ways to justify their disdain because there's no way it's just me it's gotta be ZUN's fault or the fans or this or that. but above all this is nothing new, we've been doing this for almost twenty years, touhou's been dying for twenty years apparently come on.

anyways sorry for the rant. that's my message, if a piece of media is genuinely not making you happy anymore there's no reason to keep engaging with it, no one's forcing you to stay i promise. let go. this should be obvious.

[aaa-totodile]

Some Noah Kahan songs that remind me of Jason Todd and why (based on the tags from my first post)

False confidence - kinda Jason but definelty not the most, just the idea of wanting to be his younger self because of the benefits that go with it but Jason’s idea of his younger self is so so very tainted.

Mess - once again wanting to be like his younger self, trying to get that kid back but not being able to and therefor it’s tainted and whenever who he used to be is brought up it stings. But also his ties to Gotham as well

Come over - certain lines can work with his early childhood but really I’m mentioning it for the line “someday I’m gonna be somebody people want” (he won’t be but ughhh his want for that (I’m going to make a post about Jason and wanting just give me time to write it goddd))

Orange Juice - what was originally talked about, not necessarily the past alcoholism but his relationship with Bruce, if you’ve heard the song I feel this needs no further explanation

Strawberry wine - if you look at it in a non-romantic sense, you can look at it in the perspective of Bruce post Jason’s death

Growing sideways - his struggles with his mental health as a result of all the shit he’s been through. He ignores it and he moves sideways.

Halloween - once again others perspective of Jason during his time of death/not knowing he’s alive

Homesick - not the actual lyrics but the element of the song being Jason and his relationship with Gotham

Still - I can’t fully capture it without writing an essay so just listen to the song if you can. I would have to break down the whole song lyric by lyric

No complaints - the highest on this list, omfg it’s so him. Literally every single fricken line it’s ughhhhh, if you like Jason listen to the fucking song. But I will mention with all his issues he just doesn’t talk about anything or complain and says he’s fine and omfg just listen to the song

Call your mom - if someone canonically gave enough of a shit about this man consistently throughout the comics this song would be there perspective of him spiraling and not reaching out for help cause he thinks no one cares. Give this man at least one person who loves him unconditionally.

You’re gonna go far - him and Bruce, but honestly this song is Bruce with all his kids

Honorable mention that’s not a Noah song:

Eight by sleeping at last - whole song, literally written for him, everyone else go home

[11queensupreme11]

I honestly haven't fully figured it out yet and I don't know what I might come up with going forward, but for now I thought it would be really funny if she was a pjo!verse mortal because

You know all those times Percy became a world famous terrorist? Yes. MC has heard about them and even though Percy was innocent in the end the mist makes the story so vague and disjointed in an attempt to cover up the mythological stuff. Because of this, she is much more worried about Percy in the beginning and sees her as a ticking time bomb, constantly recalling all the times there has been a new explosion involving Percilla Jackson on the news. Оf course, in the end it will be clear that Percy is not the danger that should be worried about, even the complete opposite. But I'm going to try to stretch this subplot as much as possible because the MISUNDERSTANDING LMFAO.

We can get a different perspective on the events that happened in pjo (like the Battle of Manhattan) through the eyes of ordinary people and how it inpacted their lives.

Regarding the crumbling soul issue, I want to explore the difference between Percilla, who learns from a young age what curses and problems it means to be a god, and MC, who is only aware of an idealized perfect version of immortality. It will take her a while before she realizes their true nature, but will it be too late and she will already be one of them? 😏

Also this story will be my way of trying to find the answer to why the Bisford dragged them there lmaoo. (I probably won't contrive anything, but the important thing is to try 😂)

I think the fear and awe she has of Percy in the beginning while thinking of her as a terrorist 😭 will appease the yans enough to see her for what she is which is just an annoying pet who will die in a few decades (which is like a few months to them lol) and until then they'll just put up with her and keep her alive because if that's what Percy wants..well who are they to say no?

Poor Percy in the beginning when she just wants to be her friend and will wonder why MC can't just trust her when she's doing everything she can to help her survive. Eventually they'll figure things out and laugh later, but until then the only ones laughing are us watching the ridiculous situations they get into 😂😂

(and the idea of ​​ariel saving her from drowning is so good omg. if it's ok can i use it somewhere in the story?🥺❤️ )

hold the fuck up THAT'S GENIUS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

MC THINKING PERCY'S A TERRORIST????? hold on this totally reminds me of this super long-winded tumblr post someone made a long time ago about mortals recognizing percy because of his "crimes" and then doing some internet-sleuthing and discovering other sus kids like annabeth, nico, leo, jason and thalia, hazel, etc. 😭😭😭

i truly hope you manage to find a way to stretch out that subplot cuz that's hilarious 😭😭😭 mc being afraid of PERCY when she's actually the most decent person in that entire universe afajshfvahf 💀💀💀 and poor percy just being like "why human no like me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺" throughout it all like a sad puppy 😂

AND A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THE PJO EVENTS???? mc was there to experience some of that chaos!? now you got me curious how old mc is. was she around the same age as percy??? how old would she be in the story now that some time has passed? or are you gonna put a time difference between the two universes (like hundreds of years have passed in ror verse, but back in pjo, percy's only been missing for like 5?). ooooh, is this set after hoo? what's the state of the pjo verse without percy there to stop gaea??? i'm so curious lol, dw you don't have to answer these

I ALSO LOVE THE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES OF IMMORTALITY/GODHOOD. it is very normal for people to like the thought of immortality/godhood because they have a rose tinted view of it. ppl don't immediately think of the downsides like "omg i'm gonna leave my family behind forever, i can't get attached to other mortals cuz they'll die while i live on, can i really handle all of this???" cuz the whole "be beautiful looking and perfect forever, have unlimited power, control the universe!!!!!" part of godhood would sound sooooo good to ppl.

it reminds me of twilight tbh LMAO. like how bella loved the thought of becoming a vampire, so she could be beautiful, live forever, and be with edward whereas rosalie had a more realistic view of it because she knew the downsides. mc would be like bella and percy would be like rosalie in a way lol (which actually kinda fits cuz the immortality was forced onto both of them. rosalie was also turned to be a potential mate for edward, similarly how percy was turned due to the obsessions of her 7 yan hubbies 💀). ngl, i'm hyped for the misunderstanding trope cuz that's hilarious, but i'm looking forward to this part of the most!

AND YES YOU MAY USE THE "ariel saving mc from drowning" IDEA!!! 💖💖

[mercurymacaroons]

arrives 15 min late with a latte

......sup

[beatlblog]

#George can fix his own dinner sorry it’s for couples only (via @didwemeetsomewherebefore)

#steak and spuds#but none for George huh?#I would love to have heard John's 'indignant' voice#real indignant or mock indignant? (via @crepesuzette2023)

#a regular LITTLE HOUSEWIFE!!!#also his and johns dinner#LMAO literally only cooking for John like#George is right fucking there#but I’ve always loved to think of them in Paul’s house and Paul’s out here with his little apron making John his tea#so honestly this only confirms that image#I’m dying it’s so funny#Johns like don’t point it out to him then he’s gonna stop being my little wifey#I wish he’d answer tho#WAS IT COMMON JOHN 🎤 (via @sleeper9)

#has probably cooked for john since they were teenagers and now people are calling them weird for it#anyway I love the domesticity of it#everyone needs a work wife (via @javelinbk)

#cooking a steak for his husband after a long day of being rock stars#a single mom who works two jobs etc (via @backbenttulips)

#let him cook (literally) (via @elena-ferrante)

#paul being a little campy fork found in kitchen (via @hamyilton)

#ay el amor#perhaps affectionately (via @alwaysreturntome)

#they're in a penthouse where obviously the thing to do would be room service#especially in 1964 where that sort of thing was still new and exciting#Also the fact that George is sitting right there and Paul's not making him dinner I'm dead#Where was Ringo I wonder#But really it makes me think of how Paul talks about being good at scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes and not much else#He likes to be Linda's sue chef and chop things up and hang out with her while she's cooking but she's the one who loves it#And yet here he is cooking for John in a penthouse#Why is it so important for him to maintain gender roles in at least the media perception of his marriage?#Because of comments like this?#Or maybe Linda really was just so many worlds better at cooking and loved it so much like they always assert (via @m1ssunderstanding)

not especially new in 64 but maybe for them newly famous with money

#does george just not eat (via @supersonic1994)

no he alwys does and that's why it's funny

#they let george STARVE 💔 (via @gardenwalrus)

#also John “I love to play it faggy” lennon finding THAT funny is honestly hilarious lol (via @cocaineskinny909)

#its ok if he does john don’t be embarrassed (via @beatlesmenrock)

#I’m going to imagine that Paul turned round and gave George $5#and said ‘go ask the hotel kitchen to make you a sandwich’#‘and don’t come back for a while’#‘mommy’s going to give daddy a special adult kiss on his trousers’ (via @didwemeetsomewherebefore)

#''it sounds funny'' yes it does john. yes it does (via @moptopper)

#also obligatory#what's libel about calling paul camp? (via @saturn-iidae)

#secure men could chuckle at their boy best friend bring called their little housewife (via @paulscunt)

#and yet the regular little housewife apparently forgot to cook something for their kids aka george and ringo lmao (via @innitmarvellous)

#pauls a mummy#johns mummy (via @beatlesyurii)

#this book is out next week and I’m really interested to know what the source for this is considering Malcolm Searle died in 2008#by which I mean…I wonder if audio exists (via @delightfullyatomicfest)

#*heavy italian accent* what? no steak for george? (via @maccaritamondays)

#1) paul only cooking for john and leaving george and ringo to starve in a cardboard box on the side of the road#2) where did he get a little apron when they were on tour#3) he really just wanted to be someone's wife so fucking bad (via @ozymandiasdirge)

#how much do you wanna bet this was a money saving thing#like george is there eating some nice takeout and paul's stirring potatoes saying ''you're wasting all your money. right john???'' (via @moptopper)

When We Was Fab: Inside the Beatles Australasian Tour 1964 by Andy Neill and Greg Armstrong

I’ve stolen this off a Facebook group but feel it needs to be seen on tumblr.

[graciousdragon]

OH MY FUCKING GOD

I JUST WENT TO MY LOCAL HOT TOPIC THAT I'VE BEEN GOING TO FOR LIKE. 5 OR 6 YEARS NOW RIGHT??

I GOT SOME MCR STUFF BECAUSE. OF COURSE. IF YOU'VE SEEN MY RECENT POSTING HABITS YOU KNOW. THE BRAINROT IS REAL

I WAS TALKING WITH THE CASHIER ABOUT THEM BECAUSE HE WAS ALSO A FAN AND HE FUCKING SAYS "you wanna know a fun fact? this is the hot topic the lead singer used to work at! :D"

FUCKING WHAT

GERARD WAY USED TO WORK AT MY LOCAL FUCKING HOT TOPIC?!?

AND AFTER I LEFT I LOOKED IT UP TO MAKE SURE HE WASN'T FUCKING WITH ME AND YEAH. HE WAS RIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK

SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS THIS IS LIKE. WORLD-SHATTERING INFORMATION TO ME AND HE JUST DROPPED THAT SHIT SO CASUALLY WHAT THE HELL BRO. I NEEDED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS SOMEWHERE

[deadtiredghost]

I feel like everyone in rottmnt is dramatic enough to enjoy Musicals but Leo and Donnie in every iterations are the real musical buffs who watch everything and anything together.

Like sure April and Mikey will join them for Heather's and Raph loves Hamilton, but Leo and Donnie watch Cats and Wild Party religiously and sing all the parts together. The only other person in the house who likes Musicals the same as they do is their dad which makes it 'cringe' to them when he sings Chicago along with April is a firm believer he should stay singing Les Mis and away from their musical nights. (Randall has scarred them)

Enter Casey Jones Jr. Future boy who has only grown up hearing Leo and April singing songs to him from various shows that he knows the basic plot to.

So of course Leo and Donnie take it upon themselves to help this poor sweet summer child catch up in his rightful musical education.

[hauntingblue]

CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER (bark), THRILLER (bark) NIGHT

Usopp's outfit is so funny for reals

He got the whole squad laughing

Luffy enablers at it again.... (Robin.... I know.....)

The humor panels so far have been so good!!! God this arc is so funny

HE SAID IT‼️‼️

They look like birds 😭😭

It's just too good... luffy taking cerberus and zombies what can't he do

It's just banger after banger what can I say

Franky feeling for other people because of his guilt complex and sanji lying through his teeth and pulling out the women excuse to seem unaffected... yeah

Look at them.... look how they ate

Omg joyboy reference?? (No)

Sanji is rubbing off on usopp.... also chopper noticing that is sogeking's weapon akdhaksjak

ANOTHER SLAY!!!!!

Their priorities: I'm not strong enough, there isn't enough food, and nami isn't here

Franky going from wanting to kill brook for his jokes to making a joke like his after he hears his backstory... exactly (Robin was already enabling him before the backstory even fdagjsfha)

Sanji is altering his body and actually being on fire to communicate to us how fucking mad he is..... I need more of him going insane I do I do

My god what is he doing ALDJALAJALA

AHSAHAHQHAH THEY ARE THE SAME!!! naaah sanji wouldn't force a woman to be his wife

You cant see me but I am nodding my head in agreement over and over

You don't understand he altered his body to communicate to us how mad he is. He inploded himself and then reconstituted again. Those germa 66 genes are insane

You tell em usopp!!!! The first of many girls you've scared into defeat!!! Akdjqknql

Zoro zombie regressed to not trusting robin akdjaks he's still in there

ROBI-CHO SUPLEX??? HELL YEAAAAAH

There is zosa- [GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]

Super frapper gong.... he is doing combo shots with frobin... omg.... parents....

Everything is so fun I'm having such a good time reading.... and then zosan angst like damn I am being fed well here

[moongothic]

Honestly I think crocodile/dragon and crocodile/Doflamingo are only interesting when treated as failed relationships spinning off into increasingly petty grudges and instigations. Become a warlord to piss off one ex by working with his hated father only for the OTHER ex to ALSO become a warlord to drive you insane. Etc.

I am now going to take his as an opportunity to rant about Dragodile because I unironically think it's an interesting ship if Crocodad Real and I don't think I'm ever going to find a better excuse to rant about it unprompted lmao SO HERE WE GO

But yes like. Dragodile is so fucking interesting to me

A marine and a pirate falling in love with each other is already some starcrossed lovers kinda BS. But then it's like, a FORMER marine and pirate who is WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT. That's EXTRA JUICY, it adds layers to the starcrossed lovers shit, and I am not immune to it, it's FACINATING, like what was the dynamic here

But also we don't even know when Dragon left the marines and when he and Crocodile first met, so for all we know it could've been some real enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies shit AND THAT'S SO INTERESTING

(Also the mere concept that Dragon could've been chasing Crocodile around kinda like Smoker tried to chase Luffy, only for Crocodile to become a Shichibukai and Dragon having to give up because they're on the same side now (kinda). Like. That is so fucking funny. And then he leaves the Marines to start a revolution. Or just out of spite dshgjdgs)

Then there's the absolutely hysterical part where Crocodile is the meanest, most intimidating, standoff-ish asshole around. So the idea Dragon was fucking into that is INCREDIBLE. THIS MAN LIKES BEING BULLIED DFSHFKGHFGJHDS (It's possible Young Croc might've been less mean but it's funnier if he wasn't)

And yeah. Somehow. In complete secret. A romance blooms.

And then there's a baby.

And Crocodile transes his gender.

And there's a divorce.

And 17 years later Crocodile has commited dozens of unforgivable warcrimes that are almost exactly the kind of things Dragon wanted to stop the government from doing to begin with.

Mind you, I don't actually think there's coming back from that, this relationship was burned to the ground and the ashes blown away by wind, there is nothing left

But could you imagine if despite the anger and the hurt and the warcrimes they still somehow loved each other

I would just

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

thinking about superheroes unfortunately

[cicada-candy]

I get the sense that Nina is gonna haunt the next season.

[queerstudiesnatural]

weird ass fucking day

[puppppppppy]

Atla live action 😐

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness