#i just want to make things so bad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

snailune · 10 months ago

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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it

#personal #i just want to make things so bad #it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it #i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life #if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art #if im making something im spending less time with them #and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences #but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that #and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends #but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas #i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors #all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick #so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included #but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad #i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum #maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes #for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult #and not spend to much time thinking about this

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butchfalin · 1 year ago

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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batcavescolony · 7 months ago

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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

#katniss everdeen #the hunger games trilogy #the hunger games #primrose everdeen #hunger games #batcavescolony reads the hunger games #suzanne collins #'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl #and this isn't negative just bffr girl #your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is #old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU #...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in #CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the #reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously #shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent #so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to #district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie #and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give #them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like #some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12 #cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact #that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good #these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the #hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to #comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but #of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕#origibberish #bigger gibbers

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ruporas · 8 months ago

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trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)

#trigun #trigun maximum #nicholas d wolfwood #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #millions knives #ruporas art #type of shit ive been on lately bc ive been playing an obsessive amount of hades 2 lmfao… ofc imstead of drawing fansrt for hades #i channel that energy into trigun?😭 SEE.. the thing is. i am ALWAYS thinking about a trigun game… like an action story game #it is rotating in my brain 24/7 and now after 7billion years i finally pick up a video game #and the inspiration sparked. obviously this is just a mere mimic of an existing media... but im thinking about the plot of max now #executed differently between mediums… webbing a new retelling of the original story as game mechanics allows you - thinking of the #new roles the characters would take. like wolfwood here is not Constantly by vash’s side but he will show up once a run to clear out an #encounter. shows up seldomly at home base to make gifting difficult... an existing companion and still journeys on his own. for more #relations options merylmilly will also have occasions where they separate so vash can speak to them individually - the gungho are not bosse #most of them get the roles of giving “boons” i think.. BUT ANYWAY thats me reimagining trigun into hades. now imagining trigun into an #ORIGINAL video game.... ough... ohhh....guhh... I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!!!!!#this was just a fun exercise... im thinking about doing more but i think i shouldactually draw some hades 2 fanart first

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boysborntodie · 6 months ago

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TUA S4 proved that Netflix cancelling their shows after the first season is actually a good thing

#what the fuck was that #tua spoilers #the umbrella academy #tua s4 #the umbrella academy season 4 #tua #this isn’t even about… that (you all know what i mean)#the writing was terrible and rushed so many plots were dropped and do much makes no sense #s1 and s4 are so disconnected #i was already disappointed in umbrella academy in s3 as it was getting further from the things that drew me in in s1 #but i reasones that just because ir’s not telling the story i wanted to see didn’t make it automatically bad and i should try to watch it #with an open mind #but no it just got worse and i’m so fucking pissed

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mythicalcoolkid · 6 months ago

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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

#m/cc #mine #I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges #and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like #a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with #there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example #or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone #*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have #I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side #for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others #for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me #and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public #and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist #that's why there's so much awareness happening for it #but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people

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qoldenskies · 25 days ago

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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases

#personal #rottmnt #although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie #donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually #he's a little crybaby /aff #and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually #he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO #i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is #BGHFHDHGJFHG #i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings #they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic #he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much #so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely #honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least #even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted #he struggles to blow things off #and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show #he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off #he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell #it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more #mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally #BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON #that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that #and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is #theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!

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jjkyaoi · 2 months ago

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by the way. people are allowed to complain about this season feeling rushed. i don’t know when it became a thing in this fandom to completely jump people who have valid complaints like YES arcane is a fantastically produced and beautifully animated show and nobody will be able to top it but they did start things with some characters only for it to never go anywhere so it can all be wrapped up in three episodes 😭