#genuinely so tired of everything in general | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dafpork · 17 days ago

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the thoughts are returning (making a comic adaptation of the actor au alongside the actual writing)

#I. DO NOT NEED MORE ON MY PLATE. THIS ACTOR AU IS GONNA TAKE ME YEARS TO WRITE LIKE I NEED TO PRAY EVERY NIGHT THAT PEOPLE WILL STILL CARE #ABOUT IT/THEM TO STICK ALONGSIDE ME I CANNOT BE ADDING MORE #ESPECIALLY WHEN IM SO BUSY AS ISSSSSSSS. UGH. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i mean the plus side is that i know i will never get tired of these guys and that au included. i will be in my seventies drawing these guys #I'M not going anywhere. but.......#my extremely lofty ambitions vs my compulsive deep rooted fear of time #but it's like. this au and these guys and everything on this blog has so much monumental importance to me #and even more monumental is that people get to feel the same Stuff i do about them. i need you all to hear 100% what i hear and see 100%#what i see................... okay wording it like that does not sound healthy LOL BUT #i grieve this a lot. that other people aren't able to feel the extent of the obsession that i do. and it's not because i'm like 'ONLY I KNO #THEM' or discrediting anyone else's passions absolutely not. but i'm just such an Extreme Case #these guys are everything everything on this blog is everything to me to the point that i did what i swore i'd never do and 'came out'#because i want people to experience it with me so bad..#and a comic is a good start. but also i've been saying for years i need to draw illustrations of what i've written and never have #but for reference i had started drawing a comic out of the first iteration of the actor au back in 2020 when that was a thing so this is #sort of picking back up on that #pros: motivation to draw. will help curate this vision i have. maybe more digestible to read. will help me be a better comic artist/#sequential artist/artist in general. maybe help me break out of my artistic paralysis #cons: I AM TOO BUSY. i am always starting and never finishing things. i would get stressed about non-existent deadlines just as i do with m #reviews and regular actor au chapter uploads. it's just so much to add on esp when we're at the beginning of the au as is and its taken me #years to write even that #yall it is genuinely too tough out here when you have too much passion and don't know what to do with it it's my best friend and my greates #enemy #somedays i'm like 'uuuugh everyone's gonna move past this it's just gonna be me again nobody will care about the actor au because i took to #long and also people are normal and cycle interests' i need to not worry about that!!!!!!!!!!#but i just have so many pig and duck thoughts and ideas but they're all mushed up into a bottleneck inside me and i struggle with getting #them out because there's just so much #i should maybe stick with my idea of doing fancy illustrations per chapter like i was gonna.. but UGHHHH #i don't know what i'm worried about. i love the pig and duck. i hope you do too #📝

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invinciblerodent · 6 months ago

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can you all fuckers just make ONE post that's POSITIVE about a thing you claim to like without getting in just that one stupid fucking DIG in in the last sentence. can you do that for me. can you just experience a crumb, a tiny modicum of joy WITHOUT snideness.

#squirrel speaks #i'm so tired. i'm so tired.#this goes for everything in general but this time a specific post was the last straw that broke this camel's back #i'm genuinely beginning to feel like interacting with the other fans of my favorite thing is becoming a task rather than something enjoyabl #maybe this is why i originally left this godforsaken place back in '17; because you fucks are a band of TAR PITS

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crueclown22 · 3 months ago

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gotta love my mother's chest pains coming back to the point where even she called the doctors. fun

#she's not going. hospital is too expensive and she's not staying in there. that's what she said #but goddamn it i feel so fucking selfish for saying i cant do this much longer #im going to sleep every night worried that she's not going to wake up because she just says “it goes away”#she's been better about it and promised to go to the doctor if it got too horrible #i don't know what to do. and everything has been getting so stressful just in general that #those random moments of panic that genuinely takes me down (my chest and everything burns and i can't see. fun.)#have returned and if im being completely honest the urges have come back. i can't control anything lately #and it fucking scares me #im not going to do anything. at least im gonna try like hell not to #im just tired and sick and stressed and i just don't know what to do anymore #nothing's fun nothing seems worth it even sunny days aren't don't pretty anymore #augh

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ladychandraofthemoone · 2 years ago

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That one Twitter Meme from Mhyuo but with Stankyle/OrangeChai: What do you meant this isn’t what happened? Kyle was totally Stanley’s very first crush & bi awakening even though he was unaware but he shook enough to drop his cigarette Kyle’s driver gave him-btw.

Flagless/Non Blurry Ver & Longer Explanation Below:

Wdym that you were only a year old after gaining your first crush after being immediately sent overseas and staying in the workshops in Europe for a month and then you met this cool engine while working on the front who’s a couple of months older than you yet already had crow’s feet’s and eyebags but the biggest smile and he had more experience who then takes you underneath his wing and taught you everything he knew and he didn’t get mad at you even you made mistakes that you couldn’t help yourself that you end up being labeled as a jinx and derailed every single day unlike the others including him who was considered to be “lucky” but he gives you advice, defends you and keeps you company and you didn’t even know what exactly love is until it was explained to you but you still had a vague perception on it until you come to this realization when you constantly think of him and his smile and his attempts to cheer you up and makes you laugh you love hearing him laugh and just around him ..

Yeah that couldn’t be me.

#ttte #ttte stanley #rws stanley #rws #the railway series #ttte proteus #proteus #kyle proteus #ttte shipping #my art #my art <3 #my art stuff #Kyle is like a few months older than stan but like he’s secretly tired and jaded but covers it up with bright optimism and cheerfulness cau #Realizes that a majority of the folks here were barely young adults they’re just children even him technically but he’s does his best #does he make mistakes yes but he tries so hard even though he’s genuinely a happy dude and maybe that why Stan fell for him Kyle stood up #cause benson is a jerk though I can see why and Stanley was general avoided like the plague and ignored by a majority (except for a certain #Hatt member but like Stanley overhears what’s it like to love from folks talking and is like “is this what this feels like do I like him or #Gosh I just got so many thoughts on them and how Stan never got to confess on Kyle what he felt about him cause the whole situations there #Was never gotta be a right time but he was gotta tell the moment Kyle came back to understand cause Kyle is smart and confident and brave #he knew everything about any topic but like he didn’t come back his luck just wasn’t enough to save/protect Kyle :( and gosh they make me #want to tear up like Stanley finally gets a safe space to figure his thoughts and emotions out but will never actually tell Kyle how he fel

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tony-andonuts · 1 year ago

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God I wish I didnt get ostrasised by all but like 4 of my peers because holyfucking shit am I overworked and need a hug

#why cant everyone just be nice like for fucking real!!!!#so sick and tired of looking like Mother Theresa compared to my coworkers bc i do the bare minimum of making the residents feel cared for #like girl we are working with the same cast and crew #will never forget the time a cna came in and after telling them 'hey that guy will get seizures if you give em that' and they replied with #'well they get seizures regardless' AND LEFT #EVIL!!!!!!#andlike #i understand that not everyone has the same memory capacity/ability but oh my motherfucking god #if everyone around me is at baseline then i must be either God or the absolute perfect person #which is saying something bc ive genuinely killed quite a few braincells with my former [redacted] addiction but here i am #knowing the smallest things about everyone that makes em happy #and the thing is is that I WORK IN THE KITCHEN!!!#IM NOT A CNA/RN WHO AT ALL HOURS OF THEIR SHIFT WILL BE INTERACTING WITH THE RESIDENTS!!!#idk man if i were generally mentally n physically well in my 30+s AND gettin outshined by a 21 year old for the past 2 yrs id be embarrasse #cannot fucking wait for my mom to get a job so i can leave mine and take a break #tony speaks #and before anyone says 'the CNAs are overworked and some of the residents can be overwhelming!'#the residents know im nice so they come to me for fucking EVERYTHING!!!!#ESPECIALLY the overbearing ones!!!#AND ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE LITERALLY EVERYONE. STAFF AND RESIDENTS.#ASKING ME WHATS GOING ON WHEN IM BALLS DEEP IN THE AM AIDES BULLSHIT ON TOP OF THE MORNING COOKS #not only do i ghostrun the kitchen but im the guy everyone goes to for everything. regardless of department #im literally a kitchen aide with no further qualifications leave me the fuck alone and ask your superiors/managament FUCK!!!!!!!!

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genekies · 1 year ago

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screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

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exopelagic · 1 year ago

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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh

#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope #I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here #I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho #I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there #I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change #like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it #and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally #but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little #and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower’#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago #maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired #two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that #gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud #did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it #god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit #people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard #genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive #like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other #what are we actually doing here #idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over #already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all #luke.txt #I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit

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librariansrose · 1 year ago

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David Chiem Voice: You’re Delusional

#kuro kaws #I’m so fucking TIRED just leave me alone holy shit #like maybe own your actions instead of making excuses for everything and refusing to admit faults?????#you’re also stalking me too which is maidenless behavior like good god #stalking. spreading misinformation and veing generally creepy when I’ve said to STOP #and when that didn’t work I fucking blocked obviously #like server raiding because I wouldnt do what you want? thats genuinely fucking bonkers ny guy

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laugtherhyena · 2 years ago

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Csm thoughts,,

#Putting these in tags cuz they're rather negative and like this people can ignore this if it shows up on search #anyways today i was showering and had a realization that like #if csm part 2 didn't exist and the manga had ended in chapter 97 i really wouldn't mind that. like at all #because so far there hasn't been anything in part 2 that stuck to me in such a way that i would be upset or miss it if it didn't exist #be it arcs world building (not big on religious allegories. that prophecy stuff really doesn't intrest me at all) or characters #in fact if it did end on the publig safety saga i probably would have liked it better #because then it would have ended and that's it. because part 2 exists i can see the story move foward #with the absence of almost everyone from part 1 and i just. miss them #so reading part 2 in general makes me inherently a little sad #and i feel like that's what blocks me from enjoying it or even growing to care for the new characters from part 2 #because i don't care for any of them that much. not even asa and yoru #and this isn't me being mad at the story for killing people off. i think all deaths in part 1 happened exactly where they needed to #and the story is beautifully crafted. i just genuinely miss them #and see denji staggering about looking so tired all the time barely looking like the same guy from part one due to everything that happened #that also makes me fell just. like this pain in my chest that i can't even explain well #i don't dislike part 2 i don't think it's bad #it's just not for me and i don't think that will change anytime soon #tho i will still look up the new chapters because i wanna see what happens. tho if there ever is a part 3 i doubt i will bother reading it #hyena ramblings #rant? i guess?

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moonchildstyles · 2 years ago

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MOOONIEEEE BODYGUARD H!!!!!! WTFFF SHE ONLY NEEDS A BIT OF LOVE NOBODY TRULY LOVES HER ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ I understand now when u said she’s not gonna b bratty but more like a little cold ☹️☹️☹️☹️

she just needs some help sometimes and its so hard to find for her for some reason:( I realllllllyyyyy cant wait for you to see how it all plays out and like I just really hope you continue to read and enjoy the story:(

#anon #ask #I got lots of inspo for the like media aspects from like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and then like the #general public like...hate shfushfus from everything w Hailey bieber currently #so like think when referencing the media but shes also just a genuinely nice person and shes tired

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silent-sentinels · 2 days ago

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hackles still upset but bodys too tired to let him keep fronting, which means its my turn i guess. really wished they let us have time to prepare, truly an out-of-spoons-reaching-for-knives day.

#[three of swords]#🍂#its p common that hackles is high energy complaints and im low energy complaints so if we dont have enough energy i speak on his behalf #ugh. relatives. everythings so backhanded and condescending with them. they love disguising insults in ''playful jokes''#both with us and with each other. its really miserable being around them. their kids learn from them and that makes babysitting them hard #it's genuinely really... disheartening‚ watching how the generational cycle perpetuates (thanks theseus).#🪶#and we don't know how to fix it‚ so... what can you do. try. try to be kind to them while we're there. hope the small kindnesses help.#but i. is it selfish to say its not worth it to go there? it feels like entering acid to save a child starting to drown in it.#hate it. cant survive there. terrible moral dilemma that we can't consider when we're like this...#everything is. so hard. and we're so tired.#anyway. that was how the fourth of july went for us.

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countakutagawa · 2 months ago

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work is consuming my life and that is just so sad for me. is this what life is like when you approach 30. i want to go back to being a teenager.