#it's not so much ambition
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After opening yet another unfinished fic I've realised that today has really just been a day of me continuously pushing the boundaries of 'how many wips can I edit at once?'
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enough stories about how someone learns to truely be happy through love. i want a story where someone is desperately seeking out love thinking it's the only way to be happy only for them to learn by the end that happiness is what they make of it and they don't need love at all to make it.
#aro#aromantic#ace#asexual#aroace#loveless aro#loveless#non-partnering#nonpartnering#non partnering#nonamorous#aplatonic#enough of amatonormative tropes in media!!! enough 'you're miserable without love' stories!!!#less “you're too focused on ambitions to make you happy that you dont let yourself fall in love”#more “you're too focused on finding love to make you happy that you wont let yourself live”#more “there is so much more to life than love and so much more that can bring your happiness if you just let yourself experience it.”#maybe I should write this story#and when i say love i mean all love. not just romantic love.#which is why i tagged aplatonic too#while i mostly see this trope in terms of romantic love i think there's something to be said about#telling stories where people are perfectly content alone too#it doesn't have to be sad or pathetic to not have friends by choice. they dont have to be a miserable person to not have friends#i think we need more variety in stories where it shows people just content in their lack of love or relationships in all shapes#not everyone wants a family not everyone wants friends not everyone wants a partner not everyone wants love#some of us are content without. that should be explored without the need to fix it.
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Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.
#fallen london#ambition: nemesis#mr.cups#Happy belated birthday to me: I finished my Nemesis ambition. I get to make a fun comic about it. THAT WAS THE DEAL!!!#...Is what I would have said had I not spent *four* days trying to draw a cool dramatic comic. This is all I have to show for it.#I also missed posting this on the Flondon anniversary so I'm double Smad and frustippointed at myself.#This is niche content but I know there are flondoners following me who will understand.#I had to make a second account because all my friends who I played with *also* picked Nemesis and dropped the game at various gates.#I failed every possible check at Knifegate. I was on the verge of madness. And yet I still love this game.#Little known secret about me: over 70% of the blogs I follow on tumblr are flondon rp blogs.#The cool art and character lore brings me a lot of joy!#With that said; what the hell is the coincidence that right as I finish Nemesis -#The flondon community starts a Nemesis Race.#Guys. it’s not worth it. It is a revenge quest about losing everything you have to see your task through.#All to culminate in the discovering that you are beefing it with a fanfiction writing bat.#That said; I do feel like this story was very satisfying for my melancholic doctor.#I knew I would get the choice between sparing or killing my nemesis (the bat) and I had a long time to think it through.#Someone who wants to save lives and (does as much as possible to do make things better for others) choosing against mercy?#Someone who never permitted themselves to let the city truly become a home because they were not a person - they were a tool for grief.#Alright..Yeah the ending was really good.#I will be back with a part two. Clearly I'm tenacious enough to commit to what I started.#If I am not excommunicated on sight by the flondon community I will be back with comics for the other ambitions.
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andrew becomes increasingly tense during aaron's trial. neil expected it to be the anticipation of andrew's testimony and cross examination. that day comes and it's horrific, but it ends. andrew remains tense. he exerts more than neil and kevin at night practices, he doesn't sleep, he joins neil on runs.
sentencing comes and andrew is so wound up that neil thinks he could tip andrew over and he'd fracture into thousands of pieces. they stand as the judge enters. andrew grabs neil's wrist hard enough to break the bone. he stops breathing. his eyes are closed.
it's self-defense. aaron is acquitted of all charges.
that night, andrew invites neil upstairs to share the bed, and to neil's surprise, he leans into neil's space and rests his head on neil's shoulder. he is relaxed.
"trial had you nervous?" neil whispers.
"it was enough," is all andrew says back as if every burden he's carried since the start of the trial has been lifted off his shoulders.
#his testimony he means#his testimony was enough to save aaron#he gave so much of himself away up there on that stand and he's been freaking out over whether all of him will be enough#to keep aaron out of prison#bc aaron has dreams and ambitions to be someone after palmetto state#aftg#all for the game#aaron minyard#andrew minyard#aftg headcanon#twinyard#aftg post canon#neil josten
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oh nothing, just book lawrence and bellini being work husbands who have each other's backs...
....and praying together...
...and supportively sassing each other...
...and being soft ...
...and passing notes during conclave like schoolchildren...
AND WHATEVER IMPROMPTU 'GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE' REPRESSED TENDER ROMANCE MOVIE YEARNING BULLSHIT THIS IS
i'm crying, they're married, they're dating, they're confirmed bachelors, they're courting, they're besties, they're flirting, they're in love, they're everything to me, amen
#conclave#thomas lawrence#aldo bellini#lawrellini#ripped through the book the other day and really enjoyed it!!#the movie makes good dramatic adjustments but the book is basically like 'movie + special bonus features!'#i did find the biggest shift was aldo actually!#lomeli-lawrence have a lot of overlap and very much the same essence#book!aldo and movie!aldo feel like different people though. not in a bad way it's just interesting which facets are explored more#book!aldo seems to be a lot more reserved and even-keeled. and any potential ambition he may have is not 'personal' to him#movie!aldo is a little more mercurial and stanley tucci plays him at a higher temperature#so while he comes off a little warmer and gregarious it can also swing into a more 'temperamental' side#the overall 'character's function in the narrative' feels the same though#and i love them BOTH#anyway i want what they have lmao
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Actually so tired that people mainly focus on the bdsm when they talk about La Pianiste when we literally have this dynamic right here. Like, that's insane.
What if you were a little girl in her 40's who couldn't grow up because of your mother-wife who made you sleep in her bed and forced you to repress every sexual desires and thoughts of becoming your own person just to keep you close to her ? What if you fought back and yearned for dangerous things out of her reach ? But also, what if you let her because it's all you've ever known and been taught to want ?
#these two are so entangled with each other and in the roles they play#(mother and daughter. husband and wife. prodigal or ungrateful daughter. adoring or mocking mother)#that they cannot handle it when something else is thrown into the mix#There's no space left because they fill all the roles in each other's lives.#but at the same time they never give the other exactly what she wants#The fights never last. Erika will never live up to her mother's ambitions. And her mother will never give her any form of affection which#might satiate her hunger for love. And so on.#They are deeply imperfect- Love and Despise each other but they could never bear the thought of being separated#When I read the part in the book where Erika talks to Walter for the first time and all she wants is to go back into her mother's womb...#you can't make that shi up#when people talk about toxic yuri that's what they could mean but unfortunately we live in a society#gradually learning to accept the person I'm becoming who would've been burned at the stake by my younger self <3#been having so much thoughts about this film once again. And I know that nothing written here is new but I'm a little sad no one really#talks about this relationship online since it's really the heart of the story for me#Of course everything happening with Walter is important. But none of that would be there without the mother-daughter situation#la pianiste#the piano teacher#haneke#sheep stuffs#isabelle huppert#also I'd kinda get it if it was another film and it made people too uncomfortable to talk about it. but I mean this is literally La Pianist#*
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Impulse: talking about how cool it was to reach 1 mil subs Someone in chat: Skizz is gonna overtake you soon
Impulse, no hesitation, with his entire impussy:
G O O D.
I can't wait. I can't wait! Honestly I would LOVE- I would ABSOLUTELY love to see Skizz pass me in everything. Subs, views, everything. Dude deserves it. I've been dreaming about that since I started. Him coming along and making his way up and overtaking me and me riding- I'll ride his coattails for a while, you know!
#impulsesv#skizzleman#imp and skizz#they are so besties#don't look at me#impulse loves skizz so much it's not even funny#a man with an endless thirst to be the best at what he does and yet he dreams of his best friend succeeding more than him#a guy with unstoppable ambition and all he wants is that his bestie reaches beyond anyone else#they are so platonic ideal i don't even know what to say#imp and skizz everyone#this was from the 19/2/2024 stream btw#just for those who are interested#dose of impulse#dose of skizz
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I understand people being curious/excited about when you’ll release your comics but demanding anything from you is unfair and I can only imagine makes you feel unmotivated to continue. Thank you for all you do and props for maintaining your boundaries 🫶
Aw thanks doll ♥️
Luckily I feel like I’ve got a good sense between real life and internet life. And even though I’m online like all the time, I know how to prioritize real life’s demands, duties, and fun times.
Even if those comments are a bit annoying, I am really grateful that the vast majority of the folks who like my fanart are kind and gracious 🥰
I still don’t really understand how I get all this interaction (ty algorithm?) but making fanart is my favorite pastime and I’m glad there are fellow fans who appreciate it! It’s all very sweet. Makes this corner of the internet a happy place for me 🌷
I’m also totally addicted to seeing fanart of hazbin hotel and I love fanfiction, cosplays, and the like. Fandom is so fun, and it’s great to see people be creative. So I try not to pay much mind to the “not-fun and not-helpful” aspects 😂
#that being said#even tho I know how to prioritize irl over internet#doesn’t mean I’m GOOD AT IT HAHAHAHA#I have so much gotdamn homework to do#but whatever I know I can get it done#I’m like the opposite of all work and no play#which is why I’m such a poor mfcker#but it’s fine#I don’t have much financial ambitions anyway#and once I get my job with a pension#im good to go ham in the off hours haha#but first grad school ugh#I mean grad school is actually really lovely#demanding but lovely people and I’m learning a lot#again Im just a greedy gal who wants to draw gay demons all the time#anyway#time for breakfast
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One of the things that had my mind spinning for a while is that in the Shadowheart origin, if you reject Shar, Minthara will apologize. She will believe that she and the rest of the companions held Shadowheart back from achieving her destiny. She blames herself for Shadowheart making a choice completely on her own, thinking that Shadowheart's concern for herself and others held her back. Minthara feels it to be her fault that Shadowheart is not as powerful as she could be and she is to blame for Shadowheart walking away from her destiny. Minthara sees herself as having failed for Shadowheart making the choice that she did.
I know it is cut content and cannot really be considered canon, but she does something similar in the breakup. Where she's yelling at Durge and asking why they rejected Bhaal. And Durge can tell her it's cause they love her. When the breakup was slipped in, I was initially so angry because Minthara calls Durge stupid for choosing love over power (when Minthara herself chooses love over power). Especially since the breakup happens like 10 minutes after the alurlssrin confession where she says the two of you have an unbreakable bond. I used to be so confused on why she would be so upset that you actually loved her. Then I realized that she's not upset that you love her. She's upset cause she fears that your love for her held you back.
Even though she sees you as her equal, she keeps putting herself as less than you. Where your wants and desires are more important than her own, and your greatness should be put above any affection you have for her. She wants you to love her of course, but she does not want to be what holds you back from reaching for power. To Minthara, power is safety and she has never felt safe. She wants you to keep elevating yourself cause the stronger you are, the safer you will be and by extension, the safer she will be. So you picking her over power means you are less safe and by consequence, she is less safe. And as much as Minthara loves loves, she needs to be safe first. It's why it seems like she keeps making the same dumb mistakes over and over, getting herself into precarious situations. It isn't because she's necessarily blinded by love, but she feels her proximity to power should keep her safe.
I also had a discussion with someone on Reddit, talking where it almost seems like Minthara keeps putting herself in positions of servitude, despite having some pretty ambitious goals involving world domination. We are talking about someone who has been a servant of Lolth her entire life. She tells us she was raised to be a soldier in Lolth's army and that was all she was meant to be. For 200+ years she was a servant and has never been anything else and doesn't know how to be anything else, and I believe she is too afraid to try to be anything else.
As a paladin, she was responsible for keeping social order, follow the word of whatever Priestess was in charge and enacting Lolth's will, partake in surface raids, and kill any of Lolth's enemies. There was very little room for her to achieve what she wanted, because Lolth had to come first. And even if there were things she wanted for herself, they still ultimately had to please Lolth in the end. Her time in the Absolute is no different. She just swaps the Absolute for Lolth and keeps up with the same shit (although she is too brainwashed to tell). So of course she is stunned when Lolth abandons her and the Absolute attempts to kill her and throws her deep into a crisis of faith. 200+ years of service has always bought her safety, until it didn't. So when you come along, she just swaps you for the Absolute. Telling herself, "I just need to be better than I was for the Absolute, better than I was for Lolth, and I should be okay." And her little rant about the gods, Lolth, Bhaal, the Absolute. Minthara is not anti-god. Minthara is anti-gods who do not reward their followers for their service. Because to her, service should be rewarded with something (other than death). She plays both sides when it comes to Shar because although she does think Shar is a poison in Shadowheart's life and believes Shadowheart is better off without Shar, at least Shar did reward Shadowheart for her service by making her a Dark Justiciar and elevating her to Chosen.
You would think she'd learn, but she doesn't. Not because she's stupid, but because her basic need for safety isn't being met. And so be fair, her "mistakes" with Lolth and the Absolute were relatively recent. So she keeps pushing people down the path of ruin and never going down the path herself directly, thinking that if she helps you become powerful, she will be safe. Where if she stands beside as you walk down this path, you will reward her for her service. Where she does not believe you would betray her because she helped you get that power. Where she thinks her service to you should buy her safety. Because to her, the most important thing she can be to you is useful. And she is terrified of being useless. So she provides you with unbreakable loyalty, devotion, and servitude, (and perhaps love). Where she will help you achieve your ambitions, whether it be to become a Dark Justiciar, the Vampire Ascended, the Slayer, or a god. Her path to safety, and greatness, and true power is forever lost to her down in the Underdark. So all she can do is help you walk down yours.
She keeps doing the same stupid shit over and over, making the same mistakes with people over and over, cause her fundamental need to safety is never being satisfied. And her service to various gods and entities technically did buy her safety, but only for an unknown period of time. And when she loses that safety, she thinks that the problem is her. That she was punished because she was not a good enough servant. That if she was a truly good servant, she won't lose your safety and your protection. And she thinks love interferes with your perception of her as a servant. She wants you to see her as a loyal servant first, lover second, because the only things in her life to be truly rewarded was her service, whereas her love got punished.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#it seems like the endings where she is truly doing things for herself is the underdark and baldur's gate ending#but she doesn't seem particularly happy with her underdark ending as she is very much afraid that she is going to die and is going insane#i adore the avernus ending with karlach - but she is going to avernus *for* karlach#but karlach is especially unique because karlach does not have a power grab related theme to her story#and karlach doesn't particularly seem to care about power or achieving power#so her doing stuff *for* karlach is also a choice she is making for herself as going to avernus is not to make karlach more powerful#but to keep her alive#her being a paladin also means she will innately be in service of someone else or do things on the behalf of someone else#and a lot of paladin oaths seem to break the moment the paladin puts their own goals and ambitions above their oaths#and even she feels a sense of freedom if she becomes an oath breaker and prefers being one#minthara only starts putting herself first after you show her that she can - and that it isn't so scary#that eternal servitude is not a requirement for safety and affection#and it becomes clear that her sticking by your side in the end - even when you reject power - is no longer to seek the need of safety#but because she genuinely does love you even if you are not as powerful as you could be
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i know i like to speak on the borgia siblings trio and their infighting and the potential incestuous polyamorous relationship that juan desired but can we now talk about how they were serving tight curls every episode on this show? maybe rodrigo was a terrible father but i can't say the same about his amazing genes 🙏
#i actually have never seen a more prettier siblings trio#why are they so sexy and cunning and dysfunctional and all#targtower siblings come quickly after them though#anyway cesare x lucrezia x juan you will always be famous#i love you so much fucked up siblings#also i'm not coming for rodrigo's neck !! i love him and i think he deeply love his kids but he's ultimately all for his own ambitions#and i will always clock him for that !!#cesare borgia#juan borgia#lucrezia borgia#the borgias#the borgia siblings#borgia#period dramas#period drama#siblings#text post
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Now, I haven't actually listened to all that many audio drama podcasts in comparison to other podcast fans, but I really genuinely honest-to-god believe that as audio drama expands as a medium and if fiction podcasting gains mainstream attention that The Silt Verses will be held up as a groundbreaking example of what audio drama can be and as a show that pushed and expanded the boundaries of the medium. Even the roughness of the audio (mainly in season 1 but there are some messy bits throughout the show) I think is an indication of the show's sheer ambition and creative vision, running into the limitations and either pulling back in creative ways or breaking those boundaries. Like imo it's truly unmatched in audio drama productions right now. I've never heard anything like it before. The fandom is not the biggest compared to the really famous podcasts (though it is sizeable and growing!), but I hope that one day TSV gets the acclaim it deserves because it is really, really that good
#tsv#the silt verses#this is maybe cringe but like. i really do think it just is that good!!#i have NEVER heard another podcast with such rich and complex world building. such an expansive plot#so many absolutely fascinating characters with satisfying and complete arcs#such a physical show which does audio-only action scenes regularly and for the most part does them pretty well#like. the writing and voice acting and themes are incredible ofc#but ive heard other podcasts with those things (though i think the themes & writing r kinda unmatched also tbh)#but the scope really gets me. ive never heard another show do so much in only 45ish episodes#it's so goddamn impressive. give the silt verses every award RIGHT NOW#sound quality in s1 is pretty dogshit though that i will concede. but again. that's the ambition!!
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Insane to me that people, including other film makers, are so ready to throw down against Scorsese. If the trolley problem was the entirety of marvels output on one track and one more Scorsese film on the other, I’d ram that bitch through the mcu so hard it would obliterate every trace of iron man from time and space. God bless ‘em but I would 💖
#I say this as a one time marvel enjoyer.#ten words from grandpa mean more to me than anything captain America has ever said so we are clear#you may not choose this option and that’s fine but I’m going full throttle you should know that about me#and if I see one more comparison of some marvel quadrilogy spin off poster you need three tv shows and five movies to understand who is even#ON IT held up against Wolf of Wall Street like it proves something I’m gonna commit#and I don’t even LIKE wolf of wall street that fucking much#he is one of our foremost creatives and he is talking about how the catch of humanity is you are given more creative drive and ambition and#KNOWLEDGE than time and how heavy his OWN DEATH looms and we’re doing THIS
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MY SHAYLAAA
#MY WIFEE#jrwi clarence#I feel like Clarence is textbook hubris#like someone who was given so much power and uses it to try and fix a world but in the end it just got him killed (again)#his ambition doomed him and by the time he realised that all he could do was leave a warning for the next whisperer#RIP#I love him sm#jrwi pd#jrwi fanart#jrwi#clarence albert#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi show#jrwi podcast#just roll with it prime defenders#just roll with it#prime defenders fanart#prime defenders#prime defenders spoilers
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I want you whipped into shape!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#yu ziyuan#wang lingjiao#wen zhuliu#'When I say jump - say “how high'”? You know you're doing it right when you start to cry!“#Of course I can't resist the Legally blonde reference. This is the Elle Woods is canon in PD-MDZS blog#I love this scene so much. There are a lot of things to say about it and I would go over the limit if I indulged.#Suffice it to say the main takeaway *here* is that I think YZY is milfboss of the millennia.#I intended for this to be posted on international women's day but my ambition led me to keep trying to make it better.#And by better I mean I spent several days (re)drawing this one and that is **not** what poorly-drawn-mdzs is supposed to be about.#I will be making the next few comics worse to compensate <3 At the very least I will honour my time and tag it as 'better drawn'#('my time' spent hunched over my desk while I chant 'this concept is *not* above my skill level!' over and over again)#Funny story about PD!Wen Zhuliu; he was supposed to show up sooner but I kept accidently cutting the comics he would have been in.#So I like to think he just went on a long coffee run. 'Go get me an (insert coffee chain) pink drink' said Wen Chao.#'He never said from which location' said Wen Zhuliu as he proceeded to walk 100km to the farthest cafe he could find.
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The anchor ring that houses the base
#elden ring#morgott the omen king#margit the fell#my own work#man he's so much fun to draw#shiita is all subtle accents#morgott is all texture#all these gnarly horns and folds and scars and hairs#truly a crucible king <3#love him#ahh i'm almost at stormveil castle on my current playthrough#time to die to margit and listen to him scolding me for my ambitions over and over again
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[ @orvwomenweek ] yma + dreams || day 6
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#yoo mia#yma#orvww#well.... ^.^ something different today!#ngl i had a much bigger ambition for this but im not at my usual setup#and after effects was doing something dastardly to this laptop im on. so ... ? ^.^#also on my knees. jang hayoung my sweet jang hayoung one day i will come back for you I PROMISEEE
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