#it's not like something drastically changed in my eating schedule

[coolskeleton3000]

I've became annoyingly aware of front part of my pelvis just beneath the stomach because it pokes out when I lay down

Why did I started noticing it

Can I stop doing it please

[strwberri-milk]

hey guys!! i decided last minute im gonna try to post a raf fic a day for the next week as like a little bday thing!! im hoping it forces me to write the ideas ive been meaning to write and just have been procrastinated so i hope yall dont mind the double posting for the next week <33

Sunlit Woes

Rafayel x GN!Reader || Domestic Fluff, Clingy Raf || 802 Words

For all of his complaints, Rafayel was nothing more than a cat to you when he got like this.

You didn’t know what it was about him that made him so needy, especially since you never even had an inkling that he was really that clingy. The media made him seem so untouchable. His aloof personality and neutral smiles made it hard to believe that the great artist Rafayel was indeed the same man with his face buried in your stomach, whining about the fact that you were late (you weren’t – you just couldn’t come by earlier than the agreed upon time).

“It’s not good for my heart you know!” he mumbles, muffled against your clothes as his arms wrap around your midsection. You laugh a little at the sensation of him nuzzling against you, running your fingers through his hair.

“If you wanted me to come earlier than you could have just told me to come earlier when we first made plans,” you chastise lightly with no real malice. “I would have tried to make it work if I had more of a heads up.”

“No! It’s something that you should just know! Especially since it’s been a while since the last time we saw each other.”

Now it all makes sense. You don’t know why you didn’t think of that sooner. Of course he was being extra clingy – you had just come back from a conference. He didn’t have easy access to you for the last week. You were barely able to text him back in a timely manner thanks to the packed schedule. You pity him a little, gently pushing his head back so you could see his puffed-up cheeks from pouting.

“Do you hate cats because you don’t want them to compete with you?” you tease, gently poking his cheek. “Because I’m pretty inclined to think of you as a kitty when you get like this.”

Your drastic change in subject works. He immediately turns red, hiding his face again but this time he doesn’t look like he’ll be showing himself any time soon. You don’t mind though – his ears are bright red as a sign of his embarrassment as he says something else that you can’t quite hear.

You bend down a little, gently pressing a soft kiss to his ear. You don’t mind the way the metal cuff of his earring pushes against the plush of your lips – it’s much more agreeable than having it get caught in your clothes as it has a time or two. He stiffens under your touch, acting as though you’d never kissed him before. Your hand goes to rest on his shoulder, smiling softly at the man melting under your touch.

“I’m sorry my beloved,” you say only for him to hear.

“I know you missed me. I should have been more considerate, yeah? Shouldn’t have made my pretty boy wait for me so long.”

He shoots straight up, looking offended as you cackle at him. His hands are stiff and twitch as though they want to reach up to cover his face or smack you – he just hasn’t decided yet. He’s a brilliant red made even more vibrant with the colours of the setting sun dying his form. He’s beautiful like this and for a second you understand why he’s so obsessed with capturing your likeness on canvas.

“Don’t you dare do that ever again,” he manages to sputter after a minute, mouth opening and closing like a fish on land.

Well, you suppose that’s what he is.

“I just took a page out of your book!” you say innocently, knowing that your intentions are anything but.

“You do stuff like that to me all the time! I think I’m allowed to get back at you at least once!”

“You’re messed up. Cruel even,” he shudders, shaking his head as though a breeze just passed through the room. You roll your eyes, getting up and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m going to make us something for dinner. You just sit there and sulk and come eat with me once you’ve mustered up the strength, alright?”

“Fine. I’ll languish on this couch as you deprive me of your presence, make me suffer from loneliness – a fitting death for someone like me!” he complains as you laugh, heading over to the kitchen.

If you’d turned to look at him you’d see just how in love he is with you, the absolute adoration on his face as he lays on his stomach to watch you leave. He thanks the universe or whatever else it is that let him have these quiet moments with you, closing his eyes as he allows himself to bathe in the warmth of your love for as long as he is allowed to.

[rhiezus]

[UNDRESS] The sender begins to unbutton the receiver's shirt, taking their time with each button. // jinhyung x kyungri NAO AGUENTEI EH O GIF QUE TA NO SEU TUMBLR

there could be little to a non-existential excuse to treating his wife so casually on a day to day basis. it's not that jinhyung doesn't think he is a good husband or that he doesn't make an effort to be the best he can — because he absolutely does. but things change drastically in your life when you have kids and you find yourself busy going through life trying to raise a family focused on building a nurturing environment for them. it takes a toll on you too because through many expense that becomes part of your goal, one you never had before but that now you don't know yourself without. suddenly everything becomes about what you can do for them and how you're gonna do that, that's your dream and that's your life. it may sound imprisoning for some people but for parents like jinhyung and kyungri it's so much more than that, it's care and it's love and it's an every day struggle that is so much more than worth it just to see their innocent smile or little feet happily wobbling around directly into their safe arms.

so yeah, in the process you end up forgetting a little bit of your marital life. or even about your own life as an individual, an individual that has needs just as any other. sometimes you gotta stop everything you are doing to realize who you were before this and how is that person still doing inside. to jinhyung doing that is to look beside him, kyungri has all the answers he needs in her eyes, he can tell just by the way they go through day to day together. when they sit down on a sunday night after putting up the kids to sleep, both tired as hell from a day of going out or just keeping about, trying to put together a schedule that works for the next two weeks. who is going to do what, who has work, who can stay at home, nannys and kids schools... when she gets that crease between her eyebrows, she is thinking intently on something, focused. when he pouts like a baby because he doesn't wanna do this anymore, he just wants to sleep, but she always manages to remember who important it is for them to decided what day he can take off so he can pick her up from the studio and they can make some love in the car on the way home — or even better when they can escape for ice cream, eating alone on the car and talking about their day. that's team work, one their build with so much effort. and even so it's not always that everything works out according to plan, they can't account for ryze getting sick on a random tuesday or for aria losing her favorite toy on a friday night keeping everyone up looking for it until one am. still, jinhyung says that's the magic. they make it work, every single time, like they are some kind of wizards.

every day or so they can relax, today is a sunday where they don't have to think about any of plans for the week because both of them talked over last week. they worked their asses off for seven days straight just to get a free little time. today there was no planning ahead. jinhyung had his day off because it's sunday and he has a no work sunday police, but kyungri had flew in a bussiness trip last night and she arrived today just a little after seven. they put the kids to sleep together, thankfully everyone had their desired toys and stuffed animals on their rightful places this time and since they doze off quickly, they enjoyed the silence before nine o'clock. a wine bottle was opened in the upmost quiet ecstasy they could muster, they sat on the couch and drank the whole bottle before they even realized. and frankly neither of them was tired and their eyes found each other naturally through the conversation — this and that, "how was your trip?", "...some nice people there", "ny's cough is getting worse", "i don't know if i like how my voice sounded", "maybe we could eat there for dinner tomorrow".... — there was a moment jinhyung looked intently at kyungri's lips, how they moved while she was talking and how did her lipgloss was still standing after getting off the plane, kissing their kids goodbye and drinking wine. the damn glass of wine got to take if off and he didn't yet, he got mad about that for a second before he could notice what her hand was going up and down his tight making him look to her eyes again. "sorry, love." his voice was whispered deep between them, one because they had children sleeping upstairs and second because he wanted her to be the only one to listen to his pleading.

and with kyungri you don't have to say twice for the message to be delivered, in a glance or even an expression; a single exchange of any of those and they comprehended each other. years of being together, marriage and children just makes each other's reflections as natural as breathing. jinhyung leaned forward after seeing the grin that grew on those lips, kissing it off in a single move, a quick one that was stopped only by her hands reaching the collar of his shirt, the fingers working really slow on the buttons. "c'mon you can do better than that." he teased when his face was still hot on hers, inches to taste that lipgloss again. they were not going anywhere other than that moment, on that couch, wine in their veins, everything just a little too intoxicating to be rushed. there was no need not to savor how her scent was the same from the day he first met her, many moons ago. or not to notice that now that they were so close, jinhyung could see a little bit of her red lingerie sticking out of her white shirt. all this going through the man's head while she was still fiddling with his buttons, smiling at him. when she was about the last two, he smiled back at her and tossed her hands aside in an abrasive movement, slipping himself off his shirt with ease. "there, better." he whispered forgetting the shirt was ever even capable of anything, he was too damn hot for wearing it anyways. then chasing for her lips again with his own, gently and passionately. he was going to be a very good husband now, one that didn't let his wife plead for anything other than him.

[selfishdoll]

FOUND OUT FT. VAMP! ARMIN ୨୧ ｡ ⟡ ⋆ ࣪. ໒

armin arlert, your good friend of two years and hard crush of one. you decided to become his roommate just three months ago and all has been well. except for the fact, a ludicrous idea has entered your mind. one so silly, you didn’t even want to believe it. what was it exactly? well.. that armin, was a vampire. this wasn’t some fantasy or fairy tale.. you weren’t bella and he wasn’t edward. there was no way, no way in hell armin was a vampire.. right?

❛content warning(s)...❜ ━━ period sex. i repeat, PERIOD SEX. if you don’t like that, leave! | oral sex (f. receiving) | soft & service top! armin | he’s a little condescending, however | pet names (sweetheart, pretty, princess, etc) | praise | blood (ofc) | biting & marking | armin talks reader through it | multiple orgasms | armin loves eye contact | ooc armin | inspired by true blood (also mentioned in the fic) | lowkey gaslighting (maybe? he’s not doing it to harm, he’s just tryna keep his identity hidden) | a bit of manhandling | reader wears pads & has really bad cramps. again if that’s an issue for you, don’t read it. | etc. if i forgot something please let me know.

❛author’s note...❜ ━━ please bare in mind i haven’t touched aot for a long time & only posting this fic for my reawakened obsession with the anime & manga. that said, if you think armin is ooc, i’m sorry— but again, i warned you (plus i’m not the creator). if you enjoy this, please give me more characters to make vamp versions of. of jjk or aot. and as always, please excuse any grammar mistakes or typos <3 (4680 WORDS)

It was common to question reality. To ponder about situations that were outside the norm. What if a zombie apocalypse happened? What if aliens were real? And finally, what if your good friend— turned roommate, was a vampire?

You felt silly as the thought, the pondering consumed you within the first week of living together. You really had no reason to believe Armin Arlert; a sweet young man with a heart of gold was some bloodsucking beast. Or rather, you didn’t want to believe it. Such information would drastically change the trajectory of the relationship you had with him.

The pipeline from friends — secret one sided pining — to prey wasn’t one you wished to follow.

Yet, all signs pointed to the answer; all signs pointed to Armin being a vampire.

For one, you’ve never seen him eat. Ever. Each time you offered some of your food, Armin would give you a gentle smile— while refusing. I already ate. Was the signature line he delivered, no matter the time of day. But, that wasn’t too concrete; he worked at home and you worked in a clinic— there was a possibility he was telling the truth.

The second piece of evidence may have been the key. The man would stock up his side of the fridge with this.. juice. Red liquid within clear bottles, the print labeled in a language you couldn’t understand. No matter how much you searched online, you simply couldn’t find it. So, you did the unthinkable.

You popped open a bottle, taking a swig. You expected a disturbing metallic taste; one that would cause you to spill the contents of your stomach. Instead a sweet fruity flavor tickled your tastebuds, causing your eyes to widen and quickly pull back from the bottle.

In time to see Armin entering the kitchen, flashing you a smile.

“I was wondering when you’d try them. I bought so many.” He spoke sweetly, informing you it was some random juice he bought whilst on a business trip.

With both his words and the concrete evidence, you believed him.

But there were so, so many more instances where you wondering if you were grasping at straws. His refusal to enter a home without access? Well, Armin was always polite. The way he avoided you whenever you got hurt? He did inform you blood makes him queasy. Or how each time you got your period the man just suddenly had a business trip? Armin did state his work schedule was weird.

It frustrated you to no end. You hated yourself for developing the thought in the first place. You already fucked falling for him a year ago, and now you just had to come up with the most ludicrous idea.

Armin Arlert, a vampire? Please..

The breath that escaped you was ragged, eyes pinched close and leaning your head against the steering wheel. The way a cramp could ruin your mood in a matter of seconds was beyond you. Truly, it was.

You were glued to your seat unable to move due to the pain within your stomach. Which could only be described as millions of knives being rammed directly into your uterus. A dramatic metaphor, but a fitting one.

A groan escaped you as you lifted from your curled position, the back of your head pressed against the seat. The pills you consumed just ten minutes ago had obviously not taken effect yet, leaving you unable to fight against the pain. You tried, you really did try to make it to work despite the aches— but you couldn’t. You pulled over into the nearest store parking lot just to make a quick call to your supervisor.

Thankfully, she was very understanding; even gently scolding you for attempting to work in the first place. The interaction caused you to smile, thanking her profusely and promising to make up the hours.

Now, all you had to do was get home. Though, as your eyes opened from its previous pained scrunch, you focused on the store in-front of you. A soft hum escaped you as turned the engine of your car off. A quick run to get some much deserved snacks was fine, right?

You opened the car door and exited, locking it behind you with a hand pressed against your stomach. It was comical attempting to massage the cramps, but the warmth of your hand was elevating the pain— slightly. Not much.

You approached the store doors and entered, flashing a smile to a worker that greeted you. You turned down an aisle whilst looking over the selection of snacks, kneeling to take in the rest of the shelf. While thinking over what you wanted, an idea popped into your mind.

Armin was always so doting and sweet whenever he went out to the store; always asking if you needed something. You wanted to do the same.

So without a second thought you grabbed your phone from your purse, clicking his contact and placing the receiver to your ear. The ringer went off two times before the man picked up, his usual tone entering your ears;

“Hey (Y/N)— are you okay? You don’t usually call me during work.”

You smiled, standing from your kneeled position. “I’m okay!.. well, not really. Cramps are kicking my ass right now,” You hummed, walking down the end of the shelf.

A silence entered the call for a moment before Armin spoke again. “You mean.. menstrual cramps?”

“Yeah!— sorry if that was too much to share.. Anyway, I’m at the store right now do you need anything?”

Armin cleared his throat a bit, the faint sound of something entering the call— but leaving quickly. “N—no. No, I’m fine. Thank you for asking, (Y/N).”

With chaste goodbyes you ended the call, placing your phone back into your purse. You finally decided on some gummies and chocolate, heading over to the register with a little pep in your step.

Pigging out on the couch seemed like the perfect day.

You left the store quickly after paying, entering your car even quicker and reaching your shared home in record time. Opening the door, you sighed as you placed your keys onto a table nearby; purse following. You walked towards the back of the house, glancing over at Armin’s closed bedroom door. With a small smile you walked up, pressing your knuckles against the maroon colored wood.

A minute passed before the door was opened, revealing his form. His eyes bored into your own, flashing the same gentle smile he always did. “(Y/N).. you should be resting.”

You smiled back at him, “Just wanted to check on you before I lay on the couch for the rest of the day.”

The man blinked as your words set in, watching you turn to enter your bedroom. Hesitantly, he followed, standing in the doorway. “On the couch?”

“Yeah! Don’t worry I’ll have a towel under me.”

“I wasn’t worried about that..” Was the faint mumble that escaped the blonde, words you didn’t hear. A soft sigh escaped him, however, blinking to glance at you. “Hope you feel better.” Armin said more clearly, turning to walk into his room after you gave soft gratitude.

You grabbed some pink bebe shorts and a random black tshirt, walking over to the bathroom with a pad in tow. After doing your business and changing, you entered your bedroom again to place your work clothes away— grabbing a clean towel shortly after.

You exited to enter the living room, smiling at the couch waiting for you. Walking over, you stretched the towel out along the cushions, pulling the coffee table closer for convenience. After grabbing your snacks and a water bottle, a stiff sigh escaped you as you laid across the couch. The towel was a bit uncomfortable if you moved, but you rather that then possibly leaking through the pad you wore.

Your hand reached for the remote beside you, turning the channel to a tv show you’ve currently been obsessed with; True Blood. A small chuckle escaped you as your cheek sunk into the pillow under you, placing the remote down. Maybe you were watching it too much, maybe that’s why you thought Armin was some blood sucking beast.

But, there was no way. You were literally on your period and he was.. well— normal. As normal as Armin Arlert was anyway.

You turned to open the pack of gummies, taking a bit in your hand before sinking back into the cushions. Your eyes remained glued to the screen as you popped one into your mouth, oblivious to the hard stare you were receiving.

An hour and a half passed with your continued watching, getting up in between to use the restroom. Your snacks were long gone, water bottle empty, and pill; worn off. You had zero energy to get up and grab some more, especially since you just found the perfect spot to help your cramps.

You hissed softly, moving to press your face deeper into the cushion. You’ve had a period for twenty-two years now, yet it always felt as if you were experiencing it for the first time. It was annoying, truly annoying. With a subtle groan your eyes blinked open, racking your mind for a moment before an idea peaked within you.

“Armin!” You called out from the living room while turning to lay on your back, hand strewn across your lower stomach. Moments passed before his bedroom door opened, footsteps entering the living room and revealing your roommate. Who looked a little tired. Strange, you’ve never seen him in such a way.

But, instead of inquiring you gave a little smile; “Could you grab my pills from my bedroom, and a water bottle?”

Armin’s eyes carried down your form for a moment, mouth opening before closing. Instead, he simply nodded; turning to head to your bedroom.

Maybe periods really did make him uncomfortable. You’ve never seen Armin so fidgety and nervous, as if scared to speak. It would concern you more if another cramp didn’t pierce you, causing a soft groan to slip past your lips. You heard Armin move from your bedroom to the kitchen, opening the fridge and closing it after.

You looked up at the man, watching him stand a few feet away; placing the items you requested down on the table. You sat up with a sweet smile, swinging your legs over the couch. “Thanks Min.” You spoke, watching him nod and turn to walk away. Instead of leaving him be, you spoke up again;

“You wanna watch something together? I’m sure being cooped up in your room is boring..” You don’t know why the suggestion escaped you, feeling embarrassment the moment you noticed Armin’s form stiffen. Your eyes turned to the pill bottle, twisting the cap slow. “It’s uh.. cool if you don’t want t—“

“Is this another test, (Y/N)?”

You blinked slowly as his words permeated the atmosphere, entering your mind and settling there for a split second. You thought over the sentence, tongue nervously swiping across your bottom lip the moment you realized his tone. It’s usual softness was gone, replaced with something you couldn’t pinpoint.

You tried to play off your silence, a soft— forced chuckle escaping you. “Test? What test, Armin?”

You watched as the man’s shoulders lowered, body turning to face you. Your teeth was caught on your bottom lip, feeling tension enter the air.

Armin looked at you, or rather observed you for a silent moment. You didn’t know what to do, trapped under the gaze; unable to look away. Your fingers gripped the towel underneath you, debating whether to apologize or demand to know what was suddenly wrong.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was truly five minutes; Armin spoke.

“First, you take a bottle of mine and drink it without permission.” His words were slow, as if listing off the directions of a cookbook. What’s more, Armin moved towards you, your chest bumping with each step he took. “Next, you accidentally, cut yourself whenever I’m in the kitchen.” He was close now, standing beside the table.

You sunk into the cushion behind you, gasping the moment he closed the space; hands pressed against the furniture— trapping you. “And lastly, you invite me to sit with you in such an innocent manner.. I don’t know whether to call you a genius or just plain naive, (Y/N).”

“Armin..” You breathed softly, feeling your mouth go dry. His eyes flicked between your body and lips, clearly struggling to focus on a single thing. “Armin, I—.. I’m confused, what are you talking about?”

Finally it seemed he had made a choice, gaze focusing onto your own. Silently, the man smiled, a forced one— a toothy one. Your eyes widened, breath hitching the moment you spotted the fangs placed perfectly in his mouth. A shudder went down your spine, gripping the towel even harsher.

“Oh wow..” Armin spoke lowly, stealing your attention from his canines. “I reveal something.. so, so troubling and yet— you’re excited. More then excited actually.. ecstatic, maybe?” The man pondered, coming even closer to you.

Your hands rose to grip his arms, gasping the moment you felt his face lower to your neck. As his teeth ghosted your neck, you felt your heart threatening to escape your chest. You pinched your eyes closed, twitched, even turned your head to the side.

And yet, Armin did nothing. He simply.. hovered there.

A frustration you didn’t wish to acknowledge build within you, manicured fingers digging into his cool, skin. “Armin..”

“What is it, (Y/N)? You want me to bite you, don’t you?” The words escaped him the moment you uttered his name, a hand lifting from the cushion whilst he pulled back from your neck. Now face to face, his fingers collected your chin to assure you didn’t glance away. “I thought at first you were concerned for your safety, maybe even scared. But no..” His lips quirked, thumb rising to smooth across your wet bottom lip. “You’re clearly far from scared.”

“Armin.. please just—“

“I will. I promise.” He interjected, releasing your face. Your eyes widened the moment he pushed your shoulder, laying you down on the couch. The cushion in-front of you sunk in as he sat down, hands dragging to your waist covered in shorts. “But first.. I think I’ll get my fill another way.”

Your eyes widened at his words, feeling his fingers hook under the thin pink fabric of your bottoms and panties, peeling them from your body in one swift motion. Embarrassment flooded through your body, instinctively closing your thighs.

Armin’s eyes switched from your legs over to your face, head tilting as he took in your nervous expression. To your surprise, a gentle smile stretched across his face, one that you’ve gotten used to, one that caused you to melt easily.

Noticing this, it didn’t take much to gently push your legs apart, featuring your cunt to him. “That’s a good girl..” Armin spoke softly, hand slipping under your shirt, spreading across your stomach. The man lowered until he was face to face with your slit, unfazed by the blood upon it.

You whimpered the moment his thick tongue glided up— hole to clit, hands reaching down to rest upon his hair. A soft groan escaped the man, rising up whilst licking his lips clean of your mess. It was clear all restraints were gone now, the wild look in his eyes causing your stomach to stir.

“Do you know how long I waited for this?” The man questioned you, resting on one hand; the other’s fingers gently gliding up and down cunt, collecting your mixed essence and blood. “You were gonna drive me crazy one day; parading in such small shorts, showcasing your skin to me.” His words escaped him shamelessly, fingers pushing past your folds to gently brush your clit, moving away before you could even moan.

“You wanted this from the beginning.. didn’t you?” Armin suddenly spoke, escaping the trance to look at your face. He watched as you shook your head far too quickly, a small no even escaping you. That alone caused his reddened lips to curl into a smile, “You should leave the lying to me, sweetheart.”

You gasped the moment he dove back down, lips pressed against your wet slit. The man wasted no time in allow his tongue to glide across your slit, pushing to licking at your clit. Your taste, your smell— it was enough to have him groan right into your pussy, drinking every crimson droplet that escaped you.

You thought you would feel uncomfortable, maybe even a little gross; getting ate out in such a state. But those thoughts melted the minute his lips wrapped around your swelling bud, teasing you gently with the points of his fangs. Your back was rising from the cushion now, squirming upon the towel underneath you.

Your hands lowered to his hair, fingers curling in the blonde tresses for a tight hold. With the way his tongue was moving against you, you needed leverage; you needed an anchor. You felt far too pliable, melting into the feeling as wanton moans escaped your slick lips.

Gasps of his name, sweet whispers of how good it felt. Your arousal mixed with blood was trickling freely from your entrance, making such a mess; one that Armin lapped up far too eagerly.

And the moment you felt his thick tongue curl inside your awaiting hole, oh— you were finished.

“Hah.. Fuck, Armin—!” You hissed softly, feeling the wet muscle twist and turn inside you, brushing against your gummy walls and delving on you like a meal.

Which, to Armin, you were.

The man groaned into you in response, hands moving to your thighs and gripping; halting your moving. You were forced to lay there as he ate you, a band forming within your stomach; long replacing the agonizing cramps.

Your moans bounced off the living room walls, face turning into the cushions as hot pants escaped you. Your toes were curling, a sweat presenting itself upon your forehead as the pleasure consumed you full; flooding his mouth with more crimson arousal.

Armin drunk you up eagerly, fingers digging into your skin to keep to right there. He licked you clean, leaving no spot untouched; savoring his plate. After moments of this pleasure it melted into overstimulated torture, hands falling and pushing against his head.

“A—armin.. fuck, I can’t—“ Your eyebrows were pushing close, rising to sit up; gasping the moment he tugged, forcing you to fall back on the cushions. His face was flush against your messy cunt, drinking you up completely. Little tears formed in your eyes, legs moving as your stomach clenched and clenched.

Your worried words fell on deaf ears, literally. With how much your warm thighs were wrapping around his head, he could barely hear a damn thing. Even so, Armin refused to leave— not until you came on his tongue again.

With more fearsome licks and sucks, hands massaging your skin as if coaxing you— Armin felt his dick jump the moment you cried out for him, coming all over his tongue again.

“Taste.. so good, so fucking good princess…” He drawled right into your center, the vibrations of his voice causing you to keen. Unlike before, he let up from licking you dry, raising from between your legs— a complete mess.

You watched as Armin’s tongue licked the rest of your taste off his lips, his eyes closed; relishing it.

His hands slowly dropped your body to the cushion, hand curling under his shirt and pulling it off his body. Once off, the man used it to wipe his face— tossing it to the ground shortly after.

He’d wash it later.

Armin moved to hover above you, hand falling to your chin and turning to looking at your eyes. The man smiled the moment your hand wrapped around his wrist, leaning down and pressing a wet kiss to your cheek. “Your cramps gone?” He asked in a soft, coy tone. The small huff you released caused the man to chuckle, moving to plant his lips on your own.

You moaned as his tongue intruded your mouth, ignoring the foreign taste of yourself on your tongue. Instead, you focused on him sucking your own wet muscle whilst his hand lowered to your covered chest, a thumb brushing over your hardening nipple. Your soft pants entered his mouth, hips rising against him; caring less if you soiled his pants.

And it seemed he didn’t either, hand gripping your hip and grinding back against you. Your hands traveled up his back, a hiss escaping him from how your short nails dragged across his cool, uncovered skin.

Pulling back, Armin stared down at you, taking in your bruised lips and the clear want swimming within your dark eyes. To add to the pretty picture was your bonnet slipping off your head, exposing the perfect boho braids you’ve recently got; edges sweated off.

“Such a mess.” The man murmured softly, hand rising and treading from your neck to your cheek; cupping it to allow his thumb to drag under your eye. “My pretty mess..” Armin dragged, leaning closer as his hand released your face, falling to his hips to tug down his sweats and boxers.

Your noses brushed together, your soft breaths fanning against his face. “Yours..” You murmured back, staring into his eyes. Such words brought a smile to his face, stealing your lips in another kiss while his tip brushed against your soaked slit.

Pushing you wider, Armin angled to slowly push inside, gripping your thigh the moment you tensed up. He pulled back from the kiss, forehead rested against your own. “Mm, don’t tense up; relax for me.. Just, relax.” He cooed softly, thumb tracing the stretch marks that littered your hips. With less effort he pushed all the way inside, praising you softly;

“Taking me so well, pretty.. such a good girl.” Armin spoke, chuckling at the small whine that escaped you. Pressing a gentle kiss to the space between your eyes, the vampire rose to rest on his hunches. He observed you closely, searching for any sign of restraint or discomfort. The moment he discovered neither, he was pulling his hips back until only the tip was inside.

Armin then plunged his hips forward, the wet sound echoing in the room; followed by your soft moan. His hands moved to your hips, starting a languid pace. Despite how good you felt around his throbbing length, you didn’t want to hurt him. Despite how sweet your moans were, he controlled himself in fear of harming you.

But, you were far from compliant with the current pace.

Your hips rose to meet a thrust, the action alone causing a moan to escape the both of you.

“N—need more, Min.. please.” Was the soft beg that escaped your slick lips, rocking your hips; watching the way his eyebrows creased and lip was caught under his fangs.

His restraint was dwindling with each roll of your hips, each sickeningly sweet plead that escaped your throat. Finally Armin’s inhibitions melted away, the slow; carful moans switching into fast snaps of his hips.

Your head landed against the plush cushions, crying out as your legs wrapped around his waist. He was drilling you into the mattress at this point, a harsh grip to keep you in place as he fucked you. A string of curses escaped you, gripping the towel underneath you as your feet bounced with each thrust.

Armin lowered, the new angle causing your swollen bud to brush against his pelvic area; the new sensation completely turning your brain into mush. The man enjoyed it all, glancing down at you in complete awe. You looked far too beautiful like this, far too—

“Perfect.. so fucking perfect— fu..fuck—“ The man hissed, pressing an arm above your head whilst the other grabbed your cheeks. “Look at me, princess.. that’s it, keep your eyes on me. Watch how well you take me.” His words were driving you deeper and deeper, your walls clenching as jumbled cries of his name escaped you.

“A—armin—!”

His eyes were rolling back at the call of his name, drilling into you as he leaned down to your neck. Between the harsh bouncing of your body his fangs sunk right through your skin, gripping you even closer the moment a shriek escaped you.

A guttural groan escaped Armin as he delved on your blood, hissing the moment you creamed all over his cock. Yet, his hips never stopped; continuing to ruin you, using his form to keep you laid out and open on the couch.

Your eyes were meeting your skull, lips parted as shameless noises leaped from your raw throat. Soon he let up, licking the wound from his fangs and moving to be face to face with you again.

“Taking me so good, princess— like your.. fu—fucking made for me, shit—“ Armin closed his eyes tight, feeling his orgasm build. Your velvety walls were clenching him so nicely, pulsing around his heavy length with each drag of his hips. His balls were slapping against your center, the wet strikes entering the room of sex and combined moans.

Tears trailed from your eyes, staining your brown, chubby cheeks as your hand carried to his hip. Despite the pleasure, the pain of another orgasm was approaching; your body writhing as you furiously shook your head. “Fuck, I— fuck, I can’t Min!” You whined out, breath bitching as a feverish kiss was placed to your forehead.

His face was close now, nose brushing your own as his lips ghosted your own. “You’ve been so good so far, don’t stop now sweet girl.” Armin hissed between clenched teeth, a hand falling from your hip between your conjoined bodies. The moment his fingers rubbed against your little bud you were arching, the vampire easily chasing your body to continue the harsh circles.

“Fuck, fuck! Armin—!”

“That’s it, baby.. let it out, don’t hold it.” The man coaxed softly, eyebrows creasing as he felt his own orgasm arriving. Armin watched intently as your stiffened, a drawn out cry of his name escaping you while making a complete mess of his lower half. “That’s my girl.. my good fucking girl.” He leaned to plant another kiss to your lips all while his hips never stopped their pace.

Soon enough, a harsh groan entered your mouth as he flooded you with his come; some spilling out from inside.

You pulled back from his lips for air, clinging to him with your eyes pinched closed. Your body was aching, you felt sweaty, and frankly gross— but you didn’t care. Not one bit.

A subtle whine escaped you the moment Armin pulled out from you, his gaze settled on his come escaping you. With a slow rub of his thumb against your skin, the man leaned to stamp a kiss right above your heart. “I’ll start the shower up.”

You watched as he stepped off the couch, moving to walk over to the bathroom— only for your voice to stop him.

“Armin.. those bottles in the fridge, they weren’t blood right?”

He looked at you for a long moment before a little grin pulled his features. “No. Just the ones in back. I knew you would pick from the front.”

With that Armin resumed his walk to the bathroom, leaving you there; feeling just a little stupid.

Well, at least you were right. Your good friend of two years turned roommate turned something more— was definitely a vampire.

REBLOGS & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED <3

[hitomisuzuya]

Wanderer x fem!reader. Smutty. White Day Special. Foreplay. Degradation. Mention of chocolate just because. Wanderer's ego. A dash of shy Wanderer.

a/n: Don't mind me. This is just something little I wrote, a way for my brain to go brrrr and relax a little. I had a bad dream that's all. So it shook me up, that's all. Normal schedule tomorrow. Please enjoy.

Tagging @xxventiswindblumexx and @kichikichiko

"Here," Wanderer said, holding a box out to you. He was sitting on his bed, his elbow propped on one of his thighs, cupping his cheek in his hand. He couldn't look at you, a heavy blush heating his cheeks, and he was sort of glaring.

He felt shy and he hated it.

"Huh? What's this?" You asked, looking at the box curiously.

It's not like you hadn't received any gifts from Wanderer before. In fact, this boy was so weak for you that he spoiled you any chance he got, and always with that same shy, flustered glare on his face.

But this gift in particular, it wasn't one you hadn't received from him before. It was chocolate. Something Wanderer hated.

"I didn't think you were that dumb," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's White Day today, remember? So just take that sugary crap you like before I change my mind."

Wanderer still refused to look at you, he was even fidgeting nervously.

You grinned and took the box. "Aww, you got me candy," you couldn't help but tease him a little bit.

"Yeah, whatever. It's dark chocolate with sea salt. At least it isn't completely sweet." Wanderer scoffed.

It was your favorite chocolate. This boy, he really was genuine with his love, even if it ruffled his feathers being so vulnerable.

Opening the bag, you put one in your mouth, enjoying the salty, bittersweet taste of the chocolate on your tongue. Honestly, the flavor reminded you of Wanderer. He likes bitter tea and dark chocolate was bitter but sweet. Sweet like him.

Now he was looking at you. He wagged his finger at you in a come hither motion. His blush remained. "Come here."

You walked over to him, sucking on the chocolate on a way that made his eyes fixate on your mouth. "What's up?" You asked, blinking with curiosity. The air around him had just changed. And drastically.

Wanderer curled a few strands of your hair around his finger, before he grabbed a handful and pulled you down, pressing his lips against yours.

You shivered when his tongue licked your mouth, mixing the chocolate on your tongue with his. Your fingers barely got to stroke his cheek before he pulled away, wiping his mouth and glaring like he was only mildly disgusted. "I..tolerate this taste. It's more salty and bitter than sweet."

"Wanderer, I.." you were flabbergasted and flustered, the intimacy of his kiss left you breathless. Honestly, you were about apologize.

He smirked at you, putting his hands on your hips. "You think I didn't notice at all, did you?" His fingers kneaded into your skin a little harder.

"Notice what?" You asked, starting to play his game.

"Don't make me laugh. You have been flaunting around in that tiny blue and white skirt with the ruffles I like on it. And you eating that sugary crap in front of me with your slut mouth, tempting me," Wanderer replied, making your heart flutter, aroused.

Bunching your skirt up around your hips, Wanderer yanked you down to straddle on of his thighs. You moaned when he pressed his fingers against your clothed clit, making a damp spot in your panties. "You really are perfect, do you know that?"

His hand tightened on your hip, increasing the pressure of his fingers, just enough to make you squirm, grinding down against his thigh for more friction. Your hands landed on his shoulders for leverage, moving into his fingers.

Wanderer groaned when he felt this thigh rapidly getting wetter each time you slid your cunt along his thigh. "The perfect slut, made all for me."

Wanderer was using his favorite weapon against you.

His voice.

He knew he would make you crumble in a second just by saying a few words of praise mixed with degradation.

And he was going to enjoy it tonight.

"You should see how pathetic you look," Wanderer laughed, pushing your panties aside and sliding two fingers to tease against your clit. You quivered with pleasure, melting into him. "Giving and receiving is a two way street. You got your treat and now I get to have mine."

He kissed you, possessive and agressive, biting your lower lip before pulling away, leaving you breathless even more. You couldn't speak and he loved it. "I am going to take my time and enjoy you making a mess of yourself before I fuck you. Judging from how wet you are, it won't take long for you to crack like the slut you are. Now moan and beg me to make you cum. I love you best like that."

Wanderer did love you. The chocolate had been a genuine gesture of love.

"Do your worst," you panted, burying your face in his neck, nuzzling your cheek against his jaw.

Wanderer stroked your hair lovingly. He continued to wind you up with his voice. "I'll bet it blew your mind when I licked chocolate from your pretty mouth. I may give you the privilege of licking it off your cunt."

[just-orbiting-you]

I know you are mainly a jikook focused account but im wondering what do you think of vmin because after watching ays and just so many small things piling up here and there for me in chap 2 i feel like my view on them and their dynamic has changed drastically.

i’ve been itching to talk about vmin lately.

i think a lot of what i feel about vmin comes from my feelings about taehyung. so do be warned here.

vmin have that “we grew up together so we stay in touch but have nothing in common anymore so its awkward” energy to me. i think they definitely were very close at one point, i find it hard to believe you can fake moments like jimin comforting tae in bv3 without having somewhat of a connection.

even then, they’ve always had a strong difference in maturity and personality which made them butt heads. again, my read on them:

- i happened to read a tkkr post saying that the members have talked at length about jimin’s anger and how he was so problematic. and would want them to answer for that claim, because idk where the hell that came from. to me, jimin emphasizes his consideration of others and maintains this expectation for the people around him. from what we see and what they tell us, he is kind and polite, but angry when there’s reason to be. jimin is heralded by much of army for being emotionally mature.

- tae on the other hand, is self-serving to a fault, so much so that its at others’ expense. he comes first, everyone else is second, much more immature. tae also touts a “macho” exterior (from what i saw in ays, seemingly not totally joking). even jimin said that he used to mock him openly.

my vmin lore is rusty, but the dumpling incident and the bunk bed story are enough to showcase their differences. jimin was considerate enough to give tae the top bunk, assuming they would switch so it would be equal. but tae refused. why? cuz he had it good and didn’t want to give it up. they had scheduled practice, it wasn’t supposed to take long, if tae waited to eat they could all eat together. but it was all about him he had to eat first. tae expects people to rush to him at the drop of a hat, make accommodations last minute and include him in things when he shows up in the middle of a shoot. these are all things i don’t think jimin would even dream of doing and it creates a rift.

in are you sure, you really see how jimin has learned tae’s immaturity very well to the point where he just gives in at any chance. he’ll join in on joking but often kind of babies him. where jungkook doesn’t put up with tae’s bullshit, jimin will. and that probably comes from putting up fights with him about it for so long that he gave up. it’s just how tae is. and if tae sees anyone else acting in ways he wouldn’t (ham/pink sausage clip, sunscreen on the boat) he calls it out immediately. jimin will say something is harsh to protect tae, but tae does it in an oddly insulting way.

the sunscreen specifically showed me a difference between vmin. tae says “even if i was scared, i’d never cower in front of jungkook.” purely because jimin backed down while playfighting with jungkook, he had to make a weird backhanded comment about jimin’s “pride” and how he isn’t manly enough to fight back. and i think this is a main difference between vmin identity wise, where jimin is very comfortable in his masculinity and gender expression, to the point where he told fans calling him masculine and strong wasn’t what he wanted. but tae not only had this plan to bulk in the military but has these weird power fantasies about jungkook that jimin debunks immediately. i think this boils down to another difference in personality you might not expect. but tae’s attitudes here i feel match the assumptions i would make about his friend group. so it ends up making sense.

i think similarly to how tae has seemingly found stronger connections outside of jimin, i think jimin has always had a strong friendship with jungkook, but also has built a true connection with hobi and more recently yoongi as well. namjoon has been a collaborator and mentor for jimin music wise and they get along well too. i think they have filled the vmin gap in their friendships with better ones. jimin will support all of his members til the end, which includes tae. i think with how absent i feel they have been in each other’s lives as of late, tae doesn’t even think to publicly support jimin.

on shipping them, its null and void. vmin shippers are also just another tae stan in disguise.

of course its nice to maintain friendships with old friends, but the fandom still calling them soulmates feels like we are hanging on by a thread. there’s not much left behind the aesthetics of a fanmeet, “i like you the most,” and a screen recording of a youtube performance. we never will truly know how their friendship has changed but that’s my two cents.

[halfsizehellboy]

oh man okay. more thinking

hot shit do i feel enlightened bc audhd House makes so much sense to me!!! he surrounds himself with chaos and novelty and stimulation but still adheres to things that don't change-- his apartment, when he lives in it, it always set up the same way. it's mentioned he's had the same guitar for many years, as well as numerous medical texts. He uses his same red mug all the time at the hospital (he has a designated hospital mug. it lives at the hospital and he only uses it at the hospital). he is very adamant about his office space-- it only changes drastically for him in season 8. just before he leaves. he and Wilson have a fun schedule-- bowling nights, poker nights, etc-- and he does spontaneous stuff all the time, but he orchestrates it. he enacts enrichment time for his fellows and Wilson. he canonically spaces out during/stops processing conversations all the time because he's thinking. he will forget to do basic things while on cases, and there's that one episode where he stays up all night because he's cooking something. he is the king of "shit i forgot to eat. i forgot to shower and pee. i forgot--"

while im thinking of eating!! he has that bad hunger recognition. he will forgo eating for days for cases, fixations, pain levels. he usually eats off of wilson's plate anyways, and i think wilson mainly eats because he's made it part of routine, and that if he forgets to eat house definitely forgets to eat, and that usually ends badly. i dont think house has any specific avoidances but he does usually go for pizza, or anything wilson's made. he likes fries.

the adhd bit makes him more prone to addiction (it's a real thing) and he does show those behaviors (vicodin, alcohol). he has to have either the puzzles or the substances, taking him off both fucked with him a lot (mayfield and afterwards). in prison he got managed doses of vicodin, and he was getting antsy and desperate for the challenge of a good case towards the end of that arc. he all but jumps on that heat allergy guy, risking his chances of parole multiple times to try and get close. side note, did y'all see his equation scribblings on the wall by his bunk? hes so silly

ive also been thinking like. we see very large-scale self destructive behaviors from nearly everyone in the show but we don't see a lot of self-regulation outside of house's stimming so that means i get to make up my own and project onto wilson.

wilson spends a lot of time masking at work so we don't see him fully let loose and i think that he is a fan of full body movement. he's jumping up and down. he's pacing the apartment and swingin his arms. he sways and rocks in place. at the hospital and places that aren't safe he keeps the stim energy to his hands/fingers, or taps his foot/bounces his leg-- things easy enough for neurotypicals to pass off as nervous energy. he loves to click pens but he only does it when he's alone or with house because he knows that other people find it annoying (house doesn't care, he starts clicking/tapping too and it's like they're drumming together). he and house learned morse code and annoy the ducklings and cuddy with it all the time.

bad times wilson scratches a lot (this is me projecting btw). at his scalp, at his arms, anywhere he can get to; and usually he's self conscious enough to do it where he can hide it under his clothes (house is unaffected and can tell anyways)(usually because he's there trying to help wilson stop scratching)(but if he's not he can still tell and wilson doesn't wanna know how). he also presses/rubs his face a lot (in general and not just bad times wilson), and bad times wilson gets abrasions on his eyelids/cheeks from his sweatshirt when he has a meltdown. i've seen another person talk about this, but i think he absolutely tears his cuticles up. he's managed to stop biting/tearing his nails down to nothing but between vigorous scrubbing for the OR and not liking lotion (sensory bad. i need it for my arms and the backs of my hands sometimes and i always wipe it off of my palms and fingers) his hands are so dry. house makes fun of him but he does carry around a nail file because he's trying to stop picking at his fingers regularly, and limit it to a bad times emergency regulatory behavior.

house fights meltdowns to the death. he hates having them, he hates having to be vulnerable like that (and that's a canonical trauma response). he has held one off through sheer will for an entire week before wilson called out sick for him and made him take a day off. they ended up taking a long weekend to recover. on the occasion they're both melting down at the same time, it's a multiple days affair. wilson will recognize what's happening and try to make sure everything in the apartment is low effort and accessible from the floor because house's meltdowns are more often than not pain response and that means that house stays on the floor. and when wilson is melting /neg he doesn't want to leave house. on a sillier(?) note they have a tally/competition for shortest meltdown (wilson), longest meltdown (house), fastest to meltdown (house), longest amount of time spent holding off a meltdown (house), most efficient meltdown (wilson), and most meltdowns located in the hospital (wilson).

man i'm gonna have to make a fic for this, it's getting wild just on posts

[palettepainter]

Working on some Muppet art for the next addition to the Zootowski family tree, the twins parents, but it's taking a bit longer then I thought due to my new work contract (basically means I got a whole new schedule and I hate drastic schedule changes, I'm still adjusting to it).

In the meantime I've been thinking about Camilla (she's close with the twins parents) and decided to make a small post of headcannons with her:

-Camilla is a walking dumpster and will eat anything, she's notorious for eating eggs raw. It endlessly disturbs the rest of her family (aside from Zephyr's mum who is unphased but it). When eating hard boiled eggs, one of her favourite snacks, she eats them with the shell on because she "likes the crunch"

-Due to her habit of eating foods which generally aren't considered normal, Tina especially is very unnerved by her. Camilla has no idea and thinks of Tina as a good friend (if a bit straight laced and to the point)

-Animals are scared of her due to her large size, which upsets her a lot since she loves cute animals.

-I've mentioned this before but all the good genes went to her muscles, out of everyone on the Zoot family tree she's the least tactical despite being one of the oldest

-She grew up in Rio where she raised Raph, making a career for herself in sport. Raph's side of the family is incredibly sporty, very unusual compared to his oldest cousin Zoot who is...well, the total opposite. Camilla has done plenty of sport in her time, football, volley ball, wrestling and boxing being the main ones. Before becoming a mother she played for local sport teams, but when Raph came along and she began teaching him how to play certain sports, she decided to become a coach. She mostly teaches older kids and adults since teaching kids makes her worry, she knows how strong she is and worries about accidentally hurting them

-She can play the guitar, and pretty damn well despite having huge hands. It was a cheap method Camilla tried out as a way to put herself out there more, she started learning when Raph was a kid and she was feeling lonely about being a single mum. Now days she's a lot less self conscious about it, but playing the guitar does in fact help her pick up chicks (even if she has no clue how to handle the attention)

-Camilla sometimes speaks in the third person

-Due to her strength and build, Camilla is rarely ever scared. You can make her jump and she can get nervous, but she's rarely be scared scared. Due to all the years she spent doing sport she's a hard hitter and can more then hold her own, it definitely helped build her confidence. Anytime she comes across a muppet-y monster looking creature she's hardly phased by it

-She owns a "Free Hugs" shirt and wears it to Pride

-Relentlessly religious about self care and physical well being, when she was younger she'd sometimes overwork herself or get herself busted up in wrestling that resulted in a bad injury or scar, so she's very aware and cautious of her own limits and others

-Panicked the fuck out when Raph started randomly teleporting without warning. It seems Zoot and his cousins all got some weird freaky power, which their parents skipped out on. Raph's ability is to teleport (shamelessly inspired by Sans from undertale), often silently and without meaning to as a baby. Camilla would pull her hair out every time it happened, in the end, when it was safe for it to not be considered a choaking risk. Camilla got Raph little ankle bracelets with bells on them so she could always hear where he teleported to

-Is the type of relative to bring lasagne or casserole as a gift

-Big eater. Ontop of being able to eat pretty much anything and not get sick, Camilla has a huge appetite. And like with the rest of her, she has an impressively strong jaw. Despite all the stuff she eats her teeth are actually pretty good (something which endlessly boggles Tina)

[jelicoxoxo]

“I dont know if I’ma see you again.”

Bachira Meguru x fem!reader

desc: Bachira was never really interested in flowers, his only experience with them being picking up colorful weeds in the grass to give to his mother as a kid. But ever since he developed a little crush on a florist on his way to and from school, he’s been learning about them more and more.

warnings: fem!reader, florist!reader, slight angst to fluff, mostly fluff tbh.

a/n: lawd i havent posted an actual fic in FOREVVEERRRR. But here y’all go LOL🫶🏽

Bachira never really enjoyed school. The waking up early in the morning, sitting at a desk cramming information into his head for hours, the what feels like endless amounts of homework. Not like he struggled to bad in school or anything, his grades where pretty average, for someone known to sleep in class and didn’t ever study that is. All he wanted to do was play soccer after school, get home to his mom, eat, sleep, and maybe play video games. he didn’t really care for anything else.

That is, until you came along.

All you did was give him a silly little sunflower when you saw him on his way home from school. You where both just hitting double digits at the time, he found it cute how you approached him, eyes full of uncertainty as you handed him the flower that was almost as big as your head.

You said something like “I’m working on my social anxiety” or something, he didn’t remember clearly, he was barely even listening, to stuck on why this girl approached him of all people. He didn’t have many friends, nor many people that wanted to be his friend anyway, so he found himself clinging to this act of kindness. He started taking that same route to and from school, ignoring any shortcuts he found just so he could see you again every day, accepting flowers from you and bringing them home to his mom.

His mother was ecstatic when she found out about you, finding it adorable how Meguru’s crush was so obvious before he even recognized what his own feelings where. He just guessed that he really wanted to be your friend, and that you must have wanted to be his as well. Why else would you have chosen him to gift a flower to? That was his mindset when he was younger at least.

Bachira learned that the flower shop behind you belonged to your family, and that it was going to belong to you someday. He started spending more and more time talking to you, to the point where your family knew him as well, greeting him when you weren’t there that day and informing him of your whereabouts(snitches).

It even got to the point where he brought you home to his mom—with your parent’s permission, promising to bring you back before sunset. His mom almost had a stroke when he walked through the door with you, not expecting visitors that day.

She adored you btw. Sent you home with a basket of fruits, cheese, and other snacks.

Even as teenagers, y’all where practically inseparable. As soon as your schedules where clear, you where right underneath each other. Wherever one went, the other was sure to be nearby. You didn’t know a thing about soccer until Meguru, and he didn’t know a thing about flowers until you. There where also a lot of stupid things you two did just fucking around and finding out, his personality rubbing off on you a lot.

But this all seemed to have come to an end when he started the blue lock program, losing contact with him for quite some time. You didn’t know when he’d be back, why he had to go, why he couldn’t at least text you back, so eventually you just gave up.

You couldn’t stand it, who knew him being gone would make such a drastic change in your daily routine. You had no “good morning!” texts to brighten your mood in the mornings, no random weird updates about his day(ex; “I just had explosive diarrhea”), no one to scream Megan Thee Stallion songs with, no one to listen to your endless rambling about meaningless things that meant a lot to you, so it meant a lot to him as well.

And most of all, who knew him being gone would create such a pit in your heart. You didn’t understand, who cares if he’s gone? It’s just a boy, so what if you didn’t talk again? But why did the thought only deepen that pit all the way to your stomach? You hated it, you hated every bit of it. You hated how he left with no goodbye, how he never texted you or picked up any of your calls, how even when you asked his mother about him she only knew so much, how he was gone so long, how you still cared. Why did you still care?

Because you loved that boy and you hated that. You hated how the thought of him still brought butterflies to your stomach, hated how you still remembered his habits, how you could still see the dried flower petals he kept in jars in his room from when you gave him a personalized bouquet every birthday.

You where so upset about him being gone, and yet you couldn’t even bring yourself to say “I hate him”, because you knew it just wouldn’t be true.

Especially when here that same boy stood, at your doorstep soaked head to toe from running in the rain. He was panting like a dog, eyes wide as he stared at you in silence. Neither of you knew what to say, to shocked to see each other again that all you could do was stare.

And despite all that hatred, you still where so glad to see him again. You where so glad to hear his apology and explanation, to have him in your room again, to have his heart again, to hear his confession that night, him practicing begging you to forgive him and be his one and only. He never meant to hurt you, and he realized in the time that he was gone that he just couldn’t be without you, collecting however many points it took to get a day out of blue lock to see you again.

And most of all, you where glad to have your Meguru back.

———

~ Jelicoxoxo

[chickchickee]

I was offline on most of my socials for awhile, so I want to make a post about my disappearance. This is also an endometriosis awareness post, tw: surgery, medical talk. It really needs to be discussed more than it is because a lot of women have it and aren't aware of it.

And it can get real ugly.

I wasn't aware how sick I was until a tumor was found late in 2022. I had begged the doctor to do a MRI because I had horrible pain and was unable to walk without difficulty, and this scan finally uncovered the reason. It was in an area that wasn't supposed to have anything in it. After many additional scans and tests, I was scheduled for it to be removed and any possible endometriosis inside.

For over four years, I had been struggling with a sitting heart rate of 120 (walking, 140-160) and a perpetual mystery fever over 102. I had multiple infections that kept returning after the antibiotics ran their course. It took the large tumor to alarm my doctors into action.

My surgery went ten hours, and I woke up with an ileostomy, six scars and the news that I had polypoid endometriosis. It was everywhere BUT my uterus. That's the thing about endometriosis - I was always told it was contained in certain areas. My endometriosis had coated the outside of organs, nerves, and perforated my intestinal track. It had tied some organs together. Someone on the team estimated at my surgery that I was 2 months away from spontaneous bowel failure with how thin the intestinal wall was, which was what was causing the repeated infections. The feeling I had all of 2022 of feeling close to death, that prompted me to fill out my will before my surgery, had not just been a feeling - it had been an inkling of knowing that something was critically wrong with me. If I had listened to doctors and kept taking antibiotics and not requested a scan, things could have turned out drastically different for me.

Recovery was hard from this first surgery, I spent a week in the hospital. Living suddenly with an ileostomy was an abrupt change, and I had to make a lot of dietary changes and learn how to change the equipment. I couldn't eat any of my favorite foods, so a lot of my diet changed - but I was still riding a high from surviving my surgery, so this discomfort was easily tolerated. I was so thankful just to be alive. I remember the first time I came home and felt like I was cold - COLD! It turns out I was the one with a broken thermostat, not my house. It was like living as a new person, so I fell off of my social activities as I tried relearning how I used to live before all of my health problems began. It really felt like someone had given me another chance at life. I still think back on that time and I don't recognize the person I was, because every bad trait I had came out when I was struggling with how I was feeling.

After a few months, I had my ileostomy reversed - I had just enough tract left in the large colon to be able to do this. If I hadn't, I would have had a permanent ileostomy (this is still a concern for the future, if it reoccurs, but we'll get to that). The nerves around my bladder had to be cut during my first surgery because the endometriosis wrapped around it and they couldn't keep it from getting into my bladder unless they removed the nerve.

This led to my next two surgeries, to install a pacemaker for my bladder so it could work again. Again, I was thankful I had the option available, because the alternative is catheters for life.

Polypoid endometriosis does not stop growing once it's removed. There's medication to slow it down, but it will inevitably return, and in different places. I was told it was like cancer with the way it spreads, but it can't be treated like cancer. What usually kills people with endometriosis is repeated surgeries that create scarred tissue that builds up and makes it hard for organs to continue to function. The cause of death isn't noted as endometriosis, but the failure of those organs. The myth that people don't die of endometriosis is just that - a myth. Endometriosis is largely a mysterious disease still, and it's actively being studied, but there's so much we don't know about it.

I'm glad to be alive, despite knowing what is ahead. Everything has been a lot happier now, even though it's been rough - I have a map of scars on me, but they're my reminders I survived this and I'm going to keep doing my best with my diet, physical health and medicine to put time between my next surgeries. The pain will probably return, but I have methods to help with it (baths are a life savior!) There's more surgeries in my future, but it's a reminder to enjoy the time I have with my loved ones and live as happily as I can.

I've been trying to get into spreading endometriosis awareness where I can, because I know I'm not the only one dealing with mysterious symptoms - and I never want anyone to go through what I did.

I don't know what words of encouragement I can give those who are still trying to fight for their diagnosis, but know you should rely on your instincts. You know your body. If you think something is wrong, something is wrong. Keep searching, don't ever give up - you will thank yourself later. I hope something in my story can give you some insight if you've experienced similar, from the mental changes, to the physical - and I hope if you do find yourself being diagnosed with endometriosis, you find it earlier than I did.

[invaders-cookbook]

Invader's Cookbook #3: Keeping your mind and body healthy

Invasions in Elden Ring are insanely difficult to the point of being unwinnable sometimes. It's part of the charm, it's what makes them so appealing to people like me. The game doesn't shy away from putting you into situations where your winning chances are absolutely random, and it's up to you to deal with them. You never know when the tides are going to turn, which makes them so exciting.

But this excitement comes at a cost of risking extreme frustration. Winning against the odds feels great, but not everyone is going to beat the odds, especially if you're new to invasions! Frustration can come both from outwards (the game put you into an unwinnable situation) and inwards (You see that you're underperforming and lose a winnable situation) That's why it's important to keep your cool and mitigate the effects of frustration.

Here are the things that help me personally to not only to mitigate frustration, but also significantly improve

1. Keep your body healthy.

I am not exaggerating when I'm saying this, your winrate spikes tenfold when you take care of yourself! This is so important. I know it's kinda general life advice, but you'll be surprised how much it actually matters.

I am not kidding, you play 200% better after a shower. Try it, I'm serious.

Remember to eat healthy food sometimes! Full regular meals improve your mood and performance drastically! I can't overstate how much better you play when you have a full meal!

And PLEASE sleep well. I am serious. Sleep is integral part of your physical and mental health. I know it's tough to keep a good sleep schedule, and not everyone has time to sleep, but please do, whenever you can, try your best to have regular sleep! If you're reading this post when it's past your bedtime, first of all, reblog and tell me in the tags, and second, GO TO SLEEP! NOW!!!

2. You are not going to beat the odds every time. That's how odds work. But you can set them in your favour.

You lost again, because the coop has already completed the entire area and you were backed against a fogwall against multiple players. What were you supposed to do?

I agree, that situation is really, really bullshit. But that's invasions. Every time you use that bloody finger you roll a cosmic dice, and if you roll low, you simply don't get a good situation. What works for me is changing my goals in a particular invasion. It goes from "Kill the host" to "Kill that single phantom" or "Deal the most damage I can possibly do" or just simply "Not die for as long as I can". Land a cool combo! Befriend the host*! Poison them! Go out on your own terms!

Sometimes changing your goal according to the situation is enough to offset your frustration.

* – DO NOT do this when there is another phantom around. You're getting blocked for this. You are not only a dickhead, you also lower the pool of possible co-invaders that can connect with you and help you out in the future. Respect your teammates.

3. Take breaks

Invasions are intense as hell, and you can't just invade back to back untill you exhaust yourself! Try to take breaks from the game, so your skills are always at 80-100%! The more you play without breaks the worse it gets.

This also helps if you're having a bad losing streak. Generally I'm trying to take 10 minute breaks if I get two consecutive losses. Interestingly enough, putting myself on a 10 minute time-out forces me to find something else to do, which kinda helps me with chores. It's not for everyone, but my ADHD ass loves this.

You can use your break to do some stretches, or go for a walk, or do the dishes. Anything, really! It's up to you! Whatever frustration you had will fade away and you will be at your maximum capacity again!

Another thing you can use your break for is some wrist and eye exercises! It's good for your health and will make you more relaxed and focused.

4. Change things up: try a new build, start a new playthrough!

This is what I personally enjoy doing. Experiment with different playstyles and try invading at different level ranges. For that of course you need a new build and a new character. Creating a character with invading in mind is very fun and challenging, and it allows you to do some more calm stuff on the side when you're not in the mood for invading on your main character.

Not sure what build to choose? Ask @huggingentacles for build suggestions!

[agentjayrock]

Uber? Lyft? What the hell is going on?

Ever had to contact customer support and heard over an automated voice instead of a human? How about contacting them and once you explain to them your issues only for them to give you ready-made responses as they haven't clue of what you're talking about? Well, that's been my excrcuiating experience as a driver for both companies at the same time. So, let's dive into how ludicrous it's been.

Let's start with Uber since it's rich with crazy stories. Uber has kind of a fair hourly wage going $25-30. You can receive payments on weekly basis like most jobs and contracts. Or you can have instant access to your money and even cash out once you've finished your shift with the Pro Card. Of course, I would choose the latter because why not? Normally I cash out directly to my debit card and needed I new one some time ago. I went in to change the details for the new card and had to undergo a security code verification via text message. I never received it so I had to contact support. I explained the issue I had and was told to whilelist my phone number from a text message. That's strange. How come I can receive text messages from Pro Card just fine when logging in, but not for this? Because this didn't work. I thought that this had to be a problem in their end. Now, a good tech support agent would troubleshoot such an issue should a solution like that not work. Not here; they "took it to further support" (Bear with here. I couldn't remember exactly what they said.) in order to resolve my issue. Their response: logout and in, reinstall the app and restart my phone. None of that worked because it's the most half-assed set of solutions of all time. Imagine if EA told you do that with their games you try to boot up. It'll just add the notoriety they're known for having.

It didn't feel like I was chatting with a human, so I decided to call support for a better chance. I had to wait (Get ready for this) ONE MOTHERFUCKING HOUR just to talk with someone. I can't believe I had the patience for that. I finally get to talk with an agent, only for them to tell me the same. Damn. Thing. Dude, what the fuck? Is Uber run by Skynet or something?! I kept contacting until I remembered why I had to whitelist the phone number I've been using with my account: it's because it's believed that it was being blocked by the provider. The number here is one I had setup for business reasons via TextFree, so I contacted them about it and they told me there was no issue on their end. Is Uber screwing with at this point? But, I went and switched the number on my account to my personal one, thinking that the business number is being assumed to be a VoIP, which is not allowed with some services. I finally get the code needed to finalize debit card changes to my Pro Card account.

Now this next story really interfered with my job significantly. I've been doing rideshare look normal, steady with a consistent schedule I setup for myself. The one thing that annoys me is that I have to verify my facial identity every once in a while. I mean, you know what I look like. Nothing too drastic has changed about me. So, why do I gotta go through this as I begin the job at a desired time? One day, I randomly go into the trip preferences menu to see it go from this:

To this:

Note: the Uber Eats food delivery preference is suppose to be there, but I didn't take a screenshot before it disappeared.

Of course, I had to talk to an agent. But this was more aggravating. I tried my damnedest to explain this issue. The agent, however, couldn't seem to figure out what I mean. Did they not have any job training? Once that was sorted, the agent said things like "This should be the type of experience for you to have" or "We understand your concern". Do ya, really? Because you should've went deeper into it by now. Continuing with this chat, guess what they told me then: the same solution from the Pro Card "troubleshoot", but that didn't work because THE APP IS NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM! I disconnected and got in contact with a different agent. This bullshit repeated, but I got a whole new response. I got confirmation of my eligibility to have these preferences, including UberXL, and it was still approved. They also actually spent the time to look into it for a few minutes, although it was longer than. The problem involved the inspection of the vehicle I have registered. They wanted me to show an image of a newly documented inspection, but I don't have to worry about it for another 6 months. In my state at least, (I'm from the USA) I have to perform an annual inspection for legal validity of driving the vehicle, and it's $100. Doing this every 6 months makes no sense and it feels like it'll lead to an endless money pit, as a certain mechanic would say.

After that was sorted, I went back to doing the job like normal, only for it to happen again the next week. Starting to feel like Uber has a grudge against me. I go back to dealing with the same ol' crap more frustrated than ever, even angry, and get an unexpected response: I'm not eligible to perform UberXL rides. Well, isn't this the most inept thing to happen here? I drive a minivan, goddammit. What do you mean I'm not eligible? I just disconnected and almost didn't bother to reach another agent. But, I'm managed to collect myself and get it sorted out like last time. I'm certain this will happen again however.

On the Lyft side of things, the same issue with support, except this is about emblems. Speaking of those emblems, the adhesive is weak sauce. So, I needed new ones. You can order new ones from the site or app with the push of a button. It's suppose to arrive within week, but didn't as that time range passed. I had to contact an agent, but it was hard to do it on the app because for some reason, they have too high of expectations that problems are solved with FAQs. But this is a troubleshooting issue; there's no way they can believe things can work fine that easily all the time. I had to go to the site to get help, and they responded by arranging a new order, which did arrive. Thing is, I've had this problem since I first signed up. I didn't even get my training kit with the cool pink mustache. After those emblems wear out too soon, I had to order another pair. Here's me thinking "Maybe they sorted out that issue with the delivery". But something even worse happened:

And as of the date of this blog post, it's still like this. Why? I even contacted them with this screenshot and they just gave me an automated message saying they'll just reship the emblems. This shouldn't have to be the only way to obtain new emblems beside the Express Hubs, which is too far from where I live. And they didn't arrive this time. If I contact them about any other problem, it'll just be the same type of response instead of troubleshooting.

Now, I don't know too much about the experience with support for riders since I've not used rideshare often. But I'm sure there's similar issues. The fact that this is the type of support we receive is unacceptable. It's as if they only measure their success financially based on the quantity of users. With the money they make, you'd think they could hire more competent employees for tech support, but they just found some random people with barely any tech skills to speak of and brought them in. There's got to be some kind of union strike or something because we can't keep letting them get away with this.

[min-yunki-agustd]

Hey, I had a request, I dont know if you are comfortable writing this or not but if you are can you please write about RM and that he is feeling insecure about his looks and weight so he starts dieting and it gets to the point he maybe faints, but the members help him get better. I understand if you don't feel comfortable writing it.

Sure! It's not my area of writing but I can do this! also, I hope you don't mind me adding a dash of emote. I hope you find this to your liking!

Sickie: Namjoon

Caretaker: Jin, yoongi, Jimin

Tw: Eating D*sorter, a small mention of emeto, nausea, fainting, etc

Word count: 1,195k

_____________________________________________________________

There had been a lot of talks online about namjoon. No more than usual. Some things were good others not so much and namjoon tried to focus on the good ad the things that made him most happy. Something bad would always manage to slip through. He to writing about it to ignore and any other of the many tactics he's used over the years but something about these certain comments was weighing on him. It hit a little too close to home. He tried to play it off to the other members and to himself like it affect him. Though he'd worked hard to build his body into the shape it was he was incapable of looking at his appearance once he walked past a mirror in his house. He'd stopped training a while ago. He'd stopped due to the fact he was too busy and tired to do so but when he eventually had the time he decided not to. When he did manage to get a glimpse of himself it was a reflection or the mirror. He stop and wonder, why he was displeased with himself. Why he didn't like the person he'd worked so hard to become in the mirror. It upset him. He knew that a large percentage of the weight he had on his body was muscle but he still hated to see how big and bulky he was. He decided he had to do something about it. He figure he'd cut back a bit, diet. He's not unfamiliar with the notion of cutting back a bit. After all, that's all he did when he was younger, and even so during tours, but during tours, he had more access to more inquire and flavor-rich foods. He figures it won't be as hard to cut back since he's not doing as much physical activity as he would on tour or in his younger years.

He'd start today, he skipped breakfast, and lunch as well and at a small portion for dinner. So far so good he thought to himself. He was hungry that before but nothing he'd experienced before. He felt better about himself when he didn't eat as much. He was a week's worth of dieting before he began seeing drastic changes. At first, it wasn't anything anyone would notice but that changed after a few weeks. He'd fill the missing space in his clothes with more layers. As his body gets weaker and smaller his mind changes from contentment to unsatisfied. His losing so much weight wasn't a problem until others began to notice. a few members mentioned it in a joking tone. Losing weight in Korea was a sort of compliment. So if he saw an acquaintance they might mention it in a polite way. After a while, his preplanned clothing for certain events seems to swallow him whole upsetting his stylist a bit. The members began to have serious talks about it. Rm would calm their concerned thoughts and even lie explaining that the diet had an end soon. It was all put to an end by the members after on frightening event late one afternoon. The members were meeting up for a recording scheduled to be released a month or so from now. The members were all having a blast. Namjoon was too, as long as he didn't play around too much, or look at the food on the table, or do anything that would make him more tired than he already was. He kept and smile on his face. Any members are always the best. It was a little hard to keep the smile when he was reminded of the tonnes of disappointment the members felt for him for not taking care of himself.

It began to weigh over him. To the point where the other members began to yell out his name whenever they had to get his attention. He was lost in his own thoughts. There was a point at which he wanted to go to the bathroom. He told announced it when the talking died down a bit. He was feeling extremely tired and felt his thought was becoming too much. he hoped to go to the bathroom to escape them. After e announced his leaving he stood wobbly head banging and his stomach turning a little. All from the motion of forcing his weak body to move from his seat on the ground. He felt lightheaded as he texted the set to go find a bathroom. He had to stop a few times to collect himself. to his lunch nausea tapered off a bit once he made it to the bathroom. He rested the weight of his body on the sink. He looked into the mirror he looked sickly to himself. He hated what he saw. He felt awful for making the people around him worry. but he was at a point where he couldn't no longer eat anything at all. He knew he was in a bad place and that if he didn't stop it only get worse. With shaky hands, he turned on the sink and splashed water on his face. It was cold. He took a rough-to-the-touch paper towel and slowly exited the bathroom. If he was tired before he was twice as tired now. The simple act of walking was a workout for him now. He plastered a smile back onto his face before entering the room full of people. He could keep it up for long before his heart began to pound out of his chest. His vision became spotty. His throat was trying and his stomach turned harshly. Before he knew it his vision went dark ad he felt pain strike across his body. When he started to wake up. there was someone holding his legs up. and serval others talking over him. one's voice sounded a lot like yoongi's telling what seemed to be jin hyung to keep his legs up a little higher.

Namjoon tried to open his eyes but was immediately struck with dizziness. He closed his eyes back, held his head, and grew at the pain he was feeling all over. from his pounding head to his aching side. He must have fallen sideways into the floor. Jimin had an ice pack just above his hip. He could hear Jimin speaking too. " He's got a lot of bruises from the fall," Jimin says applying the cold compression on the leader. " how's that head doing joon?" yoongi asked. seeing that the younger was coming too. "si-ck" namjoon managed to slur. Namjoon's not sure why that was the first thing he said, he knows he has absolutely nothing to bring up. For the rest of the afternoon, the members comfort him. They give him medicine for his aching body and words of encouragement. Namjoons was throwing apology after apology. He felt ashamed that he had gotten to a point where he couldn't take care of himself. They invited themselves over to his apartment making sure he had everything he needs. They even managed to get him to eat a few bites. They also stayed the night making sure namjoon got good rest.

_________________________________________________

It's a bit short my apologies

[colorblockadventures]

November 1st, 2024

A lot has happened… So today I took CB to the vet because she has been scooting on the carpet. I didn’t even realize it was something to be concerned about until I came across this video on Instagram. Saw the video today and made the appointment today as well. She may have anal gland issues and/or worms. I have to increase her fiber intake but I think I’ll extend that to her sister as well and stop with the dry food. I fear mixing the two foods isn’t the best idea for her. I really am trying my best with CB. She’s so sweet and innocent, really makes my heart melt. H and CB have been getting closer by the day, slowly but surely. I thank God and the universe for their health and safety.

As for work, I also applied to LM tonight as I have been feeling unsafe, uncomfortable and unfulfilled at my current job. We shall see how it goes (knock on wood). However, I am grateful for even having a good slow job. With it, I am able to have everything. I just know that I can be better and more successful with the LM job, but only my grandma and God know best. I am nervous seeing how I’ve only had this job for 6 months. But my safely, mental wellbeing and financial stability are important to me. This only fuels me to learn as much as I can in case the best scenario comes true.

My love life is another thing. I have been drunk confessing to B a lot and I regularly regret it. My honesty scares me and it makes me feel guilty for even sharing. But I do believe that sharing my thoughts and feelings is good in the long run. I told B about how I feel around his parents/family. I finally told him how I don’t like the Sunday rule and how I believe it’s only applied to me. Basically he was shook. He was not aware of all this so I’m glad he knows but I don’t like how I had to be drunk to say it. That’s another thing I don’t like about us, the constant weekend drinking. Drinking just to drink became boring so quickly and to be honest, off putting. I don’t like how I can’t stay up with B, I need a nap. I can’t help it if alcohol makes me sleepy and if I just naturally get sleepy past 9pm or even 10pm. If I express how tired I get, B feels bad. He wants me to always stay up and drink with him. In a way I feel bad for him because his sleep schedule is messed up. Truly awful that he can’t sleep early. This makes our sleeping schedule bad. I get the sense he feels lonely at night and wants me to fill in the nightly void. I used to have insomnia and if I still had it, then maybe things would different? Or maybe not because of my asexuality. I hate how I can’t feel sexual attraction when he’s trying to be intimate. It’s hard to pretend, to not feel so sensitive when he touches me. Not to necessarily say he’s off putting, but I just get so into my head about the sensations and motions and bodily fluids. It makes it hard to focus.

Again, it’s me. I’m problem. I blame my undiagnosed ADHD, PMDD, autism, depression and anxiety. Let’s not forget my lack of routine and how I am a slave to it. I need sleep, vitamins, exercise and occasional social interaction to function. Being too enclosed is not good. I’ve been eating like poop and then feeling disgusted of myself. I end up throwing up and cutting just to punish myself. Does it work? Only sometimes. It’s like I need something drastic for me to make a change. How do I go about being better? Why is it hard to be better?

I want to be better but I get nervous if B isn’t supportive or doesn’t like how I go about my health journey. I feel judged and to be judged by him would hurt me. My paranoia then kicks in and I get so insecure. What a turnoff that must be for him. Every time I share with him how I feel, every breakdown, he ends up sick. I make him sick. Things like this make me question our relationship. I hate that I cause his illness. It’s like I’m bad for him. Or maybe I can construe it as me needing to be better so that he can be better. Like a balanced tether.

I just know that l need to change, need to be the change I want to see. May God and the universe bless my cats, B and myself.

[andstilliam]

slept 3h last night. not surprising since i slept so well the night before and had coffee and tea late in the day yesterday. i went for my under 3km run this morning. my body was exhausted and hungry so i really felt the effects on my body.

i am absolutely starving today, like stomach growling all day with some nausea. i haven't had that in a minute. i think because leading up to my period, i was bloated and retaining water. idk. but i'm so fucking hungry lol. i ended up burning 600 cal before 1pm. i mean, i did do a lot of walking back and forth to campus today etc. i also got a few more items from the grocery store. i feel like all i do is eat all day, i'm dead serious. i'm eating all the time.

i think i'm on par with my prediction of seeing my body change a bit more drastically over 9-12 mos.-- it'll be 10 mos by the end of october. i knew at the 6 mos mark that i was not going to be thin by 8 mos lol. especially now that i'm not on miralax and retaining water. i'm so grateful to be going to the bathroom regularly on a daily basis. i don't want to deal with any kind of lingering gut issues at the moment. i feel like things are manageable right now, i just want to let that be.

i'm so tired from lack of sleep, i feel like a walking zombie. i had my chem lab today just to find out that i actually don't. my lab is in 2 weeks....it's confusing because this is what my schedule says but they told me it's online so i'm going to check that. anyway, i'm glad i got that sorted. i was really stressed about the lab because i missed the last experiment and there's no make-up for it. i also don't have the chem lab manual but the prof said it's actually not required, so that's fine. i forgot to complete the academic writing module as well and so i didn't get a mark for that. i find it hard to keep on top of those little things. there wasn't a notification on brightspace that the due date was approaching. i also have to keep reminding myself of the bonus marks for my classes so i can participate in them and earn extra marks.

i'm overwhelmed that i feel like i'm not doing very well in my courses at the moment. it's just that i feel like everything is scattered. there's always something to do and it doesn't feel organized.

i don't want to write the exam tomorrow because i don't want to fail and i can still get the mark i need without it. i feel like it just doesn't really matter if i show up or not. i feel like i'll do better with uniy 2 because it's interesting and i like it. if i had a chance at passing this unit, i would do it.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Skin and physical and mental health update (tw)

I think intermittent fasting is causing my skin inflammation.

On Thursday my face and neck got so inflamed. I don't know what caused it - the heat or my new cleanser. Anyways I used my mom's gentle cleanser instead and applied some steroid to my face. It looks better now.

My hands looks better too, but still red and dry. Thankfully they did not get much worse after the effects of my steroid shot and pills wore off.

I've been eating anti-inflammatory and drinking aloe juice, both help a lot. I'm just looking for new condiments to use because a lot of them have refined oils.

Yesterday I got pizza for my mom and I, as well as some brownies, mozzarella sticks and jalepeno poppers. We don't eat like this everyday of course, but it was a Friday. I had some of the sticks and poppers, but then I did not want pizza and wanted to eat something healthier. I'm glad I felt this way because I want to be healthy, and I didn't even feel deprived. So I put the remaining slices in a ziploc bag and froze them.

I've been watching this doctor on Youtube with my mom who talks about how to eat for women - premenopausal and menopausal. She talks a lot about fasting and eating anti-inflammatory, but to cycle those and to eat more carbs because following a strict IF schedule doesn't work for women the way it works for men. And I love intermittent fasting, but I do believe my strict fasting has contributed to my skin inflammation. My flareups started 3 weeks after I started fasting, with no drastic changes to my diet (yes I'm fasting but I'm eating the same stuff I did before I started), stress levels, environment, and cleaning products. I've been fasting for 16 hours everyday since last Christmas, maybe 5 days where I broke my fast.

I know that the strict 16 hour fasting for 7 months straight messed with my hormones. Last time I did blood work I had elevated cortisol, estrogen, and my fasting blood sugar was higher than normal. I have insulin resistance (there is a genetic component to this as it runs in my family, but still the fact that my hormones are somewhat out of balance suggests that there is probably lifestyle triggers). I know stress can cause hormone imbalances and I've been dealing with that a lot recently as well as psychological pain from a lot of things (processing my childhood, COVID, Gaza, and seeing my physical and mental health decline), and I'm going to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist for autism testing.

I know my skin flares are hormone related because my mom's skin inflammation was the worst when she was my age and she said her skin cleared up during perimenopause. And the fact that I have elevated cortisol, estrogen dominance, and insulin resistance can be something contributing to this. My first flare appeared during puberty, but thankfully that lasted for a month or 2 and it only appeared on my right pointer and ring finger (idk why it was just those 2 fingers but I'd take that over full hand eczema). And my more severe eczema started when I started college and turned 20. It may have been a month or so before my 20th birthday actually. Also I know college stress contributed to it.

So I am convinced there is a hormonal component to eczema. It's a bit new to me as people mostly talk about diet, food sensitivities, stress, allergies, and soaps/detergents as triggers. Stress does contribute even in a hormonal way, where elevated cortisol will trigger skin inflammation. But there are things beyond just stress that can trigger hormonal imbalances and, therefore, skin inflammation. This is something that will require a deep dive, and fast and food cycling can help because a strict low-carb/sugar free (natural sugars coming from fruit and dark chocolate, and not junk food sugars) diet and fasting for 16 hours (even OMAD) is not good for women. Fasting in general and eating anti-inflammatory are great for women, but since our hormones cycle, following a strict and rigid routine longterm can mess them up and cause imbalances, and therefore inflammation.

So I'm going to fast for 13 hours now instead of 16, until my hormones are better and I see less inflammation. I normally break my fast at 12, but I can eat something light at 9 (coffee with a snack but idk what snack to have) when I get to work. Then I can look into the more complicated cycling, I just want to reverse any of the inflammation my strict fasting schedule caused me.

I've been in a lot of pain and distress over my health. It's gotten to the point where I have considered causing serious harm to myself and unaliving. I want something good to come out of this as I don't want to do that to myself, but the pain and stress and anxiety and hopelessness my health issues have caused me has caused me severe psychological damage. I'm seeing a psychiatrist for support. Whatever it takes, even a horse tranquilizer, anything to get rid of the psychological pain.