#it's hard being nice to yourself

[ellpimento]

Dec23

What I wanted to kvetch about was how pointless it is to get sick, and how freaking inconvenient it is to be laid out, incapacitated, there’s no reason to be forced to take a time out like this especially at this time of year when you can least afford it. This will be the second time I’ve gotten the vid and I had better not lose my sense of taste, or I’m going to be really really mad. There is nothing more frustrating and saddening than looking at food and not being able to smell or taste it. I'll deal with an extra day, heck, I'll be in pain all week long as long as it means I won't lose my taste buds for the next two months.

Yes, I love eating. My stomach's certainly shrunk during this time, which was probably needed. But this malaise and need to nap around and head inside a fish tank feeling need to go stat.

Yes, there are times where it is convenient to be sick (preferably for a day, two days at the most) when there are people to be shunned, events to be avoided, and there just isn’t really a nicer way to go about it than to (honestly, of course) pronounce yourself stuck under the blankets due to the flu or what have you. But apart from that, being ill for any length of time past two days is just a serious inconvenience and a loss of money. If I could get sick on my vacation over a regular work week, I would always pick on vacation.

Did I mention I hate being sick? It’s been a week now and I was ready for it to be over with 5 days ago.

Other Reflections

We are officially closing upon the end of the year, and what have I really accomplished? A lot, actually, even a tiny bit with the writing. I used to do year-end reviews of accomplishments and whatnot, but I can’t be bothered to think that hard anymore if I don’t have to. Someone asked recently ‘what’s the best thing about getting older’ and I responded with: it gets easier to let things be and carry on with your own life. What sort of Freudian slip that is, I’m not really sure, other than it’s just a nicer way of saying ‘I don’t really give a crap about other people or their perceptions anymore and I’m perfectly happy doing my own thing instead of trying to keep up with the crowd.’ Which is the long and short of everything I’ve been doing these past few years. Giving less a crap and focusing more on restructuring my priorities, letting go of bad habits, and improving upon life in general. Especially this year, I’ll say. There’s been a lot of change this year, there’ll be heck more in the next year, so I’m really trying my best right now to enjoy everything and not fight too hard against the grain.

The hardest part of this whole process of changing for the better and making time for the things that do matter is not beating myself up for not working 24/7, or being unable to work due to being sick. Yes, I was back at work feverishly laboring after 2 days of being ill because if I can get out of bed, I can go to work. Which is a sad reflection of how much of a horrible taskmaster I would be, probably am (that’s just a sniffle, now blow your nose and get back to work), just ask my kids, and that I really need to take a step back and reflect on taking care of myself and others. ‘Take care of yourself first’ comes out of my mouth often, but yet my brain expects them to poo-poo that phrase like I do, ignore the pains and just keep slogging away. And this is all because I really really need to make a dollar and screw everything else including myself, well, I tell people they’re not 20 years old anymore, but at this point, I’d better adjust that to ‘you’re not 30 anymore, take it easy.’

Tl;dr: Will this vid go away already, I don’t have time for it and I can’t afford being sick. I’ve made some improvements this year, but learning to be nice to myself is still a seemingly unachievable feat. I’ve a feeling next year is going to be another hard lesson.

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠

[charadoodle]

I just saw a post that was like. You should always follow your instinct!! Your friends do hate you!!! And like. No?? Do not do this. To yourself or to your friends. Especially with super close friends. Your friends love you. It's why we are friends.

If you're really worried about it. Ask. And I get it. I'm autistic too. It's hard and you notice little changes and you overthink it but. I get busy. Things happen in my life. And I always have to tell myself life happens to everyone. Even if it's hard to see outside your lense.

Tldr. If you're worried. Ask them or talk to them. If you're right. I'm sorry. That sucks but you don't want to be friends with someone who isn't compatible/ mean to you anyways. You'll make new friends. You'll make better ones. I did.

And. Trust your friends.

[youngpettyqueen]

I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for

[wardensantoineandevka]

you're really annoying but in, like, a refreshing way?

I'm sincerely flattered, anon. I worked very hard to become really annoying. 💞✌️

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

For the record guys writing an actual book vs writing a fanfiction actually isint that different but the important key thing to note is you have to write what you love and of what you love

dont worry about audience dont worry about trends , dont worry about people who dont love what you make, focus on writing what you love. Youll write a whole lot more and you'll be writing something you considered worth writing, and that makes it a whole lot more worth reading.

and it will be *fun* You can absolutely casually write books for funsies and not because youre desperately trying to get a book published

I've written like, three last year. And each time it took like, two weeks? make an outline of your idea, fall in love with your characters and world, make it something you could research and discuss for hours, write a bit each day and have a clear idea of where each chapter is going and what your end goal is. you'll reach it eventually.

i started this hobby dreaming of being able to just write *one* book one day once in my life

Now i can casually pick up a new book idea and have it done in under a month. Why? because i practice and i have a lot of freetime admittedly but its primarily because i kept writing every day (AND HAD A CLEAR GOAL OF WHERE I WAS GOING and knew about what to expect, its really really hard to reach the finish line if you have no idea where it is-)

you can write 50,000 words in a single year by writing about 140 (a bit under actually) words a day. and you can write it a WHOLE lot faster if you write more than that. (personally i've managed to write that many in 3 days at my top speed but please do NOT try to replicate *that* i had like pain for weeks and tingling hands after, please do not look at that as something to look up to, that is not a flex, that is a warning , im pretty sure the maximum safe number of words you can write in a day is about 5,000 and if i go over that much the tingles come back in my hands, so like, be careful please. if youre really digging into writing and you find its super fun you will have to be careful and take breaks and be cautious about your health ive wound up ADORING writing but like, you can go too far and get injured)

the whole tldr is: writing a book is not that hard really

but you gotta believe in yourself

you've gotta respect your own wishes and chase the things that make you happy

and youre gonna make it way harder on yourself if you put it on some giant pedestal

authors arent special supernatural creatures that create worlds, theyre humans

and one of the coolest skills us humans have is the ability to create worlds. *all of us* have that ability.

i believe in you

and for the record it took me several years to write my first book-

my second book took 6 days

my third took 3

oh frick ive written four books, sick

okay my fourth book? that one i freaking paced myself like a sane person and finished it in like two weeks which i think is pretty sick and i didint approach my danger threshhold of 5,000 words

and that i think is about the pace id like to go with my books in general frankly-

why am i capable of this? because im not worrying so hard over if im being cringe, because im letting myself be self indulgent, have fun, and letting myself become my own biggest fan. Sincerely please have fun and stop thinking so hard about your audience and stuff, please go have fun my friends and try to treat writing as a hobby first and other things later

yes even if you want to do it for a career

especially even because then your audience will be made up of people that actually have the same interests as you and actually like the things you like and then you get to write for people who like your specific weird little brand of writing

please, authors get stuck in a genre if they write too much in it , write what makes you happy or youll feel increasingly obligated to be stuck in one genre

im probably super super privledged to be able to say all this and i KNOW i am to be able to have the time to spend as long as i personally do on writing, but the truth is is that whether you do all those hours in one day or spread out over the course of weeks and months, youre still gonna get those words in and what you write will still be just as worthy of love and admiration as the works of any other and its gonna take the same number of hours regardless of if you do it in a day or a year (like i get it i can write fast but the real reason i got it done so fast is just i have way more free time than average and was able to write for 6 hours a day, unrealistic for most people as you can imagine)

this is not meant to be a ohh lo ok at me i can write so fast and i can write so much thing because im also the same person who spent over 5 years trying and failing to write one book and feeling overwhelmed because i thought writing was this impossible magical dream on a pedestal and it turns out no its like, just like really fun if you dont panic so hard about rules and regulations and popularity and pleasing an invisible audience.

I'm saying this because i thought it was this impossible thing

im saying this because i really truly want to live in a world where people write as gleefully about their ocs and worlds theyve made up the way they write fanfictions

you can worry about cleaning it up later for now just make sure you actually make something you love enough to find joy in creating it.

im just a little weirdo who fell in love with writing

i really hope maybe this can make you less scared of falling in love with writing

and reassure you also that **writing fanfiction is just as real of writing as regular writing and is part of what taught me how to actually have fun writing and writing about what brings me joy**

and that your work, no matter how short or long, original fiction or fanfiction, first draft or thousandth, is legitimate and yes you can complete it, youll be okay, and even if you dont, youll only psych yourself out if you turn it into a giant mountain to climb

the old tale of the tortise and the hare still shines true

slow and steady wins the race.

(i say this especially as a hare, because i could keep running without a break but ill get freaking injured, even those who can be hares must rest if they want to reach the finish line, and unlike in a real race theres no set time you need to do this in, theres no deadline, all that matters is eventually reaching the end)

youve got this

youre doing great

and please keep writing, but do so for fun, without shame, without judgement, and without comparison. there is no room for self judgement and shame in a happy life, and please, compliment yourself, own your achievements, be proud of yourself.

and if you can, please comment on here or reblog telling me about your project and what youre doing right now to work on it

celebrate your achievements, and celebrate each others achievements in the comments.

no shame. no judgement.

*no self deprecation allowed.*

self deprecation is not a virtue and you will never know how bright you could shine if you snuff out your own light the second you dare consider it might exist at all.

so get in there and brag and if youre up for it or dont have anything youre able to share just yet, tell us what you love most about writing or favorite tropes! :3 have fun! love you guys!

[godblooded]

so like… controversial opinion but… if you agree there should be more female muses or lesbians… uhh… write them?

[prismatiger]

It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks

[fxrmeldehyde]

made a playlist about being aromantic after a deep talk with oomf ☝️ it's a little short rn but I'll add more songs as I find them

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.

[artnerd1123]

Finally watched tadc ep 4 and ;_;

Gangle……..

(Spoiler talk in the tags)

[wackulart]

a bit of supportive belos

[featherymainffins]

Peace and love on planet Earth but if I see one more post NOT about recovery and, in fact, encouraging eating disorders in the ed recovery tag, I might just turn into a chimpanzee and tear everyone's faces off.

[adustoflove]

Waking up at a brisk 6 am with bpd is like wow another beautiful day. I HOPE today is finally the day I die. I need to disappear. I am UNLOVED I am UNWANTED and I would be better off dead. Thank you, BPD who would I be without her

[crazylittlejester]

Hey like this is a self care check jes. You good?

hi major!! im alright :) the past week was a little rough but im doing a lot better, i got to spend some time with friends. sometimes i get a bit sad and down and it’s hard to do things i love like writing and then i get frustrated, but im trying to be nicer to myself about that so i spent a lot of today working on homework and taking a break from stuff :)

[rimouskis]

can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?