#it's hard being nice to yourself

[ellpimento]

Dec23

What I wanted to kvetch about was how pointless it is to get sick, and how freaking inconvenient it is to be laid out, incapacitated, there’s no reason to be forced to take a time out like this especially at this time of year when you can least afford it. This will be the second time I’ve gotten the vid and I had better not lose my sense of taste, or I’m going to be really really mad. There is nothing more frustrating and saddening than looking at food and not being able to smell or taste it. I'll deal with an extra day, heck, I'll be in pain all week long as long as it means I won't lose my taste buds for the next two months.

Yes, I love eating. My stomach's certainly shrunk during this time, which was probably needed. But this malaise and need to nap around and head inside a fish tank feeling need to go stat.

Yes, there are times where it is convenient to be sick (preferably for a day, two days at the most) when there are people to be shunned, events to be avoided, and there just isn’t really a nicer way to go about it than to (honestly, of course) pronounce yourself stuck under the blankets due to the flu or what have you. But apart from that, being ill for any length of time past two days is just a serious inconvenience and a loss of money. If I could get sick on my vacation over a regular work week, I would always pick on vacation.

Did I mention I hate being sick? It’s been a week now and I was ready for it to be over with 5 days ago.

Other Reflections

We are officially closing upon the end of the year, and what have I really accomplished? A lot, actually, even a tiny bit with the writing. I used to do year-end reviews of accomplishments and whatnot, but I can’t be bothered to think that hard anymore if I don’t have to. Someone asked recently ‘what’s the best thing about getting older’ and I responded with: it gets easier to let things be and carry on with your own life. What sort of Freudian slip that is, I’m not really sure, other than it’s just a nicer way of saying ‘I don’t really give a crap about other people or their perceptions anymore and I’m perfectly happy doing my own thing instead of trying to keep up with the crowd.’ Which is the long and short of everything I’ve been doing these past few years. Giving less a crap and focusing more on restructuring my priorities, letting go of bad habits, and improving upon life in general. Especially this year, I’ll say. There’s been a lot of change this year, there’ll be heck more in the next year, so I’m really trying my best right now to enjoy everything and not fight too hard against the grain.

The hardest part of this whole process of changing for the better and making time for the things that do matter is not beating myself up for not working 24/7, or being unable to work due to being sick. Yes, I was back at work feverishly laboring after 2 days of being ill because if I can get out of bed, I can go to work. Which is a sad reflection of how much of a horrible taskmaster I would be, probably am (that’s just a sniffle, now blow your nose and get back to work), just ask my kids, and that I really need to take a step back and reflect on taking care of myself and others. ‘Take care of yourself first’ comes out of my mouth often, but yet my brain expects them to poo-poo that phrase like I do, ignore the pains and just keep slogging away. And this is all because I really really need to make a dollar and screw everything else including myself, well, I tell people they’re not 20 years old anymore, but at this point, I’d better adjust that to ‘you’re not 30 anymore, take it easy.’

Tl;dr: Will this vid go away already, I don’t have time for it and I can’t afford being sick. I’ve made some improvements this year, but learning to be nice to myself is still a seemingly unachievable feat. I’ve a feeling next year is going to be another hard lesson.

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠

[charalol]

I just saw a post that was like. You should always follow your instinct!! Your friends do hate you!!! And like. No?? Do not do this. To yourself or to your friends. Especially with super close friends. Your friends love you. It's why we are friends.

If you're really worried about it. Ask. And I get it. I'm autistic too. It's hard and you notice little changes and you overthink it but. I get busy. Things happen in my life. And I always have to tell myself life happens to everyone. Even if it's hard to see outside your lense.

Tldr. If you're worried. Ask them or talk to them. If you're right. I'm sorry. That sucks but you don't want to be friends with someone who isn't compatible/ mean to you anyways. You'll make new friends. You'll make better ones. I did.

And. Trust your friends.

[youngpettyqueen]

I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for

[godblooded]

so like… controversial opinion but… if you agree there should be more female muses or lesbians… uhh… write them?

[kaleidochimera]

It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks

[fxrmeldehyde]

made a playlist about being aromantic after a deep talk with oomf ☝️ it's a little short rn but I'll add more songs as I find them

[wackulart]

a bit of supportive belos

[featherymainffins]

Peace and love on planet Earth but if I see one more post NOT about recovery and, in fact, encouraging eating disorders in the ed recovery tag, I might just turn into a chimpanzee and tear everyone's faces off.

[adustoflove]

Waking up at a brisk 6 am with bpd is like wow another beautiful day. I HOPE today is finally the day I die. I need to disappear. I am UNLOVED I am UNWANTED and I would be better off dead. Thank you, BPD who would I be without her

[crazylittlejester]

Hey like this is a self care check jes. You good?

hi major!! im alright :) the past week was a little rough but im doing a lot better, i got to spend some time with friends. sometimes i get a bit sad and down and it’s hard to do things i love like writing and then i get frustrated, but im trying to be nicer to myself about that so i spent a lot of today working on homework and taking a break from stuff :)

[rimouskis]

can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?

[moe-broey]

Going to the mall as I am now (kinda punky/extremely autistic) is kinda funny like. That's a nice shirt. However, it's not one of my thousand beloved black graphic t shirts and it is such a texture and kind of a weird shape to it and honestly I don't really wanna buy any sort of fast fashion type shit or brand shit. Don't care. Oh they have patches. Kinda cute but straight up I can just make those. In fact, I would prefer to. Don't care. Also I'm not buying that.

[crumb]

that post I made with screenshots of that person who reposted one of my gifs and then asked me if I made money off my gifsets when I asked them nicely to not do that is going around again and I just gotta mention this because it is so funny to me—when someone comes at me sideways like that I look at their blog because I'm trying to figure out who they are, like as a person, what am I dealing with and why are they acting like this. And when I looked at their blogs they're out here reblogging tons of brennan lee mulligan stuff and that's so fucking funny because I bet you 10 bucks if you explained the situation to brennan he would fucking go off on a tangent about their behavior. Honestly hilarious but unsurprising that someone can be a fan of someone who is so outspoken about capitalism, social justice, building community, etc and not fucking get it themselves even on the most basic level. their understanding of the people they hold on a pedestal is surface-level at best and honestly it's embarrassing how much they don't get it. I see this all the time and it's wild how uncritical people are about the things they consume and how they behave in their day to day life fully contradicting the values they pretend to hold.

[ghostlygunk]

dude are you refusing compliments just bc you dont agree with them? thats kinda cringe dude. pushing away kindness only hurts you dude. you gotta stop deprecating what you do bro or youre gonna keep internalizing negative things bro

[skitskatdacat63]

I meant to write more for a pt 2 lore post earlier but didn't end up doing so, so pls take these AU sketches(Mark & Jense and then some assorted sketchies)