#release yourself from that shitty mindset goddamn

[crumb]

that post I made with screenshots of that person who reposted one of my gifs and then asked me if I made money off my gifsets when I asked them nicely to not do that is going around again and I just gotta mention this because it is so funny to me—when someone comes at me sideways like that I look at their blog because I'm trying to figure out who they are, like as a person, what am I dealing with and why are they acting like this. And when I looked at their blogs they're out here reblogging tons of brennan lee mulligan stuff and that's so fucking funny because I bet you 10 bucks if you explained the situation to brennan he would fucking go off on a tangent about their behavior. Honestly hilarious but unsurprising that someone can be a fan of someone who is so outspoken about capitalism, social justice, building community, etc and not fucking get it themselves even on the most basic level. their understanding of the people they hold on a pedestal is surface-level at best and honestly it's embarrassing how much they don't get it. I see this all the time and it's wild how uncritical people are about the things they consume and how they behave in their day to day life fully contradicting the values they pretend to hold.

[yandere-daydreams]

How about Bakugou and fantasy Bakugou fighting over a darling? they're judging each other over how the other treats their daring despite doing the same thing. It would be like the Spider Man pointing at Spider Man meme

God, that poor Darling… Bakugo can’t even agree with himself *normally*, how are either of them supposed to live through this. And for the sake of clarity, ‘Bakugo’ is the Fantasy!AU Version, whereas Katsuki is our *traditional* explosive bastard.

TW: Toxic Mindset, Mentions of Cheating, Bakugo Is Feral.

‘It’s just a quirk,’ they said.

‘It’ll only last a few days,’ they said.

‘It’ll be fine as long as you keep them apart,’ they said.

Whoever ‘they’ happened to be, they’d lied.

You kicked and struggled and fought as Bakugo pinned you down, straddling your waist as he wrapped the leather belts around your wrist, binding them to the headboard much too tightly for it to be safe. You writhed and squirmed under him, but the man was twice you size and so much stronger than the Katsuki you were used to, not that you could hold your own against either one. It didn’t help that Bakugo kept fucking laughing, chucking and smirking and be so smug as he looked down to admire his makeshift restraints, rough fingertips running over your cheek, only pulling away when you twisted around to bite him.

“You’re a lot weaker than my (Y/n),” He remarked, something glinting in his eyes that almost reminded you of Katsuki. But, Katsuki wasn’t covered in swirling black ink, nor had he converted your comforter into a makeshift cape. And more importantly, Katsuki would never do something like this. Hell, he wouldn’t even raise his voice if you were in the room. “It’d take me hours to do this, back home, and I’d usually walk away with a bloody nose.” He paused, just long enough for his hand to fall to your neck, pressing down just enough to force a whimper through your pursed lips. “Smaller, too, and softer. What do you do all-”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Bakugo didn’t bother looking away from you, not immediately, flashing those sharp, sharp canines, before he shifted to your side, sitting on the edge of the bed while he addressed Katsuki, now irritate and standing in the doorway. He’d just gotten home, his Hero Costume only missing his gauntlets and mask, but the grimace spread across his features was enough to tell you he didn’t plan on doing anything heroic with his doppelganger. You smiled, letting some of the tension leave your body, but he only seemed to grow angrier as he noticed the restraints, haphazardly safe, at best.

“You’re just in time, little guy.” His tone was nothing short of haughty, confident and reeking of a superiority-complex, but Katsuki’s expression softened into one of curiosity. You couldn’t blame him, really. It couldn’t be normal to come home to your twin tying down your less-than-consenting partner. But, Katsuki seemed to recover quickly, crossing his arms as he approached with caution. He moved to untie you, standing on the side of the bed Bakugo wasn’t taking up, but the man only grabbed his wrists, forcing his younger version to stop.

He let out a frustrated sigh, shaking his head before he spoke. “Look, I don’t know what you’re tryin’ to do, but I don’t want you coming in here and fucking with my relationship. I don’t know what happened to your (Y/n), but mine loves me.” He took in a ragged breath, his frown never wavering. “You need to fuck off before they don’t, anymore.”

There was another chuckle, and with a playful squeeze, he released Katsuki, Bakugo’s hands soon in your hair, petting you as he spoke. “That’s what I used to think about mine, y’know. We were together for years, thought I was gonna propose, one day.” His smile was dropped abruptly, a sharp, distinct frown soon embedded in his lips. “Then, I couldn’t. They left me, found someone else…” There was a sharp tug to your hair, and you winced, Katsuki quickly tearing Bakugo away from you. “Someone better.”

You shook your head, feeling defensive, even if you weren’t whichever version of yourself he seemed so attached to. “No, I’m not going to leave Katsuki,” You started, beginning to struggle against your bonds once again, if only to remind your boyfriend that you were still tied up. “I love him. You must’ve done something, or we just… aren’t the same. I wouldn’t leave him for someone else.”

Bakugo’s eyes flickered up to his twin, his stare suspicious, untrusting, like he expected Katsuki to assume you were lying. You expected him to brush it off, say something brash before letting you go, but Katsuki hesitated. Slowly, he raised a hand, turning towards you, but it only fell to your forearm, running his thumb over your skin. “…they left?”

“They ran.” Bakugo was nearly purring, at this point, his stare burning holes into the side of Katsuki’s head. You watched as something flashed across Katsuki’s expression, your faith in his dissolving as soon as Bakugo’s words wormed their way into his mind, planting seeds of something dark and twisted into his perception of you. You opened your mouth, ready to reassure him, but Bakugo never gave you a chance. “Feels shitty, doesn’t it? Fucking terrible, like your heart’s being ripped out of your goddamn chest. I barely stopped myself from killing the bastard, when I found out.” There was another dry chuckle, his hand soon on your side, rubbing rough, painful circles into your skin. “But, it hasn’t happened yet, here. You still think you don’t have to claim what’s yours.”

“Katsuki,” You called, trying to get his attention away from the man so obviously trying to manipulate him. “Please, that’s not going to happen, with us. I don’t know what he’s talking about-”

Before you could finish, his lips were on yours, the kiss rough, needy, violent. You attempted to turn away, to make him see how irrational he was acting, but Katsuki only growled, nails soon digging into your scalp as he bit and chewed at anything he could get his teeth into, leaving you bleeding and bruised by the time he pulled away. Instantly, he seemed to regret it, carefully avoiding your eyes as he reached to undo the straps, Bakugo only huffing and turning to leave, either thrown off by Katsuki’s regression or uninterested, now that he wasn’t the center of attention.

Of course, you were immediately relieved, rubbing your sore wrists once they were free enough to do so and accepting the softer, silent kiss Katsuki offered you, another peck quickly pressed into your forehear=d as he helped you sit up. You tried to tell yourself it was a momentary fit, something about the quirk he was hit by or Bakugo’s influence, but…

As he leaned over you, smiling while he cupped your cheek, he just looked so much like Bakugo. 

Down to that dark, possessive glint in his eyes.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[unapologeticallybella]

Dear Universe, This is Not What I Ordered.

   There’s a lot to say about someone who can leave things up to fate. Someone who doesn’t fight or try to understand why things happen but just accepts what comes to them. My whole entire life has been me just fighting everything that happens to me, whether it be by trying to change it or understand it. Nothing soothes my anxiety like repeating out loud my schedule for the day; I love making lists in my head and sometimes when I’m alone, I just repeat these lists to myself. (Yes, I think I’m okay.)Planning is everything; I like to know what to expect and what’s coming. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember; When things change, I actually want to crawl out of my body. Curveballs are stupid; unless it’s getting proposed to, but that’s the only exception I can think of. Come to find out, that’s not really how life works (disappointed is an understatement.)People die out of the blue, healthy people get sick, good people get hurt, and that’s just that. I swear I’ll find the positive to all this just give me a minute; I just have to make some morbid points first. 

   We count on things to be good; we count on things to not fall apart; I mean, at the very least, we count on things to just continue to be. When I’m alone and I think about what I want from my life, I envision all these happy things. But then I’m flooded with these worries about everything that could potentially make all of those things go to shit. For the most part, I like to be positive about where my life will go. These past few months, I’ve really shifted the way I think about control and what I can change. In reality, we have no fucking control over our surroundings. Oh, your husband you’ve been married to for twenty years? Yeah, he’s come to find out he actually fell in love with his new assistant, Beth. Him and Beth are doing better than ever, but you’re kinda getting in the way, so now he’s leaving you. That happens, now what? You can’t control that your husband might be an asshole, but you can control what you do with that information. Obviously, I’m sure you’d probably want to know all about Beth and why she’s so fucking great and then secondly you’d probably want to curb stomp your now ex husband. Unfortunately, neither of those things change the narrative and, most importantly, none of that can take away your hurt permanently. At first glance, it probably looks like you wasted a good portion of your life with an absolute stranger, which maybe you did and so what. Grieve the motherfucker, pick yourself back up, get a new hobby, change your hair, do your inner work, and heal yourself like you didn’t even know you could. If you look at it for what it really is, it’s a blessing. I mean can you imagine if you would have spent the entirety of your life with someone like that; Now that, My love, would be a waste. We all have a choice on how to react to what the Universe throws at us even when it’s definitely not what we asked for. 

   I went to lunch with this guy recently and he told me, “I’m not the kind of depressed that makes me want to kill myself. I’m the kind of depressed that makes me funny.” I swear I about choked on my Sangria. I have never related to anything more.  I deal with sadness or whatever it is that’s inside of me with humor because I’d rather laugh than cry about it, not saying I won’t cry because I definitely will. I joke about the things I don’t quite enjoy about myself, things that hurt me, things that scare the shit out of me; I don’t think it’s necessarily unhealthy. However, I’ve come to realize I have spoken a lot of shitty things into existence which sadly I have attracted into my life. I hate to sound like someone who read “The Secret” once and now thinks they’re a Law of Attraction guru but here we are. I really do believe the Universe hears what we say and returns it tenfold. I always joked that my boyfriend would leave me out in the cold in the worst possible way and turn out to be a completely different person; So the Universe said here you go baby. 

   I didn’t open up about my break up to many people, but when I did, I always went from mild sobbing to hysterically laughing. About a month into it, I was on my friend's couch telling her how everything happened and how he just disappeared. She was quite a fan of him and had always said what a great guy he was; She just watched me cry on her couch for thirty minutes just trying to understand everything for myself. The first thing she said, “I’m sorry, but this is just not what you ordered, send it back.”  And she was right; This is not what I ordered; I ordered the Filet Mignon honey, I was served a big ole plate of trash and I was charged for both. That’s when my mindset shifted about the situation; all I know is that I gave that man the goddamn world, and it meant nothing. I could sit here and reminisce all these lovely memories, go over the list (a long list I may add but who cares) of things I did to benefit his life, tell you all the ways I showed my love but for what? No matter how hard I tried to dissect it all and explain why this shouldn’t have happened, it did nothing. The Universe wasn’t really listening to all that because it didn’t change who he was. I drove home that night, and I sat in my car before going upstairs. I cried and cried; I begged the Universe to not do this to me. I asked why. I asked for help. I truly felt in my heart that this wasn’t what I deserved so I asked for answers or even a sign as to why this was happening to me. Bad things happen because they just do; the Universe obviously doesn’t give its reasons, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t any. Those reasons were not for the Universe to just give me, they were mine to find on my own and with time, and I did. 

    When I tell you I am a better person because of the shitty things that have happened to me, I mean that with my whole heart. Also, I don’t think I would be as funny but I don’t think that’s quite as important. You don’t get to plan for these things, you don’t get to say “no thanks” and just because you hate curveballs doesn’t mean they won’t get thrown your way. I had the choice to either hold on to something I arguably loved more than myself or let it go and trust that it was all for something bigger than me. I chose to let go and release control for my own sanity. Not just regarding this relationship but for every relationship, everything I’ve ever cried for, everything that has ever hurt me, every worry and every fear; I let that shit go. Three months after that moment alone in my car, I had another moment similar to that one, only this time I didn’t cry. I sat there and thanked the Universe for showing me how strong I am because I would have never known. (I always thought of myself of this sensitive emotional weak person but boy was I so wrong.) I told the Universe someone would be so lucky to be able to experience what it feels like to be loved by me because it really is spectacular. Someone will appreciate the tiniest details about me. Someone will laugh at my jokes and they’re going to love that about me. I know someone is going to fucking love me. To be honest, I think I was heard that night by someone or something, I don’t know. For the first time of being alive, I trust that everything is exactly where it should be. I am amazed by the woman I’ve become. I am so proud of that because I never thought I could even feel this way about myself. I may not have gotten what I ordered and I may not be able to send it back but I had a choice. I chose me.