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#it's easy. yes. but it makes sense
daily-roguefort · 5 months
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A young mod stands in their bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is the 15th birthday of an annoying but nontheless impactful webcomic, Homestuck. Though it was 26 days ago that their blog was given life, it is only now that the mod will inflict psychic damage upon all of its followers.
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inkskinned · 2 years
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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crimson-nail · 8 months
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i have been cooking an over-complicated roleswap au for. a VERY long time
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xxplastic-cubexx · 24 days
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so like do you think they made the plastic wheelchair ALONGSIDE the plastic prison as a Just In Case situation, only after they realized charles was going to be a frequent visitor, or both as in because they knew charles was going to be the only person visiting him during planning they decided to make him a chair ahead of time
#xmen#x2: x men united#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#cherik#not really but yes it is#snap chats#secret fourth option is they just had a plastic wheelchair at the mansion just in case this incredibly specific scenario happened jvlkaervj#part of me hopes the staff just Knew cause imagine being THAT divorced publicly but another part hopes erik asked for one. not politely ofc#def joked bout how charles couldnt think to leave him alone for five minutes lest he did something Uncouth somehow ik he did#that charles was going to show up sooner or later so they might as well make it easy for themselves and prep etc etc#girl ima throw up what if charles didnt visit tho .... thats not even a possibility cause ofc he did but still !!!!#personally id throw up and cry like wdym my best friend ex husband didnt show up. when i even asked for a chair for him ..#EVEN ASKED FOR A SILLY LIL PLASTIC CHESS SET alternatively what if charles brought that... im making myself sick#As Indicated By My Username i think of the plastic jail every day its so funny to me and so quaint#i should rewatch X2 just for plastic jail#like it makes sense and i do think its a cute detail but still. gotta put grandpa in the polly pocket prison set now. tragic !!#i remember watching the movie for the first time in recent years and audibly going 'aw' at the plastic wheelchair im so sorry JVLKEJKA#LIKE AWW CMON THATS WEIRDLY CUTE gotta make sure peepaw can visit his ex husband </3 so they can play chess </3#i love that chess is Their Thing ... any time a ship's got mfers who fucks heavy with chess i know im hooked#its not intentional things happen this way but i will still laugh#kk nightly cherik posting is done byebye
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mariatesstruther · 2 months
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okay but a version of events in which tommy takes ellie to the fireflies, but NEITHER of them come back. and maria joel have to work together to get them back
#maria and joel best friend agenda#has someone already done this (in a way that actually characterizes maria as an actual person w a plot lmfao)#pissed off maria and regretful af grumpy joel having to team up#joel at first being like i canNOT let you come with me youre pregnant#maria: and who the fuck are you to tell me what to do#joel: okay ur coming i guess#him doing anything and everything to make the trip as easy and safe as possible for her#runs on like four hours of sleep every night so she only has to take one watch and gives her 70% of their food#at first maria is sooooooo not having it like#sure you care about me and my baby who you asked your brother to LEAVE for yOUR SELFISH SHORTSIGHTED ASS#but then one night hes telling her a story about ellie and then she tells a story about kevin and he tells a story about sarah#and she can see how much he loves not just his late baby girl but his living one too#and in that moment she just kind of gets it#tommy told her this part of joel was long dead#the part that was soft and loving and good#but he was wrong#he was so wrong#and all maria needed was to see that for herself#and then they team up and break into davids camp and take care of business#tommy and ellie are probably there that makes sense#and then ellie is like we still have to finish this we’re going to the fireflies#maria: um haha ur funny no we’re not#ellie: i—#maria to tommy and joel: no we’re not everybody pack it up#we’re going HOME#joel and tommy: yes ma’am#maria miller#joel miller#au#i had a dream abt this last night couldnt at least do a tag story on it
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mellobellooo · 23 days
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rwby textposts for the soul
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silusvesuius · 3 months
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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why-bless-your-heart · 4 months
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Throwing a temper tantrum because it makes sense for cellphone equivalents to exist in sci-fi but I hate them.
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thelien-art · 2 years
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Day 2: Maglor of @feanorianweek
Kingship
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Poppy = Sloth | Manipulation
I do think Maglor mourned when Maedhros got himself captured, I just also read Maglor as a manipulative power hungry character.
He probably convinced himself that Maedhros had died and ignored everything that proved otherwise, both as a poor coping mechanism and, subconsciously, seizing the power of being a king, although he never named himself one as that would give him trouble. He differently enjoyed the power and mourned, when Maedhros came back, for the power loss. He was happy to have his brother back of course. I don´t think he spoke against Maedhros choice to give the kingship to Fingolfin, even if he wanted it himself, as he did except Fingolfin to do something stupid and get himself killed eventually, and by agreeing he seemed more "civil" and the friendliest of his brothers, which would end up giving him political power, giving people the illusion that he´s the innocent and harmless of his family.
Maedhros | Celegorm | Caranthir | Curufin | Ambarussa | Nerdanel and Feanor
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aseuki · 9 months
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It's OC Ref time!
Phemus(she/her) is a psychopomp who wanders the fields of Hades and guides lost souls home! She doesn't talk much of her past, but she's cheery, chatty, capricious, ever the connoisseur of a good yarn, and especially prone to lending a sympathetic ear and bending the bureaucratic tape of the Underworld a bit more often than she probably should (it's for a good cause she swears)(it's Funny)
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snackugaki · 8 months
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my ass is not making it in on time for valentine's so here
tl;dr it's barbiesmashing and legoclacking hours when my turtles and @the-kingpen 's turtles (nsfw work and blog, mind your fucking manners and pay attention to the tags) meet in a crossover AU (and the other 40+ AUs)
anyway, in time (way before) valentine's, I'm touching on our Buffy Musical arc from our first crossover AU where our bales ended up serenading/pitch perfect songfight each other
King's Raphie sings this
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at my April, and she perished on the spot. Naturally, April has a song locked and loaded that I'm still drawing
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azumetapraline · 24 days
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I COULD have had a favorite character just like me but NOOOOO I HAD to ship him with the protagonist huh??
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pardonmydelays · 24 days
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i also think it's kinda cool how tyler makes me want to learn stuff
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jamietxrtt · 4 months
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For the WIP word thing how about team and/or sun (or any weather related item)?
aaaaa tysm for the ask!!!
from 3 men 3 ghosts (my big long wip!):
“I’m figuring it out now. I don’t know. I’m not a natural at this like you.”
Ted half-smiles. “A natural at what?”
“You know. Coaching. Mentoring. Being a guiding hand and all that.”
Ted stares at him openly, blatantly. “Are you serious? You’ve been Jamie’s keeper all summer.”
Roy looks surprised at that for a moment, but then his lips tug up into a smile. “Well, yeah,” he admits. “But that’s different. Jamie’s easy. I dunno.”
“Jamie’s easy?” The baby pancakes are done now too, and Ted starts tearing pieces of tin foil to keep them warm until the subject of their conversation wakes up. “I love him to bits, Roy, but… are we talking about the same Jamie?”
Roy laughs. “Yeah,” he says. “For me he actually is.”
Ted waits for an explanation.
“He’ll, like, tell you if you’re being an asshole. He calls me on it all the time. The other boys won’t do that. Like, Sam, he’ll just get all sad and puppy dog eyes on me, and then I feel bad. Jamie’s not shy about telling me when I’m pushing it too far.”
Privately, Ted worries about a player pushing back on the coach's authority in front of the team, but he decides not to say that. If it works for Roy, then okay.
aa and this one is earlier from the same fic!:
He remembers one day, one summer, when Dad sat out there with him, rolling balls of clay together until their hands were dyed red. On Dad’s instruction, they left the clay balls out in the sun to dry, and the next day when Ted woke up, Dad had set up makeshift targets set against the trees. They were only flimsy pieces of cardboard with circles drawn on in marker, but when Dad lined up those homemade projectiles and winked down at Ted, it felt like the most exciting activity in the world. “Just like darts,” Dad had promised, putting one of the brittle clay balls into little Ted’s hands.
They’d spent the whole day playing target practice, taking turns chucking those clay balls as hard and as far as they could. When Ted finally scored a bullseye, Dad lifted him up on his shoulders and paraded him around to nobody but Mom, laughing along from the porch.
She was sitting right where Ted’s sitting now, actually.
Ted’s suddenly very uncomfortable out here. The heat feels less comforting and more oppressive. What was he thinking, bringing out a hot mug of coffee to sip on in the summertime? He can feel a bead of sweat tracing its way down his back.
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detectiveneve · 1 year
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seeing people complain about their oaths breaking for slaughtering the goblin camp unprompted and the comments are like "but aren't the goblins evil??? why cant you just kill them????" buddy.... maybe you're just not a very good paladin......
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theloveinc · 1 year
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Shinsou needs you to look at him so bad but also can't keep eye contact with you at all
Whore. Vying for your attention like a child only not being able to handle it cuz he's really just a baby deep down.
And you already know he can give the most dangerous pair of bedroom eyes if he really wants to, just has never liked someone as much as he likes you to actually want to use them seriously.
I feel like it's funny because, before you start dating, you think the reason he can't look you in the eye is just because he's aloof and doesn't care, but after you start, it's frustrating because it's so intimate and lovely and he still can't bring himself to do it! Despite always needing to be in your vicinity or up in your business, turning away the second you acknowledge him.
Getting-all-flustered-ass when you pay attention to him like he's not staring/glaring down everyone else... Yes, I would be kinda Pissed.
(It's really just because he's shy. Being all sexy and intimidating to keep people from thinking they can get all close to him.
The first time you go to the club together as a couple, you catch him giving sexy eyes to a guy chatting him up, and the second you walk over to confront him about it, he's melting under your gaze and ignoring the other person altogether... embarrassed and squirmy at the thought of you being mad at him but needing you to know it's just because he loves you so.
He just can't help it!!! And now the stranger is mad that you got him so easily... bamboozled.)
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