Scar sits, balanced on a precipice at the crest of the world, and thinks.
If he tilts forward just a degree too far into the sweeping abyss that engulfs the city below, he will fall. It’s a height that very few could survive, and he knows without a shred of doubt that he is not one of them.
“Careful,” comes the warning in a tone that, if he closes his eyes, sounds awfully like Cuteguy. But of course, the voice that Scar hears so often through his earpiece is nothing at all like the unmistakable lilt of Pearl’s words.
OR
Pearl watches Scar leave his apartment in the small hours between dusk and dawn. When she follows to find him dangling his feet off the edge of the tallest building in Hermitopia, she decides to sit by her archnemesis' side, just for one night.
I wrote and posted my first fanfic, a oneshot based on the @hotguycomiczine universe!
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Y'all don't understand I didn't think they'd do it
I didn't see the leak. I'm assuming it was about the kiss but I didn't see it I just knew it existed and did my best to avoid it. I went into season 2 blind, fully expecting Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship to be similar to season one: small romantic moments, a few puppydog eyes from Aziraphale, soft little glances, something undeniably there but never stated or named. I was ready for a season where they loved each other but loved each other in their own way, a way easily read as romantic but a way that many, many people would also easily read as not romantic at all. I was ready for the extent of what we got to be something similar to season one and Neil and the casts' word that they love each other
I didn't think we'd get a kiss. I didn't think we'd get a confession. I was ready to not get those things, I was okay with not getting those things. My main worry was people getting their hopes up about a kiss and then being disappointed, or even angry, when it didn't happen. I was like "it would be nice, but I doubt Neil and the rest of the team will want to take that route, which is fine it's their story after all". I cannot stress enough that I did not think they'd do it
And then they did it
(While ripping my heart out but they did it nonetheless)
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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.
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"I am unsure how long it has been. Perchance time passed slowly in my absence, and thus all tales familiar to me have not been lost completely in its passage. Prithee judge my words, and find them true. There was, in my time, tales of great weapons sealed in stone, or drowned in dark water, held, for a time, only to be found again in greatest need. The Fox, cunning Devourer, knows these tales too, glutted on them, as I did, when we were both young and simpler."
"The Fox knew, when I raised my sword against him, that Death was coming, and so he sought to seal his Death away, to drown it in time and dark water, that he might prey on the land as a lion. It is the Fox's great folly, that he forgot, or could not prevent, the hand of Fate, which always draws the sword from the stone. I only pray Fate did not tarry over long."
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okay so you know how it goes: fourteen comes to life in thirteen's clothes. and they're both too short and too loose and entirely too bright for his frame of mind. they worked with a doctor who hid everything behind a too wide smile; not so much with a doctor whose pain and tiredness is written across his face
he needs to change. obviously
and then the star beast starts, and fourteen leaves the tardis, and he's still in thirteen's clothes
he just. he doesn't know. how does he choose new clothes? he feels wrong. how will wearing something else change that?
(donna tells him that it's christmas, mate; it's bloody freezing. maybe wear longer trousers, yeah? also he's both too young and too old to wear braces. just a friendly note)
he doesn't have to explain who he is to the unit scientist, not with those clothes. instead he talks about how he doesn't understand why he looks like this. why he is this. why this face? why isn't he someone new?
actually. maybe he is someone new. was he ever this open before? hm
why do you look like that, sylvia hisses, trying to hide him from the daughter he destroyed ruined left
it's a lottery, he replies, purposely ignorant
he still has his thirteenth self's screwdriver. it's too small in his hands
(the whole time they were her, her hands were too small. she didn't like touching anyway, but whenever someone took her hand, it felt wrong. they were too small. sometimes it felt like if she worked fast enough, tinkered about without stopping, she wouldn't have to look at them)
everything goes wrong. his fault, like always
(blimey. of all the things to carry over from the first time he had this face, it had to be the guilt, didn't it?)
you shouldn't look like that, the doctordonna says, and he runs a hand down his face with a tired laugh
no, the doctordonna says, not the face. a hand reaches out to grasp at the collar of his shirt, at the dangling earring chain. this isn't you. who are you, doctor?
like he knows. like they've ever-
she dies.
she lives. he doesn't deserve it. it isn't about him. he still doesn't deserve it
we're letting it go, donna says, and he looks down at himself, at another him's clothes, another him's screwdriver
well, she never was subtle, his donna
the tardis is gorgeous, though when isn't she. he tries to show off his new console to donna, and she rolls her eyes, and drags him off to the wardrobe
unlike normally, where all the clothes are scattered about, the new tardis wardrobe now also has a line of wardrobes stood against the wall. fifteen of them, to be exact
the last wardrobe is open. and empty
he goes to the second to last, and opens it to reveal a wide array of rainbow patterned shirts. she probably would've hated for her things to be organised like this. always creating mess so she wouldn't have to think about anything important. he laughs. and he takes off the sky coloured coat and the worn boots and the earrings and gently places them inside. tag, he thinks, as he closes the doors
and then he moves down to the eleventh wardrobe, full of brown coats and blue suits and neatly pressed shirts and pairs of converse. and he stands in front of it. and he wonders
after a moment, donna's like wait do you want me to leave?? you never cared about nudity before, did you? and he's like oh actually i do feel more self conscious. huh. weird.
he doesn't have to say, i think i'm a different person. not to donna. she just gives him a smile, and a shoulder nudge, and tells him she'll see him in the console room
the last wardrobe is empty
he takes a breath, and then goes to rummage about in the rest of the clothes
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