#bye im gonna go make brownies
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when emma falls in love
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synopsis: ellie might be in love with you, and you might just be in love with her too… if only you could admit it
pairing: college!ellie x fem!reader
warnings: too many tlou references, food, not proofread!!!!! also using angel in place of y/n bc it makes me cringe a little!
a/n: lets play a game called “how many references can kate make in her fics?”
‘IM JUST PRETTY GREAT WITH MY FINGERS’
when emma falls in love, she paces the floor closes the blinds and locks the door when emma falls in love, she calls up her mom jokes about the ways that this one could go wrong
ellie couldn’t keep up.
she felt like every time dina came over, there was someone new in your life, and she couldn’t understand how. you were perfectly nice and even prettier.
but here she was, yet again in her dorm, listening to dina rant about the latest endeavor.
“and he was just a total dick! like, how are you going to say you’re busy tonight with family and then go to a party? like are you stupid?” dina sighed. “i love her, but god does she picks some idiotic ones. you remember the beach girl?”
oh she remembered the beach girl.
on an annual beach trip over spring break, some blonde had caught your eye, and you caught hers. you had invited her to join them for dinner, and how could anyone say no to you?
you hit it off with the blonde, abby, and she spent the next couple days with the group, constantly flirting with you. ellie had felt a sort of dread fill her stomach. why her? she was obviously playing in to what you wanted and she knew you were smart enough to see that.
the trip wrapped up and you made plans with abby, excited she only live a town over. but when the time came, you spent 3 hours at the park waiting for her, only to receive a text saying she wouldn’t be able to make it.
you were upset and crashed at dina’s, and ellie had heard about it all the night.
“yes, god, i remember her. what a douche.” she rolled her eyes, standing up to grab her bag for class. “i’ve gotta go, but are we all still going out tonight?” dina nodded with a smile. “cool. don’t do anything stupid. and lock my door before you leave, please.”
“says you. and i’ll think about it!”
shes walking out the door when she hits something, or someone.
“shit.”
“fuck, sorry my bad.”
when she focuses back, she sees you. “hey, what are you doing here?”
“oh, dina told me to come over. are you going?” you leaned in the doorway. “dina, come on, stop invading people’s space. lets go!”
she groaned, “but ellie said we could smoke here!” she got up nonetheless, heading to join you. “thanks anyways els, have fun in class!”
“bye ellie!”
she sighs as she watches you two walk away. why does air fill her head whenever shes around you?
she waits and takes her time ‘cause little miss sunshine always thinks its gonna rain when emma falls in love, i know that boy will never be the same
“so, angel, how’s it going with you and that girl?” jesse felt a kick at his leg and turned to dina. “what? am i not allowed to ask questions?”
“no, no, it’s fine. we didnt work out, but thats okay!” you smiled brightly at the table. “i think im gonna take a break anyways. im kinda sick of it.”
they all shared a knowing look. “hey, no! i promise, this is for real.”
“hun, its not that we don’t believe you.” ellie started. “iits just that… we dont believe you!” you groaned and stole a fry from her plate. “look, we’ve just heard that a lot, and we dont wanna see you get hurt.”
“but im not going to! because im taking a break.” you kicked ellie. “you dont have to believe me, but can you at least pretend to?” they gave in and cheered for you. “thanks, now who wants to share a brownie?”
“okay, so its c minor sharp, f sharp, b, e, repeat?” you and ellie sat on the dorm room floor, her guitars in both of your laps.
“yea exactly, just on the third repeat, its a g sharp minor instead of a b.” you nodded at her and plucked the chord. “exactly. and i pluck for it so just… just watch?”
she played the song slowly, speaking her pattern as she went along. you nodded at her when she finished, figuring you knew it well enough. “okay, play it together?”
“yep!”
she counted down before starting, making you smile.
“talking away, i dont know what im to say. ill say it anyway, todays another day to find you shying away. ill be coming for your love, okay.” you hummed a harmony as ellie sang the words.
“are you sure you don’t usually play? youre a total natural at this.” ellie marveled as you let the last chord hum out.
“i guess im just pretty good with my fingers.” you felt your cheeks blaze as you heard back what you said.
dina chuckled, “damn right!” she stood up, going for the door. “gonna grab a bottle of water. play more for us beautiful ladies!”
ellie taught you the rest of the song, both of you more awkward than usual. you really came along it so fast, ellie was amazed.
“okay, seriously, you have to be messing with me because you are way to good at this.”
“i promise! i only took piano lessons.”
‘cause shes the kind of book that you cant put down like if cleopatra grew up in a small town and all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had the chance to love her and to tell you the truth sometimes i wish i was her
ellie had a thought that she might be, maybe, just could be a little in love with you.
she couldnt be though. right?
sure, she knew all of your favorite foods, and knew the words to your favorite song, knew your favorite books like the back of her hand, could tell anyone how you took your coffee.
but that was friendly. you guys were friendly. friends.
she guessed you guys hung out a lot, but thats because they always hung out as a group. she might’ve gotten excited when you joined, but that doesnt mean anything.
and of course she had noticed you were pretty. gorgeous, even. but so had everyone else. its not like she had purposefully memorized your features. every line and mark.
she could draw jesse from memory perfectly, its not like she liked him.
it was normal.
totally normal.
fuck.
“where’s angel?” ellie asked, looking to dina.
“not coming.” she sighed, digging around her purse for a pack of gum. “said she was busy, but she wouldn’t say why.”
“i think we all know why,” jesse teased. they all gave him a look, but he leveled them with one of his own. “im not insulting her. its just that, this isn’t exactly out of her nature. i mean seriously, who actually took her promise seriously?”
ellie excused herself to the bathroom, dialing you before she even reached the door.
“hello?”
“hey, where are you?” she picked at the already chipping nail polish she had on.
“uhm, im out.” you sighed. “look, im kind of busy. did you need somet-“
she had to cut to the chase. “are you on a date?”
“excuse me?”
“are you on a date?”
“thats none of your business.”
“oh fuck off, you know it very much is. so. are you?”
“fine, yea i am. now can i get back to it?”
“we are talking later.”
she joined the group back at their table, but couldnt focus back in on the conversation.
“you okay, ellie?” she looked up at dina, nodding with a hum.
“yea, sorry, got lost for a second.”
when emma falls apart, its when shes alone she takes on the pain and bears it on her own ‘cause when emma falls in love, she’s in it for keeps she wont walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave
she didnt even bother to knock, just walked straight through your dorm room door.
“ellie, what the hell?” you were in bed, a book in hand and music playing from a speaker. “what happened to knocking?”
ellie b-lined for your bed, taking a seat at the foot of it. “why were you on a date?”
“dude, seriously, what if i was naked? so not okay!” you placed a bookmark on your page and set the book to the side.
“okay, fine im sorry!” she groaned and found your eyes. “now why were you on a date? what happened to taking a break?”
“what do you want me to say, els?” you exhaled and looked down at your hands. “that i cant keep anything? that i cant keep promises or partners?” ellie felt bad as she saw your eyes were glossy and the frown on your face. “im sorry im such a screwup and that i cant do anything right. anything else?”
ellie ran her fingers through her hair. “im sorry.” she crossed her legs on your bed and looked at you. “really im sorry, this was so uncalled for. youre right, its not my business. im really sorry. i just wan-“
she froze.
surely you couldnt be kissing her right now.
before she could even think to reciprocate, you pulled away, a deer in headlights look on your face.
“im so sorry.” you whispered moving away from her. “god, im so so sorry. you should go. im sorry.” she opened her mouth to try and say anything, but you beat her to it. “ellie, please, just go.”
she saw the tears well and felt compelled to stay. but her body went against her, forcing her feet to walk out the door to her own room.
e: you cant ignore me forever. read
e: please angel, just talk to me. read
e: you kissed me, not the other way around. stop making this my fault. read
e: millers, noon? just coffee, i promise. read
a: im sorry.
ellie tossed her phone at her bed.
“whats up with you?” dina probed. “youve been… peeved this week. whats up?”
“who the hell says peeved?” she tried to joke but was met with dinas serious face. “im fine! seriously!” god that face made her break. “okay fine, just… dont tell anyone.”
dina nodded excitedly and sat down infront of her.
“angel kissed me, and then she freaked out and made me leave, and now she wont even talk to me!” ellie fell back onto her bed.
“SHE KISSED YOU?” dina squealed. “OH MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME SOONER!”
“did you hear nothing else that i said?”
and shes the kind of book that you cant put down like if cleopatra grew up in a small town and all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had the chance to love her and to tell you the truth sometimes i wish i was her
e: please, im begging you, just talk to me. read
a: what do you want me to say ellie?
e: literally anything. read
a: i messed up els, okay?
a: i shouldn’t have kissed you. im sorry.
e: but you should have. and you did. read
a: what?
e: meet me at millers? read
a: ellie…
e: please. read
a: omw.
e: thank you omg. read
a coffee was waiting on the table for you when you arrived. you sat across from ellie, hesitantly taking the drink. “you wanted to talk.” you talk a sip, finding it tasted like your usual order. “so talk.”
“okay look… i’m just as confused and nervous as you are.” she laughed nervously and fiddled with her own cup. “but, im glad you kissed me.”
“what?”
“yea i know.” she took a deep breath before continuing. “i only recently, like very recently, realized my feelings were misplaced. i really dont wanna be friends.”
you groaned, “and you couldnt have just texted me that?”
“fucks sake, just let me finish!” she pleaded, picking back up when you sat back into your chair. “i like you. like, a crazy lot, and it freaks me out. so please, let me at least take you on one date. if not, its fine, we just cant be friends. i wouldnt be able to stand it.”
you chewed at a nail as you took in what she had said.
“say something.”
a beat of silence before.
“okay.”
“okay?” she whispered.
“yea, okay. you can take me on a date.”
well, shes so new york when shes in l.a. she wont lose herself in love the way that i did ‘cause she’ll call you out she’ll put you in your place when emma falls in love, im learning
“hey, hurry up, im waiting downstairs for you.”
ellies voice rang through your room as you placed her on speaker.
“nuh uh, im not done. you asked me out, now deal with the consequences. ill be down when im ready.” you pulled out your outfit, throwing it on as you spoke. “just scroll on insta or something if you’re that bored.”
“fine.”
she hung up and you couldn’t help but laugh. you had been so nervous in the days leading up to this, but suddenly felt much better as she yelled at you like normal.
you finally met her at her car, hopping in the passenger seat and connecting your phone.
“the hell are you doing?” ellie squealed.
you scoffed and rolled your eyes. “passengers princess gets aux. suck it up loser.” you queued up songs as she pulled out and onto the main road. “where are we going anyways?”
“you’ll see.”
“god you are so annoying.”
and yet you smiled at her.
“an arcade? really?” you looked at her with eyebrows raised.
she shrugged and unbuckled, opening her door to get out. you shook your head, shocked still you were on a date with ellie williams. at the arcade.
she pulled you through the maze of a place to some own machine. “mortal kombat? what even is this?”
she smiled so bright, you couldnt help but smile back. “just wait, its so fun.”
emma met a boy with eyes like a man turns out her heart fits in the palm of his hand now he’ll be her shelter when it rains little does he know, his whole world’s about to change
“it was totally fun right? c’mon, you can admit it!” she pushed your shoulder, seeing your smiling face.
“okay yes, fine it was fun, i had fun!” you laughed, staring at her face. “i never really noticed you had this many freckles.”
you traced a finger across her cheeks. down the slope of her nose. across her eyebrow, stopping to poke the scar running through the left one.
“you’re pretty.” you whispered.
she blushed. “i think you’re gorgeous.” she whispered back.
her eyes were so pretty.
“can i kiss you?”
‘cause shes the kind of book that you cant put down like if cleopatra grew up in a small town and all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had the chance to love her and to tell you the truth sometimes i wish i was her
“please.”
yeah, between me and you sometimes i wish i was her
#! what would you do… !#ellie williams#ellie williams tlou#ellie willams the last of us#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams x y/n
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thinking abt hospice the antlers again
specifically bc these are too long to put in tags i am thinking about the lyrics; "wearing silver rings with nobody clapping" (two), "i've been repeating your speeches but the audience just doesn't follow because i'm leaving out words, punctuation and it sounds pretty hollow" (atrophy), and "hundreds and thousands of hospital beds and all of them empty but mine" + "the bed was misshapen and awkward and tall and clearly intended for you" + "my hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half" (shiva) (also the femur line makes more sense if you know the album is (mostly) abt 2 ppl and the other person having a broken femur is a bit of a theme in it, at least for some of the songs)
#8log upd8#NOT a vague this time at least not mostly which is surprising!! take it in while it lasts boys /j#first one is like.. vaguing the post i made a bit ago abt ppl congratulating romance only i guess?#SECOND ONE. IS VAGUING 2019 ME SO MUCH FUCKING -AGGRESSIVELY EXHALES INTO MIC-#and the third one; like; the song itself is about fearing becoming like your abuser more or less#but what im thinking about here is just the general concept of actually like. mirroring someone you know/knew#even if you dont mean to youre just wallowing in stuff they did and picking it back up for yourself for yourself#oh and the hospital beds line is vaguing 2019 me again lol ♥#but mainly for all of these im not really vaguing im just thinking abt these concepts. cuz they make me emotional#the last one.. sigh. mainly i noticed it on masto bc Everyone Is Aquaintances With Everyone#but have you ever had a friend who has another friend or smth and they start saying everything like they do#making jokes the other person made first and everything but because your friend is still who they are#its just like glaringly obvious they are just picking those things up and it is like theyre wearing a mask and youre just like. sigh.#either they arent doing it out of insecurity and it is stuff they genuinely wanna be like and are picking up!! and then its cute#other times it's sad and it's saddest when You are the person theyre trying to be like out of insecurity#like aaagh i like me too but trying to be like me 1-to-1 doesnt make me like you more it just makes me sad!!!#because if i didnt like you for you; when you arent acting like me; then why would i have approached you in the first place!!!#it's sad :( but anyway these are just floating around in my head. we have cream cheese brownies n matzo ball soup#so im gonna go get those now bye lol
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Mie, I’m begging for some Jean college au bf hcs - im literally so down bad for this man and the way you write men is just 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻
Absolutely, not a problem 😌 I saved this ask as a draft a while ago when you sent it, sorry for just now getting to it. Anyway, I love Jean with my whole heart, best boy, best boyfriend <33
King of forehead kisses, and not even just because of his height in comparison to yours; he just likes it. He likes the feeling of pressing his lips against your skin, and making you feel safe.
Brings you tea or coffee however you like it every day without fail. If he can get it to you in the morning before work/school then he’ll do that, if not he’ll meet you some time in the middle of the day to drop it off. Your own personal courier just for drinks.
He… has a thing for long(er) nails. He loves the feeling of them against his skin, even if you’re not scratching to apply pressure—just you holding his hand them grazing his skin is enough for him.
That being said, he will pay for you to get your nails done. Actually, he’ll pay for… almost anything you want, but the nails benefit him as much as they do you so feel free to ball out.
He never blowdries his hair because he doesn’t... know how to do the back of it. You did it for him once and he hasn’t stopped thinking about it since, but he’s also too embarrassed to ask you to do/style it again.
On the subject of hair, he does do his best to style it and take care of it, but he’s a sucker whenever you play with it. Sometimes he feigns like you’re messing up all his hard work, but he’ll literally crane his head into your touch. He loves it.
The first time he lays on top of you and you run your hands through his hair... top 10 most euphoric moments of his life. He tries to fight off the sleep threatening to take over him, but it’s futile. Give it 15 minutes at most before he’s knocked out like a baby.
Dogs love him. Anytime you’re in a park or just taking a walk and there’s a dog around, it’ll come up to him and he looks adorable leaning down to pet it. He loves dogs, too! So he’s always happy to stop and pet them. He’d be a 10/10 dog dad.
Has your name saved in his phone with two hearts at the end. Do not point it out.
Loves taking pictures together and if you guys are on a date, he’ll ask someone to get a picture for him. He just likes having them to look back on (and to send to his mom, later).
He doesn’t mind painting classes or videos or tutorials, but he hates paint by numbers kits. He claims that they have no sense of color theory and that it takes the originality and fun out of painting. Not to mention the quality of the paints isn’t great to begin with; all of which he takes very seriously.
It’s pretty cute actually, to see him get worked up over the paint kits. He claims that painting and drawing isn’t even something he takes “that seriously,” it’s just a hobby for him (one he’s insanely good at); but in moments like these, you can tell that he’s way more into art and art theory and history than he lets on.
Huge movie guy, from animated movies to martial arts movies, Jean is usually willingly to give anything a watch at least once. When he’s high, he can go on about his favorite directors and art styles and movie details for hours if you don’t stop him. It’s super cute. Just don’t bring up Moana, because he’ll start crying.
Arm around the shoulder kind of boyfriend for sure. It’s a casual way of keeping you near him and letting everyone know that you guys are together. Plus it allows for him to easily pull you into him for a quick forehead kiss when needed.
Listen. If you hug his arm, he’s on cloud nine. He tries to be nonchalant about it but he’s about three seconds away from his eyes rolling back in his head it feels that good to him. Bonus if you lean your head on his bicep a little—then he’s a goner.
He takes his bagels very seriously and believes that both you and him deserve nothing but the best quality bagels. He’ll grumble if a bakery gives you guys a less than favorable one and make a note that taking the long route to get to his favorite place is much more worth it.
Always makes you walk on the side furthest from the cars. If he notices you’re not, he’ll just shuffle behind you until he’s shouldering the street and you’re on the inside.
He grew up on a kind of modern ranch situation; not exactly all the way in the countryside, but not isolate from the city, either. Because of this, he knows how to ride horses, take care of smaller farm animals, tend to plants, and yes he knows how to use a lasso. You wouldn’t know any of that though, because he never ever talks about it. The only way you find out is when he takes you to visit his mom’s house for the first time, and she asks him for a hand around the place.
(He’s got a cowboy hat, too, but refuses to put it on. He got it when he was, like, nine, okay, leave him alone).
When he thinks you look tired, he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders to hug you. It’s usually followed up with a kiss to your head, and a promise that you guys will go home soon and get food on the way.
He’s a really good cook. He just understands and flavors and pairings really well, so he doesn’t need a recipe to make something that tastes good; he just kind of knows what to add to get the balance he’s looking for.
Naturally, he’ll cook for you. Especially if he finds out that you haven’t eaten all day/in a long time. He doesn’t care if it’s 11pm and it might seem excessive to make steak and potatoes with a side salad at this hour, he’s gonna do it to make sure you eat, and you are going to sit there and watch.
He also bakes pretty well, though he isn’t as experimental with his baking as he is with his cooking. He usually sticks to what he knows, and it’s not cupcakes and brownies and cakes; he’s better at croissants, and cheesecakes, and canelés.
Dating Jean means getting along with his friends. If you guys didn’t know each other before you started dating, be prepared to be ambushed by Connie and Sasha (after Jean stops hiding you away and gives them the green light lmfao). Neither of them waste time with the small talk and formalities; straight into mini golfing and beer pong. They make you feel welcome right away.
Sasha always teases that you’re too good for Jean, and that she might just steal you away for herself some day. Sasha is also Jean’s main confidant, so she really knows just how much he loves you, and yeah, she teases him for being lovesick, but really she’s happy for Jean. And proud of him for facing his feelings like this.
Connie adores you, and you know he trusts you when he starts going to you for advice/help. Could be anything from schoolwork, to what color he should get his new shoes in. He’s also the one who, surprisingly, you have the sentimental talks with about your relationship with Jean. It’s easy to overlook, but Connie loves Jean, and he’s come to love you too; he just wants you both to be happy, so he’s there to listen when you need it.
Jean waits outside of your classroom after you’ve had a test or presentation, usually with a drink or a snack, or the promise of taking you out as a treat. Always tells you he’s proud of you, and is there to comfort you if you think you didn’t do too well.
He does not shut up about whatever major you’re in. It could be the same as his; it could be the complete opposite as his. He thinks it’s so sick that you’re doing it, you make it look cooler, you make it look better, and he’s certain you’re the smartest person in your program.
He’s pretty serious about his studies, too, so he’s always down to study with you in the library whenever you’re both free. More often than not, he shows up after you, usually with food or extra chargers. He greets you with a kiss on the forehead, and asks you how you are while massaging your shoulders gently. If it’s been a while since you took a break, that’s the first item on the list, after that, he gets to work and stays with you until you’re ready to go, even if he doesn’t have as much work to do.
He always sits across from you. This goes for when you’re in the library, or out to eat at a restaurant; Jean loves sitting across from you. He gets to see your face the best that way, and he adores looking into your eyes when you talk.
He’s not... not a morning person. He’s not up at 6am ready to grind, but he wakes up before noon; let’s say 10am is his happy medium. That being said, if you wake up before him, regardless of the time, there’s a 9/10 chance he’ll lay on your back and tell you to hush so you guys can sleep for 10 more minutes.
If you’re (close) friends with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, Jean is... happy you’ve got people to rely on, but, “Of all people on the planet, you put your trust in Jaeger?” He acts so bitter (because he is), but deep down inside, he’s glad you have Eren to rely on if you need to.
(Also, you have to humble him and remind him that he and Eren aren’t all that different. If you like him, why wouldn’t you get along with Eren, bye).
Turns out though, that it’s not Eren who threatens to beat him up if he breaks your heart. It’s not even Mikasa, although, her threat goes without saying; it’s Armin he’s terrified of.
The last time Armin hated someone, it was this guy in your program, who happened to share a few mutual classes with him, too. Jean never knew the full story, just that he’s pretty sure that kid dropped out the following semester.
If you have a job on campus, Jean usually doesn’t show up while you’re working (knowing how embarrassed he would be if you did that to him), unless you work the night shift and it’s dead. Connie, however, does show up; usually in some kind of crisis (“Please help me, I don’t know what the fuck APA formatting is and this is due tonight, please, please, please!!”). Your coworkers actually thought Connie was your boyfriend for a minute. That’s when Jean starts showing up more lmfao.
He makes it a point to go on a scheduled, night out, kind of date at least twice a month. He knows life gets busy with school and work and midterms, but he always makes sure you both set side a time to take a well-deserved break and be with each other.
He’s the romantic type, so these dates are pretty swoon worthy, too. Drive-in movies, nice dinners, classy art exhibits, Jean plans it all. On that note, he really likes planning dates; he just doesn’t like talking about them with his friends beforehand.
All in all, very romantic, very precious boyfriend. He’s always thinking about you, what you need, and how he can help you out. You’re one of his main priorities, and he just wants to treat you right.
#anonymous#when.... when.... WHEN IS IT MY TURN#aot x reader#jean x reader#jean kirschtein x reader#jean kirstein x reader#aot imagines#no because he's the love of my whole life#jean fluff#jean smut#eren x reader
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The first ‘ I love you ‘
This is dog shit so sorry in advance just had to get it out my head again sorry it's really bad
'me and jj have been together for about 6 months now and i love him so much. i've never felt this way about anyone. but i don't know if he feels the same and i think its to soon to tell him anyway i mean what if i tell him and he just says 'thanks' like i think i would die. ill just wait.'
"Y/N HURRY UP OR IM LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!" Kie screams from my living room
"IM COMING HOLD ON" I stash my diary in my desk and run down stairs. "Ok I'm ready let's go " I grab kies arm and lead her outside to her car so we can go to Sarah's.
"Ok jees you trying to break my arm? What were you even doing that took you so long?" I stayed quite the pouges knew about me and jj but not that I loved him.
" nothing just making sure I had everything" she looked me up and down with a suspicious look in her eyes. I shrug it off and get in the car and we drive off.
When we get to Sarah's we run up stairs to her room for a girls day because the boys were driving us insane.
" so y/n how are you and jj?" Sarah asked with a cheeky smile.
"It's great I love being with him he just makes me so happy" my cheeks turn red at the thought of him and the girls aww at my blushing.
"That's awesome. You do seem a lot happier with him" kie said while hugging my side. "Anyway no more boy talk how about we make cookies or something and watch some movies" me and Sarah lock eyes and then turn to kie nodding our heads and giggling.
—————————
A few hours later we had made cookies and brownies and watched titanic (because Leo is hot) to all the boys I loved before and 10 things I hate about you (because why not) and we where ready to se the boys. We needed some chaotic energy.
We drove to the chateau and saw the boys chilling by the dock.
"Hey guys" kie yells from the porch of John bs house. They turn around and wave as we make our way over to them.
"Hey baby" jj kisses my head as I sit in his lap. Little things like that just make me love him even more. "What you girls do today I haven't seen you since yesterday" he pulls me closer to his chest.
" made cookies and brownies and watched movie at Sarah's, but it got boring without you guys to stuff everything up" all three of the boys looked at me with offended looks and I just laughed.
"She's not wrong. Without anything going wrong it wasn't as fun" kie says through her laughter knowing I was right and that why we could even last an entire day without our loving boyfriends.
after a few hours hanging around the hot tube and on the beach kie and pope had to go home and sarah went to bed." i have to go j " i whisper into his ear while trying get off his lap after cuddling for hours.
" ok ill take you home" he said and then kissed me on the head. we went to say bye to John b and left. its only a 15 minute walk to my house from the chateau so we walked in silence until we got there and all i wanted to do was tell him i loved him but that little voice in my head kept telling me he didnt feel the same.
we made it back and went up to my room." im gonna have a shower then we could watch a movie or something if you want?" i asked jj while he was spinning on my desk chair,
"yeah ok ill just wait here don't be to long" he grabbed my waist and pulled me in between his legs and i kissed his head and left.
JJ pov
I looked at my phone to see a message from John b
JOHN B: bro are you gonna tell her!?
JJ: I don't know man what if she doesn't say it back or she think it's to soon
I'll just wait.
JOHN B: no do it nan I'm telling you she loves you and she will say it back just do it don't over think it ok?
JJ: fine
I close me phone and walk out of y/ns room to the bathroom door.
"Hey baby I'm gonna head back to John bs he said he wants to go on the boat early tomorrow morning so I'll text you later ok." I call through the bathroom door trying to her if she heard me over the water.
"Ok bubs I'll see you tomorrow" she calls back. 'This is my chance say it now that way you can just leave' o whisper to myself.
"Ok bye baby 'I love you'" I walk out the door as fast as I can not looking back hoping I haven't made a huge mistake
Y/ns pov
" ok bye baby 'I love you'" I love you did he really just say that I must be dreaming
"JJ?JJ are you still there?" I hear nothing but silence I turn of the water pull on my pajarma shorts and shirt and run out the door soaking wet trying to chatch up with JJ.
"JJ!JJ WAIT UP YOU IDIOT" I scream running down the road behind jj. He turns around and laughs at my state , soking wet her and hardly any clothes and and no shoes.
" what are you doing" he asked like he was obvious
" why am I doing? What are you doing? Saying I love you for the first time while I'm in the shower are you kidding me" I push him back a few times until he caught my hands.
" I was meant to say it first not you"
" well I bet you to it then didn't I" he pulls me into his arms and I hold him tight.
"I love you so much jj you can't even imagine" I whisper into his chest.
" you really mean that?" He asked with a unsure tone
" yes and I will love you forever" I kiss him with all the passion in the world knowing I told him the one thing I was worried about him knowing.
" in that case, I love you y/n y/l/n and always will" I smile up at him and we start to walk back to place because I'm still hardly waring anything and spend the night cuddling until eventually we fall asleep.
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kisses and cuddles
wooooooooo time for some more fluffy shit yall i loved making this so much this sorta relted to my weed garden fic but you dont need to read it (be cool tho)
Ruby was sitting in the cafeteria with Oscar and penny she was too tired to pay attention to what the two were talking about penny sitting across from her and Oscar was excitedly talking about something while Oscar liens looking interested she’s unsure how he’s so put together they were both up late hanging out dreading comics and it’s only 7 am she leaned on Oscar and closed her eyes hoping to get a little more sleep before She had to do missions she had a relatively short one today only a search and destroy so maybe she could get home fast and take a nap Oscar nudged her shoulder and she lifted her head “hey don’t fall asleep if you don’t eat you’ll be grumpy” he says she fakes a pout and starts eating the gross cafeteria food she assumed that atlas food would be good sense it’s so many rich folks but no she’s actually had better tasting mres or maybe she was just getting spoiled eating Oscar and rens cooking “ruby why are you so tired did you have trouble sleeping” penny says drawing circles on the table with her finger “no me and Oscar were up late last night and I only slept like three hours“ penny frowns “while I am happy you and Oscar are spending time together you require at least 6 hours of sleep for maximum field efficiency” ruby just nods “so why don’t you seem tired Oscar you couldn’t of slept anymore than I did” she says with a yawn he shrugs and says “I guess I’m used to it I had to wake up early back home so I always didn’t get a bunch of sleep” penny raises a finger “actually according to my scans Oscars brain is only running at 89% efficiency and his hear rate is faster from his normal 48 beats per minute to to 51 it is likely that he simply better at hiding his tiredness” Oscar slumps “penny do have everyone’s heart rates memorized” he says exasperated “yes I also have all of your medical charts on file and criminal records why” he raises a brow “criminal record?” Penny nods “yes several of your team have criminal records qrow having the longest with 22 counts of public intoxication as well as 3 of public indecency and” ruby raises her hands “trust me you don’t wanna know the rest they had to make a new law for one of the things he did but who else has charges?” she tries to wake herself with conversation and it sorta works she also learns some new and unsettling things about her friends but eventually breakfast ends and she starts to get her gear ready she’s loading rounds into one of crescent roses magazine when someone knocks on the door to her locker room “it’s open” she calls out and incomes Oscar he’s holding a small Tupperware box and a small metal tumbler “hey I wanted to give this to you before you go” he says with a sheepish grin he sets the box next to her and hands her the tumbler it’s warm and smells good “it’s coffee, don’t worry I added way too much sugar for you and the other thing is a surprise you said you don’t eat a lot on missions so I made it for you it’s a bit of an experiment so tell me if it’s bad” she’s grinning ear to ear and stands up from her weapon bench and hugs him “you are the best and I’m sure it’ll be great” she gives him a kiss on the cheek she’s been slowly trying to work her way up to kissing him on the lips but nose and cheek kisses were enough for her he smiles and his cheeks get all rosey and he hugs her back and says “be careful ok sorry I know you can take care of yourself but just you know“ she squeezes him a little “yeah don’t worry I know I’ll be careful and when I get back we are so taking a nap mister I’m not that tired” he giggles and looks up at her with a smile “you won’t hear me complain and uh before you go could I uh kiss you like um on the lips” he says nervously she leans down pressing her forehead to his and smiles she smells his breath it smells like chocolate and coffee she feels her cheeks heat up to match his and says “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now are you sure you want to ” he nods his head wordlessly she takes his hand and gently presses her lips to his its short and maybe a little clumsy but it makes her heart soar when she breaks the kiss Oscars breath shakes slightly and a little panic starts to fill her did she mess it up did he hate it and then he smiles and it all fades away “that was really nice” he says rubbing her knuckle with his thumb then there’s a knock on the door frame she looks up and weiss and Blake are standing there weiss looks annoyed and Blake is grinning “time to go ruby morning Oscar” wiess says already turning to walk away ruby quickly gathers crescent rose and Oscars gifts and says “bye Oscar I’ll be careful byeee” and dashed out the door behind the others Blake nudges her shoulder “your lucky I made weiss wait ,god you two are adorable” ruby squeaks “will you stop spying on us” “we weren’t spying you two dolts left the door open” weiss says annoyed
The mission was boring as she thought it was gonna be how normal soldiers couldn’t handle this she’ll never know on the airship ride home she opens the box Oscar gave to her a note on top says “have a great day and stay safe” she smiles at the note and sticks it in her ammo pocket it looks like a brownie is some kind and yang leans over and says “where did you get that”
“Oscar made it for me” she says taking it out of the container it smells like a peanut butter protein bar “ooo come on share with me pleassss” yang says putting her hands together “ugh your lucky I’m a good sister” she breaks off a small piece and hands it to yang and takes a bite of her own and it’s amazing it Taste like a peanut butter brownie but somehow better it’s somehow not dried out or crumbly yang seems to have a similar opinion “god if you don’t marry Oscar i will his food is too good”yang says with a laugh she kicks yang in the leg “I know right I can barely eat the cafeteria food anymore” her and yang chat a bit about food until they finally land Oscar is standing on the landing pad waiting for her she bounce on her heels excitedly despite how tired she is when the door finally opens she rushes out to hug him “how did it go” he asks wrapping his arms around her shoulders “oh it was easy but soooo boring I don’t know why they asked us to do it” she says leaning into him he chuckles “well I’m glad it wasn’t dangerous at least did you like it” he asks sheepishly she puts her head on his “yeees brothers it was great what was it” he unwraps his arms and looks at her “there’s no name for it yet but it’s kinda like a protein brownie was it too grainy or anything what about the after taste” he asks “I didn't even realize it was supposed to be healthy” she puts her hands on his shoulders “Oscar I’m gonna need more of that” he smiles “happy to make some more tonight” he says proudly yang walks past and ruffles his hair “make sure to make enough for me too kiddo” and walks off “how about that nap ruby my teams still on mission so we should have some time” he says taking her hand “yes please”
They walk back to team alpns dorm room after ruby changes into something more casual Oscar was already wearing his normal clothing he sits on his bed and smiles “I’m gonna get to have two naps today” she sits down next to him and throws her arm around him "you and your team sure like your naps huh" he smiles as they lie back on his bed "honestly who doesn't like naps I never use to be a huge cuddler but it’s nice to have someone close to you, you know” they lie back Oscar resting his head on rubies shoulder “well I do wish my team took naps together sometimes yang is a big cuddler too but Weiss doesn’t like being warm and Blake can’t sit still even so less than you” he snorts as he takes her hand running his thumbs along her knuckles “well I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind you joining our naps if have to ask but i'll warn you ren sits up in his sleep Jaune snores and i talk in my sleep” she raises an eyebrow “you didn't last time” she says “that's cause we were smoking but if i take a nap or if im really tired you can actually talk and I'll talk back” she grins “well what do you talk about” he rests his head on her chest “usually about my aunt or all yall but Nora has told me i say lots of stuff about you if i'm asked” he says his cheeks getting just a tiny bit rosy she grins and plants a kiss on his nose “well i hope i get the chance to ask but i'll probably fall asleep first im super tired” she rolls over and wraps herself around him oscar adjusting to lay on her arm pulling a blanket over them "well if you can get me to talk I'll answer any question just nothing to embarrassing please" he says “i would like to know what you have to say tho so maybe i'll try to hold out just a bit longer” she says closing her eyes as oscar lets out his relaxed sigh about half of Oscars communication was nonverbal she liked to mentally catalog the things he does when he relaxes he lets out a long almost high pitched sigh it makes her happy to hear that and it helps her relax her thoughts starts to get fuzzy as sleep takes her she wakes up a few hours later laying on her back oscar laying on top of her them both having wrapped around each other she hears quiet murmurs coming from him to quiet to understand "Oscar are you still asleep" she whispers no response "Oscar are you comfy" he nods his head "of course I'm comfy I'm cuddling with ruby" she snickers he was definitely still asleep "who's the coolest person you know" she she's "ruby for sure she's so good at fighting and everyone trusts her I wish I was more like her" she runs her hand through his hair "how do you feel about ruby " she asked "I'm in love with her she makes me feel strong and weak at the same time when she's with me I feel like I'm safe and that we could do anything together i want to be with her forever" she's crying now "oh shit I didn't expect him to be that honest" she thinks as tears run down her face "I love you too Oscar" she kisses the top of his head “you know i never used to want like romantic stuff and all the fluffy garbage i just wanted to be a huntress and fight grim stuff like that but you make me want that stuff i wanna take you on dates and like hold your hand and stuff there are a bunch of things i wanna do like” she pauses resting her head on his “i forgot you were asleep for a second i'm starting to embarrass myself i do love you tho i dont know when your supposed to say that we've only been i guess dating for what 2 and a half weeks my dad always joked that huntsmen relationships move really fast nothing like holy shit we might die to move a relationship forward right but you make me feel like i don't know amazing and I love being with you you make all my worries disappear even if it's only for a little bit and i'm rambling and your not talking back” oscar lifts his head “its cause im awake and i love it when you ramble” she feels her face light on fire “w-what when did you wake up” he hums happily “around we might die i think it was nice that stuff you said you can ramble longer if you want what that new gun you saw in that magazine” she smiles “it's a roller delayed blowback sniper rifle its a smaller caliber than crescent rose but it has a longer effective range because of the way the bore is shaped i prefer bolt actions to semi automatics for a long range rifle semi autos have there merits and stuff it's a lot lighter than crescent rose as well on account of it not also being a giant scythe you know i was thinking about carrying a pistol too crescent rose is great but shes heavy and she's also really hard to conceal even when shes folded speaking of i need to clean her gears a bunch of dust got in them today you said you wanted to learn weapon maintenance i could teach you today if you want” “sure i can learn there's a lot of things oz knows but it's like a big library without a librarian its all jumbled up” she scratches the back of his neck “well i do not understand the dewey decimal system but i'm happy to help” they both giggle at her joke ruby keeps rambling until the rest of team alpn return
Oscar is walking ruby back to her dorm they come to her door and they turn to face each other and oscar rubs his hands together “so ruby uh I got permission with ironwood to leave school grounds as long as someone's with me so I was wondering if you’d like to maybe go out like on a date” she smiles and puts her arms around his shoulders “sounds amazing sweetie I’m free this weekend where do you want to go” he blushes and says “well I actually have something in mind but I wanna keep it a surprise if that’s ok” she kisses him on the cheek “of course casual clothes or should i dress nice” he shakes his head “i mean it's really up to you but were not going somewhere fancy just a place I think you'll like" she smiles and kisses his nose and he leans up a little so there lips are level "can i kiss you again" he asks just above a whisper her pressing her lips gently against his is her answer they hold the kiss for a few moments Oscars hands drifting to ruby's waist when they separate she says "i think we're getting pretty good at that" Oscar smiles avoiding her eyes "yeah um It's certainly enjoyable" they break the hug "I'll see you in the morning I'll make that stuff you like ok" he says "yes awesome you're the best Oscar good night" she says as she slips into her from her teammates giving her knowing smirks
#rwby#rosegarden#ruby rose#oscar pine#there simps your honor#im a sucker for this shit so yall get to read my self indulgent word vomit#weedgarden#expanded universe#am i a good writer no can i write fluffy shit yes#after weed garden ive wrote like three seperate fics#next one will have angst#but it gets fluffy dont worry#im not evil
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Road Trip (JJ Maybank X Reader)
so this was requested a while ago by @afterglows7b-tch13.I started it and its just been vibing in my google docs ever since so I decided to publish it.If you guys like it I might make a part two :)
All you wanted was to have a nice,relaxing sunday morning.But of course there was never a dull or relaxing moment in your life.You had been trying to have an aesthetically pleasing morning as you sipped your coffee by your window as the sunlight peaked through the blinds.But then JJ walked in.You could tell by the big grin on his face and the backpack hanging from his shoulders that he wanted to do something stupid.He frowned once he saw you enjoying your morning. “I wanted to wake you up.”He sounded disappointed as he placed his cheap speaker down on the counter.
You sighed,sipping your coffee. “What do you want,J?Its seven in the morning.”You grumbled.He giggled,jumping up and down. “Ok,ok,ok.So you know how you’ve always wanted to go to the White Mountains?”He asked.You shook your head. “No,I dont think i’ve ever said that.”You replied.He sighed,scratching the back of his head. “Ok,well I’ve always wanted to go and then I realized we have literally nothing to do ever so why dont we go to the mainland and take my cousin’s truck and drive to New Hampshire?”He explained his idea.You looked up at him.
“Baby,as much as id love to,we cant go to the White Mountains.”You watched as his smile faltered. “Why?”He asked,squatting on the ground in front of you.You ran your fingers through his hair. “How are we gonna get to the mainland?”You asked.He leaned his elbows on your knees,gazing up at you. “A ferry.”He answered.You looked around your messy kitchen. “Right now?”You asked.He hummed,arms going around your waist.You couldnt say no to him.
You huffed,slowly standing up.He stood up as well,looking at you and waiting for you to say something. “Okay.Alright.Let me shower and get my shit together.”You kissed him quickly before heading to your bathroom.He made it his job to go into your bedroom and into your dresser.He knew where you kept all of your things by now.He couldnt help staring at your bed and smirking at all the memories.He remembered all the way back to the first time he had fucked you on your bed.It had been after he had walked you home.
He remembered asking if your parents were home and you had simply laughed and reminded him that your parents were dead.He had been embarrassed of course but it didnt matter when his head was between your thighs and your fingers tugged at his hair.He heard your shower turn on,snapping him back into reality.He grabbed a few of your bras and panties before putting them at the bottom of your bag as neatly as possible.He grabbed eight of your crop tops,a few normal t shirts and a baggy long sleeve.
He went into your pants drawer to grab you a few pairs of shorts,a pair of jeans and socks.He forced the bag to zip shut,opening the next pocket.He thought about things you might need.He reached under your bed to grab you a handful of pads and tampons,pushing in a bottle of ibuprofen.He sat down on the bed,waiting for you to get out of the shower.He had told the others already that you two would be gone for a while and hadnt even bothered telling his dad.You walked into your room,your wet hair in a bun and a towel wrapped around your body.He watched as the towel dropped and you opened your dresser,eyebrows furrowing at your lack of clothes.
“I packed your bag,baby.”He grinned.You nodded,grabbing one of the two bras left.You settled on a sportsbra,pulling it over your head and down your chest. “Stop staring at my ass,J.”You grinned as you picked a pair of boyshort undies.He sighed,still looking. “Its right there though.”He frowned as you pulled the underwear up your legs.You smirked at him,straddling him on the bed and placing a kiss on his lips. “Do we have time?”You asked,kissing his neck gently.A shiver went up his spine,his hands going straight to your butt.
“Im sure if we’re fast enough….”He let out a small moan as you bit his tan skin.You smirked,kissing his lips. “You know,I just showered so probably not the best time.”You grinned before getting off of him and grabbing an oversized shirt.You slipped on a pair of joggers,tying the shirt into a knot at your waist.You looked like a hippie but you didnt care,you were comfy as hell.You grabbed the bag that JJ had packed,swinging it over your shoulder.
“bras,panties,socks,pants,bikinis,shorts,pajamas,pads,tampons,ibuprofen.Did I get everything?”He asked.You shrugged. “We’ll find out.”You smiled up at him.You two began the walk to the docks.He had left his packed duffel bag on your steps and had it swung over his shoulder,holding your hand as the two of you walked. “Ive got $400 to last us.”He informed you. “I’ve got my $100 for emergencies.”You kissed his cheek.
The ride on the ferry wasnt payed for,you two had just snuck on with the others.JJ’s cousin’s house was only a mile walk from the docks. “I cannot believe I agreed to this.”You giggled.He wrapped his arm around your waist,kissing your forehead. “Well believe it because its too late to turn back now.”He smiled.His cousins house was exactly how you imagined.
Small but much cleaner than anything in The Cut.He told you that he already knew you two were coming.You two went up to the door,JJ swung it open without even knocking and the fumes of weed immediately filled your senses. “HEY BITCH!”JJ shouted.Another voice shouted back before a tall boy with brown hair came into view,a blunt hanging from his mouth as he fist bumped JJ.
“Hey,hoe.”He nodded towards JJ,glancing over at you. “This is her?”The boy asked.JJ nodded. “Leo this is (Y/N),(Y/N),Leo.”He introduced you two.Leo laughed loudly,holding out his fist and looking you up and down. “You know,he told me you were hot but I didnt believe him!I mean seriously though,have you seen him?You’re like wayyy out of his league.”JJ smacked Leo’s arm jokingly.
You just grinned,hands in your pockets. “You and me though,we could work.You know where I am.”Leo winked.God,he was so much like JJ.He tossed JJ the keys to the truck that was parked outside along with a tin,waving bye to you guys.You two tossed your bags in the back seat,seeing the stacks of blankets and pillows ready for you two.You got into the passengers seat,JJ’s hand resting on your thigh after he began driving. “You hungry?”He asked,pulling up to a McDonalds drive thru.
You got icecream and fries as well as a burger,sitting in the parking lot to eat. “Hey,hey (Y/N).”JJ turned to look at you.You raised your eyebrows as you put a fry in your mouth. “Hey,hey JJ.”You mimicked,making him roll his eyes. “Are you stressed?About the car ride,I mean.”He sipped his cola.You shrugged. “I dont know,dude.The Mountains are far away I just like...dont want you to fall asleep driving.”You answered.He nodded,his hand squeezing your thigh reassuringly.
You went through Leo’s CD’s,pleased to find Panic At The Disco Too Weird To Live,Too rare to die.You played it,leaning back in your seat as JJ drove.The area was unfamiliar and he seemed to just be driving in whatever direction his heart was telling him to.You didnt care though,you just enjoyed having some time alone with him.You ended up stopping at a large gas station to get snacks.Oreos,a jar of nutella,brownies,chips,iced coffee,gum and energy drinks was what you ended up getting.
“This is fucking insane.I dont even know where we are right now.”JJ admitted,laughing.You took a sip of iced coffee with a smile on your face. “I’ve literally never left the island so like,you know,im lowkey freaking out.”You giggled.He nodded in agreement,looking at every house you passed by.There were large and small houses next to eachother,high end stores next to shitty looking bakeries.It was nothing like OBX. “Everywhere else has middle class families,cant relate.”He chuckled,pointing out to the medium sized houses with three cars in the driveway.
Thats the last thing you heard from him before you fell asleep.When you woke up it was dark out and the truck was coming to a stop. “Rise and shine,princess.”He smiled.You rested your head against your hand,looking at your surroundings.You were parked in a field surrounded by tall trees.The sky was full of stars,the moon a bright crescent. “Where are we?”You asked. “Somewhere in New Jersey,Diner Capital of the Country.Pretty cool,right?”He raised his eyebrows.You nodded tiredly,reaching for his arm.He intertwined his fingers with yours,lifting up your arm and kissing the back of your hand lightly.
#jj maybank#jj maybankxreader#jj maybank imagine#jj x you#jj maybank oneshot#jj x reader#jj outer banks#jj imagine#jj maybank headcanon#jj maybank smut#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x y/n#sar#sarah cameron x reader#sarah cameron imagine#sarah cameron x you#obx sarah#kiara carrera#kiara x reader#obx kiara#kiara carrera x you#kiara carrera imagine#pope heyward#pope x reader#pope outer banks
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Who ate the last one?
Sarah Paulson character (?) X reader
Summery : Not just the coven universe but also murder house (Billie dean Howard), hotel (sally), cult (Ally), Roanoke (Audrey) and Apocalypse (Wilhemina). Obviously the coven cast. Everyone in the academy eats Y/N brownies... but who eats the last one?
Zoe: whatcha doin?
Y/N: searching for something ~ searching in the pantry ~
Zoe: and what is this thing your searching for...
Y/N: My brownies I made yesterday. Have you seen them?
Zoe: well... I had one of them and I'm pretty sure Madison had one. The tub was on the side.
Madison: what's up bitch?
Zoe: Hi.
Y/N: Stop eye fucking each other and tell me WHO ATE MY BROWNIES!
Madison: Chill. Jeez.
~sally walking in and Madison and Zoe leaving the kitchen looking slightly guilty~
Sally: why the fuck are you yelling?
Y/N: Sally not now, someone ate the brownies I was saving.
Sally: I had one but there was some left last night. It was fucking delicious. Who ever made them is a blessing.
Y/N: Well thanks for the complement, but I wanted one and now I can't find them. Arghhh. It had my name on and the tub is missing. Also, are you telling me everyone else had some and I didn’t?
Sally: Sorry babe, yeah.I can help you look.
Y/N: No its fine, i’ll just make some more but I'm gonna slap the bitch that ate the last one.
Sally: I wanna see that. Hahaha.
Cordelia: Darling are you ok? I ran into Zoe and Madison and they said that you were mad about someone eating the last brownie.
Y/N: Yes, I know its stupid but I was looking forward to eating them. Do you have any idea who it was so I can slap a bit.. never mind.
Cordelia: I had one, darling. There was still some left this morning. There will be no slapping at all. ~pointed look at Y/N, Sally rolling her eyes~
sally: You can't do that, I want to see her slap a bitch.
Cordelia: Im sure you do. I’m also sure you have some chores to catch up on.
Sally: ARghhh, fine. Tell me when you find the bitch.
Audrey: Honey, can you put the kettle on.
~sally walking out and Audrey walking in with a script walking aside of her is Billie~
Billie: Will do. What’s with the long face Y/N?
Cordelia: Someone ate the last of the brownies and she wants to slap them. I told her not to.
Mallory: Cordelia, Your wife is trying to sneak in a stray dog. ~yelling in the distance~
Cordelia: I’m gonna sort that out and stop Misty taking in a dog, Billie make sure she doesn't slap someone. ~ elegantly walking out~
Y/N: Like saying it isn’t gonna stop me slapping a bitch.
Cordelia: Y/N/N, You will not slap someone. If I hear that you did you will be taking over Zoe class for 2 weeks. ~saying it over her shoulder~
Y/N: But..
Cordelia: No buts.
Billie: I had one of the brownies. Sorry Y/N/N. I should have asked.
Audrey: Sorry too, darling. I had one but there were 3 left. I could help you make some more if you want.
Y/N: It’s ok, at least I don't have to slap you two. Joking.
Billie: Y/N. Delia said.
Y/N: I know, I know. And Audrey its ok you have a script to learn.
Audrey: Are you sure I can always resume learning lines later?
~guilty look on her face~
Y/N: No, no don't be silly.
Billie: Teas ready, sweetie. Audrey, I need to get going I have late filming tonight. I’ll be back about 1:00am.
~kisses Audreys cheek and begins to leave, bumping into Ally in the living room~
Audrey: Alright, honey. Bye love you.
Billie: love you too.
Y/N: you two are cute.
Ally: I second that.
~ Audrey blushing walking to the living room clutching the script to her chest and holding her cup of tea in another~
Audrey: Thank you. I need to be practicing these lines, I’ll see you two later either tonight or tomorrow morning.
Ally: see you later, Audrey.
Y/N: later, Audrey.
Ally: What was all the screaming about brownies, honey ?
Y/N: Well.. I made some brownies yesterday and I was saving them for tonight and it seems everyone in this house had some. when I find out who ate the last one i’m gonna slap them and according to Audrey there were 3 left.
Ally: I kinda had.. one. so, did Ozzy. Im sorry if I knew I wouldn't eat them. I can make some more for you.. or I could buy some more... i’m sorry.
Y/N: Hey, don't worry. its ok. i’m gonna make some more, but it does tell me that you and oz are off the hook. I would never slap either of you...
Ally: Do you want any help?
Y/N: you can if you want. But I know you have a busy day tomorrow with the new restaurant opening up.
Ally: I know but I can help if you want.
Y/N: its up to you, but is Ozzy in bed before hand.
Ally: Yes, right what do you need me to... get
~Banging of a cane can be heard, sending a shiver between yours and Allys spine~
Y/N: Umm, flour and cocoa powder, please.
~nodding she disappears to the other pantry~
Wilhemina: Cordelia said you were mad about someone eating your brownies. Is that true, dear?
Y/N: Yes, Mina.
Wilhemina: Well, there is no need to be mad is there?
~stepping closer to y/n~
Y/N: No.
Wilhemina: You could always make more can't you?
Y/N: Yes sorry, Mina.
Wilhemina: I can't believe i’m intimidating you.
~Wilhemina stepping extra close to y/n~
Wilhemina: I also heard you were going to slap this “bitch”.
Y/N: Well I guess.. I did say that. Can you blame me?
~Wilhemina pecking Y/N cheek and moving to her ear~
Wilhemina: Well she's right here, dear. I ate your last brownie and I didn't know you made them.
Y/N: well..um I’m not.. gonna slap you.
~Wilhemina stepping back slightly and pushing her eyebrows up into a questioning look~
Wilhemina: Why not ? Is it because we are together. *Saying louder*
Y/N: No, it’s not just that. * whispers * it turns you on wh-
Sally: You two are fucking each other.
~Wilhemina and Y/N blushing~
Sally: Guys Mina and Y/N are fucking each other.
Wilhemina: No. Now stop being childish, sally.
Ally: Sally, language. Ozzy is a sleep.
Audrey: Oh my god! Sally you need to pay up.
Cordelia: Sally! No need to swear. Wilhemina. Y/N. is this true ?
Y/N: yes.
Wilhemina: Y/N! We said.
Y/N: I know. They were going to find out.
Zoe: Sally pay up bitch.
Wilhemina: Is there a bet we don't know about?
Madison: yep! Guess who won the most money bitch?
Y/N: what? why?
Madison: Well, Zoe, Audrey, cordy and I bet that you and mina were in fact dating. Sally bet that you were just casual fuck buddies and Ally didn't bet at all cause she's a bore. Billie bet that you weren't and you both were just friends.
Ally: I didn't bet cause its rude.
Y/N: You all made bets. my god! I thought we hid it better
Wilhemina: Dear, I've got.. some work to do in my office.
Zoe: Of course you do, mina.
Wilhemina: Its Ms Venable to you. To all of you. And for your information I do have work to do.
Sally: Two questions. If you both don't mind ? Cause I’m a nosey bitch.
~everyone handing money to each other~
Wilhemina: Fine, but only two.
~Wilhemina rolling her eyes. knowing she can't get out of it~
Y/N: Go on.
Sally: first one, how long have you been fucking?
Ally: sally tha-
Wilhemina: 7 months.
sally: What !!! No way.
Madison: This bet has only been on for a month.
Y/N: what, so we kinda hid it well.
Zoe: That you did. Madison saw you leave her room one night a month ago.
Y/N: Whoops.
Wilhemina: Whats the second question ?
~sally smirking, both you and Wilhemina knew its gonna be a personal question~
Sally: Who's the top, the dominant one?
Cordelia: Sally, that is inappropriate.
Y/N: sally that's is none of your business. You crazy bitch.
Sally: i’m gonna say it’s you.
~pointing at Wilhemina, Cordelia shaking her head but smirking knowingly~
sally: What I wanted to know who's fucks who. jeez. But you promised answer the question.
Ally: They don't need to.
Wilhemina: Y/N is the top.
Sally: NO way!
Audrey: what?
Wilhemina: Bye.
~Wilhemina walking away blushing and smirking~
Wilhemina: No more questions.
Y/N: I didn’t know she was gonna say that..
Madison: so its true..
Zoe: No I can't believe it.
~Y/N nodding~
Sally: No fucking way!
Cordelia: Stop leave her alone.
~Y/N smugly smiling~
Y/N: I will be back in a couple of minutes.
Sally: ~whispering~ shes gonna fuck Mina.
~Walking to Wilhemina office~
Madison: Who would've thought that Y/N was a fucking top. especially with Mina...
#cordelia goode#hypodermic sally#audrey tindall#ally mayfair richards#billie dean howard#madison montgomery#zoe benson#madison montgomery x zoe benson#ahs coven#ahs apocalypse#ahs murder house#ahs hotel#wilhelmina venable x reader#wilhemina venable#misty day#sarah paulson
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I Promise
word count:1481 words
Siren Jisung/ Reader (ft. San ATEEZ)
Warnings: slight abuse
next
INTRO
Y/n POV;
“Here you go the keys if you need anything I'll be downstairs okay” the landlord said
I just moved into my new place at jeju it's not that big but its comfortable plus its near to the sea and let me say very very very cheap, I take the keys and head in my house “darong-ah I told you those are just drawings of fish not actual fish” i tell my cat who's trying to catch the fish that I drew on the canvas.
I'd say I'm not much of an art person to begin with. I just like to draw things related to the sea, which is one of the reasons why I moved here. “Okay that's it it's time for us to go to bed, come on” I pick her up and head to my room.
My room was a little big it had a study in the corner a bookshelf in the right corner and bed in the middle I put Darong on the bed “I'll get freshened up okay and don't you dare go back for the fish there just drawings okay” she just dismisses me and looks away “whelp I guess that’s my cue”.
“Darong you asleep?” i say in a low voice cats aren't deep sleepers, i take the towel off of my head and- Ring Ring~
My phone starts ringing “where the heck is it” i go outside to find it on the kitchen counter
Hyunjin
“Hmm what's up Hyunjin”
“Hey what sup you settled yet?” he asks he sounded a bit tired from the other side
“Yes I did what's wrong? You sound a little tired?”
“Yeah me and Chan just got back to find the house ruined by Kkami… so I'm just cleaning up I guess” I laugh at that I mean Kkami always ruins the house when Hyunjin’s not there but Darong ..noooo she ruins the house infront of me it's like I hear her saying I don't like this throw it away.
“Give me the phone” Chan says to Hyunjin from the other line
“Y/n what do you think should I beat Felix or not?” the twist in the conversation
What did Felix do now!!?
“Why are you asking me that what did he do now?” I ask getting a little curious at what he did
“What.. did Seungmin not tell you yet?...” okay I think now I'm getting a little worried
“No…. what's wrong” I ask a little hesitant
“The guys in the hospital”
“What WHY… is he okay”
“You should expect it by now … food poisoning he ate too much brownies” blank I think my mind went blank
“I'm gonna kill him” that’s all I said, and I hung up on Chan and quickly dialed Felix’s number
I mean I should have expected it. Felix's love for brownies is beyond this roof and it's not like this is the first time he had to visit the hospital for food poisoning.
~beep beep~
“Hello”
“Where are you?” i go straight to the point
“I- I'm home” he says a bit hesitant
“I swear to God Felix if your at the hospital I'm gonna kill you”
“It was just a little brownie. What's wrong with that and you know how much i love it and…”
Buzzing my head starts buzzing i could hear Felix calling out my name and asking if im alright, but the pain i can't see anything clearly
Deep Breaths, Deep Breaths
I tell myself I take in deep breaths the buzzing slowly goes away and my sight slowly comes back. I slowly get up from the ground and sit on the nearest sofa, my hands were shaking violently i've been getting these Migraines from about 4 years now, and when i say it's severe its severe my phone rings again
“Felix i'm fine”
“Y/n it's me Felix told me you had a migraine again are you okay?” the voice of my older brother says from the other side of the phone. I stop.
“Minho Im fine its okay it was just a small one im fine you don't need to worry” i tried to sound as okay as i could
He sighs in relief “Okay good good… you almost gave me a heart attack” he says
“Im fine im sorry you dont need to worry” i tell him
“It's okay but just call Felix before you go to sleep okay he was really freaked out …. And don't stress okay”
“Okay i'll call him good night” i hung up before he could say anything i just did not wanted him to be worried, i dialed Felix again
“Y/N ARE YOU OKAY? Im sooooo sorry ill never eat brownies again just don't stress out okay i'm sorry” he says trying to control his tears from the other line
“I'm okay Felix i'm sorry i got you worried” i say trying to control my laugh he so cute
“Okay okay you take rest okay” he says sniffing
“Okay you take your medicines kay” i say
“Okay promise go to bed and rest okay bye”
“Bye
_____________________________________
Flashback~
“I told you to wash the stairs why didn't you” my step mother yelled at me
“I had to go to school. I told you, i'll do it after i'm done with my assignments” i told her, her face got so red.
“Don't get smart with me i'll lock you in the basement again” she said her face close to mine her anger radiated this heat off of her, i hate her so much, i do everything and then she takes the credit for all of it, i can't even tell dad, she just makes him so happy i can't take that away from him and Minho he was so hurt after Mom's death that i don't wanna burden him with all my problems.
“I told you, but i think you didn't hear me i have to go study and when im done ill do it” with that i started to head to my room when something hit my head, i started to get dizzy i look behind me, then down on the floor to see the vase broken, after that i pretty much don't remember what happened, everything just blacked out
“She's going to be alright” a voice said, “just please don't give her a lot of stress she has a sewer case of migraines that vase hit her at a very sensitive area its better to avoid things that hurt her”
I slowly opened my eyes to see my dad, and the doctor, Minho was in the corner his eyes puffed up as if he cried “Please come with me Mr. Lee i want to prescribe her some medicines” the doctor said my father squeezed my hand, smiled at me and followed him outside, when he left the room Minho came close to my bed “Hi” he said with a small smile i wanted to say i'm okay but i couldn't “its okay dont say anything you need rest, i'm just disappointed in myself you used to tell me everything when we were kids and…… why didn't you tell me she was treating you like that?” he asked i just stared at him “Dad found out and its okay shes gone Dad divorced her” he said but he had that sad look on him, i know he was sad that i didn't tell him anything, i wanted to say a lot of things but we just sat there, silently communicating.
______________________________
I came out to the beach, the night sky was beautiful, the calm cold air, and the sand beneath my feet, it was such a beautiful moment, i took a look at the sea, sometimes the sea looked so lonely, so lonely that i wanted to go in it and forget everything, i wished that rather than having a migraine i could have lost my memories, i walked along the sea, with the soothing silence.
*singing*
I could hear someone singing in the distance, my feet started to follow the voice as I got closer the singing became louder, i wouldn't lie the song was beautiful almost hypnotizing, it felt like it was calling me i got near a rock, the sound was definitely coming from here, but what i saw was unbelievable it almost took my breath away, a man half naked with ….. A tail.. A merman, I was looking at a Freaking Merman, he had black stunning hair with rainbow streaks, a beautiful face, and a red or maybe a maroon tail. It was beautiful, when he noticed me, he got scared and quickly went into the sea.
“Wait!” i said but he was far off gone, this can't be real “i think i took too many sleeping pills” i told myself trying to deny the fact that i just saw a merman, or something.
______________________________________
#stray kids fanfic#stray kids reactions#stray kids#hanjisung#han jisung#starykids#siren au#angst au#fluf au#bang chan#lee minho#hwang hyunjin#kim seungmin#seo changbin#yang jeongin#lee felix#kpop#kpop imagines#kpop incorrect quotes#kpop au#stray kids au
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home (sero hanta x reader)
summary/background after your boyfriend, sero, breaks up with you, you go home to visit your family. meanwhile, sero realizes that the reason he broke up with you was dumb. you were home, but sero discovers that his home was with you. (pt. 2!)
warning(s) angst, profanity
gif credit belongs to @foolishchesspawn
sero had never felt so... wrong.
it was strange to wake up in an empty bed, and know that it would remain that way. some mornings you’d come straight from your apartment and fall into the covers with him, giggling and loving on him until noon. the notion alone made him feel colder than ever. whether than cold was physical or simply coursing through his nerves, he couldn’t tell.
he was scrolling through his instagram feed, wrapped up in blankets. it was one of those days where he couldn’t get himself out of bed. on these mornings, you’d always barge in and drag him out while giggling. and he’d start laughing, too. but he had ruined that.
with these thoughts in mind, he looked for your profile. seeing you had one new post, his thumb hovered over the profile. he knew if one of his friends had been there, they would’ve told him not to do it. though he was the one being stupid, they don’t need him any more hurt than he already is.
he looked over your profile picture, seeing a picture of you smiling instead of the picture of you on his back. with a sigh, he clicked onto your profile.
almost everything was the same as it was a week ago. his name was taken out of your bio, his face was taken out of your profile picture, and any photos of the two of you together was either deleted or archived. he didn’t know which he would’ve preferred. he wondered if you or mina had been the one to take them down in the first place.
he clicked onto your newest post. it was a picture of you with a goofy smile that made him smile despite himself. you were laying somewhere, one of your siblings making a face at the flash of your camera. a different sibling was a simple blur in the background, obviously laughing.
lovinyn family therapy <3
though the picture was only posted an hour ago, it had over six hundred likes and many comments already.
queenoaliens my favs!! tell my real parents i love them
bakusplosion say bye before you leave next time..
sharkiri take your time at home! we’ll be here when you get back <3
pikadenki bring home some brownies o.o
allmightfan1 tell your siblings to be careful!! looks like s/n’s falling...
ribbitkawaii @//pikadenki i second the brownies motion...
jiradio missin u
snrox getting rid of toxic vibes check
after reading that last comment, he quickly shut off his phone, sighing heavily with a frustrated groan. he buried his head back into his pillow. his heart ached uncontrollably, and the ache spread through his chest, into his neck, and tickled his brain. god, he was an idiot.
“i think we need to break up,” he said, so softly that he prayed you hadn’t heard it. prayed he could take it back before you even knew. he felt his own heart stop.
“what?” you breathed, breaking away from the arm over your shoulder, your eyes catching his in an instant. he turned his gaze away. “hanta, what?”
he took a breath, remembering the words he had practiced in the mirror days before. “i don’t love you anymore.” and he looked up to meet your eyes.
he watched your heart break. “wh-what?” your voice was hushed now, choked. you scooted farther away from him, and he felt unbearably cold. cold and wrong. “y-you don’t... anymore?” you brought your shaking hands up to your face, holding them over your eyes for a moment as you tried to compose yourself.
he wanted so desperately to take it back, to stop the cold and wrongness from coursing through his veins. he reached a hand out, but you stood in that instant. tears streamed down your face as you made for the door.
“mina will be here to get my stuff tomorrow.”
your voice was cold now, trying to brush him off.
“y/n-”
“what,” you demanded, whipping around to him. but as he looked into your watery eyes, your upset expression, he couldn’t find words. you just sighed, grabbing your jacket from the coat rack and leaving before he could blink again.
he looked at his reflection in the black screen of his phone, seeing nothing but tired eyes and a deep frown. he closed his eyes and sighed, slipping his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants before shaking his covers off and getting out of bed.
when he entered his bathroom, looking into the mirror was a chore. all he saw in his reflection was a broken half; half of a whole he had broken.
“you’re a fucking idiot,” was the first thing bakugou said when sero finally picked up his phone. before he could retort, he threw out again, “what the hell were you thinking? oh hey, life’s good, time to throw out the best fucking part of it?! where do you get off?!”
sero hung up before anything else could be said, dropping his head in his hands. his phone dinged with another notification and he took a deep breath before picking the device back up. he had ignored so many texts that morning.
bakugou pick up your goddamn phone.
eijiro call me when you can eijiro what happened man?
ashido did something happen with you and y/n ? ashido she’s at my apartment balling !
denki are you okay?
ashido you’re an asshole.
eijiro im coming over.
and most recently:
yn <3 mina will be over around three.
he dropped his phone onto the floor. he didn’t look at it again until the next day.
after he finally showered, he sat down for breakfast in a kitchen that felt too empty. if you weren’t falling into bed with him in the mornings, you were dragging him out to a breakfast you had perfectly prepared for him. he’d always shower you in kisses before he ate, and you’d giggle the entire time. his heart ached at the memory.
to distract himself, he got his phone back out, opening up instagram again. he scrolled through some of his friends’ pictures until he found that your sibling had posted something, halting his actions. he had forgotten that he was following them.
there were three pictures: one of you leaning against their shoulder, the light of your phone illuminating your upset features, another of you with uno cards in your hand, but staring at the wall instead of the game or your other participating family, and the final of your mother frowning and holding you in her arms, her eyes shut as your expression was tired and upset.
snrox @ the asshole that broke my sister’s heart, fuck you
queenoaliens who taught you cuss words???
snrox ... @//bakusplosion
bakusplosion @//snrox not cool.
despite the cruel, heartbreaking post, he missed your family. he remembered the first time he met them; your siblings stuck to him like glue, asking him questions left and right as you laughed and batted them away. your parents were patient and kind with him, though your father made a few jabs at him. he was even missing those little threats and promises.
he wished he had never done it. but he felt like he wasn’t good enough for you. like he’d never be. if you were there, hearing these thoughts, you’d kiss him into next week. you’d shower him with your love and affection until he was smiling again with you in his arms. but after you’d leave, he’d just feel like he’d further proven his point.
so he knew to get rid of this feeling, he had to get rid of you. and it would hurt like hell, but he knew some guy out there was perfect for you, enough for you. and he was waiting for you. and who was some boring guy like him to be standing in the way?
but he missed your smile. he missed how warm you always were, even when you said you were cold. he missed teasing you about “making up excuses to cuddle”. he missed the way you’d light up a room. he missed how every insecurity he had would disappear with you, because you made him feel perfect.
“im gonna kick his ass into next week,” mina grumbled as she watched you frown at yourself in the bathroom mirror. you let out a short laugh and bowed your head. “fuck that, next month.”
“mina, don’t,” you said, sliding your hand against the counter as you turned to look at her.
she sighed as you looked back at your reflection, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “i hate seeing you look into the mirror like that.”
your head turned back to her. “like what?”
“like there’s something wrong with what you’re seeing,” she said gently, stepping closer to you. you sniffed, your frown deepening. she quickly wrapped her arms around you.
“but there has to be,” you choked, squeezing your eyes shut as hot tears fell.
“no, no,” she soothed, pressing her face into your hair as you hiccuped into her shoulder. “there’s nothing wrong with you. sero is such an idiot. you’re absolutely perfect.”
“then why doesn’t he want me?” you whispered, so softly it was almost muffled by her shoulder.
she placed her chin atop your head, looking at her own murderous expression in the mirror. she didn’t answer.
you laughed as your older sibling dragged you onto the roof of your house. when you were younger, it was where you’d take each other when things got hard and all you needed were the stars and the rolling sight of your hometown.
“oh! i forgot something!” they hummed. “i’ll be right back!”
they slipped back into the cracked window. you shoved your hands in your pockets, looking out on the familiar town. it had been so long since you’d been home. the last time you were here was with him...
you shook the thought out easily. you ignored the buzzing of your phone as you looked up to the stars in the sky. the overwhelming sight made your head spin, and you giggled at yourself as you carefully sat and laid down. the buzzing stopped after you pieced together three familiar constellations.
it started again, but you ignored it again. you just wanted to feel the breeze of home air, to let yourself get lost like you used to. and it was so easy to get lost in the simple place that was home. all you had dreamed of back then was leaving that town, getting into the world. now all you wanted to do was lay there forever. well, maybe with mina by your side. the buzzing stopped.
you closed your eyes, letting your nose flood with the scents of your mom’s homemade dinner leaking through the open kitchen window. as that breeze whipped through again, your mind finally cleared. your heart felt a little lighter.
then the buzzing started again. with a jolt, you sat up. you slipped your phone out of your back pocket, and almost froze.
sero hanta </3 is calling...
accept/deny
your heart raced in your chest. you glanced down briefly to see if your sibling was heading back up. you couldn’t tell. you gulped.
accept.
“hello..?” you said carefully, hoping he had misdialed, hoping he would hang up at the sound of your voice. hoping he wasn’t calling to break your heart any more after you went to the only place that could piece it back together.
“i made a mistake.”
#bnha#mha#bnha x reader#mha x reader#bnha fanfic#mha fanfic#sero hanta#sero hanta x reader#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#kirishima eijiro#mina ashido#tsuyu asui#kaminari denki#jiro kyoka#anime#anime x reader#anime fanfic
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Dalton Big Bang day 1 - The Canadian Girlfriend Experience
Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link
Notes: So... y’all. Dalton fam. Hear me out.
I understand that y'all are gonna be mad at me for staying up until (four? five?) five in the morning to post this, but I'm something like 90% sure I'd forget to post it in the morning (afternoon), and I have to write tomorrow's fic anyway, so... here's an extra early fluffy mess. Hope y'all like it.
I had to write this one... I really really had to. Han's girlfriend is a big deal to me. I hope you understand it.
(And for the uninitiated in pathfinder - the rank system is wild, feats are taken every two levels or so, Logan’s character is basically invincible, defeated only by Dwight’s monk and the absolute insanity that creating a monk in pathfinder can end up being.)
—————
"I really have to go to sleep," the familiar (by now) high-pitched voice said through the headphones, stifling a yawn. "My drama class is moving props to the auditorium tomorrow for our exam and my mom would be mad at me if I don’t go to sleep in the next thirty minutes."
"So go to sleep, Lils. I won’t be mad at you."
"Okay! I’ll text you in the morning! Love you, bye!"
"Good night."
Han finally let himself snort a bit after his girlfriend hung up, watching as she disconnects from the game a few moments later. He did say he’ll only play Starcraft today so long as Leah is available, and now that she’s offline…
He just closed the game and went back to working on his Pathfinder session prep.
Han met Leah at the San Diego Comic-Con last summer. On day one, she approached him because she thought the Westwoods’ Bat family cosplay was really cool. On day two, he approached her because her Arwen cosplay was flawless. By day three they’d already ditched the con to have a not-date lunch at In-N-Out, found out they’re in the same guild in World of Warcraft, Han found out Leah has a voice acting channel on youtube, they exchanged phone numbers, and by day four they may have not spent the whole day together but they certainly went on a date-date at the end of the day.
They’ve been rather inseparable for the following three weeks, but by then Han had to face the reality of it all. Leah’s phone number was weird to him from the start, sure, and he was willing to pass off her accent as a speech quirk, but it wasn’t until those three weeks ended that it finally sunk in that she’s not American. And like most good things, her visit too has to come to an end.
Maintaining a relationship online just… didn’t feel the same.
1 Unread Message
‘Merril: Can I suggest an idea for Mishka’s character arc?? You can say no, I just had an idea is all!’
Caterpillar: I’m all ears
———
"While this mess of a… bargain is happening," Logan called as Merril and Reed tried to catch their breaths from laughing. "Can Dwight and I get to the diplomatic debate?"
"Sure," Han sighed, watching his party quickly derail the session. "But let’s take a break first."
The first to disappear at the sound of "let’s take a break" was Lucy, who ran to the bathroom, accidentally knocking off Logan’s dice tower in the process. Merril got the brownies out and on the table, everyone pulled their phones out…
Han could take a couple moments to look at the pictures Leah sent him earlier. According to her, they were not yet done with lighting cues, and she was going crazy, but seeing her in her period piece of a costume and leg brace prop made him feel excited for her, somewhat.
Caterpillar: wish I could been there to see it
Jabba the Hutt: Oh no! Don’t say that! Jabba the Hutt: I’ll send you the filmed version when I get it, but it’ll probably be really bad anyway.
Caterpillar: im sure it cant be that bad
Jabba the Hutt: Han, it’s a high school production of the Glass Menagerie. Jabba the Hutt: My class is also doing the play version of Spring Awakening. Jabba the Hutt: It *can* and *will* be that bad. Jabba the Hutt: Trust me.
"Han?" Merril called before he could answer that one. "Hansel, are you listening?"
"No, I wasn’t. What was it?" He grabbed a brownie, leaving his phone aside for a second.
"Wizards of the Coast announced a new edition of D&D," she said again, smiling gently. "Do you think you’d want to try it?"
"I’m already one step ahead of you there. I’m going to playtest it when it— excuse me…"
Jabba the Hutt: WE FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED THIS Jabba the Hutt: I’ve never been happier to say I’m getting offstage, I need someone to punch me!
Caterpillar: dont you mean pinch?
Jabba the Hutt: I meant what I said and I said what I meant.
Han tuned back in time to hear Logan say "I just really don’t want to have to mess with the power system again", which resulted in Dwight throwing a bag of chips at his head.
"Fourth edition has a very special place in my heart, Wright. Don’t talk shit about it around me."
"Yeah, why all the hate for the power system?" Lucy frowned (when did she get back from the bathroom?). "It’s not all that different to how feats work. Would you complain about getting a new feat every odd level once we switch systems?"
"Not going to happen, Lucy."
"Aw man, but I wanted to play Vampire the Masquerade next!"
"And we already said Merril is going to run it," Han reminded her, checking his phone one last time. "But we’re not switching our current game to another system. Not gonna happen."
There was a quiet "hell yeah" from Merril as Han’s phone buzzed with a new message, but before he could even read it, it was snatched by Lucy.
"Wha… who are you talking to, Han?" She laughed a bit, scrolling up, and then her eyes went wide open. "Well… damn."
"Don’t act like you’re surprised, that’s my girlfriend. You met her before."
The silence in the room was so tense, Han swore he could hear a pin drop.
"...a girlfriend?" Dwight was the first to ask, raising a brow. "Since when?"
"You know, I honestly thought she would’ve forgotten all about you after two weeks…"
"Since a few months ago," Han told Dwight, taking his phone back. "Can we continue, please?"
"No! It’s interesting!" Merril joined in, resting her chin on her hand as she got closer, pushing some papers a bit. "How did you meet? Where is she from? Can we meet her?"
"We met at Comic-Con and no, you can’t meet her. She’s… not from here."
"...is she Canadian?" Logan raised a brow too, starting to laugh.
"Noooooooo…?"
"Oh yeah, Han’s Canadian girlfriend."
"She’s not— let’s start to fucking play, this session isn’t going to end itself."
By the end of the session, Han couldn’t say he’d be surprised if the whole school found out by tomorrow. And if anyone (namely the twins) made fun of him for his "Canadian girlfriend"... so be it.
———
"Is this Canadian girlfriend of yours coming to prom?" Julian’s tired voice came through the phone, sounding like he was about to pass out. He just arrived at school earlier today, already tired from the flight, and immediately got coddled by Logan.
"She’s not Canadian, Julian. You’re the twenty-fifth person I’ve told this already."
"So where is she from? Would you please tell just one person?"
With a quick glance at the security footage, to make sure Logan wasn’t listening, Han whispered "her name is Leah, I met her at Comic-Con in San Diego last year, she’s from Israel and no, I doubt she can come to prom. She has her own prom to attend."
"...okay, so this Israeli girlfriend of yours. Got it."
"Thank you."
"Are you sure you want to keep her a secret…?" He clicked his tongue. His laugh sounded a bit rougher than usual. "You know how things can end up. You of all people."
"I… I’m just not sure I’m ready for… dude. Is Logan drooling on your shoulder…?"
"Give him a break, Westwood. He’s adjusting to his new pills."
"I asked about the drooling."
"He does that sometimes. I just let him be."
"...why is everyone so interested in my girlfriend? Is it really any different from David and Katherine?"
"I don’t know how to break it down to you, Westwood, but you’re not exactly the type anyone would expect to even have a girlfriend."
A shift in the camera footage made Han cuss silently, covering his microphone.
"...she said she’ll be here for graduation. Hers is in late June, but she finishes school in May."
"Yeah. May. When prom is."
"Do you want to talk to her yourself?" He could hear Julian snort. "I’m not kidding. I’ll give you Leah’s phone number and you’ll convince her yourself. I can’t."
"Because that totally won’t be crazy."
"Julian."
"Hansel."
"Just fucking ask her, you absolute nerd!"
"Can you stop ordering me around? This isn’t Hollywood. This is my girlfriend we’re talking about."
"Can you at least send me a picture of her? So I’ll know she’s real?"
"...fuck you, Larson."
Han sent him a picture anyway. A picture of the two of them that Lucy insisted to take while they were in San Diego. They coordinated somehow, Han with his LOTR shirt and Leah with her whole Arwen cosplay. It was the happiest day he could possibly remember.
And then, a snort through the phone.
"...so you’re Leah Appelbaum’s mysterious Maryland boyfriend? Huh. Didn’t know you lived in Maryland."
"...you know Leah?"
"We had auditions in the same building two years ago and she approached me because she’s a fan of Something Damaged. She insisted on keeping in touch. How did you meet her?"
"At Comic-Con… please be gentle about this, Julian."
"Okay! I just… wow. I know where you live now. Sweet."
"Don’t you dare try to blackmail me with that information, Larson."
"I won’t. There’s nothing to worry about."
———
"...you know what?" Han sighed as the last session before prom was about to close off. "Roll sense motive."
The clatter of dice hitting each other and everyone cussing filled the room, quickly picking up their dice and looking.
"Fifteen!"
"Seventeen!"
"Five!"
"How’s you get a five, Lucy?"
"I’m a barbarian, what do you think—"
"Thirty-four."
Dwight practically glared at Logan. "What the fuck, dude?"
"I play a half-elf cleric, Dwight," Logan answered, straight-faced. "Plus two to wisdom straight away, rolled extremely well, I have a plus five modifier to wisdom and the alertness feat. I took a single rank in sense motive every time we leveled up and now I have ten ranks. On the tenth rank in sense motive or perception, you get a bonus four to the skill instead of the usual two. Thus, ten plus four plus five equals nineteen, plus the fifteen that I rolled. That’s thirty-four. Do I sense motive?"
"...everyone who rolled above a fifteen, and that definitely includes Flint—" Han could see Logan smiling smugly. "Everyone who rolled above a fifteen can see that this woman is telling the truth. Anyone who rolled a twenty or above, Flint, can also sense that—"
There was a knock at the door. There was never a knock at the door. But now there was. And as Reed got up to open the door, Han silently hoped it wouldn’t be anyone who shouldn’t be there—
"And this is your boyfriend’s room," Julian’s voice came through as Reed’s jaw dropped. "Thank you for picking Julian Larson to be your tour guide, we hope you enjoyed the trip."
"Very! Oh, hello!" The girl at the door waved at Reed, who waved back. The whole party waved back. "Am I interrupting anything?"
"No, those nerds are just playing dungeons and dragons. You have nothing to worry about." Reed finally returned to his seat as Julian kissed the girl’s cheek, chuckling at the shock. "Logan, I’ll be expecting you to pick me up at six. I want my pre-prom sushi."
"I promised you I will, Princess, don’t panic."
"Okay, just making sure."
As Julian left, the girl went to sit on Han’s futon and look at everyone. Long brown hair, half of it bleached; dark eyes behind a pair of green plastic-framed glasses; a bit on the heavier side, like Han himself, and wearing a floral summer dress and a pair of short leggings. Her face was flushed red, her lipstick a dark blue, and her nails painted black that just started to chip.
Han missed her so much.
"So… hi." She waved around again, a bit confused. "What’s up…?"
"Who’s this?" Dwight was the first to speak.
"My girlfriend," Han replied, sounding rather insistent. "We were just about to finish our session, Lils. Can you wait?"
"Mmhm! Absolutely! I’ll be so quiet, you’ll forget I’m even here!"
Nobody forgot she was there. Merril kept looking over to her, Reed and Dwight seemed skeptical as ever, and the only person who was normal about it was Lucy. But it wasn’t news for Lucy, she’s met Leah before after all. All the while Leah sat there, chuckling at the game and waiting patiently for Han to finish, which he did twenty minutes later. Dwight practically ran out, followed by Logan who needed to pick his own boyfriend up for dinner, but…
"So where are you from in Canada?" Merril asked first, making Leah smile.
"I’m… not Canadian. Did Han tell you I’m Canadian?"
"Where’s your lipstick from?" Reed asked next.
"Umm… it’s, it’s from NARS, I picked it up on the way here, I forgot to pack my own makeup and—"
"Is Han taking you to prom?"
Han choked on his water at that. "I can’t leave my room for prom, Merril. Health risks."
"You can have an indoors prom."
"We planned on watching Battlestar Galactica and ordering takeout," Leah admitted. "But… an indoors prom would be nice. I’m not going to mine anyway. My class is writing this… really offensive skit about one of the math teachers and I don’t want to be a part of it."
"What’s your prom even like…?" Reed squinted, sitting back down. "That you do skits."
"It’s… not really a prom. Israel doesn’t really have the promenade culture, it’s just like a showcase the whole class does for family and friends before graduation… I’ve never liked this practice, you know, I think it’s just…"
As Leah rambled on, Han took his time to clear the table and silently hope Merril and Reed leave soon. Those two have prom dates after all. And neither are a Canadian girlfriend.
#kylo cant write#Dalton by CP Coulter#dalton big bang 2020#day one - Windsor house#Han Westwood has a girlfriend#and Logan has ADHD#there's a bit of jogan if you squint
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IGHT BITCHES SecOND one toDay
ight! i was tagged by miss magnificent thumb herself, @1920s-obsessed to do this thing where you answer ten questions they came up with then make up your own ten questions for the people you tag so lets get cracking
1. Are you currently reading anything? If so, what are you reading?
HELL YEAh im reading something. It’s called Enter Night, and it’s a Metallica biography
2. Could you survive the rest of your life without cellphones, computers, etc?
yes as long as i get to keep my turntable and my typewriter then im good
3. What is your favourite flower?
i be liking those ROses
4. Would you rather go on the Titanic or the Lusitania?
bruh i used to be obsessed with the Titanic so imma go on there cause i know where shit’s at
5. What is your favourite dessert?
Turtle Pie
6. What is the oldest thing you own?
All my records, which my papa gave me. they’re from like the sixties and seventies
7. If you had to spend the rest of your life in a historical era, what era would you live in?
B r u h i would totally live in the 80′s my dude. I would wear leather and listen to metal and do cocaine off the floor of a bathroom stall and skip school.
8. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes
9. What is your favourite type of weather?
rain. thundering and lightning, that shit is the best to listen to a old Pink Floyd album to
10. If you could spend the day with any fictional character, who would you spend the day with and what would you do?
oof, im stuck between Litte Joe from Bonanza or Jonathan from Highway to Heaven. but most likely i would choose Jonathan because i need some Jesus in my life
OKAY now it’s my turn to make some questions bois
1. Favorite season?
2. If you could hang out with anyone, famous or not, dead or alive, who would it be and why?
3. Favorite childhood memory?
4. Favorite subject in school, and why?
5. Cookies or Brownies? (If you don’t like either of them you are not a human being)
6. Do you believe in Aliens?
7. Favorite genre of music?
8. What’s your favorite 80′s movie?
9. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
10. I’m gonna bamboozle you by asking for your least favorite color?
okay im gonna tag the usual here bois, @howblunt @pantomime-python @karaboo16 @bigknifestinkman @kriegsmarine-kishu @melancholydamsel
okay bye
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home - chapter seven
robin buckley x reader
a/n: we getting spicy but soft tonight boiiss
warnings: drug use, language
masterlist
not my gif!
chapter seven - i dare you to love me
sofia and robin had continued the week getting to know one another more and more. sofia would take robin to school and to work and home every day for three reasons.
one, robin had a habit of hurting herself on her bike so she was trying to avoid anymore injuries
two, she didn’t like robin riding at night especially, but that’s mainly because she had been in the city for the last few years and she knew how dangerous it got there at night but hawkins is hawkins
three, she loved spending time with robin, and robin loved spending time with her
it was friday night and robin was in the store all alone. she was stuck with the overnight shift and sofia and steve were planning to go to sam anderson’s party to catch up with old friends.
it was already midnight and robin had popped in the apartment on the tv in the store
she was about half way through when she heard the front door swing open and then entered steve in full mom mode with a giggling sofia in his arms, full bridal style
it wasn’t until sofia gained her focus onto robin that she paused her giggling to greet her, “oh hey freckles”
steve walked to the couch that was located only within a few feet of him and plopped her down, which caused him to receive a very ugly look from the girl until she returned to her own little world
robin was very very confused, “what”
steve walked up to her, taking a breather, “I DONT KNOW.” he turned around to keep an eye on sofia as she had her legs up in the air she’s high as shit “she said she had a brownie and some beer and then i caught her trying to put the goldfish in the overflowing sink because he apparently wanted to go on vacation”
robin laughed but quickly tried to contain herself and return to a serious face of concern before steve could see her
sofia had on a pair of tight khakis with red converse and a light grey knit sweater. on her wrist she had the watch that robin had seen her wear on most days she was with her and a ring on her right middle finger that also made an appearance almost every time robin had seen her
robin poked steve on the shoulder and he turned around slowly, “look, i know you were looking foward to this party so i will be your knight in shining armor and look after sofia”
steve sighed in relief as he began to make his way out of the door before he was stopped once again by robin’s voice, “BUT” he turned, with a slightly irritable look on his face “go get us food?”
steve sarcastically nodded and made his way out of the door before giving sofia a good ole furred brow which she returned in the cute way that makes robin laugh
once steve left sofia adjusted her position to where she was looking at robin upside down, her feet hanging over the edge of the couch, “you know what, robin?”
“what”
“steve? he’s a good nut” robin started to ramble on in the most serious of tones “like the best of nuts, he is a high class god damn almond my freckled beauty. like sure he was a real pain in high school but NOW god and they say evolution isnt a thing”
robin looked sofia in the eye, trying to contain herself before they both bursted into laughter
robin made her way to sofia on the couch and motioned her to sit up
robin was sitting on one send of the sofa while sofia was laying on the other end, her knees bent so she wouldn’t get into robin’s way and they talked amongst themselves and by talk i mean sofia asked robin a bunch of hypotheticals that robin entertained while they waited for steve to return with the grub
“have you.....ever been in love?”
“nope not yet”
“you will soon, i can feel it. i have a sixth sense. just wait in the near future you’re gonna be head over heels for some lucky gal”
robin had a damn near heart attack
sofia popped her head up, confused “what”
“how did you-“
“how did i know? ppffttt. please. don’t insult me”
sofia was now sitting crisscrossed, oddly closer to robin, “one, i live in god damn new york aka the san fran of the east coast. two, you have no interest in steve or literally any other man i’ve ever seen you interact with but i see you eyeing girls all the time because im eyeing them too”
robin had another heart attack
confirming both sexualities, two birds one cross faded rant
“third, you wear an ungodly yet hot amount of jewelry. you listen to the smiths like it’s your religion. the first day i met you i knew you were into women”
robin now had furred brows, “how so?”
“who’s the dingus now? you were reading the price of salt, robin.”
robin was stunned, and somehow she got even more stunned when sofia put a hand on her thigh and got close to her ear and began to whisper, sending a chill down robin’s spine, “you were also practically eating me with your eyes buckley”
as sofia leaned back to her original state she arched her brows at a still very still robin
sofia was on her seventh question, “what is...your favorite flower?”
robin thought to herself, “i don’t really know”
“oh come on, pick one, i know a god awful amount of information about plants and what they mean, hit me”
robin took a deep breath, “i guess i’d say the lily is my favorite” she laughed to herself as she saw sofia giggle “what does the lily mean?”
sofia was looking at the ceiling, playing with a baseball she had found under the couch, tossing it up in the air and catching it continuously, as she spoke her words in a soft voice with a soft smile, robin still staring at her, waiting for a response.
“i dare you to love me”
robin’s smile had now dropped as she looked at sofia for a few more seconds to be interrupted by the door once again, but this time with steve holding a bag with larry’s logo on it, causing sofia to jump off the couch in excitement and grabbing to bag
“thank GOD i’m starving”
steve cleared his throat, causing the girl to turn around to see her friend holding up a to-go cup with a straw in it
“my special shake?”
steve nodded
“and a vanilla shake for you” robin took the beverage “and a crap load of fries in the bag”
aka the fries that sofia was already munching on
“ok have fun, bye robin”
“bye dingus”
“bye sofia” which was answered by a simple wave from a distracted sofia whose only concern was those fries and shake
after about twenty minutes of robin and sofia eating fries and drinking shakes and talking about nonsense, the found themselves messing with absolutely anything and everything they could find in the store. they found a couple of flower crowns in one of the shelves of the counter that steve had received from max when she made them with el last time she visited her
sofia grabbed the crown with blue flowers and hopped onto the countertop to face robin who was behind the counter looked at an old magazine she found
“robin, come here” she said laughing but still in a soft tone
robin put the magazine down and stepped towards sofia
sofia smiled and gently placed the crown on top of robin, fixing her hair immediately after
robin grabbed the other crown right next to her that had yellow flowers and placed it onto sofia’s head in the small gentle fashion as sofia
the smiled at each other before sofia once again bursted into laughter and took off her crown “i could never rock these, definitely not like max could”
she took robin’s off but in the process messed up her hair way more than intended and began to fix it, calmly brush it down and to the sides of her face
the both paused, just staring at each other, enjoying the calm, their smiles now gone and their eyes now below each other’s noses
sofia leaned forward, her hands now cupped robin’s face that was meeting her halfway to capture each other in the most gentle of kisses and pulled away immediately after to look each other in the eye before continuing a few seconds longer
sofia hopped off of the counter the pressed her body closer to robin’s, kissing her more passionately this time
sofia will never forget how robin made her feel in that moment
she’ll never forget how she tasted like vanilla because of her shake
or how her hands rested on her thighs
or the words she said to robin once they pulled away
sofia giggled once she backed away, “i’m so shit faced jesus christ”
robin laughed back, her heart hearting. did sofia mean that kiss or is she just so out of her mind from the booze and weed that she’d kiss anyone at this point?
“let’s get you some water”
next chapter
#robin stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things#robin fanfiction#robin buckley x reader#robin buckley x you#robin x reader#robin x y/n#robin x you#robin buckley
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Riverdale 3.16 Thoughts *Spoilers*
- TBH Hermione does have a point. After what happened to Midge in Carrie… you go for this musical? But whatever Cheryl wanted it and she’s going to get it because THAT’S MY FUCKING BABY OKAY
- THE OPENING IS KEVIN AND A SOLO THIS IS ALL I EVER NEEDED! Also why does his voice/this remind me of Winn from Supergirl???
- Why does the girl in the background look just like Midge??? That’s—
- What the fuck is that choreography tho sksksksks
- MY GIRL VERONICA ❤️❤️❤️ She’s so sad about her and Reggie breaking up catch me CRYING
- ARCHOSIE AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW BITCHHHHHHH
- I hate to admit that that tiny bughead peck was kinda c*te
- “Why did I hit him?” bitch… who? Also Reggie wondering why he’s a creep I’m—what? he’s changed wtf I don’t see how he’s a creep/why he was a douchebag but alright
- SWANGS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ALSO I PAUSED AND ARCHIE LOOKS LIKE FRED IM CRYING
- “Are all of you this miserable?” well… yeah… they can never be kids because your bitch ass husband’s plot is being dragged on that it’s boring now so like… yeah… and now they’re being manipulated by a stupid ass tree so ummm
- “She was a real mess after her breakup with Toni” no 😭😭 but love that they literally broke them up just to base the musical around it like… seriously? lol alright at least I know they get back together because they’re the top and only few healthiest couples on the show so
- TONI AND THE POISONS.
- First off… Reggie shoving Fangs and calling him a geek…? Okay… BUT HIM SHOVING SWEET PEA INTO CHERYL BITCH!!!! Cher calling my boy a pervert I’m sad I want them to be boss ass bitch friends like that’s all I need!!
- OMG JORDAN’S VOICE “WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THEM?” literally just choke me bye
- Betty I get that you automatically hate his choice for making Evelyn co-director but uhhhh he directed the last one with Fangs so your sentence is plain wrong lol
- Poor baby Fangs, the trauma of Midge he never got to really address because last time he was accused of her murder and then almost killed himself so like he never had time to mourn I’m—lmao did Kevin just say no to that or like was he being like “no bitch we’re going to talk about Midge fuck your trauma”
- SP’s pettiness love it. “STRAIGHT” reggie neither you or Archie are straight but cool
- LET CHERYL SAY FUCK 2K19
- This is why they were all lying down? That’s… weird but okay. ALSO I hate agreeing with Betty that this entire thing was to recruit people into the farm :( it’s weird because mostly what Betty does is annoying but this season she’s been mostly okay.
- MY CHONI HEART JUST GOT SHOT
- BITCH SKSKSKS “ARE WE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM?”
- SKSKSK WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR THAT HAIR WHIP SOUND EFFECT
- “SHUT UP TONI” MY—CHERYL JUST PUSHED HER NO
- Evelyn… leave SP’s solo alone :( he deserves this. HE’S LITERALLY A LEAD TOO
- Betty, one of the main’s in the play, is telling Evelyn this musical is for recruitment. Then why tf are you in it Betty
- FP being dismissive of Jughead and how much he cares about the trailer? Smells fishy…
- Poor Veronica. like yeah her dad is a cunt but like it’s her parents… my poor baby
- So what if he knows? He’s doing illegal shit, it doesn’t fucking matter??? He’s such a whiny pissbaby
- SP BEING ALL CUTE AND SHIT. LMAO “YOU NEED A JELLO-O SHOT” SKSKS WE NEED MORE CUTE HAPPY SP PLEASE AND THANKS
- Veggie… is hot… I love them and want them back together :(
- oH NO SP SAW ARCHOSIE MY BOY IS SO SAD
- TONI AND THE POISONS YESSSSS
- whO THE FUCK IS SITTING IN THE TUB ALICE WAS ALMOST DROWNED IN
- VEGGIE. VERONICA LOOKS SO GOOD UGH I LOVE THEM. Stop with the “Endgame” not only because ew but because she’s said that to Archie and that may be… triggering.
- Did Evelyn just give Kevin a spiked brownie…
- Evelyn you sneaky bitch… I know this is what brings Kangs together but I didn’t want it like this!!!
- FANGS… wow an actual line that provides insight into his life? Mmhm
- That almost smile Fangs gave… was cute… but I’m not here for this recruitment.
- SP IS A PETTY BITCH SKSKSKS like that’s bad but like… shit I can’t wait for SP to rage and save his best friend from a stupid ass cult
- “That is what we in the theater call a breakthrough” um I assume you’ve never been in theater but also I don’t think that’s correct…
- ALSO ALL THIS BERONICA IS SO SWEET I MISS THEM. Still, though, Betty needs to apologize for all of the shit she’s done and said to Veronica
- “He’s a real class act, that Sweet Pea…” girl he has every right to be upset though. I mean he shouldn’t have outed your relationship. Also, the definition of “class act” is a person or thing displaying impressive and stylish excellence so like is that supposed to be an insult…?
- Reggie is so good ughhhhh 😻😻
- Evelyn go away you shady bitch. Also what’s the point of getting mad at Toni for wearing red? lol
- DEAD GIRL WALKING BITCHH I LOVE THIS. OH MY GOD PEACHES? THIS IS THE SCENE? SHE JUST CAME ONTO PEACHES. NOW SWEET PEA. THIS IS THE SCENE. Also Jordan’s voice… choke me! ALSO I love how he’s down with it though? Like I’m guessing this isn’t him and Toni’s first thing… but why are they doing this threesome on the stage lmaooooo
- SKSKKSKS PEACHES AND PEA (MMHM why does that sound nice… she beat him up nooo) LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE “THIS BITCH MADE US UNDRESS AND THEN LEAVES” like thank GOD because Choni but still
- NO ONE CAN TELL ME DIFFERENTLY, SP LIKES TO BE BOSSED AROUND. HE’S A SUBMISSIVE. The way Toni pointed and he just followed? He loves being bossed around bye my story Unholy is correct thank you and goodbye
- GOTTA ADMIT THE “can I borrow your camera?” WAS CUTE OKAY
- OH THIS IS WHERE KANGS GETS LIKE MARRIED LMAO I’ve wanted Kangs (less than Swangs yeah but whatever) BUT NOT LIKE THIS. ALSO DREW’S VOICE FUCK MEEEEE. the kiss 😭❤️ aLSO WOULDN’T IT BE EASIER TO TAKE A VIDEO BETTY LOL
- Archie practicing his moves looks so weird when it’s not on a punching bag or anything like—
- Archosie uwu THIS DUET FUCK ME UPPPPP THIS IS SO CUTE. JOSIE’S ABS FUCKKKK
- Did Betty seriously think that her taking that picture would work??? Should’ve taken a video but mmhm
- How did Toni get in. I feel like Cheryl would have immediately taken her key. BUT ALSO THE HEATHER’S REFERENCE. AND CHONI. UGH CHERYL’S ABOUT TO CRY STOP STOP STOP!!! Literally this scene proves that Choni is the HEALTHIEST couple on this show like they ACTUALLY took time to talk through their shit (kinda, not the full thing but the start of it at least)
- Did… Jughead just call the Ghoulies/Serpents tonsils??????????
- “… the longing for what they’ve lost” *Swosie looks at one another KNOWING this bitch did this on purpose* COLE SINGING OMFG this really irks me that Bughead has actually been kinda cute on this episode? CHONI BITCH YES. NEVERMIND BUGHEAD GO AWAY I JUST WANT MY TWO QUEENS
- Also if this doesn’t include Swosie… why were they given the sheets and shit from Kevin and whatnot? This is evil. But this proves that Bughead COULD be cute and healthy if they weren’t these annoying little shit heads that they are now like let them be kids and normal and not shitty people… it’s not that hard.
- Betty… I was about to say that you telling him to not let his emotions get the best of him was actually a good idea but then you suggested burning down his fucking trailer. I get it, you’re a Blossom, but chill the fuck out. You ALMOST had a good idea and weren’t being stupid… but now you ruined it.
- Boo fucking hoo your wife tried to kill you Hiram
- So now that even Hiram says that there’s no family anymore… can he let her and Archie (bc come on that all can’t go away with some words and a handshake/mutual agreement) the fuck go? ALSO POOR VERONICA
- OH THIS IS THE SONG EVERYONE WAS PRAISING LAST NIGHT. CAMI IS SUCH A GREAT ACTOR WE LOVE AND STAN A QUEEN!!!
- First of all… SP saying hi to Evelyn… not sure how I feel about that. SECOND OF ALL FANGS IS THE CUTEST BYE
- THE BLOT THING IS SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- Bughead really get off to violence and shit huh… that’s… weird. But sure.
- why is Betty wearing the crown sweater it looks so weird idk why and Jughead looks so out of place lol
- SWEET PEA GETTING INTO IT IN THE BACK SHITTTTTTT
- Oh this cult clap is creepy… why… that’s so weird stop. Also it’s not like other people to not join in on the clapping but alright
#Riverdale#Riverdale Heathers#Riverdale 3.16#Veronica Lodge#Jughead Jones#Archie Andrews#Betty Cooper#Sweet Pea#Fangs Fogarty#Cheryl Blossom#Toni Topaz#Kevin Keller#Evelyn Evernever#Swangs#Jeronica#Vughead#Barchie#Kangs
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If Villains Baked Cookies — Chapter 3
A/N: it’s been a Fuckin While, welcome back to this!!!
Word Count: 3295
Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit y’all, curses, cursing, minor character death (not anyone significant to the storyline), suggested abuse, suggested trauma, swords, knives, panic and panic attack — if i forgot any pls let me know!!!
Pairings: im realizing that this is platonic Moceit and then platonic Analogince, with like. light versions of platonic DLAMP given that they’re a famILY
Characters: Deceit, Patton, Virgil, Logan, Roman, Thomas, AND EMILE PICANI :^) and Percy the Printer™
read on AO3!
Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2
@rebelrewriter
enjoy!
Sir Virgil Malory wasn’t exactly a knight, per se. He never liked the shining armor and giant swords, both of which would clang together in an incredibly distracting way. No, Virgil prefered the shadows, the quiet, soft leather shoes and a few small daggers hidden in his coat.
He was forced to undergo the knight training, though, as the youngest of four brothers who had all grown to be high ranking knights. His father, before he died, expected all of them to carry on his own legacy of being one of the King’s war advisors.
When he was sixteen, just before the last year of his knightly training, he was pulled aside by one of the King’s aides. Of course, his heart was beating in his neck, he was sweating buckets, what had he done to make the King mad? Why did he need an audience with the King? And the aide didn’t tell him anything until they got to the small war-planning room.
With JUST the King in it.
“Sounds terrible, being locked in a room with a royal,” Roman interrupted, feet kicked up onto the table.
Virgil shot him a glare. “It is pretty terrible when I’m locked in a room with you,” he stuck his tongue out at Roman, who made a sound crossed between a squeak and a gasp in indignation.
“Virgil? Keep going?” Thomas asked, wrapping his own cape around himself as well.
“Fuck, uh, yeah.”
“No more interruptions, Roman,” Logan raised an eyebrow and cast a side glance at him, “And get your feet off of the table. Patton would be furious.”
Deceit rolled his eyes while Roman grumbled quietly, sitting up proper. “Like Patton’s capable of being furious,” he joked, voice soft.
Thomas still didn’t like how his tongue flicked when he spoke.
Virgil cleared his throat, and Roman’s grumbling quieted.
The King had called Virgil into the room not to reprimand him, but to extend an offer. His army had enough knights who fought with swords. He needed more who could fight in the shadows. Who could sneak into an enemy’s tent and slit their throats quietly.
Yeah, it was a weird gig. Seemed to go against all of the knights’ mantra of honor and dealing with things in battle, but the King was serious. He talked a lot about how not everything could be settled out in the open and how not everything could be known to the public. I didn’t like it at all but….I wasn’t really cut out to be a knight, anyway. I said yes.
Training was, well….similar? I don’t know how much y’all wanna hear.
“Just, like….I dunno. Whatever you see fit?” Thomas asked.
He had started slowly slipping off his armor, but kept his dagger and sword strapped to his person. His choice to keep his weapons didn’t escape Deceit’s gaze, he kept noticing the god’s eyes following him. Thomas really, really didn’t like him.
Virgil just watched Thomas a little harder. He seemed to want to retaliate, but a nudge from Roman distracted him. “No more third person?” he cocked an eyebrow, leaning across both of his arms and the table, grinning cheekily up at him.
“Eh, that wasn’t gonna last anyway,” Virgil rolled his eyes with a huff, “I’m not a storyteller.”
I’m gonna skip training. But basically, uh, I learned how to throw knives, make poisons, climb walls, you name it.
My brothers knew I had a special job, but they didn’t know what it was. We lived in the same house, nearby the castle, which was technically my eldest brother’s house since his family lived there. They always asked what I was doing and what the King wanted from me but I never told. The King’d said that….anyone I told would be killed.
My brothers sucked, but I didn’t want them dead.
I was knighted when I was seventeen, and then I started getting sent out on jobs. Never with anyone, never during the day. The royal family always claimed I was a war messenger. That appeased my brothers for the most part, but the oldest one….Percival. Percy. Percy never really trusted that description. He never went after me, though, but I could always see that he just didn’t accept that.
When Patton was first being challenged by the King, I was almost sent, actually. There were only a few of us war messengers, all assassins, and I’d just returned from another job. Because I was fresh home, the King sent someone else. I didn’t know his name or anything but I remember how scared we all were when he didn’t come back.
The King sent someone else to poison Patton’s crops, and they came back. Succeeded.
News traveled fast, though, that the. Well. He was called a murderer then, and everyone was saying that the murderer’d run. Fled into the hills. And everyone was calling for the King to send a party against him.
The pressure went on for only about a year before the King caved. He said he sent a single knight against the murderer to best him in combat. The King sent me. He told me it didn’t matter how I did it, but that I just needed….he wanted me to bring Patton’s dead body back.
Virgil now looked down at the table, brow furrowed, angry at the memory. Thomas glanced up at Logan and Roman, noticing that they seemed surprised. Thomas hadn’t been asked to bring the body back, either. It might have been a custom that died with time.
Even Deceit was looking at his own lap, humming quietly along with the wind chime.
It was a tense, uncomfortable silence.
“Whew!” Thomas’ head snapped up at the sound of the side door opening. Patton walked in, wiping his hands on a towel. “Left was really milkin’ it today!”
Only Deceit chuckled. Virgil lowered his head onto the table, the hood of his cloak falling over his head. Logan groaned.
Patton seemed confused at what he’d walked into. He looked around at them all and opened his arms. “What’s wrong, kiddos? I hope that pun didn’t moove you!”
“We’re just, um….” Thomas looked up at Logan — he seemed to be the task manager.
Logan met his eyes and sighed. Despite only being here for a few hours, Thomas was already getting the hang of being here. Truth be told, he’d already made up his mind. Of course he was staying. But he didn’t want to be just stagnant. Not after all that he’d heard about the king.
“We are listening to Virgil explain how he arrived here. Are you….aware, of why he came?”
Patton grimaced as soon as Logan said “explain.” He stepped to Virgil’s side and gently rubbed his back. “Yeah, I remember when Virge arrived! He, uh….well, he was real determined!” he smiled, a little too cheerily for the topic, “But Deceit wasn’t havin’ any of that.”
“Sorry,” Deceit grumbled, “It was fun.”
Virgil sat up. “Sorry,” he mumbled, wiping his face, “I’ll keep going.”
“Don’t wipe too hard, you’ll smudge your angsty make up,” Roman retorted, voice lacking the bite it’d had earlier, “You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”
Virgil looked up at him and they seemed to share a moment. Patton kept rubbing Virgil’s back, also watching Roman, then Logan. Scanning around, making sure his children were okay, Thomas reckoned. He was a little surprised when Patton’s eyes landed on him, too. He gave Patton a tiny smile, which Patton returned thrice as large.
“Well, this is a good time to, uh, air out the dirty laundry. I’m gonna cut up the brownies while you kiddos talk?” Patton patted Virgil’s shoulder one last time before walking around the table, towards the kitchen area.
Thomas watched him and Deceit share a look, too, though it was a little different from the other. He couldn’t tell how. Was it an increase in tension? Determination? Seriousness?
It must have communicated something, because Deceit rolled his eyes away and glared at Virgil’s back. “I cannot pick up the story, Virgil, if you would like,” he offered.
Virgil shook his head and faced Deceit. “No, nah, it’s….it’s okay. It’s way in the past anyway! And, ‘sides, I kicked Roman’s ass harder,” the last part was punctuated with Virgil pointing to Roman with his thumb over his shoulder.
Roman, however, snorted. “The only thing you kicked, Angst-fest, was the dirt after our glorious battle!”
“You started crying over your ripped cape, but go off,” Deceit said, checking his fingernails and digging the dirt out from under them.
“You little—”
“Shut it! Alright, so…..”
The whole chosen one thing wasn’t big back then, but everyone kinda knew about me being sent off. I didn’t say bye to my family or anything, either. Those assholes didn’t care.
“Virgil! No swearing!”
“Jeez, sorry Patt.”
The King set me up with everything, rations and money and weapons and all that jazz. It only took about a week to ride here, too, since it was the first time and none of the opportunists’d settled into where they are now.
Like, you know. Logan talked about having to fight a sphinx, when he first came. I’m sure you had to fight some things like that too. Creatures and peddlers and thieves set themselves up along the path, see if they can kill the Chosen One and loot their body. Or they just wanna swindle you out of money and goods.
None of that was there when I went. It was real easy, until I got to the mountain.
I ran into Patton first, while he was building the barn, actually. With like, his hands. I didn’t think he was the warlock but, well, did any of us? I asked what he was doing all the way out here, he said he lived here. He’d just moved. He was kinda jumpy, but like, that’s valid. He asked why I was here and I told him….I told him I was here to meet a warlock. Lied, and said I was here to discuss a truce with the King.
Patton flipped out. Super excited and all.
Here, Virgil gestured to Patton. “I dunno, do you wanna….pick up the story?”
Patton shot him a small smile and brought a plate of brownies to the table. As soon as he set it down, Roman grabbed one and began nibbling on it. Logan thanked him and took one as well, and then Virgil, who was still staring at Patton.
He leaned on the counter besides Deceit, who wrapped an arm around Patton’s shoulders. He took a deep breath.
“I thought it’d be the end of being chased around. Maybe I’d get to farm and-and go back down to the town. I missed having neighbors. But, like….at that point, it’d been a year. A little over a year of working with Deceit’s magic. And, since it’s tied to preservation and honesty, I could….I could hear you lying. It’s weird, but I could hear it, but I wanted to believe it so badly,” Patton shrugged.
“That means it wasn’t a dumbass idea,” Deceit grumbled.
Patton laughed behind a hand. It seemed no one was going to mention that Deceit had sworn. Logan raised a hand, but Virgil grabbed it and lowered it slowly, all waiting for Patton to continue. It only took a few moments before his hand dropped, arms crossed in front of his chest.
“Yeah, um. That wasn’t my brightest, I’ll admit,” Patton’s voice was airier, “I let Virgil in. We sat in the kitchen. We….I think I was just rambling at you.”
“You were telling me about the chickens you were raising,” Virgil added, eyes flickering towards Deceit.
“And I didn’t interrupt. You had a knife in your sleeve,” Deceit met Virgil’s gaze.
Virgil looked down at the table and nodded. “Deceit, uh….we had a fight.”
All was quiet, Virgil staring at the table and fidgeting with his sleeves, but Deceit leaned off of the counter behind himself. “Do you not want me to show it?” he offered, sincerity clear in his voice.
Virgil stood up, head snapping up to Deceit. “Don’t,” he leaned forward on the table, nostrils flaring, knuckles tight on the table’s edge.
Roman stood up, too, and — where the fuck did he get that sword? He stuck a sword between the two of them, holding up his off hand towards Virgil’s chest.
On instinct, Thomas stood as well, drawing his own sword and holding it out to mimic Roman. “Woah, woah, calm down, everyone. If that’s—if that’s where the story ends, then that’s fine, right?” Thomas glanced up at Roman for support, who nodded, then at Logan.
Logan….didn’t move. He was just watching Patton, who was standing behind Deceit, seemingly stricken. Thomas watched, too, as Patton blinked a little. He moved slow, like how one would when approaching a scared animal.
“....Dee. Don’t do it,” Patton grabbed Deceit’s arm, tugging him back a little.
Deceit didn’t break eye contact with Virgil. Just watched him quietly, the second eyelid over his snake eye blinking slowly. Virgil was matching his glare and seemed only a few seconds away from ripping Roman’s arm away from himself.
Yet he broke first, looking down and away. The room’s tension dropped, Roman spinning around and sheathing his sword. He held Virgil’s shoulders carefully and asked if he was okay. Patton pulled Deceit backwards into his arms, holding him tight and asking the same. Thomas himself just….watched. Slowly sank back into his seat, leaned backwards. Logan patted his arm and Thomas turned up towards him.
“I hope you can excuse the tension,” Logan’s voice was quiet, probably hoping to not be heard by the others, “They have a lot of history.”
“They. Deceit and Virgil, I’m guessing?” Thomas whispered back.
Logan nodded, fixing his glasses as he glanced back up at Deceit. “Deceit is fairly tame, for a forgotten deity, but he is incredibly protective of Patton. Given that Virgil was assigned to kill him, Deceit….well. I don’t know much of the story myself, but I do know that Virgil was defeated in hand to hand combat. Multiple times. They get along fair enough now but I assume those memories are still difficult to sit with.”
They both looked up at the sound of Roman tugging Virgil toward the door. Thomas couldn’t see much of Virgil, wrapped beneath his thick patchwork cloak, but the one hand he could see was gripping Roman’s white tunic tight enough to turn his hand just as white. A murderer. It was still a little hard to process, this teenager was supposed to be a hardened murderer. Roman held the door open with his foot and carefully ushered Virgil out. He caught Logan and Thomas’ eye as he hurried out and mouthed “We’ll be back,” before letting the door close behind himself.
Now, Logan and Thomas directed their attention to Deceit and Patton. They’d shifted, Deceit sitting on the counter, Patton holding his hands tight.
“He’s very human, all things considered,” Logan murmured just loud enough for Thomas to hear, “If you’d like….I can show you to your room for the night.”
Thomas looked at him. Logan was watching him as well, blue eyes piercing behind those glasses.
He reminded Thomas so much of the librarian, Emile, but with a different level of power. When Thomas had been chosen he went to Emile, only to be held in the tightest hug he’d ever felt. There were rumors in their village, there are always rumors, that Emile had the Gift of Sight and that he’d been able to see what happened to his brother. The same piercing eyes, the same knowing gaze. They held Thomas in his spot so well that he almost forgot he wasn’t standing in the library’s foyer, about to ask Mr. Picani if he’d ever climbed a mountain.
“....I….”
“I know you’ve made your decision, Thomas. Regardless of your desire to announce it or not, there are still a few hours until dinner and you may find it best to rest,” Logan’s face folded into a small fond smile, “Besides, Patton has been arranging your room for the past decade.”
They’d been expecting him. Of course they had, if the Chosen One was a generational tradition lasting over the past hundreds of years.
The thought made Thomas’ blood boil. He’d trained for years to protect Tomasphere but the more he learned about the royal family….
He hoped Logan couldn’t see his anger. Thomas smiled back, more unsure. “Um. Yeah, sure,” he followed Logan as he rose and tucked in his chair.
“Patton,” Patton turned to look over his shoulder at Logan and Thomas, “I’m going to take Thomas to his room. Roman and Virgil are outside.”
“Wait,” Deceit’s hand — Thomas’ fists balled tightly as he saw that there were claws, claws on his scaled left arm, just like the claws that gripped his throat only a few days ago — pulled Patton’s shoulder to the side, “I can tell Virgil totally wants to finish the story, so I shouldn’t step in. Thomas’ isn’t staying, ergo the story shouldn’t be finished.”
Logan frowned at him, opening his mouth to interrupt, then closing his mouth as he tried to decipher the circle speak. Thomas watched him, deferring in a moment of fear, but Logan only shook his head. “I don’t think that will be necessary—”
“Virgil didn’t get his ass handed to him so bad, and it definitely took less than a week for him to fully recover,” Deceit rubbed the back of his neck, “It….I’m completely proud.”
“Dee, it’s okay.”
“I didn’t break his spine. He—Patton, sunlight, he—Patton.”
Deceit’s eyes flicked toward Thomas, whose fists clenched even firmer, and then down to the table. His shaking shoulders were hunched just enough for Patton to pull him back to his chest and for him to rest his head in the crook of Patton’s neck. “Now, Dee, you were different. That was a few centuries ago, and you were different. Things’re better now,” he rubbed the deity’s back, running a hand through his dark brown hair, “Things’re better.”
“I don’t know, Patt,” Deceit’s voice was muffled but held a distinct change in tone.
Thomas wanted to watch, something in him wanted to bear witness to this honest side of Deceit. He hadn’t been sure about Deceit’s sincerity since he’d met him, certain that there were backward statement and some very obvious lies, but, well, Thomas couldn’t exactly tell. The sentiment of his sorrow, though, and the tone. The tone of his voice. Was he being honest?
But Logan’s hand gripped his arm and tugged.
“Thomas. Let’s go,” his voice was firm, and Thomas couldn’t help but obey.
He followed Logan out of the kitchen and left Patton to calm the upset god. He followed Logan into a smaller room, furnished with a fully-made bed, a small desk, a wardrobe, and a candlestick in a lantern already glowing. It seemed quaint, like moving into a new room, but Thomas could already tell that it was meant to be “home.” He dropped his satchel onto the desk and looked up. There were stars drawn onto the ceiling in golden ink, an “R+L” in the corner paying homage to the artists.
If Logan expected some sort of reaction, he was sorely disappointed. Once he saw the bed, Thomas knew he was done for, as the weight of how much he’d gone through during the day finally crashed onto his shoulders. He took a few steps toward the bed, collapsed onto it and, within mere seconds, was asleep.
#thomas sanders#ts fandom#ts fanfic#sander sides#fic#my fic#virgil#virgil sanders#ts virgil#roman#roman sanders#ts roman#deceit#ts deceit#deceit sanders#logan#logan sanders#ts logan#patton#patton sanders#ts patton#thomas#emile#emile picani#though its just a mention for him#shout out to anyone who can figure out how logan's last name is crofters but emile's is picani#dlamp#calmd#mociet#suffer y'all
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Idk if you guys are gonna like this but I haven't written orposted in ages and I cba to write an actual story so Imma just do it as the conversation snippets I have in my head right now ok thanks cool bye
Day 1
*incoming call shawn*
"Hey,"
"Hey-"
"I got the bubbles"
"..."
"You know for the bubble bath paddling pool, I think if we add it in sections we should-"
"I need to tell you something."
"Sounds ominous, continue"
"She told me she doesn't want me to be friends with you anymore -"
"Ok. I understand"
*beep beep*
Day 4 [with alessia]
"More brownies?"
"Yes."
"How many are you going to make before you grow some balls and tell me what happened?"
"Enough to fill me like a bowling ball so I can roll myself off a cliff and pop"
"Do I get some first?"
"No"
Day 11[some group event is happening with him and a bunch of people]
*Incoming call alessia*
"Where are you"
"I'm sick"
"Sick?"
"Yes. I'm like, a broken fountain"
"Right."
"It's projectile."
"So should I come home?"
"No! ... it's like a... vomit slip and slide here"
"Now that's an image I didn't need."
"Mmm"
"This is the second time, im not covering for you forever"
"I know, I know I just, I can't do it. I'm not going to force him to be in my life, and I'd never try and get in the way of his happiness but it still fucking sucks, you know? It's not like he said I was good enough, but it feels like it. Or, well it feels like I just wasn't as good as her."
"I know,"
"Yeah"
"Want me to throat punch him?"
"As if you could"
"Hey I got skills you don't know about"
"Course you do Hun"
" (muffled) I gotta go... you gonna be ok?"
"Yeah"
*beep beep*
*incoming call alessia*
"Hello?"
"It's me"
"Don't hang up! Please"
"Are you still there?"
"Mm"
"I just, you haven't been answering my calls, or my texts, or DM's or snaps or literally anything and I don't, I can't,"
"You said we couldn't be friends"
"I didn't"
"You did. You said she asked you to-"
"But-"
"Stop being friends with me."
"Yeah, but you didn't let me finish so i"
"Why would I? It's bad enough hearing it once, you don't get to do it twice. Look I really don't wanna talk about this okay? I get it, I do, I know you were falling for her. And I'm happy for you, I just can't, I can't watch it right now. So I muted you, on everything. "
"Can you just-"
"I just. I gotta say. I know love is important to you. I get that but,-"
"Fucking hell, shut up. I said no."
"- I just don't think you deserve to be told what to do by someone."
"I. Said. No."
"No?"
"No."
"So, we're still... friends?"
"Depends, are you gonna unmute me or?"
"I mean, I can't say I miss the constant photos of the guitars"
"Hey"
"Or the weird ventilator machine."
"Oh because your paddling pool updates are just so incredible"
"Obviously"
"Did it work?"
"Nope... I think I'm gonna try it with more bottles"
"More?"
"14."
#im creatively constipated ok#j mean#at this point honestly whatever#do i even write#nah#does it matter#is this any good#but here we are#and if youve stuck this far#comgrats#sorry for the disappointing content lol
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shit my friends say
So I made a list of all the wild shit my friends say, started in January 2018 and still going. It's one year old I guess? Well, enjoy what I have so far!
2018 -d a d d y w i s e -well there’s chains on the ground so that must mean this was a kinky sex dungeon -GORSH MICKEY NOT MY G SPOT -I can wait until I turn 40 so I can troll Japanese Girls on roblox -what if we all looked like mike wizowski but our heads were the same size as they are now -I wanna give pot to a bird -I take pills without water -daddies cummie wummies are the best cummie wummies -enjoy your nonexistent stomach acid -cum glaze -I hope you choke on MY meat -who hasn’t been on pornhub -(wipes tears away and starts belting despacito) -MY GAY IS BEING TRIGGERED -that omelet looks delouse -is semen a liquid or solid -iTs nOt aQuaNauTs yOu uNculTurEd fOoK -vaginas are scary -what is menstruation -you should change your name to pussy something -my gay has been activated -“have you ever owned a vibrator?” “No” “would you like to rent one” -“do you like glazed or cream filled” -wHaT dOeS cUm sOuNd LiKe -he is on too much fertilizer -sometimes cum is hot I know from experience -if you jerked off at the speed of sound would your dick be on fire -I don’t have a sonic fetish -can your dick ignite because of the heat of your cock -aren’t dicks like cannons -who the fuck draws a glowing peepee on a skeleton -honey Freddy freaker is dancing in the living room -does penis smell like garlic -she don’t swallow in this household -*downloading garrison nudes* -don’t you realize that tentacle porn is just using octopus arms as a dildo -frickle my nipples -Minecraft porn consists of the male genitalia replaced with a stick -OOPSIE WOOPSIE!! Uwu We make a fucky wucky!! A wittle fucko boingo! The code monkeys at our headquarters are working VEWY HAWD to fix this! -“I’m big for an asian” -cockilicous -“His anal glands need milking” -fready flipper -FREADY FAPPER -daddy better make me choke -does Freddy freaker have a mutated alien dick -sonic breaks the sound barrier by beating his meat -the sun looks like it’s gon vore you -bootyhole exploration -is megalovania sex music -i like to drink cock -cum is just genital snot -penis musk -Shid piz and farbt -Bull + shit = sis it don’t add up -Hey don’t tell me at least once in your life you haven’t thought about being gently caressed across the genitalia by the kraken -I swallow boba like i swallow cum -I wuv fungus kun, the way he waps a awond my tosie wosies so tight! He’s gibing me a huggie!!!! Fungus kun gibes my tosies a new color too!!!! Wat a good fungus kun make my doki doki go “ UAU” heeheehee -eating banana with the banana peel -orang juce -father I want cheddar -don’t you just look at someone and think about how long their neck is -breathing is just boneless vaping -get outta here juuling criminal -yall ever succ a dick for juul pods -unironically drawing miss piggy -“Jack don’t let go 😱🤭🤭, jack sweetie 😐👀 if you let go 🙊🙈 you’re weave 🙀🙀 gone 😇😘💅” -I've been watching spooky movies for 5 hour -omg it’s daddy sans undertaker!!! -bröther -I ate my sister -are you'd's't've kidding me? -oh youtube please don't show me the shrek movies rn -My brother is calling me out on the family group chat for eating a bowl of peanut butter -Hamilton is best girl -get outta here you fuckin loyalist -what doesn’t cum have -drink flex seal and you won’t have to worry about a marriage -I feel water. -“Superfood or supergross? Is Sperm good?” -coochie hands gucci bands -just imagine trying to cast a spell and then you get disturbed by a banjo -toto africa is sex music now and everytime they say rain it’s just cum -y'all ever burp in your mouth and exhale it through your nose like a vaper -how dare them make my green senpai an honorable member of society -If you didn’t search big boobs video on google at least once are you really a Gen Z kid????? -laugh pussies -i’m watching the history of japan on pornhub -we have the same name because we are secretly the same person -what if you eat your phone and it’s all in your tummy -why would you ever think i’m not serious all the time you silly dragon but we’re both (my name) so we can be the silly dragon together -why would you wash your face before you go to bed when your tears wash it off for you *wooshing noises* -I want to drive a bus because I like busses -my shoe broke -why does everyone talk about the drugs i’m eating -i’m going to break her because she’s talking about smoking cocaine and I don’t like drugs -(stage whisper) metal heads live among us but we don’t know because they look like normal people -oh bye mr music teacher -the pussy? designer. cucci, if you will. -DID I HEAR S A N S P O R N -"i'm about to nay nay on your dead fucking corpse" -alert alert the toes are coming -you got a fucking problem with my 𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐬? -imagine using an oven for something designed for a microwave this post was made by the doesnt have much motivation gang -Please take my Minnesotan snow Wait that sounds like Minnesotan cocaine -when you funny scream -"dating the Bill of Rights for fun" is now exactly how I'm going to describe my hyperfixations -the penguin from fruit loops is a twink (bitch its a toucan) -if white cheese exists is there black cheese -What’s rosum opossum -whale cum -dicko mode -(GETTIN SOME CHRISTMAS SPIRIT UP IN THAT PUSS) -pennies more like penis amirite -It’s Sunday don’t forget to squeeze cheese on the cat -the grinch is dr seuss’s fursona -everyone is gangster until the trees start speaking vietnamese -big chungus is my dad -“if the apocalypse happened what would you do” “eat bees” -I'm tired as fuck but I gotta wait until it's 4:20 to go to bed -mom: you need to be reasonable and wait two hours before having another brownie me, stuffing my mouth full of brownie: br o w n y s -This honey in whole foods is in fucking comic sans -it's more likely that I'll guess someone is gay before I remember the existence of women -im gonna say it again for the people in the back:
i eat bees -Thanos penis, it's actually called a thenis -yort -uwu its the mowst thorstiewst time of the yeaw uwu -It is I Teh gromc -The gronk is here to say eat all the dish soap in the house -the grinch but he's wearing crocs the entire time -answer my question or else i will establish sans porn -You make him doki doki uwaaaaa!!!! -birdbox but all the bird sounds are replaced by cardi b noises -THE GROMPK IS TOO POWERFUL -consume ocean sauce -square up in judge judys court -half consumes ocean sauce -ice juce -frick stick -you guys wanna read undertale fanfiction -2019- -it might be 2019 but thats not gonna stop me from terrorizing my family's groupchat -(pineapple voice) first date idea: digest eachother -Wait dennys will arrest you for doing illegal things?? -pls purify me -my toes are very succulent today -two succs having flex two succs having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily checks -f u r r y , N a s h . -Perfect for all occasions! Spill something on your nice shirt, give a messy blowjob, and sphagetti!!! -Do you want cum on your nice shirt??? -it would be nice if i had cum on my shirt -cocc succ machine -I KNOW TONGUE JUTSU -I feel like i’m in a meat prison -hi you obese elephant -plant porn is just flowey porn -We all love the out of the box 4am messages we get -YOU LIKE SNAS PEEPEE
#shit my friends say#shitpost#please help me#sans#I guess???#theres a lot of sans sorry#too many about peepee#enjoy#please dont be offended#bees#thanos#so sorry
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