#it's 3 am I am so tired but I wanted to put this out now haha
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helllooo ! (first ask ever, actually, go me lol) I am requesting with your Winter Games :
đ» here to hibernate - âoh god, did i fall asleep on you?!â from the sleepy list :)
with Regulus x reader? or Regulus x James if youâre looking for an actual ship like that :3
ily and I hope youâre doing well !! mwah
first ask ever, go you INDEED! thanks for the prompt, and for being here with me! <3
Regulus Black x Potter!reader who he falls asleep on [627 words]
CW: fem!reader, pranking, siblings, brief mention of Black family causing anxiety, fluff
Regulus had, admittedly, not been sleeping all that well leading up to the winter holidays.Â
For better or for worse, Sirius had convinced him to rip the plaster off and join him at the Potterâs, if not permanently, then at least for the Christmas break.Â
First, he hadnât been sleeping well due to the stress of having to potentially return home for the holidays, then he hadnât been sleeping well due to the stress of having to find some excuse that his parents would find believable to remain at school over the holidays, then he hadnât been sleeping well due to the stress of how his parents might react to the news of him attending the Potterâs for the holidays, then he hadnât been sleeping well due to the stress of having not gotten a response from them at all (the devil you know, and all that).
And finally, he hadnât been sleeping well due to the stress of now having to celebrate the holidays with the Potterâs. Pointedly, perhaps, with you.Â
So when he startled awake to the sound of the train compartment door closing - catching the tail end of his brother and his friends disappearing down the trainâs corridors - to find himself having fallen asleep on your shoulder of all places, he was more than a little bit mortified.Â
âOh Merlin, did I fall asleep on you!?â He asked as he slid to the very opposite side of the bench to put some clearly well needed space between the two of you.Â
âJust a little, itâs alright.â You offered with a shrug as you refused to look up from the book in your hand, though Regulus noted you take the opportunity to reposition to a more comfortable spot now that you wouldnât risk waking him up.Â
âMâso sorry.â He mumbled into his hands as he tried to wipe the residual lethargy from his face; an anxious, crackling energy bubbling from his chest to his fingertips. âIâve not been sleeping well; this is so embarrassing.â
âItâs not embarrassing,â you chuckled kindly, âyouâre obviously tired, weâve got a long train ride, might as well sleep, yeah?âÂ
You smiled gently, perhaps even shyly at him, before turning your face back to your book, though you didnât appear to actually be reading it.Â
âWhereâd our brotherâs go?â He asked after a few beats of silence; you looked up then, as if only now realising the compartment was empty.
âOh, erm. I think they wanted to pull one last prank of the year; wanted to go out with a-â
But the end of your sentence was cut off by a loud bang that shook the seats beneath you two, followed by some groaning, shrieking, and cackling.Â
You and Regulus shared a soft, breathy snicker of your own.Â
âYou didnât feel like joining them?â He queried, quite certain he wasnât mistaken when he noticed you flush.
âErm, no; I was quite alright here.â
Your brotherâs came crashing into the compartment then with Remus and Peter on their heels; breathless, laughing, and covered in a small dusting of red and green glitter.Â
âThat was a good one, Trouble.â Sirius proclaimed as he took a sloppy seat across from you. âCanât believe you opted to sit here like Reggieâs personal glorified pillow instead of seeing it through.â
âDonât tease her.â Remus chided quietly; likely quiet enough that you hadnât heard, but Regulus had.Â
âSo,â Regulus drawled then, sharing a conspiratorial look with you. âI have this to look forward to all break?âÂ
Sirius scoffed in offence. âYou should be so lucky, baby brother.âÂ
âDonât worry,â you murmured quietly, âleaves us plenty of time to make them pay.âÂ
Regulus couldnât help but wonder if - just maybe - holidayâs at the Potterâs wouldnât be so bad.
#elle's hibernating#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#regulus black#regulus black x reader#regulus black x you#potter!reader#regulus black fic#regulus black ficlet#regulus black blurb#regulus black drabble#regulus black imagine#regulus black fluff#ellecdc fics
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between the ride and the roses (5)
Pairing:Â Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags:Â biker/ motorcycle shop owner! jungkook x flower shop owner! reader, enemies to lovers, opposites attract, slow burn, angst, smut, fluff
Word count:Â 5.8k
Series summary:Â There's an insane turn of events when your calm and peaceful life is intruded by Jungkook, a biker boy who sets up his loud business right next to your own. Your paths cross under unlikely circumstances, starting with a clash of personalities but gradually you find yourself establishing a deeper connection with the annoyingly attractive biker jerk. You both have no idea what's in store for you guys as you try your best to put up with each other.
Chapter Warnings:Â mature language, mentions of an injury, jungkook is drowning in the sea of denial, heavy angst, misunderstandings, disagreements
A/N: well, i don't have much to say about this chapter. however, i am making a taglist, so please let me know if you want to be added <3 thank u for making it this far into the series, stay tuned for more !!
part 5: gears and vines of tension
You absently twirl the ramen in your bowl, your chopsticks moving in slow, deliberate circles as a heavy sigh slips past your lips. The warm steam rises from the broth, but it does little to soothe the tight knot forming in your chest.
Just an hour ago, the townhall meeting about the town fair ended, and now you find yourself seated at a small booth in a Japanese restaurant just around the corner, surrounded by your friends who, as usual, are keenly aware of what's going on in your mind..
You try to focus on the food, the familiar scent of miso and soy sauce, but your mind keeps drifting back to one thought: Jungkook. The idea of working with him for the fair that is set to happen two months from now, has lodged itself in your brain, and you canât shake it off. Of all the people in this town, it had to be him, the one person who managed to make your blood boil with nothing more than a glance.
It's almost amusingly comical, if it werenât so frustrating. The universe, it seems, has a twisted sense of humor, and today, it has decided that you must work side-by-side with him, out of all people.
The sheer irony of it... the fact that you, someone who prides yourself on peace, order, and avoiding conflict at all costs, are now paired with Jungkook for something as important as the town fair. It gnaws at you.
You feel your grip on the chopsticks tighten, the wood digging into your palms as you try to concentrate on anything other than the growing sense of dread in the pit of your stomach. But no matter how hard you try, you canât escape the reality that youâll have to spend an extended period of time with him, and that thought alone is enough to make you want to scream.
From across the table, your friends are watching you with knowing glances, their eyes flickering back and forth between you and the others. They know exactly whatâs going on in your mind, and judging by the subtle smirks on their faces, theyâre enjoying this more than they probably should.
Taehyung leans forward, a grin spreading across his face as he watches you with a mischievous gleam in his eye. âTeaming up with Jungkook for the fair? Oh, this is gonna be good.â he teases, the amusement practically oozing from his words. His grin grows wider as he waits for your response, clearly relishing your discomfort.
Seokjin chimes in next, his voice dripping with playful sarcasm. âI never thought Iâd see the day youâd have to cooperate with the infamous biker boy. Whatâs next? You two finally getting along?â His eyebrows rise dramatically as he leans back, laughing.
You slump further into your chair, your fingers still gripping the chopsticks so tightly that you feel like you might snap them in half. A tired sigh escapes your lips. âI highly doubt it.â you mutter under your breath, your frustration clear in your tone.
âItâs bad enough Iâm stuck with him for the fair, but do I have to hear this from you guys too?â You look up at your friends, meeting their teasing eyes with a halfhearted glare, but itâs impossible to stay mad at them for long. Theyâre enjoying this too much, and you canât help but feel like the punchline of some inside joke.
âCome on, Y/N...â Namjoon says, his voice soft and rational, like heâs trying to calm you down. âYou two have history, right? Maybe this is a good chance to... I donât know, put the past behind you??â he suggests.
You shake your head almost immediately, a quiet laugh escaping you. âItâs not that simple.â you reply quickly, the words tumbling out without thinking.
âWe donât get along, Joon. This isnât some... rom-com where we magically start clicking after a few awkward encounters. This is real life. And in real life, I canât just forget about everything thatâs happened between us.â you pause, taking a deep breath.
âSure, sure,â Juwon adds with a teasing smile, her tone a little too playful. âJust donât kill him before the fair is over, okay?â She laughs, but thereâs an edge of genuine curiosity in her voice. She's not sure whether youâre joking or not.
You roll your eyes, half-annoyed and half-amused. âWouldnât dream of it.â you reply dryly, your voice thick with sarcasm. But even as the words leave your mouth, you can feel your thoughts slipping into darker territory.
The teasing continues as your friends rally around you, throwing playful jabs and remarks that only seem to make things worse. Itâs hard to stay angry at them when they genuinely believe thereâs some kind of positive outcome buried somewhere in this mess.
They see the potential for you and Jungkook to patch things up, and while part of you knows they mean well, another part of you canât shake the nagging feeling that this situation is just a train wreck waiting to happen.
You might not be as optimistic as they are, but theyâre all so convinced something good could come out of this, and it makes your frustration feel even more intense.
//
Jungkook, on the other hand, feels just as conflicted, though heâd never admit it. The whole town fair situation is just another annoying obstacle in his otherwise meticulously curated routine.
Heâs not keen on the idea of working with you, at all. In fact, the very thought gnaws at him, like a thorn embedded deep inside, constantly prodding at his sense of control.
Heâs already juggling a whirlwind of emotionsâfeelings he doesnât fully understand, confusions heâs too afraid to face. And if that wasnât difficult enough already, now he has to stick by you and actually work with you. All those stolen glances, those subtle moments of help, the cold silences... it all amounts to this, and he has no idea how to deal with it.
Even though both of you havenât fought in a while, the tension still hangs thick in the air when you're in the same vicinity. Itâs so glaringly obvious, like a dark cloud that refuses to dissipate.
The truth is, Jungkook has grown to admire you from a distance, but that only makes the situation more complicated. His feelings for you are a constant ache in his chest, something he canât quite untangle. And now, here he is, stuck with you in a situation that feels like the last thing he wants.
But no matter how much he wishes it werenât true, when Mr. Kwonâs words echo in his mind, he knows thereâs no escaping it. The town fair is something both of you will have to navigate together, whether you guys like it or not.
Still, that doesnât mean his friends are going to let him off the hook so easily.
âSeems like you have no choice but to get along with Y/N, huh?â Yoongiâs voice is low, almost teasing, but Jungkook can hear the hidden challenge beneath the surface. Itâs a comment that cuts deeper than he wants to admit.
Jungkook scowls, his fingers tightening around the soda can heâd just grabbed, the metal crinkling under his grip. âShut up, hyung.â he mutters through clenched teeth, the words more defensive than he intended. "I donât know how Iâm going to do it, but weâre just going to work together, and that's it." he states, trying and failing to keep his voice neutral. The words taste like ash in his mouth.
âYeah, sure.â Hoseok adds, leaning in with that familiar, mischievous grin of his. âJust working. The way you look at her says otherwise, though.â His tone is light, but itâs clear heâs enjoying Jungkookâs discomfort a little too much.
âShut up.â Jungkook snaps, his irritation flaring. He canât stand their constant teasing, the way they poke at something heâs not ready to face. Itâs as though they can see right through him, and it makes him want to retreat even further into himself. And since, heâs been avoiding you... avoiding everything about you like itâs some kind of plague, having to confront it head-on seems impossible.
Jimin, however, is the one who really gets under his skin. âIâve noticed all those lingering looks you give her. I get it... youâre still holding on to something. But come on, man. Itâs been ages. Just face it and talk to her.â
âThatâs none of your business.â Jungkook growls, his voice low and thick with frustration. His temper is a simmering volcano, and it doesnât take much for it to erupt. He hates that they can see through him so easily, as if every thought, every feeling, is written on his face.
And worst of all, he doesnât want to think about you. Not now, not ever. But there you are, constantly in the back of his mind, disrupting his every thought.
âMaybe this is your chance to⊠fix things.â Yoongi muses, his voice taking on an almost knowing tone, like he understands something Jungkook isnât ready to admit to himself.
Jungkook remains silent, his fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turn white. His jaw is set in a firm line, but inside, he feels a stirring unease. Fix things? With you? No, thatâs not what he wants. Not at all.
But something about the space youâve left in his life lately, the absence of your presence,,, itâs bothering him more than it should. It feels... wrong. And he canât figure out why.
The emptiness in his chest is growing, and itâs eating away at him. He tries to ignore it, to shove it back down where it belongs, but the truth keeps creeping up on him and heâs not ready to face this. Not yet.
//
When the meetings finally start, you and Jungkook sit across from each other, a few feet apart, neither of you daring to breach the silence in the community center. The air between the two of you feels charged, thick with tension, like an invisible wall keeping you at arm's length.
Each glance, each shift of position, carries an unspoken weight, and even the faint sound of your breathing feels too loud. Every word spoken feels like an effort, a conscious choice to avoid snapping, but itâs almost impossible not to.
The first task at hand is the layout. You, the florist, are in charge of the decoration, but you know full well that itâs a collaborative effort, especially with Jungkook needing to ensure the space is functional. Youâve done this before, worked under pressure, but with him? It feels different. The stakes are higher, the frustration more palpable.
âSo..." you start, forcing your voice to remain steady and calm, even as the anticipation lingers in your chest. âWe need to figure out where the booths will be placed. The flower arrangements need to complement the flow of traffic, and we canât block the stage view.â You turn to him, meeting his gaze for a brief moment before quickly averting your eyes, as though the intensity of the connection might shatter the thin facade youâve managed to maintain.
Jungkook, however, seems unfazed. His eyes flicker briefly towards you, but itâs clear his attention is elsewhere. âFine.â he mutters flatly, his voice devoid of any real emotion. He scrolls through his phone as if heâs in a different world entirely. âTell me where to put the tents.â he says.
You feel a flicker of irritation at his nonchalant response, but you force yourself to stay composed. âItâs not that simple.â you reply, your voice sharper than intended. âYou have to work with the dimensions. The booths need to be spaced properly to avoid crowding. Otherwise, the flow will be a mess.â you explain.
He hums in acknowledgment, but his focus never leaves the screen of his phone, his posture relaxed, almost too casual. He gives you nothing to go on, no acknowledgment that heâs actually listening, and yet, he doesnât argue.
Heâs making an effort, or so it seems, but the effort feels as half-hearted as his tone. You lay out the details of the booth placement, watching as his eyes dart back to his phone, the quick flicks of his thumb on the screen like a rhythm youâve grown all too familiar with. Itâs frustrating, to say the least.
Still, he doesnât outright ignore you. Thatâs something, right? A small victory, perhaps, but not enough to quell the simmering unease thatâs growing within you. Heâs pretending not to care, pretending like this is just another mundane task in his life. And maybe, in his mind, it is. But in yours? Itâs so much more than that.
//
The following days unfold in a similar pattern. The meetings don't happen every single day. Maybe just two to three times a week. Whenever you sit down to discuss, you both speak in clipped tones, each of you trying to push your own agenda without crossing the invisible line into conflict.
Itâs a game of subtle manipulations, of measuring your words carefully so as not to give anything away. Jungkook does his best to remain distant, as if heâs above it all... his expressions impassive, his body language indifferent. Itâs the perfect mask, and he wears it well, making it nearly impossible to gauge what heâs really thinking.
And yet, despite the stone-cold exterior, you canât shake the feeling that thereâs something more beneath the surface. You catch the fleeting glances he throws your way when he thinks youâre not looking, the slight tension in his shoulders when you speak, and the subtle shift in his tone when he responds.
Heâs trying to remain uninterested, trying to pretend he doesnât care. But the little cracks in his armor? They don't fully hide from you.
However, neither of you is willing to make the first move. The walls youâve both built around yourselves remain as sturdy as ever. The resentment, though unspoken, hangs in the air, a silent presence that neither of you dares to address. The past still looms large between you, an unspoken history that neither of you is ready to confront.
And so, you continue to go through the motions, working side by side but never truly together. The tension remains thick, like a fog you canât see through, and the distance between you only seems to grow with each passing day.
For Jungkook, the real battle wasnât the fair planning... it was you.
Every time your voice echoed in his ears, or your eyes briefly met his, it felt like a thousand invisible threads tangled around his chest, pulling him in every direction at once.
He didnât understand it. He couldnât. He tried so hard to stay indifferent, to bury it all beneath layers of cold indifference, but no matter how hard he fought, you had a way of slipping past his defenses.
The harder he tried to focus on the task at hand like the booths, the layout, the logistics, the more you seemed to invade his thoughts. It was maddening, the way you lingered in his mind even when he tried to distract himself.
The sound of your voice, the soft rhythm in your words, the way your eyes sparkled when you were engaged in something you loved... everything about you pulled at him, and he hated it.
He hated how easily he found himself drawn to you, despite everything. Despite the history between you, despite the distance he worked so hard to maintain. He had a job to do. He wasnât here for this. He wasnât here for you.
But it didnât stop him from noticing.
He would notice the way your hair fell in soft waves, catching the light just enough to make it look like something from a dream.
He would notice the curve of your smile as you spoke to your friends sometimes, right before looking at him as he waits for you to head towards the community center together, and the way your smile instantly drops when you spot him makes his chest tighten in ways he didnât know how to explain.
He would notice how your fingers gently caressed the petals of the flowers you arranged, each movement graceful and deliberate, like everything you touched turned into something beautiful.
It was all so distracting. And in that distraction, Jungkook found himself irritated by his own reaction. He hated how you made his heart race with the simplest of gestures, how his breath hitched when your gaze lingered on him a fraction longer than necessary.
He hated how much you affected him, how your presence seemed to make everything else fade away, as if the world revolved around you and him, suspended in the space between words.
He tried to shut it out. He tried so hard to ignore the flutter in his chest, to keep his focus sharp and steady, but each time you spoke, each time you glanced his way, it became harder. He tried to play it cool, tried to act like none of it mattered, but the truth was... it did matter. It mattered more than he wanted it to.
He despised how beautiful you were, how effortlessly you seemed to captivate every room you entered, how every little thing you did seemed to leave an imprint on his soul. You were the storm he couldnât weather, the fire he couldnât outrun, and he hated that he couldnât escape it.
Every glance, every moment of interaction, felt like a slow burn, a tension he couldnât release no matter how hard he tried. And the worst part? He couldnât even find it in himself to want to escape it anymore.
Maybe, deep down, he didnât want to. Maybe he was tired of pretending that it didnât matter, tired of trying to push down the feelings that seemed to bubble up from the depths of his chest, no matter how hard he fought them.
There were nights when he would lay awake, the weight of the day pressing down on him, and he could still hear your voice echoing in his mind, still see the way your eyes flickered with a hint of something... something he couldnât quite place. Something that made him think maybe, just maybe, he wasnât the only one feeling this tension.
But he never asked. He couldnât. He didnât know how to start.
So instead, he buried it, deep down where it could fester. He buried the way his heart seemed to beat a little faster when you walked into the room, and the way his thoughts would drift to you even when he tried to focus on something else.
He buried the guilt of knowing he was avoiding it, of knowing that he was pushing away something that, in some twisted way, he was beginning to want more than anything else.
Because, no matter how much he tried to pretend he didnât care, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that it was all just a fleeting distraction, he was lying to himself.
He cared. More than he should. And it terrified him.
//
The days continue to blur into one another, each meeting a subtle repetition of the last. But as time passes, you both start to find a rhythm. The awkward silences between you become less frequent, and though the tension never fully dissipates, it becomes something more manageable.
Now, with only one month left for the town fair, your tasks seemed to intertwine more seamlessly, and while Jungkook still maintains that nonchalant, almost aloof demeanor, thereâs a strange sense of understanding that develops between you two. Itâs not friendly, but itâs cooperative, a balance struck somewhere between resentment and reluctant teamwork.
You start to notice the little changes. The way Jungkook no longer scrolls through his phone during every conversation, or how he no longer avoids your gaze completely. He still doesnât speak much, but when he does, his tone is less dismissive, more practical, like heâs acknowledging that youâre both in this together, for better or for worse.
You canât quite tell if heâs faking it or if something is actually shifting beneath the surface, but it doesnât matter. You focus on the work, pushing through the awkwardness because at least, for now, the process is getting done.
As the days progress, thereâs a certain ease in the way you both begin to collaborate. You donât always agree, and you still bicker over details... where exactly the tents should be placed, what color scheme will work best with the space, and how to arrange the flower displays.
But the exchanges are less sharp, less pointed. Itâs as if the constant friction between you has smoothed out into something more tolerable.
You start to enjoy the process in small ways, even though Jungkook remains stoic through it all. The occasional glance exchanged across the table, the rare, almost imperceptible nod of acknowledgment when you make a valid point... those moments feel like victories.
And just when you start to think that maybe this partnership, while not ideal, could work out after all... just when the days seem to stretch into a predictable rhythm and the weight of the past starts to seem less suffocating, you're pulled out of your trance as you glance up at Jungkook who barges into the community center, his shoulders harshly pushing the door open.
Today, you and Jungkook were supposed to sit with Mr. Kwon and a few other committee members to discuss the progress of your planning and work. They're all seated around the table as they watch Jungkook walk inside.
Thereâs something off about him today. His usual confident stride is replaced by a more cautious pace, and the first thing you notice is the bruise on his cheek... a faint purple mark that looks like itâs only just begun to heal.
Your gaze travels down, noticing the bandages wrapped around his knuckles. For a split second, your stomach churns. You want to ask, to understand, but before you can even take a breath, heâs sitting down without a word, his usual aloofness firmly in place.
You saw him two days ago, and he was completely fine so you look at him, wondering what exactly happened between the interval.
He doesnât meet your eyes, though you can feel the tension in the air between you. Itâs as if the bruise on his face, the bandages on his hands, are somehow adding to the already thick layer of silence between the two of you. His presence fills the room, but in a way that feels more distant than ever.
Youâre suddenly acutely aware of the tightness in your chest, the way your heart begins to race, but you force yourself to push those thoughts aside. Itâs none of your business, you remind yourself. Heâs clearly not in the mood to talk, and you have no right to pry into his life. Your ego keeps you silent, your lips pressed together as you try to focus on the meeting at hand.
The conversation begins, and for a moment, the work distracts you from the storm of emotions swirling inside. But the normal rhythm of the meeting is shattered when a disagreement arises.
It starts with something small... where to position the flowers around the booths, which side will get the best sunlight. The back-and-forth is nothing new, but today, it feels different. Jungkookâs voice is sharper than usual, his irritation more obvious.
âNo, itâs wrong.â he snaps, his tone clipped and harsh as he shoots down your suggestion. âI donât care what you think, itâs just not going to work.â he spits out.
You feel your frustration rising, the familiar tension between you flaring up once again. But this time, itâs worse. Usually it's just the two of you, but today you have spectators. His words hit a nerve, and before you can stop yourself, you shoot back, your voice laced with annoyance. âYou donât have to be so rude about it.â
Jungkook doesnât back down. His eyes flash with a sudden intensity, his jaw clenching as he leans forward, almost daring you to push him further. âIf you stopped pretending to know what youâre doing and actually listened to someone who does, maybe you wouldnât be so completely useless.â
The words hit you like a slap, and for a moment, everything goes silent in the room. You feel your blood run cold as the sting of his words sinks in. Thereâs a moment of disbelief, followed by a sharp surge of anger.
You didnât expect him to snap like that, especially not in front of everyone. But the truth is, you donât care about the others in the room right now. All you care about is the unbearable pain in your chest that his words have left behind.
Without thinking, you stand up abruptly, your chair scraping against the floor, the noise cutting through the tense silence. You donât even spare him a glance as you turn to leave, the weight of the moment pressing down on you.
Every step feels like itâs pulling you further away from the meeting, from him, and from the tight knot of emotions youâve been trying to ignore for so long. The door slams behind you with a resounding finality.
Mr. Kwon and the others in the room are left in stunned silence, but Jungkook doesnât move. He doesnât apologize. He doesnât say a word. He just sits there, staring at the empty space where you had been, the tension now painfully thick enough to cut with a knife.
He doesnât know whatâs worse... the physical pain in his body from the fight with the rival gang he just had before coming here, or the way his words just pushed you further away. But heâs not ready to admit that. Not to anyone. Not even to himself.
"Well..." Mr. Kwon starts, carefully eyeing Jungkook as he glances at the other members. " A little bit of a disagreement, I suppose." he breathes out.
"Let's talk about this calmly in the next meeting." he finally says, after a few seconds as the others silently agree with him. He stands up, softly patting Jungkook on the shoulder, before he exits the community center with the others.
Itâs clear that something has shifted. And whatever fragile understanding you had begun to build between the two of you, now seems like a distant memory, lost in the wake of that one, harsh moment. Jungkook doesnât know how to fix it, but somehow, he knows heâll have to face it. Eventually.
//
The moon hangs heavy in the sky, casting its silvery glow across the empty streets below. Jungkook walks towards his shop, hands buried deep in his pockets, but thereâs no warmth in the gesture. His body moves, but his mind churns, restless, unwilling to give him the peace he so desperately craves.
The meeting replays in his mind over and over, each iteration like a fresh stab to his chest. He canât forget the sharpness of his words, the way they cut into you, when he knew better than anyone that you did absolutely nothing to deserve it.
A long, heavy sigh escapes him, but it offers no relief. The tension in his shoulders feels like an unshakeable weight, a burden he canât cast aside. It wasnât your fault, none of it.
You had no part in the chaos of his morning... a rush of irate customers, a critical delivery gone wrong, and an absurd brawl with a rival biker gang over something that, in hindsight, seemed like pure stupidity.
Yet, somehow, you ended up on the receiving end of all his frustration, a target for everything heâd been bottling up. Guilt gnaws at him as he walks, the sharp taste of regret lingering on his tongue.
Passing your shop, a soft, golden light spills from the glass door. His steps falter, a flicker of curiosity cutting through the wall his pride has built. It's late, and yet you're still here. He pauses for a moment, unsure, torn between his ego and the pull of something deeper. And then, against all reason, he steps closer, pressing his face to the cool glass, eyes narrowing to catch a glimpse.
The sight of you makes something tighten in his chest. Your back is facing him, but your shoulders tremble, faintly at first, but enough to set his pulse racing. His breath catches, and then the realization hits him like a punch. Youâre crying.
His heart slams against his ribs, the sight of your silent sorrow unraveling him in ways he can't fully understand. His legs go weak, and the weight of his regret threatens to crush him. He's the cause of your tears, the reason for this moment of pain.
He stands frozen, torn between guilt and fear... fear that his presence will only make things worse. But the guilt surges, a relentless tide that drowns everything else.
His knees threaten to give away under the pressure of his own actions, and for a fleeting moment, he considers turning away, disappearing into the night. But the ache in his chest keeps him rooted to the spot.
Finally, he exhales, slow and deliberate, and pushes the door open, the soft chime of the bell echoing in the stillness. For a heartbeat, he wonders if youâll hear it, if youâll acknowledge his presence.
He steps inside, quiet, careful, as though every movement might break something more fragile than glass. The door closes gently behind him, and he moves closer, inching towards you, but the distance between you both feels like an entire universe.
The words he wants to say get caught in his throat. He doesnât know if any of them will ever be enough. âY/NâŠâ His voice cracks, quieter than he intended, raw with the weight of unspoken regret.
You donât turn around. You donât flinch. The silence stretches between you like an impassable chasm, and the space feels impossibly wide. His chest tightens further as he watches your back, every muscle in his body aching with the need to fix this, to make it right. But he doesnât know how.
âY/N, IâŠâ He swallows, fumbling for words, but none come. He knows an apology wonât undo the damage, but itâs the only thing he has left to offer. âIâm sorry. I...I shouldnât have snapped at you. I shouldnât haveââ
His words fall short as he sees your shoulders tremble harder, your body shaking with the weight of everything youâve been holding in. You turn slightly, enough for him to catch the tear tracks on your face, and the sight of them, the way your pain is laid bare before him, pierces him in ways he canât explain.
âI didnât mean to ⊠to snap at you like thatâŠâ His voice falters, breaking under the strain. He knows itâs too late for his apologies to fix anything. Youâve already heard too much of it, seen too much of his anger.
You wipe your eyes hastily, trying to erase the evidence of your tears, but when you face him fully, thereâs nothing but raw pain in your gaze. âNo, Jungkook,â you cut him off, your voice trembling with anger but steady, unwavering. âYou DONâT get to do this.â
He instinctively steps forward, his hand reaching out, but you step back, sharp and defensive.
âYou donât get to come in here now, after everything, and act like you can fix this with a half-hearted apology!â Your voice rises, shaking with emotion, and the dam finally breaks. âI donât NEED your apology. I donât WANT your apology!â
The words hit him like a physical blow, but he doesnât interrupt. He doesnât try to stop you. He just stands there, feeling the weight of every word, every accusation, land deep in his chest.
âYou made me feel small, Jungkook,â you continue, your voice cracking as tears brim in your eyes again. âEver since you moved next door, thatâs ALL youâve been doing. Itâs like you go out of your way to make my life miserable. Everything you say, everything you do, it makes me feel like Iâm constantly losing control over the one thing Iâve built with my own hands. Like me and my shop have always been a joke to you.â You pause, breath hitching as you try to steady yourself.
Jungkook knows exactly where this is coming from. Heâs the cause of every inch of this. He feels it in his gut, the crushing weight of his mistakes, and he knows he has no right to defend himself. All he can do is stand there and listen.
âYou donât care. You treat me like crap... like Iâm just some part of your day that you can lash out at whenever it suits you.â you spit, your voice trembling with fury. âIn your world, itâs always about you. Your thoughts, your problems, your emotions... itâs like nothing else... like no else... exists. You never stop to think about how your words affect anyone else. You never stop to think about how your words affect me.â
Your chest heaves with each word, your voice raw with hurt. And as the weight of your anger presses down on him, Jungkook feels a heavy suffocating knot coil in his stomach. This is all his fault.
âYou think I donât have enough to deal with already?â you continue, voice breaking as your tears spill again. âThat I need to be the punching bag for your anger? You donât get to treat me like that, Jungkook. You have no right to make me feel like Iâm the problem when youâre the one whoâs always pushing people away.â
The words echo in the empty space between you, a finality thatâs impossible to ignore. Jungkook stands there, silent, broken. Each word feels like a strike, each accusation hitting him harder than the last. âEvery time I think weâre okay, every time I think we can coexist in peace, you give me a million reasons to prove me wrong. You make me feel so fucking stupid for even thinking we could be friends.â
You run your hands through your hair, tears falling like rain as you try to catch your breath, but itâs hard. The storm inside you isnât over.
A few moments pass in silence, but itâs deafening, suffocating. You close your eyes, letting out a long, strained sigh. âIâve had enough.â you whisper, voice raw and exhausted. âI canât do this anymore... Not with you. Just... just get out, Jungkook.â
He doesnât move. He canât. He stands there, paralyzed by the weight of his own guilt. No words come, because he knows that nothing he could say will make things better.
You turn away, your shoulders shaking with the weight of everything youâve just said, and as you walk further away from him, Jungkook knows heâs lost more than just your trust tonight. He reluctantly steps back, still watching you as he moves towards the door. He knows it won't change anything but before he leaves, he still says it. "I'm sorry."
<- part 4 // part 6 (coming soon) ->
series masterlist
taglist: @kimyishin @ghijkd @dolligguk @mimi1097 (let me know if u wanted to be added !!)
#jungkook fic#jungkook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#jeon jungkook#bts#bts jungkook#bts fic#enemies to lovers#jungkook fanfiction
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maki i beg you to write rin and s/o that also has sibling issues.. like not the "oh my sibling also left me lolol" issues like.. they're always gonna be in their sibling's shadow no matter what they do.. and their sibling absolutely hates their guts.. please..
I THINK IâVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE
â rin itoshi x reader with sibling issues
on behalf of older siblings, i side with sae :x
â rin itoshi
rins having one of those moments where heâs rethinking everything,,, like, he starts rethinking all about the times heâs been harsh to you. lowk start feeling bad :x
heâd try to be nicer. keyword: try. if youâre doing something braindead stupid, hes still gonna call you out hahaha
heâll be more encouragingâish⊠whenever youâre half-assing something (like example studiesâŠ), he wont be as harsh as he is with like bachira and the top 3⊠heâd go like âcmon⊠you know how to solve this. âŠdo you need a hint..?â
and if on the very un-rare occasion, you do something that pisses him off, he would⊠do nothing! i know, shocking. he lobs u after all <3
this is only like⊠1/4 because he feels bad for you and how your familyâs treated you, and 3/4 because he wants to become the person he wanted sae to be.
hehe its actually pretty healing for the both of you. sometimes if the atmosphere is light and kind enough, you might even get him to smile a little bit :x <3
12:45. and you and rin were still up, studying for your math exam tomorrow.
âugh..! i cant do it, rin. i donât get it! yâknow what? ill just fail..!â you frown, head in your hands. rin sighs. he really wanted to go to sleep, but he promised you that heâd help you prepare, and he has to follow through.
âdâugh⊠dont be negative. i know youâll be able to pass.â he pats you on the head. âdo you wanna⊠review the concepts one more time, and solve one more problem before bed? i can help you study one more time in the library, okay?â he offered.
âmm⊠i need a breakkk..!â you groan. a break would mean having to stay up later⊠âi⊠fine⊠i need a break tooâŠâ rin groans. â..! what the hell does that mean..?!â you lash out at him, face pouty with a frown.
ââŠim joking. but, i am getting tiredâŠâ he says. he takes note of your guilty face. âi⊠sorry for keeping you up, rin⊠after this, you can sleepâŠâ
fuck.
that face was making him feel guilty. âi didnât mean it like that. im just saying its late, and you need to sleep early if you want your brain functioning.â he rested his hand on your shoulder. âcmon, letâs take a five-minute break and get back to this. okay?â
you nodded.
1:36. you were finally done, and much more confident than you were an hour ago. âyes, i got it!â you cheered. rinâs lips curled up at your enthusiasm. âitâs late now. get plenty of rest, okay? donât panic, and just do your best.â he says.
you look at him like a child at their new pet; full of adoration and affection. you quickly ambush him with a tight hug, causing rin to wheeze out, the air in his lungs being kicked out in an instant. âack..! ghh..! l..let me goâŠâ rin heaves.
eventually, you do let go, choosing to move to a looser hug around his neck. âthank you, rinâŠâ you smile. something in your gratitude stirs rinâs heart. as if the past was gone, and all that was left was the future.
âi..itâs no problem, okay? just go rest already, you need sleepâŠâ his words and body language conflicting; his words pushing you away, and his hands pulling you closer as his lips find the crown of your head. he reluctantly lets you go sooner or later and helps you to clean up the various papers and textbooks.
as rin puts away his belongings, you cuddle up with him. âmy favorite private tutorâŠâ you snicker. rin rolls his eyes. âprivate tutor? that implies im getting paid to do this for youâŠâ he frowns. âwhat?! my payment is my love for you..! isnât that enough..?!â you argue back.
rin tried to hide the laugh that comes from his throat, but itâs quite obvious from the smile on his face. ââŠfine, i guess so. but, a little more loving wouldnât hurt either.â
#haha not proofread i die like my cutiepie kuons career#blue lock x reader#blue lock#bllk#bllk x reader#bllk x you#bllk fluff#rin itoshi#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi x you#rin itoshi x y/n
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was â again â sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#âfollow me to my shop I can do the tires for youâ and I was like okay! đ but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN â I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like âYOU OWE ME $200!!!!â#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number đ#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like âokay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the worldâ#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like âit's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 minâ#and I'm like okay. OKAY. đđȘ I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay â I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says âI'm 20-25 min awayâ at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like âokay let me check on himâ#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says âokay he says 15 minutesâ I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like âoh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.â#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like âyou know what we're just going to let this one slideâ#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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#bleh. i need half the country to pls stop being on fire. id like to go out and run pls. but its so smokey i can barely see the mountain#i live near :-/ also im just tired and frustrated. its incredible how quickly i vasilate between#things r going well. i should stay in my program and work with cyanos forever. to no no no im not cut out for this. i gotta leave. to yay#let me throw myself head first into consuming every second of my life with working. but only on the things that dont require me to think#which is y im not cut out for this and should be bannished to a world of only doing lab work and following instructions#also i have an screening interview monday for an R0DBT group. so i might b going to control freak classes#assuming i cant convince the lady that im not fit for thr class. which obviously i am bc im my therapist listed the ppl who r#usually put into r0dbt and i was like hm im a lot of those things. but also its 2hrs every week and thats a lot of time. and i feel like im#already on the path away from violently structuring my life specifically bc ive done so much damage#ugh. also i have ridiculously high self standards but i only do anything halfway bc i cant fail if i never try 100%.#so im like a fake control freak. or rather i cant even fully commit to being controlling. im lazy and i dont have the drive.#which almost makes it worse bc im stading at this threshold of control where it destroys me but never actually succeeds in being a perfect#thing. which is def a distorted way to think about it but there u go. ugh. im just tired and my arm hurts too much to draw bc#im older and older everyday. and i dont wanna read papers. i dont wanna grade or work on my presentation. i didn't want to spend 3.5 hrs#doing transfers this morning. and my mom's been dead for 6months and 3 days now. and i still dont kno where ill be a year from now#unrelated
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Coruscant gets its own Guard.
As her duty as the Queen keeps her on Alderaan, Breha wishes to see more of what happens on Coruscant, and how the troopers stationed on the planet are doing, as the war rages on all across the Galaxy. Bail sends her pictures of the Guard, and one Commander catches her eye.
Then she hands Commander Fox her comlink frequency.
Then he picks up her call.
Part 2 of Up that Mountain, from Brehaâs point of view.
#it's 3 am I am so tired but I wanted to put this out now haha#anyway we are back at it#the second part and the breha chapters are here!#updates are every other week if not otherwise stated#I have exams I need to study for#but my therapist told me to write even if I'm busy with school so I don't become too anxious lmao#star wars#the clone wars#sw#tcw#bail/breha/fox#breha organa#bail organa#commander fox#my writing#my fics#sw fics
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Nagaina is one of the snakes that's been in Copperhead's care the longest, about six years since he came to Gotham. He originally found her in a travelling circus way down south close to Arizona, featuring as part of a snake charmer's show. However her mouth had been sewn shut by her keeper, preventing her from being able to bite or spit while performing so Copperhead carefully cut the threads loose, laying in wait for her keeper to return.
Thinking he'd left her enclosure unlocked, her keeper mistakenly thought her to be harmless and went to pick her up, only to get bitten again and again for all the years of torment he'd put her through. His death was thought to have been a careless mistake rather than foul play as nothing was missing except the snake, leading authorities to believe it had simply managed to escape after a handling session had gone wrong. Years later and Nagaina is still with Copperhead, having no wish to leave nor return to the wild.
#đ || headcanons#đ || musings#animal cruelty tw#animal cruelty cw#I was going to make this a drabble but right now I am too tired#Got a week off but momma's not well so caring for the household today#In better news I have a week off work!#Plenty of time to settle down and whack out some very belated replies <3#Got bedroom to rearrange also as summer is coming and I don't want R.orschach outgrowing his current enclosure#Need me a new bed and big chest of drawers to put his adult vivarium on đ#But YEAH Nagaina's been with Copperhead a while#Her keeper played it up that he was immune to her bites and couldn't die#He wasn't that invincible when her mouth was no longer sewn shut
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It always seems like such a good idea in the moment (Patreon)
The first four are in reference to a great idea I had of - since Iâve finished my lower-limit page number testing for making books; shorter fics take up less page space, and just increasing the font size isnât as handsome! - simply making a mini book! All it would take would be to halve the pages again, right? Just cut them right down the middle! Easy peasy!
As Iâm sure you can tell by the second, no. Not easy peasy. Difficult painful un-fun >:(
Obviously I still did it tho! What do you take me for, someone who could have the idea of an even tinier book and then not do something about it?? No Itâs also the only one so far to have a paper bookmark rather than a ribbon!
All told itâs a bit smaller than your average manga (I love the monochrome covers on these under their dust jackets haha <3) - you can see even with effectively doubling up the pages by halving their size, it was still very small-spined!
A quick shot while it was still being made hehe âȘ Itâs Out! Paired here - and the earlier one, just without its dust jacket haha - with my Zarla SC2 collection (ft. Family, Negotiations are Going...Well, and With No Obligation) - I absolutely kicked myself after the fact for not including Out as the run-up to everything, I was really trying to make a full collection in probably-chronological order! Out wouldâve been a perfect start! And it only wouldâve taken like four pages!!
Ah well, it was still quite a learning experience - I probably wouldnât make another standalone of under 4k-ish just for formatting reasons but I did get some good ideas of how to do so if I wanted to! Although, my next project is going to be even more of a formatting nightmare........Iâll get there when I get there! Lol
#Doodles#The impulsive thoughts are always the funnest! But then it's all a matter of actually putting them into reality...#Ahh well like I said under the cut it was a learning experience! And I really wanted a physical copy of Out haha âȘ#I don't think I've ever mentioned it - not even in my pre-fic notes :0 - but Out was another one of my inspirations for Drinking Game#I mean - the drinking lol obviously but I hadn't considered what VUX drinking would be like before reading it :)#I wanted to pair it with both physical copies hehe â« I'm happy I attempted it! And I have a better foundation to build on in the future!#I ended up using the scrap leftover from making such a small cover as the bookmark haha - and I picked the covers so they'd almost-match :)#They go together! But not quite! Just enough!#The sting of creation has worn off - it's actually been a while since I've made a quick book! - so the itch is starting to come back haha#Well - almost lol - the formatting is still........but I do want to do it! Especially now that I've got a hand-in-hand hobby to go with it#All that later âȘ For now snakes!#And also spiders I am also the same when spiders#I've been escorting a lot of spiders outside lately and pretty much all of them fall under the moniker of ''darling'' to me lol#Still no luck on finding a jumping spider :( But I also haven't got an enclosure set up yet either#There's this one booth that always has such adorable and pretty jumping spider enclosures ahhh I might have to break and get one someday#Same place where I got to hold the snake in fact! :D She was a love <3 Beautiful full-grown female cornsnake if memory serves#She was rather wiggly - she was tired and fussy and didn't feel like being handled by a stranger but she was so polite about it#A real delight to handle <3 And I got to see her babies! So cute and tiny!#The rest is more SCII fic stuff haha âȘ Rereading the Pirate fic was a lot of fun :) Intentionally avoiding Vargas fic(s) does make me a bit#Well I really like Vargas still lol it is candy to my brain so any gesture even remotely in that direction is very exciting haha#I'm perfectly happy with the rest for now tho! I have plenty of things to read and make! >:3c#Heck there's still a SCII fic I haven't read yet that I want to!! I just have to get all my previous SCII thoughts out of my head first haha#I will tho >:3c Always always âȘâ«#SCII
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anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me
#we realize that we're alive individual people with agency and sensations we can pursue but are trapped by societal expectations (originally#Heavily gendered but this was also like 150 years ago) but we cannot give up our newfound selves for the sake of our children like we're#supposed to so we strip naked on a beah like a newborn animal bare before god for the first time and swim out and drown#spoilers for 'the awakening' i guess sorry#to put this is modern terms does anyone want to pull a brian david gilbert 'and now i am going to throw myself into the sea' with me but we#don't come jogging soggily up the beach towards the camera at the end we just actually drown#sorry to once again be sad on main i just. i cannot keep having the same breakdown every 3 months! every quarter i have to re-realize 'oh i#probably don't actually want to die i just cannot in any circumstances keep living like this' and then i keep living like this#i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in#finals posting#anyway edna and adĂšle should've kissed who's with me. adĂšle comes over and watches edna's kids while she's out gallivanting and recognizing#her personhood like a good little wife but she also is the first person to welcome edna im and like connect personally with her? edna is a#lesbian but she died before she realized that was an option. hot take.#whatever i hope everyone has a fun and safe st. paddy's#a post
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill đ still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR đđđ bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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being a student is always going so well until it Isn't .
#j.txt#vent#think i am going to drop this class that ive already had to put myself through and fallen short on twice. round three is looking Bad folksđ#I genuinely just. do not know what I am supposed to do anymore. it always seems like I understand the material and have vision of what-#I want to produce and then I go to execute and Bam. severe demand avoidance hit you like a knife in the ribs#I am simply So Tired of it. hitting my head against walls. being told I need to âexperimentâ without any explanation. having resources#offered and then never followed up upon. advice of I just need to buckle down and do it.being unmedicated lol. it's just Too Fucking Much<3#like its to a point that I am seriously and desperately considering changing my entire major. Over One Single Class. but I dont Want to not#be an artist it's the best thing I've ever been and I Know im good at it. just not. this part I suppose.#so funnie that im going to have to bring this up next therapy sesh and shes gonna go. this is a traumatic event that we should probably#deal with. like no yeah I realize trauma is for when things actually hurt you and this situation is so frustrating i could ***#but it definitely doesnt count because it's Me so yknow. we can just pack it up now and Not deal with it for yet another semester maybe<3#but like Whatever. academia is what you get out of it and all that and if nothing else we have tenacity etc etc o7
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just had one of the worst cries of my life i think
#going out soon but idk im just so full of anxiety n everything sucks#ive been throwing up since like 3am too bc im so anxious#like i fucked up last night and it hasnt left my mind#n then i have to join a discord and get interviewed and play a game that i find terrifying bc itll make him happy (first world problems ik)#and now i have to go out to lunch today#which would be great but !!#my jeans are a tiny bit tighter than they usually are which means i gained weight !!!! i havent eaten today so its not bloating !!!#and then i went into the bathroom to look at myself and i saw how bad my eyebags are so i went to put on makeup#but i looked fucking stupid so i took it off and now im just sitting here kinda bawling over how ugly i am#i fucking hate it !! im so disgusting#im so tired i just want to kms and cut#how am i meant to talk to him when i cant stop crying and how am i meant to go outside like this#like im never gonna post my face here but u guys rlly dont know how gross i look#god im gonna meet him in like 4 months dude i fucking cant hes gonna find me so repulsive im going to cry#wtf do i do im so fucked nothing is going to save me#hes just gonna spend like 3 days with me probably fuck me and then just leave me i fucking know it#its so over man its so fucking over someone just run me over with a car#jamie.txt
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#yoongi's suchwita ep with hoshi was sosososososo lovely đđđ#ive only seen hoshi in the hybe games thing before but i love him now#and yoongi going into sunbae mode the whole time sososo sweet#also got to me with the talk of enlistment and time running out#i feel the latter with the end of my degree nearing and having no clue what i want etc#and then with bts just... i missed so much. i missed their whole journey to where they are now and :(#it's gonna be all different after this. i would've loved to get to watch them live at mama etc more often and with other groups#but i am glad that they seem to be in a much better place now. that's Good. it must've been so hard to be there pre-2020#2020 etc were already hard seeing how much rough it was for them#anyways. just wanted to see if anyone feels the same and to put it out there#feeling tired and always younger than i am and re-trying to figure out who i am#also feeling 200% more autistic lately which in turns feels like im pretending but yk#anyways. this is all meant to read /lightheartedly etc it's alright im doing quite okay#and also i love yoongi. would love to have suchwita talk with him#also wanna ask him about what he's said about having ocd and adhd and depression and anxiety#going for bingo like me <3
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I have just managed to tidy my room for the first time in months! certainly hoover for the first time in months.
I did it by addiction baiting myself
Iâve been doing the four times runescape, but (understandably) its a bit overwhelming and tiring, and I (or part of me at least) got burnt out quickly. last time the runescape addiction took ten months to fizzle out. this time it was a week!
good news? bad news? I still really wanted to play it, but because playing it times four is a big ask I would start to open the instances and go NOPE and close them again. and Iâve been so tired I havenât been able to do much anyway.
Iâve also been avoiding the energy drink, because Iâm genuinely trying to fix my sleep schedule, but I dont think thats going to work.last night I slept for 5 hours, and the day before I slept for 14, and the day before that 12, and I have been exhausted for WEEKS. I am tired of being tired.
as today was 5 hours I woke up at 7am, and after a couple hours being groggy and failing to get myself moving I had some caffeine for the first time in a week. it is like .. 16 hours later and I am AWAKE I can FOCUS I AM ALIVE. I mentioned possibly staying up all night off handedly to mother&sister and they were absolutely not, at least try to sleep. BUT. I dont want to. its going to be another week or two of being dead and dead tired, and if I can squeeze another 4 hours of alertness out of this then fuck the broken sleep schedule.
ANYWAY. addiction baiting. sorry. so part of me wants to play runescape and part of me does NOT. the part of me that does not seems to be the one of us that does the thinking. the âthoughtsâ I hear in my head, the monologuing. the body seems to be the one that wants to play runescape. its also the one typing at the moment. a lot of things we do is high teamwork. teamwork so flawless we rarely notice it. but. we also fight a lot.
The room has been a mess for forever. The body doesnât really care about the mess. it gets around it, nbd. the brain does not appreciate the mess, but fighting the body to tidy up the mess is exhausting as well. SO the brain made the promise that it will stop fighting the body in playing the runescape IF we can get clear floor (and clean bed. dumping everything on the bed doesnât count)
and NOW. I am SITTING ON MY CHAIR. first time this year. Iâve had everything at 200% magnification whilst lying in bed. not sure Iâm a fan of sitting. The floor is clear. the floor is hoovered. the bed is clear. the sheets have not been changed, but the runecape promise is for like a week, so maybe next week Iâll get clean sheets
#nonsensebees#I am so so so so tired#BUT#I am NOW going to play runescape :3#going to give the body a single quest they've been wanting to do#because if I put it off til tomorrow I might get WIPED OUT#by fucking idk meteors#only allowed one day of activity a week#I am not going to rescind on my promise on a technicality#ALSO#I was detailing this to a friend and I told them about the promise#and as it was a promise by the brain for the body#but the prose was written from the brains perspective#the body wrote out that it was IT making the promise#and boy howdy#I have never recieved such side eye from my own hands before
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maybe iâm just finding any issue with situationship guy before we have sex bc iâm feeling weird about sex but also maybe he wasnât wrong when he said he was clingy and i do not care for it
#personal#i called him bud and we had to have an extremely long talk about it#like literally said no problem bud and we had to have a 2 convo on it bc it was too nonchalant and aloof#anyway half way through when i got through to him that im having to comfort him for two hours about calling him bud#he was like holy shit you literally just called me bud i am so fucking clingy i am my mother#like it went from 2 hour convos at 3 am or while iâm at work explaining that im not a horrible person for x#i was like hey if weâre gonna do this every night we should stop talking bc wtf do you even like about me#he stops doing that#then he gets upset iâm not emotionally open i call him on the fact heâs treating this like a relationship and im his girlfriend#when i was very upfront what i can do emotionally and itâs not that#he noticed that and said heâll try to stop but itâll still happen and iâll still be like dude. weâre not that and youâre not entitled to#that#and i canât tell if itâs the tiredness from weed/ work/ staying up later to hang with him/ talking at length#or if iâm just genuinely sick of this and want to break it off#and like he doesnât get it which is also annoying#bc he wants to and hang and despite me saying iâm tired is still hitting me up at like 1 am u up#not a sexy text thatâs when heâs out of work#and i went out late while mad tired bc he had the day off (rare) and i felt bad#and i like when i miss or ignore late night texts bc i donât want to accidentally land in a long ass convo when i have work in the morning#and godddddd heâs just kinda emotional#like heâs fun to talk to or hang with and thereâs physical chemistry but also so much of this is so much work and annoying#and the night i was like we should break this off i even said this is a lot of work for a dude who did me dirty#and also it feels weird bc itâs very unbalanced on liking bc he rlly likes me and wants to date and i definitely donât want that#i kinda want to cut it off if we have to have a super long chat again. like i told him im fine reassuring him now and then#but if itâs a daily or hourly thing we should cut it off bc thatâs too much for me OR him but mainly me#or maybe it can be chill and we can just hang out/ have sex/ maybe go on dates and then it can end in a while when itâs run its course#either way iâm gonna have to end it bc he def wonât#to be clear iâm not being super mean i invite him out to the movies and drive him i drive him to taco bell just to hang im putting work in#but i just wish people were more comfortable with themselves and liked themselves#call me avoidant but i wish people were more comfortable with themseleves and being alone sooooooooooooo fucking bad
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â© ËË . GOJO SATORU â you know as soon as you get out of bed, satoru isnât going to be far behind you, especially when youâre draped in his shirt.
àź Ë àŁȘàżàŸ warnings! f!reader, insatiable satoru :3, mostly teasing, some morning scenes as he tries to drag you back to bed, youâre in his shirt, he lifts you up at the end. âĄ Ë àŁȘàżàŸ note! i am so very obsessed + crazed, i canât stop <3
itâs still early, barely light outside as you stand in the kitchen of your shared apartment. youâve left your boyfriend gojo still in bed, you felt a little bad waking him up when he always looked so peaceful, probably tired out after the night heâd given you lastnightâ the evidence of his efforts still burning on your skin where heâs left his mark.
but it had still been an effort to peel him off of you no matter how soundly he slept, having to pull yourself away from the warmth of his chestâ his arms were like a puzzle with how tightly he wraps them around you, but you thought heâd appreciate waking up to some coffee and breakfast on his day off.
the air in the kitchen is still cold, something youâve put down to the early morningâ the roads outside are still quiet but thereâs a slight breeze along your bare thighs when you move. the rest of your body is fine though, draped comfily in one of satoruâs ridiculously huge shirts, the perks of your boyfriend being over 6â3 ofcourseâplus he always payed such expensive amounts for his clothes, it was almost guaranteed they were gonna be comfy.
you giggle as you scoop a ridiculous amount of sugar into your boyfriends coffee cup, the ceramic identical to yoursâ his idea when he started coming over more often, but you still thought his sweet tooth was adorable.
âoh? good morning to you too, sweet thing.â your train of thought is interrupted by the smooth, still sleepy drawl as you shoot a quick glance over your shoulder to see gojo already approaching you. he couldnât be apart from you too long afterallâ itâs like his soul was tied with yours. heâs still shirtless, his hair is messy from sleepâ snowy peaks framing his features while his sweatpants rest dangerously low on his hips.
âyouâre awake early.â you sigh out, dreamily as you feel your boyfriends chest press against your back, his long arms circling their way around your waist from behind as he rests his head in the crook of your neck.
âmhm, how my supposed to sleep without you, hah? so cruel.â thereâs a slight whine to gojoâs words, you can still hear the sleepiness in his tone but it makes you smile when itâs followed by a smeared kiss along your jawline. you roll your eyes before you lean into him, feeling his fingertips trace along the hem of your shirt, his shirt thatâs hanging around your thighs before he speaks again.
âyou teasinâ me?â his words are lower this time, a little more than a growl as he plays around with the fabric between his fingersâ grumbling before heâs deliberately pressing his hips into you from behind. heâs close and warm, making sure you can feel the problem you left him with this morning when you got out of bed without himâ straining against the fabric of his sweats.
ââtoru, itâs 8am. youâre insatiable.â you giggle out, a sweet little sound so early in the morning and it only seems to draw gojo in closer to youâ smiling into his next kiss along your throat as he rolls his hips into you.
âoh, but you left me cold and alone, i think you gotta make that up to me, no?â heâs teasing you, trying to lure you back into where he wants you mostâ not that he wouldnât have you anywhere, heâs already had his way with you around this whole apartment. but he wants nothing more than you between the sheets right now, wrapped up in him and the plush mattress beneath you both.
âiâm literally making you a coffee. you needed the rest.â you try to argue but you should know that gojoâs never one to back down. you feel his fingers trail slowly underneath the hem of his shirt, before he sighs with the first teasing swipe along the inside of your bare thigh, so dangerously close to your folds that you shudder. no panties either? you really were teasing him.
âhah? but i feel better than ever.â he tries to argue, oh so convincingly before heâs turning you to face himâ peppering sweet, ticklish smooches along your features until youâre arms are wrapping around his shoulders and your eyes are finally on him.
âoh, iâm sure~â you grin, his crystalline gaze is sleepy as you brush your fingers through his bed headâ scratching at his scalp before heâs sending you a lopsided grin, followed by a quick peck against your lips.
âgot no choice. you need a demostration? letâs go, sweet thing. only one way to show you.â is all you hear from gojo before heâs suddenly got you thrown over his shoulder, and you truly forget how strong he really is until heâs handling you with such easeâ holding you with one arm like youâre as light as a feather.
âsatoru! what about breakfast?â not that youâre putting up much of a fight, you can basically feel the smug look thatâs on his face already as he turns to drag you back to bed. you grumble, defeated but it quickly turns to a shriek when you feel your boyfriends free hand come down sharply on your ass as he chuckles.
âhm? donât mind. iâm hungry fâ somethinâ else right now, baby.â
© 2023 GAROUJO. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.
#Ę . àż : sealedïżŒ#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x you
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